I experienced the Amorous narcissist he used his sexual charisma & charm to lure me and seduce me.... He was a predator online and offline whilst in a relationship with me... I was devastated with the lies and gaslighting... 4yrs later walked away, now in the process of healing.
It always surprises me how some people are never tired of finding new flings despite having a partner. Like why?! So much time, so much effort to lure someone when you can easily just have sex at home.
@@cb9825 someone can't easily just have sex with their partner. The partner might not want to. People in a relationship don't have the same sex drive all of the time. It's not about sex or intamacy with narcisstic people. Sex isn't the same for them as it is for normal people. It's about the conquest; the power and control. They might be withholding sex from their partner while being unfaithful.
Absolutely in my experience and I've had plenty of experience throughout my entire life 😵💫 . When I first realized & learned about narcissism it was because of that 'Jekyll & Hyde' thing 👍🏼
Being involved with a vulnerable narcissist totally blind-sided me, and I'm a MH professional! Boy, do I feel foolish! Thank You, Dr. Ramani for everything You Do, and ARE! Lots of Respect, Love & Hugs :)
it’s only been a year and a half(with this individual )I realized what I had been up against with the covert-only way to handle was no contact. Sadly, my family and certain friends are different narcissists.-only way to handle was no contact no other way )This one was a deceitful family member that used dysfunction to her advantage- I was blindsided but now I know how to walk through it. Yikes, it was mind boggling…..
Right? Like how did I not see this before I was so deeply into this relationship? I can see it in client's relationship... Dr Ramani is so validating and helpful!
Me too! another MH professional here. But my relationship was well before the concept of a vulnerable narcissist existed. My partner at the time was even seeing a psychologist and had been seeing psychologists throughout our relationship, and each one of them also missed her vulnerable narcissistic patterns, and instead thought my partner wasn't getting her needs met in the relationship. They essentially enabled her to ramp up her lying, gaslighting, and manipulation and I walked away. Within two months she was in another committed relationship with the support of her psychologist.
0:55 1, The Unprincipled Narcissist 1:42 2, The Amorous Narcissist 4:02 3, The Elitist Narcissist 6:12 4, The Compensatory Narcissist 7:56 5, The Normal Narcissist
1, The Unprincipled Narcissist, I think this is the one who opened my eyes to this world of narcissism. She would lie to my face even knowing I know it's a lie and keeps going, manipulating over everything posible, she plans and executes step by step, visibly enjoys damaging the pray, and of course cheats
What took me so long to understand the narcissist in my life - my mother did a little bit of everything. There was no mold for her. From what I've heard other victims say, their experiences are also quite varied. My mother would push her agenda, try guilt, if that didn't work, she played the victim card, and then played the martyr when things came down. She threw me under the bus with everyone. So, there were little bits and pieces from each type all rolled into this one woman.
My boyfriend TRIES to push his agenda, tries guilt, and yes, when that doesnt work plays the victim card…”you’re (me) am not understanding and dont seem to get it, yadda yadda”…then the martyr as well! Thank you for your post. 80% of the time I mirror or gaslight back, ignore or dont react. Hope and a prayer I keep working on me and someone new will give me the additional energy and healthy boundaries to push me over to dump him. At least through Dr Ramani, I am so much more vastly aware of what is happening!!!!!!
Your mother sounds like a Vulnerable/Malignant Narcissist...Your description of your mother sounds like how my mother was...also known as Covert/Malignant!
Variability in narcissism is like the mixer on your stereo. A little more bass here, a little more treble there. The severity in narcissism is like your volume; it's turned up or it's turned down.
Like so many other's, I have to say thank you! I dont think you will ever truly know how many lives you have saved. Just knowing i can reference your knowledge when ever im dealing with the chaos. Is extremely comforting.
I don't know about you, but when I am dealing with a Narcissist or thinking about how my mother was; I hear Dr. Ramani's voice in my head saying, "They don't care and they aren't listening to you."
The core is, that narcissists cant admit to themselves or others that they did wrong, that they were wrong. Whenever they feel shamed, they minimize, project, they DARVO, etc. They double down. They rationalize they are right so they have to keep on doing like that. Thats the core. A defect in the personality. A personality should be able to balance proyecting the ego from attacks, versus actually learnjng from mistakes. In narcs, the ego is protected at the expense of being able to see the're wrong.
Thank you for your information I am in a Covert Narc. relationship, and I am making a plan to leave him. It is very difficult because he doesn't leave me with much time to myself. I am gathering information, I have a circle of supporters to help me. I am on my way out. Thanks
You’ve been a God send! Why is it that these narcissists all share the same qualities such as lack of empathy. The amorous narcissist seems like the type of person to prey on people who are very generous. I see a lot of these people who are foreign because they need something from you. Most financially due to their working conditions. What I find mostly strange is that a lot of these narcissists are related to other narcissists who are all attractive. Almost all of my narcissistic friends are physically attractive I would say. Even the covert ones. Usually it’s the avoidant personality people in my life that I find are mostly pray for these types of narcissists. It’s almost demonic in nature how they can sniff certain people out while others look to them without a sense of manipulation. There are definitely two types of people in the world it seems.
I think we should stop calling all of these categories types and just start calling them features or something like that because the more I learn-My ex was cerebral, conversational, cheerful, self-righteous, neglectful, and vulnerable! Now I would also add elitist! At what point does the list of types become meaningless when there’s so much overlap and one person can harbor aspects of so many different types? Yeah-Dr. Ramani addresses this at the very end of this video. Agreed.
This was my thought exactly. The subtypes essentially seem to be nothing more than one or 2 traits/ flags being more prominent than the others. Narcissism is def complicated enough as it is.
It is serendipitous this was posted on the birthday of the most malevolent n-ex I have ever encountered. Got out - alive - reletively quickly, but scars burned deeply to my soul. I look at this content as a "Requiem for EVIL!" Thanks, Dr. Ramani, for shining your powerful Narc-ray on these types so we all may live a life well-learned! Stay Blessed!
It’s those “normal” ones that can really trip you up! Always flying under the radar with the red flags well concealed😫 And of course they always make their victim feel like they are the weirdo!
My mom fooled me for over 40 years. My only clue was my own increasing annoyance and upset whenever I had to deal with her. Dr Ramani talks about low grade narcissism--the person is basically an overgrown adolescent, and can get away a lot of times with seeming to be light-hearted and fun, but all their promises and assurances fall apart when things stop being fun. That nails my experience. I've this this persistent feeling of outgrowing her, and feeling really dismayed and increasingly upset because of the increasing gap between what being an adult looks like and how she behaves. A lot of people talk about how they've come to increasingly appreciate the wisdom of their elders. That's the exact opposite of my experience. I tried hard to respect and learn from her--and got really badly burned. Now I've had to go no-contact with her, and I'm trying to provide a much better intellectual/emotional foundation for my daughters.
I ended an acquaintanceship when I noticed narcissistic and dishonest behavior and then suddenly, they wanted my attention more than ever. I would ignore them, and they couldn't stand it! They would insert themselves into my other conversations and try to interrupt me. I got ambushed recently when they said, "I JUST wanted to say hi!" Seems so innocent, right? Not. I said calmly, "You sure seem to want my attention and I really don't want yours." They asked, 'Why?" (So they could explain it away or gaslight me) and I shook my head (no) and walked away. Having DEEP as a coping tool really helped. D=Don't Defend, E=Don't Explain, E= Don't Engage, P= Don't personalize. Thank you for that and for so much more. I'm 4 years post narc and I'm seeing the signs right away now. Hurtful people hurt people. Let them go!
They used to be talked about in catagories of overt (grandiose), covert (vulnerable), somatic (physical), cerebral (intelect). Usually that coverts were more cerebral and somatic ones more likely to be overts. It was also said that all narcissists go through cycles of being somatic and cerebral. I think these categories are just like any categories people are put in - no one is going to fit exactly in one and stay there. Some of it is because of how different situations bring out different aspects of a person. What we can learn from catagorising the narc in our life is where our weaknesses are. Our protection from abusers is within healing our own wounding that makes us blindly vulnerable.
Okay everybody. We’ve all heard some phrase or something that our narcissist has said that, in hindsight, was something that we should have run from… right then. What was it? Mine: “I’m not lazy. I’m efficient.” In a joking and friendly manner. “You know. I just don’t like expectations. I don’t put them on you, don’t put them on me.” While explaining how his last relationship was just so toxic and demanding. “You don’t get my money or my time unless you earn it.” Talking about how exclusive it is to be with him.
Elitist narcissist to me, "Now I'm going to tell you something you probably don't understand because you didn't go to private school...." It was something everyone knows.
The most important thing is to get in touch with your emotions and experience how the person makes you feel and walk away from the jerks. Thank you dr Ramani ❤😊
I'm sorry but get in touch with how they make you feel and walk away. I'm pretty sure most of Dr Ramani's followers have some form of c-ptsd. We know how they make us feel. But the gaslighting, triangulation, blame shifting and flying monkeys. Make us feel crazy. A Lot of us just can't walk away. I know you have good intentions but that sort of comment is very triggering.
The variability factor may just be 'personality' But the underlying patterns are there and, ultimately, how you feel or how they make you feel, or treat you
I just got rid of a so called best friend who was not only a narcissist (undiagnosed but has all the criteria- vulnerable covert narcissist to be exact) but they also suffered from HPD and BPD. It was the most draining friendship I ever had. And as an empath and infj it was a dangerous relationship. It got bad and turned into the fighting territory. I didnt even realize he was a narcissist until after the fact I watched your videos. narcissist unfortunately tend to be attracted to me.
Excellent to inform others of different types of narcissism. If you don’t do it as a professional in the area, someone else is GOING TO DO IT, and they will muddy the discourse. Depress the world. The information is important. On the contrary, it might actually help survivors to make even more sense and feel even more relief than they already feel. Win win win.
Thank you so much, Dr. Ramani!❤ I was 28 years with an amourous narcissist, was discarded for a new supply. Not younger but better status. Journalist vs teacher. He is 64 now and I think he has to change for different supply. Although there were always traces of other types all the time. But in the beginning he told me I saved his life and I wasn't the person to throw one away who is telling me I am the rescue.
"Deficient conscience; unscrupulous, amoral, disloyal, fradulent, deceptive, arrogant, exploitive; a con man and charlatan; dominating, contemptuous, vindictive." - that is such a perfect description of a malignant narc.
The flavours of narcissism is where people love to get stuck, or expert on. The key is the core behaviours of love bombing, building up the false promises and images of a future, followed by increasing disparagement, game playing, emotional abuse, and then discard. Leaving you perplexed and wishing for that original lovecbomombing nice person to return, AND THE LIES TO BE TRUE. Once we understand we've been conned, it's easier to let go, and start healing. Labels won't change the con game, nor make you able to fix them.
Amorous Narcissist. To this day I felted that my ex was a narcissist, although I could never find the right type to match her behavior, so I lived in ambivalent thoughts. Amorous Narcissist. This is, in fact, the missing major piece of the puzzle in my mind. The second year I'm waking up with nightmares, beating my own rage at world, going to therapy and trying to learn the trust shattered by her treatment of me. It's good to finally hear from a specialist that this type does exist after all.
I want to know about all kinds of narcissism. Forewarned is forearmed. We need all the info we can get. IMHO, the covert narcissist did not need to be renamed. Covert is the truth. Only their victims are vulnerable. They're not out for compensatory behavior... they're out to destroy victims. 🎉 🎉
OMG thank you, thank you again you always clear things up. My Mother is a typical narcassist she is now 91 and getting worse in old age. Then to add to this my daughter married a malignant covert narcasist and i believe my daughter is also a narcassist she is always bragging, lying, looking down on people, over exagerating her finances, projecting her life as perfect, bragging about anyone she thinks is famous and how they think she is amazing, she thinks that everone is jealous of her, she behaves like she has compassion but only with words never with actions.....not even with her children.
@helenn7577 Hello, Helenn Just wanted to say thank you. I'm dealing with a similar narcissistic family dynamic. It's so nice hearing your story. We are so not alone. Im the care taker to Aging narcissistic parents. My mother is a convert malignant narcissistic. The worst!!! My father your run of the mill malignant Narcissist. My brother his wife and my nephew are all nightmares. Being surrounded by so many of them you truly feel like it's you. Thank God for DR Ramani !!!The aging narrssict is a terrifying thing. The" Im to old or I forgot " and everyone cottles them. Just because your old doesn't mean your not an a**hole. My mother has tried to have me arrested for elder abuse and when that didn't work she tried to get me committed. Meanwhile I'm taking care of these people. Where's the rest of my concerned family. They can't even handle a couple hours on a holiday. Try taking care of them 24/7. It's the worst when you realize that they are truly toxic and nothing will change. No matter what you do. Thank you for sharing! Little bit of an armour this morning after reading your msg. Hope you have a lovely day free of narcissist's.
Coping with a demanding, narcissistic mother, who is 90 and my sister, who is a malignant, psychopathic narcissist and will be 60 in November (that will be a fun time, especially for her daughter). I was the scapegoat, but I still have to provide transport to doctors and hospital appointments for my mother. If I don't take charge, she manipulates the information she gets from the doctor in order to cause mayhem. Straight up lies a lot of the time. I have had therapy for my CPTSD and PTSD, but the best therapy is knowing that now I have the power she stole from me when I was a child and I know that she knows it too. This comes to an end eventually. As I keep reminding her, she always said she wanted to be alone, in her own house, now she has her wish.
Unfortunately i met ALL of them, because they are/were my family members. Those in the family that weren't "truly" a narcissist, they were flying monkeys, they comformed into the family system not wanting to be targeted. My last and most painful discovery was about a childhood friend of mine (whom i very much respected) turned out to be a puppet of my family and backstabbed me along with my family members. I'm 68 yrs old and i can't trust anybody ... anymore 😢
I’m so sorry. The best thing you can do is build a support network. Even if it’s just one or two people, that your family knows nothing about. People that are “protected” from that toxicity. I hope you find your people, because everyone deserves at least one person they can count on.
Dr. Romani says it exactly like it is. My late former spouse used to go around bragging he had an affair with the late houston and flew her out on the mallard while we were engaged, which btw was the premise of the body guard movie. So, sad she actually was there in Hawaii while we're on vacation as a family with her hubby and baby NC in tow. How sad because they're nowhere in the land of the living and what a wicked web houston webbed and ensnared many people. Praying for the survivors.
Omg, the unprincipled narcissist! I k know him so well. The absolute worst and the PTSD is real!! But he was also the amorous narcissist. Lots of sex with lots of women! Absolutely NO ability to truly be intimate with anyone. It's all about the conquest for him. He was a once described by someone else as "unable" to be faithful. I know this guy waaaaaay too well. And yes, it was the sex appeal that drew me in and kept me attached.
Thank you for sharing! I’m going to stick with the ones you shared with us 😂 they are all stressful and unnerving and I stay away from them at every chance!
My parent is elitist it's been a nightmare and they have so many connections they attempted to ruin my social life and career, it seems their goal is to take away any achievement of my own and I'm saying they because I got threats. It' really complicated to have a normal life when your parent is powerful, rich and kind of generous to others
Rumination: I decided to let it go last week as my blood pressure reached 200/154. I decided I can't do it anymore. 4 years of horror. But today I saw my grand daughter and on the way home she said "oh mum wants my overalls back" . Now, this woman has everything I own, truly, and kept all the clothes I got them at Xmas once my son escaped. There's nothing she hasn't got as I have become homeless and now he is too (again) but she was glad and allowed him back in her house to maintain total control and not have to share the kids. Anyhow, I. Said to my 10 year old, tell mum she can have it all, I don't care anymore but when you come to visit, just bring a change of clothes and a jumper. Her response: I can't Grammy. Whenever I come she says "I don't need a change of clothes, I can just come home" and " b) if I say that she will know I told you. I'm just suppose to find them & sneak them home". God I wish you were my therapist Dr Ramani but I can't afford the healing program. But I than you for your content
I have a question?...( I am a sufferer, the aftermath of narc abuse )...I am lucky?? ......I am a trained therapist?..(I have done the training...new I could not work in this field).....My life has been nothing other than fighting for my self worth!...Sorry, gone off track...My Question ...Do we really need to understand what kind of narcissist ..One is?...Is not abuse the real trauma?...(for the victim> and the abuser?).....your a gem Dr Ramani.x
Wow! Early once again! Hi, Dr. Ramani! Thank you for everything you have done on this channel, and making me feel less alone in this and so many, many other people! You're truly amazing! :)
I dated an amorous type. “Dated” isn’t really the word. It was NOT technically a real relationship, but anyways. Looking back, even though the sex was great, it took me a long time to realize why the sex was not the greatest. A big part of sex (for me) is connection and intimacy. The big thing I was missing in that “relationship” was emotional safety and intimacy. Thus I was never able to let go.
IME it all comes down to this . They are emotionally, mentally, and spiritually starved and then traumatized and stunted. Whatever age that trauma went down thats the age they are stuck. Temper tantrums fit throwing kids in adult bodies.
Omg gosh… I swear I still can’t label my friend since 4 and partner from 20 to 40. He fits every single one of all of them. Depending on his mood and triggers. It’s so confusing but thank god I’m out and going through the post separation abuse now. So tired but I’m healing slowly. ❤
My elitist Narc is my Aunt. Her Alcoholic, abusive husband was successful. He was an asshole, but he made a lot of money. She never worked but felt the right to judge a single mom who did.
I'm not exactly sure how to ask this, so please excuse the word vomit: -- Am I a narcissist? If so, how did I get that way? -- I'm a survivor of narcissistic abuse from multiple sources. Most of my life, I've been considered an empathic person. I'm still a person who is quick to take care of others; I'm actually in the healthcare field (which is part of the reason I know what a pain it is to actually get in to see a mental healthcare provider here in the US - my first appointment is in a few months, at least). After watching a dozen or more of Dr. Ramani's immensely helpful videos, along with other sources (eg: DBT training), I've made a lot of progress in healing from my past. Then I started looking at my history with other people, and holding that up against some of the red flags our doctor described: upset about being judged, perfectionist, upset when things don't go as planned... I'm having a little trouble remembering them off the top of my head, but I will answer honestly if yall ask. Maybe I'm a covert/vulnerable/compensatory narcissist. Maybe I'm high-functioning autistic. Maybe I'm so screwed up by past trauma that... I've become that which I despise. I don't know, and I'd be happy for any help you lovely people can offer. I'd like to make clear: I really don't want the "no, it's fine, you're a good person". I'm fighting with myself on who I really am, and need unbiased outside perspective(s). ------- "It's Not You"... but what if it is?
I understand those thoughts and feelings because I’m experiencing them too. I also go back and forth in the self judgement and reflection of my own attributes and behaviors in the toxic relationship I’m currently trying to navigate and escape as well as those relationships I wasn’t aware were toxic. Most days I feel like I’ve become the narcissist I’m trying to avoid and it’s an AWFUL feeling and a fatal outlook/inlook. I can say I’ve warmed up to treating my narc the way I feel I’m being treated and I have shame for being dismissive, resentful and self-focused. I’m actually getting really good at it and it’s kinda frightening. Like you I also reflect back on past relationships and try to connect the dots of my own narcissistic traits and then weigh the value of my own actions against the value of my former (and current) partners. BUT- here’s the thing: I (and you it seems) have the ability to reflect on our own actions and behavior in the context of whether or not they are/were hurtful to those people in our lives. WE can then consider those judgements and apply changes and see what sticks. Narcissists simply don’t bother. Whether they can or do remain as unanswerable questions. And those questions are: Did I hurt them? And if so, Do I regret it? And if so then How can I stop myself next time? WE are not seeking supply the way narcs do. WE are seeking love, respect, balance and reciprocity because our hearts need those things for us to be fulfilled in this life. Narcissists are seeking control, it doesn’t matter over what or how they measure it, so they can make it through the day. Truth be told that everyone on earth has some degree of narcissism. It’s just that some dials are fixed on 1 or 2, while many many others are stuck on 11. And some still have just broken the knob off completely and it’s a full stream 24/7. It’s hard to remember to be kind to yourself all the time, and the mere fact that you’re engaging in self reflection in a not-so-flattering light is all the proof you need that you are not trying to hurt or control or drain those around you even if you value your needs so much that you doubt yourself and squeeze yourself into the shape of the enemy. I do it too and it’s ok. We’re learning. We’re gonna make it⚡️👑⚡️
@@deanreinerart8764 "Truth be told that everyone on earth has some degree of narcissism." And in the play "Avenue Q", there's an entire song about everyone being a little bit racist. I had figured out the part about questioning myself, and thinking "maybe this means I'm NOT a narcissist", but we know narcs are really good at fooling themselves as well as others. But questioning whether what I'm doing hurts others, and that bit I quoted from you... THAT gives me hope that maybe I'm not as much a "bad guy" as I'd thought. Thank you for this. ❤🩹
There are many things here that make me think you are not a narcissist, or at least, you may be the least damaging type. It depends on WHY you’re quick to take care of others. Is it to feel some sort of achievement? Is it so others will notice? Is it you projecting your past trauma onto others, and then “saving yourself” from the pain? Or, do you truly feel for some else’s predicament, and just want to take the load off? Judgement, perfectionism, planning… most, if not all people, experience these types of things. These do not indicate narcissism. Also… you are thinking about it, worried about it, and seeking help for it. This is not something 99% of narcissists will EVER do. But, here’s the real question, and only you will ever know the true answer to this question. How do you perceive other people, and yourself in relation to them? Do you obsess over what they think and feel about you? Are you overly concerned that they do not perceive you in the way that you need/want? What are you willing to do and not do, in order to make them have that perception of you? What do you want from them? What will you do to them in order to get what you want? What will you do to yourself to get those things? How many personal boundaries and boundaries of others are you willing to cross to get there? Does it matter much to you how anyone feels as long as you feel good? The real, honest, true answers to these questions will tell you who you are. If any of the answers make you uncomfortable, change it. If you cannot change it, and you keep falling into old destructive patterns… you might be a narcissist. If I’m being honest… to me you sound like a person that has learned that you cannot trust yourself, even to the extent of knowing yourself. That confusion is a deep scar from traumatic abuse. I think you’re probably a very decent person with some healing to do. And, I’m glad you’re on your way to it.
I know a PHd clinical psych who fell for one. He has her completely brainwashed, especially that she doesn't speak his native language. She is completely manipulated to think whatever he wishes her to think. Aleaniting from those who will tell her his truth.
how this person makes you feel exclamation ‼️ my gauge had been off for so many years and I was played now understanding these individuals. I’m relying on how I feel after and actually while I’m with them, that’s my barometer these days.
@@susanhess3550 yeah exactly. That is exactly my ex. He left me because he said i am not virgin. He also was not virgin! And we had se.x every day! If its a sin why you are doing it. At the last day he said he was chatting with other girls for long time and if they are virgin he will marry one of them. He said this just because he wants make me suffer
It confirms my suspicion that a narcissist will continue their bad behaviors of betrayal and pillaging of others by willful choice and not by their lack of capacity to accept and show mutual love 💔 In God I Trust 🙏
Thank you Thank you Thank you so very much 😊! The ending of your video is wonderful and beautifully said because it’s so true because one person can definitely be mixed for sure…. I have definitely witnessed and seen it for myself and have been in relationships with a couple who were mixed(it will definitely confuse the hell out of you) My family system is definitely mixed and yet one type might shine more bright then other types and yet one can definitely be mixed. To everyone be careful be aware and listen to your instincts and pay attention to what your body might be telling you and if it seems like something is off it probably is 💜
Is there a type of narcissist where the narcissistic rage just goes straight to tears or is never directed at you but behind your back through gossip/venting to mutual friends/loved ones? I've been watching your videos and others to understand what I experienced and concluded that my ex friend/roommate is a covert narcissist who 110% believed she is an empath. One thing I'm still trying to figure out that doesn't fit with the information I've gathered was my narc's cowardice. She never yelled at me, she would never put her hands on me, but she did play the victim hard and said she was living in fear of me. She made it so impossible to have a conversation with her that I often felt bad for bringing anything up once she started crying. And I felt confused for feeling unsafe even though I was in no physical danger and she was the one saying I was the mean and scary person. Do you or anyone have an idea what this was??
I read an online criticism of Dr. Ramani on another site that seemed to amount to her hardly researching much of what she claims. Dude, do your own research and listen to her videos (not just read articles)! They’re consistently packed with recent, and often, the latest source references and findings / conclusions that support her insights! (Wish I had commented then; if I can find the site, I will . . . )
I was listening to a guy just a few days ago criticizing Dr Ramani. I lost patience with him and couldn't finish. I was thinking who the fuk are you? I've learned a LOT from Dr Ramani.
After several borderliners and a histrionic, who are said to be the friendly version of narcissists, it was now the turn of another genuine narcissist. Thanks to the wealth of experience, I now have with personality disorders, I have developed an unerring instinct for who I am dealing with. In short, the appreciation phase seemed to be over and she behaved in a distant and down-to-earth manner towards me. My instinct told me that she was about to shoot me in the wind and I hurried to get ahead of her. I took the initiative and described her behaviour as stupid and ignorant and that I didn't really care about her at all, which turned her into a scared little mouse in a matter of seconds. She then sent me a text message with guilt-tripping and her supposedly infallible words of wisdom, all of which I revealed to be plagiarised from Anthony Hopkins, which I was able to point out in detail in my reply email. I think that was their own personal final knockout, like a right hook from Iron Mike Tyson.
i wonder if you could make a video about narcissism and the sunk cost fallacy. my mother stays with my father because "she won't leave all the work she's done on the house". i fear she will sink with him.
Thank you for this video, Dr Ramani! You addressed a point I had noticed with the narcissists in my life. I noticed traits of malignant, covert and communal narcissm in one relative in particular & I was wondering if a person can be a bit of each type. Your video has helped me with that understanding because at times it can be confusing. Thank you so much.
Different clowns, but all in the same circus.
I once heard a quote from #TheCrappyChildhoodFairy on youtube:
"NOT MY FARM, NOT MY CHICKENS"
#YEEHAW! ❤❤
Not my farm, not my chickens!
Nor my circus, not my monkeys!
Not my herd, not my bison
Don't pet the fuzzy puppies 🦬🦬
Love this...xx
Same sh!t, different pile.
:D:D:D
They are all preditors, in a different kind of way searching for a prey.
Beware of the fact that they really are.
A friends wife is like that 😬preditor
Yeah that’s true. They ALL are. Most of them.
YES!
"Most important: how it affects you, because that's what matters." Thank you!
I experienced the Amorous narcissist he used his sexual charisma & charm to lure me and seduce me.... He was a predator online and offline whilst in a relationship with me... I was devastated with the lies and gaslighting... 4yrs later walked away, now in the process of healing.
It always surprises me how some people are never tired of finding new flings despite having a partner. Like why?! So much time, so much effort to lure someone when you can easily just have sex at home.
@@cb9825 Exactly, and it was a very active sex life just because of who he was...I was blind sided🙄
@@cb9825 someone can't easily just have sex with their partner. The partner might not want to. People in a relationship don't have the same sex drive all of the time.
It's not about sex or intamacy with narcisstic people. Sex isn't the same for them as it is for normal people. It's about the conquest; the power and control. They might be withholding sex from their partner while being unfaithful.
I think one characteristic all narcissists have in common might be that Jekyll and Hyde thing
I agree
Absolutely in my experience and I've had plenty of experience throughout my entire life 😵💫 . When I first realized & learned about narcissism it was because of that 'Jekyll & Hyde' thing 👍🏼
I used to say this when I talk about my husband before I knew about NPD!
Being involved with a vulnerable narcissist totally blind-sided me, and I'm a MH professional! Boy, do I feel foolish! Thank You, Dr. Ramani for everything You Do, and ARE! Lots of Respect, Love & Hugs :)
it’s only been a year and a half(with this individual )I realized what I had been up against with the covert-only way to handle was no contact. Sadly, my family and certain friends are different narcissists.-only way to handle was no contact no other way )This one was a deceitful family member that used dysfunction to her advantage- I was blindsided but now I know how to walk through it. Yikes, it
was mind boggling…..
Same here!!
Right? Like how did I not see this before I was so deeply into this relationship? I can see it in client's relationship... Dr Ramani is so validating and helpful!
Me too! another MH professional here. But my relationship was well before the concept of a vulnerable narcissist existed. My partner at the time was even seeing a psychologist and had been seeing psychologists throughout our relationship, and each one of them also missed her vulnerable narcissistic patterns, and instead thought my partner wasn't getting her needs met in the relationship. They essentially enabled her to ramp up her lying, gaslighting, and manipulation and I walked away. Within two months she was in another committed relationship with the support of her psychologist.
0:55 1, The Unprincipled Narcissist
1:42 2, The Amorous Narcissist
4:02 3, The Elitist Narcissist
6:12 4, The Compensatory Narcissist
7:56 5, The Normal Narcissist
Thanks
1, The Unprincipled Narcissist, I think this is the one who opened my eyes to this world of narcissism.
She would lie to my face even knowing I know it's a lie and keeps going, manipulating over everything posible, she plans and executes step by step, visibly enjoys damaging the pray, and of course cheats
What took me so long to understand the narcissist in my life - my mother did a little bit of everything. There was no mold for her. From what I've heard other victims say, their experiences are also quite varied. My mother would push her agenda, try guilt, if that didn't work, she played the victim card, and then played the martyr when things came down. She threw me under the bus with everyone. So, there were little bits and pieces from each type all rolled into this one woman.
My boyfriend TRIES to push his agenda, tries guilt, and yes, when that doesnt work plays the victim card…”you’re (me) am not understanding and dont seem to get it, yadda yadda”…then the martyr as well! Thank you for your post. 80% of the time I mirror or gaslight back, ignore or dont react. Hope and a prayer I keep working on me and someone new will give me the additional energy and healthy boundaries to push me over to dump him. At least through Dr Ramani, I am so much more vastly aware of what is happening!!!!!!
Your mother sounds like a Vulnerable/Malignant Narcissist...Your description of your mother sounds like how my mother was...also known as Covert/Malignant!
Do we have the same mother?
@@lms1068I think we are siblings. My dear mother is the master of this.
@@livelystones7773 I think we must have. Her sister is exactly the same too
Could you make a video about narcissists who know about narcissism and try to mask theirs traits?
Variability in narcissism is like the mixer on your stereo. A little more bass here, a little more treble there. The severity in narcissism is like your volume; it's turned up or it's turned down.
Like so many other's, I have to say thank you! I dont think you will ever truly know how many lives you have saved. Just knowing i can reference your knowledge when ever im dealing with the chaos. Is extremely comforting.
Its like a god whispering in your ear that your not alone and there is support out there for you.
I don't know about you, but when I am dealing with a Narcissist or thinking about how my mother was; I hear Dr. Ramani's voice in my head saying, "They don't care and they aren't listening to you."
Amen and Ditto! Dr Ramani has changes my life so much! I owe her so much credit for my mental stability.
Our different types of feelings get so mixed up. Not able to differentiate between anger, grief and sadness.
Karla McLaren is brilliant on helping to differentiate emotions. I recommend her book, 'The Language of Emotions.'
@@carolinethomas6562 one thing a love about the recovery community is the sharing of resources. Thank you for that one. I hadn't heard of her.
The core is, that narcissists cant admit to themselves or others that they did wrong, that they were wrong. Whenever they feel shamed, they minimize, project, they DARVO, etc. They double down. They rationalize they are right so they have to keep on doing like that.
Thats the core. A defect in the personality. A personality should be able to balance proyecting the ego from attacks, versus actually learnjng from mistakes. In narcs, the ego is protected at the expense of being able to see the're wrong.
100% correct
Yep they would rather right than kind, it sounds exactly like my mother %100
My step-father was a narcissist and had paranoic schitzephrenia. That combo is scary
Thank you for your information
I am in a Covert Narc. relationship, and I am making a plan to leave him. It is very difficult because he doesn't leave me with much time to myself. I am gathering information, I have a circle of supporters to help me. I am on my way out. Thanks
Narcissism Continuum.. A phenomenon where a person enters only with the dreams and exits only with the nightmares.. A real trauma factory!
Well said!
"How their behavior affects you". Key statement!
You’ve been a God send! Why is it that these narcissists all share the same qualities such as lack of empathy. The amorous narcissist seems like the type of person to prey on people who are very generous. I see a lot of these people who are foreign because they need something from you. Most financially due to their working conditions.
What I find mostly strange is that a lot of these narcissists are related to other narcissists who are all attractive. Almost all of my narcissistic friends are physically attractive I would say. Even the covert ones.
Usually it’s the avoidant personality people in my life that I find are mostly pray for these types of narcissists.
It’s almost demonic in nature how they can sniff certain people out while others look to them without a sense of manipulation. There are definitely two types of people in the world it seems.
I think we should stop calling all of these categories types and just start calling them features or something like that because the more I learn-My ex was cerebral, conversational, cheerful, self-righteous, neglectful, and vulnerable! Now I would also add elitist! At what point does the list of types become meaningless when there’s so much overlap and one person can harbor aspects of so many different types? Yeah-Dr. Ramani addresses this at the very end of this video. Agreed.
This was my thought exactly. The subtypes essentially seem to be nothing more than one or 2 traits/ flags being more prominent than the others. Narcissism is def complicated enough as it is.
It is serendipitous this was posted on the birthday of the most malevolent n-ex I have ever encountered. Got out - alive - reletively quickly, but scars burned deeply to my soul. I look at this content as a "Requiem for EVIL!" Thanks, Dr. Ramani, for shining your powerful Narc-ray on these types so we all may live a life well-learned! Stay Blessed!
It’s those “normal” ones that can really trip you up! Always flying under the radar with the red flags well concealed😫 And of course they always make their victim feel like they are the weirdo!
My mom fooled me for over 40 years. My only clue was my own increasing annoyance and upset whenever I had to deal with her. Dr Ramani talks about low grade narcissism--the person is basically an overgrown adolescent, and can get away a lot of times with seeming to be light-hearted and fun, but all their promises and assurances fall apart when things stop being fun. That nails my experience. I've this this persistent feeling of outgrowing her, and feeling really dismayed and increasingly upset because of the increasing gap between what being an adult looks like and how she behaves. A lot of people talk about how they've come to increasingly appreciate the wisdom of their elders. That's the exact opposite of my experience. I tried hard to respect and learn from her--and got really badly burned. Now I've had to go no-contact with her, and I'm trying to provide a much better intellectual/emotional foundation for my daughters.
I wish you were my
Therapist 😢
She is! 😃
She is a therapist to us all! 🙏🏽
Me too
Me, three😢
There's no excuse with what some people have done I appreciate the descriptions and healing through all this abuse and betrayal is really exhausting
The amorous one is my ex husband?..to a t..been gone from that scene for 40 some years…yay for me
I ended an acquaintanceship when I noticed narcissistic and dishonest behavior and then suddenly, they wanted my attention more than ever. I would ignore them, and they couldn't stand it! They would insert themselves into my other conversations and try to interrupt me. I got ambushed recently when they said, "I JUST wanted to say hi!" Seems so innocent, right? Not. I said calmly, "You sure seem to want my attention and I really don't want yours." They asked, 'Why?" (So they could explain it away or gaslight me) and I shook my head (no) and walked away. Having DEEP as a coping tool really helped. D=Don't Defend, E=Don't Explain, E= Don't Engage, P= Don't personalize. Thank you for that and for so much more. I'm 4 years post narc and I'm seeing the signs right away now. Hurtful people hurt people. Let them go!
The queen is back love you ❤
There’s also “the ruiner” & “the slaver”. Among others.
They used to be talked about in catagories of overt (grandiose), covert (vulnerable), somatic (physical), cerebral (intelect). Usually that coverts were more cerebral and somatic ones more likely to be overts. It was also said that all narcissists go through cycles of being somatic and cerebral.
I think these categories are just like any categories people are put in - no one is going to fit exactly in one and stay there. Some of it is because of how different situations bring out different aspects of a person.
What we can learn from catagorising the narc in our life is where our weaknesses are. Our protection from abusers is within healing our own wounding that makes us blindly vulnerable.
Okay everybody. We’ve all heard some phrase or something that our narcissist has said that, in hindsight, was something that we should have run from… right then. What was it?
Mine:
“I’m not lazy. I’m efficient.” In a joking and friendly manner.
“You know. I just don’t like expectations. I don’t put them on you, don’t put them on me.” While explaining how his last relationship was just so toxic and demanding.
“You don’t get my money or my time unless you earn it.” Talking about how exclusive it is to be with him.
When the amorous unprincipled narcissist is a personal trainer exploiting his clients, it’s just awful.
Elitist narcissist to me, "Now I'm going to tell you something you probably don't understand because you didn't go to private school...." It was something everyone knows.
Exactly.Or when western are teaching the eastern....like they would know more.
Oh, they think they know more about every subject on the planet. It's really kind of funny when they don't
🤣
The most important thing is to get in touch with your emotions and experience how the person makes you feel and walk away from the jerks. Thank you dr Ramani ❤😊
I'm sorry but get in touch with how they make you feel and walk away. I'm pretty sure most of Dr Ramani's followers have some form of c-ptsd. We know how they make us feel. But the gaslighting, triangulation, blame shifting and flying monkeys. Make us feel crazy. A Lot of us just can't walk away. I know you have good intentions but that sort of comment is very triggering.
The branches may all look different but it’s the same gnarly tree that sways to one note: Me, me, me. (Okay, it’s mi,mi,mi but you know what I mean.)
The variability factor may just be 'personality'
But the underlying patterns are there and, ultimately, how you feel or how they make you feel, or treat you
I just got rid of a so called best friend who was not only a narcissist (undiagnosed but has all the criteria- vulnerable covert narcissist to be exact) but they also suffered from HPD and BPD. It was the most draining friendship I ever had. And as an empath and infj it was a dangerous relationship. It got bad and turned into the fighting territory. I didnt even realize he was a narcissist until after the fact I watched your videos. narcissist unfortunately tend to be attracted to me.
My husband has a mix of them all
Excellent to inform others of different types of narcissism. If you don’t do it as a professional in the area, someone else is GOING TO DO IT, and they will muddy the discourse.
Depress the world. The information is important.
On the contrary, it might actually help survivors to make even more sense and feel even more relief than they already feel. Win win win.
Thank you so much, Dr. Ramani!❤ I was 28 years with an amourous narcissist, was discarded for a new supply. Not younger but better status. Journalist vs teacher. He is 64 now and I think he has to change for different supply. Although there were always traces of other types all the time. But in the beginning he told me I saved his life and I wasn't the person to throw one away who is telling me I am the rescue.
"Deficient conscience;
unscrupulous, amoral, disloyal,
fradulent, deceptive, arrogant,
exploitive; a con man and
charlatan; dominating,
contemptuous, vindictive." - that is such a perfect description of a malignant narc.
Millon was brillant. They're all performative. No type constancy oscillation between types. Boundaries
The flavours of narcissism is where people love to get stuck, or expert on. The key is the core behaviours of love bombing, building up the false promises and images of a future, followed by increasing disparagement, game playing, emotional abuse, and then discard. Leaving you perplexed and wishing for that original lovecbomombing nice person to return, AND THE LIES TO BE TRUE. Once we understand we've been conned, it's easier to let go, and start healing. Labels won't change the con game, nor make you able to fix them.
Once we understand we've been conned...wow. You nailed it better than I've ever heard 😭
Amorous Narcissist. To this day I felted that my ex was a narcissist, although I could never find the right type to match her behavior, so I lived in ambivalent thoughts. Amorous Narcissist. This is, in fact, the missing major piece of the puzzle in my mind. The second year I'm waking up with nightmares, beating my own rage at world, going to therapy and trying to learn the trust shattered by her treatment of me. It's good to finally hear from a specialist that this type does exist after all.
Thank you for educating🙏
I want to know about all kinds of narcissism. Forewarned is forearmed. We need all the info we can get.
IMHO, the covert narcissist did not need to be renamed. Covert is the truth. Only their victims are vulnerable. They're not out for compensatory behavior... they're out to destroy victims. 🎉
🎉
OMG thank you, thank you again you always clear things up. My Mother is a typical narcassist she is now 91 and getting worse in old age. Then to add to this my daughter married a malignant covert narcasist and i believe my daughter is also a narcassist she is always bragging, lying, looking down on people, over exagerating her finances, projecting her life as perfect, bragging about anyone she thinks is famous and how they think she is amazing, she thinks that everone is jealous of her, she behaves like she has compassion but only with words never with actions.....not even with her children.
@helenn7577 Hello, Helenn Just wanted to say thank you. I'm dealing with a similar narcissistic family dynamic. It's so nice hearing your story. We are so not alone. Im the care taker to Aging narcissistic parents. My mother is a convert malignant narcissistic. The worst!!! My father your run of the mill malignant Narcissist. My brother his wife and my nephew are all nightmares. Being surrounded by so many of them you truly feel like it's you. Thank God for DR Ramani !!!The aging narrssict is a terrifying thing. The" Im to old or I forgot " and everyone cottles them. Just because your old doesn't mean your not an a**hole. My mother has tried to have me arrested for elder abuse and when that didn't work she tried to get me committed. Meanwhile I'm taking care of these people. Where's the rest of my concerned family. They can't even handle a couple hours on a holiday. Try taking care of them 24/7. It's the worst when you realize that they are truly toxic and nothing will change. No matter what you do. Thank you for sharing! Little bit of an armour this morning after reading your msg. Hope you have a lovely day free of narcissist's.
hearing this loud and clear gosh, I feel like I’ve written this…. thanks for sharing.
Coping with a demanding, narcissistic mother, who is 90 and my sister, who is a malignant, psychopathic narcissist and will be 60 in November (that will be a fun time, especially for her daughter). I was the scapegoat, but I still have to provide transport to doctors and hospital appointments for my mother. If I don't take charge, she manipulates the information she gets from the doctor in order to cause mayhem. Straight up lies a lot of the time. I have had therapy for my CPTSD and PTSD, but the best therapy is knowing that now I have the power she stole from me when I was a child and I know that she knows it too. This comes to an end eventually. As I keep reminding her, she always said she wanted to be alone, in her own house, now she has her wish.
Unfortunately i met ALL of them, because they are/were my family members. Those in the family that weren't "truly" a narcissist, they were flying monkeys, they comformed into the family system not wanting to be targeted. My last and most painful discovery was about a childhood friend of mine (whom i very much respected) turned out to be a puppet of my family and backstabbed me along with my family members. I'm 68 yrs old and i can't trust anybody ... anymore 😢
Trust yourself. All we need.
Since the world doesn't get it.
And our "families" are toxic.
I’m so sorry. The best thing you can do is build a support network. Even if it’s just one or two people, that your family knows nothing about. People that are “protected” from that toxicity. I hope you find your people, because everyone deserves at least one person they can count on.
Dr. Romani says it exactly like it is. My late former spouse used to go around bragging he had an affair with the late houston and flew her out on the mallard while we were engaged, which btw was the premise of the body guard movie. So, sad she actually was there in Hawaii while we're on vacation as a family with her hubby and baby NC in tow. How sad because they're nowhere in the land of the living and what a wicked web houston webbed and ensnared many people. Praying for the survivors.
Yup it's true
Honestly makes me think the subtypes have more to do with the narc having a second cluster B attached than being pure narc.
You are the Needledrop of narcissism UA-cam. That's a good thing
Omg, the unprincipled narcissist! I k know him so well. The absolute worst and the PTSD is real!! But he was also the amorous narcissist. Lots of sex with lots of women! Absolutely NO ability to truly be intimate with anyone. It's all about the conquest for him. He was a once described by someone else as "unable" to be faithful. I know this guy waaaaaay too well. And yes, it was the sex appeal that drew me in and kept me attached.
Doctor Ramani just described 8 billion people.❤😂
Thank you for sharing! I’m going to stick with the ones you shared with us 😂 they are all stressful and unnerving and I stay away from them at every chance!
They can call it whatever they want to. It’s really just more ways of saying the same things about what’s been going on all along.
The most dangerous type leading to discard in form of murder, replacement with another love of the life in the queue ( without empathy).
It feels for me that the narcissistic person in my life is all those …and more!! Gosh darn!
Thank you for your straightforward, accurate, informative and brilliant videos.
“Normal narcissist”-if there ever was a misnomer.
they just function better in the society compared to other narcissists, they are otherwise just as supply seeking
My parent is elitist it's been a nightmare and they have so many connections they attempted to ruin my social life and career, it seems their goal is to take away any achievement of my own and I'm saying they because I got threats. It' really complicated to have a normal life when your parent is powerful, rich and kind of generous to others
Rumination: I decided to let it go last week as my blood pressure reached 200/154. I decided I can't do it anymore. 4 years of horror. But today I saw my grand daughter and on the way home she said "oh mum wants my overalls back" . Now, this woman has everything I own, truly, and kept all the clothes I got them at Xmas once my son escaped. There's nothing she hasn't got as I have become homeless and now he is too (again) but she was glad and allowed him back in her house to maintain total control and not have to share the kids. Anyhow, I. Said to my 10 year old, tell mum she can have it all, I don't care anymore but when you come to visit, just bring a change of clothes and a jumper. Her response: I can't Grammy. Whenever I come she says "I don't need a change of clothes, I can just come home" and " b) if I say that she will know I told you. I'm just suppose to find them & sneak them home". God I wish you were my therapist Dr Ramani but I can't afford the healing program. But I than you for your content
Thankyou Dr. Ramani ❤❤❤
I have a question?...( I am a sufferer, the aftermath of narc abuse )...I am lucky?? ......I am a trained therapist?..(I have done the training...new I could not work in this field).....My life has been nothing other than fighting for my self worth!...Sorry, gone off track...My Question ...Do we really need to understand what kind of narcissist ..One is?...Is not abuse the real trauma?...(for the victim> and the abuser?).....your a gem Dr Ramani.x
Wow! Early once again! Hi, Dr. Ramani! Thank you for everything you have done on this channel, and making me feel less alone in this and so many, many other people! You're truly amazing! :)
She is truly amazing!
I agree ❤
I dated an amorous type. “Dated” isn’t really the word. It was NOT technically a real relationship, but anyways. Looking back, even though the sex was great, it took me a long time to realize why the sex was not the greatest. A big part of sex (for me) is connection and intimacy. The big thing I was missing in that “relationship” was emotional safety and intimacy. Thus I was never able to let go.
Nothing works when can't let go is what I found.
Same for me!! Lack of intimacy, I wish I never met him!!
Psychiatrists diagnosed my dad with Capgras syndrome and labeled him a psychopath.
IME it all comes down to this . They are emotionally, mentally, and spiritually starved and then traumatized and stunted. Whatever age that trauma went down thats the age they are stuck. Temper tantrums fit throwing kids in adult bodies.
Yes, my narc was a mix. This was helpful.
I would love for you to do a deep dive of these different sub-types, especially the continuum of behaviors and how they present within the subtype.
Another good quality video.
Omg gosh… I swear I still can’t label my friend since 4 and partner from 20 to 40. He fits every single one of all of them. Depending on his mood and triggers. It’s so confusing but thank god I’m out and going through the post separation abuse now. So tired but I’m healing slowly. ❤
Well maybe not elitist lol but he only lets certain people in his life that’s for sure.
WOW!!! Fascinating to know.
makes me think of my boss 😎
And then you have a narcissist who has ALL of these ROLLED INTO ONE.
I will tell Mom hi for you if she & I ever talk again...😅
Bro… right???
I was in love. He couldn't understand why it should upset me when he screwed someone else. Took me a looooong time to get nit. Thanks Dr R.
My elitist Narc is my Aunt. Her Alcoholic, abusive husband was successful. He was an asshole, but he made a lot of money.
She never worked but felt the right to judge a single mom who did.
Thank you for being an inspiration to me and others.
Sounds like the model has a core….they use what’s available, looks, charm, family etc
Touche
Exactly
I'm not exactly sure how to ask this, so please excuse the word vomit:
-- Am I a narcissist? If so, how did I get that way? --
I'm a survivor of narcissistic abuse from multiple sources. Most of my life, I've been considered an empathic person. I'm still a person who is quick to take care of others; I'm actually in the healthcare field (which is part of the reason I know what a pain it is to actually get in to see a mental healthcare provider here in the US - my first appointment is in a few months, at least).
After watching a dozen or more of Dr. Ramani's immensely helpful videos, along with other sources (eg: DBT training), I've made a lot of progress in healing from my past.
Then I started looking at my history with other people, and holding that up against some of the red flags our doctor described: upset about being judged, perfectionist, upset when things don't go as planned... I'm having a little trouble remembering them off the top of my head, but I will answer honestly if yall ask.
Maybe I'm a covert/vulnerable/compensatory narcissist. Maybe I'm high-functioning autistic. Maybe I'm so screwed up by past trauma that... I've become that which I despise. I don't know, and I'd be happy for any help you lovely people can offer. I'd like to make clear: I really don't want the "no, it's fine, you're a good person". I'm fighting with myself on who I really am, and need unbiased outside perspective(s).
-------
"It's Not You"... but what if it is?
I understand those thoughts and feelings because I’m experiencing them too. I also go back and forth in the self judgement and reflection of my own attributes and behaviors in the toxic relationship I’m currently trying to navigate and escape as well as those relationships I wasn’t aware were toxic.
Most days I feel like I’ve become the narcissist I’m trying to avoid and it’s an AWFUL feeling and a fatal outlook/inlook. I can say I’ve warmed up to treating my narc the way I feel I’m being treated and I have shame for being dismissive, resentful and self-focused. I’m actually getting really good at it and it’s kinda frightening.
Like you I also reflect back on past relationships and try to connect the dots of my own narcissistic traits and then weigh the value of my own actions against the value of my former (and current) partners.
BUT- here’s the thing:
I (and you it seems) have the ability to reflect on our own actions and behavior in the context of whether or not they are/were hurtful to those people in our lives. WE can then consider those judgements and apply changes and see what sticks. Narcissists simply don’t bother. Whether they can or do remain as unanswerable questions. And those questions are: Did I hurt them? And if so, Do I regret it? And if so then How can I stop myself next time? WE are not seeking supply the way narcs do. WE are seeking love, respect, balance and reciprocity because our hearts need those things for us to be fulfilled in this life. Narcissists are seeking control, it doesn’t matter over what or how they measure it, so they can make it through the day.
Truth be told that everyone on earth has some degree of narcissism. It’s just that some dials are fixed on 1 or 2, while many many others are stuck on 11. And some still have just broken the knob off completely and it’s a full stream 24/7. It’s hard to remember to be kind to yourself all the time, and the mere fact that you’re engaging in self reflection in a not-so-flattering light is all the proof you need that you are not trying to hurt or control or drain those around you even if you value your needs so much that you doubt yourself and squeeze yourself into the shape of the enemy. I do it too and it’s ok. We’re learning.
We’re gonna make it⚡️👑⚡️
@@deanreinerart8764 "Truth be told that everyone on earth has some degree of narcissism."
And in the play "Avenue Q", there's an entire song about everyone being a little bit racist.
I had figured out the part about questioning myself, and thinking "maybe this means I'm NOT a narcissist", but we know narcs are really good at fooling themselves as well as others.
But questioning whether what I'm doing hurts others, and that bit I quoted from you... THAT gives me hope that maybe I'm not as much a "bad guy" as I'd thought.
Thank you for this.
❤🩹
There are many things here that make me think you are not a narcissist, or at least, you may be the least damaging type.
It depends on WHY you’re quick to take care of others. Is it to feel some sort of achievement? Is it so others will notice? Is it you projecting your past trauma onto others, and then “saving yourself” from the pain? Or, do you truly feel for some else’s predicament, and just want to take the load off?
Judgement, perfectionism, planning… most, if not all people, experience these types of things. These do not indicate narcissism.
Also… you are thinking about it, worried about it, and seeking help for it. This is not something 99% of narcissists will EVER do.
But, here’s the real question, and only you will ever know the true answer to this question. How do you perceive other people, and yourself in relation to them? Do you obsess over what they think and feel about you? Are you overly concerned that they do not perceive you in the way that you need/want? What are you willing to do and not do, in order to make them have that perception of you? What do you want from them? What will you do to them in order to get what you want? What will you do to yourself to get those things? How many personal boundaries and boundaries of others are you willing to cross to get there? Does it matter much to you how anyone feels as long as you feel good?
The real, honest, true answers to these questions will tell you who you are. If any of the answers make you uncomfortable, change it. If you cannot change it, and you keep falling into old destructive patterns… you might be a narcissist.
If I’m being honest… to me you sound like a person that has learned that you cannot trust yourself, even to the extent of knowing yourself. That confusion is a deep scar from traumatic abuse. I think you’re probably a very decent person with some healing to do. And, I’m glad you’re on your way to it.
I find it helpful to recognize and not let it affect me.
I know a PHd clinical psych who fell for one. He has her completely brainwashed, especially that she doesn't speak his native language. She is completely manipulated to think whatever he wishes her to think. Aleaniting from those who will tell her his truth.
So do you see a narcissist that acts one type to everyone else and then a different with their family?
how this person makes you feel exclamation ‼️ my gauge had been off for so many years and I was played now understanding these individuals. I’m relying on how I feel after and actually while I’m with them, that’s my barometer these days.
Oh great. Once you think you are finally done, there is always more.
What about religous narc
That’s what my partner is. I just walked away from this relationship. He talks the talk, doesn’t walk the walk.
@@susanhess3550 yeah exactly. That is exactly my ex. He left me because he said i am not virgin. He also was not virgin! And we had se.x every day! If its a sin why you are doing it. At the last day he said he was chatting with other girls for long time and if they are virgin he will marry one of them. He said this just because he wants make me suffer
There are no religious narcs. Only narcs using religion as their hunting method
@@foxitt2266 Good point! They talk the talk but never walk the walk. I am experiencing this now! This game is about over!
It confirms my suspicion that a narcissist will continue their bad behaviors of betrayal and pillaging of others by willful choice and not by their lack of capacity to accept and show mutual love 💔 In God I Trust 🙏
Miss the couch narc.
The ones who only seek a place to stay and wont leave your couch.
Anyone from Chicagoland area. I feel like we need a support group, not to talk about it, just to be around similar ppl.
Thank you Thank you Thank you so very much 😊! The ending of your video is wonderful and beautifully said because it’s so true because one person can definitely be mixed for sure…. I have definitely witnessed and seen it for myself and have been in relationships with a couple who were mixed(it will definitely confuse the hell out of you) My family system is definitely mixed and yet one type might shine more bright then other types and yet one can definitely be mixed. To everyone be careful be aware and listen to your instincts and pay attention to what your body might be telling you and if it seems like something is off it probably is 💜
Thank you Dr. Ramani. ❤
Dr Ramani is a hero ❤
This was so validating to hear
Marvellous dear respected Madam!🎉
Is there a type of narcissist where the narcissistic rage just goes straight to tears or is never directed at you but behind your back through gossip/venting to mutual friends/loved ones? I've been watching your videos and others to understand what I experienced and concluded that my ex friend/roommate is a covert narcissist who 110% believed she is an empath. One thing I'm still trying to figure out that doesn't fit with the information I've gathered was my narc's cowardice. She never yelled at me, she would never put her hands on me, but she did play the victim hard and said she was living in fear of me. She made it so impossible to have a conversation with her that I often felt bad for bringing anything up once she started crying. And I felt confused for feeling unsafe even though I was in no physical danger and she was the one saying I was the mean and scary person. Do you or anyone have an idea what this was??
I read an online criticism of Dr. Ramani on another site that seemed to amount to her hardly researching much of what she claims.
Dude, do your own research and listen to her videos (not just read articles)! They’re consistently packed with recent, and often, the latest source references and findings / conclusions that support her insights! (Wish I had commented then; if I can find the site, I will . . . )
I was listening to a guy just a few days ago criticizing Dr Ramani. I lost patience with him and couldn't finish. I was thinking who the fuk are you? I've learned a LOT from Dr Ramani.
Dr Ramani the title of your second book Don't you know I am seems like something like an elitist narcissist favorite catchphrase
After several borderliners and a histrionic, who are said to be the friendly version of narcissists, it was now the turn of another genuine narcissist. Thanks to the wealth of experience, I now have with personality disorders, I have developed an unerring instinct for who I am dealing with. In short, the appreciation phase seemed to be over and she behaved in a distant and down-to-earth manner towards me. My instinct told me that she was about to shoot me in the wind and I hurried to get ahead of her. I took the initiative and described her behaviour as stupid and ignorant and that I didn't really care about her at all, which turned her into a scared little mouse in a matter of seconds. She then sent me a text message with guilt-tripping and her supposedly infallible words of wisdom, all of which I revealed to be plagiarised from Anthony Hopkins, which I was able to point out in detail in my reply email. I think that was their own personal final knockout, like a right hook from Iron Mike Tyson.
Different names for the same games.
i wonder if you could make a video about narcissism and the sunk cost fallacy. my mother stays with my father because "she won't leave all the work she's done on the house". i fear she will sink with him.
“The Low Grade Narcissistic Person” can you imagine one hearing that description? 😮😂
Thank you for this video, Dr Ramani! You addressed a point I had noticed with the narcissists in my life. I noticed traits of malignant, covert and communal narcissm in one relative in particular & I was wondering if a person can be a bit of each type. Your video has helped me with that understanding because at times it can be confusing. Thank you so much.