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@@Areyouanarcissist I understand what you are up against. You absolutely must be determined to rise in spite of your history with them. Don't let your thoughts be boggled down with what was. Be determined to move forward with the here and now. Most importantly, trust your gut. It will never steer you wrong. Don't you dare skip a beat. If the younger me had only known. God bless you through all your days and all you wish to achieve.
My mom is a 90oyr. old woman who I have tolerated for 63 years. I have tried to stay away from her because she always makes me feel bad about who I AM. The biggest problem with her is that she thinks she is "okay". It's my understanding that this is common with narcissists.
@@janiebuck2938 thank u for sharing and my mom does that too..I feel your pain. “You have such potential”! One painful wake up call was when my mom, myself and a couple relatives were talking during the yearly holiday get together and my cousin’s daughter, about age 5 or 6, was proudly showing us adults her artwork from school. She was showing her art piece to me and, true to fashion, wanted to make her feel special cause I could tell she was seeking validation and praise, so I said, “Wow! That is really cool. I don’t think I could even make something like that”! I was obviously not being serious when I told her that I couldn’t make an art design. So, right after I told my little cousin that I couldn’t do as good as her with the art, my Mom, embarrassingly, says to me, “Oh, YES you could, honey”, with complete seriousness and confidence. I felt humiliated, shocked, disgusted and sad. How could my Mom think so low of me? She thought I was serious when I said that to my cousin, that I didn’t feel capable enough to do a simple art piece. How could my mom look at me like that when I have two masters degrees? U
I was the scapegoat and was abused by my mother and Dad and after they passed my younger brother took over. I told him to shut his mouth and never saw him again , I'm better now.
My insanely narcissistic mother whom has been cut off tells people that ask where I am that I don’t like her….. When in reality I do not tolerate anyone treating me like a bag of garbage…no contact is the only way to deal with a gaslighting monster…… I honestly believe she is insane………..
I also went no contact after years of insults, arguments, and screaming rages. The second my mother came over to me, it was to start being nasty and give her an excuse to blow up no matter how I responded or even if I didn't respond at all. It all ended when I went no contact. I never looked back even once. All I could do was end this dreadful relationship. So that was what I did. I see you did the same. I agree. No contact is the only way to deal with a gaslighting monster.
When people ask you about your Mother , I hope you tell them that you disconnected from her because it was the only way to end the way she was continually ,treating you negatively. This keeps you in a power position and shows others that you just won’t endure being treated negatively. Everyone will understand and appreciate your actions,without ever having to say anything negative about your Mother.
You're lucky she only tells people you don't like her. According to my mother, I am mentally ill & psychotic. My chronic illness from her years of abuse gives her ammunition that I'm apparently sick in the head from medication...totally untrue but the whole extended family have bought the narrative.
@@Andrea-lp4bbthey made a choice to accept her narrative ..if you're willing to talk to them simply tell them that your mother is unwell and do not have contact with those who adopted her false narrative.
At 64, I have no idea how to move forward anymore... I don't trust my judgement, I don't trust people anymore, I feel like I am just going through the motions 😢
I was made a black sheep in my family because I had too much of an independent streak. How dare I want to have my own self. I didn't want to be a clone of my mother or my father so I had to be put down. I've now been no contact with them for many years.
The truth teller in a toxic family system becomes the scapegoat. The good news is we're the most likely to survive and thrive, IF we learn how to "adult" in time. It's kind of a baptism by fire/school of hard knocks, but we're the Phoenix spirits 🐦🔥🙂 We crash, we burn, we rise again. That's my philosophy anyway.
@@sharonthompson672 The weird thing was there were multiple scapegoats because my parents adopted 3 kids and had 1 kid naturally born. The natural born kid was the golden child and the adopted kids were scapegoats. I was next to last scapegoat because my adopted sister had the police on my parents for physical abuse when she was in middle school. I was the youngest child and didn't get the brunt of the abuse because it was spread out among the scapegoats. After my scapegoat sister left the family it was like 'watch out' time for me because I became the primary scapegoat. That's when I got sick of the abuse and went no contact.
I had to deal with mom's nursing home, just that she'd fallen and contacting older bro about it, leaving a long winded message and of course estranged from his wife my old bf and realized how happy I sounded which reminded me of the job I was fired from for sounding too happy, I'd been warned I had to sound madder... Geez, place made cookies for crying out loud! 😊
You can still be happy as an empath. Just your happiness is for others not necessarily yourself. Flip this to yourself and block looking at others and feeling for them. Keep moving, keep smiling. 😊
Absolutely life is like a poker game in one of those spaghetti westerns, supposed to play it cool when the second one is feeling cool the loaded revolver appears and it's pointed at you 😕
Realizing my whole life was filled with so many people who reinforced my unworthiness and my responsibility for everyone's feelings so I wasn't allowed my own. And the times I chose that because it was familiar or pushed away unfamiliar kindness. So much to mourn but it's been incredible to catch glimpes of my true self no longer so buried under the weight of managing other people.
OMG yes ... in my case this went on DECADES. Now my mother is in her late 70s, when I tell her about the constant arguing between her and dad she said she doesn't remember it or it never happened. I said no, because you were living it and trapped in a narc web between yourself and dad. Me and my siblings were living through the yelling, drama and again the exact same argument over and over again. It became so normal to her and him, they don't even know the damage they did to us as kids. Scary stuff.
Addiction is a huge problem. They set your brain up for the cycle of addiction with the cycle of narcissistic abuse, I’m convinced of it. The highs and lows match and you seek it out with substances or bad relationships.
Like the fish swimming in water and you ask it “what is water?” The undercurrent of guilt shame feeling “ less than “ waiting for someone to “blow up” because I had offended them by giving a gift they didn’t like or just breathing -I don’t have to apologize for breathing air or taking up space or being -your teachings are so spot on thank you
My sibling said, years ago, that our mother was a Narcissist. I self soothed when anxious with food. After I retired, I researched nutrition and decided to go on the paleo then the carnivore diet. I have much less anxiety and more mental clarity. Carnivore for 4 years. Feeling great. No health problems.
I would love to get to the level where you are, to not recognize my past self, to live in peace, without the constant chaos in my mind. Thank you for what you do Mr. Wise, for helping us who are struggling with the effects of narcissistic abuse.
Achieving all that you mentioned is possible! I recommended starting with my free training which you can find in the video description and on my website
It's so hard when your mother was such a master game player as a covert narcissist & your father was an enabler with narcissistic tendencies. I'm 65 years old & my parents died in 2018 & 2019 at which time i saw "something" online that triggered me to do research into narcissism & I still feel like such an idiot for not recognizing this sooner. But as i said, I can't even imagine ANY human who was more masterful than my mother at this horrendous lifestyle. I am on depression meds that help a TON, but have so many residual issues that i am so much a people pleaser that i don't know who I am even now. I feel that i am a wasted life except for my children that I vowed would NEVER experience the kind of control I went through & they are such wonderful people!
It is awful, I know how you feel. I am working on how to handle it myself. Haven’t got the answer yet but it is helping listening to Jerry’s work. Meditation, daily gratitude, routine, healthy eating, walking, loving myself and becoming more measured is helping. Best wishes. 🌸
You're fine for sure, I'd learned about it as I'd watched Netflix' Gladiator Series, guy who'd killed Cesar was named Narcissist and hubby was in Bariloche hiking.... Wanting to see pics of the place Google suggested I install Pinterest and had to choose 5 topics... Fine I'll bite and of course chose "Health".... Well omg I've been hooked since! Plus, aren't I surrounded! Ding ding ding, I win, unbelivable, my older siblings so rotten too and I'm golden child gone copper, stay strong, it's what they take from us and believe this, how you feel today won't mean what you'll be feeling in the future. The wee hrs can be the worst, now I'm onto being healing from being ghost by the other woman, our daughter 28, she's off to Bali for Xmas with her Bordeux Prince and his family, place is sinking plus big burning plastic dump, yuck!
The fact that you are aware is a major hurdle. Many people never get to this point. I am 80 yrs. old and still trying to disengage from a family that doesn’t acknowledge my authenticity. They continue to scapegoat me and I am treated like the black sheep. However, my close relationship with Jesus Christ has saved me. Keep survi 12:07 surviving and working out your history
My parents were much like yours and I only found out about narcissism after my mother died shortly after my father. Not knowing about it didn't mean I didn't respond to it it terms of healing/therapy. I did leave them as soon as I could and went to minimal contact. I did figure out that something was wrong with especially my mother when I was a young teen. I didn't knew what though. I was on antidepressants too but those almost killed me and turned me into a zombie. Magic mushrooms though did save my life as a teen.
It wasn’t something even trained professionals talked about back when we were being raised. I was told what my feelings were or should be any time I didn’t agree with what was happening. Boundaries? What’s that? Enmeshment was required. And keep your feelings to yourself.
If you've had a childhood trauma, like sexual abuse incident, but also grew up with a narcissist mother, who never did anything about it... how can you tell if your reactivity and rumination of why things were the way they were...how can you tell which of these things are the cause of continuing mental damage? I can't separate one trauma from another. It all seems like a chaotic mess of emotional withdrawal and dissociation.
I took the narcissist abuse and insane behaviour of my mother to ABBA FATHER in prayer in an attempt to find a way to deal with it, the answer I heard in my spirit was “don’t go looking for logic where there is none” ! I have stopped looking and the release that came with that is so wonderful.
This video is so helpful. Perfectly describes the damage done to me. Am slowly emerging from a dark, deeply unhappy past, by going no contact with my large, narcissistic family. Every type of narcissist exists in my family of origin, and I was a scapegoat for every one of them.
While growing up, I prayed that -- if I ever got married (I felt unfit for marriage) -- my wife would be my mother's antithesis, her complete opposite. Thankfully, I was blessed with many friendships with women who were nothing like Mom, and I learned that women didn't have to be like her. At 46, I finally walked away from my "family of origin", away from Mom. I'm pretty sure I could have never walked away without the blessing my wife has been, a trusting and trustworthy, whole confidant and nurturer. As you state, most of my relationships have been problematic due to my reactions to situations triggered by family abuse; but I'm healing.
Yes yes never give up! It's like a fishing 🎣 line we fly out hoping to catch a friend, that line must be done 1k times over and over again to get anyone and wheeled back in when, once again, we live to regret it but casting and taking a chance we must, everyone has something good to say too bad it takes weeks to learn anything! 😊❤🎉
I can relate, but never married, and baby of toxic family, and older siblings shame me for moving 130 miles away from them. Narcissists, all of us, but at least i can see my illness. They al lthink they are fine
Місяць тому+15
I am an only child and experienced abuse from both parents. It caused me to get involved with someone who was dysfunctional in a familiar way. So much so I remained attached for 12 years when it became intolerable. I had to reach out to one of the narc parents (they divorced). They "helped" me and the price was so high. It was not until my now husband noticed that I had a physical reaction to these people that he pointed out something was wrong. It led me on a remarkable path to healing. My childhood experiences caused extreme loneliness, isolation (now self imposed), crippling mysterious shame, distrust in others, physical reactions, nightmares, derealization, disassociating, it makes relationships and jobs very difficult to navigate. The worst part is internalizing it, believing you deserve poor treatment because it is all you know. When your parents hate you, what conclusion could you otherwise have?
You know what? All these things but usually in less severity are also experienced by autistic people who were undiagnosed and had to navigate an allistic world through "masking". A world where lying and manipulating and competing to win and dominate someone (social hierarchy and social status) is so deeply ingrained in society that we're not even recognizing how toxic it is. It hints toward learning how to communicate in a more inclusive but also more precise and less deceiving way, which also would help expose a narcissist. - I'm just thinking and speculating here PS: thank you for making this video 🙏
Thank you very much for these teachings. At age 76, I wish psychology knew as much 50 years ago. Wow, the self love part. Now I feel good about myself, with myself, and others give positive feedback. I do remember hating myself before high school graduation.
Jerry, You described my 70 years, as a bachelor baby of a toxic family and older siblings never ending trouble, and no relationships now. None of my older sibling are married either and are immature, and in denial. Dad was narcissist, and never wanted sons, and was desperate to marry, and my mom felt sorry for him, and married him. They stayed together, and it was warfare marriage mostly. Very sad, My dad told me he married the wrong woman, at age 91, just before my mom died. They should never have married, nor had children, as all 4 are extremely sick toxic.
Great title! Ugh they're such a drain, be nice and successful in spite of them, don't expect any recognition from them they'll tell you you're trash when you're furthest from.... 🎉❤
It never goes away. Its with you until you die. What you can hope for is to succeed in selfacceptance, rest, quiet and piece of mind. What you can consider your duty is not to pass it onto your children.
Never ending. It's personal development and we are always learning. I have blocked couple of people, but thinking about this just makes me realize that I am only a pissoir for them..
My struggles come out in the workplace because it emulates the system of control. I have the intellectual capacity to do most things but NOT the emotional or resilience capacity. I fear managers because they emulate the powerful narc mother position. I have to work for myself. No power dynamics, no culture / team dynamics etc..... I can never work for someone ever again.
I truly understand what you’re talking about. I don’t do well working for somebody else. I have always struggled with the work environment. For years my spirit was telling me to become an entrepreneur. I finally listened and it’s been the best decision I have ever made.
Thank you Jerry! This describes me 100% . The recycling, reactivity and past relationship issues make so much sense in the way you explain everything .This is spot on! I appreciate your videos! They are very helpful. Thank you !
This reminds me of this one lady I was hanging out with years ago, we started venting about our partners, and she was saying that she'd had it with her husband, he'd cheated on her after years of abusing her, then walked out on her in what these days we might call deflecting narcissistic rage...thing is she said she'd gotten away from him, she was over it, she was done..I realized and I said to her, but he's still in control, he's still upsetting you, he's still ruining your day, you're not getting to be you because he's still there making you the victim he wants you to be🤔
I'm so grateful for your videos. I only just discovered you today at work, and all your insight is so helpful. I am in a process of going either very low or no contact with my narcissistic and toxic mother and I can't believe just how much everything checks out regarding our relationship when I listen to your videos. I'm a Christian and one thing particularily struck me when you said about respecting our toxic parents that surely God wouldn't want us to honor or respect evil. Because it is evil. It may not be evil as some may view it, but to those who are abused it is evil especially coming from someone who are supposed to love you and prepare you for life. I'm making so many notes, and just listening to you validating the way I feel and the feeling of being seen when you list all those toxic scenarios, it's so healing on its own. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart and may Jehovah bless you for the great work you're doing, helping so many of us to have better and enjoyable lives. Thank you and have a blessed day. Greetings from the UK
Thank you Jerry! 😊 For all of your wisdom and advice. REGARDING BOUNDARIES.... I've set numerous boundaries over the years with my parents and they just trample all over them. I've found that narcs simply don't respect your boundaries. Period. Another thing I hear constantly from them is: "AFTER EVERYTHING I'VE DONE FOR YOU?!" You can't "win" with these type of people! I've decided....after many months of thought....that I'm going to move 3,000 miles away. I've spent 50 years trying to figure out 'what is wrong with ME?!' NOTHING!
I agree with what you say about boundaries. It seems that sharing your boundary acts like an invitation for them to play their manipulative games and that those games are what they are connected with, not you. Good luck with your move. Have this virtual hug ❤ and a big you got this!
Thank you again for another great video. I am 46 (🤩) and have difficulties in setting healthy boundaries - and setting them too late. I am really working on that. I can relate to most of the issues you mention in this video 🙏❤️
I been staving off a meltdown as mommie dearest is on week 6 of calling to pretend we r gonna have a nice xmas dinner. When i dont call back or answer she tells everyone what a selfish jerk i continue to be. I am just the bear trying not to step in the trap Im very sad during the holidays. I am alone and chose it after a lifetime of negative holidays.😢
@kristahackleylmt2064 good luck!!! I truly believe we can become who we wish . We just have a higher mountain to climb to get there. Love frm a fellow bear
I was over 60 years old before I recognized the snares my mother had set throughout my life. And it was Christmas that finally opened my eyes. Pick, pick, pick was her trying to get a fight going. I said enough and haven't spent Thanksgiving or Christmas with her since. Her garbage isn't getting thrown on me during the holidays ever again.
Addendum to all the above,his poor exwife wont speak to him, nor have any family contact with him at all ;& has had to overcome bone cancer.Poor darling ,I always felt so sorry for her.
Thank you Jerry for such a thoughtful video. This holiday season is hard and I appreciate you. When I'm struggling I put on one of your videos and it's usually something I need to hear to help me stay the course and to stay encouraged despite the heartbreak, pain and loneliness this journey brings. God bless. 🙏
Participating in groups....I try to avoid them as much as possible...But love one:one contact with a friend. Am too much aware now ...Groupdynamics remind me of the early circus in my youth.
How can a child be neutral in a hostile family home? We learn as adults how to navigate ab▪︎si>e relationships after lots of therapy. I found myself in a (current) 27 year relationship where he has many narcissist traits. I'm homebound so I don't know how to leave.
Unfortunately, I am extremely reactive to any type of criticism. My son doesn’t understand that it’s hard to break a habit on something you have lived your entire life.
You are the best UA-cam Counselor in this topic, in my opinion, and I believe I am very familiar with all of them. Perhaps part of it is I so relate to you personally - the church business and many other things. You seem to know what the heck these sick parents will do to harm you, their sneaky , dirty tricks, smearing you and just SO much more. There is always a topic that is exactly what I need to hear. I know putting these videos together must be a great deal of work and I thank you so much. 🌿
Eeerr would/should its title be 'Nothing better to do?', k, my latest theory (Jerry can spot my amateurism a mile away I'm sure) states that persons who want fame and fortune but will never achieve this status to their liking get a kick out of criticising others and will do so, achieve these slanders through lines and manipulations which not only helps them get away from themselves but makes us eventually need to get away from them also, the tragedy is in our wanting a loving relationship with them. Narcissists are only on board for a relationship with us if we are their puppets!
Get away from all of them. Cut off communication 100%. You're outnumbered in a situation you can't win. Triangulation means you are the Enemy, so don't waste your precious time trying to explain your side of the situation. Face it: THEY DON'T CARE. so.......walk away & live your best life. Narcissists HATE being ignored, and HATE IT when the people they target don't react with tears and/or attempts at reconciliation. You provide amusement and entertainment because you make them feel powerful. Narcissists measure their power by how miserable they can make you. They control the narrative by lying, gaslighting, and denying any responsibility for their actions. Your suffering and confusion provide popcorn entertainment for them. Get away & get free!
This is so good. It just finally is stating to make sense. I’ve been going through these rejection and enmeshment cycles with my family of origin. They resist letting me differentiate even though I’ve lived 6000 miles away with an ocean in between and hardly talk to them anymore. I still feel so responsible for their feelings. Just last weekend I finally understood that it is my own thoughts and trauma reactions to what happens what keeps me feeling miserable. Thank you, Jerry! ❤
I grew up in a cult after being adopted at 14 months into a very sick family. I was adopted for the purposes of being trafficked and I was trafficked from age 2 on. I was used in the making of porn from the same age, onward. All I knew was harm and violence. I have D.I.D from all of the trauma based mind control/programming and even went through government mind control experimentation, MK Ultra/Monarch which was horrific. The so called parents are both now deceased, they are the ones that sold me over and over so I really had no parents. My adoptive siblings, cousins etc, they are ALL still in the cult and involved in the organized crime ring and it was a VERY dangerous cult/crime ring. I can never have contact as I am literally in danger from them for the rest of my life after finally escaping. I went to the police with everything I know too which has increased the danger. Sometimes, "family" is anything but family and you can only get away and stay away. Me and all of my parts are doing the very difficult work to get that toxic system OUT of us and discover who "I really am". I've been enmeshed for so long and it has been pure hell but now it's getting better.
With all the suffering you've been through, i am amazed and congratulate you for how resilient and good you are. You have survived to tell the story and be blessing in the face of evil.
A couple things that I can relate with that go together are how I recreate my dysfunctional family in my relationships and how me not setting boundaries has allowed that to happen..
I’ve said the same thing. The entire system rewards/supports narcissists; that’s why there’s soooo many. People have suggested I watch the movie “The Truman Show”. It, apparently, relates to this idea. It’s on my to do list.
Society is narcissistic in general long time ago, since like always, but now more than ever bcs well known reasons like social networks, fashion, twisted values. New world order is 100% narcisstic.
I am 56, and when the family is against you from the beginning and you had to function like they want you to, there is no chance to get out. I lost my lifetime, because they hate you and you struggle to be accepted and end up sick and tired. And the society developed the same way, so that they cannot be convinced that they are acting wrong and will not change!
Our soul chooses our blood family before incarnation or reincarnation. The reason we are here is to learn and raise the consciousness. Why? I don’t know why and we may never learn but everyone who has had a NDE has said the exact same thing. Take your life as a lesson and an opportunity to reach your highest potential. Be the observer, not the reactor.
Jerry, why can't all the narssist follow you and learn from you? This will change everything and none of us victims of this emotional abuse will have to continue healing every awake moment when instead of us, the narssist should be listening to this. None the less it's healing to listen to you and understand the narssist won't do this work and we can only wish that they came across your videos and jump on they recovery path. Thank you for your videos Jerry.
Dear Jerry, this is just to say thank you for having had such a great impact on my life. As someone subjected to NARCISSISTIC ABUSE for 4 decades, I only discovered you a year ago & my life is being transformed. Slowly but surely. The TOOLS you provide in your videos have been INCREDIBLY EFFECTIVE. -Responding instead of Reacting! - Staying Calm! (& yes, staying calm is absolutely everything. ) - Observing, Not Absorbing. (This is a big one!) - Focusing on Building a SELF (Start with thinking about & deciding what your fav. Ice cream flavour is! Yeah, I had no idea before. Its Madagascar Vanilla) - Get the NARCISSIST OUT of your system. When obsessing about the Narc. FOCUS your attention on YOU! What do you want? What do you need? etc - Don't shoot yourself with the same bullets as your narcissistic abuser! Of course. Whatever they have made you believe about yourself, the exact OPPOSITR is what you should be repeating to yourself. eg. I am capable. I am intelligent. I deserve respect. I am likable, even lovable. You get the idea... - The biggest revenge you can take, is to focus on improving yourself & your life. Don't spend another second thinking or obsessing about all the misery they have put you through. Save your energy for the one precious life you have been gifted with. - & finally; Don't ever do the following when there is a narcissist involved: - DO NOT DEFEND - DO NOT REASON - DO NOT TRY TO PROVE YOURSELF RIGHT - DO NOT EXPLAIN - DO NOT SEEK THEIR LOVE & APPROVAL - DO NOT EVER GIVE UP ON HEALING. - DO NOT COMPROMISE ON YOUR BOUNDARIES - DO NOT TRY TO CHANGE THEM. CHANGE YOURSELF! Healing is a slow process, requires patience, ALOT of practice & perseverance. Then you'll start seeing the results a little at a time. Where would you start on your journey to build a Powerful Self? Perhaps from thinking what might your favourite ice cream flavour be? ❤
My mother was a narc. I was her target. I promised myself I wouldnt be like her. I didn't raise my children like I was raised . I didn't discipline my kids because of something stupid, or because I was having issues. I refused to use my faith to manipulate my family. Yes, I took my kids to church, taught them right from wrong, taught them Bible verses, good work ethics etc... I never shamed my kids or humiliated them in front of others like my mother did to me. Mom's flying monkeys wouldn't let me alone either. They were my sisters. The golden ones. When they couldn't get to me, Mom would try to use others.
Excellent understanding I've learned a lot of this since my husband of 36 years passed in'22 he had MWC I learned after he passed I knew he had a very traumatic childhood but not the Madonna Syndrome caused a lot of intimacy problems and emotional abuse
Remember when I asked my mother to divorce dad she said she couldn't survive without him. "How can I take care of all you kids?" (I'm 13 years old and there were 7 other younger children.) At that moment I felt abandoned. 17:03
Hi Jerry, can you please talk about how being a child of narcissistic parents can affect your spouse/marriage and kids? I went no contact with my family almost three years ago. Their behavior actions and inactions greatly affected my marriage and it was so bad my husband could no longer accept my inability to stand up to them for the sake of our kids and marriage. I was terrified knowing the effects of doing that so I became complicit. Luckily we are doing much better now but sometimes some of the resentment comes up since this went on for 14 years or so. Thank you.
yes we need to protect them & take on their problems. perfection is the golden child. rebellion is the black sheep, or the runaway ( if there's more than two in the household). one must show their families falicy is real, aka golden. black sheep, we tell that there's something seriously going on. runaway is the one who loves but will not be abused. 3 cycles of children being abused. all of us are being abused, forced to live the family lie.
Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇
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This essay is spot on. Being raised in a narc family is HELL.
My narc mom and older narc bro, programmed my inner self talk after my dad then stepdad died in childhood.
@@Areyouanarcissist I understand what you are up against. You absolutely must be determined to rise in spite of your history with them. Don't let your thoughts be boggled down with what was. Be determined to move forward with the here and now. Most importantly, trust your gut. It will never steer you wrong. Don't you dare skip a beat. If the younger me had only known. God bless you through all your days and all you wish to achieve.
My mom is a 90oyr. old woman who I have tolerated for 63 years. I have tried to stay away from her because she always makes me feel bad about who I AM. The biggest problem with her is that she thinks she is "okay". It's my understanding that this is common with narcissists.
@@janiebuck2938 thank u for sharing and my mom does that too..I feel your pain.
“You have such potential”!
One painful wake up call was when my mom, myself and a couple relatives were talking during the yearly holiday get together and my cousin’s daughter, about age 5 or 6, was proudly showing us adults her artwork from school. She was showing her art piece to me and, true to fashion, wanted to make her feel special cause I could tell she was seeking validation and praise, so I said, “Wow! That is really cool. I don’t think I could even make something like that”! I was obviously not being serious when I told her that I couldn’t make an art design. So, right after I told my little cousin that I couldn’t do as good as her with the art, my Mom, embarrassingly, says to me, “Oh, YES you could, honey”, with complete seriousness and confidence. I felt humiliated, shocked, disgusted and sad. How could my Mom think so low of me? She thought I was serious when I said that to my cousin, that I didn’t feel capable enough to do a simple art piece. How could my mom look at me like that when I have two masters degrees?
U
been the family scapegoat in a narc family is absolutely horrid, the flying monkeys are praised and rewarded with addictive treats
Ran away at 18. 65 now. Never returned. Can't deal.
hardcore bro
and concise. no fat.
I was the scapegoat and was abused by my mother and Dad and after they passed my younger brother took over. I told him to shut his mouth and never saw him again , I'm better now.
My insanely narcissistic mother whom has been cut off tells people that ask where I am that I don’t like her…..
When in reality I do not tolerate anyone treating me like a bag of garbage…no contact is the only way to deal with a gaslighting monster……
I honestly believe she is insane………..
I also went no contact after years of insults, arguments, and screaming rages. The second my mother came over to me, it was to start being nasty and give her an excuse to blow up no matter how I responded or even if I didn't respond at all. It all ended when I went no contact. I never looked back even once. All I could do was end this dreadful relationship. So that was what I did. I see you did the same. I agree. No contact is the only way to deal with a gaslighting monster.
no contact. stay no contact. nomatter what they try & they'll try. stay no contact. you're better than them.
When people ask you about your Mother , I hope you tell them that you disconnected from her because it was the only way to end the way she was continually ,treating you negatively.
This keeps you in a power position and shows others that you just won’t endure being treated negatively.
Everyone will understand and appreciate your actions,without ever having to say anything negative about your Mother.
You're lucky she only tells people you don't like her. According to my mother, I am mentally ill & psychotic. My chronic illness from her years of abuse gives her ammunition that I'm apparently sick in the head from medication...totally untrue but the whole extended family have bought the narrative.
@@Andrea-lp4bbthey made a choice to accept her narrative ..if you're willing to talk to them simply tell them that your mother is unwell and do not have contact with those who adopted her false narrative.
At 64, I have no idea how to move forward anymore... I don't trust my judgement, I don't trust people anymore, I feel like I am just going through the motions 😢
Same here.
I was made a black sheep in my family because I had too much of an independent streak. How dare I want to have my own self. I didn't want to be a clone of my mother or my father so I had to be put down. I've now been no contact with them for many years.
And, for me at least, some of the same issues PERSIST like a son-of-a-gun!
The truth teller in a toxic family system becomes the scapegoat. The good news is we're the most likely to survive and thrive, IF we learn how to "adult" in time. It's kind of a baptism by fire/school of hard knocks, but we're the Phoenix spirits 🐦🔥🙂
We crash, we burn, we rise again.
That's my philosophy anyway.
@@sharonthompson672 The weird thing was there were multiple scapegoats because my parents adopted 3 kids and had 1 kid naturally born. The natural born kid was the golden child and the adopted kids were scapegoats. I was next to last scapegoat because my adopted sister had the police on my parents for physical abuse when she was in middle school. I was the youngest child and didn't get the brunt of the abuse because it was spread out among the scapegoats. After my scapegoat sister left the family it was like 'watch out' time for me because I became the primary scapegoat. That's when I got sick of the abuse and went no contact.
I heard someone seriously that if you're empathic you're never happy because you're always aware of the biggest threat in the room and others aren't
I had to deal with mom's nursing home, just that she'd fallen and contacting older bro about it, leaving a long winded message and of course estranged from his wife my old bf and realized how happy I sounded which reminded me of the job I was fired from for sounding too happy, I'd been warned I had to sound madder... Geez, place made cookies for crying out loud! 😊
so true 😢
You can still be happy as an empath. Just your happiness is for others not necessarily yourself. Flip this to yourself and block looking at others and feeling for them. Keep moving, keep smiling. 😊
Absolutely life is like a poker game in one of those spaghetti westerns, supposed to play it cool when the second one is feeling cool the loaded revolver appears and it's pointed at you 😕
Sometimes, tho parenting requires empathy.
Parenting should be subject to a licencing just like driving. The fact that dysfunctional people can just randomly pop out babies is insane
Every kid needs a parent, every parent doesn't need a kid. LMFAO seriosuly
Agree. They should at least be forced to take a course and pass an exam on basic sensitivity and parenting skills
seems like that would be taking away peoples free will and would be a human rights issue
Spot on❤
I became a target for future narcs.
I am working on my boundaries and disconnecting from narcs as soon as i discover them
you are a target because that is what you are used to, so that is what you are attracted to
@ 6901
Good for you.
It's a terrifying experience. I pray for everyone going through this. Thank you for giving us or myself a lift from the fog.
Realizing my whole life was filled with so many people who reinforced my unworthiness and my responsibility for everyone's feelings so I wasn't allowed my own. And the times I chose that because it was familiar or pushed away unfamiliar kindness. So much to mourn but it's been incredible to catch glimpes of my true self no longer so buried under the weight of managing other people.
Jesus set me free took me through what happened and fixed it in my heart and mind I love being free and love Him
Keeping you impotent prevents competition to the despots
Can you describe what it’s like seeing glimpses of your true self?
When my parents argued, I noticed that it was the same arguement over and over again.
OMG yes ... in my case this went on DECADES. Now my mother is in her late 70s, when I tell her about the constant arguing between her and dad she said she doesn't remember it or it never happened. I said no, because you were living it and trapped in a narc web between yourself and dad. Me and my siblings were living through the yelling, drama and again the exact same argument over and over again. It became so normal to her and him, they don't even know the damage they did to us as kids. Scary stuff.
SAME!
Me too
Ugh…yes!
Over and over and then they call you to vent about it but nothing changes. You eventually don’t pick up the phone anymore
Addiction is a huge problem. They set your brain up for the cycle of addiction with the cycle of narcissistic abuse, I’m convinced of it. The highs and lows match and you seek it out with substances or bad relationships.
I totally agree
Like the fish swimming in water and you ask it “what is water?” The undercurrent of guilt shame feeling “ less than “ waiting for someone to “blow up” because I had offended them by giving a gift they didn’t like or just breathing -I don’t have to apologize for breathing air or taking up space or being -your teachings are so spot on thank you
The funny stare, the cold silence, the hurt look .... when you give them a gift they don't like! 😂
Only thing my parents gave me was low self esteem and trouble trysting others not fancy relationships like the rest. 😢
My sibling said, years ago, that our mother was a Narcissist. I self soothed when anxious with food. After I retired, I researched nutrition and decided to go on the paleo then the carnivore diet. I have much less anxiety and more mental clarity. Carnivore for 4 years. Feeling great. No health problems.
Bravo! Cheers
Fellow Carnivore here!🌟🙋🏼♀️ It’s so True.👍🏻🙏🏻
I would love to get to the level where you are, to not recognize my past self, to live in peace, without the constant chaos in my mind. Thank you for what you do Mr. Wise, for helping us who are struggling with the effects of narcissistic abuse.
Achieving all that you mentioned is possible! I recommended starting with my free training which you can find in the video description and on my website
The constant mind thing. Ughhhh
❤❤❤❤❤❤
It's so hard when your mother was such a master game player as a covert narcissist & your father was an enabler with narcissistic tendencies. I'm 65 years old & my parents died in 2018 & 2019 at which time i saw "something" online that triggered me to do research into narcissism & I still feel like such an idiot for not recognizing this sooner. But as i said, I can't even imagine ANY human who was more masterful than my mother at this horrendous lifestyle. I am on depression meds that help a TON, but have so many residual issues that i am so much a people pleaser that i don't know who I am even now. I feel that i am a wasted life except for my children that I vowed would NEVER experience the kind of control I went through & they are such wonderful people!
It is awful, I know how you feel. I am working on how to handle it myself. Haven’t got the answer yet but it is helping listening to Jerry’s work. Meditation, daily gratitude, routine, healthy eating, walking, loving myself and becoming more measured is helping. Best wishes. 🌸
You're fine for sure, I'd learned about it as I'd watched Netflix' Gladiator Series, guy who'd killed Cesar was named Narcissist and hubby was in Bariloche hiking.... Wanting to see pics of the place Google suggested I install Pinterest and had to choose 5 topics... Fine I'll bite and of course chose "Health"....
Well omg I've been hooked since! Plus, aren't I surrounded! Ding ding ding, I win, unbelivable, my older siblings so rotten too and I'm golden child gone copper, stay strong, it's what they take from us and believe this, how you feel today won't mean what you'll be feeling in the future. The wee hrs can be the worst, now I'm onto being healing from being ghost by the other woman, our daughter 28, she's off to Bali for Xmas with her Bordeux Prince and his family, place is sinking plus big burning plastic dump, yuck!
The fact that you are aware is a major hurdle. Many people never get to this point. I am 80 yrs. old and still trying to disengage from a family that doesn’t acknowledge my authenticity. They continue to scapegoat me and I am treated like the black sheep. However, my close relationship with Jesus Christ has saved me. Keep survi 12:07 surviving and working out your history
My parents were much like yours and I only found out about narcissism after my mother died shortly after my father. Not knowing about it didn't mean I didn't respond to it it terms of healing/therapy. I did leave them as soon as I could and went to minimal contact. I did figure out that something was wrong with especially my mother when I was a young teen. I didn't knew what though. I was on antidepressants too but those almost killed me and turned me into a zombie. Magic mushrooms though did save my life as a teen.
It wasn’t something even trained professionals talked about back when we were being raised. I was told what my feelings were or should be any time I didn’t agree with what was happening. Boundaries? What’s that? Enmeshment was required. And keep your feelings to yourself.
For me: self confidence, sanity, sleep.
If you've had a childhood trauma, like sexual abuse incident, but also grew up with a narcissist mother, who never did anything about it... how can you tell if your reactivity and rumination of why things were the way they were...how can you tell which of these things are the cause of continuing mental damage? I can't separate one trauma from another. It all seems like a chaotic mess of emotional withdrawal and dissociation.
I took the narcissist abuse and insane behaviour of my mother to ABBA FATHER in prayer in an attempt to find a way to deal with it, the answer I heard in my spirit was “don’t go looking for logic where there is none” !
I have stopped looking and the release that came with that is so wonderful.
Sorta like when Jerry refers to things Nar. Says to (nonsense).
👍🏾
This video is so helpful. Perfectly describes the damage done to me. Am slowly emerging from a dark, deeply unhappy past, by going no contact with my large, narcissistic family. Every type of narcissist exists in my family of origin, and I was a scapegoat for every one of them.
"Fear of intimacy or vulnerability"...only DOGS for me, Jerry, only DOGS!
Amen.
My biggest issue is disconnecting and detaching from reality and going in my mind. I’m never here ( wherever I actually am) , I’m in my head for calm.
My parents have been dead for 20 years and I still hate them but I took care of them as they were dieing.
While growing up, I prayed that -- if I ever got married (I felt unfit for marriage) -- my wife would be my mother's antithesis, her complete opposite. Thankfully, I was blessed with many friendships with women who were nothing like Mom, and I learned that women didn't have to be like her.
At 46, I finally walked away from my "family of origin", away from Mom. I'm pretty sure I could have never walked away without the blessing my wife has been, a trusting and trustworthy, whole confidant and nurturer. As you state, most of my relationships have been problematic due to my reactions to situations triggered by family abuse; but I'm healing.
Yes yes never give up! It's like a fishing 🎣 line we fly out hoping to catch a friend, that line must be done 1k times over and over again to get anyone and wheeled back in when, once again, we live to regret it but casting and taking a chance we must, everyone has something good to say too bad it takes weeks to learn anything! 😊❤🎉
I can relate, but never married, and baby of toxic family, and older siblings shame me for moving 130 miles away from them. Narcissists, all of us, but at least i can see my illness. They al lthink they are fine
I am an only child and experienced abuse from both parents. It caused me to get involved with someone who was dysfunctional in a familiar way. So much so I remained attached for 12 years when it became intolerable.
I had to reach out to one of the narc parents (they divorced). They "helped" me and the price was so high. It was not until my now husband noticed that I had a physical reaction to these people that he pointed out something was wrong. It led me on a remarkable path to healing.
My childhood experiences caused extreme loneliness, isolation (now self imposed), crippling mysterious shame, distrust in others, physical reactions, nightmares, derealization, disassociating, it makes relationships and jobs very difficult to navigate. The worst part is internalizing it, believing you deserve poor treatment because it is all you know. When your parents hate you, what conclusion could you otherwise have?
You / your comments are understood and make alot of sense.
Ditto
Same here
You know what? All these things but usually in less severity are also experienced by autistic people who were undiagnosed and had to navigate an allistic world through "masking". A world where lying and manipulating and competing to win and dominate someone (social hierarchy and social status) is so deeply ingrained in society that we're not even recognizing how toxic it is. It hints toward learning how to communicate in a more inclusive but also more precise and less deceiving way, which also would help expose a narcissist. - I'm just thinking and speculating here
PS: thank you for making this video 🙏
Im seeing most relationships are dysfunctional nowdays. Very few healthy relationships now, and my family was devoid of love.
Thank you very much for these teachings. At age 76, I wish psychology knew as much 50 years ago. Wow, the self love part. Now I feel good about myself, with myself, and others give positive feedback. I do remember hating myself before high school graduation.
I shut down and i thought that was non-reactivity. I'm relieved to know i was wrong because i did feel like i was curling into myself
Jerry, You described my 70 years, as a bachelor baby of a toxic family and older siblings never ending trouble, and no relationships now. None of my older sibling are married either and are immature, and in denial. Dad was narcissist, and never wanted sons, and was desperate to marry, and my mom felt sorry for him, and married him. They stayed together, and it was warfare marriage mostly. Very sad, My dad told me he married the wrong woman, at age 91, just before my mom died. They should never have married, nor had children, as all 4 are extremely sick toxic.
Thank you, Jerry Wise. I appreciate your help so much.🌻I pray for healing, for everyone.
Love your comment.
I agree with you in prayer.
Yes, healing for all. Thank you
I resonate with ALL of these. Thank you for sharing this information and helping us
To break the malignant normalcy!!
Great title! Ugh they're such a drain, be nice and successful in spite of them, don't expect any recognition from them they'll tell you you're trash when you're furthest from.... 🎉❤
Agree
I think I am dealing with this. I totally reacted to a situation at work this past week.
I hate the ‘triggering.’
Thank you Jerry. The world is a better place with you and your work.
I had a therapist tell me that doing the opposite of what someone wants is still being controlled by them. Very helpful
It never goes away. Its with you until you die. What you can hope for is to succeed in selfacceptance, rest, quiet and piece of mind. What you can consider your duty is not to pass it onto your children.
Many years in addiction recovery programs I've learned that setting "healthy boundaries" has been a lifelong process.
Thanks, Jerry!
Never ending. It's personal development and we are always learning. I have blocked couple of people, but thinking about this just makes me realize that I am only a pissoir for them..
My struggles come out in the workplace because it emulates the system of control. I have the intellectual capacity to do most things but NOT the emotional or resilience capacity. I fear managers because they emulate the powerful narc mother position. I have to work for myself. No power dynamics, no culture / team dynamics etc..... I can never work for someone ever again.
I relate so much to this!
I relate.
I truly understand what you’re talking about. I don’t do well working for somebody else. I have always struggled with the work environment. For years my spirit was telling me to become an entrepreneur. I finally listened and it’s been the best decision I have ever made.
Relate
The managers are usually narcissistic, which triggers your fears more. They like the feeling of power they have with you being anxious around them.
Thank you Jerry! This describes me 100% . The recycling, reactivity and past relationship issues make so much sense in the way you explain everything .This is spot on! I appreciate your videos! They are very helpful. Thank you !
This reminds me of this one lady I was hanging out with years ago, we started venting about our partners, and she was saying that she'd had it with her husband, he'd cheated on her after years of abusing her, then walked out on her in what these days we might call deflecting narcissistic rage...thing is she said she'd gotten away from him, she was over it, she was done..I realized and I said to her, but he's still in control, he's still upsetting you, he's still ruining your day, you're not getting to be you because he's still there making you the victim he wants you to be🤔
I'm so grateful for your videos. I only just discovered you today at work, and all your insight is so helpful. I am in a process of going either very low or no contact with my narcissistic and toxic mother and I can't believe just how much everything checks out regarding our relationship when I listen to your videos. I'm a Christian and one thing particularily struck me when you said about respecting our toxic parents that surely God wouldn't want us to honor or respect evil. Because it is evil. It may not be evil as some may view it, but to those who are abused it is evil especially coming from someone who are supposed to love you and prepare you for life. I'm making so many notes, and just listening to you validating the way I feel and the feeling of being seen when you list all those toxic scenarios, it's so healing on its own. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart and may Jehovah bless you for the great work you're doing, helping so many of us to have better and enjoyable lives. Thank you and have a blessed day. Greetings from the UK
I think Jerry has been taking a stroll inside my head. Amazing stuff.
Thank you Jerry! 😊 For all of your wisdom and advice. REGARDING BOUNDARIES.... I've set numerous boundaries over the years with my parents and they just trample all over them. I've found that narcs simply don't respect your boundaries. Period. Another thing I hear constantly from them is: "AFTER EVERYTHING I'VE DONE FOR YOU?!" You can't "win" with these type of people! I've decided....after many months of thought....that I'm going to move 3,000 miles away. I've spent 50 years trying to figure out 'what is wrong with ME?!' NOTHING!
I agree with what you say about boundaries. It seems that sharing your boundary acts like an invitation for them to play their manipulative games and that those games are what they are connected with, not you. Good luck with your move. Have this virtual hug ❤ and a big you got this!
Thank you again for another great video.
I am 46 (🤩) and have difficulties in setting healthy boundaries - and setting them too late. I am really working on that.
I can relate to most of the issues you mention in this video 🙏❤️
They really are evil, aren't they now.
I been staving off a meltdown as mommie dearest is on week 6 of calling to pretend we r gonna have a nice xmas dinner. When i dont call back or answer she tells everyone what a selfish jerk i continue to be. I am just the bear trying not to step in the trap
Im very sad during the holidays. I am alone and chose it after a lifetime of negative holidays.😢
Take care of You ❤ pizza, movie, and a gift
Make " yourself" the gift, the gift of be in your drivers seat.
Same here. ❤
@kristahackleylmt2064 good luck!!! I truly believe we can become who we wish . We just have a higher mountain to climb to get there. Love frm a fellow bear
I was over 60 years old before I recognized the snares my mother had set throughout my life. And it was Christmas that finally opened my eyes. Pick, pick, pick was her trying to get a fight going. I said enough and haven't spent Thanksgiving or Christmas with her since.
Her garbage isn't getting thrown on me during the holidays ever again.
Over the years relationships became great financial losses that I haven't yet recovered from.
Same
Addendum to all the above,his poor exwife wont speak to him, nor have any family contact
with him at all ;& has had to overcome bone cancer.Poor darling ,I always felt so sorry for her.
60 years old. Distance is all that helps this scapegoat! No contact no poison! I'm done.
Still fighting this battle alone ( except for God) at 62 years young
😢😢😢
I'm 64 😢
Almost seems futile some days. I've lost homes and health ...I'm certain it's somehow linked to this garbage .
Sending a hug .. hang in there
I'm 60 and fighting this battle alone except for God.
Thank you Jerry for such a thoughtful video. This holiday season is hard and I appreciate you. When I'm struggling I put on one of your videos and it's usually something I need to hear to help me stay the course and to stay encouraged despite the heartbreak, pain and loneliness this journey brings. God bless. 🙏
Same here. ❤
Thank you Mr. Wise. You have really helped me understand what happened and how to handle it.
Glad it helped!
Feeling seen for a change. Thank you, Jerry.❤
Participating in groups....I try to avoid them as much as possible...But love one:one contact with a friend. Am too much aware now ...Groupdynamics remind me of the early circus in my youth.
Same here; I get anxiety attacks in groups.
How can a child be neutral in a hostile family home? We learn as adults how to navigate ab▪︎si>e relationships after lots of therapy. I found myself in a (current) 27 year relationship where he has many narcissist traits. I'm homebound so I don't know how to leave.
Unfortunately, I am extremely reactive to any type of criticism. My son doesn’t understand that it’s hard to break a habit on something you have lived your entire life.
You are the best UA-cam Counselor in this topic, in my opinion, and I believe I am very familiar with all of them. Perhaps part of it is I so relate to you personally - the church business and many other things. You seem to know what the heck these sick parents will do to harm you, their sneaky , dirty tricks, smearing you and just SO much more. There is always a topic that is exactly what I need to hear. I know putting these videos together must be a great deal of work and I thank you so much. 🌿
THANK YOU ! Choosing to pursue self-differentiation due to your inspiring presentation today Jerry! Insightful, encouraging and WISE indeed!
You are so welcome
Thank you for this video! ❤ Could you make another video talking about what to do or how to act when family members trianglulate?
Eeerr would/should its title be 'Nothing better to do?', k, my latest theory (Jerry can spot my amateurism a mile away I'm sure) states that persons who want fame and fortune but will never achieve this status to their liking get a kick out of criticising others and will do so, achieve these slanders through lines and manipulations which not only helps them get away from themselves but makes us eventually need to get away from them also, the tragedy is in our wanting a loving relationship with them. Narcissists are only on board for a relationship with us if we are their puppets!
Get away from all of them.
Cut off communication 100%.
You're outnumbered in a situation you can't win.
Triangulation means you are the Enemy, so don't waste your precious time trying to explain your side of the situation.
Face it:
THEY DON'T CARE.
so.......walk away & live your best life.
Narcissists HATE being ignored, and
HATE IT when the people they target don't react with tears and/or attempts at reconciliation.
You provide amusement and entertainment because you make them feel powerful.
Narcissists measure their power by how miserable they can make you.
They control the narrative by lying, gaslighting, and denying any responsibility for their actions.
Your suffering and confusion provide popcorn entertainment for them.
Get away & get free!
Thank you so much for taking the time to make these videos. I have learned so much. ❤👍
You are so welcome!
Thank Dr. Wise, for all your videos & guidance. They have helped me so much. ❤
This is so good. It just finally is stating to make sense. I’ve been going through these rejection and enmeshment cycles with my family of origin. They resist letting me differentiate even though I’ve lived 6000 miles away with an ocean in between and hardly talk to them anymore. I still feel so responsible for their feelings. Just last weekend I finally understood that it is my own thoughts and trauma reactions to what happens what keeps me feeling miserable. Thank you, Jerry! ❤
I grew up in a cult after being adopted at 14 months into a very sick family. I was adopted for the purposes of being trafficked and I was trafficked from age 2 on. I was used in the making of porn from the same age, onward. All I knew was harm and violence. I have D.I.D from all of the trauma based mind control/programming and even went through government mind control experimentation, MK Ultra/Monarch which was horrific. The so called parents are both now deceased, they are the ones that sold me over and over so I really had no parents. My adoptive siblings, cousins etc, they are ALL still in the cult and involved in the organized crime ring and it was a VERY dangerous cult/crime ring. I can never have contact as I am literally in danger from them for the rest of my life after finally escaping. I went to the police with everything I know too which has increased the danger. Sometimes, "family" is anything but family and you can only get away and stay away. Me and all of my parts are doing the very difficult work to get that toxic system OUT of us and discover who "I really am". I've been enmeshed for so long and it has been pure hell but now it's getting better.
Omg that’s so horrible 😢
There is a woman on UA-cam called ”the knitting cult lady” that went through something similar.
God bless you and heal you ❤
With all the suffering you've been through, i am amazed and congratulate you for how resilient and good you are. You have survived to tell the story and be blessing in the face of evil.
@@SoulSeeker2025 ♥
@@veronikaljungberg7149 Yes, I've seen her.♥
A couple things that I can relate with that go together are how I recreate my dysfunctional family in my relationships and how me not setting boundaries has allowed that to happen..
Thank you. This helps so much trying to figure out for years why I felt the way I did. This is pure validation.
Definitely a must watch Jerry Wise video for me over and over again!❤️
parents, children, friends, business partners, neighbors, strangers, doctors, grocery checkers - ALL narcs ..we are surrounded
I’ve said the same thing. The entire system rewards/supports narcissists; that’s why there’s soooo many. People have suggested I watch the movie “The Truman Show”. It, apparently, relates to this idea. It’s on my to do list.
@@carmenm.9522 Why did I think of a text to me about the Truman show literally yesterday that is so not random. Holy cow.
Yes we are! Sometimes I could go back to being blissfully ignorant.. but then again- nah..
Society is narcissistic in general long time ago, since like always, but now more than ever bcs well known reasons like social networks, fashion, twisted values. New world order is 100% narcisstic.
@@StrawberryShortcake3-f4b synchronicity - Carl Jung
You're such a big boss, it's like you have been peaking behind the curtain of all my life
this was so painful but so true, real and resonates. I'm so grateful and appreciate your efforts and insights Jerry as always.
You are so welcome
I am 56, and when the family is against you from the beginning and you had to function like they want you to, there is no chance to get out. I lost my lifetime, because they hate you and you struggle to be accepted and end up sick and tired. And the society developed the same way, so that they cannot be convinced that they are acting wrong and will not change!
Sir it was liberating
Very useful advices, Jerry! Thank you from Romania!❤
Our soul chooses our blood family before incarnation or reincarnation. The reason we are here is to learn and raise the consciousness. Why? I don’t know why and we may never learn but everyone who has had a NDE has said the exact same thing. Take your life as a lesson and an opportunity to reach your highest potential. Be the observer, not the reactor.
thank you Jerry for your wisdom, it is so much appreciated
Recycling ♻️ Reactivity Relationships
Jerry, why can't all the narssist follow you and learn from you? This will change everything and none of us victims of this emotional abuse will have to continue healing every awake moment when instead of us, the narssist should be listening to this. None the less it's healing to listen to you and understand the narssist won't do this work and we can only wish that they came across your videos and jump on they recovery path. Thank you for your videos Jerry.
Dear Jerry, this is just to say thank you for having had such a great impact on my life. As someone subjected to NARCISSISTIC ABUSE for 4 decades, I only discovered you a year ago & my life is being transformed. Slowly but surely. The TOOLS you provide in your videos have been INCREDIBLY EFFECTIVE.
-Responding instead of Reacting!
- Staying Calm!
(& yes, staying calm is absolutely everything. )
- Observing, Not Absorbing.
(This is a big one!)
- Focusing on Building a SELF
(Start with thinking about & deciding what your fav. Ice cream flavour is! Yeah, I had no idea before. Its Madagascar Vanilla)
- Get the NARCISSIST OUT of your system.
When obsessing about the Narc. FOCUS your attention on YOU! What do you want? What do you need? etc
- Don't shoot yourself with the same bullets as your narcissistic abuser!
Of course. Whatever they have made you believe about yourself, the exact OPPOSITR is what you should be repeating to yourself.
eg. I am capable. I am intelligent. I deserve respect. I am likable, even lovable. You get the idea...
- The biggest revenge you can take, is to focus on improving yourself & your life. Don't spend another second thinking or obsessing about all the misery they have put you through. Save your energy for the one precious life you have been gifted with.
- & finally; Don't ever do the following when there is a narcissist involved:
- DO NOT DEFEND
- DO NOT REASON
- DO NOT TRY TO PROVE YOURSELF RIGHT
- DO NOT EXPLAIN
- DO NOT SEEK THEIR LOVE & APPROVAL
- DO NOT EVER GIVE UP ON HEALING.
- DO NOT COMPROMISE ON YOUR BOUNDARIES
- DO NOT TRY TO CHANGE THEM. CHANGE YOURSELF!
Healing is a slow process, requires patience, ALOT of practice & perseverance. Then you'll start seeing the results a little at a time.
Where would you start on your journey to build a Powerful Self? Perhaps from thinking what might your favourite ice cream flavour be? ❤
Wow, how kind of you to say. Your summary is great! Thank u
@@jerrywise thank you so much. 🙏
Thank you for your videos, I really learn a lot, by listening to you. 😊
You are so welcome!
Thank you, Jerry! I have found your content so helpful and hard to come to terms with. It has been amazing to learn through you.
You are so welcome!
Spot on Jerry! Thank you for such a detailed explanation and providing the means to start or continuing the growth journey. Very appreciated. ❤
My mother was a narc. I was her target. I promised myself I wouldnt be like her. I didn't raise my children like I was raised . I didn't discipline my kids because of something stupid, or because I was having issues. I refused to use my faith to manipulate my family. Yes, I took my kids to church, taught them right from wrong, taught them Bible verses, good work ethics etc... I never shamed my kids or humiliated them in front of others like my mother did to me. Mom's flying monkeys wouldn't let me alone either. They were my sisters. The golden ones. When they couldn't get to me, Mom would try to use others.
Newness makes people feel awkward. Even when that newness is better.
Excellent understanding I've learned a lot of this since my husband of 36 years passed in'22 he had MWC I learned after he passed I knew he had a very traumatic childhood but not the Madonna Syndrome caused a lot of intimacy problems and emotional abuse
Thank you Jerry. I feel i have a long road ahead but you are the light i see at the end of the tunnel. Please keep being Wise and guide.
You are so welcome
Thank you so much..there is hope ❤
You are so welcome
Remember when I asked my mother to divorce dad she said she couldn't survive without him. "How can I take care of all you kids?" (I'm 13 years old and there were 7 other younger children.) At that moment I felt abandoned. 17:03
ty.
Thank you again
Thanks Jerry I got a giggle out of seeing myself in some of this. Sometimes things seem so serious until you hear your predicament in others stories.
Glad you enjoyed it
Hi Jerry, can you please talk about how being a child of narcissistic parents can affect your spouse/marriage and kids? I went no contact with my family almost three years ago. Their behavior actions and inactions greatly affected my marriage and it was so bad my husband could no longer accept my inability to stand up to them for the sake of our kids and marriage. I was terrified knowing the effects of doing that so I became complicit. Luckily we are doing much better now but sometimes some of the resentment comes up since this went on for 14 years or so. Thank you.
hard to delineate what is ones personality and what is residual psych
Thank you!
Thank you so much, your are the best I have heard so far, in every detail shines your wisdom. ❤❤😊
Love you Jerry 🎉
yes we need to protect them & take on their problems.
perfection is the golden child. rebellion is the black sheep, or the runaway ( if there's more than two in the household). one must show their families falicy is real, aka golden. black sheep, we tell that there's something seriously going on. runaway is the one who loves but will not be abused. 3 cycles of children being abused.
all of us are being abused, forced to live the family lie.
Ohh yes 2:50 is a point that has taken me a few years to come to terms with 😅
Goodness me, 3:40 is also a recent awakening for me 😅
Thank you very very much Jerry😀
Absolutely spot on great content and explained clearly