The Problem With Masculinity In The Modern World…
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- Опубліковано 29 вер 2024
- In today's video I talk about the real problem we're facing with masculinity in the modern world whilst reflecting on some of the things I learned from my darkest days.
This is a clip taken from my episode of the Mark Bell Power Project. If you want to watch the full 2hr+ discussion where we dive even deeper you can check it out here: • The Hybrid Athlete Who...
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Thank you for voicing such a well rounded and nuanced take on masculinity. Young men need good well rounded role models like you.
That second phrase. I read it 15 years ago and yet here we are again. Nothing new
@@Dionysos- can you explain that? Young men will always need good role models, that will never change and I hope it isn’t something new.
@@RagnorV
The issue is, that by stating the sentence you wont change anything. It’s obvious as like saying „water is wet“. Be a role model instead of saying
@@Dionysos- True
One of the biggest reason anyone wants a person to lead them through something shows just how needed a mentor in today's world can be.
One might rely on their brain and when they realize their brain is fukking with them, they just follow another guy. I won't say it is possible for all 8 billion people to become aware of this. But few people just by following a role model become a role model.
Young men are to weak for that, that’s why they go and look up to the tateites.
I will never, ever forget the school of life's video on the concept of the "cold" and "warm" man (or something along those lines), where the cold man is akin to someone like James Bond, calloused and calculated with very stoic tendencies, whereas the warm man can be often seen as a fool and almost cowardly, but are very open, empathetic and caring by comparison
It is my belief that one must be able to embody both aspects as much as possible, even if they were born with a deposition towards one
Mind you, this isn't just stuff for men anyways, this is stuff to look for in everyone regardless of gender as we should all aim to find that balance in the relative centre
What an absolutely incredibly well thought out video. Some very very important messages in here, thank you Fergus 🙏
My dad took his life at only 38. That was back in 2001 before the discussions of masculinity and toxic masculinity we have today. There's only so much you can do against a regular depression, but having been part of a generation where it would be okay to talk about these things, I have no doubt would greatly increase his possibility to combat the depression back then. Sadly, his generation (boomers) had no way or place to really go, and instead often would internalize trauma and feelings. If you're struggling, talk to someone.
Fergus is feeling brave 😂
We are indeed in dangerous online territory in the current- but I very much hope my balanced take on the matter comes across as intended 🤷♂️
@Fergus Crawley i listened to the original pod when I came out. Thought your answer was incredible for an on the spot thought.
Thank you for sharing your perspective. 👌❤
Great working,👍🏻
Good work
Nice tips 👍👍👍👍
Informative video
Good work 👍👍👍👍
Great video
Nice job
Motivation
Very nice
Very good mate!
Awesome
Nice 👍
My dad took his life at only 38. That was back in 2001 before the discussions of masculinity and toxic masculinity we have today. There's only so much you can do against a regular depression, but having been part of a generation where it would be okay to talk about these things, I have no doubt would greatly increase his possibility to combat the depression back then. Sadly, his generation (boomers) had no way or place to really go, and instead often would internalize trauma and feelings. If you're struggling, talk to someone.
Sorry to hear about your dad
We claim talking Helps . But fact is, that our age is the age were more people have depression than any age. This in fact speaks against the value of speaking about those things. In the old age you simply did go to confession when you had a problem. Or talked with your bro. Praying also helps . Because most prayers (look into a prayer book) makes you vulnerable. So a man that is masculine would become vulnerable before God.
@@simbabwe2907 Yes, but sometimes believe systems fill you with rules that for what you value for they create more constraint and worryness, you MUST seek help, how you find it depends on what works for YOU, if they find it talking perfect for them.
@@jorgeperez2872 most religious system are adequate to help anybody. The problem is the manifestation of that particular religion in the community. But for that you can simply read books and pry. Rituals change the person who participates in it.
sorry for your loss
The identifiable problem with the term "toxic masculinity" is that its meaning as some toxic traits, mentalities and behaviors that are especially associated with men turned into the simplified idea that all masculinity is toxic just because it is masculine. And this same distortion was the reason why, for example, the use of the term disappeared from the Finnish news media because the term no longer served its original purpose. But although the damage has already been done, especially in the scandal-seeking click headline media, I still think that the term of toxic masculinity should be corrected to mean what it originally meant because its meaning is important due to The real toxicities such as the "boys will be boys" and "men do not cry" mentalities.
thisss. masculinity was never the issue. theres a healthy way of being masculine. like who said positive masculinity couldnt exist? toxic masculinity is a dang curse yes but the solution should never be to get rid of masculinity.
This is perhaps simplistic but how about a new term. Downside of masculinity or use toxic feminity along side of it. It's used now nothing more than a cudgel to beat people down for everyone's supposed safety. Typical crybullies and or toxic feminine way.
@Allah Loves, Forgives and Saves Men deserve not to have to be exposed to crybullies who use that term out of line much like the poster above did. If you actually read his comment you'd see he agrees that it exists but the term is grossly overused.
@Allah Loves, Forgives and Saves Neither do they "serve" those who cant be bothered to read the comment they are replying to as it shows bad faith discussions, but good effort.
There is a huge problem with those who abuse the term "toxic masculinity" to imply that masculinity itself is toxic rather than there is a bad way to do masculinity. Pretending you don't understand the distinction to cry misogyny just shows you're one of them. Also, stop liking your own comments.
On the topic of male suicide, it's important to recognize that therapy for men is not properly designed for men. We have research now to show that men need a mission to act on with a meaningful objective, whereas women need community support. There is overlapp, but all of this suggests that we need to pay closer attention to how the male and female brain differ from eachother.
can you link me the source please?
i don't agree with you at all "mission to act on" being depressed suicide literally means not being to enjoy anything in life finding no meaning or mission in life it is actually the meaning of life everybody needs emotional support in this world i had a friend male friend who was depressed for a long period of time he got better and helped himself and open to talk about his struggle he literally said to me how much he needed emotional support that we would pillows under its shirt and hug it tightly so i can feel like a person is hugging him
@mickyhouse124 I'm just talking about what is generally true. Most men need an objective to chase in order to feel satisfaction, while most women require community validation and social comfort.
@@jasonhendricks4562 i don't agree with that but if that's what you you believe good for you
@mickyhouse124 You'll find that the more we press the "please express your feelings to me" model of support towards men, the more meaningless their lives will continue to feel. There's a reason why men in our society gravitate towards figures, like Jordan Peterson, or god forbid Andrew Tate. These people give men the sense of direction they need to get out of their depression and suicidal thoughts. Not all men, but most men.
As a girl I think it’s not fair for people or society to enforce a certain type of masculinity to all men. Society and media has already put so much light on the issue for women and then not being forced in a certain role and how unfair it is for society to still do so, yet I don’t see the same representation for men. In the psychology practice i work in I met a lot of men who felt like a failure because they didn’t earn a certain amount of money, yet they were the most hard working men I’ve ever met , or they feel like they fail masculinity because they naturally don’t have a beard or certain look, men who are disabled who are not able to work feel emasculated because they can’t provide their wife, yet they work hard everyday living life with a disability and pushing through barriers and difficulties that come with it. I think this is extremely harmful and has constantly been proven by studies to be a common reason why male suicide is so high. The past months I have been volunteering and donating for a men’s mental health non profit and a non profit for fatherless children, especially young boys and they are around many healthy and great father figures and this may not replace a real dad, but I have noticed what a difference this makes.
This was refreshing to read. I hope you have a good day, miss.
God bless you @Cindyy646
Well one of the reasons why is probably how other men react. If you try to have a conversetion about toxic masculenity, then they will acuse you of "you are hating men", "you are hating masculenity", "you are ruining men", "stop feminising men", and others like that, and act as if masculenity is under attack. And then go and take the advice of men who are reenforcing toxic masculenity, thinking that this is the answer to the problem, while ignoring that it drows men to agression, suicide, sailent suffering, unresorved trauma, self worth issues, self hate, body imige issues, and that by defenition not all men fit into that stenderd. For exemple disabled men, lgbtq men, men who are naturly are more emotional or less masculen or preffer more feminin activities and hobbies.
@@Alexandraadftxr7052what IS toxic masculinity ?define it .
And of course if toxic masculinity does exists ,then their must be a toxic feminity which is nowdays feminism
@@rijusnar1994 okey, let's define toxic masculinity. It's a form of masculenity that promots agression, looking down on the ones you deem weeker then you, being shamefull of having an feminin intrests, holding emotions outside of anger in, not asking for help even when it's needed, and being entaitled over women's bodies among men. It's mostly a social thing, the a lot of men enferc ovon eatch other. For exemple I studies art, and grapic disgne, every year we always have more girls in the clas the boys among the new classes, and art is looked at as something not mascueln but instead feminin, so it's safe to assume a lot of men, and boys don't persu it because they don't want to be seen less masculen.
And as far as I seen toxic femininity is a more social thing, that mostly men, and conservativ women reanforce. That's it.
The fect the you said that feminism is toxic feminity when it's actually against of both having those gender based expectetions on both men, and women, just shows that you know nothing about the topic. Pick up a book, that was not writen by a sexist fuck.
The world needs more people talking about masculinity in a positive way like this, and showing that there are many ways to express it that don't include manipulating women or hypercompetitive hustle culture BS
Cope. No one manipulates women you're fed propaganda
@@ilyrain3540 "cope" says the guy leaving tons of comments defending Andrew Tate 🤦♂️
@@nickbyrd1027 i like dunking on Tate Haters. Cope I guess
@@ilyrain3540 get help
@@LittleHomieLightningtech such a cliche thing to say. Why are you gaslighting me
Being strong, stoic, etc are important masculine qualities. But putting a stopper in your emotions for the sake of being more "masculine" isn't true masculinity in my opinion. Men still need to be caring and emotionally intelligent, we shouldn't all try to be batman and sacrifice our feelings on the altar of being a masculine man.
Jordan Peterson is a good example of this in my personal thoughts, whereas people like Tate? Not so much.
Stop looking to people online, PERIOD. Look to the people in your life, surround yourself with people you look up to, and want to be like them, that will want you to and make you feel like you want to progress, build relationships with people.
Best take so far
Ppl wouldn't need to look upto other ppl online if they had a strong masculine father figure in their lives for example in here dubai where I live my father is the epitome of man for me coz when he was 16 he was broke, lived in his uncle's office where he also worked under him at 21 he married my mom and worked his ass off 12 hours a day like a madman and has bought an appartment in business bay (the place where burj Khalifa is), owns a huge diamond trading business. He teaches me about his morals, ideals and fills the space most of the kids in west don't have. Imo if my dad was also a slumped over low testosterone lazy man like most men in the west even I would look upto those masculine ppl online rather than my dad.
@krutgopani4327 Not only do you Not live in the West, this doesn't even seem like it's your world or a world you see in your real life, so you do not fully know what youre speaking on especially making half assed assumptions. Excuses, excuses. It's pathetic and shallow, period. And all they care about is getting views, your satisfaction is merely a byproduct of what they really want for themselves. For all the people that are in that situation, there are those that keep the pathetic route and those that keep their head up, develop their character, discover and build who you are as a person by putting yourself through things and exploring, progress in life and learn from role models wherever they can find them. There are two kinds of people and it has nothing to do with life situation but the person him or herself - those that bow to stress they face and those that feel the same stress but continue to move forward in life. Who are you trying to make excuses to? No ones going to magically change it for you. Theres no justification for weakmindedness and lack of tenacity. Nothing will change how insufficient these fake tough guy influencers say to you. You weren't born with better cards? Doesn't f*cking matter, it's a big world, you can step out and find more than what you were raised in. Wanna know how to spot a real man? How they respond to bad cards, instead of using it as an excuse.
That’s wonderful advice tbh! Seperate the internet world with what’s actually real in your life. Love that
@@kevinzhang6623 mate wtf you talking about I have many friends from Arizona and Manhattan from the time I visited USA and 3 of them lack prominent father figures in their lives who looked upto those online figures whatever you call them and are doing better in life they aren't buying their loser ass courses which everyone knows is a scam but are listening to what good advice they have to offer like is it wrong to find something online when you lack that irl ?
It is so cool to listen to an athlete who has such a deep and interesting view on masculinity and the "roles" that we all feel pushed towards. Especially because sport is often a field where the need to prove that you are an alpha male (or woman) is very strong (there is competitive background based on performance and body aesthetics). So this video is quite uncommon.
Thank you for sharing your perspective :)
And women will never understand masculinity either. Theres no such thing as an alpha female btw
Asking for help and starting psychotherapy was one of the best decisions I've made. I used to keep it all inside, look after others and not myself, not show emotion and just man-up. Until I reached a boiling point which scared me. Apathy, manic-depressive episodes, the whole mix. Everything is better now, because I learned to communicate better, to express my feelings and to look after myself first. For anyone reading this, if you are struggling, talk about it, ask for help! You are not alone!
Thank you for sharing your experience and encouring words, so many many men turn away from therapy because we are often taugh to face things head on without reflecting if we are not getting overwhelmed.
Thanks for sharing. If you don't mind me asking, did you end up taking meds and if so did you stay on them?
@@avertingapathy3052 no meds. Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT with a psychotherapist), consistently, not missing sessions, no cancelling and postponing, applying what we talked about and it helped me. Not saying that the same works for everyone, I am merely sharing my experience.
@@jorgeperez2872 I feel you. My parents told me that nobody cares about your problems so just push through everything. Never tell anybody anything. Keep it all inside and all to yourself. And don’t be gay.
So that led to a lot of shame, confusion and resentment. I was so dissociated that I don’t even remember a lot of my childhood before the age of 12.
but im batman
Mate you’re definitely one of the most rational and insightful UA-camrs. Severely underrated channel.
Hamza speaks about finding your own path but preaches the cornerstones of that involve putting yourself in tougher environments
hamza was ok, but know his ego has took over
Thing Is pursuing your goals will make life put you in difficult corners, you don't have to be a certain type of way: stoic, overly confident or disregarded of emotions other than anger or libido like most of this gurus preach .
@@CostantinoAlessandroGyasiAbosi hamza was always ego
Was always a twat. Just another monetizer/cult leader. His genius was connecting with his left loathing and memefying for Gen Z with the whole Jeffrey thing.
He’s still young, like a lot of the people who follow him. He himself hasn’t properly formed a solid path and has lots to learn, just like a lot of us that inhabit social media.
I work in a call centre, i have a beautiful girlfriend and I’m definitely punching, I exercise regularly and eat healthy.
The thing is these men (Andrew Tate and the wannabe versions of him) are brainwashing these kids and almost had me due to the lack of empathy for men in the modern day. But really if you think you’re a better man because you have more money than so be it.
I’d encourage you to ask yourself this though who’s a true hero:
The Dad who works his arse off to scrape as much as he can out of his life to give it back to his kids
Or
Men with a god complex who use your young, undeveloped and malleable brain to boost their OWN money for THEIR benefit and profit off your need for a male role model
These men are manipulating you.
The true meaning of life in my opinion is a clear one but a hard one to accomplish and that meaning is simply happiness.
I’m happy because I know my celling and that’s okay. I can only compete with myself and you should only compete with yourself.
These “ROLEMODELS” claim your a nothing because you can’t just go out and become a millionaire, neither can 99.9% of people.
Focus on yourself and your happiness and I PROMISE you, you’ll live a fucking amazing life.
Make your girlfriend cut contact with her friends and family then you'll have a stable relationship where you are truly respected. Never compromise with her either it's crucial to let her know who the boss is
Not sure who coined the term toxic masculinity but it has managed to make a whole generation, billions of people, believe that masculinity is some epidemic that needs to be cured.
Everywhere I see some influencer reminding every man that masculinity is toxic. It's sad and dehumanizing.
Excellent comment, more insightful than this video.
Really appreciate how your channel/message has become a conversation in both authentic mental and physical health. Hard to have one without the other. Brave and necessary video.
I'm only 5 minutes in and, already, this should be trending high across UA-cam. I completely agree with the idea that masculinity is a nominalisation in that it means different things to different people. As long as you can be the hero in your own journey and it aligns with who you really are and where you want to go, go for it! Also I agree about using exercise as a coping mechanism, I guess one of the reasons it isn't looked like that is because it's socially acceptable compared to other means of not dealing with the issues of life. Great video so far!
I’m only 4 minutes in and completely disagree with everything said so far
@@_JasonAnthony Why?
@@_JasonAnthony please explain why
I don’t normally comment on videos but absolutely love this! So I will feed the algorithm because more people should see this!
I went through a lot of “work” in my mid 20’s to figure out who I was and have always disliked the idea of “masculinity” as my view is what traits I value in myself I value in any person regardless of gender
Another thought I had during this was more about where the void comes from.
interesting you mentioned theology and religion. In the modern world we’re less religious or less going to church/synagogue/temple/mosque etc… on a regular basis, which historically gave you a weekly “lesson” on how to “live life”. That leaves a hole which with social media can be easily filled by others.
For reference I was brought up atheist and am not religious, this is merely my observations from visiting religious places and seeing what they offer and seeing in my view they offered “life lessons” often based on a morality and a “community” to be a part of.
ur based i think
@@dcharles2346 religion is based
So you have a biased opinion on it
Masculinity doesn't discriminate against others it just means you have your own strengths as do others. Which you can use to increase your life experience and I'm sure you can Value other things as well not all traits have to be the same as that would be very boring and robot like that's why we are unique
I find it sad you call training a coping mechanism.
My perspective of sport has been that it acts as a “proving ground” where an individual can subject themselves to hard things, where self improvement is very much tangible. I cant touch the high fastball, ill spend a week of tee work focusing on high and in. I have a desire to hit a strength or flexibility goal, i can build (or outsource) a program designed to achieve that goal. Then execute…
Training shows the individual they can positively influence their situation through their actions and behaviors. I think that is crucial when one decides they are dissatisfied with their current position in life.
He didn't say coping mechanisms were bad. Everyone uses them to some extent ...
I love baseball and soccer because they are team sports; no one player, no matter how great, can win alone, and that reflects what society really is. Yes, there is room for self-improvement but you are never an isolated particle who can work or buy your way into a state of success. The best coaches in these sports understand this and cultivate a strong team support culture.
It can be a coping mechanism. It depends
Fatherlessness is a problem in the UK as well mate. large swathes of this country have single motherhood rates of 50%+, sometimes 60%+. And some people who have good dads, dont get raised by them because those dads are always working. They're raised by their schools and social media, and these environments make their dads seem outdated, uncool etc.
yeah working to provide if women stayed at home then they can enforce the values to the kids.
I don’t have kids but I’m interested in the experiences of men who do. What do you think are the main reasons fathers leave?
I feel like more boys should read about the philosophy of Stoicism.
You can be masculine, and without consciously trying hard to act toxic. It’s possible.
I've never liked any of the figureheads at all & do worry about my little nephew a lot what all of this could be in he's future, scary to be honest. As for toxic Masculinity never truly felt comfortable at all using that word, I have a loving Grampa, 2 older brother's, 4 Uncles, 2 older male cousins to think about love them all to bits. It'll be heart breaking if any of them ever turn to the Red Pill & Manosphere lot to be honest, they're all good men.
I feel like the gym has gotten me out of my sadness not prolonged it
The world needs more people talking about masculinity in a positive way like this, and showing that there are many ways to express it that don't include manipulating women or hypercompetitive hustle culture BS
You always keep it 100% Fergus! Thanks for having this meaningful dialogue. There aren’t enough voices online talking about our actual problems we face in todays world!
I sincerely hope this gets to those that need to hear this. Especially taking about people finding their own take on individuality/individual masculinity , the world is only becoming a evermore chaotic place and it's refreshing to see someone, with reach, actually push out an insightful message and conversation. As regarding the 'attack on masculinity', that is a very hard area to talk on because yes it is treated like a buzz word for a lot of people to exploit and as you say with short form media to trap that dopamine fix for those people feeling lost or outcast. The flip side of that you do see more and more just normal guys trying to find their way through life, like the rest of us, being blanketed with the same negative traits some people have or brushed to the side, and for a lack of better words having their needs forgotten about, for simply being male. but regardless of all that it is truly refreshing to listen to someone who has experienced the negative side of 'social conformity' rather than where you are now just trying to be the best person you can be not just the best macho man you can. So I, like many other I'm sure, want to say thank you for putting this out there. I hope it gets where its needed. 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
You're 10 years younger than me, yet I feel like I'm getting advice from the older brother I wished I had had. Your example is getting me through some really hard days right now. Thank you, Fergus!
Stay confident in yourself! Trust your strengths :)
@@murray8404 Thank you, I appreciated this message. :)
My stepdad shot himself when I was 16 and it just rips my soul apart to think that he was suffering and thought he couldn’t ask for help. He was so well liked and respected and we had dinner together almost every night. He was energetic and funny. He must have mastered the art of hiding whatever was wrong. I swear on my last breath that my mother would not have thought less of him if he needed to open up or seek professional help. To this day she will cry at the drop of a hat because she still misses him. She never loved anyone else. I met my husband 2 years after my stepdad passed but he knows everything about him because we talk about him so much. IDK what else to say. Please keep promoting a balanced view of masculinity. Don’t let the first time your family finds out that you needed some help be the police coming to the door because they found you. Please.
What's your dad's birthday?
I think masculinity differs from individual from individual. i am a man who crossplays as woman for my hobby and i dont feel any less of a man because of it, to me its nothing more then an expression of art what i do. If someone feels that ''traditional masculinity'' is what will lead them to a fulfilling life then by all means they must do so, i think the main problem is the idea that there is a right and wrong way a man should express themselves, people think way too much in a black and white kind of view, like this is the way and there is no deviating from that way but the truth is that its all a big gray area. every woman has a masculine side and every men has a feminine side, the anima and animus. so truly there is no ''correct'' way to be a man, it is all about how you choose to define it.
Why did you feel the need to give a direct example on that? No one needed to know you like playing as women
@@dinolover because i could and felt it was a good example :)
I resonate with this to be honest man, thanks for the open minded view. Also whate type of characters do you cosplay? Anime? Gaming Novel etc?
@@iammariozz3419 oh lots of things. ive cosplayed Makima from Chainsaw Man, i cosplay Thanos, or Cynthia from Pokemon. ive cosplayed from lots of different media all around as long as the character interests me.
@@metaprimefandoms9763 Makima??? Hell yea, good luck having people barking for u man😭😭💯
I was worried about clicking on this video thinking you might be jumping on the masculinity band waggon but I couldn’t have been more pleasantly surprised with your take. You are bang on and this is exactly why we need to stop putting men in boxes and telling them how to be, behave and live.
Mhmm what is masculinity bandwagon ? No one says shit like femininity bandwagon or toxic femininity , I don’t like the idea of traditional and linear masculinity and putting people In boxes either but I’ve seen a definite double standard when it comes to men and women and their respective ideologies
As if a woman understands masculinity lol
@@KD400_ why wouldnt a woman be able to understand?
@@simonw.2403because they are women ☕
@@fighterinmkiwiscience3517 tell me you literally never spoke to a women in real life without telling me you never did.
This is one of the best discussions on the topic of masculinity I've ever heard. Just finished the video and I didn't even realise 25 minutes had passed; I was so invested.
Imagine being a man and not caring about masculinity on one hand, but being gay and attracted by it on the other hand. As long as you and others enjoy how you present yourself, why would you need to change that by being different? What do you want with masculinity and do you achieve that with what society provides?
Appreciate your considered approach to speaking on this topic! I’m not able to hold space/maintain empathy for the most negative bits of this (the conversations around masculinity rn), but it’s so valuable for you to do so :)
At the end of the day, there's a reason a Kingdom falls once the King dies without another great heir. If you live in Western Europe or the US and etc you're fine you will never be expected to do something masculine. Masculinity changes by what society needs not by what some UA-camr says. In Russia or the Balkans, in Africa, masculinity is vastly different than in the US because those men are expected to fight and are expected to be tougher. Most American men are soft No American man can live in any other country outside of the West. To tell the truth, I feel the problem with men is they're fed a lie of everyone being happy as an adult and everyone getting laid. That thinking pattern is what leads incels and men to question themselves because their whole life they were sold 20s are the peak. So once you're 22-26 and you are the 1/3 of men who haven't had sex in a year, you blame yourself and women, not the society who lied to you. I honestly feel High School should either add 1 extra year or have senior year be about the reality of adulthood and just have kids work with counselors and therapists and even toss in financial classes. I honestly believe schools should hire Kevin Samuels-type people who tell men the truth and tell men what to expect in life. Stop selling people a Disney story and sell them real-life shit. Tell that 200-pound kid yes you can be overweight we won't force you to change but know the risk of being that overweight know what it causes in your dating market and know the effects it can lead to. Stop lying to kids and telling them "You're perfect the way you are". If you're a woman who tells a man "Don't change for anyone" but you won't fuck him you're a part of the problem and have led to potential incels. Tell him the TRUTH. Because one thing Tate does say and I respect him for is NOT EVERYONE SPECIAL and some will be stuck working 9-5 and nothing wrong with that. We have ceilings you can work out for years and you will never be Sergio Oliva it doesn't make you less of a person just makes you normal.
Solid video mate. Really enjoyed your perspective and extremely accurate. More people need to hear this 👍
Is there a problem with Masculinity today? Yes
But I don't feel like it's what these ppl are talking about
Lovely video. I was brought up with parents who didn't really ever talk to me about feelings... Superficially they gave me everything else I needed.. Food, shelter, never having to worry about any of my wants / needs.. But rarely spoke to them about emotion/feelings. I try now to talk about how I feel all the time to my young children and normalise feeling happy, sad, etc. and let them know they can talk to us about any of this. I'm not perfect, and I fail at it sometimes when they're really testing me, but whenever I can, I will sit down with them and talk about how our feelings have been during the day
I appreciate you focusing on what masculinity is to people and how to focus on themselves.
The real masculinity....
Were the friends we made along the way.
We have a non masculinity problem if anything
Thanks for this. Led to a really interesting chat with my kids around the tea table (2 girls, one boy) about how toxic masculinity combined with a rabid cancel culture can lead to horrifically opposed ideologies where a pov is deemed almost as strictly as religion. We need, as you describe a taster menu approach where we can take the best bits for us from multiple approaches.
I used to hide my emotions as I had Class mates who had very strong masculine views Where I felt they would make fun me For showing emotion so I held everything in except for my anger as That Is seen as acceptable to show In this views eyes but then eventually those friends turned on me anyway then I was just depressed I started to be more open with my feelings around my friends And I'm more happy in life because of it.
A problem came From the only thing I felt confident in was Beating people up but That's not something That can get me far And not something I enjoy so I'm still trying to find confidence in other areas.
Wow, really well made video. You didn't take a biased side, you considered both sides, very good.
I really found this refreshing and kinda hits almost exactly how I feel. I as a 27 year old man in the world and I appreciate how you haven't gone down the 2 annoying ways this topic is always discussed which is either 1. the annoying "red pill/ alpha male" or 2. The annoying male feminist route where men are always evil. I hate number 1 because of the constant need to blame and ostracize women for no reason and i think is ultimately creating really toxic spaces and conversations. I hate 2. because it's just goofy and completely annoying with how much man bashing there is (even though they'll never admit they do that). I really think that masculinity is always gonna be a spectrum and I think individuality needs to be taken in for account a lot more than these rigid labeling of things as "masculine" or "feminine".
I think that our current society lacks the critical thinking and media literacy skills which is why these short form vids are sooo popular. Its so easy for especially young guys to take to fall into the incel/PUA pipeline. Short form videos will always boost videos that have the highest viewer retention, i feel this needs to change to avoid the toxic sensationalised garbage thats everywhere rn
Pretty decent topic to talk about and a good video, thank you. I never had a father there much, infact I saw him 1.5 days out of 7 until my mum and dad broke up at the age of 14. I struggle with it to this day and I don't have a good relationship with him. I also am better on my own, living life with just me my wife and little boy. I have 2 good friends and that's it, for the most part I'm without friends but I really love being by myself, sometimes I feel like I'm not human in a way that I don't mind not socialising and being on my own mostly. I'm 39 and do things that make me happy after seeing a professional for my issues, I know how to deal with myself and what makes me happy as well as what doesn't. I prioritise myself over other people now and feel so much better albeit with so many people less in my life but I love it. My boy also helps as I give him the father I never had and that's really fulfilling for me
this sounds very familiar... im very much the same, i am extreemly happy in my own company, i have my wife and my dog a couple close pals and for the most part thats all i need, i love being outdoors and im a ultra runner so the sense of aloneness excites me. i am not bothered at all really with socializing and "going out" and doing the "normal things" i have tried to exlpain this to family before but it hasnt gone down well and ii makes me feel horrible cos i feel like im having to defend/justify myself for my actions, thoughts,feelings. we are all different people and i am a very understanding person towards others and understand that we are all different but feel its not recipricated back and has left my relationships (mainly my sister) broken as she just doesnt understand me or why i dont want to do "normal things"
I noticed a lot of the ‘’masculine’’ influencers are just a devils advocate of radical feminist especially Tate. My idea of masculinity has always been being strong and protecting the ones around you. Tate seems extremely self centered the guy has frequently said he wants to have a crap ton of kids with multiple women and that there is no such thing as male on female cheating. young men have this primal instinct to be dominant and that’s exactly the part of men that Tate as well as a lot of these influencers activate.
This is genuinely one of the best videos on Masculinity ive ever seen. Thank you for teaching me a new way to view the discussion
Can you narrow everything he said
Honestly great video! I have had the same struggle around 2016 too. Since then I have found the love of my life, we now have a daughter and I am in such a better place. Talking about this is not easy and you did such a good job.
This is great advice. I guess where I struggle is that the man I want to be can't earn a living in any way I can imagine. The job I hate is what one day should allow me to "retire and then everything will be great". But I don't know how to escape such a pattern when I need money to live.
Youre saying we need to look at the cause not the symptoms for all of this but then say the reasons for all this happening is confusion, desperation, need to attach themsleves, but those are all SYMPTOMS. Think one step ahead and ask yourself WHY all these symptons are coming up and getting worse lately?
Hamza is like a brother to me, helped me a lot
I think the answear is very easy with one condition : stop taking one side and one side only and see only that . The truth is always in the middle , the world is too devided
The more you think about a problem the more you get the solution is in the middle
Source: my tired ass
unfortunately i am disappointed in the video. you came to no viable conclusion for a typical 18 year old. as you said quite precisely you were the right ''customer'' in that time and place. and the thing you selling here, as good it could be isnt anything this target group can make use of. your schtick just ends up be rational, be open to your personal picture of masculinity etc etc. thats just not realistic for a teen that age. it can not be that you expect that from young men that just want to taste what life feels like and be carefree. why put the burden of self reflectivity on a teenager? why make it the requirement to not delete yourself if you struggle in this day and age? at the end of the day it boils down that your most preferable outcome for you is wasting like all your adolescence: i dont know from 17-26 yo and bearing none existent quality of life, hoping you end up doing something, and being reflected and being somewhat at peace with your past. young men sending to the grinder and you having to hope to make it through
this is just the state of the matter
you argue about how you dont ingest short term content anymore. well thats good for you being 26?27? when did you achieve that goal? given the current state of young men failing behind, you stating this is just being completely oblivious. young men minds are working differently than womens, mature later and in different ways, especially when they are lost. given what they are fed: tate tiktok, its the only bite-sized advice that can be absorbed by their minds. and the fact that nobody is able to come up with an alternative for tate, just means his bullshit online presence will prevail. your video as an undertone also critisizes how young men think and perceive. its the constant subtle of being told your this and that being wrong on different shades of intensity. tate does not do that, he realizes its not realisitic to be successful fighting the natural reaction young men have to the world. they just want to be told what to do in very simple terms, and he does that
What a refreshing and well reflected take. So many people feel drawn towards these mentioned "figureheads" because they communicate their idea of masculinity in a ideological and binary fashion, which makes it easier to comprehend but at the same time reinforces the negative notions such as not showing or communicating your emotions. You hit the nail on the head and I wish more men would feel encouraged to explore and live out their individuality rather than feel forced into this stereotypical idea of what masculinity is.
I would agree for most "figureheads" from what I've seen of them, except Peterson.
His take seems to me to be certainly ideological, but far from binary, or reinforcing stereotypes like the ones you've mentioned.
@@mrknarf4438 I agree Peterson, out of them all, has the most "grounded" ideals based on statistics/analytics but social media uses the most viral moments of his work to generate views. Granted he has some views not everyone agrees with, myself included. But he is also immensely intelligent and very careful with what words leave his mouth, which could be dangerous for those vulnerable individuals. (also wanted to generate a conversation to push this on the algorithm more)
@@mrknarf4438 i disagree, he went off the deep end a while ago. some of his old stuff was of value though.
@@DURR__ a man who is grounded in „statistics and analysis“ but vehemently denies climate change, one of the most well documented scientific events in recent history?
@@dyel1337 Oh yeah I completely agree, as I said above he has views not everyone agrees with, that being one of a few. But as Fergus said the main part of it all is finding that individuality and not believing everything someone says as gospel and using that as YOUR truth, taking a metered and well round approach, along with understanding all sides of an argument whether you agree with them or not is kind of a key part of finding your own morals. (Also ill agree with your other reply ^ with the whole dailywire crap and getting roped in with Ben Sharprio (how ever you spell the dewbs name) has been confirmation of him, as you say, going off the deep end.)
The world need more people talking about
Masculinity and positive way like this and showing that there are many ways to express
Thank you for opening my mind on the matter.
I think I better understand my own feelings especially about training and coping. Maybe I will seek out a therapist.
Brilliant video.
Great great video, really enjoyed watching it. I personally struggle most with the form of criticism you receive as a man - mostly online but also offline. We as a society got really good at naming problems and pointig out faults. But we still struggle to put constructive advice behind it. The current discussion always circles back to the main issue "You have to fix it yourself" - leading many men to the idea of fixing a global problem on a personal scale. But that in itself is also toxic on a different level.
Nevertheless I am happy to see that we slowly start to have those conversation and develop a set of healthy skills and traits to define masculinity - and have enough room for indiviuality on a personal level. I truly hope we can gain some momentum and overtime refine the advice to the point of practical guidelines everybody can pick and chose from as they see fit for their lives. Especially as someone who once got on that toxic path and developed a really shitty personality I can only wish everybody to discover that they are way more than what "masculinity" destines them to be.
The problem with a take like this is it says “There is no masculinity!”. At the very least, there are at least a few inherently masculine things. Yes, not everyone will fit it 100%, but the point of defining “masculinity” is to provide a helpful starting point for most men, and if there are differences from the norm, they can be engaged with meaningfully on an individual level.
Realistically, your view is the view that creates this crisis. Where there is no common meaning, there is no commonality in anything at all and we atomize into pure individuals.
Thanks for sharing your personal issues with us. It adds more of a personal connection to this channel.
Be yourself be an individual that’s what makes us great
The best opinion on masculinity I've ever heard in my life. I had the exact same thoughts I had in my head.
This really is fascinating and really well informed, and overall just a perfect experience of good vibes. However, it also got me thinking, mainly when Crawley started to say in his humble opinion that there is no definition of masculinity, it's making me think should that also be applied to the word feminine as well? Primarily, because in my humble opinion, i feel the same thing happens to women too and how they are held in such a large traditional standard as well, it almost emulates the same issues that were discussed in this video. So overall, i really am starting to feel that this video can be very informative for anyone regardless of gender expression or identification due to how much Crawley didn't want to over generalize and not accidentally force any stereotypes into the conversation and accidentally turn it into an argument rather than a proper discussion. Including that it can also inspire discovery of individuality and for people to make changes for themselves regardless if they want to either do a lot of changes physically mentally or even medically or simply one or two of the three things listed. Anyways, that's enough of my thoughts and feelings on the topic, great video, keep doing the good mental health work western society deserves Fergus Crawley.
Excellent video and good insight; I’d like to add from the perspective of a sixty-something that we are always a work in progress! Problems and issues come and go, and suffering can and does happen to people of all ages (and we are talking about men here, specifically). Being older does not, I can attest, necessarily make you wiser or more capable, though the nature of the challenges and your responses to them may change. Your take, while aimed at younger men, applies across life in my opinion.
It hurts me. It brings sadness to my heart hearing that you were so unhappy while doing the things you perceived you are supposed to. It hurt hearing you say that you were emotionless. Because you didn’t know better but to think that’s how it’s supposed to be. That gets to me. I wish I woulda been there for you.
A very good video countering these overly masculine videos which hamper the brains of us young ones and we can't think of any much better than getting depressed that we are not enough masculine.
If you have a pp and two balls you are a MAN but as a MAN who should also also improve yourself constantly in a positive way.
What are those overly masculine videos you talking about? It could be overly masculine to some but many relate to it.
Why would you put Jordan Peterson up with those tools. Jordan is a lifteime intellectual with decades of psychological experience. He is more qualified than almost anyone else to talk about men, women, and modern social issues. That doesnt mean hes always right, but he is far and above the capacity of any of the other idiots in the thumbnail.
17:37 holy shit when you said that I literally started shaking and my heart rate went up because I realized you just explained a large part o my adulthood perfectly ... I'm close to just giving it all up like you now honestly man I don't wanna live like this anymore, what would be your suggestion ? Just find a community and be social
This is totally out of the blue and I love it! Much love bro it takes some balls talk about this stuff
I didn't go through much turmoil over masculinity, but I appreciate this video. Specifically about your concern with acknowledging that a younger self would have been bought into this world of bad advice. I feel the same. Had I been born 10 years later, I'd be the young kid needing the vitriolic "owning" of the women on these panels.
I do hope more voices appropriately can dissociate the benefits of introspection and self improvement that come with these discussions and the clear vitriol against what they deem lesser.
Expressing one's feelings is a question of trust. You have to know whom you can express your feelings to, as the majority of people either don't care or are there to take advantage of any vulnerability you may show.
Great video brother. As a husband and father of 2 boys I wonder how this modern social media world is going to affect the boys. Before we were influenced by our immediate surroundings, bits of TV and magazines mostly but now there's a wide range of influence for us. I wonder how I'll navigate guiding my kids through it all because right now I really don't know.
I like your take on the uniqueness of the individual and your discouragement of a prescriptive approach to masculinity. I do think that there are elements of your take on masculinity that are somewhat off the money for many men however. It sounds like, and I may have the wrong understanding here, for you becoming more emotionally expressive was beneficial for you which is great. However, in terms of the average man, there is no clinical evidence whatsoever to indicate that a lack of emotional expression in men is driving the suicide statistics, nor has it been demonstrated that increasing emotional expression in men increases wellbeing. In fact, stoicism is known to be a protective trait for men, however there are some aspects of stoicism e.g., not being willing to accept help which have been shown to be problematic, which isn’t very surprising. So, I think the simple message of ‘men need to be more emotionally expressive’ isn’t actually beneficial, but the message of ‘men need to be aware of when they are struggling and be willing to accept help’ is. We know that men experience less negative emotion than women on a moment-to-moment basis; this has been demonstrated by cross-cultural personality research. So we shouldn’t really expect men to be as emotionally expressive as women, but we should expect men to be aware of their emotions, to be aware of their well-being, and to be willing to ask for help when needed. Outside of that, I thought your video was great, I just think that there was an underlying message that men need to be emotional expressive on a moment to moment basis which I don’t necessarily believe to be the case for the average man.
you're just the guy to address this question. thanks for sharing your thoughts!
This was great and nuanced take! Need more of this kind of content
I dislike Tate because he seems selfish and unpleasant. But of a bullying personality.
I have mixed feelings about Jordan Peterson.
Hamza seems cool and likeable.
I would not put all the ‘masculinity’ gurus in the same box.
Scamza is just trying to sell you his course
@@kdkdkdbdkddn3 He didn't have any course for years. And he still makes free content lol, it's very optional going for his course. And in his course you get to meet him in person and go out as a group.
When hes asking all the questions like is the older generation right is the younger is an amazing representation of how i feel all the time. Who made all these rules up? To live like this to be a man to live like that to be a women its crazy
Great video. Really enjoyed it, would like to hear you speak about this more. One thing I’d raise is the distinction between, for example, Andrew Tate and Goggins. Andrew Tate’s views are discriminatory and he essentially absolves sexual crimes and perpetrators (plus being investigated for it himself). His views shouldn’t be tolerated and he shouldn’t be given a platform, as he’s simply using it to push extremist content. On the other hand, there’s much more nuance and debate to have about the masculinity worldview of a Goggins, which I appreciate and think is productive - but except in a massively generalised sense, would not categorise them in the same way.
Thanks for sharing your insight into this topic. Sorry to hear about your suicide attempt - I am happy that you've found yourself in a better place now. Your take on masculinity is very reflective and I hope that you will reach lots of people, who will, as you attempt with this post, think critically about UA-cam shorts and people who try to push their narrative.
Great video Fergus thanks for sharing. I’m sure your openness about the challenges you’ve faced alongside the successes, is what keeps lots of us coming back to your channel.
Do what makes you happy
In my opinion, the gap you mention that young men have has to do with the advances of gender studies and how it is ripping apart what we have all traditionally believed, accepted and repeated. All these advances can make people (anyone) question themselves and the environment and culture they are in (and so the role that they have played in it and why) and help them become a more free, true and compassionate person. But on the other side it can make people avoid all these questions because otherwise it would bring all sorts of discomfort. I appreciate you bringing up this topic in such a healthy way!! And btw, I would like to add that it would also help to stop seeing masculinity as exclusive to "men", and seeing it as a performance anyone can do instead
Gender studies lol. Masculinity approaches difficulty but knowing when something is bs is pretty simple. Nah I will continue to see it as exclusively to men we need our spaces out own space as well
I'm free,true and compassionate. just only to the things that benefit me.
The vast, vast majority of people are not born intersex, and this means that the vast, vast majority of people are born either male or female. It is also the case that biological sex affects behavior. These two facts are not really arguable, absent some very convoluted mental gymnastics and playing with definitions. If the vast majority of the population is born either male or female, and if biological sex affects behavior, then sex and gender cannot be totally separated.
This will not convince any die-hard progressive types, of course. Someone with a Ph.D in gender studies has an ideological axe to grind and defines their reality based on how well it lines up with identity politics. I think you're cowaring away from the truth rather than embracing it. masculinity is and always will be for men.
@@ilyrain3540 this is not in any case what my comment translates to. I am, in fact, compassionate with your opinion here. I do not believe that gender and sex can be separated either, precisely because gender has been built according to sex. But the fact that it has traditionally surrounded some male/binary agenda does not mean that it cannot be BUILT in different ways as well. Would you say there is just one kind of masculinity if there is not just one kind of man? And how come males degrade and pick at "women" who are "masculine"?
If you are angry at "progressive" ideas it is not my fault. Did not come here to fight, just to express what I thought. You shouldve left it at the first comment, but I guess that your biological sex might have had something to do with your behavior here. And yes, the binary system has not benefitted me and breaking it has. But if you were able to open your mind a bit you would see that it would benefit you as well. I don't care about men being men and women being women, I just expect the same kind of -yes- COMPASSION toward ideas as the one you expect from everyone else. Because believe me, trying to dismantle the system that we have put up with for centuries is not something comfortable for anyone, so for you to victimize anything that follows these systems is nothing but ironic to me.
i enjoy watching Jordan Peterson he says a lot interesting stuff and honestly it makes sense i dont agree with everything he says but if youre honestly looking for a role model as a man talk with some older men
talk with men who were in the military theyll tell you how to be a man
i dont worry about that tho i just wanna live my life how i wanna live
i dont need a role model i think for myself thats being a man but i learned it from my father and grandfather im very fortunate having those men in my life