There are lots of us in the same boat 😊 The people who trouble us aren't faring any better, they have their own demons... Who'd want to be a narcissist for example? God's the only one who never let me down. We're in safe hands in the end ❤
@@marliegay4888 Yes, me either. Started when I was a small child and continued.up into adulthood. Some people just get singled out for whatever reason or no reason at all. And the thing is, I would do anything for anybody and still get s#it on.
Yes. I remarried a wonderful man , but it’s nearly impoask me to find a friend . I actually have lunch plans w my husbands cousin this week .. I haven’t actually made plans w someone in literally years. Female friendship is something I miss & hope I can find again one day.
@@Catherine2022 I am pretty antisocial and in my 60 year old pitiful existence on this planet have realised that being alone, in a remote location, is far more enjoyable than living amongst people that I not only find offensive but I fear for their safety. If only in my younger days I had purchased the bit of land I was offered in the mountains. A country with a small population, who you have little chance of bumping into in idyllic location, what more could anyone want?
Funny in ironic way that I was so disconnected that when people talked about feeling safe I would just have a puzzled look on my face. These days when I scrape up the courage to look into my own abyss even talking about feeling safe doesn't feel safe.
I can relate ! I was married for 30 years. Got two beautiful grown children they’re married with beautiful grandkids. I’m 64 and I love just coming home after work and going out to my barn. I fixed up into a craft shop and that’s my time just for me just to tinker around and I just love it. I put on some good music and put some coffee on and I’m in heaven, I don’t have to make sure my hair looks a certain way or my make up is perfect. And I’m content I truly am content.
You're not the woman he abused anymore, unlike the narcissist, you are capable of growth. You've outgrown that old you, if it wasn't true, you'd still be under his spell. ❤
Lmao there is no reason to be around people today unless you want additional abuse you do not need anyone, You know what is good for you I am sure you are more happy without being manipulated by these alien people today
That is the most God Awful phrase I have ever heard, I actually left her a message to never ever use that phrase again. Ive never even heard it previously, it makes it sound like we are garbage ~ Bed Rotting?? ugh... awful
I know it's so negative and just one more thing to feel that I'm once again not good enough, cuz I spend my time "bed rotting". It makes me feel very judged by her
I’ve been isolating in my bed for three days. I’m still in bed as I watch your video. I find that as the years have gone by, the smaller my world has become. I went from working for a large corporation, being in a long term relationship, and having friends in my 20s and 30s to working mostly working alone in a tiny office of three people, single for 17 years now, a very small circle of friends, and being estranged from my entire family in my 40s and 50s. Life has just kicked me in the butt and I’m tired. I just prefer to be alone now. People exhaust me. The world exhausts me. I’m in my mid 50s now. I have my two ragdoll kittens and I’m perfectly content to isolate. My home is the only place I feel safe.
People exhaust me. I’m safe at home with my dog. CPTSD, depression, anxiety, social anxiety, introvert, hypervigilant, it’s also draining, I replenish my energy alone or with my dog.
@@thrashhippie , I agree 100% my dogs the only thing that I can be around that don't drain my energy anymore from being raised from a narcissist and all the trauma dogs are good medicine
@@sharonjohnston1151 I feel for you, I know what that’s like. Dogs are definitely good medicine! Therapy dogs are absolutely amazing too. Mine isn’t a therapy dog, he’s a goofy lump but he can read me like a book. I wish you well.
Same, I have my sweet little cat, music (compose, play), my instruments, good coffee, food, weed solitude, nice apartment, health and the freedom to do whatever/whenever/whoever the f--- I want with NO ONE to second guess me and bust my chops.
OMW...these functions are just exhausting for me too. Dreading having to go to the year end function because the company makes a weekend of it. Literally sleep over with noisy people etc😢
Even though I'm crying, I've never been more happy to find out I'm a sick person who is protecting myself in my whole life. In fact I found out today that I'm a bloody genius! I figured this out alone not knowing anything about these diagnoses. I'm in good hands!!!!! My own!!!!
Agree 100%. I am so glad I ran across this channel. It makes me feel like I’m not alone in the way I respond to over stimulation or 8 to 10 hour workday.
At age 72, I am isolated, living off the grid in the desert, a few ignorant neighbors, I have very few non toxic friends, debt free, and extremely happy with my two fur babies.
@@chloelarson8711 Goals? Out live my two cats, stay healthy, and continue to save money for my daughter and her family, and most of all.....leave this planet (in due time) with absolutely no negative baggage....and bypass the 4th dimension reincarnation trap !
Right...covid isolation was a real revelation to me that much of my problems/health issues were a result of the pressures of others...I am not going back to pre-covid...I am glad my mom taught me that being alone is great...never bored, too much to do even if I never saw another person.
Everybody is toxic these days taught by the nsa, Everybody is a suspect patriot act dystopia give me your personal info or I am not helping you because you might be a terrorist and for people to engage in that information collecting is cannibalism and so many do it, You just have to avoid people or be looked down on as a suspect
I spent 40 years with a narcissist. I raised 2 kids. The narcissist would use the kids in any way he could. I left 6 years ago. The best thing I ever did. The problem I have is isolate myself often and for long periods of time, yet at the same time I am extremely lonely. I cry often due to this loneliness. I always end up self sabotaging when I'm doing good. I make life much more difficult than it has to be. I'm getting old and I'm afraid I won't be able to work through this revolving nightmare before I die.. I want to be alright..I want to feel like I did before I met this nightmare of a narcissist. I used to be happy I used to have friends. Little by little I've lost everyone.
Little by little you will find new friends too. I get it. Friendships are different at different times. I remember making friends as a kid was so easy. “Want to play?” was all it took. Now? Omg… that do you want to play question is the last one asked. And sometimes the answer is no, I just want to go back to bed , read a book, watch a video, etc. But I still want friends too! So finding those friends that get it… having boundaries AND friends is totally doable, a little bit at a time. 💜
Pause Pray Peace... Focus on U..nothin about others..remove the rafter in our own eye before we can help others remove their straw..Jesus commanded love! Remain calm and know our strength comes from Ancient of days!
I have a lovely friend who taught me a great technique when it comes to having a duvet day, or a day of doing nothing in particular. If you give yourself the permission, rather than feeling a sense of guilt, you can really enjoy it, mindfully.
Please Thank your friend for me. Guilt can ruin or even disrupt a "duvet day" Thank You for giving my '' stay in bed all day with my cat n laptop screening calls and no social media day'' a catchier name
I've been self isolating as much as possible my entire life. Especially now that I've escaped a home of narcissistic abuse. I have C-PTSD and I spend almost every second I'm not working, at home, under a blanket, cuddling my dog, watching UA-cam. I haven't lived a lot of life. Most of the time in my life has been spent isolating, escaping into videogames and other forms of digital entertainment. Movies before UA-cam existed. Life outside of this is terrifying. Without the ability to numb I'm just constantly experiencing excruciating emotional pain and anxiety.
Age 82, and a committed introvert. Much advice on aging is to engage with community. I recently spent 3 days at the beach with an introverted 65 year old and her 75 yo extroverted husband. This couple has worked out things to honor each others needs. It was refreshing to be with functional adults who give each other time/space. Part of the equation for me, is to be very clear about how much stimulation I need. Too much=overload Too little= boredom
I had gotten out of a rly bad situation and was finally living in a safe quiet place. I was in survival mode for so long that when I could finally relax, I isolated for abt 4-5 months. I kept thinking I need to get out of this funk, but then realized, I needed to just let it be. That my body and mind was trying to reset. And now a year later I feel abt 85% back to normal. We need to let ourselves heal. ❤ i journaled A LOT. It helped. It was def a process. But it saved me.
The body, mind, spirit/soul know what they need. I tend to do this to recover from high stimulation experiences- I actually didn't know this until my family pointed it out- it could be me disengaging and isolating for a while from the family gathering to get some quiet space and recharge- I tend to feel overwhelmed and need a few minutes alone..
@@Phoenixdawn111 yes! I’m like this normally. I’m an empath so I get drained really quickly. So when I went through this bad time it was times 10. But I learned so much about what I could take and what I needed to do to take care of myself and you’re right my mind and body was telling me just to relax to take care of me and it was OK. Plus my Counselor kept telling me that too lol she’s like just think about everything that you’ve gone through and now you need to take that time to get back what you lost and heal. You have to give yourself some slack we are always so hard on ourselves thinking that we need to be doing this or that when we really just need to be taking care of ourselves and not everybody else. 💜
I love being alone and don't need anyone to perceive me. If I am socializing at all it's because I've had to force myself to do so and I mean with my grandmother who's not doing well, but socializing with peers, forget about it. Being alone means I don't have to think, make small talk, make eye contact, look engaged, etc, I can just be.
Isolating myself was the best thing I have ever done. I am far healthier now. I am also far more self-reliant, resourceful, and independent, than any social person. I will never try to be social again.
Agree!!!❤❤❤❤I love my own life. I lived with a magnificent husband who treated me like his queen for 25 blessed years. Losing him to a mt. Climbing accident - the rug pulled out from under me - was the worst trauma of my life. He poured love into me. I’m an artist and writer. The grief drive my work to new heights. He’s still here, in my heart. A few devoted friends I adore are all I need. A few new ones are circling, trying to coax me out of my cocoon. I truly appreciate their efforts. They push me to go out, have fun. They’re very dear and generous. But it’s not easy. Mostly, I love being home with my work and my spiritual re-building. I just have so much fun being creative, and I’m Also a telephone psychic, so I get to be useful/helpful to people who call me for guidance. It’s how I give/get love mostly, talking to “strangers” who become clients and friends. bestpsychicforme.com I also Wrote a book called “the Ten Gifts Of Grief” by Hawthorne Wood (my pen name) on Amazon.
Eeyore didn't overshare. Gotsta keep it bottled up in social situations. I can't count how many times I've regretted getting into the my family's issues when I didn't even mean to, the topic just sort of went there.
Empaths need time alone. Unkind remarks are internalized and play over and over. Time alone lets you connect to your source and gives you comfort and safety.
Yes that’s me. I need isolation to cope. I used to find somewhere to hide away and draw for hours if I could when I was a kid to get away from my mother’s tension, shouting and attacks. It’s better than drinking.
It's a way to get out of the "war zone"...... unfortunately we tend to gravitate toward people who are not well, if we are not well. And then the war continues. So sometimes I need to "regroup" and "re-evaluate" my choices.
As someone diagnosed w CPTSD (which explained SO MUCH once I looked into it more), I DO isolate! I explain it like this; I treasure, value and PROTECT my peace and serenity at all costs. My past traumas had to do with trusting the wrong people, and bringing an unbelievable amount of drama and chaos into my life. My home is my sanctuary. I fear letting anyone in that may affect that.
I love this balanced take on isolation. I try to get myself out in the world more, but I always come back to recharging alone. I'm glad that I don't have to feel like I'm unhealthy, when I'm also mitigating already
This is exactly me. Anxious avoidant, always exhausted, based on multiple traumas since early childhood (I'm in my late 60's now). I've become a hypervigilant recluse, yet people at work say I'm always cheerful, engaged, helpful and kind. I feel most comfortable when alone in my home. I work nights these days, as a lone worker. I can't exercise these days due to injuries, but I still have hope for my future.
Dr. Sage I just recently found your videos and at 33 I am finding out how truly abused I was growing up, learning more about who I truly am. As an Army Vet thank you, thank you for helping me more than the VA has.
Thank you so much for your service and i am so sorry for all you've endured.🙏 one of my boys is about to join the AF....i am nervous but hopeful for him.💜appreciate you being here with me!
Thank you for your service. I hope you will find the resources to heal from the abuse you've suffered. Tim Fletcher and The Crappy Childhood Fairy are wonderful youtube channels to help people like us.
Thank you for not pathologizing those of us that have CPTSD. We have had enough of that. It can even be retraumatizing when people do that. Great video. Thanks ❤️
Yh cptsd at the time when being violated or raped is just another bad thing to happen suffering is just normal then it takes a fair amount of time and soul searching to step bk from your bad life and realise Ur more sensitive to life once you feel safe & look bk on old life & realisei doged many bullets now I just have to isolate and therapeutic my self to adjust to the pace of life x
As an only child, I've been doing this almost my whole life. I love socializing, but I need that time by myself to recharge. So it would make sense that when I'm under more stress, I isolate more. I do this intentionally because I just have nothing left to give anyone else. I'm also able to see that my own anxiety and depression also feed into this. Thank you for this content!
I was taking notes, rewinding so I could hear it again, and my goodness you nailed it. Explained so much about Why. I have felt like I have PTSD from several traumas during my life, and at 63 and in retirement, I can finally isolate like I want to and heal. Thank you for validating what I am doing and why I can self soothe and it seems to me that others are way too needy. I learned a long time ago how to become small and not need anything. I have lived my whole life like that.
Thank you. I fall into many of these “categories.” I’m not unhappy. I don’t ever stay in bed. I just stay alone and do my thing. I’m not lonely. I’m 54, twice divorced, and over it. I used to just hate people, now I just don’t bother. I’m not rotting-soounds like some insulting, self-debasing term.
It’s a widely used gen Z term, she didn’t make it up. It helps people to find her. It can be off putting at first until it becomes just another weird name.
So true. I am so fed up with people who only talk about themselves, most of the time their problems. Most of the time I only need to listen to their whining. Ugh!
I was married for 24 years, and went through a divorce about four and a half years ago. I've not only lost every one of my inlaws, including every nephew and niece, who I've know just about every one of them since they were born, I've had absolutely no support from any one in my own family since. I've found myself completely alone not even by choice.
I understand where you’re coming from Just lost my sister two months ago My husband goes to his church and doesn’t notice that this loss has totally sidetracked me… no contact with his family or mine.. what’s left of it Hang in there
Same and my kids and all my friends. I am now paralysed, bedridden and doubt I will see next year. Haven’t even met my 2nd grandchild only had a week and a half with my first 2 and a half years ago. I left my dv ex 20 years ago. He said he would win. It seems he is. My family don’t contact me. The hospital lied to my daughters and I was assaulted and a lot of malpractice for 21 days in acute care while so had 2 seizures a day. My body is shutting down. I have a permanent catheter, seizures, swallowing and speech issues, constant pain home nurses. No one in the world cares that doesn’t get paid to care for me. I am 49. I beg God for Mercy.
Thank you. I appreciate this video. 100% everything you said is absolutely true. I am empathetic and read people and their emotions and how/why they're acting. I actually do enjoy my home! I do enjoy getting out but would rather be home! No one would ever think or believe that I am an introvert! I had to be an extrovert for over 30 years so being me is so freeing.
Never heard of bed rotting, but it makes sense. Isolation seems to be stigmatized as anti-social, at least in my age group of 60’s. Being introverted was also thrust in my face as weird or unusual. So glad we are evolving out of these old ways of looking at differences
Thankyou Kim. I’m not so low that I’m in bed (that’s really bad, close to shutdown) but I am sofa existing, barely any day can begin before midday. I’m so glad I found your UA-cam site, I frequently relate to your concise explanations.
I’ve been currently stuck in self isolation for a year now. Ran from a narcissistic marriage, hit deep depression, health took a hit and scared daily because of it. Work from home, so I don’t see anyone during the day, weeks, months. I’m stuck, scared, overwhelmed, terrified and drained.
It’s ok, you are in recovery. It is called deep rest for a reason; you didn’t have a choice, your body decided for you. Start listening to your body and loving your body and having compassion for yourself. As you learn to honour your body you will naturally want to move your body, take it out into nature and soothe your body. This is a time for deep rest and recovery and healing, allow for it with self compassion💕
I have an anxiety disorder that forced me to be constantly on the go. I couldn’t relax and just watch tv like normal people. I felt like a shark, like I’d die if I stopped moving. It was hell and I wouldn’t wish that feeling on my worst enemy. Then 2020 happened. I realized I could relax on my own and be totally fine. I didn’t have to do anything or go anywhere. A keystone of this is being able to relax in bed. I kind of resent the term bed rot because relaxing is something I struggled to do.
I'm so glad I found this. I had a brain injury 10 years ago, and I rarely leave my house. My husband bought me a BMW 3 years ago just so I would enjoy driving. I've only driven it a handful of times. I don't want to be like this! Sometimes I will be completely dressed and ready to go, and have a panic attack. I think it is being in groups of people. It drains me somehow, that didn't happen prior to my brain injury. I'm 56, I want for nothing, yet I can't get out of my own way to enjoy it. 😢
This just made me cry, you literally described me. I'm going crazy to find help and treatment and not having any support. I feel bad for my family, but they just don't understand me.
Trying my hardest to fight this self isolation sense which is coming way to easy for me to do at late 50’s. Never ever used to be like this. Saw my Mum suffer, isolated herself and hid away
I self isolate because I’m continually reliving past experiences and conversations. It’s not always under control, so it isn’t always safe to be out in the world. I’ve done 15 years of therapy. I’ve been helped most by Pete Walker’s book, CPTSD From Surviving to Thriving.
I don’t have autism but most of this video has hit me as exactly what I’m feeling, I don’t want to be around people, I get more comfort from my little dog beside me. Issues at home have driven me to staying in my bedroom, I know it’s not healthy but when people hurt me I retreat. It’s been this way all my life, I’m 69 now. I don’t have any doctors, same as a lot of people don’t. Anyway, thanks for your video
Hi Kim, thanks for this video. I've been self isolating before COVID hit. I have Cptsd, ADHD. I'm very avoidant. It's great to hear your input, especially if you've been there too Watching from Australia
Thank you so much for sharing and being here! I would love to visit Australia some day! Spent a day at the New Zealand airport a million years ago - it all looks so beautiful there and where you are!
Thank You!!! Over the past year I've become an advocate for healthy isolation. I need LOADS of down-time to recover from being 'on' all week. I hadn't really asked the deeper ‘why’, I've just been respecting it and firming up healthy boundaries. It's VERY validating to hear you talking about it and thought provoking as well.
Normally I enjoy your content and I can relate to much of what you are conveying in this video. That being said I didn't watch the the entire video because of the term bed rotting. It might be a fad term but I don't care for it. As someone who watched her husband die a slow, painful death from cancer this term is upsetting to me. I know you appreciate input from your subscribers so thank you for allowing me to share my feelings. ❤️
I’m so sorry that you lost your husband and I appreciate your kind feedback ❤this term is different on different platforms and I value you and your feedback and will re-visit it❤️sending love
I ABSOLUTELY appreciate this video... I am a retired therapist...and a former bartenter before college...therefore I know many, many, many people in my community. I have always been outgoing and friendly, therefore I had many, many people who were worried about me after my trauma experiences (House burned down, and lost 2 pets, in 2013, brother died in 2016, father died in 2017, and finally daughter died (after a long painful illness in 2018) and while I appreciated their concern, genuinely appreciated their concern...when I'm feeling injured I NEED to be alone. I have ALWAYS needed to be alone to heal...UNFORTUNATELY...none of my friends would leave me alone. I suspect that they were SO concerned that they just couldn't rest until they helped me...BUT I told everyone over, and over, and over that I simply needed to be alone... I became SO tired of trying to take care of their needs that I simply couldn't take care of mine... I actually had to retire, go home, take walks, talk to my pets...and simply stop talking to them...Unfortunately, many of them have gone off to the wayside...and that is really unfortunate...because in their quest to help me/help themselves I simply could not take it anymore...and the major problem was that they all thought that there was something wrong with me (and still do)...and I simply did not have the energy to deal with them... I don't plan to go back to work (possibley online) and I really don't miss them... This video was SO afirming for me...Thank you again...
Don't let people treat you like there is something wrong with you. If someone uses it to try to jab you with a comment retort with "there is nothing wrong with me, I'm just not attention or herd needy." Just food for thought.... You know that the bible talks about the broad road and the narrow road. Christ walked the narrow road, was introspective, needed space from his inner circle for 40 days, spent hours daily alone in prayer, spent time preaching to the masses but then exited to return to his isolation gladly....
Strangely enough the comments on this rotting thing have been removed, I replied to 2 comments on bed rotting The criticism of that word being used by her. Seems they can't take criticism and owning up to their mistake, OR those people themselves removed their own comments. It's sus
Do you know the meaning of the word: "rotting" !?! Self care, nurturing, loving, and healing is Not rotting. Poor word choice no matter what everyone says to defend it. Your use of this world makes me question your credentials. No one is evading "mistakes" because we are not mistaken, nor are we mistakes. Often, the greatest healing is done while quiet or asleep. Our spirit, soul, higher self, heavenly body knows what we need. Stay calm. Everything in balance. Om Shanti. ✨💜🕊️✨
Doing my best feels so insufficient so often I can 't tell anymore. Feels like cheating trying to take care of myself for some reason. Thanks for the reminder.
When you go on an airplane, they tell you to put YOUR OWN oxygen mask on first before you put on your child's because you can only take care of others if you take care of yourself. This is one reason I've started tending to my needs like getting enough sleep and meditating; so I can be there for my loved ones without being angry or resentful or depressed or anxious.
Thank you for your visit and agreeing that isolation is by itself is an attribute and has been characteristic for artists, writers, musicians, and a necessary ingredient of their work. Chosen isolation may be one of our attributes of being a human being and using our full mind to explore meaning and consciousness. From my work with horses, they share similar characteristics of selected isolation especially when in a band of wild horses. Most horses both wild and domesticated interact just enough to maintain and no more.
@@2blackcatz426 💗🐈⬛ Going off topic here, horses, their presence is felt so strongly (even from a distance by me and I know others sense this too). Now that I type this, a memory comes to mind that I wanna share. When I was a young child I was taken to horses (the ones locked up) to "ride". I felt so much I didn't understand. Could be because they're "big". They got me a pony, it didn't feel right. Now I understand I felt their true essence and their hurt. It hurt inside me back then. Take care 🌿🌺
@@bbdn5123 The horse and human partnership is just 5000 years old as horses were already extinct in North America by that time and were only reintroduced by the Spanish. Their extinction was due to be only eaten by humans and other predators. I think some with autism can recognize that we both need to partner so as to not be annihilated by modernity. I tend to think many who are successful with animal understanding and training like the well known Temple Grandin, have autistic tendencies. I know my best work has been training and understanding canines, horses, and felines.
Living with depression, anxiety and PTSD which after many years, Im on the right treatment and overcome alot. BUT I am also an empath. Been in social environments is exhausting. I take up so much of other peoples energy and its exhausting. Im at that stage in my life would rather be alone with my dogs, spend my time making delicious foods and relaxing. To add, meeting new people means I pick up on their energy and analysis everything about them, their behavior, how the manage themselves, how they talk and if I pick up something off, I cant be in their company ever again. And Im usually right. I will hear months down the line about an incident with this person and it will be the exact thing I told my husband about that person when I first met. So essentially Im outting my guard up against people like that. While I like to isolate, I dont necessarily isolate at home all the time. I can go to a movie on my own, shop on my own, go to lunch on my own and with all the trauma from childhood and early adulthood, I am finding my peace and it it feels really good.
Overworking might be another way to functionally isolate because its a valid excuse to not socialize or get out if the house if you’re too busy or too tired to socialize
I don't understand why I need to be around people. I don't want to be bothered. Every time I meet someone and let them in they hurt me. Even strangers have made me feel unsafe or try to run me off the road. I don't want that.
People everywhere are hateful molded aliens made by this gov presenting everyone as a suspect to be interrogated by every company their is under the guise we might all be terrorists and that personal info then sold on the open market so we can all be commodities to be manipulated and for people to engage in that info collecting is cannibalistic and disgusting I don't want to see or talk to anyone
That sounds tough! You don't need to be around people. But it does sound like you unconsciously wish for connection. At least because you are saying that, you are sometimes letting people in. How exactly do you set your boundaries in order to prevent getting hurt other than isolating? What do you do to protect yourself in a social interaction to protect yourself?
There are thousands of people live alone and don't want to be taken advantage of you don't need people for dirt go on your own there is a wealth of happiness in you if you listen
@@understandablepodcast No there are not you are in disillusion denial grasshopper so you live in your city and you will learn and being alone is being very wealthy
I also hid in my room in the 80s and listened to music. Memories of Billy Joel and Supertramp 😍 I had a younger brother but he was the golden child. I hid from my narcissistic psychotic mother. I'm 57 and still need alone time
I got out of a narcissistic friendship and a marriage, almost simultaneously. I had a hard wake-up call to the "quality" of these relationships and had to see (me) the common denominator. I've turned away from friendship and potential dating and really do love the freedom of having my own time and making my own decisions. My roommate keeps asking me to participate in group lunches, games, etc. I find that all very superficial and a waste of time. I know I'm still resentful, but I appreciate this time to re-explore myself.
@@SusanBrown-hb7xz I’m so very sorry to hear this Susan. You are not a burden especially if you face such things with quiet, inner strength and pride. Give those around you something to admire. Someone to hold in high regard during your dark times. You can give the gift of acceptance to yourself and others. You are in my thoughts Susan Brown.
When I r mentally ill & run down all I want to do is to rot and to spend time alone in bed as a therapeutic thing. Then all your careers & mental health care workers is to keep making u do sport or a coffee to show me getting on with life and having a good time . But all I need is a month or so to isolate rot and take it easy so I can make peace with myself then go out into the world when I'm comfortable so I can enjoy myself not just going through the motions xx
I was bullied or harassed at so many jobs and through the family dysfunction that I have no trust in any institution to protect me from future harm... Being a hermit feels safer because there are so many people looking for targets to abuse and for some reason I attract them.
I'm the same dear ❤🫂 Unf. I don't have any advice, atm I cut off my so called "friends" out of my life, tired of being the laughing stock or gossip about my misery & failure, been met with half-assery no efforts in reciprocating what I give to them. I might as well save on my energy & give that to myself instead, maybe that's how I will eventually heal, preserving my energy & doing things that gives me meaning & joy ❤ I am not sharing or giving any longer, I keep everything close to my chest, I only mirror what others say or do to me, to no longer feel used
@@UniqueGeekFreak Yeah, it's motivated by the belief that I can heal in time if I can remove myself from the persistent triggers and maltreatment... Calm my nervous system down. I do counseling so I am open to that relationship but all other entities even churches are sus because of accountability issues. I've had many experiences of going to leadership in situations and trying to resolve conflicts and watched the conflict be made worse. So I isolate and I guess the bullies in my area are having to find new sources of supply.
@@emilysnyder4857 lol yes, they most likely eont change. I hope my comment will stay now. I'm sorry to hear that ❤ Usually I start taking a step back instead of trying to save the day, try to stay out of being pulled into even conversations about anything not work related. My advice for you is to change your environment, change profession even, to work solo, until you have built yourself up string enough to not care about others say to you, that you can start standing up for yourself. I used to be a quiet mouse before, after quitting my job, the anger and rage started to build up & forced me to become a Lion to roar when someone tries to put me diwn or overstep their boundaries. But I could only do that, because I quit my job & have the time to recover from the psychological abuse & burnout. Save yourself & care about your own skin. It's seldom ppl have your back or your best interest. I also stopped caring about others, this resulted in stopping being used by others as well and start taking care of myself, preserving my energy to heal & become stronger. You are strong and brave, otherwise you would not have Bern put through this. Focus on your own beautiful world now 😊❤ Don't rush the process, it may take years until you see results or improvements, the journey is what matters and to live in the moments & here and now. Start living now, not in a cpl of years when you have achieved this or that, it's an illusion. Live now, be happy now ❤🍀✊️💪
@@emilysnyder4857 lol yes, they most likely wont change I'm sorry to hear that ❤ Usually I start taking a step back instead of trying to save the day, try to stay out of being pulled into even conversations about anything not work related. My advise for you is to change your environment, change profession even, to work solo, until you have built yourself up string enough to not care about others say to you, that you can start standing up for yourself. I used to be a quiet mouse before, after quitting my job, the anger and rage started to build up & forced me to become a Lion to roar when someone tries to put me diwn or overstep their boundaries. But I could only do that, because I quit my job & have the time to recover from the psychological abuse & burnout. Save yourself & care about your own skin. It's seldom ppl have your back or your best interest. I also stopped caring about others, this resulted in stopping being used by others as well and start taking care of myself, preserving my energy to heal & become stronger. You are strong and brave, otherwise you would not have Bern put through this. Focus on your own beautiful world now 😊❤ Don't rush the process, it may take years until you see results or improvements, the journey is what matters and to live in the moments & here and now. Start living now, not in a cpl of years when you have achieved this or that, it's an illusion. Live now, be happy now ❤🍀✊️💪
Thank you so much for this. As someone who is dating a woman with severe trauma and depression, I’m worried about her and encourage her to go to therapy but I don’t want to push her. It’s her choice. I believe people deep down know what they need to heal and ultimately need to guide their own healing journey. So I limit what I share with her but this video is so important. I’ll share it with her and hopefully she will feel less hopeless. 😢
It’s so awesome you want to be supportive. If your partner is also neurodivergent (or you are), it can be very connecting to send resources, “I saw this and thought of you!” When my husband discovered one of my favorite ADHD channels *on his own* I felt very seen. Granted, it does not fix anything, but it can be a moment of connection. Also, reading/watching content on the topic of trauma to educate yourself is really helpful so that you are better equipped to be in a relationship with someone who has trauma.
As a neurodivergent cptsd w/ constant anhedonia it's hard to allow myself to validate my isolation or acknowledge that I'm experiencing a period of depression. I appreciate your thoughtful contribution to our healing. BUT truly feel the term "rotting" has to go. We have enough negativity in our heads and don't need another term that causes us to self-criticize.
I understand - this term applies to everyone who engages in this behavior. I am working on seeing it as "the art of isolation" but the term has become quite mainstream. Sending support and 💜today🙏
Simply ignoring something doesn’t make it any better though. It sounds like you don’t want to call it rotting because you don’t want to criticize the behavior, however self criticism can be incredibly helpful. If I never criticized myself, I would be much worse off mentally and physically. Everyone is constantly decaying, and if we aren’t doing anything else WHILE decaying, we are, by definition, just rotting.
@@lordtachanka903 I’m quite certain I did not say anything about ignoring something. I don’t need your misinterpretation of my statement. Good for you for criticizing yourself.
@@ratterrierdogma What you said was “BUT truly feel the term ‘rotting’ has to go. We have enough negativity in our heads and don’t need another term that causes us to self criticize” If you are trying not to use or let other people use a word that’s medically accurate because you don’t like the criticism it makes your inner self feel, that is (by literal definition) an avoidance based behavioral pattern. I’m just trying to help you out man, you don’t need to be rude about it. We all have flaws, but we can’t fix our flaws unless we’re honest with ourselves about what they are, via self reflection. In a healthy mind about half of reflection is self criticism and being honest with yourself about when you were in the wrong about things. The other half is patting yourself on the back and telling yourself “good job” for what you did right, but FAR too many people have focused solely on just one or the other, which is incredibly unhealthy. Think of self reflection like ying and yang, if you overpower one fish by the other one, you’ll just have a solid circle of white or black, with no balance at all. This is why criticism of yourself can be important even if it doesn’t feel good, for example, working out doesn’t feel good while you’re doing it, but after a month or two at the gym you start feeling more energetic and grow bigger muscles from it. TLDR: If you can identify when and where you’re failing, it gives the opportunity to succeed. Without vision of your short comings you will never be able to fix them, which will (ALWAYS) lead to an unhappy life.
It is really true, because victims have been forced to focus on others it is critically difficult to accept that it is ok not dedicating myself for others. Furthermore, it is strongly recommended to sacrifice oneself for others as a virtue, so it could be soooo tricky about this traumatised symptom.
Money plays a big roll in what may appear to be isolation. People can't afford to go places. I will soon because I'm getting a roommate to cut my costs.
Actually, it doesn't. Bed freeze can happen to those with money as well. The bank account could be overflowing but if you or your world do not feel safe for whatever reason and depression, abuse, etc. has knocked you down into a hole, you're not going to be apt to step out of bed. 😢
@@MayvenFunk I rent out my upstairs. The tenant does her own household chores and I do mine separately. Sometimes a housemate requires as much negotiation as a marriage. Good luck with a housemate. Maybe you can just rent out a room or some other arrangement If it is too problematical with a housemate. I say all this after having housemates who made kitchen messes but didn’t show up for clean up.
Thank you for the understanding !First for safety, then for it just makes things easier. For an outgoing person this has been so painful! Always the Mother Hen, the fun one. Entertaining everyone! Cooking and caring for everyone. Aloneness sucks for someone like me.
I believe that self isolation is definitely healing. I live with my narcissistic husband and when he leaves, it feels like I can breathe again. I can be myself because when he is around, I feel like I have to watch everything I say he can use anything I say against me, he twisted even the love I show for my pets or even things I like to do Can be sabotaged or even abused so I can’t be myself when he’s around or even love things that I love fully
The advice to reach out to friends and family always makes me chuckle in a sad way, because most of us do not have a good support network, otherwise, we would not be who we are today. I push everyone away just like my parents pushed me away. I don’t have healthy coping mechanisms. Confiding in someone doesn’t help me, it makes me feel worse. Only a person or a group of people experienced in bpd/neurodivergent depression and burnout can possibly make a difference. Being treated like a sad neurotypical person only makes me angry, because it often looks and feels like an invasion of privacy, and makes me want to isolate even more. What a person with bpd needs is space and freedom to do what they want until they feel a little better, and a loyal person or group of people who are there no matter what and who do not bring attention to my depressive episodes in any way. A person with BPD regresses to their early childhood state during those periods, and parentifying them is actually harmful and does not let them develop the copying skills needed to overcome this.
Wow you just explained exactly what I'm living through....4 years now...just lost my 11 year old Boxer best friend ...protector...made me feel loved....I miss him so very much ❤️🙏🏼 The only thing I feel for years is sadness and all I give is love
I am so sorry for your loss. I have a 9 year old 100lb coon hound mix who has become a complete ESA for me over a 5 year horrific narcissistic divorce trauma. I can understand how heartbroken you must be. Please know you have people who definitely empathize with you. My boy and God are the only ones who were there for me for 5 years. And now that we are safe and out of that nightmare, I strive to give him the best life I can and cherish the time we have left together. I hope you have some supportive people who will help you through this grief. Be gentle with yourself..and take as much time as you need..these are our "family".
I’m so glad I found you! Most of what you say, seems like you’re talking about me. I have had mostly trauma in my life for most of it. I’m 67 and just lost my only Daughter to fentanyl poisoning 3 days after Christmas. My life will never be the same. Grew up in an Orphanage and most importantly stay by myself in my bedroom. I love being alone! No more abuse, no more hurt, and I also have a few chronic illnesses that I deal with on a daily. I think I can learn a lot from you! So Thank You!!!
We are too plugged in, too much demand, too much stimulus. No one can keep up with hundreds of social media "friends". Rise of narcissistic behavior via social media. Too much political division. Loss of integral relationships. Absolutely a cope mechanism to isolate.
Wow, this really hit the nail on the head! It makes me want to cry! I'm going to send this to my husband and hopefully he can understand what I'm going through, and I'm betting your money, it'll strike a cord with him also! Thank you so much for this!
Better alone. No one to hurt me or judge me, or talk about me or make fun of me.
I just want to be left alone.
You are not alone
We don't know each other but we have the same thoughts
@@DeathbybrokenheartRipg Sorry to hear you're going through this too. 😢💔
There are lots of us in the same boat 😊
The people who trouble us aren't faring any better, they have their own demons... Who'd want to be a narcissist for example?
God's the only one who never let me down. We're in safe hands in the end ❤
Yes the abuse from others is just amazing isn't it. I do nothing to deserve the abuse.
@@marliegay4888 Yes, me either. Started when I was a small child and continued.up into adulthood. Some people just get singled out for whatever reason or no reason at all. And the thing is, I would do anything for anybody and still get s#it on.
Many of us are just tired of trying to meet a decent person after running away from demons in human bodies for years.
Yes. I remarried a wonderful man , but it’s nearly impoask me to find a friend . I actually have lunch plans w my husbands cousin this week .. I haven’t actually made plans w someone in literally years. Female friendship is something I miss & hope I can find again one day.
Absolutely.
I couldn't have said it better if I tried
They smell us coming and lick their chops. I'm sick of it. 🤬
@@orangecat1672I can definitely relate. I do miss female friendships. I let go of so many superficial connections.
It’s the greatest joy to self isolate. I’m not antisocial but after living 56 years on this crazy planet, I truly love my alone time. ✌🏻
@@Catherine2022 I am pretty antisocial and in my 60 year old pitiful existence on this planet have realised that being alone, in a remote location, is far more enjoyable than living amongst people that I not only find offensive but I fear for their safety. If only in my younger days I had purchased the bit of land I was offered in the mountains. A country with a small population, who you have little chance of bumping into in idyllic location, what more could anyone want?
❤
I feel that
Right on.me too , at 57
@@anarchopx5379I agree ❤
Self isolation = safety
yeah, i’m not really sure that i understand why this isn’t obvious
Funny in ironic way that I was so disconnected that when people talked about feeling safe I would just have a puzzled look on my face. These days when I scrape up the courage to look into my own abyss even talking about feeling safe doesn't feel safe.
Self isolation = self protection
@@bruceanderson4120 honestly, as a 59 year old, the current concept of safe that isn’t physical , is a new concept for my generation
Amen 🙏🏼
Isolation = not having to pretend you are ok! It’s exhausting! 😢
This widow couldn’t agree more
Yes totally agree with you
100 %❣️ 🙏🏻❤️
Omg that’s so true
esp when you have kids!
Isolation even with depression is peace and quiet which can also be healing and recalibrating ourselves.
THIS. Can't give peace we don't have.
Profoundly Accurate
After married to a narcissist for 30 years, I’m pretty sure I’m going to self isolate for the rest of my life. I feel happy.
You’re FREE🌷
I just went through the same, I was also married to a narcissist alcoholic for 30 years .
I can relate ! I was married for 30 years. Got two beautiful grown children they’re married with beautiful grandkids. I’m 64 and I love just coming home after work and going out to my barn. I fixed up into a craft shop and that’s my time just for me just to tinker around and I just love it. I put on some good music and put some coffee on and I’m in heaven, I don’t have to make sure my hair looks a certain way or my make up is perfect. And I’m content I truly am content.
You're not the woman he abused anymore, unlike the narcissist, you are capable of growth.
You've outgrown that old you, if it wasn't true, you'd still be under his spell.
❤
Lmao there is no reason to be around people today unless you want additional abuse you do not need anyone, You know what is good for you I am sure you are more happy without being manipulated by these alien people today
I prefer the term “cocooning” rather than “bed rotting”. I require it to maintain my balance.
Exactly
Beautiful description ❤
That is the most God Awful phrase I have ever heard, I actually left her a message to never ever use that phrase again. Ive never even heard it previously, it makes it sound like we are garbage ~ Bed Rotting?? ugh... awful
@@selectfewrealty2898 I agree ☝️. I prefer cocooning much better. Sounds safe, & cozy.
I know it's so negative and just one more thing to feel that I'm once again not good enough, cuz I spend my time "bed rotting". It makes me feel very judged by her
Isolation = stability
And Peace!😊
Self isolation is my safe place
Mine too 💟
I understand that.
I heard something the other day that resonated. Depressed =needing deep rest.
That was Jim Carey. Your true self is in deep rest. (Putting on a mask/repressed)
I love that! I wouldn't recommend any deep rotting, though. Euw.
I heard that.
Anyone else watching this from their bed? 🤚
@@MishaLee That's where I basically live. 💔😢
@@PamelaKay1827Me too
Me 😢
Been in my home for 6 months. In bed most of the day.
I'm so sad. 😢
@@missycitty9478 I know how you feel. I feel exactly the same. Hope things get better for you soon. 🌹❤️🙏
I’ve been isolating in my bed for three days. I’m still in bed as I watch your video. I find that as the years have gone by, the smaller my world has become. I went from working for a large corporation, being in a long term relationship, and having friends in my 20s and 30s to working mostly working alone in a tiny office of three people, single for 17 years now, a very small circle of friends, and being estranged from my entire family in my 40s and 50s. Life has just kicked me in the butt and I’m tired. I just prefer to be alone now. People exhaust me. The world exhausts me. I’m in my mid 50s now. I have my two ragdoll kittens and I’m perfectly content to isolate. My home is the only place I feel safe.
Agreed! Amen!
Yep ❤
Same, except I’m 72 and have a small dog.
I did the same this week, I'm out of it now. It seems to be a theme in the past week
Watching and reading from my comfy bedroom. Safe space
People exhaust me. I’m safe at home with my dog. CPTSD, depression, anxiety, social anxiety, introvert, hypervigilant, it’s also draining, I replenish my energy alone or with my dog.
@@thrashhippie , I agree 100% my dogs the only thing that I can be around that don't drain my energy anymore from being raised from a narcissist and all the trauma dogs are good medicine
My cats and I are secure.
@@sharonjohnston1151 I feel for you, I know what that’s like.
Dogs are definitely good medicine! Therapy dogs are absolutely amazing too.
Mine isn’t a therapy dog, he’s a goofy lump but he can read me like a book.
I wish you well.
Yes, it's exhausting! Isolation helps to recover from the incessant need to be on alert, anxious, and stuck in trauma responses.
Same, I have my sweet little cat, music (compose, play), my instruments, good coffee, food, weed solitude, nice apartment, health and the freedom to do whatever/whenever/whoever the f--- I want with NO ONE to second guess me and bust my chops.
1: Auto-Regulators / Self-Soothers
2: Disorganized attachment
3: Introvert / HSP
4: Traumatized / Easily triggered
5: Chronic Hyperviligence
6: Depression
7: Inner / Outer critic
8: Danger everywhere
9: Neurodivgerent
Why do we always love 🐈? I never have a problem with more cats.
Really all of them are
Me. I m not ND only maybe I am 😅
My life
Thank you for this list it helped listening to this informative video.
Danger actually is everywhere. 😂. You never know. Better to be a bit paranoid than clueless.
My office is already planning the Christmas party in December.. nope . I’ll be home in my jams, w my tree , candles & fur babies .
Oh yes... the pantomime of end of year parties 🤔 I am not a fan either.
Thank you for your comment. It sounds like I wrote it. Truly, I have no desire to mingle ….
OMW...these functions are just exhausting for me too. Dreading having to go to the year end function because the company makes a weekend of it. Literally sleep over with noisy people etc😢
That sounds like utter bliss to me ..I spend everyday on my own ,with my 2 dogs 2 rabbits ,my fire on ,and candles on ..I just love it
💎
A sensitive traumatized neurodivergent introvert here and this is so completely validating. Thank you for this.❤
Even though I'm crying, I've never been more happy to find out I'm a sick person who is protecting myself in my whole life. In fact I found out today that I'm a bloody genius! I figured this out alone not knowing anything about these diagnoses. I'm in good hands!!!!! My own!!!!
Agree 100%. I am so glad I ran across this channel. It makes me feel like I’m not alone in the way I respond to over stimulation or 8 to 10 hour workday.
Yes! Same!
@@ScarletAdhesivewe know ourselves the best and what we need. Others just don’t understand us
Really cohesive analysis, insights were a joy to hear! God bless and carry on with your fine work! .... love from the beautiful Oregon Coast, AL
I isolate to regroup, revitalize, and recharge!!
At age 72, I am isolated, living off the grid in the desert, a few ignorant neighbors, I have very few non toxic friends, debt free, and extremely happy with my two fur babies.
Sounds like a peaceful life brother.
Goals!
@@chloelarson8711 Goals? Out live my two cats, stay healthy, and continue to save money for my daughter and her family, and most of all.....leave this planet (in due time) with absolutely no negative baggage....and bypass the 4th dimension reincarnation trap !
Good for you!!👏🌺
Sounds like heaven. Good for you.
I totally agree! I'm sick of people making such a big deal out of this. I'm happy, and not depressed like I was when dealing with toxic people.
That's exactly how I feel. Thank you for this. 💯❤
Exactly....
No kidding people who don't respect my fear can just go away
Right...covid isolation was a real revelation to me that much of my problems/health issues were a result of the pressures of others...I am not going back to pre-covid...I am glad my mom taught me that being alone is great...never bored, too much to do even if I never saw another person.
Everybody is toxic these days taught by the nsa, Everybody is a suspect patriot act dystopia give me your personal info or I am not helping you because you might be a terrorist and for people to engage in that information collecting is cannibalism and so many do it, You just have to avoid people or be looked down on as a suspect
I spent 40 years with a narcissist. I raised 2 kids. The narcissist would use the kids in any way he could. I left 6 years ago. The best thing I ever did. The problem I have is isolate myself often and for long periods of time, yet at the same time I am extremely lonely. I cry often due to this loneliness. I always end up self sabotaging when I'm doing good. I make life much more difficult than it has to be. I'm getting old and I'm afraid I won't be able to work through this revolving nightmare before I die.. I want to be alright..I want to feel like I did before I met this nightmare of a narcissist. I used to be happy I used to have friends. Little by little I've lost everyone.
Little by little you will find new friends too. I get it. Friendships are different at different times. I remember making friends as a kid was so easy. “Want to play?” was all it took. Now? Omg… that do you want to play question is the last one asked. And sometimes the answer is no, I just want to go back to bed , read a book, watch a video, etc. But I still want friends too! So finding those friends that get it… having boundaries AND friends is totally doable, a little bit at a time. 💜
Same here.. really hope we get out of this. God bless❤
❤️🩹
Pause Pray Peace... Focus on U..nothin about others..remove the rafter in our own eye before we can help others remove their straw..Jesus commanded love! Remain calm and know our strength comes from Ancient of days!
Same here and destroyed by him! Also adhd and asd❤ so lonely and now autoimmune diseasd destroying my body!
This is the very first time I felt fully understood, not judged, not "motivated" with verbal force to "get it together". ❤
The effects of magic mushrooms on cptsd are like a reset button for my mind. They help me clear my thoughts and feel refreshed.
Mushrooms facilitate deeper self-reflection and personal growth.
Only people who have taken mushrooms can only understand the powers lol and they grow everywhere September until first frost here in wales.
I do 3.5 g of mushrooms every 6 months to reboot my brain.
y'all talk about the benefits of mushrooms, but no one talks about where to fetch from.
doc.kain
Anyone else immediately feel calm hearing her voice?
Yes❤
Definitely
I have a lovely friend who taught me a great technique when it comes to having a duvet day, or a day of doing nothing in particular. If you give yourself the permission, rather than feeling a sense of guilt, you can really enjoy it, mindfully.
Thanks for this! 😊
Please Thank your friend for me. Guilt can ruin or even disrupt a "duvet day" Thank You for giving my '' stay in bed all day with my cat n laptop screening calls and no social media day'' a catchier name
I've been self isolating as much as possible my entire life. Especially now that I've escaped a home of narcissistic abuse. I have C-PTSD and I spend almost every second I'm not working, at home, under a blanket, cuddling my dog, watching UA-cam. I haven't lived a lot of life. Most of the time in my life has been spent isolating, escaping into videogames and other forms of digital entertainment. Movies before UA-cam existed. Life outside of this is terrifying. Without the ability to numb I'm just constantly experiencing excruciating emotional pain and anxiety.
Pretty similar to you, I hear you, it's tough.
@@gulliver7419 I'm sorry 😔 😢
🤗
Wow same
@@pamhale1315 I'm sorry 😔
I suffer PTSD have done for years, wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy
So true.....❤
Age 82, and a committed introvert. Much advice on aging is to engage with community. I recently spent 3 days at the beach with an introverted 65 year old and her 75 yo extroverted husband. This couple has worked out things to honor each others needs. It was refreshing to be with functional adults who give each other time/space. Part of the equation for me, is to be very clear about how much stimulation I need. Too much=overload Too little= boredom
I had gotten out of a rly bad situation and was finally living in a safe quiet place. I was in survival mode for so long that when I could finally relax, I isolated for abt 4-5 months. I kept thinking I need to get out of this funk, but then realized, I needed to just let it be. That my body and mind was trying to reset. And now a year later I feel abt 85% back to normal. We need to let ourselves heal. ❤ i journaled A LOT. It helped. It was def a process. But it saved me.
Yes - totally❤
The body, mind, spirit/soul know what they need. I tend to do this to recover from high stimulation experiences- I actually didn't know this until my family pointed it out- it could be me disengaging and isolating for a while from the family gathering to get some quiet space and recharge- I tend to feel overwhelmed and need a few minutes alone..
@@Phoenixdawn111 yes! I’m like this normally. I’m an empath so I get drained really quickly. So when I went through this bad time it was times 10. But I learned so much about what I could take and what I needed to do to take care of myself and you’re right my mind and body was telling me just to relax to take care of me and it was OK. Plus my Counselor kept telling me that too lol she’s like just think about everything that you’ve gone through and now you need to take that time to get back what you lost and heal. You have to give yourself some slack we are always so hard on ourselves thinking that we need to be doing this or that when we really just need to be taking care of ourselves and not everybody else. 💜
Lol every time I've seen my mother r after I have to go and lye down isolate in a dark room n try n sleep it of to conker bad feelings xx
Me + Self-Isolation = Safety and Bliss ❤
AGREED!!! 🙏😇💕
Safety comes in many forms. Isolation is the safest for me. Prayers for everyone here 🙏🫶🙏
I love being alone and don't need anyone to perceive me. If I am socializing at all it's because I've had to force myself to do so and I mean with my grandmother who's not doing well, but socializing with peers, forget about it. Being alone means I don't have to think, make small talk, make eye contact, look engaged, etc, I can just be.
Awesome
Isolating myself was the best thing I have ever done. I am far healthier now. I am also far more self-reliant, resourceful, and independent, than any social person. I will never try to be social again.
Agree 💯 I'm not going to waste my time on anyone else....my goals my wants and dreams will never need anyone's approval
It’s a sad world isn’t it.
Agree!!!❤❤❤❤I love my own life. I lived with a magnificent husband who treated me like his queen for 25 blessed years. Losing him to a mt. Climbing accident - the rug pulled out from under me - was the worst trauma of my life. He poured love into me. I’m an artist and writer. The grief drive my work to new heights. He’s still here, in my heart. A few devoted friends I adore are all I need. A few new ones are circling, trying to coax me out of my cocoon. I truly appreciate their efforts. They push me to go out, have fun. They’re very dear and generous. But it’s not easy. Mostly, I love being home with my work and my spiritual re-building. I just have so much fun being creative, and I’m
Also a telephone psychic, so I get to be useful/helpful to people who call me for guidance. It’s how I give/get love mostly, talking to “strangers” who become clients and friends. bestpsychicforme.com
I also
Wrote a book called “the Ten Gifts Of Grief” by Hawthorne Wood (my pen name) on Amazon.
Eeyore was depressed. They didn't make him pretend and brought him along on their adventures
That is a great comment. Truly.
Best.
Comment.
EVER!
Awesome ❤
Eeyore didn't overshare.
Gotsta keep it bottled up in social situations. I can't count how many times I've regretted getting into the my family's issues when I didn't even mean to, the topic just sort of went there.
Annnd that was fiction. Period.
Empaths need time alone. Unkind remarks are internalized and play over and over. Time alone lets you connect to your source and gives you comfort and safety.
Yes that’s me. I need isolation to cope. I used to find somewhere to hide away and draw for hours if I could when I was a kid to get away from my mother’s tension, shouting and attacks. It’s better than drinking.
True I agree
My life progresses better when I’m isolated from the world❤
It's a way to get out of the "war zone"...... unfortunately we tend to gravitate toward people who are not well, if we are not well. And then the war continues. So sometimes I need to "regroup" and "re-evaluate" my choices.
Well said
Yes!
As someone diagnosed w CPTSD (which explained SO MUCH once I looked into it more), I DO isolate! I explain it like this; I treasure, value and PROTECT my peace and serenity at all costs. My past traumas had to do with trusting the wrong people, and bringing an unbelievable amount of drama and chaos into my life. My home is my sanctuary. I fear letting anyone in that may affect that.
I love this balanced take on isolation. I try to get myself out in the world more, but I always come back to recharging alone. I'm glad that I don't have to feel like I'm unhealthy, when I'm also mitigating already
I had to go to a hotel for 5 days to stabilize myself. My love said he did not want to bug me. I laughed. ❤️ 😊
Periods of solitude allow us time of solace to be renewed and enables us to re-integrate and positively contribute to society.
I know why I isolate. It’s safety
This is exactly me. Anxious avoidant, always exhausted, based on multiple traumas since early childhood (I'm in my late 60's now).
I've become a hypervigilant recluse, yet people at work say I'm always cheerful, engaged, helpful and kind. I feel most comfortable when alone in my home. I work nights these days, as a lone worker.
I can't exercise these days due to injuries, but I still have hope for my future.
I do this. It really bothers me when I get told to get out more. Please leave people like us the hell alone. Respect. Try it.
After years of abuse, that is still continuing to this day from family members... Im just tired of peoples BS and drama tbh.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this with your family I do as well and with friends and strangers
Dr. Sage I just recently found your videos and at 33 I am finding out how truly abused I was growing up, learning more about who I truly am. As an Army Vet thank you, thank you for helping me more than the VA has.
Thank you so much for your service and i am so sorry for all you've endured.🙏 one of my boys is about to join the AF....i am nervous but hopeful for him.💜appreciate you being here with me!
Thank you for your service. I hope you will find the resources to heal from the abuse you've suffered. Tim Fletcher and The Crappy Childhood Fairy are wonderful youtube channels to help people like us.
Thank you for not pathologizing those of us that have CPTSD. We have had enough of that. It can even be retraumatizing when people do that. Great video. Thanks ❤️
Yh cptsd at the time when being violated or raped is just another bad thing to happen suffering is just normal then it takes a fair amount of time and soul searching to step bk from your bad life and realise Ur more sensitive to life once you feel safe & look bk on old life & realisei doged many bullets now I just have to isolate and therapeutic my self to adjust to the pace of life x
Righteous and I intend on still enjoying my own company with my furry loves❤
Same! Me and my kitties forever. ❤❤❤
fur babies are the best and nothing they love more than snuggling!
@@ccxmeow yes!!😻
@@DrKimSage Have some respect for the cats. They deserve better than "fur babies". What an insult.
@@sine8811 What a ridiculous comment.
As an only child, I've been doing this almost my whole life. I love socializing, but I need that time by myself to recharge. So it would make sense that when I'm under more stress, I isolate more. I do this intentionally because I just have nothing left to give anyone else. I'm also able to see that my own anxiety and depression also feed into this. Thank you for this content!
Only child here too - same.
I was taking notes, rewinding so I could hear it again, and my goodness you nailed it. Explained so much about Why. I have felt like I have PTSD from several traumas during my life, and at 63 and in retirement, I can finally isolate like I want to and heal. Thank you for validating what I am doing and why I can self soothe and it seems to me that others are way too needy. I learned a long time ago how to become small and not need anything. I have lived my whole life like that.
Thank you. I fall into many of these “categories.” I’m not unhappy. I don’t ever stay in bed. I just stay alone and do my thing. I’m not lonely. I’m 54, twice divorced, and over it. I used to just hate people, now I just don’t bother. I’m not rotting-soounds like some insulting, self-debasing term.
Highly insulting shaming and self- debasing term she needs to lose that term . It’s sounds abusive ugly and hurtful to those struggling .
It’s a widely used gen Z term, she didn’t make it up. It helps people to find her. It can be off putting at first until it becomes just another weird name.
I love being alone.
I just isolated for a week, needed it, it worked wonders, back into the world now. every now and then is needed.
Isolation = hell yeah, I don’t have to deal with anyone’s shit!!!!!
So true. I am so fed up with people who only talk about themselves, most of the time their problems. Most of the time I only need to listen to their whining. Ugh!
I was married for 24 years, and went through a divorce about four and a half years ago. I've not only lost every one of my inlaws, including every nephew and niece, who I've know just about every one of them since they were born, I've had absolutely no support from any one in my own family since. I've found myself completely alone not even by choice.
I understand where you’re coming from
Just lost my sister two months ago
My husband goes to his church and doesn’t notice that this loss has totally sidetracked me… no contact with his family or mine.. what’s left of it
Hang in there
Same and my kids and all my friends. I am now paralysed, bedridden and doubt I will see next year. Haven’t even met my 2nd grandchild only had a week and a half with my first 2 and a half years ago. I left my dv ex 20 years ago. He said he would win. It seems he is. My family don’t contact me. The hospital lied to my daughters and I was assaulted and a lot of malpractice for 21 days in acute care while so had 2 seizures a day. My body is shutting down. I have a permanent catheter, seizures, swallowing and speech issues, constant pain home nurses. No one in the world cares that doesn’t get paid to care for me. I am 49. I beg God for Mercy.
Was it a dysfunctional family? Maybe look into scapegoating; this may help you a lot in recovery
Thank you. I appreciate this video. 100% everything you said is absolutely true. I am empathetic and read people and their emotions and how/why they're acting. I actually do enjoy my home! I do enjoy getting out but would rather be home! No one would ever think or believe that I am an introvert! I had to be an extrovert for over 30 years so being me is so freeing.
Never heard of bed rotting, but it makes sense. Isolation seems to be stigmatized as anti-social, at least in my age group of 60’s. Being introverted was also thrust in my face as weird or unusual. So glad we are evolving out of these old ways of looking at differences
Thankyou Kim. I’m not so low that I’m in bed (that’s really bad, close to shutdown) but I am sofa existing, barely any day can begin before midday. I’m so glad I found your UA-cam site, I frequently relate to your concise explanations.
I’ve been currently stuck in self isolation for a year now. Ran from a narcissistic marriage, hit deep depression, health took a hit and scared daily because of it. Work from home, so I don’t see anyone during the day, weeks, months. I’m stuck, scared, overwhelmed, terrified and drained.
Same
Me aswell
It’s ok, you are in recovery. It is called deep rest for a reason; you didn’t have a choice, your body decided for you. Start listening to your body and loving your body and having compassion for yourself. As you learn to honour your body you will naturally want to move your body, take it out into nature and soothe your body. This is a time for deep rest and recovery and healing, allow for it with self compassion💕
I have an anxiety disorder that forced me to be constantly on the go. I couldn’t relax and just watch tv like normal people. I felt like a shark, like I’d die if I stopped moving. It was hell and I wouldn’t wish that feeling on my worst enemy.
Then 2020 happened. I realized I could relax on my own and be totally fine. I didn’t have to do anything or go anywhere. A keystone of this is being able to relax in bed. I kind of resent the term bed rot because relaxing is something I struggled to do.
I'm so glad I found this. I had a brain injury 10 years ago, and I rarely leave my house. My husband bought me a BMW 3 years ago just so I would enjoy driving. I've only driven it a handful of times. I don't want to be like this! Sometimes I will be completely dressed and ready to go, and have a panic attack. I think it is being in groups of people. It drains me somehow, that didn't happen prior to my brain injury. I'm 56, I want for nothing, yet I can't get out of my own way to enjoy it. 😢
Blessings to you.
I'm 57 and I'm just learning how to be alone. You have a husband, be proud
Isolation = not having to defend ourselves
Yes.
It's a time to rest and heal safely!
This just made me cry, you literally described me. I'm going crazy to find help and treatment and not having any support. I feel bad for my family, but they just don't understand me.
Trying my hardest to fight this self isolation sense which is coming way to easy for me to do at late 50’s. Never ever used to be like this. Saw my Mum suffer, isolated herself and hid away
I thrive when I have a constant stream of my time. It gives me the space I need 😊
I self isolate because I’m continually reliving past experiences and conversations. It’s not always under control, so it isn’t always safe to be out in the world. I’ve done 15 years of therapy. I’ve been helped most by Pete Walker’s book, CPTSD From Surviving to Thriving.
Thank you for always helping me understand why I've become this hermit
I don’t have autism but most of this video has hit me as exactly what I’m feeling, I don’t want to be around people, I get more comfort from my little dog beside me. Issues at home have driven me to staying in my bedroom, I know it’s not healthy but when people hurt me I retreat. It’s been this way all my life, I’m 69 now. I don’t have any doctors, same as a lot of people don’t. Anyway, thanks for your video
Hi Kim, thanks for this video. I've been self isolating before COVID hit. I have Cptsd, ADHD. I'm very avoidant. It's great to hear your input, especially if you've been there too Watching from Australia
Thank you so much for sharing and being here! I would love to visit Australia some day! Spent a day at the New Zealand airport a million years ago - it all looks so beautiful there and where you are!
Similiar. Cptsd, anxiety, HSP, ADHD. I spend a lot of time in nature.
That's exactly my condition, as well.
🕊🕊🕊
Thank You!!! Over the past year I've become an advocate for healthy isolation. I need LOADS of down-time to recover from being 'on' all week. I hadn't really asked the deeper ‘why’, I've just been respecting it and firming up healthy boundaries. It's VERY validating to hear you talking about it and thought provoking as well.
Normally I enjoy your content and I can relate to much of what you are conveying in this video.
That being said I didn't watch the the entire video because of the term bed rotting.
It might be a fad term but I don't care for it.
As someone who watched her husband die a slow, painful death from cancer this term is upsetting to me.
I know you appreciate input from your subscribers so thank you for allowing me to share my feelings.
❤️
@@dutchgirldreams4726 thank you. ❤️
So sorry for your loss
@@tracyoleary7349 yes, I agree, especailly for you. Change the term!
@@tracyoleary7349 thank you. ❤️
I’m so sorry that you lost your husband and I appreciate your kind feedback ❤this term is different on different platforms and I value you and your feedback and will re-visit it❤️sending love
I can relate to this so much. I was also an only child so I was just in my room alone listening to music ALL the time also. I love being alone.
I had a brother and sister. I was an unwanted child, so I kept to the bedroom and played music. It was where I felt safe.
Same
I ABSOLUTELY appreciate this video...
I am a retired therapist...and a former bartenter before college...therefore I know many, many, many people in my community. I have always been outgoing and friendly, therefore I had many, many people who were worried about me after my trauma experiences (House burned down, and lost 2 pets, in 2013, brother died in 2016, father died in 2017, and finally daughter died (after a long painful illness in 2018) and while I appreciated their concern, genuinely appreciated their concern...when I'm feeling injured I NEED to be alone.
I have ALWAYS needed to be alone to heal...UNFORTUNATELY...none of my friends would leave me alone. I suspect that they were SO concerned that they just couldn't rest until they helped me...BUT I told everyone over, and over, and over that I simply needed to be alone...
I became SO tired of trying to take care of their needs that I simply couldn't take care of mine...
I actually had to retire, go home, take walks, talk to my pets...and simply stop talking to them...Unfortunately, many of them have gone off to the wayside...and that is really unfortunate...because in their quest to help me/help themselves I simply could not take it anymore...and the major problem was that they all thought that there was something wrong with me (and still do)...and I simply did not have the energy to deal with them...
I don't plan to go back to work (possibley online) and I really don't miss them...
This video was SO afirming for me...Thank you again...
Understand that! Sounds like they had fear…you were in control, and a deeper place!
Don't let people treat you like there is something wrong with you. If someone uses it to try to jab you with a comment retort with "there is nothing wrong with me, I'm just not attention or herd needy."
Just food for thought.... You know that the bible talks about the broad road and the narrow road. Christ walked the narrow road, was introspective, needed space from his inner circle for 40 days, spent hours daily alone in prayer, spent time preaching to the masses but then exited to return to his isolation gladly....
I’ve completely isolated myself - 4 years now. I kept one friend, my best friend - I still feel completely burnt out
Me too. 4 years. I am wondering if I'm agoraphobic.
@@chaoswitch1974 I’ve actually had the same thoughts 💭 I’ve become completely intolerant of crowded areas , I now go out in nature for peace 🫶🏽
It's called recharging, 🧘♀️not rotting
💯
Strangely enough the comments on this rotting thing have been removed, I replied to 2 comments on bed rotting
The criticism of that word being used by her. Seems they can't take criticism and owning up to their mistake, OR those people themselves removed their own comments.
It's sus
💯
Do you know the meaning of the word: "rotting" !?! Self care, nurturing, loving, and healing is Not rotting. Poor word choice no matter what everyone says to defend it.
Your use of this world makes me question your credentials.
No one is evading "mistakes" because we are not mistaken, nor are we mistakes. Often, the greatest healing is done while quiet or asleep. Our spirit, soul, higher self, heavenly body knows what we need. Stay calm.
Everything in balance.
Om Shanti.
✨💜🕊️✨
❤💛💜
Doing my best feels so insufficient so often I can 't tell anymore. Feels like cheating trying to take care of myself for some reason. Thanks for the reminder.
When you go on an airplane, they tell you to put YOUR OWN oxygen mask on first before you put on your child's because you can only take care of others if you take care of yourself. This is one reason I've started tending to my needs like getting enough sleep and meditating; so I can be there for my loved ones without being angry or resentful or depressed or anxious.
Thank you for your visit and agreeing that isolation is by itself is an attribute and has been characteristic for artists, writers, musicians, and a necessary ingredient of their work.
Chosen isolation may be one of our attributes of being a human being and using our full mind to explore meaning and consciousness.
From my work with horses, they share similar characteristics of selected isolation especially when in a band of wild horses. Most horses both wild and domesticated interact just enough to maintain and no more.
I think i might b a horse? But yeah horses know. They just know
@@2blackcatz426 💗🐈⬛ Going off topic here, horses, their presence is felt so strongly (even from a distance by me and I know others sense this too). Now that I type this, a memory comes to mind that I wanna share. When I was a young child I was taken to horses (the ones locked up) to "ride". I felt so much I didn't understand. Could be because they're "big". They got me a pony, it didn't feel right. Now I understand I felt their true essence and their hurt. It hurt inside me back then. Take care 🌿🌺
@@bbdn5123
The horse and human partnership is just 5000 years old as horses were already extinct in North America by that time and were only reintroduced by the Spanish. Their extinction was due to be only eaten by humans and other predators.
I think some with autism can recognize that we both need to partner so as to not be annihilated by modernity.
I tend to think many who are successful with animal understanding and training like the well known Temple Grandin, have autistic tendencies. I know my best work has been training and understanding canines, horses, and felines.
Living with depression, anxiety and PTSD which after many years, Im on the right treatment and overcome alot. BUT I am also an empath. Been in social environments is exhausting. I take up so much of other peoples energy and its exhausting. Im at that stage in my life would rather be alone with my dogs, spend my time making delicious foods and relaxing. To add, meeting new people means I pick up on their energy and analysis everything about them, their behavior, how the manage themselves, how they talk and if I pick up something off, I cant be in their company ever again. And Im usually right. I will hear months down the line about an incident with this person and it will be the exact thing I told my husband about that person when I first met. So essentially Im outting my guard up against people like that. While I like to isolate, I dont necessarily isolate at home all the time. I can go to a movie on my own, shop on my own, go to lunch on my own and with all the trauma from childhood and early adulthood, I am finding my peace and it it feels really good.
Overworking might be another way to functionally isolate because its a valid excuse to not socialize or get out if the house if you’re too busy or too tired to socialize
I don't understand why I need to be around people. I don't want to be bothered. Every time I meet someone and let them in they hurt me. Even strangers have made me feel unsafe or try to run me off the road. I don't want that.
People everywhere are hateful molded aliens made by this gov presenting everyone as a suspect to be interrogated by every company their is under the guise we might all be terrorists and that personal info then sold on the open market so we can all be commodities to be manipulated and for people to engage in that info collecting is cannibalistic and disgusting I don't want to see or talk to anyone
That sounds tough! You don't need to be around people. But it does sound like you unconsciously wish for connection. At least because you are saying that, you are sometimes letting people in.
How exactly do you set your boundaries in order to prevent getting hurt other than isolating? What do you do to protect yourself in a social interaction to protect yourself?
There are thousands of people live alone and don't want to be taken advantage of you don't need people for dirt go on your own there is a wealth of happiness in you if you listen
@@Lighttningbolt There are millions of people who don't want to take advantage of you, who you can trust in. 100%
@@understandablepodcast No there are not you are in disillusion denial grasshopper so you live in your city and you will learn and being alone is being very wealthy
I have found solitude to be extremely healing and beneficial.
I also hid in my room in the 80s and listened to music. Memories of Billy Joel and Supertramp 😍 I had a younger brother but he was the golden child. I hid from my narcissistic psychotic mother. I'm 57 and still need alone time
Your not alone ❤
@@Hummingbird64 ♥️♥️♥️
38 and SAME.
@@Hummingbird64 🙏❤️
❤️
I got out of a narcissistic friendship and a marriage, almost simultaneously. I had a hard wake-up call to the "quality" of these relationships and had to see (me) the common denominator. I've turned away from friendship and potential dating and really do love the freedom of having my own time and making my own decisions. My roommate keeps asking me to participate in group lunches, games, etc. I find that all very superficial and a waste of time. I know I'm still resentful, but I appreciate this time to re-explore myself.
Who else here dreams of 3 months alone in a lovely cabin full of good books, good food, with an internet connection for film binging?
I just want to live without needing people to shower me etc. I feel like a burden.
@@SusanBrown-hb7xz I’m so very sorry to hear this Susan. You are not a burden especially if you face such things with quiet, inner strength and pride. Give those around you something to admire. Someone to hold in high regard during your dark times. You can give the gift of acceptance to yourself and others. You are in my thoughts Susan Brown.
When I r mentally ill & run down all I want to do is to rot and to spend time alone in bed as a therapeutic thing. Then all your careers & mental health care workers is to keep making u do sport or a coffee to show me getting on with life and having a good time . But all I need is a month or so to isolate rot and take it easy so I can make peace with myself then go out into the world when I'm comfortable so I can enjoy myself not just going through the motions xx
I was bullied or harassed at so many jobs and through the family dysfunction that I have no trust in any institution to protect me from future harm... Being a hermit feels safer because there are so many people looking for targets to abuse and for some reason I attract them.
I'm the same dear ❤🫂
Unf. I don't have any advice, atm I cut off my so called "friends" out of my life, tired of being the laughing stock or gossip about my misery & failure, been met with half-assery no efforts in reciprocating what I give to them. I might as well save on my energy & give that to myself instead, maybe that's how I will eventually heal, preserving my energy & doing things that gives me meaning & joy ❤
I am not sharing or giving any longer, I keep everything close to my chest, I only mirror what others say or do to me, to no longer feel used
@@UniqueGeekFreak Yeah, it's motivated by the belief that I can heal in time if I can remove myself from the persistent triggers and maltreatment... Calm my nervous system down. I do counseling so I am open to that relationship but all other entities even churches are sus because of accountability issues. I've had many experiences of going to leadership in situations and trying to resolve conflicts and watched the conflict be made worse. So I isolate and I guess the bullies in my area are having to find new sources of supply.
I can totally relate. Workplace bullies are a real thing.
@@emilysnyder4857 lol yes, they most likely eont change. I hope my comment will stay now.
I'm sorry to hear that ❤
Usually I start taking a step back instead of trying to save the day, try to stay out of being pulled into even conversations about anything not work related.
My advice for you is to change your environment, change profession even, to work solo, until you have built yourself up string enough to not care about others say to you, that you can start standing up for yourself.
I used to be a quiet mouse before, after quitting my job, the anger and rage started to build up & forced me to become a Lion to roar when someone tries to put me diwn or overstep their boundaries.
But I could only do that, because I quit my job & have the time to recover from the psychological abuse & burnout.
Save yourself & care about your own skin.
It's seldom ppl have your back or your best interest.
I also stopped caring about others, this resulted in stopping being used by others as well and start taking care of myself, preserving my energy to heal & become stronger.
You are strong and brave, otherwise you would not have Bern put through this.
Focus on your own beautiful world now 😊❤
Don't rush the process, it may take years until you see results or improvements, the journey is what matters and to live in the moments & here and now. Start living now, not in a cpl of years when you have achieved this or that, it's an illusion.
Live now, be happy now ❤🍀✊️💪
@@emilysnyder4857
lol yes, they most likely wont change
I'm sorry to hear that ❤
Usually I start taking a step back instead of trying to save the day, try to stay out of being pulled into even conversations about anything not work related.
My advise for you is to change your environment, change profession even, to work solo, until you have built yourself up string enough to not care about others say to you, that you can start standing up for yourself.
I used to be a quiet mouse before, after quitting my job, the anger and rage started to build up & forced me to become a Lion to roar when someone tries to put me diwn or overstep their boundaries.
But I could only do that, because I quit my job & have the time to recover from the psychological abuse & burnout.
Save yourself & care about your own skin.
It's seldom ppl have your back or your best interest.
I also stopped caring about others, this resulted in stopping being used by others as well and start taking care of myself, preserving my energy to heal & become stronger.
You are strong and brave, otherwise you would not have Bern put through this.
Focus on your own beautiful world now 😊❤
Don't rush the process, it may take years until you see results or improvements, the journey is what matters and to live in the moments & here and now. Start living now, not in a cpl of years when you have achieved this or that, it's an illusion.
Live now, be happy now ❤🍀✊️💪
Thank you so much for this. As someone who is dating a woman with severe trauma and depression, I’m worried about her and encourage her to go to therapy but I don’t want to push her. It’s her choice. I believe people deep down know what they need to heal and ultimately need to guide their own healing journey. So I limit what I share with her but this video is so important. I’ll share it with her and hopefully she will feel less hopeless. 😢
It’s so awesome you want to be supportive. If your partner is also neurodivergent (or you are), it can be very connecting to send resources, “I saw this and thought of you!” When my husband discovered one of my favorite ADHD channels *on his own* I felt very seen. Granted, it does not fix anything, but it can be a moment of connection.
Also, reading/watching content on the topic of trauma to educate yourself is really helpful so that you are better equipped to be in a relationship with someone who has trauma.
As a neurodivergent cptsd w/ constant anhedonia it's hard to allow myself to validate my isolation or acknowledge that I'm experiencing a period of depression. I appreciate your thoughtful contribution to our healing. BUT truly feel the term "rotting" has to go. We have enough negativity in our heads and don't need another term that causes us to self-criticize.
I understand - this term applies to everyone who engages in this behavior. I am working on seeing it as "the art of isolation" but the term has become quite mainstream. Sending support and 💜today🙏
Simply ignoring something doesn’t make it any better though. It sounds like you don’t want to call it rotting because you don’t want to criticize the behavior, however self criticism can be incredibly helpful. If I never criticized myself, I would be much worse off mentally and physically. Everyone is constantly decaying, and if we aren’t doing anything else WHILE decaying, we are, by definition, just rotting.
@@lordtachanka903 I’m quite certain I did not say anything about ignoring something. I don’t need your misinterpretation of my statement. Good for you for criticizing yourself.
@@ratterrierdogma What you said was
“BUT truly feel the term ‘rotting’ has to go. We have enough negativity in our heads and don’t need another term that causes us to self criticize”
If you are trying not to use or let other people use a word that’s medically accurate because you don’t like the criticism it makes your inner self feel, that is (by literal definition) an avoidance based behavioral pattern.
I’m just trying to help you out man, you don’t need to be rude about it. We all have flaws, but we can’t fix our flaws unless we’re honest with ourselves about what they are, via self reflection. In a healthy mind about half of reflection is self criticism and being honest with yourself about when you were in the wrong about things. The other half is patting yourself on the back and telling yourself “good job” for what you did right, but FAR too many people have focused solely on just one or the other, which is incredibly unhealthy. Think of self reflection like ying and yang, if you overpower one fish by the other one, you’ll just have a solid circle of white or black, with no balance at all. This is why criticism of yourself can be important even if it doesn’t feel good, for example, working out doesn’t feel good while you’re doing it, but after a month or two at the gym you start feeling more energetic and grow bigger muscles from it.
TLDR: If you can identify when and where you’re failing, it gives the opportunity to succeed. Without vision of your short comings you will never be able to fix them, which will (ALWAYS) lead to an unhappy life.
It is really true, because victims have been forced to focus on others it is critically difficult to accept that it is ok not dedicating myself for others. Furthermore, it is strongly recommended to sacrifice oneself for others as a virtue, so it could be soooo tricky about this traumatised symptom.
Money plays a big roll in what may appear to be isolation. People can't afford to go places.
I will soon because I'm getting a roommate to cut my costs.
Actually, it doesn't. Bed freeze can happen to those with money as well. The bank account could be overflowing but if you or your world do not feel safe for whatever reason and depression, abuse, etc. has knocked you down into a hole, you're not going to be apt to step out of bed. 😢
Rookies don't always solve the problem. Sometimes they make it way worse. Be careful. 🎉
Word lol my depression and trauma goes away w money!
@@MayvenFunk I rent out my upstairs. The tenant does her own household chores and I do mine separately. Sometimes a housemate requires as much negotiation as a marriage. Good luck with a housemate. Maybe you can just rent out a room or some other arrangement
If it is too problematical with a housemate. I say all this after having housemates who made kitchen messes but didn’t show up for clean up.
@@theabsinaz5 Then fix your depression. Build confidence by improving skills.
I'm soo ready to break free and stay free
Thank you for the understanding !First for safety, then for it just makes things easier. For an outgoing person this has been so painful! Always the Mother Hen, the fun one. Entertaining everyone! Cooking and caring for everyone. Aloneness sucks for someone like me.
I believe that self isolation is definitely healing. I live with my narcissistic husband and when he leaves, it feels like I can breathe again. I can be myself because when he is around, I feel like I have to watch everything I say he can use anything I say against me, he twisted even the love I show for my pets or even things I like to do Can be sabotaged or even abused so I can’t be myself when he’s around or even love things that I love fully
The advice to reach out to friends and family always makes me chuckle in a sad way, because most of us do not have a good support network, otherwise, we would not be who we are today. I push everyone away just like my parents pushed me away. I don’t have healthy coping mechanisms. Confiding in someone doesn’t help me, it makes me feel worse.
Only a person or a group of people experienced in bpd/neurodivergent depression and burnout can possibly make a difference. Being treated like a sad neurotypical person only makes me angry, because it often looks and feels like an invasion of privacy, and makes me want to isolate even more. What a person with bpd needs is space and freedom to do what they want until they feel a little better, and a loyal person or group of people who are there no matter what and who do not bring attention to my depressive episodes in any way. A person with BPD regresses to their early childhood state during those periods, and parentifying them is actually harmful and does not let them develop the copying skills needed to overcome this.
Wow you just explained exactly what I'm living through....4 years now...just lost my 11 year old Boxer best friend ...protector...made me feel loved....I miss him so very much ❤️🙏🏼
The only thing I feel for years is sadness and all I give is love
I am so sorry for your loss. I have a 9 year old 100lb coon hound mix who has become a complete ESA for me over a 5 year horrific narcissistic divorce trauma. I can understand how heartbroken you must be. Please know you have people who definitely empathize with you. My boy and God are the only ones who were there for me for 5 years. And now that we are safe and out of that nightmare, I strive to give him the best life I can and cherish the time we have left together. I hope you have some supportive people who will help you through this grief. Be gentle with yourself..and take as much time as you need..these are our "family".
I’m so glad I found you! Most of what you say, seems like you’re talking about me. I have had mostly trauma in my life for most of it. I’m 67 and just lost my only Daughter to fentanyl poisoning 3 days after Christmas. My life will never be the same. Grew up in an Orphanage and most importantly stay by myself in my bedroom. I love being alone! No more abuse, no more hurt, and I also have a few chronic illnesses that I deal with on a daily. I think I can learn a lot from you! So Thank You!!!
I do need a lot of recovery time
Isolation for me is peace of mind , be with people is sad n confusing n scary for me
Same ❤
We are too plugged in, too much demand, too much stimulus. No one can keep up with hundreds of social media "friends". Rise of narcissistic behavior via social media. Too much political division. Loss of integral relationships. Absolutely a cope mechanism to isolate.
Wow, this really hit the nail on the head! It makes me want to cry! I'm going to send this to my husband and hopefully he can understand what I'm going through, and I'm betting your money, it'll strike a cord with him also! Thank you so much for this!