Why A Fearful Avoidant Might Block You | Fearful Avoidant Attachment
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- Опубліковано 1 жов 2024
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In this video series, we explore why someone might block you or stop contacting you altogether. We look at the reasons, and what you can do if you are on the receiving end. In this first video, we'll take a look at the fearful avoidant attachment style.
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I’m Thais Gibson, welcome to my channel and thank you for stopping by!
This is a channel designed for you, to be used as a resource to create lasting transformation in your personal and professional life. Here you’ll receive an ongoing series of personal development and spiritual growth videos for you to expand your awareness and find resolution and deep understanding within.
Want to transform your life? If I did it, I know you can too!
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#Relationships #FearfulAvoidant #PersonalDevelopmentSchool #PDS #ThaisGibson #AttachmentStyles
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Thank you Thais, for helping us understand ourselves (and others) a little bit more each day. I am immensely grateful for the compassion with which you regard us, the insecurely attached individuals.
Do you ever unblock someone again?
The world would be so much better if some parents would really take care of their babies when needed. All these variations would not happen anymore and everything would be great. Thank you Thais for another great knowledge video ! I am confused by the advice to open a dialogue, how can you do that if you are blocked?
Exactly! LoL you are totally right.
This shit hurts.
This is what Gabor Maté’s work is all about. I totally agree!
Imagine dating an orphan
Can we be clear,
Blocking people is NOT a healthy behavior unless you intentionally being attacked.
We know this, but this isn't your normal individual when dealing with their Attachment Styles Traumas Etc.
Open your mind & listen to her.
she didn’t block me but she removed me from her followers list hahahaha. protecting your heart versus preserving your heart are two different things people… communicate your needs, people aren’t generally good at reading minds. therapy people, therapy.
"Communicate your needs", it does sound nice but what's the point of forcing or expecting an FA to communicate their needs when they do not have the skill to? Although to world prefers people to be clear but we missed out on the experience of what someone has gone through to make them not able to communicate their needs openly, which this process of recognizing, it cannot be invalidated if the FA has to heal.
If you're choosing a person expecting them to change rather be themselves and support them to work on their trauma, you cannot have them, it just pushes them farther away creating more wounds.
I believe an emotionally mature person would be empathetic when approaching such situation that validates an FA's experience making them feel safe to communicate. While also not giving in to their behavior but communicate clearly of their own boundary and "no" to the FA so the FA can make an improvement on their part without feeling that they need to be fixed.
Secure Attachment ≠ Emotionally Mature.
A secure attachment still needs to learn communication skills to improve their relationship with others regardless of their attachment style or they still will come into conflict when perspective differs.
Blocking is just CRUEL, absolutely Counterproductive and destroys any connection or trust.
You literally described me. When I don’t longer care I won’t bother to block, I would jut ignore person, but when I do lots of blocking I care for the person, that means I have very strong feelings
Makes so much sense.. I'm curious if you blocked, unblocked, then blocked again after receiving a very brief message from the ex, what would that mean? Trying to keep themselves from responding?
This is good to know because I am currently post full block, and now in a soft block.
However, if I so much as reach out she has made it very clear that I will be blocked again with no remorse.. (Or at least it will give her a reason to fully block me, potentially with no recovery)
I believe it may already be the case that there already is no recovery as she has shown signs of being neutral..
Hopefully we can all move forward and be supportive to the people we care about in the aim to help each other grow and find a way to get back to the beautiful side of the relationship
This is actually oddly comforting for me as the ex-partner of an FA. It's nice to have it reiterated that her blocking me post-breakup is likely a sign she still cares and that the feelings we had for each other during the relationship were real.
As a fearful avoidant I blocked an ex before because I was so hurt and felt so disrespected during the break up (he decided it) that something, my vision of him, was so gone that I knew, even though I was suffering, I never wanted this person in my life again. I kept the lessons but nothing else.
You were also entitled to tell him to get out of your life, you never want to speak to him again, and you're very hurt by what he did. And then say goodbye, and then leave.
@@morehn yes but if you have a situationship with a Dismissive avoidant who doesn't want to let your relationships grow, what will you tell him ? It's seems like I created these relationships in my head and I decided to break them. Ridiculous. It's better to block without explanation and start healing
@@volperossa2020 fearful avoidants tend to be disrespected for a long time and then eventually break it off, with no communication along the way.
In retrospect, there likely should have been a lot of communication.
@@morehn yes, this is my situation. He triggered my FA side and I blocked him. with "alot of communucation" you mean passing from the situationship to friendship or friendship with benefits? no, thanks
@@volperossa2020 I mean communicate the first time he ever hurts you and not have a laundry list of things you haven't addressed by the time you break it off.
I have a habit of blocking when I feel like I'm not good enough or they want more than I can give. I get into my head and tell myself they'll never love you who are you fooling etc.. I do it when I'm overwhelmed 🤦♀️
Hi someone! I think a different someone recently did this to me. Any advice? 🤷♂️
Would you ever unblock later down the line just happened to me and I’m hurting … I’m worried she hates me all of a sudden
@@Reptilefan101 They can yes. I'm FA my FA ex just unblocked me. Idk if it's good or not. But they can. Wasn't expecting it.
@@LonelyRider87how long did it take?
I'm a fearful avoidant and I blocked my dismissive avoidant ex, because she triggered my abandonment wounds so incredibly much. I tried so hard to be secure with her, but she un wound all my wounds and stomped on my love. She completely set me back years of my work on myself and I was trying to be so patient and be there for her. But she made me fear and not trust what love was again. She broke up with me 3 weeks ago and I couldn't keep seeing her name on my social media. Every conversation we had about boundaries or how her actions were disregarding me, she took it sooo personally and stonewalled me and ridiculed me. It's time for me to heal
I understand you, I had the same situation this week. I m a fearful avoidant and I ve tried so much for my DA to feel comfortable, validated and supported, but he was to sensitive to my needs, he took it so personally and it hurts a lot, because he was the first man I fell in love with
Im having trouble splitting narcissistic traits with some DA's. I experienced exactly what you experienced, triggered my core wounds of trust and abandonment mainly through conversations about her previous partners and their statuses or their adventures during our quality time. Not to mention ex's and old flames who would still try to reach out to her, just felt like attention seeking behavior. It made me feel disposable which really triggered my anxious side and probably made her more avoidant. Is that something you experienced?
@@absenzz I expirienced the same thing, he was comparing me to his ex and triggered all my core wounds so I got serious depression, which lasted about 3 weeks. I got so anxious, I wrote him how much I love him. I was so hurt, but I felt so much feelings at the same time and I knew that I would continue to care about him, so I decided to block him. And yes, I triggered his avoidant side.
Same here. I had to block her for My mental health. I tried to compromise so much, took Thais advice and communicated clearly. However, she would always prioritize her own needs over mine. When I asked for consideration and acknowledgment of my feelings when she said something painful, she did not provide it because it clashed with her need for independence. She was so unwilling to make compromises yet i was always making compromises for the DA behavior. I needed to let her go for my mental sanity
FA here; I've blocked someone when they kept crossing my boundaries. I told them to self-reflect on their actions and that I needed to be heard/understood. That one was about keeping them from bulldozing over my feelings. In any other instance, I don't block people, just don't reach out and avoid their presence because it's painful to lose them. I tell myself that it's what they want as self-protection from rejection and try to move on.
Did you ever unblock someone later down the line ? My ex just blocked me and it hurts bad
Don't just block to pass a message.
It's passive aggressive, it's a form of punishment.
Either communicate OR break up.
That's what people with a secure attachment style do.
It's simple like that.
@@elianas5374 I wasn't dating them, it was a family member. When all someone does in response to issues is minimize them and say whatever it takes to make it all 'OK' (conflict avoidant and anxious), I went 'No, I'm not okay that those boundaries were crossed and I'm not interested in them just trying to soothe me like a child out of fear of conflict.' This wasn't the passive-aggressive silent treatment, they knew what was wrong and tried to sweep it under the rug. I wasn't going to accept that treatment; Blocking them (which wasn't permanent btw) was to protect and stand-up for myself.
Do tell me more about what a secure person would do, like perhaps not assuming things based on their own issues...Now that WAS passive-aggressive.
Laughed at myself after listening to this😄. I just blocked him yesterday. Indeed its a protective mechanism coz my heart felt lighter after knowing i wont see anything of his again.
Same here,the less I know about this specific person the less I feel hurt !!
that's true... My Dismissive avoidant ex triggers my Fearful Avoidant side any time when he sends me a text once a month.. he doesn't ask me to talk, meet up or invites me somewhere.. only repeats each time "I care about you" WTF?? finally had to block him and continue my healing process. I was open and Secure Partner with him, gave him space and stuff... after all his shutdowns and stonewalling in a few months I switched from Secure P to Anxious P and from AP to Fearful Avoidant P! that's unsane feeling the "rainbow" of attachment styles with only one person🤯
Same here.
So did you reach out to him or did he?
@@Bullymaguire416 he reached out after 3months. But was completely over with him.lol
Omg I'm a FA and i always block after being hurt, 1. To avoid reaching out, 2. To avoid them reaching out to me. I'm protecting myself, out of sight, out of mind, thought i still have the feelings but i feel the blocking protects me.
Nailed it!
Did you ever reach back out?
do you ever reach out?
@@Juju-tw7we not if I've been hurt
Would you reach out to your ex if you did the dumping? I understand that FA's make huge decisions based off emotion. My FA ex broke up with me and drove off when I snatched my phone away back from her. She called me emotionally immature in my reaction towards her deleting photos on my phone. She said she thought we could have a future together but after all that she can't. It was literally something so small. I feel like she's trying to justify her actions by blocking me on everything and advertising herself as single again on social media.
FA blocking a.k.a door slam !! This behavior make me realize that there was a "part" of FA in me at least when I don't know how to deal with this overload of frustrating and painfully emotions,and blocking or never talk or seeing people again was some of my coping mechanism,was my safe space like the less I know from you the less I'm feel hurt, I'm still trying to fix that, pretty hard to do it, but is possible
FA = INFJ? Door Slam...hmmm...
@@kingskand sounds familiar to you ?!! I'm INFJ
@@michirista me too! Although, it's not all fun. But it helps to understand oneself more. (Enneagram 4, too)
@@kingskand exactly whatever that helps you to be better for yourself and then to others is good I found some patterns on my behavior patterns that I'm able to fix it
@@bn5422 I try to open myself to the possibility,but without having expectations,you know this time I'm not going to put the responsibility on this person to hurt me or make me happy, for what previously happened,in fact I'm now in a friendship with that person
The accuracy! I need space and I do need time to emotionally regulate. I don’t ever block to hurt the other person as most of the time I don’t think they would care at the time anyways. Sometimes it’s bc I feel ignored and not cared about so why not block to move on.
Would you ever unblock later down the line just happened to me and I’m hurting … I’m worried she hates me all of a sudden
@@Reptilefan101 interested to know if they unblocked you at all? It’s just happened to me, it feels horrible to be on the receiving end of :(
Unless they are not emotionally invested, then yes they would care & it's very hurtful.
@@elianas5374 it’s hard to tell if someone is emotionally invested sometimes. At least for me. But I totally agree.
Same!!
So... 2 months after leaving me and basically screwing me over. Going on dates meeting different ppl. she blocks me for no reason. I havent even reached out and im suppose feel sorry? Lol how about ya work on yourself !!!!! Get therapy!!!!!! Fc$% her feeling. How about my feelings?
I did this to my ex DA. I felt so hurt by him, and I had convinced myself that he didn't care about me. So when I abruptly broke it off with him, and then afterwards blocked him on social media, I thought he wouldn't care. I thought I was the only one with hurt feelings. Two weeks later, he wrote to me on my phone number, and I was extremely surprised by it. My mind was so confused about the fact that he did care, and that me blocking him made him upset. OF COURSE it did! I felt so stupid, guilty and shameful for doing that to him. It just goes to show how our own minds trick us. As Thais says, it's not about indifference. It's not personal.
Nah keep him blocked you’ll thank me later
It IS PERSONAL to the other person! How would YOU feel if they did it to you?
What happened next? What did you tell him? Did you continue the relationship?
A snake try to sneak in
As an FA, I completely understand the blocking thing- stop me from reaching out. And stop me from being able to respond, if he reaches out. But the FA that I was dating would block me on some accounts, but not others. Also, we decided not to date, because he wasn’t ready for a serious commitment, and I didn’t want to date casually and non-exclusively. I have deleted him, and he always re-adds me, and wants to stay in touch. He reaches out daily, even though we are both now talking to other people. This makes no sense to me. As an FA, I would have no desire to stay in touch with someone, on a daily basis, that I didn’t want to be with. 🤔
Work on yourself to gain a more secure attachment style.
@@elianas5374Wow this is so insightful 🙄
What’s been the most visible difference for me within my body
Before doing any type of pds work
When negative emotions start happening as an FA,
it almost felt like electricity running thru a pole except there was something rubber interrupting this flow of electricity… giant struck to the core of the body and leave a lingering emotions in an exhausted body
but now it feels as though the ‘rubber’ or energy blockage is gone .. emotions run thru so fluently and are much easier to let go of after they happen.
it’s amazing that doing the work sounded so abstract but the difference is evident even on a bodily level..
that's amazing, thank you for sharing that with us :)
-PDS team member
If they block you means they still care. It’s too much of an emotional response of going out of their way to block you. So don’t worry guys your still on their mind
It’s so accurate I block people most of the time cause my feelings for them are hurting me and I wanna move on beyond my need to fix things with them and I know if I didn’t block them I’ll reach out trying to solve all problems...I just wanna give up
Thanks for this amazing video! In my case I was blocked by my FA. We were evolving through the stages of the relationship exactly the way u have described it! Was amazed... In the struggling phase he started to block me and unblock me. Now he kept the block 🤷♀️ He said that each time he is with me he feels a lot of emotions and that makes him feel sick 😔. I am so sorry for him, i know it's not about me, but still I can't do anything for him.
I feel your pain 🥺
What emotions was he feeling
You can, but they would need to be deactivated and in a good place, not to forget, they would need to understand and wish to put the work in to make things easier for the both of you
Thank you so much for saying that when this happens we need to understand that this person is emotionally regulating, this way of thinking is surely doing to help me shift my own mindset and feel less angry or disappointed with myself for all the times I've done this.
Got blocked for no absolute reason
I think its the most immature thing to do
If that person can go out without contacting you it kinda tells you how little disregard they have for you
If you are fearful avoidant
God have mercy on your soul
Perfect timing, i blocked someone on sunday and rarely do that. I couldn’t decide what to do feeling super anxious after he was acting cold, first i got clingy, then a little spiteful then feeling anxious about being spiteful and showing him my emotions so i figured blocking is the only way out of this. Today i feel calm and a little embarrassed that i was in that emotionally rollercoaster. Loved this video
Maybe you shouldn't be around someone who's so triggering to you.
If you spoke to them about it and it keeps happening that's not a good sign. Especially bc it can later lead to you both triggering each other which continues the cycle and its not healthy.
@@jclyntoledo everyone will trigger them
I am a secure who got turned into anxious by my fearful avoidant ex. 1 month of no contact but she blocked me on everything so I don’t know how I am ever supposed to reach out. We are supposedly on a break and not totally broken up but who knows. I’m confused.
Reach out after the month. There are other ways besides phone, people!
My ex needs to watch this, but I am literally blocking her because she keeps pushing my boundaries.
Thank you Thais. Another excellent vid.
I would love if you would do a vid on panic attack management and also diffuse anxiety. 💖
Exactly what I need. I'm in this position now. Been broke up w and blocked fir 2 weeks now on all avenues. Can I get her back still?
Unless you two repair why you keep separating it's going to keep happening until she deactivates fully and doesn't care anymore and completely walks away. You need to figure out the triggers and work from there. She's not expressing her needs or a boundary that you are crossing. If you're an AP and she asked for space, give it to her or she'll only push away further.
Update ?
@@grrlinglasses but how will giving space help if they blocked you? Since most people on here who are FA are saying they’ll usually never contact them again with fear the hurt will come again?
I’m FA and I asked my ex to block me on everything so I couldn’t reach out during my anxious moments. Best thing I ever did. Now I’m moving on and have no distraction. There was no spite in it, I was just looking out for myself.
Sheesh you read me to T. This is exactly what I do. Out of sight out of mind.
Will the fearful avoidant dumper unblock you eventually and reach out if they still have feelings and love fir you or are they completely done?
This is what I wonder. My FA ex recently contacted me. I'm AP. Back then I didn't know anything about attachment styles, I found this channel after the breakup. And now I'm confused.
As an FA I can tell you that many times we breakup with others in the heat of the moment because we are triggered. Sometimes after we become more balance we either realize we made the right choice because the relationship wasn't right for us. Other times we come to the conclusion that we acted too irrational and we will reach out after a long time...usually many months. To either reconnect as friends or to try to start a relationship again. I would say I was more open to starting a relationship again if the other person reached out first. But we are all on a spectrum so ultimately it's hard to say.
I've been blocked and didn't deserve it what about us?
You might have to wait it out. Usually FAs will unblock you at some point.
@@happygolucky9004 f that
This is SO spot on. I am the queen of blocking, and now I understand why. I have also been called spiteful but I wasn't intentionally doing things out of spite. I just wanted to be heard and understood. I can't wait to heal from this. Thank you, Thais!
LDR of 8 months, she was telling me about her health/medical issues and i told her that i wanted to take care of her and she left me on read and blocked me :(
@@Frenchieeeee crazy you dodged a bullet
@@Frenchieeeeedude if I’m being honest fearful avoidants are straight up bad people. The fact that they can randomly vanish and block people they claim to love speaks volumes about their character.
@@Juswub80 yeah i came to realize everything about her was fake. She love bombed the shit out of me initially, then began to devalue me and finally discarded me. It was hard at first but i'm better now.
@@Frenchieeeeesame thing happened to me about 6 weeks ago. At first I was really hurt and missed her terribly, now I’m at the point where I strongly dislike her. She used to always brag about how she could get over anyone quickly and didn’t need anyone but she said she loved me and I didn’t think she’d treat me like that. Good riddance, she’s a terrible person and I wish her the absolute worst.
Don’t take it personally? Don’t take it personally? How Sway?
Thais, thank you so much for making these videos. I've been on a quest for learning more about myself after my last heartbreak and as a fearful avoidant, your videos have been so insightful. I feel so understood. Also appreciate you not using words like "toxic" when describing unhealthy behaviors. That word is triggering
I just blocked a DA to protect myself, he was so extremely avoidant and ghosting me all the time for weeks or months on end with no explanation that it made me lean very much to my anxious side and I don’t trust myself not to reach out so I blocked him to “block myself” and hopefully help me self regulate finally and move on
Is it possible for an FA to block simply for self preservation/safety instead of it being a sign that feelings still exist or emotions are unregulated? I may be more of a DA than FA though so Idk. I just know people like to circle back when I've ended it and I don't like feeling that people I don't engage with have any access to me. Maybe that's more a DA trait? Idk🤦🏾♀️
I know I (FA) block because I just feel really scared of being hurt again. It’s just this deep visceral fear. I worry how blocking might affect the other person (in my case, a DA ex), and sometimes that eats me up inside, but the fear is just too overwhelming.
Why would FA shut down emotionally if everything was alright between us? Can outside factors impact this?
I got very angry but then I told him that I love him ...surprisingly he told me the same and after that he blocked me. WTF?!!!
Wow. I love this explanation. I blocked him two weeks ago and avoided all social contact (but not professional as we work together). He was so shocked at my shut down. He approached me and apologized. I was still walled off... but then after letting the apology sink in, I bought him candy the next day. Lol
But I *see* myself now, now that you explained the scenario here.
Btw, I took the quiz on the website and tested as Avoidant, but I'm most DEFINITELY a Fearful Avoidant.
Or because they tell you they aren't ready for a relationship and don't want you to see them back in the dating sites the next day. That happened to my avoidant
So she doesn’t hate me just because she blocked me?
I caught my fearful ex lying to me about avoiding the relationship to do other things such as playing video games or binge watching UA-cam videos. He always manipulated his way out of it when I confronted him about this, because I didn't have evidence that he was actually lying to me. However, I did present him with evidence one day, and he got super angry, told me that I was being paranoid because of my past relationships (throwing my vulnerabilities in my face), lied about lying despite having evidence that he did, told me to have a nice life, and then he blocked. I haven't heard from him in 22 days. No apology, no explanation, and no empathy. He unblocked me after 4 days but he didn't reach out to me, so I decided to move on from our relationship after 2 weeks of not hearing from him.
I had the same experience with my ex, when I tried to talk to her about our difficulties communicating (she deactivated and avoided me after being in constant communication), she blew up on me, calling my clingy and bitter for trying to reach out to her after weeks of minimal contact
How do you communicate when you are blocked? This behavior is a result of unresolved trauma, and as far as I'm concerned the individual needs to work on themselves. Take ownership of your actions. Completely unacceptable behavior.
Thais, sometimes I feel that you’re so understanding and forgiving of FA behavior, but with AP behavior you seem to be less forgiving. Of course, I’m a recovering AP, and I’m a huge fan of yours, but sometimes I wish you could be this forgiving when you’re explaining AP issues.
I think it is easier to be understanding of FA´s for Thais because she used to be one. Also... could it be forgiveness is an unmet need of yours (that you could learn to meet yourself)? :)
I am an FA that leans anxious so I watch both videos for FAs and APs and I have not seen her be less forgiving of the AP behaviors. Could this be a projection you are attributing because of your own feelings? I have watched about almost all of her videos and many times she tells the anxious to be forgiving of themselves for their needs and behaviors.
Yes, I completely agree with you and have made similar comments on this before. It must be her unconscious bias, in my opinion, but either way, the more videos I watch, the more I’m noticing it. The assumption is that the AP, or secure need to cater to the needs of the FA.
I'm a fearful avoidant and have never blocked someone after a relationship. Only if its to kick you out of my life, never cause I “care”. What the actual fuck is wrong with y'all, learn how to communicate and grow up.
For me the only time I block someone is when I’m completely over someone and I don’t want them contacting me (I won’t ever contact them). I do not block ex’s that I want back in my life. I want to leave every door open and I want to be able to have access to them. If I blocked them I’d never be able to see anything.
Makes sense, you are not FA most likely.
Same here. If I still want you, I unpin and archive the chat. If I block you, we are done
Why would my ex block me 6 weeks after the breakup and only from social media accounts? I’m NOT blocked from her phone. It’s been 2 months now since she blocked me and over 3 months since she’s even texted me. 🤷
I love the fact that people like this behave in a manner that warrants and causes a reaction then punish you for your reaction,modulates into I knew you were a bad person...lol
Totally hear you on this one!
It feels like a trap when it happens and most certainly one of the most painful things someone can experience on the receiving end
This right here.
💯
As an AP my ex is an FA. One minute she couldn't do enough, next she would go cold and want to be alone, no drama, no deep conversations. But she was causing the drama and deep conversations were only okay on her watch. When I learned about attachment theories it helped me understand her ways a bit, but she only got worse. Almost like she got figured out. But I was only ever there for her to understand, build and show I value indpendance. She threw it right in my face and undid all the work I did on myself between a break up of 6 months. I feel no desire to want to love or feel a thing ever again.l, and sadly I said and felt she was the one.
Man I never would have thought to say it exactly like that, but that's my recent experience with my FA ex too. We hadn't talked in months, and about two month ago we met up after being broken up for 11 months. We went out, had a great time, she didn't leave until 2:30 AM, we kissed, she told me she loved me and wanted to see me again. She was very responsive for the next ten or twelve days, then just went completely cold. In the interim I had done a lot of reading and watching, learning about FA behavior, re-evaluating some of our past interactions that struck me as strange at the time, just figuring her out and how best to approach her. I thought a whole year later, all that space, and my knowledge now, we could make it work. But even though this time I was better at giving her space, being welcoming and displaying interest without being pushy, communicating my desire to make her comfortable, it's like it went worse than the first time. Like "figuring her out" made her MORE uncomfortable.
@@ryanmccarter9859 SPOT ON! 'Figuring her out made it worse'. Couldn't have said that better! It's gone through my mind many times. Being accused of not changing by my ex, was the projection side of her and yet so much of it too. Now I see her behaviour as a form of narcissism and more and more things come to mind that I hadn't noticed. Probably why I'm better about it cos ultimately, I had seen what was hiding all that time away from me.
They'll never reflect on their behavior as they see themselves as the right ones with the morals and the higher ground. You're better off without them. It's a head game you're only gonna be accused of playing to them!
I had the same situation, I tried to validate her need for space and be empathetic, but she blew up on me, calling my clingy and accusing me of being bitter for “assuming her needs for space”
@sage5585
Ouch!
Yes, an FA will likely do that as far as I understand
It's about framing..
...The FA I was involved with believed they didn't need help and had done all their healing, which was blatantly not the case or I wouldn't be here now attempting to continue my understanding of all this.
If you get another chance, don't approach it in the same manner but be supportive.
There are other videos on this channel that cover this.
Best of luck to all of you!
hard to express this in words, with zero emotional literacy, not being able to feel my emotions, not feeling safe in my body
Nice to always understand the root reasons of attachment styles
She blocked my new clothing brand pages even though there’s no sight of me on either page, one page I haven’t even posted on yet at all. Absolute no need for her to block those pages. And she also hasn’t blocked my phone number or WhatsApp so it’s a telling sign to me
Yeah, so telling someone to “use their words” is what I would say to my kids when they were little. NOT what I should need to say to a grown ass man!
My ex traumatised me so bad that I just can’t risk him hurting me again. Blocking’s kind of the only way to ensure that. :/ I just have thin skin and am scared of being hurt again.
At least we are self aware and can admit it. I have several times blocked and unblocked people and later on realized why. Sometimes regretted it, sometimes not. But one time I did it consciously. Because I knew that this man wanted his ego boost from me and could give me nothing in return and all my triggers and unmet needs appeared whenever I saw him. It was somehow a coping mechanism but you dont need to see triggering people all the time. If I see him on the streets I will turn my head away or if he wants to talk to me, Im not sure I will pay any attention. He can think what he wants about me. The fact that he hurt me (making avances despite having a family, being taken, wasting my time) is so much bigger than him thinking that Im crazy.
OMG, I'm in same situation. He just wants my attention but has NOTHING to give. I blocked him recently, but he apologized and I then reversed it and even got him a gift. I feel dumb. I see your situation as similar and am happy for you to have the strength with your boundaries. Unfortunately for me, for now I can't completely get away from this guy.
@@kingskand you gave the solution yourself: go cold turkey. Every now and then I think of him but I stay clear and wont unblock him and also with healing and the frustration of being a woman at a certain age where I have to think of my own future with a husband and wanting children, I cannot waste more time. 4 years is too much. Im not trying to pressure you, but: wasting your time as a woman is deadly. I learned it the hard way.
I'm earned secure but I was DA now I never block anyone unless they have been abusive or disrespectful. Blocking someone shows you are triggered and reactive. It does take practice to accept situations without reacting but you keep your diginity and don't make situations easy for the other person
That’s why I blocked my narcissistic dad. I can’t deal with him right now.
How do you get unblocked? How do they react if you go around the block?
I'm a FA and would never block anyone.
Fearful avoidant here... I usually block people out of a need for self-preservation, indeed. I'd prefer to not have the opportunity to reach out/lurk on someone's profile, or to be exposed to their posts/pics, etc. through mutual friends liking them, and so on. I kind of need to "sever ties" completely and give myself time to deal with my emotions and so on. It is usually not done out of malice.
Just happened to me. I’m a AP dated a FA un exclusively for 8 months and exclusive for one week. Had sex and then pulled away and broke up with me. Told me I did nothing wrong and am being too nice and I’m not asking for too much and he just wants an open relationship. Then I left heartbroken and say he blocked me the next day. We had falling outs a few times due to difference in what we wanted but we always came back to eachother. I’m heartbroken that we aren’t coming back this time and am trying to understand why he did this. I gave him so much space and he even told me I did nothing wrong. I’m hoping this video is accurate because I went into a depressive state thinking he hates me. 😭
I blocked my ex because he wouldn’t stop texting me very hurtful and mean comments. It was borderline abusive. I haven’t blocked past boyfriends because I didn’t care.
At some point you can’t attempt to understand their problem.
What if someone blocks you after 40 years and he was the one that was the dumper? I found my ex boyfriend on social media and reached out, just to see what happened in his life during the past 4 decades. He blocked me everywhere. I was very astonished about this harshness. We didn’t break up with a big drama way back then. He told me he no longer loved me, and removed myself from his life. I do not quite understand this anger. We were just a year together, but I think back with great fondness of my first love. I was his first as well.
The guy I am seeing is FA. I was feeling he wasn't seeing my needs since long. He wouldn't talk on phone. And then I asked for online date, he agreed but it never happened. Plus he had only sexual thing on mind. Finally I lost it one day - he said he would speak to him in few mins and then vanished for hours..and so I just sent a simple text that I am quite busy too and just wanted to spend time with him. After that he didn't respond and I didn't contact too. It has been weeks.. is he feeling trapped and is it over? I anyway don't want to carry on like this where he gave commitment and then doesn't return my call for three months. I need conversations. I give him lot of space. But there has to be room to express disagreement
FA here and I always do this and exactly for the reasons you mentioned. Thank you for making me feel understood.
I’m going through a painful breakup right now and I have blocked and unblocked my ex too many times to count. They keep reaching out and I still love them but now they seem to have walked away for good and I want to hurt them like they hurt me but I actually feel so weak and powerless. It’s a horrible feeling.
You like playing games huh 🤔 cause it makes you feel powerful 🙄
You love them and want to hurt them ? I really hope you find peace…. and love yourself and have a super rich, engaging and joyful, life! Then, you’ll never ever feel the need to hurt anyone, even if they leave you- you would be able to wish them well, and also take care of yourself! Sending you lots of good wishes! 🙂
Toxic, and problematic. Stay away from th FAs.😑
I (FA) block people if the start to heckle me or try to involve me in their personal conflicts with others or speak sh*t about my friends, and they don't stop it even when I've asked them to several times.
Also, I've in the past blocked people who have ghosted me for a long time, and then suddenly turned up and INSISTED I shall meet them even if it is not a good time for me, and don't seem take a polite"no" for an answer
My Fearfull avoident ex blocked me after we didn't have any contact for 5 weeks. She unblocked me again a week later, then another week later she blocked me again. This clearly Shows ahe is not over me. I really believe we can be happy together and I am very hopeful she will eventually reach out. We had something extremely special, we where each others firsts and we have a lot of similarities. For some reason she thought our differences where to big and became afraid that it wouldn't work out in the long run.
How long is the block for?
Here in soain most people don"t really date the culture is very macho oriented, men have good options but for women not so much so could be for many reasons. Anyways I have heard the problem is global for women in order to have a quality relationship with a man at this time.
In my experience women can be free and have freedoms but they have to see a lot of people to find a really quality person. Im trying to be a quality person but some people just havent grown up.
How long will i be blocked for, dumped on anniversary not a single word just blocked and removed off everything, its been 4 months :(
Never have anything to do with an FA. My FA also has Bipolar and is hateful and I do not want drama anylonger.
I have my own Disorganised Attachment style. I am working my way to recovery and do not need this rubbish.
Hmmm, I'm FA, but I literally NEVER do this to anyone I care about, and can't imagine doing so unless they were downright harassing/stalking/abusing me. I'm wondering if this has something to do with whether you lean more anxious or avoidant as to whether you would do it? I do "unfollow" my exes on social media because seeing them with someone new rips my heart apart, but I stay friends with them because I love them too much to cut them off entirely.
I was abused and worse when i was a teenager. My bf and a few friends have behaviors that trigger me..mimic part of the emotional trauma of my abuse. I know they dont do it on purpose but ive said over and over how it affects me. Yes im working on this for myself but its slow going. My bf slips and then we have a situation. My last friend i told blatantly..this reminds me of my abuse and instead of acknowledging that..almost scolded me for not sharing b4 that i was abused. I don't need to tell anybody anything but i think she can meet me half way in trying to get past the trouble, she didn't and i blocked her. She gaslighted me and i blocked her. I shouldnt have to beg for understanding from anybody.
@@Dee010s , yeah, I hear you on all of that. I should clarify that in my comment I didn't mean that I never cut anyone out of my life--far from it. If someone is disrespecting me/hurting me with no conscience about it and no effort made to change that and to take whatever action is necessary to rebuild my trust, not even after I've already spoken to them about it, I will absolutely cut them off. I just mean that I don't block them on social media, on my phone, etc., unless they are actually harassing me after that. But that doesn't typically happen, because I tend to be so walled off to begin with that if they manage to make it past my wall in the first place, they're most likely a genuinely decent person.
You are probably FA and SA
The last reason I feel is the situation I’m in… I live 420 miles away and gave her my everything… I don’t understand what happened or anything really.
i think my ex is fa i tried to get closure but she kept saying things that didnt make sense. i got angry and she ended up blocking me. been blocked for a month and i dont think she will unblock :/
Then why fearful avoidant block you on fb but then unblock you on ig???
My ex blocked me on FB, whatsapp and telegram, when I asked him why he said he can't take his mind off me and just can't keep checking on me anymore. But he doesn't want to lose contact forever, he still has me on 2 other apps we didn't really talk on and he can't check much there (like last seen or posts). I really don't know what to think anymore..
After blocking do FAs unblock and reach out when there was a deep bond
Thankyou Thais, I have learnt alot from watching your videos.
Can you do one on why a fearful avoidant won't block their ex please.
My fa keeps blocking me unblocking me I’m an ap and it’s damaging me I can’t do it no more for my own health
I got blocked, unblocked, reach out and blocked. (Didn’t reply to reach out, hadn’t realised it was a 24hr window).
I don’t know if she wanted to break up and hadn’t the emotional range to do it with manners, or this was a FA thing to my Anxious attachment…
Man I loved that girl, I’d have relied to the messages if I had realised it was time sensitive!!!
My ex didn't block me, but unfriended/ unfollowed
I’m not really a spiteful blocker, unless you count being angry due to doing certain things I view as dishonest or disrespectful. I have certain boundaries that I refuse to accept being crossed. I’ll go as quick as I came. No second chances to hurt me
I asked her if she wanted to be friends after we had been talking again and after she asked me for a favor, and she blocked me.
She's in a relationship with someone else. I don't think she trusted herself to not contact me now...
what if you kept checking their online status last seen and then restricted it on off (for your own mental health), then they deleted it plus their last seen but not blocked your number
he kept blocking me/ deleting me everywhere and it has been 7 months since our breakup, and 2 months since we've spoke
They did cause I kept spamming their phone with messages
I'm a recovered FA who has recently been speaking to another FA. I recognise enough to know he's an FA but I've forgotten what it's like and I'm confused as hell lol.
We spoke and he guilt tripped me and I didn’t know how to respond when I responded couple days later asking him how his day was he told me we don’t need to talk anymore and deleted his account two days later what does this mean!!?😖
Helps to understand it. I had a short exciting fling with an FA and I was really drawn to her struggles. I'm drawn to damaged people. Great connection. Very perceptive and intelligent, really fell hard and she helped me realize stuff about myself. It was only a couple months and then I got a "Dear John letter" style text about how sweet and kind I am and that I deserve better, she's too toxic etc. told her I understand and to hit me up if she changes her mind. Then full blocked. 😢
She sounds like my fling that lasted 2 months. She had a lot of issues with her family and she can’t express how much she’s been hurt by them and others. I was blocked 6 weeks after the breakup from her instagram and facebook accounts but not blocked from her phone. It’s all a mystery. I never once argued with her and treated her like a queen.
No thankyou the DA won't listen so i gave up.
I just went through a break up, trying to learn about avoidants. Sounds like my ex was an FA and blocked me on all socials expect one. A month passes and they now blocked me on the one app that wasn’t blocked before. I’ll admit, I wanted answers because I was so hurt by the abrupt break up, but they admitted I was good to them and didn’t want to hurt me. I’ve given them their space so can an FA tell me why the block a month later?
cant get over you yet cant be with you
same situation ??? any update about you two. my FA boyfriedn of 2 yrs just blocked me everyone... then left some...then until its completely gone.. what happened?
What about when they just remove you from their follower/followings but ur not blocked?
Less invasive, just want space.
This one thousand percent describes why I block after a break up on social media. I NEVER block people from my phone. But I have zero interest in seeing you or you seeing me or what I’m up to. There are TONS of feelings after a break up for a long while. I admit that I’m “in my feelings” and need to do this to protect myself. It’s never done out of spite, however whenever a partner has tried to make me feel guilty about doing this; it makes me shut down even harder! In my mind, if you hadn’t been such a dick, we wouldn’t be going through this.🙄
6:56
Some us just remove to create separation and be able to move on.
Does the 60 day rule or guideline for waiting 6 weeks to 3 months for a fearful avoidant still work if they’ve broken up with you (by text) and blocked you - say, if you were to send them a small notecard by post just to say I’m thinking of you, hope you’re well? All the advice seems to be to ignore someone who blocks you, but does that apply to a fearful avoidant ?
how did this turn out?
@@whitakp1I crossed 60 days yesterday and I’m still in no contact and have no intention of making a move. The best thing I did was to join PDS and start working on myself. I got great feedback from other users and from Thais herself and am sticking to it. If she doesn’t come back, I’ll be in able to navigate the next relationship and if she does return before that happens, I’ll have the tools to help things work. I now think that FAs and DAs returning too soon is not a good idea. Moreover, unless you’ve broken up with them, you shouldn’t reach out. No contact plus working on yourself and your goals is the way to go. In fact, in my case, Thais insisted that I should not reach out at any costs or it would violate her boundaries and I respect that.
I can’t tell if my ex is an avoidant or a narcissist, but he acted like was extremely devoted to me only to randomly break up with me 4 months later. He started deleting our pictures on social media and talking to other girls and it really freaked me out. I’m a fearful avoidant so I blocked him and it felt really good. It felt like I finally punched him back emotionally and ran to a place he can’t ever find me...and like I said it feels good.
I'm sorry to hear about this
Hopefully you will find someone that will treat you better in the future!
💗🙏