Want to Make Friends After 60? Stop Doing These 3 Things!
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- Опубліковано 22 січ 2023
- Are you finding it challenging to make friends after 60? Has retirement become a bit more lonely than you hoped it would be? I hope that I can help!
You know, making friends is difficult at any age, but, I feel that it is especially challenging after 60. Without the social ties that connected us to others when we were working or actively raising our children, we can feel isolated or even invisible.
Of course, there are many things that are our of our control. But, today, I want to talk about 3 things that many women our age do that may contribute to our inability to form social connections with others. I hope that you will add your own ideas in the comments section of this video.
What positive steps can older women like us do to make more friends? What things should we avoid doing if we want to form tighter social connections with others? Let's have a chat!
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I would like to add another suggestion: stop talking about yourself. Sometimes we're so anxious to talk to someone that we forget to take the time to actually listen to the other person.
Very true!! 🌺
So true. Some people can't stop talking!
This is TRUTH! It’s so exhausting being with people like this. I’ve noticed this especially with women who are 70.
I couldn’t agree more!
Very True
I actually love solitude and don't feel isolated or lonely. We are all different on the introvert - extrovert continuum. That being said, I do get out and socialize once a week or so. I think it's important not to feel bad if you enjoy solitude. It's real.
Amen to that...
👍 Indeed, there's a vast difference between solitude and loneliness. ☮️
I like my solitude as well though I wouldn't mind a social activity now and then. Reading, watching movies, macrame, etc. are my indoor activities but in the warm seasons I spend a lot of time walking outdoors. I miss that. Just too cold in my part of the country.
I agree about solitude. I love it too and I also get out and do things several times a week, not because I need the people but because I have so many interests where of course other people go too. But I also agree, you can know a million people and have social contacts but those good friends are hard to find and I would really like just a few good friends People who you can count on to be there in the best and darkest times and people that will let you help them too.
Friends comes with baggages and often feeling like we have to help.
Don’t overshare about all the bad things that have happened in your life. Work out issues in therapy with a professional. Don’t ask to borrow money (you’d be surprised how often this happens). Meet the person halfway when you meet to do an activity together. Don’t insist they come where you are. Don’t talk about politics or religion. Don’t ask the person how much money they make/have. Don’t express envy if they have more money or free time or nicer things. Ask them what makes their heart sing and gives them joy.
Thank you. Good commensense.
WOW!! Excellent comment!!😃Thanks!
Maturity with wisdom.
that's awesome thanks for sharing 🤗
That's very nice advice! You are sensible and realistic.
After I retired, I looked for a MeetUp group for retired women who were meeting for lunch once a week. I couldn't find one that appealed to me so I started one! It's been a huge success. We currently have 30 members and we really enjoy each other's company. Some of us have even become good friends. I treasure these women and they often thank me for having started the group.
I love this story!! 🌺
What a great idea!...I may start one!
I also have been toying with the idea of starting a small non-fiction book club. We could meet once or twice a month, have dinner and discuss the book. This could be at a restaurant, coffee shop or member's houses (where we could make it potluck). Frindship- in the true sense of that word _ takes time to build and is based on the bond of common experience. That is much easier to do in youth, when you go to same college, same clubs, or take the kids to the same school. Health issues, dietary or physical mobility issues also contribute to the problem as we age.
Excellent! Congrats!!!😃
Adding the cost of food may eliminate people reliant on pension. A coffee much more doable. Or signing out a room at a community center.
I am currently 68, and relocated at 60. Retired now, both adult children have abandoned my husband and I and we don't see our Grandson. This is spot on. It is very hard to make friends at this age. I exercise, go to church, Bible study, and live in a 55+ park. All relationships are so surface level. No intimate relationships..it's very sad as it seems everyone has family and friends to do things with. Thank you for this.
I understand, I retired 20 years ago because of spinal issues. I am now 68 and have had 5 spinal surgeries and have no close friends.
Please read the Gospel of John. The Lord can be with us always. We that need and know Him
Sorry, to continue....We enjoy friends and family, but God meets our deepest needs. Wait on the Lord.
True, this is basically my situation too except also without a husband. But I will continue to find hobbies and try to make more friends and try not to lament my circumstances
@@lindaanderson1016 You may not know what it is like to have no family or close friends for reasons not within one's control. God told Adam-it is not good for you to be alone. I'm so tired of people who have people who love and care for them in their lives(you say" we enjoy friends and family ")giving people who are truly experiencing loneliness/abandonment that they are unspiritual/need to pray more/read the Bible, etc. My daughter died at age 19,I'm from an abusive family and left an abusive marriage....I could go on. I do study the Bible/pray, etc. and I am so grateful to know God understands. I also believe that He longs for those who selfishly focus only on their own family/friends to open their hearts and homes to those who find themselves alone. He said: "As you have done for the least of these ,so you have done for me." It's easy to smugly tell someone to read their Bible-how about actually reaching out to them with the love of Christ in a tangible way.
Don’t judge new people based on looks, weight, cars, houses, etc. Accept all!
@mommaoinnh2674... I am sure you would also caution Seniors to be careful of WHO they consider knowing, including using our God-given intuition of self-preservation. Thanks. 😇😀
Made me think of a poem I once heard. I will share it. "I went out to find a friend and there was not one there. I went out to be a friend and there were friends everywhere". :)
Brilliant
I volunteered after retirement. Also active in sport. I have a friend who chats with almost everyone he runs across.. in a good way. He taught me how easy it is
@@secretagent86I was just about to say the same thing!
Thanks for these wise words. I have come to the same epiphany.
My son at 4yo had seen an elderly neighbor working in his garage. B didn't tell me about this. A few days later we were all outside and suddenly I couldn't find him. Panic! Ran down the street calling his name. Sure enough he was in the garage with this wonderful man. His wife was there and told me that B had come to their door and asked "Can your boy come out and play?" The maybe 70ish year old was so tickled he took him to the garage. A beautiful friendship was born. Once this man came to my door and asked "Can your boy come out and play?" We moved the next year and had no other contact but B now 43yo says that was the best friend he ever had. I could learn a thing or two from that little 4yo. 😊❤😊❤
Finding a friend starts with being a friend. Listening to others rather than obsession with self.
I lost a lot of friends when my husband passed away 6 years ago. They were all couples and I..... wasn't. My personality changed a lot as well and they were constantly trying to "cheer me up" and telling me I needed to get back to being the person I used to be, but I'm not that person any more - grief really did a number on me. I used to be a very occasional scuba diver, which was an activity my husband didn't like so we never dived together. Anyway, I decided that this was something I could do that wouldn't remind me of Clive. It took all my courage and several pairs of Big Girl Pants, but I joined a local diving club and it's been fantastic. It was so scary walking into a room full of strangers and, basically, asking them to like me when I didn't even know who I was anymore, but it was so worth it. It's hard to be the "new kid" at our age but you just have to go for it. I've made some true friends from the club who accept and like me for who I am now. It's a difficult thing, to put yourself out there, but just remember that everyone is in the same boat.
Good for you ~ Thank you for sharing your wonderful idea and your success!
I made an effort and made a new friend last summer. Now I wish I hadn’t. She just lives up the street to can’t avoid her lol
Lol! This is a good point. Sometimes making a friend leads to expectations and then later you realise its a bit smothering.
As I get older, I prefer more alone time. My circle of friends is small. I enjoy my time with them, but also my time by myself.
I just turned 66, person of colour, never married, just have a small dog, on my 3rd so far. I meet people and make friends easily. Although when I a out I am quite friendly, I do love my time alone at home. I happen to be on a local bookstore email list and they often have featured writers provide talks with Q&R. This helps to get me out, especially if a favourite author or someone i' curious about. Even in the winter, its a nice quick trip on the bus and I get to enjoy being out even for an hour with like-minded people.
I always talk to people when I'm out too but it felt weird to ask a random person for their # who I just met if they want to hangout outside of the grocery store, book store, or whatever... 🤷🏽♀️
I find people go to together well round here they do, and then you are sat like Johnnie no mates ! Stopped going now as people really seem to want to stick to their own group
@@SoniaAleseKeep going around the same time of day on a regular basis and you will become familiar to others the frequent the bookstore etc also. One day you only say hello, next time you see them you talk a little more. AND after a while YES you can get a phone number lol. Patience is key.
I love the idea. Bookstore email...New writers club.
Very interested in next group tour!!!
I lost my husband two months ago. I have discovered your channel recently and this is a God's send for me.
You are helping me trying to find a new life without my husband. Its hard but I am trying to get out and meet people.
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by grief and have to stay in and cry.
Thank you and God bless x
I lost my husband a month ago. How lucky we are to have Margaret in our lives and to have these videos to start off the day and motivate us. ❤
Sending you lots of love ❤️
Sending you lots of love ❤️
Thank God for Margaret and this community/family; I would have lost my mind without her. My husband has been gone for a good many years, and I have onlytwo good friends, both in FL. I'm in NY, unfortunately, and have no friends to "hang out with" here, so I miss a bit of a social life. Margaret saved my life and sanity during the COVID lockdowns. Rosemarie 💖
I’m sending you hugs
The hardest part is that people avoid you as they don’t know what to say so you feel more alone
Try reaching out to others in the same situation. There are an awful lot of us hiding in our grief.
It does get easier but, like they say, it takes time
Give yourself the gift of time x
Good video. I'm 75 and lost my husband 9 years ago. In the last 3 years I have lost a cousin and 3 childhood friends. I walk my dog every day and I read a lot and I was doing volunteer work prior to pandemic. I have few friends whom I can walk with or meet for lunch...but it's sad to be old and lose loved ones...I am often lonely.
Jesu is always there , we too
You are not alone, you are loved by God.❤
My mom is 93, and has had to move into a retirement home. Her comment to me was, why did I resist so long, this is very interesting. She is somone who's siblings, husband passed. Her friends have passed. So in the retirement home she's meeting many new people, doing activities, eating g meals with people, and not worry about housekeeping etc. She no longer drives but she is free to come and go.
I live in a 55+ community of 22 neighborhoods with many home sizes and price points. I live in the largest and the most cost-effective (garden homes) neighborhood. All have events just for their neighborhoods, and overall the community bldg. has events for all who live here. The ladies in my neighborhood are all friendly and we get along very well. I am getting involved in groups that interest me and the ladies in them are all friendly as well. I am busy enough to really enjoy my alone time when I am home without feeling lonely or friendless. It helps that everything I need or want is within a 2 mile radius of our community. BUT, I DO feel alone and "down" at times because my lifelong friends and family, those who KNOW ME, and I them, are no longer around. And I realize those days are behind me. Change is sad sometimes.
Do you live in The Villages in Florida??
Most of the time the disadvantage of moving to a resort retirement community is that you leave family & long time friends.
As you said, you leave your history behind.
In 2015 I chose to stay in the home I built (1979) and where I raised my children.
The advantage of this for me is that I'm surrounded by my history, my long time friends, my son, and my two granddaughters.
I got lucky. 🥰🌹💞
Change comes in many forms, can be good, bad or indifferent. Most of the changes I have made to my life have been HIGHLY beneficial.
@@torycook1215 It could be that those people have died. I'm only 58, and I have buried so many friends already. Another is terminally ill right now.
Losing close friends to illnesses and death is challenging and takes the wind out of your sails for along time. Friendships are hard to establish when natural meet up opportunities dwindle as we age.
I think that people over 60 have to Realize that they don't have to limit themselves To having friends around their age. There's nothing that makes you feel young again than having friends of all ages! Getting out and going to museum's, and art gallery's, and joining groups and volunteering And going to coffee shops And taking classes. All ways to meet new people and being open to people of all ages. I have friends that range all the way from 23 up to 93! And you learn so much from everybody when you are open to meeting new people. It's fun and it's a great way to have a lot of different interests in your life.
I'm 67 and my friends are aged 24 to 42. Don't really even know anyone my own age lol..
yes, we're not in high school any more. As an adult you should always have friends of all age groups. It broadens your outlook. And when you're just with a bunch of older people, all they talk about is their medical problems lol
This is true. I'm in my 60s and still in the workforce. I like talking to the young coworkers in their 20s. If you catch them alone they actually like to talk to you. When they are in a group, best to leave them as they are. I'm glad my condo is open to all ages, though most are retired. I like the mix and hope they don't vote to go all senior at any point.
People don’t seem to want to talk to me I try to be friendly and make conversation but people just either have things on their minds or the world of phones has taken over the personal conversations because they don’t seem to exsist anymore and forget finding a man like me who is alone and divorced
@@bonniebeck4068 I feel the same as well, I hope I am friendly, people say I am but just can’t seem to get that connection doesn’t matter if you invite them over they don’t take you up on it
Irish born and raised a Catholic. Living in US and a citizen. When I hear people talking about Jesus , or politics I clam up it turns me off. I consider myself a caring person.
Oh my goodness! The best advice from you Margaret. I don't know how I became so reclusive the past 2 -3 yrs but it became my default. I finally yesterday, walked to town and had a beer at a bar watching football then went shopping( perfume and a sweater on deep discount) and was gone 5 hours!!! THANK YOU for the reminder ❤️💗❤️
Hi Margaret. I'm fairly new to your channel and love it. I've been estranged from my daughter for 2yrs now (I'm 69) and felt confused and embarrassed to tell anyone, so your videos have been a comfort and learning experience to me. I live alone with my darling wee dog and she's my best friend. I have had 2 good friends pass away in the last few yrs, and last winter I joined a local stitch and chat group that meets every Monday. Two of the women have become my new good friends and we have turns at meeting at our homes on Fridays. So thank you Margaret for your wonderful words of wisdom. Kind regards from Chrissie in New Zealand.
Good info for me as my daughter estranged herself from me too. I'm going to be living in my car soon because apartments are so costly. I hope to do some roadtrips soon.
Good luck Cherly sorry too hear about your apartment . However hope you have a good adventure god bless be safe x
Hi Chrissie, sorry to hear about your daughter, we've been estranged from ours for almost 8 years, on & off; mostly "off". I'm in NZ too. I wish you all the best xx
That's lovely Chris 💜🙏
Hi Chris, my daughter and I haven't had any contact in more than 10 years. Once I began selectively mentioning it, I was surprised how common that is. We are not alon. .
Lol The last thing I want is anyone knocking on the door. 😅
Before Covid and the political division, I was very happy to socialize. However, I feel isolated. Realizing that my neighbors don’t share my interests, I really need to find new friends!
Am the same have always been really social bit after covid (live on my own ) lost my beautiful mowgli cat at 19 in the middle so much grief I've become more happy with my own company now (1 puss left ) I have a good number of friends but am making myself happy now instead of everyone else
Yes, you can’t expect your children to entertain you. You need to get out and find activities and interests and people that share the things you enjoy.
My Nana used to say there are two kinds of people...takers and givers.The takers eat better,but the givers sleep better.
Great quote to think about!
I would also like to add, and I know this will probably upset a lot of people, please don't go on and on about your grandchildren. You can casually mention them but too many people, their whole life is about their grandchildren and that's all they talk about. When I'm with somebody I want to know about that person. What is the last thing you did that was an Adventure? What made you laugh so hard you cried? What did you just learn that you never knew before? These are the things that people will find interesting about you and they will want to keep talking to you and get to know you. I just find way too many people all they want to do is talk about the grandchildren and then it always comes back to the grandchildren and I'm glad you have grandchildren but I want to know and learn about you so I can know if we're going to be friends and have a good time.
A good reminder :-) thank you for sharing x
You must not have grandchildren.
@requinremembers I couldn't have children. I get exactly wat you mean. Do understand but there's more to life some people just do grandchildren and forget to live and never think it might hurt you or make you feel isolated. Those children will go their own way eventually. Then wat
I joined a book club at our library to meet people and am really enjoying it. Before that, I have pretty much sat here alone for the past ten years and got in a real slump. It is good to get out and share ideas.
Making new friends has been the most difficult part of being over 65yrs. old that I have experienced since retiring. Thank you for sharing.❤️
I'm on the verge of possible retirement and this scares me.
Is difficult to be social if one is not in the workforce and out in the world. My grandparents retired and within a year they both had part-time jobs. Doing nothing is overrated.
I lost my husband at 64 and had only 2 really good friends, both out of state. My son lives in town,but has his own life. I had traveled a lot when younger before I married and discovered a local senior(mainly) tour group in town which . We go on short bus trips and longer out of state travel and cruises. I have ,in the process, met many great people and 2 new friends, one is a very good friend. I am now 72 and so glad I got out there.
That’s encouraging!
I would love it if you would address being physically disabled in meeting friends. I can not walk very far and use a scooter. I find this really makes it hard to make new friends. I can participate in lots of things, but people don't want to be bothered with the extra work I involve.
I love to travel but again need special things. My husband always helped me and I him. Very sadly I lost him a year and a half ago. Your addressing this topic would be very helpful to so many. Thank you
She mentioned many online options for friendship. On zoom there is no need to mention your disability. There are travel groups for disabled people.
I can't walk very far either. It makes life way harder.
@@wendi2819 I'm so sorry you can't walk very far. Yes, it makes everything harder. I pray whatever your condition is, that it improves greatly.
It is hard to get out if one is in pain or no longer able to drive.
I have the same issue and would love to meet people like you because I get it.
A group like this would have empathy for each other.
Al's, I'm in Perth Western Australia. Where are you?
I thought I enjoyed being alone but now that I have moved to a 55+ neighborhood I have discovered that I am very social while still enjoying my alone time. I have found “my people” and have many new friends and activities I very much enjoy!
This is such good advice! I isolate and, then, feel lonely. I lost my purpose in life and am just trying to find new ones.
So hard, I can relate !❤
Hi Magred . I’m 72 and a widow since 8 month. Thank you, l just dropped in your channel from France. I respect myself, and appreciate lonely moments after a long period of being isolated as a caregiver for years to my husband with Lewy body dementia. Whenever I feel like meeting people, I sit in a café or outside where people passe bye with an open attitude. Most of the time I get into a relationship with several persons of all ages. It happens that we change our numbers. Maybe my situation is special, but l have new “ friends “ of any age, even of my grandchildren ‘s age. These friendships are very different from those we used to have during our marriage, and I love it. Veronika, from Bretagne France
I don't care to join a church, but do belong to a popular music choir whose women pitch in to care for members who may need help, such as being laid up at home after surgeries. Most of us are seniors. I'd say when wishing to make friends - don't gossip, don't wear people out with complaints about your health, etc, and don't dominate the conversation.
I’m having a difficult time finding authentic friendships not superficial relationships. Just would appreciate a real friend, and I enjoy my solitude too. It’s becoming too comfortable so a friend or two would be nice. Thanks Margaret for your thoughtful insight.❤
Particularly in our 60’s and onward for those who are able to do so, we have to keep moving. Whether it means joining a hiking or walking group or taking up a yoga or Pilates class. Keeping fit does amazing things not only for the body but mental health too. It does take effort but getting out there, doing something for you & having people contact can do wonders for our general well-being.
So true! I’ve studied how people who live long, healthy lives keep moving. We don’t slow down because of age. We age because we slow down. I’m trying to force myself to get out more.
I don't meet anyone now who I would want to be friends with. I have been estranged from my daughters for 5 years now. I moved over 2 years ago and haven't met anyone who I could connect with. My New Years resolution is to enjoy my own company and be happy in being alone. So far it is working. My friend of 30 years came to visit last week. She left after 6 days and I feel thoroughly depressed. She arrived and dumped all her problems on me. I don't have anyone to talk to to release the dark cloud she bought to my house. She has lots of friends but she goes from one to the other triangulating and feeling sorry for herself. I'm at the point where no friends is better than bad friends. I met one lady in the village last year. I thought we got on but then there was silence. I saw her at my writing group and she went out of her way to explain to me that she has umpteen friends and can't fit them all in. I had to struggle not to laugh. I'm really not that desperate. Friendship these days is very over rated. My two dogs are my company and we get along fine.
I am the same way, pre covid I met a lot of people while working out at the same gym for 7 yrs. They said similar things to me to. One in particular I remember that a woman said to me "most people have to many problems " Then I quit the gym during covid and ran into several others and it was just the same, no intention to even remain friends, Now fast forward 2023 I have 2 best friends my husband and my puppy. I decided after soul searching during covid that I was going to stop beating the dead horse. I am focusing on my small family and health and I am fine. Best of luck to those who wish to find friends . PS I have been estranged from my 2 children since 2015 and moved to another state 11 yrs ago. I know what you are speaking of.
Oh FFS “ can’t fit them all in … “ sorry that you didn’t fit into her circle but that is so hilarious. I don’t know how you kept a straight face 🤭🤭
@@carolinemaynard8283 I can laugh about it now and I've bumped into her a few times since out with her friends. I guess we are on different journeys and I accept that. But there are ways of going about it 😂😂
Don't complain, don't lament the past, ask questions, rarely say "I". Also if possible try to have friends from different age groups. If possible, never retire!
Point no. 3 is so important. Take the initiative, reach out to others, be OK with some rejection, and , as you said, take an interest in others.
Good timing for this talk. I am an independent person who has never had a problem being alone. Lately I've been feeling lonely which surprises me. So I am trying to get out, join activities, and meet new people. It's very difficult but I'll keep trying.
Right there with you sister.❤
Pickleball has been a game changer for me. I’m nearly 70 and have never played sports in my life! It was a steep learning curve, but great exercise, new friends, and it is a strategic game that keeps your mind engaged. The biggest bonus is the laughter!!!
I joined The Rock Choir, a Nordic walking group and in the UK we have a University of the 3rd age. I had to make an effort when we moved to a new area after retirement. I've made lovely supportive friends. I also volunteer at our local hospital which helps my mental health. Especially during the pandemic
Yes, even in our 60’s we should not be afraid to be rejected, because we will. Thank you!! Great topic.
I got so much from joining a charity which was close to my heart. I eventually found people who I related to, on my wavelength. It was amasing that moment when I realised I had found 'my people'.
I find that I have made friends in my community where I live and we have dinner together and help each other out. But, I don’t think I could ever open up to them and talk about things that trouble me. It’s hard finding that friend that you can’t pour your heart out to and they won’t judge you but give you support.
Such a good video. I have been isolated after one year of retirement but now realize I need to make an effort. I've joined a women's group that does all sorts of activities, I'll be volunteering at a food bank, and I have several groups at church. Part of this is saying - o.k., wish I had a husband, wish I had grandkids, wish wish wish. I'm ready to accept my situation and my loneliness and do what I need to do. I appreciate your support on these issues. It normalizes my feelings and doesn't make me feel ashamed to admit loneliness.
I started a ladies walking group. Have met some amazing people through it.
I would love that. I tried before Covid in a group (from meetup) in town next door. They were fine, but obviously some were friends already and they misspoke on speed of walk. It was very slow and I just didn't click with the 5 women who came. One I did , but she never came again so I stopped going. Need to keep at it though.
Maybe I missed it, but I didn’t hear anything about volunteering. The best way to meet like-minded people.
Good advice but some how very challenging. I hesitate to reveal I just turned 70 and this number has hit me in different ways. I lost a dear friend recently unexpectedly who was 73. I’m in Wisconsin, USA & can’t remember the last time we saw the sun!!! I feel like I have so much to process, rethink when I felt at this age I would have had more answers than more questions!?! Maybe shouldn’t lay myself so bare😮
At least you are honest. I’m sure many of us can relate.
I do volunteer work for Community Services. This helps me to connect with other people.
We retired and moved thousands of miles away 6-7 years ago. I have six sisters and six brothers, and I always considered them to be my closest friends. But I also had plenty of friends on my own. Now I have developed great anxiety about driving because we live in a very large city with crazy drivers. I really think that’s what is holding me back. My husband has become very good friends with people he met through golf, and we go out socially with them often. I truly don’t mind being alone. But lately I’ve been missing the closeness I had with friends back home. Your video gave me much to think about, and I thank you for that. I now plan to make some changes in my attitude and lifestyle. 🙂
I was browsing true when i came across your profile and i was just wondering if we could be friends and know more about each other and exchange pictures too.
I have gone through some friend changes in the past 10 years. It's like you said. We grow and cange and people who we've been friends with for a long time sometimes don't remain our friends or do not remain good choices for our friendship.
I really liked what you said about finding "someone who likes you." Used to have a poem on my wall when I was a little girl that said a Friend is Someone who Likes You. In reality, it is as simple as that. We may or may not think the same on things or have a ton of common interests, but finding someone who just likes you that you just like and want to be with is rare and precious. Loved your description of a friend. Someone who you can just talk to, etc. That is also my idea of a friend.
I agree, I've heard some older women say as much as they want a friend, they don't want to friend anyone. There is so much history to tell, they find it tiring and sometimes feel some people in groups are too needy and call/text too much in beginning. We all have different needs, it's hard
Completely agree with you! A true friend is a rare treasure, especially in these times, it seems, when people seem to have less free time, or interest in getting together in person. But as you said, it's so simple, really.....a friend is someone who likes you and enjoys your company. Actually there is a book by that title (maybe it's the same as the poem you mentioned), "A Friend is Someone Who Likes You". One of my best friends in high school gave it to me, and I treasured it. I treasure every one of my friends!
I like what you said about good choices in friends, I thought I had one for 16yrs but her anxiety kept her from making progress. I have PTSD, Anxiety and panic attacks. But I work through them to survive this cruel world. She was dragging me down. I have a sister and she and I are friends too. Thank God we reunited 2yrs ago.
We have children that are toxic to our mental health, blames us for things we didn't even know was happening? Our narcissist mother has revenge us as promised by me not aborting my son 48yrs ago and my sister by telling private things she was sworn not to tell. It just goes to show you, you can't trust family.
God bless you and pray your journey is a happy place wherever that may be. ❤
Oh thank you for the reminder of one of my top favorite childhood books!!! Trying to ID my interests, passions. Children’s books is one. Bless u-blessings from Jerusalem!
I was browsing true when i came across your profile and i was just wondering if we could be friends and know more about each other and exchange pictures too.
@sixty and me - Hello Margaret. I agree, just socializing is not the same as having those great friends. I'm blessed in that I don't feel lonely and really do enjoy being alone but I do socialize a lot too. I'm a great listener and can be a great friend to anyone who wants me to but I still find it rare to meet someone where you have a connection with that becomes a great friend. It's actually harder than finding a man in my opinion. I have met woman that I connect with and think, "she could become my buddy" but then they later have so much drama and pettiness, and back stab, I'd rather not be their good friend. So this is a great topic. Maybe you could do more on the topic of finding that good, friend that you could trust that doesn't judge or isn't so much work and sucks that life out of you. So far, my dog is truly my best friend!
Margret this is such a good subject. One of our neighbors committed suicide leaving a note she was too alone and lonely. Our other neighbors were outside and having several block parties but she never came out of her house.
I am considering MAID. I feel so alone and grandkids have been cut off due to refusal to sign for a mortgage which none of us can afford
I have always believed that when you participate in activities that you enjoy, the potential for friendship is there. In fact, I met my husband at a camera club, and we not only became friends and more, but we found a core of people that we both enjoyed spending time with.
I've been widowed 7 years and 73 years old. Loneliness has been a struggle. My first move towards changing that was a part time job at a local store. I did that for 2 1/2 years, working 5 hours a day. This job ended with the pandemic but I was ready to do something else anyway. I started volunteering delivering meals to shut-in folks which was rewarding in many ways. That ended recently due to funding issues. My next move was to find a place to exercise which lead me to our local YMCA. Best thing that has happened to me in 7 years.
I get the senior exercise classes and found everyone there is so friendly. I also went out of my comfort zone (speaking to groups) and joined the Y-Book Club and enjoying it so much. At least now I can go to classes/club and speak with someone even if it doesn't go further than that. To here myself talk!!! Before, I could go days without speaking because I didn't encounter another person.
Thanks for sharing your story!
I'm 70 and I volunteer! I tutor Adults who (finally) decide they want to learn to read!!! Very amazing group! Students are 30's to 80's and all levels of illiteracy....challenging, fun and so REWARDING!!!
Thanks for sharing. I’m 60 and have thought of getting a part-time job or volunteering. I need some type of structure in my life or I procrastinate and just stay home with my fur baby.
I have a suggestion. Even if you do not think you can sing, look up community choirs in your area. I am 70 and had not sung in a choir for 16 years. Now I am back in and loving it! I feel so much more connected being in this group, and we affect others through sharing beautiful sound. There are choirs who do not require an audition nor what some would consider vocal talent. At the very least you can see what concerts you might attend in the future. When you are packed in a large group singing side by side it's natural to socialize even make friends.
Ours in a large region have all be one audition only, and pay to belong. This is a huge shift from 15 years ago when I belonged to various community choirs.
These are wonderful suggestions. If I may add one - target groups that share your personal values, not just your interests. When people don't feel safe talking about things that matter to them most because they are afraid that those values won't be shared, relationships don't deepen.
😢😢😢 Biggest understatement I've heard lately. Loneliest time in my life. Friends are gone & family 2700 miles away. Nothing is joyful in life anymore in this world
Try volunteering with the homeless, you'll come home every night happier than you could ever imagine and more grateful
I feel that way sometimes but am grateful for my good health.
I was browsing true when i came across your profile and i was just wondering if we could be friends and know more about each other and exchange pictures too.
@@pepper1188I am unable to volunteer, I have mobility issues 😢
Could you move with your family? I’m thinking about trying to live part time back where my family lives (3 hrs away),
I live in A small rural town in NC, US. We moved here to raise our 3 children. It is wonderful. But now we are empty nesters. We both still work. My husband is not interested at all in making friends. I am however. I am trying to find out about clubs. But nothing I yet. I am isolated to be sure. My coworkers do not want to be friends with a person my age. I will keep searching.
I was browsing true when i came across your profile and i was just wondering if we could be friends and know more about each other and exchange pictures too.
I was browsing true when i came across your profile and i was just wondering if we could be friends and know more about each other and exchange pictures too.
I am 50 and I am listening in as I have most of the same problem's. Plus it nice to be able to see down the track and avoid mistakes. Thank you for the insights.
Friendships can be based on someone who enjoys doing things that you like to do. As Margaret said, go out for coffee. Visit a museum (especially when they have free admission). Go to a park and walk. Go out to lunch. A friend doesn't have to be a deep soul searching relationship. I still work so I have friends who are casual that I spend time with, and friends who are my confidants. Another important skill is to be able to carry a conversation. Many people do not know how to start a conversation. Ask questions that aren't too personal, that require an explanation instead of a "yes" or "no" response. Tell me about your favorite recipe. What movies have you seen that made you think? What are your favorite memories you have? People often ask simple questions that don't take thinking to answer. Practice as that is how we all improve. Go enjoy life!
I love solitude and I like my own space without interruptions. People, not so much. But I can get lonely. So I know it's important for me to make an effort to get out and be with others and be active. It just comes harder to me than to those who live and breath to be with others. One good companion is plenty for me. But I know that needs to be expanded. To each his own, but to push one's boundaries is healthy.
"It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood .. a beautiful day in the neighborhood .. would you be... would you be my friend?"
Blessings of love & light to Max... I remember being told right around his age to do exactly as he did... I don't remember the result of that, but, here I stand at 65 still making friends along the way! Great topic Margaret! Thank you! And I have to say, while I appreciate the shorts... this was a pleasure to have a full video... there is something to be said for allowing the threads to unwind on their own rather than a quick unraveling! 💚
I was browsing true when i came across your profile and i was just wondering if we could be friends and know more about each other and exchange pictures too.
Some friends are seasonal , some are just at work, some are just at events, very very few are life time or your best friend. Jesus will be with you forever
Jesus is love ❤
In faith I some times quote Psalms 16:8 " You will show me the path of life, in your presence is fullness of joy, at your right hand there are pleasures forevermore.". We have to go against our feelings sometimes. And God Himself knows what it is like to be ignored, u thanked, forgotten. He is so due worship.
I recommend the Gospel of John.
Not everyone is Christian.
Jesus isn't treating you to a coffee any time soon
@@beverleyderby1536 That's fine.I don't drink coffee.Commandeering a website that provides help to those of longevity so that you can proselytize is just rude.
What a beautiful story about your grandson. Actually, we’re all five when it comes to making friends. Good for him!
I was browsing true when i came across your profile and i was just wondering if we could be friends and know more about each other and exchange pictures too.
Great advice Margaret. Sometimes we need to push ourselves out of our comfort zone to not slip into depression or become bored through too much solitude. Some alone time is great, I love it, but 24/7 is not living or healthy for introverted or otherwise. It is about balance. Otherwise people get into their heads too much and go strange (worked in this field). Even young people are some of the loneliest due to not engaging face to face enough, and can fall into depression (statistically proven). Never was this more apparent than in lock down Covid crises.
Many nations have a government minister for loneliness in this age group who are totally alone and their health is impacted, and advise as you do. Hence why these groups are so important. Online friendships are not the same as the bond created face to face. It can take courage, but worth it. No risk, no gain.
Yes, I totally agree with you. I remember when I was younger how much time I spent with other people just hanging out watching a movie or being together. Now all my friendships are online and you have to really work at making those one to one contacts thank you so much for your insights!
I have fairly extreme social anxiety, bordering on panic disorder. It was just easier for me to stay at home all the time, but I felt like it was messing with my mental health to be alone so much. I moved into a small retirement community last fall, where opportunities abound for "getting involved": exercise classes, social justice, environmental, art committees, outings to art museums and music, etc.
Of course, me being me, I choose to stay in my apartment most of the time but it's nice to see people in the hallways and have small chats on the elevator. I have a small dog, so that opens up a TON of conversations. I honestly didn't realize how lonely I was until I moved here.
I've also realized I tend to be kind of passive with friends I do have; ie, waiting for THEM to invite ME to activities. So, I'm trying to be a person who makes the invitations.
I understand about isolation, but sometimes we held onto relationships or activities out of habit. Once those people or things are gone it's such a relief. Then you get to do things you've always wanted to do without consulting others, or begging for personal time from work. Most importantly, it's important to follow your heart and trust yourself.
Joining travel groups sounds great. My sister went to Portugal and loved it! Now it's on my list. This year we're going to Italy.
Thank you for your channel. You have great style and demeanor.
I’d LOVE to travel - especially with women my age. I’m going to have to make a big decision soon. I’m a victim of title theft but there’s no help and I’ve learned things I wish I hadn’t. It’s hard (and scary) to think of starting over at 60, but this battle has consumed me and maybe it’s time to walk away.
I love solitude and reading but like to see people for short periods now and then. Unfortunately a lot of people I know who depend on people alone for happiness suffer from depression and regular disappointment.
Thank you for the suggestions. I'm 66, single, never been married with no children. It's a little hard to meet friends at my age. I still work full-time, but, started this job about 4 years ago. The few friends I have in another state, I met at work or church. Where I live now, seems like most people only like to socialize with their chilldren and grandchildren, which I have none.
I'm from California but now live in Texas. Very different! Moved here to help my sister take care of mom. She has since passed. Now I'm trying to find friends in this area.
Again, thank you for your excellent suggestions!
Same here in U.K. I know the feeling of isolation and I am sociable. It was
bad here in my 20s. Nothing here in this town at all and sometimes health
issues prevent but I keep trying. You have to go out. Nobody comes to
you sadly, and Covid an excuse. It was always this way where I am. I am
retired. Hope you find a good friend or a club.
@@tiggywinkle20
Thank you for your reply. Glad to know someone else knows and understands what I am talking about. 😊
I have two dogs, I walk them twice a day and meet many other dog owners of all age groups, dog owners tend to talk to each other easily, just a chat is fine for me, I have no need for anything more than that.
Your channel was very much a bright spot today. I had to migrate to the midwest after my husband died in 2018, and leave my homestate. Now I'm 67, and do have trouble finding friends, so I will be visiting your channel again.
So glad you found us. Thank you for your support and your kind words.
Love this video and you are so right. I've been doing these things lately when I realized just how lonely I was. Where have all of my friends from the past gone? Who knows, but I have to get out and make new friends. Thank you.
I was browsing true when i came across your profile and i was just wondering if we could be friends and know more about each other and exchange pictures too.
I have started to keep a log, with a goal of making at least three unique personal contacts each week. This helps to keep me motivated and on track.
That's an interesting idea.
Aging is fine and lucky to be here after working in a hospital. I don't dream I am content. I have all my dreams realised. I am content. I am just happy to be and i have friends. It is also about being self sufficient. I only have so much time in a day and it is great not to be rushing around and worrying about schedules and work. This is the time to be grateful i feel.
I appreciate my solitude. I've gone the route of participating in social circles, groups, trips, etc.. with former friends who ended up being as fickle as the narcissistic ring leader who cut me out. I've learned to really appreciate doing things independently and only spend time with trusted friends (from childhood) and immediate family. I keep my distance and like it that way. Yes, got burned and learned.
Dale Carnegie’s how to Win Friends and Influence People is as true today as when it what written. Making friends is about thinking about THEM and how you can reach out to THEM, listen to THEM, care about THEM and it all comes back to you. If you are trying to GET friends and it’s all about you then you won’t get far. If you are trying to BE A FRIEND to someone it comes back around. So glad I read this book in Jr High! It’s served me well my whole life!
Agree, I'm glad I read that book as a young woman because it helped me with everything especially all of my careers with the public
Great topic, Margaret - thank you !
So happy I found this this morning. It’s just what I needed!
I work pt time and it keeps me sane.I get to chit chat w/ customers and socialize just enough and the the rest is my quiet time
I know the value of solitude, even though I love socializing. I hope that people who do prefer it still have some strong connections with people. Life, and this world are going to get harder for everyone, but especially at our age. Throughput history, ee didn't just live with other folks because we loved them. We lived with folks, because it helped us survive. I hope folks at least know someone , in an emergency. Having lots of friends/family doesn't guarantee support. Not having anyone, guarantees that that will only come from strangers, if at all. And remember, the "Golden Girls" model is priceless, and there are many ways to do that. Lastly, don't wait too long to make connections. True friendship is about mutual support, but it's hard to ask someone you just met to give us weekly rides to the doctor. Start now, will you can build a drawer of stored, happy memories with new folks 😘
I love The Golden Girls - always watched it with my mom. I find myself wishing I was living with other woman. I like my alone time but have never gotten used to living alone.
Im moving to a new country and hope to meet new friends. My strategy is to be seen, go for walks, chat to people, hang out at cafes. I lived on a small island and had quite a few friends, but they all left and moved on, and now its my turn .
Hello 👋🏻 Beautiful Lady 🌹..How are you How is the weather?
I was browsing true when i came across your profile and i was just wondering if we could be friends and know more about each other and exchange pictures too.
You sound like me. I lived on a small island before moving to central Europe. The island Iife was great with lots of happy friends.
Friendship takes time to develop and nurture. Volunteer work, or even a part time job, is a great way to meet people and find new friendships, and also learn new things.
I was browsing true when i came across your profile and i was just wondering if we could be friends and know more about each other and exchange pictures too.
Thanks Margaret for these reminders. I hope you had a nice time with Ariane! I love the both of you together too, great energy. I hope all is well with her💙
You tube is my only friends these days I am an intrevort
I am so surprised about "daughters", Im 79, and I think I'm about to go down that trail and thought maybe I was unique, it's so stressful bc I was very close with my mom..I do have a few close friends though and I treasure that. Sorry I got off course.
Im 60 this year and im having to get back into work after having some ill health. Friends now are few and far between alot are married with older children. I live alone never married. Im with my dog. I was a carer for 20 years for my mother with Alzeheimers. Im struggling its very hard when you get older. My passion is hiking and hill walking which i enjoy its very good for the mind and clears my head. So when i feel low i walk. Its very good for you
Great topic 👍Thank you for the ideas! ❤️
Thank you so much for this conversation. It is helping and very encouraging. So many people are afraid or don't feel comfortable speaking or meeting new people. You have to be resourceful and get out. I agree completely. Otherwise depression will take over your life.
You’re looking beautiful 😍 love your necklace. Taking notes 📝 and preparing in advance ❤
Your advice of getting out there is sound. My husband goes out to breakfast at the same place most days. He’s gotten to know the restaurant owner, all the servers, and some of the other regular patrons. They worry if he doesn’t show up. It provides him with some social interaction each day when he can’t see his friends. I am fortunate. I have 5 close friends that I see often. Make sure it’s not all one-sided in your direction. Reach out. Call. Arrange lunch.
I needed this today. Relocated states, changed jobs, still working… tired, exhausted, lonely & miserable. Covid & illness last 2 years so became use to being at home but now realise wasted so much time… but can’t seem to get myself out of work - home routine . I need a plan ..thanks for your advice and reality check 🥰
I’m 51 and a lot of this resonates... thank you for all your videos. I hope I can use a lot of this advice in my 60’s .. 💕
Sadly, having grown older I have had very good friends pass away. Three in one year. One fine lady I had know for 45 years, since my husband's early Navy days. She was diagnosed with cervical cancer one week, and dead two weeks later. I have four good friends left, that I have had since childhood. I consider myself blessed to have them in my life. Three live out of state, so we stay in touch via email or texts. My husband, is still living, and is my very best friend. I am happy about that. I am a solitary person in general, but if I met a nice lady and we hit it off, I would not pass up making another friend. My two daughters, and son are my friends also. I am content with my life at this point.
You were a true blessing to me tonight ..thank you. Truly though finally finding myself and enjoying my own company without anxiety and learning to experience freedom is a great goal.
Enjoyed this! It is so true….you won’t find a friend in your living room! You have to open the door and start living again!
What a wonderful video! I've just joined the club no one wants to belong to: Widowhood! My hubby passed after being ill since 2008 so somewhere along the way I lost contact with everyone I used to know except for a few close family members. So I'm just realizing how far I have to go to get where I used to be....but no one I used to know lives near me either. UGH! Time to put on my "Big Girl Panties" and get busy, but first I have to get myself looking better......anybody know where I can get a "Fairy Godmother"????
This is a difficult one. When my husband died, I found the that I had ill wishers, but one friend who knew the financial ropes of financial investors. So she helped me absolve myself of them. My stepdaughter came in and went through the paperwork. Then, you have no one. You’re it. The real battle begins. Keep an open mind about the people you meet. Sometimes they may be picked on or unaccepted by others. Over time they will tell you their stories. I always try to have the home open for them as a sanctuary. Always cocktails and food if on hand. In my experience, as we get older, no one pampers us anymore. Sometimes if you pamper people on a personal level and show kindness, they will over time become your friend. Hope this wasn’t too lengthy. Also, none of us are perfect 😄Let your light shine through. That’s your beauty. People will know if you are sincere or not.
Me, too. I’m my own worst enemy. A lot of it stems from fear but I need to put my big girl panties back on too.
So glad to have found your channel! You're an inspiration on blending the reality of aging with being ageless!! I so admire your passion, care, drive and realy wish more older persons would embrace LIFE !🎉❤👍🏽Thank you!
Thank you so much!!
TY! Just reminding us of the basics in such a charming, inoffensive manner;
and it's Spring!
I am 61 still work FT as a hairstylist, I talk to wonderful group of ladies I get to talk to each day. My husband is older than me and still works too. We have 14 grands, an elderly 86 year old mother I help about on days off, we have a great grand on the way, we are so busy in this season, I have to fight for quiet time. I know at sometime in another season I will need more close friends , I think I will go to PT work rather than retire when it’s time.