Why you should talk to strangers | Kio Stark

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  • Опубліковано 22 лис 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 607

  • @zawkoto96
    @zawkoto96 8 років тому +90

    This talk reminds me of a wonderful quote by William Butler : "Strangers are just friends I haven't met yet."

  • @Apollosk123
    @Apollosk123 8 років тому +475

    Ever think about the best friends you've had? All the good times? They too were once strangers you took a chance and talked to. Good talk.

    • @tarico4436
      @tarico4436 8 років тому +1

      Yesssssssssssssss.

    • @JD2jr.
      @JD2jr. 8 років тому +32

      Not really. Usually they're Coworkers or classmates or mutual friends who have already become familiar well before speaking to them. You're probably just a lot more extroverted than us.

    • @arianylima6814
      @arianylima6814 8 років тому +1

      Exactly!

    • @arianylima6814
      @arianylima6814 8 років тому +11

      But they were strangers, anyway.

    • @panhiavwm
      @panhiavwm 8 років тому

      Apollosk123

  • @ParadigmFluxEmporium
    @ParadigmFluxEmporium 8 років тому +304

    I am an introvert in the true sense of the word. I'm introspective, I'm a reader, I love to write, and create. always trying to find the deeper meaning of things. I was taught as a child that I was shy and believed that. and grew to have social anxiety as an adult. but I broke out of my fear of people and talk to strangers nearly everyday. introvert doesn't mean shy.

    • @ashdraws9076
      @ashdraws9076 8 років тому +28

      So true! Not all introverts are shy and antisocial. Just means that we find more energy spending time alone than with others.

    • @pauldotdll3276
      @pauldotdll3276 8 років тому +9

      People have to read this..

    • @dragonswordmountain2908
      @dragonswordmountain2908 6 років тому +3

      +Paradigm Flux Emporium I think being an introvert is the same thing tag as being shy, a label we believe. We can learn how to recharge even with people around, ambivert skills and a way of life. Everything is a skill, we are not in jail introvert.

    • @БогомилЖелев-и2е
      @БогомилЖелев-и2е 6 років тому

      @Kalina zdr kp

    • @flannsixtyseven7489
      @flannsixtyseven7489 5 років тому +2

      @@dragonswordmountain2908 there are proves that it is genetic, you might try that but are fighting your nature and it will cost you a lot of energy, i try but i dont feel comfortable, not even with practicing a lot.

  • @dunnowy123
    @dunnowy123 8 років тому +388

    I completely agree. This irrational fear of strangers is the perfect recipe for social awkwardness and anxiety. Being comfortable around people, especially strangers, makes you a calmer, more perceptive, confident and overall better person. Love and stop being afraid of other people.

    • @EvaGreenFanPennyDreadful
      @EvaGreenFanPennyDreadful 8 років тому +12

      It really is. People will anxiety, are always worried about what others think of them. When in reality, everyone else is thinking about themselves lmao

    • @SWOgottaGO
      @SWOgottaGO 8 років тому +16

      Now I'm facing jail time because some feminist thought I was raping them when I made eye contact. Thanks a lot.

    • @dunnowy123
      @dunnowy123 8 років тому +25

      SWOgottaGO
      Dude, you gotta get out more. I approach women all the time, most of the time, they're flattered and if not, they're polite. Just don't be a creep who can't read social cues and you'll be fine.

    • @SWOgottaGO
      @SWOgottaGO 8 років тому

      Wow, I'm speechless! Are you actually acknowledging that women on the regular are shallow bitches that'll judge men character based on looks!

    • @SWOgottaGO
      @SWOgottaGO 8 років тому

      Technocracy
      Those are no your regular men tho

  • @eivilcow33
    @eivilcow33 8 років тому +234

    My favorite interaction with a stranger was in a hot spring that was supposed to be quiet and there was this really old guy at the edge of the pool and he had an oxygen tank sitting on the side of the pool. He was trying to use his hands like a squirt gun and was laughing every time it worked. I sat near him and he accidentally squirted me in the face, I looked at him and started laughing and squirted him back. We ended up talking for a half an hour and talked about all kinds of stuff. He made my whole year

  • @nzinga758
    @nzinga758 8 років тому +232

    This is the first time in my adult life that I am riding public transportation to work. And my day is brightened when a stranger gives me a compliment. I will be giving out more compliments myself.

    • @titusorelius9458
      @titusorelius9458 8 років тому +10

      Sorry but feminists tell us it is wrong to give women you don't know compliments. It's *"sexual harassment"*. Why do you hate women?

    • @notsquirrel8141
      @notsquirrel8141 8 років тому +5

      It brightens my day when someone talks to me on the bus :)

    • @chegadesuade
      @chegadesuade 8 років тому +10

      +Titus Orelius go away, that's totally inappropriate here.

    • @ibrahimswapon9968
      @ibrahimswapon9968 8 років тому

      Adaku Dew

    • @BabyAbood123
      @BabyAbood123 5 років тому

      Good for you

  • @lmychocolate
    @lmychocolate 7 років тому +29

    A woman once asked me for directions on the street and we ended up taking the train together. She was very friendly and we talked a lot! It was my first time having an actual conversation with a stranger and at the beginning I was really unsure what to share and what not to share, what to ask, and what not to ask. But as we talked more, I didn't really have to worry too much about it, everything just came naturally. It was then when I realize how great it feels to connect with a stranger. It's really nice to be able to learn something about someone, hearing glimpses of their story. Sometimes it just feels good to talk to someone you don't know and probably won't see afterwards, to talk to someone outside your social circle.

  • @TheMrJaybones
    @TheMrJaybones 8 років тому +19

    Talking to strangers helps you develop people skills and it makes me feel happy

  • @lydias2232
    @lydias2232 7 років тому +9

    I tried this today. I tried to get noticed and it worked! An old man walking past me told me to cheer up. I wasn't actually sad, it was my thinking face. But it worked! He responded.

  • @stupidrainbo
    @stupidrainbo 7 років тому +116

    Man, this audience is not laughing at her subtle jokes. Way to make her totally uncomfortable! I always try to laugh at jokes during a speech, just because I would want others to do the same for me in their shoes.

    • @denimlether5812
      @denimlether5812 5 років тому +10

      They're not really jokes. Her standing on the street in NYC was a real way of life.

    • @luuky18
      @luuky18 3 роки тому +7

      If a joke isn’t funny why would you laugh

    • @KaraokeNig
      @KaraokeNig 3 роки тому

      Good points , good questions, i have one too. How much are you required to laugh at jokes socially..asking for a friend. :)

  • @neodark414
    @neodark414 8 років тому +443

    What's up strangers?

    • @tarico4436
      @tarico4436 8 років тому +3

      Hehe. Good one.

    • @SWOgottaGO
      @SWOgottaGO 8 років тому +37

      RAPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

    • @arianylima6814
      @arianylima6814 8 років тому +3

      What's up?

    • @curtherring7732
      @curtherring7732 8 років тому +31

      Don't stand in front of that tank, you might disappear.

    • @dawnqwerty
      @dawnqwerty 8 років тому +4

      Benjamin Wood how are you all this week?

  • @christinec.2742
    @christinec.2742 7 років тому +18

    This talk opened my mind. I have been taught to be wary of strangers all my life... but statistically, being friendly does make more sense.
    Why are we... over 90% of the population act like everyone could have been a criminal waiting to harm us when only a really small group of people are that disruptive?
    We should remain cautious, but not to the point of making enemy out of everyone we have never even talked to. After breaking out of that bubble, the human world indeed can have a lot more friendliness than previously imagined, which unfortunately got missed out on.
    Thank you for this talk.

    • @NellieKAdaba
      @NellieKAdaba 7 років тому

      I have also been taught that, but I talk to a few strangers, and I made connections through that. Yes, because of the high crime rate in the US, in some states, that's why we don't trust strangers. Even in Europe and in the Caribbean I don't talk to strangers, unless it's a family's friend or a member of my relative's family.

    • @katydidwhat6120
      @katydidwhat6120 6 років тому

      Some areas do have a higher crime rate than others, so it makes sense to be wary. And all the horror stories portrayed in the media/news makes things worse.

  • @Gretaand
    @Gretaand 7 років тому +8

    Talking to strangers are beautiful. Even though sometimes u have to hide a part of truth, it's good to have Someone to talk to, or listen to.

  • @CristanMeijer
    @CristanMeijer 8 років тому +21

    I always feel that because it's not really the norm, when you actually end up having a nice conversation with a stranger, it is extremely satisfying. And when I don't know a subject to talk about, I usually stick to my golden rule: people usually love talking about themselves :). Therefore, I quickly follow up any conversation with a few questions about them and this usually works.

    • @davidmatengu5726
      @davidmatengu5726 5 років тому +2

      Cristan Meijer so what do you ask them about themselves??

    • @katscandance
      @katscandance 3 роки тому +1

      I love asking questions

  • @jorgee2320
    @jorgee2320 8 років тому +139

    As an introvert and shy person, people might think that I'm not friendly or that I don't like people, but it's just that I'm not good at social interactions and I don't find them fundamentally necessary, but that doesn't mean that I lack empathy or that I'm an antisocial.
    I find it surprising how easy it comes to some people to talk to strangers and make friends, here where I live people tend to be very open and friendly, when I'm new to a class and I don't know anybody they are hesitant in the beginning but they quickly socialize and before I know it they're all already friends, and it's not that easy for me.

    • @SWOgottaGO
      @SWOgottaGO 8 років тому +15

      Having friends is necessary. You can have an easier time with something because of a friend. On the same note you can make life easier to someone and make a new friend that potentially can do the same for you later. It doesn't always have to be about functionality either.

    • @notsquirrel8141
      @notsquirrel8141 8 років тому +14

      I have felt exactly what you feel. It just takes practice and time and getting out of your comfort zone.

    • @cherokee1781
      @cherokee1781 8 років тому +1

      you should join activities that have very small groups filled with people who'd mostly be strangers. That's how I'm trying to change myself.

    • @Joel-js2gk
      @Joel-js2gk 8 років тому +6

      I understand you perfectly, but I'm slightly different in that I see how much fun others have with their friends and I want to experience that myself. So even though I'm genuinely an introvert and shy person, I really put forth a great deal of effort to put myself out there and to make friends. Oftentimes I find myself alone in a crowd of people with nothing to say, but it's all part of the learning process.
      The most important thing is to put yourself out there and to put forth a real effort. And don't beat yourself up too much if you say something awkward or dumb; we are all socially awkward to an extent.

    • @Jalapatron
      @Jalapatron 7 років тому

      Jorge E I'm the same way. People usually think of me as an angry person when I'm just very quiet

  • @helloworldliberationforall
    @helloworldliberationforall 9 місяців тому

    few days ago ive started to talk with strangers, it is changing my whole life, every interaction is a new world, i love it, its great whey you appreciate and get appreciated as a person, it dissolves so many prejudices and assumptions you have, its eye opening and beautiful, people are social creatures and its in our nature to cooperate and communicate

  • @jaredanders7820
    @jaredanders7820 8 років тому +34

    I talk to everyone & it's wonderful. my friends always try to stop me but I want more people to do it :)

  • @rajeevSreenivasan
    @rajeevSreenivasan 8 років тому +4

    I always greet the strangers even though they didn't return on! Love this!

  • @katscandance
    @katscandance 3 роки тому +4

    I used to be so shy and anxious and hated talking to strangers. I especially felt awkward trying to talk to customers. I thought I was just naturally bad at conversation. Now that it’s part of my job responsibility to get to know my customers and have good service, I LOVE talking to strangers. I love hearing their stories, learning about how other peoples lives are, and also talking about myself to them. It makes me feel happier and fulfilled at the end of a work day. Now my coworkers are amazed when I have a 10 minute conversation with a customer and always say “I’m so good at talking to customers” and I always tell them that I wasn’t always good, but practice makes you get better. It’s overall helped me with my anxiety as well as made me more confident!

  • @englerwhi
    @englerwhi 8 років тому +54

    I'm from the Midwest and we talk to everyone. It's weird to read the comments and see how people think this is abnormal or unsafe. Being kind is a way for a "normal" person to change the world.

    • @HussainAlHubail
      @HussainAlHubail 8 років тому +5

      That's true. But also you cannot blame them if they live in a neighbor where the thievery,murder, or any bad acts are high.
      That's why (in my believe), the first step is to accept those people/strangers in comment. NOT THE trollers of course!

    • @MrSivansuresh
      @MrSivansuresh 8 років тому +4

      Because you are an American. Americans are friendly and talkative in general. Europeans in general freak out when stranger look at them, smile at them or tried to small talk to them.

    • @veridiosmaximos6290
      @veridiosmaximos6290 7 років тому

      Hello, my name is Carlos, I started to study your language in a short time. I wonder if you could help me and be my friend.
      Whatsapp or any other social network where we can is tracing information.
      I'm from Brazil.

    • @juliantreidiii
      @juliantreidiii 6 років тому +2

      I am from the south and we talk to everyone. When I went to New York it terrified them. LOL

  • @124madcow
    @124madcow 6 років тому +4

    I knew this guy that would always talk to people. One new person a day is what he said. The crazy thing is he could go anywhere in the city and people would know him.

  • @polaris911
    @polaris911 8 років тому +11

    It is so true what she said about passing somebody. You look at each other from a distance, then look away as you pass.

  • @KylaAquinoIrving
    @KylaAquinoIrving 7 років тому +2

    As a Californian, I'm like, "Duh!" Were much friendlier out here. When I travel to New York, I notice people could live next door to one another for years, but never even acknowledge each other. I'm glad this New Yorker is spreading the message. 😁

    • @NellieKAdaba
      @NellieKAdaba 7 років тому

      That is how I feel in New York, I do not know most of my neighbours, it was not like that in Maryland, it was quite the opposite, I knew a few of my neighbours. Maybe because of the high crime rate, people don't trust each other that much in NY.

  • @anee7163
    @anee7163 8 років тому +3

    You have delivered your points excellently. Your enunciation , the way you have spoken, given pauses are all perfect. I have heard you first time. So far, You are my most favourite speaker. ☺

  • @alejandroramirezmartinez3676

    i do all the time as salesman while prospecting, i sell spaces for out of home advertising, try to approach business owners, CEOs and managers and genuinely say to them "we are to serve you" and "i´m sure the advertising will help your sales to grow, because you have a very good or important product or service", it has help me a lot to get sales, and more important lot of friends, as i´m a newcomer to the city i live now... great speech for meditation!

  • @MS-gv6jd
    @MS-gv6jd 8 років тому +7

    To me, starting a conversation is easy but to maintain the conversation is hard and can be awkward

  • @moatazanwar6564
    @moatazanwar6564 7 років тому +2

    Really, awesome, I was obsessed by the idea of talking to strangers, one day, a stranger was next to me in the bus, and I started to ask him about his college, and I found that he is one of my colleagues that I've never noticed, I introduced myself to him and he did so too, and for 3 years, we have been friends, and we worked together in a lot of projects, the graduation project was one of them, since then I loved the idea of hitting a conversation with strangers, that one of them may turn out to be a future friend.

  • @toysintheattic2664
    @toysintheattic2664 8 років тому +66

    Where I come from it's not uncommon to talk to people we don't know.

    • @Wauly
      @Wauly 8 років тому +56

      The moon

    • @cherokee1781
      @cherokee1781 8 років тому +23

      Uranus

    • @RacoYes
      @RacoYes 8 років тому +2

      Belgrade, Serbia is one of such places.

    • @Nestoras_Zogopoulos
      @Nestoras_Zogopoulos 7 років тому +1

      mainly from what ive seen all the countries in the mediterranian sea u know like spain italy greece etc ive actually concluded although not being a rule that generally older nations have quite friendly people idk it may be like that cz in older times in places like small villages and encampements everyone knew each other eg countries like egypt greece italy spain india china also people that were at some point nomads and poor people seem to be more friendly africans and middle eastearns too but cz of the unstable enviroments war and stuff its harder to open up

    • @keltait
      @keltait 7 років тому +1

      RacoYes I've met and had awesome conversations with so many Serbian people public transport when I'm moving around Europe for work.

  • @hana77jp
    @hana77jp 8 років тому +4

    I like this story. I know I have forgotten how to know strangers. Thank you.

  • @melisarose3922
    @melisarose3922 8 років тому +2

    I think it's kind of fun to have conversations with people in the bus or train on the way to school/work... Because there is indeed a chance that you will meet them again... And seeing a stranger one more time who also recognizes you is probably the coolest thing ever 😂

  • @danielf1051
    @danielf1051 6 місяців тому

    For a long time, I’ve been taught to not talk to strangers unless they are my friends that I know. Even though I have listened to them over the years, they are times that so end up lonely when my friends start to get busy with college/work. So I believe when it comes to meeting someone new in school or in public parks, I should keep in mind that strangers are just normal people. Of course I should keep my boundaries and start small because it could help me feel more comfortable with talking to anyone.

  • @xRockycherrYx
    @xRockycherrYx 8 років тому +1

    This talk is bristling with intelligence! Best one I've heard lately.

  • @TariqKhan-xt5qs
    @TariqKhan-xt5qs 8 років тому +2

    You know some of the best conversations i've had were from times when I was wasted and talking to random people who were also drunk, or when I was just taking a stroll downtown and ended up talking to some homeless person

  • @Chadong
    @Chadong 4 роки тому

    When you said it's rude to ignore a stranger in Egypt i remember Ammar from Yes Theory. He's very jolly and outgoing person and it's very natural for him to talk to a stranger without any hesitation.

  • @stavares89
    @stavares89 7 років тому +1

    i met mt best friend 5 years ago and it all started in a classroom when i said:"can u borrow me ur rubber?"
    amazing

  • @ParthibanTR
    @ParthibanTR 8 років тому +7

    5:20 - People often feel more comfortable being honest and open about their inner selves with strangers than they do with their friends and families and that they often feel more understood by strangers.
    Thank You Kio Stark for pointing this out. I have often felt and experienced it.
    You know, why we want to feel comfortable and more comfortable?
    Because it's our nature that we always want to and we always want to throw away the pain from deep inside us, which we are not able to do with our friends and relatives.
    And I think everyone has some or other pain which they yearn to share.
    But I meet a lot of strangers who don't wanna interact while I am always in the "inviting" mode. Sometimes I have tried keeping the first step and it has worked out well.
    But surely, it requires a bit of mental preparation, a warm attitude with a bit of gut and enthusiasm.

  • @Imanelhag
    @Imanelhag 7 років тому +1

    i literally feel like i want to go out and talk to everyone i meat on the street!
    thank you! that was awesome!

    • @rimi2805
      @rimi2805 5 років тому

      واضح انك تفهمين بليز قولي وش الفكره الرئيسيه للموضوع ؟

  • @YadiAnyankah
    @YadiAnyankah 7 років тому

    i just love the way she talks.

  • @mrmagic2943
    @mrmagic2943 Рік тому

    I know its like 7 years to late but just this weekend I visited a Concert in Austria (I live in middle eastern Germany) and I went there all alone just by myself. With all the Regio trains you can take with our Germanyticket and I've met alot interesting people on this journey. I was waiting 3 hours with some refugee guys in some Bavarian shithole, I sat next to a 72 year old Homeless guy telling me his lifestory in the beautiful richpeoples City of Passau, I got to know some greek guys and the austrian people that listen to the same Music as me and I had a really cool way back home with some ppl from the concert that had happen to have the same destonation as I did and it was AWESOME!! when I rethink it it is especially so cool because of all the random strangers I've got to know that little bit. It was so wonderful to win against the inner pig dog (laughs in german) and to have that experience and joy that it brings you to overcome your Compfortzone

  • @geminiwoe
    @geminiwoe 7 років тому +1

    I have always spoken to strangers and mind you , I am from New York city where this is a big no no. I've always been ridiculed or spoken to about how it can come off as inappropriate. I never understood why it was so. This is good incite.

  • @Imjoseguzman
    @Imjoseguzman 7 років тому +2

    Best ted talk ive watched 100% truth she speaks

  • @Diaamohy
    @Diaamohy 7 років тому +3

    I am actually from Egypt and wat she stated is true except the part of inviting a stranger to ur home, but ppl here r friendly!

  • @Ublueduck00
    @Ublueduck00 Рік тому

    I suggest, that belief in humanity is based on such people. People who believe that strangers are not dangerous. People who open to conversations with strangers.

  • @meghmalaverma8467
    @meghmalaverma8467 7 років тому

    Agreed and frankly speaking i felt it too to talk to strangers is far more good.

  • @stevesong8388
    @stevesong8388 2 роки тому +1

    The part when she talk about the old man is so attractive. She’s a very good talker.

  • @grubbsgrady96
    @grubbsgrady96 7 років тому +4

    she has a beautiful voice

  • @matheuscardoso1
    @matheuscardoso1 8 років тому

    She's a great speecher, I didnt understand that silence from the audience.

  • @primet2830
    @primet2830 8 років тому +4

    I can absolutely relate. it's effortless and you never know where the connection can go
    we only have our stories and connections in life

  • @mississippisteeler95
    @mississippisteeler95 7 років тому

    I find this deeply interesting. I do think many people are unsure about strangers and prefer to avoid them but most of that comes from very deep beliefs that most of society is bad. No doubt there are bad people out there but I think its good to try things like this and talk to strangers. On some occasions you might be surprised how willing they are to have a conversation with you.

  • @firepants20
    @firepants20 8 років тому +110

    Hi guys, im a stranger.

    • @eivilcow33
      @eivilcow33 8 років тому +8

      GOOD AFTERNOON SIR OR MADAM OR APACHE ATTACK HELICOPTER, DO YOU HAVE A MOMENT TO TALK ABOUT OUR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST??

    • @firepants20
      @firepants20 8 років тому +1

      eivilcow Oh, is that that one black guy?

    • @eivilcow33
      @eivilcow33 8 років тому +1

      I have no idea. I just wanted you to notice me....

    • @vincentblack7166
      @vincentblack7166 8 років тому

      strange.

    • @ahtim1900
      @ahtim1900 8 років тому +2

      hey.. Life is complicated...I've killed people,smuggled people,sold people...perhaps here,things will be ... different

  • @theseigemeister
    @theseigemeister 8 років тому +9

    Great talk, thank you for sharing. Such an important message.

  • @BlaqqCherry077
    @BlaqqCherry077 8 років тому +1

    Thank You Kio, Cities can be anonymous, unfriendly places. .I completely believe in your philosophy to reach out to others, we're all just people.. I have social phobia and trying to appear casual and relaxed ,yet friendly is highly difficult!

  • @arturpirozkov9626
    @arturpirozkov9626 8 років тому

    It is one of the most clear and useful speech

  • @Dakaychess
    @Dakaychess 8 років тому +2

    Beautiful message. I agree.

  • @YueSutcliff
    @YueSutcliff 8 років тому +12

    I think it's kinda difficult to an introvert like me, but I may be will try it sometime. Thanks TED

  • @ELLIS1737
    @ELLIS1737 4 роки тому +1

    Thank you, I love to talk to strangers while I'm on vacation. I love to hear about other people's lives. On the other hand, I do not like talking about myself, yet. You have verbalized my similar thoughts about strangers. So your video will do the talking for me from now on when I want to tell someone the benefits of talking to strangers. To me, this is an important video that all children over 18 should watch.

  • @DeoMachina
    @DeoMachina 8 років тому +6

    Weirdly enough the only time talking to a stranger has ever worked was when I visited Sweden, and the locals there were just so excited to use English on somebody. Swedes tell me how standoffish and unfriendly they can be, but being a foreigner turned it all around!
    So if you think the speaker is wrong (and I'm pretty sure she is for most of the anglosphere), try doing it on holiday!

  • @Havvse
    @Havvse 8 років тому +101

    i asked a stranger what his name was once, he said he's Hugh Mongous

    • @codn00b94
      @codn00b94 8 років тому +1

      Lol

    • @NXDL25
      @NXDL25 8 років тому +23

      You've just sexually harassed the comment section

  • @tarico4436
    @tarico4436 8 років тому +2

    She really hit the nail on the head with her final few sentences. In fact she got something so correct, there at the end, that the snarky stuff I had planned to unleash on her in this comment will now not be mentioned.
    Instead I'll pay her a humongous compliment. Usually the way it goes is like this: economy gets worse and worse. The women of the tribe encourage their men to get out there and be more successful in the hunt. This "encouragement" starts out slow, but if the economy doesn't pick up with nudges and winks, well, then the legs slam together closed. What happens then? War. Soon enough either the successful warriors bring home huge amounts of bacon, or they die on the battlefield, and other successful warriors take their place (around the campfire with their new wives). Things go back to peaceful status quo.
    But she is saying that we say to "Hi!" to all those around us, no matter how little or how much money they have. The economy goes down, so what? she is saying. We can all just tighten our belts a little bit; there's no need to go to war just because more and more men around her seem to have fewer and fewer dollars. Smile at these strangers and say "Hi!"

  • @96SniperSnake
    @96SniperSnake 8 років тому +4

    "else, you're missing all of that." works for me.

  • @rmm8083
    @rmm8083 5 місяців тому

    Good point about 'are strangers dangerous': Indeed, why not smile and respond to someone obviously having a hard life because begging at the traffic light? I always smile and look into their eyes if I have no money to spare, and they smile back, intuitively, (because we see them) responding kindly too. We are all human beings, let's treat everyone as an individual, not as an annoying xth beggar.

  • @whatlauralikes.
    @whatlauralikes. 8 років тому

    I'm not a Dane but I can relate to what you said about them. It's my daily life. It actually hurts, it's so difficult to live when you're like that.

    • @MrSivansuresh
      @MrSivansuresh 8 років тому

      I am an Indian. I am low in confidence. My low self confidence started hurting my career growth. I read self help books and watched lot of UA-cam videos on social interaction. As an low confidence person with social awkwardness, talking to an European is very bad idea. After interacting with Europeans, I have to see myself in mirror to check if i am that scary-looking person :)

  • @Ryan--Official
    @Ryan--Official 8 років тому +198

    so does this mean there is candy in the van?

    • @-shaquille-9156
      @-shaquille-9156 8 років тому +26

      yes always is

    • @abhinavkrishnan9109
      @abhinavkrishnan9109 8 років тому +17

      Some people don't have candy. But I assure you, my van does :P

    • @_Cerb_
      @_Cerb_ 6 років тому

      Lmao

    • @consp1rcy531
      @consp1rcy531 5 років тому

      There may be a "Candy" edition of Vans

    • @aquastudio2001
      @aquastudio2001 5 років тому

      Ryan Sweeney not always, they can see you as "candy" though.

  • @frites73
    @frites73 7 років тому

    Kio... Just want to mention that you are an amazing public speaker, VERY pleasant to look at as well! :). Thank you for this TED.TALK.

  • @philracks
    @philracks Рік тому

    1. Sätze wie "Wie gehts es dir was machst du" Sind Sätze die keinen semantischen Gehalt (Sinn). Aber einen sozialen. (Sinn=Ich habe dich da gesehen). Ich spreche dich an weil es sich so angefühlt hat, als wären wir zusammen hier. Klingt weird. Wir haben etwas gemeinsam. Wir finden dich beide scharf. Steh da nicht einfach so rum, du verschwindest vielleicht.
    2. Große Gewinnmöglichkeiten unsere Sinne zu benutzen und nicht unsere Ängste:
    2.1. Es befreit uns. Wahrnehmung anstatt in Kategorien zu denken klingt leichter als es ist. Du tendierst dazu weniger voreingenommen zu sein und bessere Entscheidungen zu treffen.
    2.2. Flüchtige Intimität. kurze, vergängliche Momente emotionaler oder körperlicher Nähe zwischen z.B. fremden Personen. Es birgt Risiken und Belohnungen (..vergänglichen Natur. Wenn der Wunsch nach tieferer, dauerhafter Verbindung unerfüllt bleibt) , da sich Menschen anderen öffnen und sich gleichzeitig potenziellen emotionalen Schäden aussetzen. Aber es ist durch diese Momente, dass Menschen oft Momente echter Verbindung, Selbsterkenntnis und persönliches Wachstum finden. Bei Fremden sind wir durch diese Momente offener als gegenüber unserer Familie und unseren Freunden.
    3. Civil Inattention (Balance Privacy und Civility) zB zwei Leute auf einer Straße. Sie blicken sich von einer Entfernung. Schauen aber dann weg wenn sie sich näher kommen um sich mehr Raum zu geben. Dänen neigen ab. Ägypter empfinden das ignorieren als unhöflich.
    4. -> Wenn man manchmal die ungeschriebenen Regeln ein bisschen bricht -> Da entsteht die Aktion.
    5. Regeln ein bisschen brechen durch: Augenkontakt-> Lächeln->
    6. Triangulation (Drei Dinge miteinander verknüpfen) -> Du, Sie und eine dritte Sache (Was beide sehen und kommentieren können). Hau einen Kommentar raus und schau ob sich daraus ein Gespräch ergibt.
    7. Komplimente. Leute wollen einem immer von den Dingen die sie geil finden etwas erzählen. Also komplimentiere das. Du kannst dich immer mit dem Baby oder mit dem Hund von jemanden unterhalten aber nicht mit der Person selbst? Die Person steht unter dem Einfluss des "Leiters" Baby/ Hund. Objektpermanenz: Baby´s / Hunde checken nicht das etwas existiert, wenn sie es nicht mehr wahrnehmen können. Was das mit der Thematik zu tun hat? Anderes Thema...
    8. Offenlegung. Fühlst du dich gut? Erzähle der Person etwas über dich. Etwas sehr persönliches. Leute teilen ihre eigene Erfahrung mit bestimmten Emotionen z.B. Verlust. Auf Offenlegung folgt Offenlegung.
    Fazit: Wenn du mit Fremden sprichst machst du wunderschöne Unterbrechungen in das tägliche Narrativ deines alltäglichen Lebens und deren Alltägliches Leben.

  • @toddharry7238
    @toddharry7238 8 років тому

    I wish for more people to see this video. I've noticed (and perhaps this is through the eyes of a man) even a passing smile is met with an awkward stare, as if the other person is saying to themselves "what is this person looking at?" or "oh god I don't want to interact with this person." It becomes hard to continue trying this with others when you get that kind of reaction.

    • @ImanAliHussein
      @ImanAliHussein 8 років тому

      Especially in the big cities. Easier in the smaller cities.

  • @bobaldo2339
    @bobaldo2339 8 років тому +1

    I have noticed a very great difference between regions of the USA in this regard. Although there is truth in the notion that people are friendlier in smaller towns, there is also a more general east/west difference regardless of the size of the respective communities. As we move from west to east, people become increasingly more likely to talk to strangers - more friendly, less paranoid. I'm sure there is a north/south difference as well, but I don't have as much direct knowledge of that, so I won't comment on it.

  • @safaagougili1330
    @safaagougili1330 7 років тому +1

    it's something very normal in Morocco , on train i always make new friends , old people always carry their traditional homemade food and give it to anyone , that's why i can't leave my country i can't imagine people not having that small talk about football or the last episode of a serie even if they don't know each others ,smiling and playing with children ...

  • @katlo
    @katlo 7 років тому +3

    Where I'm from it's actually quite common to say hi to a stranger, especially if they are an elder.

  • @umsafiyah3229
    @umsafiyah3229 8 років тому

    where I come from, talking to strangers is just normal. Thus, people talk to people about their kids, education, life... about everything. We don't consider people we don't know as " strangers" but as familiar ...

  • @tacticalnewfie2922
    @tacticalnewfie2922 8 років тому +2

    Some of the nicest people I've met were strangers, no stranger then usual.

    • @tacticalnewfie2922
      @tacticalnewfie2922 8 років тому +2

      This is the first TED video I actually liked in about a friggin' year.

  • @lmlexi21
    @lmlexi21 8 років тому

    I always talk to strangers. Most of the time, I make their day better

  • @pianystrom8137
    @pianystrom8137 7 років тому +1

    This is true. I had a conversation with a Jehovas witness the other day that was fantastic. I felt antagonistic at first, but we ended up having a very warm and positive talk. Our opinions and beliefs were very far apart, but it didn't matter. We listened to each other. Nobody got converted to any religion, and it felt good to blurt out some honesty.

  • @nandafprado
    @nandafprado 8 років тому +6

    I used to talk friendly to everyone I saw on my daily basis, until I started growing up and those same old men that where my "nice neighbors" started sexualizing me. How does a teenager doing the exact same thing as when she was a kid, just because I was growing some hips, became flirting?why doenst she explains that?
    ps: I literally just say hi or smile as I used to do as a child, to the same people, and the coments grew from "she is growing up to become a beutiful lady"(compliment) to "you are stealing a lot of hearts"(little creepy) to "oooh mama", "oohh la em casa (ohh if you were in my house)"(unapropriate) to "what I would do to see you naked","why so rude? come chat with me"... That is why I only talk to woman strangers and is usually to warn them of a creep trying to see under their blouse or steal from her purse (sometimes compliment her clothes /make-up/tatoo)

  • @sta_rlight5564
    @sta_rlight5564 5 років тому +2

    I met this random retired elderly teacher who I didn’t know and was at my school for something. She asked me how my exam was because she was just sitting there when I came out at the end. So, I said it was good and felt like talking with her even more. She looked like she was 60 at least but she told me her age was 70. I was surprised and told her she looked younger than her age. From then on, we talked about genetics which also led talking about race, ethnicity and culture. I was surprised as to how our conversations felt so real and flowed so easily. I don’t know why I connect with elders more easily than teens my age. Usually, when I talk to my friends, they are always so disrespectful because they are using their phones in front my face when I’m talking to them in person! Also, I’ve noticed that whenever I try having a real conversation with my friends, they don’t use their facial expressions and are always replying to me as robots. Does anyone feel the same??????????

  • @kinsmed
    @kinsmed 8 років тому +1

    I love when videos like this rile up the seven-year-old internet boys.
    I guess those would be 'beautiful interruptions'.

  • @Wren1
    @Wren1 8 років тому +31

    Depending on where you live (any big city in the US), talking to strangers on the street could end with you being jumped or shot.

    • @TheHappybunny671
      @TheHappybunny671 6 років тому +5

      Lol what are you saying to these people? You must live in a different United States

  • @ka0r1mxecx04
    @ka0r1mxecx04 6 місяців тому

    im an egyption and wt she said abut egypts hospitality is absolutely true

  • @luthfi4164
    @luthfi4164 2 роки тому

    I wanna talk to strangers but don't know what topic to talk to haha, i amaze with people that could give a "hi" to stranger then have a "flow" conversation.

  • @fadhlyshirazy
    @fadhlyshirazy 5 років тому

    3:53 very good point right here

  • @shoopoopie1
    @shoopoopie1 8 років тому +2

    wow this video really reached to me because I have very poor social skill and I'm very anti social next time i see a stranger I'll try my best to start a conversation

  • @radorimo6767
    @radorimo6767 7 років тому +1

    Not everyone is dealing with their feelings as an open book that others can read it. On the other hand, the isolation can lead away from friends or new people and new experiences may lead to disabling your development Personality. Learn to open up so you can improve your health mental, social and able to live life multiply, richer and deeper.

  • @rorrt
    @rorrt 8 років тому

    The feeling, or perhaps the phenomenon of being able to tell strangers your secrets is called Rime of the Ancient Mariner, or something like that.
    I've told stranger that i've self harmed, that I turned into a semi-alcoholic, and that was the real reason why i've stopped drinking now.
    Suppose its what i'm doing now..
    Its strange, but also very important.
    Although the last part, about engaging in conversation has nothing much to do with the overall video. In my experience, and i'm pretty good at this because i keep up with loads of fashion and lifestyle magazines, and i worked in a photo studio.
    Everyone loves a hair, shoes or handbag complement. I've never met a girl who hasn't appreciated that.

  • @annan9216
    @annan9216 5 років тому +1

    You can learn a lot from the people you meet.

  • @sobhanasobha109
    @sobhanasobha109 Рік тому

    Its very good speech on stranger.

  • @Avinashmantu
    @Avinashmantu 8 років тому +4

    Why you should not engage a lot with strangers is cuz they all have different opinions about everything and when they tell you this is wrong you might end up changing your perceptions about something which is not correct , you might lose your focus.

  • @ChrisDavisonAndrewsteve
    @ChrisDavisonAndrewsteve 7 років тому

    she is the best speaker

  • @productionmark
    @productionmark 8 років тому +3

    This is the culture... the fear culture. Strangers are your future best friends... if you give it a chance... of course with some common sense.

  • @hoanganhho8629
    @hoanganhho8629 8 років тому

    This is amazing! thank you for the nice talk

  • @lilnotoriginal7850
    @lilnotoriginal7850 6 років тому +2

    i once had a ounce of weed and no friends that wanted to buy so i had to met strangers to sell it and i got it sold and got more and sold that and more and sold and now i have more then 40 people buying from me and a dude working for me. dream big and u can also make it never let the police or anyone bring you down. i make good money i have a rolex and live good

  • @theeditingmaniac8475
    @theeditingmaniac8475 Рік тому +1

    Greetings from India

  • @whitecat1384
    @whitecat1384 7 років тому

    in Algeria which is situated in north africa we are so sociable and freindly with strangers. as she said about egyptians its the same thing. because first of all our religion incite us to be more openned with people.

  • @hsaengerp
    @hsaengerp 8 років тому

    Love it , thank you . I always do it but never thought about the benefits . Hello from México.

  • @jojojorisjhjosef
    @jojojorisjhjosef 8 років тому +7

    Talking to strangers in Sweden is rude. My point, your philosophy is just that. Yours.

    • @georgecataloni4720
      @georgecataloni4720 8 років тому +1

      She mentioned that with Danes.

    • @Wauly
      @Wauly 8 років тому +3

      How do you make friends?

    • @jojojorisjhjosef
      @jojojorisjhjosef 8 років тому

      ***** no

    • @ProAssassin63
      @ProAssassin63 8 років тому +3

      Wow, must be sad living in Sweden. Don't you guys feel isolated or lonely?

  • @shantelpereira3207
    @shantelpereira3207 8 років тому

    Now, this may be true in some cases but in some cases, it could mean possible danger, after all, the moment you walk up to a person you have no idea what they could do, but I do agree at some level.

  • @Don19762
    @Don19762 8 років тому +1

    I'm from Finland and here people get uncomfortable when strangers talk to us (at least outside of Helsinki city).
    Also we don't want to bother other people. It's considered bad manners.

    • @Don19762
      @Don19762 8 років тому

      It's quite normal here. When strange people do start to talk to us we feel very uncomfortable and get suspicious. Also when there is need for communication it should strictly be business, but talking for the sake of talking is just annoying :D
      Alcohol is what makes us social.
      What country you live?

    • @Don19762
      @Don19762 8 років тому

      :)

  • @AnikóAmáliaVeres
    @AnikóAmáliaVeres 7 років тому

    we need to make a change with our own connection to our own life, existence, spirit, mind, body... our own happiness, families, fulfillment and responsibilities in our own communities.. then we would radiate better even without words... and as for educating children about strangers... it is a must... children are impressionable and vulnerable... it all based on our own.. until we can do a better job there it is more than enough to wish them well in our hearts. And I know this because I always engaged quickly easily with any and every stranger that opened up to me without a second thought... until one day a girl beat me up, and I am happy I can still see. Our main responsibility is to look after our own protection and health and of the protection of others. Our entities are so powerful, our mind and heart power, our electromagnetic field is so real, that you do not need to experience embarrassment or any awkward situation our gut instinct is very real and very accurate. When it s safe to engage now I know better. I hope more people learn to trust through taking responsibility and being sensitive to goodness. I am not saying walk around being paranoid. I am saying see the good in others as in yourself, and protect your personal space and energy. Whenever you have an uneasy feeling, just breathe deep, make the necessary changes for being safe and happy... And if you think you would like to support groups of people who you feel inspired to .. then turn to organizations.. there you will also meet people who are more likely to want that change that are willing to better themselves.. I know there are many lonely islands... I am one myself... I know it is important to reach out... a stranger's smile some days all I have... still, I am determined, that is more than enough... we do not need to educate ourselves otherwise, because children learn by watching you, by your example, your actions more than from your words. But lifting up others, not heeding to bad stereotypes does not need to be followed up with radical changes and extremities. Yes, I respect very much that the Bible says, if you wish well to others, but does not give them what they need, your done no good for them, your intentions are as good as useless... But I am very sure there is a rank in priority. If you have that circle, as the fruit, a good consequence of own actions, and are impelled, than yes you better start make plans, and slowly, wisely and reasonably can start extend it. But always always if you have world-saving thoughts, remember this: Am I really that accomplished? Am I saved? Is my family saved, my work, my future, my dreams, my heritage? Because as people we have the tendency to mask up our failures, our dissatisfaction in our personal lives with great theories, ideas and ideals of the mind that unknowingly are nothing more than a replacement a substitute for one's own denial of their own personal unmet desires. And it will always someway somehow will relate to a person's success fulfillment in their pursuits, their responsibility-success relations. I hear her. I understand where she is coming from. I am aware of the fact that my point of view is heavily conditioned by the fact that I suffered assault. Still, I wish to hear this message, with her or someone, who doesn't seem anxious and insecure, but has sparkling eyes, much of fulfillment happiness and support around her. Especially talking of strangers, it is not for the world, it is not for everyone. It is especially not for impressionable, hungry, naive young girls, but neither boys... It is safe it it's is organised and under control and open and never done in secret. If we cultivate a happy mind and carry ourselves with good conduct and have good connection with our bodies and maintain a generally nurturing and kind compassionate helpful outlook on the world around us, I am more than certain we help others way much more, as we sustain our own strong, clean, hopeful energies. And of course then occasionally we shall we better open up more, of course we should not be rigid, because we need each other, strangers can even save us or even we can save them, you never know what life brings.. I know it is important to have an open mind. And I am working on it. I just said it is not for everyone. And I simply think there is a hierarchy and it begins with ourselves

  • @ariannatolme7931
    @ariannatolme7931 8 років тому +1

    this is wonderful

  • @shehroonkhanz
    @shehroonkhanz 8 років тому

    Its a very good energy.

  • @Jay-ef2ii
    @Jay-ef2ii Рік тому

    Special: You talk to people because you need help but you also check their chemistry at the same time because if things do not click with that individual (in the moment) then you will not go far. Go by chemistry. You know when you hit with someone conversation wise. You will know in 10 seconds if the person likes you or not. Ask someone else in case if that person did not click with you. People regardless of looks are still very visual. You may be a hot woman who is a 10 in looks, and you may have Penthouse model looks but you don't click with men who are nerds, chads, or even macho men. So you ask Grannies for help, and it works. So you get their advice about where the local deli is located in your area. Just because you have experience in being social does not say that all people will like you. It is about navigating your soul in the social sphere along with getting people experience. People experience many of the times does not equal a great conversation with someone (because everyone is visual) and you will be judged on your looks. Rejection happens to average, ugly and good looking people every single day. This occurred back then during the Pony Express day, and it still happens today in 2023. Everything is based on Chemistry and at times or many times on Looks.
    July 2023. USA