How to Let Go of Your Adult Children (And Restore Your Sanity!)
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- Опубліковано 29 лип 2024
- Letting go of your adult children is one of the hardest things that you will ever have to do. After all, you don't stop being a parent just because your kids turn 18.
At the same time, there is no denying the fact that many of us have complicated relationships with our adult kids. Some of us are still supporting our kids, financially. Others may have even been prevented from seeing our grandkids because of conflicts with their parents.
So, today, I want to talk about how to let go of your adult children, emotionally, so that you can get more from life.
How would you describe your relationship with your adult children? Do you sometimes feel like you give too much? Let's have a chat!
Here is a link to the article that I mentioned today: sixtyandme.com/how-to-divorce...
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#HowtoLetGo #YourAdultChildren #SixtyAndMe
Finally after 13 years of walking on egg shells, I decided enough was enough. I wasn't sad or angry, just done. I had enough of the disrespect, dishonesty, and manipulation. I deserve better. I wish him well and hope he has a good life and a strong family. Me? I'm focusing on the people in my life who actually care about me. I feel relieved that finally I no longer have to try to figure out the why or worry about what obscure thing is going to offend him this time. It's time to enjoy life again. Praise God!
rbw2628 I keep thinking I am done. I do ok for a while, but as he is my only child I have this deep-rooted feeling it is wrong to turn him away. Yet people tell me the time has come enough. I also want off the roller-coaster. So freaking sad.
He is in jail. So at least he is not homeless.
@@sunflowerzelda45 Hello as each situation is different you work with what have to work with given the circumstances you are in with your only son , try to enjoy the days you are living because unfortunately you aren’t able to control the situation where he is but truly my heart is with you for knowing what you are going thru . Ps Im happy for rbw2628 because she is right no one deserves to be unappreciated or disrespected 🙏💜
Wow, I sure can relate to you. Good for you no mother deserves to walk on eggshells I am getting to the point where I am so angry with my daughter and hurt that she has made staying in an old run-down place full of holes, and mold, and when it rains it's socked in here. No hot water, or bathroom she just said to piss in a bucket. I am so disgusted with both of my daughters. She does not believe in God in the slightest and is all about worldly things. It is hard to even write this for me right now, and truthfully if it wasn't for me to believe in God I would have killed myself by now, for sure. Here in Canada, they have people that will let you commute suicide with professional' help.
@@summersunrise.9518 I pray things gets better , II’m glad you have a strong faith . Hopefully your daughters will reflect one day on their actions .. I send you tons of love from Texas 💕🙏☀️
@@sunflowerzelda45 It is so hard. I have an only child, a daughter. At times she can be disrespectful or uncaring to me. I never understand because we were so close when she was younger. Now it is always about whatever guy is in her life. I separated from her 8 years. But I found myself wondering if she wanted to see me but was afraid to come by. I eventually went to where she worked and talked to her. We eventually started to get together. It can still be hard on me at times. The thing is, they have such a hold on us, don't they.
I thought I had failed as a mom. Its encouraging to know Im not the only mother going through this. It really hurts.
It seems to be everyone is dealing with our grow kids have forgotten us parents
I feel the same way. It really hurts 💔
@Milk Andhoney thank you for sharing . I have been told the same it hurts but I’m realizing it’s my daughter with her issues
YES GIRL!! IM CRYING AS I TYPE NOW! MY WAKE UP CALL CAME YESTERDAY ON THANKSGIVING DAY. SMH💔😭😢
@@april2702 I’m sorry you are going through these issues , things are only temporary 🙏🙏
Big Hug to All the broken hearted Mothers, Time for us to enjoy our lives!
Thanks I needed that
Amen❤
What about fathers? They hurt as well.
I didn’t realize so many other women are estranged from their adult children until I openly told them about my situation. Knowing I wasn’t the only one dealing with this in some way helped. It helped me realize I wasn’t some kind of monster who drove my child away. I was just a mother who did her best. Like so many others it wasn’t considered good enough somehow.
🌹🙏✨
I know how you feel as I feel like a monster at times too. I guess I am being hard on myself.
Right there with you
Estrangements are honestly tragic considering that one has emotionally invested the best years of life into children. I am shocked that there are no feelings left as if robots raised robots. Is it the same all over the world? I tend to think that estrangements are less common outside anglophone world. I learned that in Portugal everyone gathers at grandma’s house for a meal three times a day. Grandma cooks, cleans up and loves it. Crazy. But, it works. So, no need to judge. My grandparents loved having family around, at least once a week. Maybe, it is about big, extended families where children don’t feel so stuck with the parents alone. I didn’t get along with my parents, but I had a great relationship with my grandparents and uncles and aunts. I never abandon my parents , but maybe I would if the rest of the family wasn’t close by. Throughout the human history, there were kids and parents that had issues, but there was a respect and an obligation to be decent (helpful?) towards your blood family. This is so disheartening and nobody can convince me that turning the page leads into happier days. I think that no truly loving and devoted parent can ever successfully recover from being shunned by a child. If the society did not make it so acceptable, this would not be occurring that easily. I think it’s natural that parent is more attached to his/her child than the child to the parent because the children move on, form new relationships and dependencies. However, the fact that children treat their parents without any emotions, leave them to grow old and helpless - that is the end of civilization for me. How can this be?!
I’m middle 70s and have had no contact with my sons for 18 years, their choice, not mine. It breaks my heart, but I’ve made a good life with true friends.
For those who say, I could never divorce or let my adult children go....well, they haven't experienced complete hatred, rejection, and abandonment from your adult children unjustly. If they ever do, they will understand completely. :)
Unfreakingbelievable
I feel now that I am not alone after listening to you and reading others comments. My son and I were so close, we took vacations together we confided in each other then he met this girl who appeared to be so humble and kind. Once she moved in and they got married everything changed she says I am a guest in their house to controls my son and I could hardly see the grandchildren. My son can't even have a video call with me so I can see the grandchildren when she is there she will not allow it. It breaks my heart every day I even thought of dying. I have very little family I have no sisters or brothers uncles or Aunt s. My son was everything and my daughter-in-law knew that she is horrible she has called me horrible name and like she said that my son is hers now. So I understand how all of you are feeling if it's a daughter or son and divorcing them it is a long process I'm not there yet but I have to be for my own sanity .
@@yvettesladek3579 I don't know everything, but maybe if you try to talk to her.? Explain to her .That she is apart of your son life now, but you're his mother and you want to be apart of hers also. Try this tactic, little scicology. Make her feel important. Obviously she is jealous of you. Good luck 👍
Agreed
@@yvettesladek3579 Sorry for your deep pain as such a loving mum. Often alienators choose kind empathetic people so they can control and destroy good families. Stay strong
As devastating as a divorce is, estrangement from your adult child is 100 times harder. My heart will never be the same.
I totally agree Ann. It's like a death, maybe even worse than if they had died because when someone close to you dies, others feel more empathy for you, where as this is a silent and sad grieving alone. I recently decided to confide in my male cousin about the estrangement and he thinks we won't stay estranged but I'm not so sure because truthfully I don't want to put up with her bad treatment of me anymore. My male Cousin that I'm close to, made me feel better though and it's been a relief to tell someone. My Cousin said, she doesn't even know what bad parents are and that she should feel grateful and that he's sorry she's been treating me so bad. Also I have my Dad so at least I'm not alone during this grieving. I confided in another female Cousin and I kind of feel like I shouldn't have like she's using the information to hurt me because on Facebook she shared one of those graphic text things that get shared and it read "Spending time with your adult children is one of the greatest gifts in this world." or something like that. I find it hard to believe she didn't do that on purpose to make me feel worse. I know that she has gone through some things with her sons and yet she would never admit to it to make me think everything in her life is so perfect.
@@jamilgotcher5456 I'm so sorry you are going through this too. I feel like it is worse than a death also. Because they are making a choice not to have anything to do with us. And it hurts so much. We would never treat our children like this. Our love is unconditional, their's is not. I have also made the decision not to be treated like that. I wouldn't tolerate it from anyone else, and I won't from her. I truly think it is a sign of the times. No respect.This was the first Thanksgiving on 3 years I didn't cry over not seeing her. It still hurts, but I know God loves me and will never abandon me. I don't deserve this from her. I love my kids with all my heart. I always will, but I am praying for strength. She is not my job anymore. I was a person deserving of respect before her, and I still am. I cannot dwell on it all the time anymore, and am trying to heal. I read a good book, "Fault Lines" by Karl Pillemer. It helped me to realize that my expectations of what things should be like, and the reality are not always the same. I have to keep in mind everyday, she is a grown person, and not my little girl anymore. I feel sorry for her, because her issues will go beyond just me. She has control issues and abandonment issues due to her Father that she has decided to take out on me. I pray for her, but I finally feel like I may be starting to heal a little. I'll pray for you. God bless you.
Ann Weidner Thank you Ann and I am sorry for the pain you are going through too. My adult daughter has called me crying and wanting to repair the relationship. I think it shocked her that I didn’t invite her over for Thanksgiving. I told her that I didn’t think she wanted to see me for Thanksgiving. I’m feeling cautiously optimistic, wondering how long the good feelings will last. We both agreed to respect each other’s boundaries better so I really hope that she is moving towards maturing. I think she had a major falling out with one of her friends was part of the catalyst for her reaching out to me.
@@camouflagejumpsuit Well said. It's also worse than death because they have made a choice not to be in our lives or let us into theirs. They actively choose to become dead to us.
@@monicalillich8503 I'm glad this seems to have opened a door for you. And I hope it continues to go well. I told my son that I was stepping back and leaving it up to him to contact me if he wants a relationship. I said that after I'd redecorated the room they would stay in if they ever visited and sent him a photo of it. He said it looked good, so I took that opportunity to ask when they thought they might use it. He said he couldn't give me an answer. Having spent 3 years pursuing him with no luck, I'm giving him his space. Yes, we are in a pandemic which makes his treatment all the more terrible. I know I have anger and trust issues due to that.
I thought I was completely alone and even after spending the bulk of my life investing in my children, it seems I’ve failed completely, pathological lying, falseness, playing the victim along with rewriting history on top of outright treachery, I can’t be around it anymore. I never imagined children I carried would be so cruel. Heartbroken 💔
🌹🙏✨
I feel the same way...thank you for sharing
Trust me, I understand! I am on a fixed income and it seems I can never do 'enough' for any of my children....little long, grandchildren!
❤️🤗
Know that you are NOT A FAILURE. Sounds like my sons, one in particular. Mine would never treat their father the way treat me. It seems to be a huge problem, I had a 95 year old patient being mistreated by his remaining child. I thought "I'm 65 and I can't bear the thought of 30 more years of verbal, emotional and financial abuse." I have spoken at length with my GP, warts and all, and he is formulating a plan of action for me to follow to try and change this situation.
I'm 41 with no children & made the decision not having any. Reading everyone's experiences breaks my heart 💔 Sending every mother in the comment section air hugs.
Thank you Erica
I still have cats.
Erica, there are many many times where I had the thought I wish I hadn’t had my son. The pain of him leaving is worse than anything. I envy you
When I really get to know women and I ask would they have children if they could do it again its 90% no. I haven't been keeping a record but it is alot more no's than I ever imagined.
@@tarafielding4652 It definitely would be a big old NO for me.....regret having my daughter.
I am 68. I was married 33 years, with two children. My husband died of a major heart attack 9 years ago. My son who had drug and alcohol problems, committed suicide just prior to my husband’s death. Now my only remaining family member, my 40 year old, has verbally abused me and disrespected my home. On her visit yesterday and my two beautiful grandchildren, I finally stood up to her abuse and asked her to leave. I can’t be her mental punching bag anymore. It’s better to be alone and in peace. I did the best I could! Thank you for your information and encouragement! God be with us all..
My 40 year old daughter has turned out to be a horrible person. Problem is, she has two kids. Her husband died of a overdose. My daughter is RN and was his biggest enabler. He hit her and the kids. She made excuse after excuse. Now she has stupid boyfriends every other week. I have talked to lawyers and I have zero chance to get the kids away from her. She knows the games and is just good enough to keep the kids. Every time I see the kids, they are 10 and 13 now, they ask if they can live with me. I keep telling them to keep out of trouble until they are 18 and my door is open. She was raised in a respectful home. My husband would never abuse a women or anybody. My son on the other hand is a good person. Although because of his sister he says he will never have kids. He said he can not understand why she is the way she is and he is terrified he could have a child like her. I would love to divorce her but I must keep the door open for her kids.
@@KS-kr4ok That’s so sad, but don’t give up, something could change her, nothing is impossible. I’m 75 and I’ve seen changes I never imagined.
Susan I also lost a son to suicide. My heart is hugging yours 💝💔💝
Bravo to you dear lady for standing up to your daughter, and let me assure you that you are not alone. No, you're not, both my daughters, and my son has been verbally abusive towards me for many years.
I know you did the right thing by standing up to her. Peace and blessings to you always.
Yes, I have and will continue to stand my ground, and let them know when to back off.
@@KS-kr4ok whats wrong with the new generations? Have no respect .. so sad to see
I mean absolutely nothing to my adult children. Sad, but true. Letting go of them brings me peace and emotional freedom. It’s definitely time!
Same for me. One is 27 and has been detached for nearly 3 years. Other 28 and its been a couple weeks. This is so sad and breaking my heart but I also feel relieved, free from the stress from them, and safe!!! No physical harm but the screaming, demeaning, hateful and mean verbal attacks are simply frightening and abusive. I have to admit I feel much pain seeing others w loving, involved parent / adult children relationships.
@@FM19MONTH
“Involved parents and children relationships”. That’s the problem. We need to cut the cord. And let our kids grow up.
And our kids will never see us as a “person” but as their mom or dad. It’s hardwired since we provided for THEM as babies etc.
Friends are important too. Our friends see us as a person. And grandchildren are pretty sweet too.
Peace 🙏🏽🕊
@@FM19MONTH I am in the same boat and feel the same way! Hard to look at other families! I made the decision to break away, but not much of a choice since the emotional abuse which I finally admitted was happening would continue!
@@veronicaherrera7586 Not sure you know what the subject matter is?? Your comment had no validity at all!!
I have no choice but to do the same. I’m losing a grand baby too in the process.
I’m done stressing over it! I take my grown kids as I find them. If I hear from them, fine, if I don’t that’s ok too! I hope to live whatever time I have left as peaceful as possible, doing what I want to do. Not what they think I should be doing!!
Bravo,this is good way.
If you hear from them…but do they ever hear from you?
👏👏👏EXACTLY! Only God knows how many years he’ll let me have on this earth, but I don’t want to waste them.
Finally, a video that doesn’t automatically assume that the parents are narcissists and that the adult children are justified in cutting off their parents. Sometimes it’s the adult children who are narcissistic and won’t accept their parents if they won’t validate their inflated sense of self importance or their distorted world view. You can love someone and not approve of their life choices, that doesn’t make you a monster, it makes you a protective person, which parents are supposed to be.
You described my current situation perfectly.
Thank you for your post, my exact situation
Yes!! There’s so much misinformation out there helping our children blame us and look at us differently!
I complete agree. I have been frustrated by videos and posts that always blame the parents for estrangement. Of course there are parents who are struggle with alcoholism, drug addiction, mental illness, etc. These are horrible situations and it might be helpful for children to set boundaries. The epidemic of estrangements we have seen over the last couple years are most likely families who have loving, supportive parents. Perfect? Of course not, but not abusive at all .The most hideous of these estrangements are when’s children stop talking to their parents just because they have different political beliefs. How absolutely stupid and ridiculous is it to let a politician break up your family?
Solid
"once you feel you are avoided by someone, never disturb them again" - Buddha
Thank you ..
If I'd done that..oooh the tears..well I'm doing it Now***
In fact I'm making a poster .
I'm case I forget...☔
Blessed Bee. 💖
🌹thank you..
.this vidio helped me more than I can express.💖
Blessed Bee💫
Buddah( I think) also said If someone treats you like they don't care believe them.
So true I needed to hear that tonight.
Don't hang out with people who don't dig you. That's all I need to know about my daughter at this point. I'd rather spend my time with people who like me as I am.
I am a battle-scarred veteran of this topic but after learning how to navigate things, the passage of time and significant maturation of my sons has happened and we are restored to something actually sweet and comfortable. However, the damage is profound and what happened, happened. I think the most important thing to realize is to stop sending gifts and cards, stop wanting explanations, stop trying to fix things. When I finally got colder and harder and very distant, things shifted. When I realized I really didn't need them and actually didn't want the drama and rejection, things shifted. When I finally told one of them that I was far too valuable to put up with this blankety-blank behavior any longer, and meant it, he heard me. Game shifter. I also know that we are all different and our kids are all different so there is no one size fix all fit. And grandchildren, cold as it sounds, are collateral damage. The world today doesn't value older people, doesn't teach respect for elders, and encourages me, me, me... Remember: don't beg, grovel, apologize repeatedly and find someone or a group to encourage you.
Spot on 👍🙏
Thanks for this post. I appreciate your experience; it's helpful for me.
Yes, this is exactly what you have to do, teach people that you value yourself not to tolerate their abuse. Because my Dad won't put up with that behavior one bit, my daughter doesn't treat him like that. I need to be more like my Dad, somewhere he has demonstrated to her that he will not be disrespected in his house so my daughter doesn't. My Dad and I get along great. I think my daughter is jealous of the relationship I have with my Dad although he has been a wonderful grandfather to her. We both have spent time and money helping my daughter and neither one of us deserve disrespect. She's more afraid of my Dad than she is of me. I'm starting to realize that their needs to be a healthy level of fear when someone continually disrespects you and is emotionally abusive to you.
what you write is unfortunately so true. it is not about us, ever. it has all to do about them (the adult child). I'm not referring to a parent who was abusive, mind you, as that would be a totally different subject matter. Although, I actually know a mom who was more into drugs then her child, yet, the daughter remained close to the mom and felt sympathetic and empathetic toward her and their relationship blossomed once the mom was clean. Basically what I'm saying is that you may think you've been a great mom, but your adult child may not think so--and the sad part is--you may never know why.
@@64greene I have always gone by the "2 out of 3" thinking too! Glass half full . . Well 2/3rds full!
YES. This podcast has come to me in perfect timing. My heart is broken, but I can no longer put myself last. My daughter is almost 30 and I have reached the end of my resilience and ability to keep forgiving behaviour that I would not tolerate from any other person on earth.
I agree, i am in the same situation.
Thank you,this came at the right time. My heart breaks. Knowing it happens to others makes me feel more whole.
Going through this with my 30 year old son. Held on to hope his meds would help him be more respective of me. Found out today that’s not going to happen
Going through this with my 33 year old daughter. At 60. I can’t do this. I need my peace! She is living with me and taking advantage. Need to set my boundaries!
@@mauraronda1265 If you don't set boundaries, this will still be going on 10 years from now. I guarantee it.
I'm divorcing my adult daughter. I forgive her and hope she has a wonderful blessed life. I can't accept anymore abuse, been accepting it for so many years, hoping for change, praying for change. I give up.
me too
I agree..my daughter is a horrible person.. I'm not even mad I just don't want anything to do with her. Good Bless anyone that comes in contact with her..I feel so sad for her daughter and son.. But God with watch over them
Is not only 60s and 70s. It starts in our 50s. I never hurt so much.
True
I know.
Absolutely.
Agreed
Yes me too. My kids don’t come to visit, they don’t call to talk, the one texts occasionally, the other lives in the basement and we text as he doesn’t wanna talk or have me in the apt. I brought them up with frequent time with extended family, and now they don’t even bother with them.
Mellenials are very selfish I find. It’s all about them and their wants and needs, I didn’t bring them up that way, very disappointing. 🙁
After years and years of feeling disappointed, unacknowledged, and just plain ignored I've decided to just let go!
I admit I feel exactly the same way and it''s painful. My own decision is to continue to send cards, simple presents, and friendly texts throughout the year. They call from time to time to proclaim they love me, but they remain very distant and self focused. When I die, I dont know if they will have regrets, but I do know that they will know that I never stopped caring. It's a tough deal for sure. HUGS !
@@ruthcrawford3015 I feel exactly the same way. It's so sad, and I also wonder if they'll have regrets when I die.
@@ruthcrawford3015 yes, same for me. Painful isnt it? Guess we can be glad they are not moving back in with 5 kids.
@downie duck mine have been to my house maybe 3 times in 5 years, what the heck is wrong with this generation?
@@sunshine-sm6nf It's so sad. I have no answers. But it's good to know there are others out there like us. We aren't the crazy ones.
My daughter stopped talking to me when I divorced her father. She also said some very nasty and disrespectful things to me. It hurt for a long time, but I have reached a place of peace and letting her go. I used to stand at the door waiting for her to come back to me. After two years, I have let her go. I wish her well but I have walked away from that door and living my life.
Please take care of yourself
Ladies, especially those of you who may have a disrespectful and ungrateful daughter; you have a little girl inside of you (your own soul and inner being) who needs you more than ever. That little inner being has had a life time of memories and experiences (good, bad, hurtful, hardships, illnesses, etc.). She has sacrificed enough for everyone else (husband, children, elderly parents, siblings, etc.) . Now it's time for you to think about her (your inner being). Nurture her, fill her heart with goodness and glory, show her how to love life again, she (you) are no longer responsible for every little thing that goes wrong in everyone else's life. Take a deep breath, slowly let it go along with the deep pain, and try to see the light and the new world that surrounds you. Set her (yourself) free and fully enjoy and love your inner self. It's hard at first, but believe me, it works. You'll soon realize just how much you have neglected her...your inner being. Set her free, you'll still have all those memories, but you'll no longer be carrying someone else's baggage!
*Beautiful comment The Moirae. I agree with everything you wrote!*
Wow...That really hit home ..Thank you
I love this. Thank you😢
So beautifully written 🕊️🙏🕊️ I need to write these words down. Thank you so much brought me to tears. God bless you! ♥️🙏♥️
❤
I am dealing with this for almost 10 years now. Never in a million years would I have seen myself without my daughter in my life. Now I am seeing that I must accept this situation in order to keep my own life. I must leave this to GOD!
I hear you!
My story exactly though it was today I said Im putting up strong boundaries I try to look at him like the adult he is not the 15 yr old he is basically stuck at I'm desperately am waiting for my Grandson who is 16 and a half to turn 18 so he can get away bfrom his parents And I fully realize thats my wish , and might not be his t x you for your post
It’s been a year for me since my divorce from my narc husband. I stuck it out for my 2 girls for so many years and now that I’m out of there and they are adults, they rejected my decision and punishing me for it.
@@rondanatan6198
That is Soo wrong for them to do that. Well I guess their time is coming. There's an old saying,
" What goes around comes around ".
They don't know what you ever had to deal with, and all you have done for them, and how much you loved them, and all they can see apparently is the facade, and never what was behind the scenes that "you" yourself had to deal with. You can tell them a millions times but they'll never get it.
So it's just like standing around a fire when it gets too hot, and breaks out, then run. Create a life for yourself.
"You" are important. " You " are special. " You " deserve a life worth living. Make new friends that can be true to you. Kids grow up and have theirs. You need yours. You'll be surprised how fast life goes wasting it on people that we have worked, and struggled for soo much of our life, and loved to the ends of the earth , that has proved that they don't deserve our time. We just end up being the bulls eye on their dart board. Life is too short. Get a life for yourself and love yourself girl. 🌺 ❤️ 🤗
@@Joy-sm7iz Thank you so much Joy for your insight and your words of encouragement. You’re incredibly kind. We, the victims of such behavior require nothing but empathy and solidarity with what we are going through. I have moved on in many ways and I’m working on myself and enjoying my freedom , have made new friends and have met a wonderful man and I pray for my children to come around.because I love them so much despite it all🙏🙏🙏
❤️🌷❤️🌷
Yes, I'm living this situation. A dear woman gave me some valuable advice - years ago - when my daughter cut off her entire family in exchange for her husband's family - completely. The dear woman said to give her the gift of freedom from me. Do it with love. Don't chase after her. Don't send her gifts, cards, letters. Let her go - completely, the way she walked away from the family - but let her go with love. Maybe one day, my grandchildren will come looking for their mother's family - maybe not. I'll be here for them if they do come to find us. In the meantime, I've worked through my grieving process and now moving on with my life.
I am at the begging point where you where bless you plus you encouraged me
God bless you from one broken-hearted grand-mother/mother to another. God is near to the broken hearted and you are wise to let go in love... that is all we can do and bitterness and anger only keeps us in even more pain.
This sounds very familiar. Our children have also chosen their in-laws for their primary contact. A few years ago God told me to let them go and put all my time into my husband. I have done that and our retirement years are wonderful. Each of us does what we want and some things together without the foolish drama of narcissistic adult children. I have "loved them from afar" by praying for them, but no longer have emotional ties to them any more than I would with any stranger. Our family is the family of God, they are wonderful enhancing what we believe and where we want to be in our lives. If our children ever come back with a different attitude then we can perhaps reconnect, but if they don't that's alright too.
I’m sorry you’re facing this! I’m doing this and going back & forth on whether or not it makes me a bad mom.
@@leslie.dixon. My thought is, if you are self-reflexive enough to wonder if you are a bad mom, then you are probably a great mom, and your children are not so good at adulting because they need a bit of drama and the power of dishing out some pain to feel complete. I hope I'm not hurting you with my words. I just know there are 2 kinds of parents here... the kind who don't quite want to let the kids move on (and maybe they are right) and the kind with abuse from offspring [from rudeness to manipulation] (and they most of all have a painful time of it).
UPDATE 😄 I located my older daughter and visited her on Easter 🐣😊 I left it up to her to stay in touch by phone. My # is the same and I didn't ask hers. There's always email, too. She asked me to mail her "keeping box" the hat box I stuffed every childhood memory into for treasure hunts into her past. She's happy and working on her anxiety and depression, has a happy gentle man and they plan to have a child someday when they can afford to. I reached out to my youngest, who did not respond. She lives with her father and his parents, and with ASD hopefully always will have a roof there. She's quite the narc like he is, so it's a good match up and he needs someone. I hope he stops stalking the oldest, he got information from his parents and showed up at her place of work. Now she's decided to cut off the grandparents, too. Good call, sometimes it is better to let go of someone in order to live better.
None of us are alone in this. It’s becoming an epidemic. Adult children don’t want to be saddled with having to help their aging parents. I lost both of my parents within a few months several years ago. My oldest son has been on drugs for 15 years and treated them like his bank. They enabled him thinking they were helping him. As soon as they died, and he found out I wasn’t going to support him at the age of 35 he left, and I haven’t heard from him cents. He has a daughter who doesn’t know me. My youngest son, who is 10 years younger, married a girl who is very controlling and only wanted her family in his life. She’s clearly threatened by the fact that we were so close. They now have a baby that I have also never met. I lost my parents and my kids all in one shot. I have no other family. My younger son has reached out a few times, but I always get ridiculed, verbally abused, and left feeling like a failure. It’s kind of like I have to grieve his loss over and over again. I have chosen now to cut ties completely so I don’t have to go through the morning of him repeatedly. I also don’t have to go through the verbal abuse. I was a wonderful single mom and don’t deserve the way I have been treated.
🌹🙏✨
Hugs to you - you did the best you could and no, it’s not your fault. I wish peace for you.
My story with my son. Had to block his access to me. Could not take the heartache anymore. Peace❤
I sympathize with you, Kristi. It's very cruel of them not to let you know your grandchild. I also have a daughter-in-law that doesn't let my son invite me over. She is very possessive and jellous of my relationship with my son, that was once so close. The fact that my son doesn't let me enter his and her place hurts me like a thorn stuck in my heart, So much more because and helped and help them so much. But I must learn how to separate and lead my life without expecting any decent, fair, loving reaction from him. I have to accept it and move on with my life.
It's a sad world we live in. My son doesn't speak to me either. Of course it hurts but I just don't go there. It's his problem not mine. And yes I have twin grandsons I have never been able to see. He is coming to the state I live in to see his cousin. It shall be interesting how he handles it. The ball is definitely in his court. We raise them the best we can. They are grown adults and are making their own decisions now. This woman has wonderful advice.
I got some good advice for everyone.. I was a great Mom all involved with my two childrens lives. When they became adults and ignored me and only called when they needed something I changed. I put a wall up as much as it hurt 25 years ago. I treat them as I would anyone else who shuns me. It is written at the end children will disrespect their parents. Faith has made me very strong and I hope and pray that my message helps those who have this horrible experience with grown adult brats.
Thank you so much for sharing
Thank you for those word’s ! I needed to hear that.
I had no idea this was so common. It brings comfort that I'm not alone. I will focus on the child that does answer his phone and reach out to me. Thx everyone for all your comments
You are not alone.
Yes - it seems so common; I had no idea, as well...
Thanks to the Lady who I came across, who made this video and placed it on UA-cam!!
Yes it has helped me too to see I am not the only one . I hope things get better with you . I have a relationship with my two kids but it’s strained. It’s difficult . I am not going to let them make me sad and feel guilty for things years ago. I did my best , I love them . Stay strong
@@pamaladarsow2763 me too, this is so helpful. I am letting go of 3 of my 4 today. I feel so much better already. Knowing we are not alone means everything.
Yes theres lots of us out there, it seems rife. It seems a generation of blame. Not like I was with my parents. Good to know we're not alone.
No, I started looking this up, because, I thought, and, feel like, I am the only one. I am not even in my 60s and, that adult child doesn’t live with me. Everyone has there own story and situation but, I gradually found out, I’m not the only one. And, no your not the only one but, the thing is there does need to be a support line for others and, no, you and, I are not the only one, but, your not alone.
Thank you for this topic! I recently moved 1,600+ miles to be close to my adult daughters, which are both married & I am very blessed to have four grandchildren. I’ve been divorced for over twenty years, & I lived alone, so I thought moving close to my family would be a joyous time, full of love & excitement - well it’s just the opposite. My daughters & their family members are always too busy to visit, or text or call or even stop by to say “Hi”. I feel more alone now than I did when I lived in another state with established loving & caring friends.
I’ve lived here in this area for over ten months now & I’m more depressed than I’ve ever been in my life. I desire to return to the state where I’ve lived prior to moving here. I realize that my daughters have their own happy life & since I’m not getting any younger, I do need a fulfilling life as well.
I began to feel guilty thinking about moving from my family here. I needed to accept that I’m no longer a priority in their lives, they have their own lives.
I thought enduring cancer, surgery that followed, living with an ambulation disability from a work injury that included three unsuccessful knee surgeries, had been difficult, but when your own adult children distance themselves from you, It’s time to regain your courage, put the pieces of your broken heart back together & continue living what life you have remaining.
Hello 👋 Ann
So your post was 5 months ago. Care to give an update?? I'd like to hear what you decided to do and how you are doing now. Just want you to know, your words helped me realize and know what I have to do in a decision I have to make. Thank you for posting.
I'm contemplating moving to be nearer my son, your story gave me something to think about, I'm sorry for your experience
Thank you for this post, for years I tried to do this and I believe something or someone kept me from going. Be encouraged and I pray you find the strength to move back if possible.. God bless!
Just wanted to add to your very heartfelt story that Jesus is the answer to all our needs. Pray for you children's eyes and heart to be opened to love and understanding. God bless you and I hope they come back to you. It's also like the song Cat in the Cradle and the Silver spoon song.
I’m so happy I found this. Women in their 50s are dealing with this from adult children too
Oh yes!
I'm childless but I find that way to many ( women especially ) more than men bring a lot of the grown adult children issues to the workplace and discuss their kids lives non-stop / I've learned that it's a topic that everyone does not need to hear daily / finding healthy hobbies and creative outlets should be embraced as parents develop.🙏
I divorced my 2 daughters for many reasons. I truly understand what so many are going through. I have had a huge weight taken off my shoulders divorcing them. My sister’s do not understand. They have no idea and will never. I am healing well from all that my daughters have done to me. Stay strong, be positive and optimistic. Thank you sixty and me!
I still grieve over my estranged daughter for 16 years. I got into alcohol and made the grieving so much worse. I am trying to pick up the pieces and heal at 62.
I'm 46 and going through this now. It's the only way I see myself living my best life without drama, and manipulation. I miss my grandson but I have to protect myself and my sanity.
I’m surprised my daughter hasn’t a divorce
So your sisters and your daughters have a problem with you….doesn’t that tell you something? The problem is you- not everyone else. I’m glad your girls have their aunts.
I don’t know you but I understand you Kathy God bless and happiness to you friend
I had to just stop the abuse from my son, I tried to hold on but realized that I have to separate from him for my health. The hardest thing I have every done in my life. I can't allow him to treat me like a door mat,
BOY is that true. I feel that our son treats us like a door mat too and I don't understand it at all!!!! Happy New Year 2021 and a new understanding. We had several apt. with a therapist and she said that we need to protect ourselves from : hot/cold, come here/go away, drama, manipulation etc etc. I took notes and when I feel stressed I read what the therapist said. Those notes do help me as I still wake up in the morning with it on my mind but the chest/heart pain is gone.
I just read your reply and I’m in a similar situation with my two daughters. They have bullied and mentally abused me for years and I kept putting up with it until I had to divorce myself from their lives.... for my mental health. I am in a better place now and no one should put up with any kind of abuse especially from a child you gave birth too. 😟
@@patti.j Amen to that
@@monicalillich8503 would love to see those notes! thank you ...
@@monicalillich8503 i would love to know what you learned. The drip drip drip and subtlety of put downs from my two eldest. Finally, it ended with me sustaining a broken wrist from my son when i stood up to him. My daughter has withheld my granddaughter because i stood up to her. It's heartbreaking and it doesn't make any sense. Hope you are okay and healing from it all.
Motherhood has not turned out to be as joyful as I thought it would.
I feel like the younger generation now expects so much more of parents that my boomer
generation did. I've always given 110 percent of myself . Frankly, after 37 years of motherhood, I'm
very weary.....
Thank you, Margaret, for bringing this sensitive topic to the surface....
I used to think I'd write a book titled, "Motherhood is highly over-rated."
Wow. I could have written those exact words. Even the number 37.
(Except for boomer, lol... I'm early Gen X)
@@dammar117 Im late Gen X, and do not even recognize my 22 year old. Totally floored.
I am going thru this divorce from my adult children now. It hurts but decided it was necessary for my survival. It wasn’t what I wanted but lack of respect and concern left me no choice. I wish them well and as Dolly Parton says (or sings) I will always love you. It got too hurtful for me. Had to find some peace. 😢
I think we have gone the other way in this new generation of 'freedom'. Our children don't appear to have much attachment. My 20 year old son would rather spend hours on his phone than have a chat with me and the 18 year old daughter just wants to get out. I as a child lived in an authoritarian, controlling family and until recently still accepted the abuse by the parents and siblings. I am 59 and had to go no contact with them now. Can you imagine the pain? At the same time as I had to define my boundaries better with the parents and siblings, I had to let go of my children, big time. I happened to be in the middle of two extremes and now I am struggling with grief and loss beyond belief. My husband is very good though and patient, but I don't know, he might find he has enough of me with all these problems...
Just stumbled upon your video. I am going through this now at 54 with my adult daughters. The hardest thing for me is that someone else can have such a huge influence on them. 💔
I completely understand how you feel I’m going through the same thing with my two daughters. It really is heartbreaking and I wish you well.
I have four grown sons. Three are married. With each one I’ve come to painfully accept that their wive’s families come first. I’ve been put last on every major holiday. I’ve missed time with my grandchildren while the wife’s mom sees them constantly. It’s not that my sons don’t love me, it’s just that they have to deal with an unhappy wife if she doesn’t get her way. Do I wish they’d stand up to her and say “It’s my mom’s turn this holiday?” Yes! With all my heart. But I’ve stopped thinking that will happen. I have to accept things as they are and that’s really hard, especially when I’ve loved them all and always been there. I never expected this at this time in my life. 😢
❤
Rebecca, I have a very similar situation with three grown sons. Good men, and we were so close when they were growing up. But, just my luck, they all settled in different places and married otherwise fine young women who are very (VERY) close to their own families. No time for me, unless it is completely my effort and sporadically at that. I often wish I had a daughter!! Margaret's video here and reading comments has been helpful to me, but I am very often sad and have trouble moving forward in my life because of this.
My intelligent aunt had two sons and no daughters. She told me years ago that because she had sons, she knew they would not visit her or help her in her old age. She’s purchased long term care “insurance,” is retired and travels with groups of female friends. Plan your future well if you have sons.
My experience is that the adult kids want you to understand, support and respect them but when the door swivels in the other direction, they usually want and need you to understand, support and respect them without being willing to do the same.
Totally agree. But sadly at this time they only rely on me to watch the dog when they're gone, or ( gladly) my granddaughters. Otherwise, they have absolutely no use for me
I’m happy to watch grandkids. I refused to do any pet care.
Margaret as a follower of yours from Day 1 ( and sometimes a little
critical), I can’t thank you enough for this topic. I am not estranged from my 2 sons but rocky roads abound! I have been trying to do what you talked about and making some progress so this video came at a perfect time . First, because there is strength in numbers and second because what you said and the author said is so true!
I was heartbroken at first but getting over that. Will not be so vulnerable at the same time maintaining a that
My two adult children are loving human beings who have been there for me emotionally as well. As a single parent since my son was 1 and at the same time found out I was pregnant with my daughter, I’m all they’re had. Their father chose not to be apart of their lives. My focus was to always put their needs first and now that I’m older they look after my needs as well. We still go on vacations together and are there for each other when someone is sick. Bottom line is that we all just want each other to be happy.
11:12
I am 65 and a codependent mother to two adults, one male and one female. I am doing my best to learn how to distance myself and let them make their own mistakes and suffer the consequences. It’s so hard. I’ve always been a fixer and neither of them wants that and neither do I anymore. Everyday, I listen to a new video or read something that helps me to detach and still love them with all my heart. God bless all of you struggling in your relationships.
what videos did you view. please send links
@@valenciagiles7472 first read books by Melody Beattie. The Language of Letting Go or Codependent No More are both good to start.
That is true I find the hardest thing to do is to separate myself, and not being angry about it. I need to learn to separate and or divorce myself from my children and still want the best for them.
Remember you were strong enough to raise them, you are strong enough to let them learn to live their own lives. And yes, some days it feels like you will never stop crying. But you do, because you will realize that you can only do so much, and you cannot make choices for others. Smile as often as you can.... and acknowledge your ability to find some joy. You deserve nothing but the best .... always!
So hard. I understand how you're feeling. 😢
In 1973 I was crossing the street with my son when this older woman approached me. She said your child will never care for you like you are caring for them. She was right.
I'm going through letting go of my adult daughter who is 30 yrs of age and a bully. The pain is excruciating as I was also a single parent. My daughter cut me off just 2 weeks after my father’s funeral and it has almost been 3 years since we have spoken. I have also moved 200km away from my narcissistic family, I am the youngest born. It was good watching your video knowing that I am taking positive steps with moving on. My heart goes out to all parents who are experiencing this immense heartache.
My God heal your heart.
Same
After being shut out of my adult daughter’s life for so many years, I am letting go. I’m here if she wants a relationship but I will not put myself through the emotional pain anymore. I only have so many years kept and I deserve to be happy.
The healing can't really start until we let go. I think the process is like accepting the death of a loved one. Disbelief, anger, and then acceptance. Hugs across the miles...I hope that you can find peace.
@@elainehruby7880 yes it is very painful when they dont want you in their life, mine are not mad, just always busy.
@@sunshine-sm6nf We all want this wonderful family but I think it all depends on the girls. The girls in our son’s lives and our daughters.
@@marytal8236 not in my case, son does not have a wife. In fact I have liked all his girlfriends, he doesnt keep them long, wonder why. I also like my daughter's husband. It is all them.
@@sunshine-sm6nf Busy doesn't excuse it.
Thank you for putting this out for discussion. I have spent the last year being separated from my son. He was my world and I never expected that he would put me to the side. It has now been 15 months with no communication if any it is negative. Three months ago I sat feeling sorry for myself and decided that I was not the problem. I am 60 years old and have so much to experience. It has been hard but I have completely distanced myself from him and focus on what makes me happy. I love him more than my life however I will no longer tolerate the disrespect and judgments placed on me. It is my hope that one day maybe he will come back into my life and I will welcome him with open arms. But for now I wish only that he and his family experience happiness and joy. It has been really hard for me and each day I think of him but it also seems like I am starting to get excited about doing things for myself and enjoying whatever time I have left. I wish I could hug all of these women who posted.
❤️
Hello 👋 Priscilla
Hello Priscilla I totally understand your pain. Much love from Florida!❤️
These are very bad times we're living in. The worldly system (schools, unis, work, media) is what encourages our loved ones to be disrespectful or turn their backs on us.
You sound so mentally healthy although I know you are living in pain. I hope to get to your level of loving myself again. It's a living Hell right now.
After 4 years i emailed my son and asked, son am i ever going to see you again? Ive just turned 60. He emailed back, No. Its been like a grenade has gone off in my face, and im upside down in a booby trap. Just cant seem to get out of bed. Im so glad i saw this today. Im so broken, but i will survive.
It's unfortunate but who actually had you answer...its been 4 yrs since you've seen him. That was it right there. For 4 yrs this probably hurt you more than it hurt him. Asking him just solidified to him that he's hurting you, still. Be in peace as hard as it may be. Take your power back! Let go, let God! May you find peace in your days and nights.
I have three adult narc kids, all in their 50s, and 3 of 4 young adult grandkids showing strong signs of narcissism. I have been listening to Dr. Ramani who has gotten me through the worst of the gray rocking required. I am Catholic. Our priest suggested writing the kids' names on a piece of paper, and putting them under my Crucifix, giving them back to God to love them and care for them. I have been relieved of my pain and self blaming. This speaker is correct - we did our best. Our kids have decisions to make. If they don't, it is not our fault. I pray for them every day, but my guilt is quieted.
I'm sure you were an absolutely perfect parent. How odd it is that all three of the children you raised turned out this way. I wonder what the common denominator is?
@@NextLineIsMine sort of rude. I am also Catholic. All three of mine left but have returned. Sort of prodigal son‘s on steroids. Don’t judge.
I loved the priest suggestion. I will do this myself. Thank you.
Honestly whoa ...like ysp I don't think all narcos I thought ppl snitches
@@NextLineIsMine Cold and mean-spirited comments are not helpful.
Nothing has hurt me quite as much as my children "canceling" me from their lives.
Yup be well God bless I understand ur pain 💕
The reality is that our children are on loan..We have expectations and then HURT when they don't give us what we need. I have a fairly OK relationship with my adult children but only because I have let go of them.. I don't depend on them for my well being. Let them go and try make the best of your own life. You did the best you could for them and be proud of that. Love to all here
I always knew my child was on loan. But I also imagined I'd be as involved in their live as I was in my own grandparents' lives. I guess times have changed.
yes go and find friends, make the best of it. That is what I am doing. Thanks for reminding me they are on loan, I enjoyed them when they were little.
it looks like they could call once in a while but No, not unless it is something in it for them. Narcisstic and cant change it.
AMEN!
@@sunshine-sm6nf I do think narcissiam has a lot to do with it. Also being spoiled doesn't help.
As a mom of an infant, this is scary but also reminding me to not completely sacrifice my life for my child. I’m going to still make time for myself and other things.
You are walking away with the wrong message lol most of these women were in competition with their daughters and or tried to make little husbands out of their sons. Most of these parents have boundary issues and are abusive. You should be focusing on being the best parent you can. Not deciding ahead of time to be selfish. Your child comes first from here on out, period
That is the best advice. Because if you always put your child first, they become entitled and expect being coddled well into adulthood.
@@rosesperfumelaceyou can put them first by telling them no. Putting them first doesn’t mean raising them to be selfish, that is the complete opposite.
@@cross-eyedmary6619 assumptions much?? Lol
@1pink1blue stop and think this happened decades ago with Chairman Mao. He divided up families with propaganda. Took college age students and indoctrinated them into his military. Then, it became communist China. Sooo through the internet and political differences and trying to divide families today. It's a repeat of history.
It’s amazing. This came into my stream. Two weeks ago. My daughter and I became estranged and I haven’t seen my granddaughter who I babysat every week since she was three months old and she’s turning three next month. We had a big fight. We’re going in opposite direction. I don’t agree with her life choices, and she doesn’t agree with mine, my daughter. I feel she’s making a mess of her life and my grandchildren will suffer for it. My heart is broken. And I cry a lot, but I needed to hear this. Thank you.
It gets easier as time passes. Same situation here. My granddaughter was 6 and it's been 2.5 yrs since I last seen or spoken to her. I live life to its fullest as I refuse to allow this separation to rule my life. I do pray that my granddaughter will want to reach out once she's an adult. Accepting this reality was my 1st step to healing.
Isn’t it amazing? I came across this video and I was in tears all day. To see these comments have been heartbreaking but also encouraging to know that I am not alone. God bless you! Thank you for sharing your story. I wish we could all form a support group. It would be wonderful. I know I need it. Take care beautiful Momma. We have done the best we could. Amen ♥️🙏♥️
Yep, same here…terrible choices, over & over again, 7 years now. I can’t continue to be her punching bag, I want peace, no drama. She can live her life, I’ll live mine. Unfortunately, that beautiful gran child comes attached to her mother and whoever she’s seeing. I have no legal voice in the matter, and refuse to be disrespected. So I’ve chose divorce too.
I'm 51 and been living with being the last on my daughter's list for about 10 years now. The tears I've cried would fill a swimming pool. Even moving closer hasn't had any effect, as the poster says, it's had the opposite effect. I only have my daughter left as my family have passed away, so she knows that I don't have any other family member who I can turn to if I need to talk or share things with. So thank you for posting this. I can count on one hand how many times I see her in a year - that's usually after asking to see her and booking an appointment! It's crazy. I love her with all my heart but I'm so tired of feeling left out in the cold. Thankfully I've just joined a few social groups in my area and for once, I could actually say to her that I was busy the weekend she wanted to see me. I'm not going to drop everything anymore. She knows where I am if she ever needs me, but at the moment her boyfriend is fulfilling her every need so I'm out to pasture. I'm going to enjoy my autumn years and stop feeling so neglected. Thank you again for this 🙏✨💜
So sorry she treated you like this especially since you don't have family. I still have my son and adopted 2 cats and love them.
This is me im so glad tho.ive got my so who my daughter does the same too. Today we were watching my grandson play football and we stood there watching like strangers
You are only 51. If we make our children a priority in life, we become their priority in life. There is no question that we live for them, and happy to die for them. But our children are adults, independent and lead a busy life. Hankering to have a close relationship brings heartaches. Let them live the way they want to, letting them go means you are allowing them to miss you, want to see you. Live your own life, do what you want to do. Expecting a solid relationship only drives that person away from you.
You have to plan ahead and schedule to see your adult daughter who has her own life? The horror. /sarcasm
Very smart! above someone mentioned about stop the cards,,apologizing, begging, asking to see them and jsut to get rejected one more time....STOP! sometimes after what could possibly become years, it may reverse itself. i as well have these boyfriends who always take first place and seems to play itself to end up replacing me or simply just, as the above mother said, take my place. Truly is beyond heartwrenching. When they leave this earth, as sick and sad as it is, there's closure on God taking them. i get very scared that it can happen b4 any kinds of reconciliation or amends are made. A friend had that happen to him (a father), and alhough he firmly believes his son is in heaven, and God has forgiven him, he himself cant seem to get past the not forgiving himself to have done whatever he possibly could to make the amends. But that was a situation where he kicked the adult son out ( drugs involved) in reverse to the son abandoning or rejecting his father. I intend on doing all I can although the rejection and abandonmnt and screams of "I dont want you in my life" just came again in the last several weeks and it hasnt been this bad with my 30year old daughter since she graduated and didn't wnat me in her life similar to whats now going on ...seems like....ALL OVER AGAIN!! Like reliving year 2010 once again!! There were times things got better...not good at all....but better....thru the past 13 years. Now, since the boyfriend who's 15 years older than her, and seems like he possibly is taking the place of her dad that died when she was only 6 years old. But that has presented a whole world of new issues as they are doing this midEastern meditation and putting crystals all over the house and screaming at me for blessing things in the house when i watched the dogs, as though my blessing or praying over her or her home is putingsome sort of curse or bad mojo on her or the boyfriend or the home!! Sick,,absured.. absolutely ludicrous...unacceptable and unblievable. I attribute it to being nothing short of satan himself being fully alive and active in her life and in that home. The home is where i grew up 64 years ago (23 years til i left home)
My husband and I made the mistake of giving our only child everything you could wish for. We called her princess so much that she believed it, I guess. We loved her so much. We worked ourselves to death to give her things we never had. When we sent her off to college, she changed. She turned into the most self-centered person that we didn't even recognize her anymore. We supported her for years, and she just wanted more. We finally said no. She is now punishing us by not speaking to us. After a million tears, I have now turned her room, which was a shrine, into my sewing room, and my husband and I are spending her inheritance. If she does come back, how would we know it was not just for money. When people ask about her, we say she is off in another state on a job, then change the subject.
Unfortunately giving a child everything without teaching them about sacrifice and gratitude is always going to backfire on the parents. So many parents give too many worldly things to their children and the child expects more more more....They only see the love you expressed as gifts and money. They have no real concept of love. As a result the adult version of a sploit child isn't very pleasant.... you cannot force to love you or respect... I am guilty of this myself. I am not condemning you at all. If only we had a handbook for each child. I had five and they all turned differently even though I went to great lengths to give equally in time and money etc.... It really is the hardest job being a parent. Love yourself and forgive yourself. Step away even though it's very painful. Your daughter has her own journey. Let her discover herself.
Good for you! As far as you should be concerned, she had her abundant life, and already had her Inheritance!
I did the same thing thinking that I wanted my daughter to have the things my parents were too poor to give me. Big Mistake. She became a monster and expected the moon, sun and stars. 4 years estranged now. I’m surviving.
I watched all the parents make the same mistakes, I refused to do what everyone else was doing and I also didn’t have the money either.
I could see what type of ppl these kids would turn out to be, and I was right.
I wonder if they will raise their kids the same?
Same - 4 years. I cut former son off - he also became a monster. It is so sad - he was such a very good kid when he was young.
Also, his step sister is a sub criminal psychopath, and had great influence over him...
When you co-parent with a narcissist, kids learn contempt for you that can be hard to overcome especially if you gave too much to those kids. Mean adult kids is the worst thing ever. Great advice.
This is so very true
This is exactly what I am going through
It also can be the grandmother that is a narcissist. My mother in law devastated our family. Took me years to even understand what was happening and why my husband allowed any of it as long as he did. I know now (and so does he) that it was due to his own unresolved issues with his mother. We’ve both had to have therapy. His mother has now passed on, but the pain she created for us all still lives on. No counselors ever address this issue either. It’s like this is the most taboo of all the narcissists, the grandmother, but a narcissistic mother does become a narcissistic grandmother eventually. It’s hard to explain and even when you try, no one believes you anyway and it always ends up that ppl at the very least wonder if we did something to our children. It leaves you feeling very alone. Our children were subtly alienated from us for their entire lives under the pretense that she loved them and wanted to protect them from us. At one point she even took custody of our daughter when she was teen. We’ve never had a relationship with our daughter since. Very hard issues. We now have 7 grandchildren and have hardly ever seen them. Some weve never seen and some only seen very limited. I’ve now stopped all of it due the way we were being abused and disrespected and how it was effecting my health. Prayers for all dealing with such pain.
Giving too much has been to root of this lazy, entitled, disrespectful, selfish, generation of adult children right now. Holding our grandchildren as weapons of cruelty!! Just rotten! My own child causing such pain and family destruction!
I had the same experience
The pain they cause upon a mother who loves their children and grandchildren and rejects them is nothing but extremely cruel and mean. That is what is not only painful and confusing, but scary.
So idk man why is it rejecting. I'm telling nearly literal nim guessing 90 percent definitely are assuming. Some are victim blaming. Being idk man ....so like ok ....sonmom sign ed tennis 30 plus Ago .. so guess what bye tennis. Granted Addict here ya we don't say ysp sede gonna do that
Karma will come back don't you worry
This is more common than people know! I hear it all the time during my tarot readings. After raising two kids for decades on my own when their estranged father finally decided to be in their lives… I became the outcast. He walks on water. I’ve made mistakes but I also didn’t abandon them, and I’ve come to terms with moving on now without my kids. I tried to apologize for my mistakes only to receive scathing texts from them. I’m done, and at peace
with my decision. Meditation helps. Ladies know you’re not alone.
🦅🤍🦅Thanks for your comment. My kids won't speak to me. 🦅🤍
Mama Judy... stay away from those tarot readings... they are the work of Satan!
Thank you for sharing I am in the same situation with 3 of my 4 adult children and t heir Toxic Father
Wow….this is painfully sad. However, you are taking care of YOU and are so deserving of a happy, fulfilling life. You go girl !
WOW...Thank you for writing this!
Helps so much to know that I am not the only one feeling broken hearted.
Yes, sometimes it's better to just let them go... ❤️ ❤️
Definitely not alone, I had this same thought. I have let mine go, I had to, I just couldn’t take what I was letting my heart go through any longer.
@Sharon Bee Yeah, I don’t like it, wish it were different, but it’s been going on a long time. It’s first time I’ve started taking care of my heart. She’s getting married this year, I’ve already missed a dress fitting I was invited to in such a way I felt she knew I would decline. Then yet again I come off as the bad guy, the one that is responsible. 🤷♀️ I don’t want to be involved in anything where I’m not wanted. I said all that to say, I’m not sad either. I’ve accepted it is what it is, isn’t what it isn’t and much less painful this way than trying to avoid the emotional sniper.
@@territimestransitions5947 I agree with what you have said, I am in the process of getting the courage necessary to deal with it. Thank you.
Thank you soo much,
My heart is starting to breakaway from my 3 daughters, my hubby and I are fed up with lies, bulling, rudeness, no respect. My hubby keeps saying “ we have done nothing wrong” we never argue with them - so we are having time-out. We are now getting used to it slowly and it’s like a weight off our shoulders. Our lives will never be the same again it’s heart breaking. But we are thinking about ourselves now, and making different plans, and making ourselves busy. It is gradually working. We say we still love them but find it hard to like them. Thank you for this video, it has helped us by knowing we are not the only ones, but feel sad there are so many. We have blamed ourselves, but on the other- hand, praise ourselves, because they have became very independent children. They are in their 40s and 50s we are in our mid 70s.
My heart is starting to break away from a couple of my kids as well . I love them , but I can’t take the disrespect and manipulation . I have 4 kids total and someone is always mad at me . They talk to each other about it and then they all act weird to me . I can’t do or say anything . It’s honestly so exhausting and toxic .They all expect to live at home for free and live off of me and my disability .one of my kids isn’t talking to me right now bc she was drinking and driving with my youngest kid . My youngest kid is the one who told me and then she got mad at me for saying something to my other daughter. Then my son got mad too about it and stopped talking to me . Ughhhh … I realized I need to just go on with my life and do my own thing and make myself happy . They will come around or they won’t
@@megalou6567 I feel for you, it cuts like a knife, I became depressed but realised, that my health was my problem and so I moved on with my life, it’s a battle but I will get through it knowing we are not the only ones helps. Keep busy.
@@FranLuckyflute it is comforting to know we aren’t alone . I became very depressed too. I’m doing better now . Once I accepted that this is the way it is gonna be I felt a huge release and my heart didn’t feel as heavy . I don’t have any friends or a significant other tho so it’s been a challenge figuring out what to do with myself and my time. I started going to bingo once a week to get out of the house and be around people some . I also stopped caring when my kids got mad . And that helped me a lot too. As someone once told me , they will get glad in the same spot they got mad .
@@megalou6567 I found a church Ministries which has helped me find Lord Jesus and given me understanding. This has also helped my husband as he has dementia and this has given him comfort as well and helping us understand why.
We are in the same boat. It’s time to focus on each other and prepare for the one of us who will be left alone eventually. Our kids have to deal with their own lives and decisions now.
My son 2 months ago texted me, long story short, he decided I was not spending the same amount of time with his 2 children, that I do with my daughters 2 children.
Because of this he’s decided I’m not going to see his children now as they deserve better.
He is married with 2 children, lives 2 hours drive from us.
Daughter lost her husband when one child was 18 months and she was pregnant 5 months.
We all bought a home to live in to help her with the babies, 10 years on, my other daughter moved in a few years back too, kids are now 10 and 11 years, great kids, and we all get on great.
Son and his wife used to come and visit as we live on 32 acres, highland cows, cats , dogs. Kangaroos, bush turkeys etc kids paradise.
I have their 2 kids for school holidays and they were coming up to see us once every few weeks. We live high up on a mountain, rain forest region. Beautiful.
Sons marriage went in the rocks 10 months back, we saw my son and his 2 kids a lot, he’d come up and stay and say how much he appreciated us.
He and his wife reconciled, I’ve not seem her since they got back together, and then after a few weeks, got the text message saying all this rot about me not spending equal time with the grandkids. I live with the other 2 grandchildren, have since they were babies, which he’s always known.
He said he wanted to distance himself from all of us, he’s not time for his sisters or any of us. Don’t bother sending gifts.
His birthday just now on the 18 th June , I phoned him to say happy birthday and he hung up on me.
I texted saying, if it was a bad time to talk, let me know by text and I’ll call back. He’s 42 years old, this is the very first time I’ve not spoken to him on his birthday and normally catch up every week by phone. His sister was in the hospital early this year getting her thyroid out as she had 2 different strands of positive cancer to be removed. My son came to visit to show off his new car, never asked about his sister let alone go to visit her in hospital. He’s become very cold and distant. I texted my daughter in law saying I hope everything is going well and I fully understand how busy their lives are, let me know if they’d like the kids to come and stay over the school holidays or weekend, as I’d love to see them.
I left it there, left the door a jar as they say. I’ve had no contact.
My son gets angry if I talk about anyone here , or even any nice news about my friend and family, he only wants to talk about himself and what he’s done or doing. I feel like I’m walking on thin ice.
I saw your video. I was surprised as you could be talking about me, right now. I’m 66 years son that I’ve bent over backwards to help raise, love and care for has tossed me away and our entire family like we were yesterdays garbage. I pain I felt was the worst I’d ever experienced. I daily feel stressed and suffer from anxiety and feel pain as I’m missing out on my other grandchildren’s development. They won’t know us. They are 8 and 9 years of age.
I know I have to just let go. I have to or I’ll go crazy with despair. My son knows this is the cruelest thing he could ever do to me, and I never saw it coming.
Thanks for listening,
Diana B
Queensland Australia.
When his kids get older they will ask about you and if you're lucky, knowing what you've said about your son, he might be the one they leave and come visit you anyway. Much luv x
I’m so sorry . Pray to the Father that He would cause your son to repent & know Jesus & be changed . I’m so sorry- I know this hurts horribly!!
Wow that's so strange. I'm so sorry. Your poor daughter is really going through it. I'm so glad you have each other. Your set up sounds idyllic for grandchildren. I hope things improve. I'm sad today because my middle daughter will be leaving soon and living 3 hours away. I know if she has children I won't be able to see them regularly. This breaks my heart.
I am so sorry. I know how painful, cruel and mean it is to be restricted from your grandchildren. My granddaughter is 5.5 and I haven't seen her in 2.5 years. I'm not sure she would even remember me. I send gifts, but, they are never acknowledged, so I don't know if they give them to her or just toss them out. My heart goes out to you.
I’m sorry for all your going through. I do hope it gets better.
Moms! Give yourself a break, or go on a special trip and celebrate it anyway. Let them become self actualized and you have fun with your life. Read, write, walk, sing, cry, get a job, volunteer, go to school, go to church, clean your house, garden, sew, gripe and complain but go have your own life and own some fun, fun, fun!
On my way to Costa Rica 4 days from now. It was supposed to be the 3 of us but it will be just me. My 2 daughters are horrible and Im good.
Update went to Costa Rica. Had a fabulous time rolled around in both birds have that whole sweet by myself and I’m living my life like it’s golden thank you Jill Scott from making that song peace
Update: Here in Costa Rica just came from zip lining . . NEXT!!
@@livefromtheground7274 Hope you had and are still having Great Fun! 🎉
I love this!!!!
@@livefromtheground7274💯🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
If you want grandchildren, please ask about volunteering as a reading tutor at your local elementary school. We always need kind, caring adults who can listen to children practice their reading. You can change a child's life!
I'm sorry, but as nice as it is do do this, it's not at all a comparisons to having your grandchildren in your life.
The senior center in my area has some activities that are inter generational. Our local library also has a summer reading program that includes listening to people of all ages read aloud. If you want to take advantage of an opportunity you can. I don’t know very many people who actually got the future/old age that they thought they would.
Not good advice for me. My grandson is the love of my life and being held hostage by mean spirited self absorbed daughter. I would be in tears reading to other kids when I can't read and spend time with him.
@@cindybochenski6976 Do not forget he is not yours.
Or hold babies in the NICU. Especially preemies with parents who can't be there as often as they'd like.
I am sixty-eight. My youngest daughter of my five adult "offspring", I use this word, as "children" seems incorrect somehow.😊
My youngest who is now forty years old is pregnant with her fourth child. This child is from a new, second husband.
Since marriage, they have been pressuring me to move in with them. Sensing being setup to be a built-in babysitter, I have resisted every step of the way. I do not want that for my life.
I am enjoying my new found freedom, as my husband passed in 2015.
There are much more details but to be brief, my daughter has recently hurled many insults when I told her that I am interested in studying a program of healing in another state.
I appreciate this video, as it relieves me of a heavy heart lately.
Thank you!❤🎉
Stick to your plan luv x
31 years ago when I had my 1st child I would’ve scoffed at this video. But now: that same child has “divorced” herself from me. I am not past grieving yet but I see where I need to be to move on from the pain. Thanks for this video
Sending you love 🌺
@@sixtyandme much appreciated!
My children want money and things from me. When I retired 6 months ago I told them I would not be there financially. Now that they realize I meant what I said they are gone. I can't explain in words how much that hurts. All I was to them was a banker you never repay. My heart is crushed.
I'm so sorry for your pain. I hope you read all the comments here. I have found it all very helpful.
Debbie, did you give them money before you retired? I have a feeling you did because you specifically mentioned retirement as when you closed the bank. So what likely happened is that you conditioned them to ask you for money. You have done this in hopes of buying their love or keeping them in your life. I think a lot of the posters here had a core feeling of unworthiness that led them to sacrifice too much of their energy (money, time, emotional) and that created the lack of respect. When you feel whole, you never are interacting with others from a fear-based perspective where you need to keep them in your life by any means necessary.
@@suzycreemcheeze446 does that reply make you feel better about yourself ?! She helped her children financially out of the goodness of her heart until she couldn’t anymore. We all love to help out our children. So don’t victim blame and get off your high horse. I’m sure this lady would have appreciated a kind word from you instead of trying to turn it all around to be her fault. Shame on you.
I totally understand. I have been shunned for several years by my adult children.
@@bevannaralph2872 I'm so sorry, it hurts like nothing else. I try and stay busy to take my mind off of them.
Actually hearing that “divorcing my children” is sometimes the only option... has taken a huge guilty burden off of my back. Thank you
The older I get, the more I realize that I do not want to be in chaotic relationships. Peace is my priority. Dealing with conflict in healthy ways is important to me. Making room for ease and fun in my relationships is necessary. I don't have the emotional space, time, or capacity to entertain constant drama and dysfunction. - Alex Elle
This is a heart breaking video. I’m so sorry for all the mothers who have been abandoned and rejected by their children. We mothers put so much of ourselves, every moment of the day, into caring for our children. Its so heartbreaking.
Thank you. For some reason, I was able to let that sink in a bit and it helped, tonight at least.🥰
I thought i was the only one facing these issues.. I feel so alone..
You are not alone alot of people just dont talk about the fact that they suffer becuase of one or more of their children lack of respect es my son has completely cut me off i cant even call him he has me blocked
One can share the hurt of this rejection with only select few friends. It is too painful and most don’t want to think such pain is possible. There is a shame in the rejection.
Me too, so alone. My son has cut me off from his life. His wife has mental/addictions issues and completely manipulates him and her mother. It’s a classic codependent relationship that my son can’t or won’t want to see. They keep two grandkids from me and my husband. It’s heartbreaking and very worrisome situation. It would be easy to let go if grandkids were not in the picture. I feel sorry for my son, his confusion and feelings of entrapment. At the same time I feel disappointed and enraged on his weakness to stand up for himself and do something to protect his kids from this unhealthy environment.
Me too, when friends or people I know have these wonderful children and relationships with their adult kids. It's hard ;( I guess we're not alone.
All these comment echo my own relationship with my daughter. I cried everyday, several times a day. Letting go was impossible yet that was the only choice I had. Now a new grand baby and am waiting for the other shoes to drop and be cut off. I stay open, but deeply careful not to build my hopes. To me it’s shameful to be estranged. I was so close to both my parents until their death. These times are so different. As an elderly person fear of dependency haunts me.
This exactly how I feel. Almost as soon as my son got married (despite having been with his wife for 10 years) everything changed almost overnight. We were so incredibly close when he was growing up. Even when he moved away to live with his girlfriend we had an agreement that he'd visit once a month. That all disappeared when he married her. He told me he would still visit, but then just stopped without explanation - and somehow I was to blame for expecting too much. I was in such pain for months and months. Now we're "talking" which means texting in today's world. I never see him....he phones maybe once or twice a year. And I wonder what I did wrong to produce this situation. Growing up he always said I'd live with him when I was old. I almost laugh at that, while I wonder what will happen in my old age, and whether I'll die alone.
@@VideosLanas Hi. I don't think he'll do that - he's very successful in his own right, altho' seems to have difficulty acknowledging my contribution to that. But I do think about changing my will ... after all, I have 2 cats.
@@monicalillich8503 That's so sad. I used to get a "Happy Thanksgiving" text - that was all. Nothing on my birthday. I finally told him I was taking a step back until he decided he wanted a proper relationship - one that included actually talking (I was only allowed to text), and even visits. Since then I haven't heard from my son at all. Recognizing the need to distance oneself is the first step to some kind of recovery, I suppose. But it's hard to actually do this because that means giving up all hope. Even tho' I wonder if he'll ever see the light, I know that even if he did, our relationship is destroyed. I feel rejected and discarded. After all, we're in the midst of a global pandemic and he has no interest or concern for his mother who is 62 and lives alone. I am perpetually astonished and dismayed by such callousness.
I feel the same way as you ...I'm very close to my Mum & want that for my daughters but it is so difficult with abusive partners that influence my daughters...I felt very empty when I had to put space between one of the daughter...but I had to for the sanity of our marriage that we have had to work so hard at to be happy...I'm not alone i see...
@@lynnem3300 my 2 children are the same way, nothing to do but find friends. They are not going to change, radical acceptance.
My husband and I had two children because we wanted a family. Now my eyes have shed so many tears that my heart is crushed. Both children are estranged. Everything we say and do is wrong.
🌹🙏✨
dont worry - just move on
My son in law calls me the "no drama mama" and I wear that title proudly! When I retired I moved back to the old family homestead a state away and usually only see my children and grandchildren once or twice a year. We chat or text every week or two but I put no guilt on them about not visiting or calling. I tell them I want mutual love and respect and guilt is a very poor substitute for that! We all have busy lives in very different settings so it's sort of a loving detachment at this point.
Beautifully said. These adult children are selfish, ungrateful and even cruel. Most of us have done more for our children than our own parents ever did for us. We were generous with our time, our lives and our resources but this generation often grows up spoiled and without the character to honor their parents, let alone care for them as they age. They simply are void of that character.
yes
You nailed it!
Oh my Lord that is the absolute truth and I'm living it every day.
@Debbie …not always
SO TRUE!!!! Very well said. I agree.
I was starting to think I was turning into a narcissist. Thank you. Three sons that I barely recognize anymore. So happy I found this channel. The Universe strikes again. 🙏🏼☮️from♓️
Hello 👋 Susan
The Universe! Don't you mean God in Heaven wins again?
Susan, I felt the same way until I read Sheri McGregor's book "Done with the Crying". Hang in there!
3 Sons also! Same situation! :(
@@bellamina1957 She means what SHE means the last thing SHE needs is a criticizong comment from someone who doesnt nurture like Christ yet brings a hurting Mother donwn even further Shame on you! ZB
We have 4 grown sons and one grown daughter. I am a Conservative Christian and all my kids have chosen a different path. I get this video. Thank you.
I can tell you, as being adopted by authoritarian conservative Christian parents...and much of the shaming, control, rigidity, and lack of openness and emotional intelligence...it was that very "conservative Christian" mindset that caused many of the issues that I needed therapy for.
It can be very toxic, if you are not careful & can feed into core wounds of not feeling good enough or accepted. I rarely talk to my mom. She is 79.
Very narrow view of what is acceptable, conflict avoidant, and so on... I care that she is ok, but there is no closeness or deep connection.
Seems like your kids did not want to be in a cult. Shocking.
5 kids and none of them want anything to do with you…
Oh no, it can’t be that you’re the problem, right?? 😂😂
Some of the replies are uncalled for here. I am a Christian woman as well. We have done the best we could. God knows and sees our hearts. God bless you.
@@V_Araya the "uncalled for" statement is exactly the shaming that creates problems...it is not love, compassion, grace, that Christianity supposedly espouses.
It would behoove you to take a step back and pause. Wonder more deeply about the self righteousness and defensiveness that comes up for you....as well as the deep pain and hurt that causes an adult child from that environment to want to be away from a hyper religious, yet emotionally unavailable parent.
Learn about attachment theory. Learn about shame. Telling someone that something is uncalled for...is a controlling move, a pushing a way, a shaming...that is likely the root of much discord between Christian's and others. Maybe look into Rick Hansons work (a world renowned neuropsychologist) in regards to repair of relationships. It takes curiosity, humility, and vulnerability...which are in short supply in many Christians. You won't truly reach others without them.
My heart has been smashed and shattered by my children's choice not to talk to me. My son used to call daily, then suddenly, for unknown reasons, the calls stopped and neither child will even answer any attempt to contact them by me. Its been 7 years. I spoke briefly to my daughter about 2 years ago, but I felt like I was walking on eggshells, and sure enough, I said something that angered her. My ex husband( not their father) told them I am a liar. He is an extremely manipulative and vengeful man who beat me, but my kids have believed whatever b.s. he's told them and I get no way to defend myself or apologize for whatever crime I committed. So I am divorcing my kids. Anyone who has treated their mother this badly I wouldn't want to be friends with anyway.
Sorry for what u have been threw
My heart aches to see my girls but it will not happen
They don’t want anything. To do w me
I’m tired of missing them
I feel like you were talking directly to me. Thankyou, it’s comforting to know that I’m not the only person going thru the heartbreak of grown up children and losing access to my grandbabies. My heart breaks for anyone going thru this.
I'm sorry. I used to wish my Adult daughter would get married and have children but now I know if she were to have children that she would just use them as a way to hurt me by denying me to spend time with them. I don't do drugs nor do I drink. I think sometimes my daughter is even jealous that her dog loves me. She wants no one to love me. I sometimes wished I had more children because my own brother is estranged from my parents but they still had me. I sometimes think my brother and my daughter are both jealous of the close relationship I have with my parents. Brother has sibling rivalry issues with me.
@@monicalillich8503 So heartbreaking. I will never understand why an adult child could treat their parent with such cruelty. I would never do that to my parents, I appreciated all that my parents have done for me and feel proud that I have been able to help them in their elderly years. I've had a pretty glamorous life in my 20's and yet taking care of my elderly Mom so she didn't have to go to a nursing home was more meaningful than any career accomplishments I've made. I wish you healing and peace. Understand that other parents know what you are going through and helps ease the pain a little.
It's better when you have peace is better when you're happy...
No actually there are milions of situations today of adult children estranged from mothers and families. In 2017 I remember getting a book "Done with the Crying"...by Sheri McGregor I think... after finally being beaten down with stress and sadness over what my son was doing. We always think we are alone, are ashamed and wonder what we did wrong. How a child of ours could do these things. As we age, we need to realize all this stress can cause a stroke...and we have to remove ourselves from it all...or it will kill us. Worst nightmare for so many good parents. I understand you thinking it is just you, but believe me...you are far from alone with this.
@@jamilgotcher5456 ....I called my daughter because my car broke down...she lives 3 miles from me and I asked for her to take me to the store for water or
if she could bring me some
if she had the time, she said, take UBER! This is just to give you an idea of how she treats me and this was nothing compared to when she is really mean! I hope I don't ever get real
sick as she would just throw me to the wolves!
Our relationship actually improved after I learned to ease off and focused more on my hobbies and friendships.
I have 3 adult children, my son is married and doing well, my middle child just had her third child and is experiencing a great deal of anxiety with this third child. She and her husband moved over an hour away a year ago, I have gone there several times to help and bring food, but today..... I have a third child who is 26, single and a single mother, she drinks, smokes, lives with us along with her son (who we adore). She has a full time job at a bank, is depressed, etc. She spits out therapists like gum, psychologists come and go as well. She is on a revolving door of anti-depressants, anxiety meds, etc and lives an immoral lifestyle dating one guy then the next, etc. I want her out, but our grandson, who is 3 would go with her and that would be disastrous. If the married daughter isn't calling crying, the other daughter is drinking and leaving the house after she puts her son to bed at night. I'm ready to absolutely throw in the towel. BTW, my birthday was last Sunday and no child called, came by to see me. I got a text from the son and married daughter, and the resident daughter took her son and went off for the day with the newest guy..... I owe these people NOTHING...... They had ONE day!
Ok n we are comparing damn I suppose cuz stupid society n damn sooooo
Good for her if there only for paycheck...well idk tootles.but hold up And u good for herd I suppose she's going on
Boo hoo they will never be married right if try fogtbbo out n try bom
Thank you! Yes! Sometimes divorcing your kids isn’t the worst thing you can do. I am exhausted from years of estrangement from my youngest daughter. Now my oldest daughter (after spending a week with her sister) is starting the same stuff. I am done.
I have grieved for years over my 2 children. The pain never goes away but you learn to accept it. The holidays are the hardest.
God hears our cries ❤️🩹
Thank you for this video Margaret. I had to divorce my older son. He blamed me for everything that went wrong with his life and I felt bad all the time. I thought it would destroy me but I had to let go. I feel peace about it now. I ask God to protect him and watch over him. He is 45 years old. Enough was enough.
How did you do it. I have had enough of verbal abuse from my two daughters; 29 and 39 years old.
@Parents of Liberal Children do u get to see them?
Mines 34 his behaviour anger etc are hard to watch It's so frustrating.when you know you taught them better ! Urgh !
My 47yr old son and I just cannot communicate without fighting. Everything is my fault and he would love nothing better than me to grovel to him with a million apologies. I stuck by him through 20 years of drug abuse (his) but it is always my reaction is the problem. I didn't 'handle' him on drugs properly. He got off drugs 5 years ago, which I admire, and thank God for. We can't talk about politics because then I am crazy, deluded and gullible, so that's out. Now its just any other petty thing. Latest - he told me my fridge handles were dirty and I said said 'alright' as in thats enough, week before he was sniffing my drinking glasses saying he noticed they stunk??? Now I'm a bitch for saying that and it was abusive and I should apologise. He can do and say anything but I don't 'handle' it correctly. Now I know what gaslighting is.
I just had to let go of my daughter she's 31 and has been extremely emotionally abusive to me for years after I got diagnosed with cancer two years ago she has gotten even meaner so this year I just decided that my time is too short to feel upset all the time so I just stopped talking to her and I leave it to the good Lord above to look out for her because I am done with the hurt.and these past 7months have felt like a weight has been lifted off my chest and I have been able to enjoy my other children and grandchildren.:) sometimes letting go is the only thing you can do
It's heartbreaking. Especially when u gave up everything to keep ur kids safe. Fed. Clean. Educated and loved
I'm 62 years old and gave up my own life to make sure that my kids are safe and peaceful until they are adults and then they don't feel like they have to check on me or help me and it hurts me so much 😢 and whenever I disagree with them they threatened me with my grandkids not to let me see them anymore 😔 I'm just heartbroken because I feel like I raised them better than that but they became selfish and only call me when they need money because I can't refuse My grandkids 🙏 but I know that it's not genuine and I cry Everytime 😢
My story in a nutshell. I married young (17) so I could be Young when my 4 kids grew up. I’m now 71 and my kids all divorced me one by one. Then my grandkids were poisoned too. It’s just me and my husband. This fantastic dream we had about family holidays with our grown children and grandchildren was nothing more than a pipe dream. 2 months ago I had 2 strokes (big time stress) my bday and Mother’s Day back to back and i did nog get a card or cal. I got zero. The emotional hurt so much so that it pushed me off the deep end. Stress plays big with strokes. Now it does not matter to me any more if I ever hear from them again. I have put them in God’s hands and although i still miss (what could be) the reality is, these people are strangers to me. They are not the wonderful sweet kids they were. they are 40’s and 50’s and never happy with anything. I can try to crawl back to them and let them finish me off or I can accept that these are not the same people and I don’t know them. I need to take care of me and my heart now. Lean not to your own understanding, lean on God who gives His comfort and love in your life.❤
I totally get that about our dream of how our family would look only to realize it is no where close to that. Please know there are parents out here who understand and do care . Stay strong dear lady. God is always with you. He will wipe away all of our tears one fine day.
Who seems to be the common denominator? If I had four children and grandchildren disown me, I would take a good hard look at myself.
Um….it’s you that’s the problem. Not everyone else.
All 4? You really need to take a hard look in the mirror.
God bless you accordiancic You seem to have figured it out I’m getting there at 69
I divorced my daughter 3 days ago when I returned home to find she not only robbed my home but destroyed it in the process. I salvaged what I could, shipped it 2700 miles and am in my car headed cross country and free from her. I feel such relief and freedom! I told her be happy with the increase of she hoard and leave me alone, we are even...
I am free and honestly, everything looks brighter as I can finally breathe again
Thank you for bringing up the adult children issues. I have been putting up with my adult children so so long. I’m now 70 and I am moving out and far of the town to live and avoid my bullying children.
Time to take care of yourself
Many loving parents are being treated poorly.
Nghiem, I want to do that too but feel like I shouldn't have to give up my sweet little home because of the hurt. I may have to though, to save my sanity.
Dear Nghiem, OMGI feel the same way to sell my place and just move away somewhere and never tell them where I am and then I do have a beautiful home and I won't get the money I spent on it and won't be able to afford another place. I feel trapped ...wish I could get cancer and die. I feel like if I die they don't have to worry about me
@@nancynusheen7682 stay strong and love yourself. It gets easier once you start healing.
That's what I've decided to do as well, I plan to move and not tell them where I am, and this sounds terrible and never in a million years did I think I would feel this way, but I will tell people I don't have any children. Breaks my heart but best to just separate from the bullying and disrespect. I decided not to let them dishonor me in front of their children and so I have 2 grandson's that I have never seen. Breaks my heart but at least they won't learn this bad behavior and use it against me when all I ever wanted was to LOVE them!
My mother told me last week, that I'm her best friend. Now be aware we weren't always like this and the roles of mother and daughter were very clear when I was growing up. She was never talking to me about adult stuff when I was a child. Now I'm 37 and my mother is 67. We talk every day. I feel so blessed and I hope to have the a good relationship with my kids when they become adults.
Do you live near your mother?
@@theeggtimertictic1136 yes.
My adult daughter divorced me. I am starting to feel the joy of moving on. It has been a heartache It is time to quit crying lift my head up and enjoy the freedom of moving out of this drive through town, which I had moved to to be close to her. Thank you so much Margaret. It is not just accepting reality its time to spread my wings and find joy in life.
N thisvpsij of trying to actually protect no omg my granddaughter begging for help I'm T. Lidsx ya fkn sickos set me up the list gonna on son taken son killed there probably bong it's zick
I think you may have saved my life with this video. I just spent four miserable days with my adult daughter, my ex- and his wife (the other woman) and my granddaughter, who has been co-opted. When I came home, I thought I was losing my mind. You saved me. Truly.
Take care of yourself Cindy - I am so happy our talk was helpful. You are not alone x
You are brave!
You are a Saint,LOL
Hello 👋 Cindy
omg ive just had a long long telling off from my kids...im presently looking for a little place to go and rent at the end of the world. god bless all of us.xx
This is so true. My daughter and I have a great relationship as long as I don't slip up and say something she doesn't like. It's very frustrating to not know when that's going to happen to run our time together.
That’s my relationship with my father! He says somethings that get me taken aback sometimes and I try to be understanding that there’s differences in sensibilities because of the time we live in but I still can’t help but be so deeply offended. I have not cut of contact with him but I have started to minimize his access to me. I am now expecting a baby and wondering if I should keep in contact or just drop off. Trying my hardest to understand him
My daughter does the same thing. I walk on eggshells the entire time we are in touch. I used to blame myself until I realized that her mindset is so against me that no matter what I say or do I will always be "toxic" to her. She needs some emotional help. My son suddenly and without explanation stopped talking to me 7 years ago. The damage they've caused is irreparable. I could never trust them again after this. I love them always, but I don't really like them as adults. I find them petty and self centered. I need to learn to let go of the anger. It's tearing me apart.
I am 61, and I have been apologizing for 35 years. That record "You were/are a horrible mom!" is still playing (thanks, son!). You are right. As long as I agree with everything and feed the ego, our relationship is just peachy. Tonight I "slipped up" and offered to buy him and a friend concert tickets (I mentioned it ONCE) and that somehow got thrown back in my face, followed by another twisted screaming lecture at me as to why I have destroyed his life..., I don't know. I'm exhausted.
I hear you. It’s exhausting when your child is always calling you out and turns things around on you. There is a sense of entitlement on their part.
That is exactly how I feel with my daughter. I walk on egg shells and I am so tired!
The sad thing is that when our adult children dont want a close relationship with us is that over time their actions cause us to emotionally pull away from loving them as we would normally. They teach us how to survive without them. Its very sad.
I loved your acknowledgement of this situation, your clear empathy and honesty, and your encouragement. My 33-year-old is completely involved in his own life. I get it, AND I miss him! I do reach out regularly through texts...just little messages or photos that I share. On rare occasion I'll give him a call. He always responds and is appreciative. However, he never initiaties or expresses particular interest or concern about me. I'm 66 and live alone. So, I don't consider myself estranged...but I do feel forgotten! In the past year I've really gotten that I am totally free to create my own life now. Mothering is done!
My 30 year old son is like this, but his brother's are polar opposites and are more consistently in touch. I do the same things, send things I think he'll relate to in brief txts and call occasionally to chat. I think some of these things have to do with personality rather than necessarily wanting to be distanced from a parent. My sons were all raised the same and their interactions with myself or their father (whom I divorced when they were teens) are quite different from each other. I too was more distant from my parents once I was on my own, not necessarily because of anything they had done. I just had my own life.
Have given birthday and Christmas gifts yearly and now realize that nothing is given to me. I am not valued. Am stopping the unappreciated gifts.
Same here....was doing it for years....it took MOther's Day to realize how valued I was...well how valued I was not....
@@cynthiamaertz5325 That happened here as well, I have three grown up daughters and my middle daughter never bothers with Mothers Day, not a card, phone call or anything, just like the rest of the time I suppose. I always give birthday and christmas presents even when Ive hardly had any money to live. I do wonder if having these so called 'special days' creates the problem where we feel hurt and unappreciated, I am sure many Mothers feel terrible when adult kids don't bother. My middle daughter often is just unloving and I thought at least a card on Mother's Day would show some care but... nope.
Wow. I thought I was the only one. I didn’t focus on my birthday or Mother’s Day with them growing up. I always celebrated them. And I’m kind of sad when I have to remind them beforehand my birthday is coming up. I thought it was my fault.
@@carolynluckas1219 Its sad, I think, how we sometimes end up inadvertently encouraging selfishness.
Ditto, I find that I am just a second thought or not thought of at all. So I have decided to treat them the way they treat me. Lucky if I get a phone call.
Preach it, Margaret! I have come to realize this very thing. You give them all that you have to give in their totally dependent years, only to find yourself totally alone in your old age.
I Thought it was Only me.
Carrie Red ...unfortunately not :-(
Shari Garton Yes,as a single mom,never knew I'd be so lonely later.
@@patriciarussell7487 Also a single mom here - and yes, very much alone now.
I think about how my Mom in her early 60's started coughing up blood because she had stomach cancer, thankfully I had moved back home to help take care of my Mom because she had been feeling bad leading up to this. I'm so glad I was there because my Dad was still working at that time and it was me that called the hospital and saved her life. After taking care of my parents for the last 12 years, I'm going to end up alone and I worry that I will be the one coughing up blood in my early 60's with no one to call the hospital for me and possibly dying where as my Mom was able to at least live another 10 years after her Cancer diagnosis because my Dad and I took care of her. I still take care of my Dad to this day and I'm thankful to have him, he and I get along and my Mother, my Dad and I all get along but my Daughter has estranged from me and this last time, I'm actually glad because she had been bullying me via text message. I went no contact with her. But I'm worried about how one day I will be alone in my 60's and have a health issue like my Mom did. Not to mention the time, I saved my Mom's life again after she had an operation, while she was still in the hospital, I was able to keep telling the nurse she needed help and at first the nurse dismissed the situation but then she told me later that she was glad I kept telling her to help my Mom because she had started to bleed internally after the operation and they rushed her to Intensive Care Unit. My Mom was a wonderful person, I'm just glad I had and have a great relationship with my own parents. My Dad and I work together as professional photographers.
I miss my grandkids. It's difficult to divorce our adult child, when the grands are still young. 😥
It is.
We live in an era where parents, or the parent, of adult 'children' are expected to apologise for everything that the adult 'child' deems a mistake whilst growing up!!!!! It's healthy to acknowledge one's mistakes ( when you were trying to navigate the world of parenting ) BUT if you overdo it, it gives adult 'children' a platform, an excuse to whine and not take responsibility for their adult lives and decisions, every mistake they make is linked to the mistakes that you made when raising them!!.
As lots of people have said..start loving yourself and leading your best life, you have done your best, job done. If the adult 'child' wants out of the relationship and shows a lack of interest in your well-being as an older person, wave them off with love and light and know that you deserve to live the rest of your life, in peace. Find the joy and pleasure that you voluntarily gave up when raising your child!!!!
You are so right! Also reconciliation doesn’t work just set you further back . So much water under the bridge so much over the bridge there is no longer a bridge 😢 I speak from my own experience, after many years of estrangement we tried again . The first year was great but then the cracks started appearing. Grandchildren had grown now all in late teen , they had been used as punishment toward me had no contact for many years, it was very sad that the bond had been broken. Now once more I am broken again and my heart is shattered. I have now let go and will never go back , my health declined my mental health also . I’m in my early 60’s I’ve now accepted the unacceptable. Good luck and wishing everyone on this post PEACE ✌️ we deserve it 🤗 hugs to all .
Thank you for sharing that. I always wonder (worry) about reconciliation. How it would go IF my adult children ever decide to reach out to me in the future. I don't have any hopes they will at all, but just in case it happens, I honestly worry about it. If they can hurt you once they certainly can again.
@@k.m.428 .......Lol, once shame on you, twice, shame on me! Been there.
I emphasize.
@@k.m.428 yes give up on hope unfortunately in these cases.
@@angelfirelite I guess shame on me because my daughter has done horrible things to me many times over the last 30 years. People would find those things difficult to believe. I found out about 10 years ago that my ex was backstabbing me to my little children throughout our marriage when they were very little. I’ve gone back all these times because I want relationship. Now I’m 72 and almost 4 years ago I started learning about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. So, besides being indoctrinated my daughter has this too. For those who don’t know what this is, don’t even think of it as being a narcissist. That is only the first layer because she is far worse than that. I completely stayed away from her for 3 years and went back when I realized she has a disorder. Since then as before, there have been many ruined events. Christmases, etc. It has been very difficult. With my health in decline, it would be so nice to have a loving child. Let alone one with my grandson, who she alienates from me. I’ve told her clearly of the evil she does to me, and her response always is, I’m abusive. She never apologizes she just says I’m abusive. She can’t be reaoned with.
The more I did...the less I felt valued...and then without looking back...they moved hundreds of miles away. Leaving me grieving them and my grands that I loved so deeply. For months I was knocked to the ground, constantly thinking of them, calling, sending gifts until I felt...obsessed. I knew I had to change for my mental and actual health. I cut the golden cords and let them go. I am now working on my mind to limit thoughts of them...and focusing on other loved ones. Thank you for this helpful video. Happy healing to all of us.
Linda… I feel for you… mine moved 10 hours away…that wasn’t part of my “happily ever after”…now I have to re invent a new one and it is hard!
I've gone through the exact same thing. I understand.
When your own child abuses you, you must be strong enough to stand up for yourself, even if the entire situation goes against everything you or society knows to be normal or fair. You must protect yourself from a child who may try to unreasonably place you under a conservatorship to try to get control of your money. Unfortunately, this is more common than people think. You must protect yourselves.
Wow .. thank you for posting this and thank you to all those that commented here. I never imagined I would wind up so alone after raising 4 kids .. and wearing myself out to provide what I never had growing up .. the best home life I could. Everything was for them. I still have no grandchildren .. maybe that’s a good thing .. I cannot imagine being a non-factor in their lives too. Bless everyone here!
My 34 y/o daughter is toxic to me. I finally turned my back after I offered her 120,000 after the sale of my home, and she’s been nothing but abusive to me since my gift to her. Sad part is, my mother treated me the same way growing up, now that she’s gone, my daughter has replaced her. This is beyond tragic.
This is me right now, I;m living in the family home with my mother, youngest son and his girlfriend, The disrespect is ridiculous even from the girlfriend I'm done! I have 2 other sons who have broken my heart as well. I'm the only child of my mother. She is 75 and a NARC. I am leaving the country in the spring. Divising my plan now. I can't take this any longer.
Hugs!
OMG - you described my situation exactly! Uncanny! I have a 34 year old who did exactly the same - and thinks she’s my mother somehow so she’s entitled to control me. She is toxic to me as your daughter is to you. Again, many thanks 😊
@@mindydickinson2226 I’m so sorry Mindy! It’s very painful.
Seriously what the F is wrong with these kids, I can’t believe they treat us like this. But it’s scriptural at the end of the days, the love with girl, cold, this really bites my heart aches 24 seven and I can’t seem to get it out of gear.💔💔💔💔💔💔
My heart breaks for the relationship I hoped I would have with my adult daughter, and now my 8 year old grandson. I've been broken and lost, I've felt very alone in this, but now after watching this video and many other's, along with reading all the comments, I am sad, but feel empowered to let go. Thank you.
Yes, let go with love and enjoy your new freedom!
How are you feeling 10 months later? I too lost my daughter and grandchildren. I had a glimmer of hope but the longer it goes on, the less I can hang on to hope. It hurts too much.
💙🙏🌌
Truth be told I just found this channel and I made my decision yesterday give her all her clothes and now she’s demanding her TV or she’ll cause problems just because I had to let her go and my grandson so sad so hurt I have to live my life to my life matters
Thank you so much for this video. Im also so greatful for the community arising here. I think I've found the wisdom and strength I need. I must say this, Im a believer and Jesus is my Lord and savior. As i prayed tonight for direction I heard in my spirit "Adult children"...which led me to you all.❤ Never stop praying, he's listening and guiding us. I pray now that he heals all our hearts IJN Amen❤
Totally argree, I'm a born again Christian. Never stop praying and interceding for our children. There is power in prayer. Derek Prince has some great videos on prayer and fasting.
I think that it's good for our children to move away and experience life from the standpoint of themselves as individuals. I am in my 70's now, love living alone, my four daughters live all over the place. I don't call it divorce. It's just a separation. We love each other tho we have gone through misunderstandings and temporary estrangement. Let them go. They will always be your distant friend. Make your own life because it isn't with/for them anymore!
Yal. If only ya I'm so fkn done
I didn't divorce them. They ostracized and abandoned me. I haven't heard from them in several years. I haven't seen my grown grandchildren either. I am a widow after 47 years of marriage and I can't explain why this has happened. I am alone in the world. I have my faith and I have my friends but it does nothing to fill that empty space they occupy. I have done all I know to reconcile but have had to come to terms with the fact they have made this choice. I know I did my best. Yes, I made mistakes but I always tried really hard. You are right. We must talk about this. We must not let shame defeat us. We carry on and move forward to the next thing God has for us. We pray for them. We leave it with God. We find peace.
SO well said!
Me too. I broke both my arms the hospital called my daughter 5 miles away.
My daughter NEVER Came.
FB me . . . Martha Bland O'Kelley . . McDonough Georgia
@@marthaokelley9360 thats horrible
Terrible
For me it was very easy, I knew I did my best raising them alone. When the day came for them to leave, I wished them well, got myself an adult beverage and sat under a nice shade tree (and I'm still there.)
Lol, life goes on.
Life goes on. Live it while we have it.
You sound so chill, I wish my mom was like you
I believe our kids are doing what they think they have to in order to build a happy life. It took me a long time to let go of my own expectations. But I now realize that my parents had to let me go. And I'm so glad they did so willingly. I want my daughter to be independent and she just proved to me that I was successful in teaching her that. I want her to have boundaries and she exercised them. I did not expect to be treated like a bad boyfriend but if that was the way that she had to get away from me so that she could find her own life and her own happiness and Sanity then so be it. My job was done and yet it's never done. We want them to fly and if they don't do it the way we like then I guess we better adjust or let it go because they have their own lives to live now. I have four kids and only one has done this for whatever reason. So I guess I have numbers that some of you may not. But only one of the four was close to me in their 20s. It's just not my mother's generation anymore. The internet and the phones are the relationships now. And we don't get the pic as parents which kind of family we get. It's no reflection on our parenting. It's a reflection on the society they were raised in. I just want her alive and happy and if she can manage that without me then so be it I'm happy for her. If the grandkids are not able to know and see me then that's the Parents Choice and maybe one day it will change when the kids are older but for now I choose to set them free to live and build a happy and productive life. I intend to do the same for me. Others in their lives will teach them the lessons and I will get over my expectations and Daydreams and learn how to let go with Grace and love and kindness. Things will work out as they should. I want to build myself a life that they will be happy to rejoin if that day would come in the future. Until then it's up to me to make me happy and I hope they are able to do the same for themselves. Unconditional love. That is the job we signed up for. I don't need to point fingers at her because I know how much I have failed and need to improve in myself. If they don't want or need my input than I have found people online and at church who do. Any Young teenager is not wanting to listen to their parents but they will listen to us. So many people have terrible families that would love our input and mentoring. Set your family free without bitterness or resentment. Love them anyway and make it easy for them to return if that day would come. Spend time with the others in your world who are desperately waiting for you to show up! This is not all about us, it is about the others. That's where a full and satisfying life exists.❤🎉
Very good input. Thankyou... you are so right... Im reading ypur text over again and taking your words to heart 😊
Very well said. You are a good mother. (IMHO)
YouSTILLmatter - beautiful sentiments, and it is how I try to justify it also. I will never stop loving them💔 From the moment they were born, they were the centre of my universe. I was just not prepared for this and it is a hard lesson to learn. I will always be there for them but it is hard for me to make new friends at my age and with my disabilities. I have my faith, which has sustained me 🙏 Unconditional love can be bittersweet 💔✨
Good luck to you, rose. May opportunities to make friends come around for you.
@@annhamer2734 thank you for your kind message💐
I have a married boy and a girl raising their families. I feel left out or ignored and have lost touch of my son most of the time. Your talk helped me a lot. Thank you so much.