Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇 Access my free training - jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027 ‘Road to Self’ Program: Join 10,000+ people who have transformed their lives! www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/road-to-self
1 Don’t hold onto that dream of the marriage/friendship. 2 Stop rehearsing/replaying hurt , anger, rejections.. systems/feelings. And false feelings like guilt. 3 Stop being over serious. Practice - “So what” turn their serious tone into a joking or playful tone as an exercise. 4 Stop hoping they will change! Stop offering never ending understanding to others. 5 What would I feel if this situation didn’t matter ? Ask yourself this and do that. 6 Stay “ I “ when others demand “ We “. Balance these two. Stay “ I “ 7 Avoid polarisation. The extreme ends of the pendulum. Go from codependency to a reckless rebel. ( anti positions cause enough troubles ) 8. Be aware of your own personal wants and needs. Stop and think. Don’t instantly say I Dono anything is ok! Think. Compromise if need be but know what u want. Focus on where u stand and state of being. 9 Take maximum responsibility for your emotional reactions instead of just blaming. Blaming is a form of pursuit. Stop being the victim. Victim hood is trying to pursue too. Hurt is real but don’t stay in the hurt, anger etc. . Learn to detach and save yourself time. Save yourself that 20 years love affair with being a victim. Grow up, even if you are treated badly.
I wanted to add that you really grasped each of the nine concepts and articulated well and in a way that can be applied in daily life. Excellent and well done!
Vicki Zimmerman Thank you. I really hope it doesn’t end with just writing these points down and still suffering with old patterns for me. Wishing u, me and everyone who needs this the transformation we are craving. Must thank the man who made this video for the wisdom. 🙏
@@Zoya194 Truly! I am so good at "taking notes" in life and staying in my head and "not feeling" so to take that active leap and set boundaries and use these principles is important for our healing. I'm concerned about the trauma bonding that has taken place, because my self-esteem and self-confidence has been whittled away with so much arguing and verbal abuse. Regaining my center and rediscovering my true nature and my wants and needs are essential for a healthy detatchment.
Vicki Zimmerman Your last sentence got me! I read it several times over. Also, one must remember to remember and start with small bay steps. I didn’t hold onto these 9 points all day. I slipped by evening but as I reply now, I’m okay again. So it’s going to be up and down. All the love we gave away.. we need to give a little of it to ourselves, slowly with no guilt. Every bloody day.
I have been in the counselling field either studying teaching or healing myself and have never had someone actually provide steps to healing rather than always explaining the problem. I do desperately need these practical ways to detach. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I had given up after all of these years of trying but I now I again have hope.
I saw the ex narcissist today. My heart did not jump in my chest ... I felt nothing so I waved at him. Took me 21 months to detach from his energy. I ran, went no contact, got my bus drivers license and now working for a big company. I love my job but most of all, I love myself...
1- Resolving Fantasies and dreams. 2- Stop rehearsing systems feelings. 3- Stop being over serious. (SO WHAT?) 4- Stop waiting/hoping for others to change. 5- What would i feel if the situation doesn't matter. 6- Stay i when others demanding we. 7- Avoid polarization. 8- Be clear about your own values,wants and needs. 9- Take maximum responsibility for ones own emotional being and destiny rather than blaming others or the situation.
1. Terrific background view and sounds. 2. Unnecessary checking headphones in ears. 3. Good tone, good message. I would underscore (most value) three from these nine: - Stop fantasize about good, expected future, cause it separates u from reality. - Look for humor, stop being overserious - Put - in imagination - yourself in situation if all of it doesn't matter. Maybe last two are similar :) Thanks
I have been offering '"never ending understanding" to the narcs in my life starting in my family of origin. I am frankly beyond exhausted because showing these individuals "never ending understanding" only enables them to continue and even worsen their abusive behaviors.
The problem is the dysfunctional family cannot accept the differentiated ..they demonise reduce scapegoat. If u dont think like them you are against them. But great points ..i am trying to be more secure not over react ..its hard. Youre point about over serious is a good one..like why the hell am I giving s damm really ? Take me or leave me youre choice. !
Jerry I think your approach is amazing. I am so grateful I came across your videos! I love how you also explain how to deal with situations inside yourself as well as when you are having an interaction with the toxic family members.
I learned a lot from you . I think coz I stopped expecting a normal human emotional behaviour from the narcissists. They don't deserve my time , love n care. I'm detached n am very happy today. It took a long time but still. I'm trying to be me again.
I understand what you are going through in the hands of your husband.. Many marriages suffer the same thing or even more,but my dear I had to make a bold step by saving my home the spiritual way and since then till now am happy because Dr Akunda actually helped me stable my marriage and am grateful to him. His WhatsApp +2348103803120. Good luck to you.
I like the points. But then I wonder how did I end up living in the false fantasy? Was I delusional? And how do I prevent myself from getting into an illusion and then suffering from this in the future? I guess, one strategy for this is to close one's ears. I hear a lot this phrase: "actions speak louder than words". My life taught me something else: actions are the only thing that speaks while words only confuse, and confuse profoundly. .. Hence, close your ears and never just listen to what people say - never take seriously their words. Listen to what people DO!!! Listen to behavior, listen to actions, listen to body language and to tone of voice BUT NEVER TO WORDS! Even better, keep a record of events and actions. Something emotionally touching happened, write it down. Something felt weird in your interaction, write it down. Something was promised and agreed, write it down. You'll have a written record of what happens. Then you'll clearly and very fast notice that the narrative of the one you love mismatches the words and the claims of the one you love. That will keep you sober and won't let you deviate into the fantasy. You will not be confused because you'll be paying close attention to what the person does and verifying it against their words/stories. If you don't write down what happens, you'll forget or think you misunderstood something that feels confusing. But having a written record is like a guide that will keep you sane. Just remember this one wisdom for the future: Actions speak! Words confuse!
Jerry, I support your good work by watching the commercials. I understand you receive a small amount for the fist 30 seconds watched and a little more for each commercial watched in its entirety. Please, everyone, watch the commercials if you can't join or make a donation. If enough people do this, we can support this great work! Thank you, Jerry, for educating us!
You are so kind. I have made 400 videos for people to watch free. Their only charge is to have to deal with ads sometimes. But it help reduce the cost of making these videos, editing these videos, and making title pics for these videos. All cost money.
This is the gold advice I have been searching for for the last few years. I'll listen to these gem tips every morning, to reprogram my mind, my thinking habits and to develop a sense of self and a sense of individuality.
I am the one pulling him toward we ness...he loves me but wants I ness.. So I stepped back and it hurts my heart but only the relationship i created in my head not the reality of how I have felt for 2 years. gut feelings red flags caught him in lies. I noticed I was putting all in and it was never really returned unless I begged. A blow to the ego when you realize you were in a relationship by yourself for 2 years.
Jerry, I am FINALLY entering the third stage and it is SUCH a freedom and relief at the moment ☺️🙏💗 It has taken a lifetime at almost 57 years old. Not SURE what really transpired, but it seems to be coming together - mental, physical, and spiritual ease after so much drama and trauma. Grateful to you and many others for very practical, grounded assistance 👍🌹✝️
Right now I'm exhausted with the constant messages that I have to explain myself and/or justify my decisions. And I'm sick of hearing about middle ground and not being polarizing in my reaction. It all sounds like I'm still supposed to pander to the narcissist even as I'm detaching from them. I'm completely resolved now to the fact that my mother will never change, but I've also gotten to the point that I'm sick and tired of the endless cycle of trying to make the relationship work. It's so weird that I have to explain how to be an adult to someone who was almost 30 by the time they gave birth to me. And it's so exhausting that I've been the surrogate mother of my own mother for the entirety of my life. Honestly if she's not going to or is not capable of changing, then I'm going to move on. For myself no contact is the end goal. It's not something I can just immediately do, but I'm preparing for my final exit anyway.
I have heard so many videos about this issue..you can only speak to our mind to face this different ly after years of suffer.. thank you Jerry..You are giving happiness to us ..
You are welcome “Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist” Workshop A great workshop for ACOA’s, ACON’s, and any of you who come from dysfunctional families! Workshop leader: Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC LIVE July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time On Zoom Topics: The Illusions of the Narcissist The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists Living in the War Zone 7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist 10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have And more… Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos. Q & A Role Plays Volunteer participation You will receive the recorded workshop You will receive the notes for the workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
When I try to make a joke on a serious argument with my boyfriend when he calls me stupid or something else, he get mad and asks me to apology for mocking him.
Finally a video that applies to my situation! I'm married to an alcoholic, I've been neglected for so long!!!!!! I'm young and beautiful and for my children's sake I'm forced to stay married for now, this is exactly what I was looking for, I need to stay detached without leaving. Thank you!!!!!
Thank you and thank your for watching “Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist” Workshop Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time On Zoom Topics: The Illusions of the Narcissist The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists Living in the War Zone 7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist 10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have And more… Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos. Q & A Role Plays Volunteer participation You will receive the recorded workshop You will receive the notes for the workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
@@jerrywise You're very welcomed.. I can relate to you because, I am an adult child of narcissistic indivuals also, however they are passed away now, I also feel as if they did the best they could do considering them being unaware of what they were... You made it and I made it through it also... I guess we don't have to be ashamed of it anymore... I guess maybe this is why I am drawn to your videos because I continue on my journey to detach from toxic people... You are a great man Jerry... You helped me out a lot...
Thank you Jerry for very helful video and beautiful view, it’s so beautiful and peacful, it rhymes with what you are teaching us. Now every time when I want to detach from my toxic family members I will remember your calm voice and this scenery
Hoping to apply your techniques in my own life. It is so odd to know my thoughts and feelings are valid, yet to know that others would prefer to hide their head in the sand, than to admit, much less try to improve the situation. But, as you say we are only responsible for ourselves, and we cannot expect others to react in the same way we do. We must accept that everyone is entitled to their own decisions, thoughts, and feelings.
These make so much sense, hit the mark from so many angles..I think these tips and practices will fit into my non-neurotypica way of processing. I like the lighthearted reframing. So heavy being scapegoated by adult kids who learned from some nasty coverts how to treat mom. But Im not done yet!! Love will win.
Isn't a lot of this called "enmeshment?" Taking responsibility for another's unhappiness when their feelings are their own responsibility. Plus, it's all manipulative.
Dad blamed me for his abusing me, what a jerk! He's wrong. He won't take any blame, he is beyond help. I gave up trying to figure him out, it's not worth my life!
This is great to hear! Thank you for watching… “Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist” Workshop Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time On Zoom Topics: The Illusions of the Narcissist The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists Living in the War Zone 7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist 10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have And more… Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos. Q & A Role Plays Volunteer participation You will receive the recorded workshop You will receive the notes for the workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
Thank you so much for this video because I needed to brush up on these issues during the pandemic. I’ve learned so much from you and continue to grow with the wisdom you share.
Thank you, Jerry. Excellent advise. We take full responsibility for our own emotional fitness and we trust God's to help us with it. May the Lords goodness grow us up. Kind regards Douglas
My husband killed himself in a VA facility. Thing is, he was not capable of keeping himself safe. He was a borderline, diagnosed during that stay, among other things and even though he had to be extracted by the swat team and taken to icu they didn't watch him. Not because they felt he didn't need to be watched but because, and I quote, "it would cost too much..." For the most part, I've been able to compartmentalize this and go on with my life but anything at all that forces me to deal with them causes me a great deal of distress. My heart has not beat right since this kicked off and I'm just so angry. Not so much with him, he was crazy as hell and I knew that which is why I wouldn't let him come home but they knew better. They just let him kill himself because providing him the care he needed would have cost too much. How do I emotionally detach from them? I'm a veteran too and periodically they find a reason to invite themselves into my life in a way that requires my time which profoundly irritates my peace. It may well not be intentional but at this point it's either a gross incompetence or it is deliberate. I don't want to give them any more rent free real estate in my heart or mind but I don't know how to let that go. Our son is now 5 and his dad not being here hurts him. It just makes it harder to not hate them when they get into my space and I don't want to.
Thank you “Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist” Workshop A great workshop for ACOA’s, ACON’s, and any of you who come from dysfunctional families! Workshop leader: Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC LIVE July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time On Zoom Topics: The Illusions of the Narcissist The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists Living in the War Zone 7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist 10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have And more… Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos. Q & A Role Plays Volunteer participation You will receive the recorded workshop You will receive the notes for the workshop Scholarships are available write to Jerry Wise at jerrywise5@gmail.com www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
Being myself while staying connected does not work with a narcissist. As long as you are engaged with them even on the simplest level, they will think they have a hook in you. The only way to remove the hook is to grey rock them.
Here is the irony....I assume you filmed this here due to the peace and serenity it provides. Me, the one watching your video on how to heal from narc family abuse, grew up 10 minutes from where this was filmed. So they place that you felt safe was the place that I feared.
Glad it was helpful! Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my UA-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my UA-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information. Also, Please sign up for the upcoming workshop “Getting Your Family of Origin Out of You” Workshop Date: February 6, Saturday Time: 1pm EST - 5pm EST Zoom www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events [Even if you are not able to attend, if you sign up for this workshop, I will send you your own copy of the full workshop and the workshop notes]
Your video was extraordinary, Jerry, and I learned so much about enmeshment, especially with narcissists in my life and how there are tools to use so I don't feel so depleted. Love the concept of humor and being less serious and "so what" which I think has drained away with a parenting spouse. I like #5 to do what you would do, or think, or feel if it didn't matter. Yet, couldn't there be pushback from a controlling narcissist? #7 was excellent, too, as I've probably asserted myself in a reactive way to gain ground I've lost. I'm trying to understand the emotional system which means I have to assert myself as an adult or walk away and do the hard work as an adult in every situation, however, small or large. Empowerment is possible. Thank you.
Resolving our fantasies and dream of what we HOPE the relationship would be in the future!!!! Ufff if that doesn’t speak to me, in regards to the people I meet at work. I’m a lot better now but just have a couple of steps to go.
Great I have another workshop coming up in April 10, 2021 “Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom Sign up on website to get info on workshops www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop Sign up now I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website: • Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop • Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop • Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my UA-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my UA-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional If you sign up now, I will be offering a live broadcast with my paid members on You Tube soon…
I understand what you are going through in the hands of your husband.. Many marriages suffer the same thing or even more,but my dear I had to make a bold step by saving my home the spiritual way and since then till now am happy because Dr Akunda actually helped me stable my marriage and am grateful to him. His WhatsApp +2348103803120. Good luck to you.
I understand what you are going through in the hands of your husband.. Many marriages suffer the same thing or even more,but my dear I had to make a bold step by saving my home the spiritual way and since then till now am happy because Dr Akunda actually helped me stable my marriage and am grateful to him. His WhatsApp +2348103803120. Am surely glad that my recommendation will greatly help you.
Glad you enjoyed it Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my UA-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my UA-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information. Also, Please sign up for the upcoming workshop “Getting Your Family of Origin Out of You” Workshop Date: February 6, Saturday Time: 1pm EST - 5pm EST Zoom www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events [Even if you are not able to attend, if you sign up for this workshop, I will send you your own copy of the full workshop and the workshop notes]
Hi Jerry. Can you please explain what codependency is? I had told someone that I was codependent. They replied Who are you codependent with? I said no one.... They have the old school view of what a codependent is... They use to work in a rehab house/ halfway home... Back in the late 70s early 80s. I would like to pass on to them a good definition/ information about someone who is a codependent. From what I've heard your basically programed to become a codependent person.
I had a situation the other day with the maintenance man where I live. He doesn't like to work. He needed to fix a wall in my bedroom that got damaged in the last topical storm. I asked him if he could give me a window of time to take care of it. He got angry, huffed and puffed, shook his head from side to side and walked down the hall away from me. I told myself that I am not responsible for his feelings and that I did nothing wrong. In the past I might have given in and let him put it off again. When he finally came in to take care of the wall..he didn't even speak a word to me....a very uncomfortable situation. I hope nothing breaks soon. I don't like dealing with him at all!
I understand what you are going through in the hands of your husband.. Many marriages suffer the same thing or even more,but my dear I had to make a bold step by saving my home the spiritual way and since then till now am happy because Dr Akunda actually helped me stable my marriage and am grateful to him. His WhatsApp +2348103803120. Good luck to you.
Jerry, I know you used to be a codependent. How long did it take to truly feel free of all of it through your knowledge and wisdom? I know it's a process.
I have six children. My girls are under extreme brainwashing and I goring me. Two of them have even assaulted me. The girls are 20,16,14. I lost my first born some a year and a half ago, at 17 years of age. My other two children are boys, they are 12 and 6. My six year old has Down’s. My 12 year old hates his dad. He loves him but he hates him. He wants to get away but he is scared to death to tell the family secrets. He knows he will be punished if anyone finds out the truth of what’s going on. Chad knows how sadistic he is, we all were programmed to believe that was normal. What do I do with my 12 year old son? How to I help him heal? What do I have his uneducated therapist work with him on? He is being abused in that house by everyone in it. And they are teaching my Down’s son how to do it too!!!! Also, how do I deal with this in court. Not divorced yet…just filed.
Great I have another workshop coming up in April 10, 2021 “Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom Sign up on website to get info on workshops www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop Sign up now for early bird price I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website: • Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop • Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop • Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my UA-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my UA-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional
The family I always wanted is not going to happen in the family of origin that's where going out and making your own family among people you know comes into plan
Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇
Access my free training - jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027
‘Road to Self’ Program: Join 10,000+ people who have transformed their lives! www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/road-to-self
You are helping so many of us feel seen ❤❤❤I can't thank you enough
1 Don’t hold onto that dream of the marriage/friendship.
2 Stop rehearsing/replaying hurt , anger, rejections.. systems/feelings. And false feelings like guilt.
3 Stop being over serious. Practice - “So what” turn their serious tone into a joking or playful tone as an exercise.
4 Stop hoping they will change! Stop offering never ending understanding to others.
5 What would I feel if this situation didn’t matter ? Ask yourself this and do that.
6 Stay “ I “ when others demand “ We “. Balance these two. Stay “ I “
7 Avoid polarisation. The extreme ends of the pendulum. Go from codependency to a reckless rebel. ( anti positions cause enough troubles )
8. Be aware of your own personal wants and needs. Stop and think. Don’t instantly say I Dono anything is ok! Think. Compromise if need be but know what u want. Focus on where u stand and state of being.
9 Take maximum responsibility for your emotional reactions instead of just blaming. Blaming is a form of pursuit. Stop being the victim. Victim hood is trying to pursue too. Hurt is real but don’t stay in the hurt, anger etc. . Learn to detach and save yourself time. Save yourself that 20 years love affair with being a victim. Grow up, even if you are treated badly.
Thank you for the transcription. I was taking notes fast and furiously, too.
I wanted to add that you really grasped each of the nine concepts and articulated well and in a way that can be applied in daily life. Excellent and well done!
Vicki Zimmerman Thank you. I really hope it doesn’t end with just writing these points down and still suffering with old patterns for me. Wishing u, me and everyone who needs this the transformation we are craving.
Must thank the man who made this video for the wisdom. 🙏
@@Zoya194 Truly! I am so good at "taking notes" in life and staying in my head and "not feeling" so to take that active leap and set boundaries and use these principles is important for our healing. I'm concerned about the trauma bonding that has taken place, because my self-esteem and self-confidence has been whittled away with so much arguing and verbal abuse. Regaining my center and rediscovering my true nature and my wants and needs are essential for a healthy detatchment.
Vicki Zimmerman Your last sentence got me! I read it several times over. Also, one must remember to remember and start with small bay steps. I didn’t hold onto these 9 points all day. I slipped by evening but as I reply now, I’m okay again. So it’s going to be up and down. All the love we gave away.. we need to give a little of it to ourselves, slowly with no guilt. Every bloody day.
Starts at 3.50
Tha k you!
Bless ypu🙏
3:50
Thank you!! Talk so friggin much
Thank you
I have been in the counselling field either studying teaching or healing myself and have never had someone actually provide steps to healing rather than always explaining the problem. I do desperately need these practical ways to detach. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I had given up after all of these years of trying but I now I again have hope.
I saw the ex narcissist today.
My heart did not jump in my chest ...
I felt nothing so I waved at him. Took me 21 months to detach from his energy.
I ran, went no contact, got my bus drivers license and now working for a big company. I love my job but most of all, I love myself...
Good job 👏
Maja Kolonja : thank you Maya !
Cool! 🚌🚎
proud of you!
@@user-uv1yy8hu6p thank you 🙏
Thank you so much for sharing this wisdom. Well done!
Really enjoyed this video. It was very helpful. Thank you.
1- Resolving Fantasies and dreams.
2- Stop rehearsing systems feelings.
3- Stop being over serious. (SO WHAT?)
4- Stop waiting/hoping for others to change.
5- What would i feel if the situation doesn't matter.
6- Stay i when others demanding we.
7- Avoid polarization.
8- Be clear about your own values,wants and needs.
9- Take maximum responsibility for ones own emotional being and destiny rather than blaming others or the situation.
Thanks for the recap!
1. Terrific background view and sounds.
2. Unnecessary checking headphones in ears.
3. Good tone, good message.
I would underscore (most value) three from these nine:
- Stop fantasize about good, expected future, cause it separates u from reality.
- Look for humor, stop being overserious
- Put - in imagination - yourself in situation if all of it doesn't matter.
Maybe last two are similar :)
Thanks
This comment made me smile, thank you for the grading and feedback. I'm glad you resonated with those 3 ways and found in them the most value.
Thank you Jerry, for giving me real solutions.💙🕊🕊💙
You are so welcome
Thank you so much Jerry
I have been offering '"never ending understanding" to the narcs in my life starting in my family of origin. I am frankly beyond exhausted because showing these individuals "never ending understanding" only enables them to continue and even worsen their abusive behaviors.
"Never ending Standing Under"... time to change the "Point of View"...🤗
Climb the Mountain...
Go no contact. Narcs do not change.
I do the same ! For deeeecaaades😖learning to go Protective Contact.....never alone with any narcs
So true and “never ending understanding” is a powerful phrase.
absolutely everything you said on this video will help me. Thank you so much.
I’m glad the video was helpful Karla, you are very welcome
The problem is the dysfunctional family cannot accept the differentiated ..they demonise reduce scapegoat. If u dont think like them you are against them. But great points ..i am trying to be more secure not over react ..its hard. Youre point about over serious is a good one..like why the hell am I giving s damm really ? Take me or leave me youre choice. !
Jerry I think your approach is amazing. I am so grateful I came across your videos! I love how you also explain how to deal with situations inside yourself as well as when you are having an interaction with the toxic family members.
Awesome! Thank you!
I learned a lot from you . I think coz I stopped expecting a normal human emotional behaviour from the narcissists. They don't deserve my time , love n care. I'm detached n am very happy today. It took a long time but still. I'm trying to be me again.
I understand what you are going through in the hands of your husband.. Many marriages suffer the same thing or even more,but my dear I had to make a bold step by saving my home the spiritual way and since then till now am happy because Dr Akunda actually helped me stable my marriage and am grateful to him.
His WhatsApp +2348103803120.
Good luck to you.
@@charlottelagond4706
Thank you so much. My regards.
I’m still working on getting rid of a few narc friends & very low Protected Contact w/narc siblings
you are my everyday therapy, an answer to what is going inside me. thank you, bless you.
Pure brilliance thank you. 😊 so grateful for people like you.
You're very welcome!
Best applicable self help video I have ever watched. This is the work I do in long term recovery of substances/ co dependency. Great video!
I would love to do an interview/ conversation with you and share my experience and results. It’s nothing short of miraculous,
Thank you! Blessings from Austin 🔥
So helpful, Thank you ❤️
You're so welcome Nyla! ❤️
I like the points. But then I wonder how did I end up living in the false fantasy? Was I delusional? And how do I prevent myself from getting into an illusion and then suffering from this in the future? I guess, one strategy for this is to close one's ears. I hear a lot this phrase: "actions speak louder than words". My life taught me something else: actions are the only thing that speaks while words only confuse, and confuse profoundly. .. Hence, close your ears and never just listen to what people say - never take seriously their words. Listen to what people DO!!! Listen to behavior, listen to actions, listen to body language and to tone of voice BUT NEVER TO WORDS! Even better, keep a record of events and actions. Something emotionally touching happened, write it down. Something felt weird in your interaction, write it down. Something was promised and agreed, write it down. You'll have a written record of what happens. Then you'll clearly and very fast notice that the narrative of the one you love mismatches the words and the claims of the one you love. That will keep you sober and won't let you deviate into the fantasy. You will not be confused because you'll be paying close attention to what the person does and verifying it against their words/stories. If you don't write down what happens, you'll forget or think you misunderstood something that feels confusing. But having a written record is like a guide that will keep you sane. Just remember this one wisdom for the future:
Actions speak! Words confuse!
Jerry, I support your good work by watching the commercials. I understand you receive a small amount for the fist 30 seconds watched and a little more for each commercial watched in its entirety. Please, everyone, watch the commercials if you can't join or make a donation. If enough people do this, we can support this great work! Thank you, Jerry, for educating us!
You are so kind. I have made 400 videos for people to watch free. Their only charge is to have to deal with ads sometimes. But it help reduce the cost of making these videos, editing these videos, and making title pics for these videos. All cost money.
This is the gold advice I have been searching for for the last few years. I'll listen to these gem tips every morning, to reprogram my mind, my thinking habits and to develop a sense of self and a sense of individuality.
Yes. ITA. No one has been able to really "get it". He does. He also doesnt BS. Gets to the point. I really love this guy.
Such vital survival Tips, Thank you
I am the one pulling him toward we ness...he loves me but wants I ness.. So I stepped back and it hurts my heart but only the relationship i created in my head not the reality of how I have felt for 2 years. gut feelings red flags caught him in lies. I noticed I was putting all in and it was never really returned unless I begged. A blow to the ego when you realize you were in a relationship by yourself for 2 years.
I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m in the same situation only I’ve been doing it for almost 20 years. We will get through this.
Me too in same situation for 16years
Oh, I so love this view!!! Thank you Jerry for sharing this gorgeous view with us! 🤗
You are so welcome
Where is this?
@@patriciastewart2537 California
Jerry, I am FINALLY entering the third stage and it is SUCH a freedom and relief at the moment ☺️🙏💗 It has taken a lifetime at almost 57 years old. Not SURE what really transpired, but it seems to be coming together - mental, physical, and spiritual ease after so much drama and trauma. Grateful to you and many others for very practical, grounded assistance 👍🌹✝️
Keep going :)
You are still young and look great.
I have a huge issue with polarization… I’ll be working on that.
Great thing to work on
I’ve been helped a lot by your videos, thank you for your videos.
Jerry Wise, is very wise. 💜
You are so kind, thank you very much
Right now I'm exhausted with the constant messages that I have to explain myself and/or justify my decisions. And I'm sick of hearing about middle ground and not being polarizing in my reaction. It all sounds like I'm still supposed to pander to the narcissist even as I'm detaching from them. I'm completely resolved now to the fact that my mother will never change, but I've also gotten to the point that I'm sick and tired of the endless cycle of trying to make the relationship work. It's so weird that I have to explain how to be an adult to someone who was almost 30 by the time they gave birth to me. And it's so exhausting that I've been the surrogate mother of my own mother for the entirety of my life. Honestly if she's not going to or is not capable of changing, then I'm going to move on. For myself no contact is the end goal. It's not something I can just immediately do, but I'm preparing for my final exit anyway.
Thank you for clearly explaining this mess.
I just came across your videos I am looking forward to learning more. In a tough place in my relationship just looking for some relief
I have heard so many videos about this issue..you can only speak to our mind to face this different ly after years of suffer.. thank you Jerry..You are giving happiness to us ..
You are welcome
“Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist”
Workshop
A great workshop for ACOA’s, ACON’s, and any of you who come from dysfunctional families!
Workshop leader: Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC LIVE
July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time
On Zoom
Topics:
The Illusions of the Narcissist
The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists
Living in the War Zone
7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist
10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently
Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding
Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment
Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents
Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have
And more…
Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos.
Q & A
Role Plays
Volunteer participation
You will receive the recorded workshop
You will receive the notes for the workshop
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
When I try to make a joke on a serious argument with my boyfriend when he calls me stupid or something else, he get mad and asks me to apology for mocking him.
The sound of the beach is heavenly... i can hear it 😄💜Thank you
I'm glad you like it
Finally a video that applies to my situation! I'm married to an alcoholic, I've been neglected for so long!!!!!! I'm young and beautiful and for my children's sake I'm forced to stay married for now, this is exactly what I was looking for, I need to stay detached without leaving. Thank you!!!!!
Thank you for all the videos you create and share. You are helping so many people. Thank you!!!
My favorite part- 5:42
A great example of false guilt and manipulation
Thank you Jerry... Your video was so educational and informative... You are appreciated...
Thank you and thank your for watching
“Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist”
Workshop
Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC
July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time
On Zoom
Topics:
The Illusions of the Narcissist
The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists
Living in the War Zone
7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist
10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently
Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding
Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment
Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents
Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have
And more…
Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos.
Q & A
Role Plays
Volunteer participation
You will receive the recorded workshop
You will receive the notes for the workshop
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
@@jerrywise You're very welcomed.. I can relate to you because, I am an adult child of narcissistic indivuals also, however they are passed away now, I also feel as if they did the best they could do considering them being unaware of what they were... You made it and I made it through it also... I guess we don't have to be ashamed of it anymore... I guess maybe this is why I am drawn to your videos because I continue on my journey to detach from toxic people... You are a great man Jerry... You helped me out a lot...
Thank you, Jerry. 😊 ☀
Thank you Jerry for very helful video and beautiful view, it’s so beautiful and peacful, it rhymes with what you are teaching us. Now every time when I want to detach from my toxic family members I will remember your calm voice and this scenery
Nicely said.
@ Mary Wolfe Thank you dear, have a beautiful day☀️
Thank you for the information and instruction! Thank you!
You are so welcome!
Hi Jerry, I just wanted to say that your videos have been a big help to me. Thank you for all you do!
You are very welcome
This advice is priceless! Thank you very much for your work Jerry! 🙏🏻🙏🏻💖💖
You are so welcome
Hoping to apply your techniques in my own life. It is so odd to know my thoughts and feelings are valid, yet to know that others would prefer to hide their head in the sand, than to admit, much less try to improve the situation. But, as you say we are only responsible for ourselves, and we cannot expect others to react in the same way we do. We must accept that everyone is entitled to their own decisions, thoughts, and feelings.
Thank you, Jerry. Valid points explained well.
Glad it was helpful!
These make so much sense, hit the mark from so many angles..I think these tips and practices will fit into my non-neurotypica way of processing. I like the lighthearted reframing. So heavy being scapegoated by adult kids who learned from some nasty coverts how to treat mom. But Im not done yet!! Love will win.
Starts at 3:50
Another amazing informative video ❤️ I appreciate the quality of the content that you share with us! 🙏🏼 Thank You.
Isn't a lot of this called "enmeshment?" Taking responsibility for another's unhappiness when their feelings are their own responsibility.
Plus, it's all manipulative.
Agreed, being codependent and being manipulative goes hand in hand. All roots to being ashamed of who you are.
Dad blamed me for his abusing me, what a jerk! He's wrong. He won't take any blame, he is beyond help. I gave up trying to figure him out, it's not worth my life!
I needed this today. ☹️
Thank you for watching.
Any donation would help in making these videos.
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations
One of the best videos I’ve seen so far wow
This is great to hear!
Thank you for watching…
“Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist”
Workshop
Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC
July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time
On Zoom
Topics:
The Illusions of the Narcissist
The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists
Living in the War Zone
7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist
10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently
Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding
Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment
Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents
Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have
And more…
Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos.
Q & A
Role Plays
Volunteer participation
You will receive the recorded workshop
You will receive the notes for the workshop
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
Thank you so much for this video because I needed to brush up on these issues during the pandemic. I’ve learned so much from you and continue to grow with the wisdom you share.
You are so welcome!
Thank you, Jerry. Excellent advise. We take full responsibility for our own emotional fitness and we trust God's to help us with it. May the Lords goodness grow us up. Kind regards Douglas
Thank you Jerry, for all you do and share. Your helped us so much, even online. I hope someday we can counsel with you. God bless you.
I hope so too
My husband killed himself in a VA facility. Thing is, he was not capable of keeping himself safe. He was a borderline, diagnosed during that stay, among other things and even though he had to be extracted by the swat team and taken to icu they didn't watch him. Not because they felt he didn't need to be watched but because, and I quote, "it would cost too much..." For the most part, I've been able to compartmentalize this and go on with my life but anything at all that forces me to deal with them causes me a great deal of distress. My heart has not beat right since this kicked off and I'm just so angry. Not so much with him, he was crazy as hell and I knew that which is why I wouldn't let him come home but they knew better. They just let him kill himself because providing him the care he needed would have cost too much. How do I emotionally detach from them? I'm a veteran too and periodically they find a reason to invite themselves into my life in a way that requires my time which profoundly irritates my peace. It may well not be intentional but at this point it's either a gross incompetence or it is deliberate. I don't want to give them any more rent free real estate in my heart or mind but I don't know how to let that go. Our son is now 5 and his dad not being here hurts him. It just makes it harder to not hate them when they get into my space and I don't want to.
Beautiful video
Thank you
“Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist”
Workshop
A great workshop for ACOA’s, ACON’s, and any of you who come from dysfunctional families!
Workshop leader: Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC LIVE
July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time
On Zoom
Topics:
The Illusions of the Narcissist
The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists
Living in the War Zone
7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist
10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently
Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding
Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment
Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents
Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have
And more…
Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos.
Q & A
Role Plays
Volunteer participation
You will receive the recorded workshop
You will receive the notes for the workshop
Scholarships are available write to Jerry Wise at
jerrywise5@gmail.com
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
So helpful !
Glad it was helpful Penny ❤️
Very cool. Helpful breakdown.
Being myself while staying connected does not work with a narcissist. As long as you are engaged with them even on the simplest level, they will think they have a hook in you. The only way to remove the hook is to grey rock them.
Agreed
Very interesting!!!
Thank you 🙏🏾 so much !!!
You are so welcome
Great video as always! Thank you for sharing your wisdom!
Glad it was helpful!
I only make myself happy. If fake mom is not happy, that is her fault. Fake daddy needs to get a grip on reality.
8:30: I LOVE THIS!! I'm gonna take this on as my new response to taking their opinions too seriously!
Here is the irony....I assume you filmed this here due to the peace and serenity it provides. Me, the one watching your video on how to heal from narc family abuse, grew up 10 minutes from where this was filmed. So they place that you felt safe was the place that I feared.
Very useful. Thank you :)
Glad it was helpful!
Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my UA-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my UA-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information.
Also,
Please sign up for the upcoming workshop
“Getting Your Family of Origin Out of You”
Workshop
Date: February 6, Saturday
Time: 1pm EST - 5pm EST
Zoom
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
[Even if you are not able to attend, if you sign up for this workshop, I will send you your own copy of the full workshop and the workshop notes]
Thank you so much sir keep posting
We will
Thank you for watching.
Any donation would help in making these videos.
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations
Great vídeo!
Thank you.
Your way of giving examples is really helpful
It’s called balance. Ever seen a tight rope walker? Hard as fuck. Good luck being balanced. We all fall down from our extreme extremities
Your video was extraordinary, Jerry, and I learned so much about enmeshment, especially with narcissists in my life and how there are tools to use so I don't feel so depleted. Love the concept of humor and being less serious and "so what" which I think has drained away with a parenting spouse. I like #5 to do what you would do, or think, or feel if it didn't matter. Yet, couldn't there be pushback from a controlling narcissist? #7 was excellent, too, as I've probably asserted myself in a reactive way to gain ground I've lost. I'm trying to understand the emotional system which means I have to assert myself as an adult or walk away and do the hard work as an adult in every situation, however, small or large. Empowerment is possible. Thank you.
I needed this today!!! Thank you!
Resolving our fantasies and dream of what we HOPE the relationship would be in the future!!!! Ufff if that doesn’t speak to me, in regards to the people I meet at work. I’m a lot better now but just have a couple of steps to go.
You look so relaxed there 🙂
I am! LOL
Thank-you for this - it helps to know some of the areas I need to work on & where I need to take responsiblity.
Great
I have another workshop coming up in April 10, 2021
“Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work
It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom
Sign up on website to get info on workshops
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop
Sign up now
I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website:
• Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop
• Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop
• Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com
Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my UA-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my UA-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional
If you sign up now, I will be offering a live broadcast with my paid members on You Tube soon…
Definitely a new subscriber!!
Yay! Thank you!
Thank you Jerry! I sure need to detach more! No one gave me this tip til you did!
Glad to help
I understand what you are going through in the hands of your husband.. Many marriages suffer the same thing or even more,but my dear I had to make a bold step by saving my home the spiritual way and since then till now am happy because Dr Akunda actually helped me stable my marriage and am grateful to him.
His WhatsApp +2348103803120.
Good luck to you.
This is very helpful for my counsellor training. Thank you
Glad it was helpful!
I understand what you are going through in the hands of your husband.. Many marriages suffer the same thing or even more,but my dear I had to make a bold step by saving my home the spiritual way and since then till now am happy because Dr Akunda actually helped me stable my marriage and am grateful to him.
His WhatsApp +2348103803120.
Am surely glad that my recommendation will greatly help you.
Great Job
Thank you 🙏
Thanks for this video Jerry. Can you do a video elaborating on polarization? Thank you
Great suggestion!
Character building stuff; Thanks Dr. Wise. Regards from 🇧🇷
This is. Great video!! Thank you❤️
Awesome video sir!
Glad you enjoyed it
Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my UA-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my UA-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information.
Also,
Please sign up for the upcoming workshop
“Getting Your Family of Origin Out of You”
Workshop
Date: February 6, Saturday
Time: 1pm EST - 5pm EST
Zoom
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
[Even if you are not able to attend, if you sign up for this workshop, I will send you your own copy of the full workshop and the workshop notes]
Thk u
So thankful for your work!
Amen
Your great.thanks.
So nice of you
You are good Jerry. Thank you for your help!
You are so welcome
Hi Jerry. Can you please explain what codependency is? I had told someone that I was codependent. They replied Who are you codependent with? I said no one.... They have the old school view of what a codependent is... They use to work in a rehab house/ halfway home... Back in the late 70s early 80s. I would like to pass on to them a good definition/ information about someone who is a codependent. From what I've heard your basically programed to become a codependent person.
Beautiful video.
I had a situation the other day with the maintenance man where I live. He doesn't like to work. He needed to fix a wall in my bedroom that got damaged in the last topical storm. I asked him if he could give me a window of time to take care of it. He got angry, huffed and puffed, shook his head from side to side and walked down the hall away from me. I told myself that I am not responsible for his feelings and that I did nothing wrong. In the past I might have given in and let him put it off again. When he finally came in to take care of the wall..he didn't even speak a word to me....a very uncomfortable situation. I hope nothing breaks soon. I don't like dealing with him at all!
I hope you report the guy to management.
Mary, he's trying to make you fear him, so that you don't dare call on his services again.
I understand what you are going through in the hands of your husband.. Many marriages suffer the same thing or even more,but my dear I had to make a bold step by saving my home the spiritual way and since then till now am happy because Dr Akunda actually helped me stable my marriage and am grateful to him.
His WhatsApp +2348103803120.
Good luck to you.
Jerry, I know you used to be a codependent. How long did it take to truly feel free of all of it through your knowledge and wisdom? I know it's a process.
My father actually worships my mother. 😮
I have six children. My girls are under extreme brainwashing and I goring me. Two of them have even assaulted me.
The girls are 20,16,14. I lost my first born some a year and a half ago, at 17 years of age. My other two children are boys, they are 12 and 6. My six year old has Down’s. My 12 year old hates his dad. He loves him but he hates him. He wants to get away but he is scared to death to tell the family secrets. He knows he will be punished if anyone finds out the truth of what’s going on. Chad knows how sadistic he is, we all were programmed to believe that was normal.
What do I do with my 12 year old son? How to I help him heal? What do I have his uneducated therapist work with him on? He is being abused in that house by everyone in it. And they are teaching my Down’s son how to do it too!!!!
Also, how do I deal with this in court. Not divorced yet…just filed.
excellent
Many many thanks
Don't rehearse false feelings..
Let go of the dream you had
Great
I have another workshop coming up in April 10, 2021
“Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work
It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom
Sign up on website to get info on workshops
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop
Sign up now for early bird price
I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website:
• Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop
• Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop
• Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com
Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my UA-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my UA-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional
So the law of attraction doesn't work? Why would I want to stop fantasizing about what I want?
The family I always wanted is not going to happen in the family of origin that's where going out and making your own family among people you know comes into plan
How can I contact you sir?
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/contact
or at jerrywise5@gmail.com
Thumbs up!! 👍