Spot on! Could never understand why I couldn't form a deep bond with my ex. They are very shallow people. No authenticity. Empty shells preying on empaths.
Thank you so much for your comment. It perfectly explains what I have been wondering for so long for that why things felt so off even from the beginning. It was literally impossible to develop a deep bond with him. I would question myself… Thank you for clarifying another fuzzy piece for me!! He was and still is truly unable to go deep within emotionally … Pathologically superficial.
All of this is 100% relatable! A narcissist will never truly care, it’s a mask, it’s all a game. The more they can keep you stuck, and isolate you…the more they get a kick out of it! Kiss getting validation from them goodbye. It ALL gets worse over time.
I can’t tell you how much impact you are having with these videos, in my healing!! Yes this is me… 37 years of marriage with me trying to be better and enough for years trying to get back to the man I thought I married, not this angry man, who keeps lying and cheating. As a christian woman, I kept forgiving forgiving trying trying, counseling after counseling, nothing changed, but it got worse and worse, till he told me that I am nothing, I do nothing, wrote large zeros on paper and pushed them across the table at me and this was during a marriage counseling session… at that point, I said I was done and I have been walking thru divorce for 22 months now, and learned what was really happening thru these videos! Please keep telling your story you are making a difference.
Yes I have 45 yrs n he filed almost 4 yrs ago,kept forgiving I also share same belief.i was discarded before Christmas yrs ago,in same home as I honored his request to stay home n educated all three kids then got very sick.i think last cancer I got and survived . I am so grateful caught it early. Anyway can't leave due to finances since i left a good job yrs ago.you would think that he would be fast once filed to get over. But nope.Judge had to order information. It's has cost alot.hope to be out of hell soon n have peace,may you too be blessed.
Dana Munyon That's absolutely heartbreaking and I'm so glad you're not with him anymore, even though I imagine that there's a lot of grief for the wasted time. It can help if you have precious children though. I want to add that I've become "addicted" to reading comments and must've read thousands by now about people, especially women, who are in the process of leaving, or have left, their highly narcissistic "partners," due to brave individuals like Ben and Lee Hammock and others, which is an incredible feat. ❤
I totally agreed with you Dana, Ben had really made a great difference in his emphat community.I love his advices, his funny videos together with his beautiful wife Kayla.I have learnt that it wasn't my fault, that I wasn't crazy, and that isn't right tolerate any form of abuse,also my self steem is getting back to normal. Thank you Ben.🙏🙏🙏❤❤❤
Thank you so much for sharing your story! 💗 I am christian too. At the moment me and my narcisstic husband go thru that counceling process. I am so thankful for the many informations I get from Ben and others and people who share their story like you did. It helps me to recover my personality, to restart beeing myself and watching the process from an inner distance. God bless you! 🤗
I remember saying to him "is there anything about you that just isn't perfect? I actually now believe in the idea of true love and soul mates because of you".... He said he could be moody at times so he wasn't perfect. He didn't tell me this was a cover for lies, silent treatment, cheating, triangulation etc etc. He just kept saying he had told me he was moody and I'd said that was OK. Damn near killed me with how he dragged me through the dirt whilst all the time convincing me it was me...
You have described my ex to a T! I am now working with a great therapist to understand WTH happened… and WHY I stayed even after the red flags. I have been ZERO contact since April 1st and PLAN on staying that way FOREVER.
I was a really strong and selfconfident person. I never thought I could be broken or changed against my will. More than 11 years I didn't put the pieces together, literally God helped me to see it now. I knew, that he has a kind of unability to love me in the way I loved him and I saw many kinds of problems, but I wanted to help him (his best trick was to ask for help!). I got trapped again and again. I believed him, when he told (or should I say SOLD) me, that he truely wants the best for us. I didn't realize that "us" ment him and the empty shadow of myself, after he had successfully made me remove my own personality.
I'm done! I am tired of being treated like crap. Selling everything we own. Depositing my husbands share into his account and mine into my kids accounts. I won't need it where I'm going. Time to end this!!!!!
I agree with all of this 100% Ben. He tortured me just like this. It was awful and I am now trying to recover still. When they do this to you, it's so hurtful and painful. They make you feel like you're the crazy one, the toxic person and that you're difficult. When all you wanna do is just make them understand how you feel though. They hoover back in saying how sorry they are, after treating you like complete crap and throwing you away... They come back to you and then it happens all over again. It makes you feel insane and like you're losing your mind from it all.
Even though I know it actually happened and I give myself the same advice or walk thru I would give someone else, that lays it all out and I understand it, it still doesn't help. We broke up a year and a half ago and honestly I had been prepping myself for it a year or more before that, but after knowing each other for 30 years and being together for almost 14 years, the trauma bond is as strong as ever.
That's why it's a trauma bond.. it is as if at the intimate level, emotional level etc. You are entangled forever. In fact I think you will never be able to break free. It's like you can't unsee it.. relationships after being with a narc will never be the same. How ever you try... its messed up. I can't explain this to anyone, what happened.... I'm glad though that through raw motivations and mental healness I have found my ppl.
Wow...much if what you said is exactly what I experienced.... Always felt if I could JUST explain to him how his actions and words hurt me...and WHY they were hurtful...spent years with him trying to "get back on track" with where I THOUGHT our relationship was going/would go. All the while he's constantly telling me where I'm falling short and where I'm failing HIM; that I'M in denial so you believe it for a while & try to be better... I felt like I was losing my mind. After telling everyone how great it was you're ashamed to admit where you ultimately find yourself. When you DO finally confide in someone who cares about you.... then the cycles of break up and make up with hovering and abuse~you then become afraid to confide in ANYone, because each time is "the last time" you're going to take it...and you're ashamed. Trauma bonds are real and very painful. Facing all of it alone because your family and friends feel let down every time you go back and know you'll be hurt again ~is the worst. Hiding your life from them everytime you go back is so stressful and tiring~but SO hard to break the emotional addiction 😢.
This ...all of it. I went through this. Five months of wasted time wondering what happened and why I let get to that point, which ended up destroying my ability to trust myself and others
THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR SHARING THIS I AM STRUGGLING TRYING TO DISCONECT I WAS DESTROYED THROUGH MONTHS AND YEARS OF THE SILENT TREATMENT. I WOULD GET HOOVERED DEVALUED AND DISCARDED ALL IN ONE DAY. I AM SEVERLY TRAUMA BONDED HOW DO I DISCONNECT. I LIVE IN OHIO IT IS REALLY HARD HERE TRYING TO FIND A THERAPIST LIFE COACH HERE ON NARCISSITIC ABUSE.
Oh my gosh I've only watched about 4 min of this so far and I have to say you are describing my relationship exactly! WOW spot on and I'm completely heartbroken 💔...now to finish the video
This is soooo true!! Everything you said. Every single point. Your videos help me so much to process what happened, I really thought I was the crazy one and did him wrong and had too big expectations. It helps me so much for healing to know that he was a Narcissist and what he made me go through
After 10 years in trap i have no frends no custumers no Job no home no sanity no even my kids dont like me and i dont know even who is that person she is pretending to be...but just on talk actions was always bullyng hiting me on front of kids and lots more disqasting things with witch i was living.ofcourse shes thinks im garbige..and best of all i never fall on love bombing but hoovering and gaslitening destroys my wounded ego on 0.
Oh how I remember thinking, if I could explain to someone how I feel maybe they can explain it to him and make him understand he would not treat me like he does. I never had to do that with anyone else in my life why didn’t I realize he was the one I was having to change for, well him and his crazy family!! Twenty-seven years of marriage I’m finally free, (he had to wait until our youngest child turned 18, didn’t want to have to pay child support!) Now he can’t understand why his children don’t want to have anything to do with him, or his live-in girlfriend. He feels like he’s lost his children to their spouses, funny I don’t feel that way, I raised them better than that. I feel like I’ve gained more family to love! He’s less important to them than ever. Oh well, now he knows!!
I resonate with so much of what I’m hearing here, but I still deny my reality. My spouse (of 42 years) is so stealth and subtle in the way he does his covert vulnerable narc gig and he acts so innocent (Oscar performance, or I’m just hyper-critical!) that I end up doubting myself. Looking to nail what I’m actually dealing with. And if he’s love bombed me it was a flash in the pan.
I want to know what happens.when they know they have zero control of you.for me it's in a professional setting.i am nervous what they can do in retaliation.i am very strict with my boundaries 🙂feels great
My x has custody of my grandson.I live my grandson.The x don't live with us.But the x pays the house hold bills and provides for my grandson financially.He doesn't pay me and I don't work because I have to care of my grandson. I'm financially dependent on my x because he lets me take care of my grandson. Grandson's mom is a addict and his dad ad is in jail for murder. I have been doing this for 4 years. The x tells me"If you leave you will never see your grandson again".Iam emotionally being abused.I know he will make good on his threats because the x took our kids from me 21 years ago. My grandson means the world to me.I can't afford a lawyer cause I don't have my own money,a place of my own.I have ask my x for money for personal stuff. I hate asking for anything. At first it a perfect situation. But now I'm stuck.My grandson needs me.His mom and dad walked out on him because of drugs.Im not gonna walk out on my grandson.So I will continue to be emotionally drained.His threat's are real.My x controls me because of the love an attachment I have with my grandson.
Do people with narcissistic tendencies or full on narcissists know they are doing what they do? I'm sure while I was married to my husband of 28 years that I experienced a lot of "quiet" abuse...heavy duty tho (it was narcissistic abuse). Very early in in marriage I found myself wanting to run away from him many times and I also fell prey to an emotional affair with a friend of the family. I am so ashamed of my behavior (not sexual but in my opinion still horrific to do to someone else). I loved him so much though and I couldn't let him go, and we had 2 children together by then and another 3 from his previous marriage. To this day he doesn't believe that I had no physical contact of any kind with another man. He believes I slept with other "men" during our relationship. I'm horrified by the way he thinks and he's also told my children what he believes I've done. I've lost my precious first born son (24 yrs old)because of it and that hurts me even more than my being alone in the world at 54. My husband (ex now) is very religous and I always respected his dedication to The Lord. At the age of 50, I started a journey of self discovery and when I looked back and as I studied our relationship, I realized that I ignored so many of my instincts and some of the "cringy" moments that I experienced or saw with him and our children may have been abusive. Some I know for sure were abusive, mentally. I am trying to learn how the narcissistic person operates in their mind. He was so kind to many people and he gave a lot to me in our life together but it turned out so toxic in the end. When I started to find my voice, I could tell he was uncomfortable with that. He just recently finally let me go visit my family and our grown children in the U.S. and then, he said he wanted a divorce, cancelled my flight back home (to South America) and told me I couldn't come home and he wouldn't give me any financial support until I signed divorce papers! It's a difficult situation, yes, but then again, I think that there are many people suffering in the world on many different levels. Let's remember those less fortunate than us, especially those fighting for their lives and country in Ukraine and let's reach out in our pain to help whoever we can. It can be a part of our healing process! Xo
Emotional affairs are not uncommon in marriages with covertly narcissistic people. Their emotional abandonment, lack of caring and concern, lack of regard for you, lack of involvement in the relationship often push people to seek out connection with others. I honestly think it is their aim to get you to this point, because then they are not to blame for any relationship problems if you transgress in any way. They now feel justified in all of their actions, and you are now the "bad guy". It plays right into their hands. They also know that we as empathic people will feel guilty. What you wanted was a committed relationship, and you feel like you went against your own values--I know this because it also happened to me. Try to forgive yourself because it is a trap that he laid for you. Don't blame yourself because you fell into it.
@@G2thesecondpower Thank you for your reply, as I was feeling so alone in this. I really appreciate your taking the time to write to me. In my case, he said he would have cherished me had that infidelity never happened. I always believed him. Have a blessed day!
Actually I did, and still want to know the HOW they are able to do it ...maybe for Ben an idea is to do a mock to show how it´s done and break down each key point of it happening... (I did have others to reach out to and as I was going through it and telling them about it, they distant themselves from me, she didn´t know them and they never met her and didn´t tell them how good she was etc.. btw...)
Just a question. I have been reading a lot of comments and I see a pattern. A lot of ppl in narcissistic relationships who were discarded or walked off, were in long term relationships. Does this indicate, we don't really get it until it's all done, until they decide it is done?
@@luise_sams because it takes a lot of work right.. it takes a lot of charm and grooming.. I don't think it can happen in two months. You won't realise what happened till it starves you.
@@phoenixrising4768 I completely lost myself. I couldn't realize it until he wanted to get rid of me. I understood some patterns and got uncomfortable to him because I started to set boundaries. He wanted to keep his face and tried to trick me into cheating or at least into having enough contact to another guy for he could tell the world I was cheating. It didn't work, but this was my wake up call. So yes, you are absolutely right, it was done because he decided that it was done.
@@luise_sams same here.. my issues actually started to crop up when I started to set boundaries once again.. started to say no. He and this other girl would say stuff which were very irrelevant to me and I was like why are they even saying it. There was a pattern.. he would say stuff when she was not around, and then she would come and either repeat it or ask pertaining questions.. I thought I was seeing stuff, over imagining etc. I was labeled possessive, hypervigilant. So for my safety and to stop seeing things I set boundaries. No working post 6pm etc. And that was treated as suffocating.. so.. I think when you give it time, you realise it was all messed up. You were not asking too much.. I mean one of the reasons why they say don't get into another relationship after the narc is cos you may end up with another just like this. You really have to work on yourself.. real bad..
I always had an uncomfortable feeling. But let him talk me out of my doubts all the time. Yes it takes time and a lot of pain to start to see WTH is really going on. I was losing myself. Until I thought I have to end the relationship for good. Somehow I found the strength. Deep down. Still healing but getting there. 😘
Spot on! Could never understand why I couldn't form a deep bond with my ex. They are very shallow people. No authenticity. Empty shells preying on empaths.
He's in my phone as 'void' - says it all lol 😆
@@JaneDoe-hl6bx lolll that's a great one!! I just have his initials 🙂
@@christinacirillo54 his name is boyd so its an easy substitute 🤣
@@JaneDoe-hl6bx hahahaha 😂😂😂❤️
Thank you so much for your comment. It perfectly explains what I have been wondering for so long for that why things felt so off even from the beginning. It was literally impossible to develop a deep bond with him. I would question myself… Thank you for clarifying another fuzzy piece for me!! He was and still is truly unable to go deep within emotionally … Pathologically superficial.
All of this is 100% relatable! A narcissist will never truly care, it’s a mask, it’s all a game. The more they can keep you stuck, and isolate you…the more they get a kick out of it! Kiss getting validation from them goodbye. It ALL gets worse over time.
💯%!!!!!!!
Im finding that very few people understand what a trauma bond is. When I try to explain it, they think im crazy.
Very true
I can’t tell you how much impact you are having with these videos, in my healing!! Yes this is me… 37 years of marriage with me trying to be better and enough for years trying to get back to the man I thought I married, not this angry man, who keeps lying and cheating. As a christian woman, I kept forgiving forgiving trying trying, counseling after counseling, nothing changed, but it got worse and worse, till he told me that I am nothing, I do nothing, wrote large zeros on paper and pushed them across the table at me and this was during a marriage counseling session… at that point, I said I was done and I have been walking thru divorce for 22 months now, and learned what was really happening thru these videos! Please keep telling your story you are making a difference.
Yes I have 45 yrs n he filed almost 4 yrs ago,kept forgiving I also share same belief.i was discarded before Christmas yrs ago,in same home as I honored his request to stay home n educated all three kids then got very sick.i think last cancer I got and survived . I am so grateful caught it early. Anyway can't leave due to finances since i left a good job yrs ago.you would think that he would be fast once filed to get over. But nope.Judge had to order information. It's has cost alot.hope to be out of hell soon n have peace,may you too be blessed.
Dana Munyon That's absolutely heartbreaking and I'm so glad you're not with him anymore, even though I imagine that there's a lot of grief for the wasted time. It can help if you have precious children though.
I want to add that I've become "addicted" to reading comments and must've read thousands by now about people, especially women, who are in the process of leaving, or have left, their highly narcissistic "partners," due to brave individuals like Ben and Lee Hammock and others, which is an incredible feat. ❤
I totally agreed with you Dana, Ben had really made a great difference in his emphat community.I love his advices, his funny videos together with his beautiful wife Kayla.I have learnt that it wasn't my fault, that I wasn't crazy, and that isn't right tolerate any form of abuse,also my self steem is getting back to normal. Thank you Ben.🙏🙏🙏❤❤❤
Thank you so much for sharing your story! 💗
I am christian too. At the moment me and my narcisstic husband go thru that counceling process. I am so thankful for the many informations I get from Ben and others and people who share their story like you did. It helps me to recover my personality, to restart beeing myself and watching the process from an inner distance.
God bless you! 🤗
I remember saying to him "is there anything about you that just isn't perfect? I actually now believe in the idea of true love and soul mates because of you".... He said he could be moody at times so he wasn't perfect. He didn't tell me this was a cover for lies, silent treatment, cheating, triangulation etc etc. He just kept saying he had told me he was moody and I'd said that was OK. Damn near killed me with how he dragged me through the dirt whilst all the time convincing me it was me...
Lord have mercy
I asked tell me one character flaw you have that you need to work on. I got" I am not without fault but...you you you. "
You have described my ex to a T! I am now working with a great therapist to understand WTH happened… and WHY I stayed even after the red flags. I have been ZERO contact since April 1st and PLAN on staying that way FOREVER.
Amen Amen Amen 🙏 you can do this !
I was a really strong and selfconfident person. I never thought I could be broken or changed against my will. More than 11 years I didn't put the pieces together, literally God helped me to see it now.
I knew, that he has a kind of unability to love me in the way I loved him and I saw many kinds of problems, but I wanted to help him (his best trick was to ask for help!). I got trapped again and again. I believed him, when he told (or should I say SOLD) me, that he truely wants the best for us. I didn't realize that "us" ment him and the empty shadow of myself, after he had successfully made me remove my own personality.
I'm done! I am tired of being treated like crap. Selling everything we own. Depositing my husbands share into his account and mine into my kids accounts. I won't need it where I'm going. Time to end this!!!!!
If you need someone to talk to I'm here for you
Would you mind if I ask where are you going?
I’m here too if you need someone to talk to that can relate to you
They will never see your perspective they have cognitive distortions like let's see how much work I can get you to do for me as I sit and do nothing.
I agree with all of this 100% Ben. He tortured me just like this. It was awful and I am now trying to recover still. When they do this to you, it's so hurtful and painful. They make you feel like you're the crazy one, the toxic person and that you're difficult. When all you wanna do is just make them understand how you feel though. They hoover back in saying how sorry they are, after treating you like complete crap and throwing you away... They come back to you and then it happens all over again. It makes you feel insane and like you're losing your mind from it all.
So sad, but exactly what happened. Finally it’s all sinking in to what the reality is of the situation. Thank you for what you do 💜
Even though I know it actually happened and I give myself the same advice or walk thru I would give someone else, that lays it all out and I understand it, it still doesn't help. We broke up a year and a half ago and honestly I had been prepping myself for it a year or more before that, but after knowing each other for 30 years and being together for almost 14 years, the trauma bond is as strong as ever.
That's why it's a trauma bond.. it is as if at the intimate level, emotional level etc. You are entangled forever. In fact I think you will never be able to break free. It's like you can't unsee it.. relationships after being with a narc will never be the same. How ever you try... its messed up. I can't explain this to anyone, what happened.... I'm glad though that through raw motivations and mental healness I have found my ppl.
Exactly...very confusing ...never felt so much pain before .Never believed it is possible that this is always this which such a person!!!!Never
I said this a thousand times...
if "I" could do more/be more...
Hi Ben! This is true. Been there. Thanks to information about this, many have been able to begin to make a change.
I am glad to hear that
I experienced all of that (good) for more than a year & we lived together. He was a perfect gentleman & seemed like a gem 💎
Wow...much if what you said is exactly what I experienced....
Always felt if I could JUST explain to him how his actions and words hurt me...and WHY they were hurtful...spent years with him trying to "get back on track" with where I THOUGHT our relationship was going/would go. All the while he's constantly telling me where I'm falling short and where I'm failing HIM; that I'M in denial so you believe it for a while & try to be better...
I felt like I was losing my mind. After telling everyone how great it was you're ashamed to admit where you ultimately find yourself.
When you DO finally confide in someone who cares about you.... then the cycles of break up and make up with hovering and abuse~you then become afraid to confide in ANYone, because each time is "the last time" you're going to take it...and you're ashamed.
Trauma bonds are real and very painful. Facing all of it alone because your family and friends feel let down every time you go back and know you'll be hurt again ~is the worst.
Hiding your life from them everytime you go back is so stressful and tiring~but SO hard to break the emotional addiction 😢.
This ...all of it. I went through this. Five months of wasted time wondering what happened and why I let get to that point, which ended up destroying my ability to trust myself and others
THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR SHARING THIS I AM STRUGGLING TRYING TO DISCONECT I WAS DESTROYED THROUGH MONTHS AND YEARS OF THE SILENT TREATMENT. I WOULD GET HOOVERED DEVALUED AND DISCARDED ALL IN ONE DAY. I AM SEVERLY TRAUMA BONDED HOW DO I DISCONNECT. I LIVE IN OHIO IT IS REALLY HARD HERE TRYING TO FIND A THERAPIST LIFE COACH HERE ON NARCISSITIC ABUSE.
This was my life for 18yrs
This my story EXACTLY!!
Oh my gosh I've only watched about 4 min of this so far and I have to say you are describing my relationship exactly! WOW spot on and I'm completely heartbroken 💔...now to finish the video
Ben what a terrific reading !
Wow I can relate to it all
Thank you
You have been helping me so much
I am glad to hear that!
Yes and it definitely happened to Johnny Depp
Scorpio ♏️ yeah keep believing that!
This is soooo true!! Everything you said. Every single point.
Your videos help me so much to process what happened, I really thought I was the crazy one and did him wrong and had too big expectations. It helps me so much for healing to know that he was a Narcissist and what he made me go through
From my experience of 14 with this, 7 attempts leaving and trying to save the relationship. I Could have written this VERBATIM!!!!!
Absolutely all of the above. Thank you for your video's.
Thank you
Relatable esp re trying to get back to how it was ..
I went rhru this,was married and now divorced..
After 10 years in trap i have no frends no custumers no Job no home no sanity no even my kids dont like me and i dont know even who is that person she is pretending to be...but just on talk actions was always bullyng hiting me on front of kids and lots more disqasting things with witch i was living.ofcourse shes thinks im garbige..and best of all i never fall on love bombing but hoovering and gaslitening destroys my wounded ego on 0.
You basically describes my relationship with my ex…
Mine to
I need this book..this shit hits home..I get that I’m a bitter baby mom and everyone can see what a liar I am..😩🤦🏼♀️
I was so blind
Me to bro
Sadly, this is 100% true for me.
I wish you the best for your healing
Oh how I remember thinking, if I could explain to someone how I feel maybe they can explain it to him and make him understand he would not treat me like he does. I never had to do that with anyone else in my life why didn’t I realize he was the one I was having to change for, well him and his crazy family!! Twenty-seven years of marriage I’m finally free, (he had to wait until our youngest child turned 18, didn’t want to have to pay child support!) Now he can’t understand why his children don’t want to have anything to do with him, or his live-in girlfriend. He feels like he’s lost his children to their spouses, funny I don’t feel that way, I raised them better than that. I feel like I’ve gained more family to love! He’s less important to them than ever. Oh well, now he knows!!
I resonate with so much of what I’m hearing here, but I still deny my reality. My spouse (of 42 years) is so stealth and subtle in the way he does his covert vulnerable narc gig and he acts so innocent (Oscar performance, or I’m just hyper-critical!) that I end up doubting myself. Looking to nail what I’m actually dealing with. And if he’s love bombed me it was a flash in the pan.
I want to know what happens.when they know they have zero control of you.for me it's in a professional setting.i am nervous what they can do in retaliation.i am very strict with my boundaries 🙂feels great
Watch Rebecca Zung for that one - business relationships.
@@brooke5395 will do thanx
My x has custody of my grandson.I live my grandson.The x don't live with us.But the x pays the house hold bills and provides for my grandson financially.He doesn't pay me and I don't work because I have to care of my grandson.
I'm financially dependent on my x because he lets me take care of my grandson.
Grandson's mom is a addict and his dad
ad is in jail for murder.
I have been doing this for 4 years.
The x tells me"If you leave you will never see your grandson again".Iam emotionally being abused.I know he will make good on his threats because the x took our kids from me 21 years ago.
My grandson means the world to me.I can't afford a lawyer cause I don't have my own money,a place of my
own.I have ask my x for
money for personal stuff.
I hate asking for anything.
At first it a perfect situation.
But now I'm stuck.My grandson needs me.His mom and dad walked out on him because of drugs.Im not gonna walk out on my grandson.So I will continue to be emotionally drained.His threat's are real.My x controls me because of the love an attachment I have with my grandson.
When he started love bombing me he called me his soulmate. I see how many Red flags i rejected because i had crush on him. Love is blind. 🙈
Hope this video helps 30 Red Flags You’re Dating A Narcissist
ua-cam.com/video/CUyIPa2Ojcg/v-deo.html
💯
Do people with narcissistic tendencies or full on narcissists know they are doing what they do? I'm sure while I was married to my husband of 28 years that I experienced a lot of "quiet" abuse...heavy duty tho (it was narcissistic abuse). Very early in in marriage I found myself wanting to run away from him many times and I also fell prey to an emotional affair with a friend of the family. I am so ashamed of my behavior (not sexual but in my opinion still horrific to do to someone else). I loved him so much though and I couldn't let him go, and we had 2 children together by then and another 3 from his previous marriage. To this day he doesn't believe that I had no physical contact of any kind with another man. He believes I slept with other "men" during our relationship. I'm horrified by the way he thinks and he's also told my children what he believes I've done. I've lost my precious first born son (24 yrs old)because of it and that hurts me even more than my being alone in the world at 54.
My husband (ex now) is very religous and I always respected his dedication to The Lord. At the age of 50, I started a journey of self discovery and when I looked back and as I studied our relationship, I realized that I ignored so many of my instincts and some of the "cringy" moments that I experienced or saw with him and our children may have been abusive. Some I know for sure were abusive, mentally.
I am trying to learn how the narcissistic person operates in their mind. He was so kind to many people and he gave a lot to me in our life together but it turned out so toxic in the end. When I started to find my voice, I could tell he was uncomfortable with that. He just recently finally let me go visit my family and our grown children in the U.S. and then, he said he wanted a divorce, cancelled my flight back home (to South America) and told me I couldn't come home and he wouldn't give me any financial support until I signed divorce papers! It's a difficult situation, yes, but then again, I think that there are many people suffering in the world on many different levels. Let's remember those less fortunate than us, especially those fighting for their lives and country in Ukraine and let's reach out in our pain to help whoever we can. It can be a part of our healing process! Xo
Unfortunately, they know exactly what they are doing!!!!
My heart and thoughts are with you! ❤️
Emotional affairs are not uncommon in marriages with covertly narcissistic people. Their emotional abandonment, lack of caring and concern, lack of regard for you, lack of involvement in the relationship often push people to seek out connection with others.
I honestly think it is their aim to get you to this point, because then they are not to blame for any relationship problems if you transgress in any way. They now feel justified in all of their actions, and you are now the "bad guy". It plays right into their hands.
They also know that we as empathic people will feel guilty. What you wanted was a committed relationship, and you feel like you went against your own values--I know this because it also happened to me. Try to forgive yourself because it is a trap that he laid for you. Don't blame yourself because you fell into it.
@@G2thesecondpower Thank you for your reply, as I was feeling so alone in this. I really appreciate your taking the time to write to me. In my case, he said he would have cherished me had that infidelity never happened. I always believed him. Have a blessed day!
@@christinacirillo54 Thank you so much🙏🏽
Actually I did, and still want to know the HOW they are able to do it ...maybe for Ben an idea is to do a mock to show how it´s done and break down each key point of it happening...
(I did have others to reach out to and as I was going through it and telling them about it, they distant themselves from me, she didn´t know them and they never met her and didn´t tell them how good she was etc.. btw...)
Just a question. I have been reading a lot of comments and I see a pattern. A lot of ppl in narcissistic relationships who were discarded or walked off, were in long term relationships. Does this indicate, we don't really get it until it's all done, until they decide it is done?
Yes, I think so too.
@@luise_sams because it takes a lot of work right.. it takes a lot of charm and grooming..
I don't think it can happen in two months. You won't realise what happened till it starves you.
@@phoenixrising4768 I completely lost myself. I couldn't realize it until he wanted to get rid of me. I understood some patterns and got uncomfortable to him because I started to set boundaries. He wanted to keep his face and tried to trick me into cheating or at least into having enough contact to another guy for he could tell the world I was cheating. It didn't work, but this was my wake up call. So yes, you are absolutely right, it was done because he decided that it was done.
@@luise_sams same here.. my issues actually started to crop up when I started to set boundaries once again.. started to say no. He and this other girl would say stuff which were very irrelevant to me and I was like why are they even saying it. There was a pattern.. he would say stuff when she was not around, and then she would come and either repeat it or ask pertaining questions.. I thought I was seeing stuff, over imagining etc. I was labeled possessive, hypervigilant. So for my safety and to stop seeing things I set boundaries. No working post 6pm etc. And that was treated as suffocating.. so.. I think when you give it time, you realise it was all messed up. You were not asking too much.. I mean one of the reasons why they say don't get into another relationship after the narc is cos you may end up with another just like this. You really have to work on yourself.. real bad..
I always had an uncomfortable feeling. But let him talk me out of my doubts all the time. Yes it takes time and a lot of pain to start to see WTH is really going on. I was losing myself. Until I thought I have to end the relationship for good. Somehow I found the strength. Deep down. Still healing but getting there. 😘
What are you reading from? I would like a copy!!
Psychopath free