Alain de Botton on Romanticism
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- Опубліковано 29 лип 2016
- The ideology of Romanticism has been fatal to our chances of long-term happiness in modern relationships. Here, School of Life founder Alain de Botton delivers a lecture at the Sydney Opera House charting a wiser course for love. With deepest thanks to the team at the Opera House.
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Brought to you by www.theschooloflife.com
Produced in collaboration with The Sydney Opera House. #TheSchoolOfLife
Compatibility is an achievement of love, not a precondition. Such wise words.
Really ? I didn't quite understand that. Why would you like to be with a person with whom you aren't compatible with ? For instance if there are two human beings and one of them are more compatible with us, wouldn't we choose them over the less compatible person ?
@@blockbyblock4078 It doesn't mean "choose the less compatible person to start with." It means you build compatibility over time. Some people may seem especially easy to love at first, but over a long enough timeline you get a much better idea than if you assume everything up front. If a person assumes they can determine compatibility quickly (think, someone who marries someone after only knowing them for a few weeks) they run the risk of hitting pitfalls. So, to answer your question, compatibility isn't something a person can typically tell overnight. That doesn't mean you are wrong, either -- starting out strong is a fine thing -- but it isn't the only thing. Over time, it's good to achieve a healthy relationship, whether it started out easy or nor. Does that make sense?
@@AMcGrath82 Yeah, it definitely makes sense. Thank you for taking the time to reply. You really articulated it well.
gotta love rare, respectful internet interactions like this... :')
@@blockbyblock4078 I hope your good nature serves you well. I certainly appreciated your response!
This talk feels like a highly intellectual standup comedy 🤣🤣🤣
That’s Alain style of discourse 😀
And like the best comedy, it is funny because there is uncomfortable truths. :p
def!
I totally agree, he's great!
- His book "The Consolations of Philosophy" is simply one of the best all-round tools available for help with understanding / enjoying life
I love his writing style, it's always kind, always funny, always easy to understand, and always full of warm Humane truths 💖 💖 💖
I love every second of it, he's so clever with his word play but his message has been the same since he's started compiling these lectures. It's always refreshing to come back too.
"The more you know about love, the less important it is who you're loving."
That awesome quote sums up this whole presentation very well :D
and also the transformation of humans into u.f.o. beings
I came to this conclusion in my third relationship :D
Did he say that? It might really have a true core but it sounds so wrong..
@@kristinar.6600 Begin by asking yourself:
Why does it?
And begin from there.
This guy marries philosophy and psychology in the smartest way I’ve ever seen.
I couldn’t agree more!
Amazing ❤️
@la ba p00 p.o p
@@ancap8487 jn i70nbjb njkll
Pool
⁹
This feels like fifty The School of Life videos rolled into one, and I love it.
I wish he would do more of these.
That’s exactly right. His talks are a collection of his 3-5 minute long videos. I’ve realized that. Which means that you and I both have sat ans watched that many videos from him and have learned so much. My psychology has shifted and my understanding and handling of love and relationship have dramatically improved.
Given that each School Of Life video goes for about 5 minutes and this one goes for over 1 hour then it probably is all the 5 minute videos in to a single 1 hour video.
Exactly!! All areas covered 👌🏽
Why did this amazing talk take 4 years to get to me? BAD UA-cam, BAD!!
UA-cam be like: Spank me Daddy!
I'm bummed it's 5 years for me 😂
@@thevalueadder Im bummed its 7 years for me 😂
It takes skill to love UA-cam 😂
I’ve probably listened to this talk 4-5 times by now, and each time I feel like it further cements the idea that there is so much I have to learn about myself and others before I could even begin to be happy in a romantic relationship. It’s grounding to listen to his interpretations and philosophy on the romantic movement. Maybe disillusioning is a better word for it, but in the best possible way. Love this talk. I will admit, however, that I’m always slightly bothered by how little it seems the questioners understood.
Michelle Rivera i watched like literally 50+ times... haha
@@rhiannonflorence1667 Hey, so I didn’t really understand what was the answer to the art school lady’s question. According to Jane Austen she should prefer/marry a rich one, but what did Mr. Alain meant by his last words? He recommended to still marry a financially not that stable person right?
Not sure what your age is, I'm 48. I definitely love the analogy on looking at your partner as a 2 or 3 year old. That really puts things into perspective! LOL
@@bag2963 He just confirmed that there would be a lot of probably poor guys that'd try to woo her. But he did advise on trying to mind for financial stability
Are you INFJ?
00:00 what is romanticism?
9:00 negative side of romanticism
14:40 thinking you are easy to live with
16:48 "special feeling", what we learn about love in childhood will affect how we think about love as adulthood ; we unconsciously will attract someone that is "familiar"
20:00 honesty in romanticisms
24:4 Romanticism never talk about the practicals side of live
27:10 romanticism belives that you should understand each other without talking
30:58 Romanticism belives when you really love somebody, you love everything about them ; love ≠ criticism
33:56 ancient Greek = Love is admiring the positive side of someone; =Love should be a process of mutual education ; teaching
38:40 failing in teaching cause nagging and shirking
39:26 so what should we do? ; Set balanced standard about love ; LOVE IS A SKILL
This is incredibly useful. Thanks!
Once you listen to Alain de Botton, you can love anyone
What, what!
Not really. Some people just want to use others as opportunistically as possible while others will give and take more creatively. And don't ever waste your time and energy on a sly passive aggressive person. Their underhanded behaviour is sickening.
@@tracesprite6078 your right, btw how you say sly aggressive passive person, it gives me chills if I think about it, I mostly found out too late that people can be like that
@@Gotchalaboom Yes, however re-reading what I wrote ... it is very harsh. Lots of people don't have the self-awareness to realise how they come across to others. Then other people are wonderful and try to be their very best selves most of the time. And there are lots of people in between. Ideally we can be polite and encouraging to everyone but also be realistic that not everyone values honesty. For some people honesty and responsibility are very important values. For others, they are irrelevant ideas.
He is absolutely correct about the film "Before Midnight", I think I'll watch it again soon. It's the only film I've ever seen which has a realistic, rather than heady and fantastical, notion and portrayal of love and romance and romantic relationships. It's actually part of a trilogy, the first being "Before Sunrise", the second "Before Sunset", and the third "Before Midnight". The three films follow the same couple through 3 major stages of a long term relationship: the excitement of meeting each other; the comfort and reliability of being together with someone; and finally the effort, difficulty, and sometimes unromantic parts of continuing to maintain a relationship. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND WATCHING THE WHOLE SET.
I recommend "la la land" if you haven't seen it already
Gonna go watch it now! Thank you for the recommendation!
YES, the whole before series is amazing.
what time of the video does he mention that movie?
Check out matthew good band: beautiful midnight
I absolutely love this. I'm only 15 so I'm not really looking for a partner, but this was interesting nonetheless and has taught me plenty about relationships in general. This does not just mean romantic love. Forgiveness and acceptance of insanities is important in friendships and familial relationships as well. Alain is not only intelligent and an amazing speaker, but so funny! So happy I decided to watch this. I really have never been so captivated by a speaker. He really puts his opinions about the world in a great light and I love his views.
"Forgiveness and acceptance of insanity is important in friendships and familial relationships as well"
Actually, you nailed this one!
+ Olivia Hesson -- Smart girl! I wish you well 🙏
Olivia, now hope you have discoverd ur soulmate.Wish u live happily ever after...
How refreshing to encounter an intelligent youth -in youtube, nonetheless! You are so much more mature (& I'd say rather eloquent) than most 40-somethings.
The smallest "Insanity", Threats, Abuse Harassment, etc should be be faced Immediately: Tell them Sharply , "Never Do That Again!" Dont "forgive" them as they only want to feel not so bad and the solution is for them to forgive themselves anyway. Forgiveness is your business only. "Experts" say that forgiveness is therapeutic and a cure for hatred, but Time is the Real Cure. Forgiveness is the most meaningless and confusing word ever. It even confuses God: if you're not really sorry you go down Cinder Road. :)
With 42% divorce and research to show millions of people are trapped in unhappy marriages that wont leave for fear of emotional and financial hardship its clear people need a better education in how to love and when to not bother with romantic love at all. Well done Alain for an excellent talk.
What a lot of bullshit. Love education? There are reasons the divorce rate is so high and "love educaton" - what a sick idea - won't change that. Our narcissistic sex obsessed superficial society has to change.
In today's "throw away" society couples are not interested in going through rough times together. When the first difficulty arises they split up or divorce.
A few decades ago married couples were less egotistical and they were used to mend things and not throw them away without a second thought.
Today's couples are not interested in reaching a compromise it seems - it's all about self realization, about me me me.
Moreover a lot of people these days confuse sex with love and that's because mass media and Hollywood teaches them so.
People are bombarded by the media with sex, there are even advertisement spots on TV for cheating websites trying to seduce people "......Bored in your relationship or marriage? Come and have fun, be seduced....."........while showing couples in erotic situations and asking people to come to their website to find a sex partner to cheat with.
Another reason is the youth obsession cultivated by mass media. A lot of men in their 50s get divorced since they are in a midlife crisis and want to check if they are still "hot". These men remarry, "restart" their lives with a much younger woman, have children at the age of a grandpa since they want to prove to themselves and society that they are still fit and "young" and able to get a trophy wife.
People used to be able to love and many people still know how to love.
But "the Elite in charge" has been reprogramming people in a process that took decades......
Men and women have been "educated" by mass media propaganda, divided, pitted against each other, robbed of all their values, their masculinity, their femininity and are tormented 24/7 with the lie that they as humans are evil and should stop reproducing in order to save the planet.
Our society has been deliberately transformed - by constant mass media propaganda - into a very sick, extremely narcissistic, violent, superficial, non empathic society.
The aforementioned reeducation and reprogramming of the human mind is the reason why many relationships and marriages don't last anymore!!
It is a result which has been deliberately produced by the so called "Elite"........since they want the planet to themselves.........and too much love and reproduction is not helping them........
Humans know how to love instinctively. Love is a feeling, it comes from deep within, from one's heart and soul.
Heart and soul cannot be trained in an educational course by a teacher since it has got nothing to do with the mind!
Our society needs to get rid of the sick "Elite" so we can go back to living our human lives with love and happiness.
@@VeledaG I think a lot of what you're saying is actually stuff that Alain talks about a lot too. Especially with couples being able to stick it out through rough times- he speaks very frequently about being able to accept your partner's flaws and to value flexibility and growth over someone being "perfect". I think the attitude he's trying to promote is a big part of addressing the problems you identify about our culture
They don't need a "better love", the need a proper education about the reality of what we call "love" and how long it lasts. Better ask a biologist and a sociologist. They will tell you the bitter truth, not an odd philosopher.
A lot of law needs to be changed sorrounding marriage.
The incentive to file for divorce by women needs to end last decade
Loved this speech. I thought I was "in love" with someone until I found out she has someone. This video helped me cope with the fact I probably didnt love her, just loved the idea of "being in love".
almost all women have a backup roster. shes was not yours, it was just your turn,
@@vincezetti7216 how do you know that about women?
@@vincezetti7216 poor judgment
Ladies
You can disagree and give your own verdict.
But that’s what a lot of young men , men from all around are seeing and realising now. Of course it’s offensive for a woman to hear, especially a good woman but that doesn’t mean its not happening.
As guys we need to know better and gotta wake up to what’s actually happening.some women out here playing men and bending , twisting everything in society how they like.
@@vincezetti7216 no one was talking about your mommy issues, incel
one of the top philosopher of present time..
ikr!
I don't think he's really an academic philosopher, hes more like someone who takes ideas from academia and communicates them to the public but I don't think he's really pushing philosophy forward or doing some kind of cutting edge research. That said, I went to this talk at the opera house and really enjoyed it.
moyga you are quiet right actually . . isn't that what is required? putting tags in the trash and actually doing things?
everyone is a philosopher in himself, few live it, very few turn out right.. alain is humble enough to stand on the shoulders of the giants and formulate a practical way to apply all those principles.. he didn't develop anything radically new but he sure understood what can help humans the most in their day to day life..
i feel like science and philosophy are the two pillars on which humans can have growth and happiness..
i'm in commerce, money sounds more attractive to me even though its not real.. :P
Yea, he definitely used thoughts from both the old Greeks, Sean-Paul Sartre and Kierkegaard in this speech / discussion.
check out jordan peterson
This man is a stand up comic at a very advanced level. I love it.
I really like what he said about choosing between two types of suffering. That is genius. People do think like that. Personally i'll take boring but stable over fun but chaotic.
ua-cam.com/video/wtbcaWnybzs/v-deo.html
In my opinion stable is fun actually
I personally am of the belief that you can have both with a person, just not at the same time. There is always a way to change the way you do things with a little effort, and if you both are looking for something it isnt gonna be impossible to achieve.
Being truly bored is torture. You need someone with the intelligence to be interesting and with enough goodwill so that your efforts will be rewarded by some effort on their part.
When it comes to love I 100% choose stable. I find there are other areas of life where you can introduce plenty of chaos and excitement (work, projects, hobbies etc.)
An unbiased, honest, and bright man. I'm so glad I can say I was alive at the same time as Botton.
Stephen so right
Me too!
i get that feeling too... There are very few times I actually conciously think "i don't want this person to die". I don't want many people in life to die, but that thought only comes to conciousness with very few people. I feel life or existence is better with this individual in it, and feel appreciative to be alive at the same time with them.
The happiest pessimist on earth :D
great remark!
Ľuboš Rybanský My experience too. If you're prepared for the worst at all times, you can't help but be glad about how everything doesn't turn out that bad most of the time.
I would describe myself more like a realist. I feel like pessimism would prevent me from doing anything meaningful or productive in life... Just my perspective :P Sorry for bad english.
That's a good perspective. I'm a happy realist.
A realist is a pessimist to an optimist
"There are some people who would never have fallen in love, if they had not heard there was such a thing."
I think I've been living my relationship with this romanticism idea, no wonder we often argue. Thank you for this video, really eye-opening.
I think women are far more likely to remain steadfastly bought into these Romantic ideals.
@@humblebc I don’t think it’s appropriate to make statements like that along gender lines, if anything I think women know and understand a lot more and come to relationships a lot more prepared to communicate needs and accept their partners flaws than men do. Men in general are far less likely to communicate with other men about problems they are suffering (usually cited as reasons for the higher suicide rates in men) and I suspect womens willingness to discuss mens failings makes it easier for them to recognise the fundamental truth that there are no perfect partners out there 😂
But I have a dataset dominated by women and the men we know and love, so perhaps my view is wrong. But just counterpointing yours because I think it’s lazy to suggest women are more susceptible to romanticism because of Disney, or womens focus on romance and love when men seem disinterested (recall that men get more status from careers and women get more status from being great housewives and mothers, despite all the progress feminism has made - women who are career focused and act as if love does not matter are treated poorly by society and chastised for being unfeminine etc). So yeah. Long way of saying I disagree
Hmm... Rom-Coms, Soap Operas, Boy Bands, Romance Novels, and Sitcoms... I never stood a chance. I was destined to be a hopeless Romantic. But I can outgrow this. I’m pretty sure self-love might be the key.❤️
Seld love is definitely the first step
"The more you know about love, the less important it is who you're loving." Really well said
How to look like a smart person?
1) A smart person is moderate in their use of language. They avoid extremes like never, and always because favoring extreme ideas without a strong context of facts is simply stupid.
2) A smart person is polite and avoids raises his/her voice even in an intensely heated argument because they know that method of communication almost always end in failures. Instead, a smart person relies primarily on reason to communicate their point of view.
3) A smart person takes criticisms very constructively and tries his or her best to keep aside their ego
4) A smart person knows that being vulnerable despite some finding it weak is actually a sign of strength. Knowing how fragile we all are we tend to think people who can openly show their fragility to others seem nearly invincible. Those who think otherwise are likely to be in denial of their fragility.
5) A smart person compromises. In a relationship, a smart person knows how deeply flawed they and their partners are and so they try their best to do their part by sharing responsibilities in things such as, chores, planning or even raising children.
6) A smart person is a good listener. Knowing the fact that we all want to be understood it is, therefore, no surprise that we first want us to be heard. The smart person understands this and listens.
7) A smart person invests in self-improvement because they know how deeply they are flawed. They, therefore, invest a good proportion of their time and efforts in becoming kinder, compassionate and self-education. They use words like please, thank you, and sorry quite often.
8) A smart person is grateful. Like all people smart people want to be happy therefore they treat happiness as a scare resource and often look for it in often seemingly benign and mundane places. For instance, they might feel joy while smelling the distinct smell of monsoon rain, a sight of a pretty flower, or just appreciating the fact that they are still alive.
9) Smart people are deeply aware of death. It is a fact they do not try to deny instead they embrace it and learn to value their every experience both good and bad.
10) Smart people are compassionate. They try to help anyone they can because they understand as humans, we are all often lonely and struggling with life. To a smart person, it is a natural thing to do because they know if everyone did it the world would be a better place.
#theschooloflife PLEASE READ IT!!
You said "always".
OK.
I think the list refers to emotional intelligence. There is more than one type of intelligence.
Stopped reading after 3rd point SO u call self control "smart" .. Which it is.. But believe me people who suffer from impulsiveness (f. e. Adhd) can be highly intelligent. U simply describe self control.
This man got me through so much... I can't even express how much his voice brings me a level of calm and ease that I can't experience in any other way.
His voice is really pleasant, isn't it? It's warm and soothing. Wise words spoken make it better still.
I feel like you just tore down Romanticism and redeemed our humanity. This is a huge relief. Whew!
The "right person" is inside you. Stop looking for a solution "out there". Become your own best friend.
YES!!!
Omg ! Yeassssss .. I upvote this comment
"The best way to get our relationship to go well, is to get over some of our romantic illusions!"
💞
I believe that he is humouring the facticity of our deep seated narcissism and our subsequent desire for acceptance, love and recognition. One in a thousand might feel ok about themselves and one in a million might meet someone else who has a relatively healthy self esteem. I like that he incorporates psychodynamic perspective and psychological therapy principles into his philosophy. I'm becoming more and more curious about him as a person.
Aghora Nath he does, doesn’t he?
1% of people have "deep seated narcissism": your word "our" means 100%, thus, you are a Clown. 7/10 feel good about themselves and 7/10 you meet will feel good about themselves, thus,you are a Absolute Clown. He is using Common Personal Opinion and Nothing else, thus, that makes you an R sole and All your posts a Heap of Trash.
@@bewildered6866 bit vicious
@@tonig2255 Yeah, but it might have put a look of bilwilderment on the narcissist's face.
omg...this...this is the guy
ikr
its the G U Y
what guy!?! WHAT GUY!?! Please TELL ME...
what guy!?! WHAT GUY!?! Please TELL ME...
Hes the narrator of almost every (since i didnt listen every one) school of life episode.. search it up youll see
Anyone in a relationship should really watch this important video!
This guy deserves an award 😀😀
"You really have to choose between varieties of suffering." " One of Britains greatest export is melancholy." " Marriage is a pretty awful thing to so to somebody you love".
Wise man.
Love it
This audience thinks hes only being funny..there to stupid not to laugh.. hes not laughing..
Your take on love is refreshing in a society who's pop culture is tied together with the idea of romanticism. This is a must watch for any of my future partners.
Keep it for yourself. . And let your perspective partners find it out or they may be all of this that he spoke of embodied without ever watching it..
Me too
The novel is great.
My girlfriend was kind of dissapointed reading it, and finding out that I agree with a lot of ideas about love explored in it.
We came out stronger because of it.
That's great to hear, I really want to read the book as well.
It is indeed sad when people give up on romantic love. Familial love is not the love between romantic partners. End of story.
Amen
how is it going now? are you guys still together?
_"When you think about it, marriage is a hell of a thing to do to someone you claim to love"_ 🤣
This comment should have tooo mannyyy likess
@@snehalp2403 liked it already!
I have to say I love how when you talk you're not taking long pauses or going "Ohmmmm.... Annnd..." while looking for your words. You're extremely articulate it's very nice to listen to.
Finally someone who can articulate how ive always felt and thought
This has got to be one of the most brilliant and engaging talks I've ever witnessed. Everything was on point.
"Everybody from close up is trouble". 👍🏾😝🙃
"make a choice between varieties of suffering..."
I'm sixteen and I have been in a relationship for about 15 months. Alain's lectures and talks are helping me grow as a partner, and as a friend. I have been binging his videos all morning, and I feel like I have learned so much already.
y'all still together?
@@lowkeyweeb2929 yep!
are you guys still together?@@meganlathrop2345
It's crazy how deeply and profoundly Alain's speeches effect me. Thank you, School of Life! I wish everyone on Earth could watch and apprehend these videos. ^^
De Botton is a great educator. Thanks for giving back to humanity.❤
He could be the last gentleman possibly alive. So much class and confidence. Love him. 😊
agreed. its such a shame
did he die?
+Ryan Edwards Really? I can't see any news as to Bottom passing away...
+TimblnB0ss yeah we never meany him dying but rather than there are few men like him today. he embodies the ways of the gentlemen in former generations.
Just telling honest stuff
“Being fully yourself is probably a treat you should spare anyone you claim to love because it’s probably a bit problematic”
It’s almost my birthday, and I got to stumble on this video for some wisdom, quite a gift indeed!
We need more people like him, more than any Bill Gates, tv starts, actors or politicians!
I recently learned about attachment styles and wish I would have sooner. I think lot of things would have went differently had I known. Would have been able to make it work.
This video is awesome but attachment has a lot to do with love too.
In my opinion, love is when you see all the details of a person and accept them, while also desiring to assist them with their burdens. Its a growing compassion for that person. When compassionate love is shared mutually between two people, it allows each of them the independence to go out into the world and really fucking live. It provides space for each person to figure who they really are as individuals by providing the solid foundations needed for that to happen. The space to live with less fear of making mistakes which enables them to take greater risks, improving their quality of life, which in turn improves both of their lives. Because at the end of the day they know that they aren't alone. Someones waiting for them back home so to speak. Without having your person there for you, the burdens of life become too much to carry and we cant fully live. We arent meant to go it alone. True independence is found in healthy codependancy with the person we are attached too. As humans, we all have a need to be attached. If that need is unfulfilled, then life is unfulfilled.
There should be a movie about this. Not just a parody. A whole movie.
This shit makes so much sense. This man has changed my life. Everything he says is something I've contemplated. I mean this guy has taken my randomness and made it make sense. Thank you so much. I needed this.
he's hilarious. I love hearing him talk about anything
I have listened to this talk and all available other versions about a dozen times and will continue to do so, because - well, like going to church or reading a book - I get something new out of it every time, and one lesson or another is reinforced every time. What he says is so incredibly reasonable and obvious, but seems so groundbreaking when you've been steeped in the ideas of Romanticism your whole life and didn't even know it. I feel like he is able to point at a previously unseen map and say, "you are here," and he then provides routes for a journey that will lead you out of the woods. Deeply appreciative of his thoughts and the work he and his school are doing.
I love how you explain complex things in the simplest way!
Such a great teacher and educational communicator. It's common to find knowledgeable people about a subject, it's much more rare and very special to find someone that can communicate knowledge to others so well. I love when teachers challenge worldviews that we, erroneously, perceive as neutral reality, and skillfully show to us what is behind the proverbial curtain.
i like when lectures have questions at the end like this and when a person is genuinely good at answering them really well.
"The ability to run away, so tempting though it is, is not always a benefit to the things we've got to work through" 54:08 WOW
I could listen to him talk all day!!
Mr Botton, you are exepcional. The world needs to listen to all this intelligent humorous practical, ideas, opinions you present.
Thank you
Great talk, very insightful!
Have you ever thought about self-love through this lens? This thought came just up after watching your talk, and it might be worthwhile to think about that. Because if we apply the romantic idea of a perfect intuitive love that just happens to ourselves, it's no wonder that so much self-hatred is around in this world. We witness every day the stupid little things we get angry about, like other drivers, or a spotty Wifi connection, and we see how petty and small-minded we can be. If it's impossible to find our perfect romantic partner, it's even harder to find our perfect romantic self, and it's even more tragic because we simply can't walk away from ourselves. We're stuck for life. It would be interesting to hear your thoughts on that.
Self love is so important that if his insights could be applied to interior work on ourself it could be valuable for a future relationship with a partner.
Watch the TED Talk "The person you really need to marry" from Tracy McMillan
@lorena UA-cam - can’t find that TED talk under either the title ir name you listed. ☹️
@@jeanneratterman4174 I just googled it. ua-cam.com/video/P3fIZuW9P_M/v-deo.html
the part on learning love in our adolescence and infancy at around 19:00 really helped me understand alot about myself, thanks Alain
His content feels so incredibly accurate. Especially on the person we meet someone seemingly lacking that ability to make us suffer [the way we want].
This guy is gooood. Definitely one of the most captivating orations I have witnessed in quite some time.
I'm an emotional fool and a cheesy romantic person blinded by all the fairytales I saw when I was young and all the kdramas I saw after becoming an adult.
This video is an eye opener for me
>Skills that we might need to develop:
• Learn to see your partner as a "small" child!
• Learn to see your partner as a "lovable" idiot!
• Reckon with our habit of getting into crushes!
• The perfect person: There is no such character!
• High expectations of sex!
• Melancholy: Life isn't perfect, but I'm dealing with it!
• Marriage: There are sides of our character that can only develop "without" the ability to run away!
"I do believe it is possible to have long term relationship, I just think we just need to run through a kind of checklist!"
Best talk about relationships that I have ever heard. Well done Alain!
this guy sounds exactly like the narrator for the school of life's videos on philosophy
Such a beautiful speaking voice! Combined with immense intelligence, what a pleasure to listen to this man 👏👏👏
alains lectures are the best. clever and funny.. he's just awesome :)
This presentation is so good. I've watched it a handful of times and made my kid watch it. He's such a good presenter too.
One of my fav parts in this vid is where he talks about lecturing one another in a relationship. Love everything about that and the way he explains it. This whole speech is amazing on so many levels.
This novel is incredible. One of my favorite books
I live in Sweden, which is the most lonely country in the world. Around 50% of the population is alone and they will die alone, because they think that living by yourself gives you status. It's awful, because later they want to have a relationship, but they are so deeply emotionaly and psychologicaly handicaped, they can't have it.
I really want to do something about it, but so far the only thing I have managed to do is to show this video to few friends.
Would the School of Life mind if I write a stand-up rutine based on this lecture? I think a good punch line could be:
"Romanticism is the ideology that firmly believes that people can spend the rest of their lives behaving like teenagers!"
Incredibly funny and informative at the same time. "Love him"
Thank you so much Alain, your speeches and charming videos on The School of Life make my day every time.
Amazing talk!! I'm so thankful for ALL his insights, his humor & personality resonate with me & thats such a huge value to me. I'm thankful for the You tube platform to hear him, I would have probably never heard him otherwise.
Very good presenter! Intonation and sense of humour are 10 out of 10
This is probably the best seminar on love I’ve ever heard in my life. And he referenced my favourite movie(s) of all time.
Which movies and what is the novel he writes around this lecture?
“You really have to make a choice between varieties of suffering “…the most astute piece of advice delivered with humour and good sense😂
Nothing calms me down and cheers me up as Alain! Thank you very much you are doing us all a big favor.
This needs to go viral!
I DO NOT regret a minute of watching this, I did not want it to end. You enlightended me Thank you!
The way that this lecture is SO captivating, funny, and intellectual at the same timeee…
Watched this speech two years ago and never realized what he said, but I finally get it now!
Alain, thank you for your intellect and wit. I so enjoyed this presentation. One of my favourite expressions is "I don't hate myself enough to get married again". I have been a "hopeful" romantic all of my life. Slowly, but slowly, I am turning that around. I was born as one of Plato's children, "the idealist". We are the Romeo and Juliet's of this world. Your presentation on romanticism is brilliant.
Dear The School of Life team, thank you for the hard work! I wish you great success! I hope that you grow into a more influencial organization and gain more audience reach because in my humble opinion, a lot of people needs to somehow know or maybe reconnect to the topics that you publish! I am so thankful to discover this channel and learn (also relearn and unlearn) so many things in life - those that which matters the most. Your channel name is most fitting to the content you cater!
On Mr. Alain de Botton, I am so excited to get myself a copy of your book! Thank you so much for having The School of Life publish this conference because even at a time-zone away, I was still able to listen to your wonderful speech! Funny thing, I was able to notice that some of your points have been topics on some series of videos from this channel as well. It goes to show that the importance of this subject is in some sort of a need to be engendered to others. Otherwise, we would be missing out a lot of things which are important to know in life. (Love is such a common topic but somehow is and everything involved in it as one of the most misunderstood of some sort) Thank you so much and please continue on being such an awesome sauce!
This channel is definitely a favorite! I get excited when you publish new content. It makes me love learning more. Thank you! My gratitude is beyond words so I will just pay it forward and recommend this channel to another!
All the best!
Happy subscriber Vivi
This man has Charisma, Intelligence and Wisdom I wish I had just been born with.
He’s such an eloquent and funny speaker. Could listen for hours and so many great lessons.
yesss! I remember when the video "Alain de Botton on love" was just uploaded, something was released in me, as I watched. Thank you for sharing this wisdom!
Love the brexit pun at 52:30
It was a funny remark.
Though what he said at 52:30 was an *analogy* - not a pun:
An idea from one area (a person staying in a relationship) got transferred to another one (a country staying in a political union).
A *pun* is a more simple concept that fiddles with word structure.
It makes use of the sound or spelling of words to allude to something else, which has an equal or similar sound, and fits the current topic.
(E.g.: "The Brexit might be a _EU-ge_ mistake.")
The absolute best lecture I’ve ever listened to. Completely blown away. Thank you so much. Wow.
Thank you Alain de Botton. I absolutely love it. Your sense of humour and the ability to make people laugh is admirable. What a great way to talk about love and relationship.
This was so good I watched it 3 times in a row!
Love the way Alain says, "Whaaat? That's crazy!"
Alain De Bottom is Masterful. Reminding us that many cultural norms are Man-Made and not a template from a Divinity or Genetics. Another Beautifully explained discourse.
The best piece of advice for me is the concept of "lovable idiot". I'm particularly prone to conflict and criticism, and sometimes it feels like I'm never going to be happy in a relationship. But this tool, gives me hope. Thank you.
It's amazing to realize I've been doing these thingsi in my life but I've been so blinded by Romanticism to know to apply it mindfully. Eye opening, thank you.
I actually know exactly how damaged I am and now enter any relationship telling others my flaws in a joking way and things others have complained about in my personality with an awkward smile... Most of the time it pushes people away, but real individuals appreciate it and they are the ones I form deep relationships with~ I'm so deep that most people find me strange and intimidating, while others find me medicine. lol
omg the face behind the voice. Amazing
The part of teaching the person you love - brilliant. ♡
This is really helping me understand my own behaviour in relationships and that of others.
Marvellous