I never looked at Chimpanzees in such a way til I saw this. Bill is a fucking genius. He has added Chimanzees to my top 5 list of fears. I youtubed Chimpanzee attack and wow, they are strong and fast as shit
Lee Smoove I have no idea why anyone hangs around with these animals. Chimps will plan their attack. They are extremely vicious and will rip your balls off just for the hell of it.
They're not 'cute' they're fucking monsters. The idiots out there who think it's normal to put them in a cage and then act surprised when one escapes and kills them have it coming.
Bill burr, don't underestimate people. I've seen video of an old man with a walking stick walking past some sort of rattle snake, he doesn't see it until he's two feet away and as it lashes out to strike he whacks its head with his cane, then continues on as it just coils up in shock.
I remember at the Silver Back gorilla exhibit at Busch Gardens in Tampa Florida the guide on the tour told us that a Silver Back Gorilla has bite force to be able to bite through a coconut shell like a human eating an apple. 😳Yeah I agree with Bill. I am not going anywhere near any of these things.
i don't know why, but the image in my head when Bill talked about seeing a bear slap a guy and see his head spin around a few times just cracks me up so much.
I mean, you would probably stand a decent chance against a cheetah, other big cats would 100% tear you to pieces, but a cheetah is so small that you would definatly hurt it very badly and potentially kill it before it kills you.
This is one of my more favorite clips by Bill Burr edited by PaperBagBandits. Fuckin hilarious shit. There on the floor, on the ceiling, across the room, you gotta deal with human speed. LMAO! I cant imagine sitting there looking out of a cave and knowing everything is that much more faster than me and i dont even have a door LOL! And you know he saw that episode on Oprah with the lady with her face ripped off hahaha
great point about killing from distance,i watched an ASU origins debate on the evolution of violence and that was the key stage that gave humans the advantage over most other species,we learned how to throw a pointy fucking stick lol
Jesus Christ, the story with the Australian woman who got her face ripped off by a pet chimp is horrific. But who in their right mind owns a wild animal in the first place?
No, we share a common ancestor. To demonstrate the flaw of your question, I will show you an analogous conversation: Evolutionist: "My cousin and I came from my grandparents" Creationist: "Then why is your cousin still around?" Evolutionist: "What?" Creationist:"If you came from your cousin, why hasn't he turned into you" Evolutionist: "Umm, I didn't say I came from my cousin. Who told you that?" Creationist:"Jesus did, and I trust him more than you."
Actually, there is evidence Cheetahs were domesticated in the past. They were used as guardian and hunting animals, or rich people pets in Egypt and India.
1:54 so true, there's a mutual respect between most animals with space, territory, food, care and protection (including us) but... we're never "buddies" with a wild animal. People who play with a bear has earned the respect of the bear as a fun, supporting being who is harmless but there's a barrier you'll just never cross with them lol. I really came to realize this watching Jurassic World on acid lmao where 'owen' had a relationship of trust with the raptors but they still could have eaten them at the drop of a dime (or a new worker). The same night after the movie I fed foxes which was cool and realized the same sort of thing. As much as we narcissitically love to show our love and place in the world for any animal.. that animal probably doesn't give a fuck. I bet you've been VERY close to a deer, horse, bird, moose, fox, coyote, whatever and you two 'got a long' through this unwritten understanding, but, bottom line, they're animals. They don't give a fuck.
This guy gave me an idea, a superhero named "Chimpman". Attacked by a wild allegedly radioactive chimpanzee, now he eats bushels of bananas, and attacks his neighbors for getting too close, but at night he fights crime. #noturfriend
Im with bill on dogs vs cats. That said, birds are the best pets. They won't fight intruders, but you'll sure as shit know when someone comes in. They're also funny as shit and highly entertaining, and way less maintenance. Almost as little as a goldfish. Best balance.
I'm happy to hear people know that. It is Native Africans not all black people though. Most black Americans, for example, have a white, middle eastern or Asian ancester somewhere, which passed on some Neanderthal DNA to them as well.
Bill forgot to mention the chimpanzee set of teeth. That have a coupla Dracula incisors in that maw of theirs. Sure, a bear could swipe a chimp into next week, because it weighs about 700 lbs. But versus a human, a much smaller chimpanzee, through brute strength, quickness, and bite power, would be shredded. Me, I'd try to punt the chimp's head into the next yard if he came at me all walking on his knuckles and shit.
Man, fighting a chimpanzee without an army with machine guns behind you is a losing proposition. What if your attack works, and you kick it? Then what? How long does that buy you before it isn't dazed anymore and now pissed off?
+TheEndKing yeah pretty much. They actually have emotion like us, and will TORTURE YOU. they'll focus on the fingers and small places that are sensitive and fucking castrate you.
Throughout the majority of human history we had a healthily pragmatic view of nature & mostly despised being in it for fear of what unknown fate it might bring that civilization just doesn't reflect the same way with its own sense of unpredictability
I love ya Bill but you're somewhat wrong about wild animals, some can genuinely form friendships with people. Case in point, raccoons are said to be vicious beasts but I have managed to be adopted. How do I know, well Bill the alpha female brought her young to meet me and she also groomed me just like she groomed and preened her own offspring.
ROFLOL! It's like that poor dumb guy who liked to go to Alaska and hang out with Grizzly Bears. Then on top of that he brought his girlfriend along. They both became lunch.
Well, maybe not a lot of these fatties nowadays (as bill calls ‘em), but yeah, that is kind of cool that we are the best distance runners in the animal kingdom
I laughed so hard when he said that about cats siding with the intruder. lol
Fish not having a say kills me every time. Bill was really on one for this one 💀💀
@@quaz1moto241 ...like a Stepford wife. 😂😂😂
9:41 I love how he refers to caveman era as "back in the day". XD
I would never hear the end of the "back in my days" from Gramps 250,000 years.
I love how you refer to the Pleistocene as the 'caveman era'.
@@emdiar6588 nerd
@@hi-jh1ff jock
The 80s was the caveman era you’ve seen those rockstars?
I never looked at Chimpanzees in such a way til I saw this. Bill is a fucking genius. He has added Chimanzees to my top 5 list of fears. I youtubed Chimpanzee attack and wow, they are strong and fast as shit
Lee Smoove I have no idea why anyone hangs around with these animals. Chimps will plan their attack. They are extremely vicious and will rip your balls off just for the hell of it.
They're not 'cute' they're fucking monsters. The idiots out there who think it's normal to put them in a cage and then act surprised when one escapes and kills them have it coming.
Watch Joe Rogan freak out about them haha they are fucking insane
They are crazy
bill was right about his dog smiling. it's a real thing
😂😂😂that Quiznos oven reference killed me😂
Funniest 15 min of my life and yours
This guy is awesome!! I never get tired of listening to Bill Burr....
That sting ray's smiling at me, I think he likes me.
customvan sixtyfive Crikey!!!!
Stevie?
Lol nice!
🎵why would you fly across the world,
to get your ass kicked? 🎶
😂😂😂
This one of the best bits from the podcast in quite a while! Jesus I laughed
bill burr being funny as hell again!
It's so refreshing to witness someone with at least a basic understanding of human evolution. Such a rare thing. Thanks.
This channel is great, please keep it up. I love Bill
Bill burr, don't underestimate people. I've seen video of an old man with a walking stick walking past some sort of rattle snake, he doesn't see it until he's two feet away and as it lashes out to strike he whacks its head with his cane, then continues on as it just coils up in shock.
Singing the news! Yes
Forget a tranquilizer gun. I'd have 2 .357's.
If they would sing the news I would watch it every day. It's a great idea ! And so funny.
Bill as I drive I love this one.
You are great, love your work
Cro-Magnum's
brought to you by Trojan... lol
Hahaha.... Seriously but, cromagnion man and Neanderthals supposedly inter bred
+Hercules Rockefeller Chrome Magnums baby, killin in styyyle
The look in the lion's eyes says "If I ever get out, don't kid yourself that you'd last a second."
Awesome playlist MMPC thanks
I remember at the Silver Back gorilla exhibit at Busch Gardens in Tampa Florida the guide on the tour told us that a Silver Back Gorilla has bite force to be able to bite through a coconut shell like a human eating an apple. 😳Yeah I agree with Bill. I am not going anywhere near any of these things.
i don't know why, but the image in my head when Bill talked about seeing a bear slap a guy and see his head spin around a few times just cracks me up so much.
The moment I saw the title I know this is comedy gold!
Holy shit! I'm glad he lived.
I started laughing before I clicked. What a random topic.
Cheetahs are one of the least likely to attack you out of all the “big cats”, but i mean if it decides it wants to you cant do shit
I mean, you would probably stand a decent chance against a cheetah, other big cats would 100% tear you to pieces, but a cheetah is so small that you would definatly hurt it very badly and potentially kill it before it kills you.
My oldest pistol...a. 44 Cro-Magnum. Don't make it go prehistoric on your ass!
I couldn't stop laughing when he got to the stuff inside the cave.
2:35, the look to you from your dog is indeed happy and trust, believe it.
Excellent Leonard/Duran reference! It's too bad Duran had such a bad night that time, as his first fight with Leonard was masterful.
This one was so amazing! "Look at the cheetah... WROAAAR!" That part killed me xD
In tears
every news station would be wise to adopt this catholic singing style of delivering news
You said is from Texas? That explains everything !!!
This is one of my more favorite clips by Bill Burr edited by PaperBagBandits. Fuckin hilarious shit.
There on the floor, on the ceiling, across the room, you gotta deal with human speed. LMAO!
I cant imagine sitting there looking out of a cave and knowing everything is that much more faster than me and i dont even have a door LOL!
And you know he saw that episode on Oprah with the lady with her face ripped off hahaha
This is why I respect nature by staying the hell away from it
Amen to that.
Facts
Only a psycho like bill can turned a tragic news into a laugh factory!
I'm crying my eyes out laughing, here. lmao.
Imagine an R-rated animation based on this..
Signal from ya fucking leg: hey we just got bit by a fuckin pit viper
how the first word was born:
two neanderthals sits it the cave. a bear walks in, one neanderthal yells: FUUUUUUUUUUCK.
Omg Bill Burr is so funny!
great point about killing from distance,i watched an ASU origins debate on the evolution of violence and that was the key stage that gave humans the advantage over most other species,we learned how to throw a pointy fucking stick lol
Jesus Christ, the story with the Australian woman who got her face ripped off by a pet chimp is horrific. But who in their right mind owns a wild animal in the first place?
No, we share a common ancestor. To demonstrate the flaw of your question, I will show you an analogous conversation:
Evolutionist: "My cousin and I came from my grandparents"
Creationist: "Then why is your cousin still around?"
Evolutionist: "What?"
Creationist:"If you came from your cousin, why hasn't he turned into you"
Evolutionist: "Umm, I didn't say I came from my cousin. Who told you that?"
Creationist:"Jesus did, and I trust him more than you."
Cro-Magnums? Cracking me up Billy Bub..
The Hooker/ Lion Stare.................Ahaha Iam dead off this, too funny
"How about the weather FRANK?....or what ever fuckin human name you tried to give him" lmao
They dragged him 100 ft(or yards I believe) into a field and beat the shit out of him
the first words ever invented must have been What the Fuck? Are you Shittin me?🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂
I really hope he'll come back to Australia sometime, otherwise I'm going to have to take a trip to the USA to see him
that oh jezuz at the end was the best one yet
LMFAO 🤣 you gotta add this into your bit!!! 😂😂😂😂. #BillBurr. Fucken the Chimp Song. "They won't love ya back"
9:40 ‘Back in the day’ to the extreme
10:22 hahaha
Actually, there is evidence Cheetahs were domesticated in the past. They were used as guardian and hunting animals, or rich people pets in Egypt and India.
foxman105 and drug runner pets
They are the first tamed carnivore, not domesticated because they can't breed in captivity.
1:54 so true, there's a mutual respect between most animals with space, territory, food, care and protection (including us) but... we're never "buddies" with a wild animal. People who play with a bear has earned the respect of the bear as a fun, supporting being who is harmless but there's a barrier you'll just never cross with them lol. I really came to realize this watching Jurassic World on acid lmao where 'owen' had a relationship of trust with the raptors but they still could have eaten them at the drop of a dime (or a new worker). The same night after the movie I fed foxes which was cool and realized the same sort of thing. As much as we narcissitically love to show our love and place in the world for any animal.. that animal probably doesn't give a fuck. I bet you've been VERY close to a deer, horse, bird, moose, fox, coyote, whatever and you two 'got a long' through this unwritten understanding, but, bottom line, they're animals. They don't give a fuck.
I’d much rather fight the chainsaw lol
''You guys wanna play frisbee'' lol.
lol that shit legitimately got real in like the last minute...
It only takes 6 planks to make a DOOR, Bill!
Ever since that woman lost her entire face and all her fingers to a chimp I've been deadly afraid of them.
9:57 Cro Magnums 🤣🤣🤣🤣
This guy gave me an idea, a superhero named "Chimpman". Attacked by a wild allegedly radioactive chimpanzee, now he eats bushels of bananas, and attacks his neighbors for getting too close, but at night he fights crime. #noturfriend
Im with bill on dogs vs cats. That said, birds are the best pets. They won't fight intruders, but you'll sure as shit know when someone comes in. They're also funny as shit and highly entertaining, and way less maintenance. Almost as little as a goldfish. Best balance.
Everyone complains when it's not working, no thanks when it does. Haha welcome to IT
There are some humans who can compete with the animal kingdom though. Fightscience had a dude documented that was about as fast as a snake.
I'm happy to hear people know that. It is Native Africans not all black people though. Most black Americans, for example, have a white, middle eastern or Asian ancester somewhere, which passed on some Neanderthal DNA to them as well.
This was so funny.
Oh look at the Chettah....Oh shes playing......Verahhhhh
Bill forgot to mention the chimpanzee set of teeth.
That have a coupla Dracula incisors in that maw of theirs.
Sure, a bear could swipe a chimp into next week, because it weighs about 700 lbs.
But versus a human, a much smaller chimpanzee, through brute strength, quickness, and bite power, would be shredded.
Me, I'd try to punt the chimp's head into the next yard if he came at me all walking on his knuckles and shit.
Man, fighting a chimpanzee without an army with machine guns behind you is a losing proposition.
What if your attack works, and you kick it? Then what? How long does that buy you before it isn't dazed anymore and now pissed off?
TheEndKing
It's going to rip his limbs, then slice his face off.
+TheEndKing yeah pretty much. They actually have emotion like us, and will TORTURE YOU. they'll focus on the fingers and small places that are sensitive and fucking castrate you.
Does bill upload these, or does he have a team of internet guys do it?
Throughout the majority of human history we had a healthily pragmatic view of nature & mostly despised being in it for fear of what unknown fate it might bring that civilization just doesn't reflect the same way with its own sense of unpredictability
My cat fucking loves me, though. He nudges all over me and cuddles with me when he sees that I'm in pain.
Substitute "humans" in your explanation with "Cro magnons" and it's much more accurate.
The guy who got attacked, now he's p90x-ing like nothing else. Advice was spot on
Does he correct himself with NeanderTALL, then say cro-magNUM like 5 times? Love me some Burr.
TRUTH
What's the Sugar Ray Leonard reference?
Chimps' fangs are longer than lions'.
Cro magnums 😂
How is your initial statement any different, exactly?
2 kilometers is about 1.25 miles.
👍
That is funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the only thing that could make this video better is Joe Rogan
I used to want to work with animals but then I realized I dont wanna be mauled to death
Woman mauled to death last week by the dogs she was walking in the UK. Nobody is safe. Not sure how many cats have killed to date? 😆
Pit bulls?
I love ya Bill but you're somewhat wrong about wild animals, some can genuinely form friendships with people. Case in point, raccoons are said to be vicious beasts but I have managed to be adopted. How do I know, well Bill the alpha female brought her young to meet me and she also groomed me just like she groomed and preened her own offspring.
BTW I know this is not Bill's channel.
@6:15
You guys wanna play frisbee??
They're actually only about two times stronger, but yeah...
Supiragon 1998 probably wouldn’t be able to tell when your getting your ass beat 😂
@@gabrielledesma9878 lol yep
ROFLOL!
It's like that poor dumb guy who liked to go to Alaska and hang out with Grizzly Bears. Then on top of that he brought his girlfriend along. They both became lunch.
How about the weather, Frank?
2 kilometers=1.24 miles
"What The Fuck" - the first thought.
actually humans have more than intelligence we are incredible endurance runners a human can out run a horse given it was long distance
Well, maybe not a lot of these fatties nowadays (as bill calls ‘em), but yeah, that is kind of cool that we are the best distance runners in the animal kingdom
hahhahahaha bill
Case in point; Timothy Treadwell
Eaten by his "friends"