Why I Left Uni // Mental Health & The Glamorisation of Overworking
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- Опубліковано 10 тра 2021
- Irony is how I was working until 2am on a video about overworking...
#MentalHealthAwarenessMonth
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I dropped out of uni during the third semester of my bachelor degree and it was the best decision I have ever made. I was miserable at uni because I was holding on to an idea of who I thought I was rather than actually exploring who I was and letting go of that idea was one of the most painful things I have ever had to do. I defined myself almost entirely by the books I read and thought that that meant I had to go to uni and later pursues a career in publishing. In germany there's also this push to go to uni. It's drilled into us from the moment we get into school and especially once you get to secondary school (I will ignore the complicated german school system for the sake of brevety) any career that doesn't require a bachelors at the very least is barely even valid. Which is so stupid. My brain simply doesn't work well with the academic process and realizing that destoyed every idea I had of what my life was supposed to be.
The pandemic has also shown the biases that society has for so many groups of people. I saw the student thing with my friends and family members who are in uni. I also work in a nursery/ children's daycare now and I learned that society at least here does not give a shit about daycares and daycare workers. The only thing that matters is that we're open. No matter the circumstances. No matter the risks even to the children. I have been so angry. It's exhausting.
On top of that I am in the final year of my vocational training which means 40 hour work weeks and when I get home I write papers. doing all of that in the middle of a pandemic is hard. I have cried from exhaustion on more than one occasion. I have had to stop doing things I love, but a week from today I am handing in my final paper, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel now.
I think a lot of people can relate to this. It is a serious problem in our society fueled by our society, a curse of the modern time.
Modern anything feels like a curse, somehow.
I left university during my first year because it made my mental health and eating disorder so much worse. It was one of the scariest decisions I ever made because ‘everyone goes to university’ and I thought my family would be disappointed. I did an apprenticeship, got on medication and have been in a great job for several years now 🙂
thank you for sharing this Ashleigh! I actually really related to having all of your personality and self worth into academic achievement. And when you realise that it's meaningless and it makes you feel like your whole life gets uprooted it just feels like a big first world problem and you're overreacting? So it was actually weirdly validating for me to hear that you've had a similar experience! (except that i have a sort of opposite response where i get overwhelmed and underwork myself) And i think many more people feel this pressure, given the amount of toxic value is given to productivity and academic achievement, so i think it's great you shared you experience!
I have anxiety and depression and I always feel compelled to do something productive: if it's not work or uni it could be reading, having important conversations, writing. I've worked in Italy and I find it easier to spend time just relaxing there than here in the UK
It's like listening to my own story about how important intelligence and achievement have always been to me (Same Hermione and Anabeth syndrome) and how that made me feel like a complete failure, even thought I have a masters degree in Genetics and I speak 3 languages fluently. Later on, that gave me depression, social anxiety and even fear of adulthood. In fact, I still feel like a piece of trash no matter what I tell myself. That small voice of reason is keeping me going but I'm never satisfied. Add to that the pandemic effect ... So you're not alone in this. I know how hard it is to not feel judged. I'm sure there are so many just like us.
Same here. I recently told myself that I do not have to be 'Hermione' to be a strong woman. I do not need to be super intelligent or smart. And I'm making decisions based on what I want now and what makes me happy, not what my parents or society wants.
I left school as well when I was in my 20s. I am in my 30s and I have no regrets. It just wasn’t no longer for me. My burnout rate was so bad I got sick. Work life balance is very important. Thanks for sharing your story!💜
I've managed to reach a point where I am able to relax and do "nothing" but I've not been able to reach the point where that doesn't make me feel guilty. Baby steps I guess
My friend just sent me this because I've had to email about withdrawing from studies for the second time because of my mental health plummeting again because of the same reasons. The mental and physical relief I have felt hearing someone else talk about the pure pressure I have felt from the toxic nature of overworking and the way I have placed my value and worth on my ability to academically succeed. I genuinely thought I was broken in a way no one else would understand because of the reactions I have to not being able to work/succeed in uni. Thank you for sharing your journey
Thank you so much for making this video. I related to this in so many ways, I am currently in my final year at uni studying dental therapy, this has had to be extended due to the pandemic so I will not get to graduate this year and will need to keep working, this has been physically exhausting and the burn out has been real, topped with the fact the Scottish government does not want to give us the financial aid they have promised the dental students doing almost the same degree, I know I will keep going and get my degree but to hear someone else going through similar exhaustion and mental health issues was comforting in a way I can't even explain. I am so glad to see someone who is doing so much better after being in a situation similar to myself gives me so much hope.
Thankyou for this amazing insight. As someone with two kids, my wife and I are very conscious of pushing them too far. Your story is not unique. We really need to look at ourselves as a society, and what we are doing to ourselves. Health and well-being are far more important.
I cried so hard watching this. Thank you so much for talking about it.
Thank you for sharing, Ashleigh. I don't suffer from high functioning anxiety in the same way. My anxiety rolls in my head, day and night, telling me every thing I do wrong in whatever I attempt. Trying to break those cycles is hard. Too hard some days. Friends and loved ones in general are crucial to keeping me from the brink. And like yours, they'll never know how much they mean. People have no idea how the smallest moments, the smallest slices of sharing their time, can keep someone from falling apart. Customers at my job were amazing about that, too.
I know that you don't know me, Ashleigh... BUT I just want you to know is that you are NOT ALONE!!! I am here for you! I am so so so damn sorry that you went thru that, that you feel that way day in and day out! damn, girl, you broke my heart watching this..I hope that you are getting help and I am so glad that you had/have friends that were there for you during this difficult time! I freaking love you beautiful!!!!
Thank you for sharing, I completely feel you and definitely know that I'm a risk for doing this. Currently I'm burnt out, yet still forcing myself to work two full time jobs. Love you xxx
Thank you for sharing your story Ashleigh! I really needed to hear the things you mentioned, thank you ❤️❤️
Thank you for putting a name to this. I am know to put work before family. During the pandemic my job required 10 hour days for months and working Saturday. During this I also did my own business of dog and house sitting. The Saturday I wasn't at my main job I was working at a quilt shop. So I am going to leave the quilt shop.. hope we can all get help
Sadly I think other people can relate to this. I'm so sorry you experienced all that but thank you sooooo much for sharing it! You are maybe not aware of it but you're helping people sharing this... This is an important video so thank you! Sending you love and good vibes
I feel this video soo much! I dropped out of uni during working on my Master thesis. I basically had to, because I physically couldn't anymore, as I had developed burnout...at 24 years old. Needless to say I also started therapy because I dropped out of uni. I had worked myself to the ground, and I still wanted to keep going, as I already had a Phd position offer, which is very hard to get i astrophysics. But my body said no, and 5 years later I still don't regret my decision to drop out.
Thank you for sharing your story. I think alot of people can defo relate to this society need to change instead of telling people there not good enough for not working themselves into the ground.
I can relatie so much. Although our lives are completely different. I am 42 and a single mother of 4 kids. And I am currently studying tot be an English teacher in the Netherlands.
But the things you say are so relatable.
My compliments to you that you made this video.
I completed my phd in molecular genetics, but I wasn't enjoying it for the last years of it, and I even tried out for a post doc because, like you said, it's the automatic choice. But I wasn't approved for my first attempts at that and now I'm glad of it, and now I have a very different job, and I feel liberated. I feel like research environment puts a pressure on everyone and many people feel like they're not good enough, never good enough. I had to work on my mentality a lot. Now I consider myself free from thinking like that, and I'm sure you will too :) Also, don't bother how society views it, what matters is how you will choose to live your life :)
i know this is a bit of an older video but it's really resonating with me and wanted to share that i feel you! i was exactly the way you are describing, hardworking to a fault, at my first job in my dream industry and i was laid off and then at the next job, laid off. And i didn't realize that was (unfortunately) normal for beginners in my industry so i took it personally and worked the hardest i had ever worked on the next team, couldn't close my laptop until 10pm after starting at 8am, there was always more work that could be done. i also had to grasp with that there wasn't really a way to feel "ahead" and so many folks on my team relied on me to do my part. i was so stretched thin so I went to therapy and over the course of many months, i realized 1. i needed something more exciting than my dream job to pull me away and want to close the laptop 2. it's okay if work was done at "B+" level in my head because it was probably "A" level work to my team anyway. it blew my mind that 2 + 2 = 4 wasn't a thing anymore, as in hard work + me = reward. suddenly 2 + 2 = 3.5 and that needed to be close enough. it freakin' broke me. the therapy really helped over time to learn that i was more than just my job, that it wasn't my full identity and i had more worth that being a hardworker.
I hope you are in a much better place now. know that i am working through this too, it's a process! thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story, it's really helped me feel less alone. Much love from California ❤- Ari
Ashleigh, as with you and many of your subscribers who have left messages below, I completely understand your perfectionism and academic thirst. Although I have a MSc (which I use to some degree in my current role) I still get an itch every now and then to study something new - I mean I even started a new degree with the OU in the last year and sometimes begin to wonder why... this year with Covid it has been a saving grace for my depression during the dark winter nights but also serves as a foundation for it and my anxiety to get good marks! Why do we do this to ourselves??
I honestly hope you're starting to feel better and it is good to hear that you have some amazing friends that will keep you going and calm you down when you need it. Always remember you have us subscribers to talk to and we understand. x
I am so so sorry that you had to go through this Ashleigh. While I can't say I know exactly what you were going through, I understand. Especially when it comes to a final year in a pandemic. Last year, all my concerns about my problems doing a final year of a performing arts degree was met with 'well you can just do an essay can't you? Shut up and stop complaining'. I repeat, I was doing a performing arts degree. That means I chose a degree which is about practical work over written work because I don't enjoy it and it's not where my strengths are. People's attitudes to students (especially from universities)was disgusting. You are valid. You are worthy (even if you stop doing things and take a break). We love you x
Thank you for sharing your story and for acknowledging how hard it is to get out of that mindset...and that it is very much an ongoing process. As someone who has literally spent their whole life in education, first as a student and now as a teacher, I can definitely relate to so much of this. Like you, 2020 was the year of change for me, and it is still very much a working progress. Something which has helped me, but which I appreciate could make others more anxious, is that I've kept a 'productivity tracker' in my bujo. I've focused on recording the things I've done, including cooking, reading, things for my wellbeing, catching up with family/friends etc and not just work related tasks. This has made me feel much more positive about my days.
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. For having the courage to open up to us. 10000% thank you.
I am sure there are so many many people that keep these types of struggles to themselves. Myself included.
The culture/world we live in expects us to overwork ourselves. That’s the norm. Small steps at a time, working on ourselves (and one by one we can become a great force) can hopefully lead to a greater change.
I personally would be at the office until 11pm (there since 8am) - mentally and physically exhausted. I gained weight, stopped eating healthy, sleep was definitely not constant, I ran my body to the ground/ exhaustion.
Add on the pandemic, the state in which my body/mind was and now being alone at home with no human interaction, sitting in a chair for 10+ hours a day...... etc etc
I know I have to put myself first. But our culture and societal expectations do not allow for that.
We have to remind ourselves to take small steps to make positive changes, a 5 min walk. A 10 min break...
again thank you. Best wishes to you! a lot of us can relate, you’re not alone in this 💕
Can relate to so much of this - especially with English Lit being a degree where you can always do more and there's no real stopping point. Thank you for being so honest Ashleigh! x
I did my masters when I started my business, and I dropped out feeling lousy. About 10 years later, I signed up masters again and I graduated. I admire you are doing what you love. I believe some day you will fulfil your dreams, maybe in different time, space or ways.
Thank you for sharing your story 💕
I wish you the best of luck🌹 It’s very important to take a break and care for yourself and your mental health❤️
I was quite surprised when you announced that you'd be leaving university back in January. I can relate and understand. I've suffered from anxiety all my life too and in the past it prevented me from achieving things that I thought I'd be able to breeze through. I got to a point where I came to terms with it and realized that it was always going to be a part of my life. These days I strive to keep my life as simple as possible and concentrate on the things that make me happy, like working in a job that I believe in, reading and studying things that interest me at my own pace. Toxic academia is something I can relate to as well. Thanks for sharing this with us and take care.
Dealing with some of these same kinds of things myself, so I’m sorry to hear you went through this. 💝
Thank you for being so open and honest. I love you and I think of you 💛💛💛💛💛
This video was an eye opener for me. I feel very similar to you in that Hermione was an inspiration to me as a child, and how university has been my dream for a long time. I've overworked myself before and made myself sick because of it, and having recovered from that, I am now much more aware and careful about my workload and how I set up my day. As I feel myself falling into another wave of overwork (not being able to take a break and feeling like I've failed every night going to bed), this video was kind of like a wake up call to me. Thank you, and I believe we can do this
I had several situations where people were asking me how do I manage to be so calm and put together during some stressful thing while I was having a full on panic attack during the whole time.. This high functioning anxiety stuff is scary.. Thank you for sharing, it made me feel not alone ❤️
My mom is a counselor at a Jr. High (middle school). She has a lot of the same mindset that you have talked about. She has beaten herself up so many times. Recently she has mentioned how certain aspects of her health are not doing so well. She is retiring this year. Her last day is in the first week of June. I hope this helps take some pressure off of her. Sending loving, patience, and good vibes your way.
This is the most seen I have ever felt. I was tearing up just thinking about how our stories aligned and just how tired and empty this mindset makes you feel.
Thank you for sharing Ashleigh ❤️
Thank you for sharing you are going to help so many people !
I see you, Ashleigh! I was definitely there last year with my job of 5 years that I absolutely loved. I was way overworked and gaslit at every turn. Couple that with the high functioning anxiety, it wasn’t a great time. After having a complete emotional, mental, and physical breakdown in November, I decided it was time to leave. The hardest decision I ever made. But I’m doing so much better now! I’ve found a job I like that doesn’t expect me to do 5000 things at once. I have more time and energy to do the things I really enjoy. I feel like I can finally start to breath easy again. It is definitely a constant, conscious decision that people like us have to make, to slow down and not expect ourselves to be perfect and productive at all times. But once you figure out how to make that decision, it really does get better. Sending you lots of love and strength for this next part of your journey! 💛💛💛💛💛
I never went to uni and I always felt like I had failed because I didn't go, but this validates the reasons why I didn't go. I knew I would stress myself to an unhealthy amount. I'm sorry you went through all this but thankyou for sharing this, I needed to hear it 💗
Thank you for posting this video. 💜 I related strongly with your story.
So much of this resonates with me.. Thank you for sharing
Me being absolutely exhausted and thinking I’ll take a quick break to watch this before getting on with all the unnecessary tasks I like to fill my evenings with 😅 I definitely needed to hear this today, thank you for sharing your story 🧡
I can relate a lot of this. Even the having people that you wanted to embody from childhood. I hope that even if the world never finds balance in this area of life, we will find our own! I love you! 🥰🥰🥰 We will get through this! 💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾
Thank you so much for sharing Ashleigh. I related a lot...
Thanks for sharing this, Ashleigh. I have a full time job and I'm at Uni and I feel exhausted all the time. The struggle is real and it takes a toll on my mental health. I can relate to a lot of what you've been through and I understand what you're feeling. Take care of yourself. 💜
❤️❤️This spoke to me so much. Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing
This was such an important video and it means a lot to me that you talk about it since I struggle with this too. It's really brave of you to talk about it so personally. Thank you 💜
Thank you for your bravery and vulnerability in sharing this. 💜
Oh Ashleigh, thank you so much for sharing this. I can relate to much of what you're saying. Sending you love ❤️
Thank you Ashleigh for sharing your story I really learned from it! Love your channel, your accent and you!!!!
💕
Thank you for sharing, and being vulnerable. That is a brave thing to do! It is good to talk about these issues as it is more prevalent than people think. So glad you are taking care of yourself!
Thank you for sharing your story and hepfully helping people 💕
The video was very informative. I don't have the same experience with school and academia at all, as I've always seen it as an anxiety inducing chore (I quit uni within a year, hated it). I've always admired people who were really into school because it was such a different point of view from mine, but I never realized it could go that far.
This helped me realize the pressure some people put on themselves and how damaging it can be. I hope you can manage to feel better and find a healthier relashionship with work, lots of love and take care 💕
Thank you for this. I relate so completely to your story - from the sense of self-worth beginning at primary school, right up until the anxiety and depression and over-work and feelings of failure and 'not enoughs' of university. I had a massive wake up call a couple years ago when I was hospitalised because of it and literally forced to stop everything. Getting back into things has been so hard, I am so aware of how tenuous the line is between working and over-working for me and afraid of what could happen when/if things start to spiral. I am really grateful for you speaking so publicly about this, I really really needed to hear and relate to someone else's similar experiences this week. Thank you
I see you. I understand your struggles. I have depression and anxiety that battles everything in my mind. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
I’m at uni currently and can really relate to all of this. I’m so glad that you’re feeling a little better and can talk about it. I know you’re still working on it but u’ve come so far 🧡🧡
Thank you for sharing. I too base my self-worth on my intelligence and knowledge, so I can relate. And though I enjoy the idea of holidays, when the actual day comes I feel antsy and try to "be productive" doing chores and diys, because I believe I have no right to "waste" my time, not even on holiday.
Luv your vids, I hope you are doing okay. It must have been a very difficult decision to make, I think you genuinely bring a lot of joy to so many people by doing your videos, so we all hope you put yourself first (hugs).
Take care Ashleigh ❤ I appreciate every single video you put out, whenever and whatever it is 🥰 Thank you for making me feel heard too 🥺
Hi! I felt so understood. This was hard-hitting for me because I saw myself in what you said. The only difference is that I was like that before the characters appeared in my life and I just embraced the excuse to continue. Still feel unworthy or incapable of doing anything else not-academic properly.
I would very much like to talk to you about it. It might help me.
Glad you're happier now!! Hugs!
This video is so relatable I almost cried - I was actually talking about this exact subject with my therapist earlier - I'm glad you are in therapy too - its hard sometimes but also good
Currently watching your video whilst trying to manage my own anxiety, just wanted to say thank you for sharing your story 💖💖
Hermione and Annabeth were my idols when I was young (and even now) and I relate so much to what you said about your education/learning and validation for academic success becoming so tied to how you view yourself. I just finished my first year of uni and I'll be declaring my English Lit major this fall. I'm so glad you shared this video because I recognize a lot of your thought patterns within myself, especially the thought that you could always do more or if you had worked harder you could've managed more. I'm definitely going to be more mindful of how I think of myself in relation to work and school going forward with my education. Thank you for sharing your story and bringing this (sadly) common mindset to light.
Putting out your story takes a lot of courage! I know how hard it is to retrain your brain. I am sending positive thoughts your way and hope you can celebrate the small victories every day!
I can relate so much. Was labeled as a gifted kid in younger years and then, when I didnt want to put the work in anymore and therefore didnt get the grades anymore, I spiralled into severe anxiety around exams and I really worked myself into the ground. Now I have finally managed to break out of this mind set, but have basically now no direction where I want to go, because I never put a lot of time into any hobbies or things I was interested in beyond school. So yeah....... thanks for that school system...
Thank you for sharing this story! You are so brave to share this. And it is good to hear this from someone. I think you are helping a lot of people with this video! And listen to your body, if you are getting sick this could be a sign you are doing to much.
sending you the biggest hug 💚✨
So glad that you are finding your way through this. So many people struggle with this or versions of it. Your video will help those who watch it and that’s a precious thing you have done. I’ve been watching your videos with my teenage daughter for a couple of years and this video is a message she needs to hear. Thank you 🙏
I know a lot of people feel this, you are so right. Your story resonates with me in so many ways, we haven’t had the same journey of course but this is definitely something I’ve had to recognise in myself. Hearing you speak about it does help to know others are going through the same things.
I’m so glad you are addressing this and looking after yourself 💚
Thank you so much for you opening up and sharing your story I’ve just found your channel and I’m due to hand my dissertation for my undergrad degree and honestly I get this I understand and this whole hustle culture is horrible and 2020 honestly changed my mindset too xx
I was just having a conversation about this earlier today! The timing of your video!!! I honestly can relate so much. As someone who grew up studying and reading a lot and has been facing all the challenges of academia for many years now, I completely understand you and your reasons to stop. Always chose yourself and your mental health, and honestly your videos and energy always brightens my day and help me disconnect and keep me sane, so ill use the opportunity to say thank you and that you are trully appreciated 🌿💚
Thank you for sharing your story Ashleigh! I relate to this so much, as sad as it is it was nice to hear the only one that deals with this and these thoughts. I pushed myself though my MBA and thought it would be better once I got the degree, and it didnt (in many ways it got worse). So, I'm proud of you for putting your foot down and making the uncomfortable decision for your best interests and then pushing through to find a new normal and continue to work on your mental health. I'm proud of you and thank you for your truth.
Thank you for being brave enough to talk about this and I’m always around if you ever want to chat work/life balance (or anything else!), it’s a constant job to maintain it but it can be done ☺️💛
You got up today. That makes you brave.
Thankyou for sharing your story Ashleigh. It is a very real aspect in a lot of peoples lives especially anxiety. Sending hugs. You are a very strong person and true friends are always there for you in good times and in bad times. That is a terrible act on the part of the university- I would be mad as hell as well- the sheer audacity!.
Hey Ashleigh. Thank you so much for sharing, I related a lot. I am a student and started therapy in January, because of depression and anxiety, a lot of it centered around uni. This video made me feel less alone in my struggles 🧡 so thank you for that. All the love from Germany! 🌻
Listen to this, it's so relatable it's scary. Uni was a mess for me. I remember being lost and I was just trying so hard to keep it together whilst spending nights crying. Now nearly 7 years since then life isn't perfect but I'm at peace with life. But there is a voice still there saying you could have tried harder in uni even though no one has even looked at my uni grades.
Thank you for this ❤ I could really relate to everything you were saying...one of the things I've learned is that if you aren't enjoying something, then stop. It's okay to stop and move to something else. It just means you're growing as a person ❤
I am so sorry you have had to fight so hard to get to where you are. I have so much I want to say about my own experiences, similar and different, but just not in YT comments (paranoid about who might read). Thank you for sharing, I truly hope you are able to continue improving managing your MH.
Thank you for being so open and honest. I know it seems a lonesome venture depression with nothing but darkness as companions but you’re not alone. Ever. When you feel the ember of life flickering low remember that others are also sat around that fire.
Doing an MA is hard, but doing it in the current situation is... impossible. The video I did last year about doing an MA part time whilst working full time is... very much outdated now. Everything in it... it's not a lie, but it just doesn't ring true anymore.
You really did the right thing and it doesn't mean you don't deserve everything you've got.
Thank you for sharing this. I think a lot of people will be able to relate.
I'm so glad you posted this. I couldn't relate to anything more. I struggle to take breaks as well. I went to uni and then I did a post uni program where I was taking 7 courses a semester. I dropped the intensive program in April. And I am trying to teach myself to take breaks because I did the same thing. Just constantly overworked myself.
I got the exact same response from my institution about online courses and its incredibly fustrating!
I'm really glad you made this decision and you are feeling better with yourself! Lots of love❤
Thank you for sharing your story ❤️ Even just listening to the ways the people at the universities treated their students during this pandemonium gives me anxiety, I can't imagine living through it... honestly, I'm happy for you taking this decision for your own sake! I also left uni earlier than I thought I will. Fortunately, I don't regret it ❤️
Thank you you sharing Ashleigh, I hope getting your feelings out has been able to give you a bit of closure around everything. I can relate so much to alot of what you've said as during my senior year of undergrad I very nearly gave myself stomach ulsers thanks to overworking and stress. Its actually why I haven't enrolled in a masters program and honestly I think it's the best choice I could have made. You're feelings are so very valid and I want you to know that you're amazing!
Thank you SO MUCH for sharing this! I am still so angry at how the universities handled the pandemic and I cannot believe that you were told you weren't working hard enough. There was no support for students what so ever and there still isn't. I work at a uni and I struggled so much doing my master AND working at a university because I had experience on how the students felt but at the same time I was working from home and felt like there wasn't much I could do to help them. I haven't mentioned this to you yet but your decision to withdraw from your masters is what showed me that I didn't need to put myself through the stress and craziness either, that withdrawing was an option. I chose to do my masters for me... and I realised that putting myself through that much stress was not 'doing something for me'. Since leaving my masters I am SO much happier and I agree that putting your mental health and yourself first is always most important. Thank you again for sharing! 💖
Your comments towards the end about trying to not say 'I've done nothing' - I recently got into journaling and I want to make it a routine at the end of every week where I write a list of thing I did do when I think I've done nothing 😅💕
I totally understand and I’m struggling with the “I didn’t do anything” situation. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for letting others including me that we aren’t alone in our overworked selves. It’s definitely a thing! I will happily share any information I find but so far I’m in a similar place in battling this.
I swear most of us just live the same life at different times XD I'm sorry you felt the pressure to try and carry on your Masters and put yourself through all of that, but I know that I wouldn't have finished my masters had I been in your position (a full-time job that I loved and successful UA-cam channel - I can't relate at all, especially at the mere age of 23!) You're WAY ahead of your time in terms of professional and personal success, and as much as I love academia, I know Academia set me back probably around a decade professionally, personally and financially, so trust me - you did good gal.
thank you for making this video 🧡 i can totally relate but i had this experience with anxiety and burnout etc in high school, which made me take a gap year before uni because i ended up being so stressed and i needed a break from everything. i'm now almost done with my first year of uni and i definitely chose the right degree for me (languages and literatures) but still i doubt my decision sometimes. when i'm feeling very anxious i almost want to drop out to avoid this stress. in your case you definitely did the right thing x
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! I’ve been also developing a toxic, non-sustainable relationship with work and academia especially since the start of the pandemic. I couldn’t put into words the burden of high functioning anxiety, which made being understood and supported hard. After watching this I feel less trapped. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and struggles. Sending lots of love and support. We got this! 🧡
I'm so glad you did this video because this is a huge problem, especially in the last year, and I feel like there's still an aura of 'shame' around it, and there shouldn't be!
I have low functioning anxiety, which often result in panick attacks, so it was interesting for me to hear how you deal with your high functioning anxiety. I'm glad to hear that you had friends who helped you through the harder parts of the year and that you are doing better now, after taking care of your mental health. I wish you the best and hope it continues to improve for you over time. 🌷
I can definitely relate to this. I have a lot of similar habits to you - creating to-do lists and if I don't finish everything on the list that I feel like I haven't done anything or that I'm not good enough. Academia wasn't my thing, not because I didn't love learning because I did and do, but because of how it's structured and how it treats people with disabilities or who don't fit into the boxes they want to shove you in. But with extracurriculars I'm terrible. I over commit and punish myself for not completing things by not letting myself sleep. I'm just like "Katie you can't go to sleep until you finish A, B, and C" and while I've gotten a bit better with it, it's a huge struggle. I also suffer from self-hatred in a variety of ways as well as anxiety. I hate how society wants us to be like this and is just pushing us to our limits and beyond. We're not built for that.
But I'm so proud of you for everything you've overcome so far, and for just sharing this
I am so sorry you went through this with education and this struggle and no graduation either
Thank You ❤️ So Brave
Thank you so much for you raw vulnerability. I just know this will help others, and hopefully help you heal too.
I totally understand this whole video, since school it's always been my goal to push my way through education. It was tough, I didn't realise I was autistic until a couple of years ago. I dropped out of a masters degree, but kept pushing and now I'm about to start my PhD. I'm over the moon, but it's definitely not been easy.
Good on you for recognising that you need to listen to yourself and do what's right for you.
Love and blessings.
Rai
xx
Thank you x
I'm so glad that you had that support network of friends that knew what to say to help and that you're working on your mental health. I hope you manage to find that balance of work and rest ❤
When I was in primary school I "excelled", I got given extra work to do, I'd read all these books. I loved learning and feeling smart and like you (though not to the same degree) put a large amount of value in that as part of myself. That's something that I tried to keep it through secondary school.
My GCSEs were definitely a rough time for me with the stress and anxiety of thinking I wasn't doing enough, that no matter how many times I'd try and understand something, it wouldn't stick. So being told throughout primary school "oh you're so smart" and doing extra work meant that when I couldn't understand something at secondary regardless of how hard I tried, I would break down. I would cry it out for a few minutes and then continue as if nothing happened. That ethic did eventually lead to more serious things happening, that was kind of a wake up call but I also still continued till the end of GCSEs.
Even though I'd made all these plans to go onto university, apply, get a place etc. In the end I knew that regardless of how much I knew that I would love doing the course I wanted to do in theory, I knew that I would work myself into that hole of being constantly stressed over work. I think I would be in a much worse place mentally now, if I had gone.
I relate to this so much. I overworked myself so much that by the end of uni I just got overwhelmed and stopped. My grades tanked but I just couldn't work anymore. So glad I'm out of that environment now!
Thank you for sharing this, I'm sure a lot of us can relate.
I guess I went through to the end, and still didn't end up OK on the other side. I didn't go in to academia but instead went down the professional exam route. I got a job in a profession which is very hard to get in to. Then I decided I wanted to pass all 15 of my professional exams first time. They say it take an average of 6 years to pass exams, and less than 50% of people who start them even finish, and on top of that less than 5% pass all first time. I worked myself silly for 3.5 years and passed all my exams first time. I'm still proud of this, even though how I got there wasn't good, lots of depression and an eating disorder.
However my main issue was after, I felt so lost when I had finished, I had no more qualifications to work towards after 22 years in education and I spiraled. I ended up being admitted to an acute psychatric ward because I was so lost I was extremely suicidal.
Thanks for sharing, it's important we teach people that exams, and academics aren't the be all and end all of life. There is so many more things to do, that may not have a piece of paper at the end with your accomplishment written on it, but they are so worthy.
Glad you made the decision to drop out of uni for yourself, you’re health (mental & physical) matters more than any degree. In regards to a post-pandemic world I have the same fears, I think now would be a perfect time for our society to change for the better but it seems like few want that. Love your videos💚