Narcissists love rebounds - Vulnerable people and minimizing red flags.

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  • Опубліковано 1 гру 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 69

  • @blackmamba4729
    @blackmamba4729 2 роки тому +51

    Sooo true I have been in 4 relationships with Narcs and it wasn’t until the 4th covert that I realised it was my pattern. Looked around with opened eyes and started to see family members who are narcs too. Self reflection and logic is the key!

  • @loriewallace8922
    @loriewallace8922 2 роки тому +27

    He was someone my daughter had worked with. She introduced us and when my husband was killed in an accident a few months later he was right there to help anyway he could. I had no idea what I was dealing with and I ignored a lot because of grief.

  • @KB-oz3zh
    @KB-oz3zh 2 роки тому +11

    Yup so very true.
    Out of an abusive marriage, love bombed by a narc, he liked and praised everything that caused me pain in the past BUT…their actions in both situations was my fault : “ a direct consequence of my actions”. ZERO ACCOUNTABILITY is the hallmark of a narc.
    The rage is their tantrum to emotionally arrest you before you can them in their true manipulative form.

  • @beverlytaylor1745
    @beverlytaylor1745 2 роки тому +15

    Thank you, Ben. As you help us grow in awareness, we most certainly will be "heading out there on our own" as we leave the toxic relationship. We are no different than children leaving the nest because we are inexperienced and unfamiliar with knowing our own vulnerabilities. I believe this information is many prayers answered 🙏

    • @ESumner
      @ESumner 2 роки тому

      This is how I feel now, like a child! I prayed for God to remove the scales from my eyes and He showed me my husband was a narc. 😔 the most heart breaking realization. I’ve been crying for days because I wonder why God couldnt fix him 😔 I ended things in December... I’m very broken right now and find myself needing another partner right now 😔 I don’t know how to live without being controlled and love bombed... I seriously am in a very uncomfortable place with everything, like he said, the pink cloud is over, and I’m here only thinking of the good times 😫 debating if I’m the narcissist!! 🤦🏻‍♀️ getting caught thinking of how physically attracted I am to him too... I’m a mess.... please pray for me! Pray Jesus gives me strength!!

  • @chickenbiscuit4525
    @chickenbiscuit4525 2 роки тому +8

    They say dont fall for second best.
    You don't want to suddenly rebound into the next best narcissist.
    Some people will understand if you're still carrying extra baggage.
    Narcs sense it like they can take over where the abuse left off and play the hero, savior role to their advantage quite passively or malignantly.
    That's kind of the choice you leave to them if you have not yet gotten back to your full improved awareness.

  • @tinawalton2208
    @tinawalton2208 2 роки тому +2

    So grateful for you, and Lee Hammock. My ex narc and I met after I lost my mom...I had a very YOLO mindset, and decided to give this guy a chance (he had contacted me a year prior, and I turned him down, because we lived over two hours apart). Sooooo many red flags I can now see clear as day. Looking forward, and leaving that narc behind!

  • @alexiss7403
    @alexiss7403 2 роки тому +10

    Your videos are awesome. So thankful you are using all your experience and knowledge to spread such vital awareness and help protect people. It’s been the most traumatic time having clawed my way out of a previous narcissistic relationship. I’m over a year out with no contact and it’s still hard. I still have to consciously remain disciplined every day not to slip into old patterns of re-contacting or looking on social media. Your videos have strengthened my resolve in that aspect and reinforced everything I needed to hear. Thank you for such awesome content and advice. I truly admire your honesty and wish you well.

  • @sambam9129
    @sambam9129 2 роки тому +6

    I went from one narc to a worse narc cos I just didn’t understand it. He asked me if I’d ever been in an abusive relationship which I thought was weird. Now I know why.

  • @pamelakelley5535
    @pamelakelley5535 2 роки тому +1

    The narc I was with me because I was an empath. His new supple made the huge mistake of telling him she had been in abusive relationships and a previous drug addict a complete codependent and she was half his age. He was having his midlife crisis and had to stroke his ego.

  • @cherrybacon3319
    @cherrybacon3319 2 роки тому +11

    I left my Narcissistic Ex 4hrs ago after 3 and 1\2 yrs. I told him I was skint and had no more money to put into the Flat (his place). I walked back to his after I told him this with his Keys thinking how easy it would be to walk out with all his money and bank card while he was out Shopping. But no, I waited till he returned, and then told him everything on my mind. His reaction was to discard me. I got.my things together and left. I held my head up high and walked away. This was the man who wanted to marry me 24hrs ago. Who'd take me with all my faults for better and worse. But you know what friends? As I lay now in a single bed in the back bedroom of my home (I'd given him my double bed) watching films on my phone (I'd given him my TV), with no food (I'd given him my food) I feel a sense of strength and courage within myself for walking away in front of him and not behind his back with his money. I know I will survive, while he struggles with supplies because I'm honest and decent and have morels. 🍒

  • @latashiasmith114
    @latashiasmith114 2 роки тому +5

    So true that's what happened to me never again I'm taking time to heal

  • @sheenanar7342
    @sheenanar7342 2 роки тому +3

    How I wish I have seen this a year ago. That is how I got in with a narc.... He was the first person I met with this mental sickness but at that time I never heard of a narc. Made it worst he was cheating with me on his relationship and I had no idea that he had someone now that I walked away I have been seeing them together daily.
    Lord, I feel so stupid
    If only I knew 😔

  • @karenkuske5567
    @karenkuske5567 2 роки тому +1

    Pretty much exactly how the relationship started...I wasn't even out of the prior relationship that had issues but there came the Narc in shining aluminum to make me fall in love with myself. Glad I know better now. Thank you for your videos...very helpful and not so generic.🔥 He's a narcissist in denial as he called me the narcissus and suggested therapy for me as I'm the one in his eyes who had the problem. Walked from the marriage.. Saw him more than a few times after and no change...still provoked arguments and drama. The last time I was told to"shut up...just shut the fuck up"as he couldn't deal with the subject of cheating which he accused me of😂 after that major hurt and disrespect coming from Mr. I demand respect I haven't spoken to him....what for?? I gave him everything he complained about and tried to control..his money...his cars...his rental home...ect... now he's got everything he ever wanted... the one thing he doesn't have anymore is the super empath. 🔥

  • @psybelle
    @psybelle 2 роки тому +8

    That's why mental health clinicians recommend that you don't get into a new relationship right after you've broken the previous one.

  • @ganeshlal3737
    @ganeshlal3737 2 роки тому +1

    Sooooooo true 🔥🔥🔥🔥

  • @danadane2397
    @danadane2397 2 роки тому +5

    Thank you for the awareness!! And thank you for this video. It’s amazing how much you are, not just trying to trying to help others but heal yourself from this. Good luck to you on your journey. Love and light✊🏼

  • @sreach93
    @sreach93 7 місяців тому

    This is profound. I wasn't sure if my ex was/is a narcissist, she certainly has some narcissistic traits. Listening to various people as objective as l can, it seems the boxes are slowly being ticked. Just a few months after our breakup, she got involved with someone who sadly lost his wife to illness. She's introduced him to family and friends already. That's probably the 6th box that's been ticked now.

  • @chriscole5990
    @chriscole5990 2 роки тому

    Yep my ex narc recruited me early in my life I was 25 years old she was 32 years old. I knew nothing about narcissist just kind of learning on what life was all about I knew nothing about these predators. I been with her till I was 40 years old she is now 47 years old not together now I was discarded twice I'm not going to lie she groomed me well they do pray on the weak and vulnerable.💯

  • @TinaMarieJ
    @TinaMarieJ 2 роки тому +5

    New to your channel from tiktok, binge watching ur vids and i love it thank u for all this!!

  • @emmamonroe3311
    @emmamonroe3311 2 роки тому +1

    That was not me. Never married, no kids, been single for 3 years. Was too happy and that’s what he liked the most.🙄👆🏻

  • @yourbodyandu
    @yourbodyandu 2 роки тому +1

    Very fresh perspective. Thank you. I don't how dangerous my situation is. I'm out. I just need to go through the divorce and retrieve my belongings. He's acting worse. Barracaded me and a deputy out of the house. Came outside and made a scene. Sent the landlord a nasty message. Yelled at my friend. Shows up everywhere. Finds me. Found me in hiding. Found my new apartment complex. Found me in my truck. Truck broke down so he found me with the new car. Sends me all kinds of messages. Some nice. Some mean. I thought he was a lazy bum. But, he's putting forth a lot of effort to hurt me. I now have attorneys. There are police events. My friends won't let me go to the gym alone. I have a personal alarm and mace (someone gave me). How bad could this get?

    • @rebekahjette6304
      @rebekahjette6304 2 роки тому

      You may want to carry a gun, just in case.🫂

    • @yourbodyandu
      @yourbodyandu 2 роки тому +1

      @@rebekahjette6304 thank you for your bluntness. He has 4 of them. I don't have any.

  • @Michelle....B
    @Michelle....B 2 роки тому +14

    My story.... I was just divorced.... Worst mistake of my life.

  • @franciscoguevara9727
    @franciscoguevara9727 2 роки тому

    So i suffered a smear campaign last year and im still healing from my childhood stuff and they both kind of got mixed up. Ive been in healing for 3 years, and I have been studying narcisistic abuse for 1 year now integrating it to my recovery, learning how to navigate and deal with narcisistic people in order to keep my power , respond not react, stay direct, stay in my truth, etc. I met this girl in a support group, and i can see the very narcisistic ones easily, but this one , didnt strike me as narcisistic straight away. Sometimes people exchange between different sexes if their open to it and had things in common. Weve been texting for sharing, and recovery, healing, experience strength and hope. Yesterday it seemed like she was gaslighting me or projecting somethign at me, and then suddenly there was a switch and it seemed like she clarified that she was saying something else. I felt drawn to her in that moment, and i felt like she was a safe person. With my experience with narcisistic abuse, and trauma healing, i paused maybe, i said thank you for clarifying and that i needed time to process, she asked me if in the future I could give her the benefit of the doubt. I felt drawn by some of this gentleness, and she said something else she said, if i needed anything from her bc trust and safety where important. I felt a chemical hormonal reaction i think of safety, with some one else , or connection. But in my inner and true self, even if it was a nice hit of bonding or safety with a person which is something that i long for. To trust, to open , to connect. What she said did feel like a projection even if she seemed to clarify it. Part of my principles is trusting my perspective , gut, intuition, inner child, after suffering narcisistic abuse in childhood. Im having doubts im seeing orange flags or redish with her, and since i need intimate (not only romantic, but quality) connection, it seems like a narcisist could pick up on that on some level. Its good to tread carefully when getting to know someone, do this healing work, have wholeness, have safe boundaries and integrity with yourself, have your own back first , learn to self respect and keep the oxygen mask on first, learn to love yourself first, and go through the different grieving and reparenting processess for the different traumatic beliefs we may have, before getting into romantic relationships. I did feel a hit of oxytocin with her, but i also will tread carefully, even if she seemed to clarify what she was saying, im still not so sure about her, today my inner child is the most important person to me, and if someone is going to love bomb or mirror me to be abusive later i want to be able to see the redflags early , I want to tread carefully, bc my selfworth, wholeness integrity selfrespect , and dignity come before the need to be accepted by a groomer or abusive person. I can keep improving my relatiosnhip with myself, my inner children, and growing a safe support sytem of people whom are emotionally available and working on their healing too, and authentic.

  • @kevinolshefski8310
    @kevinolshefski8310 2 роки тому +3

    OMG I think this was me.

  • @Me76me
    @Me76me 2 роки тому +1

    Absolutely

  • @chandrawallace3579
    @chandrawallace3579 2 роки тому

    I was in a relationship with a narcissist and he left me for a woman ho had just got out her second divorce not even a month later he had nothing and she is a nurse practitioner to make me jealous he would say our money he bragged and said she paid for us to go to New York to watch his 7th child from his 5th baby momma that he cheated on his then main supply with and had this kid I admit I thought he had change for me I tried to tell his now new supply that I have been in a 15 year relationship with him she disregard what I was saying there was a warning he was gay she disregarded it when he got back from his trip he aggressively forced his way into my house I no longer feel sorry for her because she has ignored the red flags. I’m going through my healing process

  • @alexandermelchers1497
    @alexandermelchers1497 Рік тому +1

    Say someone were to get into a rebound with a grandiose narcissist, do general rules of a rebound relationship still apply, in the sense that these kinds of relationships have a poor track record?

  • @Kathleen-p1l
    @Kathleen-p1l 2 роки тому +3

    Unbelievable…..

  • @avgonyma1
    @avgonyma1 2 роки тому +9

    Ben, in all videos like this i would love to know your experience, your persoective:
    - does it apply to you?
    - did you also "select" your romantic partners based on if they are more vulnerable?
    - did you tell them you loved them on the first date?
    Because i read/hear these general statements everywhere, but i do t know if they apply to every NPD.
    What if the person I'm trying to understand if they are NPD, doesn't seem to go after vulnerable people but after successful people? What if they aren't trying to mirror you?
    I still think they are NPD, but struggling to be sure if I'm not wrong.
    E.g., i for sure wasn't on a rebound. I was at a time in my life where i was over past relationships, with a clean slate and ready and excited for what the future may bring. After years of his flip-flopping, future faking etc. In a long distant relationship i became more nervous and anxious and sad over the lost years and then he was complaining that I'm not full of life anymore?
    Just talk about your personal experience more- about what you feel and think in certain situations, did this change now and how is it changing due to working on yourself? Also, when you think specific "traits" never applied to you and how and why do you think you became a "narcissist"?
    This way you will bring new valuable material, that isn't written anywhere else.
    Thank you! 🙏

    • @michellearmanini354
      @michellearmanini354 2 роки тому +1

      I agree with you. I was at my best. Successful job new condo I bought on my own etc. walking away I’m starting over with very little. It was the switching gears and having to keep up that drove me crazy. After breakup number 3 I know I need help to get away for good. I made it easy and his hovering wasn’t even that good! 5 year marriage that stripped me of so much. I’m exhausted.

  • @noraa2497
    @noraa2497 2 роки тому +5

    I guess they come because they smell fresh blood!! 🦈 Easy target🎯

  • @ATeitter
    @ATeitter 2 роки тому +2

    This is why you should never date anyone right after doing Ayahuasca or Ibogaine. You’re coming out of a re-traumatization, only you feel better, so you’re too open and you think everyone’s a good person

    • @SadieHartMusic
      @SadieHartMusic 2 роки тому

      totally! this could apply to any major healing event or series of events. even after healing from NA! this is a huge pattern for me. even though I’ve been *ready* to date, when i’m in a period of expansion i attract all kinds of people, including many narcs. in the past I haven’t had the education, wisdom, and discernment to begin to *choose* the healthy, available, kind humans out there. i hope the education and healing i am receiving makes a difference going forward. i dont want to waste any more time.

  • @Knm.116
    @Knm.116 2 роки тому +1

    How bout drug addicts! Mine is leaveing after 25 years for an addict smh !

  • @END-THE-FED
    @END-THE-FED 2 роки тому +2

    Aren’t narcissist eventually self aware, and are aware that their behavior amounts to abuse of others, but because of the narcissist lack of empathy they just don’t care how much the target is negatively affected by the abuse?

    • @RawMotivations
      @RawMotivations  2 роки тому +2

      I don’t think they eventually get self aware.

    • @END-THE-FED
      @END-THE-FED 2 роки тому +2

      @@RawMotivations What do you mean? That they are always self aware?

    • @RawMotivations
      @RawMotivations  2 роки тому +1

      @@END-THE-FED no that a lot of times they never are and will never realize what they have done

    • @END-THE-FED
      @END-THE-FED 2 роки тому +1

      @@RawMotivations Well that’s pitiful.

    • @irenenelson6994
      @irenenelson6994 2 роки тому +1

      The narcissists I've had in my life are still not self aware. There's something that keeps them from being accountable like a shame or seeing themselves as ordinary human beings with flaws.
      The apology of one narcissist that I eventually have no contact with now, would always have a but in it. He had to qualify the behaviour he was apologizing for. It is not a trauma bond when I say this but I miss his humor and intelligence. There's too many things I don't miss though. I am done that person and I am getting the self that's me back.

  • @emmafilamo1869
    @emmafilamo1869 2 роки тому +2

    Normally how long it will last the idealization then followed by devalue?

    • @RawMotivations
      @RawMotivations  2 роки тому +3

      It’s hard to say it can me 1 day to 6+ months

  • @sfca7297
    @sfca7297 2 роки тому +2

    Can you do a video on seeing your narcissists out in public. What to do. Or suggestion???

    • @caseteamcouture8633
      @caseteamcouture8633 2 роки тому +4

      Act like they aren’t there.. especially if they didn’t speak first . If They do speak.. treat me like you would a bully or give a dry hi and keep going. You owe them NOTHING

    • @miguelcruz2682
      @miguelcruz2682 2 роки тому

      Point and laugh at them 😅👉😡

  • @stacyramirez5459
    @stacyramirez5459 2 роки тому

    How long should we wait?

  • @latashadjefferson5465
    @latashadjefferson5465 2 роки тому +5

    So do you also think it's the same when the trauma happened years ago childhood trauma/abuse. I suffer from childhood trauma which resulted in unhealthy eating in return I'm morbidly obese. I feel as though my narcissist praise on overweight/obese women for that reason. Because he knows there is hurt and trauma behind the weight.

    • @latashadjefferson5465
      @latashadjefferson5465 2 роки тому +4

      I feel so stupid that I did not pay attention to the red flags in the beginning. 😔😢

    • @heidiharris9227
      @heidiharris9227 2 роки тому +3

      My brother is a narcissist..... A couple years ago and I will never forget this statement he made because it's horrendous.... He said he likes "fat chicks because they're easier to control."
      I couldn't believe that came out of his mouth I was just appalled.

    • @heidiharris9227
      @heidiharris9227 2 роки тому +2

      @@latashadjefferson5465 you are not stupid you have a loving and kind heart it's not your fault you were deceived don't put that shame on yourself.

    • @latashadjefferson5465
      @latashadjefferson5465 2 роки тому +3

      @@heidiharris9227 Thanks! 🥰🥰

    • @latashadjefferson5465
      @latashadjefferson5465 2 роки тому +2

      I knew it wasn't just me it's just a I made an observation of all his exes and we're all overweight and we've all been sexually abused as children his ex-wife is thin but that was an arranged marriage he's Nigerian

  • @z3ph3us6
    @z3ph3us6 2 роки тому

    Yeah. Yup he bombing this new girl who is also a narc and she thinks she gonna trample me ahahahah I am not a full blown narcissist, I am a mix of several different ones and I use it to my advantage to keep the tendencies in check, to make sure I avoid other types of narcs. I am only 2 of 4 empaths in a clan of assholes. I am always striving for balanced, healthy, encouraging conversations that keep all topics open for discussion and debate.

  • @Real2k25
    @Real2k25 2 роки тому

    She told me it was loue at first sight 🤣🤣