What Happens If You Break No Contact?
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- Опубліковано 31 лип 2022
- If you are in No Contact, you might be growing impatient and wondering "what is the harm in contacting my ex?". In this video, we discuss what happens in your ex's breakup process when you contact them and how that can affect their decision to reconsider the relationship.
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Absolutely love the humor you two bring to a very serious situation. I'm a firm believer and sometimes you just got to laugh❤ thank you both again for the wonderful help you bring to so many when they listen!
They lose respect for you and they cant develop any attraction or the feelings of missing you; you lose self respect, lose the bits of hope of getting back together. You gotta leave dem alone to let em miss you, they gotta learn again to MISS YOU AND WANT YOU BACK.
dont waste your time, they went no contact. So mirror them back.Ghosting and break up is same. Life goes on , tell your Ego to not put yourself down. That person doesn’t accept you and you dont accept their bs.
best boundary is unspoken.
There's an old saying that goes something like, If you love somebody, let them go. Letting go of the person you love is about showing that person that they are free to make their own choices including choosing you. If it turns out that what is best for them isnt you, and if you put their needs above your own, then you should be ok with letting them be happy by pursuing what is best for them, even if that isn't you.
What if they do not pursue what is best for them? This is not subjective.
Thank you Craig for this good reminder video of why we should remain working on ourselves in No Contact and not reach out.
This is a great example of why you don’t reach out when the other party has walked away from the negotiation. You weaken your position and turn them off in the process. This is why the default position is to not reach out. You’ll re-attract your ex or you’ll attract someone better.
Well said.
@@sloanmagnum5009 It's always more comfortable to play the victim. The problem is that if they feel the victim (and i do consider they can be really the victim here) they can't feel the need to change, which is also emotionally costly and tiring.
When you reach out during No Contact you completely screw up the whole process.
What an awesome message!!! My gut tells me that his ex is with someone new!!! It's great to know that dumpers really do think about us behind the scene!! I will never reach out to my ex!!! I love all your videos and information!! Thank you!!! :)
The dumper who didn’t want to end it but had to is always thinking about the breakup and wanting to reconnect, but some dumpees are really stubborn and don’t want to try again lol
I love this channel. Regardless of relationships you help my mental depression so much !
❤️
I would leave her alone and then move on. She sounds like she doesn't know.
You are funny, Craig about Appleby's. When did that happen again?
Love is ALWAYS the answer… even if it’s loving & hugging yourself. ❤️
Not reaching out is really great, for one because I think you're showing respect to both yourself and the other person. Trust these wonderful coaches!
A lot of people would probably hike through a freezing snow blizzard to meet their ex 😅
These coaching emails are hilarious, and Craig and Margaret's commentary is
gold! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
We need humor with these serious issues. 😩
They came back round to me after no contact, they reached out a lot and would often ask to meet up. She tells me she wants me but is not ready, I have gone back into no contact again! The only difficulty is we work together so I have to keep it to the bare minimum and strictly work. I know things will turn up for us!
12:14 that was a flirtatious message asking him to warm her up a bit more 😂
This is so true!!! Do Not reach out!!!
How is it that anxiety is the root of desire and yet it also kills relationships
There's separation anxiety, which is what you want to get ex, then there's anxiety of losing them within a relationship, which makes people needy and smother.
So i broke no contact today after 11 weeks and i dont regret it cause now im convinced its a huge mistake hahah she basically said she was dating someone and she cant see me anymore...she unblocked and talked to me on whatsap after we hang up and i simply told her i regret reaching out to her and i will never do it again no matter what and i won't even think bout it again twice...guys please never everr break no contact...if you ever feel you're going to watch some videos...i will go no contact now and i dont even care if she reaches out cause my ego got really hurt...please love yourself first...thank you coaches
when my ex reached out to me, i dont have an urge to reply, so i did not reply. again ive received another chat, i found myself not interested still. i cannot believe that ive gone with the same person for 8 yrs and the realization of me not being interested after being dumped. ive reevaluated things, and realized i dont want to take risk again at her as ive felt she never contributed to fulfill a good life when we were together, thats why maybe ive felt drained
I will say, when my ex and I broke up for the first time, I reached out first about money that I needed for concert tickets I had bought. This was only like 25 days after the breakup. We talked very sporadically every few days joking around. Then after about a week, he finally asked me to get boba and we got back together that night. But 3 months later he broke up with me AGAIN and this time I will not ever reach out because he broke my heart twice now and it’s not my job to fix what I didn’t break. I’ll let him live with the pain knowing that I’m probably the one that got away cuz I know I loved him unconditionally
Morning Craig and Margaret!
This was the video I needed. I reached out to my ex just asking how she was doing… and I’ll never do it again. Sticking to no contact and letting her decide. While I’m doing the best I can for myself
How long after the break up did you reach out ? & what did she say?
@@obitobetancourt3138 it’s been about 5 months I went no contact for 2 then she messaged me about 3 weeks ago. Then I sent a text just asking how she was doing. Maybe 2 days ago.
I never got a straight forward answer and I’m going to meet up with her and propose the idea of working on things. I’ve worked hard to have a different mentality I did 5 months ago even 3 years ago (I guess you could say it was my wake up call) but If it’s not a yes then it’s a no and I can continue with what I’m doing because at the end of the day I’m wanting to be better for myself.
@@jacobmcmullin7445 any luck?
I’m in the same boat but different. I went over there for mother’s day due to her mom calling me to tell me to check on her. I did and she didn’t like it at first, but let me come in the house. We hung out and we went out to eat. Like we didn’t break up. She put on a movie and I left cause I didn’t want to overstay my welcome. She walked me out and gave me a long hug. She I can call her later.
Two days later, I text good morning and enjoy her day. She switch up and said that she love the gesture on Mother’s Day but she wants no contact still. Don’t want friendship out relationship w me. Not call on holidays or birthdays. I told her that she need therapy and help before we stopped texting.
Hoping it’s not the end.
How do you deal with an introverted ex who broke up due to mental stress and could not deal with a relationship at the moment, how should you deal with no contact to introverted people?
What if they don’t reach out? I guess I’m not suppose to wait at all. I should have no expectation. Just try to live my own life as if he never existed, I guess
My ex gave me mixed messages over Christmas and I called him out as it gave me anxiety, after some space I told him I wanted a clean break - according to him this upset him. I think i too have messed up my chance of him coming back, he was not ready when we kept talking
I'd do NC for 1 to 2 months and then break it in a panic, for 8 months after our breakup. She would also breadcrumb me and I'd take the bait. Now I've finally committed to indefinite NC.
Guys, don't break NC. Don't convince yourself to go for broke, PLEASE. I can only hope now I haven't done enough damage for her to not come back. I'm in month 11 post breakup and over 2 months into indefinite NC. I hope one day I can update this comment with a success story.
I had very similar interactions, just like the guy discussed in the video, although she didn’t shut me down she just simply didn’t respond to my message. Thank you for allowing this to be shared.
Update?
@@Baes_Theorem They never reached out
how’s it been with your ex 1 year later?
@@deezydzh Probably not what you want to hear, but she never reached out. To this day it seems she never dated anyone else (unsure though), but we're almost 3 years post breakup and completely silent. Haven't spoken in over 2 years.
It took a long time, but I'm 99% over it now. Time heals all wounds, trust me.
@@dongy762 thanks for the response, i get it. by “dating someone else” im guessing you mean you never seen her post a new boyfriend on her social media since you both broke up.
if she reached out to you today, would you be interested in rekindling? (assuming you’re single)
What keeps me from breaking no contact with my ex is I think about how when we broke up last year I think about how I wanted to contact him around the 4 month mark and around Christmas. But I knew if I did that my anxiety levels would rise and I would be checking my phone every few minutes to see if he would respond. At the same time I had to ask myself would I be prepared if he didn’t answer my text at all or if he didn’t respond in a way I was expecting him to. Would those two reasons be worth breaking no contact?
I can give a little insight to what some may be thinking. In 2019 my ex broke up with me because we argued constantly. For 10 months I would reach out and then stop for months and he would reach out and we would mostly hurt each others feelings. He would say nothing would change if we got back together. In August of 2020 I went to NM to visit my daughter and he started texting regularly. When I got back, several weeks later he wanted to talk. He asked if I wanted to try again and that he was afraid to ask because he didn't think I would take him back. We were back together for a year and a half and things were great! Then the beginning of this year we started arguing again and broke up the beginning of June. He keeps saying that my expectations are too high and I need to find someone that can meet them. The problem is he drinks too much and the next day he's mean and condescending. I also love to travel and when we travel together, if anything goes wrong, it's my fault. So I think he still wants to be together but doesn't think he's good enough and I just want him to stop drinking and treat me well.
You deserve better. Why stay with someone who is not willing to change? Why stay with someone who doesn't listen when you say his behavior hurts? People say and promise a lot of things, but their actions speak for themselves.
@@sloanmagnum5009 I have spent 8 years working on myself. I did listen when he said things I did hurt him. I went to therapy, got on antidepressants, and did EMDR for the trauma from my 20 yr emotionally abusive marriage.
I would suggest to read “Women who love too much”. An amazing book for this situation:)
@@Ekb620000 I've already read it 🙂
I broke no contact after 12 days to ask about returning my things as he never sent it when he said he would, then in between asked whether he wanted to go for coffee to see if we are firm on our reflection/decision about the relationship. He declined as nothing changed for him. Have i ruined my chances of him wanting to get back now? I’m strictly and indefinitely in nc now
I waited for my ex and he reached out on my birthday with a love email telling me he still loves and misses me. Nothing came of it so I emailed him 6 weeks later telling him that I remembered something fun that we did. Again with him telling me how much he missed me, but again, nothing came of it. I even suggested we talk sometime and he declined. I’m now back to complete NC. It’s been 6 months since our last interaction.. I’m assuming this is it and I’ll never hear from him again. I regret reaching out. Listen to coach Craig Kenneth and Coach Margaret
Why you didn’t reach out back to him straight way? Why after 6 weeks ?
He probably thought that you are egoistic ?
@@rajdeepsingh7928 no I replied to him the next day after he sent his email. I said something light hearted about a memory we had but then i remembered things we did together. I didn’t tell him I missed and loved him back though.
I have The Knowledge books and the Creative Healing Course and am working my way through it. I think I might do an email soon because I'm stuck in the grind and I need help getting out.
Am working?
I’m going to put my situation real quick lol. There’s this girl I’ve been seeing for like a year but we started as friends & just a few months back we kissed & stuff & we kinda had thing but we never got to dating. We live pretty far from each other so it was always complicated to hangout. One day she got sick & ghosted me for like 2 weeks & all of a sudden hit me up saying “sorry for not answering, I’ve been busy & I was at the hospital” I played it cool & then I asked if she still felt the same way about me & she said she lost feelings. After that I just ghosted her haven’t answered her for 2 weeks & it’s like I’m waiting just so I can reach out 😂 complicated asf
Great video
Can you do one about clean slate message you send to apologize to a ex?
To be blunt, while I fully agree that waiting just a bit more who have made her reach out first in this case, she seems very flaky, manipulative and not into him enough. Basically, if I had an answer like that, I'd personally get closure, to move on. Which ain't bad at all! Because it seems that even if she had made the first moves and all, she would have still lost attraction fairly fast.
I fully agree with doing no contact, but after 2.5-3 months, if it affects US personally day in and day out, it's better to do something and get an answer either way. The thing is though to at least wait that long, which I know, is tough.
What if I was in a relationship for 8 years and my ex is prideful and stubborn? :/
What if your ex broke up with you and they are still blowing your phone up??? I'm confused with her.
Haha. I knew she was angry with him by the first text reply. She had that locked and loaded. It wasn't encouraging. It sounds like he they broke up because she thought he was interested more in dating around than being in a relationship. She is ready; he isn't. She doesn't see him as serious, so why be in a relationship if they want different things. Over three years they were together? Wow. She called him to the task and he failed, failed, failed. After three years? He comes back, and it is unreasonable for him to stop seeing others? He needs to commit fully with her. Three years... sheesh. She's moved on. His only hope is to propose..
Today I see how no contact could help certain couples.
This has to be the best video of all time . 🤣🤣🤣
hopefully i get a response here so broke up in 2019 make bunch of mistakes and stopped talking in 2020 i started dating someone else my gut told me reach out so i did in 2021 things went well things split with woman i was seeing and we started hanging out haven't seen her since 2023 in January. we have talked few times she tell me i cause her panic attacks and anxiety went back to no contact because she said i stress her out and she told me that she prepares for worst of dating anyone. I'm in therapy to try to get over her we were together for 10 years she just dropped me like a bad habit
My ex got in a relationship 2 weeks after saying she just wanna be single and she still with him she even blocked me and said she moved on. She ain’t missing me or texting me lol. It’s been 6 months
A DM though will never reach out. They would give you hints. Somebody gotta make the first step forward though
They're not worth getting back with tbh
@@phoebe984 I understand your point of view. But we ain't flawless either
I understand not reaching out. But my ex for example makes crochet animals, which I helped encourage her to do when we dated. She’s extremely good. After a month of no contact I reach out out and just said they are amazing and that’s it. How does that lose respect for someone?
She knows the true reason for reaching out is you are still waiting for her to come back. Even if that was not your intention, thats how it feels like to them.
Sounds like Garrett listen to a different coach. He did an indirect direct and doesn’t realize it
@@josecano326 sounds pretty immature on her end. I’m not waiting on anything. She left me. It’s her loss. All my intentions were was complimenting on how well her work has been. Ya I shouldn’t have said anything. But I have a big heart and have no Ill will towards her. She gave up and walked away. I will not accept friendship from her. But still thought a great job was alright because of how far she’s come with that hobby
It's a matter of feeling like your space/boundaries are not being respected ..even if you're giving a compliment, wanting to be left alone does not mean unless you're giving a compliment. At least that's my perspective.
@@kimberlybalish9590 I see. Welp what’s done is done. It’s been 2 months. I did beg once or twice a week for a few weeks. But then just disappeared. Didn’t say happy birthday. Havent said anything for a month. You’d think if she has moved on like she said she has one compliment would be fine. I’m on the up and am already over it. I was just trying to be positive because I’m in a positive mind set now. If I’ve lost any respect I gain oh well. Lol
I’m a little confused on what I need to do … a guy reached out after 6 weeks of no contact. We had only been on 2 dates but the connection was nice & we seem to both have v similar interests. He works at the hospital & said that he was getting busy with work, and had “things to sort out” but wanted to remain friends. I declined the friendship and replied, “got it, thanks”. On Friday, 7/29, he reached out asking how I was and inviting me over to his house because he was having “friends over”. He said he wanted to “say hi and check in”. I stated that I was confused by the nature of his message and that I didn’t appreciate the inconsistency & pulling away and that he had stated that we seem to be on different pages. He hasn’t responded and I don’t think he will, did I do something wrong with no contact?
You did the right thing imo. Stay strong. I wish i would have declined friendship w my ex now.
I think he sees you as just a friend.
Sounds like he's only interested in a Friends with Benefits relationship.
@@PaddyOfReilly007 there were never any benefits given out lol
Nope, keep it moving. If a guy isn’t showing clear interest in the beginning, you’re wasting your time. You deserve someone who’s excited to see you, not a guy who disappeared after a 2nd date.
thank you!
I did all mistakes I reached out 3 times last one a month ago now I’m living the uk I’m not going to tell her it been 8 months she is the love of my life but I can’t stay here anymore 💔
Do you think I should tell her that I’m leaving abroad ?
It was 3 1/2 days and I broke no contact. We used to text each other everyday. Then he broke up with me and it went into radio silence. It was not easy. My skin was crawling. So I texted saying hi to my ex and asked how has work been. He broke up with me because he has no time for me because of his work schedule at a hospital. He works all the time. He answered my hello text within seconds. We then had a casual conversation talking about how we are. We talked about a lot of trivial things. I felt relief but I'm sure he is relieved too that I spoke to him after he broke up with me. He thought I would be angry at him but I'm not. But what do I do now? Go back into no contact? Will this work now that I messed up? I love him very much. I want to be back with him. I don't want to fall into the friend zone situation which I feel he will do.
I've gotten 3 women back multiple times by breaking no contact. Im not about to sit around wondering for weeks/months playing stupid games. I just wasnt needy and or bringing up my feelings..They have to still want you though. This last time I gave it about a week then just sent a simple text asking if we were hanging out that weekend as if nothing happened lol...nothing wrong with reaching out, but if they push you away don't continue hitting them up and try to accept that it could be over for good.
That’s horrible advice..
Don’t think the temperature comment had anything to do with actual temperature but her trying to gage his interest level.
What if they dumped you because you messed up the relationship?
Beg pardon
My ex fiancee reached out after 9 days. I was polite and didn't drag on the conversation, ending it with "I can't give you my undivided attention right now. Let me know when you want to see me."
The next day she posts on Facebook an emotional post that was obviously aimed towards me that implies I don't care about her.
I plan to wait it out, and invite her over asking her to bring a bottle of wine. We will see what happens...
RUN...
No one should write a post about feelings on social media.
Perhaps its real, but i think she wants attention, thats not good.
Typical, like my ex fiancée, wants nothing to do with you but still expects to be a priority when they contact you.
If you’re looking you ain’t cookin!
Once she knew she could have him back, she went back to the reasons she didn't want him.
Yup
You should do a video of the DUMPER .. I dumped my person for bread crumbing & not committing..
Everybody didn’t get DUMPED !
Rip to margaret 😔😔😔😔
Quick question! My ex and I broke up about a month ago after a good and healthy relationship that ended over some issues she had with depression and her unsupportive family. She believed she needed to focus on those issues herself and honestly I agreed because I can’t do anything to help in the medium distance relationship we were going to be in for the next few months. We ended it amicably and agreed to check in every once in a while. I told her I’d call after a month or so to check in and make sure she’s okay. Now, though, after a month of no contact, I’m unsure if I should still reach out even though I said I would. Anyone got any advice?
Never reach out bro
Being with someone who is not emotional stable is difficult. I personally know that and it is really difficult. She needs to get help and find herself. You can’t fix her. Don’t reach out. Let her come to you. Meanwhile I would start reading about hoy to better listen and communicate. That will actually help you out if she comes back. If she doesn’t, that will help you out for your next relationship.
@@RJ_HTx very good advice! We both can be closed off with our emotions sometimes so it’s easy to see how not communicating well while we were apart made her feel like she couldn’t open up to me. Communicating better and more honestly is definitely something I’m working on improving!
Wacka-do, love it, is that a medical term 🤣🤣
Why would an ex unblock you on Social Media but never reach out?
I’ve had this from numerous ex’s.
A recent date has suddenly started posting 5-6 posts per day when before our date it was like, 2 per week.
She bailed on a 2nd date but it’s almost like she wants me to see her and reach out to her.
I made the mistake of reaching out after I was unblocked. She insisted that she didn't want to reconcile and she was still hurt the way things ended between us. I think me reaching out and her rejection was just an ego boost for her.
@@LinkCtProds
Ahh. You could be right.
Rub your face in it type of thing.
However, if she said she was hurt then she must still have feelings there.
She may just be in a tantrum phase.
I thought the same thing. I figured if she is still hurting about us then somewhere deep inside of her she still cares.
@@LinkCtProds
Yes. My ex wasn’t hurt at all because she’d lost interest.
I ended up getting her back after a period of no contact which I’d never done before.
The break reignited the flame again.
Until it fizzled out again.
And now I’ve lost interest.
I realised I was only hurt from the rejection and not from losing her.
Do you think every ex’s are different, because I’m thinking about breaking No Contact, it’s been 91 days.
did you?
@@simay5346 Yes, and good thing I did, otherwise I wouldn’t have gotten closure. Now I’m good and I’m much happier!
@@ponokunishima1 did you get back together or you moved on?
@@simay5346 I wanted to, but she said we both had different paths. She said she was with someone, but that was bs, because of what she was telling me about the guy and what I looked on her Instagram that’s why.
@@ponokunishima1 sorry to hear that but if you feel better now that what is important and I am happy for you. I just wanna take an advice from a stranger btw. should I wish my ex happy birthday it will be 3 months of no contact on his bd. I started it when we broke up. (it's been 2 months now he hasn't reached out yet). what would you do in that situation?
Lol been in no contact since 2018. It's 2022 now. Absolutely no response from the ex since that day we broke up four years ago. I am talking about ZERO pulse. NADA. I had a session with Craig in 2018, and after following the plan for four years, I realize that No Contact is just another game to show that "you can stand on your own" and there's absolutely no chance of getting back. DONE-ZO. You might as well get attracted to someone new. Then again, you might also lose that person. Next time you fall in love? Don't go all in emotionally. DO NOT fully commit 100% and you will be SAFE when things turn sour.
You still sound angry and resentful. Watch our recent video on Has No Contact Failed You
Your point is fair.
It can really hurt when you work super super hard on yourself and it feels like the other person doesn’t even notice or care. It can feel like no one in the world cares, especially if you have a childhood history of it.
When you work hard on yourself, you might be feeling more and more confident and eager to share even from a place of positivity. It feels like such a letdown from the universe.
I really do wish you the best. Were you made to feel invisible and ignored as a child?
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Maybe this guy in this video should have waited. Maybe it wouldn’t have mattered either way. But he didn’t do anything evil. Some of us (such as myself) were straight up TOXIC in relationships so I’m just happy to not be having toxic episodes.
Maybe the relationship is irreconcilable. But you must practice self forgiveness. You need patience with self and self forgiveness before you can be in any type of relationship.
I think it’s best if you can assume they ain’t coming back.
Can, as in are able too emotionally.
I did that with a recent date and out of the blue she texted me and we met up for a great date.
She then bailed on our next date.
I wished her a great weekend and I’m looking elsewhere.
I gave this girl EVERYTHING. Despite both of us not being perfect, there was visible effort from my end to make things work and yet I was dropped like none of the time we spent together mattered. Like I said, ZERO CONTACT from her in the last 4 years. Not even a "HI" or "How are you" God my older exes reached out at some point. This last one just fell off the map. Her parents still contact me from time to time, informing me she's "ok". I am sure she's taking her time making mistakes with other guys and will get back to me when she's all used up in her early 30s. Typical. I went through the Personal Growth period sure. But the past is a part of ourselves and you're kidding if you think you can pretend to completely move on from someone. Just some other people out there are stone cold killers of the heart.
@@ramenboy7702
I know dude. It sucks.
Probably her absence has caused you to stagnate and dragged it out.
Would you have preferred to have watched her fall for someone else in your home town or on Facebook?
I bet you’d be over her by now if so.
I was angry with my ex for a similar period of time.
I just couldn’t let her go.
Then out of the blue, a girl I already knew appeared out of nowhere and the ex was out of my mind.
This didn’t last at all but she showed me I could love again.
We found each other hilarious and she believed we happened for a reason.
Who knows but time and another woman are great healers.
Let it marinate
She got another man.. obvious
Hi, I’m 26 days in no contact and found out that my ex’s cat died a couple of days ago. Should I reach out and send my condolences, or stay in no contact?
What if you’re the dumper waiting on the dumpee yo want to speak again? This is sooo hard 😩
@Josh Nobody i an the dumper but he doesn’t want to talk anymore. He was angry and completely shutdown. We weren’t exclusive just getting to know each other. We had a major disagreement were he didn’t want to workout the issue, is it up to me to resolve things ? I’ve asked to talk to him but left me on read 2 weeks ago.
@Josh Nobody I know :(. That’s why I am here. He did reach out asking to be friends, that’s why I have some hope he will come around. Thanks for reading
@@arefashionista I think being friends can sometimes lead back into a relationship if you do it right. Act like a girlfriend, do nice things, smile, touch, fix your problems, etc. I know it's often the advice to not accept friendship but I think you can reattract them if you're seeing them and getting more intimate again
@@laconsuela69 that’s great idea, but we are Long distance. I think he is moving On and I am also accepting our fate. I think everything is over and my situation is an impossible one. But I am still listening to Craig’s advice since he has so much knowledge. Thanks for your advice :)
@@arefashionista that is really tough, good luck
After a month of NC i unfullowed her on Instagram, Just be sure i wouldnt encounter her profile again, is this also Breaking NC or is this nothing to worrie about?
It doesn't count as long as you're not talking to them