Thanks Damien for such a pertinent video. My 2 cents is they can work if you don't let your fitness slide - physical, financial and emotional fitness slide!
This video hit on so many great topics! Especially the changing your age on apps over 40 and the reasons why we do it. As someone who prefers the age gap I can attest to just about everything said in this was true.
Unfortunately I missed out in my late 20's/30's meeting women due to certain Government agencies. Now in my 40's the talent pool is very limited. The women my age are not that good(Don't have careers, Already have kids, Let themselves go, Not good looking, Live unhealthy life styles, etc). Also the places to meet high quality women is very limited these days Apps, Clubs, Sports, Bars etc.
It all goes back to biology and men and women being wired different. Men seek younger women because they are fertile and beautiful. Women seek older men because they provide security and stability.
I’d agree to a large extent. As a woman with a 26 year gap with my baby I do desire security and he makes sure he provides for me and I am okay and happy. But that is a man’s job, to essentially shelter and protect his woman and take care of her. We women take on a different yet similar role of caretaking to men- but this is largely emotional (servitude, love and affection, providing room for the man to grow into himself.) I won’t allow myself to be guilted by delusional people that wanting security is “bad”. It’s just simply natural and we must accept nature. The problem lies in both men and women deviating from our true energetic roles, with this degeneration arising from modern Liberalism.
@@ariandmary, I’m happy that you’ve found your soulmate but as he ages I think you will find it difficult because he will probably need care and you will still be young and want to be free to do things. Your situation will probably change. So, enjoy it while you can.😊
@@LadyJane222 good thing I’m a nurse then because I possess the cognitive and physical skills to care for an adult requiring nursing care. You do realize that even having a younger partner my same age carries the risk of needing to provide total care if he had gotten in a severe auto accident? Love and commitment means being there for somebody even if that looks like turning someone in bed and helping with bowel movements. It would actually be an HONOR to provide that to a partner I’ve been with for 20 years. Now, run along and go learn more about what it means to commit. Take care 😘
I’m 56 and have been married for over 20 years so I know a thing or two about commitment. I understand what it takes to care for someone as my 18 year old son is autistic and it has been very challenging and tiring taking care of him. Taking care of a family member that is ill or has a disability is a 24/7 job and much more difficult than a patient where you can leave and go home for a rest. Just be prepared for what may come in the future.
I'm 42, and the dating pool SUCKS. too many divorced with kids, out of shape, etc etc. I dread not being able to find a partner in time, as I imagine it gets worse when you hit 50. Most 30-35 year old women do not want to date someone 50.
I'm 59 and trying to find someone 35 is a real struggle for me. I guess I'm not wealthy enough so I will remain single. Women my age group are so unattractive and beat down for me.
Yes it does get worse. Women over 40 and over 50 are a mess. They're stuck in their homes they got from their husband in the divorce because no man wants them because of their lifetime of bad decisions.
@@littleguytrucker3236, I’m a 56 year old woman and I’m in shape and people tell me I look 40. At our stage in life I don’t think that people in their 30’s would be interested in dating us because there’s too much of an age gap and we wouldn’t have much in common and plus they think we’re old. I get that you find women in this age group better looking than our age group since a lot of people let themselves go after 40. But I think you will have a hard time finding someone that age that would be interested in you. Maybe try looking for a woman in her 40’s that’s still in great shape.
I know I am too agree able. Yeah I got baggage but I am still trying to deal with being a person that runs away when there is a hint of someone I am into having a crush. I even find it hard guys fancy me as they can be 4 or 9 year younger when I seem to try to go for guy 5 years older. I would want a click and have great chats and enjoy the person company without a worry. I know I had times fancy american but most of this is web so only one guy I meet in real life. I just hope I can sort out these issues I have so I can be a great catch even if I will never feel like I ever will be. I will keep watch even if start of video seem chop. Hope the video you did upload and change your mind on was good. Glad to get back into your content and glad I can see other people view.
I still need to learn and notice manpation as I must be doing something simmlar. Will edit as at 21.30 in video. God damn it got so damn interesting and I thought the video would never end. I am just glad to have simmlar thoughts and that men get to feel impower sooner then later. Great to see some of the ladies from the swipe apps video and can you thank the four in this video for me.
I was seeing a woman, who was 10, closer to 11 years older than me. We met when I was 39, turning 40 that year, and she was 50 She had the issue with our age difference, and was pushing me away, to find someone younger. This lasted 4 years, probably should have been 3, or less. I've always related better to older people, in general. At 24:16, the comment about the Man being the head,but the wife,is the neck, and she can turn the head any way she wants, was made in the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding".
Yeah man, before I started my company, I was 25, with a long term partner who was 35 - she wanted kids (reasonably so), but I didn't want to be an absent dad when starting a new company and working a tonne of hours, so I broke up with her to pursue my passion and worry about kids when I had more stability. Before 26 I NEVER dated women younger than me.
I usually say that once most women are 24ish, they're well enough equipped mentall to date a guy of any age they like honestly. And 30 -> 23 is only a 7 year age gap, which honestly barely counts as an age-gap... People usually refer more ot 10+ years when considering age gaps... or when the woman is way younger, closer to 18 or younger.
FUCK YES !! when i crossed 40, my matches dropped big time ! fuck my life. women do put their age cap at 39. And even if women are over 40, they might still leave their age cap at 39 hahah
Damien, this was such a fantastic discussion, and I enjoyed the format. I could have easily listened in to this conversation for another hour or so! Perhaps more of this style will be posted in the future? There’s far too much for me to comment on here, so I’ll just remark on a few discussion points: 1) Re: 40+ year old men. As a bit of a “late bloomer,” I really didn’t gain career traction until about 6-7 years ago. I’m now 40 years old, a Masters-level clinician, and currently in a doctoral program. I’ve never been more excited for life, incredibly fit, single with no kids, and always open for new experiences and learning opportunities. Additionally, my past relationships, albeit mostly short-term, have all been positive. No drama or irreparable harm. I simply HAVE NOT been able to find a female “equivalent” at my age. Those 35+ who are single seem to be vastly negative about men, unfit/unhealthy, and/or encapsulated by drama. 2) Re: 15+ year age gaps. In my school and work setting, I frequently garner romantic interest from women in the 24-29-year range and have never had an easier time connecting with them. Of course, there’s sometimes an initial surprise about my age; but when there’s attraction, no one cares. As you mentioned, I do believe a big part of this attraction is my life experience and perspective. But, at this point, it also seems to coincide with comparing positively to younger male options who have less direction, have yet to establish purpose, and may lack maturity. 3) Re: Frame. Let’s say a 28-year-old woman marries a 43-year-old man. In 15 years, she’s 43 and he’s 58. In another 15, she’s 58 and he’s 73. Let’s go another round: 73 and 88. I mean, will anyone look twice? (Haha) 4) Re: Other variables. Had I been a part of this discussion, I would have likely used the following personal anecdote: I’m a vegan minimalist, fitness enthusiast, and future psychologist who doesn’t want kids. Do you know how challenging it is to find a vegan woman? And one who primarily lives the lifestyle for fitness? And one who doesn’t want kids? Or hoard cats? Haha, in other words, when there are so many other factors important to you, you’re more likely to be flexible on age. Recently, the owner of a vegan café I visit gave me her phone number (unprompted). She’s 27. We went out and had fun. We’re going out again tomorrow. She’s yet to ask me my age. Why? Who cares? … I’m vegan! (Haha) Thank you for the continued videos! You’re appreciated!
Hahah regarding point 4 - oh easy, there are some cities like the one I live in where I'm positively swimming in women like that -it's not even a joke, you can't swing a cat wtihout whacking a bunch of fit childless vegans in the head :P They were also everywhere in UBUD in Bali where I lived for a while... You definitely can find hubs where they flock. I'm glad to hear you're liking the new format - I have loads of these coming every week - we filmed over 2 hours of content, and I've just cut it up for youtube... I'll be putting the full versions on my podcast soon. I'm already planning to film the next batch in a few weeks with a new panel. If there are any qusetions you'd like me to pose to the group, I'm always opento suggestions!
Whats your opinion about a 18-19 year old dating a 22 year old if both are in college? I am a 22 year old guy and I like a girl in my college who is 18 turning 19 in August and my birthday is in December so according to our birthdays we are only 3.5 years apart in age. She is in 1st year of college and I am in last year of college.
I think the ladies are forgetting one important thing . human biology . a woman's best years to give birth it's between 16 and 25 so naturally the man's gonna date the woman who's 18 to 25 IF HES SINGLE
I agree this is straight up biology - but I think it woudl still be argued that there are plenty of men around that age bracket who are available to be dated. The data shows owomen on average prefer older men, but the data only suggests that average is only a few years. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with dating much younger women though - not so long as she's say.. over 22,23, old enough to have the maturity to actually take care of herself.
You are asking the wrong question. The right question is "Is it worth dating older women?". Not if you are looking for a serious relationship. If you take 100 women at age 25 maybe 10 of them are capable of having a normal relationship. Those 10 will have realistic expectations, no mental, health and behavioral problems. By the time they are 30 all those 10 women are married or are in a serious relationship that will end up in marriage. Trying to find a good relationship with a woman over 30 is like trying to get rich by winning the lottery. What is the norm and an average relationship anyway? Two people around the same age who don't even like each other, they fight a lot, and eventually get divorced or stay together only for the kids or financial reasons. Why would anyone sane want this?
I mean I agree that most poeople are unhappy in relationships - but that doesn't make relationships bad, people just need to deal with their crap... My first highschool sweetheart notwithstanding, ive had a series fo good relationships with the last one being 12 years. The quality of our relationships does depend a lot on us being choosy, as well as our ability to deal with our own crap and communicate properly. If you can't do those things, relationships will always become a nightmare eventually.
I would never do it intentionally but I did meet a much younger woman and I thought we had a connection but it never materialized. She was nice in a lot of ways but flaky as hell and wasn't true to anything she said or did and not because of her age just part of her personality. I'm probably better off.
Those who have a history of 'casual beddings' with random men they met at the nightclubs and bars seem to think they're still a catch- even after amassing a high bodycount ! Yeah, a catch of chlamydia, crabs, or worse! They are no longer able to pair-bond, and I do not regard them to be suitable potential mothers for my future children.
I can only guess it same for men not able to pair bond that have casual beddings women. Do you know any fix to the problem or is it any level of body count means they are will find it even more harder for a life partner in the long run?
@annaradford6752 - I believe people get this chicken and egg problem all wrong - People who are less incline to pair bond are more likely to have a long list of sexual partners. People blame the sex because it fits their 'corrupted morality' narrative, but it's almost always the other way around. I've had a LOT of sexual partners, but in between I've had a 12 year relationship, a 4 year relationship, a 2 year, and a 1 yaer.... The 12 year relationshipb eing my most recent... for a guy with so many partners, it seems unlikely that my ability to connect has been impaired. But yeah - in men and women - we alreayd know genetically that some people are more disposed to monogamy and pairbonding than others. It has little to nothign to do with sex partnres ruining future bonding abilities.
@@SchoolOfAttraction We recently talked about schema therapy, and on this ground I may disagree with you. It may NOT be "other way around", the causation may be "random sex => not able to pairbond". A person can have frustrated core emotional needs - for example, a secure attachment need or spontaneity and play need - and cope with this need using casual sex instead of forming a "healthy adult" mode inside of them. And the more you use the coping mode instead of a healthy mode, the more you are inclined to continue doing what "works" (even if it does not really work). So (as usual) I don't agree with you ;-) It is not the sex that is inherently wrong, but if you "catch" a person early, who did not make an iron connection in the psyche "random sex fulfills my core needs", then they may be able to pairbond with you, without the coping mode forcing them to continue doing the behaviour that "worked" in the past.
I can only talk about myself and a bunch of men and women I've konwn personally and worked with - I've watched MANY times people 'let go' of the massive sexual partner count lifestyle, and settle down - perfectly ready and capable fo pair bonding. I've watched men and women who have had lots of promiscuous sex pair bond just fine when they've found the right person. In your suggestion above, you're assuming there's something emotionally unhealthy about lots of sexual partners, I don't think this is hte case at all... It's like saying there's something emotionally unhealthy about enjoying wine with dinner every time you go out... SURE some people become alocholics and are using alcohol to cover emotional problems... But most people can drink regularly and be completely fine in their lives. If you're going to struggle to deal with emotional issue - people will find an outlet - if not sex, that alochol, if not booze, then gambling.... BUt not everyone who enjoys a high body count does it because they're emotionally unwell. And a high body count doesn't MAKE you emotionally unwell - you were that way to start, or you weren't. And yes, in those who make sex a form of addiciton - SURE it can become bad for them... but my argument is they are not the average.
What an irony to this video title..."Do age gap relationships work?" Of course they work, since there is a biological drive on the part of men to mate with younger women! Women are fertile only when young compared to men who can fertilize until their 80s or older :). 2. Older men have better communication, are emotionally stable, financially have the resources, and older men have a huge advantage over younger guys, in that they are far more disposed to have fidelity to their partner.
I mean that's not really irony - Biological imperatives aren't 100% iron clad against culture - look at sexual assault for example - it's biologically in a man's best interset to get sex where he can, even if he has to take it - and in the animal kingdom that's perfectly natural and very common - and yet it 'doesn't work' as a strategy in our society. I also wanted to bring it up as a proper conversation since I know it creates conflict between men and women as a topic - and the purpose of this new series is to have those exact conversations.
I'd say, you date the women you have acces too, in todays world everyone has this attitude " I can do whatever I want, but it's creepy if you do this (x)".Freedom of choice.
That discusión is far too political (correct). I am a man 57. My first sex was at 14, she was 28 and a stripper. It was an amazing experience. It was biological perfect. In my 20ies girls were slightly younger, perfect. At 34 I had the last woman my age, no problems. Then the older I got the younger the girls. In my 50ies I tryed 4 women my age. I am a big strong man, I walk fast, I am still sexual powerful and there are many physical problems. I still like dangerous things. There are Men that age different, but most of the guys are biological still in reproduction modus. Older women might have still libido, but God is asking why?! There is a desert syndrome, the bodies and the bones are weak, I just don't wanna kill them. I date late 20ies and early 30ies. Kids from other men is a no go. I take it like a lion. Why? Cuz I can. This might not be sympathic, but the best sex I have if a girl hates me. But I can't invite you to Sudamérica, it's quite far away.
After watching this video, if I connect to my emotions, I feel the urge to say this: "It's so funny that the progressive crowd shames men who date younger women but does not shame women who date older men. "You are dating John, the 31-years-old engineer? Eww, you are gross, you are just exploiting him to feel protected and cared for! Why don't you date Mike, the 21-years-old student? Sure, he has less material wealth, he is still finding himself and is emotionally unstable, but come on, you should date people of your own age!" Maybe it is not "fair" for older men to date women in their 20's, but how is it fair that a man should live his whole life not experiencing, how it is - to date a woman in her prime? The same women who bullied me when I was young now think I owe them relationships - now, when I build myself from scratch, when I fixed my mental problems and became more attractive? No. If a woman in the 20's is not "obliged" to date a man of her age, then a man in the 30's is not "obliged" to date a women of his age." Yes, as you see, I feel a little bit triggered ;-) But even logically, the decision to date younger women still makes sense. Remember, Damien, as you always say that women don't pick wealthy guys because of their wealth, but only because it correlates with positive stats like decisiveness and leadership? ^_^ Well, for me dating younger women is not about their beauty, but about the same correlation. It is much easier to find a person without mental problems (or with small ones) when they are young - especially in Russia, with our culture of "vodka is the best therapist". It is much easier to find a girl in her 20s without big mental problems than a girl in her 30s who fixed her problems. Sure, if I meet a 36-years-old woman and she proves to me that she has no high expectations, does not rush me into commitment, does not force me to have a child with her, does not expect me to compensate for all the bad things her previous husbands did to her, etc. - then I'm fine with getting into a relationship with her, even if she is older than 31-years-old me. But if we are picking based on heuristics - age is a good heuristic for lack of this problems ;-)
I mean, you're talking to the converted already - My stance on this has been spoken about before on othre youtube videos.. I think once a woman is over about 23 - it's fair game... Udner that age, I don't think she's mature enough to take care of herself around a much more experienced man - so it's much easier for abuse to occur. But if a 40 year old man wants to date a 24 year old - go for it imo - I think HUGE age gaps like that can potentially be problematic from a more - "how do we connect" way - but not in a toxic way no.
@@SchoolOfAttraction > I think once a woman is over about 23 - it's fair game... Udner that age, I don't think she's mature enough to take care of herself around a much more experienced man - so it's much easier for abuse to occur. This is what I disagree with - my best friend is one of the most mature people that I know - and he is 19. And also, you are assuming that abuse "occurs" - it does not work that way. If you know that the person has weak boundaries and you help them to establish boundaries instead of breaking them - then there is no "occurring abuse". So, as long as two adults are consenting, it is "fair game" if you are not an abusive person, and it is not "fair game" if you are an abuser regardless of age.
Citing one guy you know who is 19 and mature hardly disproves my assertion that 'most people 'under 23 aren't well equipped... It's also not about maturity alone - it'is about life experience. A 23 year old woman who has had a 2 year relationship is in many ways FAR better equipped than a 30 year old virgin who has never dated before. I can tell you right now, I can see 100s of ways to manipulate the average young girl... she has stars in her eyes, I'm this authority figure who k nows the world... she trusts me so complicitly so easily... she hasn't likely fallen in love before so she hasn't got safeguards against falling for me too quickly without building trust first... I can gaslight her EASILY - making her bleive certain things are 'normal' that are anything but... I can easily start to isolate her from her own friends, nobody has done this to her before so she doesn't realise how powerful this is for controlling how she thinks. I'm not saying every man who dates a young woman abuses her... BUT - Imagine a 40 year old man dating a 19 year old woman... he makes sure to giv ehre independence and not control her - good for him - but then, a big fight breaks out - that happens in the best of relationships. Now they are arguing and he's upset and hurt about something, maybe he feels insecure about her hot 21 year old male friends.... MOST men don't have the self control NOT to try to control and manipulate her behaviour in that moment. And MOST young women don't have the self awareness and ego strength not to allow themselves to be coerced. Now the subconscious abuse and manipulation begins. This happens often enough when couples are both over 25 - but the odds of it happening are exponentially higher when she's super-young because she isn't equipped by life to handl eit, and he's got a good 20 years of practice on her. I guess I'm not saying men should feel dirty for dating women unden 23 - but I am saying - actually, it's far easier to create abuse than most people realise -and the best of men are generally not able to avoid manipulating or controlling when emotions get out of control. For wht it's worth - women are the same once emotions get high. I'd make the same argument for a 40 year old woman dating a 19 year old guy.
@@SchoolOfAttraction Well, he is not the only one, I met many people like him. Anecdotal evidence vs Anecdotal evidence ;-) A young guy can easily abuse and manipulate a young woman too. By dating her, I am making sure that she gets necessary experience in a comfortable, risk-free form - I literally used examples of our fights and disagreements as teaching experiences. Citing myself: "You know, I have low opinions of this specific group of friends, I think they are bad people and have bad influence over you. But I want you to say to me that you know my opinion and still want to hang out with them, if this is your boundary. I will be sad if you want to hang with them and choose not to because of my pressure". If you think that most women are not mature enough, then you must think that most men are not mature enough to say something like this to her, and instead revert to manipulation. Sure, an older guy can be a more experienced manipulator - but he also can be, like me, an ex-sociophobe with relatively small skill of manipulation, or he can control his urges and resist them.
What I'm meaning to explain hwoever is that - almost all women I spoke to have specific expericne of having been uniquely manipulated by an older man - maniulated emotionally in a way other guys her age she had dated didn't do. This is a big part of why many women get protective around big age gaps - they quickly reflect on their own experinces of abuse with older men. So it's clearly a thing that's happening a lot (obviously not all) of the time to many women.
I'm 39 and in Ukraine. There are very few girls left in my country. But still I managed to get 25 year old GF, who is smart and decent. How? I put up my age as 33 on a dating app and only told her about that on a 2nd date after sex. Now she is chasing me. I'm not a provider. She is paying for a taxi to get to my place and I drive her home. It is just another proof that a man has got to his game.
> There are very few girls left in my country. Yes, it really sucks for you - with the policy that women are free to leave and fuck men from other countries, and men are obliged to die for your country, I can't imagine how hard it can be. Of course, the bombings and other shit our army is doing to you don't help either =-(
Thanks Damien for such a pertinent video. My 2 cents is they can work if you don't let your fitness slide - physical, financial and emotional fitness slide!
This video hit on so many great topics! Especially the changing your age on apps over 40 and the reasons why we do it. As someone who prefers the age gap I can attest to just about everything said in this was true.
Glad to hear it!
yh me and my friends talk abt creeps like you
Unfortunately I missed out in my late 20's/30's meeting women due to certain Government agencies. Now in my 40's the talent pool is very limited. The women my age are not that good(Don't have careers, Already have kids, Let themselves go, Not good looking, Live unhealthy life styles, etc). Also the places to meet high quality women is very limited these days Apps, Clubs, Sports, Bars etc.
Get out more you shall find.
Passport 🛬
It all goes back to biology and men and women being wired different. Men seek younger women because they are fertile and beautiful. Women seek older men because they provide security and stability.
Exactly! As simple as that!
I’d agree to a large extent. As a woman with a 26 year gap with my baby I do desire security and he makes sure he provides for me and I am okay and happy. But that is a man’s job, to essentially shelter and protect his woman and take care of her. We women take on a different yet similar role of caretaking to men- but this is largely emotional (servitude, love and affection, providing room for the man to grow into himself.) I won’t allow myself to be guilted by delusional people that wanting security is “bad”. It’s just simply natural and we must accept nature. The problem lies in both men and women deviating from our true energetic roles, with this degeneration arising from modern Liberalism.
@@ariandmary, I’m happy that you’ve found your soulmate but as he ages I think you will find it difficult because he will probably need care and you will still be young and want to be free to do things. Your situation will probably change. So, enjoy it while you can.😊
@@LadyJane222 good thing I’m a nurse then because I possess the cognitive and physical skills to care for an adult requiring nursing care. You do realize that even having a younger partner my same age carries the risk of needing to provide total care if he had gotten in a severe auto accident? Love and commitment means being there for somebody even if that looks like turning someone in bed and helping with bowel movements. It would actually be an HONOR to provide that to a partner I’ve been with for 20 years. Now, run along and go learn more about what it means to commit. Take care 😘
I’m 56 and have been married for over 20 years so I know a thing or two about commitment. I understand what it takes to care for someone as my 18 year old son is autistic and it has been very challenging and tiring taking care of him. Taking care of a family member that is ill or has a disability is a 24/7 job and much more difficult than a patient where you can leave and go home for a rest. Just be prepared for what may come in the future.
I'm 42, and the dating pool SUCKS. too many divorced with kids, out of shape, etc etc.
I dread not being able to find a partner in time, as I imagine it gets worse when you hit 50.
Most 30-35 year old women do not want to date someone 50.
I'm 59 and trying to find someone 35 is a real struggle for me. I guess I'm not wealthy enough so I will remain single. Women my age group are so unattractive and beat down for me.
Mate keep eyes open, open race too and live your best life dont worry she will come.
Yes it does get worse. Women over 40 and over 50 are a mess. They're stuck in their homes they got from their husband in the divorce because no man wants them because of their lifetime of bad decisions.
@@littleguytrucker3236, I’m a 56 year old woman and I’m in shape and people tell me I look 40. At our stage in life I don’t think that people in their 30’s would be interested in dating us because there’s too much of an age gap and we wouldn’t have much in common and plus they think we’re old. I get that you find women in this age group better looking than our age group since a lot of people let themselves go after 40. But I think you will have a hard time finding someone that age that would be interested in you. Maybe try looking for a woman in her 40’s that’s still in great shape.
The legal age is 18 who cares. Live your life people. Why loosing sleep.
Love the setup!
Thankyou!
I know I am too agree able. Yeah I got baggage but I am still trying to deal with being a person that runs away when there is a hint of someone I am into having a crush. I even find it hard guys fancy me as they can be 4 or 9 year younger when I seem to try to go for guy 5 years older. I would want a click and have great chats and enjoy the person company without a worry. I know I had times fancy american but most of this is web so only one guy I meet in real life. I just hope I can sort out these issues I have so I can be a great catch even if I will never feel like I ever will be. I will keep watch even if start of video seem chop. Hope the video you did upload and change your mind on was good. Glad to get back into your content and glad I can see other people view.
I still need to learn and notice manpation as I must be doing something simmlar. Will edit as at 21.30 in video. God damn it got so damn interesting and I thought the video would never end. I am just glad to have simmlar thoughts and that men get to feel impower sooner then later. Great to see some of the ladies from the swipe apps video and can you thank the four in this video for me.
I was seeing a woman, who was 10, closer to 11 years older than me. We met when I was 39, turning 40 that year, and she was 50 She had the issue with our age difference, and was pushing me away, to find someone younger. This lasted 4 years, probably should have been 3, or less. I've always related better to older people, in general. At 24:16, the comment about the Man being the head,but the wife,is the neck, and she can turn the head any way she wants, was made in the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding".
Yeah man, before I started my company, I was 25, with a long term partner who was 35 - she wanted kids (reasonably so), but I didn't want to be an absent dad when starting a new company and working a tonne of hours, so I broke up with her to pursue my passion and worry about kids when I had more stability. Before 26 I NEVER dated women younger than me.
What’s your thoughts on a 30 yr old and 23/24 yr old dating ?
I usually say that once most women are 24ish, they're well enough equipped mentall to date a guy of any age they like honestly. And 30 -> 23 is only a 7 year age gap, which honestly barely counts as an age-gap... People usually refer more ot 10+ years when considering age gaps... or when the woman is way younger, closer to 18 or younger.
FUCK YES !!
when i crossed 40, my matches dropped big time ! fuck my life.
women do put their age cap at 39. And even if women are over 40, they might still leave their age cap at 39 hahah
Damien, this was such a fantastic discussion, and I enjoyed the format. I could have easily listened in to this conversation for another hour or so! Perhaps more of this style will be posted in the future?
There’s far too much for me to comment on here, so I’ll just remark on a few discussion points:
1) Re: 40+ year old men. As a bit of a “late bloomer,” I really didn’t gain career traction until about 6-7 years ago. I’m now 40 years old, a Masters-level clinician, and currently in a doctoral program. I’ve never been more excited for life, incredibly fit, single with no kids, and always open for new experiences and learning opportunities. Additionally, my past relationships, albeit mostly short-term, have all been positive. No drama or irreparable harm.
I simply HAVE NOT been able to find a female “equivalent” at my age. Those 35+ who are single seem to be vastly negative about men, unfit/unhealthy, and/or encapsulated by drama.
2) Re: 15+ year age gaps. In my school and work setting, I frequently garner romantic interest from women in the 24-29-year range and have never had an easier time connecting with them. Of course, there’s sometimes an initial surprise about my age; but when there’s attraction, no one cares. As you mentioned, I do believe a big part of this attraction is my life experience and perspective. But, at this point, it also seems to coincide with comparing positively to younger male options who have less direction, have yet to establish purpose, and may lack maturity.
3) Re: Frame. Let’s say a 28-year-old woman marries a 43-year-old man. In 15 years, she’s 43 and he’s 58. In another 15, she’s 58 and he’s 73. Let’s go another round: 73 and 88. I mean, will anyone look twice? (Haha)
4) Re: Other variables. Had I been a part of this discussion, I would have likely used the following personal anecdote: I’m a vegan minimalist, fitness enthusiast, and future psychologist who doesn’t want kids. Do you know how challenging it is to find a vegan woman? And one who primarily lives the lifestyle for fitness? And one who doesn’t want kids? Or hoard cats? Haha, in other words, when there are so many other factors important to you, you’re more likely to be flexible on age.
Recently, the owner of a vegan café I visit gave me her phone number (unprompted). She’s 27. We went out and had fun. We’re going out again tomorrow. She’s yet to ask me my age. Why? Who cares? … I’m vegan! (Haha)
Thank you for the continued videos! You’re appreciated!
Hahah regarding point 4 - oh easy, there are some cities like the one I live in where I'm positively swimming in women like that -it's not even a joke, you can't swing a cat wtihout whacking a bunch of fit childless vegans in the head :P They were also everywhere in UBUD in Bali where I lived for a while... You definitely can find hubs where they flock.
I'm glad to hear you're liking the new format - I have loads of these coming every week - we filmed over 2 hours of content, and I've just cut it up for youtube... I'll be putting the full versions on my podcast soon. I'm already planning to film the next batch in a few weeks with a new panel.
If there are any qusetions you'd like me to pose to the group, I'm always opento suggestions!
@@SchoolOfAttraction I may have to consider a move soon! 🤣
You should - it's absolutely stunning here!
Whats your opinion about a 18-19 year old dating a 22 year old if both are in college? I am a 22 year old guy and I like a girl in my college who is 18 turning 19 in August and my birthday is in December so according to our birthdays we are only 3.5 years apart in age. She is in 1st year of college and I am in last year of college.
Honstly, I think that's totally fine - your maturity levels would quite likely be very similar given the slower rate of male brain maturity.
I'm 39 and dating a 19 lol, so you can guess
I think the ladies are forgetting one important thing . human biology . a woman's best years to give birth it's between 16 and 25 so naturally the man's gonna date the woman who's 18 to 25 IF HES SINGLE
I agree this is straight up biology - but I think it woudl still be argued that there are plenty of men around that age bracket who are available to be dated. The data shows owomen on average prefer older men, but the data only suggests that average is only a few years. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with dating much younger women though - not so long as she's say.. over 22,23, old enough to have the maturity to actually take care of herself.
@@SchoolOfAttraction fair . in any case regardless of values lovely video👍👍
You are asking the wrong question. The right question is "Is it worth dating older women?". Not if you are looking for a serious relationship. If you take 100 women at age 25 maybe 10 of them are capable of having a normal relationship. Those 10 will have realistic expectations, no mental, health and behavioral problems. By the time they are 30 all those 10 women are married or are in a serious relationship that will end up in marriage. Trying to find a good relationship with a woman over 30 is like trying to get rich by winning the lottery.
What is the norm and an average relationship anyway? Two people around the same age who don't even like each other, they fight a lot, and eventually get divorced or stay together only for the kids or financial reasons. Why would anyone sane want this?
I mean I agree that most poeople are unhappy in relationships - but that doesn't make relationships bad, people just need to deal with their crap... My first highschool sweetheart notwithstanding, ive had a series fo good relationships with the last one being 12 years.
The quality of our relationships does depend a lot on us being choosy, as well as our ability to deal with our own crap and communicate properly. If you can't do those things, relationships will always become a nightmare eventually.
I would never do it intentionally but I did meet a much younger woman and I thought we had a connection but it never materialized. She was nice in a lot of ways but flaky as hell and wasn't true to anything she said or did and not because of her age just part of her personality. I'm probably better off.
Those who have a history of 'casual beddings' with random men they met at the nightclubs and bars seem to think they're still a catch- even after amassing a high bodycount ! Yeah, a catch of chlamydia, crabs, or worse! They are no longer able to pair-bond, and I do not regard them to be suitable potential mothers for my future children.
I honestly odn't rate body count that importantly - as I mentioned in this video - There are plenty of other factors I rate more strongly.
I can only guess it same for men not able to pair bond that have casual beddings women. Do you know any fix to the problem or is it any level of body count means they are will find it even more harder for a life partner in the long run?
@annaradford6752 - I believe people get this chicken and egg problem all wrong - People who are less incline to pair bond are more likely to have a long list of sexual partners. People blame the sex because it fits their 'corrupted morality' narrative, but it's almost always the other way around.
I've had a LOT of sexual partners, but in between I've had a 12 year relationship, a 4 year relationship, a 2 year, and a 1 yaer.... The 12 year relationshipb eing my most recent... for a guy with so many partners, it seems unlikely that my ability to connect has been impaired.
But yeah - in men and women - we alreayd know genetically that some people are more disposed to monogamy and pairbonding than others. It has little to nothign to do with sex partnres ruining future bonding abilities.
@@SchoolOfAttraction We recently talked about schema therapy, and on this ground I may disagree with you. It may NOT be "other way around", the causation may be "random sex => not able to pairbond".
A person can have frustrated core emotional needs - for example, a secure attachment need or spontaneity and play need - and cope with this need using casual sex instead of forming a "healthy adult" mode inside of them. And the more you use the coping mode instead of a healthy mode, the more you are inclined to continue doing what "works" (even if it does not really work).
So (as usual) I don't agree with you ;-) It is not the sex that is inherently wrong, but if you "catch" a person early, who did not make an iron connection in the psyche "random sex fulfills my core needs", then they may be able to pairbond with you, without the coping mode forcing them to continue doing the behaviour that "worked" in the past.
I can only talk about myself and a bunch of men and women I've konwn personally and worked with - I've watched MANY times people 'let go' of the massive sexual partner count lifestyle, and settle down - perfectly ready and capable fo pair bonding.
I've watched men and women who have had lots of promiscuous sex pair bond just fine when they've found the right person.
In your suggestion above, you're assuming there's something emotionally unhealthy about lots of sexual partners, I don't think this is hte case at all... It's like saying there's something emotionally unhealthy about enjoying wine with dinner every time you go out... SURE some people become alocholics and are using alcohol to cover emotional problems... But most people can drink regularly and be completely fine in their lives.
If you're going to struggle to deal with emotional issue - people will find an outlet - if not sex, that alochol, if not booze, then gambling.... BUt not everyone who enjoys a high body count does it because they're emotionally unwell. And a high body count doesn't MAKE you emotionally unwell - you were that way to start, or you weren't. And yes, in those who make sex a form of addiciton - SURE it can become bad for them... but my argument is they are not the average.
What an irony to this video title..."Do age gap relationships work?" Of course they work, since there is a biological drive on the part of men to mate with younger women! Women are fertile only when young compared to men who can fertilize until their 80s or older :). 2. Older men have better communication, are emotionally stable, financially have the resources, and older men have a huge advantage over younger guys, in that they are far more disposed to have fidelity to their partner.
I mean that's not really irony - Biological imperatives aren't 100% iron clad against culture - look at sexual assault for example - it's biologically in a man's best interset to get sex where he can, even if he has to take it - and in the animal kingdom that's perfectly natural and very common - and yet it 'doesn't work' as a strategy in our society.
I also wanted to bring it up as a proper conversation since I know it creates conflict between men and women as a topic - and the purpose of this new series is to have those exact conversations.
I'd say, you date the women you have acces too, in todays world everyone has this attitude " I can do whatever I want, but it's creepy if you do this (x)".Freedom of choice.
That black masculine woman will die alone with cats. Time will humble her.
That discusión is far too political (correct).
I am a man 57.
My first sex was at 14, she was 28 and a stripper. It was an amazing experience.
It was biological perfect. In my 20ies girls were slightly younger, perfect.
At 34 I had the last woman my age, no problems.
Then the older I got the younger the girls.
In my 50ies I tryed 4 women my age.
I am a big strong man, I walk fast, I am still sexual powerful and there are many physical problems. I still like dangerous things. There are Men that age different, but most of the guys are biological still in reproduction modus.
Older women might have still libido, but God is asking why?! There is a desert syndrome, the bodies and the bones are weak, I just don't wanna kill them.
I date late 20ies and early 30ies. Kids from other men is a no go. I take it like a lion. Why? Cuz I can.
This might not be sympathic, but the best sex I have if a girl hates me. But I can't invite you to Sudamérica, it's quite far away.
Sir you was a kid, shes a pedo.
After watching this video, if I connect to my emotions, I feel the urge to say this:
"It's so funny that the progressive crowd shames men who date younger women but does not shame women who date older men.
"You are dating John, the 31-years-old engineer? Eww, you are gross, you are just exploiting him to feel protected and cared for! Why don't you date Mike, the 21-years-old student? Sure, he has less material wealth, he is still finding himself and is emotionally unstable, but come on, you should date people of your own age!"
Maybe it is not "fair" for older men to date women in their 20's, but how is it fair that a man should live his whole life not experiencing, how it is - to date a woman in her prime? The same women who bullied me when I was young now think I owe them relationships - now, when I build myself from scratch, when I fixed my mental problems and became more attractive?
No. If a woman in the 20's is not "obliged" to date a man of her age, then a man in the 30's is not "obliged" to date a women of his age."
Yes, as you see, I feel a little bit triggered ;-) But even logically, the decision to date younger women still makes sense.
Remember, Damien, as you always say that women don't pick wealthy guys because of their wealth, but only because it correlates with positive stats like decisiveness and leadership? ^_^
Well, for me dating younger women is not about their beauty, but about the same correlation.
It is much easier to find a person without mental problems (or with small ones) when they are young - especially in Russia, with our culture of "vodka is the best therapist". It is much easier to find a girl in her 20s without big mental problems than a girl in her 30s who fixed her problems.
Sure, if I meet a 36-years-old woman and she proves to me that she has no high expectations, does not rush me into commitment, does not force me to have a child with her, does not expect me to compensate for all the bad things her previous husbands did to her, etc. - then I'm fine with getting into a relationship with her, even if she is older than 31-years-old me.
But if we are picking based on heuristics - age is a good heuristic for lack of this problems ;-)
I mean, you're talking to the converted already - My stance on this has been spoken about before on othre youtube videos.. I think once a woman is over about 23 - it's fair game... Udner that age, I don't think she's mature enough to take care of herself around a much more experienced man - so it's much easier for abuse to occur.
But if a 40 year old man wants to date a 24 year old - go for it imo - I think HUGE age gaps like that can potentially be problematic from a more - "how do we connect" way - but not in a toxic way no.
@@SchoolOfAttraction > I think once a woman is over about 23 - it's fair game... Udner that age, I don't think she's mature enough to take care of herself around a much more experienced man - so it's much easier for abuse to occur.
This is what I disagree with - my best friend is one of the most mature people that I know - and he is 19.
And also, you are assuming that abuse "occurs" - it does not work that way. If you know that the person has weak boundaries and you help them to establish boundaries instead of breaking them - then there is no "occurring abuse". So, as long as two adults are consenting, it is "fair game" if you are not an abusive person, and it is not "fair game" if you are an abuser regardless of age.
Citing one guy you know who is 19 and mature hardly disproves my assertion that 'most people 'under 23 aren't well equipped...
It's also not about maturity alone - it'is about life experience. A 23 year old woman who has had a 2 year relationship is in many ways FAR better equipped than a 30 year old virgin who has never dated before.
I can tell you right now, I can see 100s of ways to manipulate the average young girl... she has stars in her eyes, I'm this authority figure who k nows the world... she trusts me so complicitly so easily... she hasn't likely fallen in love before so she hasn't got safeguards against falling for me too quickly without building trust first... I can gaslight her EASILY - making her bleive certain things are 'normal' that are anything but... I can easily start to isolate her from her own friends, nobody has done this to her before so she doesn't realise how powerful this is for controlling how she thinks.
I'm not saying every man who dates a young woman abuses her... BUT - Imagine a 40 year old man dating a 19 year old woman... he makes sure to giv ehre independence and not control her - good for him - but then, a big fight breaks out - that happens in the best of relationships. Now they are arguing and he's upset and hurt about something, maybe he feels insecure about her hot 21 year old male friends.... MOST men don't have the self control NOT to try to control and manipulate her behaviour in that moment. And MOST young women don't have the self awareness and ego strength not to allow themselves to be coerced. Now the subconscious abuse and manipulation begins.
This happens often enough when couples are both over 25 - but the odds of it happening are exponentially higher when she's super-young because she isn't equipped by life to handl eit, and he's got a good 20 years of practice on her.
I guess I'm not saying men should feel dirty for dating women unden 23 - but I am saying - actually, it's far easier to create abuse than most people realise -and the best of men are generally not able to avoid manipulating or controlling when emotions get out of control. For wht it's worth - women are the same once emotions get high. I'd make the same argument for a 40 year old woman dating a 19 year old guy.
@@SchoolOfAttraction Well, he is not the only one, I met many people like him. Anecdotal evidence vs Anecdotal evidence ;-)
A young guy can easily abuse and manipulate a young woman too. By dating her, I am making sure that she gets necessary experience in a comfortable, risk-free form - I literally used examples of our fights and disagreements as teaching experiences.
Citing myself: "You know, I have low opinions of this specific group of friends, I think they are bad people and have bad influence over you. But I want you to say to me that you know my opinion and still want to hang out with them, if this is your boundary. I will be sad if you want to hang with them and choose not to because of my pressure".
If you think that most women are not mature enough, then you must think that most men are not mature enough to say something like this to her, and instead revert to manipulation. Sure, an older guy can be a more experienced manipulator - but he also can be, like me, an ex-sociophobe with relatively small skill of manipulation, or he can control his urges and resist them.
What I'm meaning to explain hwoever is that - almost all women I spoke to have specific expericne of having been uniquely manipulated by an older man - maniulated emotionally in a way other guys her age she had dated didn't do.
This is a big part of why many women get protective around big age gaps - they quickly reflect on their own experinces of abuse with older men.
So it's clearly a thing that's happening a lot (obviously not all) of the time to many women.
Women are soo jealous
So are men😂
Nope...
I'm 39 and in Ukraine. There are very few girls left in my country. But still I managed to get 25 year old GF, who is smart and decent.
How? I put up my age as 33 on a dating app and only told her about that on a 2nd date after sex. Now she is chasing me.
I'm not a provider. She is paying for a taxi to get to my place and I drive her home.
It is just another proof that a man has got to his game.
> There are very few girls left in my country.
Yes, it really sucks for you - with the policy that women are free to leave and fuck men from other countries, and men are obliged to die for your country, I can't imagine how hard it can be.
Of course, the bombings and other shit our army is doing to you don't help either =-(
You lied about your age i thought women do that smh. Your still a man child grow up fool.
@@joeroot9142 says who? The guy who wants to sleep with chicks that look like his mum?)