After years of neglect and abuse from my mother, especially, I tried to heal by going to therapy. I discovered that not only was my childhood bad, but it was a whole lot worse than I could have ever imagined. There were things I uncovered in therapy that cut to my core. I tried to talk about it with my friends and soon discovered that I wasn't believed, that I was putting on a pity-party, that I was being a negative person. This traumatised me all over again. Now, I don't have any safe family left, no friends, but I am content, because I know much more about what happened in my past. My intuition - even as a child - was right. There were some serious wrongs being done that me and my siblings were supposed to view as 'normal.' There was nothing 'normal' about any of it. I'm relieved that I am staying true to myself these days.
Your comment is the truth. People just do not want to hear anything about the reality of it. I keep to myself, rarely socialize. It takes too much effort faking being unaffected to apease others. The only good of it, is I clearly see now, that yes people did know what we were going thru as children as CHOSE to do nothing. I had suspected this as a child, but I KNOW it now as an adult.
@christinec8818 I am sorry you had to go through it yourself, too. You are right. It baffled me that not one adult stepped in to stand up for us children or to protect us. I know there were people who knew we were being abused and neglected. It's all just a sad history, but now I'm creating a happier future.
I remember when some elderly aunts came to visit when I was about 8 years old. They introduced me to a strange and wonderful thing-human touch and hugs. I’d snuggle up to them on the couch or lean against them. I hated to see them go but I never forgot what it felt like to be loved.
What galls me is that anytime I talk about it, I'm expected to acknowledge that they were only human and "doing their best", or else people dismiss the whole thing as me being too sensitive. I have ADHD and now that people are learning about Rejection Sensitivity Disorder, everyone just chalks it up to that. Why can't the narrative be that YES I have emotional dysregulation and suffer from a lot of internal over- intensity and YES it was awful, it was that bad and *they* were responsible? Social back pressure when we try to tell our experiences is a huge problem.
I heard Patrick Teahan saying that the people that gives that type of response when one tells about the child abuse, they usually repressing their own dismissed or forgotten trauma. I somewhat agree. I also feel that it can be the case that these people also have some sort of fear of type of emotions (rage, pain, powerlessness, etc), that can come when we know someone we love has been under such abuse, or they don't want the feel your pain so dismiss your experience altogether.
It's a societal response - no one wants to admit they or their family was bad. Other people don't want to hear about bad stuff as it might upset them and they don't know how to or don't want to spend time & energy on hearing our problems or helping us. Also, no one wants to change the status quo - like stop inviting the badly behaved people to family gatherings or disrupt their own socialising groups. The best people to share and process it with are good quality counsellors. And to decide on our own how to make our own lives as positive as possible, and to reach out to nice activities and people.
I remember being in my 50s, talking to a new acquaintance, for some reason, about my mother. Her expression of shock woke me up. Yes, I truly was abused.
I know how you feel. I've given up trying to tell other people, because even if they don't question me over my recollections, I still have a playback loop in my head that I really should consider how it was that I was to blame. I'm self-diagnosed ADHD, too. They didn't even have a word for it when I was little, but my 1st grade teacher picked me up and shook me out of sheer frustration because I daydreamed incessantly. I think this is also a case of not knowing which was the cause and which was the effect.
I always minimized the fked up things that happened to me. Years later - decades - it hit me in the face. Yep. It was. It was totally horrible to subject a kid to that. I normalized it. The agony sometimes - but finally I can start to face the truth.
I cried my heart out when I realised how my beloved mother treaed me. It's the shattering of one's reality that leaves one feeling so lost and helpless, like an unloved, uncared for baby, you might say. I spent months in the agony of abandonment melange until things started to get better. And they will get better, I promise. The ability that you will learn to be there for yourself, to be your own true champion, to be your own loving parent will wrap your soul in a warm blanket of self-love and you will be whole again. Just don't give up. Wonderful things are waiting on the other side.
The psychological abuse affected me way worse than the physical abuse. I’m 44 and although I’m learning, I still haven’t fully unraveled how to love myself. And the memories. Ooph yeah. All of that
I collasped after l all the abuse l allowed from people. Enormous p. Pleaser, codependent, no inner or outer bounderious. I was used allot. I am still fragile but healing in solitude which saved my sanity and healed me also. I even practise with my newly found voice.....what l will never tolerate again. Ever. Watch out l have found my roar.
With my mother it was a look, a look of disapproval or a sarcastic tone in her voice. I never felt safe around her. I spent a lot of time alone reading in my room. Then she would say sarcastically “how nice that I could lie around reading all day.” I was a straight A student, took classical piano for 10 years and took swimming lessons and became a life guard to earn money for university. There was always something I didn’t do exactly to her satisfaction. When I left home instead of feeling the huge relief I expected, I completely came undone and almost killed myself. I never had children, and according to her it was because I was too “selfish”. She had me convinced my acne was my fault. At 42 I finally realized I couldn’t control it and the dr. prescribed Accutane. It was without a doubt the death of a thousand cuts and I couldn’t even describe it to people. She gave me nasty looks? She didn’t like me? Doesn’t sound all that terrible. 😞
From my perspective, your story echoes the experience I had with my father. The ceaseless feeling of inadequacy, regardless of my successes, created a profound sense of isolation. The constant fear of disappointing him, coupled with his subtle yet devastating criticisms, was emotionally draining. He claimed I 'changed' when I became a teenager, as if my natural teenage behaviors were a personal affront to him. He perceived my every action as an inconvenience, even though I excelled in school and rarely invited friends over. I noticed a stark contrast in his treatment of my younger brother. Although my brother was not as successful in school, his needs were somehow less bothersome to my father. Looking back, I now understand that this was likely a result of the 'golden child' syndrome often seen in narcissistic households. As a child and teenager, my brother and I frequently quarreled, but I didn't dislike him. I was frustrated with him for being 'needy', believing that his lack of self-sufficiency was a weakness. Now, I realize that he was more 'normal' than I was. Leaving home didn't bring the relief I expected. Instead, I to fell apart and nearly took my own life. The root of this despair was my inability to cope with the challenges of university. I had excelled in high school through sheer intelligence and enthusiasm, no parental guidance to foster discipline , this was not enough to succeed in higher education. My failure shattered the identity I had built as a brilliant person, yet I was trapped in the belief that my worth was defined by my achievements, and as I've struggled to complete my university degrees and find stable employment in my field; these challenges have led to long periods of unemployment and in turn a slow erosion of my will to live. At 36, I've begun the journey of therapy, hoping to break free from the chains that have held me back.
I am all for saying that just because someone is old, they aren't necessarily sweet, harmless, or deserving of great deference just for getting to an advanced age. Sometimes people are seemingly just too mean to die. 😢
@@cc1k435 thank you for saying that. She was getting so bad to me that my will to go on was really being challenged. It’s a horrible way to spend every day. I was really feeling the physical effects too. I have a right to a life, no?
@great-garden-watch you absolutely have aright to live a peaceful life. I'm in a similar situation. I am going to go no contact with my 81 year old dad, I'm 49 now and feel a turning point in turning 50. I really can't imagine living another 15 ish years and feeling dread about seeing him, because he is healthy as a horse and shows no signs of popping off anytime soon. My hubby is dead against me going no contact as my dad's "too old now and vulnerable". I said I was once "young and vulnerable " but he didn't care😢. I'm proud of you. It is the hardest decision of your life I bet, that everyone judges as a "whim" "why now" etc. ❤
My mother was a narcissist and my two sisters and I were all profoundly affected by this - in very different ways due to our different personality traits, but we were and still are very deeply impacted. I have done a lot of work to deal with this, but what breaks my heart is that I still feel utterly broken inside and I feel that a fully healed place is and will forever be beyond my reach. I wonder every day what I might have been like and able to achieve if my mother had been able to love me. My saving grace was that my father did.
My mother a few years ago said that I should ' just get over it' and I 'needed counselling'. Not her, nor the family. Just me. Because I spoke up. And noone else did.
Yes. The one who stirs the ashes everyone believes are extinguished is the one who will be blamed for trying to burn down the house. Want to know the real b**ch of the situation? They're genuinely horrified and perplexed about what you think you are doing at this stage of the game.
After pondering a lifetime about all sorts of abuse I discovered it is akin to a wave/web of negative influences that spans wide over time and space.. This realisation made me wiser and able to _"turn the table"_ so to speak.. Any experience can be a learning one provided you have the ability to reflect on those and grow from it.. Take care and be safe 🖐️
With me it was older siblings not parents. Physical, emotional and sexual abuse - they were/are toxic. I now view my family as two separate halves. The toxic trio and my brothers and sister. When I was young I found myself wanting my "real" family to come and take me away as these guys couldn't possibly be who I was stuck with. I am now coming to terms with it and as I have minimum contact with the toxic trio I can cope however I still find myself at times seeking their approval, being heartbroken when it is not forthcoming, then have a reality check and ask myself why I need that. I hope that everyone who finds this, finds the strength to heal. Kudos to you all my fellow survivors. ❤️🏴
Thank you. My mother treated me with the kind of "low-key" abuse you describe from time to time. I prefer to see her parenting of me as having been good enough. My father was outright abusive and he was sometimes violent to the rest of my family members. My mother told me that she left me in the care of my father once while she was running an errand. When she came back he was sleeping while she had to look for me. She found me under the bed where my father was sleeping with a red area on my face while I was apparently asleep. Lucky for me she was able to wake me up. Everyone outside of our home thought my mother was saintly. At times she could be very encouraging of me too. So it was confusing. At least I was not mistreated by them on my wedding day. However I needed to acknowledge that abuse while growing up and how it affected me. I think I finally figured it out as to why she was like that while not having anyone to talk to about that because all the other still living members of my family are in denial about it. She struggled with a disease for almost all of her life while being in denial about it.
A great deal of this sounds familiar. I did not come to realize until my thirties that much of the "parenting" behaviour my siblings and I were treated to was harmful, neglectful, abusive, or just "off" in some important way that skewed expectations about what love means, and how to love and be loved. I attended a seminar in graduate school on childhood abuse that is mostly delivered as invalidation, that felt like being smacked across the head with the knowledge that it was spot on. I think the deliberate, really concentrated message that dampened any chance of protest was a series of dismissive, ridiculing comments that carried the same purpose every time: "listen to you, you crybaby/ingrate/self-absorbed little wimp, you're just SO abused, aren't you? What a joke." As if it were some kind of contest in which we weren't even contenders, first of all, for the status of "abused" or "neglected," and for which we had no valid way of discerning what a genuinely unhappy, insufficiently nurtured situation was because we were spoiled rotten by parents who really had suffered abuse and neglect during their own childhoods (the Great Depression) and had risen from the ashes to become wonderful achievers and providers. To deny that was, and still is, practically a sacrilege.
I have been receiving a call from an older woman. I suspect that she has been put up by someone to call me, For what? What have I done to anyone.. ? Just for fun to scare me. I feel terrified of these strange call by older women, pretending it is a wrong number, when it is her co-dependent boyfriend who asked her to call me. I am sick and tired of life, and all the stressors in it.♣️🔮🐸👺👿
Thank you for answering the question right away!!! As someone who’s been through it it’s hard for me to wait patiently for answers and watch a whole video because the abuser would never answer me and ignore me for hours or dismiss my questions and attempts to connect with them. So waiting out a whole video for an answer reminds me of being strung along and then kicked to the curb
disassociation isn't always bad, they teach it in military martial arts even esoteric spirituality, it's called the art of being detachment, the problem is when you can no longer experience not only the pains but the pleasures as well .
Introverts are often very truamatized which is why they are too nice, silent, p pleasers. Very wounded. Extraverts are also pnpleasers. They need/want external company and validation from many. Both types are wounded. I as a introvert naturally...pretended to be an extravert to get approval. Feared vunerabilty, looking boring, being left out. Now..l could give a damm l embrace me daily. Which l had known how freeing it is to be authentic, real.
I push people away when they get to close when I love them to much because of my fear of losing them that if something was to happen to them and there is nothing I can do, it becomes too hard to drown out the neurotic premonitions of immediate potential doom How can I possibly protect them, I care too much, and I hate myself for it hardly is such a feeling ever rewarded with kindness it always comes with death by 1000 cuts. or at least that's how I see it.
All that and more !! I did laugh at the list of things and could add a few more. Nonetheless i still do exist and am grateful for being able to make my own way in the world as a free person. Adversity brings resilience if you learn how to make use of things unwanted, including yourself. Upcycle..re-purpose.. Keep going...be what you always wanted, not to perpetuate bad things. Be your best you, not the next version of them.
I watch all your videos. Thank you for expanding my understanding of this topic. There is much to untangle when you grow up in this environment. If I may, without offending, I would like to make a request for your consideration. Sometimes, I have difficulty catching all you share. Is it possible to increase your speaking volume? Sign me, Grateful
After years of neglect and abuse from my mother, especially, I tried to heal by going to therapy. I discovered that not only was my childhood bad, but it was a whole lot worse than I could have ever imagined. There were things I uncovered in therapy that cut to my core. I tried to talk about it with my friends and soon discovered that I wasn't believed, that I was putting on a pity-party, that I was being a negative person. This traumatised me all over again. Now, I don't have any safe family left, no friends, but I am content, because I know much more about what happened in my past. My intuition - even as a child - was right. There were some serious wrongs being done that me and my siblings were supposed to view as 'normal.' There was nothing 'normal' about any of it. I'm relieved that I am staying true to myself these days.
Those friends were probably a reverberation of your family. You're better off without them ❤
Your comment is the truth. People just do not want to hear anything about the reality of it. I keep to myself, rarely socialize. It takes too much effort faking being unaffected to apease others. The only good of it, is I clearly see now, that yes people did know what we were going thru as children as CHOSE to do nothing. I had suspected this as a child, but I KNOW it now as an adult.
@christinec8818 I am sorry you had to go through it yourself, too. You are right. It baffled me that not one adult stepped in to stand up for us children or to protect us. I know there were people who knew we were being abused and neglected. It's all just a sad history, but now I'm creating a happier future.
I remember when some elderly aunts came to visit when I was about 8 years old. They introduced me to a strange and wonderful thing-human touch and hugs. I’d snuggle up to them on the couch or lean against them. I hated to see them go but I never forgot what it felt like to be loved.
What galls me is that anytime I talk about it, I'm expected to acknowledge that they were only human and "doing their best", or else people dismiss the whole thing as me being too sensitive. I have ADHD and now that people are learning about Rejection Sensitivity Disorder, everyone just chalks it up to that. Why can't the narrative be that YES I have emotional dysregulation and suffer from a lot of internal over- intensity and YES it was awful, it was that bad and *they* were responsible?
Social back pressure when we try to tell our experiences is a huge problem.
Agreed! As someone who is autistic & who struggles as it is to move through society. Society is definitely the problem, when it basically okays abuse.
I heard Patrick Teahan saying that the people that gives that type of response when one tells about the child abuse, they usually repressing their own dismissed or forgotten trauma. I somewhat agree. I also feel that it can be the case that these people also have some sort of fear of type of emotions (rage, pain, powerlessness, etc), that can come when we know someone we love has been under such abuse, or they don't want the feel your pain so dismiss your experience altogether.
It's a societal response - no one wants to admit they or their family was bad.
Other people don't want to hear about bad stuff as it might upset them and they don't know how to or don't want to spend time & energy on hearing our problems or helping us.
Also, no one wants to change the status quo - like stop inviting the badly behaved people to family gatherings or disrupt their own socialising groups.
The best people to share and process it with are good quality counsellors. And to decide on our own how to make our own lives as positive as possible, and to reach out to nice activities and people.
I remember being in my 50s, talking to a new acquaintance, for some reason, about my mother. Her expression of shock woke me up. Yes, I truly was abused.
I know how you feel. I've given up trying to tell other people, because even if they don't question me over my recollections, I still have a playback loop in my head that I really should consider how it was that I was to blame. I'm self-diagnosed ADHD, too. They didn't even have a word for it when I was little, but my 1st grade teacher picked me up and shook me out of sheer frustration because I daydreamed incessantly. I think this is also a case of not knowing which was the cause and which was the effect.
I always minimized the fked up things that happened to me. Years later - decades - it hit me in the face. Yep. It was. It was totally horrible to subject a kid to that. I normalized it. The agony sometimes - but finally I can start to face the truth.
I cried my heart out when I realised how my beloved mother treaed me. It's the shattering of one's reality that leaves one feeling so lost and helpless, like an unloved, uncared for baby, you might say. I spent months in the agony of abandonment melange until things started to get better. And they will get better, I promise. The ability that you will learn to be there for yourself, to be your own true champion, to be your own loving parent will wrap your soul in a warm blanket of self-love and you will be whole again. Just don't give up. Wonderful things are waiting on the other side.
The psychological abuse affected me way worse than the physical abuse. I’m 44 and although I’m learning, I still haven’t fully unraveled how to love myself.
And the memories. Ooph yeah. All of that
I collasped after l all the abuse l allowed from people. Enormous p. Pleaser, codependent, no inner or outer bounderious. I was used allot. I am still fragile but healing in solitude which saved my sanity and healed me also. I even practise with my newly found voice.....what l will never tolerate again. Ever. Watch out l have found my roar.
With my mother it was a look, a look of disapproval or a sarcastic tone in her voice. I never felt safe around her. I spent a lot of time alone reading in my room. Then she would say sarcastically “how nice that I could lie around reading all day.” I was a straight A student, took classical piano for 10 years and took swimming lessons and became a life guard to earn money for university. There was always something I didn’t do exactly to her satisfaction. When I left home instead of feeling the huge relief I expected, I completely came undone and almost killed myself. I never had children, and according to her it was because I was too “selfish”. She had me convinced my acne was my fault. At 42 I finally realized I couldn’t control it and the dr. prescribed Accutane. It was without a doubt the death of a thousand cuts and I couldn’t even describe it to people. She gave me nasty looks? She didn’t like me? Doesn’t sound all that terrible. 😞
I am so sorry you had to go through that. I wish you all the love and happiness you are deserving of ❤
For what it’s worth, I know the look. My mother also utilised contempt as punishment
@@mariastewart9861@mariastewart9861 Thank you, I appreciate your good wishes.
Mine too
From my perspective, your story echoes the experience I had with my father. The ceaseless feeling of inadequacy, regardless of my successes, created a profound sense of isolation. The constant fear of disappointing him, coupled with his subtle yet devastating criticisms, was emotionally draining.
He claimed I 'changed' when I became a teenager, as if my natural teenage behaviors were a personal affront to him. He perceived my every action as an inconvenience, even though I excelled in school and rarely invited friends over.
I noticed a stark contrast in his treatment of my younger brother. Although my brother was not as successful in school, his needs were somehow less bothersome to my father. Looking back, I now understand that this was likely a result of the 'golden child' syndrome often seen in narcissistic households.
As a child and teenager, my brother and I frequently quarreled, but I didn't dislike him. I was frustrated with him for being 'needy', believing that his lack of self-sufficiency was a weakness. Now, I realize that he was more 'normal' than I was.
Leaving home didn't bring the relief I expected. Instead, I to fell apart and nearly took my own life. The root of this despair was my inability to cope with the challenges of university. I had excelled in high school through sheer intelligence and enthusiasm, no parental guidance to foster discipline , this was not enough to succeed in higher education. My failure shattered the identity I had built as a brilliant person, yet I was trapped in the belief that my worth was defined by my achievements, and as I've struggled to complete my university degrees and find stable employment in my field;
these challenges have led to long periods of unemployment and in turn a slow erosion of my will to live. At 36, I've begun the journey of therapy, hoping to break free from the chains that have held me back.
Finally dumped my 92 year old narcissistic mother after being belittled threatened and dismissed for 65 years. Adios lady.
I am all for saying that just because someone is old, they aren't necessarily sweet, harmless, or deserving of great deference just for getting to an advanced age. Sometimes people are seemingly just too mean to die. 😢
Good for you! 👏
@@cc1k435 thank you for saying that. She was getting so bad to me that my will to go on was really being challenged. It’s a horrible way to spend every day. I was really feeling the physical effects too. I have a right to a life, no?
@great-garden-watch you absolutely have aright to live a peaceful life. I'm in a similar situation. I am going to go no contact with my 81 year old dad, I'm 49 now and feel a turning point in turning 50. I really can't imagine living another 15 ish years and feeling dread about seeing him, because he is healthy as a horse and shows no signs of popping off anytime soon. My hubby is dead against me going no contact as my dad's "too old now and vulnerable". I said I was once "young and vulnerable " but he didn't care😢. I'm proud of you. It is the hardest decision of your life I bet, that everyone judges as a "whim" "why now" etc. ❤
My mother was a narcissist and my two sisters and I were all profoundly affected by this - in very different ways due to our different personality traits, but we were and still are very deeply impacted. I have done a lot of work to deal with this, but what breaks my heart is that I still feel utterly broken inside and I feel that a fully healed place is and will forever be beyond my reach. I wonder every day what I might have been like and able to achieve if my mother had been able to love me. My saving grace was that my father did.
Wow this could have been written by me all the way down to the father and the sister. Thanks for sharing ❤
My mother a few years ago said that I should ' just get over it' and I 'needed counselling'. Not her, nor the family. Just me. Because I spoke up. And noone else did.
Yes. The one who stirs the ashes everyone believes are extinguished is the one who will be blamed for trying to burn down the house. Want to know the real b**ch of the situation? They're genuinely horrified and perplexed about what you think you are doing at this stage of the game.
After pondering a lifetime about all sorts of abuse I discovered it is akin to a wave/web of negative influences that spans wide over time and space..
This realisation made me wiser and able to _"turn the table"_ so to speak..
Any experience can be a learning one provided you have the ability to reflect on those and grow from it..
Take care and be safe 🖐️
If you tell someone a story and it makes them flinch, it was that bad. 😢
Thank you for posting a new video! All of your videos make me feel like I'm not mad and help me understand myself. Thank you!
Thank you. I'm glad they're helpful.
With me it was older siblings not parents. Physical, emotional and sexual abuse - they were/are toxic. I now view my family as two separate halves. The toxic trio and my brothers and sister. When I was young I found myself wanting my "real" family to come and take me away as these guys couldn't possibly be who I was stuck with. I am now coming to terms with it and as I have minimum contact with the toxic trio I can cope however I still find myself at times seeking their approval, being heartbroken when it is not forthcoming, then have a reality check and ask myself why I need that. I hope that everyone who finds this, finds the strength to heal. Kudos to you all my fellow survivors. ❤️🏴
...just knowing that...noone has your back.
I often think what I went through was nothing special but I score about a 7/10 on the ACES test.
Thank you. My mother treated me with the kind of "low-key" abuse you describe from time to time. I prefer to see her parenting of me as having been good enough. My father was outright abusive and he was sometimes violent to the rest of my family members. My mother told me that she left me in the care of my father once while she was running an errand. When she came back he was sleeping while she had to look for me. She found me under the bed where my father was sleeping with a red area on my face while I was apparently asleep. Lucky for me she was able to wake me up. Everyone outside of our home thought my mother was saintly. At times she could be very encouraging of me too. So it was confusing. At least I was not mistreated by them on my wedding day. However I needed to acknowledge that abuse while growing up and how it affected me. I think I finally figured it out as to why she was like that while not having anyone to talk to about that because all the other still living members of my family are in denial about it. She struggled with a disease for almost all of her life while being in denial about it.
A great deal of this sounds familiar. I did not come to realize until my thirties that much of the "parenting" behaviour my siblings and I were treated to was harmful, neglectful, abusive, or just "off" in some important way that skewed expectations about what love means, and how to love and be loved. I attended a seminar in graduate school on childhood abuse that is mostly delivered as invalidation, that felt like being smacked across the head with the knowledge that it was spot on. I think the deliberate, really concentrated message that dampened any chance of protest was a series of dismissive, ridiculing comments that carried the same purpose every time: "listen to you, you crybaby/ingrate/self-absorbed little wimp, you're just SO abused, aren't you? What a joke." As if it were some kind of contest in which we weren't even contenders, first of all, for the status of "abused" or "neglected," and for which we had no valid way of discerning what a genuinely unhappy, insufficiently nurtured situation was because we were spoiled rotten by parents who really had suffered abuse and neglect during their own childhoods (the Great Depression) and had risen from the ashes to become wonderful achievers and providers. To deny that was, and still is, practically a sacrilege.
Thank you for your comments.
I have been receiving a call from an older woman. I suspect that she has been put up by someone to call me, For what? What have I done to anyone.. ? Just for fun to scare me. I feel terrified of these strange call by older women, pretending it is a wrong number, when it is her co-dependent boyfriend who asked her to call me.
I am sick and tired of life, and all the stressors in it.♣️🔮🐸👺👿
Thank you for answering the question right away!!! As someone who’s been through it it’s hard for me to wait patiently for answers and watch a whole video because the abuser would never answer me and ignore me for hours or dismiss my questions and attempts to connect with them. So waiting out a whole video for an answer reminds me of being strung along and then kicked to the curb
Yes! Same here.
@@elainehiggins713 it was such a relief when she answered right away!
disassociation isn't always bad, they teach it in military martial arts even esoteric spirituality,
it's called the art of being detachment, the problem is when you can no longer experience not only the pains but the pleasures as well .
Is was horrific, and still is. The only saving grace is that I live hours away...And only have contact when it is on my terms...
It keeps you in tune with psychos in your adult life. Silver linings.
❤❤ Thank you. Your information is so helpful.
Introverts are often very truamatized which is why they are too nice, silent, p pleasers. Very wounded. Extraverts are also pnpleasers. They need/want external company and validation from many. Both types are wounded. I as a introvert naturally...pretended to be an extravert to get approval. Feared vunerabilty, looking boring, being left out. Now..l could give a damm l embrace me daily. Which l had known how freeing it is to be authentic, real.
I push people away when they get to close when I love them to much because of my fear of losing them that if something was to happen to them and there is nothing I can do, it becomes too hard to drown out the neurotic premonitions of immediate potential doom
How can I possibly protect them, I care too much, and I hate myself for it hardly is such a feeling ever rewarded with kindness it always comes with death by 1000 cuts. or at least that's how I see it.
Thank you ❤
This information is gold. Tank you for your kindness, i realy apreciate your vídeos.❤
All that and more !!
I did laugh at the list of things and could add a few more.
Nonetheless i still do exist and am grateful for being able to make my own way in the world as a free person.
Adversity brings resilience if you learn how to make use of things unwanted, including yourself.
Upcycle..re-purpose..
Keep going...be what you always wanted, not to perpetuate bad things. Be your best you, not the next version of them.
The guy at 7:21, I just want to give him a big hug!
Oh the sound is a bit low on the video. Would like to hear everything you're saying!
Sorry about the sound, not sure what happened but will fix for the next one.
I watch all your videos. Thank you for expanding my understanding of this topic. There is much to untangle when you grow up in this environment. If I may, without offending, I would like to make a request for your consideration. Sometimes, I have difficulty catching all you share. Is it possible to increase your speaking volume? Sign me, Grateful
Hi itm,
Sorry about the sound I will make sure the volume is better in future.
Ouch. That hurt.