Just from personal experience, I too have been going to the gym for few years and I have to say ; it becomes a culture and a tradition to do it without even thinking about it. Same applies to the dating lifestyle, if you do it enough, eventually it’ll be second nature.
Wonderful video as usual. This year has been fantastic for me and for reasons you mention on this video - I’ve made the effort to get involved in several communities (gym, salsa lessons, church young adult groups, 20s and 3s social facebook groups, young professionals groups, etc) and also still on dating apps like hinge that don’t have the same “hook up app” reputation as Tinder. Now i do go out very often and have been meeting new people often, and i’ve already been on way more dates than the past 3 years - with better results than ever because i’m having more fun and letting people who are compatible stick around and those who don’t are free to leave. It’s always a win-win
That's fantastic to here Zukondis, It's really great that you commended as well so the other guys can see that it's really worth investing in changing your lifestyle!
The problem is - what if I don't want a lifestyle that requires me to be very social? Of course, you made a point that even an "introvert" can like it, but still - for example, I would want to join a chess club and study chess, but there are really few women there. Even after a lot of consideration that I was conducting for quite a while, I cannot find any enjoyable activity that both has a big amount of single female participants and has a big rotation of people. And without a rotation of people it is just the common "social circle game", which has a lot of limits. Does it mean I can never create a lifestyle made for dating? I want to date casually and find a good, compatible girlfriend via the "brute force search", but it is always an auxillary activity, either via the dating apps or trying to do daygame. Should I break my psyche and force myself to start enjoying activities that I find boring and bland, like dancing? Or is there another way?
This is a good question mate - there's no perfect answer to this... It's perfectly reasonable for you not to want to have a social lifestyle - I don't think that it is ideal for everyone. I think to some degree you have to make a choice around how important having a casual dating life is for you... You see, if you aren't very social - even going on tinder dates etc. It will be hard to have the right social skills and be in teh right emotional state to make those dates fun enough to make them sexual quickly.... You rarely see guys with no social life iwho are also engaged in a lot of casual sex for this reason.. If I step back from being very social - as I have now that im in a new relationship - I temporarily lose some of my highly tuned social skills too, and become a bit less charming/exciting. Of course you can still go for casual sex with online dating etc, but I'm not sure how much success you'll have without being in a social state.
@@SchoolOfAttraction Hmm, thanks for the answer. So, the main criteria is being social to tune the social skills? If I, for example, have a good social lifestyle, but in the predominantly male-dominated fields like chess, it may still be enough for the skills tuning?
From a skills tuning perspective - the issue iwth a chess club for example is that it might be more or less mostly filled with others who don't have a very high social ability - so it's not a great help necessarily. But not having ever attended chess groups, I'm really just stereotyping with no real clue. Just naming the potential issues with it.
I had previously built myself a life where I never had to meet any women. When I moved cities, I suddenly found myself surrounded by a lot more women. And I remembered why I had built my hermit lifestyle: when you suddenly have lots of women interested in you and they start annoying you because you want nothing to do with them, you really wish to just be left alone.
Appreciate your content. I think you should stress the importance of living in a walkable city in order to integrate dating into one’s lifestyle. Most North American (& I believe Australian) cities are designed around cars & not people (barring a few major cities like NYC, Chicago, Toronto, Montreal, etc.) & only have social scenes based around bars & clubs or maybe the local university (minimal parks & public spaces). All of that makes it extremely difficult to integrate dating into one’s lifestyle (especially cold approach). Speaking from experience, if you’re a man who’s inexperienced with dating, you need to live in a walkable city to integrate it into your lifestyle.
Valid point and true but imo this can be used as an excuse .The issue is this how did our parents do it? These cities havent really changed yet previous generations seemed to have had better luck with dating despite that same challenge.
@@xMckingwill Better economy overall I’d say. Urban planning (aka city design) is intimately tied into politics/economics. The political/economic landscape of our parents was far superior than it is now. It was much easier to relocate back then, acquire a car & acquire housing compared to modern times. Car dependent infrastructure is also the reason why we’re in a housing crisis too (so much space given to parking lots & then there’s single family zoning which prohibits mixed use zoning). Obviously there’s a few other factors involved. Yet car dependency absolutely plays a huge factor in this. One of the former RSD coaches held a bootcamp in my city & told his clients to “move tf out cuz the city sucks for game.” I live in a car dependent city, it’s very tough to do cold approach & integrate socializing here since it’s suburban sprawl everywhere. If you’re inexperienced with socializing & dating, you absolutely need to live in a walkable city to seamlessly integrate it into your life.
@@JamesTheWise_ I still push back a bit and say cities for the most part where more or less the same, yeah certain things are a bit different but not so much as you make it seem. our parents still managed to do so. the reason i realized is that our parent lived a dating life style naturally because to have fun they had to go out and socialize so meeting people and developing social skill came naturally. that is no longer the case not its deliberate thing you must do as there are some many thing we can to to be entertained that does not require in person interaction
This is an intersting comment James - For sure some cities are more 'walkable' than others - Other than making day gam ea little harder (although I haven't been to a city yet where I couldn't day game effectively) - I'm not clear how that's going to make it hard to make a dating lifestyle.. You may have to drive to activities or social events more often rather than walk or take public transport - but you're still being social... OR am I missing something improtant from your comment?
Mr. School of Attraction, here's the deal. I'm a 25-year-old guy who's never been in a relationship. I used to think it's because I'm just with an average face and standing at 170 cm. On top of that, I've been hitting the gym, but the whole muscular body thing just hasn't worked out for me. And, I am not rich either. Living in Central Europe as a Middle Eastern guy, I feel like there's this racial hierarchy that makes it extra tough to find a European girlfriend. I pretty much gave up on women a while ago. But you know what - I want to give it one more shot. I feel to jump back into the dating game with all the determination I've got. Even though I'm feeling discouraged, I'm still holding onto that tiny glimmer of hope, like a 1-5% chance. I'm searching for some solid evidence that success is possible with effort, but man, it's been hard to find. So, I'm wondering, is it worth it to give it another shot? Can you give me a rational justification to believe that things could work out?
Not to sound pitiful, but I really struggle a lot with myself as of late. Never really put much focus into dating and meeting women (never had a relationship either). Now that I am 36 I am starting to feel very empty in life and actually struggle a lot. I did go on 5 dates this year, a record for me, but neither of them I found really fulfilling nor actually interesting. Sometimes I fear that I am very much a lost cause and that I should just accept staying alone my entire life. Others have it so easy, yet for me it is so incredibly hard... I don't consider myself ugly, quite opposite actually, furthermore I have a good job and people do look up to me. However, I do have issues with staying interested in people I just meet or approaching them when I haven't met them before. I also did a couple of speeddating sessions, but eventhough there were some matches they never went anywhere. I can have a platonic conversation, but it hardly ever goes beyond that. I feel very lost...
You make an excellent point on changing your personal mindset I have a completely unrelated question, I have a similar hairline as you do and I'm wondering, do you take (or will you take) any hair regrowth products (i.e. rogaine, finasteride)? Or will you eventually just shave your head? Cheers
Hey mate - so no I don't take anything - I did honestly look into all the options - the most effective being thf inasteride/rogain combination either tablet or cream, but I still dont' like the finasteride potential side effects for myself... I figure, as my hair gets worse, I'll just shave it or do something with it. I'm sort of in the boat of - I refuse to feel embarassed or ashamed of something that's very normal for guy - and I'm sure I'll make up for my lack of hair with charm and personality :)
@SchoolOfAttraction That's wonderful and helpful advice, I really appreciate it! If you ever do a seminar in Canada, I'll be there (with a receding hairline and all;)
someone else said that above and actually no this isn't from that book - Although I believe I've read it long ago - this is from an entirely different source as literally I've been helping close family members with diet.
as a guy having social skills is more important than looks when it comes to dating, great looking dudes struggle all the time because they can be socially awkward too. So get that on order and go out make friends and join several communities and you are bound to do way better. Also a massive part of women opening up to you is trust/a good reputation, so by knowing you first through social circles they will be 100X more likely to consider you for dating or even do the approaching - instead of you being yet another random potential creep on the internet
Just from personal experience, I too have been going to the gym for few years and I have to say ; it becomes a culture and a tradition to do it without even thinking about it. Same applies to the dating lifestyle, if you do it enough, eventually it’ll be second nature.
Good points. The later you start in life the harder it will be. Have realistic expectations.
As someone who was never succcessful in Tinder, this is the way to go for me.
You’re the best out there. Nothing complicated
Thanks mate :)
Wonderful video as usual. This year has been fantastic for me and for reasons you mention on this video - I’ve made the effort to get involved in several communities (gym, salsa lessons, church young adult groups, 20s and 3s social facebook groups, young professionals groups, etc) and also still on dating apps like hinge that don’t have the same “hook up app” reputation as Tinder. Now i do go out very often and have been meeting new people often, and i’ve already been on way more dates than the past 3 years - with better results than ever because i’m having more fun and letting people who are compatible stick around and those who don’t are free to leave. It’s always a win-win
That's fantastic to here Zukondis, It's really great that you commended as well so the other guys can see that it's really worth investing in changing your lifestyle!
@@SchoolOfAttraction thanks bro, do appreciate your content
The problem is - what if I don't want a lifestyle that requires me to be very social? Of course, you made a point that even an "introvert" can like it, but still - for example, I would want to join a chess club and study chess, but there are really few women there. Even after a lot of consideration that I was conducting for quite a while, I cannot find any enjoyable activity that both has a big amount of single female participants and has a big rotation of people. And without a rotation of people it is just the common "social circle game", which has a lot of limits.
Does it mean I can never create a lifestyle made for dating? I want to date casually and find a good, compatible girlfriend via the "brute force search", but it is always an auxillary activity, either via the dating apps or trying to do daygame.
Should I break my psyche and force myself to start enjoying activities that I find boring and bland, like dancing? Or is there another way?
This is a good question mate - there's no perfect answer to this... It's perfectly reasonable for you not to want to have a social lifestyle - I don't think that it is ideal for everyone. I think to some degree you have to make a choice around how important having a casual dating life is for you...
You see, if you aren't very social - even going on tinder dates etc. It will be hard to have the right social skills and be in teh right emotional state to make those dates fun enough to make them sexual quickly.... You rarely see guys with no social life iwho are also engaged in a lot of casual sex for this reason..
If I step back from being very social - as I have now that im in a new relationship - I temporarily lose some of my highly tuned social skills too, and become a bit less charming/exciting.
Of course you can still go for casual sex with online dating etc, but I'm not sure how much success you'll have without being in a social state.
@@SchoolOfAttraction Hmm, thanks for the answer. So, the main criteria is being social to tune the social skills? If I, for example, have a good social lifestyle, but in the predominantly male-dominated fields like chess, it may still be enough for the skills tuning?
From a skills tuning perspective - the issue iwth a chess club for example is that it might be more or less mostly filled with others who don't have a very high social ability - so it's not a great help necessarily. But not having ever attended chess groups, I'm really just stereotyping with no real clue. Just naming the potential issues with it.
@@SchoolOfAttraction Got it, thanks =-)
I had previously built myself a life where I never had to meet any women. When I moved cities, I suddenly found myself surrounded by a lot more women. And I remembered why I had built my hermit lifestyle: when you suddenly have lots of women interested in you and they start annoying you because you want nothing to do with them, you really wish to just be left alone.
Appreciate your content. I think you should stress the importance of living in a walkable city in order to integrate dating into one’s lifestyle.
Most North American (& I believe Australian) cities are designed around cars & not people (barring a few major cities like NYC, Chicago, Toronto, Montreal, etc.) & only have social scenes based around bars & clubs or maybe the local university (minimal parks & public spaces). All of that makes it extremely difficult to integrate dating into one’s lifestyle (especially cold approach).
Speaking from experience, if you’re a man who’s inexperienced with dating, you need to live in a walkable city to integrate it into your lifestyle.
Valid point and true but imo this can be used as an excuse .The issue is this how did our parents do it? These cities havent really changed yet previous generations seemed to have had better luck with dating despite that same challenge.
@@xMckingwill Better economy overall I’d say. Urban planning (aka city design) is intimately tied into politics/economics. The political/economic landscape of our parents was far superior than it is now. It was much easier to relocate back then, acquire a car & acquire housing compared to modern times.
Car dependent infrastructure is also the reason why we’re in a housing crisis too (so much space given to parking lots & then there’s single family zoning which prohibits mixed use zoning).
Obviously there’s a few other factors involved. Yet car dependency absolutely plays a huge factor in this. One of the former RSD coaches held a bootcamp in my city & told his clients to “move tf out cuz the city sucks for game.” I live in a car dependent city, it’s very tough to do cold approach & integrate socializing here since it’s suburban sprawl everywhere.
If you’re inexperienced with socializing & dating, you absolutely need to live in a walkable city to seamlessly integrate it into your life.
@@JamesTheWise_ I still push back a bit and say cities for the most part where more or less the same, yeah certain things are a bit different but not so much as you make it seem. our parents still managed to do so.
the reason i realized is that our parent lived a dating life style naturally because to have fun they had to go out and socialize so meeting people and developing social skill came naturally. that is no longer the case not its deliberate thing you must do as there are some many thing we can to to be entertained that does not require in person interaction
This is an intersting comment James - For sure some cities are more 'walkable' than others - Other than making day gam ea little harder (although I haven't been to a city yet where I couldn't day game effectively) - I'm not clear how that's going to make it hard to make a dating lifestyle.. You may have to drive to activities or social events more often rather than walk or take public transport - but you're still being social...
OR am I missing something improtant from your comment?
Mr. School of Attraction, here's the deal. I'm a 25-year-old guy who's never been in a relationship. I used to think it's because I'm just with an average face and standing at 170 cm. On top of that, I've been hitting the gym, but the whole muscular body thing just hasn't worked out for me. And, I am not rich either. Living in Central Europe as a Middle Eastern guy, I feel like there's this racial hierarchy that makes it extra tough to find a European girlfriend. I pretty much gave up on women a while ago.
But you know what - I want to give it one more shot. I feel to jump back into the dating game with all the determination I've got. Even though I'm feeling discouraged, I'm still holding onto that tiny glimmer of hope, like a 1-5% chance. I'm searching for some solid evidence that success is possible with effort, but man, it's been hard to find. So, I'm wondering, is it worth it to give it another shot? Can you give me a rational justification to believe that things could work out?
Very good advice I appreciate it !
Not to sound pitiful, but I really struggle a lot with myself as of late. Never really put much focus into dating and meeting women (never had a relationship either). Now that I am 36 I am starting to feel very empty in life and actually struggle a lot. I did go on 5 dates this year, a record for me, but neither of them I found really fulfilling nor actually interesting. Sometimes I fear that I am very much a lost cause and that I should just accept staying alone my entire life. Others have it so easy, yet for me it is so incredibly hard... I don't consider myself ugly, quite opposite actually, furthermore I have a good job and people do look up to me. However, I do have issues with staying interested in people I just meet or approaching them when I haven't met them before. I also did a couple of speeddating sessions, but eventhough there were some matches they never went anywhere. I can have a platonic conversation, but it hardly ever goes beyond that. I feel very lost...
You make an excellent point on changing your personal mindset
I have a completely unrelated question, I have a similar hairline as you do and I'm wondering, do you take (or will you take) any hair regrowth products (i.e. rogaine, finasteride)? Or will you eventually just shave your head? Cheers
Hey mate - so no I don't take anything - I did honestly look into all the options - the most effective being thf inasteride/rogain combination either tablet or cream, but I still dont' like the finasteride potential side effects for myself... I figure, as my hair gets worse, I'll just shave it or do something with it.
I'm sort of in the boat of - I refuse to feel embarassed or ashamed of something that's very normal for guy - and I'm sure I'll make up for my lack of hair with charm and personality :)
@SchoolOfAttraction That's wonderful and helpful advice, I really appreciate it! If you ever do a seminar in Canada, I'll be there (with a receding hairline and all;)
Great advice, makes sense
Solid advice. 👌
I’m a gamer are there social activities that involve that
Not one that typically involves many women unfortunately - at least not that I've found.
Sounds like someone read Atomic Habits
someone else said that above and actually no this isn't from that book - Although I believe I've read it long ago - this is from an entirely different source as literally I've been helping close family members with diet.
I have no dates, I'm too ugly.
as a guy having social skills is more important than looks when it comes to dating, great looking dudes struggle all the time because they can be socially awkward too. So get that on order and go out make friends and join several communities and you are bound to do way better. Also a massive part of women opening up to you is trust/a good reputation, so by knowing you first through social circles they will be 100X more likely to consider you for dating or even do the approaching - instead of you being yet another random potential creep on the internet
Cough atomic habits cough
It's a great book!