This is very much needed for a lot of people bcz in narcissistic household the children could not express emotions...feelings nor pain...hence dissociation
Amazing . Thanks for teaching us . I am always in defensive mode . Always defending of the “attacks” from others . But I realized it is my inner child.
The letter writing would be such a difficult process to figure out. At 52, I now realize I have just been surviving. I wish I had heard this and not wasted so much of my life not loving myself. Great information.
Thanks for your comments. Yes, once we find emotional freedom with the authentic self we can fully step into our lives. Be gentle with yourself as you go through this process. For more information you can go to my book and workbook for additional exercises and examples. Healing Your Lost Inner Child available on Amazon
The first letter is the hardest. My old-lady-self wrote to the 12 year old self who saw her father threaten her mother with a knife, and told her (me) that our lives would never be the same. I was 75 years old, tears streaming down my face. Now I understand more of my anxiety when people get angry. I shut down to get invisible. I have now written to me at different ages, comforting that hurting child. Sounds crazy, but it is far crazier to do nothing at all. No one else can do this for me because I barely understand myself. Expect to cry for both the child and the adult you are now.
Also, I wanted to mention that recently I received a photo of my brother and I (and a cowering dog) at the age of the most dangerous, frightening abuse. I was triggered and able to connect to that beautiful little girl in that photo (nine year old me) and to tell the story as well as what I needed to happen in order to feel protected after the worst of it. My adult self stepped in and it was such a relief. 🙏
Hello Kinmberly, I too was able to connect within my younger self by using photos from the past. I use the photos to help reparent myself. Happy Holidays;-)
Thank you Kimberly so much for sharing. I am so happy for you. I love the experience of not only finding the words to tell your story but to repair the wound by identifying what it was you always needed to feel protected. That is the way I understand trust can develop between our wounded child and the internal loving adult parent and healing can occur.
Thank you so much both, this makes so much sense to me. The idea that an event (in my case my mother leaving our family when I was 8 and me subsequently becoming the 'caregiver' to my younger siblings and on eggshells to keep my dad mentally ok) rather than an intense narc/codependent set up being the cause, really speaks to me x
I am going to buy Bob's Jackman Great Book ✌🏼🔥❤️😇🕉️🙏🏻As I felt deep wounds of Childhood trauma...and are still facing Inner Child Who is Supressed every now and then 👍🏼👍🏼
I'm 67 and still trying to deal withy emotional outbursts that I don't understand and don't know why I have such strong quick snap reactions to words that when spoken to me offend me to the core !!!!!
Hey Susan check out some videos on core wounds by personal development school on UA-cam. She goes in depth on different attachment styles and common core wounds/limited beliefs created in childhood. You also get steps on how to correct and change these :)
I see how my child self age 2-9 showed up unprotected- as a replay of my youth. My lip quivers like a 2-3 yr old; it's pretty amazing how that part of us is still inside us and very much alive. My mother admitted she didn't know how to protect me from my NPD abusive father. I hear my aunt say, your going to ruin this child. My mother sat silent. Thirty-five years later..it manifests. I'v been able to connect with my inner child; using photos and talk, etc.
The inner child is a handle I think keeps me from accessing the emotions. Childish reactions or overly emotional reactions I am happy to look at and connect with childhood
Thank you for your support Len! Please also consider exploring the full-length video seminars in Ross's website to help you heal and grow: www.selfloverecovery.com/collections/video-seminars-downloads
I think I mentioned, Ross, that I happened to do this intuitively, to some degree, without a therapist. I would actually talk out loud in nurturing, loving male and female parental voices. I wasn't sure about safety MYSELF per therapy and felt like it had to come from within 😊🌈🌹
I just want to thank you two from THE bottom of my heart for putting all of this out there so we can heal in order to be good parents, spouses and humans in general. You guys are amazing!!!
You hooked me up to buy a book. Ross, your experience of hypnosis and client who was talking as a child was astonishing. I had similar experience myself. I experienced trauma as a child, and went to psychoanalysis because I felt something is wrong with me, but couldn't explain what it was. After a year on a couch, one day therapist asked me some question, and all of a sudden I started to scream and talk with a child voice. Couldnt believe myself... I was in shock and scared who (or what) is talking from inside of me.
My impulsive reaction is to shut down and don't defend myself, I'm afraid of conflicts and all my life I've had fear of abandonment. I'm trying to heal from this now but I have relapses. I feel so close to be emotionally independent once and for all
Sir .....thank you ... you have changed millions of lives in this universe!!!!!!! Cptsd, anxiety , stress and depression have ruined millions of lives in this universe including myself am a victim .....I really do need help sir please at this moment I live in the shelter I shouldn't be in the shelter at all I deserve a better place than that because I know my worth and value whom ever comes across my message please If you could help me further my education etc I will be honor and delighted for that .....I reside in the 🇺🇸 please cptsd has almost ruined my life .... .!!!!
I realy would like to thank very much these two wonderfull authors for that video, it's been so important to me have you and yours books to make me a better person and develop me self! I fell hope in a better world because of your work!🙏🙏🙏💐
This discussion resonates with me. The links to being adopted are not often made and as an adoptee I have to do much research on how childhood adoption is trauma. Combine this pre-conscious trauma experience with 1950s' parenting in which emotions were never recognised or talked about, and we have a recipe for difficulties in adult relationships etc. I was fortunate my adopted parents gave me a stable loving childhood, but this has made the trauma, losses and issues more difficult to unravel and understand. The binaries of co-dependent and narcissist are not particularly helpful. Nevertheless the work you guys do and the experiences and understandings you share with us, are hugely helpful.
We are programmed from our care takers and environment between 0-7 years. After that we are on repeat every 7 years until we become aware enough to shift paths. Trauma surfaces at adolescence/early adulthood and it sounds like the 14 year old girl may have been dealing with past repression, rather than just her parents separating.
Thank you so much for this video. I’ve been in therapy for over a year, and focussing on healing my inner child. you both explain things in such a gentle way.
@Martin Gaatjeniksaan I didn't mean to be sexist at all ..woman are trying to be better. I'm not ashamed. Have you been hurt by a woman .. I've been hurt by a man I know we,re not all the same ..
Very insightful and very good for why people trust others with past experiences of maltreat or pain that means wounds to the psyche and heart healing process for their recovery. Thanks. You people in this video show good medicine. I hope others understand it to.
I learn so much from you everytime Ross. You have championed the SLDD by navigating bits and pieces of your life and I have such, such high regards and respect for that. There cannot be a better therapist than the one who recovered oneself is now healed and new. Have all compassion for people who suffered childhood wounds but the toolbox needs to change. Ppl in their current life do not deserve their outdated gadgets. Would you consider a webinar talking about healing, boundaries and other mechanisms for those who deal with/ have dealt with cov narcs or BPDs?
Thank you so much for the support of Ross's work. He is now working on a new seminar that should cover what you mention. Please send us an email to help@selfloverecovery.com and you will be notified about the release. Cheers!
Thank you! This is great! I remember I was the caretaker of my parents. The only suggestion I can make here, is if you could make a link to amazon to buy both of your books by each author. Thanks.
When people use coping techniques which they used as children, and is no longer valid. Or they remember a critical, or untrue statement their parent made which they have based their lives on, it is helpful to think, 'These things are based on OLD RECORDINGS, which are out of date'. For example they may have been called stupid. If so they can think of the intellectual achievements which have been attained throughout life.
@@deb9784 There is hope to change that pattern to self acceptance, and self compassion. Perhaps the information in the books and video's mentioned can help you move forward.
I have a hard time accepting compliments and most of the time, it ruins my day or just makes me mad. The other day, my husband told me I was beautiful and that made me very angry because I have never been told that by my mother or dad (that I rarely saw) or grandmother or other relatives. Two of my ex boyfriend’s moms told them I’m ugly. And all I hear is my sister being complimented all the time. Growing up, I liked pleasing people and excelled in academics and most of the time, I was scared to make any mistakes. All those achievements were nothing because it wasn’t celebrated either together with family. It’s like we just went home after an achievement and went with our normal lives like nothing happened. I remember one instance my grandmother smacked my head with a book because I was embarrassed to participate in a dance number. I didn’t feel comfortable because I didn’t feel confident. I was always being compared to my sister. They took lots of photos of her while I’m placed in the back. I’m now 32 and I still carry that pain with me.
Personally, I fought for my chemical freedom. If I had caved in during one of the thousands of narcissistic projections I experienced growing up, the narc who molested me would have gotten exactly what they want. The would have finally won, and my brain would be too fucked up on pharmaceuticals to see what’s going on. I probably would have killed myself had I listened to anybody.
I’m crazy and I love this shit. I feel it all. I cannot be stopped. I cannot be put on medication, because I’m actually a great fucking human being. It’s empowering to have crawled out of hell.
Cannabis snapped me out of my death sleep at age 19. Then and there I was repeatedly placed into institutions by the narc. I faked my way out and now I destroyed her career and relations with everyone she knows that I’m aware of with nothing but the truth. How’s that for revenge? Tough luck. I’m 24 on my own killing shit. Could have been in a home if she’d got me.
Fantastic ❤️ I’m delving into the book Dianetics - the modern science of mental health - and so much of this video relates to the principles of dianetics. Fascinating stuff Thank you so much ❤️
Thank you so much for your videos One constructive critism I have for doctors is they identify families dysfunction I find it triggering & alarming for as common as institutional abuse is doctors don’t also mention it as if institutions wear halos. On a scale of 1to 10 it bothers me an 11. Even after 36 years of recovering. The other is. Any state sex offender list. Its not sex. It’s rape there is a difference .
Its been trying this year after all these years of following doctors guidance & treatments, an Ohio Doctors became unprofessionally angry at me for wanting to report my secondary education rapist educator, he said. Dont report it , we don’t treat it because we culturally allow students to be damaged in education. After he told me that the collective ego will never hear me. So I got a new doctor and as I was telling the truth she wanted to give me some high dose zombie like Medicine with memory loss properties. I now call the silencing based prescriptions. The Ohio doctors refuse to acknowledge institutional child abuses & fail to do comprehensive patients assessments for diagnosising ADHD & prescribing Adderal that makes institutional childhood students rape Traumas worse. ACES practicing doctors treat Childhood traumas with blood pressure lowering medicine. So as I reflect on my doctors digressed care who don’t treat students traumas, in my patient history I am diagnosised with ADHD & prescribed me a decade of Adderal so as a healthcare consumer I am betrayed by my own doctors and my conditions made worse by culturally limited practicing doctors with disparities Practicing predatory medicine I think it’s fair to say they’re out of their genocidal mindsets if they think I’m taking Vaccine from any doctor, For the obvious reasons the profession is untrustworthy. This is not a case of I can’t trust this is a case of Medical Norms that do not have the best interests of the patients health in mind revealing the profession untrustworthy. Also while I was on a regimen for talk therapy in recent months , When I would start talking she would silence me or use stigmatizing phrases . Which suggests to me they are implying that there is something wrong with me for what was wrong done to me. I find this in my latter recovery very mixed messages from the professionals. It’s like they want to take me back to the start of recovery. I won’t be making any doctors appointments anytime soon. Furthermore Not addressing institutional childhood students experiences wrecks havoc on lifetimes physical health. Its fairly obvious I believe that medical doctors are sickening me to premature death. Where to go from here with no medical point of reference. While I been on this unscripted journey in life I never wanted to be a Doctor at this point I dont see how I have much of a choice if I want viable adaptive medical care that actually preventative & life saving.
This inner child information makes me think of the Halle Berry movie Frankie and Alice. Her inner child was stepping forward to help her (wasn't mentioned in the movie most likely due to her diagnosis ) 🤷🏾♀️ she had this other personality that was an older southern white woman.
(***: Thank you both x bringing to light how our inner child defends the adult during a vulnerable situation & for presenting alternative coping strategies in adult life. ❤❤
Thank you so much for your videos! Please can you make a video on non communicative physically absent father? My niece is in her early twenties and for the first time she expressed feeling depressed because her father don’t contact her and doesn’t try to have a relationship with her. Her parents divorced when she was 4 years old and he moved to another country, remarried and had two children. We don’t know what advice we should give her. What someone going through this situation should do? Thank you🙏
Don't even recognice myself on pictures ........a few things I remember .....I allways say : not save at school and not save at home . I hope the book helps me
This is not for narcissists. It's crazy how narcissists will eventually say that they, or their relationships are co-dependent and they do this kind of work, barking up the wrong tree, so to speak and they become MORE self-centered and more self focused and think they are building a healthy sense of self.. When in reality they are digging a deeper hole. Narcissits need to learn how to focus less on themselves and learn to have true care, reciprocity, concern and empathy for others, taking the focus off of themselves which is what will lessen their neuroticism and help them become more happy.
I have read many healing books, but they NEVER address continual raping since 9, beating with horse whips and tearing flesh from bones at 3, breaking bones, locking my brother and I in closets for days, then a 38 year marriage to a violent covert narcissist. I WISH I witnessed ANYONE fighting FOR me. Now 57 and divorced after 2 documented internal bleedings and a heart attack. Which of your books address this kind of hell?? Oh and I have been in therapy since 14 years old....and the hell of different gunniea pig.therapies. Thank you 🙏
Also was molested by my grandfather at 4 yrs old ,my father's father . My father never ever said one word to me about it like "I'm sorry that happened to you " not a word came from his mouth s out what hid dad did to me and my you younger sister.even till the day he died.
I’m So sorry that happened to you 😢 I am 64 & been depressed most my life with anxiety and angry and have had outbursts too at times - seems like I’m more angry now but since the suicide of my boyfriend it has brought up all my childhood stuff I was also molested by my step grandfather ( my moms stepdad - who I later found out that he molested her too ) at 5 or 6 kindergarten age No one EVER talked about it to me & it was NEVER brought up again, but it happened several times. They just never talked about all that stuff back then.
@@vixter28 I'm sorry you went through it too ....I know ,they didn't know how to talk about it so they just let it slip under the rug but "the Body Keeps The Score " as the book title says and no matter how much we as a family didn't talk about the worse it was for me .the older I got the worse my emtionial outbursts became and I didn't know why . At first I was only depressed. Now anger leaks out everywhere and I have no idea how to handle it
How does HITCH technique different from Cathartic Abreaction that's followed in Psychodynamic Therapy? Thanks in advance Dr.Rosenberg. Am really v.interested to learn more about HITCH.
find your deep courage within and if you can do the exercises in my book to help you access your inner child's wisdom to help you on your path. take care. Bob Jackman
are there resources for how our inner child and core beleifs make us vulnerable to relationship violence domestic abuse? I have left 20 years of domestic abuse but am still sent into fight/flight/freeze fear and shame when I even hear his name or see and email from him. the fear and shame a d powerlessness has been with me since childhood but he and others have been "hammering" on it since then. I feel if I can heal and make that child feel safe and worthy and capable the abusers "target" will be removed.
You have to do this work yourself. I personally only know 1 or 2 people who can afford this kind of treatment. My last therapist gaslit me to cover up her own unethical behavior. It took me a while and a lot of pain to retrace and figure out what happened. I could not afford this setback. I have to give it to God. I no longer trust the mental health system.
i have taken up a stand for the abuse i have been through. simultaneously going through trauma and society religious pressure, i am so deeply devastated within, and feel nobody can understand what i have been through in narssissitic abuse and when i took stand for myself nobody believes me, as indian society girls have no voice. feels like giving up at times, but i recall the episode of my molestration and i feel i should stand up. help please
I would love some real examples of how people come out the other side. Really seeing how Narc my Dad is just now and how my Mum sees him As her saviour and wants to keep me in some kind of illusion so that she has her family unit. But my body feels awful to be around it. I do it for her 😮
How do I let go of my dead Mother and our unresolved issues I will never get an answer to or get to make amends with ??? Please help ???? ... Somebody ?
I remember saying to my therapist the same thing: "I don't have a lot of childhood memories". But when we started working with the situations that had triggered me recently, certain patterns of emotions emerged. Then you can try and trace them back, e.g. where else did I feel so angry/sad (unloved/unworthy/unsafe...)? In some cases childhood memories popped up that has been long forgotten.
Just found your channel and finding your content interesting and possibly transformative. Am finding the sound quality when you contribute to the discussion somewhat muffled and unclear which causes me to exit your channel after watching only one and sometimes two videos. That being said will continue to watch because your content seems very useful. Wondering if you need better sound equipment...
This is very much needed for a lot of people bcz in narcissistic household the children could not express emotions...feelings nor pain...hence dissociation
Yep
This is me as well...at 57!
Whoa, just realized that I dissociate 🥴 more research to be done... Never realized that all of the above led to this
Yeah my family still doesn’t want nor recognize what I’ve been through in life. I’m 40 now.
I am buying Bob's book and workbook tonight...I have a feeling this is the gap that I need to build a strong bridge to well being.
All the best in your work. Be gentle with yourself as you go through the HEAL process and let it unfold. Bob
Amazing . Thanks for teaching us . I am always in defensive mode . Always defending of the “attacks” from others . But I realized it is my inner child.
Very welcome Diana. Glad this was helpful.
16:13 introduce the adult to the child - I’ve been lucky to have done this work and it is profoundly life changing.
very powerful integration work.
I needed to hear this. I'm 54 and can't get to where I want to be.
The letter writing would be such a difficult process to figure out. At 52, I now realize I have just been surviving. I wish I had heard this and not wasted so much of my life not loving myself. Great information.
Thanks for your comments. Yes, once we find emotional freedom with the authentic self we can fully step into our lives. Be gentle with yourself as you go through this process. For more information you can go to my book and workbook for additional exercises and examples. Healing Your Lost Inner Child available on Amazon
I am also 52 and wish I learned all this earlier to, it’s never to late!!
You are not alone... I am 49 and feel the same as you.
The first letter is the hardest. My old-lady-self wrote to the 12 year old self who saw her father threaten her mother with a knife, and told her (me) that our lives would never be the same. I was 75 years old, tears streaming down my face. Now I understand more of my anxiety when people get angry. I shut down to get invisible. I have now written to me at different ages, comforting that hurting child. Sounds crazy, but it is far crazier to do nothing at all. No one else can do this for me because I barely understand myself. Expect to cry for both the child and the adult you are now.
It's never too late I'm doing it and I'm 45
Also, I wanted to mention that recently I received a photo of my brother and I (and a cowering dog) at the age of the most dangerous, frightening abuse. I was triggered and able to connect to that beautiful little girl in that photo (nine year old me) and to tell the story as well as what I needed to happen in order to feel protected after the worst of it. My adult self stepped in and it was such a relief. 🙏
Hello Kinmberly, I too was able to connect within my younger self by using photos from the past. I use the photos to help reparent myself. Happy Holidays;-)
@@makaylahollywood3677 That's so beautiful 😘🌹💋
Thank you Kimberly so much for sharing. I am so happy for you. I love the experience of not only finding the words to tell your story but to repair the wound by identifying what it was you always needed to feel protected. That is the way I understand trust can develop between our wounded child and the internal loving adult parent and healing can occur.
Thank you so much both, this makes so much sense to me. The idea that an event (in my case my mother leaving our family when I was 8 and me subsequently becoming the 'caregiver' to my younger siblings and on eggshells to keep my dad mentally ok) rather than an intense narc/codependent set up being the cause, really speaks to me x
These are gonna help me so much...thank you for these videos.....God bless😇🙏
I am going to buy Bob's Jackman Great Book ✌🏼🔥❤️😇🕉️🙏🏻As I felt deep wounds of Childhood trauma...and are still facing Inner Child Who is Supressed every now and then 👍🏼👍🏼
I'm 67 and still trying to deal withy emotional outbursts that I don't understand and don't know why I have such strong quick snap reactions to words that when spoken to me offend me to the core !!!!!
Hey Susan check out some videos on core wounds by personal development school on UA-cam. She goes in depth on different attachment styles and common core wounds/limited beliefs created in childhood. You also get steps on how to correct and change these :)
I see how my child self age 2-9 showed up unprotected- as a replay of my youth. My lip quivers like a 2-3 yr old; it's pretty amazing how that part of us is still inside us and very much alive. My mother admitted she didn't know how to protect me from my NPD abusive father. I hear my aunt say, your going to ruin this child. My mother sat silent. Thirty-five years later..it manifests. I'v been able to connect with my inner child; using photos and talk, etc.
Would love to hear more about your journey.
The inner child is a handle I think keeps me from accessing the emotions. Childish reactions or overly emotional reactions I am happy to look at and connect with childhood
DEFINITELY “cleaned up” experience of the inner child. Like she didn’t even exist. But she is here now FINALLY!!!
Yes, please keep making videos. I can’t understand the other way people describe codependency.
Thank you for your support Len! Please also consider exploring the full-length video seminars in Ross's website to help you heal and grow: www.selfloverecovery.com/collections/video-seminars-downloads
Woah!! I am having a deja vu! Thank you Ross and Robert!
Thank you so much for sharing. all the best.
I think I mentioned, Ross, that I happened to do this intuitively, to some degree, without a therapist. I would actually talk out loud in nurturing, loving male and female parental voices. I wasn't sure about safety MYSELF per therapy and felt like it had to come from within 😊🌈🌹
Me too!
This
Thank you Ross for introducing me to this brilliant man. Thanks also for this wonderful discussion.
So glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for listening.
I LOVE this..."persuasive, feelings-rich, emotionally evocative, psycho-educational process." I'm sold!
all the best in your work Kimberly
Robert Jackman
@@theartofpracticalwisdom3683
Thanks so much Bob and thank you for all you do in this important field of work. Much love! 🌈❤️🌈
Thank you 🙏 both for sharing your knowledge with us.
I just want to thank you two from THE bottom of my heart for putting all of this out there so we can heal in order to be good parents, spouses and humans in general. You guys are amazing!!!
Thank you so much for your feedback. Stay strong on your healing path. Robert Jackman
You hooked me up to buy a book. Ross, your experience of hypnosis and client who was talking as a child was astonishing. I had similar experience myself. I experienced trauma as a child, and went to psychoanalysis because I felt something is wrong with me, but couldn't explain what it was. After a year on a couch, one day therapist asked me some question, and all of a sudden I started to scream and talk with a child voice. Couldnt believe myself... I was in shock and scared who (or what) is talking from inside of me.
I am thankful that i understand everything in English. I would miss out on so much vital information.
RVIDXR KLVN
My impulsive reaction is to shut down and don't defend myself, I'm afraid of conflicts and all my life I've had fear of abandonment. I'm trying to heal from this now but I have relapses. I feel so close to be emotionally independent once and for all
So encouraged for you. I celebrate you and your ongoing emotional independence.
@@seachange2512 ohh I really appreciate your comment thank you 😊
Sir .....thank you ... you have changed millions of lives in this universe!!!!!!! Cptsd, anxiety , stress and depression have ruined millions of lives in this universe including myself am a victim .....I really do need help sir please at this moment I live in the shelter I shouldn't be in the shelter at all I deserve a better place than that because I know my worth and value whom ever comes across my message please If you could help me further my education etc I will be honor and delighted for that .....I reside in the 🇺🇸 please cptsd has almost ruined my life .... .!!!!
I realy would like to thank very much these two wonderfull authors for that video, it's been so important to me have you and yours books to make me a better person and develop me self! I fell hope in a better world because of your work!🙏🙏🙏💐
Thank you too for the support!
Thank you so much for your feedback and all the best on your healing journey. Bob Jackman
Thanks Ross. Sending a xmas hug from Australia 💚
Really appreciate your videos.
This discussion resonates with me. The links to being adopted are not often made and as an adoptee I have to do much research on how childhood adoption is trauma. Combine this pre-conscious trauma experience with 1950s' parenting in which emotions were never recognised or talked about, and we have a recipe for difficulties in adult relationships etc. I was fortunate my adopted parents gave me a stable loving childhood, but this has made the trauma, losses and issues more difficult to unravel and understand. The binaries of co-dependent and narcissist are not particularly helpful. Nevertheless the work you guys do and the experiences and understandings you share with us, are hugely helpful.
So glad this is helpful. Keep up the good work.
I enjoy the linguistic adjustments, and am looking forward to this video.
Gratefully,
VLM in Canada
We are programmed from our care takers and environment between 0-7 years. After that we are on repeat every 7 years until we become aware enough to shift paths. Trauma surfaces at adolescence/early adulthood and it sounds like the 14 year old girl may have been dealing with past repression, rather than just her parents separating.
Thank you,Thank you,Thank you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are welcome Susan! Glad this was helpful.
Thank you So Much both of You The Respected Ones 🙏🏻🙏🏻✌🏼🔥
🕉️🙏🏻Om
Thank you so much for this video. I’ve been in therapy for over a year, and focussing on healing my inner child. you both explain things in such a gentle way.
Thanks for sharing and the support Karen.
I have several family members besides myself I will be buying both of these books for them too besides my own self ....thank you again
You are so welcome Susan!
thank you so much Susan. Take care, Bob Jackman
It's so good to here man wanting to be better men ...
@Martin Gaatjeniksaan I didn't mean to be sexist at all ..woman are trying to be better. I'm not ashamed. Have you been hurt by a woman .. I've been hurt by a man I know we,re not all the same ..
@Martin Gaatjeniksaan no problem I over react at times .. it happens have a good day
Very insightful and very good for why people trust others with past experiences of maltreat or pain that means wounds to the psyche and heart healing process for their recovery. Thanks. You people in this video show good medicine. I hope others understand it to.
Thank you for the support Bryan.
I learn so much from you everytime Ross. You have championed the SLDD by navigating bits and pieces of your life and I have such, such high regards and respect for that. There cannot be a better therapist than the one who recovered oneself is now healed and new.
Have all compassion for people who suffered childhood wounds but the toolbox needs to change. Ppl in their current life do not deserve their outdated gadgets. Would you consider a webinar talking about healing, boundaries and other mechanisms for those who deal with/ have dealt with cov narcs or BPDs?
Thank you so much for the support of Ross's work. He is now working on a new seminar that should cover what you mention. Please send us an email to help@selfloverecovery.com and you will be notified about the release. Cheers!
Wow, I’m so excited to have come across this video. Looking forward to checking out the follow up books!!!
I will implement these tools asap thank u
Just bought Robert’s book, thank you for this!
Wonderful! Hope you enjoy it!
Really liked this discussion ❤️👍
Thanks for watching.
Thank you! This is great! I remember I was the caretaker of my parents. The only suggestion I can make here, is if you could make a link to amazon to buy both of your books by each author. Thanks.
Sure thing!
- Bob's book: www.amazon.com/Healing-Your-Lost-Inner-Child/dp/1735444502#:~:text=In%20Healing%20Your%20Lost%20Inner,and%20embracing%20an%20authentic%20life.
- Ross' book: www.selfloverecovery.com/collections/human-magnet-syndrome-books
@@RossRosenberg Thanks! Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! I will go to Amazon & buy them!
When people use coping techniques which they used as children, and is no longer valid. Or they remember a critical, or untrue statement their parent made which they have based their lives on, it is helpful to think, 'These things are based on OLD RECORDINGS, which are out of date'. For example they may have been called stupid. If so they can think of the intellectual achievements which have been attained throughout life.
The super ego will not allow this to happen
Somehow I seem to sabotage myself whenever I fail or even make a mistake! Only perfection is good enough!
@@deb9784 There is hope to change that pattern to self acceptance, and self compassion. Perhaps the information in the books and video's mentioned can help you move forward.
I have a hard time accepting compliments and most of the time, it ruins my day or just makes me mad. The other day, my husband told me I was beautiful and that made me very angry because I have never been told that by my mother or dad (that I rarely saw) or grandmother or other relatives. Two of my ex boyfriend’s moms told them I’m ugly. And all I hear is my sister being complimented all the time. Growing up, I liked pleasing people and excelled in academics and most of the time, I was scared to make any mistakes. All those achievements were nothing because it wasn’t celebrated either together with family. It’s like we just went home after an achievement and went with our normal lives like nothing happened. I remember one instance my grandmother smacked my head with a book because I was embarrassed to participate in a dance number. I didn’t feel comfortable because I didn’t feel confident. I was always being compared to my sister. They took lots of photos of her while I’m placed in the back. I’m now 32 and I still carry that pain with me.
I have been diagnosed with complex post traumatic stress , borderline personality disorder,major depression ,high anxiety for the last 25 yrs
I can relate
CPTSD, anxiety, ADHD, & bipolar
My question is, do the labels help, or does the system just compound existing damage?
Personally, I fought for my chemical freedom. If I had caved in during one of the thousands of narcissistic projections I experienced growing up, the narc who molested me would have gotten exactly what they want. The would have finally won, and my brain would be too fucked up on pharmaceuticals to see what’s going on. I probably would have killed myself had I listened to anybody.
I’m crazy and I love this shit. I feel it all. I cannot be stopped. I cannot be put on medication, because I’m actually a great fucking human being. It’s empowering to have crawled out of hell.
Cannabis snapped me out of my death sleep at age 19. Then and there I was repeatedly placed into institutions by the narc. I faked my way out and now I destroyed her career and relations with everyone she knows that I’m aware of with nothing but the truth. How’s that for revenge? Tough luck. I’m 24 on my own killing shit. Could have been in a home if she’d got me.
Fantastic!! Looking forward to more!! 😍👍🎉
Thank you! More to come!
Always centers my behaviors
Most of us cannot remember our childhood before about 8 y. o.
Yes! Why??
Love rhis!
Fantastic ❤️
I’m delving into the book Dianetics - the modern science of mental health - and so much of this video relates to the principles of dianetics. Fascinating stuff
Thank you so much ❤️
I have the work book-it’s fantastic
Thank you so much for your videos One constructive critism I have for doctors is they identify families dysfunction I find it triggering & alarming for as common as institutional abuse is doctors don’t also mention it as if institutions wear halos. On a scale of 1to 10 it bothers me an 11. Even after 36 years of recovering. The other is. Any state sex offender list. Its not sex. It’s rape there is a difference .
Its been trying this year after all these years of following doctors guidance & treatments, an Ohio Doctors became unprofessionally angry at me for wanting to report my secondary education rapist educator, he said. Dont report it , we don’t treat it because we culturally allow students to be damaged in education. After he told me that the collective ego will never hear me. So I got a new doctor and as I was telling the truth she wanted to give me some high dose zombie like Medicine with memory loss properties. I now call the silencing based prescriptions. The Ohio doctors refuse to acknowledge institutional child abuses & fail to do comprehensive patients assessments for diagnosising ADHD & prescribing Adderal that makes institutional childhood students rape Traumas worse. ACES practicing doctors treat Childhood traumas with blood pressure lowering medicine. So as I reflect on my doctors digressed care who don’t treat students traumas, in my patient history I am diagnosised with ADHD & prescribed me a decade of Adderal so as a healthcare consumer I am betrayed by my own doctors and my conditions made worse by culturally limited practicing doctors with disparities Practicing predatory medicine I think it’s fair to say they’re out of their genocidal mindsets if they think I’m taking Vaccine from any doctor, For the obvious reasons the profession is untrustworthy. This is not a case of I can’t trust this is a case of Medical Norms that do not have the best interests of the patients health in mind revealing the profession untrustworthy. Also while I was on a regimen for talk therapy in recent months , When I would start talking she would silence me or use stigmatizing phrases . Which suggests to me they are implying that there is something wrong with me for what was wrong done to me. I find this in my latter recovery very mixed messages from the professionals. It’s like they want to take me back to the start of recovery. I won’t be making any doctors appointments anytime soon. Furthermore Not addressing institutional childhood students experiences wrecks havoc on lifetimes physical health. Its fairly obvious I believe that medical doctors are sickening me to premature death. Where to go from here with no medical point of reference. While I been on this unscripted journey in life I never wanted to be a Doctor at this point I dont see how I have much of a choice if I want viable adaptive medical care that actually preventative & life saving.
This inner child information makes me think of the Halle Berry movie Frankie and Alice. Her inner child was stepping forward to help her (wasn't mentioned in the movie most likely due to her diagnosis ) 🤷🏾♀️ she had this other personality that was an older southern white woman.
(***: Thank you both x bringing to light how our inner child defends the adult during a vulnerable situation & for presenting alternative coping strategies in adult life. ❤❤
Thanks for watching. 🙏
Thank you 🙏
You’re welcome 😊
@@RossRosenberg I’ve just purchased 2 books. I’ve done a lot of inner child / codependency work - but it’s an ongoing journey- namaste 🙏
Thanks for sharing and don’t forget the healing power of self-love. It is possible and within reach! We just have to do the work!
Thank you so much for your videos! Please can you make a video on non communicative physically absent father? My niece is in her early twenties and for the first time she expressed feeling depressed because her father don’t contact her and doesn’t try to have a relationship with her. Her parents divorced when she was 4 years old and he moved to another country, remarried and had two children. We don’t know what advice we should give her. What someone going through this situation should do? Thank you🙏
Beautiful relationship :)
It has ruined many of my relationships
Don't even recognice myself on pictures ........a few things I remember .....I allways say : not save at school and not save at home . I hope the book helps me
This is not for narcissists. It's crazy how narcissists will eventually say that they, or their relationships are co-dependent and they do this kind of work, barking up the wrong tree, so to speak and they become MORE self-centered and more self focused and think they are building a healthy sense of self.. When in reality they are digging a deeper hole. Narcissits need to learn how to focus less on themselves and learn to have true care, reciprocity, concern and empathy for others, taking the focus off of themselves which is what will lessen their neuroticism and help them become more happy.
I’m in a fairly rural area and I want to know if have virtual visits
I have read many healing books, but they NEVER address continual raping since 9, beating with horse whips and tearing flesh from bones at 3, breaking bones, locking my brother and I in closets for days, then a 38 year marriage to a violent covert narcissist. I WISH I witnessed ANYONE fighting FOR me. Now 57 and divorced after 2 documented internal bleedings and a heart attack. Which of your books address this kind of hell?? Oh and I have been in therapy since 14 years old....and the hell of different gunniea pig.therapies. Thank you 🙏
It is so painful to read your story. I am crying with you!
God loves you so much!
Love, hugges to you!
@@zdenekherman1973 thank you for your kindness 💞🙏
Merry X -mas !
Also was molested by my grandfather at 4 yrs old ,my father's father . My father never ever said one word to me about it like "I'm sorry that happened to you " not a word came from his mouth s out what hid dad did to me and my you younger sister.even till the day he died.
I’m So sorry that happened to you 😢
I am 64 & been depressed most my life with anxiety and angry and have had outbursts too at times - seems like I’m more angry now but since the suicide of my boyfriend it has brought up all my childhood stuff
I was also molested by my step grandfather ( my moms stepdad - who I later found out that he molested her too ) at 5 or 6 kindergarten age
No one EVER talked about it to me & it was NEVER brought up again, but it happened several times. They just never talked about all that stuff back then.
@@vixter28 I'm sorry you went through it too ....I know ,they didn't know how to talk about it so they just let it slip under the rug but "the Body Keeps The Score " as the book title says and no matter how much we as a family didn't talk about the worse it was for me .the older I got the worse my emtionial outbursts became and I didn't know why . At first I was only depressed. Now anger leaks out everywhere and I have no idea how to handle it
How do I communicate with my 2yrold self that was left alone in house all day while my mother locked herself in room
Hi Ross
What do you think of hypnotherapy to connect with the inner child?
How does HITCH technique different from Cathartic Abreaction that's followed in Psychodynamic Therapy? Thanks in advance Dr.Rosenberg. Am really v.interested to learn more about HITCH.
Thanks for your interest in Ross's work. Please explore his resources at www.selfloverecovery.com/
@@RossRosenberg Thanks a bunch Dr. Rosenberg 😊
Is it even possible to heal the inner child? I’ve been trying to do that for 25 years but I still feel frozen.
Watch ekhart Tolle it's a good place to start to identify the inner workings
Actual science-based understandings of the effects of trauma on people has improved in leaps and bounds in the 25 years... don't give up!!
@Jenny M what questions do you need to ask to find out if the therapist is actually good at this❤️
@Lola Ross thank you❤️
find your deep courage within and if you can do the exercises in my book to help you access your inner child's wisdom to help you on your path. take care. Bob Jackman
are there resources for how our inner child and core beleifs make us vulnerable to relationship violence domestic abuse? I have left 20 years of domestic abuse but am still sent into fight/flight/freeze fear and shame when I even hear his name or see and email from him. the fear and shame a d powerlessness has been with me since childhood but he and others have been "hammering" on it since then. I feel if I can heal and make that child feel safe and worthy and capable the abusers "target" will be removed.
You have to do this work yourself. I personally only know 1 or 2 people who can afford this kind of treatment. My last therapist gaslit me to cover up her own unethical behavior. It took me a while and a lot of pain to retrace and figure out what happened. I could not afford this setback. I have to give it to God. I no longer trust the mental health system.
I'm interested in Bob's views on adoption and therapy.
Scott MC is there a particular question you had for me about adoption and therapy? You can reach me through my website: robertjackmantherapy.com
i have taken up a stand for the abuse i have been through. simultaneously going through trauma and society religious pressure, i am so deeply devastated within, and feel nobody can understand what i have been through in narssissitic abuse and when i took stand for myself nobody believes me, as indian society girls have no voice. feels like giving up at times, but i recall the episode of my molestration and i feel i should stand up. help please
@Big Mike thanks for wishes... I have taken legal action against him.
I would love some real examples of how people come out the other side. Really seeing how Narc my Dad is just now and how my Mum sees him
As her saviour and wants to keep me in some kind of illusion so that she has her family unit. But my body feels awful to be around it. I do it for her 😮
How do I let go of my dead Mother and our unresolved issues I will never get an answer to or get to make amends with ??? Please help ???? ... Somebody ?
Perhaps consider reading and or watching video's on or reading books on the mother wound. There ares a lot of resources available. All the best.
@@seachange2512 Thank you 💕.
This is Internal family systems therapy
Can people suffering from narcisim benefit from theses techniques?
Is the companion workbook just an updated version of the first, or separate entirely different book focused more on work sheets... Tx
6:05 👏👏👏
How can we change the behavior
❤️
Do you know why chapter 3 is not in the work book
How do you trace back the trauma when you cannot remember your childhood
I remember saying to my therapist the same thing: "I don't have a lot of childhood memories". But when we started working with the situations that had triggered me recently, certain patterns of emotions emerged. Then you can try and trace them back, e.g. where else did I feel so angry/sad (unloved/unworthy/unsafe...)? In some cases childhood memories popped up that has been long forgotten.
@@irynaguziy1202 💜💜 thank you for your compassionate response
Thank you. This is exactly where I'm at now.
What if you don’t remember your child hood
Why does the trauma have to come from the family? Can it not come from outside the family during trauma experienced in childhood?
You guys know someone in Belgium or Netherlands who can work with this trauma healing method ? thx
😊😊
👍🏽
It's not my inner child that's lost its me that's lost! Just this round tin hat floating about in the sea...
Offering warmth and compassion.
@@seachange2512 thank you...at the moment it just feels overwhelming
Just found your channel and finding your content interesting and possibly transformative. Am finding the sound quality when you contribute to the discussion somewhat muffled and unclear which causes me to exit your channel after watching only one and sometimes two videos. That being said will continue to watch because your content seems very useful. Wondering if you need better sound equipment...
Thank you for the feedback and the support!
@@RossRosenberg thank you! I’m impressed you took the time to answer ...
Nobody will ever be allowed to go into my brain. No way. That is bad advice.
A whole lot of ego in this video. I wonder what would happen if the term”in MY method” were taken out of the narrative.
Thank you. 😊
You're welcome 😊