Why Can't I Fall In Love? Dr Sheri Jacobson - Harley Therapy
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- Опубліковано 1 лис 2018
- Do you feel like you are having trouble finding a loving relationship? Dr Sheri Jacobson explains why this issue may be more common than we think.
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I feel so sorry for the people who had to search this... It's hard i wish we were normal
I got all of these problems and I'm wondering how come 💔 I want to give up on love but the void is so loud.
I never knew there were others with whom i can relate to
Same here
Me too darling
Same here. 🔥🥲 I thought I was weird.
I understand you. I'v been in a few relationships that I loved hard and truely but same wasn't reciprocated back. I think that's what led to My numbness.
I never understand what love(relationship ) is. It makes me feel weird! But, I have a big compassion heart.
I thought i was the only one with such thoughts.
Same for me
To me, it's a good friend you're sexualy attracted to. Someone you enjoy being around and talking to.
Same with me :c
Same here 🥺
I can't feel love I don't know how but all I do is act that I love people around me is that a
Disorder or something??
That’s how I feel and idk
Same, and I'm struggling and think that I might be broken.
Same and I don't know what's wrong with me
Same here
@@veerpalkaur2375 same here
I’ve dated so many people but never actually loved them
Hmm... I don't know how it feels and I know it's impossible for me to love
@@moonshorts795 No my Brother it's not. But if you constantly think that it is impossible it won't happen. Law of Attraction👍🏼
Same to you
My curiosity makes me wanna know what is love.... I'm 21 years old and i didn't feel attracted emotionally to anyone until now
@@tigvr9294 Try to have a good Relationship with God. He can lead you out of any Problems and Numbness if you follow his Word. Amen
1. Your notion of love is idealized
2. You have low self-esteem
3. Fear of intimacy
4. Fear of abandonment
5. You're co-dependent
6. You've experienced childhood abuse
7. Addictive behaviors
8. Perfectionism
9. Personality disorders, e.g. BPD
It hurts to learn you fit 6-7 of these things. I've always fled all opportunities of being in a relationship because they terrify me more than they bring reassurance. At the beginning of a potential relationship it feels great and exciting but soon it becomes overwhelming, burdensome and I want nothing else than flee away from the other person
I feel the same way. You're not alone 💕
same i even talked to my exes a lot to comeback but there's smthing inside me don''t want that i just want to be alone
My causes are 1,2,4,8,9. 🤣
Mine seems to the 6th one... Now how do I fix it. I seem to get attracted to those who are neglectful or unavailable.. I believe I am over child abuse days but I suppose I still need more time ey☹️. Anyways good luck to us
I’m definitely 1,3,4,6, and 8. 🥴🤧🤧
It's weird like I never got the feeling of loving someone like I know what love is but I never felt it. I tried wanting to be with somebody but never felt romantically in love. When I try to act romantic it feels like I am pretending because I don't feel anything while doing it. I never talk about it in person because I don't want ppl to think I am trying to be edgy or pretend to be broken or some dumb shit but I was just curious on if ppl grow up to be this way or are born this way or if there was something wrong with me
i feel the exact same way. i thought i was the only one who felt this way.
i feel this way too. i am 20 right now.
Same
I felt the 'zing' of love a couple times when I was younger. I have always been a very conflicted 'what if' person, and what love felt like was a markedly different state where my head and heart , everything really, was in agreement about wanting and fitting with this person. ( it may not have been true, but it felt it) It was so liberating to feel that 'certainty '. He was spookily similar to me, so I think that did it.
Since then I haven't felt that way. I've been in relationships and had dates, but even when with some good people , the 'love ' , the profound certainty has not happened. I've cared what happens to them, but I've not felt that undeniable pull. It almost makes me afraid to start anything with nice people because I'll end up hurting them and losing them because I won't be able to honestly say the 3 little words. I hope it's just a 'wrong person' thing but who knows.
@Nooobie boii I think if you have felt it once, at least you have a reference...I have a similar issue in that I felt it with an early bf, then never anything so clear since for over 10 years. Frankly I had given up, and thought I'd just have to settle for lesser feelings in future. However recently I have started to feel that sense of love beginning again with someone. It was all very unexpected and he is not your run of the mill person. So there may be hope for you too. Try to recognise if there was some quality or mix of them that your first love had that everyone since did not- that ingredient may be the magic you need in the next person for your brain/ heart chemistry to make it happen. Look for that in a person. Turns out my necessary combo is slightly odd, intelligent, funny people- and it's hard to find. Only they inspire love in me, which feels like a blend of peace and fire - which manifests (at least for me) as a sort of light, full feeling in your chest .
this honestly needs more views, even though im not fully in its already helping. its hard when everyone around you has their crush of the week or they just love another, while you’re standing here wondering if maybe there’s something wrong with you or that maybe you’ve just missed the signs of love snd you’re just blind.
honestly i don’t get how people fall in love so easily.
@@angelchrys7515 let’s hope one day we’ll find that special person
If you allow me to make a point that may help you to comfort yourself if nothing else. You don't see the real problem because you don't search for it in the right place. The better question would be this: why many people fall in love hopelessly. The issue is not with you, as a 20+ man I can tell from my life experience that peoples almost never really fall in love it is a momentary lie that our hormones and brain creates for us. This is fine because there is a reason for it basically you need this unearthly experience to drive yourself closer and closer to somebody who you think you love. Being in love feels good! So, peoples got addict to it easily and if that happens, you will not care who you love or why or where, you just want to feel this biological lie that makes you happy. Even if you are in a relationship if you are a love addict you won't stop looking for more love because you can never be loved enough... From my experience, many people easily fall in love with almost anyone just to feel this feeling a little more, they basically don't love you, they only want this feeling, but you can't really condemn them because mostly they don't know this themself and even if they do they can't control it. They think they truly love you, yet when you leave them after one week they start to go out with others. As you yourself said with their "weekly crush". I would call this immature behavior the problem of your bad love experience. So the question is what is love? I will tell you my definition. As above mentioned what we call love is the unearthly feeling that is created by mostly hormones. I would not really call this feeling love, because most of the time this feeling will lead to a disastrous relationship that will fall apart. And as in itself is only a tool to let two people get to know each other better, intimately and all. What I would call love, is that rare situation when this "biological love" feeling ends which are bound to happen, and the two people whos for once really able to see each other as they truly are without roses in the background still want to be together... And they still like to be close to each other and like to care for each other and respect each other. Not for some momentary hormonal disorder, but for what they are. For my understanding, this is real love. Not so mystical and enchanted as in books but at least true. Have a good day.
Same. I've never experienced romantic love
I don't get how people fall in love at ALL
Same, I believe that love takes time.
Seeing all these comments kinda makes me feel better..knowing I'm not the only one that struggles with this
Same here....I m too incapable of loving someone...
My heart feels so cold when it comes to romántic love. Nothing has been able to melt it, I'm a kind and gentle person tho so I dont get it. I'm 25 and afraid I will never fall in love, I've tried before too.
Am the same omg.. i feel i will die never feeling love for anyone cuz my heart is so cold and am 26 sigh...seem its our curse
Hey guys let’s fall in love together since we all dealing same shitt
@@itsrainingcatsanddogsdid you already achieve it? Could you... Tell me what it feels like if that's the case...?
I have never been in love and I've never seen anyone who catches my eyes . I don't even know the meaning of love romantically. Sometimes it feels as if I don't know what I want in love because I can't feel it or understand it
Have you ever looked into Asexuality ?
I am logical , and I dont know what the hell is this LOVE thing everyone talks about is, like the butterfly in your stomach. I do care and help my friends and family, I was also married for 16 years and am still in a good friendship with my ex , I dont like stupid drama and I do not tolerate annoys crap. I can love and care , but I never ever felt the butterfly, hell I can brake up and move one in less then a min lol sounds crazy. But I do wish I one day feel this butterfly feeling everyone brags about .
Samee
Same heere
Same.. even tho im only 19. But its just- so hard. Every day i think "is something wrong with me?" Or something. Sure i have someone that makes me happy (Darren Criss, my dog etc) but i don't understand how it is to really fall in love, like the butterfly etc.
Same im 25
I've felt the butterfly feeling before. It was crazy. It felt like my body was fucked up because of all the emotions raging in me..... honestly I'm not sure if I'll ever feel that way again
I don't know what love even means
Same I have a cold heart
I too have the same case...still wondering what truly loving someone feels like.
My last relationship was toxic and he often neglects me. He hurt me with his selfish decisions. And now, I'm at this point that I'm empty and just sad. I can't just feel love anymore.
Very relatable. Just stay strong and try not to force yourself to feel love. Let your emotions come out naturally. I am the same as you so i can understand, at least i think i do. You don't have to take this answer seriously, you can just keep it in mind if you want. You are not alone:)
Same 😕
People are not good these days dear.... God bless you 😊💐
You are the best human remember because you allowed yourself to be with someone honestly...
In today's world Precious things are honesty,trust etc... Take care 😊
I thought I loved someone, but sadly I didn’t I just thought of them as a very good friend
can relate
I’m afraid this is happening with me now…
I don’t think I’m capable of falling in love. I never get crushes, and haven’t ever dated anyone. I also have no interest in sex what so ever despite being nearly 16. I just feel like everyone will dissapoint me and nobody really gets me (I’m autistic). I do WANT to fall in love and spend my life with someone and I’m really lonely, but I just don’t seem to be able to form true connections with anyone.
On the subject of the video, I have a mood disorder, low self esteem, am definitely a person looking for a ‘perfect partner’, am afraid of abandonment and I always push people away.
I know I’m pretty young, but I’ve already pretty much written off the idea of a relationship in my life.
Wow, same dude.
Don't write it of !Maybe later in your life you feel find somebody you will truly want to be with
You struggle to feel and fall in love because with autism your empathy levels are lacking. I wish doctors would inform their patients about this fact more often to prevent confusion and suffering with the autistic condition.
your not alone plenty of people who are not capable of loving another sadly there just faking it out of shame i love you means nothing to some people people cant accepted this hard truth are never enter a relationship again its pointless i acknowledge the fact i find people attractive but i cant give them what they want which is someone who will loves them im 44 and have never felt it if one not feeling it by my age they never will
maybe you could be on the aromantic and or asexual spectrum. It could be something really helpful to look into.
I used to fall in love and love hard. Deeply. Then, after a series of disappointments and traumatic experiences, I stopped feeling anything for anyone with romantic potential. Over the last 3 years I have become dead inside and it scares me, but I don't have the strength to change it
Low self-esteem, this is so true people keeps admiring me all the time buh I'm still not kk wit myself making me think I don't deserve to be loved
its the opposite for me. i love myself a lot and have a high self esteem, but cant love others
I don't feel scared of falling in love or have bad self esteem but I am really worried I can't fall back in love ever again after I got rejected to someone I was extremely attracted to. I never felt the same way again and I miss that feeling even though it was one sided with me making all the effort. I'm confused
That, in a sense, is low self esteem. Otherwise, why would you be afraid of anyone rejecting you? Fear of rejection, deep down, is low self love
All of this comment made me feel so seen, and finally, I am feeling I am not alone with this feeling!
Nowdays I just hate falling in love. I feel weird and I don't want to. I feel like I'm fine being single
Love is a hand held by a person who understands bits of you but never the whole of you, yet has charity towards you're darkest moments.
Its on you to show that dark side.
but if it's a person I don't like, I don't want their love, and I have never met a person that I like
I have dated some guys I have never fallen in love with any and I have never felt that one falls in love with me, being single is good but sometimes I would like to know how it feels to love someone And that someone really loves you.
EXACTLY how I feel. I've NEVER been "naked". Nobody nowhere understands anything about me. No one has ever seen ALL of me.
I feel relieved that it's not only me with this kind of thoughts😄❤ Thank you for your hard work and amazing job!
I'm just complicated I can't even feel anything 💔😂😂😂
This is very helpful. Thank you for posting.
I just wish I could fall in love, especially with someone that loves me back.
I dont think I will ever be able to love someone romantically. I dont have sexual or aesthetic attraction either. Sure, I have crushes but I dont think I've ever felt love. I wonder how being in love rly feels like.
Wow! Thank you for this video…hit the mail on the hard for me… really opened my eyes.
Very Informative, thank you
I’m in a situation like that sort I’ve I fell in love at a very young age around second grade to 8th grade we eventually found out we both loved each other for a long time and we did a few movie dates and stuff like that but I had to move away and I am now 16 and I find no one attractive or anything in any way and I can only think of my sweet beatiful Tracy, but I want to feel love again I felt happier and more alive and now I feel sportive like an empty shell
humanity is collectively being face with it shadow this means alot of the truth people havent accepted or faced will suface this year and beyond
Only video that answered my question
I fall in love when I was grade 9.
It was a crush. But then he started talking to other pretty girl & u know............
my heart hurt, it's like someone is stabbing my heart....
And then i promise myself not to fall in love again...
because it hurts u know...😇
Ooh thank God I'm not d only one who has this issue
I've only ever beeen in love once. I want love and really want to show someone affection. It's not that I don't want it, but I don't get romantic feelings
I can't fall in love . I hope to one day ,because I have high standards and expectations so I am scared that type of person isn't out there
expectations is your down fall holding on to how we think something should be is what wrecking people life
When i was in highschool i had my first boyfriend and we were nearly one and half year in a relationships but the truth is i never genuinely loved him or cared for him so thats why i left him because i was more afraid of myself if i just hurt him even more in future so till now i haven't been in any relationship its just that im not capable of loving someone truly
That's exactly my case too
I am so sorry ,i feel the same way
Ik my parent love me soo much.......but when were i was young they were always fighting,and i remember hearing my mom saying that she will "leave "or "she can't take this anymore "
Im the first born soo i felt like i was the cause of all this problème.....i start taking care of my sibling and everything i could so she won't fell angry or sad...
I realy felt bad for both of my parent, but at some point i didnt realize that i was losing myself in another hand , i can't even express how much i love them now let alone other people........ughhh i hate this....idk what to do
Edit: sorry for my bad english
After dating different persons through the years, fell in love for the first time with the wrong person. Got cheated on, low self esteem and depressed. Been through therapy for a few months and I feel better, but tbh I feel like I’ll never let myself to fall again for someone the way I did.
I feel this like I can’t open my heart or express my feelings anymore
I can't believe that I apply and relate to every example on this video. I can't understand love and feel love. I loved my dad but I wasn't thankful to him when he was alive so he thought I hated him. I can't tell my mother that I love her even tho she cares and loves for me. I don't feel love between me and anyone. I see women as just beautiful and a trophy to reach and someone to talk to that has a higher pitched voice that is soothing to me. no love exists there.
This is me, I don't know what is wrong with me
This is me, I don't know what is wrong with me
@@BASEETBO159 I hope you are doing well. I still haven't figured it out.
Thank you
This video helped me ;
I've been trying to find answers about it for years because I feel so different from everyone around me, and it makes me scared
I had a normal life with normal parents so Idk what happened but still , it feels good to hear I'm not alone in that situation
Yea me too
Every point made is just another part of me
wow first at all thanks!!!! Now i know why but dont know where to start because its litterly everything but 2 ...
This helps.
I have fallen in love when I was a kid and it was real love. Sadly, now it feels like I don't know what love is anymore, maybe it is because I oversexualize women or other things.
loooooooooool now i understand i have appsolutly every of this issues
Watching this vid, I feel like I have every single issue mentioned in this vid.
It all appears insurmountable to me.
THIS VIDEO LITTERALLY EXPOSED ME
I understand why I can't feel in love . tank's mam .
I have being single for a very long time and focus only on friendships. I get afraid to get romantically close to someone, it triggers a big fear I don’t know why. I can’t even hug people.
when I said I don't have anyone that I attracted to or like to be my partner , my friends thought I was heart broken, I afraid they call me edgy so I stop telling them I cant fall in love right now and just say I have crush instead but even I don't know why I don't have any love interest, even crush.I guess there are some small percentage of human fall to this pattern but hey ..we are more independent.
Love is patient and love is kind.. when you understand that you will see that you actually can love and have loved many😍🥰❤️💞💞.love is not a feeling..feeling fades
I often think about my first boyfriend in primary school because I have the feeling that was when I loved the most. When he broke up with me I didn't even cry or something and behind that we were just friends. There wasn't really anything to move on from. These last two years I often think about him just for filling the void of not being in love for such a long time. (I haven't seen him in 7 years so it's not like I fell in love with him because we are friends or something)
I can appreciate my partner being sweet and nice and I accept it and I can do the same but that fire of love in my heart I can’t feel it 😢
Well now that I have almost everything from this video, I understand why I can't fall in love...
Jackpot! I identify myself with almost all of them!
I dont know why this popped up in my feed.. I have a very low self esteem, childhood traumas etc. I have been married for 18 years. You CAN work through your problems TOGETHER. Believe me, we all have them. Just be transparent and open, talk talk talk, get help and don't give up.
The last time I felt deeply affectionate about someone was about 7 yrs ago. All the relationships I've had after then have lacked the same intensity. What's wrong?
I've loved people, but never felt loved.
Not romantically, platonically of by family.
I used to fall in love so easily until one day i just couldn’t feel any romantic love for anybody anymore
The intimacy part hit me
I experience literally every sign 💔
Man, what the fuck I see all my friends getting girlfriends and I’m over here just trying to like someone.
It’s 3am and I’m crying because all of these things apply to me
This Video is cool
I Dont know why im still not in love
Even theirs a girl who will confess on me i still not care..... Maybe this is the result of my Brokeness of love in the past
Reading the comments...it seems like i finally found my group...
All of this video applies to me, this is why I stay alone im so far gone that I cant be fixed
I've never even had a crush. I had interest in people but only because they had interest in me first, and my own feelings always leave super quickly and I get annoyed by those people because they don't lose interest.. I feel bad for being the way I am but I can't help it
I don't love anyone. It's an alien concept to me.
I honestly can't relate to anything in this video, except the childhood ones but I don't develop crushes, even as a child I never did
I hate myself so much bc I never ever go for looks in a guy just their personality and I can’t love them bc they go for looks and I don’t feel connected at all with them
I think that i'm scared of love because of what he's done to me and i just stopped trusting love for its happiness but i only thought about it as the pain that comes after and i just closed myself in a bubble
I had thjs crush.. maybe i was in love i was very young but i felt so sure
So one day his brother asked me if i liked someone and i said you promise not to tell anyone? He said yes then i said its your brother. What i didnt know is that both of them had feelings for me, and he told his mom while i was talking to his brother and we were happy that finally we got our feelings out. The she told my dad... i never saw them again. After some years when i remember him i would cry and all that. I feel thats the only time i was in love.. and now soooo many years passed and i still cant forget him..
Hey there. I feel like i cant fall in love and would like to read your ideas. My first love and boyfriend let me know after 1,5 years of relationship that he never loved me and I still didnt break up with him because i felt like he was my only friend. I broke up a few months after, because he moved away and didnt talk to me or text me for days. I loved him more than anything, i would have done anything for him and would have even died for him. And now, maybe 2 years after this, it makes me laugh in a bitter way about myself about how incredibly dumb i was. Every couple i see, ever romantic movie makes me laugh in this bitter way. I can't love others deeply enough anymore, i feel like this first love broke me and I dont want to heal out of fear, that I will be hurt again
I really like my teacher, I don’t know it’s love ❤️ or just a normal like
When people have to search for it by looking at screens and downloading
I just want someone to cuddle with and talk to them about what stupid things I did in my childhood
No hope Left for love ..... Everything feels so unreal
I have never felt attracted to anyone except celebrities and teachers. Why is that? Just thinking about it makes me sad. What is wrong with me?
I myself have never been in a romantic or sexual relationship, and even though I am comfortable with myself and my gender identity I'm having a very hard time finding out what my sexuality actually is- since I have never really fallen in love yet, or I just don't know what it feels like to fall in love. I always ask my friends (who have all had crushes in me at least once ) what it feels like to fall in love? But I never understand what they mean.. I'm not sure what to do, if it's even something I should worry about at all.
Why is this me-
*Cries in Aromantic*
@@EmbeReii same🤝
Damn u have them all, so do i know what love means ? No
BPD 💔
Guys if you have a partner like this don't try to change their mind about love just run for the hills. Such people have self sabotaging tendencies and can never give you the love you deserve.
Oh really
So am not alone😢
I thought something is wrong with me no matter how i try i can't,
that why i search for this here on UA-cam
bud i got almost everything but this guy is truly amazing and i cant fall in love w him. i like him im sure tho.. how do i fix this stuff😭🙏
Love isn't real, NEED is. People NEED they don't love.
I've never fallen in love. I haven't even had a crush in years
More specifically, i will have feelings for a person until they like me back. What causes this?
i tried to open up to new people and it seems so hard to fall in love. i just dont want to deal with text, call or any interaction. i feel tired & love to stay in a quiet space. is there something wrong with me?
I’ve only loved one person and I don’t even love her anymore. I don’t love anyone, not even my family. Is this an issue?
The way I have everything you said except avoidant personality disorder.. 😇
Sucks that I suffer from all of them. Guess am ending up alone then😂
I am 30 years old I keep going from woman to woman I don’t fall in love with any of them none of them understand why I never reach out a second time it’s like a game and it’s fun. Recently been thinking otherwise and I want to be with one but no one seems to To be any different than the other. I mean that Hass to be someone that’s going to make me feel some sort of other way or tapped into me I’m just gonna keep waiting I guess you can make it work with anyone but there has to be something special or different..
i want to feel love but i can't
I wish I could fall in love, I hate turning people down that actually care about me. Sometimes I wish I never existed so they wouldn’t fall for someone who couldn’t fall for them
I wish I just could feel it... I thinked that it was weird... That I was weird... I really wish I could feel it... At least once...
All those reasons overlap with one another. I could identify with most of them. I mean it stands to reason that if your parents find you difficult and struggle to love you then you are hardly likely to develop into an adult with high self esteem. If you have low self esteem you are going to be examining how others are toward you and unless they are overtly giving signs of favouring your company you are going to have endless doubts. On and on it goes.
I won’t let myself date anyone else unless I can catch feelings again, so far I cant