Same here. Makes me realize that cognitive dissonance was a BIG part of my mission looking back! Yet I stuck it out 'til the end in three different missions so as to have a honorable release (I ended up transferring from Ecuador after a year to Utah after getting anemic, then quite sick). I went home 6 weeks early & finished my time as a missionary there! So I ended it in Alberta, Canada.
I realized the church was false about a year into mine. I stuck it out and returned home ' honorably'. It took my years to finally feel like I wasnt a horrible person.
@@CuriousKingdom420 That's rough. Sorry you had to to experience such pain afterwards. It took me awhile to leave the church & overcome the dissonance I was experiencing; but I was lucky to find support outside the church too!
Kolby, thanks for sharing your story. I am a 71 year old grandma who is very impressed with your sincerity, courage, intelligence, personality and ability to communicate on many different levels. You have a bright future ahead of you and I am so happy you realized the truth about the Mormon Church at such a young age. Your future is now YOURS and I am so happy for you. I would be proud to have grandson just like YOU. And yes, you are definitely intelligent enough to be a doctor. To quote Joseph Campbell, "Follow your bliss!"
Kolby's parents raised a honest man with integrity & intelligence (including the critical thinking!). I hope they can recognize that & respect & eventually even appreciate this young man!
What does Bible say about LGBTQ? Or can people just pick and choose. It is not just Old Testament idea. Also...what does Bible say are qualifications for an elder. (Elder usually means older but Mormon elders are young. Very young) one qualification is husband of one wife. End of polygamy for leadership anyway.
I know what you mean, but the phrase "critical thinking" came from Kubler-Ross, also called "The Mother of Death Culture," who euthanized people, ran a cult for people to pay to have "relations" with their spouses who'd died and it was really other people they were having relations with, and the "Critical Thinking" some of us were put in in elementary school, when we were asked to answer on paper who we'd throw off the boat, if it was sinking (i.e. the wealthy lawyer, the old grandma who might die soon, the mother with the baby, the college student, etc. and of course we'd say ourselves). The catch phrase "Critical Thinking" has been put out there in recent years on purpose for the same reason we were being exposed to that PROGRAM as children in school. It's even included in the Affordable Care Act, where it says hospitals will get bonuses for not feeding and treating patients over 65, who have certain issues. I totally know that's not what you were saying, of course.
I remember when I got pregnant (at 18, by a catholic, unmarried) my brother’s mission homecoming was the next couple weeks. When the sacrament was passed, my whole family watched me to see if I would take the sacrament or just pass it to the next person. I was so upset. Not because I refused the sacrament, but because I literally saw the whole row of family members watching me to see what I was going to do. I should have taken a whole handful of bread and stuffed it in my mouth 😂
My sister had the sacrament Completely denied her by a high priest, because she had a child, unmarried at 16. The shaming is real. I wish more members would chose not to ignore the hard stuff and look for answers, because rbe answers are Joseph lied.
I saw a Church psychologist at one time. He said at the very beginning that, because he was paid out of Church funds, he was required to keep the bishop informed on what was happening in our sessions. I only went to him once. It’s a ridiculous situation.
I saw a church psychologist too after my mission. If this was going on I wasn't informed... seriously sick and I could think completely against HIPAA. I wish that didn't happen to you.
The fact that the Mission authorities invade and control their missionaries' communications to the point of them having almost no mental and emotional privacy, no safe avenue to voice personal feelings gives me the willies. It's like they're trying to create Mormon Stepfords.
it was a lot longer ago when I did it, but this has been the case even before digital age. I was out for 17 months before leaving the mission from 2000-2002, and at the time I was out, we were not allowed to make phone calls home at all except on Christmas and Mother's Day (probably because they didn't want to pay for long distance calling fees) we weren't allowed to use the internet at all, so no emailing. We sent letters home once a week, but our friends and family were supposed to send their letters to the mission home and then the president would send them along to us afterwards, and there was little stopping the mission president from reading the letters from our families. though most of us sidestepped that by just telling our families our actual address to send mail to directly.
My heart goes out to this young man and his family. It’s a heartbreaking situation for everyone involved. I was so hurt and angry when my brother left the church that I went searching for answers to bring him back into the church. What I found instead rocked my world. The worst part is feeling like I have to grieve in secret which is what I think Kolby did. I resent the position the church has put people in. They lie to us about our history and then leave us to break the hearts of our loved-ones when we learn the truth. It’s unbearable.
And the church is very sneaky about training our families and fellow members to disown us when we leave. They make us fear leaving, to the core. They use the same BITE model that any other cult uses. It's gross.
It’s EXTREMELY disgusting that the church leaders knowingly mind screw us all. And then punish the people who have questions by excommunicating them. I now see that this is done to psychologically cause us to get back in line and HUSH UP. It’s sick. It’s pathetic. But they will do anything to keep the money pouring in. And if you don’t ‘get back in line’, they get rid of you (excommunicate) before you wake up (infect/defect) others. Now I see the reasoning behind shaming and trying to humiliate those who speak out, by saying that stupid line; “They can leave the church, but they can’t leave the church alone”. It has the same effect as the C.I.A. trying to shame and embarrass people by calling them ‘conspiracy theorists’ when they are getting too close to the truth….THAT’s the whole point behind calling people those names….it’s to get them to shut up, before they get others to wake up. I now understand the whole thing with keeping everyone so busy with church callings/jobs, that you are too busy and exhausted to learn the truth about church history. And besides, after putting so much of your time and effort into the church, you don’t want to find out that it was all for nothing….a ruse. So some choose to ignore the truth when family members try to point it out….after all, they have so much of themselves invested in it. Could this also be the reason that the church leaders cause a division in families, where there is one that finds out the truth…..they advise others to keep their distance, so as to not lose more people, therefore more tithe money? It’s devious as hell!
Awe, I totally 💜 Kolby. What an insightful and thoughtful young person. All I can say is, that I am soooooo grateful that my husband and I got our young boys out at ages 8 & 10. My oldest is now 18, graduating high school, and I am SO GLAD that we are not forcing him to go out to serve a mission in these horrifically toxic LDS mission environments. Horribly abusive to young people. I LOVE that Carl Jung quote as well. “The way and the truth is WITHIN us individually.” 👊🏽
@@FooWifeX The way and the truth is within us...? When you left Mormonism, did you leave the God of the Bible all together? Because this quote is not scriptural, actually anti scriptural. I'm just trying to figure out this channel.
I’m always surprised to hear people’s experiences of confessing to the bishop as teens. I never did that. I was a very private person, had major boundaries and felt my personal information was none of the bishop’s business. It’s so disturbing how many go along with being shamed for being human.
It is better to be ashamed and know what one has done wrong than to live like it does not matter how we are to live. Our God puts that shame in our spirits even if a member of the church will not. We know what makes us feel shame and then pray for forgiveness for what we did that was wrong and ask for help to put us back on the right path so we would never feel that shame again. Many times with a pure heart our Lord Jesus is able to help us out.
@robinbeecher590 No, we're human-beings and according to you made in god's image. Young people shouldn't be shamed because of the thoughts and feelings they have as teens as they are going through puberty, while a bunch of old men are getting off of it on it in sexual way and that is exactly what happens. People are brainwashed to go into places that make them uncomfortable. Our human instincts are there to protect us from harm. Never tell anyone to go against their gut instincts. It just makes them vulnerable to exploitation and abuse, sexual and otherwise. That's the worst advice I've ever heard and very common in churches, hence the rampant abuse in churches. No!
Shamed means the beginning of knowing how rebellious one has become. I was shamed but not through the bishop. Jesus let me know how He had felt when I went away from Him to do something I would regret for life. But it taught me something and many others through what I had been shamed of. When feeling really bad at the moment says yes we is human but while here on earth we have a chance to change that into something wonderful. I could never blame another person for what I my self had done. Each one of us decide to either be rebellious or do the right thing. Each day it is up to each of us this is what our Lord Jesus gave us freedom to choose. satan on the other hand does not do that he demands we do what he requires of us which is to always sin and blame whomever comes to mind to blame. I give praises unto the Most High for all He teaches us on a daily bases. Freedom is the greatest lesson for us to know how we want to present ourselves daily. It is all up to each of us when we decide to serve Jesus Christ yes we is human but we also know right from wrong and the consequences we might have to go through but it has nothing to do with another human being.
Making suffering marketable: Holy caw... I was that person. My husband died 17 months after my 6 year old daughter died. Two months later, I spoke in stake conference, then stake women's conference then youth conference. I was used for my tragedy, ability to speak and mist importantly tow the gospel line while not acknowledging my grief. It's tragedy and sad.
That's so messed up. I still don't get why they do that? My son almost died and everyone heard about it so the next Sunday I was asked to give a talk in church about blessings or something. I was annoyed. I made a big show of pointing into the audience at the EMT who showed up first at my house and I thanked her and the doctors. The people who should be thanked not God. Then I had to share my testimony at youth camp randomly.
I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter and husband. I can’t imagine having the significant grief being used and abused. Sending you my love.
I am not a return missionary. I did grow up in the Mormon church until the age of 14. My mother lost her Mormon faith and answered the call of Christ. She was a follower of Christ for 40 years up to the day she passed. I have been a born again Christian for about 8 years and struggle so much with our Triune God. Not actually struggling with God but hard to comprehend 1 God 3 persons. I do have a close relationship withGod and love Him with my whole heart. I can’t get the idol of the Mormon Jesus out of my mind. I love Mormons and understand the judgment of leaving the church. God bless you all.
I know the chat was going wild with this but on a rewatch this is seriously a man I’d want in my corporation. This dude has vision, compassion, and tenacity. Kolby if you consider engineering for your future give me a call :)
Shocked me how kolbys story is so similar to mine. I returned home early from a mission as well and went through the same exact things he went through in the same order as well. I really appreciate Kolby sharing his story as it really resonated with me and made me feel less alone. Much love brother
I just love when he said I’m no longer living for the after life. That is such a beautiful statement because I felt the same way when I finally had the courage to leave! So many religious people live for an afterlife. Because of that they justify controlling others, placing guilt, taking human rights, and seeking judgment and suffering. It’s so sad and so sick.
I admire this young man and am thankful that he decided to follow his own path at such a young age. I’m a convert to the church at age 15. I’m now 66. And it took me a long time to come to my senses about what I feel is truth and how the church picks and chooses who to condemn even though it causes people to leave the church or take their lives. I love my son and have chosen him over the church. He is a wonderful man, served a successful mission to Argentina and is gay. I’m tired of following men who make things up and call it the word of God. I am choosing to follow God and putting the church on a very back burner. Also, regarding the length of episodes: It has taken me over a week to listen to this entire broadcast. I couldn’t leave it because Kolby is such a well spoken guy. I love his honesty. I was intrigued by his story. Good job, Kolby! Enjoy your life.. 👍🏻
Kolby's grace, integrity and critical thinking is extraordinary for such a young person. He gives me so much hope in his generation. Awesome interview.
I started reading the CES letter 3 days ago. I’m in a state of shock. That might sound dramatic but I can’t think of anything else. I am so very grateful you are doing the work you’re doing, as my mind has been blown. I converted 4 years ago after the death of my mother (vulnerable? Check!) without my husband or children joining. I even paid tithe on my tiny salary behind my husbands back! Because “you know, he wouldn’t understand unless he’s a member.” Jeez I was an idiot. I had nagging doubts once I had some space during lockdown from the INCESSANT communication from members and missionaries, which now I’m convinced was on purpose so I didn’t have time to think. Anyway, enough of me. Just simply, thank you.
When I woke up from my high demand religion - it was literally a whirlwind. Even now 23 years later, I _still_ remember that first domino falling. It was Friday night, I came home from work and decided to look something up on the internet having to do with my church. That took so much willpower for me to do, we were SO discouraged from looking things up on the untrustworthy Internet - and this was back in days of Yahoo! I was so scared. But I finally did it. I read the first article - which was from a newspaper. I was rocked - I still remember it was like an electric jolt traveled the length of my body. I literally spent the rest of the weekend reading and learning about my religion. I was in disbelief and then suddenly like snapping your fingers everything clicked into place. Things I had been questioning or putting on my shelf for years made sense. *If you have the ability - I recommend finding a licensed therapist to help you process your discoveries. Someone outside of LDS if you can.* You may choose not to leave the church for various reasons, but you'll find that you can handle your broken world (and perhaps mourn the passing of innocence) better with the help of a professional & objective person. For me, learning the truth was both liberating and heartbreaking. I did go through a mourning period - but thankfully I was able to seek out a therapist to talk with for a few months while I made sense of what had just happened to my life and my reality. Leaving that church organization is the best thing I ever did. The freedom and joy I felt over the next few years as I reclaimed my personality and allowed myself to just *_BE_*
Wow! When Kolby started talking about hiding in the bathroom during sacrament really hit home. And I’m a NeverMo . I was raised Methodist but, before communion being served the pastor would give a speech about how only those whom have truly repented of their past transgressions should take the sacrament to show their faith in Christ. As a teenager their were several mornings sitting in church and as soon as I saw communion was starting I would tell my mom “Oh no, I don’t feel well.I’m going to the bathroom. And I would hide in there until the tray had passed our pew. It was confusing to a 15-16 year old brain as to WAS I worthy, because maybe I had kissed my boyfriend or told a white lie.
So genuine and honest, it touched me very deep. My son came back early from his mission too. He got judgement and no support not even from his own family . His depression just got worse, until it ended in suicide . That morning before taking his life , he told me that the church was a big lie. I will carry that guilt till death . Most of us left the church after researching and our son coming out as gay. So shame of the big abominable church , that even the Book of Mormon talks about.
So sorry your son had to endure such harsh judgment & that he lost himself & his life because of it! Life is so precious & NO person has the right to judge another. Especially NOT if they believe in a loving God!
Hi Kolby! We live in the tacoma, wa mission boundaries! Soooo happy I had my awakening when my son was 15. He was teachers Q president and on the fast track for mission. It was really weird for him at first and now he is 17 and all his church friends have all but abandoned him…for nothing other than not going to church and seminary anymore. There were literally women in the ward who were very good friends with my wife and who were good family friends who completely ghosted us once we left, and we weren’t vocal at all about it publicly. (Not culty at all, right??) I’m so glad he could go through it now instead of when he was out on the mission and he may have gotten so indoctrinated that he would have abandoned our family for being evil apostates. Kolby, you are epic man! The exmo community loves you. Remember, if it ever seems like your whole mormon world is turning its back on you….they are only 0.2% of the entire world so you have an entire 99.8% of the world who wouldn’t fault you for what you supposedly “gave up”. As a fellow health care professional, its not as hard as people make it out to be. Graduate school was some of the best years of my life.
Kolby, you did what I wish I could have done on my mission in 1998, figure out the puzzle box. Good on you for having the conviction to get out when you did. Great things await you. Your future is open and yours to discover.
I was a missionary for four months proselytizing in Kentucky, had a horrible mission experience, came home due to Covid, and really bad mental health, and went inactive for a year and went to college. I then got reactivated by missionaries and went back out as a service missionary at home, and I just never clicked back into a happy or a normal person. I am now a 95% inactive member
I came back from my mission on June last year. I started to serve a few months before the pandemic, so I was reassigned to Tijuana, where I was mocked and bullied by many missionaries. I had had a faith crisis myself when I was 15-16, became very acquainted with Zelph On the Shelf, MormonStories, Exmo Lex, Mr. Atheist, Mike Norton, CES Letter, Church Essays, etc. I saw many missionaries have their own faith crisis. I was a zone leader when a new missionary wanted to go home. I'm mexican and he was one of the few americans that were coming back. He was forced to be on a mission, hated it, cried every day, we talked, I gave him a blessing and when he was sent home I tried to let him know he was not a coward. At the same time I trained an elder from Colorado and saw him go through a faith crisis. I have anxiety and depression and had to be sent home early because of it. To this day I'm still an active member and believe in the Church, some may call me decieved and that's ok. My point is not to give a lecture, but I want to say I know the feelings you describe, Kolby: the pain, the confusion, the feeling you have no one to talk to. I experienced that with my own familiy (when it came to my mental health, not my faith crisis). I really hope and want to be a person people that go through stuff we both went through can trust. I do my best to not be judgemental. My mother-in-law is lesbian and married to a woman and my wife's best friend is transgender. I know it is easy to go the doctrinal route and judge them, but I've been taught how to love and never limit that love. I wish you the best Kolby, your stand and feelings are valuable :) BTW, this video was posted the day I got married!
Gracias Gus Hdz Ruiz por tus palabras y lo que expresas a Kolby!! Puedo darme cuenta de muchas cosas negativas que suceden dentro de la Iglesia, llámese situaciones, decisiones, comportamientos, pensamientos, etc. Fui forzada a ir a una misión, sin embargo, aún en medio de mis dificultades, desafío e inconformidad por estar ahí, encontré siempre oportunidades para aprender de las personas a las que conocí y aprendí también a amarlas sin juzgarlas. Es triste y lamentable que estas cosas sucedan dentro de la Iglesia...Pero quién garantiza que no sucederán? Somos seres humanos y como tales nos equivocamos, aún dentro de la Iglesia de Jesucristo de los Santos de los Últimos Días. Mi testimonio del evangelio de Jesucristo es firme, como sigo firme en Su Iglesia al igual que tú. Respeto profundamente el sentir de Kolby, desafortunadamente entiendo más el inglés de lo que lo hablo y lo escribo, para poder externárselo. Saludos cordiales para ti desde Coahuila, México
Thank you for the kind reply. I’m an ex-Mormon (served a mission, etc.) and studied my way out of the church. While I can’t say I agree with or support Mormonism, I respect members like you who can keep an open mind, not be judgmental of those left the church, and show Christlike love and compassion towards all people including for those who are struggling in the church. We need more Mormons like you! 👍
I’m a newish member, I was baptised last September, my brother is gay and one of my best friends is transgender, I support the LGBTQI community, I will always love and support my brother and friend, I’m 41 have battled cancer 4x which lead to me to wonder what happens once we die, I bought myself a bible and started reading, I then decided I wanted to attend church, I googled churches near me, and the top result was LDS and got in contact, this was June last year and and I started attending in July, I have started having my doubts about the BOM, but I love attending church, I love my brothers and sisters, there are things I struggle with, for example the whole priesthood, how it seems they are all for men, I don’t like that, also the racist things I’ve read, then I came across a letter to my wife, I started reading yesterday and finished it today, i was disappointed reading that, so even though I’m not 100% convinced about the BOM, I’m still attending, does that make me a bad person? I believe in the Bible, I believe in Heavenly Father and I love my Bible. I still follow the word of wisdom though, not sure why I was compelled to reply to ur comment but I hope you don’t mind
This kid is very much wise beyond his years and the way he told his story was told in one of the most empathetic and real ways I've seen as of yet. He has wonderful things to give to this world
I love this interview, Im an ex-mormon and ex-missionary, from Chile, when I moved to SLC I started to feel "so brown" ... this was the trigger that snowballed to finding my way out of the church.
I really believe that 97% or more of the missionaries are "serving" primarily due to social pressure, and not any personal conversion or convictions. Many get INTENSE (although sometimes subtle) pressure from parents, grandparents, siblings, friends, neighbors, ward members, teachers, girlfriends, girlfriends' parents, etc., etc., etc. I remember back in college (at USU) girls trying to reconcile that maybe I was in fact a decent human being, despite the fact that I was not a requisite returned missionary. I KNEW that many of them had been told that they should in no way get "serious" with, or perhaps even date, someone who hadn't served "an honorable mission."
can confirm to be part of that 97% I actively doubted the truth of all of it when I went on the mission to start with and left it early... and it was quite the scandal when I did since this was over 20 years ago and the percentage of people leaving early was much lower.
I work with medical students and believe Colby has what it takes to be a doctor. His life story is compelling as is his ability to think critically and his empathy. Consider being a nurse practitioner as an option as well
"cry crocodile tears for the guy that figured it out at 19" very good observation. Those of us that didn't figure it out until decades later than Kolby wish we could have.
Kolby my dude, you have more emotional intelligence than most people twice your age that I know. Thanks for sharing your story. It reminded me of things that were a record-scratch in my head as well, growing up in Christian fundamentalism, and why I got out. Keep following where your empathy leads, it's all the deep doctrine you'll ever need.
I know a dude that is about to leave on a mission and he has made it clear that he does not believe whatsoever.. Unfortunately he is going anyways because of the pressure put on him by his parents. His mom said that if he even considers coming home early than he can find somewhere else to live. He also worries constantly about the shame and embarrassment that he would have to deal with for not going. The suffering I see he is going through right now is almost unbearable to see. Going through it myself, I know things will only get worse for him. I just hope it doesn't break him like it did me.
this is literally the best ever. i love love love that missionaries are finding real truth on their missions!!!!!! leaving the church before marriage and kids and big life decisions BEST CASE SENARIO! GO little rockstars!!!
It has been a long time since I was in the Church, and when I was, I only heard the "it-was-the-best-time-of-my-life" whitewashed versions of mission experiences. Kolby, your telling of your experience is HYSTERICAL!--when it's not heartbreaking. Kolby, you are one of the most mature and articulate young adults I've ever had the pleasure of encountering. I know you love your awesome parents, but if you ever change your mind, can I please adopt you?
Love this!! I never had any kids of my own (medical reasons, then SARS got in the way of adopting) & I agree! Would love to have a young man like this for a son.
they repeat that sentence like many others because they dont want to be felt out. That is the best way of control people. They want you to be like others, dont try to be different, saying differently or thinking differently
I’ve used a church therapist (bishop referred me to her and ward paid for it) and on the first session she said it was strictly confidential. She even clarified that nothing will be discussed with my bishop, even if the bishop asked her for information. We did not start or end in prayer. One gripe I had weeks into therapy. She encouraged me to study the BOM and “didn’t know why she felt the need to tell me that” hinting that she felt prompted to say that. The therapy was very helpful. I was a member at the time and a bit depressed. In hindsight I realised I was depressed because I was slowly realising that Mormonism was not true. I’m no longer a member and content with being a non believer of any religion
Imagine... Mormon missionaries spend months and years telling other people, in my case as an RC, that my Church is false and my concept of Jesus is wrong. So Satan wins twice and more when he undermines the Apostolic faith and when he turns the missionaries into athiests after he's done with you. Unreal.
I can tell that Kolby is a very unique and special young man with an incredibly bright future. I had some deep insights while watching. Thank you Kolby for the courage it took to do everything you did and are doing. Loving you. Be blessed. -KP
You are always worthy just being who you really are. Never feel ashamed of it. Just enjoy your life and people who truly love you will support you no matter what.
My story with Mormonism is very similar to Kolby's. I lost my testimony in 2018 during my mission after finding the truth material using the Mission Office computers (I was appointed Executive Secretary in charge of the visas), and stayed for a year in cognitive dissonance until finally deciding to return home early. Massive respect for Kolby for speaking up about his story, one I can relate to so deeply and all the hurt associated with it. Hopefully one day I'll get to tell my story on the podcast too.
I just reached the point where Kolby talks about the advice to let the missionary "take it easy" (starting about 4:04:00). My PTSD from my mission is kicking in and I'm feeling physically nauseated. When I was having serious medical problems (that we later realized were likely life threatening), and then later serious mental problems (that became life threatening) this was not the kind of message I got. The "Work, Work, Work" quote (Pres. Ezra Taft Benson, "Keys to Successful Member-Missionary Work") is what was being pounded into me. That I needed to keep getting my numbers in and fully dedicating myself and "work, work, work" is what would fix things. Any help I got was fairly minimal, wedged into the schedule (not really carved out), and in some cases only served to exacerbate the situation.
I can’t believe I listened to the whole thing. I heard it last night and I thought about it so many times today. This young man gives me hope for his generation. Smart as a whip! Good luck Kolby. I have never been a mormon. I am just someone who is interested in cults. LDS, FLDS, so many others.
Me too, it's so fascinating but heartbreaking. You grow empathy for current members in some way. If you are born into this, it would be so hard. Are you agnostic?
Me three. Never been in organized religion but I'm totally doing a deep dive into modern cults. I can't imagine finding out that my entire world view and understanding of how the afterlife will be is all a huge lie and manipulation. Losing that common connection with my family and friends etc. It's a real psychological trauma. But as I get older I lose faith in our government and all institutions so i guess no one makes it out unscathed.
Lesley…Actually I believe in Jesus. I watch a channel on you tube called Jeff Mara podcast. He interviews people who have basically died and then been revived. All the interviews are near death experiences. Almost everyone who has had an NDE (near death experience) have similar stories. It is actually very uplifting. I have no fear of death at all. It is simply amazing to me that some cults survive this day and age. Warren Jeff’s cult the FLDS has lost a ton of people. The polygamous cults are the ones that just blow my mind.
The thing is what people do on earth got nothing to do with what Christ did for us.our frustrations and Questions.dont mean we are evil or bad.Christ apostles and deciples had Questions.and some were not unswered cos they had to learn for themselves.we are all mortal and not perfect.but we are God's family even if we make mistakes.which family is perfect on earth name one.which family member is perfect name one.so we must Crucify each other just bcos thing's dnt go our way or how we view and see things.
Speaking of LG BQ Proposition 8 all the Mormon families were asked to contribute to help defeat Proposition 8 they had a company back East handle this so that it could not be directed back to the Mormon church people were asked by their Bishop to the state president to donate certain amount of money to this cause to help defeat it college education money that they had that they had saved to help out this cause I thought that was so damn deplorable despicable because you are what you are you didn't become that way because you chose to just phrase holy came and wrote the letter to the editor of the San Jose paper and it was a documentary on PBS which is wonderful and it pointed fingers directly at the Mormon church and how they tried to hide it
I am absolutely in awe of Kolby's attitude about all of this. His maturity at such a young age who is trying to figure out how to figure out how to live outside of what he knows. I love his compassion for everyone regardless of their situation. Understanding his grieving process, his ability to reflect in healthy ways. I wish this went both ways. I have an LDS boyfriend but I am not LDS and learning about this has given me insight in such an articulate and respectful way
Love this kid. I left Christianity a couple of years ago, and I only told like one Christian friend, who I knew would be accepting. She asked me why I didn't believe anymore, and somewhat like Kolby, I said, "Because this is one of the hardest things I've ever gone through, and I don't want to put you through it." She said she was prepared and she wanted to know, so I told her, and she was like, "Yeah, that argument doesn't bother me." lol Kolby is so smart and so wise and so kind and brave. You're gonna go far, kid.
Good for you Kolby. I left in 2020 when I was 40 years old. Count your blessings - lol. Loved your story, thanks for being raw and authentic. I was one of those missionaries who went to please his parents and community and half assed it the entire two years, went home as soon as I could with an early transfer. yet I still tried to believe for 20 more years because it is all that I know. I then one day in 2020 found the essays and then cross referenced them then found the CES letter and blam.... out.
@cindybin2001 lol I have. and I read the rebuttals that debunk the Fair Mormon articles clear as day. I have also researched hundreds of hours on my own and don't need FAIR Mormon or anyone else to tell me the CES Letter is debunked. I don't need the CES letter because each item is verifiable. Period. In fact the CES letter didn’t lead me out of the church, the Gospel Topic Essays did that. I found the CES letter much later. I no longer just listen to what is spoon fed to me from one source anymore (The church). Critical thinking is a skill most Mormons do not have. That's how I don't get caught “falling for" anyone's malarkey. However, if you wanna talk about falling for... let's talk about the 40 years of my life I wasted FALLING FOR the Churches ridiculous B.S. and giving my time, money and resources to a church who is exploiting all their members day in and day out. And by the way aren’t you not supposed to be saying “Mormon” anymore? aren’t you giving a victory to Satan? 😆 Anyway, when I was Mormon for 40 years I checked all the boxes. hardcore. all in. etc. stayed away from any non-correlated material. So of course I never learned all the stuff that is HISTORICAL FACT because I was solely listening to what the church told me to listen to and going on FAITH. But actually FACT > FAITH Now, if you want to BELIEVE what the Mormon church teaches and only read what the church tells you is okay, that is fine by me. I’m not going to tell you not to, but just know there is far too much verifiable evidence and explanations out there combined with REAL scientific fact that disproves the majority of what the church teaches. Some choose to live on blind FAITH, others choose to live in FACT.
My mormon story also involves sa cover up. I am fourth generation pioneer stock as the verbiage goes. I am descended from Wilford Woodruff. And my story is long and brutal and indoctrinating and traumatic all the things. So I agree with Colby when he said we should each tell our own Mormon story whether they're pretty or ugly, so thanks for sharing your story. You're young. You're going to have a long healthy life! Enjoy being able to make decisions on your own.
Hey I’m currently doing a service mission but came home from my proselyting mission. Been enjoying these interviews and I am in similar boat as this dude.
I finally got to see this episode and I'm so glad I did! This is absolutely my favorite episode. Some of the things were the culture I grew up with, and other things had even me finding my jaw drop with how insane and pretty culty the church acted with these missionaries. I was also incredibly impressed with how mature, deep, and brilliant Kolby is. He is beyond me and I'm in my 30's. Especially for someone so young, he is amazing. Thank you for doing this episode!
It's 2023 .... I am riveted.....thanks to Colby and Gerrardo and ALL .... my family includes Mormons and I am not one.....all your stores hold my attention....thanks again.
Thank you all of you for such a tremendously entertaining, honest, and mature interview!! I went through a type of deconstruction from a cult in my late teens, and it was brutally difficult - even with my entire family going through it together. Kolby doing this alone, while on a mission, is absolutely courageous. Love and hugs to you all, from NZ.
The mission has been a recruitment drive for decades, and deceitful for a big part of that. Truth speaks for itself and is the magnet. If we can just love and live life, we wouldn't need a missionary program. Served London Mission '95
Funny story - II thought when masturbation was discussed that they were saying “mass debating”. I thought having a debate with many people was a sin. I’m actually so glad I had that mixed up because I had many years of self-exploration and pleasure with zero guilt. Lol. Love y’all so much.
We had an Elder Sorensen around when my mother joined the church in the late 80s. Pretty sure my sister and I have a photo of us and this young Elder when we were toddlers. All I can say is that I'm glad this particular Elder Sorensen found his way out and left his mission.
I’m a nevermo but remember your exmormon Reddit posts! So glad you got home safely and seem to be doing incredibly well, despite the obvious challenges. I’m sure you’ll do wonderful things!
@@China-Clay I’m glad to hear that. As a former fundie nevermo who is still deconstructing my own faith and decades of religious trauma, I sometimes feel like an intruder, even though the stories help me in that process.
If you lose friends because you choose to leave the Church,as far as I am concerned those friendships were superficial.Friends are real friends when they let you be you,and their love is genuine.
I was so deeply depressed on my mission and they wanted to move me to go to a therapist on the mission but I felt wrong being there. And demanded to go home(that was not easy). I felt wrong spreading something that I increasingly felt worse about as each day went on. There is a lot more that happened and went into it.. I think my mission is probably my most unaddressed trauma. This opened it up a bit, but also helped a bit thank you.
I experienced public shaming in Baptist church - not being able to take communion because of sin - my self worth was already in the gutter. Id had a really difficult childhood no support and it’s hard to be judged by people who have no idea how much resilience and effort has gone into just surviving when they have had supportive parents and the luckily supportive husbands too and so never get to experience that public shaming - i cant go to church and I just have a personal faith in Jesus
@@kolbysorensen3553 Hey Kolby! Great video - loved the Avatar references. My niece & I got tattoos together last month (she’s your age). She got “There is no war in Ba Sing Se,” so I really appreciated your reference!
This has been an epic, close-to-hear and relatable; and unexpectedly triggering video for me as a former mormon who went home "dishonorably". I'm glad to have finished and watched this. thank you!
I visited my Son and his family and I am not LDS. My grandson about 5 asked me Grandma why aren’t you taking sacrament? I told him we didn’t attend their church and he was happy with that answer and never asked again when my daughter and I visited.
Amazing young man. Just want to say you are very brave and smart to have opened your mind while on a mission and to accept the findings! That’s huge. So many stick their head in the sand. You give me hope for loved ones in my life.
My husband also left the church after I found the CES Letters. I grew up in a southern Baptist church (also full of indoctrination, especially of females!), & I wanted a more involved, humanity loving church family, and when I met my husband we talked a lot about faith. I genuinely wanted to join the LDS Church after learning so much about them and their involvement with the community, but I also knew I needed to do my own research. My husband never did a mission, but he was very involved growing up. Their family was sealed, parents did the temple wedding, his dad and grandparents went on missions, they went to church every week, etc...so when I found those CES Letters it broke my husband's heart. God took that pain and turned it for his glory, though! We both left organized religion behind and started following Jesus instead. That's what gave us TRUE freedom in Christ. We've got a better relationship with God now than either of us had in church. The CES Letters actually helped both of us, despite how painful it was for my husband.
Kolby will do great outside of the church. I can't believe that this interview was almost 5 hours. I watched it in one sitting and it flew by. Such a honest brave young man. I can see Kolby's story as a feature film starting with him on a high speed training heading to to the airport, then a flashback to tell his story. The LDS youth seem to be smarter than the bureaucracy that they are trapped in. BTW nice plugs for RFM. Look forward to more interviews with Kolby. Shout out to Gerado for making this happen. Looking forward to the John Larsen and Sandra Tanner
I really appreciate this because the same things happened to me last March when I was leaving my mission early and it was really great to see how other people delt with the things I was going through!
YAY! You guys got this! I am so happy you are getting out at this point in your life at least. It is much better than getting out later as an adult farther in. It all sucks though. take care
It was so powerful that when he talked to the mission president that he set the terms of what he would talk about and what he was and was not willing to talk about. I feel like one of the hardest things when leaving is taking your own personal authority back. We are taught for so long to answer any question or do what is asked of us by our church bishops, etc. That was a powerful shift in my journey.
This interview was incredible!! I agree with Colby about how amazing Gerardo's interview was. Definitely a top 5 in the history of the podcast. It touched me so deeply. I also got married young in a same-sex marriage and struggled with the conservative churches we were a part of. We are still Christian but we can relate so much to the institutional discrimination and the power of love to help one get through it. ❤️❤️ Thank you to all of you who are involved in Mormon Stories!!
I grew up with a Dehlin family (Jeanne Dehlin, can't remember the dad's name, but one of their kids was my age named Dustin Dehlin; I'm 46) in SoJo in Glenmoor. Great family. Jeanne was very involved in the community, especially the Festival of Trees & she helped take down a drug dealing house in the 80's in our neighborhood (she was on TV. The houses on that street was once in the Parade of Homes in the late 70's). Anyways, I haven't been to church in many years due to how I was treated, even though I was a "Molly Mormon." (Never drank, smoked, no boyfriend, rarly missed church & activities, etc.) And the church abandoned me long before I lost my will to go. I long for the community feeling (that they failed me on during early covid days when I had surgery for a life-threatening emergency; stomach & diaphragm ruptures). I feel like I WANT to go, but it now feels alien & wrong. I recently (March 2022..6 months ago) went inside a meetinghouse for my uncle's funeral. I didn't want to be there when religion was discussed.
36:30 I read “A letter to my wife”, and in my head, I was still explaining things like the church taught me… “no, polygamy was necessary to help all those widows!” The more I read, the sicker it made me. It’s even more sickening to read LDS responses to it. 40:03 yes!! That it was troubling to him! What the hell?!?! The guy literally was stockpiling women, behind his wife’s back. The story about telling his friend that he had to give his wife to Joseph, and how upset the guy was, but after 3 days, he finally agrees, and then JS says, “psych! Actually, I want your daughter”. I can’t imagine being those parents.
Thank you thank you thank you! I had 2 missionaries out when I had my faith crisis. They both called home with history questions/concerns and I did research to try and help them, when my faith crisis hit. Besides the shock of church history, the mission experience was a gut punch. Fear tactics, guilt tactics and abuse of power is what missions are based on. The church breeds the culture and missions are proof.
This guy is awesome. You can really tell he is just a great dude, clearly a truth seeker with a strong moral compass that pointed him home from his mission. This helped me learn how to approach missionaries, I always want to but didn’t really know what kind of dialogue to have, this gave me a lot of openings. Great great episode!
When I was a child growing up in the church I knew about the Joseph Smith polygamy thing pretty young. My mom said that the world wasn't ready for it and when we die that's how things will be. I had a HUGE problem with that because I was told men could have multiple wives and women could not have multiple husbands. She said "well some think it's because women are more righteous and there aren't enough men for all the women". I told her I still wasn't ok with that and it seemed wrong. She said well once you die it may not seem so bad and we just don't understand it now, but we will. That was ALWAYS an issue for me. I probably had that discussion at age 10? I'm 30 now... I don't know if that was the norm for everyone else, but my mom was super open about the whole thing.
Oh I want to add! My mom told me that Joseph "rescued" those girls because back then without a husband things were tough for women. Something along those lines... I'm like "oh so he married them by law but didn't do anything with them right? He was just protecting them right?" She's like I'm not sure. That was about it. I always thought that was strange.. Like how can you just turn a blind eye to that.
Mormon Stories, just wanted to give you confirmation that the UA-cam shorts are working!! I think I found your podcast a week ago and have been watching like mad ✨ love the way that this is put together and all the knowledge that you give. I'm not sure if you have a website but I think it would be awesome if you were able to break down the reasons/facts people have lost their faith with links to the articles that helped open their hearts to find their own truth. Sending love from Washington State!
Interestingly, in my old ward when I went through something my Bishop made the determination that NOT taking the Sacrament would actually be detrimental to the repentance process. He highly encouraged that I make it to meetings, partake and stay involved and not deprive myself or punish myself.
I’m currently meeting with a pair of missionaries/ well I’m on my 4th set of missionaries but this video breaks my heart and just makes me have soooo much empathy for these young men. Breaks my heart , pray they find healing and freedom in the true Jesus of the Bible , creator of everything
@@SerenityNow22 yes apologia def gave me a foundation of talking / understanding them. However after spending a lot of time with them the teaching of the priesthood , baptism of the dead , etc are some of the weaker points and are easier to get thru to them with those topics than the ones apologia sticks to
Kolby can be a great addition to your team. He can be a CO host like many others you had on the show. He has a long life ahead of him making decisions and we would love to watch him grow as a man, a human being and someone that only wishes to do good.
As a missionary who lost my faith on my mission this interview straight up healed wounds I didnt know I had. Thank you.
Same here. Makes me realize that cognitive dissonance was a BIG part of my mission looking back! Yet I stuck it out 'til the end in three different missions so as to have a honorable release (I ended up transferring from Ecuador after a year to Utah after getting anemic, then quite sick). I went home 6 weeks early & finished my time as a missionary there! So I ended it in Alberta, Canada.
I realized the church was false about a year into mine. I stuck it out and returned home ' honorably'. It took my years to finally feel like I wasnt a horrible person.
@@CuriousKingdom420 That's rough. Sorry you had to to experience such pain afterwards. It took me awhile to leave the church & overcome the dissonance I was experiencing; but I was lucky to find support outside the church too!
* pats you on the back * Never feel ashamed for grasping reality more keenly than others.
loosing faith on a mission? woah that sounds tuff sorry abt that
Kolby, thanks for sharing your story. I am a 71 year old grandma who is very impressed with your sincerity, courage, intelligence, personality and ability to communicate on many different levels. You have a bright future ahead of you and I am so happy you realized the truth about the Mormon Church at such a young age. Your future is now YOURS and I am so happy for you. I would be proud to have grandson just like YOU. And yes, you are definitely intelligent enough to be a doctor. To quote Joseph Campbell, "Follow your bliss!"
Kolby's parents raised a honest man with integrity & intelligence (including the critical thinking!). I hope they can recognize that & respect & eventually even appreciate this young man!
I think more than respect and appreciation . The love is still there
Dude, these young adults are so smart. I'd be so proud if he was my son!
Right?! I look forward to, I hope I live long enough to see, the world they will build!
I'm twice this kid's age and still only half as smart. People like him bring me hope!
thats my brother 😎
What does Bible say about LGBTQ? Or can people just pick and choose. It is not just Old Testament idea.
Also...what does Bible say are qualifications for an elder. (Elder usually means older but Mormon elders are young. Very young) one qualification is husband of one wife. End of polygamy for leadership anyway.
Can we say “critical thinker?” This is one intelligent young man. 👏🏻
I know what you mean, but the phrase "critical thinking" came from Kubler-Ross, also called "The Mother of Death Culture," who euthanized people, ran a cult for people to pay to have "relations" with their spouses who'd died and it was really other people they were having relations with, and the "Critical Thinking" some of us were put in in elementary school, when we were asked to answer on paper who we'd throw off the boat, if it was sinking (i.e. the wealthy lawyer, the old grandma who might die soon, the mother with the baby, the college student, etc. and of course we'd say ourselves). The catch phrase "Critical Thinking" has been put out there in recent years on purpose for the same reason we were being exposed to that PROGRAM as children in school. It's even included in the Affordable Care Act, where it says hospitals will get bonuses for not feeding and treating patients over 65, who have certain issues. I totally know that's not what you were saying, of course.
👏👏indeed
I really like Gerardo as the “third person”. He asks a lot more thoughtful & meaningful questions.
Gerardo is fantastic
I remember when I got pregnant (at 18, by a catholic, unmarried) my brother’s mission homecoming was the next couple weeks. When the sacrament was passed, my whole family watched me to see if I would take the sacrament or just pass it to the next person. I was so upset. Not because I refused the sacrament, but because I literally saw the whole row of family members watching me to see what I was going to do. I should have taken a whole handful of bread and stuffed it in my mouth 😂
@@letahamilton your thoughts are valid. Sad situation indeed. It'll be interesting to see how this plays out in the future.
My sister had the sacrament Completely denied her by a high priest, because she had a child, unmarried at 16. The shaming is real. I wish more members would chose not to ignore the hard stuff and look for answers, because rbe answers are Joseph lied.
@@getharryonsax Ikr? So in other words, Christ’s atonement is NOT ENOUGH according to the LDS Church.
I wish you had🤣
Lol. That would’ve been so funny. Wish you could go back and do that.
I saw a Church psychologist at one time. He said at the very beginning that, because he was paid out of Church funds, he was required to keep the bishop informed on what was happening in our sessions. I only went to him once. It’s a ridiculous situation.
That's disgusting! :(
mine lied to my stake president to keep me from going on a mission, best thing to ever happen to me though
I did not know they had a church psych!
What?!? No confidentiality from the person paying for it?!?
I saw a church psychologist too after my mission. If this was going on I wasn't informed... seriously sick and I could think completely against HIPAA. I wish that didn't happen to you.
This is my favorite episode in a while! I’m a never Mormon long time listener. What genuine and likable kid. I wish the very best for him
I’m the same - Never Mormon but avid listener. Kolby also touched my heart
The fact that the Mission authorities invade and control their missionaries' communications to the point of them having almost no mental and emotional privacy, no safe avenue to voice personal feelings gives me the willies. It's like they're trying to create Mormon Stepfords.
@@deebee2603 I hate to hit 👍but I mean to indicate I agree 100%with what your said and your opinion of the idea
it was a lot longer ago when I did it, but this has been the case even before digital age.
I was out for 17 months before leaving the mission from 2000-2002, and at the time I was out, we were not allowed to make phone calls home at all except on Christmas and Mother's Day (probably because they didn't want to pay for long distance calling fees) we weren't allowed to use the internet at all, so no emailing. We sent letters home once a week, but our friends and family were supposed to send their letters to the mission home and then the president would send them along to us afterwards, and there was little stopping the mission president from reading the letters from our families.
though most of us sidestepped that by just telling our families our actual address to send mail to directly.
I always love when Gerardo is involved. Always impressed with how intelligent and insightful he is. You guys have a great team!
I agree with Rae, you guys are a great team ! Geraldo is awesome
I agree! More Gerardo!
Agree! He always brings out such a good interview and makes great connections
Yes, Gerardo is the man! I’ve watched his story 3 times it’s on of my all time favorites!
Watching this a year later, I agree. Gerardo is brilliant- with a huge heart
My heart goes out to this young man and his family. It’s a heartbreaking situation for everyone involved. I was so hurt and angry when my brother left the church that I went searching for answers to bring him back into the church. What I found instead rocked my world.
The worst part is feeling like I have to grieve in secret which is what I think Kolby did. I resent the position the church has put people in. They lie to us about our history and then leave us to break the hearts of our loved-ones when we learn the truth. It’s unbearable.
And the church is very sneaky about training our families and fellow members to disown us when we leave. They make us fear leaving, to the core. They use the same BITE model that any other cult uses. It's gross.
The blame rests entirely with the church for causing the heartbreaking loss of truth claims, broken trust, broken families.
It’s EXTREMELY disgusting that the church leaders knowingly mind screw us all. And then punish the people who have questions by excommunicating them. I now see that this is done to psychologically cause us to get back in line and HUSH UP. It’s sick. It’s pathetic. But they will do anything to keep the money pouring in. And if you don’t ‘get back in line’, they get rid of you (excommunicate) before you wake up (infect/defect) others. Now I see the reasoning behind shaming and trying to humiliate those who speak out, by saying that stupid line; “They can leave the church, but they can’t leave the church alone”. It has the same effect as the C.I.A. trying to shame and embarrass people by calling them ‘conspiracy theorists’ when they are getting too close to the truth….THAT’s the whole point behind calling people those names….it’s to get them to shut up, before they get others to wake up.
I now understand the whole thing with keeping everyone so busy with church callings/jobs, that you are too busy and exhausted to learn the truth about church history. And besides, after putting so much of your time and effort into the church, you don’t want to find out that it was all for nothing….a ruse. So some choose to ignore the truth when family members try to point it out….after all, they have so much of themselves invested in it. Could this also be the reason that the church leaders cause a division in families, where there is one that finds out the truth…..they advise others to keep their distance, so as to not lose more people, therefore more tithe money? It’s devious as hell!
Awe, I totally 💜 Kolby. What an insightful and thoughtful young person. All I can say is, that I am soooooo grateful that my husband and I got our young boys out at ages 8 & 10. My oldest is now 18, graduating high school, and I am SO GLAD that we are not forcing him to go out to serve a mission in these horrifically toxic LDS mission environments. Horribly abusive to young people. I LOVE that Carl Jung quote as well. “The way and the truth is WITHIN us individually.” 👊🏽
@@FooWifeX The way and the truth is within us...? When you left Mormonism, did you leave the God of the Bible all together? Because this quote is not scriptural, actually anti scriptural. I'm just trying to figure out this channel.
I’m always surprised to hear people’s experiences of confessing to the bishop as teens. I never did that. I was a very private person, had major boundaries and felt my personal information was none of the bishop’s business. It’s so disturbing how many go along with being shamed for being human.
Try confessing to your own dad because he is the bishop. That was tough on me
It is better to be ashamed and know what one has done wrong than to live like it does not matter how we are to live. Our God puts that shame in our spirits even if a member of the church will not. We know what makes us feel shame and then pray for forgiveness for what we did that was wrong and ask for help to put us back on the right path so we would never feel that shame again. Many times with a pure heart our Lord Jesus is able to help us out.
@robinbeecher590 No, we're human-beings and according to you made in god's image. Young people shouldn't be shamed because of the thoughts and feelings they have as teens as they are going through puberty, while a bunch of old men are getting off of it on it in sexual way and that is exactly what happens. People are brainwashed to go into places that make them uncomfortable. Our human instincts are there to protect us from harm. Never tell anyone to go against their gut instincts. It just makes them vulnerable to exploitation and abuse, sexual and otherwise. That's the worst advice I've ever heard and very common in churches, hence the rampant abuse in churches. No!
As a “never Mormon” but learning about Mormonism …. Good answer❤️
Shamed means the beginning of knowing how rebellious one has become. I was shamed but not through the bishop. Jesus let me know how He had felt when I went away from Him to do something I would regret for life. But it taught me something and many others through what I had been shamed of. When feeling really bad at the moment says yes we is human but while here on earth we have a chance to change that into something wonderful. I could never blame another person for what I my self had done. Each one of us decide to either be rebellious or do the right thing. Each day it is up to each of us this is what our Lord Jesus gave us freedom to choose. satan on the other hand does not do that he demands we do what he requires of us which is to always sin and blame whomever comes to mind to blame. I give praises unto the Most High for all He teaches us on a daily bases. Freedom is the greatest lesson for us to know how we want to present ourselves daily. It is all up to each of us when we decide to serve Jesus Christ yes we is human but we also know right from wrong and the consequences we might have to go through but it has nothing to do with another human being.
Making suffering marketable: Holy caw... I was that person. My husband died 17 months after my 6 year old daughter died. Two months later, I spoke in stake conference, then stake women's conference then youth conference. I was used for my tragedy, ability to speak and mist importantly tow the gospel line while not acknowledging my grief.
It's tragedy and sad.
😭😭😭
That's so messed up. I still don't get why they do that? My son almost died and everyone heard about it so the next Sunday I was asked to give a talk in church about blessings or something. I was annoyed. I made a big show of pointing into the audience at the EMT who showed up first at my house and I thanked her and the doctors. The people who should be thanked not God. Then I had to share my testimony at youth camp randomly.
I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter and husband. I can’t imagine having the significant grief being used and abused. Sending you my love.
Oh, Jolie, I'm sorry! 😞
I am not a return missionary. I did grow up in the Mormon church until the age of 14. My mother lost her Mormon faith and answered the call of Christ. She was a follower of Christ for 40 years up to the day she passed. I have been a born again Christian for about 8 years and struggle so much with our Triune God. Not actually struggling with God but hard to comprehend 1 God 3 persons. I do have a close relationship withGod and love Him with my whole heart. I can’t get the idol of the Mormon Jesus out of my mind. I love Mormons and understand the judgment of leaving the church. God bless you all.
A young man with a lot of great morals and integrity. Hope he can continue with that throughout all his years. XX
I know the chat was going wild with this but on a rewatch this is seriously a man I’d want in my corporation. This dude has vision, compassion, and tenacity. Kolby if you consider engineering for your future give me a call :)
This is a great interview!! I hope he’s still doing well. He’s a brave individual.
Thanks God I left the Church before my children reached the age mission !!!
I enjoyed the whole interview!!!!
❤️🥰🥰🥰
I'm proud of you! That's no easy feat. 🥰
Shocked me how kolbys story is so similar to mine. I returned home early from a mission as well and went through the same exact things he went through in the same order as well. I really appreciate Kolby sharing his story as it really resonated with me and made me feel less alone. Much love brother
I just love when he said I’m no longer living for the after life. That is such a beautiful statement because I felt the same way when I finally had the courage to leave! So many religious people live for an afterlife. Because of that they justify controlling others, placing guilt, taking human rights, and seeking judgment and suffering. It’s so sad and so sick.
Well put. 💛
@cindybin2001 wow, lots of assumptions you’re making 😂 you sound like tons of fun! 🙄
@cindybin2001 That's not freedom, that's self sabotaging defiance. I'm celibate, sober and single. The pendulum swings. I hope you find center.
I admire this young man and am thankful that he decided to follow his own path at such a young age. I’m a convert to the church at age 15. I’m now 66. And it took me a long time to come to my senses about what I feel is truth and how the church picks and chooses who to condemn even though it causes people to leave the church or take their lives.
I love my son and have chosen him over the church. He is a wonderful man, served a successful mission to Argentina and is gay. I’m tired of following men who make things up and call it the word of God. I am choosing to follow God and putting the church on a very back burner.
Also, regarding the length of episodes: It has taken me over a week to listen to this entire broadcast. I couldn’t leave it because Kolby is such a well spoken guy. I love his honesty. I was intrigued by his story. Good job, Kolby! Enjoy your life.. 👍🏻
Kudos for sticking with your son! Beautiful comment
Wonderful you stuck by your son! ❤
It took me 15 years to know the truth. Covid was bad but it was what brought me to the truth.
Kolby's grace, integrity and critical thinking is extraordinary for such a young person. He gives me so much hope in his generation. Awesome interview.
I started reading the CES letter 3 days ago. I’m in a state of shock. That might sound dramatic but I can’t think of anything else. I am so very grateful you are doing the work you’re doing, as my mind has been blown. I converted 4 years ago after the death of my mother (vulnerable? Check!) without my husband or children joining. I even paid tithe on my tiny salary behind my husbands back! Because “you know, he wouldn’t understand unless he’s a member.” Jeez I was an idiot. I had nagging doubts once I had some space during lockdown from the INCESSANT communication from members and missionaries, which now I’m convinced was on purpose so I didn’t have time to think. Anyway, enough of me. Just simply, thank you.
It’s a rough process. Self care
When I woke up from my high demand religion - it was literally a whirlwind. Even now 23 years later, I _still_ remember that first domino falling. It was Friday night, I came home from work and decided to look something up on the internet having to do with my church. That took so much willpower for me to do, we were SO discouraged from looking things up on the untrustworthy Internet - and this was back in days of Yahoo! I was so scared. But I finally did it. I read the first article - which was from a newspaper. I was rocked - I still remember it was like an electric jolt traveled the length of my body. I literally spent the rest of the weekend reading and learning about my religion. I was in disbelief and then suddenly like snapping your fingers everything clicked into place. Things I had been questioning or putting on my shelf for years made sense.
*If you have the ability - I recommend finding a licensed therapist to help you process your discoveries. Someone outside of LDS if you can.* You may choose not to leave the church for various reasons, but you'll find that you can handle your broken world (and perhaps mourn the passing of innocence) better with the help of a professional & objective person. For me, learning the truth was both liberating and heartbreaking. I did go through a mourning period - but thankfully I was able to seek out a therapist to talk with for a few months while I made sense of what had just happened to my life and my reality. Leaving that church organization is the best thing I ever did. The freedom and joy I felt over the next few years as I reclaimed my personality and allowed myself to just *_BE_*
@@bigskypioneer1898 thank you so much for taking the time to reply and for your kind words, they are very much appreciated.
@@ultimo22 thank you.
I converted just before the death of my mother. I can sympathise
Wow! When Kolby started talking about hiding in the bathroom during sacrament really hit home. And I’m a NeverMo . I was raised Methodist but, before communion being served the pastor would give a speech about how only those whom have truly repented of their past transgressions should take the sacrament to show their faith in Christ. As a teenager their were several mornings sitting in church and as soon as I saw communion was starting I would tell my mom “Oh no, I don’t feel well.I’m going to the bathroom. And I would hide in there until the tray had passed our pew. It was confusing to a 15-16 year old brain as to WAS I worthy, because maybe I had kissed my boyfriend or told a white lie.
So genuine and honest, it touched me very deep. My son came back early from his mission too. He got judgement and no support not even from his own family . His depression just got worse, until it ended in suicide . That morning before taking his life , he told me that the church was a big lie. I will carry that guilt till death . Most of us left the church after researching and our son coming out as gay. So shame of the big abominable church , that even the Book of Mormon talks about.
@mormonstories could you get Estela on the show? It would be a very meaningful interview that could be so helpful to so many
So sorry your son had to endure such harsh judgment & that he lost himself & his life because of it! Life is so precious & NO person has the right to judge another. Especially NOT if they believe in a loving God!
So sorry for your loss Estela. Don’t feel guilty though because you were tricked and deceived by the church too remember.
My heart goes out to you for what you have gone through. I can relate to your situation. I hope you are able to find some peace.
I’m so sorry , loosing a son in this way is Terri my heart goes out to you.
Oh my gosh, LOVE that! "Morality for once was my thing to decide, not to be told what it is."
This kid is so impressive. I feel so good about gen z! Kolby, you are appreciated!
Hi Kolby! We live in the tacoma, wa mission boundaries! Soooo happy I had my awakening when my son was 15. He was teachers Q president and on the fast track for mission. It was really weird for him at first and now he is 17 and all his church friends have all but abandoned him…for nothing other than not going to church and seminary anymore. There were literally women in the ward who were very good friends with my wife and who were good family friends who completely ghosted us once we left, and we weren’t vocal at all about it publicly. (Not culty at all, right??) I’m so glad he could go through it now instead of when he was out on the mission and he may have gotten so indoctrinated that he would have abandoned our family for being evil apostates. Kolby, you are epic man! The exmo community loves you. Remember, if it ever seems like your whole mormon world is turning its back on you….they are only 0.2% of the entire world so you have an entire 99.8% of the world who wouldn’t fault you for what you supposedly “gave up”. As a fellow health care professional, its not as hard as people make it out to be. Graduate school was some of the best years of my life.
Kolby, you did what I wish I could have done on my mission in 1998, figure out the puzzle box. Good on you for having the conviction to get out when you did. Great things await you. Your future is open and yours to discover.
Better late than never. I'm glad you made it out!
I was a missionary for four months proselytizing in Kentucky, had a horrible mission experience, came home due to Covid, and really bad mental health, and went inactive for a year and went to college. I then got reactivated by missionaries and went back out as a service missionary at home, and I just never clicked back into a happy or a normal person. I am now a 95% inactive member
I read the ces letter before and after my mission. And I have SO MUCH MORE
I also am bisexual😂 this video man hit too close to home
I came back from my mission on June last year. I started to serve a few months before the pandemic, so I was reassigned to Tijuana, where I was mocked and bullied by many missionaries. I had had a faith crisis myself when I was 15-16, became very acquainted with Zelph On the Shelf, MormonStories, Exmo Lex, Mr. Atheist, Mike Norton, CES Letter, Church Essays, etc. I saw many missionaries have their own faith crisis. I was a zone leader when a new missionary wanted to go home. I'm mexican and he was one of the few americans that were coming back. He was forced to be on a mission, hated it, cried every day, we talked, I gave him a blessing and when he was sent home I tried to let him know he was not a coward. At the same time I trained an elder from Colorado and saw him go through a faith crisis. I have anxiety and depression and had to be sent home early because of it. To this day I'm still an active member and believe in the Church, some may call me decieved and that's ok. My point is not to give a lecture, but I want to say I know the feelings you describe, Kolby: the pain, the confusion, the feeling you have no one to talk to. I experienced that with my own familiy (when it came to my mental health, not my faith crisis). I really hope and want to be a person people that go through stuff we both went through can trust. I do my best to not be judgemental. My mother-in-law is lesbian and married to a woman and my wife's best friend is transgender. I know it is easy to go the doctrinal route and judge them, but I've been taught how to love and never limit that love. I wish you the best Kolby, your stand and feelings are valuable :)
BTW, this video was posted the day I got married!
Gracias Gus Hdz Ruiz por tus palabras y lo que expresas a Kolby!!
Puedo darme cuenta de muchas cosas negativas que suceden dentro de la Iglesia, llámese situaciones, decisiones, comportamientos, pensamientos, etc. Fui forzada a ir a una misión, sin embargo, aún en medio de mis dificultades, desafío e inconformidad por estar ahí, encontré siempre oportunidades para aprender de las personas a las que conocí y aprendí también a amarlas sin juzgarlas.
Es triste y lamentable que estas cosas sucedan dentro de la Iglesia...Pero quién garantiza que no sucederán?
Somos seres humanos y como tales nos equivocamos, aún dentro de la Iglesia de Jesucristo de los Santos de los Últimos Días.
Mi testimonio del evangelio de Jesucristo es firme, como sigo firme en Su Iglesia al igual que tú.
Respeto profundamente el sentir de Kolby, desafortunadamente entiendo más el inglés de lo que lo hablo y lo escribo, para poder externárselo.
Saludos cordiales para ti desde Coahuila, México
Thank you for the kind reply. I’m an ex-Mormon (served a mission, etc.) and studied my way out of the church. While I can’t say I agree with or support Mormonism, I respect members like you who can keep an open mind, not be judgmental of those left the church, and show Christlike love and compassion towards all people including for those who are struggling in the church. We need more Mormons like you! 👍
I’m a newish member, I was baptised last September, my brother is gay and one of my best friends is transgender, I support the LGBTQI community, I will always love and support my brother and friend, I’m 41 have battled cancer 4x which lead to me to wonder what happens once we die, I bought myself a bible and started reading, I then decided I wanted to attend church, I googled churches near me, and the top result was LDS and got in contact, this was June last year and and I started attending in July, I have started having my doubts about the BOM, but I love attending church, I love my brothers and sisters, there are things I struggle with, for example the whole priesthood, how it seems they are all for men, I don’t like that, also the racist things I’ve read, then I came across a letter to my wife, I started reading yesterday and finished it today, i was disappointed reading that, so even though I’m not 100% convinced about the BOM, I’m still attending, does that make me a bad person? I believe in the Bible, I believe in Heavenly Father and I love my Bible. I still follow the word of wisdom though, not sure why I was compelled to reply to ur comment but I hope you don’t mind
@@nicolawalker6402 God bless you, never abandon Jesus ❤
This kid is very much wise beyond his years and the way he told his story was told in one of the most empathetic and real ways I've seen as of yet. He has wonderful things to give to this world
I love this interview, Im an ex-mormon and ex-missionary, from Chile, when I moved to SLC I started to feel "so brown" ... this was the trigger that snowballed to finding my way out of the church.
I really believe that 97% or more of the missionaries are "serving" primarily due to social pressure, and not any personal conversion or convictions. Many get INTENSE (although sometimes subtle) pressure from parents, grandparents, siblings, friends, neighbors, ward members, teachers, girlfriends, girlfriends' parents, etc., etc., etc. I remember back in college (at USU) girls trying to reconcile that maybe I was in fact a decent human being, despite the fact that I was not a requisite returned missionary. I KNEW that many of them had been told that they should in no way get "serious" with, or perhaps even date, someone who hadn't served "an honorable mission."
absolutely agree with you
can confirm to be part of that 97%
I actively doubted the truth of all of it when I went on the mission to start with and left it early... and it was quite the scandal when I did since this was over 20 years ago and the percentage of people leaving early was much lower.
I work with medical students and believe Colby has what it takes to be a doctor. His life story is compelling as is his ability to think critically and his empathy. Consider being a nurse practitioner as an option as well
"cry crocodile tears for the guy that figured it out at 19" very good observation. Those of us that didn't figure it out until decades later than Kolby wish we could have.
Kolby my dude, you have more emotional intelligence than most people twice your age that I know. Thanks for sharing your story. It reminded me of things that were a record-scratch in my head as well, growing up in Christian fundamentalism, and why I got out. Keep following where your empathy leads, it's all the deep doctrine you'll ever need.
I know a dude that is about to leave on a mission and he has made it clear that he does not believe whatsoever.. Unfortunately he is going anyways because of the pressure put on him by his parents. His mom said that if he even considers coming home early than he can find somewhere else to live. He also worries constantly about the shame and embarrassment that he would have to deal with for not going. The suffering I see he is going through right now is almost unbearable to see. Going through it myself, I know things will only get worse for him. I just hope it doesn't break him like it did me.
Are we related?
Maybe he can go undercover and secretly tell potentional converts its all a lie. Dont join.
this is literally the best ever. i love love love that missionaries are finding real truth on their missions!!!!!! leaving the church before marriage and kids and big life decisions BEST CASE SENARIO! GO little rockstars!!!
It has been a long time since I was in the Church, and when I was, I only heard the "it-was-the-best-time-of-my-life" whitewashed versions of mission experiences. Kolby, your telling of your experience is HYSTERICAL!--when it's not heartbreaking. Kolby, you are one of the most mature and articulate young adults I've ever had the pleasure of encountering. I know you love your awesome parents, but if you ever change your mind, can I please adopt you?
Love this!! I never had any kids of my own (medical reasons, then SARS got in the way of adopting) & I agree! Would love to have a young man like this for a son.
they repeat that sentence like many others because they dont want to be felt out. That is the best way of control people. They want you to be like others, dont try to be different, saying differently or thinking differently
gerardo is so knowledgeable and really adds an amazing dynamic to the podcast! love him!!
Gerardo is amazing. I’m always so happy when I see him co- hosting
I’ve used a church therapist (bishop referred me to her and ward paid for it) and on the first session she said it was strictly confidential. She even clarified that nothing will be discussed with my bishop, even if the bishop asked her for information.
We did not start or end in prayer. One gripe I had weeks into therapy. She encouraged me to study the BOM and “didn’t know why she felt the need to tell me that” hinting that she felt prompted to say that.
The therapy was very helpful. I was a member at the time and a bit depressed. In hindsight I realised I was depressed because I was slowly realising that Mormonism was not true. I’m no longer a member and content with being a non believer of any religion
@cindybin2001 there’s nothing anti Mormon here. Just facts and people’s experiences. Read the CES letter and let me know how you get on
Imagine... Mormon missionaries spend months and years telling other people, in my case as an RC, that my Church is false and my concept of Jesus is wrong. So Satan wins twice and more when he undermines the Apostolic faith and when he turns the missionaries into athiests after he's done with you.
Unreal.
What a courageous, ethical, and honest young man. He gives me hope for the future. Thank you for sharing your truth.
I can tell that Kolby is a very unique and special young man with an incredibly bright future. I had some deep insights while watching. Thank you Kolby for the courage it took to do everything you did and are doing. Loving you. Be blessed. -KP
You are always worthy just being who you really are. Never feel ashamed of it. Just enjoy your life and people who truly love you will support you no matter what.
My story with Mormonism is very similar to Kolby's. I lost my testimony in 2018 during my mission after finding the truth material using the Mission Office computers (I was appointed Executive Secretary in charge of the visas), and stayed for a year in cognitive dissonance until finally deciding to return home early.
Massive respect for Kolby for speaking up about his story, one I can relate to so deeply and all the hurt associated with it.
Hopefully one day I'll get to tell my story on the podcast too.
I respect you a lot for your open-ness to other ideas and integrity.
I just reached the point where Kolby talks about the advice to let the missionary "take it easy" (starting about 4:04:00). My PTSD from my mission is kicking in and I'm feeling physically nauseated. When I was having serious medical problems (that we later realized were likely life threatening), and then later serious mental problems (that became life threatening) this was not the kind of message I got. The "Work, Work, Work" quote (Pres. Ezra Taft Benson, "Keys to Successful Member-Missionary Work") is what was being pounded into me. That I needed to keep getting my numbers in and fully dedicating myself and "work, work, work" is what would fix things. Any help I got was fairly minimal, wedged into the schedule (not really carved out), and in some cases only served to exacerbate the situation.
Sorry, Ryan. You are so valuable to God, not for what you do but for who you are. His beloved. ❤️
I can’t believe I listened to the whole thing. I heard it last night and I thought about it so many times today. This young man gives me hope for his generation. Smart as a whip! Good luck Kolby. I have never been a mormon. I am just someone who is interested in cults. LDS, FLDS, so many others.
Me too, it's so fascinating but heartbreaking. You grow empathy for current members in some way. If you are born into this, it would be so hard.
Are you agnostic?
Me three. Never been in organized religion but I'm totally doing a deep dive into modern cults.
I can't imagine finding out that my entire world view and understanding of how the afterlife will be is all a huge lie and manipulation. Losing that common connection with my family and friends etc. It's a real psychological trauma. But as I get older I lose faith in our government and all institutions so i guess no one makes it out unscathed.
Lesley…Actually I believe in Jesus. I watch a channel on you tube called Jeff Mara podcast. He interviews people who have basically died and then been revived. All the interviews are near death experiences. Almost everyone who has had an NDE (near death experience) have similar stories. It is actually very uplifting. I have no fear of death at all. It is simply amazing to me that some cults survive this day and age. Warren Jeff’s cult the FLDS has lost a ton of people. The polygamous cults are the ones that just blow my mind.
The thing is what people do on earth got nothing to do with what Christ did for us.our frustrations and Questions.dont mean we are evil or bad.Christ apostles and deciples had Questions.and some were not unswered cos they had to learn for themselves.we are all mortal and not perfect.but we are God's family even if we make mistakes.which family is perfect on earth name one.which family member is perfect name one.so we must Crucify each other just bcos thing's dnt go our way or how we view and see things.
Speaking of LG BQ Proposition 8 all the Mormon families were asked to contribute to help defeat Proposition 8 they had a company back East handle this so that it could not be directed back to the Mormon church people were asked by their Bishop to the state president to donate certain amount of money to this cause to help defeat it college education money that they had that they had saved to help out this cause I thought that was so damn deplorable despicable because you are what you are you didn't become that way because you chose to just phrase holy came and wrote the letter to the editor of the San Jose paper and it was a documentary on PBS which is wonderful and it pointed fingers directly at the Mormon church and how they tried to hide it
I'm an ex-catholic, been out since early 80's. This young man is brilliant and has a fantastic future ahead.
I hope you haven't abandoned Jesus.
I'll pray for you brother, God bless you and your family.
I am absolutely in awe of Kolby's attitude about all of this. His maturity at such a young age who is trying to figure out how to figure out how to live outside of what he knows. I love his compassion for everyone regardless of their situation. Understanding his grieving process, his ability to reflect in healthy ways. I wish this went both ways. I have an LDS boyfriend but I am not LDS and learning about this has given me insight in such an articulate and respectful way
After hearing Kolby's story on top of all the others where a mission straight up broke them, I'm buying lunch for the next missionaries I see.
Love this kid. I left Christianity a couple of years ago, and I only told like one Christian friend, who I knew would be accepting. She asked me why I didn't believe anymore, and somewhat like Kolby, I said, "Because this is one of the hardest things I've ever gone through, and I don't want to put you through it." She said she was prepared and she wanted to know, so I told her, and she was like, "Yeah, that argument doesn't bother me." lol Kolby is so smart and so wise and so kind and brave. You're gonna go far, kid.
Yes. This is one intelligent young man. My heart went out to him...his pain was evident as he needed to stop and get his breath a few times.
Good for you Kolby. I left in 2020 when I was 40 years old. Count your blessings - lol. Loved your story, thanks for being raw and authentic. I was one of those missionaries who went to please his parents and community and half assed it the entire two years, went home as soon as I could with an early transfer. yet I still tried to believe for 20 more years because it is all that I know. I then one day in 2020 found the essays and then cross referenced them then found the CES letter and blam.... out.
I'm proud of you for choosing for yourself, inspite of the immense familial and cultural pressure!
@cindybin2001 lol I have. and I read the rebuttals that debunk the Fair Mormon articles clear as day. I have also researched hundreds of hours on my own and don't need FAIR Mormon or anyone else to tell me the CES Letter is debunked. I don't need the CES letter because each item is verifiable. Period. In fact the CES letter didn’t lead me out of the church, the Gospel Topic Essays did that. I found the CES letter much later. I no longer just listen to what is spoon fed to me from one source anymore (The church). Critical thinking is a skill most Mormons do not have. That's how I don't get caught “falling for" anyone's malarkey.
However, if you wanna talk about falling for... let's talk about the 40 years of my life I wasted FALLING FOR the Churches ridiculous B.S. and giving my time, money and resources to a church who is exploiting all their members day in and day out.
And by the way aren’t you not supposed to be saying “Mormon” anymore? aren’t you giving a victory to Satan? 😆 Anyway, when I was Mormon for 40 years I checked all the boxes. hardcore. all in. etc. stayed away from any non-correlated material. So of course I never learned all the stuff that is HISTORICAL FACT because I was solely listening to what the church told me to listen to and going on FAITH. But actually FACT > FAITH
Now, if you want to BELIEVE what the Mormon church teaches and only read what the church tells you is okay, that is fine by me. I’m not going to tell you not to, but just know there is far too much verifiable evidence and explanations out there combined with REAL scientific fact that disproves the majority of what the church teaches. Some choose to live on blind FAITH, others choose to live in FACT.
Kolby, I really enjoyed your story and personality! Great show tonight. Thanks Dr. John and Gerardo for turning up the fun a little too!
I lost my faith a few years after my mission. And this is so healing. Props to this young man. He’s awesome
My mormon story also involves sa cover up. I am fourth generation pioneer stock as the verbiage goes. I am descended from Wilford Woodruff.
And my story is long and brutal and indoctrinating and traumatic all the things. So I agree with Colby when he said we should each tell our own Mormon story whether they're pretty or ugly, so thanks for sharing your story. You're young. You're going to have a long healthy life! Enjoy being able to make decisions on your own.
Hey I’m currently doing a service mission but came home from my proselyting mission. Been enjoying these interviews and I am in similar boat as this dude.
I finally got to see this episode and I'm so glad I did! This is absolutely my favorite episode. Some of the things were the culture I grew up with, and other things had even me finding my jaw drop with how insane and pretty culty the church acted with these missionaries. I was also incredibly impressed with how mature, deep, and brilliant Kolby is. He is beyond me and I'm in my 30's. Especially for someone so young, he is amazing. Thank you for doing this episode!
Smart kid, I didn’t see through the glass clearly until I was in my early 30’s. Served a mission in Nagoya Japan.
It's 2023 .... I am riveted.....thanks to Colby and Gerrardo and ALL .... my family includes Mormons and I am not one.....all your stores hold my attention....thanks again.
Thank you all of you for such a tremendously entertaining, honest, and mature interview!! I went through a type of deconstruction from a cult in my late teens, and it was brutally difficult - even with my entire family going through it together. Kolby doing this alone, while on a mission, is absolutely courageous. Love and hugs to you all, from NZ.
The mission has been a recruitment drive for decades, and deceitful for a big part of that. Truth speaks for itself and is the magnet. If we can just love and live life, we wouldn't need a missionary program. Served London Mission '95
@@Themanyfacesofego shepherds Bush, Stevenage, Dereham, Sudbury, Saxmundon.
John and Gerardo losing their minds over the google drives gives me life. “RICK AND MORTY?!” 💀
Ha ha ha!! 😂
P.S. I love your screen name! I adore Adventure Time.
@@Lioness_of_Gaia you are literally the first person who has gotten it!
Funny story - II thought when masturbation was discussed that they were saying “mass debating”. I thought having a debate with many people was a sin. I’m actually so glad I had that mixed up because I had many years of self-exploration and pleasure with zero guilt. Lol. Love y’all so much.
We had an Elder Sorensen around when my mother joined the church in the late 80s. Pretty sure my sister and I have a photo of us and this young Elder when we were toddlers. All I can say is that I'm glad this particular Elder Sorensen found his way out and left his mission.
I’m a nevermo but remember your exmormon Reddit posts! So glad you got home safely and seem to be doing incredibly well, despite the obvious challenges. I’m sure you’ll do wonderful things!
@@China-Clay I’m glad to hear that. As a former fundie nevermo who is still deconstructing my own faith and decades of religious trauma, I sometimes feel like an intruder, even though the stories help me in that process.
Not only is Kolby smart enough to become a physician, perhaps more importantly, he has all the necessary compassion and empathy.
If you lose friends because you choose to leave the Church,as far as I am concerned those friendships were superficial.Friends are real friends when they let you be you,and their love is genuine.
I was so deeply depressed on my mission and they wanted to move me to go to a therapist on the mission but I felt wrong being there. And demanded to go home(that was not easy). I felt wrong spreading something that I increasingly felt worse about as each day went on. There is a lot more that happened and went into it.. I think my mission is probably my most unaddressed trauma. This opened it up a bit, but also helped a bit thank you.
Public shaming for me was one of the most harmful practices in the church. I had some smarter siblings who just lied.
You can't criticize the leaders of the church, even if the criticism were true. Not Fair right?
I experienced public shaming in Baptist church - not being able to take communion because of sin - my self worth was already in the gutter. Id had a really difficult childhood no support and it’s hard to be judged by people who have no idea how much resilience and effort has gone into just surviving when they have had supportive parents and the luckily supportive husbands too and so never get to experience that public shaming - i cant go to church and I just have a personal faith in Jesus
“Zelph on the Shelf apostate videos” haha 💜💜💜
Love you guys! Your videos helped a ton!
@@kolbysorensen3553 Hey Kolby! Great video - loved the Avatar references. My niece & I got tattoos together last month (she’s your age). She got “There is no war in Ba Sing Se,” so I really appreciated your reference!
This amazing young man has an old soul. He is embarking on a wonderful, fulfilling life of living his truth. Bravo!
This has been an epic, close-to-hear and relatable; and unexpectedly triggering video for me as a former mormon who went home "dishonorably". I'm glad to have finished and watched this. thank you!
I visited my Son and his family and I am not LDS. My grandson about 5 asked me Grandma why aren’t you taking sacrament? I told him we didn’t attend their church and he was happy with that answer and never asked again when my daughter and I visited.
Amazing young man. Just want to say you are very brave and smart to have opened your mind while on a mission and to accept the findings! That’s huge. So many stick their head in the sand. You give me hope for loved ones in my life.
My husband also left the church after I found the CES Letters. I grew up in a southern Baptist church (also full of indoctrination, especially of females!), & I wanted a more involved, humanity loving church family, and when I met my husband we talked a lot about faith. I genuinely wanted to join the LDS Church after learning so much about them and their involvement with the community, but I also knew I needed to do my own research. My husband never did a mission, but he was very involved growing up. Their family was sealed, parents did the temple wedding, his dad and grandparents went on missions, they went to church every week, etc...so when I found those CES Letters it broke my husband's heart.
God took that pain and turned it for his glory, though! We both left organized religion behind and started following Jesus instead. That's what gave us TRUE freedom in Christ. We've got a better relationship with God now than either of us had in church. The CES Letters actually helped both of us, despite how painful it was for my husband.
A very smart kid. His ability to lean into his emotions is inspirational
Kolby will do great outside of the church. I can't believe that this interview was almost 5 hours. I watched it in one sitting and it flew by. Such a honest brave young man. I can see Kolby's story as a feature film starting with him on a high speed training heading to to the airport, then a flashback to tell his story. The LDS youth seem to be smarter than the bureaucracy that they are trapped in. BTW nice plugs for RFM. Look forward to more interviews with Kolby. Shout out to Gerado for making this happen. Looking forward to the John Larsen and Sandra Tanner
This is the second time I've watched the entire video! This is a great interview!
What's rfm?
@@saldebrowde7823 Radio Free Mormon - he's on youtube if you're interested
I really appreciate this because the same things happened to me last March when I was leaving my mission early and it was really great to see how other people delt with the things I was going through!
YAY! You guys got this! I am so happy you are getting out at this point in your life at least. It is much better than getting out later as an adult farther in. It all sucks though. take care
It was so powerful that when he talked to the mission president that he set the terms of what he would talk about and what he was and was not willing to talk about. I feel like one of the hardest things when leaving is taking your own personal authority back. We are taught for so long to answer any question or do what is asked of us by our church bishops, etc. That was a powerful shift in my journey.
This interview was incredible!! I agree with Colby about how amazing Gerardo's interview was. Definitely a top 5 in the history of the podcast. It touched me so deeply. I also got married young in a same-sex marriage and struggled with the conservative churches we were a part of. We are still Christian but we can relate so much to the institutional discrimination and the power of love to help one get through it. ❤️❤️
Thank you to all of you who are involved in Mormon Stories!!
You are an awesome young man and glad you found the true truth at an early age. There is happiness and joy outside the LDS church. Be strong!
He will be phenomenal in ANY medical field. Hope to see him more
I grew up with a Dehlin family (Jeanne Dehlin, can't remember the dad's name, but one of their kids was my age named Dustin Dehlin; I'm 46) in SoJo in Glenmoor. Great family. Jeanne was very involved in the community, especially the Festival of Trees & she helped take down a drug dealing house in the 80's in our neighborhood (she was on TV. The houses on that street was once in the Parade of Homes in the late 70's).
Anyways, I haven't been to church in many years due to how I was treated, even though I was a "Molly Mormon." (Never drank, smoked, no boyfriend, rarly missed church & activities, etc.) And the church abandoned me long before I lost my will to go. I long for the community feeling (that they failed me on during early covid days when I had surgery for a life-threatening emergency; stomach & diaphragm ruptures). I feel like I WANT to go, but it now feels alien & wrong. I recently (March 2022..6 months ago) went inside a meetinghouse for my uncle's funeral. I didn't want to be there when religion was discussed.
36:30 I read “A letter to my wife”, and in my head, I was still explaining things like the church taught me… “no, polygamy was necessary to help all those widows!” The more I read, the sicker it made me. It’s even more sickening to read LDS responses to it. 40:03 yes!! That it was troubling to him! What the hell?!?! The guy literally was stockpiling women, behind his wife’s back. The story about telling his friend that he had to give his wife to Joseph, and how upset the guy was, but after 3 days, he finally agrees, and then JS says, “psych! Actually, I want your daughter”. I can’t imagine being those parents.
Thank you thank you thank you! I had 2 missionaries out when I had my faith crisis. They both called home with history questions/concerns and I did research to try and help them, when my faith crisis hit. Besides the shock of church history, the mission experience was a gut punch. Fear tactics, guilt tactics and abuse of power is what missions are based on. The church breeds the culture and missions are proof.
Did you tell them come back to you immediately!?
You are brave and honest! Good job, momma!
This kid is going to be alright. Good heart, good head on his shoulders. Only way left to go is up ♥️
Smart and mature young man. Never stop learning. It is your right. Doing what you did is so brave. Team Truth.
This guy is awesome. You can really tell he is just a great dude, clearly a truth seeker with a strong moral compass that pointed him home from his mission. This helped me learn how to approach missionaries, I always want to but didn’t really know what kind of dialogue to have, this gave me a lot of openings. Great great episode!
When I was a child growing up in the church I knew about the Joseph Smith polygamy thing pretty young. My mom said that the world wasn't ready for it and when we die that's how things will be. I had a HUGE problem with that because I was told men could have multiple wives and women could not have multiple husbands. She said "well some think it's because women are more righteous and there aren't enough men for all the women". I told her I still wasn't ok with that and it seemed wrong. She said well once you die it may not seem so bad and we just don't understand it now, but we will. That was ALWAYS an issue for me. I probably had that discussion at age 10? I'm 30 now... I don't know if that was the norm for everyone else, but my mom was super open about the whole thing.
Oh I want to add! My mom told me that Joseph "rescued" those girls because back then without a husband things were tough for women. Something along those lines... I'm like "oh so he married them by law but didn't do anything with them right? He was just protecting them right?" She's like I'm not sure. That was about it. I always thought that was strange.. Like how can you just turn a blind eye to that.
This one made me cry 😢. Wishing you nothing but the best from here on.
I had to interrupt the podcast to look up what CES Letter meant. It was not explained, when first mentioned. A great podcast gentlemen.
Mormon Stories, just wanted to give you confirmation that the UA-cam shorts are working!! I think I found your podcast a week ago and have been watching like mad ✨ love the way that this is put together and all the knowledge that you give.
I'm not sure if you have a website but I think it would be awesome if you were able to break down the reasons/facts people have lost their faith with links to the articles that helped open their hearts to find their own truth. Sending love from Washington State!
Kolby you are inspiring and give us so much hope for the future generations! ❤
Kolby is really intelligent and courageous. I enjoyed watching him and John and Gerardo laugh so much.
Interestingly, in my old ward when I went through something my Bishop made the determination that NOT taking the Sacrament would actually be detrimental to the repentance process. He highly encouraged that I make it to meetings, partake and stay involved and not deprive myself or punish myself.
I’m currently meeting with a pair of missionaries/ well I’m on my 4th set of missionaries but this video breaks my heart and just makes me have soooo much empathy for these young men. Breaks my heart , pray they find healing and freedom in the true Jesus of the Bible , creator of everything
@godtalk9645 Same, I always try to feed them dinners because they don’t get those anymore from the wards after the pandemic 😢
@@SerenityNow22 yes apologia def gave me a foundation of talking / understanding them. However after spending a lot of time with them the teaching of the priesthood , baptism of the dead , etc are some of the weaker points and are easier to get thru to them with those topics than the ones apologia sticks to
Kolby can be a great addition to your team. He can be a CO host like many others you had on the show. He has a long life ahead of him making decisions and we would love to watch him grow as a man, a human being and someone that only wishes to do good.