Curt is completely missing the fact that she attempted to cheat while in a relationship. It doesn’t matter who the relationship was with, it shows that she’s perfectly happy cheating when she wants to, untrustworthy to the core.
She tried to cheat on him, lied to his face at the four month mark, lied to his face when confronted, ran away to buy time, concocted new lies, only abandoned old lies when they became inoperative, trickle truthed, attempted to minimize…..why this dude was so slow to call it on this I can’t explain. Unsalvageable.
@@jameslyons6655he took that long because he is a nice guy. It good he found out about her true nature before they got married because she would have cheated on him and turned his life upside down. This is truly a bullet dodged
You can't move forward with her because if Perry decides he wants to continue to be a FWB with her, she would jump at the opportunity. He has left an imprint on her that can't be erased.
Here's what you do: You quit looking at this 304 as a potential wife and see her as a FWB. That is if the sex is good. If not then why would you be marrying her anyway? Just do NOT ever consider marrying this 304
Yes or ruin it ! How much is to much daa a n it gets very cloudy ! As nd how about us guysssay I find a lady I like do I tell her I’ve been with 40-90 differs hurr red lbs or do I skip past it and say well I’ve dated 5-to 15 girls???! What is expected???!
@@calebwilliams9567 all I know is 87 of them were liners to the core but it’s okay as I knew they were luring and treated them I treated them accordingly accordingly to all that I knew they were lying about OK that’s just the way it is if you trust your trust is unlimited they will dump you and treat you like a pet dog, but do what you Gotta do and I learned from experience. Good luck with you.
The OP in this story made a mistake when he confronted Cathy. Why do men do this? You MUST make it impossible for her to lie. What you do is get together with both Perry and Tim at a bar or something. Then have Cathy come. She is now trapped. I have seen this happen more than once. I remember once watching the look on her face. The best way to describe that look is to say she had just read her obit!
_"The OP in this story made a mistake when he confronted Cathy. Why do men do this?"_ I've asked that same question so many times in so many different comment sections. I always come to the same conclusion. It's simple, and also the reason she played him like she did. He never developed a masculine frame to stand on and probably never had any strong male figures in his life to teach him how to carry himself and how to handle relationships. So like so many beta guys, he fell victim to the standard F-inist approved, "nice guy" societal programming women claim they like. He's too trusting, he puts women on a pedestal, he's too accommodating, and he doesn't trust his instincts. Otherwise, he wouldn't have acted without thinking when he confronted her and why he turned to strangers on the Internet for what he needed to do next. Fortunately, he found his spine and balls (what little he had) and kicked her to the curb.
@@eelchiong6709 Yep! The female I spoke about did just that! She let a bit of a tear drop then turned around and walked out. She never attempted to contact either of the men again that I know of. In this case, had the three of them saw her leave all questions are answered and Cathy now no longer can gaslight them.
@@TheSnarkyViking It won't work in every situation I agree. It will work however in a situation where she is monkey-branching or at least attempting to. I used to be in upper management at a large company in the southeast US. Every once in a while I would get into a position where I would have 2 people that work for me telling me different things. When this happened I always set up a meeting with my dept heads in my conference room. It's funny how quickly you can get to the truth in these situations. I do agree though, if she doesn't really care for either of you she will just give you the finger and walk out. The last part I don't really agree with. I do agree that a man should walk away and move on. That is a given. What I don't agree with is walking away with unfinished business. These things have a tendency to come back and bite.
It wasn't even in the past, Tim literally said at the beginning of their relationship she came back to him to start something again. She was literally about to cheat.
The fact that she lied about Perry and tried to start up with him at the beginning of the relationship with Curt would have been a deal breaker. She really did screw up Perry for life by what she did and said to him, really toxic and someone to avoid.
This is easy. I've been in a situation like this (woman lying about her past). Sit her down and ask her, "Tell me about Perry". If she says, "who?" you tell her to get the f out and never contact you again. Simple! His problem is, he chased her. F that. She ran because she knew she was busted. Let her go and let her stay gone. Honestly, I'm an asshole so when she comes over to talk, I'd have Perry show up at 7:15 or so. It always makes me sad to see men talk about finding "the one". That's a hallmark of a scarcity mindset. Women aren't an endangered species. They outnumber us in the world ffs! There is no 'one'. Never pour your entire self into a woman because they're as reliable as rain in the Kalahari. Being in a relationship with a woman is the very definition of "hope for the best, prepare for the worst".
She showed this guy who she was. She's snooty, she's a liar, and she has piss poor communication skills. If he had married her he would have been facing a very very expensive divorce
Just because she tells you she has only been with a few guys it does not make her marriage material. I knew of a girl whose friends knew she had a high body count, and as soon as she met the reliable provider guy, she pretended to be even ignorant about sex matters and her friends could not believe that the guy fell for it.
Reminds me of a girl I hooked up with in college. I played on a sports team and it was after one of our parties during my senior year. I thought we were just going for a mutually beneficial roll in the hay but, as soon as we got into bed, she starts saying things like, "Please be gentle. I've never done this before." and acting like she didn't know how to do anything. The problem was that I personally knew at least 3 - 4 other dudes who had hooked up with her in the past. They all said she was super cool and great in bed so that's why I was looking forward to a fun night. I don't know if she viewed me as a potential 'provider' or something but it was all I could do to keep myself from laughing when she started this act. She was actually fun to be around and very pretty but I never met up with her again after that night because I just couldn't take her seriously. It's amazing how women can just turn on the Oscar-worthy performances at the drop of a hat. Lol!
Exactly these chicks are like politicians the way they will look you in your eyes an lie an lie an lie straight to your face! remember fellas it’s #DTBSeason out here!
Bingo. They are twisted. I knew this friend of this girl I dated who told me her friend threw out all of her provocative lingerie between guys - otherwise they would think she was a 304. And she would just get the next guy to re-stock her lingerie drawer.
No such thing as "friends with benefits." What it really is is one person settling for "friendship" and hoping for more while the other one uses him/her.
OK, this is NOT a FWB relationship. SHE is not Perry's FRIEND at all. Perry is her dark secret--one she is ashamed of--that she never intended anyone find out about. He was her validation-fix in between "worthy" boyfriends. FWBs are actual FRIENDS that occasionally hookup as a casual thing (I do agree with FYA these are not healthy, but they are different than this toxic parasitic relationship). This is also a HUGE indication she can never be trusted by any future partner. She had 8 YEARS successfully keeping Perry a secret from everyone else in her life. She's perfected lies, deception, and managing secret affairs as a lifestyle, one she can easily fall back into at any point she needs another validation fix she's not getting from her "official" partner.
Why would he even want to think about continuing his relationship with her. After he heard about her being such a toxic person, and pathological liar, he should have run far and fast.
There are several "issues" here: 1) Folks cheat for 4 reasons: -Revenge against a cheater -Lack of s-word or lackluster s-word in their relationship -Wanting to explore another person or have another explore them in the bedroom -Doing something "forbidden" or unforgivable against the one they "love" Cathy expressed the secretive nature of the affair with Perry turned her on. That's a dangerous "turn on". She also told Perry they could continue their affair, even if they BOTH have other partners. The "taboo" or forbidden nature will drive her to cheat on Curt. This will make the s-word time with Perry really intense... provided she never gets caught. 2) Cathy is a liar. She will continue to lie. 3) Cathy always returns to Perry. He doesn't return to her. She has a "connection" with him as a defiant move toward her parent's disapproval, and she returns because she cannot be single. She NEEDS to be in a relationship, and uses Perry as her "plan b". OP dodged a bullet. He can find a much better gal than her.
I wonder if Cathy realizes what she’s doing? She been indulging in this “forbidden fruit” habit since her and Perry were in high school. Or, perhaps, bad habit is a better word to describe it. As with many other habits, the one engaging in them does not always see them as “Bad habits” or even habits at all. I wonder if Cathy once again tried to work her way into Perry’s life after the break up? I believe you hit the nail on the head when you said that Perry is her Taboo addiction. But, hopefully, Perry has learned his lesson regarding Cathy’s typical modus operandi and closes that door permanently. It kinda brings in to question the failure of Cathy’s other two relationships. Perhaps she’s not being altogether truthful about them either?
@@panzerlieb I think she knows EXACTLY what she's doing. She's been hooking up with Perry as an act of defiance toward her parents' control over who she chooses to be involved with. There's more than meets the eye here. She seems to have an attitude of entitlement or has been a bit spoiled by her parents. I think the whole "secretive" nature and how it turns her on is more toward her parents than Curt. My high-school girlfriend and I dated in secret from her mother. Her parents were divorced, and dad lived in another country. We "hooked-up" Monday thru Friday, and didn't see each other on weekends. She had enough "class" to tell me on our first date that we could never get serious because she was from a different culture and her family would never approve of me. It was high-school, so I was ok with it. She ended up breaking up with me very reluctantly because we almost got caught together once at her apartment. She tried to convince me to get back together within two weeks (driving to my family's home and calling), but I said it wasn't worth it since we both knew we wouldn't end up together. She ended up dating another guy for a while, but called me once they were "done", as far as I know, to hook up again. I saw her once more and ended things after that. Some gals are somewhat "full of themselves" and think they're just "all that". When a guy has no other gal to compare the s-word time, she's the "best" he's had. This lasts until he finds another gal, and he loses interest in the other. Perry did the right thing by kicking her to the curb and focusing on the future.
When a woman "needs" to go the bathroom in-between a serious talk, it's for one single reason, to buy time and think about how to get out of this messy situation. To put it into a single word, EXCUSE!
What an awful person. She treated EVERYONE like expendable cogs. She was a horrible "friend" to Perry. She didnt love Kirk at all. She was looking for someone to check her boxes.
Lies lies lies and more lies, she lied about her past, even when he already knew the truth, she still lied, she is not an honest person, before you know it, she is gonna start cheating you on.
He didn't need to try and get her to tell the truth, when she ran away to recover herself that told him everything he needed to know along with what Perry had stated. The level of secrecy she built, because of Perry's family background, was a real tell and made it impossible for Curt to trust her. Curt thought giving her one more chance was useful and learned it was not worth it to hear her lie. She built that secret over the years and used Perry so poorly, some of that is on him, too. He learned a hard lesson. I cannot imagine she has many girl friends, to keep that secret so hidden from everyone, and likely has developed a barrier from getting close enough to anyone to ever risk it coming back to her family.
OP was the boss! Regardless of why she contacted Perry at the end the conclusion should have been the same. Furthermore, I have a major red flag in my mind about ANYONE with FWB's! IMHO anyone who participates in those flings has a tendency to return to them.
Two things are absolute no's. First is that she lied and covered up about her FWB relationship. Second is that if it were up to her she would still be doing the FWB with Perry even with her relationship with OP and had tried several times to get with Perry. This was NOT in her past but during their present relationship. Maybe if she had not been two timing OP and had been honest about the FWB, then maybe continue the relationship but that is not the case. Also this would have been a major Red flag as an Alpha Widow thing for Perry, and it would be easy to just go back to him as she had done many times. OP did right. FWB may be the only relationship viable in todays online crazy social media environment.
If a man “falls in love” with a woman….it’s a wrap. That’s a feminine trait, emotional attachment, and men suffer for doing so. It is what it is. Remain stoic, stay on your grind, maintain your frame, and keep trying to better yourself…you can’t give too much of yourself to these 304s
Ah, the forbidden fruit story. She would have eventually cheated on him with another Perry fella, because she it is like a drug addiction. Lucky for the OP, Perry saved him a lot of future grief.
When she drove off, I would have texted her: you have 20 minutes to come back and talk, or our relationship is OVER. Don't bother ever returning. No excuses if she's not back, she's history (though we all could tell by that point that she was going to be history anyway given her behavior and previous lying).
FWB is fantastic for those in it LOL but it makes long term domestic monogamy impossible. It's all of the best part of a relationship and none of the bad and anything else will seem boring and difficult.
FWB is the only relationship construct that works in today’s modern environment. Any other construct means being exposed to her “feelings” and worse yet, losing half your assets. Protect yourselves gentlemen.
I have a very different read on this: I think she is actually in love with Perry. And always has been, but for some reason she has it in her head (probably because of her parents) that she needs someone 'on her level'. Especially from her first relationship it becomes totally clear that she didn't love the athlete at all and it stands to reason that the OP is in the same shoes. I think this is a very, very tragic story, but the OP is not the tragic hero. Perry is. She never cheated WITH Perry. She cheated ON Perry. With the Athlete and the OP. Although it's not cheating because she told him before. This is very messed up, some Romeo and Juliet shit.
Sleeping around is never a good thing to do --like it or not both of you will start comparing the guys or the girls you slept with ,whether it is 'performance -wise or financial -wise or socio -economic wise '' and ending up confused and non the wiser .
I agree with, find your alpha, about not ever getting involved with a woman who was or is in a FWB relationship but for a completely different reason. Like sex workers, which is what they are, women who enter FWB relationships can divorce the physical sex act from her feelings. To them it becomes no more meaningful than 2 dogs in heat and maybe not even that much. They often have trouble forming a proper pair bond necessary for a successful marriage. My thought is she's a chameleon. She only puts on the outward appearance of being a loving caring human but is actually incapable of it.
Men are like such helpless dogs. But when dogs are cornered, they immediately show their teeth. But these two-legged dogs, the doormats, will turn their asses on you if you corner them. He knows how cheap and unfaithful Cathy is, but he still wants to continue the relationship with this $1 cheap and lying woman. I think Perry is just the tip of the iceberg.
“I’m sitting here now writing this post and I’m going to spend the rest of the night drinking expensive bourbon.” This Kurt fella has my sympathy, but that right there illustrates perfectly the difference between him and Perry and the so-called “socioeconomic differences” that supposedly kept this Cathy from being with the Perry fella, as I’m certain that Perry wasn’t drinking expensive bourbon when Cathy was sh*tting all over his heart… more like some Nasty Light. This Cathy woman could have had a good man in this Perry fella, but she obviously didn’t see him as her equal and also got off on the clandestine nature of their trysts. She is absolutely not a good woman.
when the OP had that talk she lied by omission. only the 2 she no longer wanted were reviled. Perry will always be a problem for her future, just as she will always be a problem in Perry's future.
Unicorns? GTFOOH. The cost of losing out in this day and age is atrocious at any level. Lust relations are a go to forever, physically or mentally. IMHO
Lying by omission is STILL lying. A relationship built on lies is like a house of cards. Curt did the right thing. Kathy needs to seek therapy...and never be in a relationship until she figures out what's wrong with her...because there's something DEEPLY broken in that woman.
MAn, that OP never should have followed that woman, when she avoided the discussion. She did not wanted to be confronted with her past. Just let this person alone. If you want (have to) meet them, than do it out doors on a neutral public place like a park.
OP was right to dump her. She proved who she really was by keeping her first love Perry on a string for 8 yrs while she hooked up with guy that met her social/economic status (as her parents put it). The fact that she wanted to keep her FWB relationship with Perry even after beginning her one with OP (Curt) shows her infidelity mindset. She is hypergamous and will always be looking for a higher status guy.
Let me compliment Finding Your Alpha channel for superb stories and narration. I listen to other well done stories as well but this is the best of the best!
2 responses with the forgive and forget answer. No, this is a damaged individual with whom you don't want to form a family or any form of serious relationship. Se was willing to continue the affair despite her being with a partner. she would have that same approach down the road whenever they have a fight, she would be texting Perry or any other guy in her life.
I’ve asked my friends if they care about a man’s credit score and of course, the answer is yes. Then I asked them “why do you care about his past“. Mic drop moment.
If he would have stayed and married her, she would get bored and divorce. He would lose everything and become homeless. You were lucky you found out her true character. Most men don't and find out in divorce court.
If she had been truthful maybe OP Could have continued with the relationship. However, the way she lied showed her true nature that she would always be a liar who could not tell the truth.
Curt did the right thing. Cathy proved herself untrustworthy. Not being able to have Perry it is all too likely she would seek out another to fill his role even if she married Curt.
One thing that always strikes/astounds me is when women become indignant, ignore the entire topic of discussion, and to some degree remark that “you’re making them feel bad”. Suddenly it is the cruelest thing to ask or bring up something they did bc it is now making them feel bad. I know females operate emotionally but it’s such a psychotic level of cognitive dissonance that it always jolts me. It’s like “screw all that terrible stuff I did, how dare you distress me even slightly by mentioning my actions”. Blows my mind every time😂
He should’ve just sent her one message. “Perry.” And then never contacted her again. She has not been a good girlfriend. She visited Perry while she was dating the OP several times trying to instigate physical relations which he rejected.
He dodged a bullet. Poor Perry. I’d make friends with him. He sounds awesome. Cathy sounds like a 304. Trying to find a modern girl who is wife material is like winning the lottery. Most young girls who went to college have been run through. I’d never date a girl who went to college. I hope this man finds happiness.
I just want to say! I love the forceful commentary of the specked He is a slow man to forgive a Wes but he most likely is correct -anyway He makes all these story’s so much fun and I joy able so thank you so very much! 👍👍👍😊
Personally I wouldn’t go through that pain shopping! Max fwb but absolutely nothing serious with her! Most important always use condooms especially on women like her
I don't believe a women who says her 1st was 18. Truth is ALMOST always 15-16. And a bodycount of 2? LMAO Also scary how calculating and vile the woman is. It seems like so many women are damn heartless and cold... Just sad that most men are snivelling pathetic simps today. SHE was the one who acted like absolute garbage and somehow he is trying to repair the relationship and she as usual wants to take ZERO responsibility...
This story is clearly written by someone without a college education as there are a few completely unrelated digs at college education. Also, he says in the story that he was basically bewildered by the concept of people marrying in their socioeconomic groups when it is practically what everyone in America does. The rich usually marry the rich, the middle classes other middle-class types and poor people marry poor people. The fact that he is acting like this is some massive revelation and a terrible thing is ridiculous. You'd have to go through life with your eyes closed not to have ever noticed this fact. A wealthy lawyer rarely marries a girl from a trailer unless it is his third wife and much younger. A blue-collar guy rarely marries a woman in a high-powered city job. I'd say that people marry in their socioeconomic group 95% of the time and the other cases are pretty girls marrying up. Anyway, they entire thing became comical when he pretended this was a shocking thing to hear.
Strange how Cathy loved sex with Perry, but abandoned him anyway. So do women pair-bond through sex or not? Can some women split sex and love in their heads? Or is it that Cathy could not love anyone, and like Perry said, sex was something she used men for. Maybe a woman who disrespects her body and her husband's choice, loses the empathy to fully give herself to a man...
My biggest issue isn’t even the FWB relationship, but the lie by omission, he straight up asked her body count and she lied about Perry by omission, therefore robbing OP of his agency of knowing if this would be a good fit for him or not. Also, she was chasing down Perry during the first few months of their relationship, so yeah, this is a relevant issue in their relationship.
I love it when vv0men get busted for lying about their past. One of my friends was dating a girl, and when his friend showed up, it came out that she had slept with him too on a Tinder hook-up 🤣😂. Needless to say she went from potential wife material to recreation use only right on the spot. The funny thing is they will insist that body count doesn't matter. Yeah sure.
What is this guy talking about, that all of this happened before his relationship with Cathy? The Perry guy admitted that in the 1st couple months of him being with Cathy, Cathy came to Perrys home saying she still wanted to basically still be friends with benefits it happened during your relationship leave her. And I bet during those 20 minutes of silence in his bathroom. Cathy was texting Perry and talking to him about what he said about their relationship
OP was a dummy, her past and the lying was bad enough, but the part he should have been alarmed about, was how she wanted the relationship to continue alongside his relationship with her. It seems to have gone over his head that if the other guy hadn’t said no, he’d have been drilling his girl while they were together.
I think he handled it pretty good except for one point. As part of my dealing with the situation if I were him I would have absolutely made sure her parents knew what she was doing the whole time so they could know what kind of a daughter they raised and how she treated men.
I don't think they'd be that upset about it. She didn't treat a person like that, she treated a lesser like they were lesser, where's the problem? Oh, I'm sure they'd be upset about the relationship, that she would lower herself being with someone like that. I just doubt they'd be at all bothered about what she did TO him.
31:25 letting someone trickle-truth you is just twisting the knife. Once you know you're being lied to, cut all contact. Ghost her. Get a restraining order if she won't fuck off and leave you alone.
I’m 100% sure Perry wanted to wreck her relationship, and I’m 100% supportive of that. The reality is that at the end of the day, she did this to herself. She wanted to have her cake and eat it too - she wanted it all and sadly no one can have it all. Thats just not how life works. We all make decisions and have to live with them and she chose to engage in that FWB relationship and then lie about it. She didn’t have to lie, and she didn’t have to be Perry’s F-buddy. She certainly didn’t have to go back after she started the new relationship. It’s gross and it tells you everything you need to know about her character. She’s a liar, a potential cheater, and she thinks that she doesn’t have to make sacrifices.
If she had been honest with you from the beginning and told you about her past relationships there would be a chance to connect but her lying killed that
This is why I always say women are like children. You have to treat them like children. Yes all women only a child runs away from their problems. Instead of facing the music and telling the truth they will lie cheat and steal.
Curt is completely missing the fact that she attempted to cheat while in a relationship. It doesn’t matter who the relationship was with, it shows that she’s perfectly happy cheating when she wants to, untrustworthy to the core.
Did anyone noticed that everyone forgot she tried to cheat on him the first two months or their relationship or more?
I was wondering the same damn thing
She tried to cheat on him, lied to his face at the four month mark, lied to his face when confronted, ran away to buy time, concocted new lies, only abandoned old lies when they became inoperative, trickle truthed, attempted to minimize…..why this dude was so slow to call it on this I can’t explain. Unsalvageable.
@@jameslyons6655
You broke it all down perfectly.
@@jameslyons6655he took that long because he is a nice guy. It good he found out about her true nature before they got married because she would have cheated on him and turned his life upside down. This is truly a bullet dodged
A hoe is always a hoe.
The fact she wanted a fwb relationship even if she was partnered up means he can never trust her..
The fact she lied about a whole other relationship should do that...
Yes you are correct!.not only that she was actually trying to still be in a fwb relationship WHILE she's with this kirt guy.
He was the ATM and her 'ex' was Chad. No contest.
All we can hope is this Kirk fella got his money's worth fully enjoying his turn
@@snatchadams69 qq+qq+qqq+q++
You can't move forward with her because if Perry decides he wants to continue to be a FWB with her, she would jump at the opportunity. He has left an imprint on her that can't be erased.
Good story. Guy handled this with a backbone, no simping detected.
"What should I do?!"
This plus a decent income explains why she's with him.
Get rid of her
I honestly wonder if this man ate lead based paint as a child. How is Tim friends with someone like this?
Exactly!
Perry is proof not all heroes wear capes.
Here's what you do: You quit looking at this 304 as a potential wife and see her as a FWB. That is if the sex is good. If not then why would you be marrying her anyway? Just do NOT ever consider marrying this 304
The risk of baby trap or std ain't worth it.
It's not just the fwb but also hiding it and when confronted ran off to concoct a story and then truth trickled.
Never underestimate your girlfriend past. Always do your job investigating her last relationships. Also this could save your neck.
Yes or ruin it ! How much is to much daa a n it gets very cloudy ! As nd how about us guysssay I find a lady I like do I tell her I’ve been with 40-90 differs hurr red lbs or do I skip past it and say well I’ve dated 5-to 15 girls???! What is expected???!
@@lorensr.bingham5217what?!
@@lorensr.bingham5217honesty is expected. If you’ve been with 90 women that sounds like a personal problem
@@calebwilliams9567 all I know is 87 of them were liners to the core but it’s okay as I knew they were luring and treated them I treated them accordingly accordingly to all that I knew they were lying about OK that’s just the way it is if you trust your trust is unlimited they will dump you and treat you like a pet dog, but do what you Gotta do and I learned from experience. Good luck with you.
This is always true their is nothing about past history makes future work or destroys it
When a woman tells you how many people she's slept with, always follow up with "How many people have you had sex with but it didn't count?"
Yep. Olivia Munn once said, it doesn't count if it's @n@l.
Past actions are a great indication of future actions and character. Dude dodged a bullet there. 👍
She was actively trying to keep the fwb relationship going while with op. Kathy is not gf/marriage material. Glad he found out about the real Kathy.
She will still get some sucker to marry her 😂
I always find it hilarious when in all these cheating stories, the cheating woman breaks down and cries when she is caught.😂
The OP in this story made a mistake when he confronted Cathy. Why do men do this? You MUST make it impossible for her to lie. What you do is get together with both Perry and Tim at a bar or something. Then have Cathy come. She is now trapped. I have seen this happen more than once. I remember once watching the look on her face. The best way to describe that look is to say she had just read her obit!
Exactly, confronting alone is dangerous too.
_"The OP in this story made a mistake when he confronted Cathy. Why do men do this?"_
I've asked that same question so many times in so many different comment sections. I always come to the same conclusion.
It's simple, and also the reason she played him like she did. He never developed a masculine frame to stand on and probably never had any strong male figures in his life to teach him how to carry himself and how to handle relationships.
So like so many beta guys, he fell victim to the standard F-inist approved, "nice guy" societal programming women claim they like. He's too trusting, he puts women on a pedestal, he's too accommodating, and he doesn't trust his instincts. Otherwise, he wouldn't have acted without thinking when he confronted her and why he turned to strangers on the Internet for what he needed to do next.
Fortunately, he found his spine and balls (what little he had) and kicked her to the curb.
@@eelchiong6709 Yep! The female I spoke about did just that! She let a bit of a tear drop then turned around and walked out. She never attempted to contact either of the men again that I know of. In this case, had the three of them saw her leave all questions are answered and Cathy now no longer can gaslight them.
OP wanted her to tell the truth, but it never works out that way.
@@TheSnarkyViking It won't work in every situation I agree. It will work however in a situation where she is monkey-branching or at least attempting to. I used to be in upper management at a large company in the southeast US. Every once in a while I would get into a position where I would have 2 people that work for me telling me different things. When this happened I always set up a meeting with my dept heads in my conference room. It's funny how quickly you can get to the truth in these situations. I do agree though, if she doesn't really care for either of you she will just give you the finger and walk out. The last part I don't really agree with. I do agree that a man should walk away and move on. That is a given. What I don't agree with is walking away with unfinished business. These things have a tendency to come back and bite.
It wasn't even in the past, Tim literally said at the beginning of their relationship she came back to him to start something again. She was literally about to cheat.
Perry spurned her but there’s almost certainly Terry, Harry, Barry and Gary. And Jerry, Kerry and Larry on layaway.
The fact that she lied about Perry and tried to start up with him at the beginning of the relationship with Curt would have been a deal breaker. She really did screw up Perry for life by what she did and said to him, really toxic and someone to avoid.
OP needs to give Perry a great big, "Thank you, bro!"
Send him a case of fine bourbon at the very least
No shit! Thank god perry told him. He should take his friend and the other guy to a steak dinner! They saved him.
Leave the liars. You can never trust them.
This is easy. I've been in a situation like this (woman lying about her past). Sit her down and ask her, "Tell me about Perry". If she says, "who?" you tell her to get the f out and never contact you again. Simple! His problem is, he chased her. F that. She ran because she knew she was busted. Let her go and let her stay gone. Honestly, I'm an asshole so when she comes over to talk, I'd have Perry show up at 7:15 or so.
It always makes me sad to see men talk about finding "the one". That's a hallmark of a scarcity mindset. Women aren't an endangered species. They outnumber us in the world ffs! There is no 'one'. Never pour your entire self into a woman because they're as reliable as rain in the Kalahari. Being in a relationship with a woman is the very definition of "hope for the best, prepare for the worst".
She showed this guy who she was. She's snooty, she's a liar, and she has piss poor communication skills. If he had married her he would have been facing a very very expensive divorce
And probably would have been raising, then paying child support, for someone else's kids.
Hmmm.... while Cathy was with Curt she visited Perry multiple times to have S-times. Curt ya dodged a bullet!
Just because she tells you she has only been with a few guys it does not make her marriage material.
I knew of a girl whose friends knew she had a high body count, and as soon as she met the reliable provider guy, she pretended to be even ignorant about sex matters and her friends could not believe that the guy fell for it.
Reminds me of a girl I hooked up with in college. I played on a sports team and it was after one of our parties during my senior year. I thought we were just going for a mutually beneficial roll in the hay but, as soon as we got into bed, she starts saying things like, "Please be gentle. I've never done this before." and acting like she didn't know how to do anything.
The problem was that I personally knew at least 3 - 4 other dudes who had hooked up with her in the past. They all said she was super cool and great in bed so that's why I was looking forward to a fun night. I don't know if she viewed me as a potential 'provider' or something but it was all I could do to keep myself from laughing when she started this act. She was actually fun to be around and very pretty but I never met up with her again after that night because I just couldn't take her seriously. It's amazing how women can just turn on the Oscar-worthy performances at the drop of a hat. Lol!
Exactly these chicks are like politicians the way they will look you in your eyes an lie an lie an lie straight to your face! remember fellas it’s #DTBSeason out here!
Bingo. They are twisted. I knew this friend of this girl I dated who told me her friend threw out all of her provocative lingerie between guys - otherwise they would think she was a 304. And she would just get the next guy to re-stock her lingerie drawer.
But it sounds her friends didn't warn him, either.
Wh()res of a feather. . .
He should personally thank Perry for allowing him to dodge a stealth bullet. She would have
cheated on him being as decietful as she was.
No such thing as "friends with benefits." What it really is is one person settling for "friendship" and hoping for more while the other one uses him/her.
FWB involves the ability (and often the need) to have sex without love. This is not compatible with monogamy or fidelity.
''Son if you wanna know about a womens past ask/observe her friends''
my dad
Very true. Birds of a feather flock together
"Cathy and I have been dating exclusively for 22 months."
No dude. You haven't.
[Edit: CALLED IT!!! lol.]
OK, this is NOT a FWB relationship. SHE is not Perry's FRIEND at all. Perry is her dark secret--one she is ashamed of--that she never intended anyone find out about. He was her validation-fix in between "worthy" boyfriends.
FWBs are actual FRIENDS that occasionally hookup as a casual thing (I do agree with FYA these are not healthy, but they are different than this toxic parasitic relationship).
This is also a HUGE indication she can never be trusted by any future partner. She had 8 YEARS successfully keeping Perry a secret from everyone else in her life. She's perfected lies, deception, and managing secret affairs as a lifestyle, one she can easily fall back into at any point she needs another validation fix she's not getting from her "official" partner.
He never confronted her with the most damning part. She offered a FWB relationship with Perry while dating AP. 😮 35:42
She played both guys cruelly. What a B. They both got lucky she is out of their lives.
Why would he even want to think about continuing his relationship with her. After he heard about her being such a toxic person, and pathological liar, he should have run far and fast.
There are several "issues" here:
1) Folks cheat for 4 reasons:
-Revenge against a cheater
-Lack of s-word or lackluster s-word in their relationship
-Wanting to explore another person or have another explore them in the bedroom
-Doing something "forbidden" or unforgivable against the one they "love"
Cathy expressed the secretive nature of the affair with Perry turned her on. That's a dangerous "turn on". She also told Perry they could continue their affair, even if they BOTH have other partners. The "taboo" or forbidden nature will drive her to cheat on Curt. This will make the s-word time with Perry really intense... provided she never gets caught.
2) Cathy is a liar. She will continue to lie.
3) Cathy always returns to Perry. He doesn't return to her. She has a "connection" with him as a defiant move toward her parent's disapproval, and she returns because she cannot be single. She NEEDS to be in a relationship, and uses Perry as her "plan b".
OP dodged a bullet. He can find a much better gal than her.
I wonder if Cathy realizes what she’s doing? She been indulging in this “forbidden fruit” habit since her and Perry were in high school. Or, perhaps, bad habit is a better word to describe it. As with many other habits, the one engaging in them does not always see them as “Bad habits” or even habits at all. I wonder if Cathy once again tried to work her way into Perry’s life after the break up?
I believe you hit the nail on the head when you said that Perry is her Taboo addiction. But, hopefully, Perry has learned his lesson regarding Cathy’s typical modus operandi and closes that door permanently. It kinda brings in to question the failure of Cathy’s other two relationships. Perhaps she’s not being altogether truthful about them either?
@@panzerlieb I think she knows EXACTLY what she's doing. She's been hooking up with Perry as an act of defiance toward her parents' control over who she chooses to be involved with. There's more than meets the eye here. She seems to have an attitude of entitlement or has been a bit spoiled by her parents. I think the whole "secretive" nature and how it turns her on is more toward her parents than Curt.
My high-school girlfriend and I dated in secret from her mother. Her parents were divorced, and dad lived in another country. We "hooked-up" Monday thru Friday, and didn't see each other on weekends. She had enough "class" to tell me on our first date that we could never get serious because she was from a different culture and her family would never approve of me. It was high-school, so I was ok with it. She ended up breaking up with me very reluctantly because we almost got caught together once at her apartment. She tried to convince me to get back together within two weeks (driving to my family's home and calling), but I said it wasn't worth it since we both knew we wouldn't end up together. She ended up dating another guy for a while, but called me once they were "done", as far as I know, to hook up again. I saw her once more and ended things after that.
Some gals are somewhat "full of themselves" and think they're just "all that". When a guy has no other gal to compare the s-word time, she's the "best" he's had. This lasts until he finds another gal, and he loses interest in the other. Perry did the right thing by kicking her to the curb and focusing on the future.
Be careful, the next one might be a cheating liar too. They seem to work together.
Perry is a brother... OP just wouldn't come out and say it.
When a woman "needs" to go the bathroom in-between a serious talk, it's for one single reason, to buy time and think about how to get out of this messy situation. To put it into a single word, EXCUSE!
What an awful person.
She treated EVERYONE like expendable cogs.
She was a horrible "friend" to Perry. She didnt love Kirk at all. She was looking for someone to check her boxes.
So she bolts out the door in order to figure out how to best lie to him. A relationship based on a lie is doomed to fail.
Lies lies lies and more lies, she lied about her past, even when he already knew the truth, she still lied, she is not an honest person, before you know it, she is gonna start cheating you on.
He didn't need to try and get her to tell the truth, when she ran away to recover herself that told him everything he needed to know along with what Perry had stated. The level of secrecy she built, because of Perry's family background, was a real tell and made it impossible for Curt to trust her. Curt thought giving her one more chance was useful and learned it was not worth it to hear her lie.
She built that secret over the years and used Perry so poorly, some of that is on him, too. He learned a hard lesson. I cannot imagine she has many girl friends, to keep that secret so hidden from everyone, and likely has developed a barrier from getting close enough to anyone to ever risk it coming back to her family.
OP was the boss! Regardless of why she contacted Perry at the end the conclusion should have been the same. Furthermore, I have a major red flag in my mind about ANYONE with FWB's! IMHO anyone who participates in those flings has a tendency to return to them.
Two things are absolute no's. First is that she lied and covered up about her FWB relationship. Second is that if it were up to her she would still be doing the FWB with Perry even with her relationship with OP and had tried several times to get with Perry. This was NOT in her past but during their present relationship. Maybe if she had not been two timing OP and had been honest about the FWB, then maybe continue the relationship but that is not the case. Also this would have been a major Red flag as an Alpha Widow thing for Perry, and it would be easy to just go back to him as she had done many times. OP did right.
FWB may be the only relationship viable in todays online crazy social media environment.
She still had his number! Nuff said...
If a man “falls in love” with a woman….it’s a wrap. That’s a feminine trait, emotional attachment, and men suffer for doing so. It is what it is. Remain stoic, stay on your grind, maintain your frame, and keep trying to better yourself…you can’t give too much of yourself to these 304s
Ah, the forbidden fruit story. She would have eventually cheated on him with another Perry fella, because she it is like a drug addiction. Lucky for the OP, Perry saved him a lot of future grief.
When she drove off, I would have texted her: you have 20 minutes to come back and talk, or our relationship is OVER. Don't bother ever returning.
No excuses if she's not back, she's history (though we all could tell by that point that she was going to be history anyway given her behavior and previous lying).
Yes!! Her running off would have been maddening!
FWB is fantastic for those in it LOL but it makes long term domestic monogamy impossible. It's all of the best part of a relationship and none of the bad and anything else will seem boring and difficult.
For men. Figure women still enjoy the husband paying all their bills.
There is nothing good about FWB. It immediately takes the woman out of the wife material category
@@Syrin23 This^^^^ If the milk is free then why pay for it?
FWB is the only relationship construct that works in today’s modern environment. Any other construct means being exposed to her “feelings” and worse yet, losing half your assets. Protect yourselves gentlemen.
I have a very different read on this: I think she is actually in love with Perry. And always has been, but for some reason she has it in her head (probably because of her parents) that she needs someone 'on her level'. Especially from her first relationship it becomes totally clear that she didn't love the athlete at all and it stands to reason that the OP is in the same shoes. I think this is a very, very tragic story, but the OP is not the tragic hero. Perry is. She never cheated WITH Perry. She cheated ON Perry. With the Athlete and the OP. Although it's not cheating because she told him before. This is very messed up, some Romeo and Juliet shit.
Sleeping around is never a good thing to do --like it or not both of you will start comparing the guys or the girls you slept with ,whether it is 'performance -wise or financial -wise or socio -economic wise '' and ending up confused and non the wiser .
The latest bf should have left immediately when he confronted her.
I agree with, find your alpha, about not ever getting involved with a woman who was or is in a FWB relationship but for a completely different reason. Like sex workers, which is what they are, women who enter FWB relationships can divorce the physical sex act from her feelings. To them it becomes no more meaningful than 2 dogs in heat and maybe not even that much. They often have trouble forming a proper pair bond necessary for a successful marriage. My thought is she's a chameleon. She only puts on the outward appearance of being a loving caring human but is actually incapable of it.
Can’t wait for the next one!
Men are like such helpless dogs. But when dogs are cornered, they immediately show their teeth. But these two-legged dogs, the doormats, will turn their asses on you if you corner them. He knows how cheap and unfaithful Cathy is, but he still wants to continue the relationship with this $1 cheap and lying woman. I think Perry is just the tip of the iceberg.
🥇
Why is he chasing her when she admitted guilt by omission
“I’m sitting here now writing this post and I’m going to spend the rest of the night drinking expensive bourbon.”
This Kurt fella has my sympathy, but that right there illustrates perfectly the difference between him and Perry and the so-called “socioeconomic differences” that supposedly kept this Cathy from being with the Perry fella, as I’m certain that Perry wasn’t drinking expensive bourbon when Cathy was sh*tting all over his heart… more like some Nasty Light. This Cathy woman could have had a good man in this Perry fella, but she obviously didn’t see him as her equal and also got off on the clandestine nature of their trysts. She is absolutely not a good woman.
I’m not a guy but if I had been in his position I could never be with someone who treated people like that.
when the OP had that talk she lied by omission. only the 2 she no longer wanted were reviled.
Perry will always be a problem for her future, just as she will always be a problem in Perry's future.
Unicorns? GTFOOH. The cost of losing out in this day and age is atrocious at any level. Lust relations are a go to forever, physically or mentally. IMHO
How did this keep a straight face when she said she with "TWO" GUYS! At what point did she burst into flames??!!
Lying by omission is STILL lying. A relationship built on lies is like a house of cards. Curt did the right thing. Kathy needs to seek therapy...and never be in a relationship until she figures out what's wrong with her...because there's something DEEPLY broken in that woman.
MAn, that OP never should have followed that woman, when she avoided the discussion. She did not wanted to be confronted with her past. Just let this person alone. If you want (have to) meet them, than do it out doors on a neutral public place like a park.
Men must be very careful who they invest in. The law is not on your side.
OP was right to dump her. She proved who she really was by keeping her first love Perry on a string for 8 yrs while she hooked up with guy that met her social/economic status (as her parents put it). The fact that she wanted to keep her FWB relationship with Perry even after beginning her one with OP (Curt) shows her infidelity mindset. She is hypergamous and will always be looking for a higher status guy.
Let me compliment Finding Your Alpha channel for superb stories and narration. I listen to other well done stories as well but this is the best of the best!
She was nasty to Perry for 8 years!
"He moved to Texas to get away from his past." The fictional narrative acts like Texas is still part of the wild west.
😂 yet women have the gall to say that their past doesn’t matter.
2 responses with the forgive and forget answer. No, this is a damaged individual with whom you don't want to form a family or any form of serious relationship. Se was willing to continue the affair despite her being with a partner. she would have that same approach down the road whenever they have a fight, she would be texting Perry or any other guy in her life.
She was still trying to do things with Perry after they were together.
The moment she ran past him to her car and left, he should’ve texted “it’s over.”
I’ve asked my friends if they care about a man’s credit score and of course, the answer is yes. Then I asked them “why do you care about his past“. Mic drop moment.
If he would have stayed and married her, she would get bored and divorce. He would lose everything and become homeless. You were lucky you found out her true character. Most men don't and find out in divorce court.
If she had been truthful maybe OP Could have continued with the relationship. However, the way she lied showed her true nature that she would always be a liar who could not tell the truth.
Curt did the right thing. Cathy proved herself untrustworthy. Not being able to have Perry it is all too likely she would seek out another to fill his role even if she married Curt.
One thing that always strikes/astounds me is when women become indignant, ignore the entire topic of discussion, and to some degree remark that “you’re making them feel bad”. Suddenly it is the cruelest thing to ask or bring up something they did bc it is now making them feel bad.
I know females operate emotionally but it’s such a psychotic level of cognitive dissonance that it always jolts me. It’s like “screw all that terrible stuff I did, how dare you distress me even slightly by mentioning my actions”. Blows my mind every time😂
He should’ve just sent her one message. “Perry.” And then never contacted her again. She has not been a good girlfriend. She visited Perry while she was dating the OP several times trying to instigate physical relations which he rejected.
He dodged a bullet. Poor Perry. I’d make friends with him. He sounds awesome. Cathy sounds like a 304. Trying to find a modern girl who is wife material is like winning the lottery. Most young girls who went to college have been run through. I’d never date a girl who went to college. I hope this man finds happiness.
Hypergamy... A ring will never plug a hole. Never make it official through marriage. Ask me how I know...
I just want to say! I love the forceful commentary of the specked He is a slow man to forgive a Wes but he most likely is correct -anyway He makes all these story’s so much fun and I joy able so thank you so very much! 👍👍👍😊
when u confront someone about a lie, take them somewhere they cannot bolt. make it public so they cant say you were abusive, and record it all.
Personally I wouldn’t go through that pain shopping! Max fwb but absolutely nothing serious with her! Most important always use condooms especially on women like her
I don't believe a women who says her 1st was 18. Truth is ALMOST always 15-16. And a bodycount of 2? LMAO
Also scary how calculating and vile the woman is. It seems like so many women are damn heartless and cold...
Just sad that most men are snivelling pathetic simps today. SHE was the one who acted like absolute garbage and somehow he is trying to repair the relationship and she as usual wants to take ZERO responsibility...
This story is clearly written by someone without a college education as there are a few completely unrelated digs at college education. Also, he says in the story that he was basically bewildered by the concept of people marrying in their socioeconomic groups when it is practically what everyone in America does.
The rich usually marry the rich, the middle classes other middle-class types and poor people marry poor people. The fact that he is acting like this is some massive revelation and a terrible thing is ridiculous. You'd have to go through life with your eyes closed not to have ever noticed this fact.
A wealthy lawyer rarely marries a girl from a trailer unless it is his third wife and much younger. A blue-collar guy rarely marries a woman in a high-powered city job. I'd say that people marry in their socioeconomic group 95% of the time and the other cases are pretty girls marrying up. Anyway, they entire thing became comical when he pretended this was a shocking thing to hear.
Strange how Cathy loved sex with Perry, but abandoned him anyway. So do women pair-bond through sex or not? Can some women split sex and love in their heads? Or is it that Cathy could not love anyone, and like Perry said, sex was something she used men for. Maybe a woman who disrespects her body and her husband's choice, loses the empathy to fully give herself to a man...
Cathy is and probably always has been a slore. She probably had a high body count before Perry so she had already lost her pair bonding ability by 16.
Perry dodged a bullet.
Three men committed to the manosphere. All of them made the right decision based in values
Trickle truth also known as breadcrumbs just elevates the argument to the highest form which can result to a punch to the face
My biggest issue isn’t even the FWB relationship, but the lie by omission, he straight up asked her body count and she lied about Perry by omission, therefore robbing OP of his agency of knowing if this would be a good fit for him or not. Also, she was chasing down Perry during the first few months of their relationship, so yeah, this is a relevant issue in their relationship.
I love it when vv0men get busted for lying about their past. One of my friends was dating a girl, and when his friend showed up, it came out that she had slept with him too on a Tinder hook-up 🤣😂. Needless to say she went from potential wife material to recreation use only right on the spot. The funny thing is they will insist that body count doesn't matter. Yeah sure.
What is this guy talking about, that all of this happened before his relationship with Cathy? The Perry guy admitted that in the 1st couple months of him being with Cathy, Cathy came to Perrys home saying she still wanted to basically still be friends with benefits it happened during your relationship leave her. And I bet during those 20 minutes of silence in his bathroom. Cathy was texting Perry and talking to him about what he said about their relationship
When your past catches up to you. Actions have consequences. People should be held accountable for their actions in a relationship.
I have the deepest respect for Perry.
OP was a dummy, her past and the lying was bad enough, but the part he should have been alarmed about, was how she wanted the relationship to continue alongside his relationship with her.
It seems to have gone over his head that if the other guy hadn’t said no, he’d have been drilling his girl while they were together.
"I found a unicorn with a woman who was with only 2 men"
me, who has a woman who's been with zero men: ???????????
I think he handled it pretty good except for one point. As part of my dealing with the situation if I were him I would have absolutely made sure her parents knew what she was doing the whole time so they could know what kind of a daughter they raised and how she treated men.
I agree!!! This would have been a good way to give Cathy a final boot.
I don't think they'd be that upset about it. She didn't treat a person like that, she treated a lesser like they were lesser, where's the problem?
Oh, I'm sure they'd be upset about the relationship, that she would lower herself being with someone like that. I just doubt they'd be at all bothered about what she did TO him.
@@jakeand9020 I can see your point. You're saying, "Like parents, like daughter." She's a selfish, entitled product of her parents.
With a friend like Cathy who needs enemies?
These always want to paint themselves as pure smh
31:25 letting someone trickle-truth you is just twisting the knife. Once you know you're being lied to, cut all contact. Ghost her. Get a restraining order if she won't fuck off and leave you alone.
He should just say „greetings from Perry“ and see her expectable reaction. He will get all excuses he ever hear in his whole life in a few minutes.
I’m 100% sure Perry wanted to wreck her relationship, and I’m 100% supportive of that. The reality is that at the end of the day, she did this to herself. She wanted to have her cake and eat it too - she wanted it all and sadly no one can have it all. Thats just not how life works. We all make decisions and have to live with them and she chose to engage in that FWB relationship and then lie about it. She didn’t have to lie, and she didn’t have to be Perry’s F-buddy. She certainly didn’t have to go back after she started the new relationship. It’s gross and it tells you everything you need to know about her character. She’s a liar, a potential cheater, and she thinks that she doesn’t have to make sacrifices.
She could think of a good excuse while she was in the bathroom so she decided to leave and probably come up with a better lie with some friends help.
Kudos to Perry...
He saved a good man.
If she had been honest with you from the beginning and told you about her past relationships there would be a chance to connect but her lying killed that
This is why I always say women are like children. You have to treat them like children. Yes all women only a child runs away from their problems. Instead of facing the music and telling the truth they will lie cheat and steal.