6 Common Pitfalls in Healing Childhood Trauma
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- Опубліковано 8 чер 2024
- In this episode, I describe six common pitfalls or stuck places that often happen in the process of working on childhood trauma. I hope it's helpful to you!
Learn more about Patrick Teahan,
Childhood Trauma Resources and Offerings
➡️ linktr.ee/patrickteahan
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My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client or physician or quasi-physician relationship.
If you are, or someone you know, is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.
If you are having emotional distress, please utilize 911 or the National Suicide Hotline
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Confusing therapeutic work with a self-optimization madness is my major pitfall. Amazing how perfectionism hides under each and every rock. I‘m giving myself a break from self-help now. Thanks for this podcast.
I'm doing the same thing currently. Self help and wellness can become a toxic not-enoughness journey.
Just finished a break...at times it's like that; time is needed to process, eject and replace
As well, some things are worked on as they present themselves.
@@chinwenduchinwe586 that's true. i implemented ease to let things happen and then to also just live with ease. it has been really truly the right path. i'm still in my "break". i have taken breaks before. before i didn't feel like doing things and felt i should be doing them. but this last 4 months has been intentional and a surrender, realizing it is part of the core design of life.
Same here. Takin' a break.
Yeah. It's difficult to accept that just healing might be enough. But if I want to heal then it will have to be. My body is so painful I have no choice but to just take the time to heal. I've tried to push through and it's not happening so I've surrendered to the time needed. Wishing you well firends 🙏
"Childhood trauma is really relational abuse that requires relational healing." Excellent episode, Patrick, thank you!
1. Confusing awareness for healing 2:19
2. The abuse won't affect me anymore 7:04
3. Discouragement confirmation 9:12
4. I've seen the light - you should too 12:04
5. Wrong place, wrong therapy, wrong time 15:49
6. Stopping once you start feeling better 22:20
Final thoughts 26:04
I'd like to add that undiagnosed and untreated ADHD makes childhood trauma therapy very hard, if not nigh impossible.
Thank you for the section titles list! ❤😇 I have diagnosed but unmedicated ADHD that causes ever-fluctuating levels of disorganization and chaos. In case anyone needs a little borrowed optimism, I've experienced MASSIVE healing through self-help even with significant neuro-spiciness. 😀 Working on my difficult childhood *alongside* my ADHD has actually helped both so much. There are so many parallels and overlaps between them that helping one almost can't help improving the other. Win-win! 🤓
Edit: P.S. ADHD support groups through CHADD and my HMO have given me real-life experiences of relational healing through sharing stories, validation, outrage on each others' behalf, support, connection, kindness, acceptance *including* "flaws," etc.
And the following UA-cam channels have helped me so much with internalized ableism and shame and given me practical tools for getting a non-judgmental inner parent in place: How to ADHD, the Minimal Mom, Hayley Honeyman. Good wishes!
🌈🌱🌿😃💐🍀💖
Can you elaborate why? I was undiagnosed all of my adolescence and childhood.
Agreed and I'm speaking from experience
My #1 frustation is how aware I am of what I'm doing, while still doing it. I call myself out on it after. That's no fun, anymore tbh
As a child and well into my late teens, I was forced to be around people I didn't like. Because of this, as an adult, I tend to disregard my gut feelings about other people and force myself to be nice to them. Keep being in proximity to them. Even if they are people I want nothing to do with anymore.
Thank you! What you said about the fantasy of things not affecting you anymore. I've been guilty of this because being raised as a Christian we've been taught "True Forgiveness is when it doesn't affect you anymore", I've always had an issue with this statement. I believe it's wrong, and it often keeps people going back or suffering through to "save face". Throughout the years I have received a lot of pushback from people because I refuse to return to certain churches I attended in the past, and it has been a "get over it" mindset. Recently I left a toxic church & Pastor and when shared with someone I more than likely will never return, they started this whole forgiveness rant. I quickly shut it down and said we have different views and stances, I have forgiven but reconciliation is not possible and I don't have to go back to what harmed me. I recall another incident a few months ago my parents were mad I refused to return to a childhood church, I'm like who returns to abuse? So this is so true
The church uses forgiveness as a weapon. So wrong. They manipulate, shame you, guilt you, & gaslighting you. Best thing I ever did in my healing process was to ditch that BS.
Oh, my heaven! I've got to get away again. Christians have been, for the most part, toxic past my comfort level. No, let me correct that. I don't have any more tolerance for Christian toxicity. I was starting to find common ground with Quakers, but had to move away. There aren't any near me. So I pray for a way.
I've seen a lot of really unhealthy behavior in churches. As a Christian myself this bothers me immensely.
Addressing my substance abuse as helped me move my healing forward.
Care to share advice? I am needing to do the same thing but struggling.
Be careful going cold turkey. We don't need to die to get better. Research the medical and chemical aspects.
That has to be hard to say in a public forum or even to yourself. I take my hat off to that.
Yes, you can't move forward in healing until you address addiction. But it's really just the first step (not to be confused with step 1 of 12 step groups). It's very hard because developed addiction to dampen our nervous system reactivity so addressing childhood trauma in Recovery is very triggering.
I am a childhood trauma survivor and a Recovering addict and alcoholic. Grateful to be clean & sober for a decade. ❤
Thank you for validating the idea of limiting interaction with triggering family. I do much better in life when I'm not around them.
These podcasts are amazing. I am 11 minutes in and am blown away by the amount of knowledge and expertise this man has!
I do have this terrible frustration and intolerance to the bullpoop now and have been beating myself up for not being able to transcend it! Just knowing its normal and means im going the right way is helpful. Patrick, thank you. You have been so huge in my journey. ❤
My greatest strength and my greatest weakness is that I now have a very low tolerance for BS 😄
Man, I've been self healing for basically 10 years now. I'd love to be in a better place and be able to help others along their path also.
This video came at the perfect time for me. I have healed so much and I am right now hosting toxic family for two weeks and was trying to understand why I'm so much better but so much less tolerant of their toxic behavior. Thank you for all the work you do.
Because it is toxic 😂
And you have to protect yourself by all means.
First question is: why are you hosting them?
Because you want to and because you are fully ready for it?
Or because you have to?
Second one is a bad one. Don't do it.
@user-uu3us9ys4q definitely the second one. I am planning on this being the last time.
It took me 30 years to get the correct diagnosis and treatment, so I was intent on getting well quickly. But organically, I knew to take breaks and absorb what I was learning. I know it will take time, and things will not be perfect, but much better!
Yeah, I experienced some of these, especially in the beginning. I didn't realize there's a difference between knowledge and practice. It is definitely possible to go through the therapy process on your own if resources are scarce, like in my situation. You just have to be willing to get messy, read a lot of books, journal a lot, cry a lot, do the worksheets and workbooks, and practice what you've learned as you go through life while understanding that you're going to trip and fall over and over again. Life is full of opportunities for practice, and viewing toxic people as dojos when I can't avoid them completely makes the experience at least feel worthwhile. I can be grateful for the opportunity to test out my skills and learn from them to gain greater insight into myself as I grow stronger. Thanks for being my crash test dummy, Karen! lol
Thank you for sharing your experience! ❤ I get why Patrick advocates therapy, but I think stories of healing success withOUT it are so important. In my opinion, the widespread MYTH that therapy is required for healing can be its own kind of pitfall and discouragement confirmation. It certainly cost me many years that I could have spent healing!
I'd still love to be able to find and afford a great therapist someday, but the increased peace, resilience, self-acceptance, and JOY (etc.! : - ) that I've gotten from self-directed healing has been so worth it!
Good wishes to you & special thanks for the phrase "viewing toxic people as dojos." Love it! 😂
🌈🌱🌿🤓😃😻😄💐🍀💖
No poison is medicine. You can avoid anything that harms you with commitment.
Okay, this explains why I don't take bs from my mom anymore. Usually I would just answer her sarcastically when she makes a jab, but last time I just stopped and took half an hour to explain how she's being mean. I wondered if I was loosing my patience and getting meaner myself, but this explains it. Thank you. 🙏
Same-my ability to put up with b.s. in generally has just stopped.
I just can’t care if me owning and expressing myself upsets others.
Speaking of positive experiences I had my first appointment with a trauma therapist and he knew about you, Patrick. I got a good first impression, he's young and enthusiastic and said something that he's working with people who performed one of the earliest research in complex trauma in Angola, and then joined efforts with another team of researchers in Palestine. I couldn't find details online, gonna ask him next time. l
Great podcast, Patrick. I would like to suggest that people who find themselves "too busy" all the time to look at their childhood and family of origin MAY be doing it as an act of self-sabotage. They need to question their motive as to why they're "SO busy." Avoidance gets us nowhere, and we only end up hurting ourselves and oftentimes others in the process of our avoidance. Speaking from experience on this one. Love Curtin's and your work. It's helped me immensely and is a great source of personal validation of my childhood.
Amazing, I do keep wanting to be able to handle my abusive mom, the way you said it made a lightbulb go off ,I went no contact and in therapy it’s still hard af
Yeah I know bet. But you're super brave for actually doing it AND getting yourself support too.. give yourself some credit man. I look up to your example. Truly
For me this helps me understand that there are many levels to healing. There are phases that I have gone through that bring up so much. I am one who will research until I am numb and it is overwhelming me. So what I have to remember is to slow down take breaks from trying to figure it all out. For me it is putting it into practice everyday. What is the use of knowing my triggers and trauma response if I can not walk through those triggers and response as they come up organically on this journey.
Having a good therapist is key and what I am seeking. I have had a couple but my issue is the time limit put on therapy I can receive. I have severe abandonment issues and have had many therapist that end therapy because my time was up. I am now seeking and demanding long term treatment because I know I am worth it and deserve it. For me that is a win and healing. For the old me would just take what I got and then be ashamed that I did not ask. No more and for me it has taken a long time to get here.
I'm definitely aware and not healed from a lot... Once you're at that point awareness is the most annoying thing 😂
It’s really difficult to have the profound painful insights and then not have the resources to heal it. Finding a good therapist to assist with this is like finding the magical unicorn!!
Ever notice yourself giving vastly more healthy attention to how you are when suffering than when not, but wonder if you might benefit from equal attention to how you are when happy?
Im the other way. I marvel so much at my happiness - perhaps its the novelty? -and struggle to acknowledge pain or sadness at all. I don't know why.
This is exactly what I needed to hear. I had excellent therapy that kept me alive, helped me grow, moved me miles ahead, but we definitely reached that spot where we didn't know what else we were looking at and where else to take it. Thank you, as always, for continuing to get educational material out to us.
I think Acceptance and Commitment therapy would be a good resolution for these pitfalls.
ACT does work on accepting on struggles and not struggling with the negatives.
ACT is transdiagnostic.
ACt is a process that does not take action inside the therapy session but outside ,as therapy is experiential.
ACT acts on the action of the patient as the therapist acts as a guide.
I miss not seeing Patrick, or the illustrations. I guess this is good if you only want to listen.
He does different formats. This is just his podcast format.
Thank you for another good one!
thank you for doing this ❤
Good insights, thank you
Yes.
Very helpful.
Thank you.
Thanks for helping me see all these other people relate to me too. ❤
Absolutely brilliant information. Thank you. I'm lucky to be in therapy with a great therapist. I could understand everything you were saying, to more or lesser degrees. A great sense check.
Good thoughts. My personal journey resonates with your words.
I would SO much like knowing all this stuff to give healing. I know lots, thanks to your work and boatloads more, and lots of in person therapy with good, qualified people. Who are lots more patient than am I. And sometimes the pain is better. Perhaps a pitfall, I sure wish I felt, feel, better. Lots better. Heck, I'd be grateful for just less bad. I'd like to do it alone. That just doesn't seem to work. And I'm years into the therapy.
Talking works perfectly for me, because it deal with main problem: you don't know you have a problem, like fish don't really feel it is in the water.
The rest I can do perfectly myself.
That is so true! We need others to mirror us and point out where we went wrong. Otherwise we normalize the dysfunction.
Can I ask, if you told a therapist, before one of your initial sessions, "I have some questions I'm bringing in for our next session," what would it mean if they got instantly defensive and told you "Well you can't just ask me any question you want to, we don't have equality in this relationship."
And then spent the next hour speciously explaining what kinds of questions you were "allowed" to ask them, all without EVER HEARING A SINGLE QUESTION YOU WANTED TO ASK.
That would be pretty messed up, right? I had panic attacks for 48 hours and am still reeling weeks after this experience. We hadn't had many sessions (thank goodness), but I really did like her and feel a sense of trust in her, that she completely and utterly shattered. That is not an acceptable therapist reaction, right? I think you're supposed to be free to ask ANY question you want to. If they don't like it, they can decline to answer, etc., AFTER you ask it, right??
I'm sorry a therapist treated you like that! That's truly CRAZY, weird, inappropriate, gas-lighting, etc. Find a better one. (It's not fair that it means more work for you, but what you described is the opposite of a safe person)
I kinda understand i remember the time my aunt was alive I felt like even she couldn’t actually help me in my situation with my toxic family bc of them and these arguments I was afraid that wasn’t going to help I also told people my situation reasons why I couldn’t date I had to scare people away bc my family was and still is complicated no therapist can probably help in the way I’m thinking anyway I’m not saying that I wouldn’t try to still get therapy bc I even had to share a psychiatrist with my toxic mother I was too scared to take medication not to mention I can’t swallow whole pills that well either I kinda understand no therapist can really save you from your situation with your toxic family members if I understood what you were saying still love this video ❤❤❤❤
Come join me on the Trauma bandwagon! Yep, guilty of this. Really appreciate this episode. The nuances are so helpful.
Pitfall! I looooved this game as a kid ❤ we had one of those joysticks with retro games on it and I was obsessed ✨
I was so surprised that a friend of mine had mental illness and a mean mother, but was still incredibly wise and knew stuff I'd only just learned.
Really eye opening for me. Sometimes people seem lost and immature even tho they are much Fürther than you in this path.
3/4 of therapists have issues nd cant help themselves, let alone others. They reflect their own experiences nd traumas on others nd make it worse for their clients. Finding a good therapist can be traumatic in itself
Should my therapist be giving me "homework" every session? Sometimes I feel like all we do is chat. Then I leave the session, look up a podcast on something the therapist mentioned (casually, not at their suggesting), and I have more "ah ha!" on my own research than on what we discussed together.
They've said to journal. I love to write, but I had to look up writing prompts.
Thank you Patrick🙏🏼
Why would a therapist/psychiatrist misdiagnose c-PTSD for a personality disorder instead? And overlook Autism when you have c-PTSD? What are the differences? Could you please create a YT about that?
What specifically do we look for to find a therapist who can do the childhood trauma reparenting, grieving, learning how to recognize emotions and healthy appropriate ways to be in relationships??
What letters should be behind the docs title? Or do we ask for a specific type of therapy? What’s the training called?
Thank you Patrick!💖✨💖
Is education also doing the inner child exercise with the nondominant hand? Could that be a leveling up from just the education and awareness, along with the Journaling prompts that you give in the healing community?
My understanding is the inner child nondominant hand exercises are considered "work". They go beyond the research and understanding the whys and hows that we so desperately seek.
That said, I Believe Patrick is correct in the assertion that that work isn't enough... We get broken relationally and therefore, we also need to work in a relational setting to heal that trauma. He highly recommends group therapy for this kind of work.
I’m so used to giving up my rights and space 💔🥲
I think the MYTH that therapy is required for healing bothers me so much because it IS true that not everyone can afford or otherwise gain access to good therapy. I agree that knowledge alone isn't enough, and that putting things into practice in real life and with other people is key. Luckily there are so many ways to do that without a therapist! Thinking you need to wait until you find The One can itself be a pitfall that delays healing.
Patrick, I would like to know how one can become a therapist like you. If I were to invest time in a masters and the needed training, what would that look like? Do you have any advice? Thanks 🙏
A master’s training gives you basics and the ability to counsel.
The stuff you hear here is obtained in your own searching and gathering.
Thank you Patrick. I guess we have a question. Do you know of issues with individuals in trauma, therapy etc. who are either free or clamped up due to fact or humans who were alive and possibly contributory or complicit to trauma that keep them bound ??? Thanks. Hope made sense
I am just at the start of everything, so I guess i have the awareness but not much else and i am struggling with just giving up because it feels like there isn't any help out there for me and i guess that's my inner child expecting to be let down again. But it's really hard to keep trying, the disappointment can be so hard to take and it feels a little bit like rejection still too, if that makes sense? How do you keep the hope alive that there might be help out there?
Not mistaking awareness for healing might be happening for me. Also waiting to hear back from an RRP therapist is happening… triggered 🙄
You've got this... You've likely already waited a very long time to get this far and as painful as this waiting is you're 100% equipped to overcome it 💪❤️🩹
Was that beginning noise from donkey Kong? Whatever it is I love it!
I bet it was Patrick on his sax jamming away! Good stuff!
Your content is very helpful but when you explain things as they are I get panic attacks and get triggered because I remember traumatizing events. And you really explain what's going on in videos with toxic parents and childhood trauma but you offer no solution.
I can so relate to feeling like I couldn't find the concrete tools I needed for flashbacks and healing in general. In case it's helpful and you haven't seen it yet, Patrick has a playlist on his homepage called My Channel as a Chlldhood Trauma Course that makes it easier to find key videos with practical tips (in addition to the also-helpful psychoeducation : - ). There are lots with tools for managing triggers, including some listed at the end below.
Your reference to panic attacks makes me wonder if both PTSD and complex-PTSD are going on.
The #1 essential tip I've found for calming flashbacks to *physical* fear and unsafety is finding ways to remember the past is past and you're safe in the present (also helps with cPTSD! : - ).
I find it really helpful to have a 1 or 2 page hard copy list of tips and reminders to look at for *any* issue I repeatedly struggle with, and the 13 Steps for Managing Flashbacks on therapist Peter Walker's site is really excellent. I like to customize this kind of thing to highlight what really works for me.
Holly Priebe has a whole video about Walker's tips and I especially like her ideas about customizing Steps 2 and 6 (ways to Remind Yourself that you're in the present and also have resources you didn't back then).
Doing mindfulness techniques like 5-4-3-2-1 to notice sensory details in the present can also really help remember the past is past and calm the nervous system.
Marching or running in place is a super-helpful tip I've used for PTSD (and stress in general!🤪) that I got from the brilliant biologist Robert Sapolsky.
I also really appreciate that Patrick and his mentor Amanda Curtin understand the value of finding ways to safely express anger about what happened to us out loud AND physically (EDIT: on *inanimate* objects like pillows, punching bags, or broken printers, or by throwing old dishes or visiting a rage room). I believe that has definitely contributed to my triggers and flashbacks becoming WAY less frequent and less disruptive.
Something I *haven't* heard Patrick or anyone else advocate which might sound out there to some but helped me enormously was vividly imagining beating the crap out of my abusive father. I lived like I was in witness protection from him for years because I was *literally* afraid for my life, and giving myself permission to virtually "experience" defending myself and taking back my power did wonders for me psychologically. 🙂
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Over time, practicing *Other Concrete Skills* like those below has also helped me get triggered less often and feel more resilient (and happier! : - ) in general: 🤓
- learning about CBT or DBT concepts and techniques and challenging my unhelpful thoughts and negative core beliefs from childhood
- using a feelings wheel and daily check-ins to get in touch with my emotions so they're not running me as much and I can benefit from their wisdom
- doing inner child work using Patrick's videos and the book Homecoming that he recommends to his clients
- journaling in response to childhood trauma recovery prompts Patrick and others provide
- journaling to data dump my concerns and feelings so I can see them more clearly and/or release them
- writing down at least 1 or 2 things I'm grateful for and 1 or 2 things I did *right* each day to train my brain to subconsciously look for the GOOD things to counteract being raised to focus on the bad
- learning about how boundaries *actually* work and trying them out more often and with more and more people (boundaries are what WE do to ensure our feelings and needs are respected and they're a great way to weed out unhealthy people! ; - )
- forcing myself to try acting in new ways with safe people (e.g. by expressing needs and resolving conflicts) and discovering they still accepted me ❤😃❤
- etc.
Good wishes to you!
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*Some Teahan Videos with Tools for Triggers*
- 6 Unknown Childhood Trauma Triggers - Therapy Tools - Part 2
- What does it mean to be triggered
- ⭐The 1-2-3 Process with Amanda Curtin LICSW - Intimacy & Trauma Work
(Patrick refers to this as the most important technique in his practice. A free hard copy guide is available on his website. : - )
- How to figure out your childhood trauma triggers
- ⭐4 ways out of survival mode
(Section 2 starting at the 10-52 mark is GOLD! It goes into detail about physically and verbally expressing rejection of the abuse. So helpful! )
Healing train, ah man, how relatable. 😂
All of these resonated with me! Including the one where your therapist is waiting on you to “get it”. I didn’t 😂 but eventually I did!
The other one that I have seen with people close to me is thinking awareness is healing. It is really a trap! But being gentle and consistent is essential.
#1 common pitfall of healing trauma; going to 99.9% of therapists.
Lucky me I'm the 666th like!
Commercials made this impossible to watch. I know you have to monetize but being pitched a product mid sentence on a sensitive topic like this is too much for me.
hot 🥵 yoga 🧘🏼♀️ is a cult in my opinion