It’s Okay That You’re Not Okay: Coping with Grief & Loss with Megan Devine | The Mark Groves Podcast
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- Опубліковано 5 чер 2024
- Subscribe: / @markgroves
Audio Subscribe: kite.link/markgrovespodcast
Themes: Grief, Loss, Bereavement, Pain, Mental Health
Summary:
Join me for a thoughtful conversation with Megan Devine: best-selling author, psychotherapist, and grief advocate. With over 20 years in the field - and deep personal experience of grief - she is the go-to authority for grievers, supporters, and industry professionals. Her pioneering work provides a professional, inclusive, and realistic approach to grief, one that goes beyond pathology-based, reductive models. If you’re currently feeling the deep pain of loss or are looking for ways to support someone who is, this episode is for you.
Megan’s book It’s OK that You’re Not OK has sold over 250K copies and is available in 16 languages. New York magazine’s The Strategist named the book in their “Top 16 Grief Books Recommended by Psychologists in 2021.” Her animated short, “How to Help a Grieving Friend,” has been viewed over 70 million times and is used in training programs worldwide. She’s been published in Psychology Today, The New York Times, and The Washington Post and has served as a grief expert for major media outlets, including NPR, iHeartRadio, and the PBS documentary, Speaking Grief.
Discover:
* Megan’s personal experience with grief
* What not to say to someone who is grieving and how to be truly supportive instead
* The problematic way society responds to pain and grief and how this contributes to rising loneliness, substance abuse and suicide rates
* Why looking for the silver lining in a painful experience, while well-intentioned, isn’t helpful
00:00 Intro
01:20 Megan’s story
07:09 How society responds to grief
09:11 You don’t need to find the silver lining
13:03 Movies modelling the happy ending
15:17 The fallacy of suffering as punishment
20:25 The “nobility” of suffering
24:33 The history of dealing with pain
31:21 How medicine handles grief
36:43 Timeline of grief
38:16 Why do we avoid sadness?
43:54 How to actually support someone who’s grieving
47:46 Expanding your idea of what grief is
Links:
* Website | refugeingrief.com & megandevine.co
www.refugeingrief.com/
www.megandevine.co/
* Instagram | @refugeingrief
refugeingri...
* Facebook | @refugeingrief
/ refugeingrief
* Book | It’s OK That You’re Not OK
www.refugeingrief.com/book/
* Podcast | Here After with Megan Devine
ihr.fm/3XvKm0P
Sponsors:
* LMNT | Get a FREE LMNT sample pack with any purchase at drinklmnt.com/createthelove
* Create the Love Cards | Use code CTLCARDS15 for 15% off at createthelove.com/cards
I found my mum decomposed in her bath 5 years ago and after the " normal" 6 month grief period I went to seek help ( It was a traumatic story even before she died) . I went for a mental health assessment but nothing happened there after. 5 years on and although I try to carry on I've never truly processed that level of trauma x Thanks for this
Sending you lots of love. Sorry for your loss ❤
Thankyou..it means a lot
❤
I lost my brother to suicide in 2011. I lost my dad in 2014 to cancer. And now I have lost my youngest baby boy a few months ago. Losing my son & the tragic & sudden way we lost him has put me into such emotional & physical turmoil. My doctor sent me to the ER. They thought I was having a stroke. I was diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety & severe panic attacks from my son’s death. I am traumatized. I have never experienced such effects in my life. I feel like I’m dying every time I cry. I hyperventilate & drool & my body tingles. My face goes into an ice cold sweat. My mouth, lips & tongue go numb. My head tingles. My heart feels like it’s beating inside my ears. The night it happened it was so bad that I had all of that but I couldn’t hear or walk. The EMT’s said I was in shock. Yet I’m still experiencing all of that except that I can walk now but I sob to the point of exhaustion sometimes. I’m so tired. I can’t find a good therapist that takes my insurance. No wonder people are killing themselves. There is not enough mental health care in this world. I have never needed grief support until now. I can’t do this one alone. I dont know how to recover from losing my youngest child. Im just so sad. And when I do have joy it’s never without sadness. I have loved my son his entire life. And now I will miss him for the rest of mine! I lost my son. I am now Vilomah! How does a mother not fall apart. I know my son, my dad & my brother are ok. I know where they are. But I’m not ok. And I know I need guidance. Anything to stop this physical toll on my mind & body. I never knew that grieving can make you so so physically sick! I really feel like I’m dying sometimes. And it flares up my FMS. And to go through this alone is even harder. I have friends & support. But I’m not trying to put this on them 24/7. I’m at the point now that I’m tired of feeling so sick & so tired of crying when I wake up & when I go to bed that I have learned to push it away. To numb myself or disassociate somehow. But it always catches back up with me a few days later. Am I ever going to go a day without crying? Ever? It’s only been a few months. But it feels like years to me! Am I ever going to be normal again? 🙏🏼MJT-F23💛🕊️
Allow it, these feelings. You are normal to feel this immense pain. It is life long but eventually we just carry it.
5 years.
❤I understand so much and feel you.
I love the part about NOT punching someone in the face as a goal! Spot on!
Lol. I resonated with that too. She's so real.
@@markgroves I found your channel and subscribed! I am a fellow feeler!
@@justinamontgomery2618 - thanks for joining the journey! Sensitive people unite!
Yes. Grief is so ugly! I have never felt so triggered in my life. Some people really should just say nothing to people grieving. I have lost my youngest son, my only sibling, brother & my dad who was my best friend. I’m a suicide survivor times two. Some people should just say sorry & nothing else. I understand people mean well. But it’s so triggering & exhausting.
Message that resident with me (Grief is healthy too, it doesnt mean there’s something wrong with you, and its okey if takes so long)
So many beautiful things said, thank you ❤
Still searching for a beautiful life now that my husband is gone. We were married for 50 years, looking forward to retirement together. Too late to start life over. Looking for ways to feel connected. Where IS my person? Not here. So I have to be my person. Thankful for him. Leaning in to how I feel, not covering it up, living in neutral one day at a time.
My condolences. My husband of 39 years died 15 days ago.
I’m so sorry. My husband of 54 years passed away three months ago and dealing with grief is a daily event.
@joycedistler4332 15 days today my husband of 40y passed away. I died with him.
I love Megan because she’s real! She tells it like it is. I lost my fiancé 7 months ago and then my mom, so I’m dealing with a double whammy. 💔
Me too. I lost my sister last month, and 11 days later my boyfriend/ bestfriend.
Sending you love ❤
@@Jenny-kg7zbI’m so sorry for your losses. Grief is like a really bad roller coaster ride and it sux💔😢
Thank you for this,i've lost my brother due to suicide and i really felt like i was seen in my pain through this interview...You nailed on some topics i couldn't articulate before,especially the part about hero's journey,the idea that going through pain is some noble path that's supposed to bring me great reward and transformation.Sometimes grieving is just grieving,there's no great reward at the end of it...Heroic idea can bring some hope and meaning in pain but it can also close me to the raw nature of tragedy of living,which is the only certain truth i know right know,and that's comforting in a way😊
I am a two time suicide survivor too. This is the hardest grief to recover from. Especially when it’s immediate family. So sorry for your loss. 💛
@@dianathomas1025 thank you dear, i'm sorry for your losses❤️
Coping with the death of my husband a mere 18 months ago, I'm so grateful that this podcast was brought to my attention. Megan's message resonated strong and clear for me and I already instinctively knew that putting any time-frame on any part of the process only creates more grief really. In my case my husband had a stroke 2 yrs. prior (caused by a congenital blockage totally unforseen) and the following year he experienced the horror of esophageal cancer. He died 8 days after his 70th birthday. My 2 sons and I were already over our heads in "grieving" so part of me was numb for many months after.
I'm currently participating in a bereavement group that feels uniquely different and much of what Megan has spoken to are the very things our group is exploring. The group facilitator sent the link to this podcast and it has had a very positive impact for me. Thank you so much to Megan and a very caring presenter, Mark.
Sending you healing vibes and lots of love ❤
Love this, lots of reality bits and info, thanks - my wife of 13 yrs passed 8 1 23 of cervix cancer tumor, and never made it to the 1st chemo, thinking it was just menopause with sciatic nerve pain, 3 mths later gone :(.. Gave us hope till the end, she was only 50
Sending you love. Sorry for your loss ❤
@@markgroves Thanks :) it means alot
So sorry for the pain you’re in. going through it now. So not prepared for this
It doesn’t matter what they’ve told us when it happens we’re never ready to say Goodbye… we are never ready to lose out on love
Outstanding interview/discussion between two sensitive and caring human beings. My better half died 19 days ago of brain cancer and I have been experiencing first hand what grieving is all about. Never thought one could feel so much emotional pain and distress, it is simply unimaginable. Everything said in this podcast is so authentic and true. Thank you.
So sorry for you.
Great real conversation
Good interview. Good points made. Thanks for sharing.
So glad I listened to this.
Thanks!
Very helpful . Gratitude ❤
She loses him in 2009 and she still feels the pain… loss is complicated to the human psyche
Everything you said Megan is dead on.
Really powerful eye opening stuff
It sounds like there’s no hope 😩
Movie Love Actually is such crap and overrated
Thanks!