I just went through such a narcissistic storm and stood my ground. After discarding me and going back to his ex wife he tried for four month with all means to get me to accept just being an affair and to cater to his needs on his terms. He blew up my phone, sent endless messages, pulled on my heartstrings and pushed every button. He even threated with suicide. I argued, I explained, I talked many hours with him. In vain. So I blocked him. This was the hardest thing I have ever done and I still cry for him every day. But I love me more than I love him. I can't be his toy, doormat, shoulder to cry on, side kick, ... I told him I have had enough. Silence now for one month.
2:20 "..and therefore they don't go to therapy, are NOT open to a mutually satisfying compromise in resolving a problem." I don't even think that the "therapy" should be a requirement for this. This is only common sense. If they DON'T have the RESPECT to do that by themselves, you GO WHEN you know! Yet you say it PERFECTLY, Dr Ross, here. I'm just covering other situations where therapy should not even be required. Great take, nevertheless, Dr Ross! (I'm just covering all angles so that people don't get STUCK like I used to be.)
I wouldn't feel safe telling him I don't feel safe with him. I probably need to leave quietly without openly setting "boundaries." I think that's kinda what you mean by not engaging.
It is so weird that they think doing really horrible things to a person, would get that person back...??? Makes no sense. I prefer flowers and candy, thanks. Not calling the cops on me.
If you cause a narcissist injury by calling them out every time they hoover,the hoovers will stop.Challenge the false self,tell them they are mean ,bad people.I have done this with my brother and father and now i'm training my mother.What do you think of this Mr. Rosenburg?Also want to tell you that you've been helping me for years and thank you.
👂🤔 Have been perceiving such a need for recalibrating my ~[reappraisal mechanism] and pursuant mindset with actions reflecting transcendence. 🙏Thank you for the (re-)review, expansion.
I think self love abundance is a perfect way to say it. There’s nothing wrong with seeking to be healthy and whole, and to do good things for yourself. It’s not selfish or narcissistic, it’s called caring well for yourself. Healthy self care and compassion. You’re not a robot This is something that a narcissistic person will try to guilt you and make you feel bad for, doing good things for yourself When you have this abundance, then it overflows, and you are able to give love to others. Like they tell you on the airplane, put your oxygen mask on first before you help somebody else if you don’t have anything to give, you can’t really help anybody else. This is opposed to being deficient and when you feel like you just need to take and take because you’re empty inside You cannot pour from empty cup as Lisa Romano says Focusing on abundance in many aspects of your life helps you to be a more powerful and good person, you’re not a burden or drain, and you’re better able to positively impact the people around you When you are in a relationship with a person who will use guilt, shame, or scolding to make you feel bad about taking care of yourself, that’s a problem. Perhaps as you improve, they’re feeling like you’re making them look bad and they want to pull you down and trip you up. Speaking from experience. Each day I pray for the healthy balance of self love abundance, the proper amount so it’s not to the extreme.
It’s hard because I feel like my ex was a narc but I broke up with her after she treated me horribly, then begged for her back and probably ran through some of those steps.
But I think I as a SLD was addicted to her validation and was beaten down. I found a moment of strength when I told her we need space. After the breakup felt like she was shaking me down me for money, guilting me for never giving her enough 🤦♀️ and I was so addicted and afraid of being alone that I went through some steps I’m not proud of.
Because she was telling me that stuff, and then I’d even offer giving her more money (please don’t judge) because that’s what she was saying was an issue. Wild. 33 year old woman, I’m 25, and she took me for a ride on god. So mad at myself
If anyone can give me an insight to what the heck I just experienced this year I would be greateful. I had a mentor who seemed like he was on my side but it turned out he had an agenda was never really listening to the struggles I was facing (Trying to immigrate to Japan from a third world country) I cut contact with him after he ran his mouth online talking about how "I don't take action" and summed up one of the most difficult years of my life. I told him that he was given personal information that I never should have opened up to him about. He replied with some gaslighting crap about "tough love". I went no-contact and simply stopped responding. (I did not block him). He tries to phone me several months later, I missed his call so I sent a short message that I had received his call. Nothing else.Then I believe he blocked me 🤷🏾♂️ Either way good riddance
I had a male friend, that I kind of looked up too, who did the same thing to me recently. I just went silently NO CONTACT a few days ago. They were sneaking in passive-aggressive comments about how I supposedly should be doing things and be trying to say it both ways. As the band Boston sang, "Don't Look Back"! I'm FED UP and done with that too
@@CharlesBukowski-m1o Do the passive aggressive comments usually come through when you start making progress on something? Maybe its just paranoia but I feel like some people are only friends with you when you are down, the second you start persuing your goals without compromise. That's when they their bs starts.
A simple yet powerful technique. “Observe, don’t absorb” helped me regain my life and my sanity 5 years ago. Thank you. ❤
I just went through such a narcissistic storm and stood my ground. After discarding me and going back to his ex wife he tried for four month with all means to get me to accept just being an affair and to cater to his needs on his terms. He blew up my phone, sent endless messages, pulled on my heartstrings and pushed every button. He even threated with suicide.
I argued, I explained, I talked many hours with him. In vain. So I blocked him. This was the hardest thing I have ever done and I still cry for him every day.
But I love me more than I love him. I can't be his toy, doormat, shoulder to cry on, side kick, ...
I told him I have had enough.
Silence now for one month.
2:20 "..and therefore they don't go to therapy, are NOT open to a mutually satisfying compromise in resolving a problem." I don't even think that the "therapy" should be a requirement for this. This is only common sense. If they DON'T have the RESPECT to do that by themselves, you GO WHEN you know!
Yet you say it PERFECTLY, Dr Ross, here. I'm just covering other situations where therapy should not even be required. Great take, nevertheless, Dr Ross! (I'm just covering all angles so that people don't get STUCK like I used to be.)
Good to see you again Ross!
I wouldn't feel safe telling him I don't feel safe with him. I probably need to leave quietly without openly setting "boundaries." I think that's kinda what you mean by not engaging.
It is so weird that they think doing really horrible things to a person, would get that person back...??? Makes no sense. I prefer flowers and candy, thanks. Not calling the cops on me.
If you cause a narcissist injury by calling them out every time they hoover,the hoovers will stop.Challenge the false self,tell them they are mean ,bad people.I have done this with my brother and father and now i'm training my mother.What do you think of this Mr. Rosenburg?Also want to tell you that you've been helping me for years and thank you.
Most awesome doctor got every book buying it now. Hank you
👂🤔 Have been perceiving such a need for recalibrating my ~[reappraisal mechanism] and pursuant mindset with actions reflecting transcendence.
🙏Thank you for the (re-)review, expansion.
Thanks for this.
Im pretty sure i was here earlier.
how about "self love sufficient" as opposed to 'self love abundant' - the abundant word sounds rather narcissistic itself 🙂
As long as you're not that SNOWFLAKE who gets offended about normal language... You know what I mean?
Valuable due to self love?
@@jayjaychadoy9226 I meant sufficient as opposed to excess self love
I think self love abundance is a perfect way to say it. There’s nothing wrong with seeking to be healthy and whole, and to do good things for yourself.
It’s not selfish or narcissistic, it’s called caring well for yourself. Healthy self care and compassion. You’re not a robot
This is something that a narcissistic person will try to guilt you and make you feel bad for, doing good things for yourself
When you have this abundance, then it overflows, and you are able to give love to others. Like they tell you on the airplane, put your oxygen mask on first before you help somebody else
if you don’t have anything to give, you can’t really help anybody else.
This is opposed to being deficient and when you feel like you just need to take and take because you’re empty inside
You cannot pour from empty cup as Lisa Romano says
Focusing on abundance in many aspects of your life helps you to be a more powerful and good person, you’re not a burden or drain, and you’re better able to positively impact the people around you
When you are in a relationship with a person who will use guilt, shame, or scolding to make you feel bad about taking care of yourself, that’s a problem. Perhaps as you improve, they’re feeling like you’re making them look bad and they want to pull you down and trip you up.
Speaking from experience. Each day I pray for the healthy balance of self love abundance, the proper amount so it’s not to the extreme.
It’s hard because I feel like my ex was a narc but I broke up with her after she treated me horribly, then begged for her back and probably ran through some of those steps.
But I think I as a SLD was addicted to her validation and was beaten down.
I found a moment of strength when I told her we need space. After the breakup felt like she was shaking me down me for money, guilting me for never giving her enough 🤦♀️ and I was so addicted and afraid of being alone that I went through some steps I’m not proud of.
Because she was telling me that stuff, and then I’d even offer giving her more money (please don’t judge) because that’s what she was saying was an issue. Wild. 33 year old woman, I’m 25, and she took me for a ride on god. So mad at myself
If anyone can give me an insight to what the heck I just experienced this year I would be greateful.
I had a mentor who seemed like he was on my side but it turned out he had an agenda was never really listening to the struggles I was facing (Trying to immigrate to Japan from a third world country)
I cut contact with him after he ran his mouth online talking about how "I don't take action" and summed up one of the most difficult years of my life.
I told him that he was given personal information that I never should have opened up to him about. He replied with some gaslighting crap about "tough love".
I went no-contact and simply stopped responding. (I did not block him).
He tries to phone me several months later, I missed his call so I sent a short message that I had received his call. Nothing else.Then I believe he blocked me 🤷🏾♂️
Either way good riddance
I had a male friend, that I kind of looked up too, who did the same thing to me recently. I just went silently NO CONTACT a few days ago. They were sneaking in passive-aggressive comments about how I supposedly should be doing things and be trying to say it both ways. As the band Boston sang, "Don't Look Back"! I'm FED UP and done with that too
@@CharlesBukowski-m1o Do the passive aggressive comments usually come through when you start making progress on something? Maybe its just paranoia but I feel like some people are only friends with you when you are down, the second you start persuing your goals without compromise. That's when they their bs starts.