My love of 8 years relapsed. I knew nothing of drugs. I lost my home, my car, my degree trying to help him. I gave everything I could. It took three years but I finally learned how not to enable. He broke down my bedroom door after we were separated but I'd let him stay with me....he broke down my door for $. Its been a year....the bedroom door is still a mess...he isn't allowed here and I dont give him $. The door is a reminder to me. He was, for eight years, the sensible and rational one, I trusted him completely. It was so hard to realize how much he'd changed and that I couldn't help if he wouldn't help himself. Eight years he was my solid partner, 3 years he lost his mind and I went down with him. I'm rebuilding from the destruction, he lives two blocks away, hes still using and hes a dealer. I'm still a friend but we dont talk. There's nothing to talk about as long as hes not clean and he doesn't want me to see the way he is living right now.
I am dating a woman who has two brothers with this issue. Her family, while loving and wonderful people, go out of their way to give them money when they cant pay their bills or wont go to work. It drives me crazy because they then come to us for money.
My friend’s mom is the biggest enabler. She keeps allowing my unemployed addict friend to live there rent free bc my friend keeps the mom company. The mom has been single for almost 30 years and would be lonely without the addict. It is horrible ...
My father was an alcoholic and theny mom became one yrs later after going thru hell with my dad...then she fell off 4 th floor n died. My father continued and died in 2014 meanwhile i was in a relationship with an alcoholic and last 6 yrs have been hell i cleaned up after him and kept the calm in the house today he goes to his family for a holiday to his family... meanwhile i change locks and get my life back in order.
My brothers girlfriend was his enabler, and she was extremely manipulative one. She was able to turn my entire family against me. I had no choice but to break all contact with my family 6 years ago. I had to because they were constantly calling me with death threats. It was that bad.
Understandable. It's kind of a "can't live with it, can't live without it." But the quality of your life with it will be very different from the quality of your life without it.
I have ppl in my life that are using I won’t give money or be around it but I wouldn’t let them sleep on the streets or go hungry when they want a meal or a place to sleep
Yes, they will find a 'few' enablers, like the rest of the family. And those of us not 'enabling' are ostracized. Try to tell one of the enablers what they are doing and 'WHAM'!!! You're the evil one!!!!
I was never a drug addict or an alcoholic but I was in a situation in which I had a drink of alcohol at someone's house who I and they actually told me something along the lines of "You can drink as much as you want" and when I heard this I said to myself that telling your company that they can drink however much they want is a very stupid thing to say to someone and if I was someone who actually had a bad history with alcohol that would definantly be considered enabling but either way that person saying what they said was still stupid.
Do something like packing up their stuff and put it outside, and change your locks beforehand. If they make a ruckus, call the police to come get them.
Through addiction demons are entered to the soul the more addicted you get the more the demon consumes your soul until there is nothing left ,I have compassion for the addict but not for the demon I don't fear death I think is a way to kill the demon ,life is war fighting addiction is war don't give up until you have too
Hi Hilary, what you went through with your father is so difficult, and I can understand you not wanting to forgive him. I do think that it is helpful to understand addiction from another perspective, because staying angry with your father may be hurting you more than anybody else. We can help you at Love With Boundaries.
i have yet to find someone to help me with a son who is an addict. I know I have enabled him to continue his behavior. He has two very young children. Don't see him seeking out help. I see him using avenues that claim to help but are avenues to continue to use.
Hi Jo, what you're describing is very common - many addicts will seek out whatever they can use to be able to continue their addiction. For you, asking yourself whether what you are doing is helping or hurting him is important. Any enabling that you are doing will not help him get out of his addiction. If you would like to have a free 30-minute consultation with a Love With Boundaries counsellor, please visit lovewithboundaries.com/how-can-we-help/. I hope we hear from you.
You don't even have to give them money. My mum literally sends down a weeks shopping for my sister and her kids. The kids are the ones losing out because they're mum is off her head but sure they're still getting fed so nobody cares 😡
Hi Sharon. I'm glad to know that the kids are being fed. However, as you say, they are losing out on having a clean and sober mother. Enabling is enabling - no matter how we do it. What your mum is doing is not going to help your sister come out of addiction. Please get in touch with us if you would like a FREE 30-minute consultation with a Love With Boundaries counsellor. Please visit lovewithboundaries.com/how-can-we-help/. You and your mum could come on a call with us together.
Then simply replace the "him" with "her". Addiction doesn't discriminate. She simply used the male pronoun. If the addict in your life is a female, the lecture she just gave applies the same.
no. this is beyond unhelpful. you can lead a horse to water but you can not make it drink. NO ONE is going to get better until THEY want to. it isnt about the family. it is about THEM.
Hi Shirley - unfortunately there wil be some who overdose, whether on the street or using in their bedrooms. But many people who get a taste of what it's like to live on the street decide that isn't the life they want and that becomes a bottom for them to finally decide to be serious about recovery.
Hi Gina. If you're talking about me, I am definitely gonna. If you would like to have a free 30-minute consultation with a Love With Boundaries counsellor, please visit lovewithboundaries.com/how-can-we-help/.
I don’t think an addict is thinking clearly enough to be searching the internet for rehabs. Nothing wrong with a loved one finding a place and taking them there. I don’t believe in letting them fend for themselves always. They need help! Sometimes it’s better to buy them a motel than sleeping in the park. This channel should be tips not trying to toot your own horn Ms. Platter.
they need help but they dont want it! you are forcing it on them by calling for them. are they illiterate or inept? can they not use the internet? this is just not true. please look at yourself. that addict needs to experience the true consequences in their life from the drug use.
Oh please. Until YOU come up with the solution to this dope problem THAT IS KILLING OUR LOVED ONES, kindly stop vomiting on those families. What you are doing is BLAMING THE FAMILIES. Unless that family supplied the dope, THEY ARE NOT ENABLING. Quack.
jojo, my first major was -- psy. ROFL!! I'm going to bet YOU wallow in so called "sociology". Sorry lowlife, but your psycho babble won't work on me -- oh and by the way, the only place it does work is cementing addicts to their addictions. Oopsie.
The 12-step program helped me know. If I help someone do what they should be able to do for themselves, I help them grow weaker not stronger.
Amazing lady. Grateful for all that she does.
Enabling someone even though it can be done out of love, can just ricochet back to you can have detrimental effects. Thanks for sharing!
My love of 8 years relapsed. I knew nothing of drugs. I lost my home, my car, my degree trying to help him. I gave everything I could. It took three years but I finally learned how not to enable. He broke down my bedroom door after we were separated but I'd let him stay with me....he broke down my door for $. Its been a year....the bedroom door is still a mess...he isn't allowed here and I dont give him $. The door is a reminder to me. He was, for eight years, the sensible and rational one, I trusted him completely. It was so hard to realize how much he'd changed and that I couldn't help if he wouldn't help himself. Eight years he was my solid partner, 3 years he lost his mind and I went down with him. I'm rebuilding from the destruction, he lives two blocks away, hes still using and hes a dealer. I'm still a friend but we dont talk. There's nothing to talk about as long as hes not clean and he doesn't want me to see the way he is living right now.
u need to move he can still see an hes fine with that
Just read this, I hope in early 2022 things have improved for you. It's so hard, people have NO idea what you go through.
Everyone who has loved an addict knows exactly what you've been through. I'm so sorry the scars Run Deep
I am dating a woman who has two brothers with this issue. Her family, while loving and wonderful people, go out of their way to give them money when they cant pay their bills or wont go to work. It drives me crazy because they then come to us for money.
My friend’s mom is the biggest enabler. She keeps allowing my unemployed addict friend to live there rent free bc my friend keeps the mom company. The mom has been single for almost 30 years and would be lonely without the addict. It is horrible ...
Co dependent relationship
My father was an alcoholic and theny mom became one yrs later after going thru hell with my dad...then she fell off 4 th floor n died. My father continued and died in 2014 meanwhile i was in a relationship with an alcoholic and last 6 yrs have been hell i cleaned up after him and kept the calm in the house today he goes to his family for a holiday to his family... meanwhile i change locks and get my life back in order.
My brothers girlfriend was his enabler, and she was extremely manipulative one. She was able to turn my entire family against me. I had no choice but to break all contact with my family 6 years ago. I had to because they were constantly calling me with death threats. It was that bad.
Thank you. This talk has helped me.
I.Am.An.Enabler
As someone diagnosed with cannabis use disorder, I get mix feelings about these topics
Understandable. It's kind of a "can't live with it, can't live without it." But the quality of your life with it will be very different from the quality of your life without it.
I have ppl in my life that are using I won’t give money or be around it but I wouldn’t let them sleep on the streets or go hungry when they want a meal or a place to sleep
Great video!!!
Yes, they will find a 'few' enablers, like the rest of the family. And those of us not 'enabling' are ostracized. Try to tell one of the enablers what they are doing and 'WHAM'!!! You're the evil one!!!!
I was never a drug addict or an alcoholic but I was in a situation in which I had a drink of alcohol at someone's house who I and they actually told me something along the lines of "You can drink as much as you want" and when I heard this I said to myself that telling your company that they can drink however much they want is a very stupid thing to say to someone and if I was someone who actually had a bad history with alcohol that would definantly be considered enabling but either way that person saying what they said was still stupid.
Tough love
How do you get someone out of your house who does not want to follow your rules
Do something like packing up their stuff and put it outside, and change your locks beforehand. If they make a ruckus, call the police to come get them.
Through addiction demons are entered to the soul the more addicted you get the more the demon consumes your soul until there is nothing left ,I have compassion for the addict but not for the demon I don't fear death I think is a way to kill the demon ,life is war fighting addiction is war don't give up until you have too
That’s exactly why they used to refer to it as “the demon alcohol.”
My father was a violent alcoholic,we had no relationship at all because i couldnt forgive his actions.
Hi Hilary, what you went through with your father is so difficult, and I can understand you not wanting to forgive him. I do think that it is helpful to understand addiction from another perspective, because staying angry with your father may be hurting you more than anybody else. We can help you at Love With Boundaries.
i have yet to find someone to help me with a son who is an addict. I know I have enabled him to continue his behavior. He has two very young children. Don't see him seeking out help. I see him using avenues that claim to help but are avenues to continue to use.
Hi Jo, what you're describing is very common - many addicts will seek out whatever they can use to be able to continue their addiction. For you, asking yourself whether what you are doing is helping or hurting him is important. Any enabling that you are doing will not help him get out of his addiction. If you would like to have a free 30-minute consultation with a Love With Boundaries counsellor, please visit lovewithboundaries.com/how-can-we-help/. I hope we hear from you.
You don't even have to give them money. My mum literally sends down a weeks shopping for my sister and her kids. The kids are the ones losing out because they're mum is off her head but sure they're still getting fed so nobody cares 😡
Hi Sharon. I'm glad to know that the kids are being fed. However, as you say, they are losing out on having a clean and sober mother. Enabling is enabling - no matter how we do it. What your mum is doing is not going to help your sister come out of addiction. Please get in touch with us if you would like a FREE 30-minute consultation with a Love With Boundaries counsellor. Please visit lovewithboundaries.com/how-can-we-help/. You and your mum could come on a call with us together.
Nar Anon family groups
Why "Him" what is its a "Her"?
Then simply replace the "him" with "her". Addiction doesn't discriminate. She simply used the male pronoun. If the addict in your life is a female, the lecture she just gave applies the same.
BEING SUPPORTIVE AND ENCOURAGING IS NEEDED AT LEAST
Well, the addict is not thinking clearly, sometimes they need their family to be strong for them and guide them in the right direction
no. this is beyond unhelpful. you can lead a horse to water but you can not make it drink. NO ONE is going to get better until THEY want to. it isnt about the family. it is about THEM.
How is it better to have them in the streets l?? I know someone who did that and they overdosed on the streets and died!
Hi Shirley - unfortunately there wil be some who overdose, whether on the street or using in their bedrooms. But many people who get a taste of what it's like to live on the street decide that isn't the life they want and that becomes a bottom for them to finally decide to be serious about recovery.
You can't control what they do in the house or on the streets, they make the choice. I know, my son is an addict.
But wth do you do ?! Just not call and try to get help ? She's surely Not gonna
Hi Gina. If you're talking about me, I am definitely gonna. If you would like to have a free 30-minute consultation with a Love With Boundaries counsellor, please visit lovewithboundaries.com/how-can-we-help/.
Useless info
Can an educated sick society with PHD psychobabble fill a spiritual void in someone?
I don’t think an addict is thinking clearly enough to be searching the internet for rehabs. Nothing wrong with a loved one finding a place and taking them there. I don’t believe in letting them fend for themselves always. They need help! Sometimes it’s better to buy them a motel than sleeping in the park. This channel should be tips not trying to toot your own horn Ms. Platter.
they need help but they dont want it! you are forcing it on them by calling for them. are they illiterate or inept? can they not use the internet? this is just not true. please look at yourself. that addict needs to experience the true consequences in their life from the drug use.
Oh please. Until YOU come up with the solution to this dope problem THAT IS KILLING OUR LOVED ONES, kindly stop vomiting on those families. What you are doing is BLAMING THE FAMILIES. Unless that family supplied the dope, THEY ARE NOT ENABLING. Quack.
bertha yellowfinch Go take your drugs you obvious addict
No jojo, I am NOT one of you addicted scumbags.
bertha yellowfinch lol I'm not an addict you old farts bag , I don't even smoke
Now go get a job you low life
jojo, I have a job. :) And it's not dealing dope or spewing psycho babble -- like YOU.
jojo, my first major was -- psy. ROFL!! I'm going to bet YOU wallow in so called "sociology". Sorry lowlife, but your psycho babble won't work on me -- oh and by the way, the only place it does work is cementing addicts to their addictions. Oopsie.