Love Addiction Comes from Attachment Injuries
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- Опубліковано 30 лип 2015
- Hello. Thanks for checking out my UA-cam channel.
In my videos, I like to talk about Psychology, Healing Attachment Trauma, Relationship Repair, Inner Child Self-Re-Parenting, Love Addiction, Codependency, Grieving Break Ups, Family Programming, Fantasy Relationships, The Romantic Narrative, Primal Panic, Trauma Bonding, Double-Binds, Attachment Styles, Couples Counseling, Better Boundaries, Shame and Self-love, CPTSD Breakthroughs, Emotional Availability, and Body-Focused Psychotherapy for Healing Trauma..
☑️ Heal Your Relationships = #relationships
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Alan Robarge, LPC, Licensed Professional Counselor,
Attachment-Focused, Trauma-Informed,
Psychotherapist and Relationship Educator
Emotional Connections Matter!
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Love Addiction Comes from Attachment Injuries
In this video, I talk about the distinction between love addiction and attachment trauma.
Questions to answer in the comments section:
What is one thing you learned from listening to this video?
What is one takeaway you can apply to your personal healing process?
Remember to leave a comment. What is your takeaway from this video?
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☑️ Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz:
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☑️ Learn about The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course: www.healingattachmenttrauma.c...
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Love Addiction Comes from Attachment Injuries - Навчання та стиль
Hello Subscribers:
Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing.
One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating.
Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning!
As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on UA-cam. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through.
I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly.
That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on UA-cam. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos.
If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions
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Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses.
Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships.
The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met.
While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response.
Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
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I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives.
When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work.
You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive.
Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community
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Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution.
Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality and accessible content. If you benefit from my videos and want to show your support for the value offered, then please make a donation: www.alanrobarge.com/donate
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Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos.
And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!”
Best regards,
Alan Robarge
Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist
www.alanrobarge.com/
My brother, sister and myself all married people that ignored us and did their own thing selfishly. Lack of affection was a deep core in all cases. Co-dependency was created in our family as our mother was a covert narcissist. Your videos and ross rosenbergs work have got me to where I am at.
I went through the same thing thank you for sharing it's good to see when your not alone.
Yep, same here, my brother, my sister and me all married selfish people who thought the world revolved around them.
@@mrsmucha same!
Wow. Thank you. You've enlightened me regarding my love addiction. I've been looking for the face of a loving God in my relationships, but I keep picking abusive people, who seem loving in the beginning. Trying to identify the attachment trauma of my childhood, again, on a deeper level. I know my life and the mess of it all is my responsibility. I'm looking forward to your other videos. This was the first. Bless you.
Wow... "looking for the face of a loving God in my relationships..." That line struck me to be profound. Growing up in the Protestant Christian community, I was married young and heard the ideal that a husband is supposed to love his wife "the way Christ loved the church, giving himself up for her"... That sounded wonderful to my codependent self to finally receive the love I had never experienced, and I imagined it was so for a time. Then, as the relationship soured and judgments and labels were cast on me, my faith in a loving God fell away into bitterness at the thought of there being no such thing as unconditional love. I am glad to believe again now in a loving God because I feel unconditional love in my closest relationships.
Yes
My fiancé just left last night to stay in a hotel for a couple of days. Pretty sure that the relationship will end. This channel has been a place of refuge.
I hope you guys made it to the aisle 🙏🏾🙏🏾
@@MsAurelieBib We are still together. :)
Thanks for this, Mr Robarge. I’m a substance abuser, have been since I was 13, currently stuck on opiates. I’m reading ‘Addiction As An Attachment Disorder’ and that’s kind of what lead me here. It’s interesting that attachment injuries could be responsible for all addictions, it’s often our downfall when we attempt to simplify addiction, but I’m finding this angle to be promising all the same.
+J. M Bird Your message is encouraging. Thank you for sharing. Have you stumbled upon Gabor Mate's work yet? You can youtube him. Also Helen Fisher's TED Talk. Check out Tian Dayton's book The ACOA Trauma Syndrome. Also when it comes to learning more about attachment theory, check out Sue Johnson, John Gottman, and Dan Siegel. Good luck to you!
My therapist loves you and encouraged me to visit your channel. I'm hooked. I've just completed your 8 part series on being stuck in a relationship and now I'm going back to the very beginning and plan to watch all of your videos. Nearly everything you say is relevant to me and the way I handle my life and relationships. Thank you for this large cache of videos. I'm more grateful than I can express. They're so helpful! You're making a difference.
Thank you. I've just restarted counseling for a number of traumas I have undergone from childhood through to adulthood. This is an element that I kind of knew was present in me but didn't have the terminology to articulate and explore it in more depth until about a week ago. I've been searching for something to help me navigate the difficult journey that is ahead of me. This seems like a hopeful avenue
+Nati SB Hello. Thank you for your comment on this video. I'm glad you found it a bit helpful. Good luck to you in your healing journey.
😀
Thank you so much Alan! This is very informative and helpful!
Amazing channel! Why did I see it earlier? Thank you for your ongoing videos.
Thank you for this video!
Most wonderful insight ever to the issue.I am absolutely fascinated by such spot on assessment of the core issues.well done Sir.This is god send .
Excellent, accurate life saving!!
This was perfect and exactly what i'm dealing with,
This makes so much sense. Thank you
Glad to hear this makes sense. If you are not subscribed to the channel, please do. Also let your friends know about this video. Thanks.
Thank you great presentation Thank you, I am going through inner healing online
listening reading multiple sources,You deserve more views 👏 .
Thanks for your comment. Glad you see value in this content. Appreciate the feedback and good you are learning about inner healing.
Since you like this content, and you may have already heard about it, you may also like the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Take the quiz to learn more www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Very well explained!! Thank you
doctor 🌟
Thanks for watching! I'm glad that this was explained in a way that made sense to you.
Since this video resonated with you, I want to recommend you checking out my course The Four Attachment Distress Responses. In this course, I discuss the four different ways we respond to distress in relationships, based on our past attachment injuries and traumas. I have created a model that fully explains the how and why behind our behaviors, as well as ways to understand the best way of moving forward to a healthier way or relating to others and ourselves. Take the quiz to learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Along with this, I want to invite you to join my online Community, Improve Your Relationships. This is a space for people to come to discuss, learn, explore, grow, and heal from their attachment wounds. Everyone is incredibly friendly and encouraging, and having support from others who understand your experiences and feelings can make a huge difference. Start your Self-Directed Healing Work and join in on the conversations. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Life changing !
Thanks so much.
I would really like to study/learn what you have learned. You're very insightful and different from any other You Tube coach that I have listened to.
Subhanallah. Thankss for this information; it’s heavenly.
This video. Thank you so much.
Glad you like this video. You may also want to check out The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz.
www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
I'm not sure if others might have this question.. but as I watch your videos this comes up for me.. all those issues may be derived from initial attachment i.e. parents, where does the line get drawn in taking care of yourself, healing your self, and allowing your current new relationship to stay in place, in other words at what point do you determine that a partner is not the right partner.. and that it would not just be up to you to fix yourself.. when is a partner the wrong partner?
You mean when do we know the problem is them and not us? I am not expert but I think as long we keep repeating patterns they will always be wrong for us. Because in recreating insecure or dependable attachments we attract the wrong people to our life, make sense? We always create relationships that are not right for us in some level and that never is down to one partner, is the dynamic between two individual projecting their own traumas.
I had no attachment to any caregiver, which explains my struggle to have consistent healthy relationships
This can be really challenging to navigate, and like you said, it can stop us from having consistent and healthy relationships. You're not alone - so many other people are experiencing this same thing.
That's why I created my online Community, Improve Your Relationships. It's an online learning Community for people to discuss, grow, and heal from attachment wounds and injuries. We're a great group of people that love supporting each other through the process. Here is more info: www.alanrobarge.com/community
Also, because you feel you have no attachment to any caretaker, it's possible that distress in relationships shows up as anxiety or fear. I have created The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course as a way to help others confront and heal this within themelves. Here is the link to the quiz to learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Thank you for sharing! I came across your videos by accident.... I will check out the community!
these videos are amazing! Have you thought of doing any on how to parent your own kids when you still have your own unhealed attachment injuries?
Wow this is the most important thing really! Good question!
Yes
I am 68 now, and I don't think I have ever truly loved anyone, except friends. All my relationships were characterised by intense obsession on my part and were deeply painful, with men who were never really there for me emotionally and were often abusive. Except one, but I let him get away because he didn't 'fit' the familiar pattern. . . This makes me feel very sad as it is too late for me now to have a healthy truly loving relationship.
As long as you have breath in this realm, it’s never too late to have a healthy loving relationship, but def you got to have a healthy loving relationship with self and God:)
Empathy to you. Many of us can relate with these kinds of relationship patterns. Glad you connected with this video. Thanks for commenting.
I found a “facing love addiction” book in my house, what does this mean?
How can one be avoidant and anxious in attachement and at thesame time dependent?
I have a question regarding abandonment/desertion/being ignored in adult life, I feel like there isn't a lot of information available out there specifically in regards to adult abandonment. What are the effects of repeat abandonment/desertion/ignoring and invalidating in a marriage? I have been abandoned by my partner about 10-12 times in the span of a 7 year marriage. We live in diff countries and the process of immigration has been slow. When my partner feels overwhelmed they completely shut down and they are unreachable for months-no contact for months. This has been very hard to accept and process and I am struggling a lot with low self esteem and anxiety.
I am so sorry. I hope you find healthy love.
Binge-watching...
I'm glad you liked the video Mary. If the topic resonated with you, you may be interested in checking out my membership community, Improve Your Relationships. We are a group of kind, supportive learners who want to make sense of our past relationships and learn new skills of better relating. In the community we can talk about emotional availability, secure attachment, boundaries, finding the right kind of partner for us, and learning how to say goodbye when necessary. A new recurring round of our 8-week program begins September 7th. You're invited to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
First define LOVE
Can you be emotionally detached(not being able to feel attachment) and have love addiction?
SnailCat, These are good questions. They are the types of questions we explore in the membership community, Improve Your Relationships. You are invited to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Thanks
you're welcome. You may also want to check out The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz.
www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
I NEED HELP.
(we hope you got that help. Your comment is very brave.)
Have you tried ACA or SLAA?
Thank you very much :)
You're welcome. Glad you like this one. You may also be interested in taking The Four Attachment Distress Responses quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Please add me on your group . it's a closed group . I would like to know more about love addiction and it's cultural influence .
Done. Thanks. Welcome.
I am addicted to love but i am at a young age, what do I do?
Thank you for your question. While I cannot always answer questions directly due to the range of conditions and history unique to each situation, I do value your exploration and curiosity. We grow by asking questions. If you would like your question to be considered, please submit it via my website by going to www.alanrobarge.com/questions
You might find it helpful to educate yourself on attachment behaviors. Our relationship challenges are often related with how we react to relationship stress. We can understand ourselves and others more by learning about attachment distress. Take the quiz about The Four Attachment Distress Responses and learn about the course: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
I always cheat on my partners not because of sexual addiction is more like the need of of validation and attention. I feel like a horrible person. Growing up I have many stepfathers can this be one of the reasons why am like this? I really need to stop this pattern. Help!
I see the video sparked some reflections for you. Thanks for the question. Your question is a bit too specific for me to be able to answer on social media, however good job exploring these ideas. If you would like your question to be considered for a future video, please submit it via my website by going to www.alanrobarge.com/questions
Also, if you are interested in learning about attachment behaviors and building new relating skills you may want to take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course. We can understand ourselves and others more by learning the different ways we respond to attachment distress. Take the quiz to learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
❤️❤️❤️❤️
Glad you like this one. Thanks for the heart emojis.
If you like this video then you may also interested in the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Take the quiz to learn more. www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
I lived in India 10 years and never heard any such thing.
😂
Patron Saints of Attachment please save me 🙏
lol. Glad this one spoke to you.
I consider myself an intelligent person and I trust my own judgment but this is so foreign to me. It’s like a cult and I’m not trying to be mean but I just don’t get it. My therapist sent me to SLAA meetings and all I kept thinking is I am not a love addict, I don’t relate. I don’t relate.
Good insight. Glad this video sparked some reflection. I wonder if reflecting like this is helpful for you.
Since this video resonated you may also be interested in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It is attachment theory focused. Some members have been there for over four years now.
You're welcome to join us:
www.alanrobarge.com/community
Not sure exactly how the case is being made of the newness of what is simply a theory. Attachment theory is not science. I would challenge you to provide citations for studies that demonstrate causation between attachment trauma (a theory) and conclusive evidence that this results in measurable differences in neuroanatomy/physiology. I would welcome links to searchable and credible published sources that support such a contention. Adding a new spin to a theory is not the same thing as "science".