Unfortunately… my mother did not have a peaceful death. Right before she took her final breath, she sat up and looked at my brother and me as if asking for help. It was a very sad and traumatic experience. Rest easy Mom🕊️
My mama sat up partially and had a grimace that looked like pain on her face as if she were having a heart attack. It was so hard for me because others I'd heard of simply breathed out and never breathed in again. My dad had just left the room to use the bathroom and was grieved that she died without him by her side; but I'm glad he didn't have to see that. 💔
@@RustyShakleford1Yes, I hear this often. When my dad passed, I was driving from work to get to him. I had gone to work because we were told it would be days still. However, a few hours into work, I rcvd text that said he had only hours. My husband was there most of the morning and stepped out in parking lot, since he knew I was driving over. Dad died a few minutes before I had arrived. ❤
My dear wife passed away from cancer and she was mostly peaceful....from what I saw. But....in her last day her breathing had the death rattle....I wasn't prepared for it but the nurses can give medication to ease it. Finally she stopped breathing, and I rushed over to check her....well, she gave an all mighty intake of breath. Gave me a hell of a fright, so I called the nurse and she told me it was normal and when she checked her heartbeat she did it again, but that was her last breath. Then she looked like she was in a deep sleep. Fair ye well my darling.
thats how my mother was. she had stage 4 breast cancer that got into her lungs. it was almost as if she couldn’t breathe at all. and when she passed, i remember laying my head on her chest. she took two big gasps, then finally passed. her eyes were kind of open the entire time too.
@@neckrohs my mother died from lung cancer recently and I did this too. It was as if Laying my head on her chest gave her the nudge to let go and breathe her last breaths. Well that's how it felt anyway. Sorry for your loss.
Julie, my husband passed away last night at midnight from his pancreatic cancer. We thought he had longer. He had been throwing up bile for 3 days so his hospice nurse had him taken to a facility yesterday around noon so they could treat him for that and get him back home to pass away where he wanted. Last night around 10 i tried to go to sleep but couldn't because i was so nervous and agitated for some reason, then after midnight when the phone rang i knew what it was before i even picked up my phone. They said he gotva little agitated around 10 and was looking for me and his brother, so they gave him some morphine and he calmed down and passed peacefully in his sleep around midnight. We were together for over 30 years, and tbh what im feeling right now is lost, and like im all alone. I really don't have any family and no friends nearby. But your channel helped me so much, on what to expect and the questions to ask if need be. I told the 2 hospice nurses that took care of him the most about your channel and how it helped me, and the head nurse Peyton said to tell you thank you for doing this, he's glad it helped me, and he's going to check your channel out and recommend it to families that may need a little more guidance. You really did help me and im so grateful to you for that, Julie, thank you from the bottom of my wounded heart right now. You are an amazing angel. ❤
My mom passed away in 2018 at almost 101 yrs old. She had a very peaceful beautiful passing, she was going with her Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. She passed on Canada Day, July 1st. As she was being wheeled out and put into the transfer vehicle, the fireworks started going off right above. I took pictures, it was beautiful. I titled the pictures, Angels rejoicing... Mom has gone home!! I miss you momma, but I will see you again.
I walked into my son's hospital room after being on the phone with his dead beat dad. My son was screaming really loud, " help me momma, help me momma. I crawled into bed with him and wrapped my arms around him and he then died peacefully. 8 years ago June 5 th was the day he went to be with Jessie
@@DeborahBlaylock-er3fl I am so sad to read this. I have two children with a deadbeat dad. I’d love to think I’d hold onto them if I needed to if they passed. Mothers create the world. Bless your heavy, beautiful mother’s heart.
@@alisakampenhout9075 Not all mothers create the world, although it's a nice sentiment. Some tear it down. My daughter's mother was a narcissist with other serious emotional issues related to her own childhood trauma, and she was a VERY difficult mother for our child. Emotionally abusive, very controlling, a liar, anger issues, and a lot of trouble with healthy boundaries with our child. My daughter often suffered from our cultural stereotype that 'mother's create the world' since her mother was so toxic to her own life. Her pediatrician, school counselors, and eventually, her psychiatrist had grave concerns about the mother-daughter relationship, but useful interventions can be challenging. To all the good mothers out there, I salute you. To all the people who grew up with an abusive mother, and I know there are many, you're not alone, and my heart goes out to you. To anyone under 18 still challenged by an abusive mother, hang in there. Slip away as soon as you can emancipate and understand that you owe that parent nothing. There is love and healing in the world for you - try to put yourself in its path.
A mother should never have to watch their child die or bury them. I am so sorry for your loss. But to have such a strong mother there laying with you while you take your final breaths- that must've been such a comfort given the circumstances. You're an angel.
My husband died last year and it was not peaceful, it was terrifying to watch and hear. It was in the middle of the night and I didn't know what to do. Hospice had told me to call them if there was an emergency so I called them repeatedly but no answer. Exhausted at 4:30 in the morning I lay down to rest for what i hoped wold be a short whie but so tired, I fell asleep. At 5:10 his spirit came to me and practically knocked me out of bed! I knew it was him saying goodbye. I hope he wasn't in pain while he was dying. I had checked his oximeter several times and it had been very low so i hope he was unconscious while in such agitation and not feeling as distressed as he appeared. I still feel guilty for not being with him when he passed. But im consoled by the facts that he gave me an especially long and strong hug before he went to bed and also that he woke me up to say goodbye.
I'm so sorry both of you went through that. That's why when I am at my end I don't want hospice coming to my house because the nurse only comes once or twice a week and even with my mom I found it was very difficult to get them to come over to help out when she was in extreme pain I would rather be in the hospital where there is Nurses and doctors around to give me my meds right away or in an actual hospice center where also they are nurses that can give me my meds right away... nothing worse than being in uncontrolled pain and you can't get hospice on the phone or to answer you my mom went through that a couple of times and so I eventually took her off the hospice and put her in the hospital where she got really great palliative care with her anxiety and pain meds every 4 hours around the clock till she passed
Amazing uploads Julie, at almost 60 years old and as a white European I still cant comprehend why death is still feared so much, it's as natural as being born. Your uploads give a real insight into the taboo subject of end of life. When I go I would be honored to have someone of your caliber by my side. ...
@@gribble2979 What is wrong with being white? Black, hispanic, and asian people will often mention that fact when talking about themselves. I don't know why the poster stated it, but why is it a problem if a white person mentions it? It's nothing to be ashamed of.
My Mom refused palliative meds. Her passing was not peaceful, she hung on so hard. Seeing her in pain but respecting her wishes to remain lucid and unmedicated was so hard on my sisters and I.
I can't watch the video but I am so glad you're addressing this. My father died from complications of alzheimers and it was peaceful. However, when my mother died two years later of glioblastoma, it was awful. It was one of the worst things I've ever seen. I don't regret being there for her but I do struggle with the memories. I saw a therapist and he told me to always remember that just because I'm remembering it for the nth time, does not mean she's experiencing it for the nth time. She experienced it once, it's over, and she's moved on. That context has helped me.
Hello… parents and their passing are such a huge event. Whether the relationship was happy and healthy or difficult and toxic. It a chapter that closes and we learn how to go on in a different and altered way. I lost Mum at 36 yrs of age and Dad at only 17. Mums cancer was aggressive and she lost the battle under 11 months of diagnosis . The radiation did damage to her nerve endings in her pelvis area and lower back. On seeing her once in the hospital setting she was in such horrific pain and the sound coming out if her was animalistic- it was soul breaking. She was the kindest and must thoughtful person I had in my life and as I had worked in a nursing home and a private nursing agency as a caregiver at least I could relate and be as comfortable as one could around her. I always try to go with the premise that whatever someone is suffering from it is far more challenging from their view than mine. That allows me to let them take the lead and just give them the space to be in pain , anger or having a bad day. It’s about them and their needs. If you can’t do that for someone at the end of their life - when will you do it. Condolences to those who have lost a live one. 😊
My mother died while in home hospice a day after mothers day this year. All that week, she was excited to go home to see her family and friends. Sunday Mothers Day, it was one of the best day she ever had, to see all of her loved ones in one room at the same time which she could not do in a hospital room. She took that joy with her into late that Monday evening. I knew it was going to happen after her last wish was granted and that is as just to see us all before she go. She declined rapidly, and then the shallow breaths, she was trying to hold on, but we all told her that we are all here and that we loved her so much and it was ok for her to go and within 20 minutes she was gone. She battled stomach cancer for over 17 years and she tried to be that same strong Mother until her very last conscious moments of life.
It's so interesting how many stories I hear where someone passes soon after they get "permission." The same thing happened with my mom last year. My dad and siblings were there and we were struggling with the nurses all day to control her pain and agitation. (She declined so unexpectedly and quickly after being admitted that there hadn't been time for proper hospice so everything was so slow and the communication was terrible.) I had no idea if she could really hear me at that point, but I felt inspired to tell her that we were all with her and loved her but she didn't need to hold on for us, we would be okay, and she could go. She almost immediately fell into agonal breathing and passed in less than 30 minutes. I'm not spiritual at all but I do think the body/mind connection is legit because I genuinely believe she chose to die that night to relieve all our suffering. I loved my mom more than anyone and the grief has been agony, but this thought does give me some peace. Oh and fuck cancer.
My Great Grandma was "struggling" to die during that last 4 hours. We knew it was coming and I had to make the choice to take her off her supplemental oxygen. Then it became peaceful. I know that might sound weird to most, but she calmed down a lot. It was a peaceful and loving death surrounded by family. I held her hand until her pulse stopped. She was like my mother and raised me. I felt privileged to care for her. She suffered with dementia Alzheimer's for years before she passed, couldn't eat solid foods really, and wore diapers. I cared for her in my apartment several times including leading up to her passing. She forgot almost everyone, but me. She "argued" with me the night before she passed away about how much she loved me and wanted me to know. She knew it was coming I'm sure of it. She'd been dreaming of her deceased relatives for a week and I had a feeling. I told her I'd talk to her in the morning and she said she hoped so. I woke and randomly and felt I needed to check on her at 3am. That wasn't normal for me. She didn't respond. I called in the end of life hospice nurse who was a GOD SENT ANGEL. I am convinced. I got a priest to administer her last rites. Called the family to drive there and she passed like 15 hours later. I'm 36 and terrified of dying honestly, but when my time comes to meet the lord I pray I receive the dignity and peace my great grandma had. It's been 12 years and I miss her daily. I named my daughter after her.
You’re young enough to probably not have heard of Corrie Ten Boom from the real WWII story (available free on UA-cam), “The Hiding Place”. When she was six, she made a similar comment to her dad, who wisely asked her “when do I give you your train ticket?” Her reply was “when I need it”. He told her that dying was similar: when we trust in God, He gives us the strength we need for leaving this world. You could Google the phrases from one really comforting song sung by Sounds Like Reign, that I played for my mom before she died: Some through the water, Some through the flood, Some through the fire… I’m still learning not to fear the future but I’m much less apprehensive about it now.
What a beautiful tribute to your sweet grandma❣️ Truly repaying good with good! I pray she'll be in the Communion of the Saints ready to welcome you when your time to depart arrives. May her dear soul through the MERCY of GOD rest in PEACE 🌹🌹🌹✝️✝️✝️🙏💙🙏
Wow! What an amazing story and an honor that she remembered you until the end. May the good Lord bless you for taking such good care of her and at such a young age. I just said goodbye to my own mother this week and I’m so thankful that she passed peacefully and that she’s no longer suffering. I held her until her last breath and I wouldn’t have had it any other way ❤
I hope you feel good about the care you provided because you did an absolutely fantastic job. I know it's not easy to care for a loved one as they decline, especially when something like dementia is also in the mix. You did her a wonderful kindness.
Thanks Julie. My sister died from ovarian cancer but it got into her brain. Seeing her writhing around eyes rolled back in her head was one of the worst things I've seen. She had medication, breakthrough pain medication. It was awful. As much as I wanted her stay i was glad she moved on after 18 months of pain.
I understand your horror and sorrow. So traumatic. She is free and will never know pain again. When you flashback to those terrible moments, try to replace that image with one of your sister happy and healthy.
I'm afraid this is what my sister was referring to when she remarked, after she came home from her daughter's cancer death, "we just need some time to process the hell we just witnessed" My beautiful productive loving 34 yr old niece did not want to die. If a person is fighting to hold on for "one more chance at life" ...can it cause this occurrence? WHY would the nurses not anticipate this and get ahead of it? It's no longer a wonder at why her deathbed experience was so much more traumatizing to the family. My father died peacefully in his cancer death...he was ready to go Now I understand more fully the trauma it caused to my sister, brotherinlaw and 3 other siblings who witnessed.
My mother died in hospice a few years ago on New Years Eve. She was only 63. She had been in a wheelchair for a long time due to mobility issues, and she eventually succumbed to blood poisoning due to bed sores. After over a year in and out of the hospital being in terrible pain, my father, my mother, and I didn’t realize this was a terminal illness at all. My mom made so many plans for all the things she wanted to do when she got better. She loved life and she wasn’t ready to go. That’s what was so heartbreaking. When she found out she was going into hospice because nothing more could be done for her except to keep her comfortable, she was so devastated, and I think she really gave up and lost her will to fight. Everyone thought she’d have at least a few months left, but she died in less than a week. I wasn’t with her in her final moments (something I have regretted daily since she passed…although one of her hospice nurses told me that a lot of parents die without their kids there because they don’t want them to experience that pain, and I don’t know if that’s true, but I hope me not being there gave her some peace…my dad was there so at least she wasn’t alone). In her last couple days she struggled to breathe and she always had her eyes open and she looked terrified. I’ll never forget that. Despite all the medication they gave her to comfort and console her, she always looked so sad and so scared. I am so sorry she’s gone but I’m so sorry I wasn’t there, but I’m grateful she’s no longer suffering. She was such a beautiful person and she didn’t deserve to die that way.
My husband, only 62, just died 12 weeks ago in home hospice. I'm so very grateful he could be at home, in our bed, with me at his side as it happened. He had terminal agitation that night. I wanted him peaceful but it's just like you described. He suddenly sat bolt upright, he knocked his drink off the nightstand and cried for help twice. I held onto him and then he rolled over to my side of the bed. I held him through it and the last minute he was calmer. I held him until I felt his last breath. I pray he was comforted that I was there. Hospice was a Godsend to ensure he didn't die alone in a hospital. Thank you for this video.
Your husband definitely would've been comforted by your presence. Such a lovely gift to be able to be with your husband when he passed away. I worked in Hospice care for 6 years, it was the most privileged job I ever had 💜
@moodypurple thank you for your work in hospice. I can assure you that you made many families comforted. I wanted him home and not in the VA Hospital and hospice solely made that happen. ❤️
I remarked the same thing after caring for my grandfather during the actively dying process. In both circumstances, the body has an intact process if left undisturbed. How marvelous is that! The beginning…and end of our lives come with a natural progression. It blows my mind. As I watched him refuse to hydrate and eat, get fevers, produce secretions, and turn splotchy I couldn’t help but relate the two. It reminded me of my own bodily changes (from pelvic widening in the 2nd trimester to the FER) during pregnancy. BTW- you have an awesome job. Thank you for protecting and uplifting mothers during the most vulnerable time of their lives ❤
care to elaborate? hell moms been a rn for 30+ years did labor for 25. ive never even thought to ask her this. But truth be told. No one can talk to her about anything before she goes into conspiracy theories. and wont sstay on topic. she cant articulate them well and gets upset. Like dont get me wrong, I will entertain those with evidence. But point being, she wont stay on topic long enogh to get an answer. I think she has stage 1 autism. I have statge 1 autism. And it took 25 of my 30 years to realize. I dont have to shoe horn my niche subjects into everything
When I was 15, I saw a 10-year-old girl die of cancer. She was my best friend's mother's best friend's daughter...my best friend's mom would often babysit, so she and her siblings were at his house a lot. She had a tumor in the brain stem, inoperable. To see her go from a hyperactive, skinny chatterbox to wheelchair-bound, unrecognizable from steroids and eventually losing her speech and sight was beyond heartbreaking. We were all there when she passed. At the very end, she began to struggle and make sounds like she was trying to say something, a lot like the lady in this video, and then she was gone. I'm 46 now, and that image is still burned into my mind. It frankly scares the shit out of me.
Hey Julie, my dad just passed today 1/2/24 at 12:55pm. He was on hospice for the last four months, for dementia, CHF, and A-FIB. I was with him when he passed, it was so peaceful and he wasn't in pain. I feel honored and bless to have helped my dad transition. He lived a long and active 91 years. He would have turned 92 on the 23rd of this month. But God saw he was tired. Hospice was AMAZING!!! I can absolutely say, I don't fear death, because of this journey I took with my father
@mariahconklin4150 Absolutely ❣️❣️ I'm still a little in disbelief, it's been almost a month, but I know he's with my mom, in a beautiful pace. He waited 21 year to be with her. I smile a little more each day.
I have to tell you about the most beautiful death I have experienced. I was a hospice volunteer 25 years ago. I also was bereavement Rn in Labor and Delivery. This death was personal. It was my mother. My mom had a chronic draining stool Seroma. She was experiencing more pain and advised to see a surgeon. She vehemently did not want surgery, but the pain intense and drainage was copious and foul. I got her in a wheelchair on Friday. She was alert and oriented. As we were wheeling out the door, she asked where was she was going. I told her we had to go see the surgeon. She said why “ I’m dying”. I said are you dying now and she said yes ,I asked her if she wanted me to call her other five children and if she wanted them to come. She meekly said yes if they want to . Friday evening five out of six kids were at her bedside .She was alert and oriented and showed no active signs of dying, . On Saturday, we all sat around her on the sofa and we started bringing out some clothes and sharing memories. She smiled and she laughed and told us what clothes she liked and what clothes she didn’t like and then she said “where am I going? “And she quickly said I want my purse with me. The rest of the afternoon we were able to talk to her share memories and she took frequent naps. That night my sister arrived. She was there about 15 minutes and then my mom said everybody get out. This was this is totally unlike my mother. We came back on Sunday morning and she was very lethargic and restless. She was still alert, but obviously changes were being made during the day. We sat with her and watched her deteriorate before our eyes by late afternoon, her breathing was irregular and she was Unresponsive. The pastor came about 6 o’clock and we all stood around her and we sang JesusLoves Me. Her breathing stopped. We bathed her and put on a satin nitegown. she died so peacefully with all of us being able to be home with her and it is experience I will never forget.
When my bf was dying in the hospital on hospice it was very unnerving to see. She was writhing and stuck in a loop just repeating "I'm dying, I'm dying". If I shouted to her she could break out of the loop for a couple seconds to say something else, even acknowledging I was there, then right back to the loop. It looked very similar to having a bad trip. I tried to say something to the nurses that it seemed she was having a reaction. They weren't interested in what I had to say. She died 3 days later. It would have been nice if the nurses cared enough to explain the process happening as you did. Thanks.
@jessev2197 I can't even imagine how difficult that situation must have been for you. To hear your best friend saying, "I'm dying" over and over......whew. how emotionally exhausting!! Was there nobody else with you? If you were by yourself with your friend - nobody else who witnessed your friend's passing.... that's very hard on you, because there's nobody to talk to who observed the distress your friend experienced. I encourage you to reach out to a grief counselor and talk through the experience you had; I suggest a few sessions would do you some good. Getting help processing a traumatic event will ease your distress. It will take time. Be patient with yourself. ❤️
dying patients will sometimes repeat a phrase over and over. It is calming to them giving them some sense of control and that in fact they have not died at that moment. they aren't really asking a question or expecting much of a reaction. It is mostly a spoken internal dialogue. A way of walking thru, second by advancing second, what they are experiencing which of course for some is pretty traumatic.
Dont want to be that guy, or say anyhing weird. but simply an observation. DMT is one of the drugs released near death. After reading so many anecdotal trips. I see something more common with it than anything else. Time loops,, repeating phrases, repeating tasks, repeating imagiry. When the person gets back to a sober state. They always say that when in this time loop. they said it felt like it lasted an eternity, forever. millions of years. Some said they felt stuck in this time loop for so long.That they started to even forget who they were, and that they had a body. this isnt good nor bad tripping. but DMT causes time loops...I really hate saying this, but a time loop of your last thought process. That can be anything. And then 15 minutes later. the dmt wears off and theyre back. 15 mins to us, felt like forever to them. I will use this substance atleast once. And I dont really know if im going to look forward to it. But might be scary. Even lsd I took years back, not for fun. But to force my mind to face my inner demons where there is no way I can get away. Shame these substances are illegal. they have profound phycological potential.
@@aclem8246 I do believe it is the DMT released. I dont know tho. reading all of these dmt stories. it looks familiar. We still dont know why dmt is released. I dont know the answer. But I dont believe anyone really does. I haven't done DMT yet. Im going to one day to experience this. And not really that sounds fun if I get time looped. But dmt causes time loops a ton, its one of the defining characteristic of the trip. No one understands these drugs, or lsd, shrooms lsd.etc. There are a ton of clinical trials going on now that are so eye opening. And things weve known forver that took them.
My mom is currently in hospice and dying of rectal cancer that has spread to her liver. Seeing her agitated the past few days was awful. She kept sitting up and not resting, exactly like in this video. They gave her morphine and Ativan. She is finally resting peacefully now. That was so nice to see today, no matter how heartbreaking this is I am so thankful for the hospice nurses. Thank you.
I will never forgive myself for walking into the hospital room where my grandma was and instantly knowing that my grandma was dying, going to pass away that night. I remember telling my whole family who was with me to say their goodbyes and then we left, allowing her to die alone but for the nurse (the angel I call her) who stayed with her. I was scared. And I've been ashamed ever since. I will not do that to my parents.
My mom just passed several weeks ago. We discussed her death and decided none of us wanted to be present. We didn’t want that to be our last memories of her. We’d also spoken to so many people and hospice nurses that told us if we were there she would hang on longer. Many patients will wait until family leaves the room and goes to the vending machine to pass. We wanted her passing to be peaceful and on her time. Your grandmother understands and knows how much she was loved! She doesn’t want you carrying any guilt around! I wish peace for you and your family!!
It can be traumatic the first time you see someone die, no doubt. I was with my dad and my MIL. It was my honor to be with my loved one as they passed. I’d never want them to be alone. Fortunately both deaths were peaceful. I’ll be there for my mom, too, God willing.
Please be kind to yourself. What would you say to your best friend if the experience had been their's? You would not continually berate them so don't berate yourself. Your grandma knows you loved her. You did the best you could in the moment. Huge hugs and prayers.
My Brother and his Wife passed this late summer. I never thought I wouldn't be there but I left. I couldn't see that. The acceptance of them leaving was hard enough. This Christmas, my entire Family blocked me. I won't be judged. No one should. I didn't want to se the final end ❤❤😢
My dad passed away yesterday. His breathing changed to more shallow and quick breaths in the last hours. He also ran a slight fever. He slept til the end, and Im very grateful for Hospice!
My sister passed in 2021 from cervical cancer and I was her caregiver. I was blessed to see her pass peacefully after all the pain she suffered from. All she wanted was to have family there when the time came and I fulfilled her dying wish. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her, I love you lady and one day we'll see you again.💞😘🙏
My great aunt yelled "God help me" help me" for the last hour or so of her life. She was in the hospital. It seems more disturbing now than it did all those years ago.
My Mother recently passed away. She transitioned quickly from suffering to relaxation. My children and I came to the Nursing home and had a celebration of life while Mom was still breathing. We put a flower behind her ear and a wreath of flowers on her chest. We played Christian songs and spoke about our memories with her. The next morning she passed away. 3 days before this final event. My Mother said she loved me and I said it back to her.
I personally watched my first wife die of cancer in 2006, and my grandmother (who raised me) in 2014. Both were very different in their last moments. My wife had, what I called "an active coma" the night before she died. For a few hours, her arm kept moving to scratch herself, and I had to hold her arm down because of it. She slipped into the coma around 8:00pm, and the arm movement lasted until nearly midnight. She died at 10:56am the next morning. I've never spoken of this, in THIS level of detail, but you're a Hospice Nurse, and believe me, you have my utmost respect for that. Y'all are ANGELS!!! My wife was diagnosed with Stage 4 Ovarian Cancer in 2003, and she battled it for a few years before it took her from me. But she was a fighter in every sense of the word. She went into remission in 2004, but it came back with a roar in 2005, and took her in 2006. She was placed on "Home Hospice", and a Hospice Nurse came by three times a week to check on her. I was her primary care giver, even though I was working until a day or two before she actually passed. I watched her go from the strong woman I fell in love with, to a near skeleton of a person with a layer of flesh around her. But I was there for her until the very end. She died with me holding her hand. My grandmother was completely different. She was active right up until she literally went into the "death rattle". She had gone from her bedroom to the kitchen to get something to drink, and halfway back, just dropped. I was in the basement with my second wife, and heard the "THUD", and I noticed that she didn't call out for me. That told me she was in REAL trouble. It was morning, and while I was disabled by this time, I was still her caregiver (she DID raise me, after all.... so this was my way of paying her back for that). I hauled ass (as best I could) up the stairs, to find her laying in the dining room, with a blank stare on her face, and in a state I hadn't seen since I was a child. A little backstory on that; my grandmother had worked in a nursing home when I was a very young child, and I would often go there after school to interact with the patients there. They loved having a kid around, but I saw more than a few "drop dead" while I was talking to them. So, I was exposed to death very early in life. But yeah, my grandmother had that "death rattle" look going on. So, I called to my wife to come up. She worked in the medical field also, so she recognized what was going on right away. She called 911, but of course, reviving her just wasn't going to happen. She was 93 years old, had lived a long life, raised her kids, as well as a grandchild. Her death was quick and painless. She wasn't under hospice care like my first wife was, but it was only a matter of time before her body gave out. But, just like when my first wife died, I tried to comfort her, and tell her that it was okay to go.
This video makes me get down on my knees and thank God every day at how peaceful my mother's death was. When she was put on hospice care, I knew she was at the beginning stages of dying. I would go down into a little storage room we had in the lower level of our house and pray that if God was going to take her that He do it quickly, that she not be in pain or frightened. And if at all possible, allow her to go peacefully in her sleep. God granted me all of that for my mom. She had been given something by her Hospice nurse to help her sleep better and she basically went to sleep, her breathing became more and more shallow until she stopped breathing altogether and passed away peacefully, quietly and without fear or pain in her sleep.
As a LTC nurse, I’ve seen many deaths. I was always grateful for the peaceful ones because they were not nearly as traumatic on the families. Death and Dying should be some kind of mandatory class or something for everyone. You do many people a great service by explaining some of the not so peaceful aspects of some deaths. In my experience one of the most distressing things always seemed to be the rattle, poor families always got so upset about that even when the patient was comfortable. My husband died of lung cancer and I was so grateful as he went peacefully without ever having the rattle. He was surrounded by his entire family and I’m pretty sure they would have gone nuts if they heard that.
This reminds me of when I was in the hospital with COVID back in January 2021. Here in the UK, while our hospital wards do have some private rooms, most patients are in single sex bays of 4-6 beds. I was initially in the ICU on a ventilator (UK name for respirator) before I was well enough to be moved to the ward. We lost two ladies while I was there. Officially the cause was COVID, but for one of them, it was preceeded by dementia. One lady, the lady with dementia (she was in the bed next to me), was bedbound before she entered the actively dying phase & developed Chayne-Stokes breathing. But the other lady had been quite with it the day before. She clearly had cognitive issues, but was able to get up & about with the help of the nurses. We woke up to her having black fingers, which she hadn't had the night before. We knew. The lady in the bed opposite me is still a nurse & I've worked in multiple hospitals before becoming a health scientist, although having been an advanced first aider for almost 20 yrs, I would still have recognised the signs. As soon as she woke up, she showed signs of terminal aggitation. She was trying to get out of bed to do chores. She was no longer aware of her surroundings & kept saying she had to do things, even though she would have just fallen by this point. We kept trying to distract her & encourage her back into her bed by asking her about her horses, but obviously being unwell ourselves, we were limited in what we could do. But the nurses were amazing. They moved her to a private room & sedated her. She sadly passed away that evening. Being in hospital for COVID was very sobering. Here in the UK at least, when someone passes away in the hospital, the mortuary (UK name for morgue) staff come with a rattling metal "coffin" on wheels. Even though it's covered with a sheet, those who've worked in a hospital setting know that sound. I saw & heard it four times while I was there. Once in the ICU & three times on the ward, including the two ladies. And when you're so ill yourself, you feel the meaning on a whole new level that you're totally unprepared for.
so glad you recovered and are still with us, and very sorry you went through this. I enjoyed reading your reply. It's always so interesting to see how things are done in other countries.
Yeah. They really should do something about those bloody awful metal 'coffin' things. Anyone paying even the slightest bit of attention knows what that thing is. It just seems so undignified and offhand. Uncaring. Dismissive even. You deserve better, at the end. 😢 By the way, your comment is underrated. But that's people, I guess. 🤷 Sending you love and strength 🥰♥️♥️♥️♥️💪💪💪💪💪🥰🥰🥰♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
My dearest mom passed away this last June. She was 88 years old and had suffered a fracture in her lower spine in a fall about three weeks prior to her death. She did not want to die, but she died anyway. Her dimentia had increased in those last weeks and didnt help her die. Her death was anything but peaceful. I wasnt there when she died, I didnt think my heart could survive the grief. I sure wish I could have been there for her tho, I miss her so very dearly. I still havent grieved for her, I cant, the loss is just too great . Love you mom!
@@martha-anastasialook into Griefshare. My mom and husband were two years ago, December 10 and 17. My dad is on hospice. I’m at peace, knowing I did my best for each, although I really miss my husband the most.
My condolences for The loss of your mother. There is no closer earthly bond than our mother. I lost my mother 20 years ago. I was very close to her and felt deep grief when she died. Now, when I think of her, I feel love and longing, but not grief anymore. I still talk to her and sometimes in trouble I’ll ask her questions and I’ll hear an answer in my heart.
My mom had a very peaceful death at a Hospice House. She died from end stage renal disease, which I understand to be one of the more peaceful dying processes. She did receive medication though from time to time. Really just seemed like she fell asleep and then died about 2 days later. My sister and I were with her the entire time. Thank the good Lord for Hospice and Hospice nurses ❤🙏🏻
My poor father had an extremely non-peaceful death. It was disturbing, alarming, and heartbreaking. Even after the doctor ordered 3 fentanyl patches to calm him and put him to sleep, other things were happening physically that were horrifying to watch. Still he hung on. When he finally ally passed it was peaceful. I pray God took his spirit before his physical body suffered so much. My dad was an extremely religious man, so I know God was holding him close throughout it all. I believe he was already in heaven spiritually while his mortal body suffered. 🙏🏻
Thank you for your videos, dear Julie. I was diagnosed with cancer at the beginning of the year... and although I'm doing well, the topic of dying concerns me a lot. Your videos really calm me down and I thank you for that. Your work is so valuable 🌹🌹🌹
Sending love and strength 🙏 I was dx in August 2022 and had both chemo and radiotherapy. Got the news I was in full remission in May this year. Wishing the same news for you xx
Julie, thank you for showing this. I told you before, my Dad's passing in Hospice was so peaceful. My Mom's passing in Hospice last year, right around this time, was much harder, drawn out. However, a couple of weeks ago, my Irish Twin brother passed in Hospice & it was nothing like we experienced before. Even on the much higher doses of Morphine & Ativan, he was still so agitated. He kept trying over & over & over to get out of bed. He was squeezing my hand so hard I would have to peel his fingers off to loosen his grip, & then I would take his hand again & promise him he was safe with me. Part of the problem was the facility was not following the Hospice nurse's directions on the meds, & she would have to come & give him bolus doses herself. At the end, she just came & stayed. Hospice was awesome, the facility not so much!
When my dad died, last year, he struggled for 3 days. He was on Hospice and we were giving him Morophine and Ativan round the clock. When it came time to move him to a new position, he groaned, and the movement made the death rattle worse. Way worse. Finally the Hospice Nurse gave him a full syringe of the morophine. We had my Mom lay with him (hospital bed in their bedroom), she told him it was ok to go. We tried to think of everything to make him comfortable. That man was stubborn his entire life. I never knew he could be stubborn in his death too. The Hospice nurse even made a note that said something to the effect of- patient is having trouble letting go/ dying etc. On that 3rd day, I was so worn out mentally, i just sat down on my parents bed -crying. My other family members went into the kitchen. I told my mom that i couldn't handle watching him the way he was BUT I didn't want to leave. While we were having that conversation right beside him, wouldn't you know, he got quiet (death rattle wasn't happening) and he took his last breath. I guess we all hovered over him too much and he must have thought, "I'll do this when I'm damn good and ready. Y'all need to leave!" I'm glad I can type this without crying. February 2024 will be 2 years but its a rough road to watch someone die. Props to you and all the assistance you give to your patients and their family!❤
Exactly the same way my mother passed away! She got palliative sedation but was fighting it for 3 days and the nurse was also telling her to let go. So bad experience with this that I will never put my own children through it. I will sign my euthanasy papers in time, which my mother refused to do, till she got terrible breakthrough pains and she announced that she wanted to die the same moment, which is not possible anymore then.
@ineshadr9070 I wish Virginia would pass the Death with Dignity act. They haven't yet. I never want to go through that OR put my family thru it. It was horrible to watch. I'm sorry your Mother went thru that too.
@@JulzHair It's too bad that not all people got a chance of dying peacefully. I'm from Europe and I don't understand that all the people in America are treated the same way, it is a civilised country. We can only hope the politicians wake up to this. It is really a bad experience for the rest of your life. Much love to you.
This is why eventhough I have been a death doula and have been around many dying. My Dad said Mija. I can't let you have this burnt in your brain about my Mama. I heard her terminal secretions the day before. She was on good hospice medications. She was so stubborn. She tried to get up until her last day. She was clawing and scratching herself....reaching...lucid for a few minutes. She passed in my Dad's arms. They were best friends for 48 years. ❤ My Mother was a respiratory therapist for 30 years. She knew she was dying. She was mad at death. We miss you Mama. Come get me when it's my time. ❤❤
My dad passed not too long ago. It was a nightmare for me. The hospice caretaker was there but didn't give any meds. He was thrashing and twisting. I really felt he was in pain. I called the Hospice, the nurse came quickly, considering it was 1am. She medicated him and he passed an hour later. I still see him that way though. The funeral director told me sometimes a stroke will cause the facial grimacing and body contortions. Idk. My mom literally passed on with a smile so i thought dad would be similar. I pray they REST IN PEACE for eternity, and I did right for them. 💙 🫂 🫶 ❤️🙏🕊 Edit....Thank you Julie your wisdom is much appreciated.
My father passed in 2020 after battling lung cancer and died very much the same way. Body contortions, stiffening.. it was horrible. The hospice nurse was an hour out and I gave him morphine. The way he looked at me still haunts me. My younger brother and sister were there and my other sister didn’t make it in time. I’m so very glad for her that she did not witness this. I felt helpless.
Thank you so much for posting these videos; my dad is 92, and well, he’s still in good health, I will inevitably be dealing with this situation. I’m so grateful to have this information.
Never been ill a day in my life but now I'm older I'm pretty sure 40 years of smoking has caught up with me because I haven't been feeling my usual lovely adorable self for a while now but it's ok I'm real tired of this world and I find your videos very comforting especially the ones about our beloved pets.
Same here. Tired of this world. I had cancer 10 years ago and if it comes back, I'm not taking any treatments, they were awful. My son is an adult and I don't have grandchildren. I'm glad we have assisted end of life in Canada. I'm not afraid of dying at all, I'm convinced I'll be going home.
I recently lost my mom after a 3 year battle with her ovarian cancer. I'm almost numb from how quickly she declined. She was still walking 10 miles a day, scuttling around the house cleaning, being her spunky self just before she had a surgery. That surgery took all of her strength. She came home for hospice care for all of 6 days. She was only awake about 4 of those days. I find comfort knowing her passing was quick and peaceful, and your channel helped to prepare me for what to expect. There's a void in my life now that will never be filled, but I am grateful for those last few moments we shared. They were beautiful. Thank you for what you do.
@@Riowestie The surgery was to prepare her for a clinical trial that would potentially allow her body to respond to chemo again. It was about 3 hours long. Just prior to this she had some lower abdominal pain and some loss of appetite, but that was about it for her symptoms. However, when she woke up from the surgery, she couldn't keep anything down, throwing up dark green bile. It was initially assumed to be an effect of the anesthesia, but it later turned out to be a blockage in her bile duct (which they missed twice). They were going to bring her to the ICU when her O2 levels were not responding to supplemental oxygen. Turns out, the nurse hadn't even hooked the line up, this was discovered by my father. She went an entire day with Oxygen in the low 80s. She went 8 days without eating anything before they finally discovered the blockage in her earlier scans. She only received IV fluids (no IV nutrition). By the end of those 8 days, she was so weak she could barely stay awake. She had another surgery to clear the blockage, but by then it was too late. She continued to decline and passed less than a week later. I have no doubt that first surgery led to a chain of events that brought about her death much, much sooner. But my dad will not pursue anything legally.
@@thulitshabalala5848 I do, unfortunately. There were multiple bungles on the hospital's part after that surgery that likely led to her rapid decline. I don't doubt she was very sick before the surgery though, but I think she would've lived at least a few more precious months, rather than a couple more weeks.
That is so sad. I'm so sorry everyone had to endure the pain. Chemo is the kiss of death. Surgery to prepare for chemo. That was the first mistake. I'm being blunt because it's necessary. We need to queation everything and stop trusting big pharma and doctors. It's their job to keep us sick. It's how they have gotten so rich! Kick backs to all doctors for pushing vaccines and other medications. Doctors work for big pharma. Live and learn. So sorry for your loss.
I'm a retired nurse, many years in ICU, Trauma and Life Flight. Everyone, please make a living will now, even if you're young. Dying happens all too often when it's least expected. Document your wishes now so your loved ones don't have to struggle.
My husband had been moved to the cardiac intensive care, he was fully awake and aware and scared. His room was full of specialists but he didn’t want to be intubated or receive CPR I asked them to please keep him comfortable. When I returned the next morning, he was out cold. They had sedated him to the point where he didn’t know we were there. He died eight hours later. My family felt robbed from saying goodbye
@kathybrem880 That's heartbreaking I'm so sorry, I have to wonder at about the hospital staff who sedated him and if they truly thought they were reliving him of the pain by administrating that much or if somewhere along the way that was a human error and the nurse who did so just didn't know what they were doing 😢
The Rolling Stones, Harry Chapin and, for the big finish, Ave Maria sung by Pavarotti. I already died once and and am still here thanks to those wonderful young people at the hospital. My apologies for being so flip about it. Dying can be an incredible wake up call if one lives to tell about it.
When my dad was dying at the last minute he had a seizure. He looked like a fish out of water. It was so painful to watch. I can still see it clearly in my mind. My mom has dementia. From what I have read I believe she is nearing the end. I just pray when it’s her time to go she goes peacefully and quickly no matter how painful it will be for me to loose my beautiful mom. Thank you Julie. I watch your videos all the time and it really does help me.
Hello friend. My situation sounds nearly exactly like yours. My father died in that same manner from lung cancer. My mother is in the later stages of dementia. My baby sister and brother are her caregivers. You are in my prayers.
I really appreciate these videos. My best friend has recently been put on hospice-she has ALS. She was able to get a hospital bed to make her more comfortable. She can't walk or talk-she can't move her tongue. Hospice will be coming 3 days a week. These videos help me better understand what hospice is able to do for her.
My father passed fully conscious when on hospice. It ended with blood pouring from his mouth. When I hear about peaceful deaths...I could have only wished. It was horrific.
I am so sorry beloved. I’ve had an NDE and at least from my own personal experience and the unexplainable things I’ve experienced since unexpectedly losing my 43 year old fiancé to co vid 3 years ago….that despite all our earthly suffering, when we “hang up our hats” and “go home” all of our pain passes away as well and I knew peace like nothing on this planet could ever compare to. Some of us come into the world quite traumatically, my grandmother lost her mother during childbirth and I just couldn’t imagine her pain and guilt and yet she lived and loved, and hurt and healed and healed and hurt humanly until she passed herself just over 10 years ago. I am sure, that she most likely had moments where she thought of her mother, where she felt tremendous guilt and grief as you do for your father but if my NDE can be a stand in and a testament….PLEASE know that horrendous moment of suffering was but a mere whisper in a life that I’m sure was more well defined by all the love, joy and pride you brought him…than any momentary suffering and he would NOT want you to continue reliving that moment. My heart hurts so badly for you as I never I never fully got closure from my sweet Sam’s passing, couldn’t have a funeral….I wanted more than anything to be there with him as he transitioned if that was what it had to be and my mind comes up with all kinds of scenarios to try and imagine what he went through, did he suffer, was he scared, would me being there have made a difference?! I’ve tortured myself greatly despite knowing it’s the LAST thing he’d want for me and so I pray that we both can continue to fill in those repetitive traumatic thoughts with the overabundance of love we shared with them. Love never dies and his essence and love live on through you. Allow his legacy and memory to be a blessing. I am blessed to have read this because despite how sad it made me on your behalf, it reminded me that love can and does conquer all and so I pray with all of my might that your fathers love wraps around you and envelops you like a warm embrace in your most difficult moments.
My Great Grandmother had a very non peaceful death, I wish she had been in hospice but no one suggested it. She was having severe shortness of breath and she was moaning quite a lot. This was in a hospital and they did nothing to help her. Thank you for helping me understand that she might not have been suffering and in pain right up to the end because I stayed there with her until she finally found rest. Thank you for what you do.
I am a new hospice nurse and one patient of mine was extremely agitated the night before he passed, banging on the walls and shouting. The family couldn't handle seeing that, so I was able to transfer him to our IPU, where he passed a few hours later. That one hit me hard because I heard he suffered and he was relatively young (60s) sometimes family is afraid to medicate. We would never prescribe a lethal dose, so stick to the directions and please don't be afraid to use the medication.
One of my most memorable deaths was a man with a large family crowded in his hospital room, low murmurs and reassurance to family. I’ve seen so many progress from life to death this I will never forget. As he was in the last minute or so of end of life, a foreboding darkness fell over the room. The man started screaming at full voice “I’m burning no no I can’t go there I’m burning” and he died. The family are pushing to run out of the room and screaming. I immediately started praying for self protection and for his transition. The rooms aura brightened and became quiet. It was a horrific experience. The family refused to come back into the room. As Nurses, after praying together we prepared his body for the funeral of home to pick him up. Fourth-two years working in healthcare I’ve experienced so much. Prayers have brought me through much. You have a caring heart. May Gods Blessings help you to help others.
@@YelloLibra83 I think Claire Wineland explained it best. She said that a part of us will always mourn the life we could’ve had if we hadn’t die. Edit: died
@@mahmoudelshmi Fear of being dead and fear of dying are two separate fears, although they're often linked. There's also a third related fear about how the world goes on without you. I fear both death and dying separately, but don't really care about what happens in the world after, or the loss of ego. I fear the concept of nothingness, even though I don't really know what happens at death.
Julie, I wish I had found your channel before my mother died-in nursing home hospice care-six years ago. Your posts have confirmed so many things I experienced-and for which I had no referent. I am a man in recovery from addiction to more things and pursuits than I have fingers and toes. I cannot say enough how much I value your deep wisdom and insight. Thank you.
My step mom sat up like that right before I confirmed she passed. It was frightening and I was worried she was in pain and had a heart attack. Her last breath was within two minutes of this. Her active dying stage took soooooo much longer than we expected. It’s been a little over a year and I miss her so much ❤
Ive been with 6 people during end of life on hospice, two had agitated state,and the other 4 were very peaceful. My aunt was a hospice nurse and then was on hospice while she passed from pancreatic cancer. These videos are very educational and comforting. I was just put in charge of my parents end of life care and im really educating myself more and more.
Hi Julie. I experienced a similar non peaceful death with a brothers passing nine years ago. I had nightmares for a long time seeing him sit up. I have seven deceased siblings and have since learned from that experience. Please continue to educate as hospice doesn't stay with the families. Happy New Year!
It was heartbreaking watching my brother die after a 3 year battle against cancer and several operations which let him with wounds that couldn't heal, he died with his belly looking like it had 'exploded'. That night he was from time to time waking 9up and asked me to stay closer and hold his hand. I asked him why and he answered 'I' m scared ". In the end he screamed "water" and then "air', and then he rolled his eyes and stopped breathing. At least I was with him. That night he wanted me to go home but I decided to remain by his side. I would have never forgave myself if he died alone.
@@gloriabarberi1292 God I am so sorry to hear this! I can only anticipate a very small portion of what you might have felt. Hope you are somewhat better now. May you have the strength!
Breaks my heart. Nothing seemed to calm my aunt. After working in hospice myself, I recognized the terminal agitation... But Nothing seemed to help. Finally my uncle told her he would be okay, she could go. It was so horrible. She fought terminal cancer for more than a decade.
My mom passed away 2 weeks ago from Stage 4 non small lung cancer. She had a non-peaceful death. She was tugging at her clothes, moaning and trying to remove her catheter and rubbing her stomach. We begged to have her catheter removed, and to have her removed from the pleur-evac since she was dying anyways and we wanted her last hours to be as comfortable as they could be. The nurse tried to have the doctor approve the removal of these devices but palliative doctor did not respond. We held my mom's hands, kissed her forehead and told her how much we loved her and watched as she took her final breath. I keep re-living these last moments, I keep seeing how much discomfort she was in.
@@withlovechristine3378 I’m with you in your experience. Feeling helpless was difficult for sure. The only comforting thought I have was how much it really was to be present during that final moment.
Thank you soooo much for covering this topic!! Mum just experienced a death that wasn't peaceful😢 She tried sooo hard to hang on to her body, never even losing conscious when her body gave out!!!!!!! Very very sad beyond sad!!!!!!! 😢😢😢
I’d like to say my mom passed peacefully. I lived minutes away from my parents when I got a panic phone call from my dad saying he thought she was going. When I arrived, her eyes were wide open and she was breathing heavily. My dad broke down and held onto her while sobbing and telling her things in their native language, just something I didn’t think she needed at the moment. When he finally left the room, I did what I thought she would’ve liked which was to have her rosary in her hands and I prayed with her, telling her she shouldn’t stay here. She struggled to say one last word, “Bye.” Her breathing became less labored but I did notice her facial muscles between her eyes tense up for a moment as if she reacted to pain. Breaks my heart to think she may not have transitioned peacefully as she certainly deserved to.
Julie, thank you for making these video. This one specifically. I was my grandmas caregiver before & during hospice. Unfortunately we didn’t pick the best company to work with. The instructions were very vague & little to no night support. My grandma had a very non peaceful death. I was not ready for & still haunts me to this day. Thank you for providing information & support to families that need it. My grandpa is 97 & while I’m more prepared I’m far from being ready to go through all of that again. Sending much love to everyone helping their loved ones cross over ❤
I'm sorry for this question but did it made it easier? Knowing what to expect? I take care of my sick elderly parents with the help of caregivers and I'm so scared to be there when this happens.
This is how my beloved Sister passed away from Parkinson’s six months ago. She went on with this type of breathing for seven days. I don’t recall her having peaceful moments. She was breathing like this most of those days. My Mother was sleeping for a week as she passed from Dementia four years ago but did not have the strong breathing but at times she would need to be sat up because fluid would come up and she would choke on it. It was hard seeing both hang on for so many days.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. Hopefully your loved ones were " out of it" enough so as to be mostly unaware of what was happening. I pray you find support and comfort as you grieve.
My mom had a horrible death in hospice. The hospice stopped all her meds the day of her death and it was horrific. She was aware and crying out. Never understood why they stopped her meds.
Did my mom the same way but it was for almost two days. Se was screaming in pain. I throw them out of my house. I seen a lot of death from working at the hospital. Mom's was one of the worse pain wise.
During a time such as that, any staff who hold woke paranoid beliefs about pain meds and are indoctrinated prudes re “opioids” should be prohibited from being within 500 yards of the patient.
My great grandma did that when she passed away. She sat straight up in bed and had this look on her face like she was in the worst pain ever. She then began what seemed like she was gasping for air, laid back down and she was gone.😭
As a nurse who has walked alongside a lot of residents at the end of their lives, i wanted to say a not peaceful death is hard on staff as well. A lot of doctors DONT WANT to give up. They often get mad/avoid the patient & staff as a result. I have worked with numerous hospice organizations throughout my career, and i have given meds rectally, but not through a catheter. This as an option is new to me. As i have explained to coworker's and family, our bodies are designed to function on autopilot (aka homeostasis), and even though it know how to die, e.g. stop eating/drinking, sometimes the autopilot function still has enough control. So the process gets dragged out. I've seen pale legs, for example, because the body shifts the circulation so vital organs like the liver get taken care of. I've seen the terminal agitation. I've seen people who went off dialysis have seizures. Sometimes, being out of it is best because they're suffering. Staff are doing their best, and its not enough because the autopilot function won't give up easily. Sorry for the length.
As I have always enjoyed being given rectal meditation I am certain that during my final minutes a nurse administering Suppositories to me will induce orgasms in me before re-animating me back to life 😳
I wanted Julie to know how much her videos helped me & our Visiting Angel helpers prepare for my BFF’s passing. She had a glioblastoma & survived 3 years after her first seizure. I encouraged her daughter & husband to bring in hospice as soon as her oncologist said there was nothing more he could do for her. Hospice started in August & she passed 11-28-23. Her JourneyCare team became part of our “Team Christine” and we were a “well oiled care machine” together. It was peaceful, pain free, and a sacred time. In constant prayer to God for her & us, we journeyed together to the finish line. Again, these videos helped so much. Please all hospice nurses & team members for what they do❤️❤️
I appreciate your last comments. So many people seem to be afraid of dying alone. I've had several relatives die with four or five family members in the room. Oddly enough, this is NOT what I would want. I don't want TV, or music, or a bunch of people around. Be aware that there are freaks like me out there -- not a lot of them, but we do exist.
My grandmother passed earlier this year and I was not able to be there. My parents and grandfather were there with her when she died, thankfully peacefully. She was home with hospice care only for a couple of days and my mother and I kept in contact with what was happening. Because of your videos I was able to give my family information and reassurance when they were unsure about physical changes they were seeing. Thank you so much for what you do.
After battling cancer we rushed my mom to the hospital and she went into coma. I left my partner and went home to get my mom's discount card for medicine, I was just away for 30 mins when I received a call from my partner to proceed to the hospital and don't bother to buy the meds, he said my mom already passed. I think she waited for me to step out because it will be very hard for me to grasp the undeniable truth that she's dying that day. I miss my mom everyday❤
Just as she was dying, my grandmother thrashed in the bed, legs kicking and hands clutching at her blanket. She had a wild look in her eyes, and her mouth open. I've lived with the memory of this, and am always concerned that she was frightened. It breaks my heart to think she might have been.
I believe that she was doing that to try and get out of the body. Think of a baby chick trying to get out of an egg.. Don't worry, she wasn't suffering
yes, they hear or see or both something before they go. the second before my dad died, he said to my mom, 'im going". I think this is proof some souls go to torment and some go to paradise until judgement day.
Macy is a game changer in hospice care! I’ve been a hospice RN for nearly 15 years now. The Macy Catheter is the biggest thing to come to hospice care!
The Macy Catheter allows for fast symptom control because the medications prescribed are usually already at the bedside and are absorbed quickly. It’s easy to use, it’s painless, and it’s indwelling, so the patient doesn’t have to be disturbed every time they need medication (the port is on the patient’s thigh).@@salauerman7082 Geraldine Wolfolk explains why she thinks it's a game changer here: ua-cam.com/video/Kz0h237_bP8/v-deo.html
My belovéd Mum died SO peacefully on 5 April 2023. She suffered a Sub-arachnoid haemorrhage...Over here in the UK, the medical and nursing staff were simply superb. They educated us, reflected with us and left us in peace to say our last goodbyes....My Mum's death worried her beyond measure, because my Dad died from lung cancer with metastasis of brain....She thankfully was spared the intense, chronic pain.....And now, after a couple of hours, her soul is at rest. Requiescat in Pace, Mum ❤
My mom, 78, recently passed on November 1st. She, myself, and older brother love your informative videos!! My mom was on hospice. When it came down for her ready to pass, I kept my promise to be by her side from start to finish. I camped out in her room, sleeping on the floor on a mat the assisted living gave me. She could barely form words when she was responsive, but, in the middle of the night, she would yell for her sister, who is still living, to help her. It was heartbreaking to hear. I went to her and held her as she once held me. Then came a superhuman grip that came out of nowhere. She was less responsive at this time. She had her eyes closed and was gripping the nurses white coat or my arm in which she left bruises. After getting her to let go of me, I grabbed a pair of her fuzzy socks to that seemed to satisfy her. As she became unresponsive, I made the choice to have the nurse give her the liquid anxiety medicine and liquid morphine. She was denying herself morphine because it made her head feel fuzzy. I wanted her to be without anxiety and pain-free. The night before she passed, she opened her eyes and smiled at the nurse as she told mom that the next time she would come to the room, she would have 2 syringes of meds for her. We thought she was going to rally again but she didn't. She rallied 5 times before. The next morning, I was talking to her, and comforting her as she had done for me so long ago. The nurses came in to check on her at about 9. They said they needed to change her and her bedding. They asked me if they could cut the shirt up the back so it would be easier for them because of the oxygen hose. For some reason, I got upset about the shirt, told them to do what they needed to and I went out in the hall to calm down and breathe. They came out and told me that they couldn't find a pulse and they're pretty sure she had passed but couldn't call it because that was for hospice to do. I waited for hospice to arrive. I heard her voice in the doorway like she was leaving her room. Hospice gets there, listens for a heartbeat for 1 minute and declared the T.O.D. at 10:27 am. As I thought about it, I realized that my mom didn't want me in the room when she took her last breath. I miss her terribly but am grateful that I kept my promise to her and stayed by her side from start to finish. You, hospice nurses, are amazing and have that special touch when it comes to the patients you care for. You all are forever in my heart!! 💙💜
I’ve been watching a lot of these videos recently. I was diagnosed a couple of months ago (again) with Grade 3 Anaplastic Astrocytoma brain cancer. It’s obviously going through my mind, some of the things I’d want for myself when/if I get to that stage. Thanks for putting these videos out, it’s kinda relieving to watch.
Thank you Julie for your videos. I started working in nursing homes when I was 16 became a LPN when I was 22 . I worked LTC for 32 yrs saw many deaths. I fought ugly Cancer in 2012 in 1965 lost my 6 yo sister to Cancer I was only 4 but I witnessed her passing and attended her funeral I am thankful my parents didn’t hide it or shield me. Tragic unexpected deaths are totally different I lost a 16 yo brother tragically in 1985. An expected death of someone who has suffered doesn’t have to be scary it’s very important they are kept comfortable provide physical,spiritual and emotional needs.
My dad was agitated in the last few days, he was trying to reach the handle to get out of bed. Very vocal although none of it discernible. The last 2 days was listening to the fluid filling up his lungs, his heart was strong as an ox, but his stage 4 cancer had taken over. And he would hate what he had been reduced to. All we could do was make sure he was comfortable and in no pain. He died at home as per his wishes. He passed in the witching hour when we were all asleep, but we were woken up not long after by strange noises. As a funeral director I have seen death, but it never prepared me for the inevitable watch of death. Your videos have intrigued and comforted me, thankyou for bringing normalcy to one of life's journeys. ❤
Thank you so much for your videos! Dec 1st my brother texted that mom was in the hospital with pneumonia- we got to the hospital Dec 3rd after finding out how serious it was & mom was gone the morning of Dec 5th. Bcuz of your educational content, I knew what was happening, what to listen for & watched mom pass with her family around her without fear. I cannot thank you enough!!!❤
My father said to me when he was dying with lung cancer"Its different when its you "When my mother was dying with blood cancer the nurses lied ,the doctor was on an ego trip.What i saw was they kept mum from waking for the last 4 days.This was obviously to kill her by dehydration .Mums mouth was slamming open and closed for 3 days.At the time of her death her mouth was open.Mums tongue was all chopped up and all her teeth were smashed to the gum line.She had a mouth full of crushed teeth,blood and a chopped up tongue.Doctors and nurses are so detatched from thier feelings and thier patients.They have left me traumatised for life.I will never trust these people .They put ego first,money second and the patient and family come last.The good thing however is we all meet our maker,even them .
So sorry for your loss and the extra distress caused 😂to you. Woulld it ease your pain to take legal action- you must be very angry and sad. Your Mum is in peace now please try to remember the good times you shared💐🦋🌞🌻
You are absolutely correct about what the medical community is now. I have my own horror stories and permanent nerve damage, etc, from them. I despise them to my core. Never trust them, they don't give a flip.
My mom has pancreatic cancer and is close to passing. She seems very agitated and keeps trying to get up (even though she can't) and because I've watched and followed you, I asked her hospice nurse how we could help her be more at peace. She said there is nothing we can do 😮💨. We are beyond exhausted. My mom gets restless every 10-30 minutes. We have to administer liquid meds every hour day and night and constantly calm her. I wish we had a nurse like you. 😢
I also would like to advocate nearness and closeness and support as a way to help with agitation, as agitation can also be a symptom of fear and anxiety. Singing, talking, holding and stroking/hugging can releave anxiety and fear. Medication is good, but please also mention the connection aspect of it. ❤️🇳🇴
My father had cancer, got over it then it came back. He refused my visits (I live abroad) because he didn't want me to see his decline. He asked my mum to care for him at home so they set up a hospital bed and daily care, oxygen , doctors, nurses etc. The neigbour was often there as was my aunt so the house was full. One day after being in a coma for some days they had a Vicar pray over him and when the man had finished my father said 'amen' although still in a coma. One day very strangely the house was empty of people, just mum and dad and mum felt a change in the room so she leant over him and asked if he wanted to leave. He let out a huge sigh, then a second one and he was gone. He was a shy person and I am sure that he didn't want to go until they were alone.
Thanks for relating your dad's story; it reminds me of my own dad at the end. My sister and I sat vigil at his bedside, holding his hand. When my sister darted out to use the bathroom, I got up to wash my hands. In those 30 seconds, Dad checked out and was taking his last breath when I returned to his side. As in life, he slipped quietly out the door without a fuss.
Thank you for sharing this I think people think they will get a moment to say their goodbyes but when we lost my 15 year old niece only 9 months after her Stage IV non Hodgkin’s lymphoma diagnosis. She had been allowed to go home for a few days her second day at home she had a fever. Doctors told my sister we didn’t need to come. Unfortunately that night when she was alone with my niece she went into repeated codes. We lost her a little past midnight. I thought I had learned my lesson but this summer my mother was on at home hospice after fighting cancer for 4 years. She had an bad infection (sepsis) but again we were told her death wasn’t imminent. In fact we were given options on where she would go after the infection was under control and her stats were better. They took her from the ER to a room and when they were transferring her from the stretcher to the hospital her heart stopped. She had a DNR. She had been suffering and she slipped away more peacefully than others. My sister and I have both beat breast cancer. I’m only sharing this because as humans we can’t wait to share our love and feelings. Pick up the phone and don’t put it off. Schedule a few days to visit loved ones because trust me you won’t regret it.
My dear father was the most peaceful person I've ever known. But the dying process for him was not at all peaceful. He suffered from heart disease and COPD. He was sent home from the hospital on hospice. The first few days he was still talking and he ate a little. Then he started talking to family members who were no longer with us. Then the terminal agitation began. I'm also severely disabled so i was in the same room with him but on opposite sides in my own bed. We were in the living room of my parents home. My oldest sister & mom were our and are still my care takers. My dad would flail his arms up and down over and over & the medicine he was given for pain made his nose itch nonstop. He rubbed it so much that it became so swolen and raw. He also made this god awful snorting noise that upset me so bad i begged God for his death. I know that sounds mean but my daddy was in torment. My sister bless her heart didnt sleep for a week because she was the only one really able to care for him properly. She would administer medication and change him when needed. She has a long career in the medical field. She almost had a nervous breakdown on the day before dad passed. Because the terminal agitation was so bad. The medicine would help for maybe 2 hours then it would start all over. My mother was a ROCK during this time. They were married 60 years. The day he passed we had to call the nurse because we were st our wits end. He was suffering and it had to stop. So she came and assesed the situation & she administered a dose of morphine which only made it worse. About 30 min later she administered a stronger dose of his Ativan for the agitation. That was the 1st time in 20 plus hours that i saw my sweet precious daddy relax and they turned him on his left side and in less than 10 minutes he passed away. I felt so relieved for him. I HATED TO SEE MY DADDY GO. But there's no way i would want to keep him here in the shape he was in. I know he is with my brother and oldest sister and her daughter in heaven rejoicing with the Lord. He was an excellent father & a superb provider for our family. His legacy will continue to live on through our sharing stories of just how special that man really was. My mother is equally as precious. They were a prime example of hudband and wife united as one. They loved to be a blessing to others. They truly gave more than they ever recieved. And they were HAPPY! JULY 2022 he went to be with our Father God. I love you daddy. ❤
Julie being a nurse how much have you been exposed to death by trauma? I was an EMT and was witness to traumatic death. Not everyone dies instantly. Some die in the ambulance but most in the ER. Many are unconscious but not everyone. Can you discuss what difference you have observed between the two distinct differences between the two?
@@hospicenursejulie I was in the back of the ambulance with a man who asked not to let him die. We only provided basic life support so there was not much I could do for him. I just tried to encourage him to hang on. Thank God many ambulances today are equipped with trained paramedics and equipment to provide advanced life support instead of just encouragement. I don’t know if the man lived or died. This was in 1976.
Randall, thank you for your service. I know that what you saw was traumatic. Please take heart in knowing that you did the best that you could for him. Hopefully, he made it. Please know that you are loved, wanted, valid, beautiful, and amazing… No matter what anyone else says. Also, please take care of yourself, for you are worth it, and deserve it. 💜; 💚 🐕🦺
A relative on my husbands side was actively dying, but it was clear he was seeing something that he was trying to get away from. He never opened his eyes but he was grabbing the sheets, kicking his legs and was making noises of complete terror. He kept turning his head and saying no! He was a very grumpy and hard man throughout his life. Something happened between him and his daughter and they became estranged from each other.
I'm sorry to have to say this, Hello, but your reply isn't helpful and might prove quite harmful. We have no idea what the gentleman was seeing and it is very possible that the reaction was purely neurological. Of course it's natural to attach meaning to things like that but often our conclusion may be incorrect and inappropriate. I don't know if the lady relating the story loves her relative but a mention of hell and the thoughts that engenders can be very unsettling if not downright scary. If your goal is to promote salvific conversion or faith, I'm not sure that's a good way to get to it. Let's try to be especially sensitive and empathetic when commenting in a forum like this one.
@@Hello2uall Hi, I'm not upset and I want you to know why I wrote the comment I did. I'm a Christian and from that perspective, it's important to know the consequences of obstinate unrepentance. But I wrote my comment as a social worker and someone who has done grief counseling. You are writing in a public forum so anyone with any type or degree of trauma can see what anyone writes. Maybe my comment to you was too strong and if so, I apologize I submit as a professional that that sensitive subject matter should only be broached in an atmosphere of emotional, psychological and spiritual safety and trust. For that kind of atmosphere to be assured, the people dialoguing have to have known each other personally. I wish you a blessed and holy Christmas season and joyous New Year that comes from knowing the Holy Child intimately and therefore being wrapped protectively in His love.
I'm 55 & personally, I am terrified of dying. I don't know why, other than I'm afraid it'll be painful. Ideally, I think it would be awesome if I could just be pumped full of as much fentanyl legally possible, fall asleep, and never wake again . I do appreciate your videos, you seem like such a wonderful person ❤
This is what I did with my mother I put her in the hospital and she got around the clock palliative care with Dilaudid and Ativan every 4 hours so she was sedated and had a very peaceful non painful death praise God
Unless you're in bad health, 55 is still quite young to be worrying about this. I wonder if the fear of death plays a large role in these people that struggle so hard to not die.
With total respect, I don't understand your point. Was he already expected to pass? Or, did he OD from fentanyl during a "normal" hospital stay? @@pamphlet3560
Thank you. I usually read the blog of a resuscitator from Moscow. She writes that modern people are unfortunately “separated” from seriously ill and dying relatives, and because of this they become lost and experience deep shock when a loved one ends up in intensive care or dies. I think she would support your channel.
Thank you, Julie. I just lost my Mom after 2 nights in hospice, on Dec 22. She went into the hospital and never came out. She didn't have cancer, covid.... she had severe vomiting. She was 74. That first night in the hospital, she told me she was dying, to get ready. That night, she had a stroke. She ended up on a vent, and it went downhill from there. She was taken off the vent, we had hope!! But no, the stroke made it where she couldn't swallow. She kept telling me in German that she wanted to die. To let her die. To HELP her die. I understood what she wanted. We had them remove the feeding tube and took her to hospice. We were able to bring our beagle--her boy--with us, so it was just the four of us. Mom, Napoleon our beagle, me, and my husband. We left the second morning to rush home to feed our pets-- and that is when Mom died. The hospice nurse told us that over and over and over, they see it, where their loved one waits until everyone has been seen, and they are all gone, and then they die. My husband is SURE my Mom did this, to spare me having to see her die. I had been laying in the bed with her, spooning her, my dear mom, god i love her so much, and I just held her and told her I loved her. I told her it was ok to go ahead and leave us, if she was ready. I don't know if they understood me, but I know hearing is the last thing to go........so please, nurse Julie, can you please talk about how sometimes maybe the patient DOES wait until they are alone to die??? Please? It would give me so much relief. I can't stop crying. I have no brothers or sisters, no one to help me, just my husband. There is no family left, and now I am the last. I have no kids either. What am I going to do with her home? Her land? I don't know what to do. I can't even get through a single day without breaking down.
Can't get enough of your very informative videos Julie! And that Macy catheter! How did we ever get along without it? Had a patient in our hospice facility last week struggling and out of control, noncompliant with the medication that would relieve his pain and agitation. He was just miserable... until we got him connected to the Macy catheter! Then he was able to receive the usual scheduled meds for the actively dying. His symptoms were now totally under control and he died a peaceful death. Keep up your excellent work Julie. You are a master hospice educator! 🙂
This wasn't as scary as thought it would be. It sounds like the normal terminal secretions. Sitting straight up is something haven't seen b4, also the Macy catheter. That sounds like something that can help a lot. So thank you for sharing your knowledge. It's important to know these things & you always do it in a caring, kind manner❤
I watched my grandad take his last breath his was a non peaceful death and the videos brought back so many messed up memories I've now got psychosis and severe mental health issues if your reading this please don't witness a death when you are 16 year old
My grandpa fought so hard when he was dying that he left an imprint in the bed. It was so traumatic for all of us. He always hated hospitals and we think that is what agitated him so much. We called that the Lazarus effect when a dying patient just sits up it can be scary for loved ones to witness.
Unfortunately… my mother did not have a peaceful death. Right before she took her final breath, she sat up and looked at my brother and me as if asking for help. It was a very sad and traumatic experience. Rest easy Mom🕊️
I'm so sorry- thank you for being here 💗💗💗
My mama sat up partially and had a grimace that looked like pain on her face as if she were having a heart attack. It was so hard for me because others I'd heard of simply breathed out and never breathed in again. My dad had just left the room to use the bathroom and was grieved that she died without him by her side; but I'm glad he didn't have to see that. 💔
@vikingmama93 don't worry she probably waited for your dad to leave the room. Sometimes they won't go because they don't want to infront of a person
@@RustyShakleford1Yes, I hear this often. When my dad passed, I was driving from work to get to him. I had gone to work because we were told it would be days still. However, a few hours into work, I rcvd text that said he had only hours. My husband was there most of the morning and stepped out in parking lot, since he knew I was driving over. Dad died a few minutes before I had arrived. ❤
With all due respect, what was your mother's view on Christianity & getting saved?
My dear wife passed away from cancer and she was mostly peaceful....from what I saw. But....in her last day her breathing had the death rattle....I wasn't prepared for it but the nurses can give medication to ease it. Finally she stopped breathing, and I rushed over to check her....well, she gave an all mighty intake of breath. Gave me a hell of a fright, so I called the nurse and she told me it was normal and when she checked her heartbeat she did it again, but that was her last breath. Then she looked like she was in a deep sleep.
Fair ye well my darling.
I’m so sorry I couldn’t imagine
Sending you much love from Australia xxx
Sorry
thats how my mother was. she had stage 4 breast cancer that got into her lungs. it was almost as if she couldn’t breathe at all. and when she passed, i remember laying my head on her chest. she took two big gasps, then finally passed. her eyes were kind of open the entire time too.
@@neckrohs my mother died from lung cancer recently and I did this too. It was as if Laying my head on her chest gave her the nudge to let go and breathe her last breaths. Well that's how it felt anyway. Sorry for your loss.
Julie, my husband passed away last night at midnight from his pancreatic cancer. We thought he had longer. He had been throwing up bile for 3 days so his hospice nurse had him taken to a facility yesterday around noon so they could treat him for that and get him back home to pass away where he wanted. Last night around 10 i tried to go to sleep but couldn't because i was so nervous and agitated for some reason, then after midnight when the phone rang i knew what it was before i even picked up my phone. They said he gotva little agitated around 10 and was looking for me and his brother, so they gave him some morphine and he calmed down and passed peacefully in his sleep around midnight. We were together for over 30 years, and tbh what im feeling right now is lost, and like im all alone. I really don't have any family and no friends nearby. But your channel helped me so much, on what to expect and the questions to ask if need be. I told the 2 hospice nurses that took care of him the most about your channel and how it helped me, and the head nurse Peyton said to tell you thank you for doing this, he's glad it helped me, and he's going to check your channel out and recommend it to families that may need a little more guidance. You really did help me and im so grateful to you for that, Julie, thank you from the bottom of my wounded heart right now. You are an amazing angel. ❤
Thank you so much for sharing with us. Thank you for being here- and there 💗💗💗
My sincere condolences to you 🙏🏾
Hugs to you
I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband.
So sorry for your loss.
My mom passed away in 2018 at almost 101 yrs old. She had a very peaceful beautiful passing, she was going with her Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. She passed on Canada Day, July 1st. As she was being wheeled out and put into the transfer vehicle, the fireworks started going off right above. I took pictures, it was beautiful. I titled the pictures, Angels rejoicing... Mom has gone home!! I miss you momma, but I will see you again.
Beautiful story! What a way to go out! I hope I'm as lucky
Knowing you will be with your Saviour takes the sting of death away. ❤
I prefer oblivion
Praise the Lord!!!
@@tanana2070 It's been exactly 6 years, then. God bless you and your family.
I walked into my son's hospital room after being on the phone with his dead beat dad. My son was screaming really loud, " help me momma, help me momma. I crawled into bed with him and wrapped my arms around him and he then died peacefully. 8 years ago June 5 th was the day he went to be with Jessie
🙏🏾🙏🏾
@@DeborahBlaylock-er3fl I am so sad to read this. I have two children with a deadbeat dad. I’d love to think I’d hold onto them if I needed to if they passed. Mothers create the world. Bless your heavy, beautiful mother’s heart.
Jessie?
@@alisakampenhout9075 Not all mothers create the world, although it's a nice sentiment. Some tear it down. My daughter's mother was a narcissist with other serious emotional issues related to her own childhood trauma, and she was a VERY difficult mother for our child. Emotionally abusive, very controlling, a liar, anger issues, and a lot of trouble with healthy boundaries with our child. My daughter often suffered from our cultural stereotype that 'mother's create the world' since her mother was so toxic to her own life. Her pediatrician, school counselors, and eventually, her psychiatrist had grave concerns about the mother-daughter relationship, but useful interventions can be challenging. To all the good mothers out there, I salute you. To all the people who grew up with an abusive mother, and I know there are many, you're not alone, and my heart goes out to you. To anyone under 18 still challenged by an abusive mother, hang in there. Slip away as soon as you can emancipate and understand that you owe that parent nothing. There is love and healing in the world for you - try to put yourself in its path.
A mother should never have to watch their child die or bury them. I am so sorry for your loss. But to have such a strong mother there laying with you while you take your final breaths- that must've been such a comfort given the circumstances. You're an angel.
My husband died last year and it was not peaceful, it was terrifying to watch and hear. It was in the middle of the night and I didn't know what to do. Hospice had told me to call them if there was an emergency so I called them repeatedly but no answer. Exhausted at 4:30 in the morning I lay down to rest for what i hoped wold be a short whie but so tired, I fell asleep. At 5:10 his spirit came to me and practically knocked me out of bed! I knew it was him saying goodbye. I hope he wasn't in pain while he was dying. I had checked his oximeter several times and it had been very low so i hope he was unconscious while in such agitation and not feeling as distressed as he appeared. I still feel guilty for not being with him when he passed. But im consoled by the facts that he gave me an especially long and strong hug before he went to bed and also that he woke me up to say goodbye.
Peace and comfort to you both.
W
Terrible, hospice didn't answer the phone.
What company was that hospice…?!
I'm so sorry both of you went through that. That's why when I am at my end I don't want hospice coming to my house because the nurse only comes once or twice a week and even with my mom I found it was very difficult to get them to come over to help out when she was in extreme pain I would rather be in the hospital where there is Nurses and doctors around to give me my meds right away or in an actual hospice center where also they are nurses that can give me my meds right away... nothing worse than being in uncontrolled pain and you can't get hospice on the phone or to answer you my mom went through that a couple of times and so I eventually took her off the hospice and put her in the hospital where she got really great palliative care with her anxiety and pain meds every 4 hours around the clock till she passed
Amazing uploads Julie, at almost 60 years old and as a white European I still cant comprehend why death is still feared so much, it's as natural as being born. Your uploads give a real insight into the taboo subject of end of life. When I go I would be honored to have someone of your caliber by my side. ...
Good for you for being white. Not sure why that is important here, but it seems to be important to you.
@@gribble2979 🤡
@gribble2979 because European white cultures have generally been afraid of death, sorry you couldn't have figured that out for yourself
@@gribble2979 What is wrong with being white? Black, hispanic, and asian people will often mention that fact when talking about themselves. I don't know why the poster stated it, but why is it a problem if a white person mentions it? It's nothing to be ashamed of.
I fear death only in the case of pain suffering. Death itself is not feared.
My Mom refused palliative meds. Her passing was not peaceful, she hung on so hard. Seeing her in pain but respecting her wishes to remain lucid and unmedicated was so hard on my sisters and I.
💔
Palliative is different than end of life care.
❤
@@oneseeker2it’s not really necessary to jargon police patient’s families. Don’t be that person.
@@oneseeker2 you are right, but you know what she means.
I can't watch the video but I am so glad you're addressing this. My father died from complications of alzheimers and it was peaceful. However, when my mother died two years later of glioblastoma, it was awful. It was one of the worst things I've ever seen. I don't regret being there for her but I do struggle with the memories. I saw a therapist and he told me to always remember that just because I'm remembering it for the nth time, does not mean she's experiencing it for the nth time. She experienced it once, it's over, and she's moved on. That context has helped me.
Thank you. That helps me with my memories. 💜
Sorry to hear. Julie once said that glioblastoma is one of the worst ways to go.
I’m so sorry, hun. I’m so impressed with everyone in the comments having witnessed and experienced such traumatic things and STILL moving forward.
Hello… parents and their passing are such a huge event. Whether the relationship was happy and healthy or difficult and toxic. It a chapter that closes and we learn how to go on in a different and altered way. I lost Mum at 36 yrs of age and Dad at only 17. Mums cancer was aggressive and she lost the battle under 11 months of diagnosis . The radiation did damage to her nerve endings in her pelvis area and lower back. On seeing her once in the hospital setting she was in such horrific pain and the sound coming out if her was animalistic- it was soul breaking. She was the kindest and must thoughtful person I had in my life and as I had worked in a nursing home and a private nursing agency as a caregiver at least I could relate and be as comfortable as one could around her. I always try to go with the premise that whatever someone is suffering from it is far more challenging from their view than mine. That allows me to let them take the lead and just give them the space to be in pain , anger or having a bad day. It’s about them and their needs. If you can’t do that for someone at the end of their life - when will you do it. Condolences to those who have lost a live one. 😊
Thank you. That was very helpful, what your therapist said.
My mother died while in home hospice a day after mothers day this year. All that week, she was excited to go home to see her family and friends. Sunday Mothers Day, it was one of the best day she ever had, to see all of her loved ones in one room at the same time which she could not do in a hospital room. She took that joy with her into late that Monday evening. I knew it was going to happen after her last wish was granted and that is as just to see us all before she go. She declined rapidly, and then the shallow breaths, she was trying to hold on, but we all told her that we are all here and that we loved her so much and it was ok for her to go and within 20 minutes she was gone. She battled stomach cancer for over 17 years and she tried to be that same strong Mother until her very last conscious moments of life.
It's so interesting how many stories I hear where someone passes soon after they get "permission." The same thing happened with my mom last year. My dad and siblings were there and we were struggling with the nurses all day to control her pain and agitation. (She declined so unexpectedly and quickly after being admitted that there hadn't been time for proper hospice so everything was so slow and the communication was terrible.) I had no idea if she could really hear me at that point, but I felt inspired to tell her that we were all with her and loved her but she didn't need to hold on for us, we would be okay, and she could go. She almost immediately fell into agonal breathing and passed in less than 30 minutes. I'm not spiritual at all but I do think the body/mind connection is legit because I genuinely believe she chose to die that night to relieve all our suffering. I loved my mom more than anyone and the grief has been agony, but this thought does give me some peace. Oh and fuck cancer.
julie,i can not express enough how you have helped me in my ongoing battle with cancer
Wow- thank you so so much 💗
Sending prayers
Praying for you.
Prayed for you
Thoughts and prayers for you as you experience this stage of your life ❤🙏🎶🍀💚
My Great Grandma was "struggling" to die during that last 4 hours. We knew it was coming and I had to make the choice to take her off her supplemental oxygen. Then it became peaceful. I know that might sound weird to most, but she calmed down a lot. It was a peaceful and loving death surrounded by family. I held her hand until her pulse stopped. She was like my mother and raised me. I felt privileged to care for her. She suffered with dementia Alzheimer's for years before she passed, couldn't eat solid foods really, and wore diapers. I cared for her in my apartment several times including leading up to her passing. She forgot almost everyone, but me. She "argued" with me the night before she passed away about how much she loved me and wanted me to know. She knew it was coming I'm sure of it. She'd been dreaming of her deceased relatives for a week and I had a feeling. I told her I'd talk to her in the morning and she said she hoped so. I woke and randomly and felt I needed to check on her at 3am. That wasn't normal for me. She didn't respond. I called in the end of life hospice nurse who was a GOD SENT ANGEL. I am convinced. I got a priest to administer her last rites. Called the family to drive there and she passed like 15 hours later.
I'm 36 and terrified of dying honestly, but when my time comes to meet the lord I pray I receive the dignity and peace my great grandma had. It's been 12 years and I miss her daily. I named my daughter after her.
You’re young enough to probably not have heard of Corrie Ten Boom from the real WWII story (available free on UA-cam), “The Hiding Place”. When she was six, she made a similar comment to her dad, who wisely asked her “when do I give you your train ticket?”
Her reply was “when I need it”.
He told her that dying was similar: when we trust in God, He gives us the strength we need for leaving this world.
You could Google the phrases from one really comforting song sung by Sounds Like Reign, that I played for my mom before she died:
Some through the water,
Some through the flood,
Some through the fire…
I’m still learning not to fear the future but I’m much less apprehensive about it now.
What a beautiful tribute to your sweet grandma❣️ Truly repaying good with good!
I pray she'll be in the Communion of the Saints ready to welcome you when your time to depart arrives.
May her dear soul through the MERCY of GOD rest in PEACE 🌹🌹🌹✝️✝️✝️🙏💙🙏
Wow! What an amazing story and an honor that she remembered you until the end. May the good Lord bless you for taking such good care of her and at such a young age. I just said goodbye to my own mother this week and I’m so thankful that she passed peacefully and that she’s no longer suffering. I held her until her last breath and I wouldn’t have had it any other way ❤
I hope you feel good about the care you provided because you did an absolutely fantastic job. I know it's not easy to care for a loved one as they decline, especially when something like dementia is also in the mix. You did her a wonderful kindness.
@@RioGirl16so sorry for your loss. I'm so glad it was peaceful and you were able to be there for her. 💜
Thanks Julie. My sister died from ovarian cancer but it got into her brain. Seeing her writhing around eyes rolled back in her head was one of the worst things I've seen. She had medication, breakthrough pain medication. It was awful. As much as I wanted her stay i was glad she moved on after 18 months of pain.
Thanks for sharing. That sounds terrifying. Were those symptoms from pain or something else?
I am so sorry for your loss❤ But i'm grateful she's out of her extreme pain too.❤
I'm so very sorry for your precious loss ❤🙏🏻
I understand your horror and sorrow. So traumatic. She is free and will never know pain again. When you flashback to those terrible moments, try to replace that image with one of your sister happy and healthy.
I'm afraid this is what my sister was referring to when she remarked, after she came home from her daughter's cancer death, "we just need some time to process the hell we just witnessed" My beautiful productive loving 34 yr old niece did not want to die. If a person is fighting to hold on for "one more chance at life" ...can it cause this occurrence? WHY would the nurses not anticipate this and get ahead of it?
It's no longer a wonder at why her deathbed experience was so much more traumatizing to the family. My father died peacefully in his cancer death...he was ready to go Now I understand more fully the trauma it caused to my sister, brotherinlaw and 3 other siblings who witnessed.
My mother died in hospice a few years ago on New Years Eve. She was only 63. She had been in a wheelchair for a long time due to mobility issues, and she eventually succumbed to blood poisoning due to bed sores. After over a year in and out of the hospital being in terrible pain, my father, my mother, and I didn’t realize this was a terminal illness at all. My mom made so many plans for all the things she wanted to do when she got better. She loved life and she wasn’t ready to go. That’s what was so heartbreaking. When she found out she was going into hospice because nothing more could be done for her except to keep her comfortable, she was so devastated, and I think she really gave up and lost her will to fight. Everyone thought she’d have at least a few months left, but she died in less than a week. I wasn’t with her in her final moments (something I have regretted daily since she passed…although one of her hospice nurses told me that a lot of parents die without their kids there because they don’t want them to experience that pain, and I don’t know if that’s true, but I hope me not being there gave her some peace…my dad was there so at least she wasn’t alone). In her last couple days she struggled to breathe and she always had her eyes open and she looked terrified. I’ll never forget that. Despite all the medication they gave her to comfort and console her, she always looked so sad and so scared. I am so sorry she’s gone but I’m so sorry I wasn’t there, but I’m grateful she’s no longer suffering. She was such a beautiful person and she didn’t deserve to die that way.
My husband, only 62, just died 12 weeks ago in home hospice. I'm so very grateful he could be at home, in our bed, with me at his side as it happened. He had terminal agitation that night. I wanted him peaceful but it's just like you described. He suddenly sat bolt upright, he knocked his drink off the nightstand and cried for help twice. I held onto him and then he rolled over to my side of the bed. I held him through it and the last minute he was calmer. I held him until I felt his last breath. I pray he was comforted that I was there. Hospice was a Godsend to ensure he didn't die alone in a hospital. Thank you for this video.
Your husband definitely would've been comforted by your presence. Such a lovely gift to be able to be with your husband when he passed
away. I worked in Hospice care for 6 years, it was the most privileged job I ever had 💜
@moodypurple thank you for your work in hospice. I can assure you that you made many families comforted. I wanted him home and not in the VA Hospital and hospice solely made that happen. ❤️
@MaryB_TN Thankyou for your kind words. I know your grief won't ever go away, but I hope it's getting easier. Love from the UK 🇬🇧 ❤️
God Bless You. You are a wonderful person and wife. He was comforted knowing someone loved him at his last moments.
@@MaryB_TN you’re a beautiful soul and most certainly helped him to cross over and beyond. Thank you for sharing your experience
As a birth doula I’ve always been amazed how the dying process is so much like the laboring process. Both labor and are transformative births. ❤❤
❤️❤️❤️
I remarked the same thing after caring for my grandfather during the actively dying process. In both circumstances, the body has an intact process if left undisturbed. How marvelous is that! The beginning…and end of our lives come with a natural progression. It blows my mind. As I watched him refuse to hydrate and eat, get fevers, produce secretions, and turn splotchy I couldn’t help but relate the two. It reminded me of my own bodily changes (from pelvic widening in the 2nd trimester to the FER) during pregnancy.
BTW- you have an awesome job. Thank you for protecting and uplifting mothers during the most vulnerable time of their lives ❤
❤❤❤❤
I agree
care to elaborate? hell moms been a rn for 30+ years did labor for 25. ive never even thought to ask her this. But truth be told. No one can talk to her about anything before she goes into conspiracy theories. and wont sstay on topic. she cant articulate them well and gets upset. Like dont get me wrong, I will entertain those with evidence.
But point being, she wont stay on topic long enogh to get an answer.
I think she has stage 1 autism. I have statge 1 autism. And it took 25 of my 30 years to realize. I dont have to shoe horn my niche subjects into everything
When I was 15, I saw a 10-year-old girl die of cancer. She was my best friend's mother's best friend's daughter...my best friend's mom would often babysit, so she and her siblings were at his house a lot. She had a tumor in the brain stem, inoperable. To see her go from a hyperactive, skinny chatterbox to wheelchair-bound, unrecognizable from steroids and eventually losing her speech and sight was beyond heartbreaking. We were all there when she passed. At the very end, she began to struggle and make sounds like she was trying to say something, a lot like the lady in this video, and then she was gone. I'm 46 now, and that image is still burned into my mind. It frankly scares the shit out of me.
I'm 76 yrs old & have watched several close family members die non peaceful... I can't get their terrible last memories out of my head.
i pray you find peace
Prayers for peace!
May ALLAH guide you to Islam
@@reyuyenu340 with respect there is no assurance in that. You always wonder if you're good enough. You're not. Come to Jesus.
I pray for their souls and for your peace ❤
Hey Julie, my dad just passed today 1/2/24 at 12:55pm. He was on hospice for the last four months, for dementia, CHF, and A-FIB. I was with him when he passed, it was so peaceful and he wasn't in pain. I feel honored and bless to have helped my dad transition. He lived a long and active 91 years. He would have turned 92 on the 23rd of this month. But God saw he was tired. Hospice was AMAZING!!! I can absolutely say, I don't fear death, because of this journey I took with my father
May your father rest in peace.
My grandma died I just held her hand but it wasn't on my watch but I feel this comforting to me cause I think they are going to a better place.
@mariahconklin4150 Absolutely ❣️❣️ I'm still a little in disbelief, it's been almost a month, but I know he's with my mom, in a beautiful pace. He waited 21 year to be with her. I smile a little more each day.
My condolences.
@@mariahconklin4150
I don’t know what that means.
I have to tell you about the most beautiful death I have experienced. I was a hospice volunteer 25 years ago. I also was bereavement Rn in Labor and Delivery. This death was personal. It was my mother.
My mom had a chronic draining stool Seroma. She was experiencing more pain and advised to see a surgeon. She vehemently did not want surgery, but the pain intense and drainage was copious and foul.
I got her in a wheelchair on Friday. She was alert and oriented. As we were wheeling out the door, she asked where was she was going. I told her we had to go see the surgeon. She said why “ I’m dying”. I said are you dying now and she said yes ,I asked her if she wanted me to call her other five children and if she wanted them to come. She meekly said yes if they want to . Friday evening five out of six kids were at her bedside .She was alert and oriented and showed no active signs of dying, . On Saturday, we all sat around her on the sofa and we started bringing out some clothes and sharing memories. She smiled and she laughed and told us what clothes she liked and what clothes she didn’t like and then she said “where am I going? “And she quickly said I want my purse with me. The rest of the afternoon we were able to talk to her share memories and she took frequent naps. That night my sister arrived. She was there about 15 minutes and then my mom said everybody get out. This was this is totally unlike my mother. We came back on Sunday morning and she was very lethargic and restless. She was still alert, but obviously changes were being made during the day. We sat with her and watched her deteriorate before our eyes by late afternoon, her breathing was irregular and she was Unresponsive. The pastor came about 6 o’clock and we all stood around her and we sang JesusLoves Me. Her breathing stopped. We bathed her and put on a satin nitegown. she died so peacefully with all of us being able to be home with her and it is experience I will never forget.
Sorry for your loss. Your family is beautiful ❤️😊 don't worry, we might see those who have passed again.
I’d love it if my children sang a song of worship as I passed. It’s every believing mamas prayer for her children to know the Lord.
When my bf was dying in the hospital on hospice it was very unnerving to see. She was writhing and stuck in a loop just repeating "I'm dying, I'm dying". If I shouted to her she could break out of the loop for a couple seconds to say something else, even acknowledging I was there, then right back to the loop. It looked very similar to having a bad trip. I tried to say something to the nurses that it seemed she was having a reaction. They weren't interested in what I had to say. She died 3 days later. It would have been nice if the nurses cared enough to explain the process happening as you did. Thanks.
@jessev2197
I can't even imagine how difficult that situation must have been for you.
To hear your best friend saying, "I'm dying" over and over......whew. how emotionally exhausting!!
Was there nobody else with you?
If you were by yourself with your friend - nobody else who witnessed your friend's passing.... that's very hard on you, because there's nobody to talk to who observed the distress your friend experienced.
I encourage you to reach out to a grief counselor and talk through the experience you had; I suggest a few sessions would do you some good. Getting help processing a traumatic event will ease your distress. It will take time. Be patient with yourself.
❤️
dying patients will sometimes repeat a phrase over and over. It is calming to them giving them some sense of control and that in fact they have not died at that moment. they aren't really asking a question or expecting much of a reaction. It is mostly a spoken internal dialogue. A way of walking thru, second by advancing second, what they are experiencing which of course for some is pretty traumatic.
@@aclem8246 ,
Good to know - thank you for that insight. 🌷
Dont want to be that guy, or say anyhing weird. but simply an observation.
DMT is one of the drugs released near death. After reading so many anecdotal trips. I see something more common with it than anything else. Time loops,, repeating phrases, repeating tasks, repeating imagiry.
When the person gets back to a sober state. They always say that when in this time loop. they said it felt like it lasted an eternity, forever. millions of years. Some said they felt stuck in this time loop for so long.That they started to even forget who they were, and that they had a body.
this isnt good nor bad tripping. but DMT causes time loops...I really hate saying this, but a time loop of your last thought process. That can be anything.
And then 15 minutes later. the dmt wears off and theyre back. 15 mins to us, felt like forever to them.
I will use this substance atleast once. And I dont really know if im going to look forward to it. But might be scary. Even lsd I took years back, not for fun. But to force my mind to face my inner demons where there is no way I can get away.
Shame these substances are illegal. they have profound phycological potential.
@@aclem8246 I do believe it is the DMT released. I dont know tho. reading all of these dmt stories. it looks familiar. We still dont know why dmt is released.
I dont know the answer. But I dont believe anyone really does.
I haven't done DMT yet. Im going to one day to experience this. And not really that sounds fun if I get time looped. But dmt causes time loops a ton, its one of the defining characteristic of the trip.
No one understands these drugs, or lsd, shrooms lsd.etc. There are a ton of clinical trials going on now that are so eye opening. And things weve known forver that took them.
My mom is currently in hospice and dying of rectal cancer that has spread to her liver. Seeing her agitated the past few days was awful. She kept sitting up and not resting, exactly like in this video. They gave her morphine and Ativan. She is finally resting peacefully now. That was so nice to see today, no matter how heartbreaking this is I am so thankful for the hospice nurses. Thank you.
I will never forgive myself for walking into the hospital room where my grandma was and instantly knowing that my grandma was dying, going to pass away that night. I remember telling my whole family who was with me to say their goodbyes and then we left, allowing her to die alone but for the nurse (the angel I call her) who stayed with her. I was scared. And I've been ashamed ever since. I will not do that to my parents.
My mom just passed several weeks ago. We discussed her death and decided none of us wanted to be present. We didn’t want that to be our last memories of her. We’d also spoken to so many people and hospice nurses that told us if we were there she would hang on longer. Many patients will wait until family leaves the room and goes to the vending machine to pass. We wanted her passing to be peaceful and on her time.
Your grandmother understands and knows how much she was loved! She doesn’t want you carrying any guilt around! I wish peace for you and your family!!
Forgive yourself ❤
It can be traumatic the first time you see someone die, no doubt. I was with my dad and my MIL. It was my honor to be with my loved one as they passed. I’d never want them to be alone. Fortunately both deaths were peaceful. I’ll be there for my mom, too, God willing.
Please be kind to yourself. What would you say to your best friend if the experience had been their's? You would not continually berate them so don't berate yourself. Your grandma knows you loved her. You did the best you could in the moment. Huge hugs and prayers.
My Brother and his Wife passed this late summer.
I never thought I wouldn't be there but I left. I couldn't see that.
The acceptance of them leaving was hard enough.
This Christmas, my entire Family blocked me. I won't be judged. No one should. I didn't want to se the final end
❤❤😢
My dad passed away yesterday. His breathing changed to more shallow and quick breaths in the last hours. He also ran a slight fever. He slept til the end, and Im very grateful for Hospice!
I'm sorry for your loss. May he rest in peace. 🙏
May your dad rest in peace. He will be watching over you
My sister passed in 2021 from cervical cancer and I was her caregiver. I was blessed to see her pass peacefully after all the pain she suffered from. All she wanted was to have family there when the time came and I fulfilled her dying wish. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her, I love you lady and one day we'll see you again.💞😘🙏
My great aunt yelled "God help me" help me" for the last hour or so of her life. She was in the hospital. It seems more disturbing now than it did all those years ago.
That’s a good sign ❤ We all need to call in God to help us cross over. That’s what I’ll be saying when I die 🙌❤️🙏✝️
My Mother recently passed away. She transitioned quickly from suffering to relaxation. My children and I came to the Nursing home and had a celebration of life while Mom was still breathing. We put a flower behind her ear and a wreath of flowers on her chest. We played Christian songs and spoke about our memories with her. The next morning she passed away. 3 days before this final event. My Mother said she loved me and I said it back to her.
I personally watched my first wife die of cancer in 2006, and my grandmother (who raised me) in 2014. Both were very different in their last moments. My wife had, what I called "an active coma" the night before she died. For a few hours, her arm kept moving to scratch herself, and I had to hold her arm down because of it. She slipped into the coma around 8:00pm, and the arm movement lasted until nearly midnight. She died at 10:56am the next morning.
I've never spoken of this, in THIS level of detail, but you're a Hospice Nurse, and believe me, you have my utmost respect for that. Y'all are ANGELS!!! My wife was diagnosed with Stage 4 Ovarian Cancer in 2003, and she battled it for a few years before it took her from me. But she was a fighter in every sense of the word. She went into remission in 2004, but it came back with a roar in 2005, and took her in 2006. She was placed on "Home Hospice", and a Hospice Nurse came by three times a week to check on her. I was her primary care giver, even though I was working until a day or two before she actually passed. I watched her go from the strong woman I fell in love with, to a near skeleton of a person with a layer of flesh around her. But I was there for her until the very end. She died with me holding her hand.
My grandmother was completely different. She was active right up until she literally went into the "death rattle". She had gone from her bedroom to the kitchen to get something to drink, and halfway back, just dropped. I was in the basement with my second wife, and heard the "THUD", and I noticed that she didn't call out for me. That told me she was in REAL trouble. It was morning, and while I was disabled by this time, I was still her caregiver (she DID raise me, after all.... so this was my way of paying her back for that). I hauled ass (as best I could) up the stairs, to find her laying in the dining room, with a blank stare on her face, and in a state I hadn't seen since I was a child.
A little backstory on that; my grandmother had worked in a nursing home when I was a very young child, and I would often go there after school to interact with the patients there. They loved having a kid around, but I saw more than a few "drop dead" while I was talking to them. So, I was exposed to death very early in life.
But yeah, my grandmother had that "death rattle" look going on. So, I called to my wife to come up. She worked in the medical field also, so she recognized what was going on right away. She called 911, but of course, reviving her just wasn't going to happen. She was 93 years old, had lived a long life, raised her kids, as well as a grandchild. Her death was quick and painless.
She wasn't under hospice care like my first wife was, but it was only a matter of time before her body gave out. But, just like when my first wife died, I tried to comfort her, and tell her that it was okay to go.
This video makes me get down on my knees and thank God every day at how peaceful my mother's death was. When she was put on hospice care, I knew she was at the beginning stages of dying. I would go down into a little storage room we had in the lower level of our house and pray that if God was going to take her that He do it quickly, that she not be in pain or frightened. And if at all possible, allow her to go peacefully in her sleep. God granted me all of that for my mom. She had been given something by her Hospice nurse to help her sleep better and she basically went to sleep, her breathing became more and more shallow until she stopped breathing altogether and passed away peacefully, quietly and without fear or pain in her sleep.
As a LTC nurse, I’ve seen many deaths. I was always grateful for the peaceful ones because they were not nearly as traumatic on the families. Death and Dying should be some kind of mandatory class or something for everyone. You do many people a great service by explaining some of the not so peaceful aspects of some deaths. In my experience one of the most distressing things always seemed to be the rattle, poor families always got so upset about that even when the patient was comfortable. My husband died of lung cancer and I was so grateful as he went peacefully without ever having the rattle. He was surrounded by his entire family and I’m pretty sure they would have gone nuts if they heard that.
This reminds me of when I was in the hospital with COVID back in January 2021. Here in the UK, while our hospital wards do have some private rooms, most patients are in single sex bays of 4-6 beds. I was initially in the ICU on a ventilator (UK name for respirator) before I was well enough to be moved to the ward. We lost two ladies while I was there. Officially the cause was COVID, but for one of them, it was preceeded by dementia.
One lady, the lady with dementia (she was in the bed next to me), was bedbound before she entered the actively dying phase & developed Chayne-Stokes breathing. But the other lady had been quite with it the day before. She clearly had cognitive issues, but was able to get up & about with the help of the nurses. We woke up to her having black fingers, which she hadn't had the night before. We knew. The lady in the bed opposite me is still a nurse & I've worked in multiple hospitals before becoming a health scientist, although having been an advanced first aider for almost 20 yrs, I would still have recognised the signs. As soon as she woke up, she showed signs of terminal aggitation. She was trying to get out of bed to do chores. She was no longer aware of her surroundings & kept saying she had to do things, even though she would have just fallen by this point. We kept trying to distract her & encourage her back into her bed by asking her about her horses, but obviously being unwell ourselves, we were limited in what we could do. But the nurses were amazing. They moved her to a private room & sedated her. She sadly passed away that evening.
Being in hospital for COVID was very sobering. Here in the UK at least, when someone passes away in the hospital, the mortuary (UK name for morgue) staff come with a rattling metal "coffin" on wheels. Even though it's covered with a sheet, those who've worked in a hospital setting know that sound. I saw & heard it four times while I was there. Once in the ICU & three times on the ward, including the two ladies. And when you're so ill yourself, you feel the meaning on a whole new level that you're totally unprepared for.
I am sorry you had to go through that. No words. God keep you cradled in His love.
so glad you recovered and are still with us, and very sorry you went through this. I enjoyed reading your reply. It's always so interesting to see how things are done in other countries.
Yeah. They really should do something about those bloody awful metal 'coffin' things. Anyone paying even the slightest bit of attention knows what that thing is. It just seems so undignified and offhand. Uncaring. Dismissive even. You deserve better, at the end. 😢 By the way, your comment is underrated. But that's people, I guess. 🤷 Sending you love and strength 🥰♥️♥️♥️♥️💪💪💪💪💪🥰🥰🥰♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
@@cindyb8775Thank you very much. Yes, I'm always interested to learn how things are done in different countries too.
@@vikkiledgard8483I totally agree. I've always hated those things. Thank you for your kind words.
Fellow hospice nurse and chaplain of 20 years. I'm glad you made this video. Keep up the good work my sister! Love from Florida.
Dave RN, Chaplain
Thank you so much- means a lot coming from a fellow
My dearest mom passed away this last June. She was 88 years old and had suffered a fracture in her lower spine in a fall about three weeks prior to her death. She did not want to die, but she died anyway. Her dimentia had increased in those last weeks and didnt help her die. Her death was anything but peaceful. I wasnt there when she died, I didnt think my heart could survive the grief. I sure wish I could have been there for her tho, I miss her so very dearly. I still havent grieved for her, I cant, the loss is just too great . Love you mom!
My mom is 88. She is my best friend. I don't think I can survive when she goes. I have a feeling I'll die of grief...
@@martha-anastasialook into Griefshare.
My mom and husband were two years ago, December 10 and 17.
My dad is on hospice.
I’m at peace, knowing I did my best for each, although I really miss my husband the most.
My condolences for The loss of your mother.
There is no closer earthly bond than our mother. I lost my mother 20 years ago. I was very close to her and felt deep grief when she died. Now, when I think of her, I feel love and longing, but not grief anymore. I still talk to her and sometimes in trouble I’ll ask her questions and I’ll hear an answer in my heart.
@@martha-anastasia Same. I have no partner so I'll be truly alone then.
My mom had a very peaceful death at a Hospice House. She died from end stage renal disease, which I understand to be one of the more peaceful dying processes. She did receive medication though from time to time. Really just seemed like she fell asleep and then died about 2 days later. My sister and I were with her the entire time. Thank the good Lord for Hospice and Hospice nurses ❤🙏🏻
My poor father had an extremely non-peaceful death. It was disturbing, alarming, and heartbreaking. Even after the doctor ordered 3 fentanyl patches to calm him and put him to sleep, other things were happening physically that were horrifying to watch. Still he hung on. When he finally ally passed it was peaceful. I pray God took his spirit before his physical body suffered so much. My dad was an extremely religious man, so I know God was holding him close throughout it all. I believe he was already in heaven spiritually while his mortal body suffered. 🙏🏻
Thank you for your videos, dear Julie. I was diagnosed with cancer at the beginning of the year... and although I'm doing well, the topic of dying concerns me a lot. Your videos really calm me down and I thank you for that. Your work is so valuable 🌹🌹🌹
Sending love and strength 🙏 I was dx in August 2022 and had both chemo and radiotherapy. Got the news I was in full remission in May this year. Wishing the same news for you xx
God bless you, i wish you quick recovery.
I hope you survive💗🕊️
May you be free of disease. With due respect, I will say a prayer for you, please understand this is on good will.
Sending hugs and well wishes 🤗 you got this. How are you doing now
Julie, thank you for showing this. I told you before, my Dad's passing in Hospice was so peaceful. My Mom's passing in Hospice last year, right around this time, was much harder, drawn out. However, a couple of weeks ago, my Irish Twin brother passed in Hospice & it was nothing like we experienced before. Even on the much higher doses of Morphine & Ativan, he was still so agitated. He kept trying over & over & over to get out of bed. He was squeezing my hand so hard I would have to peel his fingers off to loosen his grip, & then I would take his hand again & promise him he was safe with me. Part of the problem was the facility was not following the Hospice nurse's directions on the meds, & she would have to come & give him bolus doses herself. At the end, she just came & stayed. Hospice was awesome, the facility not so much!
I hear you!
When my dad died, last year, he struggled for 3 days. He was on Hospice and we were giving him Morophine and Ativan round the clock. When it came time to move him to a new position, he groaned, and the movement made the death rattle worse. Way worse. Finally the Hospice Nurse gave him a full syringe of the morophine. We had my Mom lay with him (hospital bed in their bedroom), she told him it was ok to go. We tried to think of everything to make him comfortable. That man was stubborn his entire life. I never knew he could be stubborn in his death too. The Hospice nurse even made a note that said something to the effect of- patient is having trouble letting go/ dying etc. On that 3rd day, I was so worn out mentally, i just sat down on my parents bed -crying. My other family members went into the kitchen. I told my mom that i couldn't handle watching him the way he was BUT I didn't want to leave. While we were having that conversation right beside him, wouldn't you know, he got quiet (death rattle wasn't happening) and he took his last breath. I guess we all hovered over him too much and he must have thought, "I'll do this when I'm damn good and ready. Y'all need to leave!"
I'm glad I can type this without crying. February 2024 will be 2 years but its a rough road to watch someone die. Props to you and all the assistance you give to your patients and their family!❤
Bless you, you did the very Best ! and now, please simply be Kind to your self!
Exactly the same way my mother passed away! She got palliative sedation but was fighting it for 3 days and the nurse was also telling her to let go. So bad experience with this that I will never put my own children through it. I will sign my euthanasy papers in time, which my mother refused to do, till she got terrible breakthrough pains and she announced that she wanted to die the same moment, which is not possible anymore then.
@ineshadr9070 I wish Virginia would pass the Death with Dignity act. They haven't yet. I never want to go through that OR put my family thru it. It was horrible to watch. I'm sorry your Mother went thru that too.
@@JulzHair It's too bad that not all people got a chance of dying peacefully. I'm from Europe and I don't understand that all the people in America are treated the same way, it is a civilised country. We can only hope the politicians wake up to this. It is really a bad experience for the rest of your life. Much love to you.
I meant ;' that all the people of America are Not treated the same way'...
This is why eventhough I have been a death doula and have been around many dying. My Dad said Mija. I can't let you have this burnt in your brain about my Mama. I heard her terminal secretions the day before. She was on good hospice medications. She was so stubborn. She tried to get up until her last day. She was clawing and scratching herself....reaching...lucid for a few minutes. She passed in my Dad's arms. They were best friends for 48 years. ❤ My Mother was a respiratory therapist for 30 years. She knew she was dying. She was mad at death. We miss you Mama. Come get me when it's my time. ❤❤
My dad passed not too long ago. It was a nightmare for me. The hospice caretaker was there but didn't give any meds. He was thrashing and twisting. I really felt he was in pain. I called the Hospice, the nurse came quickly, considering it was 1am. She medicated him and he passed an hour later. I still see him that way though. The funeral director told me sometimes a stroke will cause the facial grimacing and body contortions. Idk.
My mom literally passed on with a smile so i thought dad would be similar.
I pray they REST IN PEACE for eternity, and I did right for them.
💙 🫂 🫶 ❤️🙏🕊
Edit....Thank you Julie your wisdom is much appreciated.
My father passed in 2020 after battling lung cancer and died very much the same way. Body contortions, stiffening.. it was horrible. The hospice nurse was an hour out and I gave him morphine. The way he looked at me still haunts me. My younger brother and sister were there and my other sister didn’t make it in time. I’m so very glad for her that she did not witness this. I felt helpless.
Thank you so much for posting these videos; my dad is 92, and well, he’s still in good health, I will inevitably be dealing with this situation. I’m so grateful to have this information.
Never been ill a day in my life but now I'm older I'm pretty sure 40 years of smoking has caught up with me because I haven't been feeling my usual lovely adorable self for a while now but it's ok I'm real tired of this world and I find your videos very comforting especially the ones about our beloved pets.
Same here. Tired of this world. I had cancer 10 years ago and if it comes back, I'm not taking any treatments, they were awful. My son is an adult and I don't have grandchildren. I'm glad we have assisted end of life in Canada. I'm not afraid of dying at all, I'm convinced I'll be going home.
My grandfather smoked all of his life , died without COPD at 94, no illness
I recently lost my mom after a 3 year battle with her ovarian cancer. I'm almost numb from how quickly she declined. She was still walking 10 miles a day, scuttling around the house cleaning, being her spunky self just before she had a surgery. That surgery took all of her strength. She came home for hospice care for all of 6 days. She was only awake about 4 of those days. I find comfort knowing her passing was quick and peaceful, and your channel helped to prepare me for what to expect. There's a void in my life now that will never be filled, but I am grateful for those last few moments we shared. They were beautiful.
Thank you for what you do.
I'm sorry to hear of my mom's crossing. Do you think she might have lived a little longer had she not had the surgery?
What kind of surgery did she have? Was she affected by the anesthesia? Was it a long surgery?
@@Riowestie The surgery was to prepare her for a clinical trial that would potentially allow her body to respond to chemo again. It was about 3 hours long. Just prior to this she had some lower abdominal pain and some loss of appetite, but that was about it for her symptoms.
However, when she woke up from the surgery, she couldn't keep anything down, throwing up dark green bile. It was initially assumed to be an effect of the anesthesia, but it later turned out to be a blockage in her bile duct (which they missed twice). They were going to bring her to the ICU when her O2 levels were not responding to supplemental oxygen. Turns out, the nurse hadn't even hooked the line up, this was discovered by my father. She went an entire day with Oxygen in the low 80s. She went 8 days without eating anything before they finally discovered the blockage in her earlier scans. She only received IV fluids (no IV nutrition).
By the end of those 8 days, she was so weak she could barely stay awake. She had another surgery to clear the blockage, but by then it was too late. She continued to decline and passed less than a week later.
I have no doubt that first surgery led to a chain of events that brought about her death much, much sooner. But my dad will not pursue anything legally.
@@thulitshabalala5848 I do, unfortunately. There were multiple bungles on the hospital's part after that surgery that likely led to her rapid decline. I don't doubt she was very sick before the surgery though, but I think she would've lived at least a few more precious months, rather than a couple more weeks.
That is so sad. I'm so sorry everyone had to endure the pain. Chemo is the kiss of death. Surgery to prepare for chemo. That was the first mistake. I'm being blunt because it's necessary. We need to queation everything and stop trusting big pharma and doctors. It's their job to keep us sick. It's how they have gotten so rich! Kick backs to all doctors for pushing vaccines and other medications. Doctors work for big pharma. Live and learn. So sorry for your loss.
I'm a retired nurse, many years in ICU, Trauma and Life Flight. Everyone, please make a living will now, even if you're young.
Dying happens all too often when it's least expected. Document your wishes now so your loved ones don't have to struggle.
My husband had been moved to the cardiac intensive care, he was fully awake and aware and scared. His room was full of specialists but he didn’t want to be intubated or receive CPR I asked them to please keep him comfortable. When I returned the next morning, he was out cold. They had sedated him to the point where he didn’t know we were there. He died eight hours later. My family felt robbed from saying goodbye
@kathybrem880 That's heartbreaking I'm so sorry, I have to wonder at about the hospital staff who sedated him and if they truly thought they were reliving him of the pain by administrating that much or if somewhere along the way that was a human error and the nurse who did so just didn't know what they were doing 😢
unconscious means comfortable when you’re at the end of your life. it’s painful.
@Nina that’s just standard procedure..
R.I.P. Lady.....My dad died right in front of me...I'm still traumatized almost 2 years later
I am so sorry for your loss, I hope you are getting the support that you want
The Rolling Stones, Harry Chapin and, for the big finish, Ave Maria sung by Pavarotti. I already died once and and am still here thanks to those wonderful young people at the hospital. My apologies for being so flip about it. Dying can be an incredible wake up call if one lives to tell about it.
I like your comforting humour. Bless you.
When my dad was dying at the last minute he had a seizure. He looked like a fish out of water. It was so painful to watch. I can still see it clearly in my mind. My mom has dementia. From what I have read I believe she is nearing the end. I just pray when it’s her time to go she goes peacefully and quickly no matter how painful it will be for me to loose my beautiful mom. Thank you Julie. I watch your videos all the time and it really does help me.
Hello friend. My situation sounds nearly exactly like yours. My father died in that same manner from lung cancer. My mother is in the later stages of dementia. My baby sister and brother are her caregivers. You are in my prayers.
I really appreciate these videos. My best friend has recently been put on hospice-she has ALS. She was able to get a hospital bed to make her more comfortable. She can't walk or talk-she can't move her tongue. Hospice will be coming 3 days a week. These videos help me better understand what hospice is able to do for her.
My father passed fully conscious when on hospice. It ended with blood pouring from his mouth. When I hear about peaceful deaths...I could have only wished. It was horrific.
I am so sorry beloved. I’ve had an NDE and at least from my own personal experience and the unexplainable things I’ve experienced since unexpectedly losing my 43 year old fiancé to co vid 3 years ago….that despite all our earthly suffering, when we “hang up our hats” and “go home” all of our pain passes away as well and I knew peace like nothing on this planet could ever compare to.
Some of us come into the world quite traumatically, my grandmother lost her mother during childbirth and I just couldn’t imagine her pain and guilt and yet she lived and loved, and hurt and healed and healed and hurt humanly until she passed herself just over 10 years ago. I am sure, that she most likely had moments where she thought of her mother, where she felt tremendous guilt and grief as you do for your father but if my NDE can be a stand in and a testament….PLEASE know that horrendous moment of suffering was but a mere whisper in a life that I’m sure was more well defined by all the love, joy and pride you brought him…than any momentary suffering and he would NOT want you to continue reliving that moment.
My heart hurts so badly for you as I never I never fully got closure from my sweet Sam’s passing, couldn’t have a funeral….I wanted more than anything to be there with him as he transitioned if that was what it had to be and my mind comes up with all kinds of scenarios to try and imagine what he went through, did he suffer, was he scared, would me being there have made a difference?! I’ve tortured myself greatly despite knowing it’s the LAST thing he’d want for me and so I pray that we both can continue to fill in those repetitive traumatic thoughts with the overabundance of love we shared with them. Love never dies and his essence and love live on through you. Allow his legacy and memory to be a blessing. I am blessed to have read this because despite how sad it made me on your behalf, it reminded me that love can and does conquer all and so I pray with all of my might that your fathers love wraps around you and envelops you like a warm embrace in your most difficult moments.
I am so sorry. You are in my prayers.
Did he have varices in his esophagus? Sometimes they can rupture and the person can die really fast.
I am so sorry 😢
My Great Grandmother had a very non peaceful death, I wish she had been in hospice but no one suggested it. She was having severe shortness of breath and she was moaning quite a lot. This was in a hospital and they did nothing to help her. Thank you for helping me understand that she might not have been suffering and in pain right up to the end because I stayed there with her until she finally found rest. Thank you for what you do.
I am a new hospice nurse and one patient of mine was extremely agitated the night before he passed, banging on the walls and shouting. The family couldn't handle seeing that, so I was able to transfer him to our IPU, where he passed a few hours later. That one hit me hard because I heard he suffered and he was relatively young (60s) sometimes family is afraid to medicate. We would never prescribe a lethal dose, so stick to the directions and please don't be afraid to use the medication.
One of my most memorable deaths was a man with a large family crowded in his hospital room, low murmurs and reassurance to family. I’ve seen so many progress from life to death this I will never forget. As he was in the last minute or so of end of life, a foreboding darkness fell over the room. The man started screaming at full voice “I’m burning no no I can’t go there I’m burning” and he died. The family are pushing to run out of the room and screaming. I immediately started praying for self protection and for his transition. The rooms aura brightened and became quiet. It was a horrific experience. The family refused to come back into the room. As Nurses, after praying together we prepared his body for the funeral of home to pick him up. Fourth-two years working in healthcare I’ve experienced so much. Prayers have brought me through much. You have a caring heart. May Gods Blessings help you to help others.
@@tirtraz3174 yikes. Scary
Oh Dear Lord. Were they believers of Christ? Was anyone praying for his soul?
It's not death that we fear, but what comes after death.
@@mahmoudelshmi death doesn't scare me. What makes me unsettled is missing out on the life that will continue after I'm gone.
@@YelloLibra83 I think Claire Wineland explained it best. She said that a part of us will always mourn the life we could’ve had if we hadn’t die.
Edit: died
@@mahmoudelshmi Fear of being dead and fear of dying are two separate fears, although they're often linked. There's also a third related fear about how the world goes on without you.
I fear both death and dying separately, but don't really care about what happens in the world after, or the loss of ego. I fear the concept of nothingness, even though I don't really know what happens at death.
@@mahmoudelshmi its the fear of unknown 😔
@@ayeshahsaqib9119 I can’t comprehend the afterlife thus don’t fear it.
Julie, I wish I had found your channel before my mother died-in nursing home hospice care-six years ago. Your posts have confirmed so many things I experienced-and for which I had no referent. I am a man in recovery from addiction to more things and pursuits than I have fingers and toes. I cannot say enough how much I value your deep wisdom and insight. Thank you.
My step mom sat up like that right before I confirmed she passed. It was frightening and I was worried she was in pain and had a heart attack. Her last breath was within two minutes of this. Her active dying stage took soooooo much longer than we expected. It’s been a little over a year and I miss her so much ❤
Ive been with 6 people during end of life on hospice, two had agitated state,and the other 4 were very peaceful. My aunt was a hospice nurse and then was on hospice while she passed from pancreatic cancer. These videos are very educational and comforting. I was just put in charge of my parents end of life care and im really educating myself more and more.
Hi Julie. I experienced a similar non peaceful death with a brothers passing nine years ago. I had nightmares for a long time seeing him sit up. I have seven deceased siblings and have since learned from that experience. Please continue to educate as hospice doesn't stay with the families. Happy New Year!
❤️❤️❤️
It was heartbreaking watching my brother die after a 3 year battle against cancer and several operations which let him with wounds that couldn't heal, he died with his belly looking like it had 'exploded'. That night he was from time to time waking 9up and asked me to stay closer and hold his hand. I asked him why and he answered 'I' m scared ". In the end he screamed "water" and then "air', and then he rolled his eyes and stopped breathing. At least I was with him. That night he wanted me to go home but I decided to remain by his side. I would have never forgave myself if he died alone.
@@gloriabarberi1292 God I am so sorry to hear this! I can only anticipate a very small portion of what you might have felt. Hope you are somewhat better now. May you have the strength!
Breaks my heart. Nothing seemed to calm my aunt. After working in hospice myself, I recognized the terminal agitation... But Nothing seemed to help. Finally my uncle told her he would be okay, she could go. It was so horrible. She fought terminal cancer for more than a decade.
My mom passed away 2 weeks ago from Stage 4 non small lung cancer. She had a non-peaceful death. She was tugging at her clothes, moaning and trying to remove her catheter and rubbing her stomach. We begged to have her catheter removed, and to have her removed from the pleur-evac since she was dying anyways and we wanted her last hours to be as comfortable as they could be. The nurse tried to have the doctor approve the removal of these devices but palliative doctor did not respond. We held my mom's hands, kissed her forehead and told her how much we loved her and watched as she took her final breath. I keep re-living these last moments, I keep seeing how much discomfort she was in.
@@withlovechristine3378 I’m with you in your experience. Feeling helpless was difficult for sure. The only comforting thought I have was how much it really was to be present during that final moment.
@@techsocial626 I'm so sorry for your loss.
Thank you soooo much for covering this topic!! Mum just experienced a death that wasn't peaceful😢 She tried sooo hard to hang on to her body, never even losing conscious when her body gave out!!!!!!! Very very sad beyond sad!!!!!!! 😢😢😢
I’d like to say my mom passed peacefully. I lived minutes away from my parents when I got a panic phone call from my dad saying he thought she was going. When I arrived, her eyes were wide open and she was breathing heavily. My dad broke down and held onto her while sobbing and telling her things in their native language, just something I didn’t think she needed at the moment. When he finally left the room, I did what I thought she would’ve liked which was to have her rosary in her hands and I prayed with her, telling her she shouldn’t stay here. She struggled to say one last word, “Bye.” Her breathing became less labored but I did notice her facial muscles between her eyes tense up for a moment as if she reacted to pain. Breaks my heart to think she may not have transitioned peacefully as she certainly deserved to.
I’m really sorry 😞 and I hope she rests in peace 🕊️
It's the will to live refusing to give up life. She's a true fighter and doesn't want to succumb.
Julie, thank you for making these video. This one specifically. I was my grandmas caregiver before & during hospice. Unfortunately we didn’t pick the best company to work with. The instructions were very vague & little to no night support. My grandma had a very non peaceful death. I was not ready for & still haunts me to this day. Thank you for providing information & support to families that need it. My grandpa is 97 & while I’m more prepared I’m far from being ready to go through all of that again. Sending much love to everyone helping their loved ones cross over ❤
❤️ Just lost my 84 year old dad. I've been watching your videos in preparation for approximately a year.
Thanks for the help
I'm sorry for this question but did it made it easier? Knowing what to expect? I take care of my sick elderly parents with the help of caregivers and I'm so scared to be there when this happens.
This is how my beloved Sister passed away from Parkinson’s six months ago. She went on with this type of breathing for seven days. I don’t recall her having peaceful moments. She was breathing like this most of those days. My Mother was sleeping for a week as she passed from Dementia four years ago but did not have the strong breathing but at times she would need to be sat up because fluid would come up and she would choke on it. It was hard seeing both hang on for so many days.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. Hopefully your loved ones were " out of it" enough so as to be mostly unaware of what was happening. I pray you find support and comfort as you grieve.
@baxtercol, Thank You for having empathy
My mom had a horrible death in hospice. The hospice stopped all her meds the day of her death and it was horrific. She was aware and crying out. Never understood why they stopped her meds.
That is awful. I think they owe you an explanation.
Bless your heart ❤️ how horrible for your mother. I never heard of that. My sister was a hospice nurse. Im going to ask her..
Did my mom the same way but it was for almost two days. Se was screaming in pain. I throw them out of my house. I seen a lot of death from working at the hospital. Mom's was one of the worse pain wise.
During a time such as that, any staff who hold woke paranoid beliefs about pain meds and are indoctrinated prudes re “opioids” should be prohibited from being within 500 yards of the patient.
That is truly sick. Those meds are Also very addictive, for anyone to force a dying person into withdrawal is incomprehensible
I am So sorry! 💔
My great grandma did that when she passed away. She sat straight up in bed and had this look on her face like she was in the worst pain ever. She then began what seemed like she was gasping for air, laid back down and she was gone.😭
💗💗💗
❤😢
I am a Hospice volunteer. The scariest thing I witnessed was my patient sitting up and bleeding out. I wasn’t prepared.
As a nurse who has walked alongside a lot of residents at the end of their lives, i wanted to say a not peaceful death is hard on staff as well. A lot of doctors DONT WANT to give up. They often get mad/avoid the patient & staff as a result. I have worked with numerous hospice organizations throughout my career, and i have given meds rectally, but not through a catheter. This as an option is new to me. As i have explained to coworker's and family, our bodies are designed to function on autopilot (aka homeostasis), and even though it know how to die, e.g. stop eating/drinking, sometimes the autopilot function still has enough control. So the process gets dragged out. I've seen pale legs, for example, because the body shifts the circulation so vital organs like the liver get taken care of. I've seen the terminal agitation. I've seen people who went off dialysis have seizures. Sometimes, being out of it is best because they're suffering. Staff are doing their best, and its not enough because the autopilot function won't give up easily. Sorry for the length.
As I have always enjoyed being given rectal meditation I am certain that during my final minutes a nurse administering Suppositories to me will induce orgasms in me before re-animating me back to life 😳
I wanted Julie to know how much her videos helped me & our Visiting Angel helpers prepare for my BFF’s passing. She had a glioblastoma & survived 3 years after her first seizure. I encouraged her daughter & husband to bring in hospice as soon as her oncologist said there was nothing more he could do for her. Hospice started in August & she passed 11-28-23. Her JourneyCare team became part of our “Team Christine” and we were a “well oiled care machine” together. It was peaceful, pain free, and a sacred time. In constant prayer to God for her & us, we journeyed together to the finish line. Again, these videos helped so much. Please all hospice nurses & team members for what they do❤️❤️
I appreciate your last comments. So many people seem to be afraid of dying alone. I've had several relatives die with four or five family members in the room. Oddly enough, this is NOT what I would want. I don't want TV, or music, or a bunch of people around. Be aware that there are freaks like me out there -- not a lot of them, but we do exist.
Yes, dying seems like it might be quite a private thing - not a situation where you want lots of people staring at you.
My grandmother passed earlier this year and I was not able to be there. My parents and grandfather were there with her when she died, thankfully peacefully. She was home with hospice care only for a couple of days and my mother and I kept in contact with what was happening. Because of your videos I was able to give my family information and reassurance when they were unsure about physical changes they were seeing. Thank you so much for what you do.
After battling cancer we rushed my mom to the hospital and she went into coma. I left my partner and went home to get my mom's discount card for medicine, I was just away for 30 mins when I received a call from my partner to proceed to the hospital and don't bother to buy the meds, he said my mom already passed. I think she waited for me to step out because it will be very hard for me to grasp the undeniable truth that she's dying that day. I miss my mom everyday❤
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Just as she was dying, my grandmother thrashed in the bed, legs kicking and hands clutching at her blanket. She had a wild look in her eyes, and her mouth open. I've lived with the memory of this, and am always concerned that she was frightened. It breaks my heart to think she might have been.
I believe that she was doing that to try and get out of the body.
Think of a baby chick trying to get out of an egg..
Don't worry, she wasn't suffering
Thank you @@kimlast66
yes, they hear or see or both something before they go. the second before my dad died, he said to my mom, 'im going". I think this is proof some souls go to torment and some go to paradise until judgement day.
I’m so sorry. 😢
@@Szkyetrix294 Thank you.
Macy is a game changer in hospice care! I’ve been a hospice RN for nearly 15 years now. The Macy Catheter is the biggest thing to come to hospice care!
How is it different?
The Macy Catheter allows for fast symptom control because the medications prescribed are usually already at the bedside and are absorbed quickly. It’s easy to use, it’s painless, and it’s indwelling, so the patient doesn’t have to be disturbed every time they need medication (the port is on the patient’s thigh).@@salauerman7082 Geraldine Wolfolk explains why she thinks it's a game changer here: ua-cam.com/video/Kz0h237_bP8/v-deo.html
My belovéd Mum died SO peacefully on 5 April 2023. She suffered a Sub-arachnoid haemorrhage...Over here in the UK, the medical and nursing staff were simply superb. They educated us, reflected with us and left us in peace to say our last goodbyes....My Mum's death worried her beyond measure, because my Dad died from lung cancer with metastasis of brain....She thankfully was spared the intense, chronic pain.....And now, after a couple of hours, her soul is at rest. Requiescat in Pace, Mum ❤
death rattle is stuck in my head from both parents. It is a sound you never want to hear again.
Being from third world country its scary...the medical professionals does not care much for patients especially in government hospitals
My mom, 78, recently passed on November 1st. She, myself, and older brother love your informative videos!! My mom was on hospice. When it came down for her ready to pass, I kept my promise to be by her side from start to finish. I camped out in her room, sleeping on the floor on a mat the assisted living gave me. She could barely form words when she was responsive, but, in the middle of the night, she would yell for her sister, who is still living, to help her. It was heartbreaking to hear. I went to her and held her as she once held me. Then came a superhuman grip that came out of nowhere. She was less responsive at this time. She had her eyes closed and was gripping the nurses white coat or my arm in which she left bruises. After getting her to let go of me, I grabbed a pair of her fuzzy socks to that seemed to satisfy her. As she became unresponsive, I made the choice to have the nurse give her the liquid anxiety medicine and liquid morphine. She was denying herself morphine because it made her head feel fuzzy. I wanted her to be without anxiety and pain-free. The night before she passed, she opened her eyes and smiled at the nurse as she told mom that the next time she would come to the room, she would have 2 syringes of meds for her. We thought she was going to rally again but she didn't. She rallied 5 times before. The next morning, I was talking to her, and comforting her as she had done for me so long ago. The nurses came in to check on her at about 9. They said they needed to change her and her bedding. They asked me if they could cut the shirt up the back so it would be easier for them because of the oxygen hose. For some reason, I got upset about the shirt, told them to do what they needed to and I went out in the hall to calm down and breathe. They came out and told me that they couldn't find a pulse and they're pretty sure she had passed but couldn't call it because that was for hospice to do. I waited for hospice to arrive. I heard her voice in the doorway like she was leaving her room. Hospice gets there, listens for a heartbeat for 1 minute and declared the T.O.D. at 10:27 am. As I thought about it, I realized that my mom didn't want me in the room when she took her last breath. I miss her terribly but am grateful that I kept my promise to her and stayed by her side from start to finish. You, hospice nurses, are amazing and have that special touch when it comes to the patients you care for. You all are forever in my heart!! 💙💜
I’ve been watching a lot of these videos recently. I was diagnosed a couple of months ago (again) with Grade 3 Anaplastic Astrocytoma brain cancer. It’s obviously going through my mind, some of the things I’d want for myself when/if I get to that stage. Thanks for putting these videos out, it’s kinda relieving to watch.
Thank you Julie for your videos. I started working in nursing homes when I was 16 became a LPN when I was 22 . I worked LTC for 32 yrs saw many deaths. I fought ugly Cancer in 2012 in 1965 lost my 6 yo sister to Cancer I was only 4 but I witnessed her passing and attended her funeral I am thankful my parents didn’t hide it or shield me. Tragic unexpected deaths are totally different I lost a 16 yo brother tragically in 1985. An expected death of someone who has suffered doesn’t have to be scary it’s very important they are kept comfortable provide physical,spiritual and emotional needs.
My dad was agitated in the last few days, he was trying to reach the handle to get out of bed. Very vocal although none of it discernible. The last 2 days was listening to the fluid filling up his lungs, his heart was strong as an ox, but his stage 4 cancer had taken over. And he would hate what he had been reduced to.
All we could do was make sure he was comfortable and in no pain. He died at home as per his wishes. He passed in the witching hour when we were all asleep, but we were woken up not long after by strange noises. As a funeral director I have seen death, but it never prepared me for the inevitable watch of death.
Your videos have intrigued and comforted me, thankyou for bringing normalcy to one of life's journeys. ❤
Thank you so much for your videos! Dec 1st my brother texted that mom was in the hospital with pneumonia- we got to the hospital Dec 3rd after finding out how serious it was & mom was gone the morning of Dec 5th.
Bcuz of your educational content, I knew what was happening, what to listen for & watched mom pass with her family around her without fear. I cannot thank you enough!!!❤
My father said to me when he was dying with lung cancer"Its different when its you "When my mother was dying with blood cancer the nurses lied ,the doctor was on an ego trip.What i saw was they kept mum from waking for the last 4 days.This was obviously to kill her by dehydration .Mums mouth was slamming open and closed for 3 days.At the time of her death her mouth was open.Mums tongue was all chopped up and all her teeth were smashed to the gum line.She had a mouth full of crushed teeth,blood and a chopped up tongue.Doctors and nurses are so detatched from thier feelings and thier patients.They have left me traumatised for life.I will never trust these people .They put ego first,money second and the patient and family come last.The good thing however is we all meet our maker,even them .
You should sue them. That's illegal. 😢
@@louise7552I did .
So sorry for your loss and the extra distress caused 😂to you. Woulld it ease your pain to take legal action- you must be very angry and sad. Your Mum is in peace now please try to remember the good times you shared💐🦋🌞🌻
@@user-nu8eq1wk4e thankyou and I did take legal action and I won.However money does not ease your pain or bring my beautiful mum back.Kind regards.
You are absolutely correct about what the medical community is now. I have my own horror stories and permanent nerve damage, etc, from them. I despise them to my core. Never trust them, they don't give a flip.
My mom has pancreatic cancer and is close to passing. She seems very agitated and keeps trying to get up (even though she can't) and because I've watched and followed you, I asked her hospice nurse how we could help her be more at peace. She said there is nothing we can do 😮💨. We are beyond exhausted. My mom gets restless every 10-30 minutes. We have to administer liquid meds every hour day and night and constantly calm her. I wish we had a nurse like you. 😢
I also would like to advocate nearness and closeness and support as a way to help with agitation, as agitation can also be a symptom of fear and anxiety. Singing, talking, holding and stroking/hugging can releave anxiety and fear. Medication is good, but please also mention the connection aspect of it. ❤️🇳🇴
My father had cancer, got over it then it came back. He refused my visits (I live abroad) because he didn't want me to see his decline. He asked my mum to care for him at home so they set up a hospital bed and daily care, oxygen , doctors, nurses etc. The neigbour was often there as was my aunt so the house was full. One day after being in a coma for some days they had a Vicar pray over him and when the man had finished my father said 'amen' although still in a coma. One day very strangely the house was empty of people, just mum and dad and mum felt a change in the room so she leant over him and asked if he wanted to leave. He let out a huge sigh, then a second one and he was gone. He was a shy person and I am sure that he didn't want to go until they were alone.
Thanks for relating your dad's story; it reminds me of my own dad at the end. My sister and I sat vigil at his bedside, holding his hand. When my sister darted out to use the bathroom, I got up to wash my hands. In those 30 seconds, Dad checked out and was taking his last breath when I returned to his side. As in life, he slipped quietly out the door without a fuss.
Thank you for sharing this I think people think they will get a moment to say their goodbyes but when we lost my 15 year old niece only 9 months after her Stage IV non Hodgkin’s lymphoma diagnosis. She had been allowed to go home for a few days her second day at home she had a fever. Doctors told my sister we didn’t need to come. Unfortunately that night when she was alone with my niece she went into repeated codes. We lost her a little past midnight. I thought I had learned my lesson but this summer my mother was on at home hospice after fighting cancer for 4 years. She had an bad infection (sepsis) but again we were told her death wasn’t imminent. In fact we were given options on where she would go after the infection was under control and her stats were better. They took her from the ER to a room and when they were transferring her from the stretcher to the hospital her heart stopped. She had a DNR. She had been suffering and she slipped away more peacefully than others. My sister and I have both beat breast cancer. I’m only sharing this because as humans we can’t wait to share our love and feelings. Pick up the phone and don’t put it off. Schedule a few days to visit loved ones because trust me you won’t regret it.
My dear father was the most peaceful person I've ever known. But the dying process for him was not at all peaceful. He suffered from heart disease and COPD. He was sent home from the hospital on hospice. The first few days he was still talking and he ate a little. Then he started talking to family members who were no longer with us. Then the terminal agitation began. I'm also severely disabled so i was in the same room with him but on opposite sides in my own bed. We were in the living room of my parents home. My oldest sister & mom were our and are still my care takers. My dad would flail his arms up and down over and over & the medicine he was given for pain made his nose itch nonstop. He rubbed it so much that it became so swolen and raw. He also made this god awful snorting noise that upset me so bad i begged God for his death. I know that sounds mean but my daddy was in torment. My sister bless her heart didnt sleep for a week because she was the only one really able to care for him properly. She would administer medication and change him when needed. She has a long career in the medical field. She almost had a nervous breakdown on the day before dad passed. Because the terminal agitation was so bad. The medicine would help for maybe 2 hours then it would start all over. My mother was a ROCK during this time. They were married 60 years. The day he passed we had to call the nurse because we were st our wits end. He was suffering and it had to stop. So she came and assesed the situation & she administered a dose of morphine which only made it worse. About 30 min later she administered a stronger dose of his Ativan for the agitation. That was the 1st time in 20 plus hours that i saw my sweet precious daddy relax and they turned him on his left side and in less than 10 minutes he passed away. I felt so relieved for him. I HATED TO SEE MY DADDY GO. But there's no way i would want to keep him here in the shape he was in. I know he is with my brother and oldest sister and her daughter in heaven rejoicing with the Lord. He was an excellent father & a superb provider for our family. His legacy will continue to live on through our sharing stories of just how special that man really was. My mother is equally as precious. They were a prime example of hudband and wife united as one. They loved to be a blessing to others. They truly gave more than they ever recieved. And they were HAPPY! JULY 2022 he went to be with our Father God. I love you daddy. ❤
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Julie being a nurse how much have you been exposed to death by trauma? I was an EMT and was witness to traumatic death. Not everyone dies instantly. Some die in the ambulance but most in the ER. Many are unconscious but not everyone. Can you discuss what difference you have observed between the two distinct differences between the two?
I was an ICU trauma nurse for many, many years- I saw a lot of suffering 😖
@@hospicenursejulie I was in the back of the ambulance with a man who asked not to let him die. We only provided basic life support so there was not much I could do for him. I just tried to encourage him to hang on. Thank God many ambulances today are equipped with trained paramedics and equipment to provide advanced life support instead of just encouragement. I don’t know if the man lived or died. This was in 1976.
Randall, thank you for your service. I know that what you saw was traumatic. Please take heart in knowing that you did the best that you could for him. Hopefully, he made it. Please know that you are loved, wanted, valid, beautiful, and amazing… No matter what anyone else says. Also, please take care of yourself, for you are worth it, and deserve it. 💜; 💚 🐕🦺
@@SarafinaSummers Thank you.
A relative on my husbands side was actively dying, but it was clear he was seeing something that he was trying to get away from. He never opened his eyes but he was grabbing the sheets, kicking his legs and was making noises of complete terror. He kept turning his head and saying no! He was a very grumpy and hard man throughout his life. Something happened between him and his daughter and they became estranged from each other.
@@Hello2uall
Very sad😢
I'm sorry to have to say this, Hello, but your reply isn't helpful and might prove quite harmful. We have no idea what the gentleman was seeing and it is very possible that the reaction was purely neurological. Of course it's natural to attach meaning to things like that but often our conclusion may be incorrect and inappropriate. I don't know if the lady relating the story loves her relative but a mention of hell and the thoughts that engenders can be very unsettling if not downright scary. If your goal is to promote salvific conversion or faith, I'm not sure that's a good way to get to it. Let's try to be especially sensitive and empathetic when commenting in a forum like this one.
@@Hello2uall A very low percent of possibility.
Your comment was made with chatgpt@@baxtercol
@@Hello2uall Hi, I'm not upset and I want you to know why I wrote the comment I did. I'm a Christian and from that perspective, it's important to know the consequences of obstinate unrepentance. But I wrote my comment as a social worker and someone who has done grief counseling. You are writing in a public forum so anyone with any type or degree of trauma can see what anyone writes. Maybe my comment to you was too strong and if so, I apologize I submit as a professional that that sensitive subject matter should only be broached in an atmosphere of emotional, psychological and spiritual safety and trust. For that kind of atmosphere to be assured, the people dialoguing have to have known each other personally. I wish you a blessed and holy Christmas season and joyous New Year that comes from knowing the Holy Child intimately and therefore being wrapped protectively in His love.
I'm 55 & personally, I am terrified of dying. I don't know why, other than I'm afraid it'll be painful. Ideally, I think it would be awesome if I could just be pumped full of as much fentanyl legally possible, fall asleep, and never wake again . I do appreciate your videos, you seem like such a wonderful person ❤
This is what I did with my mother I put her in the hospital and she got around the clock palliative care with Dilaudid and Ativan every 4 hours so she was sedated and had a very peaceful non painful death praise God
An overdose of fentanyl is probebly the way to go….i would want that.
Just call out to Jesus, he will calm your fears
Unless you're in bad health, 55 is still quite young to be worrying about this. I wonder if the fear of death plays a large role in these people that struggle so hard to not die.
With total respect, I don't understand your point. Was he already expected to pass? Or, did he OD from fentanyl during a "normal" hospital stay? @@pamphlet3560
Thank you. I usually read the blog of a resuscitator from Moscow. She writes that modern people are unfortunately “separated” from seriously ill and dying relatives, and because of this they become lost and experience deep shock when a loved one ends up in intensive care or dies. I think she would support your channel.
Thank you, Julie. I just lost my Mom after 2 nights in hospice, on Dec 22. She went into the hospital and never came out. She didn't have cancer, covid.... she had severe vomiting. She was 74. That first night in the hospital, she told me she was dying, to get ready. That night, she had a stroke. She ended up on a vent, and it went downhill from there. She was taken off the vent, we had hope!! But no, the stroke made it where she couldn't swallow. She kept telling me in German that she wanted to die. To let her die. To HELP her die. I understood what she wanted. We had them remove the feeding tube and took her to hospice. We were able to bring our beagle--her boy--with us, so it was just the four of us. Mom, Napoleon our beagle, me, and my husband.
We left the second morning to rush home to feed our pets-- and that is when Mom died. The hospice nurse told us that over and over and over, they see it, where their loved one waits until everyone has been seen, and they are all gone, and then they die. My husband is SURE my Mom did this, to spare me having to see her die. I had been laying in the bed with her, spooning her, my dear mom, god i love her so much, and I just held her and told her I loved her. I told her it was ok to go ahead and leave us, if she was ready. I don't know if they understood me, but I know hearing is the last thing to go........so please, nurse Julie, can you please talk about how sometimes maybe the patient DOES wait until they are alone to die??? Please? It would give me so much relief. I can't stop crying. I have no brothers or sisters, no one to help me, just my husband. There is no family left, and now I am the last. I have no kids either. What am I going to do with her home? Her land? I don't know what to do. I can't even get through a single day without breaking down.
Can't get enough of your very informative videos Julie! And that Macy catheter! How did we ever get along without it? Had a patient in our hospice facility last week struggling and out of control, noncompliant with the medication that would relieve his pain and agitation. He was just miserable... until we got him connected to the Macy catheter! Then he was able to receive the usual scheduled meds for the actively dying. His symptoms were now totally under control and he died a peaceful death. Keep up your excellent work Julie. You are a master hospice educator! 🙂
Do some patients not have an IV line?
This wasn't as scary as thought it would be. It sounds like the normal terminal secretions. Sitting straight up is something haven't seen b4, also the Macy catheter. That sounds like something that can help a lot. So thank you for sharing your knowledge. It's important to know these things & you always do it in a caring, kind manner❤
Thanks for how you guys make transitioning this life so peaceful and physically comforting.
I watched my grandad take his last breath his was a non peaceful death and the videos brought back so many messed up memories I've now got psychosis and severe mental health issues if your reading this please don't witness a death when you are 16 year old
My grandpa fought so hard when he was dying that he left an imprint in the bed. It was so traumatic for all of us. He always hated hospitals and we think that is what agitated him so much.
We called that the Lazarus effect when a dying patient just sits up it can be scary for loved ones to witness.