The Simple Cure for Loneliness | Baya Voce | TEDxSaltLakeCity
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- Опубліковано 6 жов 2016
- Baya Voce is the host of "The Art of Connection", a web series looking to experts from across the globe on how to the live your most fulfilled life. In this TEDx talk, Baya reveals a simple tool you can start using today to create more happiness, fulfillment, and connection.
Baya's business journey started as a cast member on MTV's The Real World where her interest in relationships was nurtured. She transformed her TV exposure into an entrepreneurial adventure, learning early on how the power of one strong connection can transform your life and career. Her inherent belief that the quality of your relationships equals the quality of your life and that your network is your net worth, led her to her interest in connection, community, and relationships. For the past decade she has studied connection in three pillars: connection with yourself, your partner, and your community. She is a Dating and Relationship Coach, founder of Secret SLC, co-founder of Womenpreneurs and hosts a monthly segment on ABC as Utah's Relationship Specialist. Baya is a Certified Neuro-Linguistic Programming Practitioner, studies Emotional Intelligence, Positive Psychology, and Body Language, and mentors under intimacy and relationship experts.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
Anyone who is genuinely lonely doesn't go to Europe with their friends. Genuinely lonely people go to bed and hope tomorrow will be better.
this girl is waaaaaay out of her loop. She has no idea that flying to Europe with friends is something out of range for the overwhelmingly vast majority of people. This isn't a solution, it's just a rich white girl thing.
Well said
I go to bed a hope I don’t wake up.
Trev - I think you're 100% right about that. I'm working on something that I hope is an actual cure for loneliness and I was hoping to hear some more of your perspective. Let me know if you want to chat.
Or Hopes that tomorrow never comes at all.
Her cure to loneliness is... Talk to your friends like wtf the reason why I'm lonely is I have no friends lmao
Everyone had friends once in their lifetime. You have facebook. Reconnect with them. Easy-peasy.
@@kellemese6252 not always that easy, dude. People change, have their ways and eventually forget about others. You still can be lucky and succeed in reconnecting with them.
Some say women are not emotionally equipped to be any kind of therapist. Because of their emotions. Plus, many have it more easy. Some make their issues because they like drama, to cry, just like some men, but not as many.
Then make friends who have the same interests as you talk to people try new things you will be able to meet new people
@@mayar76686 it is... it feels likwe it isnt but life is THAT simple
The way to cure lonliness... is to not be lonely *audience claps*
omg right? I couldn't believe it when they applauded this hard...fools
@@kaycee8323 Reminds me of pain management classes:" When you are in pain try not to think about it".
@@martinamoskale2445 "just go on vacation and you won't suffer anymore"
@@kaycee8323 I'd love to.go on a holiday. Need to check my purse for some spare euro later!
Lmfao
It's like when you tell someone about your country where millions of people suffer from hunger and they respond "Oh yes, I know what you're talking about. I also experienced hunger, I forgot to bring my lunch to work the other day and I was starving"
Haha that is literally the perfect example
And how they “wouldn’t wish that pain on anyone” 😂
man u're speaking my mind
exactly !!! god
EXACTLY
She was lonely for 10 minutes and thinks she knows it all...i came here depressed, now im depressed and pissed off...
me too
Exactly... I feel depressed kos I lost my bf... Ummm that’s not depression
Thank you for your comment! Didn’t even try to watch it. Before I start watching any videos, I read some comments. It’s clear that this one doesn’t worth watching. T☮️💜
Yeah, this video is for people who already have lots of people in their lives and are good at making friends.
Tedx is now a talk show for people who want to feel important
Came here depressed.
Left suicidal.
Come on over, might find something to smile about. Someone cares, I care.
Respect your parents to keep you life at least 9 month on your mother's.
Quite funny but hopefully not a real suicidal ideation
Most underrated comment 😂
hhahahha
I finally understand what people mean when they talk about privilage. Like, she may have her issues in life, but it ain't loneliness.
I absolutely agree. She is speaking from a place of privilege.
yeah.. i don't understand how it even got to the point where this woman is giving a ted talk about loneliness of all things.. and it got approved by other people?
@@edelleaa Ted talks get vetted quite a bit. Ted X talks, though, are actually a lot easier to get into. Ted talks are a lot more likely to have credible speakers.
@@michealpadraigpriomhuaduin7812 i never really knew or at least never paid attention that there was a difference between ted and ted x talks, thanks for the info!
She’s delusional af
I didn't know being this tone deaf was physically possible
This lady doesn’t know what she is talking bout, loneliness is when you can’t connect to anyone but feel the strong desire to have some emotional support, loneliness is when you don’t have friends or family, loneliness is when even if you have friends, you feel left out and betrayed staying with them. Loneliness is missing human interaction to the point where you feel something is wrong with you, loneliness is when your self worth is measured by how important are you to others, Loneliness is the suffocating feeling of drowning in your emotions, hoping for someone to save you but knowing that no one will!
Hiatus Kark, I'm sorry you have this much pain
I hate myself for relating to this:/
This got me tears I can feel each n every word because I am going through it n I do feel helpless n get anxiety attacks
I hope, we all will be saved from loneliness
Being lonely is feeling like a monster from craving some kindness, to share your life with someone, and when you try to do that with someone you feel like they're going to betray you so you feel lonely again, and isolate you unconsciously, because even though you are lonely sick... You dont want to get backstabbed again, so suddenly there's no one, you go to work or to school, eat, return to your house, sleep and repeat, hoping that someday that routine stops and you get destiny finally give you someone who loves you
"Lonely? Easy, get Friends."
This is like saying "don't be sad, be happy" to a depressed person.
or like telling an emaciated beggar to eat more and put on weight.
Think happy thoughts!!! My mother actually has said this to me!! Lol
@@kimmyball4961 same.
@@ApurvJyotirmay They just can't understand. I do know they mean well.
Starving? Why not eat food?
Hot Take: This is actually a Ted Talk about how to troll the lonely.
u know um crank up The motels only the lonley can play but hey if she pure good but lonliness is not anytng its hwat got u to feel that way is the mesage she should be conveying
🤣 it’s a roast for the lonely and no one got the joke!
😂
this isn't a ted talk this is her talking about her amazing life like the amount of privilege coming from this video is tremendous
Yeah, I feel like this was just to brag about her trip to France and having amazing friends and a partner lol
She’s speaking from her own experiences. She doesn’t have to ensure it’s generalised for everyone. It has helped me a lot. I live a good life and I can implement these ideas She’s suggested. Nothing wrong in it !
@@Retrodaydream what did she even suggest other than doing something over and over again?
Yeah this talk didn't help at all
@@randomuserwitharandomname6183 why would she want to brag to strangers
She reminds me of all of the disappointing therapists I have encounter throughout my life.
Oh my god right! Like you start with "oook is this going anywhere?" .."This story better be going somewhere good..." "yup nope. Great."... "goodbye hope. Next" 😆
@@beanhead7632 One i went to was 85 years old and she comes from Dresden and she went like "Oh well i was there when my city was bombed and i was 12, so i had it worse". A little senile much? It's not a goddamn competition.
I just wanted to share this because i think this is a little unique, but still fits into the theme of therapists not taking your issues seriously.
me hizo reir tu comentario Robin siento lo mismo tanto tiempo gastado en nada, life is paradox.
Haha one therapist I went to because of social anxiety and depression told me (after I told her I was bullied a lot in elementary school and I can't get over that) "Well that was a long time ago, you shouldn't think about that"
THANKS LADY, YOU CURED MY DEPRESSION
I had a therapist that just kept telling me that yoga would help me cure my depression. Every. Single. Time. I. Came. In. I gave up on therapy.
She clearly has no idea what loneliness feels like
@Chris Corbett lmao I should've seen that coming
Chris Corbett I think you mean no attractive women
@Chris Corbett - Why genderise the issue?
It’s not genderizing it’s facts
@Chris Corbett wow that is not okay
It’s easy to talk about a cure for loneliness when you have friends
U always have
Wanna be friends?
and money to travel around the world
@@caterpillur5029 ill love to be friends
She really said “how to overcome loneliness?? Talk to your significant other at night”
She's an absolute genius. If you're lonely just have a pajama party with your group of friends
And go on a trip to france with your girlfriends
Actually, reading all these bitter comments helped me much more then the talk itself. At least I know that there are people out there sharing this hard experience with me.
So true.
Yes, read the comments helps more than the talk itself
Hello Ania
Are they bitter though or just honest?
Damn right, at least i dont suffer alone, people out there do too
UA-cam recommended this, they know I am lonely, but I am having a great time reading the comment section and knowing there are many people who struggle just like me. Didn't even bother watching, just went straight to the comments lol
With the opening few minutes, it's evident comment section will be great.
sorry didn't understand: you mean you're happy because you're not the only one lonely?
@@lilalila213 that's what I thought xD
Musfiqur Kashem good strategy 👏🏽
Hey ,l me too. but ... upon seeing comments from months ago , .lonely again...
This has the energy of "how can you be homeless, just buy a house"
Lmaoo 😂😂
I thought about this))
I actually giggled out loud
Basically this video: “Trying to overcome loneliness? Easy. Be more like me because I’m awesome and have lots of friends”
right!
Don't knock it 'til you try it
I mean she has a partner, bunch of friends, travelling here and there, eating in Paris and taking about loneliness. is this some kind of joke going here??
this is why I will only trust a seasoned "introvert" on a subject like this. ..like the saying goes..."never trust a skinny chef"....lol
This bonehead would die of loneliness in 1 hour of my life.
Chris Bova same with mine! Hahaha! It’s not that we’re bitter, but she’s a very lucky girl. I have nothing of what she has. I can’t see why she’s complaining. I thought by looking at the title of the talk we’d be listening to someone about finding the value of one’s self and not relying on others, but it’s exactly the opposite. Hahaha.
But seriously, since I listened to this talk i’ve been more depressed. Tedtalks should just delete this bs!
@@pjalcntra9119 I am very unique, and most people don't like to talk about anything from a perspective not found in the mainstream. I probably think too much of myself, not too little, but I feel uncomfortable trying to connect with anyone who is not out there enough for me.
Chris Bova I hope you can find that one person
Does a TedTalk about lonliness
Talks about pre sleep time with her boyfriend and trips to France with her girlfriends
😂
true ;-;
This is why I stopped watching Ted Talks. It's shallow.
@@waynebollman this is Ted x, not Ted Talk so....
Does she even know what anxiety and depression are like? She mentions it but she clearly does not understand it, I feel like when dealing with loneliness knowing what Depression and anxiety, as well as other mental health issues is *very* important
"Feeling lonely? Just go to Paris with your friends!"
This woman is clueless about the topic she's presenting on and is infuriatingly oblivious to how her privilege has scrambled her brain cells.
thats literally not what she said, congrats on missing the point
@@futurehofer1564 dude, do u even know what loneliness means ? It's not about travelling of having friends, if u don't know about a subject just don't talk about it, to sound smart
@@juliethomas377 I dont know about loneliness, I suffer from it. When did anyone say that it was about traveling or having friends? She SUGGESTED those as ways to be less lonely. Being lonely doesnt necessarily means being alone, more so feeling like you have no one by our side, no one that cares about you. One of the ways to end that is finding someone that does. ONE OF THE. If you think loneliness has no solution thats your problem, dont try to push others into it. I believe there is a way out and I believe I will reach that. if you want to be pessimistic, again, thats on you.
@@futurehofer1564 and where do find those real friends that care about u, that be on my side no matter what? Not the fake ones..like where do u find those people kind of people aka friends?? And how do u know the "friends" you have rn or You make are Not fake??
@@juliethomas377 well if I knew I wouldnt be lonely, but I came to these conclusions:
1. Be patient, making friends takes time, specially establishing deep bonds.
2. Value what you already have. Sometimes, there are already some people in your life (family or some colleagues), try talking more to them. Like she said in the video, maybe try to establish an activity you do with people (like always eating lunch with someone, or every friday playing a game with someone)
3. Don't let yourself go into a negative state of mind. Try to remain positive and confident, whenever you get into a dark place it doesnt help at all, it only makes things worse.
4. Be open minded and put yourself out there. Be more open, like if you dress appropriately, smell great more people will be drawn to you. Also, just be brave and go for it, the toughest part is to start the conversation but after doing it you will be glad you did it and notice that it isnt all that bad.
5. Again, this isnt easy, nothing great comes easy and this is no exception. You will fail, you will meet some bad people, but as long as you keep going and trying, it will eventually happen, you have to believe it.
Hope this helps
I'm feeling more depressed now because I don't even have a friend to talk anything about and all she is talking about having friends and boyfriend " how can you consider yourself as lonely"
You will have friends if you can feel you deserve friends which you do
@@andrewbirkett698 naah man, not that easy
Exactly 💯
This talk is about how to maintain and strengthen your connections. Good in itself but does nothing to help those with limited or no connections.
Robert Accardi agree with your assessment. I have not created many rituals and was hoping for some tips but if I did have connections, this video world be a boost and a meter.
Rosered57, hmmm, Connections. It seems that all that post a comment are doing exactly that, trying to make a connection, of sorts. I'm not one to stand up and preach on a TED stage but it seems to me that if people want to connect with people they need to go to where the people are. Where they are not are in our lounge rooms, sitting on our couches with us as we watch the world through our TV's. There are clubs and activities and things we could do that would help create connections. Even surprising new methods. Recently I acquired a VR headset and found myself teleported into a VR chat space were I could talk with actual people, quickly forgetting that I was still in my lounge room.
I had hoped that Baya's talk would have more useful tips on how to make these connections but it seemed like she was just telling us how good her connections were. Great for her, not so great for those of us with fewer opportunities. Yet, to be fair, her talk did serve as good advice for people not to neglect the relationships they do have, and to extract the most they can from them.
A good ritual is to join a club or a competitive team of some sort. Anything that gives you and other people a common goal makes for a good way to meet people, and something that does that frequently is good for maintaining a relationship.
Robert Accardi
I think a good place to make any meaningful encounters would be to get involved in activism. Sometimes people feel lonely because they are surrounded by people who accept all of the shit society has bestowed upon them. I got involved with two intersectional non-profit oganizations for animal rights and human rights, and that changed everything for the betetr with me. Rituals and "anchors of connection" are imperative to creating community in both of the groups. So myy suggestion; get involved in helping others and meet some of the kindest and most interesting fellow humans you wouldn't believe exist. The internet is a good way to find these places and then take that relatioship to the real world!
This video is like a fish teaching me how to climb a tree
I get your point but please type goby climbing a tree in google and eat your words
💔
10:49 Miss just said "Oh yeah 84 people died from a car and we could've all gotten lonely and separated but everyone went back to go eat and we went back to the apartment and got drunk"
I'm sobbing-
She said they suffered together. That people didn't go back to "normal", they went back to their ritual in order to suffer together.
@@meganh4782 their ritual...was to go their apartment, drink and talk. To quote the late great Kourtney Kardashian: "people are dying, Baya"
@@meganh4782 Her idea of suffering would be not getting their favorite table at the restaurant in France.
If you have a best friend, a spouse and your parents are still alive, you are the most fortunate person on the face of this planet.
"Bruh, just make friends"
Yikes, never typing lonely on YT again.
Wasn't able to watch more than a couple seconds. The talk by Karen Dolva is significantly better. She's a bit nervous, but you can feel the pain she's gone through and somehow got over. Not any particularly useful tips from her either, but it's somewhat inspirational at least.
Either way, hope you're better today than at the time of writing that comment. If not, keep struggling and learning about how to deal with loneliness. It doesn't have to be a losing battle.
Yeah, that's what I was told. "If you want friends, be a friend." "People would be your friends if you let them." Okay, what is a friend? Oh, no explanation? I don't let people be my friends- okay, what should I do? No explanation? Gee, thanks for the help!
Go check out the school of life’s videos on loneliness and confidence UA-cam they’re actually pretty helpful with this stuff I find
there's some good videos on lonelines on youtube
@@negulipersonal Karen Dolva's talk is legit
This Ted talk reminds me when barney said "whenever I feel sick I stop being sick and be awesome again"
hahaha you got it
This is an underrated comment 👏🏻
“If you’re lonely hang out with your friends, family or community”
That’s fantastic advice, can someone explain to her the lone part in lonely? 😂
It's kinda unimaginable to think there are people like her so oblivious to even comprehend what loneliness really is.
Loneliness IS when you start lying to your colleagues that you've seen some friends during the weekend while you just spent two days alone.
loneliness is NOT going to the south of France with a bunch of friends
Update 2020: loneliness IS when you go through weeks without using your voice or receiving any text message during lockdown.
Lmao I have to do this every Monday
I feel you
Your comment wants to make me cry...because I tell people I did things with friends when I have none. I try so hard to connect with someone and no one every try's with me.
@@localman12 why does this so represent me
I don't have to lie to my colleagues , nobody cares what did i do during weekend :D
Solution to loneliness: Have friends. Got it. Thanks for the revelation.
Yeah she doesn't know what she is talking about
Hahahah yes.
This is a bit off topic, but it’s like being severely introverted in a way (as in having social anxiety), and EXTROVERTED people just tell you “just be extroverted, it’s not that hard! just talk more, no one will judge you”
Social anxiety is *very easy* to overcome. Just tell yourself to stop over-analyzing and be extroverted! It’s that easy.
She’s so out of touch of what she’s talking about 😂😂
@@beanhead7632 exactly! Youre introverted? Just be extroverted! Youre homeless? Just buy a house!
I have no friends, so I asked my neighbour if I can perform a ritual with them on their couch and they said no.
wtf do I do now, BAYA?
xD omg
so funny, u made me laugh! thanks! lol!
LOL
😄 🤣
Got to say, this video helped me a lot. It led me to the comment section where I can resonate with my fellow loners!!
"Let's grab the most seemingly extroverted person to talk about loneliness and depression, and how it feels."
Right? 😂 @JookaBits. Friends, reality show, travel, jokes..... I don't think this is the topic she should be talking about..
Even extroverts are lonely. It is not about how many warm bodies you love and laugh with, it is about how many of those you feel deeply connected to... Just a friendly point.
Extrovert here ☝🏽☝🏽 wouldn't consider myself lonely doe, but still don't have a single deep form of consistent connection wiv a human being.
Where in the world did you get depression from?
debdras yea no. Extroverts don’t have these loneliness problems as bad as introverts do.
Wow. It's like those frugality guides that assume you have a lot of money to begin with.
_"Let me tell you how to not feel lonely (assuming you already have friends to cherish and relationships to cultivate)"._
I feel the same way about this video. Pointless, waste of time... She's not speaking about loneliness... She just craved for more time in front of camera. Look at my life, i travel , i have friends... Bla bla bla
Hey Vestin, I completely understand where you're coming from. I don't have all the answers to loneliness, but I'm going to dig into some research this week because I know what an important topic this is and you're right... not everyone has someone to turn to. I'll be posting about this in the coming weeks.
Yup... doesn't seem like she's ever been truly lonely. She just felt lonely.
H Colleter Exactly, totally different things.
exactly. took the words out my mouth
Me: I need some help
Also me : types in loneliness
Result :a girl, who talks about how she wanted to be famous and was in a reality tv show, drinking wine on Mondays and have the money to go to Paris. Thx girl,you helped a lot.
Bruh! This is exactly what happened to me
hahahahaha LMO
I’m going to analyze this Ted Talk because it’s the middle of the night and I’m bored.
This would be much better if it was labeled as “How to strengthen relationships” or something like that. Not how to cure loneliness. Nothing about this woman or her story screams lonely to me. I’m getting more, “14 year old girl who listened to 1 Billie Eilish song and now things that being sad for 10 minutes is depression” vibes. Wanting attention and wanting to not be lonely are two extremely different things. This talk isn’t about loneliness. She said loneliness, like 4 times in the entire talk, most of them being in the first couple minutes.
She also says to not do something new to cure loneliness, but to the whole ritual thing, immediately after her story about going to France. It’s common for people with depression to go to places like France to try and cure their depression, only to realize that the only difference is that they’re still depressed, but in France.
Most lonely people either don’t have friends or don’t feel intimately connected with their friends/family. Her advice, while good in concept, isn’t going to be super helpful to most people who found this video by searching something along the lines of “how to not be lonely” into a search bar.
I’ve lost many really close friends over the recent years for reasons completely outside of my control. (They didn’t die or anything, just to be clear, life just lead us in different directions.) And now I’ve subconsciously associated having friends with losing friends since I’ve pretty much lost all of them a few years after I met them. Now I’m afraid of making connections, of having friends, because I’m afraid of losing them like so many others. Her solution for loneliness being “just get friends and be close to them” is not helpful in the slightest, it may work for some people, just not me and those like me. It’s kind of like that joke “Depressed? Just be happy.” or “Have asthma? Just breathe!”.
I realize she has to be general and this one ‘solution’ isn’t going to be a cure-all for the nearly 5 million people who watched this, but as far as the comment section is concerned, this was extremely unhelpful to pretty much everyone, and frankly, I can see why.
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
Also she keeps bumping the mic and it’s driving me insane.
Thoroughly enjoyed your Ted talk. Actually much more insightful than this little chickie 😉
It was worth the read.
"Someone you know closely"... Yeah, that's it. I'm not close to anyone, this is why I'm lonely
ur cute, wanna b my bff?
no kidding, i noticed that too. girls like this have more issues than any of us do lol
Me and my best friend, are really close. We do everything together: homework, chores, etc. We treat each other like siblings..
But...
They're 3 years older than me. They have more schoolwork to stress about, their parents are constantly fighting..So I can't spend any time with them.
Any tips?
Find something you can both do together outside of the house like martial arts classes that way you get to hang out once a week and can catch up before/ after, or walks or go to the movies etc
Same. How can I find something that I used to do and made me warm and happy if I never had any??
If you have been living in the North Pole for your entire life and you feel lonely, you should just grab an ice cube that you used to see everyday and hug it and expect that it would bring you warmth??
I couldn't even finish listening to this. She *has* close friends, a significant other, and family. What about those of us who are truly lonely, and don't want to be? No close friends, no partner, no close family members? I'd love to hear someone talk about the "cure for loneliness", when you've done everything you can think of to meet new people, when your heart is open wide and you don't have any fear of intimacy, yet true intimate relationships seem to evade you most of your life?
I can be your friend if you want to! I'm a really god listener :)
👋💚🧡💜🌼I wish you love and friendship in your future!
Shaniqua Levandre she is right about wanting to be seen, heard, & valued. We all want & crave that level of connectivity. Yeah sure she has a lot going on in her life & surrounded by friends & family, but she can see what’s missing in her life. I can sit in a building full of people who like me & be the loneliest person in the room. I’m perpetually the loneliest person in the room. I have a good size family but nothing like them. As a child, my family abandoned me in a hospital for nearly 14 months. They left me to die because they couldn’t handle the loss. Even then I knew the reason but it left an indelible scar on my soul & being an unusual person with odd ideas reinforced my isolation & loneliness. I’ve rescued so many people from dying or making very poor life choices & made great friendships. Had 2 beautiful daughters, raised 3 other foster kids, married...yet I’m still lonely. Sometimes I believe there are people who feel the loneliness because they are facing the fear of being alone & sometimes it’s the inability to find others who are so odd or unique that there aren’t very many people like you to connect with. You are standing outside in the cold looking through the window & watching people living their life & sharing the experience with everyone else around them. I have learned to enjoy watching & once in the while joining in the experience then going back outside to watch from a distance. Seems like most musicians, writers, philosophers, & artists are those who are lucky enough to be able to stand at that window & watch others live. I hope you find the right people to connect with & share your experiences. Hugs
Shaniqua Levandre trust me it's worst when u have people in your life and you are still lonely
Well if your heart is right open and you have no fear of intimacy I could call you today.
"Some people are severely lonely, all they can do is accept the single life as an example of being free and happy."
Im sorry but no love is a need
@@rudigruenberg6591 if “hate” is your desire, then you definitely need love. And that’s the problem w the world today, too much hate, far exceeding the love.
"The weird times when your not busy feeling fantastic, A vacation story!" should've been the title of this video
The problem is i dont have many people who see, hear and value me, and therefore, i dont have a connection with many people
Would you like to connect? I feel the same way.
Lucy, I don’t want to tell you how to live your life but you have to allow the people who hear, see and value you in your life. You make the rules and don’t bend them. Once you have your boundaries, the right people will come. Healthy people seek out healthy people and the other way around.
Bridget Andrade I also feel the same!
You are 100% right. Every time someone calls me they always need something. 😡 never take a second out of there day to ask me how am I feeling, or can I get you something.
The two people who value me the most (parents) never hear me. My ex is gone. What few friends I had/have are in their own lives and I cannot seem to stay connected with them. All hits me in the feels ☹️
Everyone in the comment section should become friends
wey to go Florine, let's start a revolution! I have found a friend!!!!!!
Marcia McGrail agreed! I' m in!!!
great! er...so how do we go about it?
Marcia McGrail We can create a chat on UA-cam, Instagram page, Facebook group, whattsapp group
ok Ana - I'll go with the majority decision but just to say I don't do fb or i'gram.... : }
The comments are some of the best I’ve ever read! I saw Sixteenlo’s hilarious review of this awful Ted Talk. I couldn’t stop laughing during his video and her spastic pep talk that she did zero prep for.
I came here from the Sixteenleo video as well! It's funny, I remember watching her on The Real World (I'm old) and not being able to stand her back then either. What a self involved and privileged woman. I cannot imagine being this clueless!
Just came from Sixteenleo and his take on this lady is fantastic.
same
Me too
Me too!
Why does she sound so excited while describing an attack where a dude drives a truck through a crowd of people? 😑
Ikr. She said "we didn't feel like going out" as if the tragedy was simply an inconvenience.
she gives me psychopaths vibes hahaha
@Evey & Co Because she was excited thinking about the wine she and her friends would be drinking once they made it back to the hotel. SMH
I didn't get that far - I couldn't listen to her prattle on about being so-called "lonely". Ugh.
Cure for loneliness according to her:
- Have friends
- Have friends you spend Monday nights with
- have friends you drink rosé with
- Have friends you go to Paris with
- Have friends you can have long French dinners with
- Have friends
Cure for loneliness thanks
haha right??
Normally that’s cool and all, but during quarantine it’s not so easy 😂
@@randomname5580 l have schizophrenia and I would like to smoke marijuana. What to do? Can you help me?
@@randomname5580 wait what? How tf do you even talk to people even without quarantine?
I can totally make friends that easily and hang out with them...
If you lack someone you know closely, talk to someone you know closely. Thanks, that helps a ton.
I think what she means is if you dont know people get to know people and create your own ritual with them. Like invite your coworkers out to eat every friday or something. Get to know people consistently. Or do a hobby once a week.
lmao the contradiction is so strong in this video! wtf?
I agree with you that this is definitely not helpful if you don’t have people around you in the first place. But it’s also true that some people can feel lonely even when the have people around, and they need to value these relations and make them stronger
you are the reason why it makes me feel lonelier
People like you just don't understand what lonely means
10 points 👉 👈. What the heck
Lonely? Go out with your friends 😋❗
Hits the same as:
Sad? Smile more ✌️🥰🤗
So she basically speaks about how to STAY in connection and nothing about how to make a new connection when you've no friends
elatives\partner. Lonely people are called lonely because they don't have those people in their lives... Yes maybe it's useful, but for some time in future when\if i'm going to have anyone, lol.
You hit on an important point. Unfortunately in the time I had, I could only cover a small bit of an extremely complex subject (I didn't come up with the title and I actually think it's a bit misleading). Either way, the reality is that whether you're alone without anyone to turn to or have a community of people surrounding you, loneliness doesn't discriminate. It doesn't only impact people who are psychically alone and I think it's an important misconception. Thanks for your comment.
Sorry about saying "she", i didn't know you're going to be reading comments yourself :) You say loneliness does not discriminate, but have you ever tried to be honest and tell someone you've got noone (in case you ever been in the situation of true loneliness). No wonder you'll get the question "why?", what can you answer to that without looking mentally sick\like a loser? If someone confesses to be lonely it's understood by society that there's something wrong with that person and people stay away, making it a closed circle. People tend to think that if you're lonely - it's only your fault. So yes, it discriminates. Not sure about USA, but definitely in my country.
I'll be your pen pal Ekaterina (I'm guessing this is your correct name, forgive me if I'm wrong)
!
Yes you spelled it right. Lol sure, check my page facebook.com/katya.zhu
I added you ! (Matt)
Feeling lonely? Have a pajama party with your closest friends. Gee, thanks. Calling my close friends, why didn't I think of that before.
Most truly lonely people (and I'm one) don't have the close connections, friends, or loved ones, with whom to do rituals. That's the whole point, we don't have anyone we connect with, that's why we're lonely.
Exactly. I feel the same way . I wished that she considered that some people are lonely because they don't actually have deep connections with people .
The only one I can call is the helpline. If there is one person who I can talk to, I wouldn't be so lonely. You can say that my fault why I don't develop close relationship with family or relatives?don't find boyfriend? don't get close friendship?don't join any group? maybe it is all my fault to isolate myself. I go out to say hello to strangers and they answer hello, people I know all have their family, friends and jobs,which mean too busy to talk to me.Great to know so many people understand how I feel.yes,depression tab doesn't help loneliness.
Hope she didnt get paid for this
@@fanglen8839 Same I lost both my parents this year and and am now lonlier than ever. I have hope that things will one day get better because always being alone sucks.
I have and im still lonely
this woman is like "GUYS I GOT IT, THE KEY TO CURING LONELINESS, WE TALK TO OUR FRIENDS AND GO TO EUROPE":
That's the reason we're lonely in the first place honey, we can't do that.
u got it sistah i mean u r right theres so much more goin on w a person who feels lonley she shuld be sayn tha not blanketing lonliness as reason fopr anythn
“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.”
― Mark Twain
This is the cure for loneliness for extroverts who think being lonely is being at home for an hour by themselves.
Ngl I'm jealous of them
@YourBakaSenpai don't be, that hour is torture to them xD
You can be an extrovert and be lonely.
@@kittykitties4220 yeah, that’s very true. But this lady seems so out of touch
Lol very well said
Reminds me of when I told my mom I was depressed and she says “go exercise.” Or “just remember there’s people that have it worse off.”
Like Oh thanks, you just cured my depression.
@Alicia - Yeah and then you realize OMG -- I was raised by this person. I'm totally screwed. You should wait for an opportune moment and mention how "contemplating the misery of people worse off than me isn't actually as uplifting as one might think." I also think it's notable that no one here says I'm lonely because I live on a desert island and there are no other people with whom I can associate. Everyone here has people with whom they are acquainted or are related to or on some level of speaking terms with. Just not any people that they like, who reciprocate similarly and who especially don't ultimately make them feel even worse.
Alicia Hudson exercising releases endorphins which reduce stress and in the long run is helpful for depression. her saying people have it worse than you is her reminding you to be grateful, practicing gratefulness can also be helpful for depression. she didnt word what she said very helpfully or empathetically and sort of invalidated your feelings but pls try to understand that she was trying to help :< and you got this!!!! hope things start looking up soon 💖
Exercise is actually underappreciated advice for dealing with sadness and depression. you should try it, especially if you are in an area where you can have a nice walk outdoors. It's something I naturally enjoy, but has also helped me in that way. When I have a particularly bad day, the best thing I can do for myself is just drop everything and go for a nice walk.
Or I have chronic fatigue - just go for a walk
She’s kinda right tho. I made myself eat and get up. It does help. Get whatever left of your will power together and make yourself live if you don’t wanna die. Who can’t do it should be put to hospitals but it should be the last resort
*It's unbelievable how intensely vapid and disconnected her points are, yet how insistently and gratingly she carried the condescending kindergarten teacher tone* Tons of people died so we just puLLEd on THoSE YogA pANTS aND PUlleD oUt THe RoSE. *Wow, so brave*
Omg I know. I audibly cringed
This is like a healthy person telling an afflicted person how it feels to be afflicted, having never felt it...or really not even knowing what the affliction is...
This should actually be renamed as "Ways to strengthen your relations" not "how to overcome loneliness"!
Can we be friends? Priyadarshini Singh ✌️
True.
Well done!
@@myothethan2624 Lol, looks like you got your answer...A no in absolute silence
@@johndough3125 Yeah dude, I’m completely fine with the rejection.
"How to cure loneliness: Go hangout with your nice bunch of readily available like minded friends, then go straight around to your caring and understanding partners house and....". This is kind of like saying 'How to cure poverty: First take all your savings and house equity, then....".
Bravo! Very well said! This talk by a young, pretty, confident socially connected woman made me furious. Wait until she ages! I was an only child. I have never married. I got old. I retired. All my friends died or moved far away. As for my long time neighbors..we all got illegally evicted by a giant unethical corporation that has turned our former apartments into an AirB&B. Now I am a stranger to everyone and living alone in one rented room in a town 50 miles from my former home. It is not easy to connect when you are old suffering a chronic isolating medical condition.
Or the girl, "If you're homeless, just buy a house."
@@lauriej.3544 So sorry to hear that. I can relate. I send you all the love in the world.
I bet she rehearsed this in front of her mirror and thought to herself: "Wow Baya....you should be an actress. Your performance is gonna be ON FIRE."
Really nailed the "pulling on leggings" mime 👏👏 🤦♀️
This lady's solution to homelessness: move into a house. Brilliant!
🤣🤣🤣
I’m more depressed after watching this than I was before. Monday nights on the couch by myself I guess. Sounds like this lady doesn’t know what lonely really is, when most people are their own anchor and we are sinking.
Yeah, same here. Hope you feel better now though
Jen M I’ll be your friend
What is happening to this world? Why are we so lonely even though we are so connected? I feel the same, like the walls of my house are screaming at me... 😕
Yeah I got the same feelings by watching this...
Well I’m lonely and in Florida... I would be more than happy to go on an adventure.. I hate being lonely
The cure for loneliness, Baya Voce: "Don't be... I'm awesome, thank you"
"how to cure boredom when you are already popular and have friends and someone loves you...."
This legit should have been called "How to Have Fun With Your Friends!!" Unreal.
The problem is i don't have a partner....
I don't have friends to talk with ...
I don't have money to travel
So That Didn't help
I'm working on something that I hope is an actual "cure for loneliness" and I was hoping to hear some more of your perspective. Let me know if you want to chat.
Make friends, make money, and make time.
I agree, she gives an absolutely useless advice. If you have connections and still lonely then it's definitely a different problem. If you don't have any connections that cure your loneliness, then there is a reason for that and I really expected to hear a solution, but no luck.
@@SHlFTEH ayee
@Kainan Sugal - Does your money cure loneliness?
So basically when you're lonely the cure is people, no shit. Um what if we don't have any friends? How are we going to face the storm then?
exactly. i still don't know the answer.
First step is to be your best self. Upgrade yourself. In every aspect.
Wylieryan Jonlean no thats not it at all. sure constant self improvement is important for our motivation and happiness in life as a whole. but saying you have to be better than you are now to have a connection with people, is like saying you arnt good enough the way you are, as if you need to earn the right to not be lonely. this is not the case.
belthazormn1 which i guess is why so many of us find ourselves on youtube. and watching stupid vlogs just to feel some kind of connection. having people around in your day to day life is easy: join a club,team,class or job. is it just luck if we "connect" with them?
maybe im just fussy. but i dont gel with many people. im 25 and dont feel like i have truely connected with more than 10 people my whole life (excluding family).
That Chick I'm like that too, I don't know why it's so hard to meet people i can connect with. I've probably met 5 people in my life I truly connected with.
Strange, after the first few words I jumped to the comment section, something was wrong. Thanks so much for all the deep and sad and true comments, which prevented to watch this. I think this is not only a waste of time for someone lonely but so much worse.
Same. I think what did me in was her raising her bendy arm like a kindergarten teacher, she was counting something I can't remember. The comments were worth the few minutes of torture listening to her barbie-talk for the first few minutes
Suddenly I’m no longer feeling lonely....after reading the comments 🤣🤣🤣😭
Tedx Talk recruiting team: "We need someone to talk about how to deal with loneliness, let's look for someone that lives with her partner, belongs to a nice group of friends, is wealth enough to pay a travel to France and has been in a reality show."
This was such a good comment that I'm going to repeat it, since I would give it a machine gun volley of thumbs up, but YT will only let me give it one: "Tedx Talk recruiting team: "We need someone to talk about how to deal with loneliness, let's look for someone that lives with her partner, belongs to a nice group of friends, is wealth enough to pay a travel to France..."
Don'r forget, acting, as if she's in a bad Off-Broadway play. 😁
+Love Rebel well explained in detail
True :) Although to be fair, one can be lonely while living with a partner, while having friends, while having wealth etc... I think the core of her story does hold some truth. That even when we have those things, it's important to actually connect with these people, or you will still feel lonely. And if you don't have people around you who care, you can make an effort to seek out new people and make an effort to connect with them. Of course this will be much easier for some people (extroverts in particular) than for others.
the comments helped me more than the video
you so right the vid is total BS
IKR
Dank MemeLord I’m with you on that
Same here
Thanks for making me feel 100x more lonely
Anyone here after watching Sixteenleo?😆
- So lets plant the seeds...
- I live in the desert.
She’s never felt lonely before
I think she just felt someone else was in the spotlight..I think she always had options..
EVER.
When the research paper is due at midnight so you just go off about your own personal trip to france instead of any actual resolution.
*talks about a tragic incident that killed 80 peopl*
her: and then me and my girlfriends just went back to our apartment and drank rose and talked and had a great time!
???
something tells me she is still starving for attention and thought going on a ted talk would be a good idea even though she has no idea what she is talking about. smh
Exactly! I feel like she's trying to be confident just to be like the previous speakers but she can't fake herself.
faxx
Interesting statement
THIS!!!! I thought EXACTLY this!
Yep. Just wants to be liked.
Me in bed talking to myself “the thing I love about you most...”
Same..🙁
Actually I think this could be the best thing to do! We aren't kind with ourselves so for once, let's just try it. It could feel a little bit "lonely desperate Bridget Jones" at the beginning but I'm sure that doing it with heart and sincerity will help you a lot more than hearing someone else saying that you're cute when you're angry. 😊
@@leenagil do you wanna be friends? We are both lonely and I also love bts🤭
@Erin H
The thing I love most about you is when you smile.
Yes :(
Where I feel lonely:
01) in a friend get together all of your friends talking about a massive story they only experienced which you never heard of, all you can do is smile when they laugh and listen like you are not a part of the crew.
02) When your school teacher say "pick up a friend and do this assignment" and you see all your friends has already taken a partner and nobody in your class approach to you and say " can you be my partner". All you can do is approach someone and ask to be your partner with an idle student.
03) When nobody wishes you or surprise you on your birthday.
04) When you see an empty desk right next to your friend and when you try to sit your friend say "this table is reserved to that guy"
05) When all of your friends sits on the dinner table and there is no enough chairs so you need to sit on a different table alone.
06) when you see in a social media group chat everyone tries to be offline or leaves the conversation after you send a simple message like "hi".
07)When you get roasted all the time when you try to join a conversation like they dont want you to be a part of them.
08) When you see in social media all your friends were having a great party or a trip and having fun which you never get informed and you question yourself "why i never get invited?" , "dont they want me to be part of their fun?", is it my looks that they dont like or my behavior?"
106
Came here super depressed 3am at night. Thanks for all the tips that won't help anyone
I have no one to make that "anchor of connection" thing... My relationship with my parents is screw up and The girl I like rejected me, It's hard to get a habit like that when no one wants to be with you, this is why I feel lonely.
I totally understand what you are saying. If you don't have "people" how do you make an anchor? I am the same way - live alone, and do everything alone.... can't make rituals if you don't have people. I like her idea's but it doesn't work for me. I do know that it doesn't come from outside like she said, I've tried to buy it, and everything else.... it's an inside job. Good luck to you. God Bless.
I absolutely hear you and you're right. How do we create anchors of connection without people to create them with? There are so many sides of loneliness and in this talk I don't tackle loneliness when you don't have the base of community to create connection with. While I know how important this is, I don't have all the answers. That said, I'm going to be reaching out to experts in this field in the coming weeks to talk about the very best way to find community and I hope this can be supportive. Thanks for sharing.
Hey Gina... you're right on in this message. I answered below and I hope I can be a support.
Thank you - Baya - I would love to know what the answers are! I watch a lot of the Ted talks, and am very interested especially in the loneliness aspect. I've only distant family - and my friends live in different towns. I am disabled, and I was working some, but now I'm not able - so I spend lots of time alone. With a history of addictive behaviors, I find myself wanting to fill that "void" with anything and everything that I can because as you so beautifully stated, it's essential for us to feel connected. It's like the air we breathe. I haven't felt that in a long time, and it's getting to me. Empty holidays, with memories of lost parents, and endless hours alone. I can see this being a health problem for me. I have chronic pain also - and I know it adds to it. I'm going to try and do some volunteer work, I've just got to do something or else loose my mind.
I promise I'll tackle this, Gina. This is so, so important and there are ways to solve it, which I didn't cover here. Thanks for your voice, your voice is truly a gift. I also love the idea of volunteering... not only is it a fantastic way to meet people, but can be ritualized into something that becomes an anchor as well. Connection might not be found in the most immediate places we would think to find, but it's out there.
This talk made me so angry I want to smash my laptop against the wall. Oh so the cure for loneliness is spend one night a week my four close friends I don't have? Honesty in intimate relationships? What utter BS. If I had any of those things I probably wouldn't be where I am now. I bet she has no idea what it's like to finish her work week and know that she probably won't speak to another person face to face until she is back in work the next week. Or to dread the holiday season. Or those times when you have to take your mandated vacation days and you have nowhere to go and nothing to do so you site and stare at 4 walls and try and find some comfort or meaning online and you come across this nonsense. Nope, she's in Paris with the Sisterhood of the Travelling Leggings.
What's next from this woman? A simple cure for thirst. Just drink a glass of water or other beverage of your choice! Great, can I do a TED Talk now too ? The bar for subject matter expertise appears to be pretty damn low.
"in Paris with the Sisterhood of the Travelling Leggings" chuckle. I totally understand. I'm disabled and can't even work so I doubt anyone would notice if I dropped dead.
Totally right and funny. Can relate 100%
chuck farley yep. She's talking about herself... Ugh
Women live easy lives, they have no idea about the reality of men.
I agree and I'm getting angry as I read this. Until you mention sisterhood of travelling leggings. LOOOL
Tell me you’re middle class white girl without telling me you’re middle class white girl.
If she’s up and jetting to Europe with a ton of friends I’d say she’s more than middle class. Sis is upper middle class or more.
@@HeyitsBri_ oh in sg it’s middle class
This has nothing to do with her race or even her class. It has more to do with her mental health, which is the actual privilege here. She happens to be neurotypical and seemingly mentally healthy, which aids in her forming connections easily.
Her, basically : Feeling lonely? Hang out with friends!
It's like telling someone with asthma to just "breathe"
This talk in a nutshell:
"Look, I have friends, family and we cuddle a lot. You don't. See ya!"
sad but true
The cure for loneliness is to regularly surround yourself with people that you'll actually interact with.
kthx bai
I feel like the problem wasn't fully understood before the solution was proposed. There is definite value to that sense of friendship and/or community that she talked about, but it isn't exactly a one size fits all method.
hahahaha lol i liked that ted talk but you are right
Soo True 😭😭😭😭😭😭
Yup...I don't have a family...and hardly any friends..where can I get that ⚓ of connection...?
I feel like Peter Pan just pissed down my back and told me it was raining.
Ian . .what..?! Hah ,hah... yup! : )
Hahahaha haha
This is the single greatest comment I've ever read on UA-cam
I agree. Best comment on this entire goddamn platform
Hahahaha!
If I had friends I could hang out with every day and a partner to care for. I wouldn't have this problem in the first place.
Soon as I heard she has a partner I said .....she doesn't know what loneliness is ...her answer is visit friends and family .....or loved ones which is non existent .....I don't even have anyone or anything to love ....this talk was just about keeping what you already got .....
Reported for Spam or Misleading.
DOIN GODS WORK OUT HERE
lol i felt like laughing like a mad
Agree
Good move! How on Earth the TED committee approved this clown to spread this BS of info is beyond me.
in short: "if you're lonely, don't be lonely"
I feel a little less lonley after reading the comments...
Im not the only one.
We are lonley together.
That Is kinda nice 🧡
I hope you have a great day today and I hope we all Find true, loving connections in our lives.
It's the cheerleader / choreographed hand gestures for me! She really thinks she did that...lol, bless her heart!
right? It bothered me so much. She looks like a child doing some choreo in an elementaryschool play at times...
@@bingbingbong3798 Looks like some really bad audition for the Disney Channel
gimme a P, gimme a U, gimme a K, gimme an E.... yep. cheesy cheerleader vibes
Glad I'm not the only one who feels that this made everything worse.
I just want to express my appreciation for all the commenters. The talk is horrible but all of you are so honest and tell it like it is. I wish we could all connect and be living solutions to one another. Keep hanging in there everyone. I can’t help but feel there is meaning that can emerge from the existential pain of loneliness. I’d be glad to connect with any of you. Best wishes.
Can we connect? Lol!!
Brad Jones best wishes to you as well
Yes daddy let´s connect together, go to Paris have a slumber party, cuddle and drink rosé, yaaaay. (wish i had that life lol)
Though good wishes for you sir, you seem like a good person : )
Too funny! 😅
Horrible talk! I think we can all get on. TED EX! Let's try lol
Same vibes as "live in a food desert? ⭐move!⭐"
LOL yes 100%. or "can't pay rent? just get a better job!"
Ah yea the good ol "putting on some Leggings and drinking rosé" after a national tragedy occurs