How To Stop Walking On Eggshells W/Narcissists & Difficult People
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- Опубліковано 28 чер 2024
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#cptsd #cptsdawareness #cptsdrecovery #emotionalhealing #selfhealing #traumahealing #traumacoach #somaticexperiencing #childhoodtrauma #narcissistic #narcissism #emotionaltrauma #depression #anxiety #dissociation
Hello Thrivers!! Just a quick reminder.... if this is a topic that interests you - I am hosting my FIRST FREE LIVE Webinar on January 3rd!!!! Normally I meet live on zoom only with members of Thrivers School of Transformation - but this year 2024 I will be hosting a FREE live webinar EACH month for those unable to join the School of Transformation whether due to financial challenges or simply not having the time to commit!! I truly believe in the power of group coaching/support - so if you've ever been curious as to what my live meetings are like.... come join me for FREE on January 3rd as I host a webinar entitled - How To STOP Walking on Eggshells!!! Here's the link to register, the zoom link will be emailed to you on the 3rd!!! www.micheleleenieves.com/pl/2148095108
I look forward to starting the new year with you!!
Hey Mishel! Really love your work. One of your videos last week was talking about a 50% off offer, which is available till the end of the year. But when I went to the website, it just kept going through loops, and I couldn’t find anywhere to send an email to support! Do you know if this bug has been fixed and if that half office still available? Thank you so much!❤❤❤❤❤
Hey just found the link below comments! Nvr Mind 😂❤❤🎉🎉😂🎉🎉❤❤😂😂
@@theoriginal7727hi!! It’s a special link that I’ve only been adding to each video that I put up this month - but I’m seeing that it can be hard to find… I’ll add it to my website and leave it here for you as well - it’s good through 12/31 - thanks for letting me know - I didn’t realize the link was difficult to find!! I look forward to seeing you in the live meetings 😊 www.micheleleenieves.com/offers/VLng2TZt
@@theoriginal7727lol😂awesome!
This is awesome!
I have a NMom and im I hate i was condition to people please to her.
When they rage their eyes change. I'm not sure how to describe it.
Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries....I have to tell this to myself a lot sometimes, as I was conditioned growing up not to have boundaries. It's been a journey of ups and downs trying to establish health boundaries to protect my space, time, and core being, but it has been an awesome and healthy change. I'm also doing mindfulness using books such as 30 Days to Overcome a Toxic Relationship by Harper Daniels and the Tao Te Ching.
If you stay long enough the anger gets progressively worse . And it can become physical one day regardless of the hundreds of times it never got to that point
I wish I had knew this years ago as well. Thanks Michele for sharing your knowledge with us.🙏 Thriving makes you shine and it suit you nicely. 🌞
So many things! It took a couple relationships and a completely destroyed business partnership with borderlines and narcissist, for me to really start diving deep, and actually get to the root of what happened during my childhood… And finally have the courage to call it what it was. It’s a lot easier to put things in perspective when you have children of your own. When I can see the things that were done to me, and compare if somebody was doing that to my daughter… Would they go to jail, or even face the wrath of Papa bear? If yes, that means it’s abuse. No matter how much they tried to normalize shit parenting back in the 60s, 70s, 80s.
Relatable. Had a Narcissistic women in my life. I literally was avoiding her and went to walk away and she began yelling at me -- for legit just not wanting to interact with her.
I've watched a ton of videos on narcissists and difficult people and this is one of the best.
My underlying fear of the rage was that he would leave me, the fear of abandonment. I think he knew it, because one time he actually punished me by leaving for a day and a half. After a rage this one time I actually got brave enough to tell him I didn't want him to accompany me on a volunteer shrub planting activity that we were planning to do together. I did the job myself. An hour late I get a text from him that he's going to spend the weekend with our at-the-time single son who lived an hour away. Over the next 18 months I got braver and he got sicker until he passed away.
Great information. But sometimes when he rages he does raise a hand as if he’s going to hit me. So yes I think his anger could escalate to the point he DOES hit me. Lack of finances keeps me from leaving him.
Find a way to leave. Peace of mind is more important than economic hardship.
I understand completely.
Mine did end up going physical. Most people just don’t understand what that fear is like.
Or the fear of knowing that narcissist took away your independence and now you feel stuck. You’re not alone ❤
@@redwatch.sometimes it’s just not that easy.
You're a capable adult, get a job
@@Time_to_Believe_in_Yourself how do you know I’m a capable adult? Do you know me? FYI I have been on a full disability for 10 years due to illness and I still manage to do a small bookkeeping job at home. I’m also 70 years old. Would you want to hire me?
That makes sense. But it still takes the fun and joy out of what I am doing. And over time it is exhausting and annoying to be constantly trying to block that mental attacks. So leaving will always be better. And even then they are in hour head and remind you of what you are not supposed to have fun with.
I had a breakthrough just yesterday.
I go to a church where I am the only Canadian-born adult. Other than a woman born in England, everyone else was born in India or Pakistan.
Yesterday was Christmas Day (I say this for the sake of people watching the video in the future) and because most of the people have no family locally, we had a Christmas dinner at the church.
During and after the dinner there were Christmas carols being played in English, Hindi, Urdu, and Punjabi. After the dinner many of the Indian people got up and started dancing in traditional Indian dance.
Here is the breakthrough. I thought it looked like fun and wanted to join them but I didn’t know the dance steps. And I thought of how stupid I would look as well as how my ex and kids would have mocked me if they were there and I started dancing.
But then I reminded myself that they weren’t there and decided that I would have fun and screw them! So I got up and joined the dance, imitating the moves everyone else was doing! To my surprise, not only did they not mind, they were excited that I had joined them! And BOY DID I HAVE FUN!!!!!
I looooove this!!!!! So happy to hear that you are breaking out of THEIR old, limiting, negative programming!!! You are allowed to have fun, to be silly, to make mistakes, to learn and yet be unapologetically you while doing so!!
If we experienced this as children (as most adults in narc relationships did), walking on egg shells was a matter of life or death. If a child's caregiver rages and gets mad, as a child I have no other way to get my needs met. That adult is life or death regardless of if they physically hit the child. If they are mad and withdrawal their love and affection until you act the way they want you to then that could mean no food. No shower. Will they let me live here?
I agree with everything said, but i think in most adults in romantic narcissistic relationships grew up with a caregivers that were narcissistic and that fear WAS a matter of life and death at one point in their life.
You are a help to many people,thank you.
Just go on and clomp around the house (just like THEY do) and be true to who YOU are.
Thank you so much for this informative video..!
My parents were irresponsible parents who left the childrearing to my sister, who was 16 months older than I was. Since the only way she saw my parents discipline us was to beat the crap out of us, she did the same -- with my parents' blessings. My parents always assumed what she said was correct (because trying to get to the truth took too much work,and my sister was/is a masterful liar), so even if she lied about something I did, there was nothing I could do because I was never believed anyway, so either she or my parents would beat me. So my fear was always that if my sister got mad, everyone would automatically take her side and punish me.
My sister's "beating priviledges" finally got revoked when I was 9 because she left welts and cuts on my skin after beating me with a hanger. Since my parents already had a child abuse accusation that involved Child Services, they told her to stop beating me as to not get into any more trouble. But by that time, the damage had been done.
It got so bad that in my teen years I would break out in hives at the thought of angering my sister. She would throw a tantrum over me not agreeing with her, and I would curl up in a ball and cry. Then the skin flare ups would start.
It wasn't until my early 40s that it occurred to me that I could just walk away when she started with her nonsense. At 45 I started shutting down conversations rather than letting her finish her rants, and I finally got the courage to start calling her out on some of her crazy. At 47 I went full no-contact with my sister and my parents.
Hilariously, to this day, my parents are deeply confused because they thought my sister and I were besties growing up, and were actually stunned when I asked someone else to be my maid of honour at my wedding. How were they so clueless? She was my biggest bully!!!
Interestingly, I didn't put 2 and 2 together about why even thinking about being in a room alone with my sister still causes me anxiety. Thank you for this. It gave me a lot to think about.
Mine is fear of abandonment.
I get it! A lifetime of walking on eggshells, I stopped allowing fun into my life, so that it couldn't be ruined by the carpet being pulled out. No more...
Me too.
I realized that my underlying fear was me, flashing back to fearing my parents' anger and disapproval, and the consequences that came with it. Now, my inner dialogue is, "face the bluster, the angry words, because that's all it will be". My therapist of many years taught me how to question myself, just like you are illustrating. She would say, and if x happens, what then? Until I realized that the consequences as an adult, are nothing to be feared in this circumstance. Thank you for reminding me, and always teaching new angles and ways of dealing. Happy New Year! xx
Nice job Michele! I appreciate that you went beyond 'describing' walking on egg shells. So many videos do a good job describing narcissistic features but very few encourage exploration of your own feelings! :)
I enjoy the HD videos Michelle thanks
well for me its all about the fact that some of them are dangerous physcopaths who will litterally try to hurt you in every way that they can or even kill you if you Dont walk on eggshells for them and allow them to abuse you......and this is the Only thing that i personally really struggle with...
You look gorgeous michelle🎉❤ nice video ❤🎉 merry christmas🎉❤😊
You are so good
So good🙏🏽🙏🏽
If you have a separation, a judge can grant you emergency support payments and he must pay it. This would be pending the disposition of your joint property. Contact a lawyer to find out the steps to leave. Don’t let “lack of finances” hold you back. Perhaps you think you might outlive him or if you leave someone else will get your share? He may be thinking the same things or that you will pass away. My Aunt didn’t make it. She should still be with us but is not. I use to dream her cruel husband would pass first and she would be free. It didn’t happen that way. He outlived her. She never knew another life.
Means I could be homeless so that doesn't work
I want to be able to do this. After much tough work, I am pretty much ready. What can stop me and is so frustrating is that when I see her (mother) there is usually some social family setting/occaision going on and I know if I speak my mind all hell will let loose, and I will have 'ruined' the occaision. Having been the scapegoat in the family, this is further dangerous for me plus my sons will be like Mum, why cause a scene (by just expressing myself in ways that clash with her opinions etc but they've been through enough over the years) So she keeps getting away with it.
There is only one way: Forever NO CONTACT!
My current girlfriend has that same fear about being the problem. I can be out in the garage working on a car and bust my knuckles. Ill curse and get loud out of frustration. She instantly thinks i am mad at her. I have to sit there constantly saying “im not mad at you, babe. Im mad that i just busted my knuckles” over and over.
So idk how you square that circle. I honestly think it is being hyper sensitive, but then everyone says “ohhhhh, all abusers say that”. Yet i know i had no negative intentions at all. I dunno
It’s nice that you reassure her. Hopefully she is soothing her fears separate from you so she can heal whatever was in her past.
Codependent seeking codependent
I dont know if this is the same as walking on eggshells, i felt like my exes behavoir towards me needed to be spoken about, my ex never seemed angry i could just tell there was something off little comments to me was said for a reaction even trying to share how i was feeling bein treated a certain way it was my fault i ended up letting things just pass and not say anythin i ended up walking away from trying to talk because i knew that it would be my fault then i was accused of abandoning her i just felt i couldnt talk and try n sort things out, i still go over the things said trying to get some perspective on it, there was alot of other things going off within the relationship which it looked like she could be a covert just like a checklist no empathy, always turnig it round so it was always my fault lying about things push pull techniques and yet i can honestly say the best person i could have met at the start.
no thats not it