When I ask my boyfriend how he’s doing like you suggested, he just answers fine and doesn’t even look up from his phone. These shut down moods can last for days and it really pulls me down with him.
Or you know...see a relationship counselor and try to help him learn to express himself and his needs in a way that helps him handle these episodes with less struggle and find greater happiness and joy in his life. The best men I know see a therapist if they grapple with emotional struggles in a way that robs them of their experience of the enjoyment of their broader lives and interfere with the intimacy and depth of their relationships with their loved ones. 🌻
1. Don’t take it personally? 2. Ask him nicely how was his day? 2.a give space 2.b ask feeling questions 3. Use physical touch (caress, hold, massage, cuddle)
My man's go-to when he's feeling down, whether he's stressed about work, upset about something, has a headache, a cold, whatever, is to lay with his head on my chest while I rub his back, neck, head, etc. Apparently, the boob-pillow is very soothing. I guess my heartbeat is probably a factor as well, but... **shrug** C'mon... We all know it's mostly the boob-pillow. Lol
@@Mat_Shaffer Yeah, he seems pretty happy with it lol. & I gotta say, I find a certain degree of satisfaction in knowing that he feels secure enough when we're laying like that, that after a little while of me rubbing his back, or running my nails over his scalp, he'll just fall asleep face down in my cleavage. After I'm done giggling internally at how cute he looks, it always makes me feel good to know that he does feel that comfortable with me already, especially because we've only known each other for 8 months.
Mat Shaffer 💙 Honestly I think it’s too late at this point. He came home slamming stuff around I asked what’s wrong, he said don’t worry about it. I said no, you seem to be in a bad mood tell me about it. He said shut up and leave me alone. I was hurt so I left. When I came home he was very visibly upset, he told me he lost $2,300 and I was right about not putting trust into his friend. He said he’s scared I’m going to leave him (things have been bad for a couple months now) and quite frankly he should be...I didn’t tell him that. He cried, I consoled him. That pretty much sums it up. I’m at a loss for what to do. I’m just tired of feeling bullied around and not listened to. 😞💔
@@SimplyInspiredbySheena So sorry to hear that. Sometimes we have to leave them alone so they can think and figure things out for themselves. You don't want to be in the line of fire and be the one he takes out all of his aggression & anger on. If you dont see him for a little while, to give him the space he needs....He will begin to miss you and be less angry and may want to talk about his issues, in a more calm manner. Good luck💕
I saw the title and thought "oh, NOW I see this!" when I needed earlier today. We aren't at the touch level yet, but I felt better after watching this because I did do the first 2. Then I let him go home and have his space. Our relationship is still very young.
Mat. You’ve done it again. You’ve given me a message exactly when I’ve needed it. My HB is under a LOT of stress right now, and he’s always been taught to internalize the frustration and anger. Don’t talk/whine about it. Be a man. And I sooo don’t agree with that. One of the things that really cemented us was by me making a safe space for him to open up and share. To ask him what he’s thinking and feeling. And the super hardest part is not judging, or offering unsolicited advice. Some times all he’s looking for is sympathy. “Aww, baby. I’m sorry that happened to you.” Some times it’s just validation. “Ew, dude yeah, that sucks.” But not taking it personally is the hardest part. Some times none of that works, or it’s me, and he just doesn’t want to say, or I can’t think of anything to contribute. And he just has to sit in it. Being there physically, when you can’t be there emotionally is just as valid. And a saying I got from Ester Perel “A rock can support a great amount of weight, but under too much pressure, it breaks. Don’t waste time being the rock.
I asked my boss is he is OK, he replied that I should mind my own business. I hate him for that and we did not talk for a week. Whenever we pass each other, I just imagined as if he was invisible. Then he apologized to me then I accepted it.
He assumed I knew about something he thought was a "given"...in reality only he would've known it because it was in relation to his work environment ..when he responded in a somewhat simplistic tone I calmy responded " and how was I supposed to know this?" That seemed to calm him down as well.
If he’s having a bad day, first…validate his feelings or emotions. My man and I are both business owners of different industries and when he tells me about his laborers and validate his feelings because I go through the same thing. It relieves the pressure because it’s showing I understand and he’s not alone. Then I focus on making him happy by seducing and getting sexy on him. If he’s at work, I ask to FaceTime and dance for him. He forgets about his stress and uplift his mood. Love your videos…so true❤🎉
Okay I just want to say I didn't think there was going to be much to learn about this one but man oh man you really open my heart and my eyes to things that I kind of sort of new but I really do appreciate your thoughts advice and your ideas on this it's going to be very very helpful thank you so much!!!
how's your day !? that's the sweetiest thing that a person can ask., then ask him are you tired and offer a massage head ( upper 😊) and his back . And if he needs rest alone ..i give him space . Because me too i like space too sometimes. Understand what a person is feeling . Be well Matt over there. By the way how's Bosco 😊 Sometimes I stop touching bec it makes him ignite or become active like a volcano 😊. Its better give him space and do the laundry 😊
Hi mat , I hope your as kind to your partner as you are expressing feelings to us ! But yes my hubby and I talk about everything and nothing ! It’s amazing the response you receive ! But that’s years of knowing each other intimately!
WONDERFUL thank you for sharing this my dear!! intimate vulnerable communication is the bridge to understanding and deepening love in relationship, GREAT JOB
If he’s in a bad mood and asking how he is makes him angry, is it a good idea to walk away and let him calm down but still let him know the support is there? Because my boyfriend and I are long distance and make it a goal to talk stuff out instead of having a big argument and he always says that if I’m okay he’s okay which is true but I always leave that door open of if something is up and he wants to talk to me about it, I’m there with support
Hi Mat. And how does one apply this when your in a long distance relationship? Especially when he is in a stressful work environment. And secondly how does one reconnect with a loved one when they are feeling emotionally detached? 🙂
Oh now then Mat this is a good topic ! Yes work is getting a bit tedious he’s getting a short fuse thank god not with me ! Usually if it’s obvious then I just let him settle before I ask ! But if he is silent then yes something has happened but he will tell me once he’s settled down !but that instance is rare ! He does text me at least twice a day when he’s at work ! So I can feel the vibes that’s something has gone on ! We usually discuss his day it’s because I am really interested! It’s hard you know that your partner maybe vulnerable , as I always see him as my protector Then I feel safe and secure ! Yes I must delve a little deeper , I have not ever thought about this issue because he’s there looking after me ! Thank you mat I love your videos they are thought provoking which it’s only me can try to help him ! Sorry for the add on but I re listen to your videos to get my mind going on important issues , love liz
Wanted to write the same! Interesting.. seems that as a mom of a little son, it gets finally easier to understand a man 😉 thank you for this great video!
I’m really anxious right now he’s saying I’m fine but the way he says it is just so not okay like he’s saying he’s fine but he’s not and he’s not his talkative self he didn’t even say I looked pretty when I sent him a photo of me he’s just not in a good mood he’s been like this before but when he goes to sleep I just feel so anxious and upset
Just be the nurturing feminine that you naturally are 💞 be there to listen to him, allow him to vent first, so you can get an idea of what’s going on and how to approach him. What main emotion is he feeling? Anger, disappointment, sadness? After that, you can gauge how to approach the situation. So if he’s mostly sad, help by soothing him. Let him know that you care and you’re there for him. Be soft and warm with him. Distract him with touch, whether it be cuddles on the couch while watching his favourite tv series, or inviting him to have a relaxing bubble bath together, or giving him a massage. Anything that is calming. If he’s disappointed, distract him feeling that emotion and engage with him with activities. Cook his favourite meal, or go out for dinner if he feels up to it. Let him know that you care very deeply for him. If he’s feeling wound up and frustrated, maybe he’s got some anger.. work out together if he feels up to it.. help get that frustration out of him. Even invite him to play with you in the bedroom and release some of that (safely, of course)😊✨
I'm so fucking glad about this!!! Hadn't gotten in a situation that needed this wisdom but I'm always learning for future . Can't thank you enough Mat!!!
Love all your advice, always spot on! Do you have any videos or advice for when men are stressed and need to take some time to figure out their next steps?
I've done all of these things and it doesn't work. He gets to where he will go in his car and be alone then comes in and I try to sit with him then he goes to sleep. This same cycles happens everyday. He won't even touch me or anything anymore
1. "Don't take it personally." My father was the type of guy who everyone loved because he was so cool and friendly to everyone, but the reason he never lost his temper with anyone is because he took it out on us, his family, the moment he got home. He'd hold in all his anger and then when he got home, he'd look for ANYTHING to yell at us for. My mom didn't read his mind and know he wanted her oil changed? Yell. My brother accidentally ate his ice cream? Screaming match. I didn't bowl an average over 150? Rampage for days. My dad MADE it personal to justify taking his rage out on us instead of whatever coworker who actually deserved it. I used to think this was just my dad, but I'm 30 now and every single man I have ever met has been like this. Here's a good example of something recently I went through. Two weeks ago, a female (old flame) sent some pretty mean messages and blocked him after he told her off. My husband was still mad though and couldn't unload his anger onto her. So what does he do? The past two weeks have been him monitoring me 24/7 looking for ANYTHING to blow up at me over. And I do mean 24/7; he insists on being on Discord calls with me while I'm at work. So while I know it's not my behaviour that originally angered him, he gets even worse when I tell him that and goes off into a "You just can't admit to any of your bad behaviour because you think you're so perfect." This usually results in me taking some form of punishment from him. In this example after his last rage attack, I now have to ask him to use the restroom every single time I need to because, in his own words, "You don't tell me you're going to the bathroom. If I want to talk, my words are more important than your comfort. You're too independent." That was the reason he decided he was so angry in the first place. But I can already feel the tidal wave about to crash down on me any day now; just in his voice I know he's getting frustrated with me asking to use the restroom. I don't know how far he thinks these things in advance but he sets me up for blow-out fights like this so he can always justify taking out whatever life stress he encounters on me. The only thing that will calm him down is for him to get what he actually really wants: To see me crying. He will go and go, then yell at me for crying, he will get even worse; one of his favourite responses is, "I'm not going to reward your bad behaviour by calming down. You're trying to manipulate me with your tears and it won't work." I don't cry easily on purpose; I'm an Aspie and have a really hard time communicating as it is. But after I cry, it crescendos and then his anger goes away. TL;DR I know, super long, but there's a lot of guys out there who MAKE it personal just to be able to yell at you because they're mad. Loving words, soothing sounds, nothing will be able to dissipate the inevitable volley of rage headed your way if he wants to yell. You can only get good at reminding yourself that it's NOT your fault.
What if he has mood swings, you know it, you try to explain it when he is okey but he is not just taking it. So, how to help him as, as sometimes I am also not doing well and at that time we fight and it's really bad
Love all your videos! My boyfriend works a job that he comes home stressed from at least half of the time, so I have trouble navigating making him feel better or giving him space. Going to try your tips, thanks!
Learning is a important process of growing and l really appreciate every aspect of your knowledge knowing that this is helpful to me as well ....thanks again for effort .with much respect from someone like me that need it to hear and learn. 😍
His in bad mood cause of work and i can't be with him all the time his far from me ,so how to talk to him and how to help him forget his problems and stress day i need to make him happy please help me please 💔
It's different to me.. i'm bad mood but he make sing a song and calm me.. 😁 and when i say i cry, while he singing his hide that his crying too.. Sir, that means we same feeling eaxh other?
What if theres always something wrong and major moods swings throughout the week. I cant sustain my happiness as he sucks it out of me. I feel the moods are weaponised and manipulative
but if a husband is saying feeling disrespected n he says bcz i don't care for him..then it is personal right? i guess i hve emasculated him..shall i remain quiet? though i appreciate him tons..not evn sure if its abt me or himself..
Hina B. It sounds like you guys need to work on your communication because he’s feeling like you owning your voice with him is disrespectful to him... you get to ask him more questions so you can understand where he’s coming from (he may have some triggers there), and then you can agree on a way to communicate that allows you to own your voice while he feels safe!
what would you advise as an alternative when you are distant from each other and he has not been in the mood? Would it be a good idea to let him have his space and allow him to reach out when he wants?
Giving him space and allowing him to reach out when he feels ready demonstrates respect for his needs and can strengthen your relationship by showing understanding and patience.
Pause, communicate openly, listen actively, empathize, apologize if needed, and follow up with cheerful gestures to support and cheer up your partner. Learn from the experience and work on managing tendencies to jump to conclusions. Thanks!
The problem is i dont feel safe when hes in a mood. I dont take it personally but unfortunately his bad moods are directed at me. Why do i have to be the one to fawn him to get him out his vad mood when he has no respect for me
How do you get your boyfriend out of a mood? He goes in moods over small things if he doesnt hear from me if I'm busy if he cant have his way sort of thing why?
ask him questions from a space of curiousity and hold space for his answers... he probably has underlying fears or trauma that are expressing in those situations :)
I was looking at the coaching information on your website and wanted to ask what your qualifications are for coaching people on relationships. Like did you go to graduate school for this, are you ICF certified, that kind of thing. Just looking for more information. Thanks.
Hi Audrey! I'm actually a former attorney and entrepreneur who fell in love with personal development about ten years ago - I fully credit it with saving my life. After having a profound transformative experience in Ascension Leadership Academy in San Diego (an experiential motional intelligence and leadership program), I spent the next two years serving as a volunteer coach and team leader for hundreds of students coming through the program, eventually becoming a group facilitator and graduating from their upper level Masters in Leadership program where I was trained on coaching and facilitating at a high level. I have extensively studied cognitive and behavior psychology and integrate both into my coaching, which is a mix of inquisitive and prescriptive styles. Basically I specialize in supporting women in transforming their lives through their relationship with themselves and others, and I'm in love with what I do :)
If his bad moods are taking a toll, express your feelings with care. Let him know you care about his well-being but also discuss creating a more positive space for both of you. Thanks for sharing!
What if he's taking it out on you by complaining about something small (responding 2 minutes late to his text🙄) how do you support him while explain your 2minute delay in responding?
Try googlinng Celestine Dessike's Words of Desire, there is among the many approaches to figure out how to talk filthy just like a pro rofl, though you need to anticipate to learn a handful of things about men mindset, and so forth
@@Mat_Shaffer I wonder if you understood what I was asking. In the video you, I thought, you encouraged women to ask if their man was "scared" of something that was causing his behavior. So my question was not about the woman saying she was scared but about her asking him if he was and using that particular word,......?
Getting into his mind by expertly knocking down his psychological walls and making him tingle with feelings of pleasure, means you're doing it right. There are many so called "canned phrases" to make it happen, for example go’ogling something like Celestine Dessike's Words of Desire was the perfect formula for me
I was looking for memes or something to cheer him up. Ran into this video instead. It keeps surprising me that there are a lot of immature ladies out there who don't have the basic emotional maturity to even be considered adults. Please grow up ladies, you can do better. Don't make me ashamed of being a woman.
Hey, maybe you've already read Celestine Dessike's Words of Desire? If not try go’ogling her... You can learn not only how to let him hear what he secretly wants, but also experience your deepest fantasies as well.
Wow you suggest people who has emotions just the same as the problematic person to behave like an angel, not allowed to feel this, do that, trigger this, trigger that. Seriously man, that's so hard and tiring
Lol...sure if it was that easy...he never opens up even with a beautiful approach...gets sarcastic and defensive and says "why would I replay my day..."stop asking me how I am
also, really sick of all the videos out there telling women how to please their men and very few out there telling men how to please their women. Women just stay single.
Part of having him go plain crazy and unlocking his primal impulses is a result of speaking out just the right words. Yes, where to begin? Celestine Dessike's latest (go'ogle her) takes you by the hand if you really want to cut out all the guesswork and get him going!
I'm so fucking glad about this!!! Hadn't gotten in a situation that needed this wisdom but I'm always learning for future . Can't thank you enough Mat!!!
When I ask my boyfriend how he’s doing like you suggested, he just answers fine and doesn’t even look up from his phone. These shut down moods can last for days and it really pulls me down with him.
Stop babysitting and find an adult to be happy with. Life's too short for that nonsense. He's not going to change.
@@zero_bs_tolerance8646 this reply killed me😭😂🚶🏻♀️
Feel this same way but about my girlfriend
Or you know...see a relationship counselor and try to help him learn to express himself and his needs in a way that helps him handle these episodes with less struggle and find greater happiness and joy in his life. The best men I know see a therapist if they grapple with emotional struggles in a way that robs them of their experience of the enjoyment of their broader lives and interfere with the intimacy and depth of their relationships with their loved ones. 🌻
@@mlle_telfort05 truth hurts. Reinvest. TakeCare gooddays
1. Don’t take it personally?
2. Ask him nicely how was his day?
2.a give space
2.b ask feeling questions
3. Use physical touch (caress, hold, massage, cuddle)
YES great job!! :)
Thanks.
Giving him space is the cause of the bad mood. Fact.
My man's go-to when he's feeling down, whether he's stressed about work, upset about something, has a headache, a cold, whatever, is to lay with his head on my chest while I rub his back, neck, head, etc. Apparently, the boob-pillow is very soothing. I guess my heartbeat is probably a factor as well, but... **shrug** C'mon... We all know it's mostly the boob-pillow. Lol
love this share! there are few things more comforting than being petted while burying our head in a boob pillow haha... you've got it nailed down ;)
@@Mat_Shaffer Yeah, he seems pretty happy with it lol. & I gotta say, I find a certain degree of satisfaction in knowing that he feels secure enough when we're laying like that, that after a little while of me rubbing his back, or running my nails over his scalp, he'll just fall asleep face down in my cleavage. After I'm done giggling internally at how cute he looks, it always makes me feel good to know that he does feel that comfortable with me already, especially because we've only known each other for 8 months.
I wish my man would even hug me.
💙 Wish that I saw this video yesterday...probably would have saved me from a massive fight 😞
Simply Inspired aw well at least you found it now! How can you use what you learned to shift the situation?
Mat Shaffer 💙 Honestly I think it’s too late at this point.
He came home slamming stuff around I asked what’s wrong, he said don’t worry about it. I said no, you seem to be in a bad mood tell me about it. He said shut up and leave me alone. I was hurt so I left. When I came home he was very visibly upset, he told me he lost $2,300 and I was right about not putting trust into his friend. He said he’s scared I’m going to leave him (things have been bad for a couple months now) and quite frankly he should be...I didn’t tell him that. He cried, I consoled him. That pretty much sums it up.
I’m at a loss for what to do. I’m just tired of feeling bullied around and not listened to. 😞💔
@@SimplyInspiredbySheena So sorry to hear that. Sometimes we have to leave them alone so they can think and figure things out for themselves. You don't want to be in the line of fire and be the one he takes out all of his aggression & anger on. If you dont see him for a little while, to give him the space he needs....He will begin to miss you and be less angry and may want to talk about his issues, in a more calm manner. Good luck💕
difficult times is what brings people closer if they can allow someone to share it with.
EXACTLY you got this! Just takes openness and patience from both sides :)
What struck me the most is that you said if he allows someone to share it with.
It works bothways also from the woman's side when i am frustrated or grumpy i need personal space no arguing just a big hug and just be there🤗🤗🙋♀️
I saw the title and thought "oh, NOW I see this!" when I needed earlier today. We aren't at the touch level yet, but I felt better after watching this because I did do the first 2. Then I let him go home and have his space. Our relationship is still very young.
thank you for the share! great job, Im sure he appreciated how you handled it :)
Mat. You’ve done it again. You’ve given me a message exactly when I’ve needed it.
My HB is under a LOT of stress right now, and he’s always been taught to internalize the frustration and anger. Don’t talk/whine about it. Be a man. And I sooo don’t agree with that.
One of the things that really cemented us was by me making a safe space for him to open up and share. To ask him what he’s thinking and feeling. And the super hardest part is not judging, or offering unsolicited advice. Some times all he’s looking for is sympathy. “Aww, baby. I’m sorry that happened to you.”
Some times it’s just validation. “Ew, dude yeah, that sucks.”
But not taking it personally is the hardest part. Some times none of that works, or it’s me, and he just doesn’t want to say, or I can’t think of anything to contribute. And he just has to sit in it.
Being there physically, when you can’t be there emotionally is just as valid.
And a saying I got from Ester Perel “A rock can support a great amount of weight, but under too much pressure, it breaks. Don’t waste time being the rock.
Vici Eski BEAUTIFUL SHARE!! Your man is so lucky to have such an emotionally intelligent supportive woman by his side 🤗🤗❤️❤️
Mat Shaffer thank you so much for your kind words! ❤️❤️ I try to be open and understanding. I fail, a lot. But I try. He’s worth it.
Wow you are great woman!! I wanna be like you when i grow up lol. I'm sure these tips will be helpful to me in future. Thanks for sharing Vici.
kyomugisha stella thank you!! for the kind words!! :) ❤️❤️
I asked my boss is he is OK, he replied that I should mind my own business. I hate him for that and we did not talk for a week. Whenever we pass each other, I just imagined as if he was invisible. Then he apologized to me then I accepted it.
Thank you for sharing!
He assumed I knew about something he thought was a "given"...in reality only he would've known it because it was in relation to his work environment ..when he responded in a somewhat simplistic tone I calmy responded " and how was I supposed to know this?" That seemed to calm him down as well.
time to hold space and be compassionate with him! great job!
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its a great time!
If he’s having a bad day, first…validate his feelings or emotions. My man and I are both business owners of different industries and when he tells me about his laborers and validate his feelings because I go through the same thing. It relieves the pressure because it’s showing I understand and he’s not alone. Then I focus on making him happy by seducing and getting sexy on him. If he’s at work, I ask to FaceTime and dance for him. He forgets about his stress and uplift his mood. Love your videos…so true❤🎉
That was so insightful and helpful! Thank you Matt!
royalty085 beautiful so glad to hear that!!
Thank you for your help, I am trying to help a friend who is very good at hiding emotions to not let people worry too much about him
great I hope this helps you and your friend!
I did all this.. It never works if a man is negative 24/7.. Hates his past n there's really nothing I can tap upon 🌎🌴🌏
Thanks for sharing!
Okay I just want to say I didn't think there was going to be much to learn about this one but man oh man you really open my heart and my eyes to things that I kind of sort of new but I really do appreciate your thoughts advice and your ideas on this it's going to be very very helpful thank you so much!!!
native celt birdog COOL thanks so much for sharing , I’m so glad this gave you some new perspective!! 🤗🤗🙏🙏❤️
how's your day !? that's the sweetiest thing that a person can ask., then ask him are you tired and offer a massage head ( upper 😊) and his back . And if he needs rest alone ..i give him space . Because me too i like space too sometimes. Understand what a person is feeling .
Be well Matt over there. By the way how's Bosco 😊
Sometimes I stop touching bec it makes him ignite or become active like a volcano 😊. Its better give him space and do the laundry 😊
Thanks so much Be Enthusiastic Be Inspired! 🙏❤️ Bosco is GREAT!! :)
Hi mat , I hope your as kind to your partner as you are expressing feelings to us ! But yes my hubby and I talk about everything and nothing ! It’s amazing the response you receive ! But that’s years of knowing each other intimately!
WONDERFUL thank you for sharing this my dear!! intimate vulnerable communication is the bridge to understanding and deepening love in relationship, GREAT JOB
What do you do when a guy takes their bad mood out on you? For instance, will give you dirty looks. It’s hard to not take it personal at that point.
Thanks for sharing!
Brilliant, as always!
Tammi Cottingham 🙏🙏❤️ thanks love!!
If he’s in a bad mood and asking how he is makes him angry, is it a good idea to walk away and let him calm down but still let him know the support is there? Because my boyfriend and I are long distance and make it a goal to talk stuff out instead of having a big argument and he always says that if I’m okay he’s okay which is true but I always leave that door open of if something is up and he wants to talk to me about it, I’m there with support
Very well said. My guy is hating work and I was taking it personally but after this I can wait him out.
YES be patient, open and supportive puts him in the best position to shift!
You know you are seriously good .. the topic you are picking up I was thinking about it but didn’t know what to do... thank you so much.
wonderful so glad it helped you! :)
Where where you when I was younger!??! Doing everything you wrong. Thank you 😊!!!
haha well im just grateful we've connected now! :)
I'm 28 year old and I love your videos and I can listen to you all day long
Thanks so much my dear that means a lot to me!
Your very welcome and how are you doing ?
If these tips worked we wouldn’t have the problem because the man would be able to communicate.
I hope it helps
Thank you so much for all you do!! Your guidance is such a blessing. ❤
Thank you for your kind words, they truly touch my heart!
Hi Mat. And how does one apply this when your in a long distance relationship? Especially when he is in a stressful work environment. And secondly how does one reconnect with a loved one when they are feeling emotionally detached? 🙂
I wondered this. That's why I'm here. I am in an LDR.
Oh now then Mat this is a good topic ! Yes work is getting a bit tedious he’s getting a short fuse thank god not with me ! Usually if it’s obvious then I just let him settle before I ask ! But if he is silent then yes something has happened but he will tell me once he’s settled down !but that instance is rare ! He does text me at least twice a day when he’s at work ! So I can feel the vibes that’s something has gone on ! We usually discuss his day it’s because I am really interested! It’s hard you know that your partner maybe vulnerable , as I always see him as my protector
Then I feel safe and secure ! Yes I must delve a little deeper , I have not ever thought about this issue because he’s there looking after me !
Thank you mat I love your videos they are thought provoking which it’s only me can try to help him ! Sorry for the add on but I re listen to your videos to get my mind going on important issues , love liz
so glad my content helps you and makes you think ! thats why I create it :)
What an amazing video Matt 👏🏼👏🏼 thanks
Ana Miranda 🙏🙏❤️❤️ thanks so much for the feedback my dear means a lot to me! What was your biggest takeaway from it?
Wow! Wonderful... I'm dealing with a difficult alcoholic man .... I'll remember not to take it personally! Thank you!
You're very welcome.❤️
Hi, I really like your point of view!
Thank you so much!!
so welcome glad you enjoy my videos! :)
Matt, we do this to our sons also!! Thanks for sharing! I wish I had your smile.
Wanted to write the same! Interesting.. seems that as a mom of a little son, it gets finally easier to understand a man 😉 thank you for this great video!
That's very sweet. You do have a beautiful smile too. ❤️
You are so welcome, Agnes. ❤️
I saw this and I clicked faster than Usain Bolt can run
😂😂🙏❤️ one of my favorite comments ever love it!
Mat Shaffer haha I’m honored :))
Thank you, Mat!!!
I REALLY needed to hear this today.
You are so welcome!
I’m really anxious right now he’s saying I’m fine but the way he says it is just so not okay like he’s saying he’s fine but he’s not and he’s not his talkative self he didn’t even say I looked pretty when I sent him a photo of me he’s just not in a good mood he’s been like this before but when he goes to sleep I just feel so anxious and upset
Thanks for sharing
Just be the nurturing feminine that you naturally are 💞 be there to listen to him, allow him to vent first, so you can get an idea of what’s going on and how to approach him. What main emotion is he feeling? Anger, disappointment, sadness?
After that, you can gauge how to approach the situation. So if he’s mostly sad, help by soothing him. Let him know that you care and you’re there for him. Be soft and warm with him. Distract him with touch, whether it be cuddles on the couch while watching his favourite tv series, or inviting him to have a relaxing bubble bath together, or giving him a massage. Anything that is calming. If he’s disappointed, distract him feeling that emotion and engage with him with activities. Cook his favourite meal, or go out for dinner if he feels up to it. Let him know that you care very deeply for him.
If he’s feeling wound up and frustrated, maybe he’s got some anger.. work out together if he feels up to it.. help get that frustration out of him. Even invite him to play with you in the bedroom and release some of that (safely, of course)😊✨
beautifully put my dear! your man is a lucky one :)
Very useful video. For everyone who is in bad mood not particularly men . Thanks.
Glad you like it!
I'm so fucking glad about this!!!
Hadn't gotten in a situation that needed this wisdom but I'm always learning for future .
Can't thank you enough Mat!!!
so welcome my dear glad you enjoyed it!! :)
Matt...please turn your volume up...mine is up as far as it goes...please..!?!?
absolutely!!
Love all your advice, always spot on!
Do you have any videos or advice for when men are stressed and need to take some time to figure out their next steps?
thats a great topic for another video!!
This video is so helpfull, i like it 😊👍🏻
Hi from Sweden 🇸🇪🙋♀️
Awesome! Thank you!
Thank you so much! This is a big help ☺️
May God always guide you and bless you 🙏
YESSS you got it my dear!! so glad this supported you :)
OMGOODNESS THANK YOU SO MUCH IT LITTERLY HELPED SO MUCH I WILL DO THIS EVERYTIME NOW
You're welcome! ❤❤❤
I've done all of these things and it doesn't work. He gets to where he will go in his car and be alone then comes in and I try to sit with him then he goes to sleep. This same cycles happens everyday. He won't even touch me or anything anymore
Thanks for sharing!
Okay, I'll try this thank you so much ❤️
Glad you like it!
I'm not in a mood today
Gf: well that's not okay , you should control it cuz I'm not feeling well too
..okay
@🌻Soul🌻Reprogramming Lol!!!!
Great video very true and informative.
appreciate it
I appreciate your advice 😊 thanks it helps me a lot
Can I also demand him holding space for me if I had a bad day? Just in theory, I usually don't have particularly bad days.
yes its absolutely a two way street! you get to establish that with him :)
1. "Don't take it personally."
My father was the type of guy who everyone loved because he was so cool and friendly to everyone, but the reason he never lost his temper with anyone is because he took it out on us, his family, the moment he got home. He'd hold in all his anger and then when he got home, he'd look for ANYTHING to yell at us for. My mom didn't read his mind and know he wanted her oil changed? Yell. My brother accidentally ate his ice cream? Screaming match. I didn't bowl an average over 150? Rampage for days. My dad MADE it personal to justify taking his rage out on us instead of whatever coworker who actually deserved it. I used to think this was just my dad, but I'm 30 now and every single man I have ever met has been like this.
Here's a good example of something recently I went through. Two weeks ago, a female (old flame) sent some pretty mean messages and blocked him after he told her off. My husband was still mad though and couldn't unload his anger onto her. So what does he do? The past two weeks have been him monitoring me 24/7 looking for ANYTHING to blow up at me over. And I do mean 24/7; he insists on being on Discord calls with me while I'm at work. So while I know it's not my behaviour that originally angered him, he gets even worse when I tell him that and goes off into a "You just can't admit to any of your bad behaviour because you think you're so perfect." This usually results in me taking some form of punishment from him. In this example after his last rage attack, I now have to ask him to use the restroom every single time I need to because, in his own words, "You don't tell me you're going to the bathroom. If I want to talk, my words are more important than your comfort. You're too independent." That was the reason he decided he was so angry in the first place. But I can already feel the tidal wave about to crash down on me any day now; just in his voice I know he's getting frustrated with me asking to use the restroom. I don't know how far he thinks these things in advance but he sets me up for blow-out fights like this so he can always justify taking out whatever life stress he encounters on me.
The only thing that will calm him down is for him to get what he actually really wants: To see me crying. He will go and go, then yell at me for crying, he will get even worse; one of his favourite responses is, "I'm not going to reward your bad behaviour by calming down. You're trying to manipulate me with your tears and it won't work." I don't cry easily on purpose; I'm an Aspie and have a really hard time communicating as it is. But after I cry, it crescendos and then his anger goes away.
TL;DR I know, super long, but there's a lot of guys out there who MAKE it personal just to be able to yell at you because they're mad. Loving words, soothing sounds, nothing will be able to dissipate the inevitable volley of rage headed your way if he wants to yell. You can only get good at reminding yourself that it's NOT your fault.
This is not healthy and I can speak from experience this isn't all men. It sounds like both parties could use some professional help.
It’s 100% possible to heal and create something new
Your laugh is so cute 😍
Thank you so much, I really appreciate hearing that from you. 💖
What if he has mood swings, you know it, you try to explain it when he is okey but he is not just taking it. So, how to help him as, as sometimes I am also not doing well and at that time we fight and it's really bad
I promise there are good guys out there my dear!
It helps a lot, thanks!
I’m so glad this helped you! Jagi❤️
Love all your videos! My boyfriend works a job that he comes home stressed from at least half of the time, so I have trouble navigating making him feel better or giving him space. Going to try your tips, thanks!
fantastic let us know how it goes!
Thank you man 😭❤️
Glad you like it!
Thank you so much!
so welcome!
What if we're in an ldr? How do we comfort them better if we can't see or be with them?
You can still provide comfort and support. Listen to your partner, offer reassurance, and send thoughtful messages or gifts.
Brilliant...thank you for this, Mat!
Brenda Brewer ❤️❤️🙏🙏✨✨ thanks my dear!!
Learning is a important process of growing and l really appreciate every aspect of your knowledge knowing that this is helpful to me as well ....thanks again for effort .with much respect from someone like me that need it to hear and learn. 😍
His in bad mood cause of work and i can't be with him all the time his far from me ,so how to talk to him and how to help him forget his problems and stress day i need to make him happy please help me please 💔
be gentle! other videos here on that
This apply in gay relationships right?
It’s 100% possible to heal and create something new
If you are on a long-distance because of this pandemic, is it best to let him simmer off and allow him to be the first one to reach out?
Thank you
Its my pleasure.
It's different to me.. i'm bad mood but he make sing a song and calm me.. 😁 and when i say i cry, while he singing his hide that his crying too..
Sir, that means we same feeling eaxh other?
maybe! tell him how you feel
@@Mat_Shaffer i always tell him .. 😊
What if theres always something wrong and major moods swings throughout the week. I cant sustain my happiness as he sucks it out of me. I feel the moods are weaponised and manipulative
Thanks for sharing!
but if a husband is saying feeling disrespected n he says bcz i don't care for him..then it is personal right? i guess i hve emasculated him..shall i remain quiet? though i appreciate him tons..not evn sure if its abt me or himself..
Hina B. It sounds like you guys need to work on your communication because he’s feeling like you owning your voice with him is disrespectful to him... you get to ask him more questions so you can understand where he’s coming from (he may have some triggers there), and then you can agree on a way to communicate that allows you to own your voice while he feels safe!
what would you advise as an alternative when you are distant from each other and he has not been in the mood? Would it be a good idea to let him have his space and allow him to reach out when he wants?
Giving him space and allowing him to reach out when he feels ready demonstrates respect for his needs and can strengthen your relationship by showing understanding and patience.
This is wild.
The title should be "How to enable an immature, moody man and feed codependent behavior".
Thanks for sharing!
what should I do, I jump in conclusion. I make the situation worse. He needs me to cheer him up, what should I do. Anyone?
Pause, communicate openly, listen actively, empathize, apologize if needed, and follow up with cheerful gestures to support and cheer up your partner. Learn from the experience and work on managing tendencies to jump to conclusions. Thanks!
The problem is i dont feel safe when hes in a mood. I dont take it personally but unfortunately his bad moods are directed at me. Why do i have to be the one to fawn him to get him out his vad mood when he has no respect for me
Thanks for sharing!
Thank u
You are so welcome!
How do you get your boyfriend out of a mood? He goes in moods over small things if he doesnt hear from me if I'm busy if he cant have his way sort of thing why?
ask him questions from a space of curiousity and hold space for his answers... he probably has underlying fears or trauma that are expressing in those situations :)
I was looking at the coaching information on your website and wanted to ask what your qualifications are for coaching people on relationships. Like did you go to graduate school for this, are you ICF certified, that kind of thing. Just looking for more information. Thanks.
Hi Audrey! I'm actually a former attorney and entrepreneur who fell in love with personal development about ten years ago - I fully credit it with saving my life. After having a profound transformative experience in Ascension Leadership Academy in San Diego (an experiential motional intelligence and leadership program), I spent the next two years serving as a volunteer coach and team leader for hundreds of students coming through the program, eventually becoming a group facilitator and graduating from their upper level Masters in Leadership program where I was trained on coaching and facilitating at a high level. I have extensively studied cognitive and behavior psychology and integrate both into my coaching, which is a mix of inquisitive and prescriptive styles. Basically I specialize in supporting women in transforming their lives through their relationship with themselves and others, and I'm in love with what I do :)
What could it mean if he doesn't wanna talk and rejects physical touch? 😭
I promise there are good guys out there my dear!
New subbie
Many thanks!
How about we may just be sick of his bad moods!!!
If his bad moods are taking a toll, express your feelings with care. Let him know you care about his well-being but also discuss creating a more positive space for both of you. Thanks for sharing!
Where were all these helpful videos 3 years go damn I wouldn’t had lost and ruined the relationship
aw at least you found me now for next time! :)
Yess these videoed are helping me now and I’m really appreciative
What if he's taking it out on you by complaining about something small (responding 2 minutes late to his text🙄) how do you support him while explain your 2minute delay in responding?
you dont owe him an explanation for that! He gets to release that control impulse!
Wow
Thanks so much my dear!
Try googlinng Celestine Dessike's Words of Desire, there is among the many approaches to figure out how to talk filthy just like a pro rofl, though you need to anticipate to learn a handful of things about men mindset, and so forth
This is my problem!!!!!! Nutts
boom time to shift that!
How do you feel you lost 25k dollars in stock market :/ I think it's pretty obvious....
It's a tough situation, but it's a common risk in investing. Learning from it can help you make smarter choices in the future.
Does a woman REALLY want to use the word "scared"?
if its authentic and vulnerable then yes!
@@Mat_Shaffer I wonder if you understood what I was asking. In the video you, I thought, you encouraged women to ask if their man was "scared" of something that was causing his behavior. So my question was not about the woman saying she was scared but about her asking him if he was and using that particular word,......?
Feel like my whole marriage is about him so I think I’ll skip this one.
Thanks for sharing my dear!
Getting into his mind by expertly knocking down his psychological walls and making him tingle with feelings of pleasure, means you're doing it right. There are many so called "canned phrases" to make it happen, for example go’ogling something like Celestine Dessike's Words of Desire was the perfect formula for me
Interesting perspective, thanks so much!
physical touch .. great idea, except he lives an 4 hour car ride away... then what?
My thoughts exactly
I was looking for memes or something to cheer him up. Ran into this video instead. It keeps surprising me that there are a lot of immature ladies out there who don't have the basic emotional maturity to even be considered adults. Please grow up ladies, you can do better. Don't make me ashamed of being a woman.
I hope it helps
Leave him, tf you gonna do about his moods. Worry about ur happiness
Thanks for sharing!
Hey, maybe you've already read Celestine Dessike's Words of Desire? If not try go’ogling her... You can learn not only how to let him hear what he secretly wants, but also experience your deepest fantasies as well.
I appreciate your opinion on this!
Alawys
yesss
Wow you suggest people who has emotions just the same as the problematic person to behave like an angel, not allowed to feel this, do that, trigger this, trigger that. Seriously man, that's so hard and tiring
Thanks for sharing!
Lol...sure if it was that easy...he never opens up even with a beautiful approach...gets sarcastic and defensive and says "why would I replay my day..."stop asking me how I am
Thanks for sharing!
Women are NOT men's Therapist nor their mother.. Oh pleeez x coach I like youre contents a lot but this is a no no bro 🙄🙏🤭
Thanks so much for your feedback!
also, really sick of all the videos out there telling women how to please their men and very few out there telling men how to please their women. Women just stay single.
Thanks for sharing!
Part of having him go plain crazy and unlocking his primal impulses is a result of speaking out just the right words. Yes, where to begin? Celestine Dessike's latest (go'ogle her) takes you by the hand if you really want to cut out all the guesswork and get him going!
Thanks for sharing!
I'm so fucking glad about this!!!
Hadn't gotten in a situation that needed this wisdom but I'm always learning for future .
Can't thank you enough Mat!!!