Bill Burr and Paul Virzi - Time Travel

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  • Опубліковано 7 січ 2025

КОМЕНТАРІ • 350

  • @Psyxic_Crimes
    @Psyxic_Crimes 8 років тому +213

    Paul is a goldmine of unintentional hilarity.

  • @Betoven81
    @Betoven81 10 років тому +312

    WANTED: SWEAT PANT GUY FROM THE FUTURE lol

  • @RashtaEinthisB
    @RashtaEinthisB 5 років тому +105

    5:05
    "Jesus got crucified"
    "Yeah but he didn't have an Uzi"
    😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

  • @youtert
    @youtert 7 років тому +137

    A time machine, coupla Uzis and a pair of Kobe 11's? It's over, man.

  • @Cruxweaver
    @Cruxweaver 3 роки тому +63

    This is probably my favorite segment of anything ever done.

    • @jameschauvet3140
      @jameschauvet3140 3 роки тому +3

      As a devote listener myself, I gotta say the same, this is just brilliant on too many levels

    • @williamdavid9272
      @williamdavid9272 Рік тому +1

      1 year later….he’ll yea I just stumbled on it tonight

    • @Wavemaninawe
      @Wavemaninawe Рік тому

      This is easily up there with Patrices extreme makeover of the United States.

  • @dbridge416
    @dbridge416 7 років тому +132

    That shit about Ben Franklin getting his hair blown off by lightning made me fall to the ground i was laughing so hard

    • @jasonm7948
      @jasonm7948 2 роки тому +1

      I know man. I've listened to this for the 1000th time and I still fall out every time. 🤣🤣🤣

    • @jasonm7948
      @jasonm7948 2 роки тому +1

      I know. That's why Michael Bolton has that charity... kills me every time I listen to it. I fall out laughing..

  • @RySpirit
    @RySpirit 8 років тому +141

    LOL this is gold. Make this a movie. it would be so funny

    • @jonjone661
      @jonjone661 3 роки тому +2

      Reminds me of that skit from the Chappelle show of the haters ball and them going back in time smh. Would just be ridiculous lol

  • @MrLegovas
    @MrLegovas 8 років тому +393

    - They gonna kill you Paul
    - No, i`m gonna be like a god, like Jesus
    - Yeah! And what happened to Jesus?
    LOL. Bill is awesome

    • @miami_mutilator
      @miami_mutilator 6 років тому +36

      MrLegovas yea but jesus didnt have an uzi

    • @Mr._Nobadi_M._Portent
      @Mr._Nobadi_M._Portent 4 роки тому +26

      @@miami_mutilator "Yea, doth the Lord sprayeth a clip into thine enemy. May peace be restored upon His land once more. Amen."
      -Jeezy 1:87

    • @SuperBrendan3
      @SuperBrendan3 4 роки тому +1

      @@miami_mutilator 😂😂😂😂

    • @fumothfan9
      @fumothfan9 3 роки тому

      @@Mr._Nobadi_M._Portent 💀💀💀

    • @77mpickett
      @77mpickett Рік тому

      Jesus didn't have an UZI 😂😂😂😂
      I just go to South Park
      "Yay my children look upon me and know me, but know this......I'm Packing 💥🔫

  • @alexanderson5590
    @alexanderson5590 9 років тому +283

    "but he didn't have an uzi"

    • @lightschunk
      @lightschunk 9 років тому +2

      And he doesn't speak their language. He doesn't speak French or Native American.

    • @alexanderson5590
      @alexanderson5590 9 років тому +1

      +Rodney Schunk I thought it was a halarious comment. I'm not agreeing with it

    • @cbryan3549
      @cbryan3549 9 років тому

      +Alex Anderson went to the comments to see if anyone quoted that lol

    • @cbryan3549
      @cbryan3549 9 років тому

      +Alex Anderson went to the comments to see if anyone quoted that lol

    • @KPho150
      @KPho150 7 років тому

      you don't have to say shit when you have an UZI

  • @dead_yellow
    @dead_yellow 5 років тому +24

    I love bills and pauls back and forth, its like bill is the older brother tryin to talk down his insane little brother

  • @phaeton01
    @phaeton01 11 років тому +171

    what happened to jesus? they killed him, he didn't have an uzi LOL

  • @internziko
    @internziko 5 років тому +20

    Paul: "i have everything"
    Bill: "you don't have anything"

  • @tommy_noble
    @tommy_noble 3 роки тому +13

    "Wanted: Guy in hoody from the future, he's been here 20 minutes, and has killed 600 people" lmao

  • @edwardross4015
    @edwardross4015 5 років тому +22

    This was such an absurd conversation. Comedy gold.

  • @Wavemaninawe
    @Wavemaninawe 7 років тому +16

    This never gets old. Timeless classic.

  • @Isaiah-ft5nx
    @Isaiah-ft5nx 6 років тому +199

    Bill is way smarter than he lets on.

    • @leviboswell9510
      @leviboswell9510 4 роки тому +21

      Dude I think that all the time. I feel like smarter people are more humble about their intelligence

    • @dalenlotterhand6137
      @dalenlotterhand6137 4 роки тому +3

      MaxamillionGrey erm.. this is a 6 year old video Trump wasn’t even a thought then I’m so confused by your comment

    • @Nippleless_Cage
      @Nippleless_Cage 4 роки тому +2

      @MaxamillionGrey That's true... Dunning-Kruger

    • @MrBuzzman21
      @MrBuzzman21 4 роки тому +3

      @@dalenlotterhand6137 Dont waste your time. He is just another narrow-minded liberal with an agenda blaming everything on earth on 1 person he doesn't like.

    • @erod425
      @erod425 4 роки тому +1

      Sounds like yall listen to alot of morons

  • @nohabloemojislosiento4930
    @nohabloemojislosiento4930 3 роки тому +30

    Could you imagine how easy Lewis and Clark would have had it if Virzi showed up with a speed boat, some ATVs and a couple assault rifles?

  • @TheGeneralsHQ
    @TheGeneralsHQ 4 роки тому +8

    This is the funniest conversation I have ever heard 😂

  • @ethangonzalez9265
    @ethangonzalez9265 7 років тому +31

    This is awesome, i would pay money for more bill and virzi.

    • @steveaustin5344
      @steveaustin5344 2 роки тому +1

      Anything Better podcast. Your wish came true.

  • @hotdog5178
    @hotdog5178 6 років тому +26

    They're practically describing the first scene in the movie time cop, and they have no idea.

  • @briano8936
    @briano8936 6 років тому +10

    Lmao @ how serious they're getting throughout all of this..
    "I don't like how you think you're street-smart in every fucking era"

  • @grapeape888
    @grapeape888 9 років тому +102

    He would be killed, his uzi stolen and an engineer would take it apart and study it for a few months, figure it out, and push weapons technology forward by 200 years.

    • @matthewheywood8532
      @matthewheywood8532 5 років тому +1

      MorbidManMusic they would figure it out pretty quickly especially if around the 1800s when industrialization started . If he went back further it would take longer but by the 1800s they knew the gun and were already working on multi shooting guns

    • @Marcus-gh8bh
      @Marcus-gh8bh 4 роки тому

      Dude im high and your profile picture fucking scared me

    • @kevthepoet
      @kevthepoet 3 роки тому

      FACTS

    • @Suuubi01
      @Suuubi01 3 роки тому +1

      Him being sold pn his idead is hillarious. Im so confused as to why he only chose to go back less than 2 centiries ago. He would still likely get shot, especially dince machine guns where on the way. He really coulda said the same thing but just go back to the 13th century.

    • @banwavy
      @banwavy 9 місяців тому +1

      Lots of other technologies would be pushed forward as well. Tons of the mechanisms in guns are the same you can use in many other appliances and machines

  • @pashiatus90
    @pashiatus90 4 роки тому +10

    17:15 I died 😂😂😂
    The scientists are gonna figure out that you’re a stand-up comedian

  • @devilstoast2703
    @devilstoast2703 8 років тому +23

    Holy shit, this might be the single greatest thing I have ever heard! Thank you for this XD

  • @quisthegreat13-KalEl
    @quisthegreat13-KalEl 9 років тому +11

    These two are great together

  • @ipellly
    @ipellly 6 років тому +8

    The single funniest segment of his podcast career

    • @lobitopr
      @lobitopr 3 роки тому +1

      Their narcissistic vs sociopath segment is freaking awesome too.

  • @williamleroux3768
    @williamleroux3768 8 років тому +32

    French and Indian war was the French and Natives fighting against the British.

    • @cereal-killer4455
      @cereal-killer4455 3 роки тому +1

      Yeah I was gonna say the same. It’s not like the Mexican-American war, it’s the French AND Indian - British war.

  • @H2O1608
    @H2O1608 8 років тому +71

    Virzi is hilarious !!! This is the stupidest discussion I've ever heard but it's cracking me up . Virzi can't be serious right now

  • @Y2JLionHeart
    @Y2JLionHeart 8 років тому +15

    Virzi is hilarious.

  • @evanschulte6153
    @evanschulte6153 5 років тому +4

    Honestly, the "learn Latin and go to a Roman Coliseum" is probably one of the best answers for this question. That would be hella interesting

    • @evanschulte6153
      @evanschulte6153 5 років тому

      You could also just go to jail in Louisiana and you can see some Coliseum gladiator type activity lol

  • @antonydrossos5719
    @antonydrossos5719 6 років тому +12

    I think this post is important in that it shows ladies the EXACT answer to "What's on your mind?"

  • @MMCLLC7
    @MMCLLC7 6 років тому +5

    Bill burr's time travel sound effect was fucking perfect

  • @5112jake
    @5112jake 3 роки тому +2

    6:48 "show up on a battlefield" *bweooo-wiip* had me dying

  • @zipzone
    @zipzone 8 років тому +34

    I'm black so most times before 1900's are horrific for me, unless I go back to when africa had kingdoms and even then, they'd all be very unimpressed with my non warrior uneducated ass. I couldn't compete with warriors or scholars back then. I'd just have a bunch of stories about shit that will exist in the future but no real knowledge on how to recreate them.

  • @darr3263827
    @darr3263827 9 років тому +1

    Definitely one of the better podcasts.

  • @Marco-fr3bf
    @Marco-fr3bf 4 роки тому +2

    These two have the best dynamic lol

  • @jwright3234
    @jwright3234 5 років тому +2

    “You sound like you’re sitting on a stoop right now” hahahahaha

  • @adams1458
    @adams1458 9 років тому +11

    13:40 lolol I'm running up the hill with a wind breaker

  • @hawk_346
    @hawk_346 5 років тому +4

    “I read about shit.”
    -Paul Virzi

  • @zenoftupac9096
    @zenoftupac9096 6 років тому +9

    This is reminiscent of The Evil Dead & Ash’s “BOOMSTICK”.

  • @Brownalicious
    @Brownalicious 8 років тому +4

    Virzi's got a friggin amazing laugh.
    I think ol' Freckles gotta bring back the pride of Jersey back on his ol podcast theaaaaa

  • @dannysmith2040
    @dannysmith2040 5 років тому +2

    You guys are so funny 😂
    The chemistry between you is perfect 👌

  • @ThePsychoReturns
    @ThePsychoReturns 11 років тому +17

    These guys have to read "A Connecticut Yankee In King Arthur's Court" by Mark Twain.

  • @chandyboi2976
    @chandyboi2976 5 років тому

    By far the best convo between bill and another human

  • @benjaminmcelwain162
    @benjaminmcelwain162 6 місяців тому +1

    That lightning bit 😂

  • @hysteria347
    @hysteria347 11 років тому +56

    lol charity for people struck by lightning.

    • @tracystephens5014
      @tracystephens5014 5 років тому

      Lmfao!! I was waking ppl up in the house at that whole part

    • @magicmintak
      @magicmintak 5 років тому +1

      It's somehow funnier when you see it written

  • @wulfclaw4921
    @wulfclaw4921 5 років тому +1

    ......"and then they could tell all the rebels, Hey! I gotta guy !!"
    LMFAO
    Paul is ready to go !!
    Hahahahahahahah
    😂🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂🤣🤣

  • @croissantlover1
    @croissantlover1 2 роки тому +1

    6:43
    - I wanna win the game for the team. That's what im saying.
    - That's very narcissistic behaviour here Paul.
    - You know-..
    - You just think you're gonna show up on a battlefield
    - They're going to be-..
    - BEEEEWIIIIIIIIII
    - You fuckin' showing up, walking out of this thing, with-..
    - Yeah.
    - With a hooded sweatshirt and a fuckin' uzi..
    - Yeah, naw.
    I was laughing so badly to this part, especially the sound effect Bill made.

  • @77mpickett
    @77mpickett 7 місяців тому +2

    For the love of God will someone plz animate this

  • @mrTacroy
    @mrTacroy 9 років тому +31

    Plus, in the 1800s they had canon and fairly heavy artillery. I cannot possibly imagine a single dude with two uzis winning against a 40k men army with artillery. All they have to do is stand very far and carpet canon the battlefield. In the rare event of the army rushing you, how many bullets can you fire? And when comes the time to reload what do you do as hundreds of men rush you with bayonets?

    • @kain7513
      @kain7513 9 років тому

      mrTacroy Having thought about it you make a solid point.

    • @Brastius
      @Brastius 9 років тому +6

      Pretty sure this guy has never picked up an Uzi in his life. He'd miss more times than he'd hit, then get bayoneted to death.

    • @thedoppleganger88
      @thedoppleganger88 7 років тому +2

      nevermind the fact that no matter what u got, youre 1 man and u still got 1000 guns pointed at u at once. one of those bullets is bound to take u down lol

    • @Ligierthegreensun
      @Ligierthegreensun 6 років тому

      He should have said he would take a nuke with him. THAT’S how you’d win a war for your side and you wouldn’t end the world since your nuke was the only one. He’d probably be too dumb to be far from the nuke when it went off so he’d end up dying.

  • @MrMaximum91
    @MrMaximum91 4 роки тому

    One of the greatest debates of all time

  • @gummruchk2297
    @gummruchk2297 8 років тому +2

    If I went back in time I would take books on a wide range of subjects as well as some modern fire arms and just set myself up as some countries greatest inventor.

  • @beastieboy01
    @beastieboy01 5 років тому +1

    How good would it be to have a Burr / Virsi podcast!!!

  • @goodbyeseeyalater
    @goodbyeseeyalater 2 роки тому

    lol 8:47 "I just laughed so hard,Im seein dots" lol

  • @PilloTheStar
    @PilloTheStar Рік тому +7

    Paul being so confident in his plan while bill desperately tries to explain to him why it would never work is peak comedy.

  • @spacemancam
    @spacemancam 4 роки тому +2

    “I got this, fuck the musket.” 😂😂😂😂

  • @NaturalMonroe
    @NaturalMonroe 2 роки тому

    Ughh this is gold

  • @chuckiebrownbfly
    @chuckiebrownbfly 4 роки тому +1

    1. You're takin the uzi, the ammo, take a box of matches an a pack of lighters to go with it.
    2. My bro stuck his chest out an ran his mouth at my pops years ago. Nigga told him "don't go to sleep." You gotta sleep an them dudes'll bombard you then.

  • @kevino2578
    @kevino2578 8 місяців тому +1

    I missed the page in my history book where it said Ben Franklin was shitfaced flying a kite 😂

  • @skaterdude14b
    @skaterdude14b 10 років тому +7

    In these weird, workout clothes from 300 yrs in the future LMAO

  • @RileyMerlino
    @RileyMerlino 5 років тому +1

    I thought the exact same thing before hearing Bill say 1899. And being a pro athlete would actually be doable. Pro baseball was probably they equivalent of high school baseball now. No one hit home runs until Ruth came around

    • @jaythompson5102
      @jaythompson5102 3 роки тому

      Athletic gear was super duper expensive back then best you could do is make it yourself. Between that and working 6 days a week, 10 hours a day just to support yourself theres just no way. Kids have so much free time nowadays to pursue sports.

  • @cereal-killer4455
    @cereal-killer4455 3 роки тому +1

    What are you gonna do for food Paul? Are you gonna Uzi a deer? 😂😂😂

  • @salernolake
    @salernolake 2 роки тому

    Paul's time travel dream sounds like the plot to "The Man Who Would Be King."

  • @77mpickett
    @77mpickett Рік тому

    I also picture versi popping out in a battle like hey I'm here to help u win then just cut to him as he's cresting a hill running from both armies mowing down red coats and continentals alike trying to escape

  • @PrivateAckbar
    @PrivateAckbar 10 років тому

    I love Bill Burr fans. Listen to this musket vs 2%4 conversation.

  • @lobitopr
    @lobitopr 5 років тому +3

    They would be smearing you in the papereth. 😂

  • @PiranhaPT
    @PiranhaPT 9 років тому +7

    Paul should grab a freaking machinegun rambo style, with an EOD vest, a grenade launcher and lots of ammo, teleport right in the middle of the roman coloseum and start spreading havoc. I bet he actually did that and that's why Nero burned the whole city to the ground lol

    • @Ligierthegreensun
      @Ligierthegreensun 6 років тому

      But then he’d fuck up the whole space time continuum because he would completely have changed the past wherein he changes the course of his ancestors’ lives, making it a strong possibility he’s never born. Which collapses the universe because it’s a paradox.

  • @Sir_Robin_of_Camelot
    @Sir_Robin_of_Camelot 4 роки тому +2

    "I read about shit" lmao

  • @llYossarian
    @llYossarian 3 роки тому +1

    February 28, 1997 - Two bank robbers equipped w/ fully automatic weapons are sidelined and ultimately taken down by cops armed almost exclusively w/ pistols and shotguns...

  • @ol2510
    @ol2510 6 років тому +2

    I love how ppl are saying there should be a movie about this - there is, and it's called Black Knight with Martin Lawrence. He just didn't have an uzi :D

  • @johnbullock8885
    @johnbullock8885 6 років тому +3

    This is awesome, but it reminds me that at 31 years old I don’t and probably never will have a male best friend at this level ever again.

  • @77mpickett
    @77mpickett Рік тому +1

    10:35 omg I'm rolling on the floor

  • @homiefromtheset7786
    @homiefromtheset7786 4 роки тому +1

    Jogging uphill in a windbreaker

  • @jakeadams1423
    @jakeadams1423 6 років тому +1

    If bill and Paul did a stand up act Together! that would be insane

  • @Twobarpsi
    @Twobarpsi 5 років тому +7

    This is your own narcissistic head-trip, and it's going to bring you down!

  • @chrisharrison7888
    @chrisharrison7888 6 років тому +8

    I totally fell for it until the Michael Bolton foundation

  • @999predators
    @999predators 4 роки тому +1

    "Paul i know you haven't read anything about history.."
    "Yeah WW2 and shit."

  • @Omar-Mukhtar82
    @Omar-Mukhtar82 6 років тому +7

    Someone should do animation to this.

    • @RetroGamerEightyOne
      @RetroGamerEightyOne 5 років тому

      I would but I’m shit at drawing

    • @jasonm7948
      @jasonm7948 2 роки тому

      Yes. Genius idea.

    • @jasonm7948
      @jasonm7948 2 роки тому

      Have you seen bills helicopter bit? It's animated too.

  • @somegeezer6439
    @somegeezer6439 5 років тому +1

    "I read about shit"

  • @CodysFavorites
    @CodysFavorites 7 років тому +5

    Some of you are taking this conversation way too seriously lol

  • @matthewforte2382
    @matthewforte2382 7 років тому +4

    and that's the story of babe ruth

  • @KingFaust13
    @KingFaust13 3 роки тому

    I tell them hey I got this!! (F*** The Musket).. 😆 LMAO

  • @goingcommando27
    @goingcommando27 4 роки тому +3

    "I'm the one with the semiautomatic weapons" I mean even with a full auto Uzi with a max range of 100 yds against 2,000 people you're probably fuckin dead, but semiauto hahaha? Not a good idea

  • @flapjack6495
    @flapjack6495 3 роки тому

    This really feels like a big/ little brother relationship

  • @jasonm7948
    @jasonm7948 3 роки тому +1

    "I know stuff!"

  • @imaginationastronaut6568
    @imaginationastronaut6568 8 років тому

    8:35-9:0 LMFAO yeah, he sure did. "I read shit"

  • @JamesParsonsDunckervon
    @JamesParsonsDunckervon 9 років тому +5

    in the French and Indian war. the french and indians fought together against the brits and americans

    • @JLITTLE32
      @JLITTLE32 8 років тому

      I'm surprised more people aren't laughing over that in the comments. I laughed out loud when Bill said that.

  • @AngelArm1110
    @AngelArm1110 4 роки тому +2

    Totally agree with Bill here, you MUST consider historical context, and it can be a mind fuck

  • @the_dylansage
    @the_dylansage 7 років тому +1

    Beeyuu! "Fuck the muskets!" Lmao

  • @LuckyChuck795
    @LuckyChuck795 5 років тому

    I could listen to this shit all day lmao

  • @gabrielhowardMKE
    @gabrielhowardMKE 4 роки тому

    Bill really is smart as hell.

  • @tobymcgroby8967
    @tobymcgroby8967 3 роки тому

    I had this level of conversation in grade 3 lmao

  • @wulfclaw4921
    @wulfclaw4921 5 років тому

    Paul....Don't listen to him ! You could pull this sh!t off, man !!
    Bill, stop buckin the system, buddy ! Youz bettuh fall in line, pal ee !
    Or you'll be sleepin with the fishes, eh !!
    Hahahahahaha
    Paul, the time machine keys are in locker 214 at the bus station and your uzi and ammo are loaded up and ready to roll !
    🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @Rkenichi
    @Rkenichi 5 років тому

    Why does Virzi talk like the guys he would meet in the past are in the mafia? “I got a guy” lol

  • @Yophillips3272
    @Yophillips3272 8 років тому +3

    I would make a crazy amount of 1899 counterfit money or coins, bonds or whatever and build an entire town.

  • @Boabywankenobi
    @Boabywankenobi 6 років тому +2

    If you made AI robots with like 8% capacity brain power...this would be the outcome of their conversation. Not death to all humans in a language we can't even speak.

  • @77mpickett
    @77mpickett Рік тому +2

    Whatta ya gonna do u gonna uzi a deer...
    There gonna get the gun from you Paul.
    No they won't cuz I'll have it ready to go at all times.
    So your gonna become friends with them while having a uzi trained on them at all times...

  • @imbatman8472
    @imbatman8472 10 років тому +3

    this is fucking hilarious

  • @OrggsOrggs
    @OrggsOrggs 3 роки тому

    3000 musket balls will own you champ.Maybe take a tank?

  • @geekrockrats
    @geekrockrats 9 років тому +25

    I'd find an opium den when they were at their peak and just stay there. The time would be short but I wouldn't care about that or anything else. I thought for a while about it and that's all I could come up with

    • @jamescav9316
      @jamescav9316 9 років тому +6

      +geekrockrats i gotta second that...you must be a lazy piece of shit like myself

    • @anonchen7656
      @anonchen7656 8 років тому +2

      +geekrockrats how you gonna live.. how to you intend to make money for your "trip"? Come on, son, you can be a lazy fuck and still take advantage of knowing shit nobody else knows.

    • @willg7540
      @willg7540 5 років тому

      Really? You wouldn't place wagers on events that you know the outcome of? Youd just smoke yourself away?