When you open up, others open up. Remember, though: you can only open the door. Don't get mad if they don't walk through. Same for getting anybody to like you. If they don't respond, move on.
Me: are you okay with open relationship My friend: no why Me: I'm okay with this because..... My friend: SCREAMING CHEATING, BULLY JUDGES ME I'm not finish conversation but I can't talk to him because he dont try understand and listen. And bully me. I stopped open up
@@iamdoctorcat6347 please don't stop opening up, it's important for your mental health. if you're friend really does that, ask yourself if you really want to keep being friends with them. you might be happier without them
Sometimes you feel like the person is always ready to judge and reject you whatever you say. Or that they don’t take you seriously because they are not used to opening up.
That part seemed somewhat contradictory. But maybe, he was just explaining how people tend to percieve others, more than anything, and how that affects opening conversations with weird topica or something.
How to open up someone First step - iniciate with small talk Second step - get a little deeper, but slowly Third step - talk about things that bothers you, and ask for the other person's opinion Fourth step - be intimate, just don't rush things, at this step, you should prioritize being genuine Remember that being smooth and intuitive are keys that will help you opening that door, and the progression should be slow, and remember to listen the person you're conversating. The thing you must prioritize in the entire conversation is being genuine.
But just think for a second: does it strongly affect you if someone avoids you? If it does, then don't worry man, you're you and you can do how you please (but obviously no murder lol) and other bad stuff nono lol sorry im just trying to help in the best way i can
@@emmahart9715 dude you really disd help. Sometimes I limit my creativity and my childlike personality just because I am afraid of peoples ideas about me. BUT I REAAALLY LOVE BEING THAT WAY. Your comment surely did help people like me. Thank you for commenting dis loge ya take care💙
@General relativity oof hey there hope you are safe in this pandemic :) Damn i had forgotten about my comment xD So, from the beginning i was very cautious of everything i told them because i didnt want to be misunderstood (i apologize but i cant share much of what had happened). I was always careful with my words and the reason why i decided to confront them was because i noticed some shady behavior on their part. I never attacked them, on the contrary i tried to be civil with them and asked them if they had any problems with me but they reacted in a very inappropriate manner (i tried to reason with them but one ignored me and the other was really immature and insulted me for no reason) I know that the lack of contex isnt helping but i can only say that i did have a valid reason for the confrontation and the way the other friend reacted (the one who insulted me) told me everything i needed to know about her actual view of me and my situation :(
I like that you address the "social value" aspect. How certain things can land differently depending on who they come from, and some advice isnt a one size fits all type of deal.
1.Lower your filter. This will make others believe that you can't be any crazier than them. 2.ask assumption questions. Pick up on cues and ask questions based off those and what interests you about them. It's okay to be honest. This is my way of engraving these lessons into my noggin :)
Agreed!!! Tried to learn from my extrovert friends , but in the end I still think small talk isn't suitable for me to use. I dislike it! Especially if it makes up most of your conversation.
I just realized that that's why my roommate and I had a deep connection right from the start. We both did those things. My strength is opened up by telling weird stories and being honest about who I am, his strength is listening very closely (he's extremely attentive, something I have to pay more attention to)
I needed this. The older I got, the more anxiety I gained, and the less I felt comfortable socializing with people. I have NEVER had a filter as a child and I was perfectly fine doing weird crap and making a fool of myself to have fun and be childish, but I lost this trait as I got older and stopped being able to talk to people because I felt uncomfortable being myself. This video really helps me to gain back what I once had.
Happened the same, felt like i had much more friends and conversations when i was a kid compared to high school and nowadays. It's okay to be mature but sometimes we have to go back and pick up what we left behind, what we value the most about ourselves, that spark that once made us become happy somehow
I also don't like the cold seat touching my butt. However, I also don't care to disrobe and squat. I'm gonna do it next time I need to at home just because then I can. As a half Japanese/Irish child me and my brothers did squat a lot to play in the dirt. I cannot squat as well as I could then. I'm guessing it's like bicycle riding. I'll be able to get right back to it once I try.
I place a wide, thin wad of tissue at the center of the toilet before I squat so I don't get splash up. I also came up with this idea as a kid lol. As a bonus, it also helps to avoid smear marks. Oh, and also the second the turd hits the water be sure to flush immediately to mitigate the smell and if done right, nobody would ever even know you took a shit in the first place.
Most people don’t want to hear you talk too long about your own life or interests at first. It’s natural, everyone is guilty of it because people are inherently more self centered. But nobody likes the guy that dominates the conversation and ignores your thoughts to talk more about themselves. And everybody likes the guy that listens to what you have to say. So be the guy that asks questions and makes the other person open up to you while you make comments about whatever they’re talking about while trying to flatter them and boost their confidence. Makes conversation a lot smoother and both people more happy.
True, something I really have to work on. I tend to overshare and not get to an end🙄 Makes me feel guilty af whenever it happens (I usually realize it after the convo ends), I hope I'll be able to improve that soon
This is something I've realized I do subconsciously. I have never understood why people suddenly open up to me about so private stuff even though I haven't even known them for long. My next step is to learn how to actually respond to someone suddenly opening up cause rn I get really overwhelmed and I don't know how to properly answer.
3:09 is the part where it says "if you're out of shape or poor, don't even bother". That's great. That judgmentalism is why a lot of people off themselves.
Sydney Shorltz Problem is, I can’t be myself. I really care what other people think about me and it makes me scared and sad and it stops me from doing things just because I don’t know what people will say about me.
@@ace-4634 I have friends who i became friends with super quick even I was surprised how quick and deep our relationship got (no homo) just be yourself even if your weird that dosent mean ppl wont be your friends if they see you dont care what others think and your true to yourself trust me they'll open up
I naturally do this when I find an interesting person to talk to, i just talk to them the why I'd like someone to pay attention when talking to me and it works most of the time, i didn't there's an actual trick to it
@@ctrlzme.6448 also different creatures and organisms my need different enviroments just like different animals maybe theres living species on planets that would be un habtiable for humans
My weird dilemma, is that I'm an introvert whose general body language nd lack of judgement invites ppl to share their life story with me. I definitely agree that the context of ur mode of thinking nd conversational topic makes a difference cuz I get bored of the everyday safe conversation
Comment from three years ago, but I feel the same way, I mean, what are the chances that when I'm in the mall, if I don't have my cell phone at hand, they talk to me? and I am severely introverted when the people on the buses are with me and I am there looking at the window all calm, they begin to talk to me. And they absolutely grab my attention. (From asking for the time, until a guy who sold tangerines on the road tried to make a sale with me even when I said NO. Several times)
As a person who rarely opens up I find it annoying and even more hard to open up when people try to hard to get me to open up. Like even if I know they aren’t being harmful it’s still difficult.
Ah, I can remember, when I told my friend a weird thing I tried one day. he didn't open up, instead, he told everyone in class about it and the whole class mocked me about it for several weeks. Nice.
Jackarolax from what I can tell, and this is just my guess, it sounds like that may have been not the best situation to have a deep conversation and opening up time. Maybe try something similar, but alone and in a more serious setting? Or maybe your friend just wasn’t being nice, as well as your classmates, that didn’t sound very nice either. I’m not actually sure, but that’s just what I could think of to try and help. Oh and maybe also try deepening your relationship with your friend beforehand by sharing things like that over time (hopefully without him going off and telling everyone else so they can mock you) and then try to get him to open up. Or maybe just doesn’t get it and doesn’t take what you say to heart or seriously. I really don’t know, sorry, just trying to help
@@alexale665 Thanks for the attempt to help, but I think that he is just not mature enough (me and him are 15) and I always tend to have really superficial conversations with him, even though I sometimes try to deepen the conversation. He basically just points out "funny" or stupid things in people or in other things. At first, its reslly funny, but then it starts to wear off and is really annoying. But I'm now in whats called in Germany "Obetstufe". Its the 11th and 12th Class and everyone has a customized schedule, that is based on what lessons he picked and which of them he left out. That leads to Classes beong torn apart and luckily me and my "friend" dont picked the same lessons, so we dont see each other that often again. I think, Im also starting to get to know better friends in the 11th class.
I’ve always held the opinion that small talk is the killer of burgeoning friendships, and that if you really want lasting friendships you need to talk and share things that are real. Emotions, conflict, and happiness these are all experiences that we share and shouldn’t be shy’d away from in conversation
Same, I try to tell someone about the things I care about I remember what happened after telling someone about what I care about that one time in 4th grade and I still blame 4th grade and probably shouldn't.
Don't share all your weaknesses with others. The world is a cruel place, it's not all butterflies and people are just gonna like you more and support you more. You can however open up about your weird traits, things that bother you, etc. Revealing your deep dark weaknesses to too many people will generally lead to them someday taking advantage of you when you're not close to them.
This is exactly why every time I try to talk to someone in person it's always so awkward!!!! It's so sad to finally leave the house after quarantine just to be scared to socialize
What, how are they like actually your friends if you are not yourself my problem is that I don't use my filter with my friends but I do it with everyone else so I don't end up making new friends
My crush has all these tips perfected, he just knows exactly how to talk to people and how to get people to feel relaxed around him. I hardly talk to anyone because I’m so shy and anxious all the time, but this guy always knows exactly how how make me open up, he’s very encouraging and listens intently to everything I say and gives the best advice... He’s very popular and loads of people enjoy hanging around him because he’s just so easy to relax around. He can say the most random funny things and it instantly lets everyone know he’s always being completely himself so he’s someone people can trust opening up to. I really want to be like that, and this video definitely highlights his key aspects and explains it well. I lack confidence and would love to be able to just say random funny things to just break the ice with people and be that person everyone trusts enough to open up to.
this is very accurate! i did notice people opening up to me more often than ever since i started to live abroad. now it makes sense its just my conversation style. I hope ill get my friend to open up today, i really love him. really love.
In social psychology, we call this reciprocal self-disclosure, and it's how relationships naturally develop. When you first meet somebody, you start with small talk, then start asking each other questions or volunteering information about yourself that is increasingly more personal (eg. first you ask about career and kids, then you discuss opinions about a superficial topic, then a more meaningful topic, etc). When one person in the conversation discloses information about themselves that is personal, this makes the other person feel more comfortable in disclosing something personal about themselves, which encourages person 1 to continue disclose things that are increasingly personal, and that's how people go from strangers to friends. It seems that Improvement Pill's strategy is to fast-forward this natural process by disclosing something very personal from the get-go. Note that it doesn't necessarily have to be something social unacceptable, this strategy should still work if you disclose anything that is pretty personal. That said, the reason people don't usually do this is that disclosing personal things feels vulnerable, and most people don't want to put themselves out there like that without the build up in the conversation that I described earlier, that assures them that their partner will react favourably to their self-disclosure. Only very confident people who actually don't really care what people think would be able to do this, which probably isn't most of us.
@@loveratatouille Those are probably people you're not trying to become friends with, which makes sense. You might feel differently in interactions with people you want to actually become closer with
Thanks, now I can avoid creepy dudes who will try to open me up trying to follow that tutorial! It's kind of weird trying to make someone comfortable if it ain't natural tbh...
Same. Like this vid is about how to open up OTHERS but in my case, I'm the one that needs to open up, but idk how to do it, cuz sometimes i feel like my friends talk more than they want to listen, or maybe I'm the one that doesn't talk...idk😞
Exactly! Most of my friends tend to open up and they tell me their problems, secrets and stuff. But now I'm realizing that I actually never opened up to any of them.
I’ve been trying to become friends with people, and realised that the thought of too many ingenue friends is crowding and randomly useless. I realised what to talk about is what my passions are, because if it’s deemed as acceptable by at least one person, then I would feel a lot more comfortable than trying any small talk (as this video mentioned). It isn’t thanks to this video that I realised this, but it is thanks to this video that I feel more empowered with my ability to make rationalised decisions with no limits of ‘realism’.
I got the opposite problem. Pretty much as soon as I meet people they dump their life story on me. Sometimes it's lovely, other times I don't have space for it. Some days, it feels like a curse. I don't really get too vulnerable with strangers like I used to. I like to think I don't really 'open the door,' rather they get a certain feeling from me and feel invited in, when really there has been no express invitation. It's weird.
Hi Improvement Pill! I know you'll likely never see this comment among the many that you must get regularly, but it's been only one day and I feel like seeing this video made me change for the better (with a little extra help of mustering up confidence!) so I wanted to come back to this video and thank you very honestly. It was a small and simple tip, but by asking one assumption question I got an entire conversation out of it with my best friend just today - despite the fact I've hardly been able to make topics between the two of us, and that's been making me sad until about an hour ago. Genuinely thanks again, for sharing your effective advice with everyone who greatly needed it~ ❤️❤️
I’m so glad you talked about when it’s okay to reduce your filter vs being filterless, because there are so many people I’ve talked to who don’t have filters and it produces a very negative effect on me and the people around them. So thank you for clarifying that difference so that everyone isn’t just running around without a filter haha 😆
Thank you for this, I’ll try it and hope for the best. I rlly want people to open up to me, I want to be able to support my friends and let them know they can trust me
Now I get why a lot of my high school friends told me secrets (not gossip, they liked to gossip about each other, I wasn't interested in tea) and one of my English institute friends came out of the closet to me in a party. I consider myself an introvert and can't go further than small talk without getting socially exhausted, but I guess the small interactions and me listening to others was all I needed to be trustworthy! I'm glad people can count on me when they need to get something out of their chest :)
What's interesting is, instead of just learning, this video rather reminded me of a few important things I used to do, and how I used to do it. Thanks Pill, I think I'm getting back chunks of an old me I left along the road haha.
When I was in the closet, I came out to someone who I thought was also in the closet. After I came out to him, he also came out to me. Got an immediate friend right there.
Hey there, just want to say thank you for all your work. These videos are sometimes the only things that keep me going in my solitary self-improvement work. :')
Wow... you literally just described my best friend perfectly. He seems to have no filter at times and has the most bubbly and enthusiastic personality of anyone I've ever met. He's also basically everyone's moral confidant, there are so many people who trust so deeply in him and share their problems with him it astonishes me. I've always wondered why? What draws people to trust in him so much and I've always wanted to be like him. I think I finally understand why.
Oooh 😯 that’s why people used to open up to me all the time when I was younger. I had no filter and was naturally empathetic. Damn I have to get back there.
I know this will work :) when I come back to school. I'll try to open up with my thoughts and see how it goes. Im always scared of people judging me and all that but this time I'm gonna try to be a social person. Im always shy because of it thank you :) ♥️
This video just blew up my mind in so many different ways. I'm liking a girl on school, and even though I felt this kinda "opening" with her, I wanted her to feel the same. I never knew how to really talk to her, now for the first time I think I can, really appreciate man.
3:35 Needing social value to say weird things makes so much sense. I don't really care about my looks but if I was looking bad for too long I felt like I needed to act less stupid and have more of a filter. Turns out I was right. I don't have mutton chops anymore so goodbye filter
Maybe something a bit less personal, like about how clouds and stars share a commonality of being in the sky! (Based on a true story because i literally can't think of any other examples, i'm sorry xD)
This made me realize why people open up to me all the time: I am insane and speak nonsense 90% of the time so of course people will think it's okay to tell me anything because I'm definitely not gonna judge them as I myself am the most judgeable.
DUDE! This worked immediately for me. I talked with strangers and people that I know and I was able to connect emotionally with everyone! Thanks so much! It changed my life!
this reminds me of the time I was at a new job at a day camp and me and my new coworker weren't really on a talking basis, I asked her if she wanted to see a magic trick then proceeded to do it horrendously wrong 💀... that was my first interaction with her but we ended up best work friends INSTANTLY lmao
In my own experience, people usually open up when they encounter something familiar/similar (situation) with you. Wherein this similar thing is something special, or too personal for them. You'll see, give it a try. Just don't break a trust. ☺️
Pressence, be close and friendly to people and worrying about your physic appearance, like hygiene and dressing well, is the key, because this means that you care about you. It matters a lot for people, and I know it because I was like... The nerd girl of the school that didn't love herself and was always sad because her classmates told her that she was ugly and stupid, but guess what, when I got into college everyone wanted to be my friend, this happened because I actually change my way of thinking and seeing myself, now I love myself more than ever, I take care of my skin, because I used to have acne and thick undefined eyebrows, I also take care of my body, trying to work out at least at home and I am healing my mental health, by reading, meditating and socializing, to the point that everyone I am friends with, told me their secrets or confidential information that nobody knows. If I did it this means that you can too
I met situations when people opened up on very early stages of conversations and they started to avoid me after. I knew I didn’t make them feel judged or something but the fact that I knew them from the hidden side made them feel scared of me in some way. I know their deepest secrets and therefore I have a power over them
If you look and act like a loser, people will not like weird comments If you look and act like someone who has their life and routine in order, you can say almost what you want and be weird.
While I do believe you can get better at it. Some personalities just has this naturally. I'm an INFJ, so I absolutely hate small talk. I want to talk about deeper things. And that's really the thing, If you talk about deep things, people will eventually realize that you're the kind of person they can open up to.
When you open up, others open up. Remember, though: you can only open the door. Don't get mad if they don't walk through. Same for getting anybody to like you. If they don't respond, move on.
So true.
This needs more attention:)
Million dollar comment
Okay homeless guy watching UA-cam from the McDonalds parking lot
@@austintomkewitz7206 What the hell are you on about?
man: **opens up to you and hasn't told anybody**
you: **puts it on internet**
🤣🤣
You have trust issues my dude
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Merrill George r/whoooosh
@@weirdchamp4601 he literally just said he knows that it's a joke.
Also it's not a reddit post.
Most important advice about opening up: be ready for people to judge/reject you. Not everyone can bring themselves to be objective and understanding.
Me: are you okay with open relationship
My friend: no why
Me: I'm okay with this because.....
My friend: SCREAMING CHEATING, BULLY JUDGES ME
I'm not finish conversation but I can't talk to him because he dont try understand and listen. And bully me. I stopped open up
@@iamdoctorcat6347 please don't stop opening up, it's important for your mental health. if you're friend really does that, ask yourself if you really want to keep being friends with them. you might be happier without them
Sometimes you feel like the person is always ready to judge and reject you whatever you say. Or that they don’t take you seriously because they are not used to opening up.
@@itszahra4075 exactly!
Ayyy I'm your 1.1k liker :D
On history class a girl opened a conversation by saying, "have you ever licked a wall" it was a very deep conversation
I've had someone open with "Do you support unionizing workers"
😂
@@MM-vs2et step 1. Be hot
Step 2.reduce brain/verbal filter
Step 3. Ask assumption question
I hope you mean deep in more than one way
I like the: you have more chance to die by cow than by shark
Dentist: Open up please
Me: Sometimes I get sad.
Mark Angelo Sambrano 😂😂😂
Lmaoo
Χαχαχαχαχα
😂😂😂😁😄😀😃🙁☹️😟😞😢😭
@@ΕυγενιοςΠ ti gelas sta elinika tha nomizoun oti les xaxaxa
-doesn't care about what society thinks
-explains the importance of 'social value'
Hmmm
That part seemed somewhat contradictory. But maybe, he was just explaining how people tend to percieve others, more than anything, and how that affects opening conversations with weird topica or something.
yes i found that ironic lmao
@@rnbois6346 Exactly! I made one of my classmates open up to me about them being a failed abortion yesterday.
Those things aren't mutually exclusive in any way.
Omg, It works! I followed these tips and I got a person to open up about them being a serial killer.
Esther V. Kinda what Ted Bundy did 😍😍
Esther V. when the comments r funnier than the video
@@benjaminhaynes8032 I don't think the video was meant to be funny
:0
Nice
The hardest thing about opening up a person, is when they start screaming :(
🤣🤣🤣really...you saw some weird ass ppl
ahh... yes. murder
@@jonathanjohn1075 YOUR FUNNY BRO 💀😭
Lol🪚
:D
How to open up someone
First step - iniciate with small talk
Second step - get a little deeper, but slowly
Third step - talk about things that bothers you, and ask for the other person's opinion
Fourth step - be intimate, just don't rush things, at this step, you should prioritize being genuine
Remember that being smooth and intuitive are keys that will help you opening that door, and the progression should be slow, and remember to listen the person you're conversating. The thing you must prioritize in the entire conversation is being genuine.
For some reason I read the first line as
"Fisrt step - lick them"
I was really confused lmao
First step: initiate with small talk
Second step: get a little deeper, but slowly
Third step: go deeper inside of them and release all of your coem
Man you said exactly what I’ve been saying 💪🏾 it really stems from being genuine. But yeah you hit the nail with this💯💯💯💯
The scary part about opening up is when they judge and avoid you after the conversation
But just think for a second: does it strongly affect you if someone avoids you? If it does, then don't worry man, you're you and you can do how you please (but obviously no murder lol) and other bad stuff nono lol sorry im just trying to help in the best way i can
Damn, i haven't thought about this
@@emmahart9715 dude you really disd help. Sometimes I limit my creativity and my childlike personality just because I am afraid of peoples ideas about me. BUT I REAAALLY LOVE BEING THAT WAY. Your comment surely did help people like me. Thank you for commenting dis loge ya take care💙
@General relativity oof hey there hope you are safe in this pandemic :) Damn i had forgotten about my comment xD So, from the beginning i was very cautious of everything i told them because i didnt want to be misunderstood (i apologize but i cant share much of what had happened). I was always careful with my words and the reason why i decided to confront them was because i noticed some shady behavior on their part. I never attacked them, on the contrary i tried to be civil with them and asked them if they had any problems with me but they reacted in a very inappropriate manner (i tried to reason with them but one ignored me and the other was really immature and insulted me for no reason) I know that the lack of contex isnt helping but i can only say that i did have a valid reason for the confrontation and the way the other friend reacted (the one who insulted me) told me everything i needed to know about her actual view of me and my situation :(
There are other people to open up to, that one person is not everyone
“I actually squat on the toilet”
*Finally.. someone who understands me*
Kisenon I do it too
People at my country do but I don't and they think I'm weird.
i do it before. but now I dont cuz its tiring and i might break the toilet lol
Where is jschlatt?
Me too...
I like that you address the "social value" aspect. How certain things can land differently depending on who they come from, and some advice isnt a one size fits all type of deal.
1.Lower your filter. This will make others believe that you can't be any crazier than them.
2.ask assumption questions. Pick up on cues and ask questions based off those and what interests you about them. It's okay to be honest.
This is my way of engraving these lessons into my noggin :)
jokes on you, people open to me because i am most definitely crazier then them
@@e.m.3074 I bet im crazier
@@fallentitan7704 mental health is not a competition my guy
@@fallentitan7704 No, I'm craziest
@@e.m.3074 Said nobody ever
This is great. I hate small talk. I love deep, bonding conversations. I will definitely try this in my search to find a friend. Thank you 😊
Agreed!!! Tried to learn from my extrovert friends , but in the end I still think small talk isn't suitable for me to use. I dislike it! Especially if it makes up most of your conversation.
I beat my wife now talk to me.
@@MissCaptainStrange yes I let her win a game called "sorry" every two years the rest of the time I beat her
I'll never understand what's so bad about casual conversations. You shouldnt expect to have a deep conversations with dozens of strangers.
@@trombonetribute6433 Exactly!
I just realized that that's why my roommate and I had a deep connection right from the start. We both did those things. My strength is opened up by telling weird stories and being honest about who I am, his strength is listening very closely (he's extremely attentive, something I have to pay more attention to)
I needed this. The older I got, the more anxiety I gained, and the less I felt comfortable socializing with people. I have NEVER had a filter as a child and I was perfectly fine doing weird crap and making a fool of myself to have fun and be childish, but I lost this trait as I got older and stopped being able to talk to people because I felt uncomfortable being myself. This video really helps me to gain back what I once had.
I have the same problem, I hope one day I go back like the old me
I have the exact same problem
Same... I was not even able to put it into words :(
@@anassjebali5684 u are me
Happened the same, felt like i had much more friends and conversations when i was a kid compared to high school and nowadays. It's okay to be mature but sometimes we have to go back and pick up what we left behind, what we value the most about ourselves, that spark that once made us become happy somehow
Nobody:
Improvement pill: so I don't actually sit down on toilets, it turns out that's not how we're biologically designed to do it.
Explains Indian toilets
But he is right y'know
I already knew that and I always use to do it and my family would laugh at me for doing it.
I also don't like the cold seat touching my butt. However, I also don't care to disrobe and squat.
I'm gonna do it next time I need to at home just because then I can.
As a half Japanese/Irish child me and my brothers did squat a lot to play in the dirt. I cannot squat as well as I could then. I'm guessing it's like bicycle riding. I'll be able to get right back to it once I try.
I place a wide, thin wad of tissue at the center of the toilet before I squat so I don't get splash up. I also came up with this idea as a kid lol. As a bonus, it also helps to avoid smear marks. Oh, and also the second the turd hits the water be sure to flush immediately to mitigate the smell and if done right, nobody would ever even know you took a shit in the first place.
"Hello I squat on toilets"
"Oh wow I feel like we’ll be best friends !"
That's a way to start a convo! 😅
Me: *breathes*
Everyone: "I had a horrificly traumatic childhood"
Annie A breathed in my perimeter, I feel happy!
ah yes. the shonen protag personality
Most people don’t want to hear you talk too long about your own life or interests at first. It’s natural, everyone is guilty of it because people are inherently more self centered. But nobody likes the guy that dominates the conversation and ignores your thoughts to talk more about themselves. And everybody likes the guy that listens to what you have to say. So be the guy that asks questions and makes the other person open up to you while you make comments about whatever they’re talking about while trying to flatter them and boost their confidence. Makes conversation a lot smoother and both people more happy.
Yep, this is truth
True, something I really have to work on. I tend to overshare and not get to an end🙄
Makes me feel guilty af whenever it happens (I usually realize it after the convo ends), I hope I'll be able to improve that soon
@@strivingfornewhorizons9281 bruh this is me
It’s hard bc im simply trying to keep the convo going- but it ends up with me talking nonstop
Carnegie rule
This is something I've realized I do subconsciously. I have never understood why people suddenly open up to me about so private stuff even though I haven't even known them for long. My next step is to learn how to actually respond to someone suddenly opening up cause rn I get really overwhelmed and I don't know how to properly answer.
Same 😅
it's much easier to tell some "secrets" to someone who you don't know that people don't have a business to share this information to others or judge
Yep, cuz those people don't know who you are talking about, haha
Yessir, sounds right
"... people know you have friends" .. well, I'm already doomed :D
Ayyy lmao. Same here xD
Same lmao
Substitute act friendly and ask them for little favors like lending you a pencil or something silly like that
😢
Damn rip
This video: *Exists*
The therapist friend: *rigorously takes notes*
I'm watching this so that I know when people are trying to get me to open up and I can stop all of their efforts
lol samedt ☠️
It’ll help you to open up tho. Trust me
@@mattb1568 its a joke tho, I have no friends to open up to lol
smart
@@mattb1568 True but don't force it. It's even more unhealthy.
My friend's friend quite literately called me a "9 seconds best friend" because how in nine seconds she said "I feel like i can tell you anything"
You're a legend haha! how do you do it? 😭
Share us some tipsss
I'm assuming you are quiet?
Answers is just respond in mid conversation like: _hmm really okay_
3:09 is the part where it says "if you're out of shape or poor, don't even bother". That's great. That judgmentalism is why a lot of people off themselves.
*This here is a great tool to live an influential life*
Indeed
A little to influential, I must say...
lmao my classmate’s influence just uses it for her own gain I hate the fact that she’s like that
Be yourself and dont care what other people think and you're filter will come off.
Sydney Shorltz Problem is, I can’t be myself. I really care what other people think about me and it makes me scared and sad and it stops me from doing things just because I don’t know what people will say about me.
@@ace-4634 LMAO you just opened up 😂 (It's not a bad thing)
Matt Writesalot In the internet im okay with it because nobody knows who I am but in real life.... yikes. ;-;
@@ace-4634 I have friends who i became friends with super quick even I was surprised how quick and deep our relationship got (no homo) just be yourself even if your weird that dosent mean ppl wont be your friends if they see you dont care what others think and your true to yourself trust me they'll open up
@@ace-4634 btw I'm the serious type so it grew on me how fast I became friends with some ppl i honestly dont even know who opened up first but yea
I naturally do this when I find an interesting person to talk to, i just talk to them the why I'd like someone to pay attention when talking to me and it works most of the time, i didn't there's an actual trick to it
Pill low key believes in aliens
The evidence is overwhelming, so yea me too
pillowkey
Don't most people
Tbh, if humans are real, then aliens should be real too. There can’t be only one planet that can withstand life.
@@ctrlzme.6448 also different creatures and organisms my need different enviroments just like different animals maybe theres living species on planets that would be un habtiable for humans
My weird dilemma, is that I'm an introvert whose general body language nd lack of judgement invites ppl to share their life story with me. I definitely agree that the context of ur mode of thinking nd conversational topic makes a difference cuz I get bored of the everyday safe conversation
I’m the same way lol. People know I’m not surface level so they just jump in
I'm glad that it's not just me.
Comment from three years ago, but I feel the same way, I mean, what are the chances that when I'm in the mall, if I don't have my cell phone at hand, they talk to me? and I am severely introverted when the people on the buses are with me and I am there looking at the window all calm, they begin to talk to me. And they absolutely grab my attention. (From asking for the time, until a guy who sold tangerines on the road tried to make a sale with me even when I said NO. Several times)
This is literally my brother lol
And then I'm the ADHD one with overt body language and very talkative haha
As a person who rarely opens up I find it annoying and even more hard to open up when people try to hard to get me to open up. Like even if I know they aren’t being harmful it’s still difficult.
Ah, I can remember, when I told my friend a weird thing I tried one day. he didn't open up, instead, he told everyone in class about it and the whole class mocked me about it for several weeks. Nice.
Jackarolax from what I can tell, and this is just my guess, it sounds like that may have been not the best situation to have a deep conversation and opening up time. Maybe try something similar, but alone and in a more serious setting? Or maybe your friend just wasn’t being nice, as well as your classmates, that didn’t sound very nice either. I’m not actually sure, but that’s just what I could think of to try and help. Oh and maybe also try deepening your relationship with your friend beforehand by sharing things like that over time (hopefully without him going off and telling everyone else so they can mock you) and then try to get him to open up. Or maybe just doesn’t get it and doesn’t take what you say to heart or seriously. I really don’t know, sorry, just trying to help
@@alexale665 Thanks for the attempt to help, but I think that he is just not mature enough (me and him are 15) and I always tend to have really superficial conversations with him, even though I sometimes try to deepen the conversation. He basically just points out "funny" or stupid things in people or in other things. At first, its reslly funny, but then it starts to wear off and is really annoying. But I'm now in whats called in Germany "Obetstufe". Its the 11th and 12th Class and everyone has a customized schedule, that is based on what lessons he picked and which of them he left out. That leads to Classes beong torn apart and luckily me and my "friend" dont picked the same lessons, so we dont see each other that often again. I think, Im also starting to get to know better friends in the 11th class.
@@jackarolax5770 I feel you
@@jackarolax5770 bin in genau der gleichen situation
@@user-fz3ip3ke8pwoher weißt du, dass ich deutsch kann?
Ask deep questions, don't judge and just listen. Nobody likes to share intimate stuff so then someone can critic or give you advice.
First thing is to listen.
Its so hard to start a conversation though
but then they take it as a way for them to talk on forever
@@guanedits6349 Mmm true
@@amansafeer2347 At this point I'm a professional listener lol
I’ve always held the opinion that small talk is the killer of burgeoning friendships, and that if you really want lasting friendships you need to talk and share things that are real. Emotions, conflict, and happiness these are all experiences that we share and shouldn’t be shy’d away from in conversation
Me: Can't wait to make people open-
My social anxiety: Nope.
I can't agree more with you!!!
Si eu :(
@Dashi
Do you think i do that on purpose?
Same, I try to tell someone about the things I care about I remember what happened after telling someone about what I care about that one time in 4th grade and I still blame 4th grade and probably shouldn't.
@@somebodylikesbacon1960
I'm sorry to hear that...take: ❤...a bit of love from me to everyone (i think we all need some) 🤗
be open, transparent and your authentic self who brings value, supports others and isn't afraid to share your weaknesses
But then they ghost you 😖
Don't share all your weaknesses with others. The world is a cruel place, it's not all butterflies and people are just gonna like you more and support you more. You can however open up about your weird traits, things that bother you, etc. Revealing your deep dark weaknesses to too many people will generally lead to them someday taking advantage of you when you're not close to them.
This is exactly why every time I try to talk to someone in person it's always so awkward!!!! It's so sad to finally leave the house after quarantine just to be scared to socialize
2:21 My immediate question would be: Have you broke a toilet doing that?
People break seats all the time doing this.
Ive been in places that have to put signs up saying don't stand /squat with a diagram.
I do that because I don't want to have cramming poop, that's lt
I broke the two toilets in my house, but is so much better to poop this way
I use the trash bin that's right next to the toilet
my first question is: has he broken his bones sitting like that? i mean, just a slip and-
How to make people open up and make new friendships?
*Be attractive and have friends*
Uff
No.
@@pepperdayjackpac4521 but also yes
@@kennychallis1 lel yed but actually no but yes
Well yes but actually no,
Everything that was stated was something that COULD be improved upon. So don't be too intimidated by the value given.
it’s true.
The dude who told him bout his fiance watching this: 😳
I’m the person WHO ain’t opening up to my friends, i feel like a bad friend BuT i just can’t do it 👁👄👁
It's better to open up. One way or another, the bottle of emotions will explode. I believe that maybe by taking small steps, you can fully open up.
You're gonna need to open up if you wanna maintain strong connections with your friends. Otherwise, your friends will eventually drift away.
@@endlesssalt5887 Thanks Sherlock, I haven't thought about that yet! I am so lucky to read your comment (:
@@insecurebee Lol why you gotta be rude about it tho.
What, how are they like actually your friends if you are not yourself my problem is that I don't use my filter with my friends but I do it with everyone else so I don't end up making new friends
My crush has all these tips perfected, he just knows exactly how to talk to people and how to get people to feel relaxed around him. I hardly talk to anyone because I’m so shy and anxious all the time, but this guy always knows exactly how how make me open up, he’s very encouraging and listens intently to everything I say and gives the best advice... He’s very popular and loads of people enjoy hanging around him because he’s just so easy to relax around. He can say the most random funny things and it instantly lets everyone know he’s always being completely himself so he’s someone people can trust opening up to. I really want to be like that, and this video definitely highlights his key aspects and explains it well. I lack confidence and would love to be able to just say random funny things to just break the ice with people and be that person everyone trusts enough to open up to.
this is very accurate! i did notice people opening up to me more often than ever since i started to live abroad. now it makes sense its just my conversation style. I hope ill get my friend to open up today, i really love him. really love.
A year later, how did it go?
In social psychology, we call this reciprocal self-disclosure, and it's how relationships naturally develop. When you first meet somebody, you start with small talk, then start asking each other questions or volunteering information about yourself that is increasingly more personal (eg. first you ask about career and kids, then you discuss opinions about a superficial topic, then a more meaningful topic, etc). When one person in the conversation discloses information about themselves that is personal, this makes the other person feel more comfortable in disclosing something personal about themselves, which encourages person 1 to continue disclose things that are increasingly personal, and that's how people go from strangers to friends.
It seems that Improvement Pill's strategy is to fast-forward this natural process by disclosing something very personal from the get-go. Note that it doesn't necessarily have to be something social unacceptable, this strategy should still work if you disclose anything that is pretty personal. That said, the reason people don't usually do this is that disclosing personal things feels vulnerable, and most people don't want to put themselves out there like that without the build up in the conversation that I described earlier, that assures them that their partner will react favourably to their self-disclosure. Only very confident people who actually don't really care what people think would be able to do this, which probably isn't most of us.
you just saved me seven minutes of my valuable time thanks
when people tell me things about them, i get annoyed. i am a stranger, i don’t care about you or your life
@@loveratatouille Those are probably people you're not trying to become friends with, which makes sense. You might feel differently in interactions with people you want to actually become closer with
I always wondered why random new acquaintances would just open up, but your reasoning behind why makes a LOT of sense
Thanks, now I can avoid creepy dudes who will try to open me up trying to follow that tutorial! It's kind of weird trying to make someone comfortable if it ain't natural tbh...
I just realized that I'm always the listener for my friends and I never open up to them cause I have trust issues and not act trust
Them
Same.
Like this vid is about how to open up OTHERS but in my case, I'm the one that needs to open up, but idk how to do it, cuz sometimes i feel like my friends talk more than they want to listen, or maybe I'm the one that doesn't talk...idk😞
Exactly! Most of my friends tend to open up and they tell me their problems, secrets and stuff. But now I'm realizing that I actually never opened up to any of them.
"people always tell me their deepest secret, even if we just met"
"guys I poop in squat position, it rly cool"
🏆
*Indian toilets intensifies*
I actually am introvert....
But i try to supress my fear and talk to people
BUT people don't reciprocate.
I dont have friends anymore
Dude I also squat on the toilet seat
Didn't know I was doing the right thing😂😂😂
You didn't know, but it felt right didn't it?
...that question came off way weirder than I intended...
@@zzdesolatezz lol😂
I would like to see LoL
Same, it just feels more natural
Try squats toilets then. A lot of seat-toilet is quite fragile for holding up adult human and will break eventually
I’ve been trying to become friends with people, and realised that the thought of too many ingenue friends is crowding and randomly useless.
I realised what to talk about is what my passions are, because if it’s deemed as acceptable by at least one person, then I would feel a lot more comfortable than trying any small talk (as this video mentioned).
It isn’t thanks to this video that I realised this, but it is thanks to this video that I feel more empowered with my ability to make rationalised decisions with no limits of ‘realism’.
This video made me realize why people open up to me. I actually do these things all the time without even realizing lol
Squat On The Toilet Party 2020
Brick 😂
Brick lmaooooo
I’ll be there, written it on the calendar
Dates my man?
WOO
Im gonna start doing this. It's scary but I want to change man.
Start listening
Can you update us on how it goes? (:
Any updates yet?
Any update yet😐
As someone who started doing this, nothing has really change, but hey, it takes time and we have to be consistent.
I got the opposite problem. Pretty much as soon as I meet people they dump their life story on me. Sometimes it's lovely, other times I don't have space for it. Some days, it feels like a curse. I don't really get too vulnerable with strangers like I used to. I like to think I don't really 'open the door,' rather they get a certain feeling from me and feel invited in, when really there has been no express invitation. It's weird.
I experience this as well. They also don't open the door for you at all, either. It's festive.
@@popsicIes are we just human door mats or what. I don’t get it.
This is what i was thinking about just now, u reading my mind or smthing lol
Funny, I got surprised by his upload.
Same same
It’s called synchronicity, nothing is a coincidence.
Same
That's exactly what I've been doing for years without even knowing it
Hi Improvement Pill! I know you'll likely never see this comment among the many that you must get regularly, but it's been only one day and I feel like seeing this video made me change for the better (with a little extra help of mustering up confidence!) so I wanted to come back to this video and thank you very honestly.
It was a small and simple tip, but by asking one assumption question I got an entire conversation out of it with my best friend just today - despite the fact I've hardly been able to make topics between the two of us, and that's been making me sad until about an hour ago. Genuinely thanks again, for sharing your effective advice with everyone who greatly needed it~ ❤️❤️
I’m so glad you talked about when it’s okay to reduce your filter vs being filterless, because there are so many people I’ve talked to who don’t have filters and it produces a very negative effect on me and the people around them. So thank you for clarifying that difference so that everyone isn’t just running around without a filter haha 😆
"Not my friends my coworkers not even anyone"
Posts it on youtube for the whole world to see
Thank you for this, I’ll try it and hope for the best. I rlly want people to open up to me, I want to be able to support my friends and let them know they can trust me
Now I get why a lot of my high school friends told me secrets (not gossip, they liked to gossip about each other, I wasn't interested in tea) and one of my English institute friends came out of the closet to me in a party. I consider myself an introvert and can't go further than small talk without getting socially exhausted, but I guess the small interactions and me listening to others was all I needed to be trustworthy! I'm glad people can count on me when they need to get something out of their chest :)
What's interesting is, instead of just learning, this video rather reminded me of a few important things I used to do, and how I used to do it. Thanks Pill, I think I'm getting back chunks of an old me I left along the road haha.
When I was in the closet, I came out to someone who I thought was also in the closet.
After I came out to him, he also came out to me. Got an immediate friend right there.
It’s gold improvement pill. Your content is gold!!👍
Hey there, just want to say thank you for all your work. These videos are sometimes the only things that keep me going in my solitary self-improvement work. :')
Me too
@@ImprovementPill i will :)
@@ShreeNation plz teach me English
@@vikashmourya8964 lol I'm no tutor but I will try :D
Ok thanks.....how can i contact you
This was in my recommended and I realized I've been doing this naturally for years
Im really hoping we can see you bro. Ur awesome.
Support from the Philippines 🇵🇭
I do too. :)
PATULI KA MUNA KUPAL!!
@@someguyonthenet2146 talaga? Dito kapa mag dudumi 😜
Parehas tayo haha
Lez go pinas takteng comment yan
Wow... you literally just described my best friend perfectly. He seems to have no filter at times and has the most bubbly and enthusiastic personality of anyone I've ever met. He's also basically everyone's moral confidant, there are so many people who trust so deeply in him and share their problems with him it astonishes me. I've always wondered why? What draws people to trust in him so much and I've always wanted to be like him. I think I finally understand why.
Oooh 😯 that’s why people used to open up to me all the time when I was younger. I had no filter and was naturally empathetic. Damn I have to get back there.
DUDE I HAVE THIS GUY I WANNA GET TO KNOW BUT WE’RE BOTH SO AWKWARD AND SHY, HOW DID UA-cam KNOW THIS-
Edit: We’ve been dating for over a year now
LOL i'm in the same situation
@@l0613r bro, he’s my boyfriend now
@@ceewe988 I don't know why I feel so proud although I don't even know you. Nice going stranger ✊🏻👍🏻
@@tareqdarwish3629 thank you very much stranger, 8 months into the relationship and its going great! Have a nice day!
@@ceewe988 keep it up and going weeb person🙌🏻🙌🏻 all power to you
I wanted to use this video to try and make friends in school. Then he said the “increase your value” part.....yeah I have 0 value at school
NISHAT lala same..
In the closed image on the thumb, their eyes are open, and closed in the open image. Proof of trust is being able to close your eyes around the person
I know this will work :) when I come back to school. I'll try to open up with my thoughts and see how it goes. Im always scared of people judging me and all that but this time I'm gonna try to be a social person. Im always shy because of it thank you :) ♥️
How'd it go?
did it work
Being an ENTP I always share my deepest thoughts with a new acquaintance.
Or maybe I'm just socially disturbed
This video just blew up my mind in so many different ways. I'm liking a girl on school, and even though I felt this kinda "opening" with her, I wanted her to feel the same. I never knew how to really talk to her, now for the first time I think I can, really appreciate man.
3:35 Needing social value to say weird things makes so much sense. I don't really care about my looks but if I was looking bad for too long I felt like I needed to act less stupid and have more of a filter. Turns out I was right. I don't have mutton chops anymore so goodbye filter
me: Opened up about myself to people I trust
then I either get blackmailed or bullied
And they tell everyone about it..
and they would use that to bring you down
Maybe something a bit less personal, like about how clouds and stars share a commonality of being in the sky!
(Based on a true story because i literally can't think of any other examples, i'm sorry xD)
This made me realize why people open up to me all the time: I am insane and speak nonsense 90% of the time so of course people will think it's okay to tell me anything because I'm definitely not gonna judge them as I myself am the most judgeable.
I heard a scalpel works pretty well
.
Ah, yes.
Dude shotguns do it quick
5:55 is conversational threading. I love how coherent you are in your videos dude!
GREAT POINT ABOUT THE "VALUE" THING.
DUDE! This worked immediately for me. I talked with strangers and people that I know and I was able to connect emotionally with everyone! Thanks so much! It changed my life!
Seriously 😮 or sarcasm 😂
2:38 no, let's talk about that instead
Well I think this is actually the most interesting video I have seen in a while
That was the shortest 7 minutes of my life
OG improvement pill followers already knew that he squats when he does his business
For social value, you are valuable enough and never take anything too personally ❤
this reminds me of the time I was at a new job at a day camp and me and my new coworker weren't really on a talking basis, I asked her if she wanted to see a magic trick then proceeded to do it horrendously wrong 💀... that was my first interaction with her but we ended up best work friends INSTANTLY lmao
In my own experience, people usually open up when they encounter something familiar/similar (situation) with you. Wherein this similar thing is something special, or too personal for them. You'll see, give it a try. Just don't break a trust. ☺️
If I learned anything about this comment section, it's the fact that introverts have a wild sense of humor 💀
I love your art style, it’s so soothing for me.
Pressence, be close and friendly to people and worrying about your physic appearance, like hygiene and dressing well, is the key, because this means that you care about you. It matters a lot for people, and I know it because I was like... The nerd girl of the school that didn't love herself and was always sad because her classmates told her that she was ugly and stupid, but guess what, when I got into college everyone wanted to be my friend, this happened because I actually change my way of thinking and seeing myself, now I love myself more than ever, I take care of my skin, because I used to have acne and thick undefined eyebrows, I also take care of my body, trying to work out at least at home and I am healing my mental health, by reading, meditating and socializing, to the point that everyone I am friends with, told me their secrets or confidential information that nobody knows.
If I did it this means that you can too
I met situations when people opened up on very early stages of conversations and they started to avoid me after. I knew I didn’t make them feel judged or something but the fact that I knew them from the hidden side made them feel scared of me in some way. I know their deepest secrets and therefore I have a power over them
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”
― Bernard M. Baruch
Instructions not clear: ended up in jail
If you look and act like a loser, people will not like weird comments
If you look and act like someone who has their life and routine in order, you can say almost what you want and be weird.
😂😂
I'm 26 and only now I'm realizing all of this. Actually listening to people feels amazing.
While I do believe you can get better at it. Some personalities just has this naturally. I'm an INFJ, so I absolutely hate small talk. I want to talk about deeper things. And that's really the thing, If you talk about deep things, people will eventually realize that you're the kind of person they can open up to.