Why I Have Trouble Communicating with English People 🇺🇸🏴
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- Опубліковано 14 лис 2024
- American Reacts-Americans Don’t Understand British Communication 🇺🇸🏴 American in England
My Life as an American Expat in the UK | Culture Shock, British Food, and Exploring England
Ever wondered what it's like to live in the UK as an American? In this video, I share my personal experience as an American expat in England, diving into the highs, lows, and everything in between! From the initial culture shock to adapting to British life, I'll take you through what it's really like to move from the USA to the UK.
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American Reacts-Americans Don’t Understand British Communication 🇺🇸🏴 American in England
I must admit as a Brit if someone said "Hey man I think your awesome!", 😱 I'd want to get as far away from them as possible! 😁... and Im actually being serious when I say that. 👍
What I will say is a Brit starts taking the "micky" out of you (not actually being rude) then it means they feel comfortable with you around them and they like you and youve been excepted....its called banter and its expected back. There are unwritten laws to it though and its we also think its funny when someone makes fun of themselves. We dont take ourselves so seriously over here. 👍
You can usually gather the giste of a request or saying through the inflection and tone of the speaker.
When I worked briefly in various places in the US, I found it very hard because I just couldn’t ‘read’ anyone from their tone or body language. I could never tell what they thought of me, whether they like me, thought I was great, or thought I was an idiot. It was also a real strain having to force myself to listen to every single word spoken and take it all literally, I couldn’t detect any non-verbal clues. I was also asked to be absolutely certain about deadlines and deliveries, which I refused to do pointing out I couldn’t even guarantee that I would be alive the next day. Communication both with the people I was working for and other people I met, hotel staff etc, always felt to me to be very superficial and formal, without humour, making very difficult to relax.
💯. Agreed with everything you said here!
This is really well observed.
The UK is exceptionally good at either gross understatement or saying the opposite of what they actually mean. You could get hit by a bus, someone asks "are you OK?" and you'd reply "yeah, I'm fine." This goes back to at least Shakespearian days, I recall Mercutio (I think) in Romeo & Juliet getting fatally stabbed and his comment on the wound when asked is "it will suffice."
As someone on the Autistic spectrum, this logic jarred with me as a kid. One time my dad asked me, "you won't want any chips (fries), will you?" I replied "no" because I did want chips and was then confused when I didn't get any.
By turns, to British ears the US doesn't sound stupid or ignorant, just blunt to the point of rudeness. If you told someone to "do this right now" then you'd likely get pushback, who the hell are you to be barking orders, do you think I'm something you've just trodden in? A "do this right now" instruction would likely be prefaced with an apology or an explanation as to why the building was on fire.
How about the American "Have a nice day" when what is meant is "I don't give a s**t what sort of day you have" !
It is possible what she said was can you check the window is 'not' open. The people in the building being too short to close it.
Often no words are needed, a look conveys everything intended.
we dont need your advice america.
On America being a land of immigrants, I don't think this explains it.
I grew up in East London, this area has been the first point of immigration in England for a long time
1685-1700 we were host to the Huguenots (French Protestants), various European Jewish sect, Irish, West Indian, then Various groups from Indian sub continent, a large Chinese community. Often these were political or religious refugees.
Note I suspect the Huguenots were not the first, but they are the first I know of.
I think the Indirect nature of communications in East London is much the same as the rest of England.
I think Liverpool and Bristol have similar histories.
The example of the differing use of 'quite' isn't the same as most of the other examples. This is not a case of Brits not telling it llike it is. In the UK 'quite' is always used as a qualifier to limit meaning- it always means 'sort of OK, could be better'. In the US, from what I've seen, it usually acts to enhance meaning, so 'very much so!' If a Brit told me that the path ahead was 'quite steep' I would understand that there was an element of steepness to the climb, but it was doable. If an American told me it was 'quite steep' I would assume that they were warning me that I might find it a difficult climb.
In general I agree your description of quite in UK, except
A brit having completed a trip up Snowdon, breathing heavily might say to an onlooker, 'ehm, Quite steep'
As it that was extremely steep and this is normal British Understatement.
The meaning of quite (in UK) is as you say to moderate, but we do use moderation for Understatement.
@@stephenlee5929 Yes, we do also use it as an understatement. 'That was quite steep' is typical british downplaying. However, an American in the same situation would also say 'That was quite steep' but in that case, literally meaning 'very steep'.
Oscar Wilde said we are 2 countries divided by a common language. I felt so sorry for you when you were so upset in a previous post. I realise it is very difficult for you coping with everything. May I suggest you try saying to your colleagues, 'I heard what you said as . . ., is that what you meant?' You are not being confrontational. You are just asking for clarification. I know this sounds crazy, but I imagine it must be like being dyslexic. You see or hear words, but the context is jumbled because of different cultural nuances. You 😊 not stupid. You seem to be a kind, nice person that I would have liked to work with. (Sorry, I am now a wrinkly, i.e. retired.) Can you sit down with your boss or HR and talk this through? They may be unaware that their actions are confusing you, are possibly hurtful, and preventing you from doing your job as effectively as you both wish. I hope this helps. Chin up and big hugs. x
Perfect, I agree! She hit the nail on the head. Immigration does not change this implicit knowledge, but it does threaten it. This is not a bad thing. Sweeping policy changes and knee jerk reactions to cancel culture and wome idiots are a bad thing that undermine the shared knowledge and traditions. Rule Britannia
In the window example, whilst I get the confusion about the language, it's odd to me that someone would think a window should be left open when the building is presumably empty!
She said there were other people in the office.
Its also worth noting:
what you are being told is the memory of what was said, from the point of view of someone who did not understand, so does not necessarily remember exact wordings,
but I do get her frustration.
@@stephenlee5929 Yes, I wondered if she remembered what was said correctly. We hear words but don't always listen!
I disagree that the 2 different ways of communication do not reflect intelligence. Reading a hidden meaning requires intellect, following a direct order does not.
You don't need a chart, by living here for so long you've probably already figured it all out 😅
The window thing. That is poor communication. I was taught in both the military and on the railway to be precise in communication. I think this manager was immature and unsuited to the position.
I would mormally ask someone to check if the window is CLOSED ...
People don't really understand how the culture we're raised in dominates our understanding.
Let me explain:
The parameters within which our whole spectrum of understanding of the world is comprehended, understood & formulated, in our mind, is largely dictated by the culture or society we are part of.
This, in turn, influences our thoughts, opinions, views, morals, principles, attitudes, and actions. The things that we accept in life or accept as just part of life are the result of cultural conditioning or culturally laid down models of behaviour. We need to transcend these modes of thinking in order to change the world we live in.
In a world of cultural conditioning it's very hard to find people that are willing to take the time to think about life, that feel the need to understand the real purpose & meaning of our lives, most go their whole lives without that spark of interest or need for a deeper connection with life, largely because mainstream society dictates that these questions are not that important. So when you ask most people what the purpose of life is, they won't tell you what they have concluded through questioning & searching. In most cases they'll simply tell you they don't know or haven't given it much thought, or they will tell you what someone else said, or what their friends say or what their family says - basically what society says, because those friends & family are influenced by the same parameters of thinking.
The extent to which we are influenced by our cultural conditioning is immense, it shapes our internal understanding of how to relate to ourselves & to life, of what life is, what its meanings are & what its values are.
Culture is the programme you run on, the programme which all of your thoughts are formed from & filtered through and it's not until you realise this that you are able to step outside of it and begin to see things from a different perspective. To transcend culture is to see beyond our internal conditioning of said culture, of its language, concepts & contexts, its Images, symbols & learned emotional responses to these stimuli that drive our internal dialogue - our learned behaviour of everything that's important and has meaning, what's truth and what's not, what's real or imagination, in our hearts & in our minds.
Culture is the pre-programmed set of blueprints from which our internal relationship with reality is caged and like the phoenix rising from the ashes of the old, one must understand this to be born again in mind, into a new paradigm of thought.
The problem I’m reading from this is , you can speak English but you are actually a foreign national . I’m sure Australian, South African, New Zealand or any other England speaking country would struggle too
I don’t think it’s necessarily your fault it’s more an acceptance of different strokes for different folks . So just smile and carry on 😉😉
The British can have a conversation without referring to the subject if there is a shared context. I once marked a Masters level assignment where the subject wasn’t referred to until page 9. In this case I failed him despite the clear writing and good points he never said what he was talking/ writing about. So spoken can be different from written.
At Sunday lunch one day, my wife raised her eyebrow at me. "Yes, please " I said. My daughter stared - "What?" "It's OK, I replied. We know what we mean." My wife and I have been sitting down to Sunday lunch together for so many years that we know the routine, without having to say anything. Suffice to say, I received the piece of bread I wanted to mop up the gravy remaining on my plate. Shared context.
Isn’t it obvious? lol. Check the window is open can only mean, if it’s open then shut it surely. If there was nothing to do, then they wouldn’t ask to check?
71 yr old Brit here. If someone asked me to check the window was open I would take it to mean that the window was meant to be open, and if it was closed, I would open it - maybe it was where the cat entered or something!
@@Lily-Bravo Check if and check that have very different meanings. First case, it shouldn't be; the second case, it should be. That's my mid 50's British interpretation anyway.
Entirely agree, people are expected to use their brain to understand what is being asked of them not just robotically carry out some request. Unless, of course, somebody is asking you to go and get a long weight.
@@JonBushell Exactly.
@@georgeprout42 The problem, for us as 3rd parties is we have the words used by someone who did not understand the meaning, so we can't reasonably know if the original request was 'If or That'.
Peoples memory of what they are told is very poor at the best of times, but add to that being corrected and the passage of time, we don't know what was said.
Only what was understood/misunderstood and what seems to have been meant.
As you will have discovered, the Brits are not generally literal, & surely, the dialogues - either in a domestic or work environment are nuanced; the expectation for a foreign national to adopt such linguistic gymnastics is (also) at variance, & even tho' it can be confusing, I would explain to fellow Brits that tolerance & understanding are key to smooth language transition, be you American, or indeed any other English speaking nationality.... chin up 🙂
Unfortunately you can't really translate any phrase with a clear meaning. Tone and emphasis change a lot
Quite good, with neutral emphasis probably means something is OK
Quite good with the emphasis on quite good probably means something like not good
Quite good with the emphasis on the good, probably means something like I'm surprised this is actually OK
But you really need tone to be sure about any of them
I’m here
Watch next a short comedy (in the same spirit to this video), "Americans don't understand English"
Made to feel dumb, or you feel dumb because you don't understand what they mean
Stick at it your doing great