Why Hobbies Can Be Tough and What I'm Doing About It
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- Опубліковано 17 лип 2023
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It's hard for me to engage in my hobbies! So I'm working on trying to use my strategies for that, too. Join me!
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Differentiating between liking the idea of something or liking the thing has helped me so much in hobbies and even in relationships.
How did you managed to differentiate that?
For me it’s always liking the idea of something.
@@yemmohater2796
I know you asked the other commenter, but at least to give my own insight:
First, if you haven't actually experienced the thing, then there's a higher chance you might not be able to differentiate. Make sure you get hands-on, real-life experience with the thing.
Second, if you have experienced the thing, try to pick out which things seem to be a trending occurrence when experiencing the thing. See if these things have a positive, neutral, or negative impact on you. For the negative and even the neutral things, were these things that you anticipated would be part of the experience? If not, then there's a good chance you just liked the idea of the thing.
Third, continuing to look at the things that affect you negatively or neutrally: Can you think of some realistic solutions you could implement for the negative things that could end up with them being neutral or even positive? (Can you even find ways to make the neutral things into positive?) If not, then you either haven't found a good solution for you yet or you might be clinging onto liking the idea of something.
So that's the process, but it really comes down to learning your preferences and your abilities. This is just my take, though (which I need to try out more for myself!). Hope this at least helps get you started!
@@TheCloverAffiliate12 That's really helpful, thank you. 😊
Yes! That 'relationships' part! In the past I've had a hard time differentiating between the idea a great relationship versus actually having a great relationship.
It's tough getting people to understand the idea it's possible to struggle sticking to the things you enjoy doing.
And it’s weird, because not enjoying things you usually enjoy is a symptom of depression. So I’m left wondering if my ADHD has just decided I need to switch hobbies, or if something else is going on.
Even people with undiagnosed ADHD struggle to understand. Before I knew I had ADHD, I was convinced that I was lying to myself about enjoying my hobbies because I couldn't make myself do them or practice. After I started getting treatment, I realized that it was a functioning issue. If I really didn't care, I wouldn't have kept trying to get myself to do those hobbies.
@@Kazner0h I tell people that my one true hobby is trying hobbies lol
@@lifefindsaway7875 The tests are usually worded 'have you lost interest in...etc"
I've confused more than one psychologist because; No! I have not lost interest! I am very interested in my hobbies! And what brings me into their office today? I can't do my hobbies!
There are always phases where the enjoyment of a particular hobby goes away for a while and later comes back it's normal for example 3D animating for me, sometimes I don't enjoy it for weeks but still do it and learn new things, and once I learned those the enjoyment comes back later on when I see what I can do with it @@lifefindsaway7875
Ok soooo I couldn't find the barrier log video...assuming I even made one? lol. I SWEAR I remember doing it! Here's how it works:
STEP ONE. write down everything that gets in the way of you doing The Thing. EVERYTHING.
STEP TWO. see what's easily removed & doooo ittttt
STEP THREE. look for patterns where it might be worth putting in extra effort (or $$) to remove frequent/disproportionately difficult barriers.
You did! Or you mentioned it in on. I clearly remember you coming to the conclusion that you need to buy more socks!
You actually call it an "issues log" in the title so that might be why you couldn't find it 😂😅 Anyway it's called "How To Make Your Life More ADHD Friendly - The Issues Log!"
@@RainasRoom Oh my god you're amazing. Thank you :D
@@BeccaHermann Thank you! I thought so!! I'll add it now :D
@@HowtoADHDGlad to help! 😁😁
I find it hard not to fall into a perfectionism trap when there is accountability involved. Perfectionism ruins enjoyment quickly. I've also been told many times that as an adult I'm supposed to be independent, which includes doing things by myself. I don't like being called immature and given unsolicited life advice. Life advice that makes me feel immature because I can't follow it, it doesn't work for me (and I didn't know why untill I learned about ADHD).
Okay, i hear and understand the perfectionism thing, but im wondering how many other people fall into the "well, its going to take way more effort or time than i want it to, so why even bother trying" trap?
I have jumped hobby to hobby, but consistently throughout childhood music was always the thing that I continuously did. I then decided I wanted to pursue a career in musical theatre and it was awful. The stress of auditioning, finding repertoire and constant failure hurt so so so bad. And it then hit me that if I kept going, I'd lose the one hobby that is consistent in my life and decided to switch pathway to science and to keep it as a hobby. And I'm telling you singing has never felt so good!!! For the first time in a long time I've been able to actually enjoy my hobby and to not find it stressful. Singing feels so freeing now as if I make a mistake it doesn't matter as its only for fun (and so I don't beat myself up about it). It did make me realise that my brain is creative and I can do anything I put my mind to (I did dance as a kid and choirs but I did 1.5 years of singing lessons and got accepted into drama schools). I don't know if it's stubbornness or just a passion to learn (maybe both) but for the first time I'm understanding my brain and focusing on the positives, rather than what's wrong with my brain :)
How does this not have any comments?
I have to take notes from you.
I had the same experience with my pursuit of production design and visual/concept art. I assumed I would love the opportunity to turn my passion into profession; BOY did that backfire. 😅 The creative industries are very disillusioning once you get into them. I don't know how the people who manage to stay in it do it. I have felt so much more SANE after I quit! It took a few years, but I'm getting back to where art feels natural and genuinely comfortable again.
This is the real reason I haven't opened an Etsy shop. I love art and being creative. I love trying crazy ideas and them only working a portion of the time. I never ever make the same thing twice because I've already solved the puzzle. I could use the cash, but if I drift into doing art for profit, I'm afraid I'll lose my muse, as it were.
YES!! EXACTLY THIS!! this has been my exact journey with art! I revently realized art had bocome a Chore and instead of actively pursuing film as a career i'm looking into becoming a carpenter. And i Finally feel like drawing again🎉🎉🎉
Hobbies are hard but we are harder.
ooooo
I was way too damn confused reading this 😅
Phrasing
That... can mean so many different things.
Ayo
Hi! I just discovered your channel, I was diagnosed with ADHD almost 2 years ago, and watching your videos you made me realize that I’m not “weird” my brain just works different, and that’s not bad, that’s just the way my brain works, and it’s not my fault.
'Normal' is the average of everyones individual capabilities, character traits etc. 'Weird' is just a deviation from the average. Most of your quirks are shared among us A(u)DHD'ers, but the way it manifests and shows itself is very individually defined.
Hi!! Welcome!! Happy to have you!! 😊 I'm so glad you've found our content so helpful and thank you so so so so much for supporting what we do and taking the time to leave such a kind comment! 🧡
@@AnnabethOwlI would also like to know how to speak to doctors. I get so caught up talking about one thing, forget the rest, then feel they don't listen when I try to explain further concerns. Sometimes it's a phone appointment and I am so bad on the phone I end up just telling them "I'm fine" because I literally can't remember any of the examples of what I have been feeling and I know they want to get me off the call asap.
The more you open up to your doctors the more they can help you. It might take a few times to meet them before you get to know them and feel that you can open up. But that is OK. Also, doctors are not there to judge you. Firstly, judgment takes energy and they need to save it for their work and their family. Secondly , they need to focus on what you are saying and find the best solution, therefore, there is no time for judgement. A doctor wants to help, so you are not bothering them. If they can’t help you, they might be able to find someone who is more qualified to help you.
Gus, was you drunk when you spent that money?
I'm rooting for you on your piano studies! Pro tip: When you are practicing, if you get to a point where you're not making progress or feel like you're actively getting worse (hitting wrong notes, wrong rhythms) just stop for the day. Get a good night's sleep and almost always you'll come back to the piano and your brain will have "processed" the practice from the day before, and you'll have a much easier time. It was frequently my experience that I'd wonder why it was so hard the day before, but it turns out, your brain really does need sleep to process and learn certain things. Who knew!?
it is the same with singing. some days my voice strains but with a few hours to one day rest I can sing much better. we need rest in between to let our mind and muscles save the new data
Works for me too. I'm also and enthousiast hobbymusician
Great advice. I'll remember that if I find a new hobby I'm actually able to stick with! 😊
Ha… if I had only know this when I was 12 years old, I would still be playing the piano. Thank you for sharing!
Yes. Also practicing slowly and try not to "practice mistakes". If you keep just plowing through a mistake you will make that a habit and then have to UN-learn before you can learn. So, slow it down. I know that's hard for some of us.
I love these last few videos! It's almost like the start of a series: how to "not work" and have fun successfully :D
Caught that, eh? ;)
I got a violin. As an adult, yes. The difficult automatically gamifies it for me. Every good sound, every note in tune and every beautiful phrase gives me that dopamine kick - because I know it wasn’t easy and I did good. And compleating a piece is a lot of seratonin subsequently. Teacher helps being regular with practicing. I don’t play to become good. I play because it’s a moment I can forget the world around me and pay attention and get my brain going on some good tracks (pun intended)
My CoPilot coach asked the most brilliant question...Do you prefer to count reps or have a set time. This made me realize I lose track when counting and then wander off. The time exercises are awesome for how my brain works.
Always do reps. If you measure time you'll subconsciously allow yourself to slack off and just wait for the time to be up.
I am the same way as you about counting reps, and preferring a timed session.
I didn't even realize that timed was an option.. Thank you for sharing!
@@TheTuxani right I was like oh wait I switched off of laps in the pool years ago. Why didn’t I do that in the gym there’s so much technology that will count for us, so why am I wasting my brain power counting when it just distract me?
@@HeatherMajorsHello 👋How are you doing today??
Jessica seems so much more at peace & happy within herself these days.. wonderful to see 😊
I agree😊
That explains why I jumped from hobby to hobby! I figured it was because I just got bored with it, not because I have ADHD. I'm just glad I managed to stick with a couple of hobbies that I enjoy!
4:56 As someone who loves guitar but has a skin condition that prevents me from playing the "correct" way due to injuries, there's two bits of advice I can give that should absolutely make guitar playing something enjoyable rather than painful. First: getting finger protection like Guitar Fingers or making a 3M Vetrap (or any generic "Selfgrip" bandage roll) finger wrap was GIGANTIC in terms of making things easier to play. Second: *GET LIGHTER-GAUGE STRINGS.* Going from 9s down to 7s (for an electric guitar) was monumental in letting me play without destroying my fingers every time I wanted to practice. Ernie Ball makes 7 gauge strings called "Zippy Slinky" so they should be available at most places like guitar center. Personally I use Dunlop's Rev. Willy's Lottery Super Fine which are available online at sweetwater in case you don't have a store near you. Plus they send you candy with every order. Best company.
omg THANK YOU
I have tiny hands and thin skin and my fingers start bleeding really easily when I try to play the 'right' way. Tysm for the recommendations, I will look them up
Acoustic guitars are usually the go-to for learning, but the lighter strings on an electric can be so much easier to play!
There are some small battery powered amps available if you want to bring it out around the campfire.
@@SoLongSpaceCat Sure thing, I hope it helps!
I was hoping there'd be a way to avoid the callouses! I've always thought it was neat to hear people play the guitar (my dad plays, so I associate the sound of an acoustic guitar with "safety"), but like, why would anyone choose an instrument that needs to hurt or deform their body so they can play it? So I figured I'd never be able to play it. But now this is interesting... and I've also been paying attention to some of the Kickstarter campaigns about basically stringless electronic guitars that can also make other types of sound, and I really like the idea of those. Would love to have one.
Elixir strings are really nice to play on an electric as well. They use a thin polymer coating that smooths out ridges between the metal coils of the string.
Our society tends to undervalue hobbies I noticed, but they bring so much value into our lives. Thank you for this video, you’re so real and yet optimistic it’s very refreshing!!!
This resonates so much!!! I’ve been cosplaying for 8 years and have been really struggling to get stuff done lately but I realized it was because the projects I’ve been working on felt like obligations instead of fun and realized they were super heavy using sewing work … so I switched things up and started a new project working with materials I actually enjoy working with and it’s been a HUGE difference. It’s such a struggle when I’m constantly worried I’ll get bored or quit projects but I’ve just learned that putting things to the side or deciding a project isn’t panning out how I like, it’s not a moral failing.
BTW your barrier log video was a HUGE help in recognizing my barriers and build better habits and systems around those parts of my life.
..."I've just learned that putting things to the side or deciding a project isn't panning out how I like, it's not a moral failing."
YES. You said it so well. I'm working to soak in the concept that failure is the biggest portion of the process of success. And that sometimes part of success is learning that our current plan, isn't the best one.
I recently was dead set on creating a mermaid chandelier. I spent money we could have used elsewhere and valuable time trying so hard to force the project to pan out. Finally, after hours of making progress only to have it fall apart as I'm ready to hang it, and me accidentally teaching my preschooler some new words, I decided I'm no longer having fun. Continuing was not doing anyone any good.
It's kind of like gambling. I'm having to learn that doubling down when I'm losing is one of the worst strategies. It is, however, usually a great way to make me lose control of my emotions. Sometimes taking a step away for a bit can give a clearer perspective. Now if only I could remember that in the heat of the moment next time...
I often find myself realizing that maybe I don’t like something, that maybe I only fell in love with the idea of something. But that’s usually long after I have spent a lot of time researching the hobby and sometimes even a lot of money to do the hobby.
And my brain always approaches a hobby from the perspective of “we need to be great at this hobby”
It’s very frustrating and exhausting
Yep yep exactly. And then its harder to admit you dont want to do it because you already bought two guitars, or a pack of crochet needles and yarn and books on how to learn, or you spent a ton of time going through lessons and posts and bla bla bla about how to code, or whatever it is.
Its a bummer. Im at the point she described where im not good at anything, ive never succeeded at anything, so i feel like a failure
@@herrforehead1279 I used to think I could do anything. and I was partially right. as an adult I learned I was only able to be mediocre at everything. I envy those who knew exactly what they wanted to be so they could laser focus on it. I've never felt that way about anything.
"You don't have to be good at everything." I needed to hear that. Thank you.
"I got tired at failing at everything. . . " I feel you.
Same. I've failed at everything I've ever done in my life. Worst part is, my family expects me to be perfect at everything, all the time. I'm not allowed to fail, even if it means they have to do it for me. That's the best way to grow up to be an adult who can't do anything, and then can't even get a job because they have no skills and no confidence. Yup! That's me! The big failure.
Ahh, the neurodivergent trail of unfinished or barely started hobbies xD I feel this. It's really interesting that you mention about changing instruments - I've played guitar off and on since I was 13 years old, and I generally quite like it? But I also got to play the drums frequently at a school friend's house and LOVED it. It's to this day about the only exercise I've ever enjoyed, plus I really thrived on learning and jamming on new parts and beats. The urge to play again, to get my own set (even an electronic drum set) has never gone away either. Like, playing guitar and bass is *nice*, but...maybe I should just get back into drumming instead? I'll have a think about it xD
It’s hard, since the stuff I’m interested in takes so much effort to get to a point where it’s enjoyable. Can’t make it past the effort a lot of the time because I’m so exhausted from the other things in my life I “have” to do. And then I just end up staring pointlessly at a wall because I don’t have energy to do and get good at the stuff I care about.
Just got diagnosed at 23 and started medication, things make so much more sense now that I'm adjusting daily functions based on how my brain wants to work.
I just want to say that I've been watching your channel for a little over a year now with suspicions that I might have ADHD. Regardless of whether I do or not, a lot of your content has helped me through many of my daily struggles and continue to help me. You make me feel seen and much of your advice has proved to be beneficial to me in my growth journey. The gradual change I've been able to make thanks to advice from your channel, alongside support from my amazing friend group, has finally given me the strength to make the decision to get a psychiatric evaluation. I have my first ever appointment tomorrow. I just want to thank you for the overwhelmingly supportive content and advice you put out on this channel. 💖
Although I hope from hobby to hobby, I've locked myself into a few specific ones. Despite some in my family saying I should get rid of some of them, my argument is that by keeping it specific, I won't 1) Lose out on the money I've spent on it, 2) Gives me a goal to work toward, and 3) Gives me avenues to socialize. And I still _very much_ want to do it. :)
But I get it, it's tough. My biggest issue is space. I want to make it possible to enjoy my hobbies again by simply having SPACE.
"One failure after another... I was tired of failing at everything"... Man, that hit me hard. I'm in that boat :/
“Do you even like doing the thing, or just the idea of it?” YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!! So many times I’ve wanted to do a thing because I thought it was cool, or thought I’d be cool doing it, but realized I either don’t enjoy it, or it’s not interesting enough for me to hang in there. Giving myself permission to let go was hard at first, but it’s better to be honest.
I just wanted to say, other than "This was an awesome and helpful video", is I am so thankful and grateful for you and your channel!
I was hospitalized 8 times in my life because I thought I was a loser because I couldn't live up to the neurotypical standards that were put upon me!
I'm still dealing with and getting treatment for PTSD because of how bad the bullying (in school, in the neighborhood, and at home) was due to my Autism and ADHD symptoms.
Thank you for being someone who shows that I'm valid and okay as I am.
Thanks for showing me that I'm normal, and I'm not alone!
I only found out I had ADHD in April of 2021, as well as autism, at the age of 46.
Your videos have helped me learn so much!
You give good sound advice well as help me educate the neurotypical loved ones in my life. I can't tell you how many times I've used the "wall of awful" as an educational tool.
The clutter in stasis and clutter in motion video... I would have never thought of any of those suggestions. I'm moving into my own apartment this week (I was living with roommates), and I'm definitely implementing that in earnest.
Your videos are the only ones I found that consistently good, sound, and constructive advice. Most professionals are completely inept at it.
I know I'm lucky, as I have a support system now. I'm finally with a therapist that doesn't only treat Neurodivergent patients, she's Neurodivergent herself!
Thanks again for the content!
"Do I even REALLY like doing the thing, OR do I like the IDEA of the thing?!?!" OOOF! That one really hit me hard right now!! I think I really need to start asking myself that on a more regular basis.
I've been so hard on myself lately because ive been struggling to do things I really want to do. I keep essentially asking myself "What's wrong with you? Why can't you just do the thing, cause you do really want to do it?" Lots of shame and self criticism... I literally have never thought about asking myself what the barriers are to why I'm struggling and how to eliminate those barriers! GAME CHANGING!!
This whole video has been so incredible!! 💖💖💖 Gave me so mich food for thought and so incredibly helpful. Thank you!
I struggle with sticking with Hobbies too, my main ones were woodworking and working on my cars but when my degenerative disc disease got to the point where I had to give up on both of those or anything physical, I have really struggled to find something that holds my interest and because of my impulsivity I’ve spent a lot of money on things that I haven’t been able to follow through with I want to thank you so much for teaching me about my brain without your guidance over the years. I don’t know where I’d be or if I’d even be here still …Before I found you,There were some pretty dark days and while I still have bad days I know that things can get better if I work at them. And a lot of that is because of things I have learned on your channel so thank you for being exactly who you are.
What about building model cars or even crafting model cars with woodworking? Might be more workable despite the degenerative disc disease and still a way to pursue your passion of cars. 😊
I haven't been consistent about much in my ADHD life, except for drumming. If you're lucky enough to find that artistic vehicle that always calls you back, no matter how good or bad your previous attempt was, then you've struck happiness gold! For 40 of my 49 years, I've either been constantly drumming, kind of drumming, wishing I was drumming... but never DONE with drumming in the grand scheme. It picks me up when I feel worthless, centers me when I'm lost, and still humbles me whenever I start to think I've reached any kind of greatness. So lucky to have found it!
I tried it, for about a year, but all the different drums and cymbals in the set, when I was working with a set instead of a lone snare, kept overwhelming me.
This makes me want to go back and try to learn piano again.
I also just realized that 1 of my problems is that I'm not perfect from the start so I don't like practicing around people, but I also realized that because my keyboard is electric, I can just use headphones. I've literally had that keyboard for probably a decade and just now realized that, but better late than never I guess
Love your Try Differently shirt. Such a good message in this "Just try harder" world.
I totally get the learning an instrument thing. I was a music major ( one of my two majors ) in college. I find that I have to take a break from an instrument from time to time, so that I eventually get re-energized to play that instrument again, and want to practice. My breaks vary. I play both Violin and Guitar, and I play violin in a community orchestra. I will take some time off after our season is done, because the pace of learning music for a concert can be frantic. Then late summer, I start picking it back up again. Guitar, I have taken anywhere from a week, to 3 months off before. However, I have found that buying something new, like a piece of music, or some new picks, or some new pedals, etc will almost recharge my interest, and I get right back on it. The one thing I have learned to do this year, is to remind myself, that I am doing this as my "me" time. Playing an instrument is my self-care and so by reminding myself, I am finding that my need for a break doesn't happen as often.
You videos always help me understand my ADHD better! Before I found your channel I used to have a ADHD melt down about every week but since I started watching your videos I started to understand why they were happening I love watching your videos in my free time
(Idk how to end this 😅😂🤦🏻♀️)
ADHD model builder here, I can usually complete 2-3 kits per year so I don't buy any until I have completed at least 3 but at that pace, I will still have more kits than time so I can cull the kits I don't want or build through the spring and summer months, which I have found to be a really hard thing to do, I was able to completely revamp my model room in the spring, it was a big task but I was able to complete it, and I will spend as much time doing outside things as I can until fall and try not to beat myself up about it ...work in progress.
"Sitting down and writing is like torture" :) - how true! I work as a science journalist, specialized in psychology and neuroscience-imagine that! Every time I have to sit down and start writing an article, it feels like pure torture. I've been in this profession for 18 years now, and the feeling hasn't changed. Over time, I've unconsciously developed some coping strategies, although I'm aware that other journalists might find my way of working quite stressful. I write in batches. Especially when the article is very long, I first make a list of paragraphs and then dive into short writing sessions-messy, quick, with lots of typos, and with no particular order. Once I've written about all the paragraphs, I start re-reading each one of them, correcting typos, and giving them an acceptable form. I take quick turns, each time making them a little better. As I read the whole article, I use the same technique but on a more general level, trying to make everything fit together. The "torture sensation" starts out very high but eases a little bit with each working session. In the end, you can imagine, I am physically and mentally devastated but happy with the result. It's not easy being like this, though.
I'm so glad you're back shooting videos. While it turns out that I don't have ADHD but anxiety and OC issues, I present a lot like an ADHD person... Your suggestions are useful for anybody with executive function issues. Frankly, even neurotypical people (and maybe nobody's actually neurotypical but rather not very neurodiverse as us) can benefit from these strategies.
You seem happy, and I'm glad of that.
For me I hyperfocus on a hobby and get really good at it, but then hyperfocus on another hobby and have a real hard time going back to a previous one even though I love it. It's like all my hobbies are just markers in time and I can't back to them, only remember them even though the stuff to do those hobbies are sitting right next to me.
Im in my second year of learning piano, and this is my third attempt, and thus far my longest and most successful. Accountability for me is key, I have an amazing teacher who meets me where im at. I also get deregulated in the Summer months from sensory stuff. So I take a break from lessons for a bit but I also work through much easier sheet music so I can still practice but be successful in little bits. Knowing where I struggle ahead of time is also really helpful.
I feel kinda the same way about work/achieving things.. hobbies pull me immediately into the hyper focus and I cannot stop on my own
That's bull. Just because your hyperfocused doesn't mean you can't stop. It's just you lose track of time. If you setup a clock before you choose to do any task to go off at a certain time, it will prompt you so that you can stop.
Really feel this one. Reminds me of the years of learning to play the guitar. Took forever and brought me to my limits of frustration but now I have something that just is good for me.
"YES they are! Thank you!" My thoughts as soon as I saw the title... ❤
I actually got myself diagnosed because of this issue specifically.
Applying myself to my hobby of art was so painful. It was largely a focus and discipline issue. I can’t expect myself to be in the moment if I’m not setting myself up to be there. I would blank and didn’t know how to improve and it was very frustrating and depressing. I love art!
I can now relax enough to see the path that I was missing, and find beauty in the repetition and textures and warmups. I can actually listen to advice on art and apply it. Really, it’s hard taking time to self reflect and acccept what is and isn’t in your responsibility but it’s really important self care work to be able to appreciate the things around you and your ability to function.
Thank you for this video! I have noticed that time management is one of the biggest factors for me. Like, first of all making actual time in one's schedule, but then also sticking to it. On the one hand, when I'm really enjoying myself, it's hard not to hyperfocus and continue doing the activity well into the night. But on the other hand, a lot of the time, other things feel waaaay more important. It feels like the whole world is sinking right now and there is so much stuff to do. Making time for yourself is important, but as an ADHDer, I find it hard to shift focus to anything non-urgent.
You have NO idea how well-timed this video is--I've been struggling so much with balancing my work and my art recently, because I feel like if I'm not obsessed with all my projects equally then that means I love them less and they're less valuable (and because if I'm not thinking about them I'll legitimately forget they exist lol), thanks for covering all this daily life stuff, since it's not really something you can get a straight answer from a psychiatrist or even the internet haha 😅
I have an idea that it takes her a month to create a single video.
I absolutely resonate with "applying all the great ideas sucks" thank you!
I think the thing with music is that it gives a great feeling if you can play your feelings out. And let's be honest, most people with ADHD and Autism do have more issues with their feelings and that might be why we long so much towards learning to play an instrument. And yeah I'm one of the many ones too that would love to learn how to play a guitar, but I also lack confidence to try and learn with anybody near me and I'm almost never alone, so that doesn't help either...
Get a DAW, like Reaper, get a headset, get a couple of VST instruments, and create music without anyone knowing. I know this as I'm a song writer and create songs :)
Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your expectations from your hobbies.
Oh man this video came at the right time! I have such a hard time sticking to one thing and tryin to force myself to stick to something makes that hobby feel like a chore. Love your videos!
1. Know what you like and are good at
2. Set yourself for success (implement systems to ensure you spend quality time on hobbies)
3. Know your barriers/accessibility issues
I have a really hard time with separating enjoyment from being bad at something. You mentioned sticking with something even when you’re not good because you enjoy doing it, but that doesn’t happen for me and it’s SO frustrating. I just cannot figure out how to have a good time doing something that I’m bad at. And this is true for everything I’ve tried, so it makes it really difficult to have hobbies or to get good at things because I cannot handle the natural beginning part where I’m inevitably bad at it. Even if it’s something I think I could really love, being bad at it sucks all the enjoyment out! I would LOVE to figure out how to deal with this
Congrats on finishing the book. Can't wait to read it
This video is exactly what I needed to see today. Thank you❤
I think it's important to remember the role that stability plays in forming habits. When life is externally unstable and stressful, finding ways to feel stable internally is harder to establish, which sucks but I was given some good advice about weathering storms like that: perfection is the enemy of the good. You don't have to perform optimally. You just need to act.
Personally, I tend to be a harsh self critic who demands perfection 😅 which doesn't make sense but it really doesn't matter how slowly you go, as long as you do not stop and wallow in a mental pity party. You can't do everything, and that's fine. But you can ALWAYS do something(s)
The barrier log idea sounds super helpful. I know anything involving setup /prep is so hard for me
I just wanted to come to your most recent video to say that, as I navigate getting diagnosed with ADHD as an adult your videos have been a very helpful and comforting resource for me - thank you so much for making them!!
One of the things i discovered learning about my ADHD is my constantly, throughout my life, jumping from hobby to hobby seemingly on a whim was part of it. Ive had so many hobbies that ive dove into, did for a while, then overnight stopped doing and anything i purchased related to it starts collecting dust. Not sure if being a pack-rat is part of the deal, but i am one an so i haven't gotten rid of any of the things i got for the hobbies.
I WANT to learn how to program and make my own game. Have for a while... but the Coding and actual process of doing it is very daunting and does nothing to satisfy my "i want to see this done" ADHD mentality.. I just want it to hurry up and be finished, and making a video game is nowhere NEAR like that.
Just love on how your videos and topics are scheduled. I would love to learn more from you.
I have hobbies/interests and can totally agree.
One thing I'm still working on but that's helped me a lot with hobbies is realizing that I don't have to use it to make money or show off. There's this pressure in society that if you're doing something, it should be something that can make you money or impress people. If you craft, you should make things you can sell. If you like to write, you should be publishing books. But I found that put such a pressure on me to get good at something fast so I could capitalize on it that I got frustrated and it wasn't fun anymore.
It's been a huge help to let go of that idea and recognize that if I'm enjoying it, it has value. I can make things without them needing to be 'perfect' enough to sell. I can practice piano without feeling like I need an audience other than myself. I can write without feeling like I have a prospective publisher leaning over my shoulder. And that's made it so much easier to actually *have* hobbies.
I don't know who else needs to hear this, but: You're allowed to enjoy something that doesn't make you money. You're allowed to do something for the sheer enjoyment of it. The fact that you enjoy it is reason enough to keep going.
I'm so glad you found your groove. What a gift you have!
Hit me hard with that first line. My parents wasted too much money on guitar lessons. Later, I bought the electronic doodads that let me do the lessons online. It seems that getting what I need to do a task is assurance that I have moved on to something else.
I loved this video and really needed it. Thanks for sharing! I have SO much trouble sticking with hobbies and it's frustrating. I will start getting more clear on whether or not I actually like the things I'm trying to do. And I will watch your video on creating a barrier log.
I only recently figured out that i have ADHD, and your videos have helped me understand so many of the little things that would hold me back from what i want to do. Thank you so much for your videos.
I started learning the piano also because I felt it would be easier for me than guitar and I do not regret it. First I hyperfocused and played about 2.5 hours every evening, which was good to get over the first few hurdles but now the challenge is to keep playing everyday and keep practicing the same piece until I can play it. For me it is helpful to set a very easy time goal, for example 5 minutes per day and choosing shorter pieces that I do not have to practice that long before I can play them.
I would also recommend a book or digital course that has you learn the musical theory on basis of very small practice pieces that are already little songs. This makes you feel accomplished very early on and gives you the reward you need as an adhder. I also did dress up and filmed myself playing every little piece that I managed to learn - you could also play it in front of family or friends - if that motivates you. With the guided book / course you feel like a player in a game that is levelling up with every little piece you learned to play.
I also have the greater goal of writing my own little songs in order to express myself, which also helps me keeping at it. I have times where I manage to play every day and I have times where there is too much going on and I am overstimulated where I take a break but I always come back to it and make progress even if it's slow.
So if it is something that you feel like you cannot live without anymore, you certainly can do it in your own time and your own way!
I really needed this ❤ Since this is something I also struggle with, and was shaming myself for (feeling like I sucked at everything ate at my self-esteem). In reality, I wasn't a failure I was just not properly supporting myself through it. Currently I'm working two jobs and most things feel like too much work because I put so much energy into showing up and working essentially 12 hours.
Piano is a brilliant choice. The thing about "you can't bring it around a campfire" You can--ish. I started piano when I was ... 5-ish? So many instruments use the same layout, they will come naturally to you when you start them after having a background in piano. it's a HUGE head start. I learned a diatonic harmonica in a day, Chromatic in a month, Orchestra bells in a week etc... Currently i'm looking in to a way to learn accordion that can fit my budget (accordians are EXPENSIVE). but having the keyboard base, gives you a LARGE variety of options to branch off into quickly and easily =) .
Setting yourself up for success I feel is key. As I learn how to cope I find myself getting back into hobbies that I abandoned when I was younger when I didn't know I had ADHD. A big help is UA-cam honestly, tutorials of videos helping people starting out in a hobby is so helpful getting through frustrating roadblocks in the beginning.
I have entirely too many hobbies and far too little time to spend on them even without accounting for ADHD (Though I suppose the ADHD is probably why I have so many?). As it stands I am so incredibly terrible at actually putting energy into the ones that matter to me at the end of the day. Every once in a while I'm able to hyperfocus for a bit and get a lot done but it feels rarer and rarer.
Wow- this is possibly the most helpful video ever on your channel! I find hobbies the hardest to stick to because it's missing that aspect of external motivation and consequences that you get with a job or study.
I found out I was diagnosed with adhd today and I’ve been struggle with keeping up with several hobbies. This video is so helpful thanks for the tips :)
Copilot has helped me to be consistent working out for a year! Thanks for ur rec
SO proud of your channel+your book. You're an amazing human💜
Was you drunk or high when you wrote that?
The barrier list is such a good idea. I need this for my job. I've been feeling like there's a bunch of little things i should know by now. If i make a list, i can start checking them off instead of finding ways to avoid them. Thank you!
Keyboard is a lovely instrument. If you want a portable version, consider a bandoneon/accordian, or a melodica.
😊 the last month and a half, I have learnt so much about my ADHD brain and how it works thanks to this Channel.
Watching this today made me smile 😊, because I noticed that I am actually rewiring my brain..
For a hobby, I love sewing and creating garments, what I noticed is that the sewing machine made it harder to joy the hobby.
I am back to my beloved hobby but am hand sewing. Yes it takes a lot longer, but this is the way I can accomplish my hobby.
On the other hand I have a hobby of illustrating and painting, but I could not stay interested in the activity for a long time. All of the material involved (paint, water, color pencils,and so on) was a lot to deal with and mistakes were permanent. So, digital illustration/painting became my solution.
Much of these discoveries and realization are all thanks to accepting the way my brain works, and to this Channel for teaching me so muck ❤
learning to shoot compound bow is realy thrilling ride and is good for your muscles
Hey
I just wanted to say that I really love and appreciate your channel
I am 31 and was diagnosed with ADHD with 8 ...and even though it was recognized early I never received any therapy other than medication and even that wasn't handled as it should have been ...I have taken those medications for 23 years and only in primary school where they ever paused and such ...after that I just took them 24/7 and no one ever explained anything other than how exactly to take the meds (at highschool I was at 50mg daily and that's the dose I am taking ever since)...and since I was so young the explanation I received about ADHD was also very simple and I assumed that that was it so I never had the thought to research further ...
So I actually do feel as if I was diagnosed with 29 because then I finally started researching after failing university and having depression and staying in mental hospitals and so on
And now with your channel I feel so understood and your videos are really helpful and ...so sorry but my fingers are not writing fast enough for my brain and writing such a long message is a bit much right now so I will stop here ^^
Glad you have found something you enjoy doing!
for me it’s been like 2.5 years and there is no job I can really stick with.
it can take long to see things, like why I can’t do or why I can’t love that thing, feels like a weird annoying puzzle.
Thank you for this video and future ones. It is such a struggle for me to take the time to relax and enjoy myself
I’m laughing so hard, I literally had shiny stickers telling me the notes of the keys on my piano! I’m undiagnosed but relate to a lot of your content and am struggling with executive dysfunction and anxiety as well as a brain that never stops. Bouts of hyperfocus are what keep me functioning at this point.
Anyway, hobby wise, ive now embraced that my hobby is collecting hobbies: i love reading and knowing everything about it, getting the hang of it ‘til an intermediary level, and then have it gather dust in a corner of my living room for a year while I keep telling myself i’ll get to it because I feel so much guilt over it. Ive stopped the guilt part! My hobby is learning hobbies. :)
The clock that sits behind you cracks me up. I had to prove to myself it wasn't working. haha I was a really good guitarist in my tweens and early 20's before I had children or grandchildren (I'm 70). However I started by learning to play the piano. Mostly I love to sing. I agree the piano would be a better choice, and longer lasting. Because today without practicing for years, I wouldn't be able to play the guitar, but I can play the piano at any time. One thing I'd like to hear more about is finishing stuff. I'm artistic and have lots of hobbies, maybe even too many. I have a tendency to get hyper focused on projects, but when I can't see my way to finish my creation to completion, the project will sit for a long while. Sometimes years. (I have several macrame projects that are 50 years old) If I have a deadline or it's a gift, I usually finish to make sure that person is happy. But when It's just for me I can procrastinate. Do I just need to push through and finish? What do I do when my adhd stumps me for completing something I'd really like to see complete? It isn't just about art and hobbies, it can be about finances or pursuing a passion. I lose my path or maybe my focus and can't find my way back to what I was creating. Is there a name and solution for this?
Love your channel, it’s helped me and my daughter quite a lot. Please remember as you go forward that not everyone has the resources you do. Hiring a coach for this and an assistant for that and a tutor for the other thing is not within everyone’s means, and much of this video seems to be aimed in that direction.
Thanks for your genuine honesty. You are a wonderful inspiration. Looking forward to more deep dives
You inspire me.
Before being diagnosed or even finding your channel, I had read The Little Book of Talent: 52 Tips for Improving Your Skills by Daniel Coyle. As you embark on your piano lessons, and deep dive into how to use quick strategies to enjoy the process, I would highly recommend this book.
Maybe even a chat / interview with him could be interesting. This particular book was easily digestible- short chapter/ ideas, tiny little graphic for interest, easy to take away what you need for where you’re at.
I’m excited to hear more about your book! 📚❤️
I just had my first therapy session yesterday and this topic came up, "What are my hobbies she asked me" and my response was i do not know if there hobbies or learned behaviors i enjoy because i cannot feel happiness in them, but they are fun to do. I enjoy the things i do sure, but then something new or shiny will be the replacement in a week from now. I dont know if anyone else feels like that, but its a daily struggle for me and i know I can get better.
I change hobbies seasonally. I try not to beat myself up for putting a hobby down for a while and doing something else, cause I know that in about a year later I'll probably want to pick it back up
Love Copilot! Signed up a month ago after watching one of your videos.
I've got adhd and I just want to say your channel has helped change my life for the positive!
Thank you😊
i just wanted to say that i love your videos and they are always helpful
This was helpful. Thanks!
Im glad I am not alone in being "good" at my hobbies. Helps me feel less alone
We need a hobby exchange program.. Trade your guitar and supplies for someone else's hobby supplies. Part of that adhd tax you've talked about before.. Hobbies are expensive 🤔
This is an excellent topic. I always wanted to learn to play guitar but always gave up. You nailed it when you said is it the idea of playing guitar or do I enjoy playing guitar. I enjoy photography and have never given up on it. I take pictures for myself and not anymore else. I never showed anyone my photographs because I never wanted to hear criticism. I have given up on many things because I was impatient to learn them. You are so insightful about ADHD and it helps me not to feel like a failure. Thanks for your help and support ❤
I have spent my whole life jumping from hobby to hobby to project to project and eventually loop back to each of them when I remember or something sparks interest in it again. The frustrating part is that I usually forget where I was up to and have to start from scratch, which can be quite disheartening. So the way I learned to cope with that over the years is to have a "Projects" folder on my computer and a subfolder for each and every one (Guitar, 3D Printing, Drones, Rubik's Cube, Working Out, Piano, Electronics, Paragliding, Motorbike Restoration, Mountain Biking, Woodworking, Coding etc 😅) and any pictures, info, websites, audiobooks, software etc that I find on the topic goes in there PLUS (and here is the key to it all) there is a text file in each folder that I use to keep notes or a diary while I AM interested in that particular thing. So, when I inevitably get sick of it for 3 years and then come back to it, I can sort of pick up where I left off by reading through all my notes 👌
This was VERY inspiring! I'm saving this to refer back to. Thanks so much. 🥰 This gives me hope. 👍
Hey girl hey, it's good to hear from you thank you so much for the content. I'm so proud of you for going up in weights! ❤❤
Hello 👋 how are you doing today?
Ty to helping me .
This is great advise on basically how to pursue anything more complex as an ADHD brain. 🙏 Just as a sidenote though: Those calluses will get softer again if you keep playing the guitar. I love playing the guitar and I love giving massages and being a guitar player is not necessarily stopping you from being a great masseur ;)
I love this channel. It makes me feel normal, for real. Thank you! Also for your Piano adventures, I think you could still bust out a portal keyboard around a fire! I think there's always a way lol.
I always love the idea of starting a channel but I can't ever limit myself and pick a niche. I like way too many things! If I could only find a way to make me learning or experimenting with hobbies fun and entertaining for others I think that would be ideal because the focus is on me learning and not one specific niche.