Hi Damien, thanks for the video. I used to have emotional numbness to the point where I tricked myself into believing that I am a calm person that doesn't get angry, sad or excited. I eventually collapsed because of the amount of emotional pain that was trapped inside my body. Currently I'm in the journey of healing, trying to release the pain body little and little. What u listed in the video are really on point. Hopefully more and more people will start to realise the importance of learning about their own emotional pattern, pain body, parents' influence and accepting their shadow and shame before blaming others for not being able to have a relationship.
Thanks so much for the share mate! And yeah I think you hit the nail on the head - so many guys feel like they're 'all good' but actually they've just numbed and disconnected - good on you for doing the hard work.
Thanks Damien for the amazing insights on self-development. I feel that each of these areas deserve 1 or more videos of their own on how these areas can be addressed, as in how to start and getting professional help where needed...
Great video, thank you Damien for all the work. Each of these areas would deserve a separate video with more focused discussion, perhaps even inviting a psycologist or something from outside to share key points to address for each of these.
I think culture affects relationships to an extent. It will sometimes make you not know what's going on, not get them, feel like an outsider. But it can also be a fun thing to bond over those differences. And men from other cultures are still great lovers. So if you can put up with feeling like an outsider at times, there's a lot of beautiful relationships to be had. The differences can be bridged over time speaking as a white woman with my experience dating an indian guy
I know will always find it hard to say what I want as I am aware I likely shouldn't have them things. I don't know how to let go of this feeling of feeling like a little girl in my 30 year old body. I am scared to get close to others and that I have times that I run away and delete them off everything. Which I know will take a long time to get over and try to chat about problems. I am aware I go for people that are emotional closed and wanting to help but knowing now they have to push just as hard to interact with me. I have not clue about the parents bit as slowly accept them things and trying to see things I didn't as a kid. I am glad guys I go for are brown hair as that might mean things aren't that bad with my family as my family have black hair. Thank you for this video.
Over the weekend I managed to find the courage to ask a girl out. I hadn't done this in like 10 years, only used online dating and found no success through it. I was at a beer festival and I saw this cute girl. She was about 4'10" (I'm 6'0"), white, blonde, petite, 24 y/o. I saw her with a group of girls, I waited a while and observed her she wasn't there with her boyfriend or anything. So I just decided to go for it. I didn't care that she was with a group...I was singularly focused. I walked up to her and tapped her shoulder, "sorry to bother you but I saw you from afar and I just think you're very beautiful and had to talk to you". I just went direct for it. We had some small talk, and then she said "we're leaving soon, I don't know where we'll go next, probably a bar" and I said "well in that case, if I may be so bold can I ask you on a date?" "Sure, yeah" "ok what's your number?" She gives me her number and I text her right away. She shows on her watch. "Ok I'll text you later, bye" and I move on. All in about 3 minutes from start to finish. I was excited that I had asked out a 10/10 girl and got her number. I was feeling elated and through the moon. I text her later that night: "about that date, let's do a short hike, with a lakeside picnic, I'll bring wine and a charcuterie board". I thought I was being classy. No response. 9:00 am no response 2:00pm no response. I text "or if that's too much for you we could do go carts or laser tag, let me know what you're into" 4:00pm she texts "sorry I just got out of a relationship, I'm not looking for anything right now" Why did she give me her number? Did I misread the situation and she was hoping I'd be a casual dating or casual hookup? Or did she give me her number so she could reject me via text? Was her saying "I don't know where we'll go after, probably a bar" an invitation for me to come along?
Hey bud, first of all top marks for making the approach!! Nicely done! Before I say anything else - you're coming into the next of many sticking points along the path - That is, you get numbers but the numbers you get won't go on dates with you - it's a very common sticking point for guys to get caught at. It IS possible you did a great job on youir approach and most other women would have gone on dates with you - but it's more likely there's room for improvment in the actual interaction you had with her. Usually the area to work is either banter/fun/playfulnses or rapport/connection. As for why she gave you her number? You seemed like a nice guy and she didn't want to appear mean? Or maybe she thought 'yeah maybe I'd meet with him' - and then when she was sober she though - I'm just not excited enough to put in the effort. .. Also, its possible she liked you, but only as a potential casual sex partner - and you didnt' read the signs, then started acting like boyfriend material. It's not a bad thing if you want a long term partner - but if you were opento something more short term, you may have missed an opportunity. Now with that aside - your first date idea was looking for way too much investment - broadly speaking, it's good ot keep first dates simple, she met you at a bar, she doesn't remember you that well, it's best to make it something like meeting for a drink or a coffee - that will be much easier for her to commit to even on a fuzzy memory. None of this should displace the fact that you took action bud - keep that up!
@@SchoolOfAttraction thanks for that feedback. Yes I am proud to make the approach. She can't take that away from me. Yes my friend saw the video I made of the interaction (I had a tiny pen that had a hidden camera in it, you can view if you want. There's nothing personally identifying anyone in it. ua-cam.com/video/SUDRTDZSMSo/v-deo.html ) and said that our conversation was very transactional. We did some small talk but it was normal just get to know you small talk. Making it playful and flirty I don't think I remembered to do, I was already nervous enough on just making the approach. So yes that's probably my next step is to be more playful/flirty. I do like the direct approach though, It shows boldness, and it's far easier than having a line. But yeah my next step is in learning how to be more playful during the interaction, and maybe picking up social queues. Yeah I think my date idea was too relationship-y for her. I do want a relationship but I would have been ok with something casual if that's what she wanted. So maybe I missed out there. Next time I'll keep it simple, first date is just drinks or coffee as boring as it is 😃.
Hmmm. Can't relate to any of the examples. I guess I don't interact with people and society enough to experience any of that (anger, shame, sexual repression etc...).
Might be shame for me, maybe not. I go on dates with some great looking women that clearly show interest in me and hang for hours on a date that goes nowhere. No wonder some of them become frustrated with me, lol. I need to start showing romantic/sexual interest in women that I like instead of just having fun without even touching her and she's like "friends." But I don't really like touching people I'm not comfortable with.
I don't usually show sexual interest with touch either - I use my words and body language (especially eye contact) to communicate intend and create sexual tension.
I really wonder, do any of this point help with the problem that the most men have - having zero matches on online dating platforms - or is it applicable only once the conversation/approach started. I guess some shame or attachment style or anything like that can leak through the photos, but if you have a good photographer, shouldn't this impact be minimal?
No, I'd say this is more applicable to when you're in front of a woman - either cold approaching or from a date on online dating - this wouldnt' change your profile particularly so it wouldnt' help you get more matches.
For me the issue seems to be mostly that I am physically attracted to one type of women (fat tits and ass) and emotionally attracted to another, but there is never an overlap. This leads me to half ass every attempt or not do anything at all, since the doubts in my mind are so strong and I think the women can pick that up. At least thats what a psychologist told me once. Like I've never in my life had a "hell yes I want this girl completely" moment. Not sure whats going on there, maybe I got damaged by all the porn I watched at 14? Or maybe it's my shadow?
That's a really good situation you've brought up - not good as in 'beneficial' but good as in - worth talking about.... There could be a number of things at play - and yes your shadow is likely to play a role... For example, when you're sexually intesreted in a girl you may be subconsciously emotionally shutting down as a safeguard to ensure you can get laid without scaring her off... It might not be that at all of course - But if your type is big tits and ass - you sould be able to find women with those features with a variety of personalities - so something internal is happening for sure.
Hi Damien, thanks for the video. I used to have emotional numbness to the point where I tricked myself into believing that I am a calm person that doesn't get angry, sad or excited. I eventually collapsed because of the amount of emotional pain that was trapped inside my body.
Currently I'm in the journey of healing, trying to release the pain body little and little.
What u listed in the video are really on point. Hopefully more and more people will start to realise the importance of learning about their own emotional pattern, pain body, parents' influence and accepting their shadow and shame before blaming others for not being able to have a relationship.
Thanks so much for the share mate! And yeah I think you hit the nail on the head - so many guys feel like they're 'all good' but actually they've just numbed and disconnected - good on you for doing the hard work.
Really valuable video. Thank you. Learning about my attachment syle 3-4 years ago helped me a lot. I like these shadow/shame factors. Fascinating.
Cheers Damien, also - great name :P
Thanks Damien for the amazing insights on self-development. I feel that each of these areas deserve 1 or more videos of their own on how these areas can be addressed, as in how to start and getting professional help where needed...
Great video, thank you Damien for all the work. Each of these areas would deserve a separate video with more focused discussion, perhaps even inviting a psycologist or something from outside to share key points to address for each of these.
I think culture affects relationships to an extent. It will sometimes make you not know what's going on, not get them, feel like an outsider. But it can also be a fun thing to bond over those differences. And men from other cultures are still great lovers. So if you can put up with feeling like an outsider at times, there's a lot of beautiful relationships to be had. The differences can be bridged over time
speaking as a white woman with my experience dating an indian guy
I know will always find it hard to say what I want as I am aware I likely shouldn't have them things. I don't know how to let go of this feeling of feeling like a little girl in my 30 year old body. I am scared to get close to others and that I have times that I run away and delete them off everything. Which I know will take a long time to get over and try to chat about problems. I am aware I go for people that are emotional closed and wanting to help but knowing now they have to push just as hard to interact with me. I have not clue about the parents bit as slowly accept them things and trying to see things I didn't as a kid. I am glad guys I go for are brown hair as that might mean things aren't that bad with my family as my family have black hair. Thank you for this video.
Thank you Anna, you're most welcome, and I'm glad you're enjoying.
Over the weekend I managed to find the courage to ask a girl out. I hadn't done this in like 10 years, only used online dating and found no success through it.
I was at a beer festival and I saw this cute girl. She was about 4'10" (I'm 6'0"), white, blonde, petite, 24 y/o. I saw her with a group of girls, I waited a while and observed her she wasn't there with her boyfriend or anything.
So I just decided to go for it. I didn't care that she was with a group...I was singularly focused. I walked up to her and tapped her shoulder, "sorry to bother you but I saw you from afar and I just think you're very beautiful and had to talk to you". I just went direct for it. We had some small talk, and then she said "we're leaving soon, I don't know where we'll go next, probably a bar" and I said "well in that case, if I may be so bold can I ask you on a date?" "Sure, yeah" "ok what's your number?" She gives me her number and I text her right away. She shows on her watch. "Ok I'll text you later, bye" and I move on. All in about 3 minutes from start to finish.
I was excited that I had asked out a 10/10 girl and got her number. I was feeling elated and through the moon. I text her later that night: "about that date, let's do a short hike, with a lakeside picnic, I'll bring wine and a charcuterie board". I thought I was being classy.
No response.
9:00 am no response
2:00pm no response. I text "or if that's too much for you we could do go carts or laser tag, let me know what you're into"
4:00pm she texts "sorry I just got out of a relationship, I'm not looking for anything right now"
Why did she give me her number?
Did I misread the situation and she was hoping I'd be a casual dating or casual hookup? Or did she give me her number so she could reject me via text?
Was her saying "I don't know where we'll go after, probably a bar" an invitation for me to come along?
Hey bud, first of all top marks for making the approach!! Nicely done!
Before I say anything else - you're coming into the next of many sticking points along the path - That is, you get numbers but the numbers you get won't go on dates with you - it's a very common sticking point for guys to get caught at.
It IS possible you did a great job on youir approach and most other women would have gone on dates with you - but it's more likely there's room for improvment in the actual interaction you had with her. Usually the area to work is either banter/fun/playfulnses or rapport/connection.
As for why she gave you her number? You seemed like a nice guy and she didn't want to appear mean? Or maybe she thought 'yeah maybe I'd meet with him' - and then when she was sober she though - I'm just not excited enough to put in the effort. ..
Also, its possible she liked you, but only as a potential casual sex partner - and you didnt' read the signs, then started acting like boyfriend material. It's not a bad thing if you want a long term partner - but if you were opento something more short term, you may have missed an opportunity.
Now with that aside - your first date idea was looking for way too much investment - broadly speaking, it's good ot keep first dates simple, she met you at a bar, she doesn't remember you that well, it's best to make it something like meeting for a drink or a coffee - that will be much easier for her to commit to even on a fuzzy memory.
None of this should displace the fact that you took action bud - keep that up!
@@SchoolOfAttraction Great writeup! May I suggest a video topic on reading when a woman just wants sex?
@@SchoolOfAttraction thanks for that feedback. Yes I am proud to make the approach. She can't take that away from me.
Yes my friend saw the video I made of the interaction (I had a tiny pen that had a hidden camera in it, you can view if you want. There's nothing personally identifying anyone in it. ua-cam.com/video/SUDRTDZSMSo/v-deo.html ) and said that our conversation was very transactional. We did some small talk but it was normal just get to know you small talk. Making it playful and flirty I don't think I remembered to do, I was already nervous enough on just making the approach. So yes that's probably my next step is to be more playful/flirty. I do like the direct approach though, It shows boldness, and it's far easier than having a line. But yeah my next step is in learning how to be more playful during the interaction, and maybe picking up social queues.
Yeah I think my date idea was too relationship-y for her. I do want a relationship but I would have been ok with something casual if that's what she wanted. So maybe I missed out there. Next time I'll keep it simple, first date is just drinks or coffee as boring as it is 😃.
came off too needy. Should've of texted her the next day. Shouldn't have doubled text.
I agree with everything Damien said.
Very well done man, approaching a 10/10 who was with a group of friends. I wish I could do that.
Hmmm. Can't relate to any of the examples. I guess I don't interact with people and society enough to experience any of that (anger, shame, sexual repression etc...).
Might be shame for me, maybe not. I go on dates with some great looking women that clearly show interest in me and hang for hours on a date that goes nowhere. No wonder some of them become frustrated with me, lol.
I need to start showing romantic/sexual interest in women that I like instead of just having fun without even touching her and she's like "friends."
But I don't really like touching people I'm not comfortable with.
I don't usually show sexual interest with touch either - I use my words and body language (especially eye contact) to communicate intend and create sexual tension.
I really wonder, do any of this point help with the problem that the most men have - having zero matches on online dating platforms - or is it applicable only once the conversation/approach started.
I guess some shame or attachment style or anything like that can leak through the photos, but if you have a good photographer, shouldn't this impact be minimal?
No, I'd say this is more applicable to when you're in front of a woman - either cold approaching or from a date on online dating - this wouldnt' change your profile particularly so it wouldnt' help you get more matches.
@@SchoolOfAttraction Got it, thanks.
Please make another video about shadow
I think I definitely will mate
Shame of sexual expression. Hmm.. never thought about it that way. Guess I got some fixing to do.
For me the issue seems to be mostly that I am physically attracted to one type of women (fat tits and ass) and emotionally attracted to another, but there is never an overlap. This leads me to half ass every attempt or not do anything at all, since the doubts in my mind are so strong and I think the women can pick that up. At least thats what a psychologist told me once. Like I've never in my life had a "hell yes I want this girl completely" moment. Not sure whats going on there, maybe I got damaged by all the porn I watched at 14? Or maybe it's my shadow?
That's a really good situation you've brought up - not good as in 'beneficial' but good as in - worth talking about.... There could be a number of things at play - and yes your shadow is likely to play a role... For example, when you're sexually intesreted in a girl you may be subconsciously emotionally shutting down as a safeguard to ensure you can get laid without scaring her off... It might not be that at all of course - But if your type is big tits and ass - you sould be able to find women with those features with a variety of personalities - so something internal is happening for sure.
Millenials cry in fatherless upbringing lol