@@RedPillAware - you can compliment people- females and not be a s@mp. It's when it's excessive or coming from a needy place. I'm rp aware and sometimes people take it too far at times. You can still be a good person.
Consequences of living in a deregulated sexual market place. If you've read a red pill book, you'll see why (the rational male, the unplugged alpha etc)
Nobody gets to the end of their life thinking, “I wish I spent more time at work.” Money comes and goes..time, you only get so much of it. When it’s gone. It’s gone.
Quite literally, not a single one of us has ANY concept about time & how quickly it passes, so when you're talking to a 21 year old about pensions it only sounds like another lifetime away & for it then to be only almost immediately on top of you & you have Courtney in her already mid 20s talking about being a Mum & having kids ''one day'' & whenever that ''one day'' comes around exactly & even now you still hear so many women in their mid or late 30s talking about being a Mum & having kids ''one day'' as if they're still 22 years of age.....
In this economy it’s getting tougher to fit a child into the budget. I’m a guy in my 30s that would like to have a child one day, but between having trouble finding someone I want to marry and with how everything is rapidly getting so expensive, it just feels like it’s getting farther away.
I can completely understand Daniel P, but lets face facts here, you arent getting any younger and Time is ALWAYS more precious than money. Think of it this way, with your time you can always make more money, but with more money, you cannot ever buy more time... Just have the kids, make the money as you go. remember that it isnt necissarily how much money you have in your bank account but rather how you use your money. Are you going to splurge on Christmas gifts for friends and family each year or are you going to, mid year, buy a whole bunch of christmas products that you can sell online during the holiday season? Think... Educate yourself on money. You can always work hard and make nore of it but you cant make up for lost time. get on with living
Definitely. There’s plenty of sexy, clippable hot takes on social issues to parse through on this subject but I see so few people acknowledging the massive role the overall political and economic reality has in shaping young peoples appetite for incurring one(or more) decades long financial responsibilities while the whole of the earth is degenerating into a morass of impending dread.
I'm latina and this was quite opposite for me. I was raised in a culture telling me that having a husband and having kids is the most important thing in life. And if not achieved by a certain age you're in a way worthless.
And unsurprisingly, men find latin women, especially ones from traditional cultures, far more attractive and feminine then a standard western woman. We need those cultures back in the west.
No one mentions the cost of living. It's really hard to start a family on the average U.S salary even with a 2 income household. We have horrible maternity laws. It's really expensive to have a child.
Absolutely agree! If a society doesn’t support having a family, why would women want to have kids? I’m a New Zealander stay at home mom now living in the USA and although it was a mutual decision between my husband and I that I would be at home with our soon to be 4 kids, I’ve noticed that becoming a mother is not valued or even financially supported as much here in the USA as it is in NZ or even Europe. It makes sense that a career would be more encouraged for women here.
There's no single formula for a happy life or successful family. There are risks for starting too early and waiting too late. In the end, everyone sacrifices something.
Yes, there's an opportunity cost to everything. That said, people are forward looking. The past is often psychologically discounted while the future is emphasized. It's probably way more likely for a woman reaching her 30s to regret not being able to conceive (therefore permanently losing that future source for joy) than for a woman to have settled down early and have children to regret she didn't have more fun in her 20s, all other factors being equal.
@@AoCabo Women regret having children too. Some people never get financial footing because they had children too soon and die broke and sick while their adult kids never visit.
@@clarity2974 Yes, they do, but I'm speaking generally about how people as a whole tend to discount the past and put a premium on the future. I'm not saying anything on individual cases. Also, as I've mentioned previously in the comments: "all other factors being equal," i.e. you need to normalize both circumstances. If you wanna use the situation where the mother being broke and sick with no one to visit her, you have to apply that to her younger self as well to be able to make a fair comparison.
I'm a man, I was told at 18 that there was nothing more important than my career. Last time I checked. Kids were supposed to have Dads too. However I was told that if I get tied down with a kid I won't be able to pursue my goals. Guess what though. Almost all of the women I know who had kids in their 20's, had no help from the father, and live in poverty to this day with no skills to get out of poverty.
@@davidcohen7881 And they have kids because people like JP are spreading fear about growing old and lonely etc. So even people that don't want kids have kids purely out of fear and also not wanting to be different.
@@jimj2683 I doubt many people have kids because they're afraid of being different or because of JP's telling them to have them. Many chose to have kids they didn't want to prevent their partner from leaving if they refused. Also, many just had them because they didn't take preventative measures and didn't think about the commitment required to raise them.
Women make terrible choices when it comes to men-you see that when women fall in love with criminals & thugs/drug dealers that's why fathers used to keep their daughters at home & choose their husbands based on men that were good providers & stable...
The most important thing in your life is what YOU decide it is. Many women with kids and a husband don't feel completely fullfilled. Many working women don't feel completely fullfilled. Many women with both dont feel completely fullfilled. That is life. Everyone ends up wanting what they don't have.
Thank you for this comment. There is no right or wrong choice for everybody. I appreciate this perspective about the grass being greener on the other side.
True but the slow extinction of an entire culture is something that can not be recovered from. If you told me as a man I could either be unfulfilled and rich or unfulfilled in an average life BUT with kids that can carry on my last name and our cultural heritage I would take the average life. In either case, I may not feel fulfilled but at least in one I know my family name gets to continue on.
Have you ever thought about the fulfilment men feel? Do you suppose their idea of fulfilment is doing a more or less boring job for 40 odd years to feed, clothe and house their wife and children, retire then die after a couple of years? The most important thing in life is NOT what YOU, in your infinite wisdom, decide it is. Hedonism and egotism lead to the societal collapse that is happening now. If a woman decides not to have children, although she is physically able, then why should my children, for whom I have made sacrifices of time, effort and resources to bring up, look after that woman in her old age? The same goes for men, of course, but women are the gate-keepers of reproduction, not men.
What a load of idealistic horse shit. You suggest that our opinions are not impacted by our surrounding and is immune to exterior influence. The education system, media and Society shape our opinions.
I would argue the scale is slightly more on the “had a child but feels unfulfilled” side. Usually, a family ends up being a big positive force as time goes by. A career gets up some accolades, but after it’s over you are left alone and purposeless.
My goal was to get an education so I could have options & empowerment in a ever changing world. My first day at the university I met a guy that I knew I would marry(not my goal at the time, I still needed growing). I avoided him, but we kept running into each other, finally Cupid’s bow hit. We married (45 years ago) had a family in our twenties, I enjoyed being home & teaching my kids. Seeing their growth & development along with mine was a joy. Things were tight financially,but I was skilled in self sufficiency we also were diverse in bring in extra income. The mortgage on our house that we built ourselves was 14%. My husbands job paid the mortgage & bills, my small income paid the groceries & clothes. I grew a garden & preserved fruits & vegetables. It was hard work, but so rewarding. We now have 21 grandkids that we adore, built several of our kids houses so they too can afford to have Mom home with the kids. We all love each other & have God to thank. I never got a degree, but all my kids did. My true story!
If you continued down the career path guaranteed you would’ve been unhappy with no family I’m glad you made the right decision and is happy to watch your family grow and grow women needs more of this they need to know that the feminist movement is ruining the family structure
There's one thing missing: not everyone who can afford to have kid should have one. Parenthood is not for everyone, more people realise this the less suffering in this world. Lot of parents I know don't have the patience, time or genuine interest in raising kid. They have one coz they feel it's 'natural progress' of their relationship hoping it'll complete their life. They still resent their kids whining, fighting, lost of personal time, sleep etc. It's a sad Lose Lose situation. No one stopping you to have or not to have kids but at least please think long and hard for the sake of parents and kids-to-be, it is not reversible decision. Try to adopt a child in any country you'll face stringent process, character assessment and suitability, I hope the same can be applied before bringing our own child to this world.
YOU KNOW that a great anwser that people wanting kids should be put to a high standard like adopting a child, that something very interesting to think about for the future
I think you've both missed the mark a bit. At this point it's not having a career that becomes the most important thing. It's being self sufficient. We grew up in a generation with a high divorce rate among parents, where women had for the first time a new level of autonomy that let's face it, gives you a better chance at safety if you make more money.
Exactly. When my dad tried to kill my mother, and we left, my mom had been a housewife. My dad was a "professional." It is 23 years later, and I am still struggling to climb out of the intense poverty we went through. I wouldn't trade having my mom at home. But we can't be in a position where we have to live in fear for our lives to have a roof over their head. That means we have to be financially independent. One fact that Peterson skirts around is that men aren't just "aggressive." They are still often violent. Often. But who was cast as the bad parent when my mom left? My mom. Because she allowed us to be "poor." I would have loved to have had children. But I won't be controlled by a man. And that means the freedom to leave, and that means your own income that equals a man's. The answer here is to find a way to financially compensate caregiving and people oriented professions that are not based on "efficiency" but on care. This helps men in these professions too. We ONLY financially incentivise aggression. Which means a brutal environment for women and children--and men. So let's fix that, and maybe we can come together and have families again, when we have a society that allows women to protect their children.
Did you miss the part that begins around 8:30 ? Peterson literally says, about that "self-sufficient" approach, and about education for women in general, that "it decreases their dependency on their mate in relation to economic security."
@@sterlingsilver5937 It's been rather fairly implied, from countless cases, that women are less likely to leave a marriage, even an abusive one, if they do not have the economic security to do so. So yes, safety. Being in an abusive relationship is not safe, and having the economic security to leave one is a chance at safety.
Hello there young lady. I discovered your videos after my wife of 30 years passed. She was nearing the top of her game as well. She put in the hours. Then....... her heart gave out. At 49. We married young. We both grew up in a small timber/farming community. We were both fairly conservative. Her career started taking off and I took a back seat because someone had to raise the kids. We were okay with this. I got to coach the sports teams. I got to go to band rehearsals. All the fun parent stuff. While she worked more and more and more. Last year she hit her limit. A corporate RN during Covid. She said something I never heard before. "I am ready to retire". In our decades of marriage, I never heard her speak like that. Her career killed her. Slowly, little by little. It broke her heart, it broke her spirit, and finally, it broker her completely. I am 52 and starting over. Competing with 20 year olds who feel threatened by my old fashioned approach to things. I don't recall it being this brutal when I was young. These kids are stressed out beyond words. I don't envy anyone coming of age in these times. If little ones enter your lives, cherish them. If you wait till you can afford them, you 'll never have them. My adult kids have both informed me they will not be having children. They cannot afford it. I have no past (9 family deaths in last three years) and no future. My line ends here, and our final reward of growing old gracefully ......... gone. I am grateful for the years we had and the memories of raising those kids together. It's priceless. No soul sucking career will ever take the place of that. Good luck folks.
Careers are only soul sucking when you are in the wrong career... Seems like she was working because she had more of an opportunity for financial security than you, otherwise she would have led a more balanced life. What happened to her happens to men all the time, but no one talks about it. Sometimes even if you love something, having that kind of pressure of having to carry a whole family on your back can destroy the pleasure from doing what you love...
@@r.walker7986 Interesting. She finished college first. I thought she should have gone farther in her education, but I think finances capped that ambition. She was smart enough to be a doctor. A good one. I worked three jobs while she was in school. She worked as well. When it was my turn to go back, I did, but her constant promotions and the needs of the kids made it obvious what I needed to do. She constantly said she loved her job, even when it completely exhausted her. Doing the job of three people was commonplace. The pressure of carrying a family is shared. That said, I am processing a great deal of guilt over her death. I do feel responsible for not being able to do more. I can't deny that. I am told I am going to go through an anger phase. I am beginning to deal with the fact that her career killed her. It injured her. It crippled her. And she kept going. She was amazing. A study was released a couple of years back by the labor bureau stating that heatlhcare jobs in her field were rated the most dangerous in the U.S. Topping a list with firefighters, police, and loggers. She once told me that a majority of the nurses she worked with, had husbands that were injured from manual labor jobs.So yes, there's pressure. One of my kids has followed in her footsteps. And it's hell. Every day. Medical was short staffed long before Covid. Now it's a nightmare. Take care.
@@nono-yesyesmaybe Nurses have a harder job than doctors, they have more contact with patients, families, and their deaths my hit them much harder. That connection also makes it harder for them to walk away. So even if you struck it rich, she probably still would have stayed and if she walked it may have done even more hard. You need to understand that you both just played the hand you were dealt to the best of your abilities. Hindsight is 20/20 but its also only useful in plotting how you go forward. It will destroy you if you apply it to the past as if there is anything you could do about it.
My mom had me at 30 and my sister at 32. She waited until she finished medical school and was established in her career to have me. Because of that I’ve lived a really privileged, happy life and have never had to want for anything.
As a married 38 year old man, my wife and I decided we didn't want kids before we ever got married. Now that we're getting a bit older, we're really happy about our decision. People don't like to hear it, but we have a much more fun and easy life and marriage without kids than our friends with kids have. I had a younger sibling that was 12 years younger than me, and it made me see how not fun raising small children is (in my opinion).
In high school, the question of what you wanted to be/do after you graduate/grow up got brought up fairly often. I always answered, "My end goal is to marry an amazing man and be a stay-at-home mom who homeschools her kids." They always stared at me with confusion, shock, or disappointment. This was always followed by either silence and a dirty look or something like, "Don't you want something more? Don't you want something better for yourself?" I've achieved my goal; I'm happy and wouldn't want it any other way. 😊
So what happens if the marriage ends or he should pass away untimely or develops health problems and is no longer able to work? Do you have the necessary skills to support yourself and your children?
Having grown up with a life where I saw every couple constantly fighting and breaking up over and over again, I was one of the only guys who just wanted to find one woman to love and live with. I found one. She completely messed my entire life up and I'm still dealing with the consequences years later. Now that I'm alone, I bought a house, second car, getting a boat soon, investment property, my life is great. At this point why would I want to destroy that with a woman? Lesson learned.
As a childless 27 year old, there isn't much incentive to have a family in this climate. Men seem to be intimidated by the idea of supporting a whole family (at least in my age bracket) but when you both are busting ass at work it's hard to give the partner attention. I've already come to terms with the possibility of being childless my whole life after dating someone for 7 years and them finally admitting they didn't want children after I spent my whole 20s with them. I hope I can find someone who shares my values, but I'm not going to stress over it. I'd rather be childless than ending up a single mom or just having a kid to say I've done it. Edit: Just gonna drop the definition of "intimidating" from Webster here for clarification intimidating adjective : causing a loss of courage or self-confidence : producing feelings of fear or timidity
Many men consider it a raw deal to just bust their asses while their wife is at home with the kids. Many men would also prefer to spend more time with their own children instead of being at the office all the time. The 1950's ain't coming back
Well, it's hard to be with someone who is using words as intimidated instead of being rather more honest for possible reasons. I personally don't like and I believe most men don't like when women are trying to bash men with things as intimidated etc (mindblowing right). When I don't get from women what I want I never say that they were intimidated by something, it's childish.
@@criticalis5065 I believe you have misunderstood me. I'm not intimidating anyone, supporting a family is what is intimidating. I'm sure everyone finds such an important decision scary aka intimidating.
@@theeel420 Well obviously. But here's the thing, we meet in college, he was from a two-parent household, he had a job and goals, but in the end our work/life balance was too much for him and he cheated on me and admitted he didn't want the same things I wanted. He's also my only partner ever. 🤷🏾♀️
As a 32 yr old single and childless woman, I just don't want to commit on things that I don't want. I hate lying to everyone. But this is actually the truth. I don't want to become a parent. Periodt
This is why we need half houses and half schools for the kids to stay in when parents don't have time, or if they are abusive or if one causes another. A child is a person, at least he needs a room.
@@RennyloveU he’s mansplaining her desires to her. Naturally she could not come to her own conclusion. I mean has her tried conjugal visits at the local lock up? Then she may have missed a few eligible potential fathers.
Fair enough. You might find ways to make this world better for the kids of others. And not only kids, but others in general. In the past, this was a "nun". Someone who takes care of others. Minus the celibacy, in this case. No problem :) As long as it's fine with you, it is fine with others.
I have a lot of respect to women who decide not to have kids because they cannot handle the responsibility than those people who have kids and cannot take care of them ..children don't deserve to suffer
Read The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi, read the 1st and 2nd books, if you want to see reality, not what you and many good men have been falsely taught.
its biologically ingrained in women to want to have children …. the ones that don’t want children usually have psychological issues men should steer away from.
@@kim8dk Read The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi, read the 1st and 2nd books, if you want to see reality, not what you and many good men have been falsely taught.
Grew up in a narcissistic family. Had to work my way out. Study then get a job. Having kids and a family was never my solution to happiness. It would mean the world to me if I could travel more and have a great career. I'm in my late 20s. And would love to live my life differently. I love dogs though. That's as far as my parenthood will go.
Anna, I too grew up in a narcissistic family. I knew things weren’t right, but didn’t get it until many years later. This was very hard to unlearn these maladaptive behaviors, I’m glad you have your eyes opened so you can relearn a better way. I believe a person should not have children unless they really want them & are ready for the challenge, one thing for sure is you don’t want to perpetuate another generation of narcissism. I hope you have worked out better thinking behaviors so your life can be a happy one.
@@GrandmaMaeCorporation exactly, I don't want to perpetuate another generation of narcissism. But I have very supportive people around me who have shown me what true love is. They have taught me the true standards life. Thank you Sharon. ❣️
I am a father of 2 while I’m still 27 years old and just started my residency in medicine, sleeping with my daughter in my arm is the best feeling ever in the world and I would never trade it with anything else!
Its because they dont date on their level, but the top guys, hence think they deserve them + they dont have chaste, they are turning themselvees into the person they want to date
Geez, a lot of women including myself have hobbies. Not just hobbies, but passion projects. Career and children are not the only things to make life fulfilling. I get that for some that is their goal, and those people should absolutely be honest with themselves to pursue it, but it's really not all women who feel that way. And not everyone should be a parent, and certainly not JUST to fulfill yourself right? I mean, a kid isn't just a plaything, it's a human being.
There is a small minority of people whom would be wholly unsuitable parents. Your hobbies don't take up that much time unless you make money out of them. Even so, good chance your children will share said hobbies.
The problem is trying to predict how you’ll feel when you’re older as opposed to now. Kinda like the boy at school who messed around because he could only think of life in the present rather than life in 25 years and only realises school was important when they’re in a dead end job. When you’re older and life has slowed down, you’re peers all have their own families only then you may regret it.
@@civildiscourse7626 No need to deliberate over it. We humans pretty much are here to reproduce so that say that you will never want any is difficult. It is difficult to imagine loving some whom you are yet to meet but for most the love for their child will be so strong.
^^^THIS!!! There are people who are in there 50s and 60s who are ECSTATIC that they never had children...it's A LOT of HARD work especially for the MOM...not to mention I wholeheartedly AGREE...the VAST majority of people should NOT be parents...if people were such great parents the WORLD wouldn't be as HORRIBLE as it is...especially right now! The world has ALWAYS been a bad place it's just getting WORSE...why would you want to bring CHILDREN into such an environment??? And people think it's bad now...it's about to get 10x worse in the VERY near future...
@@thrilla72 small minority???? most people are riddled with mental issues they refuse to acknowledge or fix, none of them should be parenting. I'd say only a small minority of the population has the mental and emotional maturity (+financial capacity) to actually be a good parent.
An interesting thing was that while I was in college, my Mom went to grad school. I wanted to quit, but she decided to go for her Masters. She finished the same time I graduated with my Bachelors and she got a 4.0 in her masters. Because of her, I was inspired to pursue my masters. I felt inspired and believed that I could do it, all thanks to her.
I'm about to turn 30 and childless. I don't think career is everything, however your kids are going to grow up, move out, and have a family of their own. Women who put their whole lives into their kids are the ones who end up extremely depressed when they go off to college/move out.
So in your story, the adult child(ren) move out, start their own families, and completely cut off their relationships with their mothers? Wow, I must be doing it wrong then. I'm grown with a wife and kids and we always visit my mom and dad, my kids have a great relationship with their grandparents, and I talk to my mom almost every day.
All I ever wanted to be was a wife and mother. I played the part and pretended I was into being a high achiever in the corporate world but the truth was only being a wife and mother have ever brought me fulfillment. I am the mother of five amazing children I devoted my life to and now three of them are grown and I’m so happy I chose to put mothering on the front burner rather than the back burner. My marriage didn’t work out so I became a single mother but I chose a job that allows me complete flexibility and control over my schedule and my income so now I’ve been able to achieve the perfect balance of financial success and being a full time mother. I would still prefer to have the role of being a wife in my life however.
Family is always better than Work... i hate working 9-5 and be stuck in rat race and im a man. The reason ill end up working more over the lifetime is because baby will need mom around for minimum 2 years to 10 years and if you are having say 3 kids back to back that's at least 6 years.
Well I guess I give you credit for trying. I’m unsure why you even mention as if you got lucky, or, were privileged to have been “selected”. If you are even remotely attractive, a male has a biological and hormonal drive to spread his seed and as long as you make yourself available, it’s not that difficult to get yourself pregnant, given you’re able. Most men who’ve ever existed didn’t reproduce because they were either physically unattractive or economically unattractive. Women are the sexual selectors. Men are the relationship gate keepers. Your genes got to carry on. Most Mens don’t.
At the end of the day, your life had and has so much success because you brought 5 children with your bloodlines into this world that can carry on the "Courtney" torch. You might not have stayed married to your man but the two of you found a way to bring 5 kids into this world which is the biggest accomplishment. I had 2 kids and it was so hard but now that they are out of the nest I wish I would have had a third even. Imagine the alternative of Courtney not being married or having any kids but having a lot of $$ working at some company all day and night with nothing more to show for it all but the $$ itself.
I'm a 33 year old guy who has wanted to have a wife, kids, and a family ever since I first starting liking girls, and yet I'm still single with no kids. I've never had nor wanted any flings or hookups. I've only ever wanted long term relationships that would eventually lead to marriage and kids. Unfortunately, it seems like nearly all the women I've been with didn't take relationships all that serious and they just wanted to have their fun and then move on to the next. It's a shame what modern women have become. I've always wanted to be the father that I didn't have but that seems very unlikely at this point and in this modern society. And I don't want to just have a kid just for the sake of having a kid. I want the wife and full family for life. I'm kinda terrified of having a kid with someone and then having her betray me and leave me and then take my kid and have to deal with custody issues over something that was her doing and her fault.
I totally get where you are coming from. I did get burned by my ex. That being said, despite the frustration of navigating split custody of my son, it is totally worth it. I can’t really give you any advice on finding the right partner (you might look up Jordan Peterson’s advice on the matter), but I can tell you parenthood has been the most meaningful pursuit of my life.
@@johngalt6838 I am 50 and just that. I work on self improvement, very physically active, very good career in tech, but quality women who want that are not around for me now. I would really have to overlook a ton of things (not minor stuff) to be with those women. Looks aside. I had someone last summer, I am a serious inline skater, very fit, we matched on that, as much as I want someone I just had to draw the line with Onlyfans and her saying there is nothing wrong with it. I said you are ok with your kids finding it? She said grow up. She also said its great you can cook and clean because I surely can't. I believe High school and maybe college are the time to find that. After about 25 or so, I am not saying it can't happen but it gets more difficult. Some may never have it. I thought maybe because I'm older I can't meet such good women, but I talk to a guy on my block who is 27, he said he has the same issues. He is pretty much done with women. He said the end game for many of them is to babytrap some provider and move on. Then he has to support two "children." His friend is dealing with it, is not fun. He can barely see the kid too, she moved to another state.
I never understood why there's this negative stigma that being childless is a bad thing. It's really not, you shouldn't be expected to have kids by the time you're 30, people are allowed to have other goals or passions in life. It always annoyed me that there's people who mock other people for being childless or speaking about how great it is that they don't have children. I think it's actually a good thing that more people are starting to opt out of having children. Reason why? Well, four things, 1) this planet realistically shouldn't exceed a population of 1.5-3 billion people however 8-10 billion people is the absolute max the planet can sustain, 2) there's children everywhere without parents who need them and I just think if you want kids adoption is more ethical, 3) you'd be surprised how many people are absolutely not fit to be parents who have children, 4) there's more to life than having children. It has little to do with society brainwashing women, it's us as humans realizing that we no longer exist just to mate and reproduce, and that's it, we aren't moths and we aren't animals in the wild just reproducing to survive as a species. We don't really have a need for that at this point. Our entire existence and potential has grown so much since the last few centuries, or hell, the last few thousand years. Having children should be strictly optional and it should be accepted that people not wanting children is becoming more normalized, which it is.
Actually the planet could hold about 52 billion people realistically. A density like China with food high productivity in the modern world and a lack of urbanized land mean if we really wanted to we could have about 52 billion people on this planet without many problems. Post 50 bill or so we get some overpopulation issues but we would be fine up to that point
@@LucasFernandez-fk8se That's not true. Most scientists agree Earth realistically can't sustain more than 10 billion, but while there are different theories, from what I've seen I haven't seen any sources go past that number by much. Earth's resources are not infinite especially considering how many resources we use every single day. Anyway, I have a problem with your point because that logic is pretty flawed, it's the same as me saying technically I can fit hundreds maybe thousands of people in my 2,438 square foot home, but it doesn't mean I should. Either way, I'm just confused what your point is because that's a pretty pointless thing to correct me on. Just seems like pedantry. geoawesomeness.com/earths-capacity-many-people-can-support/ www.science.org.au/curious/earth-environment/how-many-people-can-earth-actually-support#:~:text=An%20average%20middle-class%20American,capacity%20of%20around%202%20billion. www.livescience.com/16493-people-planet-earth-support.html
^^^EXACTLY THIS!!! People honestly don't like FACTS...facts don't care about your feelings, your opinions, or any of that BS...and you REALLY brought it home when you mentioned that there are SO MANY unwanted children in the world and don't even get me STARTED on children who are living in POVERTY and STRUGGLING to have enough food in AMERICA of all places and it's a lot WORSE in other countries around the world...people really just want an excuse to over populate this world when they're NOT even taking GOOD care of the children that are ALREADY here!
@@LucasFernandez-fk8se but to the detriment of all who are not human. You know Others live on this planet too. They need, Air, food, homes, water. Where do you get good food without any rural land. I wouldn't want to live on that planet. What is the point of having that many humans? Gross
No one is telling women that. A lot of these people love to twist that. What many women of older generations were telling younger women was to get an education as another option as opposed to only having children and being a house wife. They saw the ramifications of women not being able to support themselves after divorce or becoming a widow.
Media does and especially teachers these days in school tell you, "dont start a family until you have a successful career." What people dont realize is that in most cases people are already over 30 by that point and then its hard to find a partner
Barely anyone is telling women that. Maybe old rom-coms from the 80's/early 90's? It's just another narrative that's being pushed by people like Peterson to say that women are, yet again, the root of this problem and the ones who need to change. Notice how the flagship statistic singles out women only? Not that whatever % of men are also childless at 30 now, compared to past generations.
I don't think its "literally" being told this, but there is a undercurrent of don't rely on a man, be equal to a man. And if you are a top 5%, 10% of women in a competitive environment, that does mean 80 hour weeks, ignoring all other aspects of your life. And by the time those women realize not to buy into that mentality, its too late, their biological clock has timed out.
I had my first and only child at 42 years old ( no treatments) after working15 years on my successful career which wasn't fullfiling anymore. Got married at 37 moved away from my birth country. I enjoyed and lived my earlier life single and child free, traveling, studying, hanging out with friends, observing the world and people behaviour, I started learning English at 30 years old. Now I am happy ,stable and don't have any feeling of FOMO. Enjoying the company of my partner and my son and still learning from life.
@@twoshakesofaratsass4748 No, biologically, the older a woman is, the harder and riskier it is to have children. This is not a choice; society does not override biology. IVF treatments are very unpleasant, if you're thinking that medical science will miraculously allow all women to change their minds and have kids in their late 30s and early 40s.
I am a dude and I know my family is more important than my career. I would change careers, but I would never leave my family. My career is just to support my family.
My dad, who was the traditional sole provider, did that. His job threatened to put him on 3rd shift; he told them if they did, he'd quit, because he wouldn't be able to play an active role in the lives of his kids. They didn't believe him, and put him on 3rd shift. He tendered his resignation that very day. He actually worked at WalMart for almost a year until he could get another good job in his career field. I have always respected him for that.
I've always wanted to be a wife and mother. I never dreamed of a wedding but of what my husband would be like and how many kids we'd have. I was raised by a mom who was home full time until I was 13. When asked what I wanted to do when I grew up, I always gave the same answer and was told, no. I had to pick a career. People really treat you like you're inept or not intelligent if that's the path you choose. I'll be married 10 years in August, I have 3 beautiful babies, an amazing, loving and supportive husband and am blessed to be home with my babies. This is what I always wanted and I wouldn't change a thing. One day, I may go to school and pursue advanced education but I just never could find anything that interested me enough to justify the time, money and effort of a degree🤷
I'm glad that you stuck to your dreams and rejected the lies told to modern womyn. No hate on those that want to be corporate ball-busters, but they shouldn't hate on Women who chose as you did. Both my mom and grandmothers were traditional women- who, once they had the “empty nest” decided to pursue their other passions (education and career; although one remained “just a housewife”)). They did both (had a family and a career)- but they did it in the logical manner. Women have a biological clock, and so they are forced by nature to make certain decisions sooner than Men.
You did it the logical way 👏, I know several women in their 30's who had child with autism or couldn't have any at all. My 29y/o daughter had a very hard time having my granddaughter. Even nature tells us the way things should be done.
Good for you !! Seriously not sarcastic. My wife doesn’t want children nor do I she works with adults with disabilities I work In construction. We both work and that’s fine too.
I really want to have children, and specifically wanted to have my first child before 30 (I’m currently 27, soon to be 28). I’m in a great place in my life and career and I’m seeing most of my friends get married/start families. However, finding a suitable partner is the tough part for me. Dating is a complete mess these days and no matter how much you put yourself out there a lot of when you find your person comes down to pure luck/timing out of your control. I want to make sure the person I marry and the father of my kids is someone who’s self-aware and also actively working to better understand himself. The last thing I want is a toxic relationship where you have kids just because you “should”, and the poor kids are forced to see (and probably replicate in their adult years) a toxic relationship dynamic. Edit: Definitely agree that as I’ve become more educated, done more in my career, made more money, it’s made me want to find a man who’s in a similar place or better. But those men are typically the men who every woman is going after. They have more choices. It definitely makes finding a partner more difficult (or at least this has been my experience so far). Second edit: some of the replies in the comments are concerning mainly because they're making such wild assumptions about who I am, the men I date, and why I'm still single. Lmao!! Are y'all okay?! It's giving very much not lol! In any case, my standards aren't high by any means... this is the absolute bare minimum in my opinion for a healthy relationship. If it's high for you, then you're not for me. Period. I can accept that. Don't be so salty about other people's standards if you're not living their life. I promise you I won't die alone. Have a lovely day! 😊
Hypergamy and feminism is a fatal combination. One cannot change behavior and preferences that evolved over thousands of generations because of some doctrine.
Don’t worry. Most men see the game as rigged and have no interest in women. No point in having kids when all mommy has to do is say “I’m not happy” and then takes the kids away from the man.
If you are expecting to find a man "who's self-aware and actively working to better understand himself" you could have a long wait. Introspection and a desire to better understand oneself are not core competencies of men, they are really female characteristics. Men in general prefer to do rather than analyse their feelings. They prefer to identify and solve problems. If you can find a man who was brought up well and to respect girls and women you should be alright.
Just as you look for a top tier mate because you make more money the guy who makes more is looking for that top tier mate as well. Top tier for a man is looks. It’s the way men are wired. And if that woman makes money it’s a cherry on the cake, not the cake itself.
It's really great how you are not basing your UA-cam channel just on fashion and clothes but you are also incorporating more deeper issues in a man's or a women's life
Now, if we could just get a solid, concrete position. There is a lot of that "...and that's ok!" stuff when what she's talking about is not just a flippant subject. Being a high body count ho, for example, isn't just a distasteful thing for a high value woman to do. It comes with a lot of permanent life-altering consequences, some of which can be deadly, and all of them which sharply, and permanently diminish a woman's value to other men. Waiting until you've hit the wall to have kids? Bad idea. There is nothing OK with that. It becomes harder to conceive, and has a greater chance of birth defects, of which, my youngest brother has had a very hard life because of several of them, and in my mother's case, she was pregnant with twins, and there just wasn't enough room for both of them. Maybe the only position that comes to mind as something she has given a hard line on is smoking, and how much she doesn't encourage it, and encourages people to quit if they are current smokers.
@@marie-ray So, you can demonstrate to me how something that is only good in the extremely short term that carries with it long-lasting, and sometimes life threatening consequences is something that is OK, then? No? I suggest you either stay in your lane as a simp, or show me where I am wrong.
I remember watching a forum on UA-cam where they were asking audience members why they were delaying marriage and kids. The audience were made up of people aged 18-30. These were Gen-Z and early Millennials. Most of them said they saw marriage as scary and having kids even more scary. This despite the admission that their parents and grandparents were married by age 25 and had all their kids by age 35. Younger adults are worried about divorce, the inability to get into the housing market, losing their jobs, and an uncertain world. Unfortunately by the time they do decide to marry they will be over 30 and may face fertility problems.
Baby boomers: strip mine the economy and make it impossible for their kids to get into the housing market. Also baby boomers: When are you going to settle down and give me grandkids (no I won't babysit, I did my time)?
So, you want them to have kids while they’re broke and can’t afford it? The boomers have all the money & all the houses. Let them have the babies then Lol
@@g_c6668 when the old outnumber the young and consumption starts to tank, if not also production, then we'll all see what happens when one generation refuses to invest in the next generation. It will not be "great". It will be a catastrophe
Disclaimer: I'm a mid-40s male without any qualifications so this may be way off, but I have a theory about hypergamy. In the same way that scientists conclude that "attractiveness is a proxy for health", I suspect "success is a proxy for responsibility". There's no good test for "are you going to be a douchebag baby daddy or not?" so the "next best thing" is to evaluate how many things in their life that require commitment and dedication have they accomplished with the hope that the more successful they are, the more likely they are to have "whatever it takes" to stick around. My wife agrees with that but I'm interested in other women's opinion if that sounds remotely feasible or if it's way off base, thoughts?
If women didn't want douchebag baby daddys, there wouldn't be that many now would there? My belief for the evolutionary principle behind this is that women will prioritize alpha genes (handsome, dangerous, risk-taking, bravado) over good father genes (stable, modest provider, gentle). Of course, if you read any romance novel, the hero is magically both: perfect billionaire dangerous alpha male who then inexplicably turns out to be an amazing doting father. In reality, that's hard to find, and women are showing that they prefer the bad boy genes over the good guy genes. I don't doubt that this has a lot to do with women's increased work options and the safety and security that the government provides. Before birth control and dropping marriage rates, women had to carefully consider who they married. Bad boys simply weren't interested in marriage (to most women) and they might not be the best bet anyway for money. Better to go for that guy going into his father's business who would marry you in 6 months. But now, you don't have to marry for life, you can make money on your own, and if you have kids outside of marriage, don't worry, the government will pick up the rest. This leaves women with the freedom to choose exactly what they really wanted the whole time: the dangerous bad boy she hopes she can be the only one to tame. A big part of his attractiveness will be precisely because he isn't overly attentive and devoted to her; she wants to feel that she has to win his heart (hypergamy), not that he easily gives it to her. And then, women like money and resources as a source of security and display of status, and the main way to compete with other females is over how high status of a man you were able to lockdown. No woman is really jealous of another woman who makes a ton of money on her own, but she will be jealous of the woman who can marry a guy who makes a ton of money.
I've always loved my job, earned well, and wanted to make a difference. I was looking for a man with whom I could start a family with, but I could also continue with my life goal of improving this world. I did think that someone too rich perhaps wouldn't let me work, or wouldn't prioritize my work. Someone too poor, would always need help with everything and can't even take care of kids, visas, renovations, daily things. They might shirk responsibilities and end up as an "adult baby". So it was a good bet to choose someone with a good education, a stable good career, basic good pay, but not a workaholic, someone that prioritizes free time. A decade later and no regrets! :)
It's actually not because of that. Simply in many parts of the world and especially in wealthier countries money, material and consumerism is glorified, and people who are successful are naturally also able to afford to buy said material. If your hypothesis were true & it would be about responsibility then the most attractive person would be measured by how many animals or plants they take care of, not how much money they make or how well known someone is. While there are people who find animal loving or plant loving men attractive, they are certainly not the majority and most certainly men are not measured by that trait. When you take a look at isolated tribes that may have an entirely different type of economy or no economy at all and which also have very different cultures, you will observe that what signifies as attractiveness are characteristics we'd find alien. Simply put we are projections of our culture and norms growing up. Success is only attractive us because we make it sexy. In some cultures it is survival. In others it is commitment to the community. It is all contextual and relative. Senses for attraction run much deeper and are more primitive than that. This is just the fluffle we throw on top of it in order to try to contextualize it based on our own cultural biases rather than seeking a deeper understanding on human attraction and pair bonding psychology dynamics.
35 yr old woman and child free. I don't find having kids as important. I find my freedom and happiness is important. I'm happy to see that there's women who don't feel pushed to have kids when they don't want them. Children should be born to people who want them. I think that's really unfair to the children.
Agree, I decided not to have children because I’ve just never felt a strong desire to raise kids. I like children, but I don’t want to make a whole new person without really strongly wanting one. If I had a kid, I’d want them to always feel like I was in it 100%, and I just don’t think I could give them that. I also think it’s weird that there’s this perceived dichotomy between career and parenthood, like those are the only things that could possibly bring life meaning.
Let's see how you feel when you are 70, can't work and have no family. It sounds pretty lonely to me. I think people have just gotten away from thinking about the future.
@@123darkdeal Actually it’s men that die alone and don’t get visits compared to women. That’s not a concern for child free women because it’s still our decision at the end of the day. Womb watching a woman is weird behavior
I remember quitting my high flying career at Citibank to go run a biz with my hubby as we started our family soon after. I've always longed to be there for my children especially the early years and being a self-employed has really given me and hubby the flexibility to do that. I made that decision at 28 and I do not regret it. Our family and business is growing and truly blessed. I now give testimony to younger women esp coz I've heard women calling my gynaecologist to do fertility procedures and I'm there pregnant and I'm like 'what I honestly didn't know how infertility is a big deal' I'm truly humbled and thankful to God for directing me and hubby early
Well if they are younger, and you are older AND pregnant then their age has nothing to do with their fertility problems. It may have to do with how processed and poisoned our foods are now. Also as someone who started out in Biomed, getting pregnant is the hardest thing to do, and we as a society still have yet to steer away from blaming women when fertility problems arise. There are many infertile men in my family, who had multiple marriages before they realized they were the problem.
I can definitely understand building a career up in your 20’s as a woman before having kids. It’s risk-management in case of divorce. Let’s not forget that divorce is a very real thing and more than half of married couples end in divorce. One of the biggest issues for women in the past is that they married young, did not go to school because they raised children, and then got a divorce. One of the biggest reasons for alimony payments is these women had no education, no degree, no credentials to get them a well-paying job, have been out of the workforce for decades most likely and have NO JOB SKILLS (!), so to take care of divorced women they had men pay alimony payments. The other option? Stay with the man you don’t love anymore. What are you going to do if you leave? Women waiting until their 30’s to have children is a wise, risk-averse choice. It’s not right for every woman, the comments on this video can attest to that, but I don’t think we should swing the pendulum in the other direction that “Woman in career bad, no have children till 30 bad!” when it’s NOT bad. It’s a different choice.
It's never a bad thing to focus on getting an education and job skills. At the same time, people in college should also be serious about looking for a partner with potential to share their future with. It's not all about parties and fun. It usually gets harder after the college years.
I mean the fertility rates drop significantly after a woman's 30's so it's basically a race against the clock, otherwise if they want to have kids at their mid to late 30s well things are not so easy anymore.
@@angelenriquechavezponce1629My mum had 3 kids in her mid-late thirties. It’s better to have kids when you can AFFORD them. As a women I’d only recommend women have as many kids as they can afford on their own.
I think another uncomfortable truth is the outsourcing of labor, gig economy and automation, leaving people working more than a job/person, the cost of living rising, leading to more stress and holding people basically locked at work or out of one. So there is a trade-off to be made. And having children is tough, takes lots of learning and patience.
@@davoizchanger I used to be into the red pill manosphere a couple years back. Today, I reject most of what is circle jerked in these communities because of the fact that so much bad advice and knowledge is being shared.
I currently live in Salt Lake County and I'm working full-time. Companies here are hiring like crazy and they don't care about how much education one has, they care more about a person who is willing to work. Hard work here improves status.
Kids are expensive - like really expensive. I would be that it takes a dual income household to raise a child properly in terms of finances. Nothing ruins a relationship faster than unstable finances. Having a child can do that and end up breaking up two people who would otherwise been fine if a child wasn't in the mix for one reason or another.
@@michaelrodriguez3329 I think that's an old estimate. I heard that figure over a decade ago, so I'd guess it's easily over $300k now. Maybe even close to $400k with all the inflation in recent years. Who the hell can afford that?
It doesn't have to be super expensive to raise children... they don't need the newest fashions, they don't need $2k laptops, they don't need annual Disneyland passes. They need parents who love them, the basics to thrive (adequate food, clothing, shelter, activity, friends and education), a few luxuries here and there, and opportunities to create great lives for themselves. I've got a family of four on a very modest budget, in SoCal. We could be doing better, but my kids aren't wanting for anything except a PS5🤷🏿♂️. They'll live.
I would encourage any young girl to be self sufficient before starting a family. There's an entire movement of guys shunning and ridiculing "gold diggers" and women who want men who can FULLY provide for a family. As a nurse, I've seen pregnant mums working up until the day they go into labor because their partners are simply underperforming and the household cannot function without their income added......that leads to all kinds of health complications for mum and baby. If you're a young girl out there who sees this, always put your well being and survival first.
The men who shame women for seeking a man who can provide are just incapable or immature. The gold digging is when money is the ONLY thing she is attracted to. If a woman chooses a man whom is able to provide financial security then the scenario you described is not an issue. Pick well, ladies.
@@cj5848 the irony is that her comment section is full of incels who prove exactly why these young ladies are choosing themselves over hitching their wagon to men who have simply given up and are okay with mediocrity
@@cj5848 I'm 31 and never regretted establishing myself. My twenties were kid-free and MAGICAL! My fiance is a physician and makes 4x my salary and I made it very clear that I will be a stay at home wife and mom if we have children. The good thing is that if we divorce or even if he DIES, I will be able to hop into the workforce and my babies and I not have to struggle.
It's probably because you are subsidizing people who had children out of wedlock or those who have 5 children and 5 baby daddies. End the welfare state and responsibility will return. Plus we would be able to afford more.
A relative of mine had the strategy to have five kids with five different men. She was paid by each of them, she wound up being wealthy because of them. She also only picked redheads, so that they all looked like the same family when she finally did settle down!
I find it so odd that Jordan sets up this binary between career or parenthood being the only two driving forces in life. I like my career well enough, but it’s not the reason I don’t ever want to have kids. My career is a means to an end, which it to pursue my passions of travel, scuba diving, and long distance hiking. Those things are what I want to spend my time and attention on, it’s as simple as that. Kids aren’t the only source of fulfillment for some people 🤷♀️
And the complete lack of understanding that both men and children benefit from less time at work and more time together. The lie that career is everything is told to boys as well as girls. The biggest lie still told to girls is that they can’t be fulfilled or real women unless they have children. That causes so much psychological damage for women who cannot have children and makes menopause harder for many too.
I think the infertility issue is on both sides now. Women are waiting much longer to try and the newest generation of men has much lower testosterone than the generations before them. Not a good mixture.
Well, seeing the issue with climate change future generations are going to face, having less kids might actually be better for this planet and those who will live on it.
@@lauragoreni3020 Perhaps. But right now the journey there is not looking good with current birth rates. Most western countries have a negative birth rate and are not meeting the replacement rate for their populations. Some in EU and South Korea in particular are even trying to pay or offer tax incentives to get married to their fellow countrymen or have kids. So, when the boomers are gone and we are the elderly who will be our workforce to sustain our lofty lifestyles? Who will take care of us? Sure, climate change could affect us. But the current societal norms pushed about families and having kids is going to hit us first.
I think you can have a less high-demand career and a child. It's too scary to rely on one person's income. One of my SAHM friends just went through a divorce. She has no work history, and she's living at the poverty line with two children. I enjoyed this! Thanks for the content!
Hi Lindsay! I think a lot of women fear that situation the most which is why they focus on a career so much. Having a solid skill set or education at least gives you something to fall back on if things take a turn for the worst. I’m sorry for your friend, that must be awful. Thanks for sharing ❤️
When the guy decided to cheat and commit to the girlfriend..it's clear he had already left his family , only not legally..it's only sane to initiate a divorce to someone who has already left you..you don't want a husband just on paper..yet he doesn't care and isn't present in your life as he should be..if the husband cared for his family...he wouldn't let his kids starve after the divorce..he would still be their father regardless and show up for them
As men, we also have to make sure we build and create a great situation as well, because we won’t be able to support the lives that will depend on us in the future. Focus on that and things will come into place naturally
Most families can’t afford to have one bread winner as well. I often wonder how much the economic shift has changed the dynamic. You need stability to raise a family and stability is more difficult to come by. So most ppl are pushing it back. As well as the financial stability it seems like most ppl are still searching for the first step which is a fulfilling relationship. If you don’t have that. There’s another reason to push things back
THIS. This is the most relevant answer. If someone is talking about the birthrate and the first thing they say is "women dont want kids" that person is an idiot or a liar or both. Most married couples are pushing back kids. The problem isnt "women sleeping around".
@@user-vg8ox3he1i Its a multi layered issuer. It’s one of the many problems. Just no need of me saying that obvious answer. A lot of women are pushing it back because of career but also know the party phase for a lot of women has doubled or tripled. So both the hoe phase of both sexes, income, inflation, global warming, etc. all contribute
@@user-vg8ox3he1i Agreed. Pretty sure if there was a study comparing the difference in other developed countries, starting a family would be more preferred elsewhere than here in America. The economy is going into shambles
I think most people could make a 1.5 income family work. If men worked but saved/invested their money until 27 and 28 and women worked and saved until 23 and 24 then you can start a family and be just fine. The problem is everyone wants everything, nice house, nice car, nice things, big wedding, etc. When starting a family people need to be frugal but most people aren't and then say they have no money, even tho there are literally families out their surviving at that income level. It's all about choices. We value stuff more than relationships and that's why we're in this mess
Are we seriously suggesting that women should be striving to be professional husband hunters at the age of 18 and 19? We should strongly advocate for young women to find a job or go to school and achieve some kind of financial Independence. If and when they enter a relationship and it doesn't work out she will not be dependent or be forced to stay with him due to a lack of financial resources. Like many women were forced to do throughout majority of the 20th century.
Exactly, but this Jordan guy is toxic and I believe has issues in his marriage . I forgot but their was a scandle a few years about with him and his wife
@@jadeblackwell6227 Exactly! Most people don't even know themselves or what they want to do at that age. I don't think the answer is marriage and kids.
In my country, South Africa, it's of paramount importance as a female to get education first in order to succeed. With a long history of absent fathers in our country, women don't see the need to have kids anymore. Instead, a lot of women are about the bag and I commend that. A lot of factors play into having children.
It’s about survival. They don’t discuss the financial and psychological devastation that comes with being a single mother in poverty. It causes all sorts of problems. One of the main reasons I don’t have children is not being able to afford a child. I could of gotten married a long time ago, but the men I came across were not mature but they wanted to impregnate me. Financial and physical abuse is real for many young mothers.
@@indigogirl5172 You were smart. My friends mother gives the best advice. Never have more kids that you can comfortably afford on your own. I can't afford any kids on my own and thus won't have them.
The reason it's important to get established in your career, as opposed to having kids immediately, is because someday if/when that man leaves you, you're going to need to have a way to support yourself and possibly the kids, too. It's not fun trying to go back to school and start a career when you're in your 40s or 50s, believe me. Also, I think women need to consider why they want kids. I don't think it is an automatic that every woman has an innate desire for them. I know I never did. I do not regret never having them. On the other hand, I have friends who had children who often express their regret. Some have had kids with disabilities or kids who went down a bad path. Those kids end up feeling like more of a burden, though we are conditioned to be ashamed for feeling that way. Some people think kids are an automatic retirement plan; someone to care for them when they get old. I don't think that's a great reason for bringing more people into this world. If it's something you always dreamed of and desired, go for it. If not, don't let yourself be shamed or bullied into thinking it's wrong not to want them.
yeah my mom had me when she was 20 and she didn't get to have a career, the problem is my father died when i was 2 so my mom was a 22 year old with no career and a child to take care of, it was not great... now my mom always advices girls to have some form of a career or a way to provide for themselves
I always think it’s super weird that people just assume that having kids is an automatic retirement plan, as you call it. There are a lot of people I know who cut ties with their parents because they were crappy parents. Or kids who have moved far away because of a partner or career. Also, there’s no guarantee that your kids will outlive you, or be in a physical or financial position to care for you when you’re old.
Women initiate 70% of divorces as of 2015.. If he didn’t get a prenup he’s not anticipating on divorcing you unless you just a tramp ho’in around behind his back or not fullfilling your duties as a human trying to have a symbiotic relationship
@@drprofessor1414 Interesting that not only do you think the only reason a man would divorce is "you just a tramp ho in around" or "not fullfilling your duties". Alternately, there are many reasons a woman might be forced to seek a divorce, such as abuse. Or even being married to someone who uses the term "tramp ho" to talk about women and refers to marital relations as "fulfilling your duties as a human".
I think another narrative is that the stars need to perfectly align in order to have kids. I would love to have kids and a family one day, but also don't want to place burden on my child if I don't have ample income and means to give them a good, quality life. I also don't want to immediately have kids and they grow up in a single parenthood household or family environment that isn't stable. Children don't deserve to grow up with parents that do not have a healthy, solid relationship with eachother or financial stability.
I think some of these people are looking at kids as if they are accessories .i have my house and cars ,now I need a wife or a husband then my kids. I wonder if they think their decision should be like a Sims game.
This way of thinking isn't wrong, but it's why a lot of single 30 somethings don't have have a family, they never feel it's enough like finances, relationships or mental health. Meet someone and work through life together, through good and bad.
@@citizenz4640 mental health issues can be serious. I have a disability and PTSD and couldn't be a mother and yet I get judgment for this and if I did I wouldn't do well at it and be judged harshly. You can't win. I would need my parents to help me 24/7 and I don't have other family either.
Another factor, finances. For years the push was "go get a four year degree so you can get a good job." Only we had to take out huge loans to get that degree and many have had a tough time finding a good job to pay those loans back. Raising kids is expensive plain and simple. I was in my thirties and my wife was in her late twenties when we had our first child. A big part of that was so that we could get my student loans paid off before we also had to factor in the costs of buying a house and all the costs of having a child. It was a smart decision but did delay when we started our family.
Great point. Not to mention if you decide to change careers or live in an area where housing costs are really high ($1million + average cost of a home where I live).
Going to college for that 4 year degree & getting sacked with debt has become the scam of the century. There are more degrees out there than there is demand to hire them. So it takes some folks 20 years to pay off the debt which just delays starting the life you want. No thanks.
I can only speak for myself; my son is the greatest thing I have ever made, achieved or focused on. I was 33 when he was born. I thought it was a great decision that I waited until I was more mature and settled but the truth is it wasn't a decision I made honestly. It just turned out that way. The truth is at 38 I may never have another child and that is really tragic in a sense. I don't think you are ever ready to have children. You can be better equipped but money and material goods, a settled career have very little to do with your effectiveness as a parent. My parents had their first child before 20. My mom was 17. I have 7 siblings and we are all pretty damn close in age relative to how many of us there are. My parents did such a good job at being parents and I think a part of that is simply the time investment they made every single day. They had a simple life and a lot less distractions. They didn't have great careers or a big house or much money. We didn't go on vacations or have new toys or stuff in general. I think that cleared up a lot of time and energy for them to just parent. We went on family walks, bike rides, we always ate together as a family and were extremely close. I think what people see as limitations can be great advantages. Children only care about material things on a superficial level. What they really care about is your time and energy. Children aren't these little monsters that destroy things either. They are forming human beings and they are incredibly endearing and beautiful in their simplicity and honesty. My son legit blows my mind at least once a day. My wife and I have good careers. We have disposable income, a house three times the size of the one I grew up in. My son has a dedicated room in our house for his toys. We go on great vacations. While all this is true I look at him, think of my childhood and try to come up with ways to establish things more solid or meaningful which seems harder considering the so called advantages we have. You can't beat effort with stuff. You can't beat love with things and you can't buy happiness or security. That wonderment children experience when they discover and uncover lifes simple beauty is dampened by wealth and materialism. You cannot buy bonds, they are forged in experience and overcoming difficulty.
@Seth Chandler. Well and beautifully stated. Sometimes I think back to my childhood in the 60s and 70s (I'm a boomer) and think of all kids in the neighborhood. We were outside playing cops and robbers, riding bikes, building treeforts, playing baseball in a nearby field and the like. Although today's standard of living is much higher, those childhood days seem like the golden years. I feel sorry that my children will never have anything remotely similar to what we had even though we live in a bigger house with nicer amenities.
@@Rage_Harder_Then_Relax small.problem is that you need a young mobile population to maintain the economic growth and look after the elderly. The 'burden' right now is on the other side of the age spectrum.
Having kids is pure selfish ego. You only want someone to look after you when you're old and decrepit. You want mini-me's. What is your child gonna acheive by just being on this earth. I'll tell you now....nothing worth remembering. You and the family won't be remembered in 50-100 years. No one will know anything about you or care. People want kids just because they can. Again, what good is that all for? And then people look at those who don't want kids, side ways as if there's something wrong with them. People who don't want kids are much more wiser than any that do have them as they know that having an extension of themselves isn't needed to be defined by what old society has ran successfully in the past. Wanting kids so badly & having kids doesn't make you a success especially in shitty times and is not guaranteed fulfillment of future life. Humans have screwed up this mainly because of religion. Religion has a lot to answer for and this is one example.
I'm 29 and don't have anything that society would expect me to have. I don't have a house of my own, my own vehicle or a career. All I've got is my not so close family, my job, and school. To even think of raising a child in a world that's gotten harder to live in gets me feeling depressed everytime I think of it.
I had the opposite pressure growing up: the most important thing is for you to get married and have children. I’m in my early 30’s and cannot afford children. That’s the reason I’m not having them.
@@Robot50000 let them compete . It's men that traditional didn't have any competition because America shut out women and minorities. Now the men who belong to the majority have to compete and are upset
@@clarity2974 honey im killing all my female competitors at my age nonetheless males, sit down somewhere. I know don't know what you thought this was lol... any person whining about wanting to travel and spend time with friends aint gonna work the average male... we getting money for the honeys, women just get money to have fun. CORE difference.
One common thing I have often heard is that no one ever said on their deathbed that they wish they spent more time working. They wish they spent more time with family. Same often goes for women and men.
Childless 31 year old, here. If my husband and I had kids now, we absolutely would not have the means to raise and provide for them fairly. The biggest reason for this surge in childless couples is the growing inequality of wealth and assets in the world. It's not just women becoming more educated, ambitious or career-hungry. There are way more social and economic factors at play.
That's what I keep hearing more than anything else ... Many people don't want children because the condition's we are all living under is not conducive to raising vulnerable lifeforms.
We will always be dissatified with something or the other, that's what our existence is like. Someone who decides to not have kids will think "what if I had one", someone with kids and an early marriage will think how it would be different had they waited a bit longer, a working mom will feel guilt to not spend time with her kids, a single mom or dad will feel someting else. Nothing will ever go 100 percent smoothly, there will always be bumps along the way. Someone wanting kids may end up having their kid die, someone can lose a spouse, or get sick and unable to work. Even if everything pans out great, the kids will stop being the source of joy when they grow up and leave for work and/or studies, and the house becomes empty again. Jordan Peterson himself was mentally broken because he's dealing with his wife's illness, undergoing treatment. In my humble opinion, the most important thing is how content you are, when alone. When you have no external factors, humans or inanimate objects that you depend on, to keep you happy. How much peace are you at, with yourself? That's the only thing that matters. You have to accept that all of it, is temporary, the good and the bad, both will wax and wane as days pass by. Life is not this linear thing with an end goal, there was never any end goal, the end is death; but life is more like a mountain range with peaks, crevasses, storms, blizzards, where we rise and fall. Even if we reach the summit, we have to get down again. That's all there is.
You have to be ok with being lonely without being lonely. The most important conversation you’ll ever have is the one you have with yourself. True peace and fulfillment comes from within. No one can give that to you. You couldn’t have explained it better.
Speculating that only unhappy people leave angry or vitriol comments is just simply untrue. It sounds like mental gymnastics to help a youtuber, or big personality on social media, ignore any potential flaws in their own thinking. Personal bias, supported through post-rational thinking, to alleviate an online perceived attack, does wonders for self justifying ones own personal bias. But it also prevents them from the truth if they perhaps are wrong about a belief.
My aunt who was a saint is childless and has no partner. She raised me and have looked after my half brothers too. We were her sisters kids, but she took me as her son. It really takes a different type of person to do that. She was a lawyer, then prosecutor, then head of the witness protection and the head of the regional prosecutors in my country. I know she doesn’t show it to us, and always helps everyone with a smile and treats people with respect regardless if they are strangers or poor, she will help. However, now that I am older and am in a whole different country away from her, when we see each other, she cries when we part ways. She misses having to take care of me. She was my mom and I was her son. I sometimes think that it would have been better if I wasn’t born because she wouldnt have to be sad and lonely after I was gone. I felt like I changed her life, with her being the oldest in her siblings, she was left to take care of me. All I’m really saying is. Maybe she would have been happier being completely childless.
It's not complicated, it's very simple. If a woman wastes her 20s sleeping around and not focusing on becoming a wife and mother then the results are obvious. It's the same for a man in his 20s who does not focus on building his career, in his 30s he won't be on the path of financial prosperity. Life is simple but people make idiotic choices and then complain about the outcome.
Is it a waste to spend your youth having fun and having great sex? And all men are not looking for "financial prosperity" These generalizations and assumptions are what's harmful...
@@r.walker7986 you are 100 percent correct, one can do anything they wish as they have complete freedom. Just don't be surprised with not being able to have said outcome in life. A promiscuous woman cannot complain that a high quality man doesn't want to wife a whore and a man cannot complain that he's financially struggling to raise a family if he didn't build his financial portfolio.
@@theukeconomist6518 The thing is a man that would have a problem with a woman who has had sex before(aka: the new "promiscuous" to nerds and guys who can't get any) has no value to that woman. Yopu can call yourself "high quality" high value or whatever but at the end of the day every person you deal with will determine your value to them based on whether or not you fulfil their needs and wants and preferences.
As a guy I look at it differently and think about long term. I became a dad at 24 and my child will graduate high school when I’m 42. Raising kids takes a lot of time, money, and energy. I can’t imagine chasing toddlers down in my late 30’s or 40’s either. Boys in particular want a dad that plays with them. It’s interesting going to sporting events and being younger than many of the other parents.
It doesn't matter how well you keep yourself in shape- having kids is a young person's game. It also is better for the kids, having extended family. My grandparents and parents all married young (and stayed married!). We had great family reunions for 30 years. I even knew some of my great-grandparents. My wife's parents married later, and she didn't know any of her grandparents. When we began dating seriously, she was shocked that I even had grandparents alive, much less all of them. I said, "You want to meet them?"; she did, and thoroughly enjoyed being a part of their lives until they passed. She saw what she missed out on.
@@tdrive398 bullshit Grandparents getting used to offload the children. One of the things I would never do and even promised my parents they don't have to worry. They had their stress with me and my brother, don't need another bunch of little bastards. Don't want to judge, but what a primitive mindset that she was 'shocked' - wtf... My parents were in their mid 20s when I was born - the majority of my friend parents were in their end 30s to early 40s when they were born. I'm doing the same, I guess between now and in 3 years we will have our first kid - I'm 42 now. Young persons game - I can now afford a family without sacrificing my hobbies - if I would had a kid and family in my 20s I wouldn't be there where I am now. But the same time, looking how the governments and politics change, I am considering at all having children - as they getting born into modern slavery. Mandatory these and that - own nothing and be happy - corrupt laws with even more corrupt politicians. Not to mention, I'm 42 now and I'm in the best physical shape I ever was, working out since 5 years - all my friends who had children and family in their 20s are generally divorced, depressed, and drug addicted (cigarettes and alcohol) and just moan and complain - they love their kids but the same time regret and often seem to envy me as I have house, cars and travelled the world. And now I can afford to travel the world with my family should I make the decision - and if not, I have more money to spend because this is what I will do - just spend it - when dead I can't take it with me anyway.
My dad had my little brother at 55 and now in his 60s he regularly goes outside and kicks a soccer ball or throws a football and keeps up with him just fine and he isn't even in near the shape I am in. I think it could easily be done in the 30s and 40s personally.
It would be interesting to dig into the socio-economic and other demographics of the study. Stating that 50.1% women are childless at 30 surely makes me want to dig deeper. Great interview and nice assessment Courtney.
I made the mistake of being with someone who didn't want children at all and I spent all of my twenties with them. We loved each other but our ideas for the future were different. Now at 35, I don't have a man or children or a career and a pull to choose life over work. But I feel my dreams have turned to ash. I was led to believe that having children when you're young is a bad thing and you must build your career first. This is something being uttered out by the media and people's mouthes during my era. "Your life would be over if you didn't go to university or got pregnant too early" What rubbish. Men know that they have the luxury of saying yes or no to kids at any time because they don't have a biological clock. Just a psychopathic bomb ticker when they use dating apps for sex only but mislead women to think otherwise.
Maybe somehow start your own business. The only way to earn more and good is your own business. Saw a vid here on UA-cam on someone who used her stimulus check to start a 7 fig business. Will be checking it out w the hubby. And also maybe fostering a child and who knows at some point you might decide to be a mum anyway naturally when the financials have lined up better for you. As someone w no kids you have some time and space hopefully to choose a direction. All the best!
That's a lie, the chance of down syndrome also increase with the increase of the dad's age. They absolutely have a biological clock. But for women the woman might actually die if something goes wrong with the fetus.
My parents always told me I can do what I wanted, be a mother or have a career. I always wanted to be a mother but never dependent on a partner, I want a partner I don’t want to need them, that’s my thing cause if something goes wrong in the relationship I wouldn’t wanna be left with nothing of my own. Having a career or being a parent should definitely always be a choice, do what makes you happy. Also a lot of the time some people legit just can’t afford a child, children are expensive let alone a big responsibility, I personally think 25 is a decent time to think about children and learning to save for said child if you so choose to actually want and have one.
you do know that there is community property, alimony, and child support right? I see these women pretending that if their husband leaves them they will be living on the streets eating government cheese.
@@mohamedadan6678 Usually there is something wrong with the marriage if the woman wants a divorce. And as the man makes 50 % of the marriage it's quite common that there is some issues regarding the man. People grow to want different things, they don't love each other anymore, one or both cheat etc. Every case is unique, but the fact that there are problems in long marriages is not. So it's not fair to put the blame solely on women. And regarding the fact that women file for divorce more often. I've read multiple times that men are more content to stay in an unhappy marriage than women. And why wouldn't they, especially if they cheat. Somebody has to take care of the kids and do household chores after all.
Always remember that love and happiness is vital(from both partners) in a relationship, not just money. That said, men like to feel apreciated so if a woman is too sucessful (nothing wrong with this) they are going to look for a partner who earns the same as them or more. This is where options become limited to a lot of woman. To man is different, we could have much wealth and yet we can fall in love with anyone that makes less money. Feeling loved and appreciated is more important to man.
My dad never went to college. My mom has a art degree from a university. I have a degree from a community college and my brother has 2 degrees. So I'd say there's definitely validity to what Jordan said about a mother's education.
I saw too many women around me be left to support their children pretty much on their on, this makes me insecure about starting a family and depending on the father and therefore not wanting to have children until I'm financially secure
Exactly. I think the reality of motherhood is often depressing from my observations. Women being overworked, undervalued and not supported. Women stuck in bad or subpar relationships where they are expected to make huge sacrifices. Without guaranteed support, maturity and respect from your spouse having kids is a huge risk for women.
@@civildiscourse7626 As a woman or a man you can get married have children. It can result in divorce or you stay married. There are no guarantees in life. You make the best decison at the time and go with your gut.
@@MultiSUNFLOWER18 but statistically a man is less likely to leave if he’s married… if they wasn’t married then perhaps the relationship wasn’t serious enough to bring a child into anyway so really it’s about a woman doing things the right way…ps if they were married his financial obligations become more severe
I’m one of those rare woman that has made it to 50 without kids & am very happy with my decision. I’m constantly reminded of the many reasons I made the right choice for me. It never had anything to do with career goals. It was about not wanting to sacrifice my freedom & personal time to raise children. I helped a lot in raising my nieces & nephews & I’ve never felt like I missed out. So many parents I see are over-extended & unhappy. Many of them have honestly admitted that they wouldn’t have them given the opportunity to make the choice again. Parenthood should be a very conscious choice, not something that is done to fill a hole or because it meets societal expectations. More power to those that find that kind of lifestyle & sacrifice rewarding! I hope you raise good humans.
You just got really good at lying to yourself. Eventually, the realisation that you're alone and have zero legacy WILL get to you.You won't escape it.That's just the way it is.
I agree with you about everything!!! I'm 25 but I decided not to have kids, I don't think it's worth the sacrifice. This is my decision and I don't care about my "duty" of woman, cause I have many reasons why i don't want any
@@fish2399 what’s your problem? I’ve already decided People choose what to do with their lives when they’re young If she’s 50 without kids then it means it was already something she thought when she was young And women don’t have much time to think about this, don’t you think?
Folks waiting until later in life is a big part of infertility and part of the bigger issue as a whole. Waiting until I was 28 is something I regret every day. I put my career first and all it got me was money attached to loneliness. I felt incomplete. I was traveling, had a great job, my own car and house and was miserable. I was also pretty feminist in my way of thinking. Just trust me ladies when I say I was completely wrong about all of it. One of my friends waited until 35 to find out she can’t even have kids and it sent her into depression. Your career means nothing when you’re dead.
My sister was lied to & went full high power job after a degree & masters, great money & long hours then tried to have it all in her 40's & sadly she was past her prime, but at least she can keep working long hours to pay taxes & support other people's families.. so society wins! Go feminism.. So many feminists have no kids so can't pass on those mistakes as most of them will never have children... At least they have true equality and can now work and fund society just like men! :)
@@kaylalilly9281 Kids are the future and your kids are your bloodline. While your alive you could be proud and feel comfort in the fact that your created your own family. What our ancestors have done since the beginning of humanity. The only objective meaning of life.
The thing about fertility is unless you have some disorder with symptoms or something that can be tested for, you are not gonna know if you are or are not fertile until you try to get pregnant. Most women who are infertile later in life have always been infertile. Infertility is defined by the inability to get pregnant after trying for at least two years in most cases. When you are dead, pretty sure nothing means anything to you, cause you are dead, the question is what fulfils the parts of you that can be fulfilled while you are alive, most people have space to love kids and work.... they don't satisfy the same needs...
Difficulty conceiving at 30 usually is because of other issues and nothing to do with age. I had kids young and never even thought of not having children it was just what people did. Even though I love my children I know now how much I've given up to have them. I do regret having kids young I gave up my youth to end up a solo mum struggling to get by, i never got to travel or do anything for myself. People think of all the good bits about having a baby and raising a child but reality is so much of it isn't fun or enjoyable. It's even harder if you have a baby that has colic or something else like that. Having a child with disabilities isnt alway like they show on tv it can break a family it can make extended family and friends vanash and it can be a situation you have to cope with till the day you die, can't always be screened for so its always a risk. Pregnancy and birth is also a risk, i can't walk more than a few meters or stand longer than 5 minutes because of the damage done to my abdominal muscles. To all my children I have advised if they want children to wait until they have lived for themselves and are financially stable because once you have kids its so much harder to do those things. Women used to need a man to prove an income and if your husband was an abusive asshole you just had to take it because you needed him. If your husband left then the women and kids are screwed. Now we have the ability to support ourselves we can choose partners based on how they treat us and can leave if it gets bad. It's not all about wanting to work its about not being financially vulnerable and being able to support ourselves and our family if we choose to have one.
Lol you ladies have all those "opportunities" and yet MOST OF YOU are still unhappy???? God didn't intend you ladies to work FOR A REASON....I think its time you realize his
This is why God created marriage darling pick your spouse carefully I have 3 children one special needs autistic and two c sections it's called not being self centered . You can make a life and have fun with your kids and yes you can travel you have to work for what you want.
I remember my sister explaining to me her career choices when she was debating leaving her law firm. She has a PhD in a medical field and is a lawyer and was doing special training to be an elite level lawyer. Her husband is an immigrant and was working as a machinist so he was struggling to find an office government job. She was ~35 at the time and saying - my job means i have the salary to send my future childrens to private school and have a really nice life. This new job the salary is lower but has benefits, so i wont be able to provide that education. She knew her salary was the key to her family's future and opportunities. So men think that women want this flashy high earning guy, but it's not that.. women do the math and know what they will lose and their family will lose lowering their income level to have kids. A lot of high earning women don't have good medical benefits or other safety nets built into their compensation - not to mention they might never be able to get their career back to the level is wat before because of gender bias. Not to mention, many women dont want to fully rely on their husband financially because jt can be very dangerous. So many men have too much ego to do mental calculation of what THEY have to bring to the table in order for the women to have childrens and take themselves off the job market. If she makes 40K, then he has to make up for the 40K lost in order for her to lose a second income. Now if she makes 90K or over 100K, that becomes harder to make up for. So no shit she's trying to find an equal or higher paying husband. This isn't rocket science. Edit: also the housing market is based off two incomes, so the mortgage payments due every month, increased food bills, etc etc all is off two incomes. The "maternal instinct" is logic and survival of your family.... but somehow men preaching hypergamy and "high value men" think they are the providers 🤔. You can have the life and the family you desire but be really realistic judging other's and what you yourself provide.
My parents raised my younger brother and I in the traditional family structure. Dad worked at least 60 hours a week, and Mom stayed home until we were old enough that she could work part-time. She was 23 when she had me. She did not finish college, and the time she sacrificed raising us hurt her professional development. At 60, she is just now making $60k/year. My aunt, however, did finish college and prospered in her field. When my cousin was just two, she and my uncle divorced. They both wanted to build their professional lives while juggling parental responsibilities. The stress from maintaining their jobs, the house, the welfare of my cousin, and their relationship proved too much to sustain their marriage. My aunt never remarried. If one of your life goals is to pass on your genetics, there is a fairly steep price to pay for that. Sacrifices must be made. Do your due diligence to know all of the costs, requirements and challenges that come with successfully raising a child that can grow into a well-adjusted adult.
I struggle to understand why marriage and having a child is a “bucket list” item for most women, or even having a career that takes up more than 50hrs a week. There’s too much life to experience, travel, sport, hobbies. I’m early 50s and recently bought a DJ controller as learning that as a hobby as I’ve always loved dance music…. Age is just a number.
I'm a woman, I've been married, and had a career. I never wanted kids and didn't have any. I'm also in my early 50's and feel like I'm living the life I always wanted for the first time. It's awesome and feels like the exact opposite of the "regrets" that everyone seems to think I'd be having.
10:39 You missed a point, Courtney. Yes, because of hypergamy highly successful women tend to go for only a small pool of highly successful men. But! The same is not true for those men at all. Highly successful men have no problem dating or even marrying a woman who is barely educated or doesn't make much money or work at all, attractiveness and youth are what men subconsciously look for because women are much more fertile before 30. This makes a highly successful woman's' dating pool even smaller, because a highly successful man would easily pass on her for a younger more fertile and attractive girl who makes way less money.
Courtney, great video. This is honestly the reason why i have the hardest time dating. I've worked my butt off to be come successful and am ready for marriage and a family, which I can take care of financially but a lot of these women are so focused on their careers they are not ready to settle and I/these women are in our mid 30s now.
Men and women are valued differently. Men: Money, Status, Resources Women: Youth, Fertility, Beauty So when women wait until they’re not as pretty and can’t have children as easily, that makes them undesirable. What also doesn’t help is that they’re now masculine. Aiming for careers and flaunting it as a way to gain a mate. That only turns men off since that’s a masculine trait. The drive to be successful, willing to sacrifice for your career, and willing to support a family financially pretty much means that woman needs a wife, not a husband.
@@SlayerOfTheDamned I couldn't agree more, Men will typically be in their prime into their 40s as they have children to take care of and a family which drives them to work harder. I know so many women that are 35+ years old that are upset that men the same age wont date them, and the the major reason like you said, men see the younger women and go after them for Youth, fertility and beauty.
@@LatimusChadimus 1000% i have three married friends in their mid 30s who are having the hardest time trying to have children, many of them on their 3rd - 4th round of IVF with no luck. A lot of these women who want to wait a long time to have children can ignore reality, but cannot ignore the consequences of ignoring reality when it comes to child birth and conception at an older age
Bro have no attachment to outcome in life!! Do you even know why you're alive?? What's the nature of human consciousness?? Aren't these much more fascinating questions than to worry about getting a woman that you know is only gonna be competing with you and be combative lol??
What a load the life expectancy of women in the us is 86-88 years if a woman got married at 24had 3 kids by 30, by the age of 36 her kids are all in school. She can work for 29 years to build a career( or more if she wants to) and still would have been a good mother, and hopefully a good wife and everyone is happy.
My mother considered it very important that I get a job that would allow me to be financially independent...so that I wouldn't be stuck in a marriage to an abusive man because there was no other viable option. In that context, having a good career is very important. It would not surprise me if many other women of my mother's generation had the same idea. So, it's not so much a "lie" that women are hearing as a particular point of view that is based on some unpleasant realities that people like Mr. Peterson seem to be oblivious to.
He really isn't oblivious to it, but if you start with the assumption any partner will be abusive and you'll need to be independent, why even have a family in the first place? Stability and trust, long term, for raising children together in a good family. Yes, it requires sacrificing something, either independence or resources, often both. What's the point of a high-end career if you end up miserable and alone? Different things for different people, but there's nothing wrong with trusting your partner and wanting to raise children.
@@mrknarf4438 You are correct: different things for different people. And, no, there's nothing wrong with trusting your partner and wanting to raise kids. What is wrong is a system that essentially punishes a person when his/her trust turns out to be misplaced. I write that with both men and women in mind.
Get a job that allows you to work from home or for a business that you and your husband runs. Simple. How are people getting degrees left and right but missing this obvious solution? Accounting. Digital Marketing. Etc.
@@dave45032 you realize that not everyone can work from home. That is unrealistic for most people. How do you think this world can function if everyone works from home. Tell a nurse she can work from home and keep her hospital job.
I'm a guy who's wanted nothing more than to get married and have a family ever since I was a teen. Unfortunately I never found a woman my age who wanted these things until I was about 35.
Just be real. The older ruined our younger generation and if we go on like this and do not face our fears of responsibility there will be a lot of regret before we die. So take the courage today and start by being someone who cares.
@James Young Rejecting or having fear are two totally different topics. You also do not take responsibility and instead make the world responsible for how it is. If you would fight to change your view you would not think like that.
The best way to secure the lifestyle you want is to get it for yourself. I think women should be free to do whatever they want. Adoption is always an option so if the clock runs out before I have a child for myself, I would gladly be a mother to someone else's.
Had a teacher in high-school late 30 I believe that used to regret focusing on her career and not starting a family sooner. She was very bitter and hysterical always starting arguments with everyone.
Lots of Bitter mothers out here too like my old boss for example. Mid 30's , bitter mother of 3 young kids. A totally unhappy miserable B**ch. So yah, its not just limited to the childfree women
Funny Jordan mentioned women in law making partner. I'm a lawyer (Ohio and Michigan) and I know plenty of women who are in law, miserable, burnt out, and many are 40+ and beyond being able to have children. They are chronic burnt out and some have even told me they regret every major decision they made. I recently had a 32 year old law graduate, not even working in law, an office clerk, tell me she thought the grades, degree, career was the path to happiness and she said she had ruined and wasted her life with a useless degree and a job that was just a dead-end soul-crushing grind.
I disagree with Peterson's initial assertion. At least for me, yes, being independent and having a career was preached by my family (father). However, the *reason* he taught me this is so that I would not be dependent on a man. Considering the current state of American men, I feel that his teaching was spot on.
[20M] All I want in life is to be a husband and father. My family upbringing was so disastrous, but I loved the safety and security I felt as a kid when my Aunt and Uncle had me stay summers with them to visit my cousins. I would love to have a family and give them a stable home like I never had but was invited into. The thing is I so many people are focused on hookup culture now, that it's hard for me to network myself out and find the women my age that want the same thing. I am not saying there aren't women comparable to my values, just that I think for men they are hard to find, and for the women us guys are hard for them to find.
Don't give up or lose hope! I'm 21 and I want the same thing too, and I don't participate in or agree with hookup culture. There are definitely women out there who want to settle down, like yourself. You just gotta search the right places for them. I hope everything goes well for you 😊
You are too young to be stressed about this, that's what's probably unattractive about you and you are also judgmental when you are the oddball out. You are the anomaly and a lot of times when dudes are trying to settle down this young women see it as a red flag, like you know you are gonna peak early so you are trying to lock a woman down while you still can. Relax, go develop some skills and get an education, get a career you love and get to a point where you can actually take care of your self and a family.... Women are not hard to find but to most women you are still a boy and in your age bracket, you are still very much dealing with GIRLS. Let these girls grow up.
@@CM-137 No smart woman would agree to all this. There comes a point when you are trying so hard to protect yourself, there will never be a "we" or "ours" and women with common sense see that for the red flag it is...
I’m 22 , recently married, and expecting our first baby…I grew up raised by a single mother who wanted me to be a independent women, with a college degree and career… the pressure to achieve those things overwhelmed me, because That was not what I wanted deep inside although I ALMOST settled for that. , I truly desired to be what I was made to be, a good wife and a good mother . And to me, that’s the greatest job I could ever have. I understand other women might think differently, and that’s ok. But for those women who think the same as me, this kind of life is truly fulfilling, and don’t let society shame you into thinking otherwise .. you are not a lazy woman if you decide to be wife and SAHM. In fact it’s the most important, impactful job you could ever have. Much love to all💕
Definitely but too many in this country are just ok with being a mother.. like strive to be a good one at least. If that’s too much off a commitment which it seems like it is for many.... then maybe don’t have kids. Too many crummy parents which leads to a life of trauma for those kids.
I got married around the same age as you never married around the age too. It just happened. My hubby is 4 years older than me and he was ready to settle down. He treated me well then and still does now. He always always makes sure I am loved. We have two kids and going on 19 plus years married. Having a family is indeed a blessing and especially when a family is created with the RIGHT people 😊💕
I definitely can agree. I don’t know what’s worse, bad parents raising bad kids that become the next generation, or people not having kids at all… it’s important for the people who are good to raise up good kids in whole families
Wow, that’s amazing, and very encouraging for me to read! My husband is 5 yrs older than me. he’s so mature, he knew he wanted a family to provide for and that’s what he has done💕🙏🏽 I couldn’t be with someone my age either bc they weren’t mature enough to settle down. Bless you and yours, and all those amazing years you guys have been together 🙌🏽
I'm 29 and confident to say I don't want any children. I love them and work as a school teacher, but I don't any of my own. I will be that 50 year old with no family.
Well maybe you know yourself well enough to predict that you’ll be happy being childless at 50 but there’s always a chance that this feeling will change and it’ll be too late by then. I hope you’ll be happy but I also hope you don’t blame men or anyone else in case you end up regretting that decision.
@@AS-qj6zf The feeling could possibly change, it hasn't for the last 29 years. If it does I love the idea of adoption. I love men too much, I don't blame them at all. Just a personal choice.
When he said a women's level of education predicts their child's education, but a man's doesn't, I instantly thought about social status perceived by men and women. Men care about status, but mainly for the purpose of attracting women, because women really care about status itself. Women are really socially driven, a lot more so than men, so it makes sense. One of the biggest providers of status is education, so educated mothers that care about status probably push their children into the direction of education, because it is the easiest way to achieve social status. That's just what I thought about it.
So it has nothing to do with it usually Being the Woman, who is spending More time quality and quantity with the Child? And therefore having More Impact on its development? What you're saying Sounds like a far Stretch
@@marie-ray We're not talking about children here though, are we? We're talking about young adults, and their decision to take on post secondary education, or not to. Does a young adult listen to their mother, or their father more? Is it subjective? I'd argue you're taking more of a shot in the dark than I. Unless of course you have some data to back that up. You do realize that even if you're correct, it doesn't necessarily disprove my viewpoint? Because the mother could still be pushing the value of education because of social status for her kid, even if she really is more impactful than the father. That would mean that the primary reason a woman's education dictates their child's level of educated is still based on the mother's value of social status.
@@Aubatron ah that's true, I was thinking of Young children. But even then, is going to University only a choice about social Status and Not Job opportunities (therefore Not having to worry about finances)? That's the Most Common answer ob why people get a degree, apart From a specific Dream Career that requires it
When you’re a woman beauty will give you far more status then education will. Men don’t care about your education if you’re hot and men are the key to successful careers since you get subjected to such bad treatment when you’re a woman. You need a man to help like Jay-Z and Beyoncé
I live in Utah, and childless women are very rare. Being in my early 40’s, I have no aversion to dating single mothers. I’m childless myself and I have stayed focused on my career and education. Part of me feels like I have failed for never starting a family, yet I have grown to realize that I am probably better off, as many of my friends who are single parents tend to really struggle. I’m at the point where I can take it or leave it. Some of the women I date are still relatively young, yet there kids are in their late teens and early 20’s already.
Utah is in a completely different world to the rest of the US. People marry young, have children young and ultimately divorce before hitting 30's there. Very weird world Mormons forged there.
It's not as great, because almost all humans have a deep rooted biological drive to reproduce that cannot be duplicated ever. One can choose to be content with the choice of adoption and it's commendable always, but nothing compares to your own biological child, people don't have to be dishonest about it, it just is.
@@goldrays4862 Nah, that’s for you. Many people don’t care about biological vanity. If you want to nurture offspring and raise them with great values… doesn’t matter if they’re adopted or not. They carry legacy through upbringing & good values. Anyone who devalues their adoptive children wouldn’t make a good parent anyway.
I think a lot of people don't understand how many women don't even get the chance to try to have kids until later because they simply don't find the right man. Not because they're partying or sleeping around but because they just, for whatever reason, don't have a partner even though they want to find that person. And that can be extremely painful, and the last thing they need is to be browbeaten for still being single past their "prime childbearing years" when it wasn't even a choice. I had severe medical issues that I was dealing with and because of that couldn't even date until well into my 30s. I didn't choose this and shouldn't be shamed for it.
exactly - there seems to be no shades of grey in the conversations here. You are either a "career woman" or a family woman. The dating scene for both sexes is a jungle and finding the right mate can be random good luck
@@kismet256 finally a voice of reason! So many people seem to assume that any woman who isn't married in her 20s has been sleeping around and partying, when this is not the case at all. There are many women who are just extremely shy or introverted or just don't get the chance to find anyone for other reasons. Or they spent years in a dead end relationship thinking it was going to lead to marriage. Ridiculous that so many people act like every woman had the option to get married young and just chose not to because they preferred to party and sleep around - many of us would have loved to marry young but just didn't find the right person. Also, many of the women who were sleeping around in college, etc. are the ones who got married young. I have no idea where this idea came from that all the innocent, virginal women get married young and the partying thots are the ones still single in their 30s because of their own choices. It often isn't like that at all.
Also, the decline in female fertility has been oversold. There's so much ignorance out there that people seriously think that women are sterile at 30, which is not even remotely the case. Most women are actually still fertile at 40. There is a decline, but there's no steep cliff until about 40 or so. And believe it or not, most women are doing the best they can to find love. They're not putting it off on purpose, they are simply having a hard time finding the right person in some cases. So people need to stop with the fear-mongering and browbeating and just let women live their lives. Believe me, we know our fertility declines, we don't need your "reminders." Especially when they are based on ignorance - if my doctor says I'm still fertile, I don't care what uneducated randos on the internet have to say on the topic.
@@Crazygurl1211 be thankful of modern science and technological advances in regards to fertility. UA-cam and Podcasters can create an echo chamber effect and too much time in this rabbit hole (dominated by men largely) can put you off the opposite sex. On a sub conscious level men are fighting the change in power dynamics and are lashing out anyway they can for example polarizing women as "career women" or "family women". also the "concern" re fertility levels. One of most pivotal decision you make in life is who you decide to have a child with - "when a clown becomes a king, the Palace becomes a Circus"
@@kismet256 These internet incels are fussing because women have rights. That's all they're doing. Women can have a career and a family. We just can't do it at the same time. I worked hard, got an education, and saved my money from my teenage years until age 25. I got married to a good, strong man, although he was poor. No worries, I'm frugal and I had plenty of money. We had three children. I spent a decade at home raising them, only working part time and sporadically. I spent most of my time parenting. When the youngest was school age, I went back to school too. I slowly re-trained into a career. Kids are happy, hubby is happy. I move at my own pace, in light of my active role in family life. We were never rich, but we got by. I'm a health nut with no plans to retire. I work as a physical therapist and yoga instructor. I can work until I'm 95 years old if I play my cards right. Life is good.
I have never had the urge to have children, even when I was young. I am so happy for people that want to raise a family it's a tough gig but a very rewarding one, the truth is, we need to continue to have children to keep the population going, but it is not for everyone. I dedicate myself to those who are already here who need love and support and that fills me with great joy. No one can take that away from me. Even when I start to get older I may foster, adopt pets etc. There is plenty of love already here. Only I know my individual experiences and this is what my soul tells me, so I stop listening to pressure from external source.
Well most women choose to grow their careers first because being left by your husband with kids and no job prospects is a real fear. This pendulum started because of coming from such homes. Also the culture of your 20s is your fun years because marriage and kids cost so much money that a 20 year old cannot possibly afford it.
Given divorces are initiated well over 90% of the time by college-educated women I'd say guys have considerably more to fear. A quick look at modern divorce statistics (women are nearly always awarded child custody, child support, alimony etc) show the risk involved with marrying a college-educated woman.
![Lp. Сердце Вселенной #60 РОЖДЕНИЕ ЛОЛОЛОШКИ [Финал] • Майнкрафт](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YoR0pAV9FVQ/mqdefault.jpg)
Great work Courtney. I appreciate hearing a woman’s perspective on this stuff
I love seeing this interaction between honest, genuine content creators.
You are a simpanzee Chris.
@@RedPillAware - you can compliment people- females and not be a s@mp. It's when it's excessive or coming from a needy place. I'm rp aware and sometimes people take it too far at times. You can still be a good person.
simp
Consequences of living in a deregulated sexual market place. If you've read a red pill book, you'll see why (the rational male, the unplugged alpha etc)
Nobody gets to the end of their life thinking, “I wish I spent more time at work.”
Money comes and goes..time, you only get so much of it. When it’s gone. It’s gone.
Good comment buddy!! On my death bed, I'd be thinking : "I wish I could see another sunset on a beautiful beach on a hot summer day."
Quite literally, not a single one of us has ANY concept about time & how quickly it passes, so when you're talking to a 21 year old about pensions it only sounds like another lifetime away & for it then to be only almost immediately on top of you & you have Courtney in her already mid 20s talking about being a Mum & having kids ''one day'' & whenever that ''one day'' comes around exactly & even now you still hear so many women in their mid or late 30s talking about being a Mum & having kids ''one day'' as if they're still 22 years of age.....
For me, making money is the most enjoyable thing. I couldn’t care less about buying stuff with it…i enjoy the challenge
@@frankbrennan1619 I feel like time passes very slowly….I’m 55 and it seems like I’ve been here for 1000 years
@@frankbrennan1619 This chick is in her 20’s?? I would have sworn she was 35-40
In this economy it’s getting tougher to fit a child into the budget. I’m a guy in my 30s that would like to have a child one day, but between having trouble finding someone I want to marry and with how everything is rapidly getting so expensive, it just feels like it’s getting farther away.
Gas is now basically 4$+ per gallon. Difficult to get kids to/from anything with that cost
Thus, population control.
I can completely understand Daniel P, but lets face facts here, you arent getting any younger and Time is ALWAYS more precious than money. Think of it this way, with your time you can always make more money, but with more money, you cannot ever buy more time... Just have the kids, make the money as you go. remember that it isnt necissarily how much money you have in your bank account but rather how you use your money. Are you going to splurge on Christmas gifts for friends and family each year or are you going to, mid year, buy a whole bunch of christmas products that you can sell online during the holiday season? Think... Educate yourself on money. You can always work hard and make nore of it but you cant make up for lost time. get on with living
Definitely. There’s plenty of sexy, clippable hot takes on social issues to parse through on this subject but I see so few people acknowledging the massive role the overall political and economic reality has in shaping young peoples appetite for incurring one(or more) decades long financial responsibilities while the whole of the earth is degenerating into a morass of impending dread.
Keep faith 🙏🏼
I'm latina and this was quite opposite for me. I was raised in a culture telling me that having a husband and having kids is the most important thing in life. And if not achieved by a certain age you're in a way worthless.
they were wise. last thing you want is your country or ethnicity crumbling due to ego/materialism
And unsurprisingly, men find latin women, especially ones from traditional cultures, far more attractive and feminine then a standard western woman. We need those cultures back in the west.
You know any single ladies, lol?
Be grateful for that upbringing.
@Lorenzo Stewart what ? 😂😂😂 forcing someone to want kids in disgusting
No one mentions the cost of living. It's really hard to start a family on the average U.S salary even with a 2 income household. We have horrible maternity laws. It's really expensive to have a child.
Absolutely agree! If a society doesn’t support having a family, why would women want to have kids? I’m a New Zealander stay at home mom now living in the USA and although it was a mutual decision between my husband and I that I would be at home with our soon to be 4 kids, I’ve noticed that becoming a mother is not valued or even financially supported as much here in the USA as it is in NZ or even Europe. It makes sense that a career would be more encouraged for women here.
I agree
30% of men age 18-30 are "untouched"
Assuming that both genders exist in roughly equal numbers that equates to AT LEAST 30% of
women who wont be able to have families because there simply arent enough men shes willing to partner with to go around.
There's no single formula for a happy life or successful family. There are risks for starting too early and waiting too late. In the end, everyone sacrifices something.
Amen
Yes, there's an opportunity cost to everything. That said, people are forward looking. The past is often psychologically discounted while the future is emphasized. It's probably way more likely for a woman reaching her 30s to regret not being able to conceive (therefore permanently losing that future source for joy) than for a woman to have settled down early and have children to regret she didn't have more fun in her 20s, all other factors being equal.
Yea I agree people focus too much on perfection when really you just need something that works.
@@AoCabo Women regret having children too. Some people never get financial footing because they had children too soon and die broke and sick while their adult kids never visit.
@@clarity2974 Yes, they do, but I'm speaking generally about how people as a whole tend to discount the past and put a premium on the future. I'm not saying anything on individual cases. Also, as I've mentioned previously in the comments: "all other factors being equal," i.e. you need to normalize both circumstances. If you wanna use the situation where the mother being broke and sick with no one to visit her, you have to apply that to her younger self as well to be able to make a fair comparison.
I'm a man, I was told at 18 that there was nothing more important than my career. Last time I checked. Kids were supposed to have Dads too. However I was told that if I get tied down with a kid I won't be able to pursue my goals. Guess what though. Almost all of the women I know who had kids in their 20's, had no help from the father, and live in poverty to this day with no skills to get out of poverty.
That's because too many people have children without being in a stable, loving marriage.
@@davidcohen7881 And they have kids because people like JP are spreading fear about growing old and lonely etc. So even people that don't want kids have kids purely out of fear and also not wanting to be different.
@@jimj2683 I doubt many people have kids because they're afraid of being different or because of JP's telling them to have them. Many chose to have kids they didn't want to prevent their partner from leaving if they refused. Also, many just had them because they didn't take preventative measures and didn't think about the commitment required to raise them.
Women make terrible choices when it comes to men-you see that when women fall in love with criminals & thugs/drug dealers that's why fathers used to keep their daughters at home & choose their husbands based on men that were good providers & stable...
Men can have kids in their 50s or 60s-women don't have that option...
The most important thing in your life is what YOU decide it is. Many women with kids and a husband don't feel completely fullfilled. Many working women don't feel completely fullfilled. Many women with both dont feel completely fullfilled. That is life. Everyone ends up wanting what they don't have.
Thank you for this comment. There is no right or wrong choice for everybody. I appreciate this perspective about the grass being greener on the other side.
True but the slow extinction of an entire culture is something that can not be recovered from. If you told me as a man I could either be unfulfilled and rich or unfulfilled in an average life BUT with kids that can carry on my last name and our cultural heritage I would take the average life. In either case, I may not feel fulfilled but at least in one I know my family name gets to continue on.
Have you ever thought about the fulfilment men feel? Do you suppose their idea of fulfilment is doing a more or less boring job for 40 odd years to feed, clothe and house their wife and children, retire then die after a couple of years? The most important thing in life is NOT what YOU, in your infinite wisdom, decide it is. Hedonism and egotism lead to the societal collapse that is happening now. If a woman decides not to have children, although she is physically able, then why should my children, for whom I have made sacrifices of time, effort and resources to bring up, look after that woman in her old age? The same goes for men, of course, but women are the gate-keepers of reproduction, not men.
What a load of idealistic horse shit. You suggest that our opinions are not impacted by our surrounding and is immune to exterior influence.
The education system, media and Society shape our opinions.
I would argue the scale is slightly more on the “had a child but feels unfulfilled” side. Usually, a family ends up being a big positive force as time goes by. A career gets up some accolades, but after it’s over you are left alone and purposeless.
My goal was to get an education so I could have options & empowerment in a ever changing world. My first day at the university I met a guy that I knew I would marry(not my goal at the time, I still needed growing). I avoided him, but we kept running into each other, finally Cupid’s bow hit. We married (45 years ago) had a family in our twenties, I enjoyed being home & teaching my kids. Seeing their growth & development along with mine was a joy. Things were tight financially,but I was skilled in self sufficiency we also were diverse in bring in extra income. The mortgage on our house that we built ourselves was 14%. My husbands job paid the mortgage & bills, my small income paid the groceries & clothes. I grew a garden & preserved fruits & vegetables. It was hard work, but so rewarding. We now have 21 grandkids that we adore, built several of our kids houses so they too can afford to have Mom home with the kids. We all love each other & have God to thank. I never got a degree, but all my kids did. My true story!
21 grand children. !
What sorts of things would you do on the side to bring in extra income?
May god bless you and your family
@@otterlover3399 I did childcare, sold Tupperware, photography, cleaned rentals. Two of these are now obsolete.
If you continued down the career path guaranteed you would’ve been unhappy with no family I’m glad you made the right decision and is happy to watch your family grow and grow women needs more of this they need to know that the feminist movement is ruining the family structure
There's one thing missing: not everyone who can afford to have kid should have one. Parenthood is not for everyone, more people realise this the less suffering in this world. Lot of parents I know don't have the patience, time or genuine interest in raising kid. They have one coz they feel it's 'natural progress' of their relationship hoping it'll complete their life. They still resent their kids whining, fighting, lost of personal time, sleep etc. It's a sad Lose Lose situation. No one stopping you to have or not to have kids but at least please think long and hard for the sake of parents and kids-to-be, it is not reversible decision. Try to adopt a child in any country you'll face stringent process, character assessment and suitability, I hope the same can be applied before bringing our own child to this world.
There wont be suffering if all of us are dead so might as well drop one big nuke no?
I think just because you want one doesn’t mean you should have one either. It’s not really about you so as long as you understand that
@@TheOlzee you are right, we need to keep in mind that kids have no say whether they wish being born
Yes I think there will be less trauma in this world if only people who REALLY want kids have them. Less but better isn't a bad thing.
YOU KNOW that a great anwser that people wanting kids should be put to a high standard like adopting a child, that something very interesting to think about for the future
I think you've both missed the mark a bit. At this point it's not having a career that becomes the most important thing. It's being self sufficient. We grew up in a generation with a high divorce rate among parents, where women had for the first time a new level of autonomy that let's face it, gives you a better chance at safety if you make more money.
Yep!
Exactly. When my dad tried to kill my mother, and we left, my mom had been a housewife. My dad was a "professional." It is 23 years later, and I am still struggling to climb out of the intense poverty we went through. I wouldn't trade having my mom at home. But we can't be in a position where we have to live in fear for our lives to have a roof over their head. That means we have to be financially independent. One fact that Peterson skirts around is that men aren't just "aggressive." They are still often violent. Often. But who was cast as the bad parent when my mom left? My mom. Because she allowed us to be "poor." I would have loved to have had children. But I won't be controlled by a man. And that means the freedom to leave, and that means your own income that equals a man's. The answer here is to find a way to financially compensate caregiving and people oriented professions that are not based on "efficiency" but on care. This helps men in these professions too. We ONLY financially incentivise aggression. Which means a brutal environment for women and children--and men. So let's fix that, and maybe we can come together and have families again, when we have a society that allows women to protect their children.
A better chance at safety?
Did you miss the part that begins around 8:30 ? Peterson literally says, about that "self-sufficient" approach, and about education for women in general, that "it decreases their dependency on their mate in relation to economic security."
@@sterlingsilver5937 It's been rather fairly implied, from countless cases, that women are less likely to leave a marriage, even an abusive one, if they do not have the economic security to do so. So yes, safety. Being in an abusive relationship is not safe, and having the economic security to leave one is a chance at safety.
Hello there young lady. I discovered your videos after my wife of 30 years passed. She was nearing the top of her game as well. She put in the hours. Then....... her heart gave out. At 49. We married young. We both grew up in a small timber/farming community. We were both fairly conservative. Her career started taking off and I took a back seat because someone had to raise the kids. We were okay with this. I got to coach the sports teams. I got to go to band rehearsals. All the fun parent stuff. While she worked more and more and more. Last year she hit her limit. A corporate RN during Covid. She said something I never heard before. "I am ready to retire". In our decades of marriage, I never heard her speak like that. Her career killed her. Slowly, little by little. It broke her heart, it broke her spirit, and finally, it broker her completely. I am 52 and starting over. Competing with 20 year olds who feel threatened by my old fashioned approach to things. I don't recall it being this brutal when I was young. These kids are stressed out beyond words. I don't envy anyone coming of age in these times. If little ones enter your lives, cherish them. If you wait till you can afford them, you 'll never have them. My adult kids have both informed me they will not be having children. They cannot afford it. I have no past (9 family deaths in last three years) and no future. My line ends here, and our final reward of growing old gracefully ......... gone. I am grateful for the years we had and the memories of raising those kids together. It's priceless. No soul sucking career will ever take the place of that. Good luck folks.
Thank you for sharing sir
Careers are only soul sucking when you are in the wrong career... Seems like she was working because she had more of an opportunity for financial security than you, otherwise she would have led a more balanced life. What happened to her happens to men all the time, but no one talks about it. Sometimes even if you love something, having that kind of pressure of having to carry a whole family on your back can destroy the pleasure from doing what you love...
@@r.walker7986 Interesting. She finished college first. I thought she should have gone farther in her education, but I think finances capped that ambition. She was smart enough to be a doctor. A good one. I worked three jobs while she was in school. She worked as well. When it was my turn to go back, I did, but her constant promotions and the needs of the kids made it obvious what I needed to do. She constantly said she loved her job, even when it completely exhausted her. Doing the job of three people was commonplace. The pressure of carrying a family is shared. That said, I am processing a great deal of guilt over her death. I do feel responsible for not being able to do more. I can't deny that. I am told I am going to go through an anger phase. I am beginning to deal with the fact that her career killed her. It injured her. It crippled her. And she kept going. She was amazing. A study was released a couple of years back by the labor bureau stating that heatlhcare jobs in her field were rated the most dangerous in the U.S. Topping a list with firefighters, police, and loggers. She once told me that a majority of the nurses she worked with, had husbands that were injured from manual labor jobs.So yes, there's pressure. One of my kids has followed in her footsteps. And it's hell. Every day. Medical was short staffed long before Covid. Now it's a nightmare. Take care.
@@nono-yesyesmaybe Nurses have a harder job than doctors, they have more contact with patients, families, and their deaths my hit them much harder. That connection also makes it harder for them to walk away. So even if you struck it rich, she probably still would have stayed and if she walked it may have done even more hard. You need to understand that you both just played the hand you were dealt to the best of your abilities. Hindsight is 20/20 but its also only useful in plotting how you go forward. It will destroy you if you apply it to the past as if there is anything you could do about it.
That's a hell of a story :'(
My mom had me at 30 and my sister at 32. She waited until she finished medical school and was established in her career to have me. Because of that I’ve lived a really privileged, happy life and have never had to want for anything.
Where are you from
Karen factory.
Most American children are raised by working poor, single moms.
@@ViceCoin Bruh this mindset is exactly why our generation is going up on being "childless".... 🤣
@@1119-w3u The planet can't sustainably support more Western families.
As a married 38 year old man, my wife and I decided we didn't want kids before we ever got married. Now that we're getting a bit older, we're really happy about our decision. People don't like to hear it, but we have a much more fun and easy life and marriage without kids than our friends with kids have. I had a younger sibling that was 12 years younger than me, and it made me see how not fun raising small children is (in my opinion).
My niece was born when I was 11 yo.
I quickly grew to not like the pressure of being the baby-sitter around that time
💯
Your selfish and a coward! Not in any particular order!
The greatest enemy of a human's need for meaning is comfort and pleasure
@@kinnish5267 nowhere close to the greatest enemy. Have a crap load of kids if you want. Leave everyone else alone.
In high school, the question of what you wanted to be/do after you graduate/grow up got brought up fairly often. I always answered, "My end goal is to marry an amazing man and be a stay-at-home mom who homeschools her kids." They always stared at me with confusion, shock, or disappointment. This was always followed by either silence and a dirty look or something like, "Don't you want something more? Don't you want something better for yourself?" I've achieved my goal; I'm happy and wouldn't want it any other way. 😊
May god bless you and your family
@@TusharSharma-cy9xo Thank you, may he bless you and yours as well.
I'm praying for a stay at home wife that can homeschool my kids in the future, it sounds like a healthier family imho
So what happens if the marriage ends or he should pass away untimely or develops health problems and is no longer able to work? Do you have the necessary skills to support yourself and your children?
Having grown up with a life where I saw every couple constantly fighting and breaking up over and over again, I was one of the only guys who just wanted to find one woman to love and live with. I found one. She completely messed my entire life up and I'm still dealing with the consequences years later. Now that I'm alone, I bought a house, second car, getting a boat soon, investment property, my life is great. At this point why would I want to destroy that with a woman? Lesson learned.
As a childless 27 year old, there isn't much incentive to have a family in this climate. Men seem to be intimidated by the idea of supporting a whole family (at least in my age bracket) but when you both are busting ass at work it's hard to give the partner attention. I've already come to terms with the possibility of being childless my whole life after dating someone for 7 years and them finally admitting they didn't want children after I spent my whole 20s with them. I hope I can find someone who shares my values, but I'm not going to stress over it. I'd rather be childless than ending up a single mom or just having a kid to say I've done it.
Edit: Just gonna drop the definition of "intimidating" from Webster here for clarification
intimidating
adjective
: causing a loss of courage or self-confidence : producing feelings of fear or timidity
Many men consider it a raw deal to just bust their asses while their wife is at home with the kids. Many men would also prefer to spend more time with their own children instead of being at the office all the time. The 1950's ain't coming back
Well, it's hard to be with someone who is using words as intimidated instead of being rather more honest for possible reasons. I personally don't like and I believe most men don't like when women are trying to bash men with things as intimidated etc (mindblowing right). When I don't get from women what I want I never say that they were intimidated by something, it's childish.
You chose the wrong man
@@criticalis5065 I believe you have misunderstood me. I'm not intimidating anyone, supporting a family is what is intimidating. I'm sure everyone finds such an important decision scary aka intimidating.
@@theeel420 Well obviously. But here's the thing, we meet in college, he was from a two-parent household, he had a job and goals, but in the end our work/life balance was too much for him and he cheated on me and admitted he didn't want the same things I wanted. He's also my only partner ever. 🤷🏾♀️
As a 32 yr old single and childless woman, I just don't want to commit on things that I don't want. I hate lying to everyone. But this is actually the truth. I don't want to become a parent. Periodt
This is why we need half houses and half schools for the kids to stay in when parents don't have time, or if they are abusive or if one causes another. A child is a person, at least he needs a room.
@@danch10 LOL, what are you saying? You sound illogical, incel logic 😹
@@RennyloveU actually it makes sense she 32 tryna be picky. You going keep picking until you pick up shit
@@RennyloveU he’s mansplaining her desires to her. Naturally she could not come to her own conclusion. I mean has her tried conjugal visits at the local lock up? Then she may have missed a few eligible potential fathers.
Fair enough. You might find ways to make this world better for the kids of others. And not only kids, but others in general. In the past, this was a "nun". Someone who takes care of others. Minus the celibacy, in this case. No problem :) As long as it's fine with you, it is fine with others.
I have a lot of respect to women who decide not to have kids because they cannot handle the responsibility than those people who have kids and cannot take care of them ..children don't deserve to suffer
Read The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi, read the 1st and 2nd books, if you want to see reality, not what you and many good men have been falsely taught.
Brian Cole is a nice guy
its biologically ingrained in women to want to have children …. the ones that don’t want children usually have psychological issues men should steer away from.
Also we are not exactly in danger of running out of humans... Not multiplying should be rewarded with a medal lol.
@@kim8dk Read The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi, read the 1st and 2nd books, if you want to see reality, not what you and many good men have been falsely taught.
Grew up in a narcissistic family. Had to work my way out. Study then get a job. Having kids and a family was never my solution to happiness. It would mean the world to me if I could travel more and have a great career. I'm in my late 20s. And would love to live my life differently. I love dogs though. That's as far as my parenthood will go.
Sounds amazing and relatable. May you travel as much as possible and find all the happiness!
It is so important to cultivate inner peace. There is no statistic or coloured pill for that. Seek peace and pursue it.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Anna, I too grew up in a narcissistic family. I knew things weren’t right, but didn’t get it until many years later. This was very hard to unlearn these maladaptive behaviors, I’m glad you have your eyes opened so you can relearn a better way. I believe a person should not have children unless they really want them & are ready for the challenge, one thing for sure is you don’t want to perpetuate another generation of narcissism. I hope you have worked out better thinking behaviors so your life can be a happy one.
@@GrandmaMaeCorporation exactly, I don't want to perpetuate another generation of narcissism. But I have very supportive people around me who have shown me what true love is. They have taught me the true standards life. Thank you Sharon. ❣️
I am a father of 2 while I’m still 27 years old and just started my residency in medicine, sleeping with my daughter in my arm is the best feeling ever in the world and I would never trade it with anything else!
Smart choice. Are you religious?
Its because they dont date on their level, but the top guys, hence think they deserve them + they dont have chaste, they are turning themselvees into the person they want to date
Not the same as a woman having kids though just saying
Geez, a lot of women including myself have hobbies. Not just hobbies, but passion projects. Career and children are not the only things to make life fulfilling. I get that for some that is their goal, and those people should absolutely be honest with themselves to pursue it, but it's really not all women who feel that way. And not everyone should be a parent, and certainly not JUST to fulfill yourself right? I mean, a kid isn't just a plaything, it's a human being.
There is a small minority of people whom would be wholly unsuitable parents. Your hobbies don't take up that much time unless you make money out of them. Even so, good chance your children will share said hobbies.
The problem is trying to predict how you’ll feel when you’re older as opposed to now. Kinda like the boy at school who messed around because he could only think of life in the present rather than life in 25 years and only realises school was important when they’re in a dead end job. When you’re older and life has slowed down, you’re peers all have their own families only then you may regret it.
@@civildiscourse7626 No need to deliberate over it. We humans pretty much are here to reproduce so that say that you will never want any is difficult. It is difficult to imagine loving some whom you are yet to meet but for most the love for their child will be so strong.
^^^THIS!!! There are people who are in there 50s and 60s who are ECSTATIC that they never had children...it's A LOT of HARD work especially for the MOM...not to mention I wholeheartedly AGREE...the VAST majority of people should NOT be parents...if people were such great parents the WORLD wouldn't be as HORRIBLE as it is...especially right now! The world has ALWAYS been a bad place it's just getting WORSE...why would you want to bring CHILDREN into such an environment??? And people think it's bad now...it's about to get 10x worse in the VERY near future...
@@thrilla72 small minority???? most people are riddled with mental issues they refuse to acknowledge or fix, none of them should be parenting. I'd say only a small minority of the population has the mental and emotional maturity (+financial capacity) to actually be a good parent.
An interesting thing was that while I was in college, my Mom went to grad school. I wanted to quit, but she decided to go for her Masters. She finished the same time I graduated with my Bachelors and she got a 4.0 in her masters. Because of her, I was inspired to pursue my masters. I felt inspired and believed that I could do it, all thanks to her.
Your mother was wise enough to know that you women CAN have it all-just not at the same time.
you have a good mom dude, truly inspiration in my opinion. and as marlon said, she proves that women can have it all, but not at the same time
@@ArielGonzalez1 LOL...They can do whatever they put their minds too. Incels should never speak on shit they know nothing of.
@@Rage_Harder_Then_Relax so why are you talking?
Now your single and she has no grand kids
I'm about to turn 30 and childless. I don't think career is everything, however your kids are going to grow up, move out, and have a family of their own. Women who put their whole lives into their kids are the ones who end up extremely depressed when they go off to college/move out.
Huh the husband leaves as default or something in your story? Funniest shit I've seen😂
@@spookyskellyskeleton609 ? What? .... no you should actually put your relationship before your kids bc that's what will be there after they're gone.
So in your story, the adult child(ren) move out, start their own families, and completely cut off their relationships with their mothers? Wow, I must be doing it wrong then. I'm grown with a wife and kids and we always visit my mom and dad, my kids have a great relationship with their grandparents, and I talk to my mom almost every day.
It's worse. You have to balance husband, children, and yourself. 3 things. If you don't you can lose everything.
Agreed
All I ever wanted to be was a wife and mother. I played the part and pretended I was into being a high achiever in the corporate world but the truth was only being a wife and mother have ever brought me fulfillment. I am the mother of five amazing children I devoted my life to and now three of them are grown and I’m so happy I chose to put mothering on the front burner rather than the back burner.
My marriage didn’t work out so I became a single mother but I chose a job that allows me complete flexibility and control over my schedule and my income so now I’ve been able to achieve the perfect balance of financial success and being a full time mother. I would still prefer to have the role of being a wife in my life however.
Family is always better than Work... i hate working 9-5 and be stuck in rat race and im a man. The reason ill end up working more over the lifetime is because baby will need mom around for minimum 2 years to 10 years and if you are having say 3 kids back to back that's at least 6 years.
Well I guess I give you credit for trying. I’m unsure why you even mention as if you got lucky, or, were privileged to have been “selected”. If you are even remotely attractive, a male has a biological and hormonal drive to spread his seed and as long as you make yourself available, it’s not that difficult to get yourself pregnant, given you’re able. Most men who’ve ever existed didn’t reproduce because they were either physically unattractive or economically unattractive. Women are the sexual selectors. Men are the relationship gate keepers. Your genes got to carry on. Most Mens don’t.
Wow how did you achieve being a full time mom AND financially independent?
Who filed for divorce?
At the end of the day, your life had and has so much success because you brought 5 children with your bloodlines into this world that can carry on the "Courtney" torch. You might not have stayed married to your man but the two of you found a way to bring 5 kids into this world which is the biggest accomplishment. I had 2 kids and it was so hard but now that they are out of the nest I wish I would have had a third even.
Imagine the alternative of Courtney not being married or having any kids but having a lot of $$ working at some company all day and night with nothing more to show for it all but the $$ itself.
I'm a 33 year old guy who has wanted to have a wife, kids, and a family ever since I first starting liking girls, and yet I'm still single with no kids. I've never had nor wanted any flings or hookups. I've only ever wanted long term relationships that would eventually lead to marriage and kids. Unfortunately, it seems like nearly all the women I've been with didn't take relationships all that serious and they just wanted to have their fun and then move on to the next. It's a shame what modern women have become. I've always wanted to be the father that I didn't have but that seems very unlikely at this point and in this modern society. And I don't want to just have a kid just for the sake of having a kid. I want the wife and full family for life. I'm kinda terrified of having a kid with someone and then having her betray me and leave me and then take my kid and have to deal with custody issues over something that was her doing and her fault.
You're in the invisible camp of men. And if the hottie wants you now, she's all used up.
I totally get where you are coming from. I did get burned by my ex. That being said, despite the frustration of navigating split custody of my son, it is totally worth it. I can’t really give you any advice on finding the right partner (you might look up Jordan Peterson’s advice on the matter), but I can tell you parenthood has been the most meaningful pursuit of my life.
@@johngalt6838 I am 50 and just that. I work on self improvement, very physically active, very good career in tech, but quality women who want that are not around for me now. I would really have to overlook a ton of things (not minor stuff) to be with those women. Looks aside. I had someone last summer, I am a serious inline skater, very fit, we matched on that, as much as I want someone I just had to draw the line with Onlyfans and her saying there is nothing wrong with it. I said you are ok with your kids finding it? She said grow up. She also said its great you can cook and clean because I surely can't. I believe High school and maybe college are the time to find that. After about 25 or so, I am not saying it can't happen but it gets more difficult. Some may never have it. I thought maybe because I'm older I can't meet such good women, but I talk to a guy on my block who is 27, he said he has the same issues. He is pretty much done with women. He said the end game for many of them is to babytrap some provider and move on. Then he has to support two "children." His friend is dealing with it, is not fun. He can barely see the kid too, she moved to another state.
Same thing smh
@@alb12345672 Horror stories like that make me feel less bad about being single (at 30)
I never understood why there's this negative stigma that being childless is a bad thing. It's really not, you shouldn't be expected to have kids by the time you're 30, people are allowed to have other goals or passions in life. It always annoyed me that there's people who mock other people for being childless or speaking about how great it is that they don't have children.
I think it's actually a good thing that more people are starting to opt out of having children.
Reason why? Well, four things, 1) this planet realistically shouldn't exceed a population of 1.5-3 billion people however 8-10 billion people is the absolute max the planet can sustain, 2) there's children everywhere without parents who need them and I just think if you want kids adoption is more ethical, 3) you'd be surprised how many people are absolutely not fit to be parents who have children, 4) there's more to life than having children. It has little to do with society brainwashing women, it's us as humans realizing that we no longer exist just to mate and reproduce, and that's it, we aren't moths and we aren't animals in the wild just reproducing to survive as a species. We don't really have a need for that at this point. Our entire existence and potential has grown so much since the last few centuries, or hell, the last few thousand years. Having children should be strictly optional and it should be accepted that people not wanting children is becoming more normalized, which it is.
Actually the planet could hold about 52 billion people realistically. A density like China with food high productivity in the modern world and a lack of urbanized land mean if we really wanted to we could have about 52 billion people on this planet without many problems. Post 50 bill or so we get some overpopulation issues but we would be fine up to that point
@@LucasFernandez-fk8se That's not true. Most scientists agree Earth realistically can't sustain more than 10 billion, but while there are different theories, from what I've seen I haven't seen any sources go past that number by much. Earth's resources are not infinite especially considering how many resources we use every single day.
Anyway, I have a problem with your point because that logic is pretty flawed, it's the same as me saying technically I can fit hundreds maybe thousands of people in my 2,438 square foot home, but it doesn't mean I should.
Either way, I'm just confused what your point is because that's a pretty pointless thing to correct me on. Just seems like pedantry.
geoawesomeness.com/earths-capacity-many-people-can-support/
www.science.org.au/curious/earth-environment/how-many-people-can-earth-actually-support#:~:text=An%20average%20middle-class%20American,capacity%20of%20around%202%20billion.
www.livescience.com/16493-people-planet-earth-support.html
^^^EXACTLY THIS!!! People honestly don't like FACTS...facts don't care about your feelings, your opinions, or any of that BS...and you REALLY brought it home when you mentioned that there are SO MANY unwanted children in the world and don't even get me STARTED on children who are living in POVERTY and STRUGGLING to have enough food in AMERICA of all places and it's a lot WORSE in other countries around the world...people really just want an excuse to over populate this world when they're NOT even taking GOOD care of the children that are ALREADY here!
@@LethalByChoice Scientists can't even define what a woman is. How can you rely on them?
@@LucasFernandez-fk8se but to the detriment of all who are not human. You know Others live on this planet too. They need, Air, food, homes, water.
Where do you get good food without any rural land.
I wouldn't want to live on that planet. What is the point of having that many humans? Gross
As a women nobody ever told me career was more important then a family. I’m not sure who is exactly telling women this?
No one is telling women that. A lot of these people love to twist that. What many women of older generations were telling younger women was to get an education as another option as opposed to only having children and being a house wife. They saw the ramifications of women not being able to support themselves after divorce or becoming a widow.
Media does and especially teachers these days in school tell you, "dont start a family until you have a successful career." What people dont realize is that in most cases people are already over 30 by that point and then its hard to find a partner
I have been told career first, kids second. As in financial stability first then kids.
Barely anyone is telling women that. Maybe old rom-coms from the 80's/early 90's?
It's just another narrative that's being pushed by people like Peterson to say that women are, yet again, the root of this problem and the ones who need to change.
Notice how the flagship statistic singles out women only? Not that whatever % of men are also childless at 30 now, compared to past generations.
I don't think its "literally" being told this, but there is a undercurrent of don't rely on a man, be equal to a man. And if you are a top 5%, 10% of women in a competitive environment, that does mean 80 hour weeks, ignoring all other aspects of your life. And by the time those women realize not to buy into that mentality, its too late, their biological clock has timed out.
I had my first and only child at 42 years old ( no treatments) after working15 years on my successful career which wasn't fullfiling anymore. Got married at 37 moved away from my birth country. I enjoyed and lived my earlier life single and child free, traveling, studying, hanging out with friends, observing the world and people behaviour, I started learning English at 30 years old. Now I am happy ,stable and don't have any feeling of FOMO. Enjoying the company of my partner and my son and still learning from life.
so more young women should wait till their 40s to have kids? seriously?
@@mohamedadan6678 Everyone should wait till they are ready
@@mohamedadan6678 wtf is wrong with your comprehension, she said it's for her.
You still need Jesus. A life without him is meaningless no matter how many worldly things you’ve accomplished
@@twoshakesofaratsass4748 No, biologically, the older a woman is, the harder and riskier it is to have children. This is not a choice; society does not override biology. IVF treatments are very unpleasant, if you're thinking that medical science will miraculously allow all women to change their minds and have kids in their late 30s and early 40s.
I am a dude and I know my family is more important than my career. I would change careers, but I would never leave my family. My career is just to support my family.
My dad, who was the traditional sole provider, did that. His job threatened to put him on 3rd shift; he told them if they did, he'd quit, because he wouldn't be able to play an active role in the lives of his kids.
They didn't believe him, and put him on 3rd shift. He tendered his resignation that very day. He actually worked at WalMart for almost a year until he could get another good job in his career field.
I have always respected him for that.
Interesting take. It seems like 50% of women in my town who are under 30 are single mothers. It makes the dating pool here very limited.
Where is this?
This is everywhere now in the US
In Germany too. You can't see in they profile,they are rady to find some that will take care of them and they kids. No thanks
Where are the fathers? When I hear this crap it makes me happy to remain child-free!
I've always wanted to be a wife and mother. I never dreamed of a wedding but of what my husband would be like and how many kids we'd have. I was raised by a mom who was home full time until I was 13. When asked what I wanted to do when I grew up, I always gave the same answer and was told, no. I had to pick a career. People really treat you like you're inept or not intelligent if that's the path you choose. I'll be married 10 years in August, I have 3 beautiful babies, an amazing, loving and supportive husband and am blessed to be home with my babies. This is what I always wanted and I wouldn't change a thing. One day, I may go to school and pursue advanced education but I just never could find anything that interested me enough to justify the time, money and effort of a degree🤷
🥺❤️ thank you for sharing this!
I'm glad that you stuck to your dreams and rejected the lies told to modern womyn. No hate on those that want to be corporate ball-busters, but they shouldn't hate on Women who chose as you did.
Both my mom and grandmothers were traditional women- who, once they had the “empty nest” decided to pursue their other passions (education and career; although one remained “just a housewife”)). They did both (had a family and a career)- but they did it in the logical manner. Women have a biological clock, and so they are forced by nature to make certain decisions sooner than Men.
I'm sure you're great at what you do and taking care of a household properly takes a lot of skill
You did it the logical way 👏, I know several women in their 30's who had child with autism or couldn't have any at all. My 29y/o daughter had a very hard time having my granddaughter. Even nature tells us the way things should be done.
Good for you !! Seriously not sarcastic. My wife doesn’t want children nor do I she works with adults with disabilities I work In construction. We both work and that’s fine too.
I really want to have children, and specifically wanted to have my first child before 30 (I’m currently 27, soon to be 28). I’m in a great place in my life and career and I’m seeing most of my friends get married/start families. However, finding a suitable partner is the tough part for me. Dating is a complete mess these days and no matter how much you put yourself out there a lot of when you find your person comes down to pure luck/timing out of your control. I want to make sure the person I marry and the father of my kids is someone who’s self-aware and also actively working to better understand himself. The last thing I want is a toxic relationship where you have kids just because you “should”, and the poor kids are forced to see (and probably replicate in their adult years) a toxic relationship dynamic.
Edit: Definitely agree that as I’ve become more educated, done more in my career, made more money, it’s made me want to find a man who’s in a similar place or better. But those men are typically the men who every woman is going after. They have more choices. It definitely makes finding a partner more difficult (or at least this has been my experience so far).
Second edit: some of the replies in the comments are concerning mainly because they're making such wild assumptions about who I am, the men I date, and why I'm still single. Lmao!! Are y'all okay?! It's giving very much not lol! In any case, my standards aren't high by any means... this is the absolute bare minimum in my opinion for a healthy relationship. If it's high for you, then you're not for me. Period. I can accept that. Don't be so salty about other people's standards if you're not living their life. I promise you I won't die alone. Have a lovely day! 😊
Hypergamy and feminism is a fatal combination. One cannot change behavior and preferences that evolved over thousands of generations because of some doctrine.
Don’t worry. Most men see the game as rigged and have no interest in women. No point in having kids when all mommy has to do is say “I’m not happy” and then takes the kids away from the man.
If you are expecting to find a man "who's self-aware and actively working to better understand himself" you could have a long wait. Introspection and a desire to better understand oneself are not core competencies of men, they are really female characteristics. Men in general prefer to do rather than analyse their feelings. They prefer to identify and solve problems. If you can find a man who was brought up well and to respect girls and women you should be alright.
When women see men as wallets…. We don’t want to be your trophy husband. We know your love is conditional.
Just as you look for a top tier mate because you make more money the guy who makes more is looking for that top tier mate as well. Top tier for a man is looks. It’s the way men are wired. And if that woman makes money it’s a cherry on the cake, not the cake itself.
It's really great how you are not basing your UA-cam channel just on fashion and clothes but you are also incorporating more deeper issues in a man's or a women's life
Now, if we could just get a solid, concrete position. There is a lot of that "...and that's ok!" stuff when what she's talking about is not just a flippant subject. Being a high body count ho, for example, isn't just a distasteful thing for a high value woman to do. It comes with a lot of permanent life-altering consequences, some of which can be deadly, and all of them which sharply, and permanently diminish a woman's value to other men. Waiting until you've hit the wall to have kids? Bad idea. There is nothing OK with that. It becomes harder to conceive, and has a greater chance of birth defects, of which, my youngest brother has had a very hard life because of several of them, and in my mother's case, she was pregnant with twins, and there just wasn't enough room for both of them. Maybe the only position that comes to mind as something she has given a hard line on is smoking, and how much she doesn't encourage it, and encourages people to quit if they are current smokers.
@@mr.e1026 sorry man, but the world isn't as black and White. Do you only consider end-of-the-spectrum-opinions valid?
@@marie-ray So, you can demonstrate to me how something that is only good in the extremely short term that carries with it long-lasting, and sometimes life threatening consequences is something that is OK, then? No? I suggest you either stay in your lane as a simp, or show me where I am wrong.
I remember watching a forum on UA-cam where they were asking audience members why they were delaying marriage and kids. The audience were made up of people aged 18-30. These were Gen-Z and early Millennials. Most of them said they saw marriage as scary and having kids even more scary. This despite the admission that their parents and grandparents were married by age 25 and had all their kids by age 35. Younger adults are worried about divorce, the inability to get into the housing market, losing their jobs, and an uncertain world. Unfortunately by the time they do decide to marry they will be over 30 and may face fertility problems.
Less people is a great thing, and people will be valued more
Baby boomers: strip mine the economy and make it impossible for their kids to get into the housing market.
Also baby boomers: When are you going to settle down and give me grandkids (no I won't babysit, I did my time)?
@@jr7392 Lol exactly 😂
So, you want them to have kids while they’re broke and can’t afford it? The boomers have all the money & all the houses. Let them have the babies then Lol
@@g_c6668 when the old outnumber the young and consumption starts to tank, if not also production, then we'll all see what happens when one generation refuses to invest in the next generation. It will not be "great". It will be a catastrophe
Disclaimer: I'm a mid-40s male without any qualifications so this may be way off, but I have a theory about hypergamy. In the same way that scientists conclude that "attractiveness is a proxy for health", I suspect "success is a proxy for responsibility". There's no good test for "are you going to be a douchebag baby daddy or not?" so the "next best thing" is to evaluate how many things in their life that require commitment and dedication have they accomplished with the hope that the more successful they are, the more likely they are to have "whatever it takes" to stick around.
My wife agrees with that but I'm interested in other women's opinion if that sounds remotely feasible or if it's way off base, thoughts?
If women didn't want douchebag baby daddys, there wouldn't be that many now would there? My belief for the evolutionary principle behind this is that women will prioritize alpha genes (handsome, dangerous, risk-taking, bravado) over good father genes (stable, modest provider, gentle). Of course, if you read any romance novel, the hero is magically both: perfect billionaire dangerous alpha male who then inexplicably turns out to be an amazing doting father. In reality, that's hard to find, and women are showing that they prefer the bad boy genes over the good guy genes. I don't doubt that this has a lot to do with women's increased work options and the safety and security that the government provides. Before birth control and dropping marriage rates, women had to carefully consider who they married. Bad boys simply weren't interested in marriage (to most women) and they might not be the best bet anyway for money. Better to go for that guy going into his father's business who would marry you in 6 months. But now, you don't have to marry for life, you can make money on your own, and if you have kids outside of marriage, don't worry, the government will pick up the rest. This leaves women with the freedom to choose exactly what they really wanted the whole time: the dangerous bad boy she hopes she can be the only one to tame. A big part of his attractiveness will be precisely because he isn't overly attentive and devoted to her; she wants to feel that she has to win his heart (hypergamy), not that he easily gives it to her.
And then, women like money and resources as a source of security and display of status, and the main way to compete with other females is over how high status of a man you were able to lockdown. No woman is really jealous of another woman who makes a ton of money on her own, but she will be jealous of the woman who can marry a guy who makes a ton of money.
You make a good point, but then why are there so many douchebag baby daddies around?
If we lived in a meritocracy this is plausible but we live in a tournament society where to the victor go the spoils
I've always loved my job, earned well, and wanted to make a difference. I was looking for a man with whom I could start a family with, but I could also continue with my life goal of improving this world.
I did think that someone too rich perhaps wouldn't let me work, or wouldn't prioritize my work. Someone too poor, would always need help with everything and can't even take care of kids, visas, renovations, daily things. They might shirk responsibilities and end up as an "adult baby". So it was a good bet to choose someone with a good education, a stable good career, basic good pay, but not a workaholic, someone that prioritizes free time. A decade later and no regrets! :)
It's actually not because of that. Simply in many parts of the world and especially in wealthier countries money, material and consumerism is glorified, and people who are successful are naturally also able to afford to buy said material. If your hypothesis were true & it would be about responsibility then the most attractive person would be measured by how many animals or plants they take care of, not how much money they make or how well known someone is. While there are people who find animal loving or plant loving men attractive, they are certainly not the majority and most certainly men are not measured by that trait.
When you take a look at isolated tribes that may have an entirely different type of economy or no economy at all and which also have very different cultures, you will observe that what signifies as attractiveness are characteristics we'd find alien. Simply put we are projections of our culture and norms growing up. Success is only attractive us because we make it sexy. In some cultures it is survival. In others it is commitment to the community. It is all contextual and relative.
Senses for attraction run much deeper and are more primitive than that. This is just the fluffle we throw on top of it in order to try to contextualize it based on our own cultural biases rather than seeking a deeper understanding on human attraction and pair bonding psychology dynamics.
35 yr old woman and child free. I don't find having kids as important. I find my freedom and happiness is important. I'm happy to see that there's women who don't feel pushed to have kids when they don't want them. Children should be born to people who want them. I think that's really unfair to the children.
Agree, I decided not to have children because I’ve just never felt a strong desire to raise kids. I like children, but I don’t want to make a whole new person without really strongly wanting one. If I had a kid, I’d want them to always feel like I was in it 100%, and I just don’t think I could give them that. I also think it’s weird that there’s this perceived dichotomy between career and parenthood, like those are the only things that could possibly bring life meaning.
Let's see how you feel when you are 70, can't work and have no family. It sounds pretty lonely to me.
I think people have just gotten away from thinking about the future.
@@123darkdeal Actually it’s men that die alone and don’t get visits compared to women. That’s not a concern for child free women because it’s still our decision at the end of the day. Womb watching a woman is weird behavior
@@123darkdeal 70 year olds with children are in elder care homes lonely and abandoned. Children aren't and shouldn't be a retirement plan.
If anyone has an issue, I'll send y'all pieces of my uterus 😂
I remember quitting my high flying career at Citibank to go run a biz with my hubby as we started our family soon after. I've always longed to be there for my children especially the early years and being a self-employed has really given me and hubby the flexibility to do that. I made that decision at 28 and I do not regret it. Our family and business is growing and truly blessed. I now give testimony to younger women esp coz I've heard women calling my gynaecologist to do fertility procedures and I'm there pregnant and I'm like 'what I honestly didn't know how infertility is a big deal' I'm truly humbled and thankful to God for directing me and hubby early
Well if they are younger, and you are older AND pregnant then their age has nothing to do with their fertility problems.
It may have to do with how processed and poisoned our foods are now. Also as someone who started out in Biomed, getting pregnant is the hardest thing to do, and we as a society still have yet to steer away from blaming women when fertility problems arise. There are many infertile men in my family, who had multiple marriages before they realized they were the problem.
Happy for you!! I’m much younger than you and really want my tubes tied. Motherhood is not for me but glad you enjoy it:
I can definitely understand building a career up in your 20’s as a woman before having kids. It’s risk-management in case of divorce.
Let’s not forget that divorce is a very real thing and more than half of married couples end in divorce. One of the biggest issues for women in the past is that they married young, did not go to school because they raised children, and then got a divorce. One of the biggest reasons for alimony payments is these women had no education, no degree, no credentials to get them a well-paying job, have been out of the workforce for decades most likely and have NO JOB SKILLS (!), so to take care of divorced women they had men pay alimony payments. The other option? Stay with the man you don’t love anymore. What are you going to do if you leave?
Women waiting until their 30’s to have children is a wise, risk-averse choice. It’s not right for every woman, the comments on this video can attest to that, but I don’t think we should swing the pendulum in the other direction that “Woman in career bad, no have children till 30 bad!” when it’s NOT bad. It’s a different choice.
It's never a bad thing to focus on getting an education and job skills. At the same time, people in college should also be serious about looking for a partner with potential to share their future with. It's not all about parties and fun. It usually gets harder after the college years.
I mean the fertility rates drop significantly after a woman's 30's so it's basically a race against the clock, otherwise if they want to have kids at their mid to late 30s well things are not so easy anymore.
@@angelenriquechavezponce1629My mum had 3 kids in her mid-late thirties. It’s better to have kids when you can AFFORD them. As a women I’d only recommend women have as many kids as they can afford on their own.
@@Coastpsych_fi99 makes sense
Well said!
Jordan B Peterson just tells uncomfortable truths, and I love it!
🙌🏼
I think another uncomfortable truth is the outsourcing of labor, gig economy and automation, leaving people working more than a job/person, the cost of living rising, leading to more stress and holding people basically locked at work or out of one. So there is a trade-off to be made. And having children is tough, takes lots of learning and patience.
@@CourtneyRyan The truth shall set you free, that's why I think the red pill is a necessity right now.
@@davoizchanger I used to be into the red pill manosphere a couple years back. Today, I reject most of what is circle jerked in these communities because of the fact that so much bad advice and knowledge is being shared.
@@TJ-kj9ki The black pill is better in a manner of speaking. My red pill statement has more to do with uncomfortable truths. Via The Matrix.
I currently live in Salt Lake County and I'm working full-time. Companies here are hiring like crazy and they don't care about how much education one has, they care more about a person who is willing to work. Hard work here improves status.
Kids are expensive - like really expensive. I would be that it takes a dual income household to raise a child properly in terms of finances. Nothing ruins a relationship faster than unstable finances. Having a child can do that and end up breaking up two people who would otherwise been fine if a child wasn't in the mix for one reason or another.
Absolutely true
They say it takes 250 ,000 to raise a child from cradle to 18yrs old
@@michaelrodriguez3329 I think that's an old estimate. I heard that figure over a decade ago, so I'd guess it's easily over $300k now. Maybe even close to $400k with all the inflation in recent years. Who the hell can afford that?
@@jdanon203 you may be right. I am old schooled . It probably is a old estimate . Lol 😄
It doesn't have to be super expensive to raise children... they don't need the newest fashions, they don't need $2k laptops, they don't need annual Disneyland passes. They need parents who love them, the basics to thrive (adequate food, clothing, shelter, activity, friends and education), a few luxuries here and there, and opportunities to create great lives for themselves.
I've got a family of four on a very modest budget, in SoCal. We could be doing better, but my kids aren't wanting for anything except a PS5🤷🏿♂️. They'll live.
I would encourage any young girl to be self sufficient before starting a family. There's an entire movement of guys shunning and ridiculing "gold diggers" and women who want men who can FULLY provide for a family. As a nurse, I've seen pregnant mums working up until the day they go into labor because their partners are simply underperforming and the household cannot function without their income added......that leads to all kinds of health complications for mum and baby. If you're a young girl out there who sees this, always put your well being and survival first.
The men who shame women for seeking a man who can provide are just incapable or immature. The gold digging is when money is the ONLY thing she is attracted to. If a woman chooses a man whom is able to provide financial security then the scenario you described is not an issue. Pick well, ladies.
@@cj5848 the irony is that her comment section is full of incels who prove exactly why these young ladies are choosing themselves over hitching their wagon to men who have simply given up and are okay with mediocrity
@@cj5848 I'm 31 and never regretted establishing myself. My twenties were kid-free and MAGICAL! My fiance is a physician and makes 4x my salary and I made it very clear that I will be a stay at home wife and mom if we have children. The good thing is that if we divorce or even if he DIES, I will be able to hop into the workforce and my babies and I not have to struggle.
@@chanellynel say it louder for the people in the back please?
@@chanellynel You would inherit all his stuff in divorce or his untimely death.
Because life is so expensive. I can barely afford to pay my own bills never mind a child.
This is also true!
It's probably because you are subsidizing people who had children out of wedlock or those who have 5 children and 5 baby daddies. End the welfare state and responsibility will return. Plus we would be able to afford more.
If expensive life/children are the reason for the decline in child birth why do poor people have more kids?
@@djvranish Maybe that is the reason why they are poor.
A relative of mine had the strategy to have five kids with five different men. She was paid by each of them, she wound up being wealthy because of them. She also only picked redheads, so that they all looked like the same family when she finally did settle down!
I find it so odd that Jordan sets up this binary between career or parenthood being the only two driving forces in life. I like my career well enough, but it’s not the reason I don’t ever want to have kids. My career is a means to an end, which it to pursue my passions of travel, scuba diving, and long distance hiking. Those things are what I want to spend my time and attention on, it’s as simple as that. Kids aren’t the only source of fulfillment for some people 🤷♀️
the fact that having kids has been reduced to a matter of taste means that your civilization is failed
I always thought there was more to life than cash and babies. Jokes on me I guess
He already touched on that dummy
Then go with the desires of your heart!
And the complete lack of understanding that both men and children benefit from less time at work and more time together. The lie that career is everything is told to boys as well as girls. The biggest lie still told to girls is that they can’t be fulfilled or real women unless they have children. That causes so much psychological damage for women who cannot have children and makes menopause harder for many too.
I think the infertility issue is on both sides now. Women are waiting much longer to try and the newest generation of men has much lower testosterone than the generations before them. Not a good mixture.
You can get testosterone shots and fertility treatments prescribed no need to turn your life upside down just yet
Well, seeing the issue with climate change future generations are going to face, having less kids might actually be better for this planet and those who will live on it.
@@lauragoreni3020 Perhaps. But right now the journey there is not looking good with current birth rates. Most western countries have a negative birth rate and are not meeting the replacement rate for their populations. Some in EU and South Korea in particular are even trying to pay or offer tax incentives to get married to their fellow countrymen or have kids. So, when the boomers are gone and we are the elderly who will be our workforce to sustain our lofty lifestyles? Who will take care of us? Sure, climate change could affect us. But the current societal norms pushed about families and having kids is going to hit us first.
I think you can have a less high-demand career and a child. It's too scary to rely on one person's income. One of my SAHM friends just went through a divorce. She has no work history, and she's living at the poverty line with two children. I enjoyed this! Thanks for the content!
Hi Lindsay! I think a lot of women fear that situation the most which is why they focus on a career so much. Having a solid skill set or education at least gives you something to fall back on if things take a turn for the worst. I’m sorry for your friend, that must be awful. Thanks for sharing ❤️
@@TigerAlert Good question! She did. He cheated and then refused to leave the girlfriend.
@@TigerAlert did you like your answer?.
@@TigerAlert So the guy left but couldn’t be bothered to initiate a divorce while his family starved. You are displaying psychopathic thinking.
When the guy decided to cheat and commit to the girlfriend..it's clear he had already left his family , only not legally..it's only sane to initiate a divorce to someone who has already left you..you don't want a husband just on paper..yet he doesn't care and isn't present in your life as he should be..if the husband cared for his family...he wouldn't let his kids starve after the divorce..he would still be their father regardless and show up for them
As men, we also have to make sure we build and create a great situation as well, because we won’t be able to support the lives that will depend on us in the future. Focus on that and things will come into place naturally
Well said
Why do they say have fun in your twenties instead of getting married as if marriage isn't fun?
Most families can’t afford to have one bread winner as well. I often wonder how much the economic shift has changed the dynamic. You need stability to raise a family and stability is more difficult to come by. So most ppl are pushing it back. As well as the financial stability it seems like most ppl are still searching for the first step which is a fulfilling relationship. If you don’t have that. There’s another reason to push things back
THIS. This is the most relevant answer. If someone is talking about the birthrate and the first thing they say is "women dont want kids" that person is an idiot or a liar or both. Most married couples are pushing back kids. The problem isnt "women sleeping around".
@@user-vg8ox3he1i Its a multi layered issuer. It’s one of the many problems. Just no need of me saying that obvious answer. A lot of women are pushing it back because of career but also know the party phase for a lot of women has doubled or tripled. So both the hoe phase of both sexes, income, inflation, global warming, etc. all contribute
@@user-vg8ox3he1i Agreed. Pretty sure if there was a study comparing the difference in other developed countries, starting a family would be more preferred elsewhere than here in America. The economy is going into shambles
Its not the economic reason and people who still believe that is the main reason is blind
I think most people could make a 1.5 income family work. If men worked but saved/invested their money until 27 and 28 and women worked and saved until 23 and 24 then you can start a family and be just fine. The problem is everyone wants everything, nice house, nice car, nice things, big wedding, etc. When starting a family people need to be frugal but most people aren't and then say they have no money, even tho there are literally families out their surviving at that income level. It's all about choices. We value stuff more than relationships and that's why we're in this mess
Are we seriously suggesting that women should be striving to be professional husband hunters at the age of 18 and 19? We should strongly advocate for young women to find a job or go to school and achieve some kind of financial Independence. If and when they enter a relationship and it doesn't work out she will not be dependent or be forced to stay with him due to a lack of financial resources. Like many women were forced to do throughout majority of the 20th century.
Exactly, but this Jordan guy is toxic and I believe has issues in his marriage . I forgot but their was a scandle a few years about with him and his wife
I think there should be a balance
I had no idea what the hell i was doing career or relationship wise at that age 😂 seriously, why do people put so much pressure on 18 year olds?
@@jadeblackwell6227 Exactly! Most people don't even know themselves or what they want to do at that age. I don't think the answer is marriage and kids.
@@elias4716 that's not what has been said there is a balance if u want it
In my country, South Africa, it's of paramount importance as a female to get education first in order to succeed. With a long history of absent fathers in our country, women don't see the need to have kids anymore. Instead, a lot of women are about the bag and I commend that. A lot of factors play into having children.
They are lying they want both.
Agreed
Absent fathers is a huge issue!
It’s about survival. They don’t discuss the financial and psychological devastation that comes with being a single mother in poverty. It causes all sorts of problems. One of the main reasons I don’t have children is not being able to afford a child. I could of gotten married a long time ago, but the men I came across were not mature but they wanted to impregnate me. Financial and physical abuse is real for many young mothers.
@@indigogirl5172 You were smart. My friends mother gives the best advice. Never have more kids that you can comfortably afford on your own. I can't afford any kids on my own and thus won't have them.
The reason it's important to get established in your career, as opposed to having kids immediately, is because someday if/when that man leaves you, you're going to need to have a way to support yourself and possibly the kids, too. It's not fun trying to go back to school and start a career when you're in your 40s or 50s, believe me. Also, I think women need to consider why they want kids. I don't think it is an automatic that every woman has an innate desire for them. I know I never did. I do not regret never having them. On the other hand, I have friends who had children who often express their regret. Some have had kids with disabilities or kids who went down a bad path. Those kids end up feeling like more of a burden, though we are conditioned to be ashamed for feeling that way. Some people think kids are an automatic retirement plan; someone to care for them when they get old. I don't think that's a great reason for bringing more people into this world. If it's something you always dreamed of and desired, go for it. If not, don't let yourself be shamed or bullied into thinking it's wrong not to want them.
yeah my mom had me when she was 20 and she didn't get to have a career, the problem is my father died when i was 2 so my mom was a 22 year old with no career and a child to take care of, it was not great...
now my mom always advices girls to have some form of a career or a way to provide for themselves
I always think it’s super weird that people just assume that having kids is an automatic retirement plan, as you call it. There are a lot of people I know who cut ties with their parents because they were crappy parents. Or kids who have moved far away because of a partner or career. Also, there’s no guarantee that your kids will outlive you, or be in a physical or financial position to care for you when you’re old.
Women initiate 70% of divorces as of 2015.. If he didn’t get a prenup he’s not anticipating on divorcing you unless you just a tramp ho’in around behind his back or not fullfilling your duties as a human trying to have a symbiotic relationship
@@drprofessor1414 Its getting closer to 80%...
@@drprofessor1414 Interesting that not only do you think the only reason a man would divorce is "you just a tramp ho in around" or "not fullfilling your duties". Alternately, there are many reasons a woman might be forced to seek a divorce, such as abuse. Or even being married to someone who uses the term "tramp ho" to talk about women and refers to marital relations as "fulfilling your duties as a human".
I think another narrative is that the stars need to perfectly align in order to have kids. I would love to have kids and a family one day, but also don't want to place burden on my child if I don't have ample income and means to give them a good, quality life. I also don't want to immediately have kids and they grow up in a single parenthood household or family environment that isn't stable. Children don't deserve to grow up with parents that do not have a healthy, solid relationship with eachother or financial stability.
I think some of these people are looking at kids as if they are accessories .i have my house and cars ,now I need a wife or a husband then my kids. I wonder if they think their decision should be like a Sims game.
This way of thinking isn't wrong, but it's why a lot of single 30 somethings don't have have a family, they never feel it's enough like finances, relationships or mental health. Meet someone and work through life together, through good and bad.
@@citizenz4640 mental health issues can be serious. I have a disability and PTSD and couldn't be a mother and yet I get judgment for this and if I did I wouldn't do well at it and be judged harshly. You can't win. I would need my parents to help me 24/7 and I don't have other family either.
@@citizenz4640 people have boundaries.so when it comes to bad, it depends
Another factor, finances. For years the push was "go get a four year degree so you can get a good job." Only we had to take out huge loans to get that degree and many have had a tough time finding a good job to pay those loans back. Raising kids is expensive plain and simple. I was in my thirties and my wife was in her late twenties when we had our first child. A big part of that was so that we could get my student loans paid off before we also had to factor in the costs of buying a house and all the costs of having a child. It was a smart decision but did delay when we started our family.
Great point. Not to mention if you decide to change careers or live in an area where housing costs are really high ($1million + average cost of a home where I live).
Going to college for that 4 year degree & getting sacked with debt has become the scam of the century. There are more degrees out there than there is demand to hire them. So it takes some folks 20 years to pay off the debt which just delays starting the life you want. No thanks.
I can only speak for myself; my son is the greatest thing I have ever made, achieved or focused on. I was 33 when he was born. I thought it was a great decision that I waited until I was more mature and settled but the truth is it wasn't a decision I made honestly. It just turned out that way. The truth is at 38 I may never have another child and that is really tragic in a sense. I don't think you are ever ready to have children. You can be better equipped but money and material goods, a settled career have very little to do with your effectiveness as a parent.
My parents had their first child before 20. My mom was 17. I have 7 siblings and we are all pretty damn close in age relative to how many of us there are. My parents did such a good job at being parents and I think a part of that is simply the time investment they made every single day. They had a simple life and a lot less distractions. They didn't have great careers or a big house or much money. We didn't go on vacations or have new toys or stuff in general. I think that cleared up a lot of time and energy for them to just parent. We went on family walks, bike rides, we always ate together as a family and were extremely close.
I think what people see as limitations can be great advantages. Children only care about material things on a superficial level. What they really care about is your time and energy. Children aren't these little monsters that destroy things either. They are forming human beings and they are incredibly endearing and beautiful in their simplicity and honesty. My son legit blows my mind at least once a day.
My wife and I have good careers. We have disposable income, a house three times the size of the one I grew up in. My son has a dedicated room in our house for his toys. We go on great vacations. While all this is true I look at him, think of my childhood and try to come up with ways to establish things more solid or meaningful which seems harder considering the so called advantages we have. You can't beat effort with stuff. You can't beat love with things and you can't buy happiness or security. That wonderment children experience when they discover and uncover lifes simple beauty is dampened by wealth and materialism. You cannot buy bonds, they are forged in experience and overcoming difficulty.
Well said! Unfortunately when every message says kids are a burden go figure
@Seth Chandler. Well and beautifully stated.
Sometimes I think back to my childhood in the 60s and 70s (I'm a boomer) and think of all kids in the neighborhood. We were outside playing cops and robbers, riding bikes, building treeforts, playing baseball in a nearby field and the like. Although today's standard of living is much higher, those childhood days seem like the golden years. I feel sorry that my children will never have anything remotely similar to what we had even though we live in a bigger house with nicer amenities.
@@RedDevilStudio That's because they are. Avoiding the truth won't stop that.
@@Rage_Harder_Then_Relax small.problem is that you need a young mobile population to maintain the economic growth and look after the elderly. The 'burden' right now is on the other side of the age spectrum.
Having kids is pure selfish ego. You only want someone to look after you when you're old and decrepit. You want mini-me's. What is your child gonna acheive by just being on this earth. I'll tell you now....nothing worth remembering. You and the family won't be remembered in 50-100 years. No one will know anything about you or care. People want kids just because they can. Again, what good is that all for? And then people look at those who don't want kids, side ways as if there's something wrong with them. People who don't want kids are much more wiser than any that do have them as they know that having an extension of themselves isn't needed to be defined by what old society has ran successfully in the past. Wanting kids so badly & having kids doesn't make you a success especially in shitty times and is not guaranteed fulfillment of future life. Humans have screwed up this mainly because of religion. Religion has a lot to answer for and this is one example.
I'm 29 and don't have anything that society would expect me to have. I don't have a house of my own, my own vehicle or a career. All I've got is my not so close family, my job, and school. To even think of raising a child in a world that's gotten harder to live in gets me feeling depressed everytime I think of it.
If people thought this during the last row world war there would be no population life is hard anyway you can’t stop living be a of it.
I had the opposite pressure growing up: the most important thing is for you to get married and have children. I’m in my early 30’s and cannot afford children. That’s the reason I’m not having them.
Good! Having children is the biggest waste of time, energy and money. Child free is true freedom.
Most of the “Girl Boss” women are lying to themselves.
@@Robot50000 let them compete . It's men that traditional didn't have any competition because America shut out women and minorities. Now the men who belong to the majority have to compete and are upset
@@clarity2974 honey im killing all my female competitors at my age nonetheless males, sit down somewhere. I know don't know what you thought this was lol... any person whining about wanting to travel and spend time with friends aint gonna work the average male... we getting money for the honeys, women just get money to have fun. CORE difference.
One common thing I have often heard is that no one ever said on their deathbed that they wish they spent more time working. They wish they spent more time with family. Same often goes for women and men.
Childless 31 year old, here. If my husband and I had kids now, we absolutely would not have the means to raise and provide for them fairly.
The biggest reason for this surge in childless couples is the growing inequality of wealth and assets in the world. It's not just women becoming more educated, ambitious or career-hungry. There are way more social and economic factors at play.
That's what I keep hearing more than anything else ... Many people don't want children because the condition's we are all living under is not conducive to raising vulnerable lifeforms.
Yeah the 304’s who are poor are having kids. Yall just hate yourselves and don’t want kids
@@usecriticalthinking243 you might want to use the advice of your username.
@@usecriticalthinking243 Not wanting my kids to suffer needlessly is " hatting myself "?
We will always be dissatified with something or the other, that's what our existence is like. Someone who decides to not have kids will think "what if I had one", someone with kids and an early marriage will think how it would be different had they waited a bit longer, a working mom will feel guilt to not spend time with her kids, a single mom or dad will feel someting else. Nothing will ever go 100 percent smoothly, there will always be bumps along the way. Someone wanting kids may end up having their kid die, someone can lose a spouse, or get sick and unable to work. Even if everything pans out great, the kids will stop being the source of joy when they grow up and leave for work and/or studies, and the house becomes empty again. Jordan Peterson himself was mentally broken because he's dealing with his wife's illness, undergoing treatment.
In my humble opinion, the most important thing is how content you are, when alone. When you have no external factors, humans or inanimate objects that you depend on, to keep you happy. How much peace are you at, with yourself? That's the only thing that matters. You have to accept that all of it, is temporary, the good and the bad, both will wax and wane as days pass by. Life is not this linear thing with an end goal, there was never any end goal, the end is death; but life is more like a mountain range with peaks, crevasses, storms, blizzards, where we rise and fall. Even if we reach the summit, we have to get down again. That's all there is.
WOW wise words that so amazing, totally should write a book about your words of wisdom honestly great
You have to be ok with being lonely without being lonely. The most important conversation you’ll ever have is the one you have with yourself. True peace and fulfillment comes from within. No one can give that to you. You couldn’t have explained it better.
This is true. If you are religious or spiritual, your connection to god will also help with the loss and death of every other human around you.
so well said, thanks for sharing
This is gold. Thank you for this comment.
Speculating that only unhappy people leave angry or vitriol comments is just simply untrue. It sounds like mental gymnastics to help a youtuber, or big personality on social media, ignore any potential flaws in their own thinking. Personal bias, supported through post-rational thinking, to alleviate an online perceived attack, does wonders for self justifying ones own personal bias. But it also prevents them from the truth if they perhaps are wrong about a belief.
My aunt who was a saint is childless and has no partner. She raised me and have looked after my half brothers too. We were her sisters kids, but she took me as her son. It really takes a different type of person to do that. She was a lawyer, then prosecutor, then head of the witness protection and the head of the regional prosecutors in my country. I know she doesn’t show it to us, and always helps everyone with a smile and treats people with respect regardless if they are strangers or poor, she will help. However, now that I am older and am in a whole different country away from her, when we see each other, she cries when we part ways. She misses having to take care of me. She was my mom and I was her son. I sometimes think that it would have been better if I wasn’t born because she wouldnt have to be sad and lonely after I was gone. I felt like I changed her life, with her being the oldest in her siblings, she was left to take care of me. All I’m really saying is. Maybe she would have been happier being completely childless.
It's not complicated, it's very simple.
If a woman wastes her 20s sleeping around and not focusing on becoming a wife and mother then the results are obvious. It's the same for a man in his 20s who does not focus on building his career, in his 30s he won't be on the path of financial prosperity. Life is simple but people make idiotic choices and then complain about the outcome.
True 😂
It's idiotic choices based on unexamined useless beliefs.
Is it a waste to spend your youth having fun and having great sex? And all men are not looking for "financial prosperity" These generalizations and assumptions are what's harmful...
@@r.walker7986 you are 100 percent correct, one can do anything they wish as they have complete freedom. Just don't be surprised with not being able to have said outcome in life. A promiscuous woman cannot complain that a high quality man doesn't want to wife a whore and a man cannot complain that he's financially struggling to raise a family if he didn't build his financial portfolio.
@@theukeconomist6518 The thing is a man that would have a problem with a woman who has had sex before(aka: the new "promiscuous" to nerds and guys who can't get any) has no value to that woman. Yopu can call yourself "high quality" high value or whatever but at the end of the day every person you deal with will determine your value to them based on whether or not you fulfil their needs and wants and preferences.
As a guy I look at it differently and think about long term. I became a dad at 24 and my child will graduate high school when I’m 42. Raising kids takes a lot of time, money, and energy. I can’t imagine chasing toddlers down in my late 30’s or 40’s either. Boys in particular want a dad that plays with them. It’s interesting going to sporting events and being younger than many of the other parents.
Men can be in great shape in late 30s or early 40s . No problems
It doesn't matter how well you keep yourself in shape- having kids is a young person's game.
It also is better for the kids, having extended family. My grandparents and parents all married young (and stayed married!). We had great family reunions for 30 years. I even knew some of my great-grandparents.
My wife's parents married later, and she didn't know any of her grandparents. When we began dating seriously, she was shocked that I even had grandparents alive, much less all of them. I said, "You want to meet them?"; she did, and thoroughly enjoyed being a part of their lives until they passed. She saw what she missed out on.
@@tdrive398
bullshit
Grandparents getting used to offload the children. One of the things I would never do and even promised my parents they don't have to worry.
They had their stress with me and my brother, don't need another bunch of little bastards.
Don't want to judge, but what a primitive mindset that she was 'shocked' - wtf...
My parents were in their mid 20s when I was born - the majority of my friend parents were in their end 30s to early 40s when they were born.
I'm doing the same, I guess between now and in 3 years we will have our first kid - I'm 42 now.
Young persons game - I can now afford a family without sacrificing my hobbies - if I would had a kid and family in my 20s I wouldn't be there where I am now.
But the same time, looking how the governments and politics change, I am considering at all having children - as they getting born into modern slavery.
Mandatory these and that - own nothing and be happy - corrupt laws with even more corrupt politicians.
Not to mention, I'm 42 now and I'm in the best physical shape I ever was, working out since 5 years - all my friends who had children and family in their 20s are generally divorced, depressed, and drug addicted (cigarettes and alcohol) and just moan and complain - they love their kids but the same time regret and often seem to envy me as I have house, cars and travelled the world.
And now I can afford to travel the world with my family should I make the decision - and if not, I have more money to spend because this is what I will do - just spend it - when dead I can't take it with me anyway.
My dad had my little brother at 55 and now in his 60s he regularly goes outside and kicks a soccer ball or throws a football and keeps up with him just fine and he isn't even in near the shape I am in. I think it could easily be done in the 30s and 40s personally.
@@ldorman both of you make good points. There are positives and negatives to everything.
It would be interesting to dig into the socio-economic and other demographics of the study. Stating that 50.1% women are childless at 30 surely makes me want to dig deeper.
Great interview and nice assessment Courtney.
I made the mistake of being with someone who didn't want children at all and I spent all of my twenties with them. We loved each other but our ideas for the future were different. Now at 35, I don't have a man or children or a career and a pull to choose life over work. But I feel my dreams have turned to ash. I was led to believe that having children when you're young is a bad thing and you must build your career first. This is something being uttered out by the media and people's mouthes during my era. "Your life would be over if you didn't go to university or got pregnant too early" What rubbish. Men know that they have the luxury of saying yes or no to kids at any time because they don't have a biological clock. Just a psychopathic bomb ticker when they use dating apps for sex only but mislead women to think otherwise.
Maybe somehow start your own business. The only way to earn more and good is your own business. Saw a vid here on UA-cam on someone who used her stimulus check to start a 7 fig business. Will be checking it out w the hubby. And also maybe fostering a child and who knows at some point you might decide to be a mum anyway naturally when the financials have lined up better for you. As someone w no kids you have some time and space hopefully to choose a direction. All the best!
Having children when you are young takes a big chunk of your time and it doesn't end when they turn 18.
That's a lie, the chance of down syndrome also increase with the increase of the dad's age. They absolutely have a biological clock. But for women the woman might actually die if something goes wrong with the fetus.
My parents always told me I can do what I wanted, be a mother or have a career. I always wanted to be a mother but never dependent on a partner, I want a partner I don’t want to need them, that’s my thing cause if something goes wrong in the relationship I wouldn’t wanna be left with nothing of my own. Having a career or being a parent should definitely always be a choice, do what makes you happy. Also a lot of the time some people legit just can’t afford a child, children are expensive let alone a big responsibility, I personally think 25 is a decent time to think about children and learning to save for said child if you so choose to actually want and have one.
70-80% of divorces are initiated by women.....men dont leave marriages, WOMEN leave!
you do know that there is community property, alimony, and child support right? I see these women pretending that if their husband leaves them they will be living on the streets eating government cheese.
@@mohamedadan6678 Usually there is something wrong with the marriage if the woman wants a divorce. And as the man makes 50 % of the marriage it's quite common that there is some issues regarding the man. People grow to want different things, they don't love each other anymore, one or both cheat etc. Every case is unique, but the fact that there are problems in long marriages is not.
So it's not fair to put the blame solely on women.
And regarding the fact that women file for divorce more often. I've read multiple times that men are more content to stay in an unhappy marriage than women. And why wouldn't they, especially if they cheat. Somebody has to take care of the kids and do household chores after all.
Always remember that love and happiness is vital(from both partners) in a relationship, not just money. That said, men like to feel apreciated so if a woman is too sucessful (nothing wrong with this) they are going to look for a partner who earns the same as them or more. This is where options become limited to a lot of woman. To man is different, we could have much wealth and yet we can fall in love with anyone that makes less money. Feeling loved and appreciated is more important to man.
My dad never went to college. My mom has a art degree from a university. I have a degree from a community college and my brother has 2 degrees. So I'd say there's definitely validity to what Jordan said about a mother's education.
I saw too many women around me be left to support their children pretty much on their on, this makes me insecure about starting a family and depending on the father and therefore not wanting to have children until I'm financially secure
Exactly. I think the reality of motherhood is often depressing from my observations. Women being overworked, undervalued and not supported. Women stuck in bad or subpar relationships where they are expected to make huge sacrifices. Without guaranteed support, maturity and respect from your spouse having kids is a huge risk for women.
Were.Those women married?
@@FireSilver25 he actually does. he has been doing that for many years and many men reached out to him because he changed their lives.
@@civildiscourse7626 As a woman or a man you can get married have children. It can result in divorce or you stay married. There are no guarantees in life. You make the best decison at the time and go with your gut.
@@MultiSUNFLOWER18 but statistically a man is less likely to leave if he’s married… if they wasn’t married then perhaps the relationship wasn’t serious enough to bring a child into anyway so really it’s about a woman doing things the right way…ps if they were married his financial obligations become more severe
slightly off-topic, but what i find interesting is that in the happiest marriages I know, all of the women are childless.
I'm impressed by this video! Love them both. We need to keep talking about these issues. Good for you!
I’m one of those rare woman that has made it to 50 without kids & am very happy with my decision. I’m constantly reminded of the many reasons I made the right choice for me. It never had anything to do with career goals. It was about not wanting to sacrifice my freedom & personal time to raise children. I helped a lot in raising my nieces & nephews & I’ve never felt like I missed out.
So many parents I see are over-extended & unhappy. Many of them have honestly admitted that they wouldn’t have them given the opportunity to make the choice again. Parenthood should be a very conscious choice, not something that is done to fill a hole or because it meets societal expectations. More power to those that find that kind of lifestyle & sacrifice rewarding! I hope you raise good humans.
You just got really good at lying to yourself. Eventually, the realisation that you're alone and have zero legacy WILL get to you.You won't escape it.That's just the way it is.
I agree with you about everything!!! I'm 25 but I decided not to have kids, I don't think it's worth the sacrifice. This is my decision and I don't care about my "duty" of woman, cause I have many reasons why i don't want any
@@ChocoParfaitFra you’re 25 🤣🤣 you will change your mind you have so many years left. You’re acting like you’re 45
@@galoobigboi jesus. men are so creepy. "legacy"? gag
@@fish2399 what’s your problem? I’ve already decided
People choose what to do with their lives when they’re young
If she’s 50 without kids then it means it was already something she thought when she was young
And women don’t have much time to think about this, don’t you think?
Folks waiting until later in life is a big part of infertility and part of the bigger issue as a whole. Waiting until I was 28 is something I regret every day. I put my career first and all it got me was money attached to loneliness. I felt incomplete. I was traveling, had a great job, my own car and house and was miserable. I was also pretty feminist in my way of thinking. Just trust me ladies when I say I was completely wrong about all of it. One of my friends waited until 35 to find out she can’t even have kids and it sent her into depression. Your career means nothing when you’re dead.
Your only redeeming quality is that you didn't know better, am i right?
your kids also dont mean anything when you are dead
My sister was lied to & went full high power job after a degree & masters, great money & long hours then tried to have it all in her 40's & sadly she was past her prime, but at least she can keep working long hours to pay taxes & support other people's families.. so society wins! Go feminism..
So many feminists have no kids so can't pass on those mistakes as most of them will never have children... At least they have true equality and can now work and fund society just like men! :)
@@kaylalilly9281 Kids are the future and your kids are your bloodline. While your alive you could be proud and feel comfort in the fact that your created your own family. What our ancestors have done since the beginning of humanity. The only objective meaning of life.
The thing about fertility is unless you have some disorder with symptoms or something that can be tested for, you are not gonna know if you are or are not fertile until you try to get pregnant. Most women who are infertile later in life have always been infertile. Infertility is defined by the inability to get pregnant after trying for at least two years in most cases. When you are dead, pretty sure nothing means anything to you, cause you are dead, the question is what fulfils the parts of you that can be fulfilled while you are alive, most people have space to love kids and work.... they don't satisfy the same needs...
Difficulty conceiving at 30 usually is because of other issues and nothing to do with age.
I had kids young and never even thought of not having children it was just what people did.
Even though I love my children I know now how much I've given up to have them.
I do regret having kids young I gave up my youth to end up a solo mum struggling to get by, i never got to travel or do anything for myself.
People think of all the good bits about having a baby and raising a child but reality is so much of it isn't fun or enjoyable.
It's even harder if you have a baby that has colic or something else like that.
Having a child with disabilities isnt alway like they show on tv it can break a family it can make extended family and friends vanash and it can be a situation you have to cope with till the day you die, can't always be screened for so its always a risk.
Pregnancy and birth is also a risk, i can't walk more than a few meters or stand longer than 5 minutes because of the damage done to my abdominal muscles.
To all my children I have advised if they want children to wait until they have lived for themselves and are financially stable because once you have kids its so much harder to do those things.
Women used to need a man to prove an income and if your husband was an abusive asshole you just had to take it because you needed him.
If your husband left then the women and kids are screwed.
Now we have the ability to support ourselves we can choose partners based on how they treat us and can leave if it gets bad.
It's not all about wanting to work its about not being financially vulnerable and being able to support ourselves and our family if we choose to have one.
Totally Agree 💯
Bingo
Lol you ladies have all those "opportunities" and yet MOST OF YOU are still unhappy???? God didn't intend you ladies to work FOR A REASON....I think its time you realize his
@@somaspecialist shut up
This is why God created marriage darling pick your spouse carefully I have 3 children one special needs autistic and two c sections it's called not being self centered . You can make a life and have fun with your kids and yes you can travel you have to work for what you want.
I remember my sister explaining to me her career choices when she was debating leaving her law firm. She has a PhD in a medical field and is a lawyer and was doing special training to be an elite level lawyer. Her husband is an immigrant and was working as a machinist so he was struggling to find an office government job. She was ~35 at the time and saying - my job means i have the salary to send my future childrens to private school and have a really nice life. This new job the salary is lower but has benefits, so i wont be able to provide that education. She knew her salary was the key to her family's future and opportunities.
So men think that women want this flashy high earning guy, but it's not that.. women do the math and know what they will lose and their family will lose lowering their income level to have kids. A lot of high earning women don't have good medical benefits or other safety nets built into their compensation - not to mention they might never be able to get their career back to the level is wat before because of gender bias. Not to mention, many women dont want to fully rely on their husband financially because jt can be very dangerous.
So many men have too much ego to do mental calculation of what THEY have to bring to the table in order for the women to have childrens and take themselves off the job market. If she makes 40K, then he has to make up for the 40K lost in order for her to lose a second income. Now if she makes 90K or over 100K, that becomes harder to make up for. So no shit she's trying to find an equal or higher paying husband. This isn't rocket science.
Edit: also the housing market is based off two incomes, so the mortgage payments due every month, increased food bills, etc etc all is off two incomes. The "maternal instinct" is logic and survival of your family.... but somehow men preaching hypergamy and "high value men" think they are the providers 🤔. You can have the life and the family you desire but be really realistic judging other's and what you yourself provide.
This doesn’t even makes sense. If you better than average, you will have the best benefits. Or the means to get them.
@Taylor Jones she had a PhD in medicine and was a lawyer but didn’t have a health plan? Lawyers have some of the best health plans. You’re crazy.
@Taylor Jones I live in the USA, is possible but nearly impossible.
There are always and better ways of raising children rather than throwing money at everything.
You could have spares your time and instead comment “it’s all men fault”
(I'm a man) I'm 24 years old and I wouldn't want to raise a kid in this society right now. It's insane.
Agree as a woman
My parents raised my younger brother and I in the traditional family structure. Dad worked at least 60 hours a week, and Mom stayed home until we were old enough that she could work part-time. She was 23 when she had me. She did not finish college, and the time she sacrificed raising us hurt her professional development. At 60, she is just now making $60k/year.
My aunt, however, did finish college and prospered in her field. When my cousin was just two, she and my uncle divorced. They both wanted to build their professional lives while juggling parental responsibilities. The stress from maintaining their jobs, the house, the welfare of my cousin, and their relationship proved too much to sustain their marriage. My aunt never remarried.
If one of your life goals is to pass on your genetics, there is a fairly steep price to pay for that. Sacrifices must be made. Do your due diligence to know all of the costs, requirements and challenges that come with successfully raising a child that can grow into a well-adjusted adult.
Just $60,000? You can live comfortably with that money
@@SlayerOfTheDamned his mother makes 60k but if both parents make 60k ots possible.
I struggle to understand why marriage and having a child is a “bucket list” item for most women, or even having a career that takes up more than 50hrs a week. There’s too much life to experience, travel, sport, hobbies. I’m early 50s and recently bought a DJ controller as learning that as a hobby as I’ve always loved dance music…. Age is just a number.
The age is just a number kinda sounds...bad.
@@aromanlegionnair5096 no it doesn’t
@@mikasa8969 just sounded kinda wrong cause...pedophiles use this phrase to Haha. Just gotta be careful with it.
I'm a woman, I've been married, and had a career. I never wanted kids and didn't have any. I'm also in my early 50's and feel like I'm living the life I always wanted for the first time. It's awesome and feels like the exact opposite of the "regrets" that everyone seems to think I'd be having.
10:39 You missed a point, Courtney. Yes, because of hypergamy highly successful women tend to go for only a small pool of highly successful men. But! The same is not true for those men at all. Highly successful men have no problem dating or even marrying a woman who is barely educated or doesn't make much money or work at all, attractiveness and youth are what men subconsciously look for because women are much more fertile before 30.
This makes a highly successful woman's' dating pool even smaller, because a highly successful man would easily pass on her for a younger more fertile and attractive girl who makes way less money.
Very valid points that people aren't talking about. Great reaction Courtney!
Thank you 🥰
Courtney, great video. This is honestly the reason why i have the hardest time dating. I've worked my butt off to be come successful and am ready for marriage and a family, which I can take care of financially but a lot of these women are so focused on their careers they are not ready to settle and I/these women are in our mid 30s now.
Men and women are valued differently.
Men: Money, Status, Resources
Women: Youth, Fertility, Beauty
So when women wait until they’re not as pretty and can’t have children as easily, that makes them undesirable. What also doesn’t help is that they’re now masculine. Aiming for careers and flaunting it as a way to gain a mate. That only turns men off since that’s a masculine trait. The drive to be successful, willing to sacrifice for your career, and willing to support a family financially pretty much means that woman needs a wife, not a husband.
And it will become more increasingly dangerous for her and the child the older she gets
@@SlayerOfTheDamned I couldn't agree more, Men will typically be in their prime into their 40s as they have children to take care of and a family which drives them to work harder. I know so many women that are 35+ years old that are upset that men the same age wont date them, and the the major reason like you said, men see the younger women and go after them for Youth, fertility and beauty.
@@LatimusChadimus 1000% i have three married friends in their mid 30s who are having the hardest time trying to have children, many of them on their 3rd - 4th round of IVF with no luck. A lot of these women who want to wait a long time to have children can ignore reality, but cannot ignore the consequences of ignoring reality when it comes to child birth and conception at an older age
Bro have no attachment to outcome in life!! Do you even know why you're alive?? What's the nature of human consciousness?? Aren't these much more fascinating questions than to worry about getting a woman that you know is only gonna be competing with you and be combative lol??
What a load the life expectancy of women in the us is 86-88 years if a woman got married at 24had 3 kids by 30, by the age of 36 her kids are all in school. She can work for 29 years to build a career( or more if she wants to) and still would have been a good mother, and hopefully a good wife and everyone is happy.
My mother considered it very important that I get a job that would allow me to be financially independent...so that I wouldn't be stuck in a marriage to an abusive man because there was no other viable option. In that context, having a good career is very important. It would not surprise me if many other women of my mother's generation had the same idea. So, it's not so much a "lie" that women are hearing as a particular point of view that is based on some unpleasant realities that people like Mr. Peterson seem to be oblivious to.
He really isn't oblivious to it, but if you start with the assumption any partner will be abusive and you'll need to be independent, why even have a family in the first place? Stability and trust, long term, for raising children together in a good family. Yes, it requires sacrificing something, either independence or resources, often both. What's the point of a high-end career if you end up miserable and alone? Different things for different people, but there's nothing wrong with trusting your partner and wanting to raise children.
Marriage? Good luck with that. In 2020, the marriage rate in the United States stood at 5.1 per 1,000 people of the population.
@@mrknarf4438 You are correct: different things for different people.
And, no, there's nothing wrong with trusting your partner and wanting to raise kids. What is wrong is a system that essentially punishes a person when his/her trust turns out to be misplaced. I write that with both men and women in mind.
Get a job that allows you to work from home or for a business that you and your husband runs. Simple. How are people getting degrees left and right but missing this obvious solution? Accounting. Digital Marketing. Etc.
@@dave45032 you realize that not everyone can work from home. That is unrealistic for most people. How do you think this world can function if everyone works from home. Tell a nurse she can work from home and keep her hospital job.
I'm a guy who's wanted nothing more than to get married and have a family ever since I was a teen. Unfortunately I never found a woman my age who wanted these things until I was about 35.
Read the rational male and the unplugged alpha. Good luck bro! 👍
Until ?? Unfortunate?? Wym ?? That’s an ideal age for that for a man
@Benj6i absolutely.
@@whatever7588 yeah, except my wife is the same age as me lol. Mid-late 30s is not an ideal time for a woman to get married and start having children
@Benj6i normally I'd agree with you, except my wife was a virgin when we got married lol
Just be real. The older ruined our younger generation and if we go on like this and do not face our fears of responsibility there will be a lot of regret before we die. So take the courage today and start by being someone who cares.
You didn't say anything, just provided more vague opinions.
@James Young Rejecting or having fear are two totally different topics. You also do not take responsibility and instead make the world responsible for how it is. If you would fight to change your view you would not think like that.
The best way to secure the lifestyle you want is to get it for yourself. I think women should be free to do whatever they want. Adoption is always an option so if the clock runs out before I have a child for myself, I would gladly be a mother to someone else's.
Had a teacher in high-school late 30 I believe that used to regret focusing on her career and not starting a family sooner. She was very bitter and hysterical always starting arguments with everyone.
@Wes Ley many are sold that dream.
Her problems sound deeper than just not starting a family sooner.
Yeah right, because women who crap out kids are not bitter. Pleaaaaaze
Lots of Bitter mothers out here too like my old boss for example. Mid 30's , bitter mother of 3 young kids. A totally unhappy miserable B**ch. So yah, its not just limited to the childfree women
Same
And she ended up killing herself a few years after I graduated. She was a kind woman when she teached us.
Funny Jordan mentioned women in law making partner. I'm a lawyer (Ohio and Michigan) and I know plenty of women who are in law, miserable, burnt out, and many are 40+ and beyond being able to have children. They are chronic burnt out and some have even told me they regret every major decision they made. I recently had a 32 year old law graduate, not even working in law, an office clerk, tell me she thought the grades, degree, career was the path to happiness and she said she had ruined and wasted her life with a useless degree and a job that was just a dead-end soul-crushing grind.
Is she able to pay her bills though?.
@@purplelove3666 of course she is. And that’s great.
I disagree with Peterson's initial assertion. At least for me, yes, being independent and having a career was preached by my family (father). However, the *reason* he taught me this is so that I would not be dependent on a man. Considering the current state of American men, I feel that his teaching was spot on.
@Mosdzones 😁
"Happy people do not leave comments like that." I'm going to have to have to start telling myself that. Thank you, that's insightful.
[20M] All I want in life is to be a husband and father. My family upbringing was so disastrous, but I loved the safety and security I felt as a kid when my Aunt and Uncle had me stay summers with them to visit my cousins. I would love to have a family and give them a stable home like I never had but was invited into. The thing is I so many people are focused on hookup culture now, that it's hard for me to network myself out and find the women my age that want the same thing. I am not saying there aren't women comparable to my values, just that I think for men they are hard to find, and for the women us guys are hard for them to find.
Don't give up or lose hope! I'm 21 and I want the same thing too, and I don't participate in or agree with hookup culture. There are definitely women out there who want to settle down, like yourself. You just gotta search the right places for them. I hope everything goes well for you 😊
The law makes that far too risky......and you know that
Big fax same here brother
You are too young to be stressed about this, that's what's probably unattractive about you and you are also judgmental when you are the oddball out. You are the anomaly and a lot of times when dudes are trying to settle down this young women see it as a red flag, like you know you are gonna peak early so you are trying to lock a woman down while you still can. Relax, go develop some skills and get an education, get a career you love and get to a point where you can actually take care of your self and a family.... Women are not hard to find but to most women you are still a boy and in your age bracket, you are still very much dealing with GIRLS. Let these girls grow up.
@@CM-137 No smart woman would agree to all this. There comes a point when you are trying so hard to protect yourself, there will never be a "we" or "ours" and women with common sense see that for the red flag it is...
I’m 22 , recently married, and expecting our first baby…I grew up raised by a single mother who wanted me to be a independent women, with a college degree and career… the pressure to achieve those things overwhelmed me, because That was not what I wanted deep inside although I ALMOST settled for that. , I truly desired to be what I was made to be, a good wife and a good mother . And to me, that’s the greatest job I could ever have. I understand other women might think differently, and that’s ok. But for those women who think the same as me, this kind of life is truly fulfilling, and don’t let society shame you into thinking otherwise .. you are not a lazy woman if you decide to be wife and SAHM. In fact it’s the most important, impactful job you could ever have. Much love to all💕
Definitely but too many in this country are just ok with being a mother.. like strive to be a good one at least. If that’s too much off a commitment which it seems like it is for many.... then maybe don’t have kids. Too many crummy parents which leads to a life of trauma for those kids.
I got married around the same age as you never married around the age too. It just happened. My hubby is 4 years older than me and he was ready to settle down. He treated me well then and still does now. He always always makes sure I am loved. We have two kids and going on 19 plus years married. Having a family is indeed a blessing and especially when a family is created with the RIGHT people 😊💕
I definitely can agree. I don’t know what’s worse, bad parents raising bad kids that become the next generation, or people not having kids at all… it’s important for the people who are good to raise up good kids in whole families
Wow, that’s amazing, and very encouraging for me to read! My husband is 5 yrs older than me. he’s so mature, he knew he wanted a family to provide for and that’s what he has done💕🙏🏽 I couldn’t be with someone my age either bc they weren’t mature enough to settle down. Bless you and yours, and all those amazing years you guys have been together 🙌🏽
Lazy, lazy SAHM's. The child goes to school at age 5. Get off your arse and get a job.
I'm 29 and confident to say I don't want any children. I love them and work as a school teacher, but I don't any of my own. I will be that 50 year old with no family.
Thank you for sharing this!
Not to be a doom and gloomer, but the world is gonna get much more difficult for future generations, so I respect that decision.
Well maybe you know yourself well enough to predict that you’ll be happy being childless at 50 but there’s always a chance that this feeling will change and it’ll be too late by then. I hope you’ll be happy but I also hope you don’t blame men or anyone else in case you end up regretting that decision.
@@adamromero With the way humans keep screwing things up more and more that is a given.
@@AS-qj6zf The feeling could possibly change, it hasn't for the last 29 years. If it does I love the idea of adoption. I love men too much, I don't blame them at all. Just a personal choice.
When he said a women's level of education predicts their child's education, but a man's doesn't, I instantly thought about social status perceived by men and women. Men care about status, but mainly for the purpose of attracting women, because women really care about status itself. Women are really socially driven, a lot more so than men, so it makes sense. One of the biggest providers of status is education, so educated mothers that care about status probably push their children into the direction of education, because it is the easiest way to achieve social status.
That's just what I thought about it.
So it has nothing to do with it usually Being the Woman, who is spending More time quality and quantity with the Child? And therefore having More Impact on its development? What you're saying Sounds like a far Stretch
@@marie-ray We're not talking about children here though, are we? We're talking about young adults, and their decision to take on post secondary education, or not to. Does a young adult listen to their mother, or their father more? Is it subjective? I'd argue you're taking more of a shot in the dark than I. Unless of course you have some data to back that up.
You do realize that even if you're correct, it doesn't necessarily disprove my viewpoint? Because the mother could still be pushing the value of education because of social status for her kid, even if she really is more impactful than the father. That would mean that the primary reason a woman's education dictates their child's level of educated is still based on the mother's value of social status.
@@Aubatron ah that's true, I was thinking of Young children. But even then, is going to University only a choice about social Status and Not Job opportunities (therefore Not having to worry about finances)? That's the Most Common answer ob why people get a degree, apart From a specific Dream Career that requires it
@@marie-ray shouldn't both parents spend time with the child since they both contributed in having the child?.
When you’re a woman beauty will give you far more status then education will. Men don’t care about your education if you’re hot and men are the key to successful careers since you get subjected to such bad treatment when you’re a woman. You need a man to help like Jay-Z and Beyoncé
I live in Utah, and childless women are very rare. Being in my early 40’s, I have no aversion to dating single mothers. I’m childless myself and I have stayed focused on my career and education. Part of me feels like I have failed for never starting a family, yet I have grown to realize that I am probably better off, as many of my friends who are single parents tend to really struggle. I’m at the point where I can take it or leave it. Some of the women I date are still relatively young, yet there kids are in their late teens and early 20’s already.
Utah is in a completely different world to the rest of the US. People marry young, have children young and ultimately divorce before hitting 30's there. Very weird world Mormons forged there.
@@_nimrod92 it’s not even just the Mormons, but I agree with you. Their quirkiness has affected the rest of society, for better or worse.
Well said, the good thing is, adoption is just as great.
It's not as great, because almost all humans have a deep rooted biological drive to reproduce that cannot be duplicated ever. One can choose to be content with the choice of adoption and it's commendable always, but nothing compares to your own biological child, people don't have to be dishonest about it, it just is.
@@goldrays4862 Nah, that’s for you. Many people don’t care about biological vanity. If you want to nurture offspring and raise them with great values… doesn’t matter if they’re adopted or not. They carry legacy through upbringing & good values. Anyone who devalues their adoptive children wouldn’t make a good parent anyway.
I think a lot of people don't understand how many women don't even get the chance to try to have kids until later because they simply don't find the right man. Not because they're partying or sleeping around but because they just, for whatever reason, don't have a partner even though they want to find that person. And that can be extremely painful, and the last thing they need is to be browbeaten for still being single past their "prime childbearing years" when it wasn't even a choice. I had severe medical issues that I was dealing with and because of that couldn't even date until well into my 30s. I didn't choose this and shouldn't be shamed for it.
exactly - there seems to be no shades of grey in the conversations here. You are either a "career woman" or a family woman. The dating scene for both sexes is a jungle and finding the right mate can be random good luck
@@kismet256 finally a voice of reason! So many people seem to assume that any woman who isn't married in her 20s has been sleeping around and partying, when this is not the case at all. There are many women who are just extremely shy or introverted or just don't get the chance to find anyone for other reasons. Or they spent years in a dead end relationship thinking it was going to lead to marriage. Ridiculous that so many people act like every woman had the option to get married young and just chose not to because they preferred to party and sleep around - many of us would have loved to marry young but just didn't find the right person. Also, many of the women who were sleeping around in college, etc. are the ones who got married young. I have no idea where this idea came from that all the innocent, virginal women get married young and the partying thots are the ones still single in their 30s because of their own choices. It often isn't like that at all.
Also, the decline in female fertility has been oversold. There's so much ignorance out there that people seriously think that women are sterile at 30, which is not even remotely the case. Most women are actually still fertile at 40. There is a decline, but there's no steep cliff until about 40 or so. And believe it or not, most women are doing the best they can to find love. They're not putting it off on purpose, they are simply having a hard time finding the right person in some cases. So people need to stop with the fear-mongering and browbeating and just let women live their lives. Believe me, we know our fertility declines, we don't need your "reminders." Especially when they are based on ignorance - if my doctor says I'm still fertile, I don't care what uneducated randos on the internet have to say on the topic.
@@Crazygurl1211 be thankful of modern science and technological advances in regards to fertility. UA-cam and Podcasters can create an echo chamber effect and too much time in this rabbit hole (dominated by men largely) can put you off the opposite sex. On a sub conscious level men are fighting the change in power dynamics and are lashing out anyway they can for example polarizing women as "career women" or "family women". also the "concern" re fertility levels. One of most pivotal decision you make in life is who you decide to have a child with - "when a clown becomes a king, the Palace becomes a Circus"
@@kismet256 These internet incels are fussing because women have rights. That's all they're doing. Women can have a career and a family. We just can't do it at the same time. I worked hard, got an education, and saved my money from my teenage years until age 25. I got married to a good, strong man, although he was poor. No worries, I'm frugal and I had plenty of money. We had three children. I spent a decade at home raising them, only working part time and sporadically. I spent most of my time parenting. When the youngest was school age, I went back to school too. I slowly re-trained into a career. Kids are happy, hubby is happy. I move at my own pace, in light of my active role in family life. We were never rich, but we got by. I'm a health nut with no plans to retire. I work as a physical therapist and yoga instructor. I can work until I'm 95 years old if I play my cards right. Life is good.
I have never had the urge to have children, even when I was young. I am so happy for people that want to raise a family it's a tough gig but a very rewarding one, the truth is, we need to continue to have children to keep the population going, but it is not for everyone. I dedicate myself to those who are already here who need love and support and that fills me with great joy. No one can take that away from me. Even when I start to get older I may foster, adopt pets etc. There is plenty of love already here. Only I know my individual experiences and this is what my soul tells me, so I stop listening to pressure from external source.
Well most women choose to grow their careers first because being left by your husband with kids and no job prospects is a real fear. This pendulum started because of coming from such homes. Also the culture of your 20s is your fun years because marriage and kids cost so much money that a 20 year old cannot possibly afford it.
When women file for divorce 80% of the time, is the idea of a husband leaving his wife a very valid one??
Given divorces are initiated well over 90% of the time by college-educated women I'd say guys have considerably more to fear. A quick look at modern divorce statistics (women are nearly always awarded child custody, child support, alimony etc) show the risk involved with marrying a college-educated woman.