Does No Contact Work On An Avoidant Ex?
Вставка
- Опубліковано 4 тра 2024
- Does No Contact work on an avoidant ex?
Wondering whether employing the "no contact" strategy is the right move to mend a fractured relationship or accelerate healing?
If so, you're not alone. In this deep dive video, Coach Lee explore the intricate dynamics of relationships with avoidant individuals and dissect whether the no contact rule holds any sway over their behavior after the avoidant broke up with you.
Firstly, let's unpack what it means to be avoidant.
Avoidant attachment style is characterized by a fear of intimacy and a tendency to withdraw emotionally when relationships become too close or demanding.
People with avoidant attachment may struggle to fully engage in emotional connections, often resorting to distancing themselves as a coping mechanism.
Consequently, navigating a breakup with an avoidant ex can be a uniquely challenging experience.
So why the curiosity about employing no contact on an avoidant ex?
Well, it stems from a desire for closure, healing, and potentially reigniting the flame of a lost connection.
Many individuals hope that by implementing no contact, they can shake up the status quo, prompting their avoidant ex to reassess their feelings and perhaps even come crawling back.
However, the effectiveness of this strategy in the context of avoidant partners is a subject of much debate and speculation.
Throughout this video, Coach Lee discusses the psychological intricacies of avoidant attachment and how they manifest in post-breakup scenarios.
He scrutinizes whether the no contact rule can indeed penetrate the emotional armor of an avoidant ex and pave the way for reconciliation.
Will no contact work on an avoidant ex who dumped you?
Moreover, Coach Lee explores the dual nature of no contact, not only as a tool for potentially rekindling romance but also as a means of self-preservation and personal growth.
By detaching from the relationship temporarily, individuals can focus on their own well-being, gain clarity, and cultivate resilience in the face of heartache.
Whether you're contemplating implementing no contact on an avoidant ex or seeking solace in the aftermath of a breakup with an avoidant partner, this video offers a beacon of understanding and guidance.
Join Coach Lee as he uncovers the truth about whether no contact can bridge the chasm between you and your avoidant ex.
Don't miss out on this essential exploration of relationships, attachment styles, and the transformative power of no contact.
Watch now and arm yourself with the knowledge to navigate the tumultuous waters of love and loss with grace and resilience.
Get Coach Lee's Emergency Breakup Kit at MyExBackCoach.com/ebk - Навчання та стиль
Almost 1 year after my ex broke up with me because 'his feelings faded and he needed to find himself' bs, I can say I am almost 100% healed. Been in no contact since day 1 and never reached out to him gave me the chance to see that him leaving me was a big blessing!
It has been an emotional rollercoaster for many months and Coach Lee helped me like no other
Now, I come here from time to time to watch his new videos and I'm glad to see that he keeps up the good work!
To everybody hurting: It will pass, things *will* get better even if you can't see it right now. Time really does heals all wounds ❤
Thank you, almost exactly 5 months since I went into no contact. It's been.. a rollercoaster, not gonna lie 😖 Some days I am confident of the outcome. Some days I am angry. Some days I don't need them. Some days I feel depressed - like I got dumped yesterday. But regarding of the mood, I still have deep feelings for my ex and it feels almost.. spiritual. They are in my mind, even when I don't want them to be. I do believe we are destined to have a future together. But I also believe that love is about persistance and learning to work through the painful parts. Those couples that have had like.. 50-70+ years together, who said they haven't gone through it too? In fact, I believe most of them have. They are together since they have learned to work through all those struggles - like cheating, breakups, deceit, family drama, economic factors, distance.. or whatever. And they STILL ended up together in the end. That's the real magic 🌟True love is not about having someone where everything goes smoothly - that's impossible. I wanna believe that you found your true love when you always find your way back to each other - despite everything that happened ❤
No, you’re not destined to be together because if he loves you he won’t put in a position to lose you. Love doesn’t hurt. So stop it!!!
The last time I saw my ex she told me it's one sided and she never sees us getting back together. It has been a few months already and I know in my heart that she's not coming back. If it's meant to workout with you and your ex then it will happen. But it's been 5-months in your case and I believe it's time you move on. If your ex really valued you, then they would not be so comfortable without you. You need to kill the hope of her ever coming back to you. That's the first step and then you let them go with love. Everything fades sooner or later, you just to remain patient. I learned it the hard way brother.
Moving on doesn't mean "find a new guy", it means, move on from making him the centre of your life. Letting go of the idea of waiting for him to come home.
Detach with love.
Bring your focus back to you, with self care, self love. Give all that love to yourself. You deserve it. Be kind to "yourself" and heal the wounds. In that way, you kow you'll be ok whether he comes back or not 💝
In the same boat as you, except its been 6 months for me :(
Im pointing the same insights and feel the same. Hope this is true. Im in no coctact also 5 weeks
Are avoidants really worth this much efforts from us? 😡 If I were Ariana Grande, he would be anxiously attached to her, not avoiding at all. I call my EX’s excuses BS. I am moving on!!
💯. Who cares what problems he has. Its not for us to diagnose. We have to focus on our own broken heart and the pain the a$$hole caused.
They're not asking you for your effort. They've left and moved on. The effort you're wasting is your choice
Exactly! If they can't make an effort to be in this relationship and fix the issues then they don't deserve your time and effort
It has nothing to do with your looks, eating same food gets boring even its best food
8 months NC/ radio silence with a DA. I’m AA now leaning secure and am choosing “If it’s meant to be, it will be” 😇💗
It is 100% on them to fight and invest to win us back…
They want an easy relationship, but everything is on their terms. Yeah, they just want to show up and rarely take any initiative. That is not what makes for a healthy relationship
100% true
Avoidants will make you miserable.
On board until the end; from experience, I really really feel like if you’re in a relationship with someone who sees you as a numbing escape from the world, and you’re thinking about how you can change yourself to be enough for them, you can do better!
if they trully loved you they will come back, if you know yourself that you gave everything, they will be back and you have the option to take them back or move on with life, we broke up, i broke no contact 3 to 4 times, she was exploring if the grass is greener, i did the same but it just felt different, she rejected me after i broke no contact, i respected her decision and tried moving on with my life but she keeps on bugging me, checking on me after the rejection which lead up to us talking again, and now we are together, we realized our past mistakes and currently being better each day
Man, this gives me hope. Kudos.
So can it truly be one or the other? Is there no "right" way when it comes to relationships?
She was catching bodies and you took her back 😂
Avoidants often break up with a person because they truly love that person and can't cope with it.
Thanks coach. I really needed to hear this. My understanding of her attachment style was driving me crazy.
For the lads:
Women do not and are not designed to love unconditionally
Thank me later
You speak so much sense Sir. 🙏🏻 Thank you.
You're always spot on Coach Lee
I'm most thankful that I never got my ex back.
needed this, coach lee. thank you.
this was my mistake - we broke up nov 26, 2023 and had no contact for almost 2 months until we met accidentally jan 26, 2024. we talked and communicated again and he said that he wanted us to get back together.
i did the biggest mistake - i told him i felt the same way but i wanted us to improve and fix whatever issues we had in the past. so we did have a heart to heart talk february 3, 2024. but it turned out for the worst. he felt like i was attacking him and misunderstood that i wasnt happy anymore with him so he broke up with me because he said “he was too toxic”. but God knows that wasnt my intention at all. he’s an avoidant who is emotionally closed off and i made him understand that all i wanted was for him to feel safe and secure in opening up with me. that i wanted transparency because if there’s no open communication we cant improve and fix our issue. that’s all. i just dont understand why he felt like i was attacking him.
so now, its been 3 months since then and it was also our last day of contact.
i admit i still miss him and still wishing he would come back but a part of me feels like he isnt going to come back anymore.
Trust your gut
If that’s all you really did . Just pass a message without trying to hurt his feelings and wanting this relationship. Wanting to improve and not repeat the same mistakes and he did not get that message when you were specially vocal about it rather than just giving him mixed signals then it’s his loss. Why would he call off something when you want to make it work, just because he felt attacked ? Maybe if he cares and loves you. He should reflect and even if you’re at the wrong he should consider it then give his response or feedback to that rather than just feeling attacked. Not sure why he felt that way . Doesn’t add up to me. Maybe the conversation was hard and instead of a mature conversation he took it on a negative note. As long as you know you did your best , that should bring your heart a little peace. Even if it’s just a little tiny bit.
People who can't change are not worth your time. They are stuck in a loop and you staying in this will make you depressed and unhappy
Mine broke up with me on 25th November 2023 , one day b4 yours , almost the same thing, after 2months of NC , I reach out to her but nothing works , and eventually I did no contact again but I saw her during university events and it feels sooo uneasy I remember everything again , eventually text her again after a week , she seems happy when she saw me we continue that for about a week and it's always me putting efforts like calling texting etc , sometimes when I don't text it will be a complete silence for 10days to 12 days until I text again , I eventually got fed up of these behavior and ask her if she wants to get back together, she was confused and always try to escape this question over and over again and ignoring me again , its just draining , I'm doing NC again now idk if she'll come back
Never knew women can even love that much 😵💫
DA’s choice was to discard me and crush my heart. This is a crime against the relationship and a really hurtful act. Now I seem to hear the advice to pacify and entertain a “criminal” as if nothing has happened ?! No, thanks. Reach out should be meaningful not just “hi, how are you?”. Reach outs from fake accounts on FB or Instagram are typical for DAs. It is up to everyone how you want to react to such acts. One doesn’t have to react and look grim, but reserved and slow on your reactions. Actually better think twice and then respond rather than react quickly and joyfully in hope to quickly rekindle. Most importantly you have to have built an emotional muscle to stay calm and cool no matter what. Mature, strong and a little reserved. It took me over a year, tons of such videos (have a podcast on UA-cam on topic marriage over 1500+), some books and self-reflection and prayer to God. Good luck to all of you what ever decision you will make!
Any podcasts for marriage you can recommend?
This is the exact question I need answering. Perfect timing 👍🏻
My experience. You may keep the person in your life but the situation will never be good. Find someone who can carry on a healthy relationship. Don’t be like me
@@Leaveitalone1382 I truly love this person and if she returned, I'd work with her, insist on some form of counselling and take things one day at a time. Adjusting my expectations and making sure she's happy. If at times she needs her space, I'll give it her. I not wanting us to live in each others pockets. I like my own space sometimes too.
All the best 👍🏻
Thank you for all the tips. It was really helpful. She just called me after 11 days of no contact.
thank you so much coach lee
Can you please make a video with some information on how all of this and the other points on your channel should be thought about or applied when the person that left/dumped is an alcoholic or addict? When the contact that comes through is coherent enough but their brain and thinking is constantly distorted. When they want to see you or connect but they’re definitely going to be drinking, etc when you connect.
I know many people would comment “Just walk away and don’t look back” or something like that but I’d really like to hear your perspective on this Coach Lee. I have 5 years history with my ex and I’m having a difficult time just letting go due to love and the concept that empathy and connection help with recovery. I’ve watched all of your videos but there’s this one piece of the puzzle I’m struggling to put together. Thank you.
Coach my ex just contacted me after 5 years of no contact !!! He wanted to get back together. I kept listening to your channel and knew it was gonna happen. I want to be your next success story
5 years its by far the longest period of time I've ever heard!
@@elrincondelcaballeroluna same lol I was floored.
just curious, how many relationships have you been in this time period of 5 years?
@@warforglory none I was healing
@@marlimarlirniDAAAAMNNNN
The thing is, I can actually predict exactly how "my avoidant" will react to almost any scenario, cus they just truly are that way, and the automatic response really is to just run away and not take responsibility for their behavior ever. (Aka they are actually pretty predictable cus being "an avoidant" actually kind of defines them for real)
Being an avoidant I defined as "avoiding all responsibility", not really relationships. They just want to run away at any sign of needing to be responsible for something.
For example they might want to end the relationship if you caught them doing something they promised they will not, like when a child steals a cookie, you catch them doing it, and instead of being sorry they get mad at you and say something like "well then I won't eat anything anymore". It's not about avoiding you, it's about avoiding responsibility... and you just happen to be something that responsibility exists around.
Avoidant could be explained something like their emotional maturity staying on a child's level. It's like dealing with a child, simply being very selfish and avoiding responsibility for how they act at all costs. (Not selfish in a covert narcissist way, but simply like a baby or a cat)
They want freedom to do anything. The moment you try to restrict their freedom, for example you expect them to not cheat on you, they feel you are restricting them and they feel suffocated, cus they want freedom to do anything they want, so they leave.
*
You will never have a problem with them if: -You always make it about them, don't ask them to do anything for you, and never make them take responsibility (aka treat them like a baby). It works like clockwork.
+Like cats, they tend to come back, the moment they notice you are not expecting anything from them. (When they feel safe that you are not making them responsible for anything.)
These are EXACTLY the people that you need to pretend you don't care about them, for them to finally like you. (aka yes, no contact does work)
You also mentioned Covert Narsassist, can you also explain what you know about them?
I hate how accurate this is 😭
Exactly like dealing with a spoiled child. Even pointing out how unfair and selfish an act is will result in a guilt trip and then disappearing. “Oh you expect me not to be an hour late? Maybe I just won’t show up at all.”
@@Kavilion Exactly. The "Maybe I won't show up at all" or the "I guess I"m a bad person, I should leave then".. that is just a childish tactic of avoiding responsibility.
It's really just protecting their ego, cus they will rather end the whole relationship then admit a fault. Anything to not be blamed. The forbidden sentence for avoidant is "I am sorry". If this rings a bell, it's probably an avoidant.
I assume this has to do with their emotional identity not evolving out from an infant state due to trauma, and they end up solipsistic, not developing empathy for others. And seeing the world as a video game where other people are npc's and only they exist in their head as the main character.
Aka staying in the "infant narcissism" state, that babies usually come out of around age 1.
@@ahmedarif9023 Well explaning them would be a long story.
But in short, the covert narcissist is opposite of the avoidant.
The avoidant has a too strong ego, aka extremely high self esteem, where they don't need anybody. Probably wouldn't stress much in solitary confinement, that's how much they don't need people.
The narcissist actually has No ego, and has low self esteem. They get it from the outside. So narcs, unlike avoidants, they need constant outside attention and praise, and if they don't they go depressed or in a rage.
In order to get this constant outside attention, the narc learned to be charming and manipulate people, as they do this their whole life. Cus without others to mirror back to them that they are great, they suffocate alone. They need others to tell them what they are cus they don't know what they are. Like a vampire constantly needing blood or it dies.
The covert narc is like a weak child who created an imaginary story of being superman, and then goes around their whole life begging others to believe his story.
Avoidant on the other hand does not need you at all, that's why they feel no pain at all leaving you and it's so easy for them.
The avoidant in some ways is what the narc wishes and tries to be their whole life but fails.
The avoidant is the true egomaniac.
The narc is the fake egomaniac.
(+not to mix the covert narc with the overt narc. The overt narc is just a very confident, extroverted psychopath. The covert narc tho is a traumatized child.)
It's almost 2 months now my ex broke up with me. I didnt beg, even if i do love him cause i did it before to my past relationship didn't work, so this one i didn't beg or ask for a chance when he said he wants a break up and hope i find someone normal, because he said he is focus on his goal. I only responded, Okay if thats what you want." It hurts but what to do. 😢
I am on the same case too.She broke up with me last night.You're doing the right thing,never beg or chase.Just move on! Your worth matters most.
Dont break no contact also. I did and it doesnt help
Never go back to a man who left you
He doesn’t want you. His goal is an excuse. Men hold on to the people and things they love
If he comes back don’t trust it. You deserve better. You’re a queen
@rubysfastfitness8740 what is she a queen of?
To be regarded as a queen conscious woman. A woman who lives through her worth and will not tolerate any disrespect or games.
I really need this as well Coach Lee thank you thank you so much. I hope you have a blessed Sunday five months ago. My boyfriend broke up with me after five years of relationship. He is an avoidant five months later he came back, but since we’ve been back his back on the same that he was before, and I have to be very careful how I deal with him
You should never have to be careful how you deal with someone in a romantic relationship. He won't change and you need to realize that.
You make sense,
It could be that they are just not that into you and they can tell that you are not willing to accept the breakup so they avoid you.
That's the case a lot of the time. They want to end the relationship, and the other person won't accept it. You can't force someone to be with you, and some of these people don't understand that.
Trust me.. when you have been in a relationship with a true avoidant, it is not remotely close to someone just not being into you. The shutting down, intimacy withdrawal, rigid behavior, and lack of communication is on a different level
Before this video is out , Coach lee can i ask you what should i do if i told them i need a break?
Before i began watching your content i was begging for them to come back and all that but when i started watching your content i told them i need a break and they said "ill give you all time you need" and i just dont know if i did the right thing about telling them i need a break uts a LDR .
Thank you
My ex told me three weeks ago that I’m a good guy but she doesn’t feel we can recover from disrespecting each other. Fast forward three weeks later and she’s saying she wants to start back talking and miss goofing around with me. Is this a sign of breadcrumbing?
Coach Lee I would say that Avoidants don't understand the issues because they are emotionally immature. So if you get back together it will be like talking about it for the first time. Avoidants avoid responsibility, if you try to raise these issues, they start to stonewall, distance themselves, shutdown.
Avoidants need professionals to help them thru their deep seated traumas.
Avoidants aren't like the norm, I know that sounds judgy but keep it real.
Good morning,I'm trying my best to keep up with the NC it's been so hard but if it's for me to try to get my wife back I will do it even though I've been getting her mail in my apt still? Thank you and have a Blessed Sunday 🙏
Why did she leave
She left me over 4 months ago, just before she went to basic training. She messaged me a month later just to let me know she did well on her physical test and she was going in as a higher rank, I replied simply “congrats, keep at it” and left it there. She didn’t reply and months went by. Now she’s about to graduate basic and felt the need to message me saying “just to let you know, basic is going great, graduation is next week”.
My heart about exploded when I saw her name pop up on my phone. And knowing the rules for basic, I knew that most likely she only had a few minutes to use her phone so I replied.
I again said congrats, “I never had any doubt you’d do well” expecting that would be it, that she wouldn’t reply after that but she did. She continued the conversation telling me she’s a skin head again, haha, that “they chop our hair off every couple week”. She even sent a selfy. (Seeing her face again about killed me)
I sent one back, just a simple one because I felt desperate for her to see me too. I don’t know why. Then the conversation just kinda went out. I know she ran out of time and was probably holding a few other conversations at the same time with her sisters and mom, I assume as it was Mother’s Day. Why did she take time to message me on mother’s day?
She contacted me again to respond to my last message 5 days later, again, with only a few minutes to use her phone. This time she was less familiar with how she talked. But this time she did make sure to tell me she had to turn her phone off before leaving (last time she just did it and I was left thinking she just didn’t want to respond).
Felt like she regretted it maybe, I’m not sure of anything right now.
But I don’t know because we haven’t had a real conversation. About anything. She still only has her phone when they let her. But since we’re broken up, I don’t know anything for sure.
I’m so confused now. I don’t know why she felt the need to update me on anything, let alone after months.
She dumped me. And she knows how I felt about it then. And I can’t imagine she has deluded herself into thinking I don’t still have feelings. That is to say, I can’t believe she wouldn’t know how her messaging me would make me feel.
But she isn’t the type to play mind games or try to hurt me, or at least she wasn’t the 2.5 years we were together before all this.
She knows how I would feel. So why did she do it? Why did she break no contact? She could have done so before since apparently she gets phone time every Sunday unless something gets it taken away. Meaning she could have messaged me earlier, not ignore my last message for 7 weeks. But she chose to reply on Mother’s Day. Months after.
I can’t stop thinking about it all again. I’m back to instinctively opening messages to see if she looked at my last one or not. Checking all her socials again, which I had grown to not concern myself with over the last months. I feel like I was thrust back in time.
I don’t know why she contacted me.
I don’t know what she’s thinking.
I don’t have a clue how she’s feeling.
But I’m back to this state of constant wondering and waiting.
I don’t even know if any of this counts as her “breaking no contact”. I don’t know if this is supposed to be a good thing or not
can u make a video to explain to us how to handle breadcrumbs from ur ex ? she's breaking no contact with me even after me setting a boundary, and i don't want to block her cz u said not do that. I want her back, but she keeps breadcrumbing me, she's doing this for a long period. She sends a video she asks for favors, she sends a joke , she asks me about my social media activity, she breaks no contact every 2 month and says nothing about the relationship. She's an avoidant and left me for no reason, it was all of sudden
My situation is a bit different, im not dealing with a complete avoidant but I am dealing with someone who I feel got freighted by our connection & feelings. He just isn’t ready to commit and wants to go from being romantically dating to platonic friends so that neither of us gets hurt…I told him I cant handle being friends so I need space to heal. Did I screw up by telling him I need space? Does NC work better when its kind of unspoken?
I cant lie, its early stages so 80% of me is doing this so I can recenter my thoughts onto myself and 20% of it is so he can see what it feels like to not have me around and have time to reflect & miss me.
perfect relationship, 1.5 years. suddenly broke up out of nowhere when i was emotionally vulnerable. did 3 weeks no contact until she reached out and said she didnt want to continue things. another month went by and i reached out to gain clarity about the social media things and she told me to leave her alone so..
Not everyone is meant to be together. And that's okay. You have to move on.
Ouch
It’s been 48 days since I went no contact. The first 2 weeks were excruciating. I still have my moments were I get depressed and want her back so bad and other times I feel ok.
I went 60 days and broke down. He now initiates contact once a week. We may never get back together again but NC was too painful.
it sucks bro beleive me
I know how you feel. Im almost 3 mos. In and been on that rollercoaster. My avoidant ended a 5 yr relationship abruptly and suddenly with little explanation by text no less. Its rough.
@@thepuffin-ss9lnfound a new partner and guilty to be direct and tell you. The grass ain’t always greener and if it is it’s filled with shit.
@@nogocheese1549 yea i think the same. I think there was someone else in the orbit that i was not aware of and she monkey branched
this is everything i needed to hear wish i would of realized everything years ago maybe she would of forgave me but i messed up so gave up deleted her number she wants to try she can reach out
It's been a year since. I've had people tell me that she is an avoidant. She told me a lot about her past relationship being a real bad one and growing up with her folks. There was a lot of drama there. I want to reach out to her but I don't know. She hasn't reached out. I don't know what she's doing now or if she met someone else. There was no drama between us. We trusted each other. I miss our time together.
Been here everyone, what an absolute waste of time waiting and trying, its humiliating,.they ended it for a reason and broke trust to support in hard times.
When you realise better people for you out there, you will be happy and accept it. Peace
This. Moving on is the best way to get over it. Get a new lover/partner -- if your ex comes back, great! If not - even better! But chasing them only erodes one's self-respect.
In fairness. That takes time and lots of self love compassion.. So it isnt really a waste of time IF you are learning about yourself.
@@maxsheerin8219 mistake relying on another person to complete you. Yes time and it is suffering but for the best. Trying to get someone back will waste valuable time.
Maybe they're looking for a better person too.
@@sloanmagnum5009 what a scummy thing to say
You make sense but it’s the triggers that make the avoidant relationship difficult. In the long run, it’s so complicated but is it this simply, as you said he’s avoidant but most times he misses me very early out, it doesn’t take weeks for him to miss me, he won’t reach out but he’s keen to be with me when I’m ready to reconnect with him. I feel like people don’t understand that some people just aren’t compatible, all this attachment style talk, if you expect constant communication your not compatible with someone who doesn’t need it, if you don’t need contact your not compatible with someone who does, sometimes people try to change others into what they want, it’s is wrong, you must accept what they have to offer within reason that is because some things can be improved with time, but i find people that have an all of nothing attitude unreasonable, both the AP and the Da, balance is key, some women even want to change their partners style of dress to please, it’s soo annoying, also the DA wanna dictate the pace of the relationship, when they need to accept that some people have feelings quicker than some, compatibility is key !
Thank you! I reconnected with my FA 6 weeks ago. I was beating myself up for not having a serous talk with him because he ghosted me. I couldn’t bring myself to do that. Instead I approached him light hearted with fun almost like he never left. I know we need to bring up the issues but he is opening up more and I want to deepen our connection first
I think you are doing the right thing!
I have questions for you over affairs and cheating.
If i was dating Morgan i starting seeing my ex boyfriend Stephen start to make emotional attachment to Stephen i when i know him from school to college by texting him and meeting up and talking to Stephen on phone and thinking about him and watching films with him without never never having no sex ? Is it emotional cheating
Yes, it totally is. About time, you get things clear with your partner or this will be a recipe for disaster.
As someone that grew up having lots of “talks” with my anxious parents I avoid the tough conversations but I think dating a person more avoidant than me caused us to never discuss the important things necessary. I’ve worked on my avoidance and if my ex would ever re-engage in a real way, sorry but “we need to talk”. A statement I know to never say to a guy. Before he ended things I tried to for the 3rd time, he text me the next day asking to talk, I was so happy.. but then he avoided and we never had that talk. A month later he got triggered and ended it and stood on that. Then tried to put me in a friend zone with benefits…the F! I let it go for a few months until
I got fed up and told him I need to move on, I can’t do a friendship, it’s pointless. His response was to ghost me. He can kick rocks. Ghosting is something I would never do! Here’s the rub- he pursued me for 2 solid years after 2 date and no intimacy..only to fumble. For what?!
we broke up through facetime. Even though i was ready to travel to her place and my tickets are booked but she broke up with me before 3 weeks. She broke up with me because she is scared of doing longer distance since i will go to another country for studying abroad and currently she wants to stay in her country. We ended in anger and in the end she texted me “good bye” and then i texted her back that i understand her decision and wish her the best. Even though i know i could not do anything in this case but i love her so much. It’s only been more than 1 week since we broke up so hope to update soon.
does no contact and your ex wanting you back also still work if you begged for 2 weeks and THEN went into complete silence for months? or did you already break it with contacting your ex for 2 weeks after the breakup to safe the relationship? which is actually a very sane and natural way to do if you love a person
I need your help. Namely, I've been in no contact for 7 months. My girlfriend broke up with me at the end of September, and then she posted a story about me on Facebook. After I saw it, she deleted it. The message is from a song and it makes it seem like I'm to blame for her leaving me. After that, we accidentally ended up at the same concert in December, and she posted another song from the concert suggesting that I haven't left and that I'm still here. After that, I deleted her from Facebook, but I noticed that she watches my WhatsApp stories, not all of them, but she checks often. What should I do? why was she posting stories if she ended things with me, and recently she posted about how the right person isn't left because of a few mistakes... I don't understand.
My ex texted me in no contact to say she unblocked me and she was sorry we didn’t workout and sorry for hurting me. Also how amazing I was to her kids. It apparently not an amazing enough to stay with me. It was just a dig to open wounds again?
Coach Lee, it’s been 4 months of no contact with my ex boyfriend. My ex still had mom on instagram. My mom posted a photo of me and her on Instagram for the first time and my ex unfollowed my mom after he saw the photo. Does this mean there’s no hope of my ex and I getting back together?
That’s a bad sign but even if he return you should not want him back!
Coach lee he is reach out but je brings the issues… thats the problem i dont bring the issues he brings it and i was relaxed and i try to communicate then he blocked me again … we broke up 8 months now … before 1 week happened this..
also he reach out other times before and he did the same thing also he came to my workplace many times
My x g,is throwing all kinds of texts
From her gonna move on to it was a lie ,she hates me ,she was going to consider giving me another chance .
These last couple of weeks have been so hectic depressing
We dated for 6 months. Super close with each other, but I definitely lacked in some vulnerability. She ended it abruptly and couldn’t give me a good reason, she was also really upset that she was doing it. I removed her off everything and haven’t spoken to her in 2 months (since the breakup). I’m fighting the urge right now to reach out and show myself as vulnerable. I don’t know what to do. Should I at least refollow her on socials?? Idk
Does that mean Avoidants are never held to account? Yes my wife n I are separated and she is Avoidant. So much childhood trauma that has never been dealt with. If we got back together, I know she hasn't healed her wounds and tgey would infect the relationship again and she would ghost and chase another relationship with someone else again. She needs so much validation but doesn't discuss her needs. She avoids that conversation.
How would you handle the past cheating, lies, concealment, anger, resentment emanating from the Avoidant?
I’ve been in no contact and told my ex I don’t want to be friends when we broke up, multiple times. But that he can reach out to get back together. When he’s asked for clarification I’ve been vague. He’s reached out numerous times and I’ve refused to hang out with him as a friend, but I never stated specifically after this point I still am not open to friendship. I’ve only been vague, refused invites or I have replied to things by saying “that’s great” and no further comment. Like when he told me he started therapy. He asked to meet up after his vacation and I said “I appreciate the offer but I have to think about it.” Do you think he still gets the point if I continue to ignore him until he reaches out again? Or did I make a mistake in not restating my boundary?
If you and your ex have kids is hard to say no to them because of the kids, and I see she plays with my emotions and she never had seen me with another girl yet, and I do still love her but I don’t want to play childish games, I know she knows I still love her but she play games so how can I get her back or that’s why I’m asking you this question
Hi,thanks for the videos. Can i ask if there is still hope if he said it's over but couple of minutes later when he ends the voice message he said he needs a break he needs time? It is confusing because I am trying to hold on even the tiniest piece of hope. Also I kept asked to be blocked because I knew I was going to be emotional but he didn't.Even when I go crazy with texts he doesn't block me.
Sure there is still hope.
@@RealCoachLee Thanks so much. I know it was a silly question but there are so many details i just wanted to calm down. By the way you should consider reading for an audiobook. Your voice is both soothing and commanding at the same time. I can't explain 😅
@@RealCoachLee I kept calm and he texted me. Thanks Coach. 🧚
I tried much to forget but i failed but I will not use the social media I don't compell him. If he does not want no matter not any difference for me.
What if a couple gets back together after one has been unfaithful, but yet never apologizes for it? How does the other get over the hurt and learn to trust again? What if one feels it's okay to text and be in constant contact with their ex-wife, that they are not being unfaithful?
I think nobody can know the answers of your questions except of him and all you need is communication with your partner just talk to him about these and let the time show you if he tries to earn your trust again if not so you gave another shot but didnt work out so you can leave without hasitation this time
My ex reached out two days after my birthday. I responded with a simple message stating I had fun and thank you. Were they bread crumbing or was it a genuine attempt to start a conversation?
She wanted to talk more..
💯💯❤️
really?
I wouldn't be able to respect myself (& I don't think she would either) if I let her come back without apologising for her rude and dismissive attitude towards me.
I think this is a bit too dismissive of attachment theory and particularly that of the avoidant. The avoidant has very specific behavioral traits as an adult in a relationship setting. If you notice your partner avoid conflict, suppress emotions and engage in deactivation strategies, that is a pretty clear sign that they favor a certain predictable character trait. If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck........it must be a duck. Avoidant attachment style is very real and deserves to be understood further if you are to succeed in a relationship with one.
True. Been there and got the t-shirt lol. It is something, that once you experience an avoidant attacher, it is very obvious. Completely different from someone just losing attraction or not into you
Not a breakup. It's called, ghosting or discard with them...you have very little to do with it.
The day she dumped I took her phone and deleted my number off of her phone. Def not coming back 😬😂
Dear Coach Lee,
I hope you are doing well. Please I need a reply from you. Coach Lee, I begged my girl friend for 9 months, she and me is in same varsity. We use same varsity transport so we can see each other almost everyday. It’s difficult me for move on. If i start no contact from now is there any hope left?
More hope than if you keep contacting her.
@@RealCoachLee Thanks Coach
My boyfriend has been ignoring me for 1 month after a fight. He is still using a photo of us together as his profile picture on social media. What should I do???
I love him more than anything and he's the only one for me.
Did you end the relationship?
If then contact him
@@johannesolofsson221 I didn't break up and neither did he. We had a big fight and after that he ignored me for 6 weeks. Happy to say we made up and are happier than ever!
Should you delete the photos together with her during no contact?
Only if they get in the way of your healing.
I broke up with guy for 5 months because he was a cheater and a liar. I let him back in again thinking he changed for 3 years and then he started this crap again this time it was worse he brought home Crabs and paraded his girlfriend around me. So that was it. Just in the stage of getting over this and putting myself first. I hope this never happens to me again. Even though I loved him he never loved me and I have to accept it and move on. Don't waste time waiting for someone that didn't treat you well. There are good people out there. I don't believe your going to meet on a dating site. I think you need to be out and about to meet someone special. Good luck to all!
Something similar happened to me. I left a cheater and a liar. She came back crawling after 3 months.
I regret i didn't call the police.
We have been together for 3 years more and the amount of terror I re-lived was horrible.
But my feelings are hurt, my ego is also hurt and I have wasted 3 years of my life.
What to do when they come back saying they care about you and want to be friends but at the same time they get in an open relationship with a polyamorous guy? 😅🙄
Say no. I was polyamorous before I learned the value of committment.
Know your worth.
After making every mistake in the book. I eventually gave my wife "space" and moved into my friends shop. Its been just over a week and still see the kids. I've been doing stricked modified no contact but when I leave its like she doesn't care that I'm not there, telling the kid to give me a cuddle then just saying "see you later" its like she's completely over me. I miss her and putting my kids 2 and 8 to bed so much and its so difficult when i leave pretending like its not effecting me. Its suppose to be "space" but how long for i leave it before i ask if its permanent or not as i cant live here forever. We have been together for 20 years and now I've lost everything. Please help 😥
You need to book a session with me. You can so that at www.marriageradio.com/marriage-coaching/
I would love to unfortunately its not something I can afford at the moment especially now we're living apart. I'm not expecting free advice just hoping if someone has been through something similar they could help out because this is killing me.
@@Gwalker100 don’t be weak, give her what she wants. If she really believes in the relationship she will come back. Be strong and focus on yourself- good diet, exercise, work. Show your value thru action
@@Gwalker100the worst thing you can do is beg and make up reasons to talk about the relationship. Move on, and if she wants to rekindle things start from there.
I'm sure there is way more to the story. As for now, she's done and doesn't want to be with you or around you. There's nothing you can do about that right now. She pre planned her exit from the relationship long before she told you, which is why she is over it and seems content and unbothered about it. Assuming you were never told previously that the relationship was ending or on the verge of being over, people like her are terrible and cruel if she just suddenly ended it and seemingly moved on as if it was no big deal. You will have to give her the separation and work on moving forward. Being married, having children, and a long relationship means nothing to somebody who wants out of it. When they're done, they're done. What do you think lead up to this separation? Was their problems from you, her, both of you?
Problem with this video is that it does not address the unique characteristics of an avoidantly attached person when they deactivate. Sure keeping no contact is what is needed to getting an avoidant ex back, but the reality is most avoidantly attached people fear intimacy and vulnerability and therefore are not going to reach out to you first. You can go no contact for years and they're never going to reach out to you. Coach Lee doesn't present a solution for this, it's just a no contact.
This is someone’s theory, but I see avoidants reach out all the time. No contact is part of the solution as is what I discussed in point 3. Avoidants reach out at basically the same rate as others. It’s just more about what happens after that because an avoidant will avoid the direct statements about wanting to reunite and will run from any potentially awkward conversation about it.
so, should the conversation be, “this may get awkward but if you flake on me & leave, please don’t come back because i don’t deserve this mind game. if they truly want you, they may have to confront their demon. once they realize the demon is not what they perceived it to be, then they can come around. sometimes they need the awakening.
My avoidnat disappeared and no contacted initiated… not a fun experience
My ex-girlfriend just defriended me suddenly last night on Facebook. We haven’t even talked in over a month. I wasn’t bothering her. But she’s been watching my stories on there and on my Snapchat. And she still has our pictures up. I don’t get it. I miss her and have wanted her back.
Dun even pay attention to her block you or unblock you, definitely she is struggling with the emotion, just stop caring😊
@@Pekocheers Okay. I’ll try to stop caring. You think she will refriend me? I was figuring she is missing me more than she would admit.
@Batman2029 yes, she definitely misses you, if she doesn't care, she doesn't need to block you, coz when someone truly doesn't care, they will act in an indifferent mode, they block you as they were afraid they would develop feelings with you.
@@Pekocheers Yeah I think you’re right. She just unfriended me. Thankfully I’m not blocked. But I thought it was weird because we haven’t been talking. That does make sense it’s because she misses me. I’ve been waiting for her to reach out to me.
I still want to be able to get her back.
Quick answer no 😂
im at day 36 of no contact and it rather feels like we are slowly fading away..
I would check in 😬
Any update?
After 2 mos no contact, ex says he thinks about me a lot & i said that i cant be in this toxic cycle anymore.
Now....2 mos later, nothing. Did i push away permanently?
It is not No Contact if you are still talking to each other…
You didn’t push anyone. They did
And now you have an avoidant content hahahaha
The Twinkies are making you fat 😮
I'm noticing a trend; seems like everyone wants to s*** on avoidants when anxious attachments are just as bad. Literally two sides of the same coin. If you're not secure, that's okay. You can still have a healthy and desirable relationship with WORK. If you don't work for what you want, you're entitled.
Anxious attachments are not nearly as bad.