What Narcissists Want To Escape, But Can't
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- Опубліковано 5 лют 2025
- Narcissists live inside a fantasy script where they get to be the star of the show. Written into that script is the rationale for their control, selfishness, entitlement, and so forth. What they cannot see is the escapism this represents. Dr. Les Carter pulls back the curtain by exposing what they wish to avoid, and why it makes no sense.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his UA-cam channel, his videos have received more than 130 million views.
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Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.
Running, hiding, deflecting, dismissing, devaluing...all attempts at turning the tables on us so they can continue to live their faux-lives.
They live to escape.
We live to live, and to...
Stay Healthy!!
You summed it up nicely
I have seen all of this, and have had to remove myself from all family members. I am convinced that narcissists must keep trying to upset you so they can feel justified in hating you because of the guilt they feel for their rude and mean behavior.
They're demonic. They feed off of your negative emotions.
You are spot on.
Will you please elaborate on this, Dr C?
Yes it’s called negative fuel they love it
1. rejection, not being admired and affirmed 2. stresses and strains of life 3. being disagreed with 4. Being inconvenienced
5. Common worries 6. People who have needs 7. Complexity
You will never measure up. Cease your efforts to bring them into reality. You will receive blame and judgement.
Proverbs 9:8
Do not correct a scoffer, lest he hate you:
Rebuje a wise man, and he will love you.
Proverbs 9:8
Do not correct a scoffer, lest he hate you:
Rebuke a wise man, and he will love you.
🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯
I have NEVVERR in my life heard someone absolutely nail what a Narcissist IS, like you just did here, Dr.Carter.
This description needs to be transcribed and plastered on every urinal and makeup mirror wall.
Funnily enough, in order to escape themselves they have to face themselves. A sweet little paradox!
Yeah, if only they would.
They have ZERO INSIGHT...
Perhaps it is the haunting voices of shame in their heads.
Reality . They try but reality catches up with them. That’s why a lot of them run away to someone or something else to distract from what is actually real
Exactly! It's called "Life."
If chasing the dragon is seeking your next high, then fleeing the dragon is a narc running away from himself!
So, True. All the traffic lights should be green. Everyone on the road is a jerk and out to get him. And, so, so much more. Thank you, Dr. C, for confirming this aspect of the narc's personality.
When they curse and carry on while driving, supposedly over the behavior of other drivers, it serves the purpose of verbally abusing their supply (passenger), who doesn't deserve that.
Ouch. (Good video.) (1. I need to more fully establish what it means to live in a fallen/broken world. 2. What are you supposed to do with a narcissist who is wrecking the world around you; and, by that I mean they're seriously wrecking the lives of everyone around you. , even minor children.)
You can escape into fantasy but you can never escape reality.
It's good to have some kind of fantasy and when you have been traumatized as a child the fantasyworld might even have saved you from more damage. But as a grown up you have to face reality.
They want you to pay for their misery, rather than looking inward to understand it?
🎯
Spot on!!!!!!!! 👏🏾
Their conscience. If they have one!
@@amandaliverpool3374 👋 They don’t. (It’s underdeveloped at best.) ☕️ 🫖 ☕️ 🧁 or 🍰
😁 ... this made me smile ...
They are shallow people. They have a conscience, but it is also shallow.
Of course, the extreme narcissists debatably might not have one.
Wow, Dr. Carter. I had no idea what was in their "wiring." This podcast has been a real eye opener for me and explains so much including why they need narcissistic supply. Thank-you for this podcast.
This is funny. This video came up because just last night my narcissistic husband was rewriting history about why he got fired. They have been after him for years even though they really did need him. They were down two guys and they needed their maintenance guy to fix machines and oh no they’ve been after him for years and the guy that reported him for my husband put his hands on guy he works with and was he was being sarcastic. He thought he was funny and he was already written up in July For verbal abuse and screaming at somebody. He screamed at me for years. That’s his main go to when he wants his way or he wants to dominate you. He screams in your face and he did this at work so he’s trying to tell me that never happened. He doesn’t scream at people. I stood there in total shock and I want to say you do it to me and everybody in this house all the time the dog is traumatized For him screaming. He’s the victim!
Mine popped as I woke up.
I understand the screaming all too well. I loved your comment about even the dog being traumatized; I could relate so well. He had me driven right into the ground for quite a while. And oddly. my husband, also, often though he was just being funny when he came on too strong with the general publlic. They would often react with sudden fear or concern and he would just keep right on, not pulling back or acknpwledging their concern. But, in truth, I really think he thought he was just being funny. Very strange.
My nex yelled which always went to name calling then hitting walls, throwing things, etc. So often I was just shocked that he actually thought it was okay to act that way. It's as if he felt that his extreme behavoir was perfectly normal.
Thank you so much for all of your helpful information. It helps that I at least can understand what in this world is going on! It just seem like dealing with a narcissist is a daily struggle😔
Meditation, waiting for dr C.
They run away from any cooperation because they only see competition and hierarchies. They do not understand that humans use hierarchies as organizational methods and not as the purpose of life.
The very survival of humanity is given by cooperation of persons.
Arriving at this "intellectual" concept can be a process that comes at some adult age (very young adult age). However, understanding and internalizing this concept _as a fact_ (through living it every day) is possible much earlier, as children, as teenagers... isn't it?
In my opinion, it is. The narcissist pathology (mental pathology?) hinders that natural inherent understanding
Long story short:
they avoid the authentic human connections that are necessary for cooperation ...but cooperation is necessary.
Then, they invent their alternate reality.
If a majority acted like them, the world would not work
I would add they want to escape anyone else being in control.
The one i know will not take no for an answer. I believe she's secretly, stealthily stalking me because i pulled out of the friendship, which in her mind is a loss of control. She is underhanded about it because she cares so much about her social image.
I thought this person was relatively normal! For quite some time i did, so my only problem is that other people get pulled into her fantasy and i end up feeling like its very unfair. Im finding it so unhealthy I've had to go to extremes to get away from her influence. That I have trouble with.
That's where I need to learn not to take it personally, but it's tough. She inserts herself in my relationships, tries to provoke me.
She's a covert narc and some people are saying they're half sociopathic. I know I'm not qualified to diagnose, but I'm really up against a very disturbed person!
I am in EXACTLY the same situation. And working through it!
This is one of your best videos. Thank you!
Glad you think so!
Shame shouldn’t exist at all, right? Shame doesn’t work for anyone. It’s so easy to try to shame them, is that because it’s all we have been taught?
Please keep showing us the way out of the shame loop. I don’t want it anymore. Nobody needs to feel that way and it doesn’t even work. 💚💚💚
Shame isn't always bad.
I think it's more about despair.
Hello Dr Les. When are you offering the live presentation again? I miss this version of your videos
I'm not having live feeds any more. The Unbound episodes are meant to answer questions, but with more depth, as opposed to running through 10-11 questions in one sitting. Bottom line, I think it's necessary for me to be responsive to my audience.
I honestly miss them, too. For me, it was like a therapy session. I like the Unbound videos as well! 😊
Thank you, Dr C for everything you do for Team Healthy!!! ❤️🤗❤️
Their bills and taxes lol.
well, yes and no. Some of them (actually many of them) manage to put their bills and taxes in your name.
Sometimes you know it and accept it (like an idiot), other times you don't even know that they did it all at your expense.
My ex husband and I adopted 2 children at 11 & 12, now 28 & 29. Abused till 6yrs old then in foster care till the adoption. We did everything in our power for them. We were loving. We put up boundaries and taught proper behavior tactics. The narcissistic tendencies were were pretty horrendous but went total full blast when they each turned 21. I know all too well what it feels like to be the target of the narcissist.
I've seen this type of scenario play out too many times. My heart goes out to you.
Their precious porcelain cups (more precious to them than people) will always fall to the floor, willingly or unwillingly, like it or lump it.
⏩ Best of Elizabeth's Disastrous Tea Spills | Keeping Up Appearances | Brit Box
[ sort of laughter therapy for survivors on recovery path ]
Themselves!
What is that when someone's brain locks on to an irritating sound? Mono something or other. It takes a while to notice it, but once it is noticed, it is too much to ignore. Bothersome. That increased inflection at the end of his sentences. They seem to accentuate his point. They seem to insist that the point is based on a long career of experience in the therapy sessions. They insist that the point is obvious, and they insist that you really have to be in agreement with his point.
Isn't that a manipulative tool?
I would like someone to do a video on narcissism and the charismatic movement. A lot of people in that movement are like ostriches with their heads buried in the sand. They refuse to see, or speak words that aren't lifting them up. They feign a joyous life at all times because they live as if God has favor for them only. It was taught that everytime something bad happened to someone it was because God was punishing them. They would rebuke the devil instead of taking time to look at the facts that maybe they are the reason for their problem. This leads to a kind of I Am God mentality or I am better than others. I was raised in this at birth and after listening to videos like this, I think it would be great to explore, accordung to a google search from December 2011 there were "305 million in the world." A lot of those raised in this obeyed due to fear, not love.
They thrive on emotionalism, which means manipulation and exploitation is built in.
Thank you so much for this video. Once again, it has brought me so much clarity. ❤
Thank you
Let me guess...... Themselves
Yes, I can see that.
It must be HELL being them.
Lol. I’m willing to show them how it’s done.
Yes, the same thing we want to.
You cant get a pathological narc to look inside and clean up their inner weed..forget it and move on yourself..let life take care of it when they one day will hopefully find out that what goes around comes around..it will probably be too late anyway for them already and then try to escape again into their skizoid and lonely world where noone around them can take their sickness, anger and evil anymore and then begin to ignore them sitting in their rocking chair moving nowhere
Great video....Thank You
What if listening to your videos helps you realize that the struggles you've had most your life are self-inflicted. Is there any hope for a person who realizes this behaviour is the primary cause of their difficulties?
Is there much hope that a person can learn to at least not be harmful when the fantasy you speak of ts them to a tee. I mean it becomes second nature and difficult to pause before defaulting to this poor behaviour?
Pup needs his ears cleaned❤
For real
Hi
"These individuals" is the kind of language that makes me slightly sceptical. "These individuals" are our parents, they are human, and they are much more traumatized than us... by dehumanizing them, we cant heal.
No, some of us chose to say "these individuals" because we have distanced us from them. I had 2 individuals that brought me into this world, but they were never "parents" regarding loving and educating their child (instead abused me in various, horrible ways for 30 years), so I don't call them "parents". If you want to feel pity for your parents or so, feel free to do so but you might suggest not to critize us who chose another way and feel another way. I have no sympathy for those people in general.
My opinion.
Maybe you have listened to only a few (very few) dr C videos.
If you listened to more videos
1. you would have heard him using the term "individual" and "individuals" also when speaking about non-narcissistic people; empaths, victims and survivors of abuses, etc.
2. Dr C often explains in a very clear way exactly what you said :
if we want to be healthy people we can't follow the same narcissistic mindset (= diminishing people,etc). Yet, we have to recognize reality of abuse. Meaning, I can't heal if I say "ok, never mind, they abused me because they are traumatized. ah ok, got it". 😳
Hence, I don't think that he is "dehumanizing" anyone in his work.
You seem easily confused and missing the main point of the video.
There is no logic or validity to the notion that using the term "these individuals" dehumanizes anyone.
Dr. Carter is a highly empathetic human being and a professional. Your conclusion about him dehumanizing anyone is way off base.