The Piano
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- Опубліковано 17 вер 2023
- This podcast is a first for me!
At the moment, I won't be releasing a weekly podcast...
But I'd like to from time to time as requested by YOU, the subscribers.
Thank you!
In this very first episode, I tell the story of how I actually landed in therapy,
all thanks to a Spinet Piano.
Learn more about Patrick Teahan,
Childhood Trauma Resources and Offerings
➡️ linktr.ee/patrickteahan
MUSIC IS BY:
Chris Haugen - Ibiza Dream
• Chris Haugen - Ibiza D...
St. Helena - The Blue and the Red
• The Blue and the Red
Editing Service:
www.jamesrara.com/
⚠️ Disclaimer
My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client or physician or quasi-physician relationship.
If you are, or someone you know, is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.
If you are having emotional distress, please utilize 911 or the National Suicide Hotline
1-800-273-8255
Strange how a piano is the subject for your first podcast. I didn't listen all the way through, because pianos are very triggering for me but I will listen to future podcasts. My narcissistic mother played the piano as accompaniment to her vocalization practice every morning. The piano was situated right outside my bedroom door (the living room and my bedroom shared a wall). She would start playing her scales early in the morning, as she thought it was funny to wake me up in this manner. And as far as your mother making time to crochet a cover...people prioritize what is important to them. Playing the piano and vocalizing was more important to my mother than taking care of her children or cooking and cleaning (which became my chores). In her deluded mind, she was a great opera singer and the piano and singing was her priority. Still cannot listen to a piano to this day (I am 65 years old).
This comment @sandrab2589 was so powerful for me regarding your experience with your mom. I haven’t listened to the video yet (just want to scroll the comments to see what it was about first), but you really helped me with your comment. Thank you! 🙏🙏
Ohmygod... Same.. Only it was my mother work cleaning, tapping away at a keyboard or lighting incense very close to my bed. All of which affected my sleep. And I had told her so. Only to be ignored
Your son at age 11 playing that piano ( so well ! ), giving it new life , somehow ressurrecting your brother and confirming the healthy stable family that you now have - is such a beautiful real
healing story !!🩹
My own ( also old and special ) piano saved my life - Bach, Mozart and Haydn reminding me that sanity , dignity and beauty exist ( which the alcoholic surrounding was fiercely denying every day )
- I could not rescue my piano though, it remained in the house that eventually was taken away from my father..
I do hope that it still exists and that someone is playing it ...🎹🎶🕯️
The attachment you have to that piano is similar to the attachment I had to furnishings that were in my maternal grandmother's house that now reside in my mother's house. Certain things like this writing desk with a top that scrolls back and a curio-type cabinet on top of it -- I remember it vividly from my childhood every time I visited my grandmother. I was always in awe of its antiquity, and the fact that it was one among many steady memories of my grandmother's house. Fast forward to January 1999, and my grandmother passes on, and all the furnishings get divided up among her 3 daughters and 2 sons. We were lucky to get that desk, and every time I go to mom's and see that desk, I flash back to my youth and my periodic visits to see my grandmother. It is now one of only a handful of objects from that time long ago that is still around and still conjuring up those wonderful memories for me. It's funny in a peculiar way how something as innocuous as an old desk gave me a sense of stability when my upbringing was so chaotic and violent. It's another reason why I cherished those visits to my grandmother, because I got the hell out of that chaotic home and went some place more peaceful where I could take the time to observe the people, places and things going on around me without arguments and knock-down drag-out fights constantly erupting. All I had to do was simply open my soul up, take it all in, and let it fill me with a level of joy and peace that otherwise eluded me. I didn't want any of it to end or to return to my hellhole life at home. Honestly, I could've just sat there in a quiet room at my grandmother's house, stare at the desk, listen to the clock ticking on the wall, maybe hearing the stereo playing in the background, and that was enough for me. It beat the hell out of the alternative, and I didn't care if some people thought I was dull and boring. Oh, to step into a time machine and get one more opportunity to live those days in real time all over again!
beautiful
@Patrick Teahan LICSW Just wanted to say that I'm enjoying your little ads popping up; they're the only ones I watch the whole way through.
Now. To enjoy the pod... 💕
EDIT: That was beautifully done, Patrick. Thanks so much for sharing your families, old and new, with us.
Yes, the 'orphan' piece. I left home under State police protection at 21 (severe abuse, all types), and my Italian-American dad then pronounced me disowned. He hoovered me up several years later, baffled that I never tried to return home. But those were some _rough_ years!
Anyway, the "unreliable historian" thing grabbed me, among other points. My mom is the only caretaking adult left alive of many aunts/uncles, dad, but I went NC on her about 20y ago. Sometimes I've thought of asking her questions about the fam before all the unasked questions can never be asked but...
She's liable to say absolutely ANYthing, soooo... might as well just read a good book instead.
She will feign forgetfulness to keep that superiority over you and frustrate you thus gaining supply and maybe future supply prolonging your lack of closure
It’s awesome that you kept that bright light that your brother brought into the world in his short life going so he still lives on.
Foreclosure ~ Cancer ~ Alcoholism ~ Losing a sibling =
💔Heartache💔
Alcoholics are shame adverse so they deny, minimize, blame shift, and play the victim.
"...not a reliable historian" sums up an alcoholic's memory & interpretation of past events.
🎵🎶 It sounds like music saved you from a really tough reality.
Thank you for this ~ you've done the hard work Patrick.🤗❤🩹
Bless you for giving your son the freedom to learn and enjoy playing the piano in his own way. So many parents, teachers take the fun of of learning an instrument. It becomes drudgery and is abandoned as soon as possible. You are a great story teller.
Thanks for sharing❤! I completely can relate to similar childhood trauma. My dad was an alcoholic narcissist. I also grew up around bars from age 4 to 9. Today CPS would not of been ok with this I am sure. The early 80s was a different time.
Good morning to you!
This is how most events feel to me. Having to handle everything on your own & extremely anxious wondering if things are going to turn out ok. Its very unsettling & really hard on your mental & physical health
Thank you for opening your heart and story of the piano. It was meant to be yours despite the turbulent period when it was almost lost. It represents stability, dignity, and the memory of your brother. Never give it up!
God bless you
The piano represents what could have been or should have been. There is a time when a family stands at the crossroads of seeming normalcy and toxicity before it devolves into toxicity. This time is captured by a symbol of normality, which could be a photograph or a piano, before the family’s descent into toxicity.
I LOVE YOUR PIANO!! I saw it in your "Sitcom Intro" that I replayed 50 times because it's so hilarious!! I grew up with a piano in the garage, it was the only normal happy place in the house, my parents never thought to go out there to look for me ... I bought a piano last year that looks just like yours! My son plays it and it's the sweetest music ever.
This was so beautiful! Thank you. I choked up when you spoke of your 11 year old son playing it. And he's got a so much talent on that thing, just like you Patrick. Thank you for all you bring to so many. And for including your son on this. There's so much redemption (layers and layers) in this story. Big love to you.
That was the moment I got emotional as well. What a beautiful and inspiring story!
Yup, same here.
Listening you talk about this reminds me of a show i used to watch called, "Warehouse 13". It's about how objects can be imbued with magical powers b/c of the intense energy that surrounds it at a specific place and time. Your piano is magical b/c of the healing that you've received from it. :)
Thank you for your beautiful story of your constant meaningful refuge in the storm, The Piano. Would you consider an episode speaking about some of your favorite albums? Music is such a healing force. ❤ 🎶
Thank you for sharing this story with us! 🎼🤍🖤
I hope you do a piece about abusive parents leveraging their own illness/disfunction to guilt trip/manipulate the family into accepting their abuse. I've seen that a LOT and would love to have that in my emotional toolbelt 😅
I can’t listen to you enough. My husband is from a very tragic family. I have never, ever understood him until I have listened to you. And I have hated him forever I am learning about what he lived.
Thank you. This type of situation happened so so many times with my narcissistic alcoholic mother. She made everything into a conspiracy with made up 'enemies ' who were trying to steal from us!! I always wanted to believe her during the chaotic situation. Very traumatic for us children but then suddenly it was all over and never spoken about again!! I now have terrible trust issues and relationship problems.
Thanks again.
I felt compelled to comment to your story as it is so amazingly similar to mine. It seems unbelievable 😳 I have been subscribed for more than a year and have appreciated the clarity of thought and understanding that you've brought into my life. Losing my brother in death and my mother's love at the same time as being scapegoated at 5yrs old for it all. It strikes me that my sense of dignity also comes from my piano. Your podcast helps me to hold onto this and not give up on it or me. Thank you
What a touching story. Thanks for sharing. I moved out when I was seventeen, the day after I graduated. I had been saving my money since I was 12 years old when I started begging my mother to leave my father. I soon discovered she was just as toxic as he was if not more or staying with him and putting us through hell. She was the victim not her poor little children.
I moved into a fully furnished apartments because I had nothing.
I have nothing of my parents, nor do I ever want anyting of theirs.
Everything was my father's and we were not allowed to touch or use it. The TV, stereo. We were not allowed to sit on his furniture unless it was a special occasion. We had to sit on the hardwood.
Our bedroom was not heated and it was so cold in there ice formed on the inside of the windows.
Why did these monsters have kids?
Hi Patrick! xo
😊❤Thank you for sharing your story.
I think an estate planner or anyone who has regular contact with grieving families would think you and your family were grieving, struggling with a lot of strong emotions. They probably didn't judge you as harshly as you do yourself.
This is beautiful to see. We wish you all the best.
Very relatable for me. 😢Thank you.
Thank you for sharing this piano story! I have my own piano story that played a big part in my healing from the alcoholic family I grew up in. I’m glad that I discovered your podcast today as I’m entering another phase of recovery and you always have something to say that helps me heal my heart 💜.
Thank you for doing what you do and sharing with us. It helps to know that there are others out there that “get it”. God bless
Thank you for sharing this, Patrick. I feel privileged to have had this honest glimpse into someone else's life. I so wish everyone who grew up in a toxic home would find healing. Your portrayal of your piano as a symbol of dignity and connection to a family that now is no more really made me think. I've heard that when you go through a break-up you have to grieve the relationship, the thing you and your romantic partner built together, because it is a "living" thing that has died. The same must be true of families when they break-up or die so it makes sense children would want a witness to the existence of the family, something to bear testimony to the reality that is being grieved. Thank you again.
That was really beautiful. The piano accompanied your healing and the podcast.
Objects do have significance beyond their materiality. Memories, relationships, time, ... When you "stole" the spinet, you reclaimed a dignity that had been muted and overshadowed
That's such a beautiful story. I love how the piano came completely full circle, especially with how your son took a liking to it. He plays so beautifully ) :)
Hey Patrick!! Enjoying the podcast and subscribed on Apple Podcasts! As a musician and also a graduate of U Mass Boston (my graduate degree in Education) who is about your age AND grew up in a family of 6, I always enjoy your content but this episode was particularly relatable. Thank you for being so clear on your focus for your amazing content. Your wise, genuine and gentle way of discussing such weighty issues has really be a grounding and affirming constant as I continue to navigate my own healing from childhood trauma. Thank you so much for being you. You make a difference!!
Your son plays beautifully and combined with the story I am moved to tears. Thank you for sharing.
I will look forward to future episodes. I like the idea of helping people share their story, and through this we may all find out we are not alone. ❤
🫶🏾 soooo happy to hear this, thank you!!!
Patrick, Thank you for sharing. One of my favorite things to do is getting to know somebody while listening to them tell of life experiences that are edifying, even through the sad circumstances. There is no victim think, which causes me to admire & want to hear more. Blessings, Kellie Sue 😊
My mother opted for a donated upright piano which sat in the living room. Though she never played she insisted I take lessons which were boring, dry, and dull by a woman that was really very uninspiring. Had I been Introduced to jazz, rhythm and blues, world or soul music I would have taken to it but with her forcing me to take classes with songbooks written in the 1930s and her insisting on hovering over me while practicing I grew to hate and reject all of it. It wasn't till years later that I began singing (and performing) well away from that bio hazard bio family. In ways the piano is the metaphorical symbol of the family unplayed and unplayable. That piano and you and I had to be removed from that living room in order to sing beautifully. The happiest part of the story is hearing your son play beautifully.
the spinnet piano is safe now, too. The piano is so loved by father & son.
Interesting to hear your story in a podcast. I found the information you provided gave context to your channel. I can't afford therapy at the moment but I find your youtube channel helpful. Thankyou
Thank You, Thank You for sharing this beautiful story. Im sobbing in the best way!
I love this story 🌟
It’s a relief to hear someone else explain these odd things I’ve only ever known in my own family. It’s unbelievable how much impact parents have on their children and yet so many people put no thought into this. Bringing a life in the world is so delicate and so intricate.
I'm tearing up listening to this. Thank you for sharing this. I will admit, it's hearing stories like yours that does make me gas light myself for the childhood trauma I have experienced. Honestly. I'm also wondering if the depression I whirled into after my mom passed away from cancer 5.5 years ago, how that impacted my now 8.5 yo child.
Thanks Patrick for your inspiring story, I saw a short film in my head as you told it. Your son is lucky to have you and a piano 🎹
Beautiful story. I was filled with so much happiness about how your son plays the piano. Thank you so much for sharing. ❤
I'm sorry for your loss of your brother at age six, experiencing a parent's illness, and witnessing your mother's profound grief. Reclaiming your childhood from grief, symbolized through reclaiming the piano provided by your parents and played by your brother, is a great story. Thank you for sharing.
Great Granpa Simpson lol
The false narrative. I recently got into a huge fight over this with a mutual friend of my narcissistic parents. When someone believes their false narrative, they misunderstand ME. I am so tired of being mischaracterized!
What a beautiful story! It was almost as if I were watching a movie in my head. Your son is very talented btw.
Oh my gosh thank you so much for sharing this with us. Bless you and your family ❤
I think at 19 you did really well with the information and skills you had and that being the sort of information and skills you were able to accumulate under the difficult and non-nurturing circumstances.
Thank you for sharing such an intimate portrait of a part of your bigger story. You are such an inspiration. I cannot fathom the trauma you endured when your brother died the way he did, at the age you were.😢😢
I knew this would be a trigger, and I hoped it would not;
The loss of my piano - was painful.
Was it mine?
I was the one that played it
But my sister is the one who claimed the piano being sold by Mama was her pain.
Mama sold it because it was an antique. Mama did not like old things.
The piano was in the house room where an old used commercial pool table had remained for years.
Next to that room was a half bath that had Playboy wallpaper. The Playboy wallpaper, I later learned, was so inappropriate. It had cartoons of people having sex and naked with exaggerated sex parts.
So my sister claimed the piano. I was never allowed to have anything by her, and I guess by proxy, my mama.
Later in life, the piano became my friend. I would find them in universities or malls and play them. The piano became my voice. It would speak feelings I could not share and say words I did not dare.
Many years later, through my illness, I lost my memory, and I became self-aware. I sat at a piano and realized I had lost a friend when my memory was wiped.
This is the first time writing this. Correcting the errors is less critical than sharing.
Thank you for sharing, Patrick. I am thankful for you.
So strange but I do feel this odd connection. Synchronicity with you and your story because I am originally from the Cambridge, Arlington Massachusetts area and my mother who was originally from County Kerry had a sister Auntie Joan who lived on Centre Street in Dorchester. I worked at a Liquor store in Porter Square Cambridge for over 8 years and although I am now age 54 I feel that I have met you somewhere at some time. Where were you a waiter in Cambridge? Did you take the T often? Anyway back to the piano. I lost so much when I became homeless but my things did have a soul and inspired the girl living with my things to help me and my dog when she got the chance. My mermaids specifically
This podcast was great. I played piano 🎹 too. As an aside- for people who find music therapeutic this episode reminded me of some songs by The Lumineers that feature piano work and relationship dysfunction particularly alcoholism: Rollercoaster, Big Shot, and Leader of the Landslide
This is truly a beautiful story. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. What an vulnerable & inspiring expression.
I do relate a lot. That "orphan quality" phrase struck me hard. I am only beginning my healing - about 2 1/2 years into actively working on recovery, versus running from & denying the impact of my past - and although I had those moments revealing how toxic things were for so long, I genuinely thought I could somehow outrun it all. It took a full psychotic break to bring me to my lowest point in my mid-30's so I had no opinion but to face it.
I think I had that "good on paper" family you describe. I'm still learning terms and such, but I have so much appreciation for the general yet in-depth explanations you post on social media platforms. I'm extremely grateful because getting quality therapy from a qualified trauma therapist is beyond my financial means right now. It's so critical for all aspects of my health, especially now that a traumatic brain injury has been added to the mix, really seeming to have destroyed what coping mechanisms I even had, healthy or less so, and yet so inaccessible to too many like myself. General talk therapy isn't helpful but hurtful for me: having a stranger poking at deep wounds with only an academic understanding of the reality of surviving CPTSD (the childhood traumas AND the effects in adulthood) has really damaged my ability to trust therapists. It took many years of working with therapists who definitely did more harm than good, to come to understand that, just as it is in social life, it truly "takes one to know one." We really do need someone who has been through something similar, though no two experiences are alike even for kids raised in the same environment, in order to feel understood, seen, and most importantly, safe in opening ourselves up to the exploration necessary to begin healing.
So again, I genuinely want to express so much gratitude for the work you're doing - both with clients, but with those who follow you - and for personalizing your explanations. It gives us a way to feel more connected even though we'll never meet. Although if it were up to me, if I could tell my insurance who is worth/needed to cover, if I could get into what is probably a very long waitlist, I'd really want the opportunity to work with you.
The more realistic goal is to find someone who works similarly, and continue making progress. The one therapist I began CPTSD work with, who also learned most of the things she used through her personal healing journey, wasn't reimbursed sufficiently by my insurance at the time and dropped it, so I couldn't continue. Even now, insurance deductibles and copays really do make access to qualified care so difficult - no doubt so many others are in the same position - and what a travesty, since those who need the most assistance in healing from wounds inflicted too young and which we never earned, regardless of what our inner child had to believe to cope, are likely to be the ones least able to shell out the big bucks for it. 🙁
I am enlightened each time I listen to or read what you share. It's been making a significant impact on my ability to do this work without one-on-one assistance. This is unlikely a new response, but I imagine that if you still battle many of the personal insecurities so many childhood trauma survivors must, constantly or at least continually throughout our adult life, each time you know you are making a positive impact in one more life, it is both validation of your work's importance & encouragement to continue doing it (particularly with these types of videos or podcasts that pay less or nothing). This is pro bono at its most authentic, literally "for good [of another]." Thank you.
As a pianist I’m really glad you got your piano ❤. Music has always been my therapy too.
I love that you are open to those who say this story might not resonate with you, BUT it’s a story of HOPE and HEALING!!! Thank you! Who isn’t here for some healing and hope. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for this ❤ your son can learn how to tune the piano himself :)
Thank you so much for your honest, open storytelling, which is characteristic of you but remarkable in the bigger picture. So many of us struggle with recognizing our stories, much less talking about them. Is your mother still alive? If so, what is her attitude toward your openly talking about your childhood? I say that with no criticism, I'm just wondering how you've handled that situation, how it played out.
Thank you for sharing, may you continue your healing journey. I loved the ending with your son and the piano, and how the situation has come full circle for you. May you always have beauty in your life from the ashes, from this day forward❤
Thank you for sharing this! Wow, very powerful, truly. I can relate very much also.
A deeply touching story of a young man named Michael Teahan. Way to go in chosing to affect change. My deepest admiration!
I just thank God for you. You are so relatable and unfiltered and that’s what I love
thank you Patrick
Instruments having souls is a lovely idea...then I guess you've seen The Red Violin? : )
I laughed out loud! You did a spot on impression of Grandpa Simpson.
What a beautiful and powerful story
catapulted, chaotic, orphan, self-consumed, powerful, full circle, legacy, change.
💖 Thank you very much for sharing your story today.
Thank you for this great story! I've recently started writing down stories from my childhood and this is inspiring me to write more.
Bravo 👏🏽 to your son🥹
Thanks for sharing! So touching!
I loved this 💜 thank you for sharing.
I love this piano story.
I can feel your emotion as you tell it. It’s a symbol of your own perseverance in a turbulent time! You’re really awesome! 🤟🏼
Your story touched me, thank you. I needed that today.
Thank you for sharing this ! Very much appreciated ! I look forward to learning more from you and becoming a better individuated person ! Have a great day 😺
Thank you Patrick.
Thank you so much for sharing this. ❤
Absolutely beautiful ❤
Thank you for sharing this personal story with us Patrick. I’ve been watching your channel for a few months now, and have gained so much from your knowledge and insight.
I loved hearing this story and everything about this episode. And there's so much good to say about it that everyone has already covered, esp your son playing the piano. But I wouldn't want this detail to get missed: that was an amazing Abe Simpson impression. You sounded just like him!!
So good. Thank you for sharing. I cried at the end. I'm sorry you had to go through such hardships growing up. I love that your son is now playing the piano and wow the snippets of him playing are so mature and deep, really beautiful! I think I will try to hold onto the family piano that is still collecting dust at my childhood home after hearing this.
This was very helpful.. I say that a lot to your posts/videos… parents do have a lot to do with our reality when we’re growing up…. One thing you’ve said is we, as children, we’re expected to perform as an adult with no training, and then we’re criticized for not being able to adult (say at age 6 or 10)… and also - we were infantized at times… with our parents not treating us in an age appreciative way ( say at 27 or even younger) and my mother still cannot own or admit her mistakes… It’s a lot to unpack…
I took piano lessons for almost ten years, but it got very tiring very quickly when I was not allowed to play at my own pace. The teacher was kind and understanding, but it got to the point where I hated playing in front of my parents because it seemed like every time I played a song for my dad he would say "That's cool, but you should play this type of music instead." I guess I took that as his disapproval, yet for some reason he'd still ask me to play. I just got tired and eventually and quit. Sometimes I think about picking it up, or... sitting down at it again, but I just don't feel comfortable expressing myself that way in front of anyone at the moment.
Also, I didn't know you were in North Carolina. That's where I am from, and a lot of my family actually used to live around the Asheville and Charlotte area.
So, that explains why I have the china. I use it to feel family. ❤ Now to cry.
Thank You Patrick. That was a beautiful story.
I liked listening to this story. It seems so cool that you were able to get the piano back from that, and also is positive that you were able to see the lying finally. I agree that when you have a lot of traumas that something small can be made to be so much bigger.
It's also really helpful cause I can see how easily it would be to justify the behavior for so long of the family. it was helpful for me to reflect a bit. and see a lot of similar patterns.
It seems so full circle that your son plays piano now. That's very nice.
When I was 12, I used to talk to palm trees. To this day, they’re my favorite tree lol
I’ve come across psychics who bond with plants/trees than the average psychic (everyone’s different) and they told me that trees have memories, so the trees consciousness remembers you from a certain point in time. Insane!
I believe instruments have souls too, it may be passed on energy from people. So an object can have residual energy, but I’ve never thought about it as good residual energy-or different types of residual energy like nostalgia?
But I also think about how instruments are made out of wood. Does the wood hold the memory when residual energy transfers? Even after the tree is dead? Why not? Trees are that sacred. They help us in so many ways.
And then there’s this reflection of looking at a tree/instrument and you consciously remember those memories and feelings. A simple exchange bringing you an awakening, could be a whole “tree of life” effect. If it exists. Kind of like when it’s Noon and the trees shadow is directly below the tree creating a reflection. As within, so without. As above so below.
I wonder if people get the same feeling with instruments that don’t have wood. 🤷🏻♀️
Omg more. This is amazing. Thank you for sharing.
What a beautiful, beautiful story 😊
Thank you for this wonderful story😊
Thank you for sharing your story ❤
Love your gifts that you are developing and sharing!
Thank you.
Wonderful story!I related to several points!
So articulate. I need articulation like that. What are the top 5 things you would say that you believe would help someone become more articulate