Jordan Peterson - Why Some Kids are Awkward
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- Опубліковано 25 лют 2018
- original source: • 2015 Maps of Meaning 0...
Psychology professor Dr. Jordan B. Peterson talks about the importance of rough and tumble play.
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I like to imagine there is no audience
lmao
Why?
James Dobbs you just made this video so much better for me
LOL thats fucking hilarious
i love jordan peterson. but i also imagined him as a man in his late late years in a wheelchair at a care facility- he will still have something to say. he will say it very passionately. the nurses and aides will nod their heads, "you right, mr. peterson. you right."
Worst thing is that rough and tumble play is being systematically removed from the playground because schools are now terrified a student will trip, hurt themselves and get sued by the parents.
I know this is 6 months later but you jogged an old memory of my school in the fifth grade or so telling us that any physical contact is not allowed. So me and my friends, instead of playing freeze tag like we normally do, we played blow tag. Whoever you blow on is it. We were sat on the wall for 10 minutes of recess quickly after beginning.
Thats because women are overly emotional
Playing all that tag in recess growing up was a life-saver. I can’t imagine not being able to do that. And yes, I fell a few times and skinned a knee, and it hurt and I cried, but I learned to live through that. Terrible thing to be deprived of that experience-to say nothing of the joy of playing an all-out game of tag.
There was a study that proved that kids had more fun and were significantly less likely to get hurt on more dangerous playgrounds. Like, with nails and junk and scraps. They legitimately were safer than on metal and plastic playgrounds. On the safe ones they'd push it to its limits because they were bored and they'd hurt themselves
Damn it feels good not to be an American
"Now in daycare centers, you can't touch the kids! It's like, what the hell?!"
I once was starring at this baby walking with her mother and I smiled at the baby and the mother looked at me with such ill minded intention, she thought I wanted to fuck it.
@@miguelmejia4656 lmao what the fuck
What can you as a preschool teacher do if a kid is sad and needs comfort? Words are not enough.
@@miguelmejia4656 That's so messed up! You're supposed to smile at people's children, they're cute and I feel like that's a compliment to the mother/parent, at least in western culture as far as I know.
Cody Dale western culture is so overly protective of kids that they don't fully develop, just like Peterson was saying. These idiots are teaching kids to never trust adults.
I just realized flirting is literally humans playing
Yep. Similar to what he said about playing, "you don't talk about it." Being incredibly forward can sometimes work, but it's not seductive; you're no longer playing and enjoying the game.
HMC7 it can still stay seductive. being forward and upright could also be ‘part of the game’.
A more adult form of play, usually with a sexual overtone.
Playing + sexual tension = flirting
🤯 yes flirting is a game
"I draw monsters and show them to children"
-J. P.
"I bend them over"
"Now in daycare centres you cant touch the kids! its like what the hell?!"
You can twist them
@@ikramzadran8527 man that was hilarious.
Appelflap DE wtf dude sick fuk
I feel like this is such a insightful lecture but all I can think about is many quotes can easily be taken out of context
. . . by the pathetic PC police of this culture.
@@Pamsmith59 Yes, and this is the effect that PC paranoia has on our perceptions; we can't help but think of it in those ways. This conditioning is inadvertently toxic.
If you look through the comments people have pointed them out quite humorously 😂
3:29 "i really like kids"
3:59 "and bend them over"
“You try to play with them but they jam their thumb in your eye” well then
That was me as a kid, i either wouldnt play or id end up hurting everybody
So that's why the kid licked her toes and shoved them in my eyeballs
@Blip Blop then she denied it lol. not my kid
Seems like he played with Ser Gregor when he was a kid.
HAHAHAHHA
I like to imagine there is no audience
no classroom
no laptop
and that he is in an interrogation room.
I like to imagine that you didn't didn't read this exact same comment before you typed this one.
@@squatttter
Which EXACT SAME comment are you talking about?
I play with my kids this way all the time and didn't realise how important it was to their development.
Bill Addison I think as long as you don't ignore them it doesn't matter which style of play you do. As long as it's engaging
What's the difference between a genius baby thrown into the forest and all you give it is food vs a down syndrome baby into an attentive family?
The down syndrome baby will be smarter when they get older simply because the family contact gives input on what is appropriate/inappropriate in language, in touching, in social interactions, in range to what is right and what is wrong, in limit of what is annoying compared to what is rage inducing.
Bill Addison duh 🙄
John Galt well man that’s really worrisome. I remember rough and tumble play with my son (and my daughter) and a large part of it was being physical without hurting the other person. If you’re able I suggest you do a martial art which is really adult play in the sense it teaches you to physically interact with other adults but with restraint and discipline.
John Galt I know what you are talking about.
this is part of why I think that it's good to grow up with a brother.
;)
Depends on the brother. Whenever I played with my brother he would always take it too far and no matter how much I tried to tell him to stop being so rough he would just laugh at me and start being even more rough. That shit doesn't toughen you up it just makes you associate playing with misery.
Winter Freyja - I agree, me and my older brother always used to play fight when we were young and that helped me toughen up for school (and even sometimes now.) The only problem maybe was that sometimes when me and my friends wrestled I sometimes was a bit too rough.
Not if your brother is awkward and doesn't want to play, like me... xD
Or even just a sibling in general. Kids that have no brother or sister tend to struggle more with socializing.
Honestly, this hurt a tad😂😂 I was that kid and when he said “they’re screwed” it was just a little ice pick to my heart. But hey man, I figured it out and carved my own self and though it took a lot longer than those around me I’m proud 🤗
Be Proud. Good Job, it takes a lot to overcome.
Blip Blop honestly school and being around other kids. I didn’t know how to read till I was 9 because no one was working with me at home so in terms of intelligence I felt well behind and it was clear as day so I started working harder on reading/writing to be on the same level as them. Then in middle school my lack of maturity compared to my peers was very apparent, even going into high school. At the time I was faking it till I made it and mainly mimicked others behaviors or responses rather than forming my own. As an adult I started working with therapists- I did EMDR for my trauma which helped a lot and I recommend, I built life skills and specifically the life skill of “coping” which I lacked severely, and I talk with someone on a monthly basis, started weekly, about my emotions and stresses which is mainly for oversight as I navigate through life and occasionally find new triggers. Thanks for the kind responses everyone !
@@beebee8384 good luck out there god bless you
I don't agree they're screwed either... I was one of those kids, it was really bad that teachers didn't know what to do with me and some put me in special ed when i didn't need it. I was able to carve my own path too! It took a long time. But I did. Cheers to that :)
Weird our usernames are both bee... haha.
@@beehive3275 here's a metaphor I've always used to describe our broken school system: imagine a class full of different animals, a monkey, an elephant, a dog, a cat, a turtle, etc.. the teacher then steps in front of the class and says ,"ok, for today's test... Climb this tree"
Realising that you're eighteen already and still haven't managed to get over this awkwardness
Start practicing martial arts and any kind of team sports. It gets better with time, just be consistent.
@@vinanet77 martial arts is a sweet idea, but in team sports you'd get fucked into obscurity by the first decent encounter (known from numerous cases of personal experience)
@@alexr6068 shooting sports, litterally everyone is wearing hearing protection and sometimes double (inserts and overtop) let alone all the gun fire.
You won't have to talk to anyone.
Helped me a lot with being unerved by people watching me doing IPSC, and its like golf in the sense that you are only tying to improve what you can do.
Socially speaking once you get adjusted to interacting with people as an adult its so much easier to get past the awkwardness. Personally, when I was 18 I went through my parents divorcing a few months after my birthday, graduating high school, starting a summer job the day after graduation, and then starting college at a community college and living in the dorms. The college dorm life really made me have to get past the awkwardness because there wasn’t much of anything to do on campus that wasn’t heavily socializing other than going to the gym, class, library and to eat.
Jordan "I know how to play with kids" Peterson
Lol 😂
You shut your dirty mouth
2:40 "I would bend them around"😂😂😂
Postmordenists are kids
You're joking, but you've already proven him right.
This is what I wish Dr. Peterson was known for, his real life's work. It says a lot about our society when most of the people are more drawn to "controversy" and validation of opinions over educational advancement. His lectures/books are what deserve the attention.
I agree! That is why I try to keep the political content to a minimum and focus more on his main body of work. It is more interesting and more people should know about it.
I can tell I'm getting a top notch psychology education in his lectures.
It is amazing that people will throw away the whole body of his work for the sake of his political views. I am getting so much out of what he says, it is almost like he is the saviour of the world. Of course he isn't but he could turn round the whole world if people could take on what he talks about.
Dean PD it's not so amazing, many people think psychology and philosophy are junk, especially Jungian and Freudian psychology.
Caleb Cruseturner I love Dawkins work, and that book is fantastic and extremely relevant still.
Reads title: “hey I’m awkward!”
Finishes video: “not that awkward”
Exactly my thoughts hahaha
@@copacetictranquillam8154 same
T.J. whataburger it’s so painful
@@copacetictranquillam8154 Looks like Autism merged with even semi-proper parenting still pushes a kid in the right direction so that we're not TOTAL wrecks! Thank God for that
Max they couldn’t teach you because no one taught them, they learned intuitively. My suggestion is behavioral therapy.
“So those kids just drift off - they stay on the outside of their peer group, and they never get into it”
So that’s what happened to me
He’ll whack you, and he’ll go “Hehehe!”
Wilson Really accurate.
It was so cute.
I read this right at the moment Peterson said it. Made it 100 times funnier.
Kids these days can be evil af
it needs to be a meme
seriously though. why isn't he a child psychologist. he'd the best at it!
also it's not that kids/we CAN'T directly ask what's the threshold but rather it's that kids/DON'T because these plays predate language. cubs do it, puppies do it. it's a developmental process for younglings to grow into becoming part of social circles, and we have probably been doing it before we developed explicit language.
1:51 The first rule of kids fight club
1:51
Brilliant!
Oh Waker thank you for the correction
Hahahahah this made my day
LMAO
"but Jordon, the Gillette add taught us that play fighting was toxic masculinity"
idris bevan, only if your white
@@anomilumiimulimona2924 lmfao true
Omg yer
Only if it’s bullying my guy.
@@moistmalone2181 More like poor Americans, oppressed by all the social injustices and bad speech that makes them teary eyed and puffy cheeked.
I know this talk is about socializing children through human touch and allowing them to explore boundaries. But good god every 10 seconds is meme
We have to remember normal adults never got to learn to speak meme. >_>
1:04 this happened to me when i was very young. I remember being at a girls house invited over to play and I smashed her over the head with a giant lego box. I honestly struggle to recall what I was thinking at the time. She ran away in tears and I was made to apologize. She bumped into me 20 years later and remembered me, I had forgotten her completely. Me delivering the death blow was the only memory I had.
did you smash doe?
JUMPMAN 23 they did. He smashed her head.
I laughed a little bit hard at this...this is definitely something one of my younger brothers would do to me...
I recall when I was about 4 or 5, I had come across a push pin. I recognized it as sharp and knew it could inflict pain. So I remember (relatively gently, it wasn't violent or particularly forceful) poking this girl on the back of her shoulder with it. She of course responded with a wince of pain and looked back at me in confusion. I think I can remember being curious what the response would be as to why I did it. Like..."I think this would hurt someone. I'd like to verify, but I certainly don't want to be the test subject." Though that is of course a higher-level interpretation of my impulse as a toddler lol
i feel directly called out by every one of his lectures
same, this one hit close to home
@@davidmendez3370 Very close to home
Yep. Ouch.
WSJ be like “Jordan Peterson explains why its okay to fight kids for 6 minutes”
I'm laughing WAY too hard at this right now XD XD
😂😂
4:18 I know the exact type of kid he's talking about. They're waaaaaaay behind on socialization and it IS incredibly hard to catch up on their social development.
"By the time they're four it's to late, they are screwed." LMAO
Fuck em
Deadcalf yep it even continues on into old age if you don’t identify and address it. Luckily I’ve found out at 17
Professor Lab nothing, i dont really know what do about it and im too occupied with school atm. But just knowing that i have experienced some form of emotional neglect is good because before i always felt different and like there was something wrong with me. I think therapy can help but i cant afford that lol 😂
@@icareg I loled
Helina Tedla it really hurts
I'm screwed
You and me both brother.
I've often thought that it would be a good (for lack of a better option coming to mind) meetup group concept. People (or men) who are so socially awkward that most people think we're no fun. Maybe we weren't socialized well enough. Well, here's our chance to develop a little bit of what we missed without the judgment of "normies".
IDK....I feel that way at times as well. I mean, I don't seem too socially awkward at work & superficial places because I can interact with people. But when it goes a step further into the "make friends" part, I'm not so good.
➡No You're Not.
You just don't know enough.
But you will, if you want...
His condescending words certainly do not define you.⬅😏
They are not condescending words. It is as with everything peterson says, an observation and a true one.
Yes you are kinda doomed without the right intervention. What that intervention is I do not know because I'm in the same boat. I've basically spent the last several years seeking enlightenment which is really a desperate attempt to find somekind of meaning in life. It is very very diffiult to dind meaning when you are not part of society and the aspects that require interaction remain a painful burden.
I'm very open to the idea of an organised group of similar people where there is a sense of belonging under the premise of mutual acceptance. Finding an activity would be a challenge as such people are obviously lacking in social activities. Maybe a hiking/camping club where all you have I really do is walk and keep your mouth shut. That would give a peraon something. I have learnes to recognise the value of shared experience and for which I do not believe there is an effective subsitute.
Steve M I feel like I'm in the same boat. Also that Meetup group is a very intriguing concept, I really wish something like that could be implemented
I’m hoping that Jordan Peterson gets well soon this guy is needed in the world
He's sick?
Ahmad ababneh He’s in drug rehabilitation.
@@boozantine more complicated than that. He had a sort of treatment associated with battlkng withdrawls and it nearly killed him. Mind you his dependency was on a prescribed medication for anxiety, not an illicit narcotic.
@@caroor3700 It was a paradoxical reaction to benzodiazepines, which were prescribed by a therapist. He is on the mend and has produced a few new podcasts.
@@caroor3700 inshallah he will be okay
I've been recently diagnosed with ASD at 33, and I've been thinking back on my childhood a lot. I used to do this experiment a lot, where you'd thwack someone and run away, and look, gradually increase it to see how far you could go and get away with it. Except I had no idea where the line was drawn. I remember getting into a lot of trouble because someone would get mad at me for this, which I found to be amusing/interesting, and kept escalating to see what would happen next, not knowing that that was a cue to stop. Some decades of experience has taught be to be smarter thankfully, but it blows my mind how no one realized that something was off about me. So many red flags like this.
Jero Toro bro I hate to tell you this but you might have been a bully lol
I would have beat the shit outta you so you learn.
Learn faster that is
My cousins son was like that but he never has hit me. As soon as I see kids like that I get on their nice side and help them with their mischievous activities, then try to teach them their limits to not get into trouble. A lot of parents just scream at them instead of explaining it. Sure a wack does the job, but some kids don’t learn from that
I propose for an iq test and a common sense test to be completed before more dumbass people can have children. If they fail. Sterilize them for lyfe.
"those kids stay on the outside of the peer group and they NEVER get into it"
he just described 4chan
Kek
Spike294 most Anons had shit parents and childhoods I would cause I’m one of em unfortunately
its true
Razorhawk - yes its very true sadly.
Just because it’s true doesn’t mean you have to remind us..
Taking stuff out of context is hilarious
"You can't touch the kids!!! What the Hell!?!?!?!?!"
-Jordan Peterson
When he said bend them over i lost my shit
+Polite Q lol we got an intellectual here
CryoCell He's watched every Rick and Morty episode for sure and understood all of the subtle humor.
ShiaLaButtFuck my mind went to the gutter so I was like wtf
Me: * reads word awkward *
* *_NERVOUS SWEATING_* *
B R I C K. *AWKWARD SWEATING*
Aaaaghh
“They bounce around and they won’t bite you. They’re well trained.”
😂😂
I feel like the kid he's describing is me.. the problem is that I'm 20 now and the people I 'm trying to bond with are the men I work with. Its like they all seem to understand and share something fundamental which allows them to relate and connect in a way which I just don't understand.
James Gordon me too
same jordan peterson is my dad
I'm 26 and in the exact same situation,but with girls of course. There could be a lot of different factors such as personality differences, different interests, generational differences if you are younger than them by even just a few years. All the women I work with are 22 and it feels like I'm 10 years older. They like modern music and shit like Taylor Swift and Justin Beieber meanwhile I like classical and 90s. Work friends are hardly ever worthwhile. Find people based on what you like and make real connections.
Me too
Well I would advise that you do some trial and error in terms of behavior so that you can learn what is acceptable. That is how children learn, well for the most part. Just something to consider.
Alternate Tittle: *Why People Watch Jordan Peterson*
He explains things most of us know, but never knew we knew... ya know?... ;p
I know, right?
No.
There's a lot of truth in that. I think part of the problem is that the things he says go against what is considered "politically correct". We've had a bunch of false science rammed down our throats and we've been brought up to suppress our common sense and go along with left wing propaganda that is fed to us in schools and in popular culture. Jordan gives us the confidence to go back to the truth and use that truth to become better individuals, friends, parents, spouses etc.
that's the essence of clinical psychology. that's why when someone gets super explicit about implicit things you describe their language as "clinical"
it's probably the most interesting branch of psychology. possibly only short of evolutionary psychology. but they're super intertwined anyway.
To quote Mr. Plinkett, "You didn't notice it, but your brain did."
“They cry really easily when nothing really happens”
Oh god no stop get that mirror away from me
Pussy ass juan bitch
Nasch your icon is a neon marble Filthy Frank
Juan Pablo Robayo woah how observant of you! Good job I wasn’t expecting that
Nasch thank you
Correction: glitch filthy frank
“A deep sickness in our society is that I used to work at a daycare..”
3:25
That uncarved kid was me. And he's right, never gets better. I'm still a functional person, but I can't really play
You can learn! I learned, go to charisma on command, it's a channel on here
Very nice.
Don’t worry, you’re not lost! It’s possible to teach yourself into good behaviors. Trust me, I know....I’m naturally anxious but like Jordan said in a different video related to anxiety, I’ve been actively putting myself in anxiety-inducing situations for years now and let me tell you, I’ve done a lot of cool things w/ my life!! You got this. 😁
I sort of was yet not at the same time, I loved to fight, but I wasn't very populaif
I’ve heard about this thru other people... can you explain more please?
Jordan seems like such a nice guy! As someone who's pretty left wing I find it so annoying that people on my side try to paint him as some kind of monster when you can learn so much from him.
I suppose it has to do with the idea that "it's Jordan Peterson, it must be bad," but I think it all comes down to what people argue for and whether they're trying to win or have an honest exchange of views.
“Make me a picture of a monster!”
The problem is he actively panders to the alt right without even realizing it, he gives them ground to work with.
@@Ludwig1625 Example?
@@emboe001 watch Jordan Peterson doesn't understand Nazism
It is scary when you recognize yourself in that awkward kid JP is talking about. A perfect description of me, word for word. That little me in daycare, in elementary school, always awkward and excluded and isolated, that's me he's talking about.
I'm 25 now and yes, completely screwed, socially handicapped. I have no willpower to even attempt to change anything. I've only recently realized my life is pathetic and will most probably continue to be so. Some of us are just doomed to be miserable.
You're not doomed. Learning how to socialize is about trial and error. Associate with others and learn from them
Yes same here.. I’m 26 and never had a friend in my life.. even if I get in a group somehow I always end up casting myself away for some reason.
Find someone who is socially good (like for example your coworker or someone from your class in university) and try to mimic their behavior, their enthusiasm, their way to talking to people etc until it will be "written" to your natural behaviour - in a way that will be compatible with your inner yourself of course (so for example if you are an introvert don't push yourself to talk all the time, but just a little more). That's how I learned now in my early 20' how to be more social from one guy who is my classmate. I also highly recommend reading the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" and watching some videos about body language, like from example from the UA-camr 1stmann.
Good luck men, we are all gonna make it. I wish the best for you.
Maybe you are doomed, but it is also important to stand back up and try again when it is possible and reasonable. With me, this is my perspective at least, I do not think I am socially awkward, but when I notice a connection is not building or something is not working, I become the weirdest I can be. And this happens very often. I am very socially isolated. I have been working with a therapist for a while now, for many reasons, not specifically this, and given she is very compassionate, I am learning to be more open and less scared if something is not working. I have a lot of trauma for example, and it might just be why my social life is suffering; not because of being intrinsically awkward.
What I want to say is, maybe if you can find someone compassionate enough, you two could find a way to exchange and learn from one another. I do not think if people immediately reject a lot can be learned and improved... Anyhow, that is what I think, this is not really advice.
Don't give up on yourself. Like this Chappelle person, finding the right therapist may give you the boost you need to get out of that rut.
"They cry really easily when nothing really happens"...mm sounds familiar
...?
To me too. Unsettling is the lack of insight by someone who I believe dabbles in psychology. Awkward kids are a product of fuckedup parents. The level of unawareness suggests that in some way, Jordan`s upbringing was pretty fuckedup too
@@truemamrdi4all Dabbles?? Psychology has taken up a large chunk of this man's life. What makes you think you would know more about it than him?
@Geoffrey Harris Is this a justified argument? Does the phd in psychology and large knowledge rule out a case of ignorance? I know because I am an awkward child
@@truemamrdi4all when did he say it WASN'T the parents fault?!? He specifically said it happens to children who aren't payed enough attention to......so who's supposed to do that?!? The fucking parents obviously. Ironic that you yourself where ignorant to that obvious fact.
I don't believe that hope is ever lost, for anyone.
catching up is hard.
I’m jealous of the optimism you seem to have that most of us don’t.
@@senji9986 Same.
@JBryan314 edgy scrublord
I feel like I am the type of kid he talks about at around 4:50, I always feel like I am behind everyone else on the social development ladder. My dad is very reserved and didn't contribute a lot to my early childhood. He now just expects be to be a normal person, even though he has been a lazy parent and hasn't noticed/tried to fix my obvious deficiency in social skills.
I'm 16 now and I'm trying to completely change myself and be a normal person, but it's tough, and I really don't like the idea of blaming my parents for my problems but there we go
Adam You still have plenty of time to course correct. Just the fact that you are here watching this video, is a sign that you are in the right path. Just don't turn left...
Adam, Allow me to offer some unsolicited advice: consider reading good books on communication. "Improve your social skills" by Daniel Wendler could be a good start. There's also plenty of free material online for becoming more social and charismatic, just do some searching and practice what you learn IRL in whatever way you can, even if it means practicing your conversational skills with your mother or some geeky dude in class. I've been doing this for the past year or so and I went from zero social life to a somewhat decent social life, and I'm also becoming less awkward. I didn't work hard enough though, so you can probably achieve better results than I did if you put your mind to it.
You're probably right about your dad, but the ONLY way you can overcome this problem is for you yourself to take deliberate action to solve it. I come from a background very similar to yours and I wish I would have started fixing my social skills at 16 (I'm in my early 20's now). If you don't try to fix them now you'll regret it later. Good luck.
It's okay to blame your parents (it can be quite cathartic), but you also have to be able to forgive them at some point or you'll risk ending up resentful. My story is probably similar to a lot you heard/read about, and I was 30 before I started to work on myself! It probably took a bit longer to undo a lot of damage and catch up (not quite there yet), but I'm 38 now and doing quite well. Took years of psychotherapy (no meds) and effort to get to this point. So anyways, good on you for starting to deal with it as early as you are.
MPaans true could be the parents fault partially or a lot or maybe they may have not known any better or maybe it it's their fault but in away such as.. it's just one of the imperfect things about the parent. The word "blame" is a dangerous one though and shouldn't be misinterpreted. It can leave a lot of room for unproductiveness because it can turn into an excuse which is dangerous and should be looked out for. Responsibility is a better thing to shift into.
If you're looking at this video @ 16 years of age I'm going to assume you already have some good meta-cognition going for you, so keep on trucking bro. And remember! Everybody is winging it! so don't be too disappointed by people :)
Such a great observation. In school the most terrifying bullies were those who had abusive fathers or no father’s at all.
"those kids are screwed...theyre so lumpy and ill-formed that no other kids will play with them. and no wonder!" lmao I miss old JP videos. He seemed so much more relaxed
JP has just condemned these kids to a living death, there IS hope for them, look at all the successful aspegers people out there.
@@kr1221E for fuck sakes he didn't mean that, and of course they grow to develop a good mindset. Only people take certain things out of context. He means it just takes longer for then to socially develop.
@@kr1221E hah, you're that kid.
Dr. Peterson should (and probably already is) write a book on raising children. This guy is so brilliant. He's unapologetically blunt in his assessments, which in this pc world is great.
The Media has created a culture of hypersensitivity and paranoia. That's why these SJWs are everywhere polluting society with divisiveness and fear.
We need to stop depending on the Media & Social networks for raising our kids and controlling our thinking.
Thank you Dr. Peterson. You're an inspiration.
bloodcathedral absolutely right.
In another video he mentioned he was doing just that - writing a book on how to raise kids
Well said :)
Do you really think parents will get better at raising children? Do you ACTUALLY think they will say "hm I might be doing this wrong, time to better myself"?
If you think so, then either we're living in a different world, or you're delusional. Because as far as I know, parents have their own ideas of what's best for their child; and almost never their ideas are aligned to reality.
The only way to stop the cycle of ignorance and mental diseases that each generation of parents passes on to the next, is to stop parents from having full control over their children's mental development.
No parent should be able to (even unintentionally) educate their child into a depressed, anxoius, ignorant, or in general just self-diluded person.
But our society does exactly the opposite. It tells parents that they have the full rights over their children.
This is a violation of human rights and needs to stop.
@JBryan314 what a strange statement.... he is not brilliant and just stating the obvious.... because he can't dig v deep because he is forced to feed eveyone the obvious.... so he is not brilliant because he has to feed you the obvious bec if he dug deep it will have gone over your head. So is he brilliant or is he not? So you say he is not brilliant because and the people around you cannot keep up with him. hmmmmm lol
It's the fear of going too far, which is a very sensible fear, but it shouldn't control us. Knowledge and awareness should control our actions, not fear. Kids are very resiliant and crying doesn't neccessarily mean someone went too far. Most kids see pain as something to be overcome because they want to go back to playing. They don't wanna be sad, they wanna play.
I remember when I was a kid and I played tag with some younger children. One of the girls who ran away from me fell down and skinned her knee so she cried. I wasn't sure what to do so I went to her and took a look at her knee and waited for an adult to come. Some woman checked if she was ok, she talked to her for a bit until she wasn't crying so much anymore. And then we just started playing again, she was squealing with glee as if nothing bad had happened.
Another time was when I played soccer with some guys and I was the youngest and one of the guys sent the ball straight into my face, so I cried. He realized I wasn't ok so he came over and made sure I wasn't hurt badly. I think I was fine but I was still crying so he told me he was gonna tell me a story. And he did, we went around the field and he kept talking, I can't remember what he said, but I was listening intently. When he was finished I had stopped crying and everything was fine, so I went back to playing.
I think it's experiences like these that shape us. Care and resolve are important. Having your feelings acknowledged, if only a little bit. A "sorry", some attention, kind words, a hug, anything. And then right back to playing.
I've hurt myself badly sometimes. Once I had splinters under my thumbnail, I was screaming for a whole hour when the doctor tried to pulled it out lol
Shit happens, we shouldn't let that make us afraid from testing our boundaries and playing a little rough sometimes.
Nice comment :)
I got a shard of metal go straight under my fingernail, pulled it out and realised it went about 3 inches in/ 7.5cm, shit happens man, it fucking kills
The problem isn’t the kids the problem are the parents. If you see your child cry you will instantly go after the person who did this ...and if it was an adult than this adult will have the whole fault even if it was the child‘s fault for getting hurt.
As a kindergartner you could easily loose your job or destroy the name of the Kindergarten.
This story shows a little bit the problems with being physical with strange people.
I know some direct stories of bodyguards who worked in refugee houses. As arabic men they tend to play more physically with the children and be more talkative with the people there...although their chefs always tell them not to interact with the refugees.
So once there was a case of.....I don’t want to say to much ...but a girl was hurt...
and who was the first one to be accused of hurting her?! well the bodyguard who interacted more with this girl...
they beat the hell out of him (it could have been worse if they didn’t called the police)....in the end it was her father who did it...
Willing Nihilist I think that the stereotypical "rich kids" tend to be such little shits because of this exact reason. People who grow up rich never learn to be people. Most of the good rich people started out poor and actually developed as a child.
thats exactly what i tell my girlfriend every now and then
This sums up my childhood. I’m almost 50 now and can say that I overcame my naive awkwardness but it wasn’t without a struggle. The character trait that helped me push through was the fact that I have always been willing to put myself in uncomfortable situations. Not sure why I’m that way but almost by instinct I had the impulse to put myself in those situations, fortunately.
I now have two young boys and my wife, a tomboy at heart, taught me (through observation) how to rough house with my kids. They love to wrestle me and get as close to the line as possible. It’s probably been as rewarding for me as it has been for them.
My father was emotionally unavailable and not around often, as my parents divorced by the time I was two and my mom raised me with my older sister. I didn’t have any real male role models.
That kid I was seems like a stranger to me now and when I reflect on it I feel sorry for the situation he was in. Fortunately, I don’t feel sorry for me, and I’ve come to learn that I turned a lot of those unfortunate situations into positive tools that have helped me as a father and a person with a career.
If you are a young man and identify with this video, know that there are others like you that have shaped a future that is not bound to their past.
I watched this a while ago. The longer I contemplated the more real this got especially testing it out in the real world. I was an awkward kid and cried a lot when in these situations. I'd still be super awkward when playing if I had never done Jiu Jitsu.
Jick Fincter it’s amazing how much fun it is. How good you feel after. Absolutely therapeutic.
looking back it really is important to get kids involved in a sport or martial art. My parents made me do track, cross country, boxing, karate, baseball, and soccer and I pretty much hated all of them. But i probably would've turned out more awkward had i not done them lol.
@Thomas Victorian I know what you mean, but you could look in satellite towns there's got to be a wrestling group or jiujitsu gym somewhere.
Are you happy and successful now? I hope so, I think if you listened to this vid at 4 you would have lost hope and grown up feeling a failure or a loser. I think to say they are screwed at 4 is wrong.
@@kr1221E Happiness and success are both relative, and happiness is also a temporary feeling. I'm in a good place but I still want to push further. I'd hope a kid at the age of 4 is not watching this without a parent, but I think you are taking this a little too literally. A 4 year old kid that has this problem is likely unaware of this problem, I was unaware of this problem until I saw this video. Thankfully, because of Jui-Jitsu, I had basically fixed this problem. He's not actually saying its impossible to fix and that there's no hope for the kid, although on the surface it seems that way. He's just saying in most cases that's the way it is. There are things kids and parents can do to fix this problem, and I don't think he's saying there is not. Most of his lectures are generalized examples of common problems, most of the time the kids that don't know how to play fall farther and farther behind and that's just the truth. He's spreading this information because it is something that can be helped, if it is spotted. If I knew this at the age of 4 I would like to think I would have made more of an effort to be fun to play with, but it was never something that crossed my mind until I saw this video.
I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.
I get sort of sad listening to this honestly. Not to get too personal or anything but I never knew my dad, he left when I was three, and my relationship with my mom was something I can only describe as hollow. Her time was always divided between work or college, and by the time she was home she had no energy to even interact with me.
On top of that, most of the time we had no money for a sitter, so I would be home alone for a good 4-5 hours most days. I guess I didn't realize how lonely it was until I got older (20 as of this comment). I was also an intensely angry child. I don't know exactly why, and it's hard for me to analyze because I've repressed a lot of those memories unconsciously. My best guess is that I couldn't understand why my father never came back home. I couldn't figure it out and it frustrated me, and the rest of my family never talked to me about him. I think, in part, I internalized that frustration and externalized it by projecting it onto everything else, which only further cemented my antisocial disposition at that time.
I don't blame my mother though, as she was being as strong as possible, and I know that. But it just feels bad. I was always alone and didn't have many friends, being a socially awkward kid like Professor Peterson describes. I'm tempted to say it's somewhat of a miracle that I'm as socially capacious as I am now. I had to learn a lot by myself.
You know what's also funny, is I'm at an age where I can both recognize the impact that my development had on me, and I can also see signs of potential emotional issues manifesting even now that I have to address before I grow further into adulthood. I still feel alone inside. But ever since I was 13 I discovered Philosophy and have been heavily investing myself in the discipline ever since. All areas. Metaphysics, Existentialism, Ethics... etc. My favorite has always been Ontology and the Monistic idea of oneness. Philosophy is unquestionably the thing that has kept me sane and facilitated my development into a tempered human being. I try every day with every fiber of my being to do good in the world.
Anyway, thanks to whoever chose to read this. I just needed to get it off my chest.
YouAdmireThisName Good for you, don't worry you actually come across as a well adjusted young person. I certainly hope my granddaughter fares as well as you. I worry about her because she lives in Kansas with my daughter and her husband, and me and the rest of her mothers family live in Australia. So as both parents work, she has had a lot of time on her own. They left Australia when she was 3 and my daughter has been trying to get them back home ever since, but her husband won't budge, stubborn lying snake, took my two girls under false pretenses promised if my daughter didn't like it after six months they would come back to Australia, 13 years later they are still in bloody USA. Made me despise the whole bloody country.
Sorry don't know why I had that rant.
Good day to you.
Also there are a lot of dead beat dads, sometimes if some one thinks they won't do a good job as a parent the just leave, one thing you got to remember is parenthood doesn't come with a Manuel, and neither do babies, we all just wing it. In my generation we all wanted our family life to be like the Brady bunch.
Now I know different, TV has a lot to answer for, making people believe family life has to be a certain way. And its still going on till this day. Makes kids feel inadequate if there family life isn't the same as some TV show that's popular.
Thanks for sharing
Check out Dr. Jonice Webb on childhood emotional neglect on UA-cam. She's amazing. Good luck yo.
You were probably angry with yor mother for sorta ignoring you. I mean it's not normal to leave a little kid home alone for a few hours. 😞
My dad was pretty neglectful and never played with me like that and i feel exactly how hes describing kids that were deprived of that
"you can play with them rough" -JP my man
Just like me and ur momma
Jordan "I know what kids are physically capable of withstanding" Peterson
oml 😂😂
Stop describing my life 😭
TheOrangeOne Don’t let even Jordan Peterson keep you down, man. He might be describing your life (and mine) but he’s not the one who defines it. There’s a future for you.
Don't fret, some people are just late bloomers. I know I was.
In other words ur a gay
Sounds like my life tbh
I can relate to a lot of shit he was saying. Youll figure it out. I was an “outcast” in elementary and middle school. Once high school came around I started to figure myself out. Parents were the opposite of helpful. I always took it as “my parents were shit, it made me tough”
This description of the awkward kid who wasn't socialized enough growing up explains so much of my experience through middle and high school. Man. Where was this 10 years ago? Praise God that I managed to make up for some of this deficit in college by getting involved with a tight community and learning social skills but I seriously struggled in primary education due to being socially awkward and then being outcast, which further increased the social awkwardness. I'm going to wrestle with my kids whenever I have them!! I love kids and cannot wait to be a dad!
2:48 what my uncle said to me that night in 2008
Is this a joke or did you actually got abused? If sorry for the abuse
🧘🏾
Same
@@WildArtistsl it's obviously a joke. there are times and spaces to seriously discuss these things and the comment section of a memeable jordan peterson video isn't one of them
Hahahaha oh dear you funny.
I am Indian and when i get to know first time in my life the rule in west that you are not suppose to touch someone else child its inappropriate and people will be suspicious of you.
That really puzzled me like ive been playing with other peoples children from 33 years of my life.
I never been seen as a povert or child molester in suspicious way nor i done things like that.
Mejority of us can tell who have bad intentions because from childhood we learn too many expressions and can recognize the slightest variation in expressions.
Maybe thats why mejorty of Western people start crying by the way we love and be hospitable towards them its overwhelming for them.
All these love, affection and bonding we shower its just new for them because its lacking in their society.
Are you an Indian or a Native American?
@@Infyra Indian, the Asian one. ..judging by the name and where his point of view is coming from. I've been over there and unlike in the states the kids there are a pretty curious bunch. They've got no problem asking all sorts of questions, personal or just in general. I think it's the naivety or the lack of exposure that they don't know the threats and probably never been in situations of malice. Pedophilia is a pretty rare occurrence over there, if not even rarely brought to the attention of the media. But, the last part of his comment. "Majority of the Western people " Part. Broad speculation never gives a factious result so I'd recommend reassessing the opinion.
@@Infyra i am Indian.
IKR? Kids in Asia aren’t feared or revered in the old days. If we were caught doing something naughty, we got whacked by the nearest adult, parent auntie or elder. But we also got random kindnesses like a bag of sweets thrown at us to share after a football game if someone was feeling good.
There wasn’t this extreme paranoid behaviour where adults forget how to act around kids
this shit is so accurate. same goes for Europe
Great memories about "wrastling" with my Dad, little brother & sister!! We were so blessed. I love you Dad!!!!!! 20 years later, I learned that his mother was not physically demonstrative. Dad wanted a different childhood for us and I admire his determination.
I had a huge problem with this as a tyke--never play-fought, so the few times others kids tried to wrestle with me, I got angry and over-excited and ended up hurting them.
For that reason, I encourage my (little, under 5) kids to wrestle and tumble with each other all the time, and they love it. 3 are boys, so they don't need encouraging with this so much as not telling them not to do it. The oldest 2 are in school now, and it's the other kids that are weird; weird in the same way I was weird as a kid. I don't think they're encouraged to play-fight, and they all seem awkward and stiff and standoff-ish. My guys are brash and end up over-stepping a lot, but they're quick to apologize, and they take others' apologies immediately too. But the other boys are sensitive and have hair-triggers and cry at the drop of a hat. It's bizarre to watch 3-year-olds form grudges. My feeling is that it's not natural for them to be that way, but there they are, and now my kids are the odd ones out.
This deeply saddens me to hear, but I'd like to congratulate you on raising your kids well, even if it's probably its own reward.
Some kids ... Can just be genetically higher on neuroticism though
I’m always amazed at Jordan’s ability to bring out the true significance of what would seem to be the simplest things!
Makes perfect sense: everyone knows day-care centers exist to make profits, not participate in child development. its much better for the bottom line to prohibit any behavior that could potentially lead to costly litigation or bad press.
/sarcasm off
gridcaster the problem is that parents dump their kids there, with little to no understanding (and in some cases care) that it’s detrimental to their mental/social growth. Parents should try their hardest to have one parent at home encouraging the best possible growth for their kids because paying someone else to raise their kids will never be good enough- even if lawsuits weren’t rampant.
I disagree with the part about slower kids being screwed. I'd say I was super slow growing up, but these behaviours can be learned and leaned into at any point in your life. Acting courses help a lot with that, I imagine the same is true with sports teams. That process of understanding isn't impossible at a later age, it's just about finding a means to explore it.
I Do Monologues Yes, we most assuredly still posses the ability to be socialized after the age of 4.
He is talking in general, you are a specific instance. He never said ALL.
4:50 that's me. :(
People are really bored by me and when they do talk to me I feel patronized. Nobody hates me, I'm too harmless and timid for that, I'm just not on the same level as everyone else.
Erin, grow a spine, assert yourself, you’ll be fine
@@willkershisnik5893 you're right. I'm trying to learn how
Erin CHACHACHACHA ain’t no learning to it man, just doin
@@happytoaster5682 you can do it or find other screwed people haha
That thumbnail couldn't be more perfect
... I wrestled with my uncle when I was a kid a lot...
Elaborate pls
Show me on this doll where he touched you
God, whenever i see his videos on socialization, this guy from class always comes to mind. He's so painfully awkward that at this point nobody wants to talk to him, and some people actively hate him. And Jordan is right, interacting with him isnt like interacting with a peer, its more like interacting with a very slow child i used to think he was on the spectrum but now i think he was just neglected as a child. The worst part is that i see he's trying to connect with people but he just cant, and i always try to humor him but theres only so far im willing to go because i dont want him thinking we're close friends and try to contact me. We're college seniors and my plan is to pull him aside the day before graduation and shiw him a few of Jordans videos and tell him he needs help, its going to be upsetting for the both of us, but whenever i imagine what the rest of this guys life is going to be like if he doesnt chage, i get so sad i want to cry.
That really made me sad... hope he gets to connect with someone and get better
lmfao, im gonna make you get help
Jionni Lil make him? Im going to bring to his attention his desperate need of help. He has absolutely no charisma but with his engineering degree he could probably still get a decent paying job and afford to higher a psychiatrist.
Oh man, growing up I always would be nice to people like that. But I'm a girl...so most of the time those guys misunderstood my motivations. And it was awkward indeed. Or if it was a girl she'd attach to me. I hate being clung to.
this depresses me.. im that guy
I knew a couple I knew had a dog who was like one of those awkward kids, I brought my dog over once (who was very playful) and their dog didn't know what to do, it was sad.
Oh my goodness when he started talking about what a really well socialized dog is... I have a dog and throughout his whole life I’ve always done really rough play but he absolutely loves it - and it’s great exercise and fun, we chase each other around and wrestle. He’s learned the “play growl”, which is different from a threatening growl (which my mom doesn’t understand, she thinks all growling is bad but it isn’t). As well as to play mouth my hands/arms. I thought all dogs were as good at playing like mine was until I went to my brothers house and tried to do a little playing with their dog, and I had barely made a move to play and she got very confused and frightened. It’s so sad the number of dogs I’ve come in contact with that don’t know how to play. A dog that knows how to play really well and can get really close to the edge of danger (which makes it really fun!) is actually the safest kind of dog because they know how far they can go and they know that just because you grab them or something doesn’t mean that you are a threat- which means you’re so much less likely to get bit. I know that my dog won’t bite me.
wikipedia snippet My dog was a stray. She doesn't play with other dogs.
"Some kids"? Man, I'm nearly 30 and I'm awkward - what about adults?
MMA
@Your Loneliness It's not always because of not fitting in from youth. I fit in fine during my school years, then became awkward after reaching adulthood. My thinking changed on a lot of things and I began to see things differently. It's not always your upbringing. Sometimes you can have things happen in your life that can permanently change you at any age.
@@vitocorleone1462 This is a great suggestion - as adults it's still possible to get some way towards that understanding of physical presence and play - things like contact sports, MMA and yoga can really make a difference to develop the mind-body connection and develop the confidence and awareness that Peterson is describing.
i have a talent for understanding and playing with kids. There was once a time when i wanted to be a teacher. However i believe it is difficult to be a Male elementary school teacher. They seemed to be frowned upon
I had a male kindergarten teacher. Was this huge mountain of a man, thick Austrian accent. At first it was a little rocky, but he actually turned out to be a good teacher...or so we thought. Once day, one of the other kid's dad showed up and tried to steal him from the school. I guess the mom and son had been trying to run from him for a while. Anyway, turned out our teacher was actually an undercover cop.... crazy.
@@dicksenormuss6211 Oh you jerk. Lol I thought your story was real till the last sentence of the paragraph. Pretty funny though.
It's Not A Tumah !
Ben Brice that he was undercover? I don’t get it
@@timmyy24 "get to da choppa!!"
Lucas Gill Oh shoot i read Australian. Haha, does Arnold star in a movie as a Kindergarten teacher? Haha I stopped watching his films after Terminator
Those last few remarks really resonated with me. I have seen a different situation where the taboo of touch led to bad outcomes.
We need to address this issue in some way. It is ruining people's lives.
We humans are much more touch-based than is commonly thought. In fact, in the 19th century it was discovered that babies in orphanages who were not touched actually died.
Also, being hugged can strongly reduce stress and undoubtedly has other benefits as well.
Diedert Spijkerboer bUt dAh pEdOpHiLeS
Brodaviing Yes, that is a problem, but we can take measures against that
bUt dAh eBiL MeN!¡!
Maybe put all the socially awkward kids together and maybe they'll understand each other and eventually teach each other how to play comfortably?
Elie Elie I have a feeling that won't work. In my high school at least, all the weird and awkward kids would hang out with eachother. Sure, they seemed like they had a good time and all, but they were still fucking weird, and I'm an awkward person.
can confirm none of us are having good times thanks
Either that or progress really slows down (echo chamber)
We’ve already done that before, it’s called 4chan.
the worst thing you could do is gather socially akward people and put them all togheter, it rarely helps most often gets a loooot worse.
As a kid I was on the edge of being the kid that never keeps up, but a good friend of mine took me with him and showed me his friends from outside the school. They were all cool and popular but very friendly and non judging. Because of them I could build up self esteem because they accepted me the way I was. Today I have zero issues with getting to know new people and I'm one of the more popular guys now, whether in work, college or where ever. I wonder what my life would've been like if my old friend hadn't taken me to meet his friends, who are now like a family to me.
Pillow fights taught me to hone my inner rage into just one point: that vicious right swing. The soul stealer. Brilliant
My dad was such a good dad. I was lucky
me too
I wish I had had a dad in my life
@@yashdeo8047i wish i never had mine in my life
Honestly I can strongly relate to the clunky awkward kid, I never understood why no one played with me when I was younger. And looking back my father would never spend time with me in the capacity you describe nor did I have any other interactions with kids my age, my mum would wonder why I wasn’t like other kids and being an only child at the time was no help. It was only when I got older that the learning took place but I always felt like I was catching up
3:58 *B E N D T H E M O V E R*
_"bend them over and... you know..."_
"It's too late by the time they are four, good luck fixing that man. It's not gonna happen" hmmm, very helpful
At least he's honest. It's going to need _a lot_ of work. It's also really, really, important. So better get to it quick.
@@qwormuli77 At some point, people will decide to side with the Joker, when all the good seats they can see are taken
Yeah, he is condemning them to grow up as losers and failures, he has failed to acknowledge the Aspergers people who were awkwrard but grew up successful.
@@qwormuli77 Nah I disagree reading fiction is good for kids, they get to empathise with others, and see the world from others eyes and become less socially awkward. I think he is condemning these poor kids to a life of failure and loser-hood by saying they are screwed.
I think he has the tendency of trying hard to emphasize his points, and maybe at the same time express his frustrations with the system, and that can lead him to make extreme claims, let's face it, there is no way he knows for sure that people are doomed very early on in their development. But I see his points, he shares a lot of good stuff, but can be extreme in the way he expresses
I think I am living proof that you can come back from social awkwardness at a young age. Until I was about 15 or 16 I was always outside of my peer group and didn't understand social interaction and the people around me. I went on to become relatively popular (I was prom king) and now I consider myself a well versed extrovert. It's possible guys, you just have to practice.
Show us the process please, uuuh asking for a friend.
Jose Guardiola I used to be a very introverted person except around those I was familiar with. What helped me is to pretend I was "acting out" some kind of sequence. When I did it enough it became natural, and I'm now able to be perfectly extroverted with just about anyone but still capable of being perfectly content when I'm alone.
I think he's being too harsh in his judgement of how doomed these neglected kids are. I'm not questioning the fact that being a physically active child is better for social development, but you can definitely grow up to be a well-adjusted adult with a family even if you weren't played with enough when you were young. Childhood is obviously a very important and defining part of life, but it doesn't determine everything. The ability that the human mind has to rearrange and adjust itself should not be underestimated, even later in life.
I dont think he means impossible. But it needs to be learned during the critical periods of your brain during those 2 years of 2-4, or else it will take an immeasurable amount of work to change. Just look at someone whose learned a language between 15yrs old-30yrs old, and someone whose learned it from 2yrs old-7yrs old or something, the 7year old will be miles ahead in articulation, even if the 30yr old had twice the time.
also one of his major points he makes here, and the only one i explicitly heard was that the reason for it being "too late" was essentially that their peers were too far ahead in development already and unwilling to play with the weird kid, giving it no opportunities to catch up.
He really isn't. You are not wrong either. I managed to change some things about myself much later on, but it was much much more difficult. I had to be consistent. I had to put daily conscious effort into it. I had to read about 500 hours worth of psychology. Then, I had to internalize it(and throw out garbage that didn't make sense) and be able to analyze myself with it. I had to fight against 15 years of habit. If I didn't, I would go just...well...go back. Childhood is a time in your life where you are very malleable. You will always have much more potential as a kid, but it does not mean you are doomed if it was not utilized.
Agree.
I think that, unfortunately, he is right that there are time frames to learn certain things. Some recent research in education looked at students in year 7 (12 year olds) that were behind in reading and maths. They were tested, and those that were behind were given intensive schooling (with other subjects cut to give them the time ). Those that originally were at year 3 level caught up to their peers within 2 years. Those that were at year 1 level did not move beyond that level. The researchers concluded that there are things that need to be in place before certain ages or else they don't get put in place. This correlates with research on learning a second language - if you are not immersed in the language by age 8, you'll never speak like a native, and if you're not immersed by age 12, you're unlikely to hear some phonics of the second language. It is part of how the brain prunes the neural networks.
Peterson needs to write a book on raising children.
To anybody that grew up as the child being described, get a dog. If you love a dog it makes you a better person. It's good practice at rough and tumble play before you have a kid to screw up. Not a small dog, something that you can toss around a bit without hurting. Doesn't have to be big either, Basset Hounds are are great for for this and generally have a pleasant demeanor.
I'm trying to do a soul search right right now and can't actually remember playing with other kids a whole lot, but I wasn't passive. I was possessive. Bit a kid for trying to take my favorite toy in a daycare (which got me into the group home system at the age of 5, where I was bullied until around age 7). Not complaining, but these are the undeniable facts.
So, idk. I think I suck at playing and I have an immense well of hostility that I keep deep inside of me. It's made me rich, but it hasn't made me very many friends. Now I'm working on my weakest skill set: socializing and charisma. No complaining. No belittling. No insulting myself (especially common after a social engagement, even a positive one, because I'll find something to nitpick). But these are binary behaviors that I can place a ban on. The subtle stuff is going to be so much harder.
“You can’t touch the kids, what the hell!”
Growing up, I was a sickly little gal with Cystic Fibrosis. My parents divorced when I was very young so I saw dad on the weekends and mom on the weekdays. I never really had the “rough and tumble” play for a long time, considering I had no siblings until I was around 8 or 9, and up until I was 12 I was very weak and sick, so my dad and grandpa were always extra careful when playing with me. Even today (I’m 17), I’m a very awkward sort of kid. I’m a tomboy, I love to get dirty and get outside, but I’ve never had real friends or really the opportunity to be rough, as I was sick and weak and never really wanted to do anything. Now that I’m older, I’ve been forcing myself to do some crazy shit to get stronger and tougher, from martial arts to motocross to hunting. It has greatly helped, but I’ve noticed great fear, especially on the dirtbike, about severely injuring myself due to my medical PTSD. I tell myself that I can take a lot of pain, and that with my diet and supplements my body is in top notch to get hit hard (after all I was in sparring for quite some time and barely even got bruised), but there’s always that “what if”. I know if I break or even crack a rib, at least my career doing extreme sports like motocross is over, perhaps even my good health would be lost, as CF requires that I pound my chest and back to dislodge mucus. What Peterson says here is quite true. I watch my brother play with his half siblings and they screw around until someones bleeding, then they patch up the wound and continue playing until someone gets hurt again, and they all love it, though I sit on the sidelines from a distance and sorta recoil if anyone gets too close. I wish I could be wild and playful as them, but I could never get myself to join in on the fun. :/
Man... as someone with a fucked up mind, this was uncomfortable to listen to.
Yon Yonson ........3:54 (Edit)
I wasn't this kid but I feel like him sometimes.
This one hit deep for me. I was one of those kids he was talking about, and had I not found an interesting music, I would be still on the fringes today as a senior in high school
Absolutely agree - children love playing and explore (and probably most adults as well).
It breaks stiffness between generations, make us feel as the whole One.
And adults can greatly speed up and improve that process - it helps building trust, sharing experiences, teaching each other, enjoying life...
But building walls, creating restrictions usually doesn't help - we get locked in inside our "mini-worlds" like in shells, and missing a lot from life.
In cases like child molesting etc it does not help at all - most those incidents happens inside families, you can't control that. Therefore, to "treat" that - not avoid! - it has to start somewhere earlier and more globally. Trust, acceptance, respect, love, sympathy - it concerns not only children, but far more areas of our lives as well, as woman-man, yellow-white-black, young-old, weak-strong, rich-poor, religions etc.
Beautiful words, but honestly, that's just complicating things. Nowadays everything has to be "problematized", everything has to revolve around race/gender/age or any other "group identity". No. Stop. The message was simple enough. "Kids benefit from playing". That's it. Don't bring politics or "borders" talk into everything. Jesus!...
Exactly a different scenario needs to be employed.. "mini-worlds" wtf
Close your eyes and he sounds like Kermit the frog.
Get outta here, you crazy....
Lol never noticed that
Hysterical!
Gosh dammit, I'll never be able to hear him the same
Keep them open and he still sounds like Kermit the frog
5:22 onwards is pure gold! Had to rewatch it at least 3 times. We need more people like this man
I know how it feels to be kid that was ignored and never played with. I was that ignored kid, that awkward, tumbling, ill-formed clunky child. When I was a boy I was afraid of playing with ball because I worried my face will be hit, I would cringe at slightest attempt of somebody approaching me. I would play, but I would get scared of being hurt if situation gets too far. I just never realized, until now, that this was because nobody actually played with me. I played on my own, and to be honest... that screws you up. I will probably be messed up for life. I never had any friends and nobody wanted to play with me, to be there by my side, I was always ignored and pushed away. Parents, please, play with your kids. Don't ignore them. Don't be afraid that you'll "hurt them", because you won't. Kids need this.
My father and me used to "wrestle" a lot when I was a little kid. Looking around now, there are a lot of girls my age who are afraid of physical contact, of being hurt, of certain sports, even of men's physicality in general. I never had that problem, even though I'm average tall and it's probably because of that wrestling.
I used to wrestle with my father as well when I was a child, and actually mildly play fight up until I was a teen with him. But then I was physically beaten by some other males, which traumatized me and taught me to be wary of men. :(
That's because they always anticipate to do nothing in response, and play the victim, as a symptom of a serious problem.
Dan, I dont think your comment makes much sense. Who anticipates what..?
@Mary Joana
Okay, so you ask "who anticipates what?".
I will answer.
I was conveying that girls her age think like that. It is because when people don't play, it causes them to become misanthropic so they try to use play to hurt themselves and others. The real mechanism is that because the physiochemical reactions that happen during play are not there, other chemical behavior in the body takes place, and it causes a person to drop down into more primitive modes of behavior, to try to survive.
lol u crazy.
1:15
When my brother did that, I chased him and made him cry, I was 21 and he was 7, but idc
"The other thing that kids learn which is quite cool is what hurts them and what doesn't, and how afraid can they be and still have fun"
Brilliant analysis.
Maybe if you're running on 2 brain cells
My parents tried to play rough with me a lot when i was very young, as did daycare people and other kids, but it never worked out. I'd just scream and cry, there was always this knowledge in the back of my head that there was actual risk and danger involved, even from the first time someone tried tossing and catching me as a baby.
And it's true, people do get hurt from time to time because when at the edge of danger it's easy to either take it too far or accidentally trip over. I was still social and played with others, just not the rough games. If you cannot find a way to play with a young child because that child doesn't want to fight or be tossed around, maybe you need to expand your view of what play can be?
At daycare I enjoyed reading, puzzles, drawing, building, as well as physical play that didn't test any limits. From my point of view I find it sad that daycares don't encourage more intellectual activities from a young age, it's like it's not considered healthy to want to sit still and learn at age 3, but between 10 and 20 you need to crave it with all your heart to find success in life.
There's a disconnect there, it's no wonder so many students can't sit calmly and focus in class when we spend our first years being taught that's unhealthy behavior.
I agree, what Jordan discusses in this video seems so alien to me.
From this video, it seems like kids in America are actively encouraged to engage physically from an early age, otherwise they are deemed odd and doomed to stay odd. Preposterous. If all kids ran around fighting and screaming for fun instead of indulging their intellectual and creative sides at an early age we humans would be no better than animals.
One of the few Jordan videos I've given a thumbs down.
Sadly this explains me perfectly. Good to know.
I’m a girl but I’m just now realizing how lucky my brother & I are that our dad would tickle us & use his feet to pretend we were airplanes when we were small
My husband and I were huge roughhousers. We both came from families where roughhousing and mimicry fighting were normal, we both had older and younger siblings and benefited from such behavior. We constantly provided this and allowed (to an extent) roughhousing among our children. I never thought anything about this as it was normal to us, that is until faced with parents in a couple of situations who judged us as uncivilized and promoting violence. Their concerns made me think about our values, but fortunately having met their children (who wanted so badly to play like ours) and having seen the lack of self awareness, the weak dispositions, and the complete lack of empathy for others that the children displayed, I now know that this type of physical reinforcement teaches so much to our children and is essential to not only bodily strength, endurance and awareness, but also strength endurance and awareness of character.
I'm not sure where I went wrong. As a child, my father would interact with me as JP describes. I went to preschool with other kids, my mom sent me to a local daycare lady specifically so I'd get more interactions with peers, there weren't too many kids my age around me. But still through all my life I've been socially isolated, filling the void with videogames instead of friends. I'm now in my late teens and I'm to the point where I could have friends but don't because I don't know how. I've declined friendships because of it. The idea of friends just seems stupid given how much trouble it's given me in the past and how I've made it this far without them. I was talking to someone in one of my social studies classes and he asked if maybe we could hang out outside of school sometime. I flat out said, "Yeah no, I don't make friends, sorry". It was so rude and stupid and a discrace to what it means to be a human. And he was such a nice chap, the complete opposite of the degenerate trash you find in public schools these days. Maybe a bit pretentious, but then again so am I. If I was capable of making friends we would have got along great, but instead I fucked it. I also suffer from chronic depression and I think it's linked to this. This isn't some motivational thing, I think I've all but given up at this point. Idk if there's any coming back from this.
Burner 6 read No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai
This was my first Peterson video way back when. What a journey it has been.
I'm often wondering whether I have some kind of social problem or that it's just my personality.
Sure i'm quite insecure and throughout this year i'd say i have improved my social capabilities quite a bit.
I'm a very calm guy who is often quite silent and just follows the conversation going on around him , sometimes adding something to it which i find quite hard to do when i'm with people i don't know, well unless those people are good at leading a conversation. So it's not like i don't want to say stuff, I just find it very hard to come up with a subject or something to talk about. And thats the main reason for my insecureties. I can't stop thinking about my self as a boring guy that people just can't have fun with in a one on one conversation. It makes me feel like just an extra entity and even in a group conversation of like 4 i always think people rather not have me there even though they have never given any indication whatsoever or even if i've spend so much time with them (like my friend group).
*sigh* never talked about this
Bro, don't worry so much. You're probably young, just like me, and we all go through this in this phase, some more than others. It's part of our nature to care about what other people think of us, we are a societal species afterall. The thing that truly helps getting better at speaking with a group is doing it over and over again. Find people that you actually care about and you'll always have something to talk about ;)
Btw, It's not like I have all of what I said figured out. Shit like this is always in a work in progress, but we'll all get there eventually.
Saaaaaame. Never got into it, socially awkward to this day. Lecture spoke to me in so many levels.