Why the Past is Important - Accountability & Healing

Phrases such as "We just need to move forward," "The past is the past, get over it," "Stop bringing up the past" may have a time and place, but not in your relationship post-addiction or after betrayal of any kind. Emotions buried alive never die. While it may be difficult to discuss the past, it's important to discuss it for accountability and to set the stage for healing in the future. When you say "We're not bringing up the past" you're effectively saying that your feelings of guilt and shame are more important than your partner's feelings of betrayal and abandonment.
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[@moniquehulbert3259]

My addict in recovery wants the past to be the past. I had separated from him because isolation and financially I knew something was happening but didn’t know what. he said his addiction increased at this point. He used cocaine and had an affair. I didn’t know this until 8mos of separation and tried to get back together. He moved in with me and then found out about affair. I have been trying to get past everything. I talk or ask questions everyday for the past year and a half. Every time I do this I am met with his shame?, frustration, etc. he says I have answered these things so many times. He quit on his own and hasn’t done any work and has been diagnosed now with Major Depression. He says he will do the work but hasn’t yet. He says I have done a lot. I’m here, I’m working, I’m not using, I’m nice when you’re not doing the talking or questioning, etc. I get mad at myself when I bring up anything because it ruins the day. He avoids me in another room all day. How do I get him to do the inner work?

[@sarah-vz7jb]

I find that when I am resentful it's because I didn't hold my boundaries or I needed better boundaries.