Walking on Eggshells in a Relationship: What it Means + How to Stop - Terri Cole
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- Опубліковано 15 чер 2024
- Do you feel like you are walking on eggshells in your relationship?
Do you worry that anything you say (or don’t say) might set your partner off?
Do you work overtime to avoid doing or saying anything that will upset them but still somehow fail?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, today’s episode is for you. I’m unpacking the signs and symptoms of walking on eggshells, describing what that phrase looks and feels like IRL, and giving you ideas of what you can do to break this exhausting cycle.
You can download the free guide that goes along with this episode here: www.terricole.com/walk-on-egg...
TIME STAMPS:
0:00 - Introduction
2:00 - What does "walking on eggshells" mean? Signs to look for
4:44 - How you might experience walking on eggshells
6:16 - Signs & symptoms of walking on eggshells (questions to ask yourself)
8:36 - Why you might feel the need to walk on eggshells
12:13 - What you can do instead
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ABOUT TERRI COLE
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, global relationship and empowerment expert, and the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free.
For over two decades, Terri has worked with a diverse group of clients that includes everyone from stay-at-home moms to celebrities and Fortune 500 CEOs.
She has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible and actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change. She inspires over 450,000 people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, and her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. For more, see www.terricole.com/
CONNECT ON SOCIAL
Instagram: terricole.com/ig
FB Page: terricole.com/fb
FB Group: terricole.com/fbg
Podcast: terricole.com/itunes
RESOURCES:
www.terricole.com/gethelp/ -- If you are in a crisis or any other person may be in danger the resources on this page can provide you with immediate help.
Boundary Boss Book: boundarybossbook.com/
BetterHelp: betterhelp.com/terricole
I no longer offer one-on-one coaching/therapy sessions but highly recommend using BetterHelp to find a therapist that fits your needs. As a team, we have fully vetted BetterHelp's resources. If you choose to sign up for Better Help's service, I will receive a commission on the referral but please know that I only recommend services that I know & trust.
#terricoleshow #emotionalabuse #walkingoneggshells - Розваги
Have you ever found yourself walking on eggshells in a relationship? How did you break the cycle? What did you experience? Share it with us below 👇
I feel like this with my sister and she feels this way with me. How do we stop
I started walking on eggshells as a child. I was absolutely terrified of my father, scared of my mother, and scared of my sibling. I finally went no contact for my mental and physical health.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion ❤️
Terri Cole it's kind hearted people like you that make the world a better place Neal 😀
Thank you so much for the important work that you do.
I walk on eggshells with my mother. There are certain things I am not allowed to talk about. For instance eating sugar as a diabetic. If I bring it up she becomes a victim. I am a horrible person bringing it up. When in fact I love her and don't want her to harm herself.
My whole life I have been afraid and I can feel it in my body. It takes a toll on my mental health and physical health.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
It's like you heard the conversation I was having with my emotionally labile spouse just yesterday. I found you this morning after looking for information on dealing with my narcissistic mother and am going down the rabbit hole right now. Thank you for your videos.
I'm so glad you're here and that you found my channel ❤️
This helped me understand the dynamics between my parents I experienced throughout my childhood.
Should we stop spending time with people who are like this
Thank you for another amazing youtube message. I fear my family and how they wull attack me for my opinions if they differ from theirs. I have limited visits with them and I now stay in a hotel to protect my emotional well being. Your boundary BOss book and course have helped me tremendously to speak up for myself and say it with respect for myself and the family members invlolved. I keep the Boundary Bill of Rights on my phone and the Boundary scripts on my phone. Both are essential in my codependency recovery. I am learning to love and listen to myself. Thank you Terri!
Grateful I discovered this channel. ❤
I am grateful you're here, Monica ❤️
I walk on eggshells with my daughter, did with my deceased mother too.
Just found your channel, thanks so much!
I am witnessing you with compassion, and glad you're here ❤️
This episode is so interesting and helpful! I feel I'm walking on eggshells in my current relationship because he is impulsive and gets mad about super insignificant things. The thing is I'm not afraid of him directly. I'm afraid he may use our child to harm me. I'm afraid he will ask to have our boy more than what he actually is able to hanlde and wants, just to get back at me. I have never felt so vulnerable in my life before. I don't want to be apart from my child.... thank you for your wonderful videos!!!
I am witnessing you with compassion and sending you strength ❤️
Yes with my avoidant. Always fearing he would leave, even if things were good. Such emotional abuse.
Thank you for your videos Terri ❤️🩹
❤️❤️
What a beautiful soul!
Terri, I swear, any issue I'm looking for help on, you've already covered in a video 😂 I so appreciate all the amazing content you pour your valuable time and energy into. Thank you 🙏
I'm finally in a healthy relationship, but these old patterns are creeping back in for me. I'm trying to learn that it's safe to have disagreements and for everything to not be rosy with the wonderful human I've been married to for four years. I'm off to check out the guide you mentioned. Thanks again!
I am so glad it was helpful ❤️ It is hard to get past old patterns, but I always suggest the 3 Qs: 1) Who does this person remind you of? 2) Where have you felt like this before? 3) Why or how is this behavioral dynamic familiar to you? Sometimes, getting to the core of this can help us remember that then is not now. ❤️
This is great
Thank you sooooo much 🩷
“To increase joy and decrease suffering,” the most important thing to know, is that our happiness doesn’t depend on situations and people’s behavior. That belief sets up the equation that I can only be happy, at peace if the other person changes. People don’t change at our request. They change because they want to when they are ready. If I’m waiting for that to happen, I’ll be waiting a long time. Whether it’s a blueprint from childhood, or someone else causing it, we can change it with the understanding that our state of mind does not depend on the outer stimulus: Their mood, their behavior does not influence my state of mind. My state of mind influences the situation. With this awareness, we will experience lasting change.
100%!
@@terri_cole 💐Thank you.
Hi, my name is Michelle and this is how I lived in my marriage the last 15 years. Afraid to upset my spouse and he would possibly leave or just continue to say nothing. It has been terrible way to live day by day,but communication was never a good open door for us. He was always shutting me out and I never knew what he was thinking.No one has ever realized this is how we have lived. Everyone else thinks he is Mr Wonderful, the perfect man.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion Michelle, and sending strength your way ❤️
This is how I live, constant criticism, he even criticises how I mop the floor. I feel deflated and hopeless. Suicide seems sometimes to be the only way out.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending love, Eileen. If you believe you are in danger of harming yourself, please reach out to a professional therapist, a friend, or a trusted member of your family or clergy so you are not alone during this time. You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK. The call is free and confidential, and the crisis workers are there 24/7 to assist you. I hope you find the resources helpful, as I am unable to offer any personalized assistance. I am sending you so much strength and courage 💕
Eileen don't ever feel like that is the way out you arnt hopeless girl only feel like that .there's more to you when he says those things he is saying them about himself and its not about you hope there is someone who can share your worries with you there's always hope
Hi Terri Cole thank you for the video it was very helpful. I feel as though I am constantly walking on eggshells with someone in my life, but what makes it difficult is that I see the anger responses indirectly. Like they internalize the anger as self-hatred instead of directing anything at me. Can you talk about this sort of cycle?
A lot of times this type of self-hatred or turning their anger in is also a manipulation tactic, so be aware. How they relate to themselves is not your side of the street and not for you to save them. You are only responsible for your side of the street, which means deciding not to walk on eggshells and having the courage to let the chips fall where they may. I’m holding space for you with compassion as you navigate this. ❤️
I'm on the edge of my seat, wishing there was a way to say this (aside from sending a link) that this is my life with my "person". I am afraid. This is devastating. 😔
I am witnessing you with so much compassion ❤️❤️
I walk in egg shells not out of fear it’s more of a sense of hopelessness because my feelings and boundaries get dismissed every time. The blame shifting isn’t worth it.
I'm so sorry to hear that, Rusty ❤️
If it’s a relationship. You should make plans to leave. Yes it’s hard because of attachment but it’s only a fleeting moment because the long term results is you are free to
I have lived like this for four years. (since he turned 48) I sometimes can't even breath properly. I have been screamed at, had things thrown at me. I can't communicate even about everyday normal life without worrying about what will happen. What will it be like today? That's how I live. Every day I pray for a good day. I am waiting for this to turn around and get better. My husband used to be a fun loving happy person. I am waiting for him to come back. My therapist stopped seeing me because she said I can't take any advice from her and we were finished what could be done. It was terrible that day. We had our appointment and she just told me she was done, no more appointments. If I tried to have this calm conversation you suggested, I will get screamed at with decibels that are off the charts. I have tried choosing my words carefully, talking calmly. Nothing works I just get screamed at. I refuse to end my marriage, I'm waiting it out. I live like a quiet little happy mouse doing everything I can to not poke the angry bear.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
Feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells around my narcissistic father.
I'm so sorry to hear you're experiencing that ❤️
I am a woman. My ex is also. Verbal abuse on our family wizard court ordered communication platform for over nine years now I think she thinks I’m finally erased 💔
I have two kids
How do I work it out with my husband
This describe my daughter's life 100%. How do I help her? She is so messed up that she has no idea she will be better to leave. She has four children and is scared. I understand the enormous fear she has but how do I help guide her to a healthier life for her and the kids??
Hi Rhonda, maybe share the video with her saying something like, “This made me think of you and your situation. I love you and am here to support you.” ❤️
First I had to realize the insanity of being made to feel like this as a child.
I never want it again.
I experience though in workplaces, it’s never secure, it sux.
Hey Terri thanks for this informative video,really wished I had found this a lot sooner rather than later! I went through the same experience with my now ex-girlfriend six months ago and I didn’t start seeing any red flags from her until mid-December of last year three months into us being together. I brushed it off as her being hormonal(cause she is a mother after all) but it started eating away at me like a parasite,cause I knew if I showed any signs of weakness she’d leave me in a heartbeat
I am witnessing you with compassion, Rufus, and glad you are out of that situation now ❤️
I had a very controlling and physically abusive mother...I ended up finding myself in a coercive controlling relationship with emotional abuse. He hit me... but he tried to portray it as being playful...I know differently...
I believe this is one of the things that affected my children, which is why my daughter was then coerced to make up the fourth false accusation of sexual abuse, I’ve been in Family Court for 10 years. I followed you for a long time. I’ve been tortured and I haven’t seen my children for 15 months. I should find out any day now if I’m getting arrested or charged. I know you might be expensive, but can you serve as an expert witness?
Hi it’s Martha from NC
Hi Martha, welcome to my UA-cam crew! ❤️
My ex partner would rage inches from my face after scanning my face for the slightest facial reaction . This is abuse. I was deeply abused. He would also rage at me after work . Quite a bit. I left one month after he raised a fist to my dying dog. That was a moment. I ran and covered him with my body.
I am so sorry you experienced such horrible abuse, Jackie ❤️❤️
What if I'm the one who is very sensitive to jokes and humour? I get offended quickly
I would start by asking yourself- do YOU believe that, or is that something you've been told? (I ask as a highly sensitive person. Many folks in my crew get told they're "too sensitive" like there is something 'wrong' with them, when in fact, nothing is wrong with them!) If you feel like this is true and it's having a negative impact on your life, you could ask the 3 Qs for clarification, when you're in this situation:
1) Who does this person remind me of?
2) Where have I felt like this before?
3) Why is this behavioral dynamic familiar to me?
The answers may shed some light on patterns- for example, does this only happen with certain people? Certain jokes? Certain kinds of humor? There may be a very good reason as to why you feel offended by these things. I hope that helps ❤️
I am so greatful that I found your video. My neighbor is like dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde. So I guess I am scared . Her window faces my window and she prys into every little thing I do. I've lived here for 2 and a half years. I left my husband to have a more peaceful life. But my next door neighbor is very controlling. And I'm sick of being scared. I al so been having a very hard time trying to get a therapist
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️ That sounds difficult and tiring.
I'm not sure if you're open to online therapy, but my team and I have vetted BetterHelp and recommend them. ❤️ terricole.com/betterhelp (If you use that link I will get a commission.) Sending you peace and love xo
At this point i can t talk he starts screaming and just start to be disrespectfull.
I am so sorry to hear you are experiencing this ❤️
Terri, this video opened my eyes. Thank you! What do you think causes this in the person you're walking on eggshells with? Could it be heavy trauma on their side and them being constantly triggered?
It can be a lot of things and yes, trauma is one of them but their behavior is still their responsibility to manage if it is damaging to others. Thanks for the question!