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- Опубліковано 21 жов 2024
- #narcissist #narcissism #toxicrelationship 10 Reasons a narcissist will hate you when you start doing this in your relationship. The more you know about narcissism and codependency, the less vulnerable you will be to a predatory type personality.
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Lisa A. Romano is a Life Coach and bestselling author who specializes in helping people reclaim their lives through ascending old thought patterns and healing faulty childhood subconscious programs. She is an expert in the fields of codependency, narcissistic abuse, and elevating consciousness. She is also one of the most popular meditation teachers on Insight Timer and is the creator of the 12 Week Breakthrough Coaching Program. If you feel invisible, unworthy, and lack a sense of self or purpose, Lisa's work in the field of personal development can help you gain the self-awareness required to breakthrough.
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Thank you for watching 10 REASONS #NARCISSIST WILL HATE YOU WHEN YOU START DOING THIS/LISA ROMANO
#narcissist #narcissism #npd #lackofempathy #emotionalexploitation #manipulator #codependencyrecovery #codependency #lisaaromano
1. Hate when others are praised.
2. Hate when you don’t take the bait.
3. Hate when you are autonomous.
4. Hate when they are called out on bad behavior.
5. Hate when you show empathy for those considered ‘less than’ the narcissist.
6. Hate when you don’t praise them, laugh at their jokes, use dark humor on others, enable them.
7. Hate when you overcome the fear of confrontation & exercise boundaries.
8. Hate when you remain loyal to those they want to put a wedge/isolate you from.
9. Hate when you don’t do everything they want you to do.
10. Hate when you investigate their claims or attacks on someone.
Spot on! 💯
@@rubytuesday5567 - You’re welcome. It helps me REMEMBER; like taking notes in school. I NEED a synopsis to refer to, frequently take screen shots to put in a special folder. 🧐
Thanks for sharing your notes! 😊
Thank you for that!
@@vacationeyes6430 they hate anything humane, they are from another world. They are wired up differently for a reason and I cant accept that it is due to their upbringing or childhood trauma, in fact childhood trauma makes us more empathic and more sensitive to others. We all had issues growing up. These people are not from human make up. Only genetically but not spiritually. I think they are Alien hybrids. lolol
When they can't control you, they will control how others see you
😅
Sounds like Natalie Anne Cepeda
Narcissists can give criticism, but they cannot take criticism. Thank you for your videos.
so true. Infact they are much more vulnerable and injured that most people I know.
Because they're just cowards.
@@punk86facts
@@NancyLake444 'vulnerable' lol
A healthy person doesn't feel the need to control others.
Exactly what I wanted to f****** control Miki to Abhi ke abhi jakar meri post like kar Abhi To aise baitha abhi to bahar mat jaaiye Matka she was f****** controlling me all these your she made me stay in Amity and then Vandana made me stay with my dad
Kisi sad open nange bahar chalte hue Ko nahin marenge pyar like mein relatives f****** flying monkeys there
Usually these ppl who wanna control you ... can't even tie their own shoes ..
@@victoriavitoroulis3273 or their own lives. It's all a sham!!
@@Movewithkhu part
Actually my ex was super charming with cashiers, waiters and his friends. He liked being a hero out in world. He would help the old lady then tell everyone about it. Behind closed doors he raged and berated us but acted totally charming to EVERYONE else.
Same experience
That's my father!
Sounds exactly like my ex husband. I think of him as Jekyll/Hyde 😂 now it's incredibly easy to spot those kinds of people - and avoid them like the plague.
narcs typically wanna let out their ugly self at home after so much work acting nice all day
A covert narcissist is the worst person you can meet. If there are things in your relationship that appear strange, you better run!
Run before your disgarded
Yup, moved me from Germany to the US. I gave up my family, friends, job, savings and he had me trapped and completely dependent on him with 3 small children.
It took a lot to get out and make it on my own.
The thing that he liked misted about me, my resilience, ability to adept to circumstances and make things work is what saved me from him.
I’m very proud of what I’ve accomplished because it was so hard to do.
Well done self empowered you .Well done .
That’s great, you should be very proud of your self. Well done and much happiness to you and your children. 💕
🔥❤️🙏
Geezer, in foreign country!
You *proved* to be a Wonder Woman. ~ 😹❣🤣 ~ Keep giving him $.h.i.t.!
I've been married for 10 years and I prayed and wonder what was going on in my life all the arguing all the lying and manipulating has told me crazy I'm about to get out he has another woman many women he's seeing I call him out on everything I don't ever get away with nothing everything comes out of his mouth is a lie and I I moved from my hometown to his and I don't know nobody you know and a no goals no dreams will no visions it's ridiculous so I know I got to go
The most painful content of your videos is not an abuse that we all endured, but an examples of what a healthy relationship should look like ! Thank you for sharing your wisdom !
It's so hard trying to shake all the amazing memories out of your head. She loved me so much in the beginning, or so it seemed. I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and have that love again! I want the woman that looked at me with such adoration and desire. My soul is just empty now
@@wattsymusicandfilm remember that she was only acting. It was all fake "love" in order to get control over you...pure manipulation...that's not real love.
Don't regret & keep looking at the past. Instead, look at the present, focus on healing and think about all your possibilities for a new & free future.
@@terriarriola6507 yes I know deep down that was the case. Its so hard, I left only a month ago.. She has been the only woman I've known and wanted for the last 7 years.. Now she's gone.
so true! what's hard for me is realizing that I've been living a lie the last 20years and it's sad because I truly love her more than anyone and would love to work this out and be together the rest of our lives.......but I know now that's impossible😔
@@squarehammer4619 hang in there. I'm trying to, I'm forcing myself now to focus on the horrible parts. I truly believe that the original loving, warm, kind, passionate caring woman I met.. she died, and the one that took her place was the true form. She's empty. She will never be happy... But I know once I detox I will be! You will too
The 25 people who disliked this video are narcissists.
Agreed.
😂😂
😆 lol
100% 👍
🙌🏻😂
I love the fact that you mention that not everyone behaving like this is a narcissist and that it needs to be a pattern. It is very easy for people to label everyone else as one and excuse their own behavior. Since narcissists project all their insecurities on others, sometimes their victims may look more narcissistic than the narcissist himself.
Yes I agree and it needs to be repeated.
@@lisaaromano1 I am sure U have a staff by now. U look really nice Lisa. Nice wedding ring. Looks like it would be impossible to wear a glove. ha ha that is a good problem.
Nice refresher for me.
Thanks so much.
3 years trying to learn to love myself. 1 good solid year no contact and feel so much better. Even my skin is better. ha ha.
@@lisaaromano1 I'm a 61 year old woman. I came from a biological family where my father was the narcissist. Then I went right into a marriage for 36 years where my husband was a narcissist and I believed every word he said. He was a raging alcoholic Percocet narcotic Seeker he wouldn't work at all I always had to work two to three jobs at all times and he was extremely verbally abusive and I believed every word he said I've been divorced 10 years now. The best 10 years of my life
@@lisaaromano1 I thank you so much Lisa it's through watching your UA-cam videos it's like a lightbulb moment I thank you so much you saved my life
@@rosemaryjohnson6308
I was from the same type of family only my mother was the narcissist. I have been divorced for 10 years also, 4 1/2 years of a horrific divorce, he dropped dead with his girlfriend of 20 years, of a massive heart attack. I can say a lot of my single time has been better, but I really miss not having a warm, friendship type relationship with snuggling etc. From 62-72 I have been too fearful of falling into another Narcissistic relationship and abuse, and now I just don't want to spend the rest of my life taking care of an old man. I am happy to just take care of myself. After 45 years with him running my life, now that I am free, I feel to old to make any big changes,i.e. moving halfway back across the country to where I came from originally. I am still stuck. I am very happy for you though!
This is 100% my ex-husband. He was THE perfect partner in the beginning. Once I agreed to move to his hometown, the mask came off & the hell began. After We moved, I quickly realized that he was a very different person than the one I married. The change took place very quickly & I felt like I was going crazy. He’s remarried now, but has continued taking me to court. He is a VERY controlling father & tries to control & dictate my relationship with our kids. Your videos have really helped me see what I experienced, & why. Thank you!
Do the really consciously do this sht on purpose? So terrible!
He is married. But that new wife is miserable. Thank goodness it isn’t you anymore
@@hellodenise9612 I don't think it's a conscious decision that they wake up and think over breakfast: How can I make ______ miserable today.
It's more like their character, it's how they behave. Can they change it? Yes. They CAN consciously decide to not behave that way--IF something in life happens and they see themselves as others do and then REALIZE what they are doing.
But most often they don't. You know the philosophical question: What IS normal? On 1 hand there IS universally normal behavior (globally everyone knows bullying is not okay but also look at how many bullies will criticize bullying behavior), on the other hand, to each person what they ARE is "normal"--liars think everyone lies, criminals believe everyone commits crime, etc. To THEM, they are "normal" and to change they must believe that how they treat others is not normal. It would be like the addict not being able to beat addiction until they accept they are an addict. A narcissist won't change until they accept that how they behave is narcissistic.r
How long were you married to him before the mask came off?
Happy jen 3 I've been trying to figure out when my wife switched and I think it's when I moved in with her into her parents old house that she started to act different because she was perfect partner in the beginning and she was interested in all the same things I was and she was happy for me with everything I was doing and now it's the complete opposite
Thank you so much liza . .i have lost 50 yrs of my life to narcissist i refuse to give them one day more ...
❤🙏🤗
Yes you will enjoy life without the narc.
So good for you. I lost 27 years. But I came back to my first love Jesus.
Well done and congratulations - just mAke sure you get out safely. god bless.
I lost 45 years. Wasn't a complete waste as I have 6 beautiful children. Sadly some show the same traits as their father but I can cope with that as I don't live with them.
I feel sick. My life is a lie that I told myself. I ruined my life by giving it all to a narc; gave up my job, even my country. He told he would take care of me, and I wanted to believe that so badly. Being raised by narcissists primed me to excuse abusive behavior and ignore all the red flags. I am so ashamed and disgusted.
My sentiments exactly! I'm literally saying the same exacts things in my head over & over again for several weeks now. Still in Shock and feeling numb after finally coming to realize I've been in luv with a Narc for almost 30 yrs! Uggg
Good luck and brighter days ahead for all of us
Amen. Now you have the opportunity, like me, to do what makes YOU happy. It will be hard in the beginning. You have lost who you really are. One day recently, I told a male narc “I Don’t Want To “. So deeply liberating. I had set a
Major Boundary, successfully. Eluding to a degree of self like. Please don’t be so hard on yourself! I am my own worst enemy.
Feeling good about myself now. This journey only took two years. Two years of self discovery. And YES, it Is Alright to Love Someone Who Doesn’t Want to hurt you. Concentrate on your own life. Sending caring Love and Healing thoughts your way.❤️
You did the best you could. Now you know, really know. You will survive. They don't like that. But you can and will. Just keep believing you can.
@@jamiemcinerney8468
The Buddhist monk would say: Start laughing!
i have lived with all 10 of these. I was disregarded by my husband out of the blue after 30 years and two kids together. I was so confused about it. After watching Lisa's videos she clarified so much for me and helped me out of the fog. Halfway through the first video I watched I broken down sobing because she hit the nail on the head.
Thank you Lisa, you saved me.
Hi girl!!! I only hold the flashlight darling. You do the healing all on your own🙏🏻
I can relate ! 30 years of marriage and 2 kids ! And he discarded me a day after I lost my job ! Just showed me how much regards for my well-being he had. Devastating !
@@matilda1505 you are not the only one or the last one, this is the times we are living in, men would be lovers of money and not having loving affection, The truth is in due time they reap the rewards, what is done in dark all comes to light, trust in Jeh God to heal you and consentrate on YOU....he will hold your hand, do not seek any other person till you heal YOU...be strong..
You had a break through. Finally finding a logical explanation. Like seeing the light. I get it. Everything will get better from here. Now you know, this is empowering for recovery. Hugs
@@stephp7778 keep going...often we live in worlds of negative because of the absence of positive. When we begin to ACT on drawing into positive thoughts and actions, our worlds shift.
Very good explanation Lisa. "The quickest way to become hated is to tell the truth' and 'We teach people the way to treat us'.
Big facts
I tried teaching the narcissist how to "treat me". He wasn't having it. His loss of supply!
@@jackilynpyzocha662 none of them are having it. Facts. They got the wrong one this day and time though. I’m back with a vengeance.
The lying is the worse. Yes when you make a mental note or factcheck the narcissist will say you misunderstood.
Every since I've ran across your videos, my life has changed dramatically. Thank you
Me too!
We all have an inner light that is meant to shine🔥
@@lisaaromano1 it's changed for the better. I never knew.
Mine also.
I love Lisa....She is my mother now ♡
My mother, brother, and sister are all NARCISSISTS. I get the evil eye all the time. My mother creates chaos and rile them all up. I stay away and have as little interaction as possible. Damned in their eyes no matter what I do, so I am at least making a happy life around myself. So cruel. They miss out on a wonderful life.
I have no family for the same reason. When your own family have no love for you, you're not missing out on anything to walk away and close the door. Just because they are "family" doesn't give them the right to abuse you. They can pick on each other now, because I'm not available...and I don't miss them at all.
@@eagleeye2300 Right!!!
@@eagleeye2300 thank you! Perfectly said
I cought my sister giving me the evil eye, but she claims that she's really happy for my accomplishments, but what she doesn't know is that I know how bad she and my late sister talked about me be hind my back, both being older than me, I first thought it's just jealousy, not realizing that they are Norsisist
Walk away and enjoy. My mother is one.
These videos really opened my eyes.
Both of my parents are narcissists and used all the classic narcissistic tools. What a crazy childhood I had. I'm 60 now and looking back I'm lucky to be alive.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom and experiences.
Feel like Im living with a guy with multiple personalities. It is crazy!
It can really feel like it! So true!
Me too. It's so crazy! The mask came off with my ex after 3 months. Better now than later
Because that is what narcissists are like. One minute they love you the next you're being subjected to all of their venom and hatred. The flip can happen at any time....sometimes in less than 24 hours. Beware!
That's what it is, the first time you write it off then the second you question it then all hell breaks loose!
@@l.d8116 me too
Both me and my husband have been abused by narcissists so as I recovered he was my rock and I couldn't be more grateful.
Without a doubt you nailed it when you said being a parent is the most difficult relationship and most challenging thing you can do in life.
I have a good pair of running shoes when I meet a narcissist I run the other way they are not going to change no matter what
It can be so horrible! My son acts like he loves me and his Dad, and siblings when he's not dating!
Recently he got married, and he had allowed his wife to take full control over him ❗She knows that I know, she's a narcissist, so she tries to keep our son from all of his family ❗ I'm doing well considering, but I really love my son and I miss him!
And a narcissist will use children as pawns.
The narcissist, is in many ways, the reason I don't have kids, so they won't have to put up with his b.s.
That drives me nuts when people laugh at their cruel jokes about other people, and sometimes even they laugh at the rude jokes against themselves while inwardly feeling very hurt. I have a friend that smiles through it and then goes home and cries.Yes, don't crumble, it gives them what they think of as power. Try not to react at all. Do not engage. Simply calmly exert your boundaries. But it is definitely Not simple!
Also, watch someone make a joke about them. Woah. Can give it out but can’t take it
When I try to tell my husband how his behavior affects me and others, he just denies he is doing whatever I'm saying. It's never his behavior, its my misunderstanding his behavior. If I push, then he gets angry. The fight that ensues and any behavior after that is therefore justified.
True story!
@@Mare18 unfortunately yes and I'm beginning to see its the same for pretty much everyone who follows these videos.
Heard that one a million times. No personal accountability and no accountability or caring how their behavior affects others feelings. It wont get better or change. You can choose to live with it or not. Can't change other people or make them care.
@@Lizzard2060 Yeah! I know that! 😢
@@judygiovannetti5849 y]es!!!! I as m ;
This sums up my entire life with my highly narcissistic family! It is a daily struggle, paralyzing! I have learned so much from you dear Lisa, an angel sent from above, Thank you 🙏
Spot on! Don't I wish I knew all this years ago!! Like you, I had to learn it the hard way. Hopefully as narcissism increases so does public awareness.
Legislators need to right laws against this type of behavior ,and have strict punishment.
@@fiyahriddims Cali and Hawaii have pulled "coercive control" out* of their State's Dom. Violence Law!
(My April Update, last year, was thrilling because Hawaii was the Surprise BONUS! 💪❤ 🍾
Just 🇬🇧, then, Wales ... and Scotland, followed by 🇮🇪 ~ Took care of that *$hit,* Over 5 Years ago!!!! 🏅
NY State is next in the que.
@@fiyahriddimsthey have this sickness themselves.
I just dodged a bullet thank you Lisa! Met on a dating site only spoke once, and he did all of these things. Without your help I would have fallen into this trap, AGAIN! He hated that I stopped his attempts to love bomb me.
I would refuse to go along with the lies they want you to play along, and be scolded and told you're not perfect..never said i was perfect but they hate if you act noble. They love mind games..sick.
Thankyou so much Lisa, I had been with a Narcissist and her Family for about 11 years and as an Empath, they literally drained my energy, burnt me out and left me Exhausted... Tired of her being a Serial Cheater among other things, I finally said I'M DONE! and left with my only Guardian Angel, my Dog...😊
I have regained my strength back and have met New and wonderful and Positive People that are in my Life now... Such a True Blessing... 🙏💫💝🔥
Your insight is incredibly helpful. You’ve just described my marriage so accurately it’s scary. I feel like I need to play nice until I can get out. Work smarter not harder, ugh feed his ego until I can leave. Thank you!!
That takes incredible strength.
Be Careful, Be Safe, and get out/away if/when you can. Best wishes.
Don't announce your plans. Go quietly and when least expected. Let a trusted person keep your papers, extra money, and plans. Been there, successfully done that. It is a dangerous time for you. Be strong.
@@cadencechrome4783 Thank You!! You give me hope. I can do this!!
Yeah.. Same with my parents..i keep my distance..limited communication..Need to get lost!
Unfortunately, I lost custody of both my children through their controlling and psychologically/emotionally abusive, vindictive fathers for years and years and failed to regain it Lisa. I learned about what you are talking about specifically in this video!! INHERENT PREDATORS. I love your calling💖 lady!!! That "shark in the water" reference came from a dream I had many years ago!!! I know subscribing to you was the RIGHT AND BEST thing I have done in my entire life!!😪
I lost mine too. It's hard. Unfair...
I miscarried. I knew he would try and take it.
I have just realized recently that I am in a relationship with a person with many narcissistic traits. I would even say alot of them. Lots of these things you mention have taken place in my situation. I have been living this for a few decades. WHAT AN EYE OPENER!
My ex had no ability to have vulnerable talks about feelings and relationships with my parents etc... he’s way more surface than that. His big mistake in picking me was that I’m strong and always would have boundaries. So we basically led two different lives.
Mine didn't either, that was our biggest problem. She never showed emotion, she hid it, called it a waste of time. She cried in front of me only once in 7 years. My downfall was not being strong, I'm too emotional, scared of confrontation
I knew a couple like that and then they divorced. Hearing of my friends parents divorce was so unsettling. I thought they would be forever together. Realize I knew nothing about them
That would be me too.. But i am still in the marriage 🙄 living with the empty promises
The mask is so important they destroy all around them - incredible sickness. They do believe they are better, they do think they are above reproach they are always shaming, blaming and playing the victim. Lack empathy , an absolutely no conscience or discomfort when lying is part of the illness. As my narc said " I dont remember a single thing I ever did wrong to you... I was the perfect sibling. There in lies the pathology to an absolute T. Lisa you are a god send.. What a gem.
I want to acknowledge Melody Beattie's groundwork she did exposing Codependency to the world. Thank you.
Hi Lisa from Stu in England and thank you so much again. I'm utterly shocked at how accurately you describe my experiences from 3000 miles away and you don't know me or my (thankfully ex) girlfriend. You say EXACT phrases she used, EXACT acts and things she did to me, friends and fam. I was confused for 4 years, just trying to love and care more and more to ' fix' the relationship. You've helped me to understand I had no chance, and ultimately I had to work on myself, the whole too much of an empath thing... And I'm getting there...
Hi lisa. I also. Am to slow. I get up fix my husband breakfast. Coffee. When i want a bite to eat. He is finished in 15 minutes. He is ready to leave at 9 am. To ho do laundry or the store etc. He times me. I told him i do things around here. Have you already forgot that. He said no. I said i need some time to get ready. Or you can leave now. He still sitting and watching me at times. He is on his cell to. I told himwe will get up an hour early so i can be ready . im still to slow. Please reply. Sometimes i feel like i want to be single again. He is to bossy. To me he is different. He was better before we married. So i have this feeling when he wont let me drive the car. So i never will give the pleasure of knowing that i cry a lot. Ive tried so hard to be a good wife. I feel like my independence is taking away from me. Every two months i get my hair cut. He still wont let me drive. In that very moment. I ask myself. Why did i ever get married. Why is love so blind. I had a twenty six year marriage. I had a wonderful trusting marriage. Ups and downs yes. But we didnt argue or raise our voices. Disagreed yes. Worked out fine later. My late husband passed. My husband now was my late husbands best friend. So the way i see it. Marriage doesnt change people. People changes marriage. Its like what do i say and when. What can i do besides staying quiet dsily for 3 or4 hrs. Enjoying youtube. Im so tired. I need help. Thank you. Lisa. You are a life saver. Also i want to go camping. He says forget it. If he doesnt find a job this time next year. We will be homeless. My soc. Sec. Check barely pays the rent and a few groceries. Our son gives us 200.00 monthly to help with food. But its not enough. Thank you lisa. Oh why is love so blinding. Please reply.
@@janchapman3746 go live with your SON...the odds of change are zeroooo...do not wait for you to see if he will change..You will never be YOU....leave...go to Jeh God with prayers to guide you, if there is love the truth would be in his heart, We are one but not slaved to be abused.. Compromise is doing what both like to do and share peace in the end..
@@janchapman3746 hi Jan from Stu in England. Wow you wrote a lot and actually asked for a reply which tells me you must be hurting. Please be strong... Listen to more of these vids and ACT on the advice. Your life is too short, and valuable to spend it being treated badly. There are plenty decent kind loving caring understanding people out there and the first one you should meet is YOU!! Spend time thinking about you and your good qualities and hopefully you have healthy relationships and friendships with others. Focus on these. Sadly I have realised the bad treatment will not change, so leave if you can. If not, be strong, have pride in you and your own goodness. Live a proud life and do the things you want and if your partner gives you grief, stick to your goodness, be polite, respectful and strong...and live your life and do the things you want. He WON'T change but YOU can still be proud of YOU
Yes,they will triangulate!!!!
Stu, I’m right there with you
Thank you so much for explaining why my spouse frequently uses the “we should just get a divorce” line when I want to work on marital issues
Yes, the word "narcissist" can be EXTREMELY misleading to MOST people - less now than a couple of decades ago, but our society is still very backwards when it comes to psychology. But it's people like Lisa who are helping to change that. If a person does not know how to idenify behaviors and traumas (most people do not), then they miss out, as when they see they word "narcissism" they skip over it, not realizing it might apply to their situation. This happened to me when I first began learning about my family's dysfunction, I thought I understood the word "narcissist" as meaning only "selfish", as I had only read the definition in books, and even though I had a very thorough understanding of it due to personal experience, I did not know how to IDENTIFY it, to put the two together, so I was still very confused as to why people in my family behaved so badly, yet at other times seemed so loving.
Also, due to the fact that the narcissists in my family seemed to be very UNselfish because they were always "giving" and "helping" but at the same time where very abusive, I could not figure it out, and I'm sure many people are just like me. It took a long time for my mind to put 2 and 2 together, that the INTENT of their giving and helping was all about THEM, not the receiver, and being that the effects of abuse cause us to be even more blinded, it is understandable how people do not understand.
Many of Lisa's videos refer to narcissistic behavior, how to deal with and heal from it, but her videos are mostly about healing ourselves from the effects caused by *any type of abusive behavior* which can come from any form or cause of family dysfunction, like addiction or any other mental disorders. In my opionion, what Lisa teaches is something every single person should learn, it's stuff that should've been taught to us by our family and our schools, it's something our society/ culture ignores. I"ve been doing a lot of research about ancient cultures, (other aspects), and have found that ALL ancient cultures did not ignore what our current society ignores, and they were much more healthy than we are because of it. *The ancient Egyptians, Mayans, Chinese, Norse, and other peoples did not ignore and stigmatize psychology and spirituality like we do, it was a part of their lives, not separate, they did not view themselves as individuals, but small parts of a whole, and they understood that everyone and everything are connected (which is also what Lisa teaches) - which erases most of the current problems we have in today's society.*
I proudly wear their hate as a cape of my own virtue. If they hate me, I'm doing it right. 🏆🏆🏆
My incredibly narcissistic husband (now EX-husband) would tell me, "Life is a chess game. Every day, every move is a chess game." Really? Maybe that's the way YOU view the world, but not I. Always calculating? All throughout your day, every day??
Wow...that is what I heard...not her games, with me being sick and stressed out with pains...pray for peace, Jeh God handles it all in the end...
Say what? I drive for a living and that kind of makes sense doing my job, yet for just life in general that is a weird way to look at it, dang that one is bizarre to me, that sucks you dealt with someone that thought that way
Yes yes mine carried a scientific calculator everywhere. Bastard
Same so covert and calculating.
My Ex timed me on my trip to work and back only to bring him home the paycheck
Your amazing, I'm going through a divorce after 10 yrs of marriage. She abandoned the relationship. I realize after listening to you that she was a covert narcissist. It's sad, all I thought about was what I might of done to contribute to downfall of our relationship. You've opened my eyes that I was fighting against an invisible enemy.. I can be a little easier on myself now.. Thank You!
My husband will stop the car and help the little old lady to cross the street” just to get applauded or praised for his action, or bringing flowers to pick me up at the airport and bring attention to how loving, sensitive and romantic he was while ignoring me for the longest time. All part of the manipulation, gaslighting and betrayal that lasted forty years until I finally opened my eyes!
You have listed every trait that my 'N" has. It's shocking how you know him so well. I feel so far from getting out from under this horrible, hurtful craziness.
All of these narc / demons, have the same evil spirits.
I sincerely hope you make it out of the craziness, that the narcissist creates.
They will do us in. We need the tools to fight back,and Lisa is there to guide us.
Been married to one for 8 years now. Been dealing with ptsd. I have your book codependent now what. Plan on buying the rest of your books. ❤️
sounds like everyone in this channel are stunning (reply from this dude).
📖 book 'Boundaries' by ☁️ c10ud & t0wns3nd , good read
I will never forget when my daughter and her friend were visiting from college. I had been given a parrot as a gift. The bird was delightful. She sang opera, did tricks, and had an extensive vocabulary. Her friend was attempting to be engaged with both the bird and myself. My daughter held her friend back and had such disdain and hatred for the parrot I was shocked. It’s been twenty years since then. My daughter also offered to house sit while my husband and I took a weekend trip. She was in college and told us that we didn’t need our regular person. She was going to be in town and was happy to take care of things for us. She not only lost the bird but also lost my cat that slept with me every night for over five years. When we got home she never said anything. She never helped us look for our pets. She never said she was sorry for losing them. I knew something was wrong when I saw that the screen was partially open in our formal dining room. Our daughter is now thirty-seven. I have an eight year old granddaughter. I spent the first six years of her life caring for her on my days off. I worked as a nurse so I could have a schedule of three-twelve hour shifts and care for my granddaughter the other four days a week. I was treated worse than a babysitter. I would never take a penny. Now I’m not needed anymore because my granddaughter is in school. My daughter is a teacher. I’m not allowed to see her anymore because my daughter doesn’t want to see me. I have finally figured out that my daughter has all the characteristics of a narcissist. I think that it’s my fault. I praised her. Always telling her how perfect she is. Anything that she didn’t do right I took credit for, my fault. All of the good things I said that she was a perfect child, she raised herself. God forgive me…it’s not true. I created a monster. I was so badly abused, so wrecked I thought I was doing the right thing. Wrong side of the spectrum. My mother was a narcissist. She couldn’t stand that my Dad loved me, so much so that she threw him out! Then she sacrificed me to husband number five. Horrible man. Dangerous brother. I raised my daughter without abuse. She has lied about being abused as an adult. She has had friends that she allowed me to be around and they liked me. They are no longer friends. New groups of friends. I’m not included in anything. I understand why. For 7 months I was told I could not be in the room when my granddaughter was born. I said that it was fine, that was her child. She has to be completely comfortable. It’s not about me. She tried and tried. I never wavered. I only asked if I could be in the hospital. Okay. At the last minute as I left the room, because I was allowed to be there, I was ordered to stay! Like it was the plan all along! I thank God for this reason, I was able to thwart issues that would have happened had I not been able to stay. All of this unknown to anyone until after the fact. The seven months of manipulation were nothing compared to the joy of my granddaughter being born. My daughter has a very difficult time with our relationship. This is also a tragedy. She tries to smash the joy and separates us constantly now. I miss her so very much.
I think you did a great job on mentioning that people tend to throw the label "narcissist" around without truly understanding the true definition and personality traits that apply to a NA.
That's what I Got on you. Its Not even Being Confrontational It's Simply Stating what's really going on. You can't get mad at that.
Thank you for making me realise I am not going crazy, it’s not me! Yay 😀
10 reasons a narcissist will hate you when you start doing this! #narcissist #narcissism #recovery #emotionalwounds #selfhelp #codependencyrecovery
I love you Lisa
#youtubechannel #youtube #youtuber #youtubers #subscribe #youtubevideos #sub #youtubevideo #like #instagram #narcissist #narcissism #lovebombing #futurefaming #traumabond #blameshifting #gaslighting #toxicpeople #lisaaromano #lisaromano #codependency #codependencyrecovery
@@lisaaromano1 okay
Lisa you just described about everything that I have been through , getting educated on narcissistic abuse over the last 8 year has helped unravel the mysteries of the first 50 years of my life and the 3 x wife’s that took advantage and abused me just exactly as you just describe . Today I’m in a great place with a good woman that’s not a narcissist and I am thriving and so is she because we both have lived the nightmare of narcissistic abuse. Thank you for doing what you do .
I have been watching your videos more than a year and you really know what narcissists do their lies, their convincing power of others out of nothing. Gaslighting and triangulation and so on..
God bless you dear Lisa!
I leave my Saturday for self care and part of this is listening to my audiobooks and listening to Lisa. Aa always, my education about narcissistic ways and how to cope with a narc environment never ceases. Thank you for all the tools!!! ❤️🙏💯😊
Recently got away from a destructive, abusive narcissist. I've moved on and have experienced great relief.
Learning to live without the narcissistic sister who loves me as much as destroys me! We’re the only ones we tolerate until we don’t. Just as I said that your books start showing up!! 😊❤
The red flags were shining in the sun at me but I was so fooled 32 years ago that making charitable excuses was something I didn’t keep count. Only to have left EVERYTHING and become completely isolated. He hated me because I wouldn’t do what he wanted me to do. Yeah, wonder why narc? No charity now for you.
The strangest thing is that narcissists always think that it’s someone else who’s the narcissist! It can make my brain go 🤯 used to really confuse me. This is the gaslighting as they always need to be the victim it seems
Thank you Lisa. Im 21 years old and it took my mom years to find out her husband was a narcissist. My ex bf , checked all 10 things off. You saved my life I could've ended up getting married to this man and him being abusive to our kids. You're a life saver and Im so glad I watched your video!
It's so true what they say.... knowledge really does set you free! I feel so alive again and im so ready to start my healing journey to overcome all the abuse :)
I think that because my parents were narcissists and raised my 4 older sisters as such, I tend to accept people’s narcissistic behavior as part of life. Of course, even listening to all this trauma brings it all back up for me. But on certain points I do say, "Hey, I was right to avoid engaging when she wanted to trash her mother in law", or "It is not normal to get the silent treatment"....
Yes, I understand, it is really weird how people like us accept such behavior as normal - Unfortunately, before we identify and understand it all, we fall prey to getting into bad relationships with people who are abusive to us, and we think it's normal, we don't see the problem until a lot of damage is done. Whenever I watch these videos, I wish that information like this was out there when I was younger - but at the same time, I'm extremely happy that it's available now, it's never too late - I'd rather live one day with understanding than 100 years under the veil.
It is bizarre! Especially when you know something is off (did since childhood), can’t put your finger on it and are gaslighted into thinking your memories are incorrect. I’m thankful I’m able to share what I learn with my kids so the cycle is broken.
If I've learned anything from watching all of these videos, it's this: Codependents don't have to go home because we recreate it over and over again in our adult relationships.
Growing up in a highly abusive home, I never really understood how NOT normal it was. As I got older, I found myself 'connecting' with some really messed up people because I felt comfortable around them. Being comfortable doesn't mean I found comfort - It was a sense of normalcy as I understood it, plain and simple. I recreated what I felt was normal.
I am still married to my narcissistic husband but im working on myself which is all any of us can do. I look at my husband now and see that he is a broken little boy who is terrified of being told he is bad and/or unlovable. That doesn't excuse his behavior but it does help me distance myself from it and not internalize his attitude towards me.
You are a REAL SOLDIER, THE WORLD NEEDED A PEOPLE LIKE YOU, THANK YOU 4 SHARING.
In high school I was only allowed to go out either Friday or Saturday night because I was having "too much fun'. She wanted to lock me in my bedroom (in theory) and throw away the key so she could control me. NC now!!! Such a relief being free!!!
You got me crying
They hate to be abandoned!!
NO CONTACT
Thank you for your insight on how to deal with someone who is gaslighting you. I learned it is very important to not engage in an argument with them. It will do no good and will never end peaceful. I realize now how much time as well as a persons sanity is lost with continuing to try to reason with someone who is not reasonable to begin with. It really is scary to find out that a person is dealing with a person with mental problems. Thank you for sharing your life experiences….. it helps to know we are not alone when we encounter others who are trying to harm us only to pursue their sick advantage. God bless you and I hope you really truly know how much help you are!🙏❤️🦋
Lisa, I have noticed that every time they inflict emotion pain on someone they are actually unwillingly topping up their guilt.
It is a vicious cycle, they cant resist doing the damage and this creates more guilt and more self shame.
Emotions of Guilt = Emotions of Shame
Their thirst to destroy people is driving them to self destruction, so their dark hole of guilt and shame gets bigger and deeper to the point they cant get out. This is a shame based disorder.
This is just my thoughts, not meant to be plausible. Also I believe this may be a logical reason to why they stick to their guns at all times...never apologize, never show accountability, never accept defeat.
Should my theory be somewhat correct..my next question would be.. why choose to be vicious in order to compensate the guilt?
They believe only what they believe....add jealousy and vindictive attributes that are a lifetime and lifelong hatred of themselves. They hate not being God and being worshipped as God.
Really? My impression is that they know no such thing as guilt - it’s never their fault.
@@june-mariehamilton5455 I think they shame base their target to offset their guilt and to swap identity by mimic behaviour and smear campaigns..but they do know what they are doing...it's exactly what they want, otherwise they would stop their behaviour but it makes them feel good to watch us hurt. They are just pure evil. They are another breed.
I’m a victim of this x 3 relationships in my life!!! Thank you for opening my eyes Lisa 🙏🙏🙏
Thank you so much. This has been helping me to keep from going back into my ingrained habits. It hurts and I'm lonely but I'd rather be that for now than go back.
Omg, your videos are right on! Especially this one! I cried when you talked about the little old lady trying to cross the street. My husband and I get into a heated battle every time he does this to people and he still keeps doing it, no matter who it may be, a little old lady in a wheel chair or a little only man with a Cane or a Mother with small children. He is just plain heartless and mean!😔
I know that I was raised by a narcissistic mother and then my husband is also a narcissist and your videos help me understand so much about my life. I feel like someone finally understands. Thank you
so much for putting these videos out there! I wish I could give you a big hug 🤗
Mine literally told a homeless person "no" when they asked for money, then all she was doing was walking in front of us and he yelled "get the F away from my car B!" Smh.
Once I saw him walk in front and past a person in a wheelchair as they were exiting a restaurant to get to the friend we were meeting,..no social graces, none... unless there's something in it for him. Ugh, countless indiscretions.
I always hear that if we are in a relationship with a narcissist ( and oh boy is he ever!) That we need to get out and leave. But lucky me ( sarcastically said) he lives with me on my property, and I have tried for years to break up with him. I explain that he's holding me hostage in a relationship that I don't wish to be in. He does nothing at all, literally, I stopped having sex with him 2 1/2 years ago, was so sure he would have left me by now but soooo! I've been recording his tantrums , his foul mouth, and his horrible behavior. So that the next time he goes into his narcissistic rage I'll be prepared to go to the police and get a restraining order .
Narcissistic family/friends units have been my biggest issue. The "crowd" goes along with the bully (to keep themselves safe & included), I don't 'laugh' or ask why they would say that, and bam---an entire group or enmeshed duo or triad gang up on me (as though they were manipulated to 'edge' themselves apart from me). I have dreams at night I am pleading with the followers "they do not have your back" yet the follower ignores me. It always crumbles given time, especially after a major life event like a death, marriage, birth, or major illness. Followers appear like narcs too...yet they are weak minded cowards with entitled traits.Given time, if I had a nickel for when the follower says: " I can't believe xyz did that to me!". Have to keep "told ya so!!" deep down 🤭
I hope you'll heal and get better . Sending you love and support .
Paula Gentiilini You described my life...am at a loss now with figuring out who am...
So true...I have sooo much PTSD from all the games from the whole clan..We all need to pray to Jeh God to keep positive from all the negatives...he will make you strong to carry on..
Just get out of there!
I no how you feel...I would be rich from all the nickels and dimes...my own two children have been my biggest betrayers...
I swear you are speaking to me...I'm going through exactly what you talking about....thank you so much for your amazing information .I truly felt I had no hope .now I understand things better and I can progress toward. Thankyou
My spouse wanted to do a project, and right from the beginning I said "no".
He tried to tell me that my previous spouses hated me because I'm difficult.
That I should do everything he wanted me to do. I stand firm. I do what I want.
It's tough standing up for yourself and believing in your projects and them too.
it took me 30 yrs to understand my own father is a narcissist, thank u so much for the video
Thank you you described my situation with a man exactly trying for 4 years to make it work ..realizing finally he just wanted to control me in every way and didn't care at all about my thoughts needs or beliefs wow ! The hot /cold thing was so hurtful ...painful to realize he only wanted his way and I was left being unseen un heard
People tend to call any asshole a narcissist but until you've dealt with one, you dont know the nature of this beast. There are bad people in this world who rob and steal but are not narcissists, a true narcissist is a peculiar type of individual. They are not normal people like you and I by any means. They really are exactly like these videos describe them to be, EVERYTHING is on point, it's so strange how accurate this content is. They all have the exact same playbook.
I have reasons to believe they are part of a much bigger picture, a spiritual one, we as humans do not understand.
LISA YOU ARE SUCH A WONDERFUL TEACHER, YOU EXPLAIN EVERYTHING SO WONDERFUL!!!!! I HAVE HAD SOME OF THE WORSE EXPERIENCES AND YOU MAKE THINGS JUMP OFF THE PAGE, THANK YOU 🙏 AGAIN SO MUCH!!!!!! EVEN DURING THIS TIME OF COVID-19 IT HAS BEEN A CHALLENGE AND I AM ALONE, !!!!! I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR BEING BY MYSELF!!!!!
This has to be your best video yet. Or the timing is right forme to hear this. You are helping me so much. I just called my narc sister out as she just triangulated my young adult daughter...the next in line for scapegoat role in the family. It was so empowering calling her out in dot point form but not getting reeled in to her changing the topic of disagreement, taking offense to a word and focusing on that one word. I'm 100% estranged so it's thru email and I showed her how by telling 2 people a private thing about my daughter...my daughter then began getting calls from her sister, her covert narc father(my ex), my overt narc mother - thankfully my daughter stood her ground and my sister called off my mother. When she said she can't help what my ex family does....I know for certain now that my sister is a narc because it is a pattern and by gossiping to my younger daughter who brings in the ex family in against my oldest. So this is what my ex husband, my ex MIL AND my sister all used to do to me. Her self importance is echoed by her minions. She tries to end the emails with a joke, tells me I'm welcome back into the family any time - but she does tease in a joking way. Passive aggressive, can see it clearly now. Even though I know she won't change it was empowering throwing her pattern of abuse back at her - I make it an overt interaction, cc-ing her husbandto protect my words being twisted!! She assumes being told to take accountability is me blaming her and and starts blame shifting but she couldn't escape being caught out planting the seeds to her flying monkeys. It infuriates my sister that she has no hold on my oldest daughter. She usesmy daughter's cousins as her leverage to keep her bound. I'm proud of my daughter for seeing through the web of deceipt.
great video. I just want to point out that covert narcissists will never be seen in public being rude to a stranger, doesn't matter if it's a waiter or someone serving them and they feel better than or entitled, they will not in a million years be rude to someone's face who is not their intimate partner or family. Everything is covert.
This PERFECTLY DESCRIBES my very abusive "parents".
Narcs have a huge defense system in place. It's about the fear brain. Take the DSM as a guide and listen to your soul. Stay well. Take care of yourself.
He’s a lovely partner Lisa. That is so healthy that he gives you the space to let it all out and then you come together later and talk about it. 🤗
She speaks the truth. I also have gratitude for Lisa.💖🥀👣💚💃LOVE YOU LISA FROM NEW MEXICO.
I’m sooooo thankful for your wisdom. You are helping me so much.
Next Level insight, Lisa. You are amazing. I especially appreciate the insight on that they hate when you show empathy to others, and your comparisons of healthy vs. narc behavior are invaluable. Don't avoid doing these things, they are healthy for you to do, but do be aware of how the Narc IS going to react so you are prepared. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You for everything you do for this community!
A normal person doesn't go around destroying the people that love them 💔😢
Not only that but they will also start to falsely blame you and accuse you of things you did not do to bring you down. They hate to see you succeed
The narc doesn't want you to have freedom
But they can have freedom an not told what to do
Every time I would try to talk about anything that needed to be talked about, he would threaten to leave
When you said that part about your ex saying, "Did you know that 50% of men in America are having affairs?" it reminded me of my ex when I confronted him over his abuse with the kids. It escalated into hot words between the two of us, and out of the blue he said, "How do you know I haven't killed someone?" And another time he called me weak, followed by "There's something about weakness that makes me want to come in for the kill." He was a problem. I can't tell you the damage that was done. I hope I can heal from all this. I was one who stayed for the kids. It didn't make sense that I should have to deal with poverty for them along with abuse. At least I got the kids through high school and out of the house. They are grown and gone now. And I'm trying to move on. I just want to heal so I don't make this trouble in my future.
I met a potential new friend a few years ago. She turned out to be an extreme narcissist , so I ended the pretend friendship right away. No contact 100%. 👍👍👍….I have another true friend. We email each other a few times a week. True friends lift your spirit and are honest with you.
My mother has done that to me, my family, friends of mine, friends of my dad just about anyone who has had contact with her and us. I dont think she ever stops, I have called her out on her dominance, intensity as in OCD in cleaning the house and her anger. I got raged at, blackmailed, sworn at, she stepped forward pointed at me all threatening gestures and didn't care whatsoever at the pain and fear left behind in her wake. I don't care anymore that she is now 70, I have put up with it long enough and I will never forgive her. Even no contact isn't long enough
Narcissists can't recognize the feeling of guilt.
I do believe they feel it but not recognize it, only know there's an icky feeling.
My narc bro, when he fails or makes a mistake immediately puts the feeling (guilt) off on something else, like a water drop rolling off a windshield treated with Rainex.
As kids he shot me, chipped a hunk of flesh off my kneecap. I could see the white bone.
Mom comes home and calls him in and asks what happened.
He proceeded to explain that the trajectory of the BB curved and hit me.
So, it wasn't his fault. It was the BB's. Lol
This behavior has persisted with him throughout my life. I'm 59.
He his a carbon copy of my narc dad.
In the last couple months he's tried to suck me in to be a victim of scapegoat.
I got news for him. He ain't getting in.
Brilliantly summarized. Period. Thank you.
You are so incredibly SPOT ON!!! It’s truly amazing!!
I must admit that your videos are extremely based on solid factual information. You are truly impressive in explaining this subject thoroughly and many, many others would agree with me.
Thank you, what a great summary. Sorry to hear about your own experience and I very much appreciate that you made it a lesson for others.
Thank you to helping me survive and heal from my love to toxic person. You are so good to explain how observing his behaviour. Love 😍
The first few years together i refused to go to family gatherings because my MIL would put on her best Baby Jane impression. It was exhausting! 😠
OOOH I remember mine too. You need a shot of alcohol to put up with the BS
Thank you Lisa, I feel so triggered but I am able to feel peace.
A narcissist in my family HATES when I show any feelings for pets, animals, people - they say terrible things about cats, dogs, birds, etc, usually about killing them, cutting their heads off, abandonment, etc., they make shocking extreme comments and expect everyone who hears it to agree, or to not be shocked! And most people in the room DO NOT say anything because they know it would cause a MAJOR fight, and sometimes when they know someone is a pet owner or animal lover, they will make one of these shocking comments out of the blue, and even if, in a conversation about feeding my cats, like if they hear me talking to someone about brands of cat food, or that I have to feed the cats before I leave, etc, they act like they are literally JEALOUS of the cats, and say things like, "You spend too much time feeding your cats, that's why you have issues with this or that". Also, if I say ANY little thing good about anyone else, like how much I appreciated my doctor understanding or the waitress gave me extra condiments, etc, they put ME down, and/or make a nasty comment about the other person. Also, when the narc in my family DOES make a "good" comment about someone, it's obvious that they expect people who hear it to look at them as if they are doing something GREAT, and it's also sometimes obvious that the praise they give to or for someone else, it's to point out something about them (the narc) that they think others should "appreciate".
I hear you...My narc brother knows I love my cat and dote on her, and he sees how my cat follows me around and sleeps with me.
Once he said your cat hates you she loves me. He said it in a serious tone. I answered him and said she doesn't hate me. He replied yes she does, she hates you.
I froze in silence because I realized he was reflecting how he actually feels about me. Or he was jealous, either way...it was a horrible statement. I have since moved out with my cat.
So true .This is extremely common behaviour in all the ones I knew.
@@stephp7778 Good move,your cat would have been tortured behind your back eventually.
My dog was traumatized by my ex H and one of tge main reasons I had the anger propelling me to leave.
@@growingandlearning164 Yep , I feel the same. I knew it would eventually happen. They are so predictable. Your poor dog. Your dog would have sensed danger around him. I'm surprised your dog didn't attack him. My cat has attacked my brother a few times.
That is actually a psychopath and a potential serial killer. Someone should be alerted.
Lisa you're good at what you do and your narrative skills are perfect.
You brought so much light on what I've been dealing with and settled many questions that were baffling me in my 15 years relationship.
I'm from Guyana South America.
I really appreciate all the great information that you share with us Lisa! Honestly you have helped me navigate many people and situations ....THANK YOU LISA !!! 🙌💜
This is great video. I had a NPD and 2 NPD husbands, and it was so baffling that I was confused .Especially after a psychiatrist told me my secone husband was my protector and i ended uo with Stockholm Syndrome. Thank you Lisa!