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Back in university days, I remember Writing fast during examination,with my hand shaking fast due to hurrying fast to answer remaining questions when they say 5mins more... So that's part of CPTSD? Hi Anna, what email can I mail you with?
@@KOOLBadger I can relate too. I would be sweating in my hand, with hands shaking, handwriting so unclear unlike my usual fine hand writing. Infact, recently I just realized I barely have unanswered/unfinished exams questions all all examinationns I've written in my life time. Didn't know those were part of CPTSD.I hate being Rushed/Hurried/pressured. I will just abandoned everything I walk away... I give my best when I'm relaxed/calm
Why I love Fly lady so much! You learn to create an evening routine where clothes-for yourself & children are picked out according to weather the night before, a launchpad is set up where you put your purse, backpacks, keys, paperwork, etc...the night before. As well as anything else you may need the following day. You are removing as much chaos/power struggles as possible plus teaching/learning how to live with your choices, ex: outfit chosen night before. It really helped when my kids were young & had more activities. My oldest still has a place where she puts her purse/wallet upon entering the house when she comes home from work and it's right there waiting for her when it's time to leave the very next day!
I find myself frozen unable to make any decisions then tired, so tired I can not go out and do whatever, it was I was being rushed for and instead I nap. Heavy heavy deep naps.
@@pamelaliegh That's because you were filled with cortisol and adrenaline and once it drops your body tells you how much energy you waisted. After any situation that triggers your fight or flight response, survival mode, leaves you drained afterwards because your parasympathetic system turns on. Your brain tells you when you need rest because being in survival mode for too long can make your body collapse.
@@Lyrielonwind Yes, that’s exactly it! When I do stop , take a big breath and think … I can rarely form an intelligible answer 🤦🏻♀️. I’m just constantly being ‘a manipulative jerk’ who sleeps way too much.. it is so very hard to explain to others and have them not think your just another excuse maker. Then procrastination kicks in and I prove others right. 🤦🏻♀️. It’s a mess.
For me, it is building up confidence to slow things down to/ with other people to a level that will allow me to calmly respond or acknowledge my feelings or intuition. For me, I have realised that rejection is my biggest fear, and I hate disappointing people so I want to be what people want me to be ot do things I will get praise for.
I DESPISE hurrying. It’s sheer misery for me. Running for the school bus, my 1st husband making me and our kids hurry hurry hurry while he wouldn’t plan with me so we could be on time WITHOUT all the miserable frenzy and panic. Now? I map out my time before an appointment so I get there calm and on time. THIS is serenity for me.
I can totally relate. Growing up with a covert narcissistic mother, everything was chaotic and disorganized. Now, as an elderly parent she hasn’t changed much, barking out orders and creating unnecessary panic and pandemonium over non-issues and non-concerns. We live together because we both jointly own a home, and I’m just over her crazy antics. Regrettably, her gratuitous panicking was always so contagious, and now as an elderly adult myself, I find that I’m always rushing to the tune of others. It’s a fawn, people-pleasing trauma response that I never outgrew. We put so much undue stress on ourselves as a result of being raised by these dysfunctional people.
Let me guess, you don't pull your card out until it's time to pay right? You like to make everyone else wait, correct. And let me guess again, once the payment is done, you take your time putting your card back in your wallet while everyone else waits in line. You can't help but drag the process on further and further, becoming an inconvenience to everyone that follows you?
So I recently learned that some abusers will intentionally dysregulate you then use the guise of "helping you re-regulate" to make you feel dependent and see them as a caring person when it's actually an abusive tactic. 🤯
@@Holy_ShihTzu ...it helps me understand "Tangled" and my own mother wound better. Moreover, it's an extra consideration for me, living with my fiancee, who's an abuse survivor, _loves_ copedendent co-regulation, and who has a *_deeply_* unfortunate habit of negging me into my self-imposed perfectionism. ...we're a mess, but I'm trying my _darnedest_ to stay compassionate.
My three main triggers: 1- False accusations & blame game 2- Not being heard( as if talking in a fish tank) 3- feelings of lost & losing hope make me frightened
“Don’t rush me” is a phrase I use a lot. I had to tell my ex-boyfriend, please don’t make me hurry, because I literally stop thinking correctly. Thank you for this. It’s very helpful.
I say this to my husband. It is usually when we are ready to go out. He may not even be saying anything but it's his actions and my perception of the situation, my association of it to my past. It's when my husband gets his keys, the jingling keys, and he heads out to the vehicle and starts the vehicle up, and I hear the engine running, it makes me incredibly anxious and it gets me rushing around because I know he's waiting in the vehicle. When I get in the vehicle my husband doesn't say anything because he's actually fine and we are on time. But I think I get like that because my dad did the same thing of getting into the vehicle first, waiting for everyone else, but in that situation I would be in fear of him getting angry and my mum would tell me to hurry up because "dad would get cross" My husband rarely gets angry about things and not angry towards me. I just get triggered by that whole situation when we are going out. Maybe I can get my husband to wait in the house and we can go out together, at the same time? I am not sure why he goes out and starts the vehicle up and waits for me there. The vehicle has the automatic pre heat or pre cool function that you can do from indoors. So it isn't that he has to "warm the car up" . I may have to talk with him about this.
@@Iloveflowers2024OMG, same here! It is so frustrating. I have been trying to explain this to my husband, and I hope he 's been trying to understand... But it's the same story again and again. Last few times he literally went to our friends without me, and I arrived later. One time I decided not to go at all, instead of being on edge because of all the hurrying. I also have ADHD, and yeah, I am late 99% of the times. I understand that it can be very annoying to some people, but you kind of expect from your most close person on the planet if not to understand your struggles, then at least to meet you halfway... I dunno. All this stuff leads me to question his commitment to our relationships at all 😒 So tired trying to figure it all out and to tell the difference between my issues and things that are really hurtful
@@XenaGaunt-wi7rx I do hear you. I try not to put too much on my husband about my issues but he knows that I struggle. And he has seen me in my meltdowns and crises. He tries to understand but he can't really and he has even said that he doesn't understand but he is here. I know he's not a therapist. So I save stuff for my therapist as much as I can. Or I look things up online for help. He and I are wired differently. I would like to hope for you that your husband is committed to your relationship and he is there for you most of the time. But maybe he does get annoyed sometimes and maybe why he went to the social thing on his own. Which I can imagine would upset you. That would bother me too. He may not understand what you go through even when you explain. I honestly don't think we can expect our spouses to fully comprehend. I've been with mine for over 30 years. It's not always easy. Mine gets annoyed with me and vice versa. So I do understand the doubts you may have about your husband. I have it too about mine. I think it's just the negative self talk and false messages we may say to ourselves. It doesn't make it true. And they are in the relationship for the long haul. I have a procrastination issue and I'm late to things too or I cut it very fine when it comes to appointments. I so understand that. With social things I don't want to be the first to arrive but I'm usually the first to leave. I get over stimulated easily and I understand very much about not even going to the event. I cancel a lot. I do get what you're saying. Let's just keep on doing our best, learning ways to manage, learning how to regulate, doing the work. It can be tiring, exhausting. I know. In fact I have been in a disregulated state the past few days. I got triggered by something and it has been just aaargh. Awful. But I'm slowly coming out of it now. These videos have been helpful. It helps to know that I'm not alone. You're not alone. ❤️ I hope I haven't said anything out of line. That's another thing I have, worried about saying the wrong thing. But wanting to support.
The physical stuff that accompanies dysregulation is so overwhelming! And people pick up on it which makes it worse. I have to say how much I love swearing and the situation. It’s like a vent.
I lost an item the other day, because I was rushing around, ever since I’ve been in a state of deregulation, because I’m still looking for the item, I’m really triggered over it and my brain just won’t shut off thinking what the hell did I do with it, it’s driving crazy, therefore making me even more deregulated!
Right? I have ADHD and CPTSD and struggle with both time management and organization. Running late is a thing that happens for me sometimes, despite my best efforts and use iof tools and strategies to help. I’ve learned over time that when I hurry not only do I become disregulated, I become more disorganized, make mistakes and misplace things and then ultimately end up taking MORE time and becoming MORE late rather than less. I have learned fairly recently to recognize when I’m doing this and make myself slow down, mentally reminding myself that at best I may arrive at the thing, ( or complete the work assignment, or be ready for the guests to arrive or what have you ) perhaps all of few minutes sooner. It’s not in my best interest to do this to myself. Becoming disregulated is too much price to pay to gain a few minutes back as a best-case scenario. Totally not worth it!
My boss tells me to slow down...they don't realize this is how I've been trained in childhood. I trained to hurry up but get it right. Almost impossible.
I usually make a conscious decision not to hurry. I'm convinced not hurrying makes me go faster, because I'm less likely to forget things. When I explain this to people, they usually disagree with me.
Thanks for this video; I really needed this today. It reminded me of a phrase that was drilled into my head in Boot Camp. "Slow is smooth, and smooth is fast." It was something one of the Drill Instructor's said when recruits were fumbling through disassembling and reassembling their rifles, rushing to make time, and inevitably doing it wrong because of rushing. Slow is smooth, smooth is fast.
My mother rushed me constantly growing up for no reason because of her overwhelming anxiety. To this day I can’t stand rushing unless there’s a darn good reason.
Is your mom my mom?? Lol. I’m 39 and to this day when she picks my kids up she jogs from her car to my door, tells the kids “hurry, hurry, we gotta go!!” And when I ask what they are going to be late to, she says nothing, she just doesn’t want to waste time. Then she jogs (literally jogs) back to her car.
@@AMcDub0708 omg that is too funny. It’s so weird how they do that. I know any errand with my mom it’s like we’re on a time crunch when she has literally nothing else going on that day. They don’t know how to relax in the moment.
@AMcDub0708 wasting time is a huge source of anxiety for me so I can understand your mom. I work second shift as well so it's super hard to not do this to my own sons, whom I homeschool because we have a time limit everyday. Then weekends it's like I'm rushing to hurry up and enjoy myself (unless I'm working which I do often on the weekends).
@@Alixir1228 please don’t do this to your kids. It’s imposing an enormous amount of undue stress on them. If they don’t get through all their lesson in one day, what’s going to happen? They are “behind”? Behind who? Homeschooling is literally for going THEIR learning pace (not yours). All I know is my mom’s anxiety about time was very crippling to me as a child AND adult. It made me feel like I was constantly a burden for living life at normal speed.
So true. I grew up in so much chaos. Hurrying can easily make me dysregulated. At that point, I do my best to slow down. I have a friend that tends to rush me. I tell him "if you are going to rush me, the answer will always be no".
I grew up with violence, mental and physical abuse. I work as an artist and while working, I have an ocean of time to process all the hurt and trauma whenever I sit down. The analogy of wolves chasing you, is a pretty fair expression of being chased down by that part of you that needs to be heard. Which is what disregulation is, a part of your mind begging to be heard, begging to be healed, that you choose to ignore. I have found that by simply understanding that those are pieces and parts of me that are in the past, I can let go of those feelings because the present needs my attention and my future is waiting for me. Being an artist has allowed me to create the life I want, because as a creator and maker of things, creating a beautiful and loving world is preferable than living in a depressing and hurtful world created by others.
I had an average childhood in my eyes. I am 23 now and I have completely lost control of my life and I have realised it was very troubled. I have crippling anxiety and all my biggest fears have come true in a time span of 1 year. Intense Limerence, horrible nightmares, crippling anxiety, waiting for someone, anyone to save me and the worst of all, the fear that I will never be able to financially look after myself. These videos are a slap to my face. Its like you are putting a mirror up to my face and what i see is unbearable to accept. These videos have saved me. My limerence acts up when i have any sort of stress in my life, I become borderline obsessive. I also have an avoidant attachment. I feel pulled at the seams as so many opposing feelings brew inside me. I will beat this with knowledge and compassion. I cannot stay in this limbo anymore.
@@melliecrann-gaoth4789 i have suspected that I may have these things too. I come from a country where these diagnoses are frowned upon and medication will not be an option. I am also not in a position where I can go see a doctor in secret.
The fact you are realizing these things and deciding you want to change them at such a relatively young age...you're decades ahead. I think it's a great sign that you won't live your whole life feeling this way. I hope you find your way, friend💚
I’m so sorry you’re going through this! This sounds all so familiar to me, the difference being you have such a good insight and understanding of what is going with you and you’re still so young! I’m 53 years old and starting this journey of finding out all this, it’s all starting to make sense to why I’ve had the struggles I’ve had and thank god for people like Anna because she really does make sense of all the chaos and stress we had growing up, it really helps me to see there is a way forward with her teachings, she truly is an earth angel.❤
Proof that the internet is actually useful and good, eh? Healing is hard but totally worthwhile. Hang in there- you’ll see by how much easier things become once you become more grounded and regulated. So many people altogether refuse to “do the work.” I’m glad you’re here.
Oh Anna, not driving while dysregulated is essential! During a difficult time in my life, I parked my car, went into a restaurant for a long meal with a family member, then got back to the car and realized I'd left my keys in the ignition AND my car running the entire time (~2 hrs). I could not believe it. I actually did that twice.
I used to stub my big toe and get ingrown toenails. Then, in college I would put my house keys in my locker and later go home without them. (I switched my major, never happened again.)
When I was learning to drive, I actually refused to turn on the car engine if I started feeling emotional. My parents stopped trying to teach me. LOL. I find I need to have music going to help sooth me as I drive. If the vehicle is quiet then I begin to ruminate which is NOT good.
Yes! Sort of this harsh inner voice or tone or sense of urgency that talks in all caps YOU NEED TO DO THIS! Vs You need to do this. Maybe because I have ADHD? Not fun, very serious. 😫
Throughout the day I am reminded to the lyrics of the "Nirvana" song: take your time, hurry up, the choice is yours, don't be late. I told my dad is like being chased by a tiger out of a jungle, but that feeling of being chased lasts for years! Day and night. Much sympathy to those who are recovering, wishing you all the best!
I am a recovering alcoholic, been sober 26 years. My sponsor once asked me if I had ever gone the speed limit. I had to say "never!" because I hadn't. Started going the speed limit consciously. Drove me crazy for a time but I learned that most people are out there going the speed limit! I didn't know those people existed coz I thought everyone was like me! Lolol. Now I go the speed limit, I can be counted on to be where I say I'm going to be on time and I absolutely hate rushing and will not do it. Haste makes waste as they say. And I no longer procrastinate because I have plenty of time to do what I need to do. I prioritize now. Just wanted to share this as I am a CPTSD survivor and found the method my sponsor gave me as a way to SLOW TF DOWN....,try it, you'll like it! Thank you CC Fairy for discussing this!
I am 29 and have only just begun this journey. I have watched 3 of your videos today because I searched therapy options and advice. Your channel may just have saved my soul from the torture I put it through. I can't express into words how just these few videos have made me feel in this short time. Thank you for sharing this with the world.
Oh my God… What you said about ADD symptoms actually being symptoms of CPTSD…I got surprised. People have constantly said that I have ADD but the diagnosis never felt right to me. I can focus on what I need to get done but when I’m disregulated I’m unable to focus
I was diagnosed with ADD by an overzealous child psychiatrist (let’s call him Dr. Brown) when I was 11 and got slapped with an Adderal prescription. Brown decided to “investigate” me after diagnosing my brother with ADHD. To this day I’m convinced we were his guinea pigs. It was a horrible experience. I was a zombie. I had these terrible nightmares and completely withdrew. I didn’t play. I didn’t write stories anymore. I didn’t interact with anyone. I just sat in my chair and stared at the wall. My teacher (who didn’t think I had ADD) pulled Mom aside and said “She’s miserable. This isn’t her at all. Please get a second opinion.” Mom (who noticed my brother suffering) went back to Brown and said “My children are soulless husks. What is going on?!” The man’s response? “We need to up the dosage.” Mom knew this guy was full of it and threw out the Adderall. She also found another child psychiatrist to take a look at us. When doing the intake interview, the psychiatrist looked at Mom and asked if we had seen Dr. Brown. Mom asked how he knew. He said in a sad voice “You’re not the first parent to bring me their children after seeing that quack.” He had even reported Brown to the state board because of the flood of parents reporting the exact same thing. After several sessions, the new psychiatrist told our parents that my brother and I fit the criteria for Asperger’s Syndrome (now part of the autism spectrum). I didn’t get my CPTSD diagnosis until a few years ago. So…I don’t think I have it because of those experiences.
If you grew up in a narcissistic family, hurrying is constant and in many scams manipulators use hurrying and fear so you don't have time to think. Being hurried by others is a big flag for me. Once I saved myself of being rip off at an ATM because I held my attention and didn't diverted to the guys who were making a parody of drama so I would drew my attention off the screen. Besides that, hurrying yourself is desregulating.
Thank you for including the science of disregulated brain wave action with the reality of triggers in CPSD. My freshman year of college ,1985, they gave us a multiple choice test (on paper) to score our stress levels. Some of the questions i remember, Mark the number of times you have moved in the past 12 months. How many jobs have you held in the past 2 years, Has your family experienced divorce or death of a close family member in the past year? Etc. etc At the end of the seminar, the presentors pulled me aside and showed me my score, then asked," How are you still walking and talking?" I had to ask for an explanation. They said my score indicated nervous breakdown levels of stress. Of course, I declared, I was fine, i had worked 2 jobs since age 14. They didn't offer any resources and insights. I just remember feeling so determined to prove that i was perfectly fine. Now, 40 years later. I am like why? Who does that? Why was i taking 21 semester hours juggling 2-3 jobs, every second of my day was scheduled on a poster. What a waste of my time and quality of life.
My opinion on hurrying and disregulation, bottom line is a compensation for the assumptions we make about our baseline identity, mirrored to us as kids. If we don't think we're enough, we try to gain love and acceptance by accomplishing - more and more.
Also people pleasing and guilt.. signing up for volunteer stuff, and signing up to be on the board, because you have to feel important and you can't say no. So you are always overbooking yourself and then having to rush rush rush. This was modeled to me by my mom, who also has cptsd.
Hurrying is a major trigger for me; I was of course a traumatized child. Mom was the time pusher, and one of her favorite words, which I came to see was a trigger, was “accomplish.” It was one of her value-imparting words. If I didn’t “accomplish” the stuff she thought I should, I didn’t have value.
Yup, I have 4. 0 in college, last semester my grades were all above 95%. It isn't good enough because it isn't a bachelors degree or a masters like my mother and grandmother. And even if I get them, I didn't get them in 3-5 years after high school, so does it even count anymore? All in all I'm considered a failure even if I succeed.
This was mind-blowing. I have been in therapy for years for my CPTSD but never connected my driving to dysregulation. I always say that I shouldn't have driven as a teen. Of course, I was living with my abuser. Sometimes, I will still feel "spaced out" and I'll blame it on anxiety. I once had to hang up the phone just to pump gas. I was talking to my mom. My abuser. I have been no contact with her since May and finally feel freedom. I have noticed energy and mental space for friends. I never realized how much she still affected me. Thank you.
you know what helped me? in short. my mother died 12 years ago. I soon kicked my brother out of my life. to understand my mother and brother I started to study Narcissism, 12 years ago. I could finely see how two-faced they really are. I come to see that they really could not feel for anyone, and that they can not feel or see themselves. soon I had come to feel the sad I had for them that they could not feel the good I had for them. I see now, how sad it is to live a life like my mother and brother did/have. for the last 40 years my brother has lived in a tiny apartment alone with boxes of all his old stuff. no women will stay with him. the Law won't let him drive, he has no wife, no girl friend, no kids, no grandchildren, his brother (me) still want's him to stay away. and now I have been told he is sick. when my son or daughter and granddaughters leave to go to their apartments I get hugs and "I Love You". when my granddaughter come here they run as hard as they can and jump on me and start jabbering to me.... yes, yes I can see now, it is sad that Narcissism can not see. GOOD LUCK! I hope you come to have a very wonderful life!!!!!!!!!
@@sideswiped6874 That’s when I noticed the difference too…when I at last had my own family…which I wasn’t going to bcs of my childhood. I’m very glad my Hub and could turn our past around for our own family…omg what a difference in my life since I met my Hub and brought our family. I’ve always been the one who tried to keep my family I was raised with together…with Step Parents aswell …who I got n better with than my rageful parents …but even I’ve given up now…since a medical error injury and no they couldn’t even be there for me while I was put through 7 operations…guess that told me all I need to know…oh but as soon as they need help from me…that’s a different story isn’t it. 🤷♀️😵💫😅
this makes so much sense! i was a delivery driver for Amazon for 4 years. it was the most deregulating job i've ever had. no matter how fast i would finish a route, i was always expected to finish faster the next day. i still do deliveries, but it's just food, so it's way more chill
I absolutely cannot stand these kinds of unreasonable and unrealistic “goals” that companies have on employees. It’s SO toxic and bad for our mental health, yet they blame your reactions to the toxic on other “thing in your personal life” 😡
I have always refused to use Amazon since they arrived…far too Greedy therefore don’t treat their workers well. I also watched an undercover Documentary when they first arrived here…of how they treat their workers… I vowed never to use them…think he’s trying to get the Monopoly on it all though …offering cheaper now, then it’ll be dearer if he does. My Hub works for British Royal Mail who are much more respectful tbh…and regular …I don’t like strangers knocking and then running away, my door all the time…our Son orders from anywhere…they don’t care do they. Different now. 🤷♀️ they’ll regret that no doubt. 🤷♀️😅 Bless you glad you have better job now. 💙🦢💙
Going slowly is such a precious gift. Gentleness. Natural pace. Comforting indeed. It's really challenging in some work environments when there's no real structure, constant daily chaos & a boss that pushes "hurriness" every single day because that's how he feels he's getting the most out of his employees.
it's a horoball thing to come to the understanding that the family you were born into are the worst people in your life. but if you hold on and get thew it. you will come to see that you are stronger than them.
I surprised a lot of people when I started working as a carer for elderly people. Some were shocked that with my education I would take such a low paying and "low level" job. But I loved it. The slow, gentle pace, the soft voice, the tenderness all spoke to my essential nature. Slowing things down gave me the freedom to be creative and joyful in my day to day worklife. Not to mention how good it felt to have my efforts appreciated. And I got to meet some really interesting people I would ordinarily never have come in contact with. I learned a lot during this time, especially about myself.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy oh yes. I know that, just sucks that no one except the old people themselves what exactly I was doing for them. I suppose I've never gotten used to being treated like an untrained, domestic worker (who often got paid less than the cleaning lady!) But I have in my heart the things that were said to me by those whose final time was made into something warm and wonderful by my unique way. I'm now retired on a pauper's pension usually given to wives of indigent men (not in the US) and ridiculed by my former collegues who are living it up with their wealthy lifestyle. They all look down on me and some pity me. But you know what? I am content with my life. I have nice home and a small pool( that I built myself), my pets and all the time in the world to do whatever I like. My needs are few and absolutely fulfilled. I have peace and freedom and safety . Still it isn't pleasant when I encounter these self satisfied, self aggrandizing people who don't have the least bit of understanding for my values.
@@katellaMoney really isn't that important as long as you can afford the things you need without stress. People's opinions mean even less. Doing something you love to do every day is a blessing, and I'm sure your patients feel the same way. ❤
I learned from Covid 2020 to take my time in whatever I do, dishes, chores, cooking etc… I no longer rush and hurry and noticed I’m calmer and things still get done. I remember I used to drive in a hurry, road rage and following too closely was my norm. Thanks Anna for your wisdom ❤
I never noticed this, but the minute you said it, I was like "Of course!" and my mother loves to see me hurried and flustered, that I had noticed. She gets a nasty little smirk on her face.
Agreed, when I feel rushed or hurried I begin to feel overwhelmed. I recently realized a sign I am dysregulated is feeling like I don't know what is real*. I started setting timers for work. The time I need to leave, 5 minutes before leaving and 15 minutes before leaving. I also give 10 minutes more time than I think I need to get there. I am going to start doing this for anything ex. Before bed, before going out to soccer/yoga or for appointments. It makes me recognize how much time I actually have.
Amazingly true... I started calling it "Time Stress". It would hit the red zone and the dysregulation would suddenly set in and take over everything. I began to despise the ending of daylight each day. That damned darkness !! Not eating, or drinking water or doing any other jobs. Only increasing chaos in that never ending drive to push myself well beyond any normal persons suffering in doing work. Difficult, dirty, hard jobs to create a better reality for myself and others. Thinking things would get better if i just keep making sacrifices and suffering. Really its all for someone else and i don't even know who. There was a time, or times, where my suffering, was said to be saving others. I do wonder about that but don't want to dwell on it or start wallowing. Only to understand it and move beyond it, to enter a new phase. This channel helps me a lot because there is not one person to talk with about any of it. Just listening is all i need to do. ☺️☺️☺️🙋
While hurrying leads me to overwhelm, I find the real trigger for me is when others try to hurry me. I think that's why I do well as a project manager because it drives me crazy to have people who don't plan ahead suddenly put the burden on me for their lack of foresight. I used to take on the resulting problems, but I have gotten better at that over the years.
"People who don't plan ahead suddenly put the burden on me for their lack of foresight" me, growing up 🙃 even now. Now I'm left to deal with the burden of educational neglect, no GED exams from this clown of a country I live in, how to even go to college/uni, how to find the funds for that, bc of my "parents" 🙄 my default emotion for everyday ever since I've began to work on this is just rage.
@@VentiWhoreshipperí was able to get a HS diploma, however I wasn't taught about having a bank account, wasn't allowed to have a job so I could save for college, then at 17 was left without any financial assistance and survived off of student loans. No idea how to do a resume or an interview, it was a nightmare.
Again and again I've been feeling fine, moving along with ease then wham, (procrastinated) I'm pressed to hurry and became so dysregulated. It compounds knowing I'll be ridiculed for being late again. The "dysregulation Murphy's Law" thing often kicks in providing me with an excuse for being late-like an injury sustained while hurrying. I might arrive without essential items. I've missed flights, weddings, important valued events or highly anticipated fun activities. I dread disappointing others and am so hard on myself. I thought it was some subversive subconscious self sabotage. This video is spot on valuable. I appreciate your work Anna and will investigate the course(s).
Magnesium helped me for the past 4 yrs. Many people r deficient. It reduces stress, keeps us calm during the day and gives energy which leads us to doing more and being more tired at night and sleeping better. And uninterrupted. Its involved in many processes in our bodies ❤
I am 66 now but I spent most of my life rushing and hurrying. I also had trouble with self-regulation. I have been dedicated to my healing from CPTSD and for the last 5 years, I have slowed down and learned to better self-regulate. I get plenty of rest and exercise now and eat healthy but mostly, I try to take each day at a slow & easy pace with built-in breaks and plenty of time to get to where I am going. I try to return to my breath throughout the day. This is great advice. Hurrying was an expression of the internal trauma. I wish I had known this as a young woman. But now I am older and wiser and slower. And happier.
Omg yes! I can even get triggered if I remember when I've been rushed by others. Noise & camotion in the morning is a MAJOR trigger also. You're an amazing fairy 🧚♀️ ✨️ 💖
Used to be I would ignore projects until they were due. I felt the deadline pressure as a buildup to a frenzy of creativity. I loved that. Now I experience everything as chaos, and that's my worst trigger.
One tool I have used for this is to create the urgency in advance. Then I can take action but still have time before the deadline so I can back off if I need to.
That honestly hit like a brick. I do this sooooo much and always wondered why. Because I KNOW how many mistakes I make when I am hurring like this. When I got my drivers licence I had to pick up extra hours because my OCD told me "You are gonna hurt somebody bad with that car", so I was anxious all the time and kinda hurrying to get out of certain trafic situations. My driving instructor literally made a wordplay on my name and jokingly called me something along the lines of "Miss Rush", because I was just so nervous all the time. And then a month ago i literally sprained my ancle, while rushing down some stairs to join a friend for a walk with his dog. Like he wouldnt have whaited for me to take two extra seconds to grab my jacket and mindfully go down the stairs? This makes so much sence now. I really need to work on this. Thank you!
Chronic illness has made me face everything and i'm now on a journey to become re-regulated, or more accurately, become regulated for the first time in my life. Its alot of work but im ready, I also can't wait to get your book.
My handwriting has always been horrible. No one can read it. I even have trouble when I go over something I've written a while back. I'm always rushing when I write, thoughts moving faster than my hand can keep up even with all the abbreviations I use when writing for my eyes only.
I agree. I had beautiful handwriting, even learnt how to do calligraphy, but my handwriting changes when I am disregulated. I remember my Daughter asking me years ago why my handwriting had become so awful, as she had always said before how lovely it was. I now understand why it happened, it all makes sense now. 😮
New career nurse. Ignored, interrupted, not listened to, offered help when I've completed the task, deprived of learning opportunities, yet noticed ++ if I don't leave EARLY because I'm helping someone!!! Every button being pushed. Knowing it's emotional dysregulation is so helpful.
Nursing and policing are definitely two professions that narcs gravitate to and coworker abuse is common. Learn how to breath. Put your mind on something that helps you be calm-and listen to some of these YT Psychologists that discuss the behaviors and how to wisely address them. Save your mind space and emotion space for the good stuff like helping patients feel well. Document How* you are being addressed by boss/co-workers and include time/date stamps and circumstances. I used a voice activated recorder in my pocket for my own personal note taking* (not legally admissable in most states), but as a way to verify verbatim what was said for note accuracy is fine. **hint**mention this little device and how/why you are using it to the gossip who plays both sides😂! Win/win. Suddenly ppl need to speak more professionally to you! It's a miracle!🎉
Í was abused by some nurses as a CNA, just try to navigate around them and get buddy buddy with the Charge nurse and 1 regular ahift nurse. It'll help you to cover your butt if something goes down, and someone decides to throw you under the bus. Also, always document everything.
Meg, your comment is how I feel, it is really a release as you said. I also liked the comment about letting the wolves catch up and nothing happens, that was also very freeing. Good wishes for the future.
Omg cats! Cats are one of those chill, mindful beings that I vibe off of to slow down. I'll just stop amd look out the window with mine, or just watch her doin' her thing. Of course it's different when they're playing, but that's also intensely therapeutic.
I grew up alone and I have fear of being late. I get everywhere an hour early. No matter how many times I tell myself I’m not going to leave early I always do it.
All *exactly* as is happening, or WAS happening. Until *l* took careful, caring for me, charge. Opting out of everything, except BEING HERE. End of.. intense stress. I've thought of so many good useful things to do quietly, during all of my opting out time.
Me too, I went back to my Crafting that I didn’t ever have time for when a child…I was working from aged 11 to help my Mum, until an injury I had to slow down lol and now my family are amazed at what I can make for them …the first thing I ever made was a Comfort Dolly when I was 13…still with me and I’ve finally had time to give Christabel a makeover and make some more outfits …bcs now I have to sit still…as I never could that much all the years 😅 lol Bless you. 💙🦢💙
i just want to put it out there: the struggle gets easier. if you genuinely put in the work, practice mindfulness even in triggering situations: "oh, i don't like that i said that. i'm going to make a note to never say that again and apologize, even if the other person brushed it off", "oh, i'm feeling overwhelmed, i better communicate that so the other party can work with this situation" if you put in the effort, it will pay off. i've been doing this for over a few years now and i feel like i've come far. i've learned that there will always be something that tests you and pushes you towards the edge, but those moments are exactly what you've been training and preparing for. you have tools now, and you're not gonna fall over the edge. it's gonna be scary at first, you're gonna tremble through short, shallow breaths; you're going to have knee-jerk reactions that you regret a second later, you're going to have things completely out of your control, and you're going to have mistakes completely in your control. but who doesn't go through these things? through varying intensity, that's just humanity. patience is one of the most valuable lessons i'm learning, and the gift of tucking the need to hurry back in my pocket for more appropriate situations is valuable- being able to slow down and make more meaningful decisions. mindfulness is being aware of the present and what you do with it. i've looked death in the face many times in my life and i've had various thoughts after each encounter, but for some odd reason, i've never truly had the will to keep looking. the hope that things can be better kept pulling my gaze away, even with how far away it often felt. chances are, you *do* have a tomorrow. i used to live by the old saying "live each day like it's your last", and i used to abuse that concept with stupid decisions that resulted in some pretty big consequences. i used to never plan for the future because i never thought i would have one, looking through my minority lens. but, well, the days *have* kept ticking by and there *is* a lot i can do. reframing and reshaping my thoughts have been the biggest reason i've made so much progress. you have time. spend some time with yourself. you're worth it, no matter the heap of reasons why you think you aren't. change, like everything, takes time- and you can do it, and things will get better. haha, this turned into a little vent, hopefully it's not to garbled.
Being accused of something i didnt do, especially when that something is horrible, is my biggest trigger.. But this is us there in my top 10. Thank you.
Rushing and being overwhelmed are absolutely triggers for me! 😮 I didn't realize the connection until this video. I get disregulated big time. Thank You once again CCF 😊 ❤️
12:20 I am a lot like you then. Order, organization, pacing, calm, yet ordered. Peaceable. It's a light and fluffy way to be a beast, and still relax while being one. 😁💯💥
My Mum and Stepdad did the same to me…and I worked with the two of them when they were my Managers …I might have been a cpl. Minutes late at times…bcs I also had small children to organise, as I didn’t drive either, like my Dad did for them …I walked or rode a bicycle but I did twice the work of anybody else, once I was there and even stay over unpaid to compensate…h that was never mentioned though. Acid Annie was my Mum’s nickname…they were both Managers I wasn’t at that time…Mum is so much better now she’s 78 and Dad is now at 74 …bcs they’re not distressed now they don’t have to run about like headless chickens …wasn’t really their fault either that’s the thing…too much pressure on every worker these days. 😵💫🤷♀️❤️
I hate it when I have to do something at work and am rushed to do it or have someone watch me. It creates so much anxiety in me that I inevitably make mistakes and then prove to them that I am incompetent. It also makes sense that I am so impatient in general.
I think the issue of being late and having issues with time deserves a separate video. I am compulsively on time because I had a 'parent' who would leave me in public alone waiting for more than an hour. I know you had your mother leave you in a casino all day. Many people use lateness as a way of having power over others or to express hostility towards them. I have ended friendships with people for lateness. It's disrespectful. So, yes hurrying is upsetting but it is also completely preventable by changing behavior.
I realized I was doing this for so MANY years. One day I asked myself, "why are you in a hurry?!?" Asking myself that helps regulate. Treating myself with grace is important.
OMG just yesterday I was stressed and hurrying. I said to myself, just take a breath, take it slow. It will take the same amount of time, with the same outcome. Just slow down a little. Thank you.
I am ALWAYS hurrying and it is a HUGE trigger. My narc father will create events where there will be no option but to hurry. He never passes up an opportunity to hurt me. They are truly human beings that are impossible to love.
I do several things at once instead of hurrying, but for the same reason. Learning while watching a movie, showering plus music, cycling plus music, reading plus movie in background.
Oh yes!! Very good point!! I find I can't just sit and watch a movie, I must do something with my hands, like sewing, or knitting, even playing a online game! 😮 I have learned more about myself through this, than I have in the last 35 years!!! My eyes have been opened!!
This is such a helpful distinction between having the feelings in the space, and hurrying to avoid... I hate being rushed. And I also see now how I rush myself. Fascinating video! I also absolutely love having a free day where I'm not paying attention to time and can wander and make choices at my own pace. One example, that may seem funny but its so soothing... I've gone to Disneyland alone and I have no agenda. That's really a place where people are rushed! Rushed to see everything, to do everything, to get the faster wait time... Im fortunate to have the money and have been enough where I can go on my own and literally do one ride, have some lunch, wander, observe people, enjoy the atmosphere ... it's sooo soothing! I love doing this while traveling, in general. But doing it in a place where most people are cramming in as much as possible, really feels freeing, empowering and (now, I realize) regulating! 😮❤
The fear of being late is a very overt trigger for me. I try to avoid hurrying by starting very early to get ready, but if someone else is about to make me late I panic.
I was diagnosed ADHD at age 51. It was a relief and explained a lot. However since learning about CPTSD, I'm thinking it's at least partly that if not entirely. As my healing progresses, I can see changes. I still isolate but am not hurrying out of it.
Hey, same here! I was diagnosed at 33, and there is a strong genetic component involved (my brother has Asperger's). Also, the meds help me a lot - and before the diagnosis I'd been treated for anxiety and depression with a variety of antidepressants. The ones that worked best were bupropion and venlafaxine, but only MPD and Adderall have really made a difference. I sleep better, I can regulate my emotions better, I am calmer overall. I've been able to meditate for the first time in my life when I started taking stimulators, haha. However, my childhood was not-so-cheerful, and I relate to almost everything the Fairy says about cPTSD. So... What if we have both? CPTSD and ADHD? Comorbidities are much more common with mental issues than sole troubles, you know
Wow very profound! Hadn't realized, but Hurrying is a huge source of disregulation for me. No wonder why, my assigned narcissistic adopted monster lives for the rush. I can see her face scowling at me right now because I'm not acting quickly enough...
I need someone to talk to about this mess! This popped up on my phone it can't be a accident!!! My mom is the WORSE she always plays the victim. But she starts it!!
Oooo, yes! I've messed up on jobs when the client or another hired hand is in a rush. I do better with taking a breath and staying calm while they flail. I also do better with not rushing myself, even if I'm running late; I move as quickly as my brain can keep track of and no faster.
OMG This video was totally a big mind opener for me! My childhood and even my teenager years were full of abuse (physical and emotional) from our father, but now I understand a lot of things about my behavior and life. You really are a Fairy! Thank you so much for this video. I am totally buying your book! Many thanks from someone from Guadalajara, México! God bless you! ❤
Sounds like dissociation when you are deregulated. Like you’re splitting off from yourself. Thankyou for sharing these stories and making these videos. It is helping people.
@@Rob_132 same. I hate holidays. Xmas is the worst for me. I think the only holiday I can look forward to is Easter and Halloween because no one in my circle really celebrates those much. Plus those holidays reward candy for effort and I don't owe anyone for it. So that's nice. I hate gifts.
Oh GOD yes. One year my parents were super angry at me. On my actual birthday my mom became much nicer, but only for that one day. Then she went back to giving me the silent treatment. It was so bizarre. My mom feels obligated to do certain things, like celebrate my birthday, because she cares about looking like a good mother, not actually being one. So she carries out the obligation while being wicked about it. Absolutely insane. Downright creepy. Stepford-like.
I thought constantly panicking and being late to everything was normal. My mom was late to everything, and she told us “Being early to things is a waste of time.” This is how I was raised and what I believed too. I got into fights with every friend over my lack of concern for their time, but I thought they were being uptight. When my sister moved into my building I got to experience this firsthand all of the time. Late to everything and unconcerned when someone else is inconvenienced. So rude. Now I prepare for everything hours beforehand, days beforehand. And I’m 20-30 minutes early to everything. And I am shocked to realize that instead of feeling like my time is being wasted, I actually feel so much calmer and better about life. Some hurrying can’t be helped, but I have now realized that I can avoid a lot of the constant panic I used to feel.
❤ Thank you dear Anna. You are such a beautiful guide through this healing. Mr. Rogers and Bob Ross are my favorites. Much love to you and your service! 🤟
😮 actually so true!!! I hate haste, too much fuss and when people telll me to hurry up. I avoid any work environment where rush is a normal thing of course. when I hurry I tend to forget things, lose them or make stupid mistakes.
OMG, no wonder I have been so diregulated! I was a server, waitress and bartender for 27 years! In my last job at Ford, I had a time crunch of 42 seconds per job: 550-600 jobs a shift. I quit a great job because I couldn't keep up anymore. But thank you Anna for this video. I am gaining so much understanding of myself and my past life experience from your videos.x❤❤
In 1966 at Naval Aviation Officer Candidate School at Pensacola, FL, hurrying the cadets for 16 hours a day was a feature of the program. I was dysregulated and overwhelmed for 11 weeks straight. But I made it through.
Set your life free from Childhood PTSD! Order my new book RE-REGULATED here: bit.ly/3XiLsj2
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I tried at Amazon but they wont let me buy it unfortunetly.. I have to hurry. It makes me puke all the time.. 😢
Back in university days, I remember Writing fast during examination,with my hand shaking fast due to hurrying fast to answer remaining questions when they say 5mins more...
So that's part of CPTSD?
Hi Anna, what email can I mail you with?
@@chikannaji6110 I use to sweat and I am a female. It would be so embaressing.. and the othe teens would talk about me and point..
@@KOOLBadger I can relate too. I would be sweating in my hand, with hands shaking, handwriting so unclear unlike my usual fine hand writing. Infact, recently I just realized I barely have unanswered/unfinished exams questions all all examinationns I've written in my life time. Didn't know those were part of CPTSD.I hate being Rushed/Hurried/pressured. I will just abandoned everything I walk away... I give my best when I'm relaxed/calm
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy it’s already been ordered on Amazon I can’t wait!xxx
Being ignored is my biggest trigger.
One of mine too
So is mine
Right here with you
Me Too😢
That is cptsd. That you don't even fully understand. You think your not good enuff. You are!
I just learned that hurrying creates anxiety in your kids too.
Why I love Fly lady so much! You learn to create an evening routine where clothes-for yourself & children are picked out according to weather the night before, a launchpad is set up where you put your purse, backpacks, keys, paperwork, etc...the night before. As well as anything else you may need the following day. You are removing as much chaos/power struggles as possible plus teaching/learning how to live with your choices, ex: outfit chosen night before. It really helped when my kids were young & had more activities. My oldest still has a place where she puts her purse/wallet upon entering the house when she comes home from work and it's right there waiting for her when it's time to leave the very next day!
Oh, yes, it does.
Oh yes! A lot!❤
Rushing, yes, it is especially dysregulating for CPTSD/trauma sufferers
@@stadinm1 yup. My anxiety was definitely learned.
I especially hate when someone tries to hurry me, then I feel so stressed I deliberately do nothing
I find myself frozen unable to make any decisions then tired, so tired I can not go out and do whatever, it was I was being rushed for and instead I nap. Heavy heavy deep naps.
It's a red flag. I become alert every time someone hurry me up. I go slower because I need to take time to think about their motives.
@@pamelaliegh
That's because you were filled with cortisol and adrenaline and once it drops your body tells you how much energy you waisted.
After any situation that triggers your fight or flight response, survival mode, leaves you drained afterwards because your parasympathetic system turns on.
Your brain tells you when you need rest because being in survival mode for too long can make your body collapse.
@@Lyrielonwind Yes, that’s exactly it! When I do stop , take a big breath and think … I can rarely form an intelligible answer 🤦🏻♀️. I’m just constantly being ‘a manipulative jerk’ who sleeps way too much.. it is so very hard to explain to others and have them not think your just another excuse maker. Then procrastination kicks in and I prove others right. 🤦🏻♀️. It’s a mess.
For me, it is building up confidence to slow things down to/ with other people to a level that will allow me to calmly respond or acknowledge my feelings or intuition.
For me, I have realised that rejection is my biggest fear, and I hate disappointing people so I want to be what people want me to be ot do things I will get praise for.
Being called lazy makes my head explode.
Same here , but now I don't care, hoping u will come to that point soon enough
ADHD, by any chance? Those of us with ADHD get called lazy so often. :(
@@DawnDavidson yeah. Also childhood steeped in trauma.
@@katherinemarkva7552 Double-dose. Oof. Hope you have good luck from here on out!
@@DawnDavidson thank you 😸 life is good
I DESPISE hurrying. It’s sheer misery for me. Running for the school bus, my 1st husband making me and our kids hurry hurry hurry while he wouldn’t plan with me so we could be on time WITHOUT all the miserable frenzy and panic. Now? I map out my time before an appointment so I get there calm and on time. THIS is serenity for me.
Yes, I really hate panic. I grew up without planning and then consequently frenzy and panic anger, and now I live with it too. I just want to cry.
I'm working on this step by step I get nervous when something is important and make it over complicated then I'm rushing and late
I can totally relate. Growing up with a covert narcissistic mother, everything was chaotic and disorganized. Now, as an elderly parent she hasn’t changed much, barking out orders and creating unnecessary panic and pandemonium over non-issues and non-concerns. We live together because we both jointly own a home, and I’m just over her crazy antics. Regrettably, her gratuitous panicking was always so contagious, and now as an elderly adult myself, I find that I’m always rushing to the tune of others. It’s a fawn, people-pleasing trauma response that I never outgrew. We put so much undue stress on ourselves as a result of being raised by these dysfunctional people.
Yes!!
Let me guess, you don't pull your card out until it's time to pay right? You like to make everyone else wait, correct. And let me guess again, once the payment is done, you take your time putting your card back in your wallet while everyone else waits in line. You can't help but drag the process on further and further, becoming an inconvenience to everyone that follows you?
So I recently learned that some abusers will intentionally dysregulate you then use the guise of "helping you re-regulate" to make you feel dependent and see them as a caring person when it's actually an abusive tactic. 🤯
Nifty
That's terrible.
@@Holy_ShihTzu ...it helps me understand "Tangled" and my own mother wound better.
Moreover, it's an extra consideration for me, living with my fiancee, who's an abuse survivor, _loves_ copedendent co-regulation, and who has a *_deeply_* unfortunate habit of negging me into my self-imposed perfectionism.
...we're a mess, but I'm trying my _darnedest_ to stay compassionate.
I’ve definitely experienced this tactic
Yep, some people are nasty and thrive off of the control
My three main triggers:
1- False accusations & blame game
2- Not being heard( as if talking in a fish tank)
3- feelings of lost & losing hope make me frightened
Those are 3 of mine. Not being heard is likely my #1
“Don’t rush me” is a phrase I use a lot. I had to tell my ex-boyfriend, please don’t make me hurry, because I literally stop thinking correctly. Thank you for this. It’s very helpful.
I say this to my husband. It is usually when we are ready to go out. He may not even be saying anything but it's his actions and my perception of the situation, my association of it to my past.
It's when my husband gets his keys, the jingling keys, and he heads out to the vehicle and starts the vehicle up, and I hear the engine running, it makes me incredibly anxious and it gets me rushing around because I know he's waiting in the vehicle. When I get in the vehicle my husband doesn't say anything because he's actually fine and we are on time.
But
I think I get like that because my dad did the same thing of getting into the vehicle first, waiting for everyone else, but in that situation I would be in fear of him getting angry and my mum would tell me to hurry up because "dad would get cross"
My husband rarely gets angry about things and not angry towards me.
I just get triggered by that whole situation when we are going out.
Maybe I can get my husband to wait in the house and we can go out together, at the same time? I am not sure why he goes out and starts the vehicle up and waits for me there. The vehicle has the automatic pre heat or pre cool function that you can do from indoors. So it isn't that he has to "warm the car up" .
I may have to talk with him about this.
@@Iloveflowers2024OMG, same here! It is so frustrating. I have been trying to explain this to my husband, and I hope he 's been trying to understand... But it's the same story again and again. Last few times he literally went to our friends without me, and I arrived later. One time I decided not to go at all, instead of being on edge because of all the hurrying. I also have ADHD, and yeah, I am late 99% of the times. I understand that it can be very annoying to some people, but you kind of expect from your most close person on the planet if not to understand your struggles, then at least to meet you halfway... I dunno. All this stuff leads me to question his commitment to our relationships at all 😒
So tired trying to figure it all out and to tell the difference between my issues and things that are really hurtful
Great insight! 👍
@@XenaGaunt-wi7rx I do hear you.
I try not to put too much on my husband about my issues but he knows that I struggle. And he has seen me in my meltdowns and crises.
He tries to understand but he can't really and he has even said that he doesn't understand but he is here. I know he's not a therapist. So I save stuff for my therapist as much as I can. Or I look things up online for help.
He and I are wired differently.
I would like to hope for you that your husband is committed to your relationship and he is there for you most of the time. But maybe he does get annoyed sometimes and maybe why he went to the social thing on his own. Which I can imagine would upset you. That would bother me too.
He may not understand what you go through even when you explain. I honestly don't think we can expect our spouses to fully comprehend.
I've been with mine for over 30 years. It's not always easy.
Mine gets annoyed with me and vice versa.
So I do understand the doubts you may have about your husband.
I have it too about mine. I think it's just the negative self talk and false messages we may say to ourselves. It doesn't make it true. And they are in the relationship for the long haul.
I have a procrastination issue and I'm late to things too or I cut it very fine when it comes to appointments.
I so understand that.
With social things I don't want to be the first to arrive but I'm usually the first to leave. I get over stimulated easily and I understand very much about not even going to the event.
I cancel a lot. I do get what you're saying.
Let's just keep on doing our best, learning ways to manage, learning how to regulate, doing the work. It can be tiring, exhausting. I know.
In fact I have been in a disregulated state the past few days. I got triggered by something and it has been just aaargh. Awful. But
I'm slowly coming out of it now.
These videos have been helpful.
It helps to know that I'm not alone. You're not alone.
❤️
I hope I haven't said anything out of line. That's another thing I have, worried about saying the wrong thing. But wanting to support.
a form of emotional abuse, manipulation.
"An Unhurried sense of time is -in itself- a form of wealth"
I HATE being hurried. If I hurry on my own, that's ok, but if someone else does it, I freak out, make mistakes, get angry at myself, etc.
Yes. I like to take things slow. When I feel hurried I make more mistakes, forget things, trip and bang my head a lot.
The physical stuff that accompanies dysregulation is so overwhelming! And people pick up on it which makes it worse. I have to say how much I love swearing and the situation. It’s like a vent.
I lost an item the other day, because I was rushing around, ever since I’ve been in a state of deregulation, because I’m still looking for the item, I’m really triggered over it and my brain just won’t shut off thinking what the hell did I do with it, it’s driving crazy, therefore making me even more deregulated!
Same
Right? I have ADHD and CPTSD and struggle with both time management and organization. Running late is a thing that happens for me sometimes, despite my best efforts and use iof tools and strategies to help. I’ve learned over time that when I hurry not only do I become disregulated, I become more disorganized, make mistakes and misplace things and then ultimately end up taking MORE time and becoming MORE late rather than less. I have learned fairly recently to recognize when I’m doing this and make myself slow down, mentally reminding myself that at best I may arrive at the thing, ( or complete the work assignment, or be ready for the guests to arrive or what have you ) perhaps all of few minutes sooner. It’s not in my best interest to do this to myself. Becoming disregulated is too much price to pay to gain a few minutes back as a best-case scenario. Totally not worth it!
Being ignored, and not being believed. Those are my top two biggest triggers for my CPTSD.
We understand as few others can. I'm so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I have tears in my eyes. Ive always wondered why I am ALWAYS hurrying.
Now I know.
I'm so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
My boss tells me to slow down...they don't realize this is how I've been trained in childhood. I trained to hurry up but get it right. Almost impossible.
Me too 🫶
Being rushed is something I absolutely cannot handle. Never realized it was a trigger though. 🤯
This is definitely not talked about enough
I usually make a conscious decision not to hurry. I'm convinced not hurrying makes me go faster, because I'm less likely to forget things. When I explain this to people, they usually disagree with me.
So that’s why I still love watching Mister Rogers.
💙💙💙
Thanks for this video; I really needed this today. It reminded me of a phrase that was drilled into my head in Boot Camp. "Slow is smooth, and smooth is fast." It was something one of the Drill Instructor's said when recruits were fumbling through disassembling and reassembling their rifles, rushing to make time, and inevitably doing it wrong because of rushing.
Slow is smooth, smooth is fast.
Thank you for that❤
i love that!!🎉
❤
"Haste makes waste." Good stuff. I live by this, too.
My mother rushed me constantly growing up for no reason because of her overwhelming anxiety. To this day I can’t stand rushing unless there’s a darn good reason.
I tell everyone that if the house is on fire I'm going to walk out at my own pace!
Is your mom my mom?? Lol. I’m 39 and to this day when she picks my kids up she jogs from her car to my door, tells the kids “hurry, hurry, we gotta go!!” And when I ask what they are going to be late to, she says nothing, she just doesn’t want to waste time. Then she jogs (literally jogs) back to her car.
@@AMcDub0708 omg that is too funny. It’s so weird how they do that. I know any errand with my mom it’s like we’re on a time crunch when she has literally nothing else going on that day. They don’t know how to relax in the moment.
@AMcDub0708 wasting time is a huge source of anxiety for me so I can understand your mom. I work second shift as well so it's super hard to not do this to my own sons, whom I homeschool because we have a time limit everyday. Then weekends it's like I'm rushing to hurry up and enjoy myself (unless I'm working which I do often on the weekends).
@@Alixir1228 please don’t do this to your kids. It’s imposing an enormous amount of undue stress on them. If they don’t get through all their lesson in one day, what’s going to happen? They are “behind”? Behind who? Homeschooling is literally for going THEIR learning pace (not yours). All I know is my mom’s anxiety about time was very crippling to me as a child AND adult. It made me feel like I was constantly a burden for living life at normal speed.
So true. I grew up in so much chaos. Hurrying can easily make me dysregulated. At that point, I do my best to slow down. I have a friend that tends to rush me. I tell him "if you are going to rush me, the answer will always be no".
Excellent thing to say!
I grew up with violence, mental and physical abuse. I work as an artist and while working, I have an ocean of time to process all the hurt and trauma whenever I sit down. The analogy of wolves chasing you, is a pretty fair expression of being chased down by that part of you that needs to be heard.
Which is what disregulation is, a part of your mind begging to be heard, begging to be healed, that you choose to ignore.
I have found that by simply understanding that those are pieces and parts of me that are in the past, I can let go of those feelings because the present needs my attention and my future is waiting for me.
Being an artist has allowed me to create the life I want, because as a creator and maker of things, creating a beautiful and loving world is preferable than living in a depressing and hurtful world created by others.
I had an average childhood in my eyes. I am 23 now and I have completely lost control of my life and I have realised it was very troubled. I have crippling anxiety and all my biggest fears have come true in a time span of 1 year. Intense Limerence, horrible nightmares, crippling anxiety, waiting for someone, anyone to save me and the worst of all, the fear that I will never be able to financially look after myself. These videos are a slap to my face. Its like you are putting a mirror up to my face and what i see is unbearable to accept. These videos have saved me. My limerence acts up when i have any sort of stress in my life, I become borderline obsessive. I also have an avoidant attachment. I feel pulled at the seams as so many opposing feelings brew inside me. I will beat this with knowledge and compassion. I cannot stay in this limbo anymore.
Regina- could be depression, undiagnosed ADHD. It would be worth speaking to your doctor and seeking a thorough assessment
@@melliecrann-gaoth4789 i have suspected that I may have these things too. I come from a country where these diagnoses are frowned upon and medication will not be an option. I am also not in a position where I can go see a doctor in secret.
The fact you are realizing these things and deciding you want to change them at such a relatively young age...you're decades ahead. I think it's a great sign that you won't live your whole life feeling this way. I hope you find your way, friend💚
I’m so sorry you’re going through this!
This sounds all so familiar to me, the difference being you have such a good insight and understanding of what is going with you and you’re still so young!
I’m 53 years old and starting this journey of finding out all this, it’s all starting to make sense to why I’ve had the struggles I’ve had and thank god for people like Anna because she really does make sense of all the chaos and stress we had growing up, it really helps me to see there is a way forward with her teachings, she truly is an earth angel.❤
Proof that the internet is actually useful and good, eh? Healing is hard but totally worthwhile. Hang in there- you’ll see by how much easier things become once you become more grounded and regulated. So many people altogether refuse to “do the work.”
I’m glad you’re here.
Oh Anna, not driving while dysregulated is essential! During a difficult time in my life, I parked my car, went into a restaurant for a long meal with a family member, then got back to the car and realized I'd left my keys in the ignition AND my car running the entire time (~2 hrs). I could not believe it. I actually did that twice.
This is a clear illustration of how threatening of safety dysregulation can really be!
I absentmindedly locked my keys inside my apartment while taking the dog out before work, and had to break into my own window lol
Been there! ... SCARY!!
I used to stub my big toe and get ingrown toenails. Then, in college I would put my house keys in my locker and later go home without them. (I switched my major, never happened again.)
When I was learning to drive, I actually refused to turn on the car engine if I started feeling emotional. My parents stopped trying to teach me. LOL. I find I need to have music going to help sooth me as I drive. If the vehicle is quiet then I begin to ruminate which is NOT good.
That constant "pushing" is the story of my life .... 💜
Yes! Sort of this harsh inner voice or tone or sense of urgency that talks in all caps YOU NEED TO DO THIS! Vs You need to do this. Maybe because I have ADHD? Not fun, very serious. 😫
Throughout the day I am reminded to the lyrics of the "Nirvana" song: take your time, hurry up, the choice is yours, don't be late. I told my dad is like being chased by a tiger out of a jungle, but that feeling of being chased lasts for years! Day and night. Much sympathy to those who are recovering, wishing you all the best!
I am a recovering alcoholic, been sober 26 years. My sponsor once asked me if I had ever gone the speed limit. I had to say "never!" because I hadn't. Started going the speed limit consciously. Drove me crazy for a time but I learned that most people are out there going the speed limit! I didn't know those people existed coz I thought everyone was like me! Lolol. Now I go the speed limit, I can be counted on to be where I say I'm going to be on time and I absolutely hate rushing and will not do it. Haste makes waste as they say. And I no longer procrastinate because I have plenty of time to do what I need to do. I prioritize now. Just wanted to share this as I am a CPTSD survivor and found the method my sponsor gave me as a way to SLOW TF DOWN....,try it, you'll like it! Thank you CC Fairy for discussing this!
Í didn't do it consciously, but I also slowed over time the more I got away from other people. I still got places and it wasn't the end of the world.
I am 29 and have only just begun this journey. I have watched 3 of your videos today because I searched therapy options and advice. Your channel may just have saved my soul from the torture I put it through. I can't express into words how just these few videos have made me feel in this short time. Thank you for sharing this with the world.
🌷
@farfaraway97 I will do that, thank you so much. Healing is very scary but it is time. :)
Wow, I'm so glad the channel has been helpful :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I was number 44 like…that’s Angel Numbers…a good wish for you. 🥰
Bless you. 💙🦢💙
feel lucky that you found this relatively early in your life. Learning about CPTSD and your triggers will change your life (for the better!)
Oh my God…
What you said about ADD symptoms actually being symptoms of CPTSD…I got surprised.
People have constantly said that I have ADD but the diagnosis never felt right to me. I can focus on what I need to get done but when I’m disregulated I’m unable to focus
Don't forget, you could have both!
@EffableLemming Yes. Its worth exploring, beneficial to know either way.
I was diagnosed with ADD by an overzealous child psychiatrist (let’s call him Dr. Brown) when I was 11 and got slapped with an Adderal prescription. Brown decided to “investigate” me after diagnosing my brother with ADHD. To this day I’m convinced we were his guinea pigs.
It was a horrible experience. I was a zombie. I had these terrible nightmares and completely withdrew. I didn’t play. I didn’t write stories anymore. I didn’t interact with anyone. I just sat in my chair and stared at the wall.
My teacher (who didn’t think I had ADD) pulled Mom aside and said “She’s miserable. This isn’t her at all. Please get a second opinion.”
Mom (who noticed my brother suffering) went back to Brown and said “My children are soulless husks. What is going on?!” The man’s response? “We need to up the dosage.”
Mom knew this guy was full of it and threw out the Adderall. She also found another child psychiatrist to take a look at us. When doing the intake interview, the psychiatrist looked at Mom and asked if we had seen Dr. Brown. Mom asked how he knew. He said in a sad voice “You’re not the first parent to bring me their children after seeing that quack.” He had even reported Brown to the state board because of the flood of parents reporting the exact same thing.
After several sessions, the new psychiatrist told our parents that my brother and I fit the criteria for Asperger’s Syndrome (now part of the autism spectrum). I didn’t get my CPTSD diagnosis until a few years ago.
So…I don’t think I have it because of those experiences.
If you grew up in a narcissistic family, hurrying is constant and in many scams manipulators use hurrying and fear so you don't have time to think. Being hurried by others is a big flag for me. Once I saved myself of being rip off at an ATM because I held my attention and didn't diverted to the guys who were making a parody of drama so I would drew my attention off the screen.
Besides that, hurrying yourself is desregulating.
Thank you for helping me understand how my childhood affects so much of my adulthood. And thank you for letting me know I’m not alone.
Glad you are here!
Nika@TeamFairy
You’re so not alone. We’re a tribe that doesn’t reside in 1 village
learning to slow down is both the biggest relief, but is the hardest challenge in complex social situations.
Thank you for including the science of disregulated brain wave action with the reality of triggers in CPSD. My freshman year of college ,1985, they gave us a multiple choice test (on paper) to score our stress levels. Some of the questions i remember, Mark the number of times you have moved in the past 12 months. How many jobs have you held in the past 2 years, Has your family experienced divorce or death of a close family member in the past year? Etc. etc At the end of the seminar, the presentors pulled me aside and showed me my score, then asked," How are you still walking and talking?" I had to ask for an explanation. They said my score indicated nervous breakdown levels of stress. Of course, I declared, I was fine, i had worked 2 jobs since age 14. They didn't offer any resources and insights. I just remember feeling so determined to prove that i was perfectly fine. Now, 40 years later. I am like why? Who does that? Why was i taking 21 semester hours juggling 2-3 jobs, every second of my day was scheduled on a poster. What a waste of my time and quality of life.
My opinion on hurrying and disregulation, bottom line is a compensation for the assumptions we make about our baseline identity, mirrored to us as kids. If we don't think we're enough, we try to gain love and acceptance by accomplishing - more and more.
Also people pleasing and guilt.. signing up for volunteer stuff, and signing up to be on the board, because you have to feel important and you can't say no. So you are always overbooking yourself and then having to rush rush rush. This was modeled to me by my mom, who also has cptsd.
Hurrying is a major trigger for me; I was of course a traumatized child. Mom was the time pusher, and one of her favorite words, which I came to see was a trigger, was “accomplish.” It was one of her value-imparting words. If I didn’t “accomplish” the stuff she thought I should, I didn’t have value.
@@susangrande8142 so wrong, so sorry :(
Yup, I have 4. 0 in college, last semester my grades were all above 95%. It isn't good enough because it isn't a bachelors degree or a masters like my mother and grandmother. And even if I get them, I didn't get them in 3-5 years after high school, so does it even count anymore? All in all I'm considered a failure even if I succeed.
I could never understand why I feel like a hamster on a hamster wheel... always on the run. Thank you for sharing this!!❤
This was mind-blowing. I have been in therapy for years for my CPTSD but never connected my driving to dysregulation. I always say that I shouldn't have driven as a teen. Of course, I was living with my abuser. Sometimes, I will still feel "spaced out" and I'll blame it on anxiety. I once had to hang up the phone just to pump gas. I was talking to my mom. My abuser. I have been no contact with her since May and finally feel freedom. I have noticed energy and mental space for friends. I never realized how much she still affected me. Thank you.
you know what helped me?
in short. my mother died 12 years ago. I soon kicked my brother out of my life. to understand my mother and brother I started to study Narcissism, 12 years ago. I could finely see how two-faced they really are. I come to see that they really could not feel for anyone, and that they can not feel or see themselves.
soon I had come to feel the sad I had for them that they could not feel the good I had for them. I see now, how sad it is to live a life like my mother and brother did/have. for the last 40 years my brother has lived in a tiny apartment alone with boxes of all his old stuff. no women will stay with him. the Law won't let him drive, he has no wife, no girl friend, no kids, no grandchildren, his brother (me) still want's him to stay away. and now I have been told he is sick.
when my son or daughter and granddaughters leave to go to their apartments I get hugs and "I Love You". when my granddaughter come here they run as hard as they can and jump on me and start jabbering to me.... yes, yes I can see now, it is sad that Narcissism can not see.
GOOD LUCK! I hope you come to have a very wonderful life!!!!!!!!!
@@sideswiped6874
That’s when I noticed the difference too…when I at last had my own family…which I wasn’t going to bcs of my childhood.
I’m very glad my Hub and could turn our past around for our own family…omg what a difference in my life since I met my Hub and brought our family.
I’ve always been the one who tried to keep my family I was raised with together…with Step Parents aswell …who I got n better with than my rageful parents …but even I’ve given up now…since a medical error injury and no they couldn’t even be there for me while I was put through 7 operations…guess that told me all I need to know…oh but as soon as they need help from me…that’s a different story isn’t it. 🤷♀️😵💫😅
this makes so much sense! i was a delivery driver for Amazon for 4 years. it was the most deregulating job i've ever had. no matter how fast i would finish a route, i was always expected to finish faster the next day. i still do deliveries, but it's just food, so it's way more chill
I absolutely cannot stand these kinds of unreasonable and unrealistic “goals” that companies have on employees. It’s SO toxic and bad for our mental health, yet they blame your reactions to the toxic on other “thing in your personal life” 😡
I have always refused to use Amazon since they arrived…far too Greedy therefore don’t treat their workers well. I also watched an undercover Documentary when they first arrived here…of how they treat their workers…
I vowed never to use them…think he’s trying to get the Monopoly on it all though …offering cheaper now, then it’ll be dearer if he does.
My Hub works for British Royal Mail who are much more respectful tbh…and regular …I don’t like strangers knocking and then running away, my door all the time…our Son orders from anywhere…they don’t care do they. Different now. 🤷♀️ they’ll regret that no doubt. 🤷♀️😅
Bless you glad you have better job now. 💙🦢💙
Impatience is the result of fearfulness & causes anxiety so whenever I catch myself hurrying, I stop myself deliberately & start over again
Oh, wow. Yes, I've known for decades that hurrying makes me "nuts." Now I know why. Thank you
Going slowly is such a precious gift. Gentleness. Natural pace. Comforting indeed. It's really challenging in some work environments when there's no real structure, constant daily chaos & a boss that pushes "hurriness" every single day because that's how he feels he's getting the most out of his employees.
it's a horoball thing to come to the understanding that the family you were born into are the worst people in your life. but if you hold on and get thew it. you will come to see that you are stronger than them.
^thankyou!
I surprised a lot of people when I started working as a carer for elderly people. Some were shocked that with my education I would take such a low paying and "low level" job. But I loved it. The slow, gentle pace, the soft voice, the tenderness all spoke to my essential nature. Slowing things down gave me the freedom to be creative and joyful in my day to day worklife. Not to mention how good it felt to have my efforts appreciated. And I got to meet some really interesting people I would ordinarily never have come in contact with. I learned a lot during this time, especially about myself.
How beautiful. It sounds like you were touching on your Gift.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy oh yes. I know that, just sucks that no one except the old people themselves what exactly I was doing for them. I suppose I've never gotten used to being treated like an untrained, domestic worker (who often got paid less than the cleaning lady!) But I have in my heart the things that were said to me by those whose final time was made into something warm and wonderful by my unique way. I'm now retired on a pauper's pension usually given to wives of indigent men (not in the US) and ridiculed by my former collegues who are living it up with their wealthy lifestyle. They all look down on me and some pity me. But you know what? I am content with my life. I have nice home and a small pool( that I built myself), my pets and all the time in the world to do whatever I like. My needs are few and absolutely fulfilled. I have peace and freedom and safety . Still it isn't pleasant when I encounter these self satisfied, self aggrandizing people who don't have the least bit of understanding for my values.
@@katellaMoney really isn't that important as long as you can afford the things you need without stress. People's opinions mean even less. Doing something you love to do every day is a blessing, and I'm sure your patients feel the same way. ❤
I learned from Covid 2020 to take my time in whatever I do, dishes, chores, cooking etc…
I no longer rush and hurry and noticed I’m calmer and things still get done. I remember I used to drive in a hurry, road rage and following too closely was my norm. Thanks Anna for your wisdom ❤
You're doing a great job! Thank you for sharing this with us!
Nika@TeamFairy
I never noticed this, but the minute you said it, I was like "Of course!" and my mother loves to see me hurried and flustered, that I had noticed. She gets a nasty little smirk on her face.
Agreed, when I feel rushed or hurried I begin to feel overwhelmed.
I recently realized a sign I am dysregulated is feeling like I don't know what is real*.
I started setting timers for work. The time I need to leave, 5 minutes before leaving and 15 minutes before leaving. I also give 10 minutes more time than I think I need to get there. I am going to start doing this for anything ex. Before bed, before going out to soccer/yoga or for appointments. It makes me recognize how much time I actually have.
Amazingly true...
I started calling it "Time Stress".
It would hit the red zone and the dysregulation would suddenly set in and take over everything.
I began to despise the ending of daylight each day. That damned darkness !!
Not eating, or drinking water or doing any other jobs.
Only increasing chaos in that never ending drive to push myself well beyond any normal persons suffering in doing work.
Difficult, dirty, hard jobs to create a better reality for myself and others.
Thinking things would get better if i just keep making sacrifices and suffering.
Really its all for someone else and i don't even know who.
There was a time, or times, where my suffering, was said to be saving others.
I do wonder about that but don't want to dwell on it or start wallowing.
Only to understand it and move beyond it, to enter a new phase.
This channel helps me a lot because there is not one person to talk with about any of it.
Just listening is all i need to do. ☺️☺️☺️🙋
While hurrying leads me to overwhelm, I find the real trigger for me is when others try to hurry me. I think that's why I do well as a project manager because it drives me crazy to have people who don't plan ahead suddenly put the burden on me for their lack of foresight. I used to take on the resulting problems, but I have gotten better at that over the years.
"People who don't plan ahead suddenly put the burden on me for their lack of foresight" me, growing up 🙃 even now. Now I'm left to deal with the burden of educational neglect, no GED exams from this clown of a country I live in, how to even go to college/uni, how to find the funds for that, bc of my "parents" 🙄 my default emotion for everyday ever since I've began to work on this is just rage.
@@VentiWhoreshipperí was able to get a HS diploma, however I wasn't taught about having a bank account, wasn't allowed to have a job so I could save for college, then at 17 was left without any financial assistance and survived off of student loans. No idea how to do a resume or an interview, it was a nightmare.
Again and again I've been feeling fine, moving along with ease then wham, (procrastinated) I'm pressed to hurry and became so dysregulated. It compounds knowing I'll be ridiculed for being late again. The "dysregulation Murphy's Law" thing often kicks in providing me with an excuse for being late-like an injury sustained while hurrying. I might arrive without essential items. I've missed flights, weddings, important valued events or highly anticipated fun activities. I dread disappointing others and am so hard on myself. I thought it was some subversive subconscious self sabotage.
This video is spot on valuable. I appreciate your work Anna and will investigate the course(s).
Magnesium helped me for the past 4 yrs. Many people r deficient. It reduces stress, keeps us calm during the day and gives energy which leads us to doing more and being more tired at night and sleeping better. And uninterrupted. Its involved in many processes in our bodies ❤
It finally makes sense, and that alone helps knowing why!
I am 66 now but I spent most of my life rushing and hurrying. I also had trouble with self-regulation. I have been dedicated to my healing from CPTSD and for the last 5 years, I have slowed down and learned to better self-regulate. I get plenty of rest and exercise now and eat healthy but mostly, I try to take each day at a slow & easy pace with built-in breaks and plenty of time to get to where I am going. I try to return to my breath throughout the day. This is great advice. Hurrying was an expression of the internal trauma. I wish I had known this as a young woman. But now I am older and wiser and slower. And happier.
Omg yes!
I can even get triggered if I remember when I've been rushed by others.
Noise & camotion in the morning is a MAJOR trigger also.
You're an amazing fairy 🧚♀️ ✨️ 💖
I so need this! I always say HURRYING IS NOT MY FRIEND, but I didn't understand why.
Yes. I watched Bob Ross to help soothe my anxiety. ❤
Used to be I would ignore projects until they were due. I felt the deadline pressure as a buildup to a frenzy of creativity. I loved that. Now I experience everything as chaos, and that's my worst trigger.
One tool I have used for this is to create the urgency in advance. Then I can take action but still have time before the deadline so I can back off if I need to.
That honestly hit like a brick. I do this sooooo much and always wondered why. Because I KNOW how many mistakes I make when I am hurring like this. When I got my drivers licence I had to pick up extra hours because my OCD told me "You are gonna hurt somebody bad with that car", so I was anxious all the time and kinda hurrying to get out of certain trafic situations. My driving instructor literally made a wordplay on my name and jokingly called me something along the lines of "Miss Rush", because I was just so nervous all the time. And then a month ago i literally sprained my ancle, while rushing down some stairs to join a friend for a walk with his dog. Like he wouldnt have whaited for me to take two extra seconds to grab my jacket and mindfully go down the stairs? This makes so much sence now. I really need to work on this. Thank you!
Chronic illness has made me face everything and i'm now on a journey to become re-regulated, or more accurately, become regulated for the first time in my life. Its alot of work but im ready, I also can't wait to get your book.
You got this! -Calista@TeamFairy
Best to you in your healing. Know this all too well. Giving ourselves space to think, act, or feel make a big difference in quality of life.
This is why being rushed at work is such a beat down.
So so true!!
Everyone around me _knows_ not to hurry me.
I'm so grateful for that grace ...
Very true. Hurry and chaos
Always wondered about my handwriting, now i see, this is attached to Cptsd. Thank you dear Anna, our fairy.🙏
My handwriting has always been horrible. No one can read it. I even have trouble when I go over something I've written a while back. I'm always rushing when I write, thoughts moving faster than my hand can keep up even with all the abbreviations I use when writing for my eyes only.
I agree. I had beautiful handwriting, even learnt how to do calligraphy, but my handwriting changes when I am disregulated. I remember my Daughter asking me years ago why my handwriting had become so awful, as she had always said before how lovely it was. I now understand why it happened, it all makes sense now. 😮
New career nurse. Ignored, interrupted, not listened to, offered help when I've completed the task, deprived of learning opportunities, yet noticed ++ if I don't leave EARLY because I'm helping someone!!!
Every button being pushed.
Knowing it's emotional dysregulation is so helpful.
Nursing and policing are definitely two professions that narcs gravitate to and coworker abuse is common. Learn how to breath. Put your mind on something that helps you be calm-and listen to some of these YT Psychologists that discuss the behaviors and how to wisely address them. Save your mind space and emotion space for the good stuff like helping patients feel well. Document How* you are being addressed by boss/co-workers and include time/date stamps and circumstances. I used a voice activated recorder in my pocket for my own personal note taking* (not legally admissable in most states), but as a way to verify verbatim what was said for note accuracy is fine.
**hint**mention this little device and how/why you are using it to the gossip who plays both sides😂! Win/win. Suddenly ppl need to speak more professionally to you! It's a miracle!🎉
Í was abused by some nurses as a CNA, just try to navigate around them and get buddy buddy with the Charge nurse and 1 regular ahift nurse. It'll help you to cover your butt if something goes down, and someone decides to throw you under the bus. Also, always document everything.
OMG creating issues when dis-regulated that is ME. And you are right it created MORE disregulation and disdain for myself
Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you so much, I now know what's been wrong with me most of my life, you have given me the tools to put it right - after 70 years, what a release!
Meg, your comment is how I feel, it is really a release as you said. I also liked the comment about letting the wolves catch up and nothing happens, that was also very freeing. Good wishes for the future.
Omg cats! Cats are one of those chill, mindful beings that I vibe off of to slow down. I'll just stop amd look out the window with mine, or just watch her doin' her thing. Of course it's different when they're playing, but that's also intensely therapeutic.
I love that! Knew there was a good reason why I loved cats!! 😮❤
I grew up alone and I have fear of being late. I get everywhere an hour early. No matter how many times I tell myself I’m not going to leave early I always do it.
All *exactly* as is happening, or WAS happening. Until *l* took careful, caring for me, charge. Opting out of everything, except BEING HERE. End of.. intense stress. I've thought of so many good useful things to do quietly, during all of my opting out time.
Me too, I went back to my Crafting that I didn’t ever have time for when a child…I was working from aged 11 to help my Mum, until an injury I had to slow down lol and now my family are amazed at what I can make for them …the first thing I ever made was a Comfort Dolly when I was 13…still with me and I’ve finally had time to give Christabel a makeover and make some more outfits …bcs now I have to sit still…as I never could that much all the years 😅 lol
Bless you. 💙🦢💙
Lol, watching this at 1.25 speed thinking, yes, this is me. You always explain all this so clearly, it's helped me so much. Thank you.
I'm so glad the video was helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy
Ha ha! I almost sped up the video and then recognized the irony. Of course, here I am commenting during the video... Sigh...
I always watch videos at 2x speed for these exact reasons!
i just want to put it out there: the struggle gets easier. if you genuinely put in the work, practice mindfulness even in triggering situations: "oh, i don't like that i said that. i'm going to make a note to never say that again and apologize, even if the other person brushed it off", "oh, i'm feeling overwhelmed, i better communicate that so the other party can work with this situation"
if you put in the effort, it will pay off. i've been doing this for over a few years now and i feel like i've come far. i've learned that there will always be something that tests you and pushes you towards the edge, but those moments are exactly what you've been training and preparing for. you have tools now, and you're not gonna fall over the edge. it's gonna be scary at first, you're gonna tremble through short, shallow breaths; you're going to have knee-jerk reactions that you regret a second later, you're going to have things completely out of your control, and you're going to have mistakes completely in your control.
but who doesn't go through these things? through varying intensity, that's just humanity. patience is one of the most valuable lessons i'm learning, and the gift of tucking the need to hurry back in my pocket for more appropriate situations is valuable- being able to slow down and make more meaningful decisions. mindfulness is being aware of the present and what you do with it. i've looked death in the face many times in my life and i've had various thoughts after each encounter, but for some odd reason, i've never truly had the will to keep looking. the hope that things can be better kept pulling my gaze away, even with how far away it often felt.
chances are, you *do* have a tomorrow. i used to live by the old saying "live each day like it's your last", and i used to abuse that concept with stupid decisions that resulted in some pretty big consequences. i used to never plan for the future because i never thought i would have one, looking through my minority lens. but, well, the days *have* kept ticking by and there *is* a lot i can do. reframing and reshaping my thoughts have been the biggest reason i've made so much progress.
you have time. spend some time with yourself. you're worth it, no matter the heap of reasons why you think you aren't. change, like everything, takes time- and you can do it, and things will get better.
haha, this turned into a little vent, hopefully it's not to garbled.
Well said wisdom. Good for you! Thank you!
Very wise advice Thankyou, bless you. 💙🦢💙
One of my trauma symptoms was thinking I wouldn't have a future. Even now I can't try to plan 5 years ahead because I really don't know.
I have noticed that hurrying gets me dysregulated! Somebody talking about this phenomenon really makes me feel seen
Glad you are here!
Nika@TeamFairy
Being accused of something i didnt do, especially when that something is horrible, is my biggest trigger..
But this is us there in my top 10. Thank you.
Rushing and being overwhelmed are absolutely triggers for me! 😮 I didn't realize the connection until this video. I get disregulated big time. Thank You once again CCF 😊 ❤️
I'm so glad the video was helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy
12:20 I am a lot like you then. Order, organization, pacing, calm, yet ordered. Peaceable. It's a light and fluffy way to be a beast, and still relax while being one. 😁💯💥
Hurrying is a way of making ourselves feel like we matter.
Wow that's powerful so true.
😢 So true!
Hurrying/running late, yep! It’s a huge trigger for me.
No person is ever fully healed: it just gets rerouted
That's how it works.
BIG, HUGE YES!!! My mother used to bully-hurry my dad, and me, all the freakin time.
Same with me. Helps to know you aren't alone with this feeling.
My Mum and Stepdad did the same to me…and I worked with the two of them when they were my Managers …I might have been a cpl. Minutes late at times…bcs I also had small children to organise, as I didn’t drive either, like my Dad did for them …I walked or rode a bicycle but I did twice the work of anybody else, once I was there and even stay over unpaid to compensate…h that was never mentioned though.
Acid Annie was my Mum’s nickname…they were both Managers I wasn’t at that time…Mum is so much better now she’s 78 and Dad is now at 74 …bcs they’re not distressed now they don’t have to run about like headless chickens …wasn’t really their fault either that’s the thing…too much pressure on every worker these days. 😵💫🤷♀️❤️
I hate it when I have to do something at work and am rushed to do it or have someone watch me. It creates so much anxiety in me that I inevitably make mistakes and then prove to them that I am incompetent. It also makes sense that I am so impatient in general.
Yep, hurrying. It’s funny, just yesterday I realized my normal state is hurrying. And how it deeply impacts my thoughts, emotions and reactivity.
I think the issue of being late and having issues with time deserves a separate video. I am compulsively on time because I had a 'parent' who would leave me in public alone waiting for more than an hour. I know you had your mother leave you in a casino all day. Many people use lateness as a way of having power over others or to express hostility towards them. I have ended friendships with people for lateness. It's disrespectful. So, yes hurrying is upsetting but it is also completely preventable by changing behavior.
For me, On time is late and early is on time. I plan well ahead, even to check parking.
Lateness is an unforgivable sin to me. After the first time, there is no second time.
@@monongahelacatswhy so rigid with interpersonal relationships? Soon there might be no one left for you.
I realized I was doing this for so MANY years. One day I asked myself, "why are you in a hurry?!?" Asking myself that helps regulate. Treating myself with grace is important.
Thanks for sharing :) -Calista@TeamFairy
OMG just yesterday I was stressed and hurrying. I said to myself, just take a breath, take it slow. It will take the same amount of time, with the same outcome. Just slow down a little. Thank you.
I am ALWAYS hurrying and it is a HUGE trigger. My narc father will create events where there will be no option but to hurry. He never passes up an opportunity to hurt me. They are truly human beings that are impossible to love.
Hang in there!
Nika@TeamFairy
I have it from being married to a narcissist. I become deregulated easily and I despise rushing. I just won't do it anymore.
I do several things at once instead of hurrying, but for the same reason. Learning while watching a movie, showering plus music, cycling plus music, reading plus movie in background.
Oh yes!! Very good point!! I find I can't just sit and watch a movie, I must do something with my hands, like sewing, or knitting, even playing a online game! 😮 I have learned more about myself through this, than I have in the last 35 years!!! My eyes have been opened!!
This is such a helpful distinction between having the feelings in the space, and hurrying to avoid...
I hate being rushed. And I also see now how I rush myself. Fascinating video!
I also absolutely love having a free day where I'm not paying attention to time and can wander and make choices at my own pace. One example, that may seem funny but its so soothing... I've gone to Disneyland alone and I have no agenda. That's really a place where people are rushed! Rushed to see everything, to do everything, to get the faster wait time... Im fortunate to have the money and have been enough where I can go on my own and literally do one ride, have some lunch, wander, observe people, enjoy the atmosphere ... it's sooo soothing! I love doing this while traveling, in general. But doing it in a place where most people are cramming in as much as possible, really feels freeing, empowering and (now, I realize) regulating! 😮❤
The fear of being late is a very overt trigger for me. I try to avoid hurrying by starting very early to get ready, but if someone else is about to make me late I panic.
This is absolutely true for me.
You're in the right place :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I was diagnosed ADHD at age 51. It was a relief and explained a lot. However since learning about CPTSD, I'm thinking it's at least partly that if not entirely. As my healing progresses, I can see changes. I still isolate but am not hurrying out of it.
Hey, same here! I was diagnosed at 33, and there is a strong genetic component involved (my brother has Asperger's). Also, the meds help me a lot - and before the diagnosis I'd been treated for anxiety and depression with a variety of antidepressants. The ones that worked best were bupropion and venlafaxine, but only MPD and Adderall have really made a difference. I sleep better, I can regulate my emotions better, I am calmer overall. I've been able to meditate for the first time in my life when I started taking stimulators, haha.
However, my childhood was not-so-cheerful, and I relate to almost everything the Fairy says about cPTSD. So... What if we have both? CPTSD and ADHD? Comorbidities are much more common with mental issues than sole troubles, you know
Wow very profound! Hadn't realized, but Hurrying is a huge source of disregulation for me. No wonder why, my assigned narcissistic adopted monster lives for the rush. I can see her face scowling at me right now because I'm not acting quickly enough...
I hurry up always especially in conversation.
Especially if they're taking 10 years to get to the point or telling me something they've told me five times already 😂
Sometimes it's because you don't think they really want to listen so you "hurry up" to finish
I need someone to talk to about this mess! This popped up on my phone it can't be a accident!!! My mom is the WORSE she always plays the victim. But she starts it!!
You're in the right place! -Calista@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thanks
Oooo, yes! I've messed up on jobs when the client or another hired hand is in a rush. I do better with taking a breath and staying calm while they flail. I also do better with not rushing myself, even if I'm running late; I move as quickly as my brain can keep track of and no faster.
OMG This video was totally a big mind opener for me! My childhood and even my teenager years were full of abuse (physical and emotional) from our father, but now I understand a lot of things about my behavior and life. You really are a Fairy! Thank you so much for this video. I am totally buying your book! Many thanks from someone from Guadalajara, México! God bless you! ❤
Thank you for watching and taking the time to comment! We hope you will enjoy the book!
Nika@TeamFairy
Sounds like dissociation when you are deregulated. Like you’re splitting off from yourself. Thankyou for sharing these stories and making these videos. It is helping people.
Another oddly specific trigger: Birthdays.
@@Rob_132 same. I hate holidays. Xmas is the worst for me. I think the only holiday I can look forward to is Easter and Halloween because no one in my circle really celebrates those much. Plus those holidays reward candy for effort and I don't owe anyone for it. So that's nice. I hate gifts.
Yeah, no one knows what day my bday is, except my partner, no one will ever use it against me again lol🤗
@@mothdust1634me too! Hate gifts and don’t even want a funeral. No no no
Oh GOD yes. One year my parents were super angry at me. On my actual birthday my mom became much nicer, but only for that one day. Then she went back to giving me the silent treatment. It was so bizarre. My mom feels obligated to do certain things, like celebrate my birthday, because she cares about looking like a good mother, not actually being one. So she carries out the obligation while being wicked about it. Absolutely insane. Downright creepy. Stepford-like.
@@Rob_132For me it’s every day 😂
I thought constantly panicking and being late to everything was normal. My mom was late to everything, and she told us “Being early to things is a waste of time.” This is how I was raised and what I believed too. I got into fights with every friend over my lack of concern for their time, but I thought they were being uptight. When my sister moved into my building I got to experience this firsthand all of the time. Late to everything and unconcerned when someone else is inconvenienced. So rude. Now I prepare for everything hours beforehand, days beforehand. And I’m 20-30 minutes early to everything. And I am shocked to realize that instead of feeling like my time is being wasted, I actually feel so much calmer and better about life. Some hurrying can’t be helped, but I have now realized that I can avoid a lot of the constant panic I used to feel.
❤ Thank you dear Anna. You are such a beautiful guide through this healing. Mr. Rogers and Bob Ross are my favorites. Much love to you and your service! 🤟
Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy
😮 actually so true!!! I hate haste, too much fuss and when people telll me to hurry up. I avoid any work environment where rush is a normal thing of course. when I hurry I tend to forget things, lose them or make stupid mistakes.
OMG, no wonder I have been so diregulated! I was a server, waitress and bartender for 27 years! In my last job at Ford, I had a time crunch of 42 seconds per job: 550-600 jobs a shift. I quit a great job because I couldn't keep up anymore. But thank you Anna for this video. I am gaining so much understanding of myself and my past life experience from your videos.x❤❤
I'm so glad the video was helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy
Amazing to be honest nothing gets me more g'dup than ppl rushing me! Thankyou❤
In 1966 at Naval Aviation Officer Candidate School at Pensacola, FL, hurrying the cadets for 16 hours a day was a feature of the program. I was dysregulated and overwhelmed for 11 weeks straight. But I made it through.
Were you a pilot in Vietnam once out of school?
@@Julie-ti5yv I transferred to the Seabees and did two tours in Vietnam.