How to overcome this? I'm almost 40 and struggle with accomplishing basic tasks that I used to be able to do 10 years ago. It's like all the trauma built up and then my mind could no longer plan or take proper action at the right time. Can't make simple decisions. It's like a runaway train that I can't stop and my life is falling apart.
@@1dayfree I should look into that. It's a thought I've had several times lately. It's like I'm 15 again, but much worse because I have responsibilities to take care of that I didn't have back then. 🙃
When I was hospitalized as a teen the presiding doctor tentatively diagnosed me with PTSD, OCD, ADHD, and MDD. After hearing this my parents immediately called a meeting with him and the next time I saw him he had me as “Oppositional Defiance Disorder”. My parents gaslit him into placing the blame for the abuse back on me. It was a really difficult time and I felt so invalidated it has been hard for me to address any of my current needs in the mental health department.
I am so sorry this happened to you. My mother had me diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I had never had a manic episode and so strangely felt depressed while living in an abusive environment and it suddenly lifted when I moved away? For her it was an explanation of why I kept pushing back on her bad treatment. I've been officially un-diagnosed for a long time but memories of that time are very difficult.
I'm so sorry for your experience. I can relate and feel it happens more than people realize by parents, caregivers and 'professionals.' I hope you find a therapist you can trust and feel safe with, that is worthy of your needs. Best wishes.
@@lc5666 I know what you’re saying, its like how can this be legal or ethical? I would prefer it if a doctor listened to my child over me, but then again I can’t imagine treating them the way our parents did us. Those invalid diagnoses basically stop people from getting the correct care
Working at a bank, the example of the expired debit card explains a LOT about why some people freak out about a card that isn't working, and how validated and relieved they feel when I tell them that their account is fine and it's just a technical issue that causes the problem. I love watching these videos because they help explain why many people may be triggered over certain seemingly minor things, and it helps me be more empathetic in my work
Yes. Cleaning at a party as if I don’t I don’t deserve to be there. If I’m not helpful I can’t take up space. Which means I can never truly enjoy my time anywhere. Feeling like one mistake at work will equal to being fired even tho my bosses have never treated me that way. One mistake means I’m undeserving Not waiting anyone to do for me because I feel I might disappoint them and they might hold it over my head one day. I do for others but no one can do for me and when they do I literally don’t know how to act So many things…
I'm going through this panic about being fired again... I am an accomplished professional, but still I have these strong feelings of not being enough. It became so bad this time that an immunological response in my body is literally eating one of my front teeth from the inside out 😢 I am scared of whatever more is happening inside my body because of this.
I honestly hadn't realized until this video that it's normal for parents to help with stuff like making sure projects get done, or preparing us for real life experiences like adulting. Mine were no help with any of that. One parent's style of trying to help was blame and anger that we were having problems. And the other made it easy for us to hide all that from the angry parent. I've always wondered why I've not done well with adulting. I assumed that everyone learns on their own and I must just naturally be bad at it. But apparently some parents actually guide their children through that. What an interesting thought.
I was aware my mom made me feel bad about myself. It wasn't until adulthood I realized the two oldest a star dancer and the next the prodigal son, both appeared as such in my mother's eyes. My father was much more practical (it took 65 years to understand the true family dynamics starting with my father's abuse as a young toddler. My Gram divorced mid 1930's, unheard of but helped by her sister and brother in-law. (Who became my grandfather. His wife and child passed in childbirth, possibly polio). We were split as a family, imo, 3 empaths and the 3 narcs mom, and two oldest siblings, spoiled and now so entitled you can't breathe in the same air space! Parents passed long ago now, the entire family now disintegrated. Except the narcs grabbed the baby brother. Easily swayed to their ways..... ??? As a widower, I suppose attention is good. As a divorcee, people scatter, even when you had no idea a divorce was even looming behind the scenes.
Some don’t, I guess. Mine never noticed that I didn’t do homework, let alone help me with it. They didn’t even notice that I’d go MONTHS without brushing my teeth! A 5-year-old should just know to do that automatically, right? You’d think 30+ fillings by the age of 10 might have been a clue. I guess it’s up to us to learn “adulting” on our own. I’m 65 and I’m still struggling with basic life management. I envy the neighbor girl whose parents gave her a meaningful allowance that increased every year. By high school, she had a budget that included things like deodorant and even school clothes. How much better I might have managed my finances if I’d been taught how and allowed to practice!
For an idealized but still useful vision of healthy parenting (setting the cheesy jokes aside), you may want to watch family ties from the 80s. It's on pluto tv. Set aside the forced humor it's actually a beautiful view of how a loving family treats each other. If you've never had that it may be nice to see. Sometimes my family was pleasant and nice but other times, or some of the other members, were verbally abusive, maliciously critical and unkind for no reason. So I didn't end up with the most abusive history by any means, but definitely was treated like dirt far too often and my emotional or personal needs routinely ignored or belittled. Sometimes my parents handled their problems maturely and appropriately and other times they didn't. I did receive some good examples and basic training in increasing responsibilities, but in some areas where they really should have got off their ass emotionally and showed guidance they did not. Its definitely held me back in life but at least now in my early 40s I'm starting to feel like I'm finally catching up. I probably would have been able to "catch up" sooner if it were not for some tough extended situations in my 20s and 30s, some, unfortunately, also a direct result of them, though some not.
Every time I watch one of your videos 1. I feel understood 2. I learn something important 3. I feel better on that day than I did before watching. Thank you, Patrick 🌻
The "didn't get the handbook" feeling is so real! My family was very religious, and we were all homeschooled, so once I went to high school as a teen, and then to college, I REALLY had no idea what other people my age were talking about sometimes, leading to a lot of humiliation and shame.
Same thing here, until about age 19 or something, bad things, bully, lonely, going to school like stranger, having hard time making friends, lot of fight at home, angry mother....
Homeschooling is basicaly childabuse. Kids need other kids to learn how to get along with others. (Even if it is no fun part of the time>) Parents are great for teaching the basics (no biting, no hitting, wipe your bottom and wash your hands etc.) but raising kids in almost perfect isolation is just cruel.
I'm 38, and I had no idea why I felt so separate. I figured I was just weird, and didn't fit in anywhere. I understand that i had been trained to normalize and minimize so many events in my life, and was never truly able to make friends, because my home was nothing like the kids I met, and now that I am no longer able to push it out of my head, I don't know how i ever believed i had a good childhood. I never thought anybody could understand my crazy weird mind, and it's so surreal to hear the exact same thoughts that have crossed my mind thousands of times set out loud by A perfect stranger.
Sounds like something straight from my mind. Thank you! (although a few seconds later, it usually reminds me of how grateful I should be to ... that sort of self-discrediting sh*t.)
I have told people for 40 years that I’m just weird. Imagine my surprise 6 months ago when I learned that not everyone has ‘white noise’ playing in their brain constantly aaaaand that some people’s brains get quiet!!! 😮 I had NO IDEA.
I don't even know why, but I always end up crying while watching one of your videos... I'm not in a situation where I can afford to go to therapy, but your videos have helped me get my life together a bit. I can't even begin to express how grateful I am. Thank you *so* *much* for everything you're doing. I wish you all the best in life.❤️
@@lambchop6278 Hi, thank you for the recommendations and your support. Sounds very helpful. I'll try them. Luckily I love reading, so I'll have a great time either way. 💛
I am in Canada & we have free health care but therapy is expensive ! Not free (i think mental health is HEALTH care, but only physical stuff is free) so I can’t afford it either even if I could find a therapist that understood. So I watch this channel & Anne Runkle Crappy Childhood On you tube, Read Pete Walkers Cptsd, also u could do free 12 step meetings on line
This is such an important discussion. I’m a mental health provider (psych PA) with childhood trauma (emotional neglect, religious trauma) and a late diagnosis of ADHD (age 34). I regularly have a discussion with any patients I diagnose with ADHD about the overlap of these symptoms and encourage them to also work with a therapist as we try to understand the source of their symptoms. I see ADHD as a type of nervous system a person is born with (and therefore we can see evidence from early childhood and usually in the family history). Undiagnosed ADHD is a trauma of its own, but many kids with ADHD are also exposed to family systems that result in trauma as well. I often encourage patients to pursue treatment for both since they can be so hard to tease apart (and I have first hand knowledge). When I first began to understand the magnitude of my struggles (after my ADHD diagnosis and more research into childhood trauma) I considered leaving practice. The thought still crosses my mind (due to concern that I am not actually well enough to help other navigate), but I know that feeling understood has tremendous healing benefit and understanding is something I can offer. Thank you for such an interesting and important discussion! I refer patients to your channel often - so nice to have a resource they can access easily and start the healing journey. ❤️
I totally agree with what you say about it being a trauma formed - induced nervous system - born with it, passed down generationally. From what I've pieced together from my own family history, my mother was extremely neurotic, paranoid, and my father was extremely abusive, they lived extremes, and I got it all the way from all sides. I have extreme Adhd, rather trauma noise, insane hyper-vigilance, but through meditation & a fantastic community in piecing my nervous system back together again. Prescribed drugs don't work, they actually exacerbate the problem. Trauma is not solved by drugs, it's solved with breath work, which calms the nervous system over time, repairing the mylon sheath, and a healthy safe community to co-regulate the nervous stem with - poly vagal theory! You are doing amazing work! Being understood and educated is a big part of change, foundational understanding of what's going on, makes a huge difference in creating change! I've been to a Psychiatrist's talk on why they prescribed ADHD meds to children, chilling! It all comes down to trauma & behavioural modelling, pills are hollow band aids, that cause more damage to developing brains. Women's brains mature at age 23! Men 25. No wonder America is the mess it is, pills & lead poisoning. Recipes for disaster. The Roman's also made themselves mad with lead! Violence & trauma beget more of the same, unless you break the cycle.
Kaycess15, I would really like to talk to you as I think you could help me. I feel like you'd best understand and I need a bit of guidance in navigating this mess decades into it, as it may be. Peace be with you . Thank u for sharing. ☮💚
Keep in mind while you’re practicing, it is narcissists who use religion to control and manipulate people, it’s not usually the religion itself. Just felt to share. Thank you.
I’m a nurse and was just diagnosed at age 53 with ADHD. Beginning to understand I have trauma issues and sensory/sensitivity neurodivergence as well. It’s overwhelming. Whatever you have to do for self care, do it! Most of us have imposter syndrome, but we have value, especially to each other.
I never thought about the decision thing until now! I always have trouble with really small choices like deciding what I want from a drive thru. This video reminded me that when I was a kid, my mom would get upset with me if I picked the wrong thing - if I didn't pick what she thought I wanted, it would start a whole fight. It sounds crazy, but it always became a big deal and was really stressful. I'm realizing that things are hard for us for a reason and the best thing we can do is just be kinder to ourselves. My boyfriend always parks in the lot and brings up the menu on his phone for me. It's really the little things that help you feel seen and cared for.
For me it's quite the opposite. I don't have problems with decision making at all, maybe perhaps because I'm used to making them impulsively? I feel like I'm being indecisive only when I'm making the conscious effort to really think the decision through. I tend to be asked to decide for someone, which can be quite useful at times, otherwise a lot of time would be wasted on picking what to eat :)
Hi Jennifer - I really relate to this. My mom would just keep asking me if I was “sure” and suggesting alternatives till I eventually got the idea that l had “chosen the wrong thing,” and would choose something else that she seemed happier with. For myself, I got to a point that I couldn’t order off a menu, and that triggered me to go into personal therapy. That was over 30 years ago and I’m still working through it. I got my own ADHD diagnosis about a decade ago, but that hasn’t dealt with everything by any means, so I keep looking for more clues. Knowing that I also was bullied and dealt with religious, verbal, and emotional abuse as a child, this video seemed like a really interesting one. I got a lot out of it, and I hope you did as well. I hope you are able to come to a place of greater ease with decision-making. It’s better for me now - menus don’t usually trigger panic! - but figuring out what to give away in downsizing, for instance, is super difficult. Still, step by step, it gets better. Wishing you well!
I just realized, after watching Patrick explain childhood traumas and our reactions/behaviors because of it for the past couple of years, that he's so much like Mr Rodgers, but for adults. Mr Rodgers spoke to us as children, acknowledging us as human beings, and always so calm and caring. Well, I get that same vibe of calm and caring and speaking to us now that we're adults who survived our childhood. It's so comforting to be seen, heard, acknowledged and understood.
Emotional dysregulation is absolutely a part of ADHD. The DSM took that out even though it’s been recognized as a hallmark of ADHD since the first writings about it in the early 1909s. It’s a controversial area, but should absolutely be in the shared part of the Venn diagram.
Thank you; I recently started taking non-stimulant ADHD medication and have found it dramatically helped with my emotional dysregulation. Emotional dysregulation was actually the major symptom that pushed me over the edge to seek medication and I'm so glad I did.
@@willbephore3086 just a word of warning, the effects aren't as quick as stimulants. I think it takes about one to three months before it reaches its full effectiveness, and it doesn't work for everybody, I think that's why a lot of psychiatrists don't try prescribing it. I got lucky that I had a psychiatrist who listened when I told him that I wanted to try something non-addictive first and that it worked for me. Best of luck to you!
I never thought of myself as having childhood trauma, in fact I always describe my childhood as very vanilla and almost picture perfect. However, over the years in my struggle to figure out “what’s wrong with me”, trying to understand what makes us behave the way we do, and being convinced that I had a form of ADHD (ADD, or inattentive type ADHD), I became engulfed in the world of trauma and the neuroscience behind it all. I now believe that my childhood did cause me some trauma, and perhaps in the most subtle way of just not having emotionally responsive and communicative parents. I can not remember any specific trauma in my life, but I can remember always having a lack of confidence and difficulty communicating. I have constant self talk going through my head and I am full of self doubt. This video was so eye opening and I believe that trauma noise is what is keeping me from reaching my full potential and living my best life. Thank you! Your videos are so helpful and informative!
I really feel what you talking about! I had the same experience, although it wasn't very good at a times. Also i noticed that it can effect my mood in such a strange way: one minute i can be all happy and calmed, but then dark thoughts comes and that really upsets me. Then I'm trying to distract myself and eventually calming dawn. Sometimes i see nightmares with, i guess so, traumatic themes that always repeating, the same scenario every time. Until now i didn't realise how big influence my unaffectionate parents did to me. But happily I'm gonna see a psychologist soon💓
It's taken me years to realize my younger sister is verbally abusive to me and is almost constantly making condescending remarks and little digs at me. Even though I've understood what verbal abuse looks like for a long time I couldn't see it til recently. You can be so used to your family mistreating you don't even notice it. But you can feel it.
Literally same. I was thinking maybe I have ADHD since I have had similar symptoms for at least since childhood, but I know my personality went through some random shifts as a teen, and I'm still young so I'm wonering how muc of it is my brain still cooking or bad habits or whatever, and looking into other possible causes of my brain being this way. But I realized that while my mom doeslove me very dearly and I think she genuinely sacrificed continuously to care for me, she has a hot temper, was constantly working to the bone, her and my brother were quite volatile, especially when she was married to a man who also triggered her own unresolved traumas, all three of them full of high conflict... and that while I was usually physically safe, I was often alone, overwhelmed, and not able to receive help for my own emotions until I was obviously kind of over the edge and accidentally had a panic attack outside of my own room. I orginally felt like maybe something was wrong, when I had an incident of intense self hatred just due to getting a speeding ticket once, and I took a step back like "Yo, that's probably not a regular person response?" but before that, I used to be in a worse negative mindset to where I didn't question how I often I would immediately hate myself intensely when I messed up something minor This whole video kind of made me go "Ahaha... that's a little too relatable...." The whole thing :0
I had the same, until I start to asking myself, what if I had a perfect parent who actually love, care and support me, talk to me, try to help and provide everything I need. It's not the classic Freudian "this event cause trauma, big reveal", it is millions of times they don't look at you, don't ask when you upset, don't hug, don't talk, don't explain, don't smile to you when you are talking, don't listen, don't care. Non verbal things that make you feel like nothing, like you dust they just forget to clean up, a burden they want to avoid. This is screwed us up without leaving any particular memories, because it is like a filter on every single memory, so you adapt and don't even feel it.
I’m still unraveling what’s ADHD and what’s childhood trauma; so much so that I sometimes fight with my counselor about what’s what. This is such a helpful video. Thank you!
Did you have a hard time proving or getting treated for ADHD because of trauma? Thats one thing Ive always been really concerned about. I know I have both but Im afraid my ADHD is going to be ignored because of all of my CPTSD symptoms
@@CBrown86 I didn’t get diagnosed with ADHD until last year at age 31 because my symptoms have always been attributed to depression, anxiety, or my CPTSD. Once I realized I had symptoms that could indicate ADHD, I went to a practitioner who specializes in diagnosing ADHD. It was a LONG process; I saw him weekly for over a month for at least an hour each week. We did assessments, discussed past/ current diagnoses, and about what medications and treatments I’ve tried. There was a lot of discussion about my childhood and trauma. In the end, I was officially diagnosed with severe ADHD, primarily inattentive. Now I see a psychiatric nurse practitioner who prescribes my medications. She said this process is really important because my diagnostic practitioner is highly regarded and his diagnosis carry’s weight; if I ever move I won’t have any issues being prescribed stimulants. As long as you’re honest with your practitioner about everything you’ve been through and the symptoms you experience, you should be just fine getting diagnosed and treated. I wish you luck in your journey, I know it’s not easy but you should feel a heck of a lot better once you begin treatment. It was literally like someone turned off all of the extra noise when I started stimulants. Night and day difference.
@@CBrown86 I had a hard time due to having a thyroid disorder on top of cPTSD and ADHD. They had me go to an endocrinologist and when the meds I was on didn't help with my ADHD at all I went to a psychiatrist.
Trauma noise is the basis of my anxiety. I have this layer of anxiety in my body that I became aware of as soon as I started doing the work. Its triggered by simple everyday things just like you said in the video. Communication is the biggest one. I used to avoid phone calls that I needed to make for adult admin stuff like calling an agent to view an apartment because I had this debilitating fear of talking to strangers. Being asked questions in professional settings makes my mind go completely blank and there are points where I lose the ability to form sentences or speak my second language. Working through the trauma noise, anchoring my body when the triggers come up and observing/changing my thought patterns is what's helped me reach a place of calm. I can feel my body slowly working the anxiety out of my system and reaching a place of rest.
I feel so uncomfortable giving presentations or doing anything that puts the focus on me. And don't even tell me about making phone calls to strangers. If I call someone on the impulse because I have to sort some things out NOW, it's somehow fine, but the longer I hesitate the more anxious I get. I had a job in tech customer service and I would just get paralysed when the phone rang. Strangely, it's easier for me to physically go somewhere and talk face-to-face with the person than it is to call them.
I always had the reverse. I could deal with strangers no problem, but I really struggled to deal with loved ones. Because if I messed up, I could lose a relationship I care about- whereas strangers, I don't care what they think of me. It leads to me being stressed and really timid around friends.
I do the same thing but with doctors. My mom ignored alot of my health problems even if it was serious. If I didnt have undeniable proof that she couldn't ignore, she would gaslight me and say Im just trying to get attention. Which i was cuz i was in PAIN. Now if i dont go to the doc with my husband, I will down play all my symptoms and not get the real help I need. He really helps advocate for me. Im doing way better with this since starting therapy 2 years ago but definitely still struggle.
When I was 16, I saw the movie Titanic. At the scene where everyone was in the ocean screaming, it shocked me, because I'd heard that noise before - but only in my head. I wanted to turn to my friend in the theater and tell him, but didn't think he would understand. I like this term "trauma noise." Very appropriate.
Oh my god this is so true!!! I always told myself that I needed a tutor, someone to show me the way. But it turns out everything I needed was a mother or a father to help me. Now I know...
I love that Patrick shares his personal challenges as well as other clients as examples of his theories. I find them super helpful to relate to but it also helps in terms of validation. A lot of high functioning people, (including therapists) had traumatic childhoods, and have ADHD, and they can be effective and kind contributing members of our comunity when give a chance to heal and make strategies to cope. He gives me inspiration to do the work. Thanks for all you do Patrick.
I agree wholeheartedly. The validation inherent in his way of expressing the issues we face gives me a foundation; and the courage to make a stand and to express myself. And to recognize the triggers but marvel that i still have the wherewithal to fight for my life if I have to but to recognize the right to just exist. In whatever state I am. And compassion for others follows. I do pray for all the inner children. And am so grateful for Patricks help in learning more about myself.
I have struggled with not being able to relax, and it really shows during moments when I have nothing to stress or worry about and nothing is going on. I always feel like so much is going on. I enjoy listening to music, but music feels so overstimulating. I need silence often.
I know that! Unfortunately talking heads lyrics resonate here! I can’t seem to face up to the facts I’m tense and nervous and I can’t relax But thats so me arguing both sides in my head… Catastrophising Family legacy omg! Bad customer service always triggers me & terrible with time & money self loathing and people pleasing & because of disregulation become a bit of a target 🎯 yay! 🙏
I need to have the most boring time on earth and nothing happening in my life to be somewhat at peace. And even then, there is the underlying feeling that something will go wrong soon. It usually does but still catches me by surprise and I'm never mentally prepared for that.
Maybe we have to try to leave all things that makes up work up and alert, like phones, but it's kind a hard when you always being provoke by your family
One of the most important things my mental health team got me to understand is that childhood trauma becomes essentially a developmental disorder if it's own.
It is BONKERS how dead on you are! I always use the word noise to describe what's going on in my head. Most people do not understand that. I hate the idea of being on meds but Adderall really dampened that noise and saved me a lot of suffering over the years. Still working on my neglected inner child. Thanks to people like you, I am finally making some serious progress
@@trinap.8904Yeah, pretty much any stimulant helps tremendously. I've been on it for at least 10 years but I've only recently been "doing the work" for myself along with therapy for the past year and it has been quite a ride. Anyways, Adderall also works as an antidepressant for me. I tried everything else first but nothing helped. Wellbutrin helped a little, but finding the right dosage is crucial. I also have an anxiety disorder currently so I take Xanax as well. Fortunately I am not prone to addiction. I just take them as directed and do the work :)
I was taking Vyvance the last couple of years. but not daily. just sometimes. I liked it but i found I had really bad dry mouth. so I started on Adderal this week. just to try. I havent noticed much yet... but I woke up today with a terrible headache? is that a side effect? or something else. I will give it a month and see what it is like. I am doing a small dose I think? (10mg sounds small to me)
@@Fefe559 Not a doctor so take this with a grain of salt, but I also used to get headaches/bad dry mouth from adderall. Drinking a LOT of water (like more than usual) throughout the day helps with the dehydration headaches. For the dry mouth I use Biotene oral rinse.
It's sad that you hate the idea of taking medication that helps you. There's such stigma around helpful medication that people are willing to refuse it not only for themselves but for others. The amount of times people have tried to shame me out of taking my ADHD medication is unfortunate, despite me not being constantly miserable like before
I’m trembling from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet… this example of an experience with a declined credit card was piercing. I’ve never looked at that experience from the outside of it, as I’ve had the opportunity to here. Once I caught my breath, re-regulated and stepped back inside myself, I was drawn to sharing this experience. The timing couldn’t be better either. I divorced my toxic family last year at this time, at 53, and moved across the country to restore an 1890s farmstead. I very quickly ran out of savings, and was gifted with the experiences of shame that wasn’t mine. I spent the winter re-experiencing childhood trauma around money and my alleged title of “the family failure.” I’m remaining conscious and learning to ask for a little help here and there, and being open to receive. It’s new. And frightening. And very very powerful.
I have both and was diagnosed with ADHD later than CPTSD. And my ADHD diagnosis was a game changer because my CPTSD didn't answer everything and no amount of trauma work I did got rid of the symptoms. And I learned I was partly traumatized because of people shaming me because of my ADHD since childhood, which made it worse. Now I can say ADHD as such does not always hurt when you are by yourself and you can do you, it feels like you. Daydreaming for example or a hyperfocus on an exciting new topic. It's not like disassociation or panic tunnel vision. Or even movement/stimming, it's just the way your body works with ADHD. CPTSD never feels like it's you, it never feels neutral or good.
I love how you worded it at the end!! I'm still untangling what's CPTSD and what's ADHD in me, and I haven't been able to put this difference into words. Brain fog feels not great, but often pretty neutral, while dissociation feels unwanted and somewhat heavy. I also got better at separating ADHD sensory overload and CPTSD one. ADHD is when music gets boring, but CPTSD is when I over concentrate on a male's voice coming from another apartment.
I was also diagnosed with cptsd first, had the same issues with it not getting better... and very recently got adhd diagnoses... I'm still struggling to tell the difference but beginning to explore my awareness of them.
Currently being unemployed is a hardship for me but I realize its allowed me to self reflect and I’ve started watching these kind of videos and it is literally giving me the blueprint to heal and I am forever grateful to you and others who educate on this platform. ♥️
I quit my last job and take 3-4 month to relax and process stuff. Doing it once in 2-3 years. Don't feel bad about unemployment, it's OK. It's an opportunity to invest in yourself, get better and than handle you work and life better It will pay back.
“Like you’re watching this video which is an act of trying to get your adult in place to take care of the inner child” I looked up at the screen because I felt like he could see me 😭. I’ve been binge watching his videos for a couple months now
I’ve always thought that there has to be similarities to neurodivergent brains and childhood traumatized brains. I’ve always resonated so much with ADHD symptoms but don’t have ADHD, but I was recently diagnosed with C-PTSD. I hope more research is done on the similarities. Thanks for talking about this!
This is so true. I have a brother with a learning Disability and the mental health field has yet to catch up with overlapping things with those who are neurodivergent. I’ve had a theorist reduce my brothers symptoms to dis disability rather than admit they don’t know. Most of it is poor emotional regulation and body memories. There’s so many layers
This is so true. I have a brother with a learning Disability and the mental health field has yet to catch up with overlapping things with those who are neurodivergent. I’ve had a theorist reduce my brothers symptoms to dis disability rather than admit they don’t know. Most of it is poor emotional regulation and body memories. There’s so many layers
Well, I just found you and THIS completely explains why none of the medications prescribed to my daughter over the years have worked. I have told all of her providers over and over that they are missing the problem and throwing another pill at it is not working! I cannot wait to get to her house and share these videos with her! THANK YOU for this insight.
Trauma Noise: what a great term! As someone who self identifies with CPTSD, this term immediatesly resonates with me. I was comparing symptoms of mood changes with a co-worker who is diagnosed with ADHD and dyslexia, and found our simularities suprising, but now maybe not so surprising. 🤔
ADHD here, diagnosed at 13. My mother(and source of a lot of my trauma) pushed for me to get tested, but I was just given medication and was never taught any skills. "Never Got the Handbook" could be the title of my memoir lol As I grew up I rejected the ADHD diagnosis and sort of assumed I had "grown out" of it and that all the issues I had as an adult were due to me being lazy and incompetent(internalized shame). I now recognize that I used some of the symptoms of my CPTSD to deny my ADHD, for example "I can't have ADHD, I never lose anything!" when really it was my hypervigilance obsessively taking note of where things are to the point where I could be at a friend's house and they'll say "now where did I put my keys" and I'll say "oh they're on top of your microwave". It's not pleasant to have that hyper alert trauma noise constantly on, but hey, at least I never step in dog 💩 on the sidewalk!!
Yes that is one difficulty I has with this video because when you have adhd and your grades aren't as good or your forget things, if you don't have supportive parents then that itself is traumatic. I have a friend who got diagnosed as an adult, and so much of his trauma is from being told he is lazy for not being able to organise things or remember stuff his whole life. It has been very hard for him realising how many negative beliefs he has are not true. I'm talking the level of this person having 3 degrees (one in performing arts, one psychology, one social work) thinking he is 'stupid and lazy' because of not being able to keep up doing paperwork but being amazing at other parts of the job. I definitely think that sometimes adhd gets diagnosed instead of ctpsd but to be honest adults getting diagnosed late with adhd are always going to have trauma of 'not measuring up' because of being blamed for having untreated adhd symptoms (my brother being treated badly by parents for not doing well at school because he had adhd and dyslexia).
About not being socialised because of neglect: I've noticed that I've become quite better at life in general as I'm healing my trauma, however I'm in a new workplace now where I don't know anybody and I've noticed that I can't start a conversation! I can continue one, but as soon as I want to connect with someone I'll just... Complain!! Never noticed how it came from what was modeled for me
Oof, same, I constantly catch myself saying negative things or saying neutral things in a negative way to relate to people (like in commiseration) but struggle to start a conversation about any of the fun positive things I actually want to talk about. I've been getting real down on myself because of it, never even thinking that it's just what was modelled for me. Now i need to figure out how to find a better model
@@JaimeGstl There's a possibility this happens if you were raised by a narc parent who often make "quality time" spend with their child about complaining and gossiping. Being the daughter of a narc mom, she used to think of me as her best friend, and in the process I had to hear a lot of complaints/rants/gossip/distasteful opinions on what she thought of other people and other things. Still, I used to comfort myself and think that this was making us closer. Unfortunately, it is a pretty classless thing to do, and for a while I'm sure I thought a great conversation starter is to complain and vent and rant, ugh. I no longer do so and instead the best alternative is to instead take a genuine interest in the topic instead.
I’ve been on this very odd trajectory where I used to sort of comically complain to deflect when I had nothing to say in a conversation, and now recently it’s started to annoy me when other people do the same thing -even though I know very well that was my old go to. Probably exactly why it annoys me, but I guess I would expect to have more patience, considering. Meanwhile, my trauma is still there, I just played out that particular conversational device. It’s exhausting.
I've never felt so seen in my life. I'm so grateful for this channel. BUT. I feel like I've spent my entire adulthood trying to heal from my childhood.
I’m re watching this and just realized that my making jokes all the time is a way to avoid being made fun of. If I say something in a serious way, I’m vulnerable bc if it’s wrong or misinformed I’ll be made fun of and feel huge shame for being dumb. But if I say something in a joking way, people just think I’m joking and will laugh. I’m protecting myself from ridicule. Growing up, I was laughed at all the time by my family. All the damn time. It’s amazing I never realized my jokes were a shield from being made fun of- not just used to control the mood and make sure mom didn’t rage.
I got diagnosed with ADHD and put on medication age 28, I had just gotten out of my abusive home (late, I know; possessive narc parents. People still frequently mistake me for a teenager because I am so developmentally stunted I didn't grow and age normally even physically and lost huge parts of my memory). I remember being so confused that medication made it worse; I could sorta function and suddenly I couldn't. I thought, maybe it wasn't ADHD and I just. You know. Am using medical meth on myself. But nope, because the ADHD was taken care of I could actually make sense of my trauma and abuse, and it was suddenly no ADHD symptoms -> instant trauma noise Absolutely wild Thank you so much for all of your videos
I was just diagnosed with ADHD (I’m in my mid-thirties) and I really can relate to that. There seems to be a lot of overlap with ADHD symptoms and ingrained responses to repeated trauma-I’ve been thinking about it a lot. Still not sure if the toxic system I grew up with helped to foster the ADHD or what 🤷🏻♀️
Going thru the same. Got my diagnosis 6 yrs ago. There's another specialist I watch who made this point and I'm using my own words here; -All illness should be treated as a symptom.- So things like ADHD can be manageable, and if a patient is not responding to treatments despite all the effort going into it, there's a bigger problem causing the ADHD to become debilitating. Thus - ADHD, Symptom of (exp.) CPTSD. They're separate, but one inflamed the other.
@@Gweenkween ADHD can't be developed. You either have it or you don't. Tough to say if it is the trauma or adhd though unless you get a brain scan or your genetics screened. People with adhd are more likely to suffer trauma cause one or both of their parents have untreated adhd themselves. Tough call. Good luck getting treatment!
@@azlizzie Thanks! My mom does have formally diagnosed and untreated ADHD. I think I meant to suggest that the toxic dynamics and maladaptive behaviors modeled in my childhood *masked* the symptoms of ADHD.
@@JezzyDaizy Very true. I feel like I've been over-pathologized my whole life diagnosed with so many disorders that it's ingrained in me that I myself am sick and flawed and it's just a matter of finding out what exactly is wrong with me. I've been in the mental health system since I was 8 and yet it took me a good 16 years to make any real progress on my issues. It's only my more recent work with my current therapist who doesn't like to diagnose that trauma was ever part of the conceptualization of my problems (and that there's nothing actually "wrong" with me). My mom got me in to a therapist the minute I started struggling as a kid since she's diagnosed with bipolar... but that meant that just being a kid and having emotions was pathologized cause I couldn't communicate why I was in pain. I didn't get help for my mood symptoms until 5 years after I was diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder, because whether I behaved or not was the main concern I guess.
I have been saying this phrase, for years~’it is so loud~’ I had a hearing test after a severe bends injury and the tech administering the test told me, your hearing is massively hyper. I said, oh, I feel like I cannot hear but also, if a bird is cooing on a ledge of a tall building of a city, I can look to the coo sound and immediately find the bird/source of sound. She said, oh, yes, you were hyper acoustic and I have never tested anyone who was as hyper acoustic. The last couple years I have been ‘using’ utube to help me heal and wow…it has been a solid source of healing. Thank you for being part of my utube team of really cool and wonderful people who have helped direct me into the path, of healing I am so grateful, thankful and very appreciate this!
I have tinnitus, and therefore not the best hearing anymore, and whenever I record loud noises coming from the neighbours with my phone, it's barely audible. It's really weird..
Have you ever been tested for hyperacusis? I have Complex PTSD & developed hyperacusis as a result of my hyper alert being on for years during the abuse.
Same here on the oversensitive hearing!! The other night, I had trouble sleeping because I heard a charger in a wall socket making this quiet but high pitched whine... From a room & a half away. Drove me fkn nuts until I figured out what it was! 🙃
I’ve definitely had something happen and it throws my brain out of orbit. I start scurrying around. I’m always trying to preplan everything and head off any drama. Thanks Mom. I always tried to guess who I was coming home to. Navigating them and now isn’t so different. I know some of my childhood coping skills are not serving me now but I’m always thinking I need all the tools I can get
For several years now, I’ve been trying to research what’s wrong with me. Most of my symptoms LOOK like ADHD and have been getting profoundly worse over the last five or so (I am currently in my late 40s). However, having researched, I found all of the MANY overlapping symptoms between ADHD and “Trauma Brain” as I call it. I call it ADHD, because it is the easiest way to describe it and the easiest to find coping skills, etc. I can work on by myself. It is so overwhelming. I’m incredibly appreciative that you are bringing this to people’s attention. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
@@oveh.8160 that is a fascinating idea, and I would love for there to be research and theory about it whether or not it is across the board true. I have just recently been hearing more about adult-diagnosed ADHD, and keep thinking that sounds like me and huh maybe I should be tested, and your theory potentially makes that make more sense
I'm a natural healing practitioner , not in current practice, but I call it PTSD brain. I believe it is like a negative brain reboot that comes from constant abuse / neglect. I don't consider it the same as mental illness in that it seems more of a physiological response to your circumstances.
@@rg1whiteywins598 I’m curious what the distinction is that separates a physiological response that affects the brain and perceptions from the category of mental illness. No worries if the distinction is a little too involved to break down within a UA-cam comment, but if there’s a capsule version I would be interested.
It's never too late to seek better emotional health. I too struggle with a mix of "trauma brain" and ADHD symptoms. While we each have to do our own work with our personal issues, I can recommend one thing for our adhd symptoms - neurofeedback. I've done it limitedly in the past and I felt I received a significant improvement from it. It's been over ten years now and I plan to go back soon for a full second protocol. Other than meds, I feel it's the most effective adhd support out there. You may wish to consider it.
I told my therapist that I think I might have ADHD or ASD because it feels like there's someone constantly talking in my head that won't stop. Basically the things described in this video. She said trauma brain looks a lot like ADHD. This video has been really helpful in further exploring that.
It's so difficult to distinguish innate aspects of ADHD from built up trauma, because most of the time, the core aspects of ADHD create a lot of adverse early experiences, and exacrebate the way you are affected and react to them. It has such a snowballing effect that I think some distinctive hallmarks of it are technically not inevitable innate/structural/intrinsic ADHD issues, but such frequent resulting paths that they're still pretty indicative of it. Unless you are so lucky to grow up surrounded only or mostly by well-informed, equipped and emotionally regulated adults, who can teach you consistently, compassionately, to compensate your difficulties, make the best of the way you function, and not feel shame and guilt about it on the daily... But what happens most of the time is that at least one of your parents is the one you got the genetic component from, unaware of it and just as dysregulated... and aside from that, it's almost inevitable that even well-meaning neurotypical adults will end up showing signs of impatience and disappointment and applying misinformed and inadequate parenting/teaching strategies. You make very good points, I honestly find the things you say useful even for someone with genuine ADHD. If trauma noise can mimic ADHD in a neurotypical person, imagine what trauma does to someone who already has a baseline of ADHD underneath. The negative experiences that result from our differences and limitations overcomplicate our lives, sometimes more than the disorder itself ought to. I know I have a base layer of symptoms that will likely never fully go away, but if it weren't for the many layers of psychological complication brought by my family dynamics and other negative life experiences (school, early adulthood) that durably marked me and left me with all this unnecessary noise and an extra serving of emotional dysregulation, my base cognitive quirks can be pretty well compensated with a bit of clever scaffolding. I notice I become much more "functional" and "chameleon" when I have breakthroughs in my personal therapy journey, and when I've been able to move towards a better suited lifestyle, and oppositely when I have therapy "setbacks" (fortunately I move forward on average, but sometimes you think you've made progress until a massive trigger pops up unexpectedly and you trip, but getting back up does get easier and easier)
Thank you! ADHD itself adds traumatic experiences. And also your comment that pretty much nobody escapes the effects of "trauma" from imperfect adults who affected them while they grew up.
It's why ADHD symptoms need to be present since childhood. Having unrealized and undiagnosed ADHD gave me a lot of problems because of growing up not understanding why people would often react to me like I was bad or weird. Growing up was way more of a confusing hellish mess than expected because I had no idea why I was so different and even after my diagnosis and learning about ADHD, I still have a lot of social anxieties that cloud my mind but I can tell that they're a separate issue from the ADHD.
Yeah, the only reason I can be sure of my adhd issues is because my siblings went through much of the same trauma, but only one of them has some similar symptoms that are also alleviated by caffeine, and they are clearly separate from our individual trauma responses Our parents were definitely both neurodivergent in different ways as well as both processing wildly different kinds of trauma themselves so there's a lot to unpack in our family overall
As a recovering catholic with a granny that believed in good people as fairies(projection).... i now listen to joseph campbell and michael meade and you...u are so wise...these labels many of them are to make parents and teachers feel better its an excuse to exclude instead of providing nurturing healing spaces to learn...altho there are many many more helpers and good people now(genuine recovering and recovered people)as a result of people like u
Patrick, this was very helpful. You never fail to address issues that I've never heard classified, so to speak. Things I've experienced, yet I didn't have a name for. Trauma noise is the perfect explanation, and not only do you hit the nail on the head, you also provide tools we can work with to help the healing process to begin. Thank you for your channel.
I have to tell you you are so easy to talk to in my head, so unthreatening, so not accusatory, so physically look like me or how I feel slightly out of it it is saving my life. Struggling all of my life with this craziness in the family and then using busyness, alcohol, drugs, people, ill-considered risk taking,latching on to AA and trying to treat myself with that program which has been tremendously helpful but my problems are also CPSD so I could not see them just with AA alone and make a connection to the ache in my stomach and the fire rushing up my body from toes to head FOOM!!! Never noticed those things or called them feelings just Beat the hell out of myself continually and saw it in Everyone I encountered. Feared people Tremendously. Could hardly leave the dorm at USC had to look down at the sidewalk, could FEEL eyes on me. My name is Linda Jackson and I will contact you at your website for help but this is true what I share with you and thank you for your words.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Tinnitus is a great workbook which has helped my Musical Ear Syndrome Tinnitus. An audiologist is my CBT therapist for MEST. I have another CBT for family dynamics. MEST includes many different types of noise. I was misdiagnosed at first. Being prescribed twice the usual dose of metopolol triggered MEST fiercely. Simultaneously severe mold exposure had to be ended. Finally a nurse told me to check this possible diagnosis out. I have learned to habituate myself to it. I use key words, positive imagery, relaxation techniques, deep breathing, chalenging negative thoughts and, in my case, weight loss through the American Gut Association challenge, the S.A.I.D. (Specific Adaptation to Imposed Demands) exercise principles, 20 minutes per day outdoors, and increasing number of steps per day. MEST is very difficult but whistling, playing the harmonica, singing, reciting and using sound enrichment (esp. brown noise and noise from nature during sleep) work. I'm getting better. I hope this helps.
The "I" statements that you say are very powerful and give us permission to accept our own trauma responses; Low frustration tolerance. Heck yeah!! Just listening to myself while driving is so crazy. My words are so violent and I ask myself, where is this coming from... now, I understand why. Thank you. This is very helpful.
Patrick, I've really been enjoying your videos; I appreciate both the depth of your knowledge about ADHD and CPTSD and the generous relating you bring to it from your own experience; it helps so much to have someone talking about these things who gets it from the inside, and who I actually believe about that. I do want to say something about trauma noise--which is *such a great phrase* for it, for the thing I often call 'the storm' or 'the bleakness'--which is that our here-and-now experience of living in modern societies can and often does recreate/recapitulate childhood trauma, in addition to being a backdrop for replaying it from inside ourselves. You gave some really good examples of trauma noise keeping us in maladaptive reactions to things as unfair, and of course that's true and realizing those blind spots is something we really need, but it makes me want to stick up for the part of it where structural things *really are unfair* and really do keep hurting us. Modern societies--at least my experience in the US, but I'm betting it's like this in many places--are punishing of people who struggle to adjust because of trauma issues and neurodivergences. Aside from close personal relationships (thank god for those) there isn't a whole lot of consideration, flexibility, support, empathy, or access to resources for us; we're just expected to perform as if we weren't struggling with debilitating psychic impairments and marginalized when we don't. For people who have financial resources to lean on, their own or from their families, maybe there's some cushion for those blows, but for those who don't it's often a crushing feedback loop of isolation, alienation, disability, and poverty. We're punished for being hurt, hurt more by the ongoing punishment, and shamed if we try to point it out and get our needs met. It makes me see American society as an abusive family system writ large, and it's one I'm still living in every day. And, you know, that can make it really hard to make the kind of progress that can give some freedom from the trauma noise.
Narcissistic parents eat their young. So does a narcissistic society. I absolutely agree and see the parallels between the two abusive systems. We need society for survival as adults, as we needed our parents as children.
I so agree with this. I don't think all my childhood trauma necessarily came from my parents (I'm neurodivergent). A LOT came from being bullied in school, being punished and scolded by teachers and just society in general. Including the doctors who dismissed me when my mother tried to get me help.
Thank you for this. I was severely bullied as a child for several years, but since my trauma happened outside the home and my parents weren't abusive, for a long time I thought it "didn't count" as real childhood trauma. I've only recently been able to accept that it truly was traumatic and how much that experience still affects me to this day. Your description of trauma noise/CPTSD is dead-on for me and I hope I can start to get my life together from here.
It’s appalling and infuriating that bullying was treated as trivial until recently, and only seemed to gain attention as the result of bullied kids ending their own lives in an era when they could leave their stories documented online. This has always been a serious issue!
Wow... Again, this is information you've met me with at just the right time. I recently came to the realization that I'm like a computer with too many programs running at once, with all of these "programs" being unprocessed events and emotions. I notice that I struggle to focus much of the time and that I can't just let go and enjoy life like I did before my ptsd emerged. Thank you Pat! Now I don't feel like I'm exploring uncharted waters that the mental health world fails to educate us on much of the time :)
I have been trying to find the words to describe how I feel for the past 9 years and this entire video just encapsulated all that I’ve felt over that time. Thank you so much for the work that you do!!
Not me raising my hand every time Patrick asked "have you ever..." 😂 As I began to work on my trauma my ADHD symptoms became increasingly clear and was finally diagnosed with ADHD. It was really frustrating because doctors wouldn't take my suspicions of ADHD seriously and only ever wanted to up my antidepressants.
@@oliviachipperfield6029 That's so unfortunate, were you able to get a proper diagnosis? I have a few women-friends also with similar experiences. I wanted to give up pursuing treatment, what a failure on the doctors' part.
I'm autistic without ADHD (many people are both) - I know that pretty much every single autistic adult is also traumatised, is the same true for ADHD? I can imagine it might be, as adults we all grew up in a time that wasn't very accepting or accommodating of difference. Teasing apart innate neurodivergence and trauma is not easy but I feel like with instinct, but especially healing it becomes clearer. I do find I relate well to people who have cPTSD but no other neurodivergences, a lot of shared perspective and experience. The concept of trauma noise is useful. The bump analogy has made a lot of sense in my relationship too. Loved the Q+A Patrick, it would be great if you did more! 🥰
I have both CPTSD and ADHD. I'm so grateful that I had ADHD symptoms before my trauma, so I could get my diagnosis as an adult. This video is incredible. I feel very seen. Thank you more than I can say!
You are 100% correct. I am diagnosed autistic and ADHD. I worked through my life once I was diagnosed at the age of 33. I was expecting my life to improve. It didn't. However I did eventually keep looking and I realized I was abused and neglected as a child. Once I worked through my trauma my life got better. I feel at peace. Having ADHD or being autistic is no issue. It's how we are treated that damages us.
Wow it hit me like a truck. I described trauma noise once to my spouse as a really loud refrigerator in my head, which you aren't really acknowledging until it goes quiet. And the relief you feel then, the happiness and serenity are just unbelievable.
I literally hear that running refrigerator in my brain…white noise is how I describe that. I think it’s probably from having bullets wiz by my head on a fairly regular basis from birth to 2 yo. But I’m not sure.
I was recently diagnosed with ADHD, but as I am continuing to work with my therapist and also watch your videos, I am realizing how much my childhood trauma (which I have always minimized and believed wasn’t that bad since other people have had it worse) has shaped my current behavioral and thinking patterns. I do believe my ADHD diagnosis is accurate, but I’m realizing it is not fully explanatory of my condition, and so healing for me will need to be more broad than just addressing ADHD.
@@m.maclellan7147 I’m coming to realize this! For most of my life I wouldn’t have even recognized my childhood as being traumatic or my family system as being toxic. It’s been through a lot of self reflection, therapy, and the added perspective of not living at home that I have been able to recognize how serious the dysfunction in my family system was, and how profoundly it has informed my development.
Yeah, same... I'm wondering if my "Combined ADHD" diagnosis is actually Hyperactive w/ episodes of dissociation covering my spacing out & poor time management. Lol
This is really the first time that someone puts a name on the events when I get overwhelmed by different emotions from trauma: trauma noise. I just tune out for several minutes and I am not aware of it.
Here a question:what if someone had ADHD & suffers from trauma that relates directly back to the negative experiences resulting from ADHD. And on top of that, what if the parent of the ADHDer also has ADHD which lead to impulsive, poorly regulated reactions on the part of the parent? How do we untangle the trauma from the ADHD and move through both towards better understanding and healing?
Yes, I do wish there was more information out there for people whose parents had neuropsychological issues leading to issues with parenting, & who often suffer from the same kinds of conditions themseves.
Yes! Everything you said, I grew up with too. My mum was also an avoidant parent so I had to learn to do everything for myself and care for my brothers, and any thing I did wrong would end up with my mum yelling at me and making me feel like a bad person or my abusive stepdad punishing me. I have a phobia of conflict and it causes so many issues.
It doesn't matter: the treatment for both is very similar. Unless you're looking for medication, simply start therapy, and you will slowly figure out what's what.
I had a similar situation but with added trauma. I'm ADHD my father had ADHD and (Sadly severe) NPD which let to being traumatized in my adult years. I hear kids with ADHD receive 20,000 (or some crazy number) negative messages before age 12... so that in and of itself is even more added trauma. I was also had mercury poisoning as a kid which can cause ADHD. Very hard to differentiate!
I've never been able understand myself to such detail before, i always wondered why i had so much trouble communicating and socializing with others while my siblings seemed untouched by our mutual childhood trauma. I raised my hand to every example and I'm sobbing that so many people in these comments are going through the same thing, this feeling of being stuck and not being able to understand why... I don't know how i came across this video but it came at a very much needed moment in my life, thank you.
Whew! 53 yo, female, ex therapist shows signs of …. Needing therapy! Thank you so much for being here! I have a lot of work to do, it’s interesting to see what came up for me 20 years ago and what comes up for me now. I’d like to get back into the field but I need to work through my newly realized ‘stuff’ Lol ♥️🙏🏼‼️
Consider that parental verbal abuse often accompanies disabled children. Struggling with ADHD/ASD1 can itself lead to low-self esteem, even absent belittling parents, due to it's everyday challenges.
I have never felt this understood before. Never. Not one single therapist came to these conclusions. Your parents sound like my parents. I had a lot of pressure put on me to take care of my mother when she got old when she got sick when she went blind. I had to do and be everything including her best friend. Both of my parents were alcoholics on top of it. I’m just in awe of this video and so happy I decided to watch it. Any advice for someone who just learned/realized their childhood trauma. I’ve been on this journey of trying to heal since it happened and I’ve stagnated so completely that I’m not functioning.
They broke the deal, they were bad parents, so you don't owe anything to them. I'm on your side. You deserve to take care about yourself at first place, especially because you need to repair all the date they cause to you.
this is eye opening for me. im a few steps beyond the situation you described at the start but after moving out at 25 and having space to work on this aspect of healing it makes a lot of sense why in stressful times i view myself as getting by through pure luck. i have an MS and take on many responsibilities as a worker, researcher, artist, partner, pet owner and friend yet i will still tell my partner i feel like a little baby or a squishy little animal struggling to keep up a facade. super useful concept for managing those kinds of thoughts
I would love to see a video discussing the connection between Sensory Processing Disorder and childhood trauma. Or the link between being on the autism spectrum and childhood trauma. It's been really challenging, and also important, for me to untangle the CPTSD from the SPD symptoms, and to recognize how they propped each other up/exacerbated each other while growing up in a dysfunctional household.
I second this! I am having the worst struggle in my life at 36 with overstimulation (mostly misophonia) and (light) self harm bc of it. I am trying to re parent myself when it comes on but there is just a block, and I would love to understand it more
I have four sons (adults now). Two have autism. One of my autistic sons has severe anxiety, and the other has Central Auditory processing Disorder. The doctor said the two halves of his brain don't talk to each other very well. His autism is also getting more and more pronounced as he gets older. I started this reply to say that my kids had no childhood trauma. But their father was terminally ill their entire lives, and passed away when they were 19 and 14. So I guess that counts.
Thanks so much - you are definitely helping me turn a few things round in my mind. Learning about trauma noise and how CPTSD can look like ADHD - this is somethung I've been feeling for 6 years, since being retraumatised by my Family of Origin in a moment where all the ways their abuse manifests in words was exposed for what it is. I'm stuck halfway through a PhD because I was always led to believe by my family that I won't amount to anything (and worse) and the more I listen to your clips, the more things make sense to me. Time to get over the life long fear of success, time to stop worrying that the rug will be pulled out from under me at any moment and time to just make my name for myself. Those who matter to me know who I am. My family only knew me as guarded or having angry reactive outbursts - but in real life I am quiet and don't speak up. It's really hard to stop gaslighting myself, as if I have taken over from where my family has left off - I'm still giving them my power. I truly appreciate how you make this knowledge available to us. I had a good psychologist once who got me started with understanding my family dynamic but a family member infiltrated that space and so I won't go back to therapy. I'm 49 and spent much of my adult life in and out of therapy anyway...it wasn't time wasted thankfully. The difference I'm seeing now is that it's becoming more common to be advised to get out, rather than try yoyr best to remain in the toxic family.
This is, hands down, the most valuable video I have ever watched. I’m half way through and have taken 5 pages of notes. I now feel like I have the tools to start tackling this big monster I’ve experienced but not understood my entire life. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Diagnosed with ADHD at 24…trying to understand childhood trauma because I loved my childhood so much, yet I’m finding it apparent I have an embarrassingly obsessive-like anxious attachment style dating someone recently and realized I dont even know how to set boundaries.
The welcoming and positive vibes in these comments are so needful! Thank you all for validating and sympathizing with eachother It's really encouraging and beautiful to see
You describe exactly how I experience the noise in my head. Like exactly. I am almost 60 now, and there have been times that I was OK and times that I was not. Thank you so much for this video. It really helped me to realize that I am after all, not crazy.
Thank you for putting a name and thorough explanation to this! I also relate to trauma surrounding "jumping through hoops." I did a lot of self-sabotaging in school because I didn't feel I should have to "jump through hoops" for my teachers when of course I was meant to be learning new things for my personal betterment... Yikes.
Videos like this that name what happened, explain the reactions, and say what to do are golden. Thank you for pulling the skeletons out of the closet. Your the best therapist I've ever known of and that's over a 50 year period.
When I started therapy a year ago I was presenting all kinds of symptoms that could be classified as other mental illnesses. My therapist specializes in childhood trauma. Little by little we unraveled it. And while I still have ADHD, many of the "symptoms" of ADHD that I was suffering from was actually trauma noise. I can finally read books and meditate because I've finally tackled the majority of that trauma. I'm so glad my therapist helped me untangle everything. Now I can sit with myself and play "is this executive dysfunction or a trigger" and it's been great. As always, love your insights!!!!
“If we got to a store at closing she’d act like the world did that to her on purpose” boyo yeah that’s a big mood, my mother would repeatedly try to buy a specific type of bread from a chain bakery before dropping me at school, even though most days they usually didn’t have that one baked until after school started, and every time she would go on a vocal rant about how it was the bakery’s fault and this wouldn’t happen at a “real” bakery where they “start baking at the crack of dawn because they actually work hard”, and I would have to stand there silently and give the workers apologetic eyes otherwise I’d risk her wrath, and this would happen like every other week, and I’d end up late to school and triggered, and not once did it ever occur to her to go to the bakery /after/ dropping me off on the days she needed to buy that bread 🤦🏻♀️
Elitism of that sort makes me absolutely pissed thanks to my mom. When she talks about something being “weird” or subpar, I actively fight the urge to pinpoint her faults and regurgitate them to her until she shuts up.
@@JessiTheBestiGaming live with a narcissist long enough and you'll understand. People who haven't will champion the clean, charming, tough-but-fair narcissist over the shattered, confused victims *every time.*
I made the commenting on your live question answer session, which I missed. I wanted to thank you for this information. Mental health issues are rarely black and white. There is so much overlap of symptoms between different conditions, and there's seems to be a lot of comorbidity. I have ADHD, depression, anxiety, and I feel a touch of OCD. I have been working with a therapist who uses internal family systems, and while I'm still getting used to the concept, it seems like it's a very powerful treatment method. I'm also going to be seeing a therapist for EMDR therapy, which I've also found to be very powerful. Thanks for the work that you do, and thank you very much for the offer you are making to the Ukrainian people. It is such a tragic situation. They need all of the love and support that they can get. 💙💛🇺🇦
Hi! This is very informative. As someone who dealt with a lot of trauma. I had great treatment for CPTSD, but... I also have ADHD which psychologists overlooked. Many symptoms were ''explained away'' as trauma responses, while there were actually two issues playing at once. Could you consider making a video in the future about trauma and ADHD? Since they can also co-occur? Best wishes!
As he mentioned in this video several times, he already made a video on ADHD & CPTSD. If it's not linked in the description, you can go to his channel & find it under Videos.
I had a similar situation but with added trauma. I'm ADHD my father had ADHD and (Sadly severe) NPD which let to being traumatized in my adult years. I hear kids with ADHD receive 20,000 (or some crazy number) negative messages before age 12... so that in and of itself is even more added trauma. I was also had mercury poisoning as a kid which can cause ADHD. Very hard to differentiate!
Yes, the combination can be quite debilitating. I often find myself just … unable to do something. I know what needs to be done. I have the basic skills to do it. I have medications to help me with the ADHD. But then something just gets in the way. And I think that something is the trauma. Sometimes I just feel so hopeless, because of how hard it is. And then I feel stupid because I’m white, more or less able bodied, raised in an intact middle class household in an affluent country, and what the hell is my PROBLEM?? But that doesn’t address either the historical trauma, nor the ongoing effects of the combo of 40 years of undiagnosed ADHD plus that trauma. Sometimes I wonder how anyone survives let alone thrives in our world!
when i was 8 i was expected to speak to adults, read and fill out government forms and speak to officials because my parents didn't speak English and needed me to translate. comparing that to your example of reminding an 8 year old about a project is heartbreaking. i was very shy and anxious when we moved to america and i was called stupid when i couldn't act like an adult.
That sounds extremely difficult! I'd bet many of those unresolved feelings follow you around into these days. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine the hardships you've experienced.
Can you remember your early years in your country of origin? They too, must have been chaotic. I would think that those memories fled as soon as you boarded the ship to America! Maybe that's a good thing? You must have plenty on your plate, now. Keep working on the issues you remember. Seems that nothing in life is easy! Best wishes!
I super appreciate your videos! I definitely have a low tolerance for frustration, to the point that any incompetence in others would push me to spend the whole day unproductively arguing through it on my head. I'm doing EMDR right now and I can see the tolerance building... it's crazy what trauma does to you!!
I value your introspective examination of your own experiences so much. It really means a lot to me to see someone who has struggled in the past with things I struggle with now - it means so much more to hear that from a person than to just hear "oh, yeah, some people struggle with that."
So much of this is spot on for me. My biggest worry is bringing my childhood messes into my children's lives. I worry about it and then that takes me down the rabbit hole to bad memories. It's paralyzing and gets you stuck to the point there is no focus on anything else. Then you end up doing the crib sheet version of life and just get through the moment instead of living or doing the moment.
this was hard.. i never felt so spoken to personally. i had to pause half way to cry, cried a couple more times finishing through, and crying a couple of hours later coming back to write this... watching this video was the most validating and cathartic experience i think ive ever had sober. idek what to say. my inner child finally feels heard and understood and made sense of and validated.. my experiences growing up never really adding up. thank you so much... words cannot express how grateful i am to have come across this video
OMG this was so helpful. I was diagnosed with BPD but my therapist (of 7 years) has never agreed with it, now I'm starting to unpack the trauma stuff things are falling into place and this video has really clarified a lot of the issues I'm facing.
I've been diagnosed with both ADHD and C-PTSD. It took a while to get the ADHD diagnosis because I'm a woman with a long documented trauma history. ADHD meds and tools have been SOOO helpful to me and I'm so glad I was finally diagnosed. Teachers have been telling me and my parents I probably had ADHD since early childhood. I think I definitely do have both. Having a partner with severe ADHD but not C-PTSD has helped me understand the differences and similarities but also helped me understand that I really needed ADHD treatment in addition to trauma treatment.
"....Children are expected to be amazing, self-sufficient little adults without getting any help." Wow, so much yes.
Yep, generational. So over it.
How do you know if you did that to your own kids? Have I made *them like that?
@@kimmimulder why don't you try asking them?
@@mollyb1983 you don't think i haven't?
@@mollyb1983 it's more watching... like I'm a ghost not a parent, or a dream that can't break through to reality
15:40 "Children of neglect live in anxiety and overwhelm because life is all on them." 😔
That’s heartbreaking.
How to overcome this? I'm almost 40 and struggle with accomplishing basic tasks that I used to be able to do 10 years ago. It's like all the trauma built up and then my mind could no longer plan or take proper action at the right time. Can't make simple decisions. It's like a runaway train that I can't stop and my life is falling apart.
@@brandyfritz1587 Could be peri menopause? It's like being a teenager again, without any of the good bits. 😨
@@1dayfree I should look into that. It's a thought I've had several times lately. It's like I'm 15 again, but much worse because I have responsibilities to take care of that I didn't have back then. 🙃
@@brandyfritz1587 have you tried psychedelics?
When I was hospitalized as a teen the presiding doctor tentatively diagnosed me with PTSD, OCD, ADHD, and MDD. After hearing this my parents immediately called a meeting with him and the next time I saw him he had me as “Oppositional Defiance Disorder”. My parents gaslit him into placing the blame for the abuse back on me. It was a really difficult time and I felt so invalidated it has been hard for me to address any of my current needs in the mental health department.
I am so sorry this happened to you. My mother had me diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I had never had a manic episode and so strangely felt depressed while living in an abusive environment and it suddenly lifted when I moved away? For her it was an explanation of why I kept pushing back on her bad treatment. I've been officially un-diagnosed for a long time but memories of that time are very difficult.
I'm so sorry for your experience. I can relate and feel it happens more than people realize by parents, caregivers and 'professionals.'
I hope you find a therapist you can trust and feel safe with, that is worthy of your needs. Best wishes.
@@lc5666 I know what you’re saying, its like how can this be legal or ethical? I would prefer it if a doctor listened to my child over me, but then again I can’t imagine treating them the way our parents did us. Those invalid diagnoses basically stop people from getting the correct care
@@with_compassion thank you, I hope so too!
Omg
Working at a bank, the example of the expired debit card explains a LOT about why some people freak out about a card that isn't working, and how validated and relieved they feel when I tell them that their account is fine and it's just a technical issue that causes the problem. I love watching these videos because they help explain why many people may be triggered over certain seemingly minor things, and it helps me be more empathetic in my work
Yes. Cleaning at a party as if I don’t I don’t deserve to be there. If I’m not helpful I can’t take up space. Which means I can never truly enjoy my time anywhere.
Feeling like one mistake at work will equal to being fired even tho my bosses have never treated me that way. One mistake means I’m undeserving
Not waiting anyone to do for me because I feel I might disappoint them and they might hold it over my head one day. I do for others but no one can do for me and when they do I literally don’t know how to act
So many things…
❤
I'm going through this panic about being fired again... I am an accomplished professional, but still I have these strong feelings of not being enough.
It became so bad this time that an immunological response in my body is literally eating one of my front teeth from the inside out 😢
I am scared of whatever more is happening inside my body because of this.
I honestly hadn't realized until this video that it's normal for parents to help with stuff like making sure projects get done, or preparing us for real life experiences like adulting.
Mine were no help with any of that. One parent's style of trying to help was blame and anger that we were having problems. And the other made it easy for us to hide all that from the angry parent.
I've always wondered why I've not done well with adulting. I assumed that everyone learns on their own and I must just naturally be bad at it. But apparently some parents actually guide their children through that.
What an interesting thought.
I was aware my mom made me feel bad about myself. It wasn't until adulthood I realized the two oldest a star dancer and the next the prodigal son, both appeared as such in my mother's eyes. My father was much more practical (it took 65 years to understand the true family dynamics starting with my father's abuse as a young toddler. My Gram divorced mid 1930's, unheard of but helped by her sister and brother in-law. (Who became my grandfather. His wife and child passed in childbirth, possibly polio).
We were split as a family, imo, 3 empaths and the 3 narcs mom, and two oldest siblings, spoiled and now so entitled you can't breathe in the same air space! Parents passed long ago now, the entire family now disintegrated. Except the narcs grabbed the baby brother. Easily swayed to their ways..... ??? As a widower, I suppose attention is good. As a divorcee, people scatter, even when you had no idea a divorce was even looming behind the scenes.
Some don’t, I guess. Mine never noticed that I didn’t do homework, let alone help me with it. They didn’t even notice that I’d go MONTHS without brushing my teeth! A 5-year-old should just know to do that automatically, right? You’d think 30+ fillings by the age of 10 might have been a clue.
I guess it’s up to us to learn “adulting” on our own. I’m 65 and I’m still struggling with basic life management.
I envy the neighbor girl whose parents gave her a meaningful allowance that increased every year. By high school, she had a budget that included things like deodorant and even school clothes. How much better I might have managed my finances if I’d been taught how and allowed to practice!
@@candacerushing6882 SO true!!!
For an idealized but still useful vision of healthy parenting (setting the cheesy jokes aside), you may want to watch family ties from the 80s. It's on pluto tv.
Set aside the forced humor it's actually a beautiful view of how a loving family treats each other. If you've never had that it may be nice to see.
Sometimes my family was pleasant and nice but other times, or some of the other members, were verbally abusive, maliciously critical and unkind for no reason. So I didn't end up with the most abusive history by any means, but definitely was treated like dirt far too often and my emotional or personal needs routinely ignored or belittled. Sometimes my parents handled their problems maturely and appropriately and other times they didn't. I did receive some good examples and basic training in increasing responsibilities, but in some areas where they really should have got off their ass emotionally and showed guidance they did not. Its definitely held me back in life but at least now in my early 40s I'm starting to feel like I'm finally catching up. I probably would have been able to "catch up" sooner if it were not for some tough extended situations in my 20s and 30s, some, unfortunately, also a direct result of them, though some not.
I feel the same. I keep telling people that something is not ok and I am simply a child in an adults body.
Every time I watch one of your videos
1. I feel understood
2. I learn something important
3. I feel better on that day than I did before watching.
Thank you, Patrick 🌻
Absolutely the same! 🩷
🤗
The stuff about social awkwardness hit home. My family was so chaotic that I never knew how to do anything but offend or be offended.
yea
To offend or be offended.... Constantly. 😮
The "didn't get the handbook" feeling is so real! My family was very religious, and we were all homeschooled, so once I went to high school as a teen, and then to college, I REALLY had no idea what other people my age were talking about sometimes, leading to a lot of humiliation and shame.
Same thing here, until about age 19 or something, bad things, bully, lonely, going to school like stranger, having hard time making friends, lot of fight at home, angry mother....
Yes! Same here!
Homeschooling is basicaly childabuse.
Kids need other kids to learn how to get along with others. (Even if it is no fun part of the time>)
Parents are great for teaching the basics (no biting, no hitting, wipe your bottom and wash your hands etc.) but raising kids in almost perfect isolation is just cruel.
@@muurrarium9460 Some homeschooling families do find ways to do that (4H, girl scouts, clubs), but ours wasn't one of them
omg thisssss 😭😭
I'm 38, and I had no idea why I felt so separate. I figured I was just weird, and didn't fit in anywhere. I understand that i had been trained to normalize and minimize so many events in my life, and was never truly able to make friends, because my home was nothing like the kids I met, and now that I am no longer able to push it out of my head, I don't know how i ever believed i had a good childhood. I never thought anybody could understand my crazy weird mind, and it's so surreal to hear the exact same thoughts that have crossed my mind thousands of times set out loud by A perfect stranger.
This is so relatable. Thank you for sharing.
Sounds like something straight from my mind. Thank you!
(although a few seconds later, it usually reminds me of how grateful I should be to ... that sort of self-discrediting sh*t.)
I have told people for 40 years that I’m just weird. Imagine my surprise 6 months ago when I learned that not everyone has ‘white noise’ playing in their brain constantly aaaaand that some people’s brains get quiet!!! 😮 I had NO IDEA.
I don't even know why, but I always end up crying while watching one of your videos...
I'm not in a situation where I can afford to go to therapy, but your videos have helped me get my life together a bit. I can't even begin to express how grateful I am.
Thank you *so* *much* for everything you're doing. I wish you all the best in life.❤️
Medical or low income health insur coverage options do provide mental health care. Look into it. Good luck 💙
@@K9_Queen Thank you for the info, I didn't know that. I'll research them. And good luck to you as well.💙
@@lambchop6278 Hi, thank you for the recommendations and your support. Sounds very helpful. I'll try them. Luckily I love reading, so I'll have a great time either way. 💛
I fully echo this sentiment ❤️
I am in Canada & we have free health care but therapy is expensive ! Not free (i think mental health is HEALTH care, but only physical stuff is free) so I can’t afford it either even if I could find a therapist that understood. So I watch this channel & Anne Runkle Crappy Childhood On you tube, Read Pete Walkers Cptsd, also u could do free 12 step meetings on line
This is such an important discussion. I’m a mental health provider (psych PA) with childhood trauma (emotional neglect, religious trauma) and a late diagnosis of ADHD (age 34). I regularly have a discussion with any patients I diagnose with ADHD about the overlap of these symptoms and encourage them to also work with a therapist as we try to understand the source of their symptoms. I see ADHD as a type of nervous system a person is born with (and therefore we can see evidence from early childhood and usually in the family history). Undiagnosed ADHD is a trauma of its own, but many kids with ADHD are also exposed to family systems that result in trauma as well. I often encourage patients to pursue treatment for both since they can be so hard to tease apart (and I have first hand knowledge).
When I first began to understand the magnitude of my struggles (after my ADHD diagnosis and more research into childhood trauma) I considered leaving practice. The thought still crosses my mind (due to concern that I am not actually well enough to help other navigate), but I know that feeling understood has tremendous healing benefit and understanding is something I can offer.
Thank you for such an interesting and important discussion! I refer patients to your channel often - so nice to have a resource they can access easily and start the healing journey. ❤️
I totally agree with what you say about it being a trauma formed - induced nervous system - born with it, passed down generationally. From what I've pieced together from my own family history, my mother was extremely neurotic, paranoid, and my father was extremely abusive, they lived extremes, and I got it all the way from all sides. I have extreme Adhd, rather trauma noise, insane hyper-vigilance, but through meditation & a fantastic community in piecing my nervous system back together again. Prescribed drugs don't work, they actually exacerbate the problem. Trauma is not solved by drugs, it's solved with breath work, which calms the nervous system over time, repairing the mylon sheath, and a healthy safe community to co-regulate the nervous stem with - poly vagal theory!
You are doing amazing work! Being understood and educated is a big part of change, foundational understanding of what's going on, makes a huge difference in creating change!
I've been to a Psychiatrist's talk on why they prescribed ADHD meds to children, chilling! It all comes down to trauma & behavioural modelling, pills are hollow band aids, that cause more damage to developing brains. Women's brains mature at age 23! Men 25.
No wonder America is the mess it is, pills & lead poisoning. Recipes for disaster. The Roman's also made themselves mad with lead! Violence & trauma beget more of the same, unless you break the cycle.
Kaycess15, I would really like to talk to you as I think you could help me. I feel like you'd best understand and I need a bit of guidance in navigating this mess decades into it, as it may be.
Peace be with you . Thank u for sharing. ☮💚
You sound like the type to actually really help ppl. ❤
Keep in mind while you’re practicing, it is narcissists who use religion to control and manipulate people, it’s not usually the religion itself. Just felt to share. Thank you.
I’m a nurse and was just diagnosed at age 53 with ADHD. Beginning to understand I have trauma issues and sensory/sensitivity neurodivergence as well. It’s overwhelming. Whatever you have to do for self care, do it! Most of us have imposter syndrome, but we have value, especially to each other.
I never thought about the decision thing until now! I always have trouble with really small choices like deciding what I want from a drive thru. This video reminded me that when I was a kid, my mom would get upset with me if I picked the wrong thing - if I didn't pick what she thought I wanted, it would start a whole fight. It sounds crazy, but it always became a big deal and was really stressful. I'm realizing that things are hard for us for a reason and the best thing we can do is just be kinder to ourselves. My boyfriend always parks in the lot and brings up the menu on his phone for me. It's really the little things that help you feel seen and cared for.
Kudos to your boyfriend! It sounds like he is giving you the support you need.
For me it's quite the opposite. I don't have problems with decision making at all, maybe perhaps because I'm used to making them impulsively? I feel like I'm being indecisive only when I'm making the conscious effort to really think the decision through. I tend to be asked to decide for someone, which can be quite useful at times, otherwise a lot of time would be wasted on picking what to eat :)
Hi Jennifer - I really relate to this. My mom would just keep asking me if I was “sure” and suggesting alternatives till I eventually got the idea that l had “chosen the wrong thing,” and would choose something else that she seemed happier with. For myself, I got to a point that I couldn’t order off a menu, and that triggered me to go into personal therapy. That was over 30 years ago and I’m still working through it. I got my own ADHD diagnosis about a decade ago, but that hasn’t dealt with everything by any means, so I keep looking for more clues. Knowing that I also was bullied and dealt with religious, verbal, and emotional abuse as a child, this video seemed like a really interesting one. I got a lot out of it, and I hope you did as well. I hope you are able to come to a place of greater ease with decision-making. It’s better for me now - menus don’t usually trigger panic! - but figuring out what to give away in downsizing, for instance, is super difficult. Still, step by step, it gets better. Wishing you well!
this happens to me as well, I hate grocery shopping because I just stand there without knowing what to buy
Aww, that's a fusion of dreadfully sad and adorable
I just realized, after watching Patrick explain childhood traumas and our reactions/behaviors because of it for the past couple of years, that he's so much like Mr Rodgers, but for adults. Mr Rodgers spoke to us as children, acknowledging us as human beings, and always so calm and caring. Well, I get that same vibe of calm and caring and speaking to us now that we're adults who survived our childhood. It's so comforting to be seen, heard, acknowledged and understood.
Emotional dysregulation is absolutely a part of ADHD. The DSM took that out even though it’s been recognized as a hallmark of ADHD since the first writings about it in the early 1909s. It’s a controversial area, but should absolutely be in the shared part of the Venn diagram.
Thank you; I recently started taking non-stimulant ADHD medication and have found it dramatically helped with my emotional dysregulation. Emotional dysregulation was actually the major symptom that pushed me over the edge to seek medication and I'm so glad I did.
@@vintagearisen may I ask what non stimulant you're taking? I have strong ADHD symptoms but for medical reasons do not want to take stimulants.
@@willbephore3086 I'm taking generic Strattera.
@@vintagearisen okay thanks!
@@willbephore3086 just a word of warning, the effects aren't as quick as stimulants. I think it takes about one to three months before it reaches its full effectiveness, and it doesn't work for everybody, I think that's why a lot of psychiatrists don't try prescribing it. I got lucky that I had a psychiatrist who listened when I told him that I wanted to try something non-addictive first and that it worked for me. Best of luck to you!
I never thought of myself as having childhood trauma, in fact I always describe my childhood as very vanilla and almost picture perfect. However, over the years in my struggle to figure out “what’s wrong with me”, trying to understand what makes us behave the way we do, and being convinced that I had a form of ADHD (ADD, or inattentive type ADHD), I became engulfed in the world of trauma and the neuroscience behind it all. I now believe that my childhood did cause me some trauma, and perhaps in the most subtle way of just not having emotionally responsive and communicative parents. I can not remember any specific trauma in my life, but I can remember always having a lack of confidence and difficulty communicating. I have constant self talk going through my head and I am full of self doubt. This video was so eye opening and I believe that trauma noise is what is keeping me from reaching my full potential and living my best life. Thank you! Your videos are so helpful and informative!
I really feel what you talking about! I had the same experience, although it wasn't very good at a times. Also i noticed that it can effect my mood in such a strange way: one minute i can be all happy and calmed, but then dark thoughts comes and that really upsets me. Then I'm trying to distract myself and eventually calming dawn.
Sometimes i see nightmares with, i guess so, traumatic themes that always repeating, the same scenario every time. Until now i didn't realise how big influence my unaffectionate parents did to me. But happily I'm gonna see a psychologist soon💓
Do u still believe you have adhd
It's taken me years to realize my younger sister is verbally abusive to me and is almost constantly making condescending remarks and little digs at me.
Even though I've understood what verbal abuse looks like for a long time I couldn't see it til recently. You can be so used to your family mistreating you don't even notice it. But you can feel it.
Literally same. I was thinking maybe I have ADHD since I have had similar symptoms for at least since childhood, but I know my personality went through some random shifts as a teen, and I'm still young so I'm wonering how muc of it is my brain still cooking or bad habits or whatever, and looking into other possible causes of my brain being this way.
But I realized that while my mom doeslove me very dearly and I think she genuinely sacrificed continuously to care for me, she has a hot temper, was constantly working to the bone, her and my brother were quite volatile, especially when she was married to a man who also triggered her own unresolved traumas, all three of them full of high conflict... and that while I was usually physically safe, I was often alone, overwhelmed, and not able to receive help for my own emotions until I was obviously kind of over the edge and accidentally had a panic attack outside of my own room. I orginally felt like maybe something was wrong, when I had an incident of intense self hatred just due to getting a speeding ticket once, and I took a step back like "Yo, that's probably not a regular person response?" but before that, I used to be in a worse negative mindset to where I didn't question how I often I would immediately hate myself intensely when I messed up something minor
This whole video kind of made me go "Ahaha... that's a little too relatable...." The whole thing :0
I had the same, until I start to asking myself, what if I had a perfect parent who actually love, care and support me, talk to me, try to help and provide everything I need.
It's not the classic Freudian "this event cause trauma, big reveal", it is millions of times they don't look at you, don't ask when you upset, don't hug, don't talk, don't explain, don't smile to you when you are talking, don't listen, don't care.
Non verbal things that make you feel like nothing, like you dust they just forget to clean up, a burden they want to avoid.
This is screwed us up without leaving any particular memories, because it is like a filter on every single memory, so you adapt and don't even feel it.
I’m still unraveling what’s ADHD and what’s childhood trauma; so much so that I sometimes fight with my counselor about what’s what. This is such a helpful video. Thank you!
Did you have a hard time proving or getting treated for ADHD because of trauma? Thats one thing Ive always been really concerned about. I know I have both but Im afraid my ADHD is going to be ignored because of all of my CPTSD symptoms
@@CBrown86 I didn’t get diagnosed with ADHD until last year at age 31 because my symptoms have always been attributed to depression, anxiety, or my CPTSD. Once I realized I had symptoms that could indicate ADHD, I went to a practitioner who specializes in diagnosing ADHD. It was a LONG process; I saw him weekly for over a month for at least an hour each week. We did assessments, discussed past/ current diagnoses, and about what medications and treatments I’ve tried. There was a lot of discussion about my childhood and trauma. In the end, I was officially diagnosed with severe ADHD, primarily inattentive. Now I see a psychiatric nurse practitioner who prescribes my medications. She said this process is really important because my diagnostic practitioner is highly regarded and his diagnosis carry’s weight; if I ever move I won’t have any issues being prescribed stimulants. As long as you’re honest with your practitioner about everything you’ve been through and the symptoms you experience, you should be just fine getting diagnosed and treated. I wish you luck in your journey, I know it’s not easy but you should feel a heck of a lot better once you begin treatment. It was literally like someone turned off all of the extra noise when I started stimulants. Night and day difference.
Melisa: Aspergers, too.
Not to mention if you have all three, and more.
@@CBrown86 I had a hard time due to having a thyroid disorder on top of cPTSD and ADHD. They had me go to an endocrinologist and when the meds I was on didn't help with my ADHD at all I went to a psychiatrist.
I've never been treated for depression because there's always other chronic issues to worry about when I'm taking to the doctor.
Trauma noise is the basis of my anxiety. I have this layer of anxiety in my body that I became aware of as soon as I started doing the work. Its triggered by simple everyday things just like you said in the video. Communication is the biggest one. I used to avoid phone calls that I needed to make for adult admin stuff like calling an agent to view an apartment because I had this debilitating fear of talking to strangers. Being asked questions in professional settings makes my mind go completely blank and there are points where I lose the ability to form sentences or speak my second language. Working through the trauma noise, anchoring my body when the triggers come up and observing/changing my thought patterns is what's helped me reach a place of calm. I can feel my body slowly working the anxiety out of my system and reaching a place of rest.
I feel so uncomfortable giving presentations or doing anything that puts the focus on me. And don't even tell me about making phone calls to strangers. If I call someone on the impulse because I have to sort some things out NOW, it's somehow fine, but the longer I hesitate the more anxious I get. I had a job in tech customer service and I would just get paralysed when the phone rang. Strangely, it's easier for me to physically go somewhere and talk face-to-face with the person than it is to call them.
@@danikim235 same here, not strange at all 🤍
I always had the reverse. I could deal with strangers no problem, but I really struggled to deal with loved ones. Because if I messed up, I could lose a relationship I care about- whereas strangers, I don't care what they think of me. It leads to me being stressed and really timid around friends.
I do the same thing but with doctors. My mom ignored alot of my health problems even if it was serious. If I didnt have undeniable proof that she couldn't ignore, she would gaslight me and say Im just trying to get attention. Which i was cuz i was in PAIN. Now if i dont go to the doc with my husband, I will down play all my symptoms and not get the real help I need. He really helps advocate for me. Im doing way better with this since starting therapy 2 years ago but definitely still struggle.
Come meet my dad- you will be thrilled to talk with strangers forevermore lol
When I was 16, I saw the movie Titanic. At the scene where everyone was in the ocean screaming, it shocked me, because I'd heard that noise before - but only in my head. I wanted to turn to my friend in the theater and tell him, but didn't think he would understand. I like this term "trauma noise." Very appropriate.
Wow such a profound description. You hit the nail on the head x
Oh my god this is so true!!! I always told myself that I needed a tutor, someone to show me the way. But it turns out everything I needed was a mother or a father to help me. Now I know...
I'm so happy I found you!
Spot on! On many areas for me. You actually sound alot like me...
I love that Patrick shares his personal challenges as well as other clients as examples of his theories. I find them super helpful to relate to but it also helps in terms of validation. A lot of high functioning people, (including therapists) had traumatic childhoods, and have ADHD, and they can be effective and kind contributing members of our comunity when give a chance to heal and make strategies to cope. He gives me inspiration to do the work. Thanks for all you do Patrick.
Well said
Beautifully said.
I agree wholeheartedly. The validation inherent in his way of expressing the issues we face gives me a foundation; and the courage to make a stand and to express myself. And to recognize the triggers but marvel that i still have the wherewithal to fight for my life if I have to but to recognize the right to just exist. In whatever state I am. And compassion for others follows. I do pray for all the inner children. And am so grateful for Patricks help in learning more about myself.
I have struggled with not being able to relax, and it really shows during moments when I have nothing to stress or worry about and nothing is going on. I always feel like so much is going on. I enjoy listening to music, but music feels so overstimulating. I need silence often.
I know that! Unfortunately talking heads lyrics resonate here!
I can’t seem to face up to the facts
I’m tense and nervous and I can’t relax
But thats so me arguing both sides in my head…
Catastrophising
Family legacy omg! Bad customer service always triggers me & terrible with time & money self loathing and people pleasing & because of disregulation become a bit of a target 🎯 yay! 🙏
Give pink noise a chance. Calming noise
I need to have the most boring time on earth and nothing happening in my life to be somewhat at peace. And even then, there is the underlying feeling that something will go wrong soon. It usually does but still catches me by surprise and I'm never mentally prepared for that.
Same Anna, it's been two years, and im losing hope alot, i felt like if really gone, there's no pain and sadness anymore....
Maybe we have to try to leave all things that makes up work up and alert, like phones, but it's kind a hard when you always being provoke by your family
One of the most important things my mental health team got me to understand is that childhood trauma becomes essentially a developmental disorder if it's own.
yes cptss is a developmental trauma, txs for remembering
It is BONKERS how dead on you are! I always use the word noise to describe what's going on in my head. Most people do not understand that. I hate the idea of being on meds but Adderall really dampened that noise and saved me a lot of suffering over the years. Still working on my neglected inner child. Thanks to people like you, I am finally making some serious progress
The Adderall works?
@@trinap.8904Yeah, pretty much any stimulant helps tremendously. I've been on it for at least 10 years but I've only recently been "doing the work" for myself along with therapy for the past year and it has been quite a ride. Anyways, Adderall also works as an antidepressant for me. I tried everything else first but nothing helped. Wellbutrin helped a little, but finding the right dosage is crucial. I also have an anxiety disorder currently so I take Xanax as well. Fortunately I am not prone to addiction. I just take them as directed and do the work :)
I was taking Vyvance the last couple of years. but not daily. just sometimes. I liked it but i found I had really bad dry mouth. so I started on Adderal this week. just to try. I havent noticed much yet... but I woke up today with a terrible headache? is that a side effect? or something else. I will give it a month and see what it is like. I am doing a small dose I think? (10mg sounds small to me)
@@Fefe559 Not a doctor so take this with a grain of salt, but I also used to get headaches/bad dry mouth from adderall. Drinking a LOT of water (like more than usual) throughout the day helps with the dehydration headaches. For the dry mouth I use Biotene oral rinse.
It's sad that you hate the idea of taking medication that helps you. There's such stigma around helpful medication that people are willing to refuse it not only for themselves but for others. The amount of times people have tried to shame me out of taking my ADHD medication is unfortunate, despite me not being constantly miserable like before
I’m trembling from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet… this example of an experience with a declined credit card was piercing. I’ve never looked at that experience from the outside of it, as I’ve had the opportunity to here. Once I caught my breath, re-regulated and stepped back inside myself, I was drawn to sharing this experience. The timing couldn’t be better either. I divorced my toxic family last year at this time, at 53, and moved across the country to restore an 1890s farmstead. I very quickly ran out of savings, and was gifted with the experiences of shame that wasn’t mine. I spent the winter re-experiencing childhood trauma around money and my alleged title of “the family failure.” I’m remaining conscious and learning to ask for a little help here and there, and being open to receive. It’s new. And frightening. And very very powerful.
I have both and was diagnosed with ADHD later than CPTSD. And my ADHD diagnosis was a game changer because my CPTSD didn't answer everything and no amount of trauma work I did got rid of the symptoms. And I learned I was partly traumatized because of people shaming me because of my ADHD since childhood, which made it worse. Now I can say ADHD as such does not always hurt when you are by yourself and you can do you, it feels like you. Daydreaming for example or a hyperfocus on an exciting new topic. It's not like disassociation or panic tunnel vision. Or even movement/stimming, it's just the way your body works with ADHD. CPTSD never feels like it's you, it never feels neutral or good.
I love how you worded it at the end!! I'm still untangling what's CPTSD and what's ADHD in me, and I haven't been able to put this difference into words. Brain fog feels not great, but often pretty neutral, while dissociation feels unwanted and somewhat heavy.
I also got better at separating ADHD sensory overload and CPTSD one. ADHD is when music gets boring, but CPTSD is when I over concentrate on a male's voice coming from another apartment.
I was also diagnosed with cptsd first, had the same issues with it not getting better... and very recently got adhd diagnoses... I'm still struggling to tell the difference but beginning to explore my awareness of them.
Great description. This is very relatable
Currently being unemployed is a hardship for me but I realize its allowed me to self reflect and I’ve started watching these kind of videos and it is literally giving me the blueprint to heal and I am forever grateful to you and others who educate on this platform. ♥️
Good on u
I quit my last job and take 3-4 month to relax and process stuff. Doing it once in 2-3 years.
Don't feel bad about unemployment, it's OK.
It's an opportunity to invest in yourself, get better and than handle you work and life better
It will pay back.
“Like you’re watching this video which is an act of trying to get your adult in place to take care of the inner child”
I looked up at the screen because I felt like he could see me 😭. I’ve been binge watching his videos for a couple months now
🤗
I’ve always thought that there has to be similarities to neurodivergent brains and childhood traumatized brains. I’ve always resonated so much with ADHD symptoms but don’t have ADHD, but I was recently diagnosed with C-PTSD. I hope more research is done on the similarities. Thanks for talking about this!
This is so true. I have a brother with a learning Disability and the mental health field has yet to catch up with overlapping things with those who are neurodivergent. I’ve had a theorist reduce my brothers symptoms to dis disability rather than admit they don’t know. Most of it is poor emotional regulation and body memories. There’s so many layers
This is so true. I have a brother with a learning Disability and the mental health field has yet to catch up with overlapping things with those who are neurodivergent. I’ve had a theorist reduce my brothers symptoms to dis disability rather than admit they don’t know. Most of it is poor emotional regulation and body memories. There’s so many layers
There are. Some of the features of neurodivergence can be acquired from trauma, synesthesia for example. Many studies on this.
Still have the startle response and can’t have multiple sound sources without getting derpy
Well, I just found you and THIS completely explains why none of the medications prescribed to my daughter over the years have worked. I have told all of her providers over and over that they are missing the problem and throwing another pill at it is not working! I cannot wait to get to her house and share these videos with her! THANK YOU for this insight.
Trauma Noise: what a great term! As someone who self identifies with CPTSD, this term immediatesly resonates with me. I was comparing symptoms of mood changes with a co-worker who is diagnosed with ADHD and dyslexia, and found our simularities suprising, but now maybe not so surprising. 🤔
ADHD here, diagnosed at 13. My mother(and source of a lot of my trauma) pushed for me to get tested, but I was just given medication and was never taught any skills. "Never Got the Handbook" could be the title of my memoir lol
As I grew up I rejected the ADHD diagnosis and sort of assumed I had "grown out" of it and that all the issues I had as an adult were due to me being lazy and incompetent(internalized shame). I now recognize that I used some of the symptoms of my CPTSD to deny my ADHD, for example "I can't have ADHD, I never lose anything!" when really it was my hypervigilance obsessively taking note of where things are to the point where I could be at a friend's house and they'll say "now where did I put my keys" and I'll say "oh they're on top of your microwave". It's not pleasant to have that hyper alert trauma noise constantly on, but hey, at least I never step in dog 💩 on the sidewalk!!
Yes that is one difficulty I has with this video because when you have adhd and your grades aren't as good or your forget things, if you don't have supportive parents then that itself is traumatic. I have a friend who got diagnosed as an adult, and so much of his trauma is from being told he is lazy for not being able to organise things or remember stuff his whole life. It has been very hard for him realising how many negative beliefs he has are not true. I'm talking the level of this person having 3 degrees (one in performing arts, one psychology, one social work) thinking he is 'stupid and lazy' because of not being able to keep up doing paperwork but being amazing at other parts of the job. I definitely think that sometimes adhd gets diagnosed instead of ctpsd but to be honest adults getting diagnosed late with adhd are always going to have trauma of 'not measuring up' because of being blamed for having untreated adhd symptoms (my brother being treated badly by parents for not doing well at school because he had adhd and dyslexia).
About not being socialised because of neglect: I've noticed that I've become quite better at life in general as I'm healing my trauma, however I'm in a new workplace now where I don't know anybody and I've noticed that I can't start a conversation! I can continue one, but as soon as I want to connect with someone I'll just... Complain!! Never noticed how it came from what was modeled for me
Oof, same, I constantly catch myself saying negative things or saying neutral things in a negative way to relate to people (like in commiseration) but struggle to start a conversation about any of the fun positive things I actually want to talk about. I've been getting real down on myself because of it, never even thinking that it's just what was modelled for me. Now i need to figure out how to find a better model
I didn’t fully understand that until now. My default mode to relate to people is always a negative shared experience.
@@JaimeGstl There's a possibility this happens if you were raised by a narc parent who often make "quality time" spend with their child about complaining and gossiping. Being the daughter of a narc mom, she used to think of me as her best friend, and in the process I had to hear a lot of complaints/rants/gossip/distasteful opinions on what she thought of other people and other things. Still, I used to comfort myself and think that this was making us closer.
Unfortunately, it is a pretty classless thing to do, and for a while I'm sure I thought a great conversation starter is to complain and vent and rant, ugh. I no longer do so and instead the best alternative is to instead take a genuine interest in the topic instead.
I’ve been on this very odd trajectory where I used to sort of comically complain to deflect when I had nothing to say in a conversation, and now recently it’s started to annoy me when other people do the same thing -even though I know very well that was my old go to. Probably exactly why it annoys me, but I guess I would expect to have more patience, considering. Meanwhile, my trauma is still there, I just played out that particular conversational device. It’s exhausting.
I've never felt so seen in my life. I'm so grateful for this channel. BUT. I feel like I've spent my entire adulthood trying to heal from my childhood.
keep going! Im 57 almost still going
I’m re watching this and just realized that my making jokes all the time is a way to avoid being made fun of.
If I say something in a serious way, I’m vulnerable bc if it’s wrong or misinformed I’ll be made fun of and feel huge shame for being dumb. But if I say something in a joking way, people just think I’m joking and will laugh. I’m protecting myself from ridicule. Growing up, I was laughed at all the time by my family. All the damn time. It’s amazing I never realized my jokes were a shield from being made fun of- not just used to control the mood and make sure mom didn’t rage.
I got diagnosed with ADHD and put on medication age 28, I had just gotten out of my abusive home (late, I know; possessive narc parents. People still frequently mistake me for a teenager because I am so developmentally stunted I didn't grow and age normally even physically and lost huge parts of my memory). I remember being so confused that medication made it worse; I could sorta function and suddenly I couldn't. I thought, maybe it wasn't ADHD and I just. You know. Am using medical meth on myself. But nope, because the ADHD was taken care of I could actually make sense of my trauma and abuse, and it was suddenly no ADHD symptoms -> instant trauma noise
Absolutely wild
Thank you so much for all of your videos
Looking forward to it~ I was diagnosed with ADHD years before I realized I had trauma so I confuse a lot of the symptoms.
I was just diagnosed with ADHD (I’m in my mid-thirties) and I really can relate to that. There seems to be a lot of overlap with ADHD symptoms and ingrained responses to repeated trauma-I’ve been thinking about it a lot. Still not sure if the toxic system I grew up with helped to foster the ADHD or what 🤷🏻♀️
Going thru the same. Got my diagnosis 6 yrs ago. There's another specialist I watch who made this point and I'm using my own words here;
-All illness should be treated as a symptom.-
So things like ADHD can be manageable, and if a patient is not responding to treatments despite all the effort going into it, there's a bigger problem causing the ADHD to become debilitating. Thus - ADHD, Symptom of (exp.) CPTSD.
They're separate, but one inflamed the other.
@@Gweenkween ADHD can't be developed. You either have it or you don't. Tough to say if it is the trauma or adhd though unless you get a brain scan or your genetics screened. People with adhd are more likely to suffer trauma cause one or both of their parents have untreated adhd themselves. Tough call. Good luck getting treatment!
@@azlizzie Thanks! My mom does have formally diagnosed and untreated ADHD. I think I meant to suggest that the toxic dynamics and maladaptive behaviors modeled in my childhood *masked* the symptoms of ADHD.
@@JezzyDaizy Very true. I feel like I've been over-pathologized my whole life diagnosed with so many disorders that it's ingrained in me that I myself am sick and flawed and it's just a matter of finding out what exactly is wrong with me. I've been in the mental health system since I was 8 and yet it took me a good 16 years to make any real progress on my issues. It's only my more recent work with my current therapist who doesn't like to diagnose that trauma was ever part of the conceptualization of my problems (and that there's nothing actually "wrong" with me). My mom got me in to a therapist the minute I started struggling as a kid since she's diagnosed with bipolar... but that meant that just being a kid and having emotions was pathologized cause I couldn't communicate why I was in pain. I didn't get help for my mood symptoms until 5 years after I was diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder, because whether I behaved or not was the main concern I guess.
I never had a person I never met explain me so well. It’s like someone opened up my heart and mind and throughly explained why I am the way that I am.
I have been saying this phrase, for years~’it is so loud~’
I had a hearing test after a severe bends injury and the tech administering the test told me, your hearing is massively hyper. I said, oh, I feel like I cannot hear but also, if a bird is cooing on a ledge of a tall building of a city, I can look to the coo sound and immediately find the bird/source of sound. She said, oh, yes, you were hyper acoustic and I have never tested anyone who was as hyper acoustic.
The last couple years I have been ‘using’ utube to help me heal and wow…it has been a solid source of healing. Thank you for being part of my utube team of really cool and wonderful people who have helped direct me into the path, of healing I am so grateful, thankful and very appreciate this!
I have such sensitive ears... I can hear everything and it's "heavy" for me
Me too, which can make it really hard to stay asleep, or get back to sleep when you hear a noise
I have tinnitus, and therefore not the best hearing anymore, and whenever I record loud noises coming from the neighbours with my phone, it's barely audible. It's really weird..
Have you ever been tested for hyperacusis? I have Complex PTSD & developed hyperacusis as a result of my hyper alert being on for years during the abuse.
I hear and feel your pain !!! It’s a challenge
Same here on the oversensitive hearing!! The other night, I had trouble sleeping because I heard a charger in a wall socket making this quiet but high pitched whine... From a room & a half away. Drove me fkn nuts until I figured out what it was! 🙃
I wish I could find a therapist like you.
I’ve definitely had something happen and it throws my brain out of orbit. I start scurrying around. I’m always trying to preplan everything and head off any drama. Thanks Mom. I always tried to guess who I was coming home to. Navigating them and now isn’t so different. I know some of my childhood coping skills are not serving me now but I’m always thinking I need all the tools I can get
For several years now, I’ve been trying to research what’s wrong with me. Most of my symptoms LOOK like ADHD and have been getting profoundly worse over the last five or so (I am currently in my late 40s). However, having researched, I found all of the MANY overlapping symptoms between ADHD and “Trauma Brain” as I call it. I call it ADHD, because it is the easiest way to describe it and the easiest to find coping skills, etc. I can work on by myself. It is so overwhelming. I’m incredibly appreciative that you are bringing this to people’s attention. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
I have a theory that 'trauma brain' and ADHD is the same thing. ADHD would be unidentified trauma.
@@oveh.8160 that is a fascinating idea, and I would love for there to be research and theory about it whether or not it is across the board true.
I have just recently been hearing more about adult-diagnosed ADHD, and keep thinking that sounds like me and huh maybe I should be tested, and your theory potentially makes that make more sense
I'm a natural healing practitioner , not in current practice, but I call it PTSD brain. I believe it is like a negative brain reboot that comes from constant abuse / neglect. I don't consider it the same as mental illness in that it seems more of a physiological response to your circumstances.
@@rg1whiteywins598 I’m curious what the distinction is that separates a physiological response that affects the brain and perceptions from the category of mental illness. No worries if the distinction is a little too involved to break down within a UA-cam comment, but if there’s a capsule version I would be interested.
It's never too late to seek better emotional health. I too struggle with a mix of "trauma brain" and ADHD symptoms. While we each have to do our own work with our personal issues, I can recommend one thing for our adhd symptoms - neurofeedback. I've done it limitedly in the past and I felt I received a significant improvement from it. It's been over ten years now and I plan to go back soon for a full second protocol. Other than meds, I feel it's the most effective adhd support out there. You may wish to consider it.
Trauma noise sounds like a fitting name to what I'm feeling... Waiting for the video!
I told my therapist that I think I might have ADHD or ASD because it feels like there's someone constantly talking in my head that won't stop. Basically the things described in this video. She said trauma brain looks a lot like ADHD. This video has been really helpful in further exploring that.
It's so difficult to distinguish innate aspects of ADHD from built up trauma, because most of the time, the core aspects of ADHD create a lot of adverse early experiences, and exacrebate the way you are affected and react to them. It has such a snowballing effect that I think some distinctive hallmarks of it are technically not inevitable innate/structural/intrinsic ADHD issues, but such frequent resulting paths that they're still pretty indicative of it. Unless you are so lucky to grow up surrounded only or mostly by well-informed, equipped and emotionally regulated adults, who can teach you consistently, compassionately, to compensate your difficulties, make the best of the way you function, and not feel shame and guilt about it on the daily... But what happens most of the time is that at least one of your parents is the one you got the genetic component from, unaware of it and just as dysregulated... and aside from that, it's almost inevitable that even well-meaning neurotypical adults will end up showing signs of impatience and disappointment and applying misinformed and inadequate parenting/teaching strategies.
You make very good points, I honestly find the things you say useful even for someone with genuine ADHD. If trauma noise can mimic ADHD in a neurotypical person, imagine what trauma does to someone who already has a baseline of ADHD underneath. The negative experiences that result from our differences and limitations overcomplicate our lives, sometimes more than the disorder itself ought to. I know I have a base layer of symptoms that will likely never fully go away, but if it weren't for the many layers of psychological complication brought by my family dynamics and other negative life experiences (school, early adulthood) that durably marked me and left me with all this unnecessary noise and an extra serving of emotional dysregulation, my base cognitive quirks can be pretty well compensated with a bit of clever scaffolding. I notice I become much more "functional" and "chameleon" when I have breakthroughs in my personal therapy journey, and when I've been able to move towards a better suited lifestyle, and oppositely when I have therapy "setbacks" (fortunately I move forward on average, but sometimes you think you've made progress until a massive trigger pops up unexpectedly and you trip, but getting back up does get easier and easier)
Thank you! ADHD itself adds traumatic experiences. And also your comment that pretty much nobody escapes the effects of "trauma" from imperfect adults who affected them while they grew up.
Well this explains a lot of my social awkwardness, decision paralysis, and history of less than smooth conversations I've encountered. 😳😳
It's why ADHD symptoms need to be present since childhood. Having unrealized and undiagnosed ADHD gave me a lot of problems because of growing up not understanding why people would often react to me like I was bad or weird. Growing up was way more of a confusing hellish mess than expected because I had no idea why I was so different and even after my diagnosis and learning about ADHD, I still have a lot of social anxieties that cloud my mind but I can tell that they're a separate issue from the ADHD.
Yeah, the only reason I can be sure of my adhd issues is because my siblings went through much of the same trauma, but only one of them has some similar symptoms that are also alleviated by caffeine, and they are clearly separate from our individual trauma responses
Our parents were definitely both neurodivergent in different ways as well as both processing wildly different kinds of trauma themselves so there's a lot to unpack in our family overall
Trauma issues often start in childhood though, especially if you are ahhtistic or have adhd
As a recovering catholic with a granny that believed in good people as fairies(projection).... i now listen to joseph campbell and michael meade and you...u are so wise...these labels many of them are to make parents and teachers feel better its an excuse to exclude instead of providing nurturing healing spaces to learn...altho there are many many more helpers and good people now(genuine recovering and recovered people)as a result of people like u
Ohhhh boy I’m buckling up now in preparation
Hey. I was diagnosed with ADHD almost 2 months ago thanks for reviving my impostor syndrome.
Patrick, this was very helpful. You never fail to address issues that I've never heard classified, so to speak. Things I've experienced, yet I didn't have a name for. Trauma noise is the perfect explanation, and not only do you hit the nail on the head, you also provide tools we can work with to help the healing process to begin. Thank you for your channel.
I have to tell you you are so easy to talk to in my head, so unthreatening, so not accusatory, so physically look like me or how I feel slightly out of it it is saving my life. Struggling all of my life with this craziness in the family and then using busyness, alcohol, drugs, people, ill-considered risk taking,latching on to AA and trying to treat myself with that program which has been tremendously helpful but my problems are also CPSD so I could not see them just with AA alone and make a connection to the ache
in my stomach and the fire rushing up my body from toes to head FOOM!!! Never noticed those things or called them feelings just Beat the hell out of myself continually and saw it in Everyone I encountered. Feared people Tremendously. Could hardly leave the dorm at USC had to look down at the sidewalk, could FEEL eyes on me.
My name is Linda Jackson and I will contact you at your website for help but this is true what I share with you and thank you for your words.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Tinnitus is a great workbook which has helped my Musical Ear Syndrome Tinnitus. An audiologist is my CBT therapist for MEST. I have another CBT for family dynamics. MEST includes many different types of noise. I was misdiagnosed at first. Being prescribed twice the usual dose of metopolol triggered MEST fiercely. Simultaneously severe mold exposure had to be ended. Finally a nurse told me to check this possible diagnosis out. I have learned to habituate myself to it. I use key words, positive imagery, relaxation techniques, deep breathing, chalenging negative thoughts and, in my case, weight loss through the American Gut Association challenge, the S.A.I.D. (Specific Adaptation to Imposed Demands) exercise principles, 20 minutes per day outdoors, and increasing number of steps per day. MEST is very difficult but whistling, playing the harmonica, singing, reciting and using sound enrichment (esp. brown noise and noise from nature during sleep) work. I'm getting better. I hope this helps.
Greatly appreciate how you elaborated on number 4, low frustration tolerance, including jumping through hoops to have basic needs met. 💕
The "I" statements that you say are very powerful and give us permission to accept our own trauma responses; Low frustration tolerance. Heck yeah!! Just listening to myself while driving is so crazy. My words are so violent and I ask myself, where is this coming from... now, I understand why. Thank you. This is very helpful.
Patrick, I've really been enjoying your videos; I appreciate both the depth of your knowledge about ADHD and CPTSD and the generous relating you bring to it from your own experience; it helps so much to have someone talking about these things who gets it from the inside, and who I actually believe about that.
I do want to say something about trauma noise--which is *such a great phrase* for it, for the thing I often call 'the storm' or 'the bleakness'--which is that our here-and-now experience of living in modern societies can and often does recreate/recapitulate childhood trauma, in addition to being a backdrop for replaying it from inside ourselves. You gave some really good examples of trauma noise keeping us in maladaptive reactions to things as unfair, and of course that's true and realizing those blind spots is something we really need, but it makes me want to stick up for the part of it where structural things *really are unfair* and really do keep hurting us.
Modern societies--at least my experience in the US, but I'm betting it's like this in many places--are punishing of people who struggle to adjust because of trauma issues and neurodivergences. Aside from close personal relationships (thank god for those) there isn't a whole lot of consideration, flexibility, support, empathy, or access to resources for us; we're just expected to perform as if we weren't struggling with debilitating psychic impairments and marginalized when we don't. For people who have financial resources to lean on, their own or from their families, maybe there's some cushion for those blows, but for those who don't it's often a crushing feedback loop of isolation, alienation, disability, and poverty. We're punished for being hurt, hurt more by the ongoing punishment, and shamed if we try to point it out and get our needs met. It makes me see American society as an abusive family system writ large, and it's one I'm still living in every day. And, you know, that can make it really hard to make the kind of progress that can give some freedom from the trauma noise.
Narcissistic parents eat their young. So does a narcissistic society. I absolutely agree and see the parallels between the two abusive systems. We need society for survival as adults, as we needed our parents as children.
I so agree with this. I don't think all my childhood trauma necessarily came from my parents (I'm neurodivergent). A LOT came from being bullied in school, being punished and scolded by teachers and just society in general. Including the doctors who dismissed me when my mother tried to get me help.
Thank you for this. I was severely bullied as a child for several years, but since my trauma happened outside the home and my parents weren't abusive, for a long time I thought it "didn't count" as real childhood trauma. I've only recently been able to accept that it truly was traumatic and how much that experience still affects me to this day. Your description of trauma noise/CPTSD is dead-on for me and I hope I can start to get my life together from here.
It’s appalling and infuriating that bullying was treated as trivial until recently, and only seemed to gain attention as the result of bullied kids ending their own lives in an era when they could leave their stories documented online. This has always been a serious issue!
Wow... Again, this is information you've met me with at just the right time. I recently came to the realization that I'm like a computer with too many programs running at once, with all of these "programs" being unprocessed events and emotions. I notice that I struggle to focus much of the time and that I can't just let go and enjoy life like I did before my ptsd emerged. Thank you Pat! Now I don't feel like I'm exploring uncharted waters that the mental health world fails to educate us on much of the time :)
I always say I have too many windows opened in my computer-mind! I didn’t realise it was because of this, I thought I was faulty or bad wired brain
I have been trying to find the words to describe how I feel for the past 9 years and this entire video just encapsulated all that I’ve felt over that time. Thank you so much for the work that you do!!
Not me raising my hand every time Patrick asked "have you ever..." 😂
As I began to work on my trauma my ADHD symptoms became increasingly clear and was finally diagnosed with ADHD. It was really frustrating because doctors wouldn't take my suspicions of ADHD seriously and only ever wanted to up my antidepressants.
I have experienced the same!
@@oliviachipperfield6029 That's so unfortunate, were you able to get a proper diagnosis? I have a few women-friends also with similar experiences. I wanted to give up pursuing treatment, what a failure on the doctors' part.
Brilliant, thank you for laying it out so succinctly!
I'd love to see a video on CPTSD vs aspergers.
I'm autistic without ADHD (many people are both) - I know that pretty much every single autistic adult is also traumatised, is the same true for ADHD? I can imagine it might be, as adults we all grew up in a time that wasn't very accepting or accommodating of difference. Teasing apart innate neurodivergence and trauma is not easy but I feel like with instinct, but especially healing it becomes clearer. I do find I relate well to people who have cPTSD but no other neurodivergences, a lot of shared perspective and experience.
The concept of trauma noise is useful. The bump analogy has made a lot of sense in my relationship too.
Loved the Q+A Patrick, it would be great if you did more! 🥰
I have both CPTSD and ADHD. I'm so grateful that I had ADHD symptoms before my trauma, so I could get my diagnosis as an adult.
This video is incredible. I feel very seen. Thank you more than I can say!
You are 100% correct. I am diagnosed autistic and ADHD. I worked through my life once I was diagnosed at the age of 33. I was expecting my life to improve. It didn't. However I did eventually keep looking and I realized I was abused and neglected as a child. Once I worked through my trauma my life got better. I feel at peace. Having ADHD or being autistic is no issue. It's how we are treated that damages us.
I’m in a similar boat. What did you do to process the trauma?
Wow it hit me like a truck.
I described trauma noise once to my spouse as a really loud refrigerator in my head, which you aren't really acknowledging until it goes quiet. And the relief you feel then, the happiness and serenity are just unbelievable.
I literally hear that running refrigerator in my brain…white noise is how I describe that. I think it’s probably from having bullets wiz by my head on a fairly regular basis from birth to 2 yo. But I’m not sure.
I was recently diagnosed with ADHD, but as I am continuing to work with my therapist and also watch your videos, I am realizing how much my childhood trauma (which I have always minimized and believed wasn’t that bad since other people have had it worse) has shaped my current behavioral and thinking patterns. I do believe my ADHD diagnosis is accurate, but I’m realizing it is not fully explanatory of my condition, and so healing for me will need to be more broad than just addressing ADHD.
Childhood trauma IS bad - regardless of others "having it worse"!!!!
@@m.maclellan7147 I’m coming to realize this! For most of my life I wouldn’t have even recognized my childhood as being traumatic or my family system as being toxic. It’s been through a lot of self reflection, therapy, and the added perspective of not living at home that I have been able to recognize how serious the dysfunction in my family system was, and how profoundly it has informed my development.
Yeah, same... I'm wondering if my "Combined ADHD" diagnosis is actually Hyperactive w/ episodes of dissociation covering my spacing out & poor time management. Lol
What I always say, is that the most "dangerous" kind of family trauma is the overly normal one. It's so normal that you can't even begin to doubt it.
I had no idea there could be magical thinking or dissociation around being on time. Wow.
Oh boy this is going to bring back memories....
Yeah... (I'm an army too)
@@thundercrackerangrygriphar4553 💜
This is really the first time that someone puts a name on the events when I get overwhelmed by different emotions from trauma: trauma noise. I just tune out for several minutes and I am not aware of it.
Here a question:what if someone had ADHD & suffers from trauma that relates directly back to the negative experiences resulting from ADHD. And on top of that, what if the parent of the ADHDer also has ADHD which lead to impulsive, poorly regulated reactions on the part of the parent? How do we untangle the trauma from the ADHD and move through both towards better understanding and healing?
Yes, I do wish there was more information out there for people whose parents had neuropsychological issues leading to issues with parenting, & who often suffer from the same kinds of conditions themseves.
Yes! Everything you said, I grew up with too. My mum was also an avoidant parent so I had to learn to do everything for myself and care for my brothers, and any thing I did wrong would end up with my mum yelling at me and making me feel like a bad person or my abusive stepdad punishing me. I have a phobia of conflict and it causes so many issues.
It doesn't matter: the treatment for both is very similar. Unless you're looking for medication, simply start therapy, and you will slowly figure out what's what.
I had a similar situation but with added trauma. I'm ADHD my father had ADHD and (Sadly severe) NPD which let to being traumatized in my adult years. I hear kids with ADHD receive 20,000 (or some crazy number) negative messages before age 12... so that in and of itself is even more added trauma. I was also had mercury poisoning as a kid which can cause ADHD. Very hard to differentiate!
Monique S its not ”simply”. It takes years of struggle to get any therapy and especially to find a decent therapist.
I've never been able understand myself to such detail before, i always wondered why i had so much trouble communicating and socializing with others while my siblings seemed untouched by our mutual childhood trauma. I raised my hand to every example and I'm sobbing that so many people in these comments are going through the same thing, this feeling of being stuck and not being able to understand why...
I don't know how i came across this video but it came at a very much needed moment in my life, thank you.
Whew! 53 yo, female, ex therapist shows signs of …. Needing therapy!
Thank you so much for being here! I have a lot of work to do, it’s interesting to see what came up for me 20 years ago and what comes up for me now. I’d like to get back into the field but I need to work through my newly realized ‘stuff’ Lol ♥️🙏🏼‼️
Consider that parental verbal abuse often accompanies disabled children. Struggling with ADHD/ASD1 can itself lead to low-self esteem, even absent belittling parents, due to it's everyday challenges.
I have never felt this understood before. Never. Not one single therapist came to these conclusions. Your parents sound like my parents. I had a lot of pressure put on me to take care of my mother when she got old when she got sick when she went blind. I had to do and be everything including her best friend. Both of my parents were alcoholics on top of it. I’m just in awe of this video and so happy I decided to watch it. Any advice for someone who just learned/realized their childhood trauma. I’ve been on this journey of trying to heal since it happened and I’ve stagnated so completely that I’m not functioning.
They broke the deal, they were bad parents, so you don't owe anything to them.
I'm on your side.
You deserve to take care about yourself at first place, especially because you need to repair all the date they cause to you.
this is eye opening for me. im a few steps beyond the situation you described at the start but after moving out at 25 and having space to work on this aspect of healing it makes a lot of sense why in stressful times i view myself as getting by through pure luck. i have an MS and take on many responsibilities as a worker, researcher, artist, partner, pet owner and friend yet i will still tell my partner i feel like a little baby or a squishy little animal struggling to keep up a facade. super useful concept for managing those kinds of thoughts
I would love to see a video discussing the connection between Sensory Processing Disorder and childhood trauma. Or the link between being on the autism spectrum and childhood trauma. It's been really challenging, and also important, for me to untangle the CPTSD from the SPD symptoms, and to recognize how they propped each other up/exacerbated each other while growing up in a dysfunctional household.
I second this! I am having the worst struggle in my life at 36 with overstimulation (mostly misophonia) and (light) self harm bc of it. I am trying to re parent myself when it comes on but there is just a block, and I would love to understand it more
I have four sons (adults now). Two have autism. One of my autistic sons has severe anxiety, and the other has Central Auditory processing Disorder. The doctor said the two halves of his brain don't talk to each other very well. His autism is also getting more and more pronounced as he gets older.
I started this reply to say that my kids had no childhood trauma. But their father was terminally ill their entire lives, and passed away when they were 19 and 14. So I guess that counts.
Thanks so much - you are definitely helping me turn a few things round in my mind. Learning about trauma noise and how CPTSD can look like ADHD - this is somethung I've been feeling for 6 years, since being retraumatised by my Family of Origin in a moment where all the ways their abuse manifests in words was exposed for what it is. I'm stuck halfway through a PhD because I was always led to believe by my family that I won't amount to anything (and worse) and the more I listen to your clips, the more things make sense to me. Time to get over the life long fear of success, time to stop worrying that the rug will be pulled out from under me at any moment and time to just make my name for myself. Those who matter to me know who I am. My family only knew me as guarded or having angry reactive outbursts - but in real life I am quiet and don't speak up. It's really hard to stop gaslighting myself, as if I have taken over from where my family has left off - I'm still giving them my power. I truly appreciate how you make this knowledge available to us. I had a good psychologist once who got me started with understanding my family dynamic but a family member infiltrated that space and so I won't go back to therapy. I'm 49 and spent much of my adult life in and out of therapy anyway...it wasn't time wasted thankfully. The difference I'm seeing now is that it's becoming more common to be advised to get out, rather than try yoyr best to remain in the toxic family.
This is, hands down, the most valuable video I have ever watched. I’m half way through and have taken 5 pages of notes. I now feel like I have the tools to start tackling this big monster I’ve experienced but not understood my entire life. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Diagnosed with ADHD at 24…trying to understand childhood trauma because I loved my childhood so much, yet I’m finding it apparent I have an embarrassingly obsessive-like anxious attachment style dating someone recently and realized I dont even know how to set boundaries.
The welcoming and positive vibes in these comments are so needful! Thank you all for validating and sympathizing with eachother
It's really encouraging and beautiful to see
You describe exactly how I experience the noise in my head. Like exactly. I am almost 60 now, and there have been times that I was OK and times that I was not. Thank you so much for this video. It really helped me to realize that I am after all, not crazy.
Thank you for putting a name and thorough explanation to this! I also relate to trauma surrounding "jumping through hoops." I did a lot of self-sabotaging in school because I didn't feel I should have to "jump through hoops" for my teachers when of course I was meant to be learning new things for my personal betterment... Yikes.
Videos like this that name what happened, explain the reactions, and say what to do are golden. Thank you for pulling the skeletons out of the closet. Your the best therapist I've ever known of and that's over a 50 year period.
When I started therapy a year ago I was presenting all kinds of symptoms that could be classified as other mental illnesses. My therapist specializes in childhood trauma. Little by little we unraveled it. And while I still have ADHD, many of the "symptoms" of ADHD that I was suffering from was actually trauma noise.
I can finally read books and meditate because I've finally tackled the majority of that trauma. I'm so glad my therapist helped me untangle everything. Now I can sit with myself and play "is this executive dysfunction or a trigger" and it's been great. As always, love your insights!!!!
“If we got to a store at closing she’d act like the world did that to her on purpose” boyo yeah that’s a big mood, my mother would repeatedly try to buy a specific type of bread from a chain bakery before dropping me at school, even though most days they usually didn’t have that one baked until after school started, and every time she would go on a vocal rant about how it was the bakery’s fault and this wouldn’t happen at a “real” bakery where they “start baking at the crack of dawn because they actually work hard”, and I would have to stand there silently and give the workers apologetic eyes otherwise I’d risk her wrath, and this would happen like every other week, and I’d end up late to school and triggered, and not once did it ever occur to her to go to the bakery /after/ dropping me off on the days she needed to buy that bread 🤦🏻♀️
Wow, I can imagine that this is just one example of MANY unpleasant situations with your mom…sorry you had to go through that.
Relatable. You (and that poor staff) deserved better
Elitism of that sort makes me absolutely pissed thanks to my mom.
When she talks about something being “weird” or subpar, I actively fight the urge to pinpoint her faults and regurgitate them to her until she shuts up.
Dude.... What the hell
@@JessiTheBestiGaming live with a narcissist long enough and you'll understand.
People who haven't will champion the clean, charming, tough-but-fair narcissist over the shattered, confused victims *every time.*
I made the commenting on your live question answer session, which I missed. I wanted to thank you for this information. Mental health issues are rarely black and white. There is so much overlap of symptoms between different conditions, and there's seems to be a lot of comorbidity. I have ADHD, depression, anxiety, and I feel a touch of OCD. I have been working with a therapist who uses internal family systems, and while I'm still getting used to the concept, it seems like it's a very powerful treatment method. I'm also going to be seeing a therapist for EMDR therapy, which I've also found to be very powerful. Thanks for the work that you do, and thank you very much for the offer you are making to the Ukrainian people. It is such a tragic situation. They need all of the love and support that they can get. 💙💛🇺🇦
Tears & more tears. Sometimes the hardest part is just acknowledging that you were in fact abused. Thank you for your work!!!!!
Hi! This is very informative. As someone who dealt with a lot of trauma. I had great treatment for CPTSD, but... I also have ADHD which psychologists overlooked. Many symptoms were ''explained away'' as trauma responses, while there were actually two issues playing at once. Could you consider making a video in the future about trauma and ADHD? Since they can also co-occur? Best wishes!
As he mentioned in this video several times, he already made a video on ADHD & CPTSD. If it's not linked in the description, you can go to his channel & find it under Videos.
I had a similar situation but with added trauma. I'm ADHD my father had ADHD and (Sadly severe) NPD which let to being traumatized in my adult years. I hear kids with ADHD receive 20,000 (or some crazy number) negative messages before age 12... so that in and of itself is even more added trauma. I was also had mercury poisoning as a kid which can cause ADHD. Very hard to differentiate!
Yes, the combination can be quite debilitating. I often find myself just … unable to do something. I know what needs to be done. I have the basic skills to do it. I have medications to help me with the ADHD. But then something just gets in the way. And I think that something is the trauma. Sometimes I just feel so hopeless, because of how hard it is. And then I feel stupid because I’m white, more or less able bodied, raised in an intact middle class household in an affluent country, and what the hell is my PROBLEM?? But that doesn’t address either the historical trauma, nor the ongoing effects of the combo of 40 years of undiagnosed ADHD plus that trauma.
Sometimes I wonder how anyone survives let alone thrives in our world!
@@DawnDavidson You summarized that very well!
I know this is a month old but can you share what treatment helped with the CPTSD?
when i was 8 i was expected to speak to adults, read and fill out government forms and speak to officials because my parents didn't speak English and needed me to translate. comparing that to your example of reminding an 8 year old about a project is heartbreaking. i was very shy and anxious when we moved to america and i was called stupid when i couldn't act like an adult.
That sounds extremely difficult! I'd bet many of those unresolved feelings follow you around into these days. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine the hardships you've experienced.
Can you remember your early years in your country of origin? They too, must have been chaotic. I would think that those memories fled as soon as you boarded the ship to America! Maybe that's a good thing? You must have plenty on your plate, now.
Keep working on the issues you remember. Seems that nothing in life is easy! Best wishes!
Wow you just gave me huge insight on my 18yo daughter who is really having a very difficult time. Thank you.
This video was very helpful for me. Religion before reality hit a nerve. Thank you Patrick!
I super appreciate your videos! I definitely have a low tolerance for frustration, to the point that any incompetence in others would push me to spend the whole day unproductively arguing through it on my head. I'm doing EMDR right now and I can see the tolerance building... it's crazy what trauma does to you!!
Why has no one until PTeahan able to figure all this out, and publicly share it. GodBless you Patrick
I value your introspective examination of your own experiences so much. It really means a lot to me to see someone who has struggled in the past with things I struggle with now - it means so much more to hear that from a person than to just hear "oh, yeah, some people struggle with that."
You are a very good content creator and say a lot of important things. Thank you for your time in this.
So much of this is spot on for me. My biggest worry is bringing my childhood messes into my children's lives. I worry about it and then that takes me down the rabbit hole to bad memories. It's paralyzing and gets you stuck to the point there is no focus on anything else. Then you end up doing the crib sheet version of life and just get through the moment instead of living or doing the moment.
this was hard.. i never felt so spoken to personally. i had to pause half way to cry, cried a couple more times finishing through, and crying a couple of hours later coming back to write this... watching this video was the most validating and cathartic experience i think ive ever had sober. idek what to say. my inner child finally feels heard and understood and made sense of and validated.. my experiences growing up never really adding up. thank you so much... words cannot express how grateful i am to have come across this video
OMG this was so helpful. I was diagnosed with BPD but my therapist (of 7 years) has never agreed with it, now I'm starting to unpack the trauma stuff things are falling into place and this video has really clarified a lot of the issues I'm facing.
I have bpd and inattentive adhd.
I've been diagnosed with both ADHD and C-PTSD. It took a while to get the ADHD diagnosis because I'm a woman with a long documented trauma history. ADHD meds and tools have been SOOO helpful to me and I'm so glad I was finally diagnosed. Teachers have been telling me and my parents I probably had ADHD since early childhood. I think I definitely do have both. Having a partner with severe ADHD but not C-PTSD has helped me understand the differences and similarities but also helped me understand that I really needed ADHD treatment in addition to trauma treatment.