The way she wrote it is hilarious as well. "I regret it so much and can't believe I was so stupid and selfish. So we repeated it." 😂😂😂😂😂😂 Regret has no meaning for these 304s.
once she said "i want an open relationship" she means "i want to keep whoring around"....so it is time to cut the loses and move on.... do not save a hoe.
Definitly! This moder woman or man who speak about open marriage, have no clue what core values are. Honesty and respct! They are selfish selfcentered fools, that are not worth to invest only one more secound of any partners life. The problem is theory open relationships are build of love and sharing it not only with one but with several persons. BUt for that you need be an very unselfish unself centered warm hearted person. BUT the personality of those that want be i an open relatioship is exactly not that kind of personality. They have the exactly oposite personality. Thats why it never can work out.
Any time your partner mentions an open relationship whether it's about your relationship or somebody else's open relationship make it very clear to your partner your feelings and if she ever even considered it. and you find out the relationship is over with no discussion.
The only mistake BF made is when she said that "Jay at work is in an open marriage." was not immediately interrogating her. "Oh, interesting." I'd ask all sorts of questions about him, his wife, their relationship, etc. to gauge how much she knows about it, and by extension, how much they talked about it. Nice and easy, to get her talking. Then... 1. When and where did this come up? What day, time, and where in the office were the two of you? 2. How many times did you discuss it? How long did you talk about it? ("He said all that in just a single conversation?") 3. Why does he feel comfortable with telling you this, especially in todays sexual harassment sensitive workplace? 4. Have you spoken to your supervisor or HR about this? Did you document it? Why not? 5. How often do you interact with this guy? For what periods of time? Was anyone else there? How much time do you spend alone with him? 6. What on Earth possessed him to tell you? I've had coworkers I've known for years and don't know jack about their home life -- spouses name, kids, etc. Has any of your other coworkers told you about details of their marriages? 7. Has he ever asked about us? Does he know my name, what I do, how long we've been together? 8. How many people are in your office? How many other people in the office know that he's in an open marriage? Why is he telling you vs. everyone else? 9. Is he attractive? How old is he? If he was a fat, balding, 58-year-old telling you this wouldn't you find it creepy? 10. Why would you bring this up with me? What was the purpose? What did you think I'd say about it? etc. I don't think it would take half those questions before I'd know this wasn't something out of the blue. "Well, the fact he felt comfortable even telling you this and wasn't fired the next day is makes it clear have a different understanding of committed relationship. I'll take my valuables, move in with my parents, and give you a formal 30 day notice. There is no point in any further discussion. If you attempt to contact me or my family, I'll be contacting a lawyer, your friends, and family."
Did y'all see that female commenter? OP cheats and the boyfriend breaks up with her and he's the bad guy? Women only believe cheating is a big deal when men do it. In fact most bad thing in life are only bad when men do it. Pay attention. Don't ask or beg for these chicks to be accountable or responsible. The moment they dont show those two qualities just cut them off.
These women are delusional. They don't acknowledge science. A man can sleep with a woman and it would be like him taking a piss. No thought, no emotion, just a 🌰. A woman is not going to let a man inside her if she has no emotional connection or desire for him. Well, most women. These women nowadays would let a homeless dude inside if they thought he was hot (in the moment). THAT is why women cheating is worse than men cheating. And we won't even get into the paternity issue. ("It's YOUR baby.....even though I let 34 dudes let off inside me")
So you're willing to throw away your long term relationship for someone who means nothing to you. How in the hell do you not see that makes it even worse?
It’s depressing how common that is. The AP often ends up being some loser that couldn’t care less about her as a person and is barely 1/10th of what the legit partner is. Even worse, I find a common theme of these stories to be that the cheater does things in bed with the AP, the one who doesn’t give a crap about them, that she doesn’t even consider doing with the guy that actually does care and devotes time and energy to her. The best way I heard it out was “Her husband/boyfriend gives her everything, and she gives him nothing; the AP gives her nothing, and she gives him everything.” What a world we live in.
I laughed at the commenter that said he would come crawling back and she can tell him to f himself. Not in a million years would this guy try to get her back. Sure he'll miss who he thought she was, but mainly he'll be thanking his lucky stars for dodging that bullet. Jay did him the favor of a lifetime by exposing her.
@@Urbansilverback Right? She keeps saying that "it was only this one time" or it was "one and done I learned my lesson". But she actually did it twice, 2 days apart. She had time to think about it from Tuesday to Thursday and feel bad, but she didn't, she did it again. It just proves that she's just sorry that she didn't get away with it. Most likely she's gonna probe around for open relationships with her future partners as well. Hopefully she finds someone like Jay 😂
And of course the thought of Jay's wife wanting her turn with her man disgusted her, so the "open" part of the open relationship was only going to be her legs.
@7:02 "What you need to do is just sit down with your BF and first explain how much you love him and only him and then discuss how you entertaining other men will benefit him." EXACTLY! It will be of immense benefit to him to know it is time to immediately and permanently end his relationship with you.
I'm sure the woman who wrote that reply has a quality relationship. "how you entertaining other men will benefit him" .. how do they come up with this stuff? 😂 Huge props for the boys in the comments who predicted the exact way it was gonna end just from the first post, before she cheated and before she even brought the open relationship up. They deduced it just from her thoughts.
What does she mean she will never cheat again? When Jay first mentioned to her that he was in an open relationship and asked what she thought she said she would never want to share her husband and could never give herself to another man. Not long after she gave herself to Jay.
I started to believe that all women are like this, if only the right opportunity comes along. It's not either or wired, it's wired in DNA and the deciding factor is the chance of meeting the sufficiently temping opportunity. Might mean the opportunity must have more than a great body, for example create the impression of wanting a committed relationship as well. I hope I'm wrong.
There is a character missing from this story! I don't believe that last part about not talking to people she knows. I don't know a single female that does not have a BFF who she will confide in about almost everything. Just from my experiences most likely this BFF told her to go on ahead and mess around with Jay. These toxic friends are one of the primary reasons women destroy relationships.
I’m going to ask this not to be rude, but only because I’m sitting here trying to figure it out. What does BBF mean? I know what BFF means, but the other is throwing me….. unless you meant BFF then my apologies
“A mistake”. Flirting with a guy, talking to a guy about open relationships, trying to introduce the idea to her BF, still flirting with the guy, sleeping with the guy, doing it again……how is that “a mistake”? These creatures are unreal. Also “it meant nothing”. The only logical conclusion, if that were true, is that the value she placed on her BF and their current relationship was worth less than nothing.
They probably believe they will talk themselves out of the consequences. They will always succumb to the temptation and then when things go wrong they'll always feel the loss. That's what they mean with mistake.
@@ChadDidNothingWrong Still not A mistake. 'A' is an indefinite article, which in this usage could be best interpreted as 'one single'. But it WASN'T 'one single' mistake. It was a series of decisions where the potential consequence was HIGHLY predictable. If you're playing Russian Roulette, and the guy next to you blows his head off, you don't get to say "he killed himself by mistake". If you're talking with someone, testing waters for an open relationship, flirting with the other person, waiting until your partner is out of town, the having sex with this other person AT LEAST TWICE, that is not 'A mistake'. Mistake also implies the action was misguided. 'I think I can avoid the consequences of these actions' arguably do not qualify. That would be a 'risk' or a 'gamble' but that doesn't make it sound as defensible, does it?
This just proves that you just dump them if they ask for an open relationship. A : they are already doing it or have someone in mind . B: Even if you say no , they will just do it behind your back . Cut your losses and move on with life .
There's nothing "passive-aggressive" about kicking a cheater out of your life. It's a direct and confident act of permanent rejection, with no need for any bit of manipulation to achieve. When a man does this, he never "comes crawling back". It's always the exiled-woman who crawls to the man's locked door.
Any accounts of guys coming crawling back are not ones who left due to her infidelity. Usually if he's crawling back, he was the cheater or he screwed up in some way. That female commetor is delusional.
@@drl5002 Delusional is the perfect description if that female-commenter. If a man leaves a woman because he's rejecting the betrayal, abuse, and disrespect, that she dished out to him by cheating on him, what on earth would he have to crawl back to that's worth wanting? I'd love that commenter to tell us a single thing that the cheating-woman has that the man could possibly want from her.
It was a stupid response given by an idiot. It was not just a one-off either - she went back to him quite a few times before she was inadvertently exposed. If one wishes to forgive, so be it. But if he doesn't, he is passive-aggressive? Please!
As a buddy of mine always says, "You pay or you pay." You can take the pain of a break-up all at once, or you can spread it out over a long period of time. When your woman cheats your best option is to show some testicular fortitude and end it immediately. Anything else is a walk of shame. But you will always pay.
She must have told Jay that they opened their relationship. That's probably why wifey called OP's boyfriend. I would love to have heard that conversation.
Nope. I bet Jay told his wife that but I don't think OP told him that. That would require thought and it's obvious she wasn't thinking any further than "let's find a soft horizontal surface to mambo on". Jay's house grossed her out on Tuesday.....but she went back to it on Thursday. Jay wasn't as good as her BF when she banged him on Tuesday.....so she went back to him again on Thursday. See, no thought whatsoever. I don't think she's cunning enough to tell Jay that.
Chad Thundercock was more important than her relationship. So when she chose Chad over the relationship, she KNEW what the consequence would be, so why do they act like they are sad when they pay the price they GLADLY decided they were willing to pay up front?
Because they dont like accountability, they are the ones who would throw a guy out for the same cheating but think it's not a big deal if they did it, they want their cake and eat it too, they are also delusional to think that everything will stay good after theyve cheated and that they are worth staying with, women need to face the consequences and the shaming more often again as it's a lack of shaming and consequences that have them thinking they can do whatever when they feel like it
If it wasn’t for Jay’s wife’s call, he would never have found out. She said Jay didn’t live up to her boyfriend, but had he not known she would have just found another parter. Her ex got lucky the information found its way to him.
As a cautionary tale, women should realize, yes it's better to have this BS happen when your boyfriend/girlfriend than in a marriage...but you can absolutely 100% take it to the bank that you did ruin your life. Sure, you'll find other partners but nothing in life will ever compare to what you threw away because of your selfishness. Her therapist is a liar too. Cheaters cheat repeatedly and there's a shit ton of evidence for it. OP has lost a huge part of her pair bonding ability. She'll never be the same again in future relationships because she'll be longing for what she had. That's the price you pay for choosing to be a betrayer.
I think the therapist is correct because many will only cheat again for an opportunity that's more tempting than the last. He already had a great body and wasn't good in bed, she gonna want someone with a great body and wallet next time. She probably won't get many of these opportunities. On the other hand I started to believe that for the right opportunity they will all do it. There is no either you're wired or you aren't. It's instead wired in the DNA.
“We are best friends and the best lovers”. “I am crazy about him”. And yet, the first time he left town she cheated on that very same day. Hell, only half way through the day actually. Stupid decisions come with consequences.
Really doesn't matter what they say. And from there the problem of trusting anyone arises. I believe already that for the right tempting opportunity every woman will pick this decision.
People who cheat don't understand the phrase - "Once a cheater always a cheater". People who cheat or have cheated are forever labeled a cheater because they have cheated. They can do whatever to better themselves but the stigma will always be there in their past. This girl's recovery is doubtful because she is not finding the right closure in moving on with her life. Therapists can also be very suspect when they give false confidence in not addressing issues. Anyway, good story on that idiotic concept of open relationships. Just break it off and hard. LOL!
Not just that, people who cheat have a HIGH rate of cheating again, this is simply fact. This has been known for thousands of years in societies all around the world for a reason. The counselor was trying to make this cheating hoe feel better somehow trying to convince her that she isn't a bad person. She said she would definitely never cheat again. Guess what she would have said six months before she cheated if she was asked if she would ever cheat on her "amazing BF". Cheaters have a tough time understanding and believing what they are.
Bingo. It's apt as in saying "Once and alcoholic, always and alcoholic." or "Once a criminal, always a criminal." Even if she never cheats again, she carries the fact that she was capable of doing it, nothing inside her stopped her, she tried to weasel her way around it, she did it more than once, etc. Did she really feel bad about it? What if the sex was better? What if her next boyfriend wasn't as good as the next guy to hit on her? Sorry, it isn't just "I've learned and won't do it again." You knew then what could happen and that didn't stop you. OP needs to realize that something inside her is broken and merely saying you won't do it again doesn't fix that.
26:00 OP's grandma, an older and wiser person, gives her a valuable life lesson and you took it for granted. She had an great and stable BF who her family approved and was marriage material, but her selfishness made her listen to the words of a loser coworker. She knew her BF would never accept cheating and she had the chance of listen to stories of people of the internet who failed the open marriage. Now she lost the best man she could have and she didn't quit her job because of Jay, she quit because couldn't pay for rent alone and probably was the gossip of work.
@@hiddenmagnum9590 Modern woman... interesting facts. in 1950 85% of all woman in the US of A were "happy" (what ever that meant, but that is the data), in 2015 85% of all woman in the USA are UNHAPPY. What changed? Emancipication. They thought they "deserve better", fought for BS, entitled themselves as "the chosen ones" and now, with them cheating, lying, destroying relationships they suffer terrible., That is the ONLY good thing of this desaster. Woman suffer, day for day till the end of time, because they had choosen to be dumb, stupid and selfish. Woman who "obey"/"follow" their partner, be loyal, trustworthy (at last for a woman, we know they lack character) and want a happy relationship with kids and intact family, are still happy. But these are now very seldom sighted.
i'm just amazed at how simple minded this WOMAN/and other like her, sound. Before asking, she already knew his stance on cheating, Still, he was clear. So, she cheats anyway, and then acts surprised that he dumps her. I felt that she had NO Empathy/Respect for him. Although, she did manage to sob for herself. IMHO, someday she is gonna cheat again. I am female, but I cannot abide people like her.
OP said the sex was not as good as her with her bf. OP said the AP's apartment was dirty and she also said she regretted cheating. Then why did she go back for second helpings? I think OP is a liar the sex with her athletic AP was mind-blowingly good which is why she went back one day later. OP is only sorry that got caught and is losing her BF and lifestyle.
Don't even cohabitate. Some jurisdictions see that as being almost the same as being married. Don't let her establish residency in your place (which means, don't let her get mail there or spend more than 3 days a week in your spot, and don't let her pay any bills).
Bull. Millions of successful marriages. I’ve been married 36 years. Others longer. Marriage still works but only for loving committed couples. Not committed or love enough and get the tingles yes millions also cheat. Man or woman.
That advice at the end about cheaters being wired. When I first started dating my ex wife, at 18… I was at a party and only been dating her for 3 months… had this very attractive woman practically groping me. I said nope, and left the party. Was also drinking…. All situations and circumstances women use for excuse… and I wasn’t swayed by temptation. As you said, it’s something you are wired to.
It's probably a collection of personality traits. Perhaps low conscientiousness, high openness, and a bit of narcissism. Their thinking is dominated by their desires and scheming about how not to get caught.
He probably offered her the check for a month's expenses was to ensure she didn't trash his place on the way out. Just wonder why he didn't tell her to GTFO right off the bat. And almost everyone telling her not to do it because it would end her relationship. She ignores them. Now OP gets to pick up her prize on the way out the door.
Also, by offering her the few scraps of kindness he did, BF cemented himself in her mind as the saint, the perfect boyfriend, and the one that got away. If he threw her out immediately, she might've villainized him in her mind, and possibly reframed it all as him driving her to cheat.
@@CatacombD This is the way. A few dollars is worth protecting your stuff and deifying yourself in her head as the sacred "one who got away." She will never forget, and her regret will be everlasting.
@@Remianen There's a time for the soft and hard approach. If you know the woman is unstable you need to prepare and gently let her out into the streets without her knowing it so she can't damage your stuff.
ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER! The counselor should be sued for malpractice. From a study" "To put this in perspective, cheaters are around 60% likely to cheat again, according to recent studies.". AND " Researchers have found evidence that people who report cheating in a previous relationship are more likely to cheat in a subsequent relationship (Knopp, Scott, Ritchie, Rhoades, Markman, Stanley, 2017)"
OP trying to act like she owned the haters. The haters have integrity and internal self respect and healthy relationship. Cheaters deserve a life of unhappiness while seeing their ex partner succeed in love.
There was really no other way this could have ended for OP. For her to think otherwise is delusion at its best. She knew he was against the open relationship. She knew cheating was a dealbreaker. But she did it anyway because she wanted to. That’s all what cheating boils down to: cheating because people want to. OP’s ex handled it perfectly. No arguing, no compromise, and no hearing anything out. Just a straightforward example of “you did x, so I’m doing y”.
Open relationship is just a way to officialize cheating. And the desire to cheat is born from not having the necessary emotional maturity to develop a life-partnership mindset. Once you understand what it means to commit to someone and to invest building something with them, you know what it means to tear all that down just so you can have a bit of fun or to explore your options for a potential "upgrade". Once you understand what that means you won't be finding yourself in "one thing led to another" situations because you will consciously not let it go there, regardless of your involuntary attraction to other people. Clearly he had that mindset while she didn't and probably doesn't to this day.
@@petedemitraszek3633 The "professional" that told her that most people only cheat once is probably a cheater HERself. Most therapists are such jokes, they only tell their patients what they wanna hear and squeeze them for as much money as they can. Also I have a hunch that most therapists and most patients are women, and most therapy session topics are relationships.
You know the funny thing is why are they so devoted and in love after they cheat? If they could only be this way before they cheat. Good for the boyfriend for standing his ground and moving on.
Women tend to have very poor short term decision making skills in these cases. That's why "the affair fog" exists. When their crotch is burning for some guy, they're not thinking about LOSING anything. All they can think of is GAINING his D inside them. Then they act shocked when introduced to the long term consequences of their short term actions.
Aaaaw shucks, Jay's Wifey went and roontit all ! (" Coulda gottin it on with "Throbbin (HUFFA - PUFFA )Jay" forever, iffen she hadn't went & blew it outa the water ! TEE -HEE !")
Because they are all evil liars. They tell stories to not look as bad as they are, also they still hope that dumb ATM aka BF reads and belives her BS and takes her back. In reality, they did it on purpose and without thinking (main problem with woman, they can´t really think), because they "belive" in "i am right to do what i want with whom i want"...
Almost no one cheats just once so promises that it is one and dome are always empty. If you do love someone and for some reason cheat, if they forgive you, you will eventually cheat again.
Yeah, but she found a quack "counselor" who will tell her what she wants to hear and that its not her fault because that will keep her coming back and paying him for more sessions.
@@noydb-1 Not a quack, just a run of the mill scammer. That's what most of these people are. They won't tell women the truth because (cue Jack Nicholson) then they won't come back. Women are allergic to accountability and there's no EpiPen for that. Give them that feel good Kool-Aid and they'll keep giving you money to listen to them whine and avoid blame for 50 minutes a week.
If I fantasize, it stays in my head, we all may have inappropriate fantasies, even at inappropriate times. It is when those fantasies start to interfere with your relationship or when you seek to make them reality that there is a problem.
In this crappy situation the BF was very lucky that Jays wife let him know within 24hrs, since she wanted to get them both in their bed together. So very lucky. Good analysis. Hearing these stories on Open Relationships is beginning to sound like those who are prone to cheat (as you said like being an alcoholic) find it perfect for their lifestyle. They want to fool around with anything that fancies them but also want to go home to a roommate with benefits most days. To have that home to go to and the variety in bed weekly. Unfortunately, they try dragging non-cheaters with them and shame them if they cannot handle it.
Amazing how OP says she made a big mistake. She mentioned an open relationship and bf clearly said no. She the CHOSE to screw the coworker on two different days. That was a decision, not a mistake. She got what she deserved.
Men are always showing leniency to women when the same would never happen if roles were reversed. FMA of course they label men with self respect as passive aggressive. If they didn't that would mean they're are the problem and holding each other accountable which they don't do
@@kennethboyer2338 it doesn't sound like he even yelled at her and yet his type have anger management problems? Unbelievable how dense that commenter is.
27:00 This bit about, "Oh, I'll never, ever cheat again," is rich. Before meeting Jay, I'm sure that OP would've said that she would never cheat on her BF too. Turns out there's a difference between what some people say they'll do, and what they'll actually do.
When a man and a woman just are dating casually, he's just another man in a suit. He has no claims on her and she has no claims on him. When she suggests a relationship at some level of commitment, he needs to just sit her down and emphasize that she's proposing a rules change. (And BTW, wait her out, make her come to you with the suggestion of an enhanced relationship). Just tell her that the casual dating period is over, and from now on she is prohibited from any relations with any other man at all. Not that you can physically prevent her from banging other men, but in that event you will immediately walk. No more girls nights out, no more men "friends", no more trips to Las Vegas, and all the other ways she might try to use to get around her newfound monogamy. And of course, no such thing as open marriages, etc. This is a mandatory discussion which will put her on notice that any playing around by her at all will result in the immediate and permanent end to your interpersonal relations. Period. And enforce it, no waffling or caving, nothing.
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 Absolutely! Did that with my GF. She hounded me for a month, wanting to be exclusive. I gave her my rules, explained my boundaries, and she agreed to terms. Five months in, things are good but I never let her get comfortable. I still have female friends (mostly my friends' wives) and they don't let her get complacent. Just last weekend, my friend's wife told her, "I had no idea he was open to a relationship. I wanted to hook him up with my sister". (Plants the seed in her mind that if she messes up, I've got one in the chamber) Men lose when they let their woman think she's the only one who wants him.
perfect summary. Oh, and make clear a.) if kids will come, there is allways a DNA-test b.) open policy, no secrets, no hiding of laptop, mobile phone, or other stuff c.) a watertight prenup, paid by HER, that make clear, if one cheats, he/she get slaughtered by the judge in case of marriage. Everything, till the last cent go to the cheated one. If she still wants to have a relationship, follow the rules (that are not negotiable) then you may have the one out of 10.000 woman... but i diubt it. But you save yourself tons of money and time.
In my experience, my wife sleeps with her FB friend and I dumped her right after my overseas duty travel. I found out through her email. A cheater is always a cheater. To you, people who support second chances, get a life and remember before you open your legs, you just destroy yourself due to the fact you have no respect for your family... She's now looking after the APs children (7 children)
This story is just another textbook example of how to handle these types of situations. What opened my eyes was the comment from a woman defending her and calling her BF passive-aggressive for not forgiving her. She sounds like one of those purple-haired ultra effinist types hell-bent on destroying men. Relationships are never the same once the trust is broken by infidelity even if attempting to reconcile. Reconciliation would be taken into consideration depending on the length of time together, kids, finances, admission, etc. In this case, the correct thing was to end it as they had none of the mentioned considerations. Hopefully, she learns from this and becomes a better person in her next relationship while the BF will always be guarded in his new relationships.
So she says she never do it again. Good! I hope so. Maybe she can be a better partner to her next BF, because she surely destroyed the one she was in. I mean the bf undeniably made his position clear on the matter. And she went and did it anyway. She clearly did not value the relationship with her boyfriend till it was gone.
Yeah, she'll never cheat again. . . until she gets a new boyfriend. Then all bets are off. She's only sorry because the side d*ck wasn't as good as she hoped, and BF was an actual man and dumped her. All the lies she tells herself and Reddit, won't change what she really is.
I think they both handled this well. She cheated as expected and isn’t much of a gambler. She is missing a few parts of the story. She only realized how important her man was to her once he was ready to leave her. He was respectful and allowed her to spit out a batch of lies and other crap. He then nicely gave her money to move and cut ties respectfully. She probably won’t cheat again, but in her case this was enough. I like that she admits that it was a gamble she was willing to take. All the fluff on how good her bf was she just put in there in case he reads it. Even better is that one f**k wasn’t enough. She had to go in for seconds with a big beautiful lie. She must have told the AP that her man was in with it or his wife wouldn’t have called. In fact a lot of open relationship couples won’t have sex with a married partner unless the other is ok with it. Lies lies lies. At least she was happy for a day or so.
28:37 As far as I know the phrase "once a cheater always a cheater" isn't exclusively about being a serial cheater, once you've cheated on your partner you will forever have cheated. This is why how you live and lived your life matters every action you've taken is an element of yourself together they make up you as you are today.
And, important, you can´t remove this title. Because in the moment you betrayed your partner, you cheated. And you cannot undo cheating. And cheating is not "i ducked him in 2 years 400 times", cheating is already "i flirted with that guy, hanging around" But a woman of today thinks "hey, if i want to duck 10 other guys, that a§§hole of husband should shut up, that evil suppressive white privileged nazi scumbag (if white, otherwise remove white, but the other stuff is still used). A woman in a partership should pray every day to all existing gods, because as an evil shithead she got lucky.
Well that, and since she found a quack 'counselor" who will just tell her what she wants to hear to keep the money for sessions coming in, she will never address the issues that relate to her need for side d*ck to validate her attractiveness so she won't stop cheating because she will never believe she did anything wrong.
Jay meant nothing to her, but he still meant more than her long term relationship if she was willing to sacrifice what she had for something that meant nothing.
once a cheater there is no longer any trust in their promise of everlasting loyalty. she promised it B4 and look what happened. her actions have proven her promise worthless. trust her again she asks. more the fool you.
She didn't make a "mistake". She made a deliberate choice that put a spotlight on precisely who she was as a person. She miscalculated about being able to avoid getting caught. She has regrets, but those are on her.
She is fooling herself. She began stating how she thought Jay's "arrangement" was disgusting......until just a few weeks later. Her "perfect" boyfriend felt the same way.....ALL the time. She even stated she knew that as her "flirting" with Jay would cause a breakup. But....her "carnal desire" was just too much for her that she obviously threw out her disgust about Jay's relationship. Heck, she even threw out her "disgust" for his sloppy and cluttered residence to get it in with Jay.....TWICE! No, not her statement about "one and done" as she went back a second time to that "disgusting" apartment. She threw out her "standards" for some other D. He boyfriend dodged a bullet......
I know when AP's wife asked OP's now ex if he wanted to go poly the bf was like "WTSF? EWWW & MY GF IS CHEATING ON ME?" Well OP is free to pursue poly with Jay & his wife.
The only "open" relationships that work, only work, because it's actually two people who are more interested in getting off, keeping a fk buddy around and just calling it a relationship, there is no loyalty between the two, there is nothing special about their relationship, often times both have their own jobs, their own lives, and all they share, is a place to live.
"Professionals" get paid to tell you things you want to hear. I wouldn't rely on them, unless they're like Dr. Phil and have no qualms about busting your bubble.
This guy had to learn the hard way! Once she asks for a open relationship it's time to say goodbye doesn't matter if you say no...she is either already cheating on you or has found someone she wants to cheat on you with and will do it with or without your permission. Best to just leave before it's to late! If you get called insecure or a bad guy for doing it...who cares!? Do what is right for you and move on.
@20:04 you get an idea of how delusional these cheaters are. They get their ideas and behaviour from Hollywood and garbage TV shows that celebrate and encourage women to cheat. She actually thought her ex-BF was going to start hugging and kissing her passionately like in a movie after he's informed about her betrayal. She thought her cheating was no big deal, her entitlement and she would wrap her BF around her finger to accept her cheating rather than lose her and find someone else.
Open relationships statistics that I have read. Most pessimist only 1% works Most optimist only 7% works They did not define/specify the duration of those sample couple. I.E.: Works for how long ... A month - 6 months - years? Of course there are unicorn couples but I think it is rare.
Nah mate. Its zero. Just read about jay's house....its not a home, its just a place to sleep. N for the one that claim that it "worked", its just an illusion. They are just fukk buddy who pretend to be married.
You straight up and lied, LIED to your partner. One could be seen as a accident BUT you did it twice. Don't listen to the words but the actions of a person to see the real them. And your ex was hurting as bad as you, no, worse. Because none of this was because of him but entirely your choice.
This woman learned a very valuable life lesson. She lost someone near and dear to her in the process. In the future she may advise female friends and relatives not to do what she did and explain the emotional cost she suffered for doing it.
Yup, so near and dear she had s*x TWICE with the other guy. The emotional cost, to her, was her own doing and she was willing to take the risk. The emotional cost to her ex is also on her.
The counselor told her that huh? The counselor who's job it is is to make her feel better about being a 304? Yeah. And I'm sure that person has nothing to gain from telling her what she wants to hear 👍
This just proves that you have to walk away when she offers an open relationship. She is either cheated or has someone in mind. If guys shut it down, she will still do it behind their back or she will resent him for it!!
this is why its over the moment someone brings it up. Its clearly on their mind to be with someone else so even if its just a suggestion or a question its a red flag for them to even have that thought. they either have done already and are looking for your approval to keep doing it quilt free or they plan on doing it and dont want to have to feel quilty by doing it. but infidelity is on their mind either way. So as soon as anyone asks you how you feel about the open relationship that is your clue its done and you walk away.
I laughed at the part where the AP's apartment 'grossed her out' and yet she still slept with him despite how disgusted she supposedly was. What a hilarious lie/rationalization.
You definitely have a voice for you tube. As for the story she is and will always be a cheater. Only sorry because she was caught. I would never forgive nor forget.
Like a boss. Your 'best friend' doesn't lie to you and cheat. Fortunately the guy found out what she did before they married... that was a bullet dodged. And I'm baffled how having $ex with someone else can in any way, shape or form 'benefit' your boyfriend.
How do you know you are not a cheater... By setting clear boundaries to any male calling not to talk to you outside the work related things no crossing the line physically by touching or something like never stay alone together anywhere never accepting an invitation outside the work with any male colleague basically keeping the relation professional the same goes to any mail with his female colleagues
That 2nd woman commentor is right. Telling her BF how much it will benefit him, It shows him Ugly-zackly who she is and what little value her ( BS ) Love for him is ! Very lucky to discover her flaw now before getting Sucked-In ! I suspect there will be more irresitable,Throbbing Jays in her future, no matter who she "LOVES!" . OBUHU !
A woman only brings up an open relationship when she has already cheated or she already has someone in mind. She never respected her boyfriend in the first place. If she actually loved him and respected him she never would have done this. She knew his limits and she disregarded his feelings.
Cheater : "Please believe me, he meant nothing, he's a nobody to me, you are the love of my life!" Husband : "So you stabbed me in my heart for a Nobody..." Cheater : "That's not what..."
The same people who said they would never cheat are the ones who cheated, and then trying to say I would never cheat again is just a lie you tell yourself.
This dude is the man of the year , he has the values of a good man , and a family man in the future, One thing - I've read plenty of stories in different reddit community I've noticed that 90 percent of women cheaters did it with a co-worker, the 10% is divide between the ex- husband, ex-boyfriend, BFF of husband/boyfriend, and some stranger they met on clubs or social media,
The fact that she asked for advice from women who did something similar and got to keep the guy is very telling that she's asking out of selfishness. Not remourse, not regret, not anything like that. Pure selfishness.
Remember the conversation about “ 29:33 Open Relationship”, it’s over. Someone is either lined up or already started. You did a video a while back and a co-worker stated it wasn’t a 5 day fling, it had been months. Spot on.
The most important thing women can give men is their bodies and you have stories like this where you have a committed guy who actually puts time into a relationship. Get cheated on for basically no reason. That second guy put absolutely no effort in and got the same thing, so why would the first boyfriend stick with her?
You regretted on cheating on Tuesday and regretted it then did it again Thursday what a 304.
The way she wrote it is hilarious as well.
"I regret it so much and can't believe I was so stupid and selfish. So we repeated it."
😂😂😂😂😂😂
Regret has no meaning for these 304s.
AS SOON as a partner mentions an open relationship you END the relationship ASAP!
once she said "i want an open relationship" she means "i want to keep whoring around"....so it is time to cut the loses and move on.... do not save a hoe.
End the non-existent relationship.
Definitly! This moder woman or man who speak about open marriage, have no clue what core values are. Honesty and respct! They are selfish selfcentered fools, that are not worth to invest only one more secound of any partners life.
The problem is theory open relationships are build of love and sharing it not only with one but with several persons. BUt for that you need be an very unselfish unself centered warm hearted person. BUT the personality of those that want be i an open relatioship is exactly not that kind of personality. They have the exactly oposite personality. Thats why it never can work out.
Any time your partner mentions an open relationship whether it's about your relationship or somebody else's open relationship make it very clear to your partner your feelings and if she ever even considered it. and you find out the relationship is over with no discussion.
The only mistake BF made is when she said that "Jay at work is in an open marriage." was not immediately interrogating her.
"Oh, interesting." I'd ask all sorts of questions about him, his wife, their relationship, etc. to gauge how much she knows about it, and by extension, how much they talked about it. Nice and easy, to get her talking. Then...
1. When and where did this come up? What day, time, and where in the office were the two of you?
2. How many times did you discuss it? How long did you talk about it? ("He said all that in just a single conversation?")
3. Why does he feel comfortable with telling you this, especially in todays sexual harassment sensitive workplace?
4. Have you spoken to your supervisor or HR about this? Did you document it? Why not?
5. How often do you interact with this guy? For what periods of time? Was anyone else there? How much time do you spend alone with him?
6. What on Earth possessed him to tell you? I've had coworkers I've known for years and don't know jack about their home life -- spouses name, kids, etc. Has any of your other coworkers told you about details of their marriages?
7. Has he ever asked about us? Does he know my name, what I do, how long we've been together?
8. How many people are in your office? How many other people in the office know that he's in an open marriage? Why is he telling you vs. everyone else?
9. Is he attractive? How old is he? If he was a fat, balding, 58-year-old telling you this wouldn't you find it creepy?
10. Why would you bring this up with me? What was the purpose? What did you think I'd say about it?
etc.
I don't think it would take half those questions before I'd know this wasn't something out of the blue.
"Well, the fact he felt comfortable even telling you this and wasn't fired the next day is makes it clear have a different understanding of committed relationship. I'll take my valuables, move in with my parents, and give you a formal 30 day notice. There is no point in any further discussion. If you attempt to contact me or my family, I'll be contacting a lawyer, your friends, and family."
Did y'all see that female commenter? OP cheats and the boyfriend breaks up with her and he's the bad guy? Women only believe cheating is a big deal when men do it. In fact most bad thing in life are only bad when men do it. Pay attention. Don't ask or beg for these chicks to be accountable or responsible. The moment they dont show those two qualities just cut them off.
I think it’s obvious that that particular commenter was also a cheater and wanted to justify herself.
@@mucanan Yes but many women will agree with her.
These women are delusional. They don't acknowledge science. A man can sleep with a woman and it would be like him taking a piss. No thought, no emotion, just a 🌰. A woman is not going to let a man inside her if she has no emotional connection or desire for him. Well, most women. These women nowadays would let a homeless dude inside if they thought he was hot (in the moment). THAT is why women cheating is worse than men cheating. And we won't even get into the paternity issue. ("It's YOUR baby.....even though I let 34 dudes let off inside me")
@@jerrychicks2420 also cheaters.
@@jerrychicks2420 many cheating wmen
So you're willing to throw away your long term relationship for someone who means nothing to you. How in the hell do you not see that makes it even worse?
Just vision a cracked - skull hemhorrhaging brain matter !
She sounds like she has the wits of a seven-year-old. No understanding of consequences. Well, the best lessons are often the most painful.
Cheaters aren’t exactly the people you would find logic and intelligence.
She belongs to the streets.
It’s depressing how common that is. The AP often ends up being some loser that couldn’t care less about her as a person and is barely 1/10th of what the legit partner is. Even worse, I find a common theme of these stories to be that the cheater does things in bed with the AP, the one who doesn’t give a crap about them, that she doesn’t even consider doing with the guy that actually does care and devotes time and energy to her. The best way I heard it out was “Her husband/boyfriend gives her everything, and she gives him nothing; the AP gives her nothing, and she gives him everything.”
What a world we live in.
She’ll do anything to keep him but practice self control and remain faithful.
UGLY-ZACKLY !
The exact opposite of what Meatloaf wouldn't do
Coz he provides companion ship and resource.
Truth
It's always "I'll do anything..." until you say what the first thing is, than it's "but I can't do that to him"
I laughed at the commenter that said he would come crawling back and she can tell him to f himself. Not in a million years would this guy try to get her back. Sure he'll miss who he thought she was, but mainly he'll be thanking his lucky stars for dodging that bullet. Jay did him the favor of a lifetime by exposing her.
Clearly she's a cheater it's not hard to spot them these days 😂😂
Theybe never been hard to spot. Most baby boomers just have no spine@@matt_gates2889
Yes! Imagine this would have happend after he had married her. And it WOULD have happend ...
@@matt_gates2889 Cheater and likely feminist with this level of delusion.
The feminazi delusion was strong with that one
She was disgusted by the apartment but not what the hell she was doing! 🤦🏻♀️
And did it more than once
Exactly right!
@@Urbansilverback Right? She keeps saying that "it was only this one time" or it was "one and done I learned my lesson". But she actually did it twice, 2 days apart. She had time to think about it from Tuesday to Thursday and feel bad, but she didn't, she did it again. It just proves that she's just sorry that she didn't get away with it. Most likely she's gonna probe around for open relationships with her future partners as well. Hopefully she finds someone like Jay 😂
And of course the thought of Jay's wife wanting her turn with her man disgusted her, so the "open" part of the open relationship was only going to be her legs.
I would think if it's such a turn off she would not go through with it.
@7:02 "What you need to do is just sit down with your BF and first explain how much you love him and only him and then discuss how you entertaining other men will benefit him." EXACTLY! It will be of immense benefit to him to know it is time to immediately and permanently end his relationship with you.
Oh that was good. You got me with the swerve.
excellent reply
YUP, YUP ! . . . And did I say YUP ?
The manipulative nature of that commenter’s post was infuriating.
I'm sure the woman who wrote that reply has a quality relationship. "how you entertaining other men will benefit him" .. how do they come up with this stuff? 😂 Huge props for the boys in the comments who predicted the exact way it was gonna end just from the first post, before she cheated and before she even brought the open relationship up. They deduced it just from her thoughts.
What does she mean she will never cheat again? When Jay first mentioned to her that he was in an open relationship and asked what she thought she said she would never want to share her husband and could never give herself to another man. Not long after she gave herself to Jay.
Thats....how casanova works....be wary of it.
These confident guys know how to convince any lady. They have the body to get a lot of experience till they realize that one strategy always works.
OP isn't worthy of being a wife, she should just stay single.
I started to believe that all women are like this, if only the right opportunity comes along. It's not either or wired, it's wired in DNA and the deciding factor is the chance of meeting the sufficiently temping opportunity. Might mean the opportunity must have more than a great body, for example create the impression of wanting a committed relationship as well.
I hope I'm wrong.
There is a character missing from this story! I don't believe that last part about not talking to people she knows. I don't know a single female that does not have a BFF who she will confide in about almost everything. Just from my experiences most likely this BFF told her to go on ahead and mess around with Jay. These toxic friends are one of the primary reasons women destroy relationships.
Friends, and oftentimes sisters.
I’m going to ask this not to be rude, but only because I’m sitting here trying to figure it out. What does BBF mean? I know what BFF means, but the other is throwing me….. unless you meant BFF then my apologies
@@mcassidy1976 Fixed!
@@mcassidy1976 Best female friend
@@steffenjonda8283 I thought it was best friend forever
“A mistake”. Flirting with a guy, talking to a guy about open relationships, trying to introduce the idea to her BF, still flirting with the guy, sleeping with the guy, doing it again……how is that “a mistake”? These creatures are unreal. Also “it meant nothing”. The only logical conclusion, if that were true, is that the value she placed on her BF and their current relationship was worth less than nothing.
You're confusing accident with mistake
Mistake is a deliberate action that you later regret....precisely what this sounds like
They probably believe they will talk themselves out of the consequences. They will always succumb to the temptation and then when things go wrong they'll always feel the loss. That's what they mean with mistake.
@@ChadDidNothingWrong Still not A mistake. 'A' is an indefinite article, which in this usage could be best interpreted as 'one single'. But it WASN'T 'one single' mistake. It was a series of decisions where the potential consequence was HIGHLY predictable. If you're playing Russian Roulette, and the guy next to you blows his head off, you don't get to say "he killed himself by mistake". If you're talking with someone, testing waters for an open relationship, flirting with the other person, waiting until your partner is out of town, the having sex with this other person AT LEAST TWICE, that is not 'A mistake'.
Mistake also implies the action was misguided. 'I think I can avoid the consequences of these actions' arguably do not qualify. That would be a 'risk' or a 'gamble' but that doesn't make it sound as defensible, does it?
This just proves that you just dump them if they ask for an open relationship.
A : they are already doing it or have someone in mind .
B: Even if you say no , they will just do it behind your back .
Cut your losses and move on with life .
There's nothing "passive-aggressive" about kicking a cheater out of your life. It's a direct and confident act of permanent rejection, with no need for any bit of manipulation to achieve. When a man does this, he never "comes crawling back". It's always the exiled-woman who crawls to the man's locked door.
Any accounts of guys coming crawling back are not ones who left due to her infidelity. Usually if he's crawling back, he was the cheater or he screwed up in some way. That female commetor is delusional.
@@drl5002 Delusional is the perfect description if that female-commenter. If a man leaves a woman because he's rejecting the betrayal, abuse, and disrespect, that she dished out to him by cheating on him, what on earth would he have to crawl back to that's worth wanting? I'd love that commenter to tell us a single thing that the cheating-woman has that the man could possibly want from her.
It was a stupid response given by an idiot. It was not just a one-off either - she went back to him quite a few times before she was inadvertently exposed. If one wishes to forgive, so be it. But if he doesn't, he is passive-aggressive? Please!
This irrational reasoning I see quite often from that specific gender....
Someone commented that she was pre-disposed to cheating. And then her boyfriend disposed her. She was pre-disposed, and now she's disposed.
As a buddy of mine always says, "You pay or you pay." You can take the pain of a break-up all at once, or you can spread it out over a long period of time. When your woman cheats your best option is to show some testicular fortitude and end it immediately. Anything else is a walk of shame. But you will always pay.
Ken-OR "Play stupid games, win stupid prizes."
Some guys are dumb enough to marry these 304s so in that way, they REALLY pay.
you may also change the relationship in "FWB" and have some fun wiht your ex
Yes to all
She must have told Jay that they opened their relationship. That's probably why wifey called OP's boyfriend. I would love to have heard that conversation.
Nope. I bet Jay told his wife that but I don't think OP told him that. That would require thought and it's obvious she wasn't thinking any further than "let's find a soft horizontal surface to mambo on". Jay's house grossed her out on Tuesday.....but she went back to it on Thursday. Jay wasn't as good as her BF when she banged him on Tuesday.....so she went back to him again on Thursday. See, no thought whatsoever. I don't think she's cunning enough to tell Jay that.
Great insight! I hadn't thought of that until reading your comment. It fits a pattern I've seen in my life. Retired in Sacto.
Chad Thundercock was more important than her relationship. So when she chose Chad over the relationship, she KNEW what the consequence would be, so why do they act like they are sad when they pay the price they GLADLY decided they were willing to pay up front?
That baffles me too. So much fuss instead of just accepting the mistake and letting him go.
Because they dont like accountability, they are the ones who would throw a guy out for the same cheating but think it's not a big deal if they did it, they want their cake and eat it too, they are also delusional to think that everything will stay good after theyve cheated and that they are worth staying with, women need to face the consequences and the shaming more often again as it's a lack of shaming and consequences that have them thinking they can do whatever when they feel like it
If it wasn’t for Jay’s wife’s call, he would never have found out. She said Jay didn’t live up to her boyfriend, but had he not known she would have just found another parter. Her ex got lucky the information found its way to him.
You may never cheat again, but you will forever be labeled a cheater.
As a cautionary tale, women should realize, yes it's better to have this BS happen when your boyfriend/girlfriend than in a marriage...but you can absolutely 100% take it to the bank that you did ruin your life. Sure, you'll find other partners but nothing in life will ever compare to what you threw away because of your selfishness. Her therapist is a liar too. Cheaters cheat repeatedly and there's a shit ton of evidence for it. OP has lost a huge part of her pair bonding ability. She'll never be the same again in future relationships because she'll be longing for what she had. That's the price you pay for choosing to be a betrayer.
I think....the therapist meant its for future bf, unless its with serial cheater.
The therapist is in it for the money. They'll say just about anything to keep the money coming in.
I think the therapist is correct because many will only cheat again for an opportunity that's more tempting than the last. He already had a great body and wasn't good in bed, she gonna want someone with a great body and wallet next time. She probably won't get many of these opportunities.
On the other hand I started to believe that for the right opportunity they will all do it. There is no either you're wired or you aren't. It's instead wired in the DNA.
“We are best friends and the best lovers”. “I am crazy about him”.
And yet, the first time he left town she cheated on that very same day. Hell, only half way through the day actually. Stupid decisions come with consequences.
Really doesn't matter what they say.
And from there the problem of trusting anyone arises. I believe already that for the right tempting opportunity every woman will pick this decision.
People who cheat don't understand the phrase - "Once a cheater always a cheater". People who cheat or have cheated are forever labeled a cheater because they have cheated. They can do whatever to better themselves but the stigma will always be there in their past. This girl's recovery is doubtful because she is not finding the right closure in moving on with her life. Therapists can also be very suspect when they give false confidence in not addressing issues. Anyway, good story on that idiotic concept of open relationships. Just break it off and hard. LOL!
Not just that, people who cheat have a HIGH rate of cheating again, this is simply fact. This has been known for thousands of years in societies all around the world for a reason. The counselor was trying to make this cheating hoe feel better somehow trying to convince her that she isn't a bad person. She said she would definitely never cheat again. Guess what she would have said six months before she cheated if she was asked if she would ever cheat on her "amazing BF". Cheaters have a tough time understanding and believing what they are.
Bingo. It's apt as in saying "Once and alcoholic, always and alcoholic." or "Once a criminal, always a criminal." Even if she never cheats again, she carries the fact that she was capable of doing it, nothing inside her stopped her, she tried to weasel her way around it, she did it more than once, etc. Did she really feel bad about it? What if the sex was better? What if her next boyfriend wasn't as good as the next guy to hit on her?
Sorry, it isn't just "I've learned and won't do it again." You knew then what could happen and that didn't stop you. OP needs to realize that something inside her is broken and merely saying you won't do it again doesn't fix that.
26:00 OP's grandma, an older and wiser person, gives her a valuable life lesson and you took it for granted. She had an great and stable BF who her family approved and was marriage material, but her selfishness made her listen to the words of a loser coworker.
She knew her BF would never accept cheating and she had the chance of listen to stories of people of the internet who failed the open marriage. Now she lost the best man she could have and she didn't quit her job because of Jay, she quit because couldn't pay for rent alone and probably was the gossip of work.
Further proof that women can never be happy
@@hiddenmagnum9590 Modern woman... interesting facts.
in 1950 85% of all woman in the US of A were "happy" (what ever that meant, but that is the data), in 2015 85% of all woman in the USA are UNHAPPY.
What changed? Emancipication. They thought they "deserve better", fought for BS, entitled themselves as "the chosen ones" and now, with them cheating, lying, destroying relationships they suffer terrible.,
That is the ONLY good thing of this desaster. Woman suffer, day for day till the end of time, because they had choosen to be dumb, stupid and selfish.
Woman who "obey"/"follow" their partner, be loyal, trustworthy (at last for a woman, we know they lack character) and want a happy relationship with kids and intact family, are still happy. But these are now very seldom sighted.
i'm just amazed at how simple minded this WOMAN/and other like her, sound. Before asking, she already knew his stance on cheating, Still, he was clear. So, she cheats anyway, and then acts surprised that he dumps her. I felt that she had NO Empathy/Respect for him. Although, she did manage to sob for herself. IMHO, someday she is gonna cheat again. I am female, but I cannot abide people like her.
Bet she didn't tell her parents why her bf broke up with her.
You better believe it! I also bet she said her parents that he was abusive and possesive.
OP said the sex was not as good as her with her bf.
OP said the AP's apartment was dirty and she also said she regretted cheating.
Then why did she go back for second helpings?
I think OP is a liar the sex with her athletic AP was mind-blowingly good which is why she went back one day later.
OP is only sorry that got caught and is losing her BF and lifestyle.
What reason do men have to get married here in the west? None, forget it. Gents, until the field is legally level NEVER MARRY.
Don't even cohabitate. Some jurisdictions see that as being almost the same as being married. Don't let her establish residency in your place (which means, don't let her get mail there or spend more than 3 days a week in your spot, and don't let her pay any bills).
Bull. Millions of successful marriages. I’ve been married 36 years. Others longer. Marriage still works but only for loving committed couples. Not committed or love enough and get the tingles yes millions also cheat. Man or woman.
That advice at the end about cheaters being wired. When I first started dating my ex wife, at 18… I was at a party and only been dating her for 3 months… had this very attractive woman practically groping me. I said nope, and left the party. Was also drinking…. All situations and circumstances women use for excuse… and I wasn’t swayed by temptation. As you said, it’s something you are wired to.
It's probably a collection of personality traits. Perhaps low conscientiousness, high openness, and a bit of narcissism. Their thinking is dominated by their desires and scheming about how not to get caught.
Thus, let them not breed.
If they wanna off the offspring, let them.
Did it twice, she got what she had coming. LOL
He probably offered her the check for a month's expenses was to ensure she didn't trash his place on the way out. Just wonder why he didn't tell her to GTFO right off the bat.
And almost everyone telling her not to do it because it would end her relationship. She ignores them. Now OP gets to pick up her prize on the way out the door.
He should have put her out immediately. She wouldn't have a chance to trash his place if she couldn't get in it!
Also, by offering her the few scraps of kindness he did, BF cemented himself in her mind as the saint, the perfect boyfriend, and the one that got away.
If he threw her out immediately, she might've villainized him in her mind, and possibly reframed it all as him driving her to cheat.
@@CatacombD This is the way. A few dollars is worth protecting your stuff and deifying yourself in her head as the sacred "one who got away."
She will never forget, and her regret will be everlasting.
@@Remianen There's a time for the soft and hard approach. If you know the woman is unstable you need to prepare and gently let her out into the streets without her knowing it so she can't damage your stuff.
ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER! The counselor should be sued for malpractice. From a study" "To put this in perspective, cheaters are around 60% likely to cheat again, according to recent studies.". AND " Researchers have found evidence that people who report cheating in a previous relationship are more likely to cheat in a subsequent relationship (Knopp, Scott, Ritchie, Rhoades, Markman, Stanley, 2017)"
OP trying to act like she owned the haters. The haters have integrity and internal self respect and healthy relationship. Cheaters deserve a life of unhappiness while seeing their ex partner succeed in love.
There was really no other way this could have ended for OP. For her to think otherwise is delusion at its best. She knew he was against the open relationship. She knew cheating was a dealbreaker. But she did it anyway because she wanted to. That’s all what cheating boils down to: cheating because people want to. OP’s ex handled it perfectly. No arguing, no compromise, and no hearing anything out. Just a straightforward example of “you did x, so I’m doing y”.
The only thing he did wrong was give her an hour and a hug. She got the closure she never deserved. Grey rock all the way is the only way to go
Agreed
Not only did you know it was wrong you PLANNED it so your boyfriend was out of town. LIAR. And belive me once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater.
Open relationship is just a way to officialize cheating. And the desire to cheat is born from not having the necessary emotional maturity to develop a life-partnership mindset. Once you understand what it means to commit to someone and to invest building something with them, you know what it means to tear all that down just so you can have a bit of fun or to explore your options for a potential "upgrade". Once you understand what that means you won't be finding yourself in "one thing led to another" situations because you will consciously not let it go there, regardless of your involuntary attraction to other people. Clearly he had that mindset while she didn't and probably doesn't to this day.
@@petedemitraszek3633 The "professional" that told her that most people only cheat once is probably a cheater HERself. Most therapists are such jokes, they only tell their patients what they wanna hear and squeeze them for as much money as they can. Also I have a hunch that most therapists and most patients are women, and most therapy session topics are relationships.
You know the funny thing is why are they so devoted and in love after they cheat? If they could only be this way before they cheat. Good for the boyfriend for standing his ground and moving on.
Women tend to have very poor short term decision making skills in these cases. That's why "the affair fog" exists. When their crotch is burning for some guy, they're not thinking about LOSING anything. All they can think of is GAINING his D inside them. Then they act shocked when introduced to the long term consequences of their short term actions.
Aaaaw shucks, Jay's Wifey went and roontit all ! (" Coulda gottin it on with "Throbbin (HUFFA - PUFFA )Jay" forever, iffen she hadn't went & blew it outa the water ! TEE -HEE !")
Because they are all evil liars. They tell stories to not look as bad as they are, also they still hope that dumb ATM aka BF reads and belives her BS and takes her back. In reality, they did it on purpose and without thinking (main problem with woman, they can´t really think), because they "belive" in "i am right to do what i want with whom i want"...
Someone who loves you doesn't betray you, cheat on you, and lie to you. Quite the opposite.
TRUTH, Man of Bronze!
“I won’t hurt him again” 🥺
Mama Bear: No you won’t
Almost no one cheats just once so promises that it is one and dome are always empty. If you do love someone and for some reason cheat, if they forgive you, you will eventually cheat again.
Yeah, but she found a quack "counselor" who will tell her what she wants to hear and that its not her fault because that will keep her coming back and paying him for more sessions.
@@noydb-1 Not a quack, just a run of the mill scammer. That's what most of these people are. They won't tell women the truth because (cue Jack Nicholson) then they won't come back. Women are allergic to accountability and there's no EpiPen for that. Give them that feel good Kool-Aid and they'll keep giving you money to listen to them whine and avoid blame for 50 minutes a week.
@@noydb-1 The counselor probably said, a lot don't cheat again, but a lot do, and she only decided to retain half of what was said.
If I fantasize, it stays in my head, we all may have inappropriate fantasies, even at inappropriate times. It is when those fantasies start to interfere with your relationship or when you seek to make them reality that there is a problem.
In this crappy situation the BF was very lucky that Jays wife let him know within 24hrs, since she wanted to get them both in their bed together. So very lucky. Good analysis. Hearing these stories on Open Relationships is beginning to sound like those who are prone to cheat (as you said like being an alcoholic) find it perfect for their lifestyle. They want to fool around with anything that fancies them but also want to go home to a roommate with benefits most days. To have that home to go to and the variety in bed weekly. Unfortunately, they try dragging non-cheaters with them and shame them if they cannot handle it.
Its....how druggie friend invite clean friend by saying druggie is cool.
Amazing how OP says she made a big mistake. She mentioned an open relationship and bf clearly said no. She the CHOSE to screw the coworker on two different days. That was a decision, not a mistake. She got what she deserved.
The boyfriend made a mistake in not breaking up with her on the spot as soon as she mentioned the open relationship.
Men are always showing leniency to women when the same would never happen if roles were reversed. FMA of course they label men with self respect as passive aggressive. If they didn't that would mean they're are the problem and holding each other accountable which they don't do
That commentor doesn't know the definition of passive aggressive.
@@kennethboyer2338 it doesn't sound like he even yelled at her and yet his type have anger management problems? Unbelievable how dense that commenter is.
@@kennethboyer2338 that commentor has high body count
27:00 This bit about, "Oh, I'll never, ever cheat again," is rich. Before meeting Jay, I'm sure that OP would've said that she would never cheat on her BF too. Turns out there's a difference between what some people say they'll do, and what they'll actually do.
Chapter 2 of the hoe bag handbook.
When a man and a woman just are dating casually, he's just another man in a suit. He has no claims on her and she has no claims on him. When she suggests a relationship at some level of commitment, he needs to just sit her down and emphasize that she's proposing a rules change. (And BTW, wait her out, make her come to you with the suggestion of an enhanced relationship). Just tell her that the casual dating period is over, and from now on she is prohibited from any relations with any other man at all. Not that you can physically prevent her from banging other men, but in that event you will immediately walk. No more girls nights out, no more men "friends", no more trips to Las Vegas, and all the other ways she might try to use to get around her newfound monogamy. And of course, no such thing as open marriages, etc. This is a mandatory discussion which will put her on notice that any playing around by her at all will result in the immediate and permanent end to your interpersonal relations. Period. And enforce it, no waffling or caving, nothing.
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 Absolutely! Did that with my GF. She hounded me for a month, wanting to be exclusive. I gave her my rules, explained my boundaries, and she agreed to terms. Five months in, things are good but I never let her get comfortable. I still have female friends (mostly my friends' wives) and they don't let her get complacent. Just last weekend, my friend's wife told her, "I had no idea he was open to a relationship. I wanted to hook him up with my sister". (Plants the seed in her mind that if she messes up, I've got one in the chamber) Men lose when they let their woman think she's the only one who wants him.
perfect summary. Oh, and make clear
a.) if kids will come, there is allways a DNA-test
b.) open policy, no secrets, no hiding of laptop, mobile phone, or other stuff
c.) a watertight prenup, paid by HER, that make clear, if one cheats, he/she get slaughtered by the judge in case of marriage. Everything, till the last cent go to the cheated one.
If she still wants to have a relationship, follow the rules (that are not negotiable) then you may have the one out of 10.000 woman... but i diubt it. But you save yourself tons of money and time.
In my experience, my wife sleeps with her FB friend and I dumped her right after my overseas duty travel. I found out through her email. A cheater is always a cheater. To you, people who support second chances, get a life and remember before you open your legs, you just destroy yourself due to the fact you have no respect for your family... She's now looking after the APs children (7 children)
This story is just another textbook example of how to handle these types of situations. What opened my eyes was the comment from a woman defending her and calling her BF passive-aggressive for not forgiving her. She sounds like one of those purple-haired ultra effinist types hell-bent on destroying men. Relationships are never the same once the trust is broken by infidelity even if attempting to reconcile. Reconciliation would be taken into consideration depending on the length of time together, kids, finances, admission, etc. In this case, the correct thing was to end it as they had none of the mentioned considerations. Hopefully, she learns from this and becomes a better person in her next relationship while the BF will always be guarded in his new relationships.
The woman was projecting because she is a cheater or soon to be a cheater herself
I bet that chick lives with five cats. No one is marrying that head case.
So she says she never do it again. Good! I hope so. Maybe she can be a better partner to her next BF, because she surely destroyed the one she was in.
I mean the bf undeniably made his position clear on the matter. And she went and did it anyway. She clearly did not value the relationship with her boyfriend till it was gone.
Yeah, she'll never cheat again. . . until she gets a new boyfriend. Then all bets are off. She's only sorry because the side d*ck wasn't as good as she hoped, and BF was an actual man and dumped her. All the lies she tells herself and Reddit, won't change what she really is.
I think they both handled this well. She cheated as expected and isn’t much of a gambler. She is missing a few parts of the story. She only realized how important her man was to her once he was ready to leave her. He was respectful and allowed her to spit out a batch of lies and other crap. He then nicely gave her money to move and cut ties respectfully. She probably won’t cheat again, but in her case this was enough. I like that she admits that it was a gamble she was willing to take. All the fluff on how good her bf was she just put in there in case he reads it. Even better is that one f**k wasn’t enough. She had to go in for seconds with a big beautiful lie. She must have told the AP that her man was in with it or his wife wouldn’t have called. In fact a lot of open relationship couples won’t have sex with a married partner unless the other is ok with it. Lies lies lies. At least she was happy for a day or so.
It’s truly disgusting what these people do.
Poly relationships hardly work out.
Disgusting people do disgusting things so you shouldn't be surprised.
28:37 As far as I know the phrase "once a cheater always a cheater" isn't exclusively about being a serial cheater, once you've cheated on your partner you will forever have cheated. This is why how you live and lived your life matters every action you've taken is an element of yourself together they make up you as you are today.
And, important, you can´t remove this title. Because in the moment you betrayed your partner, you cheated. And you cannot undo cheating.
And cheating is not "i ducked him in 2 years 400 times", cheating is already "i flirted with that guy, hanging around"
But a woman of today thinks "hey, if i want to duck 10 other guys, that a§§hole of husband should shut up, that evil suppressive white privileged nazi scumbag (if white, otherwise remove white, but the other stuff is still used).
A woman in a partership should pray every day to all existing gods, because as an evil shithead she got lucky.
Well that, and since she found a quack 'counselor" who will just tell her what she wants to hear to keep the money for sessions coming in, she will never address the issues that relate to her need for side d*ck to validate her attractiveness so she won't stop cheating because she will never believe she did anything wrong.
Jay meant nothing to her, but he still meant more than her long term relationship if she was willing to sacrifice what she had for something that meant nothing.
The sex wasn't that good lol yet you still met up 3 times. They say so many lies but their actions tell the truth...
A spouse requests an open relationship it’s over, eventually the spouse will cheat
It usually means they already have. They're just trying to legitimize it at that point.
Unless you’re both wired this way; it will never work.
once a cheater there is no longer any trust in their promise of everlasting loyalty.
she promised it B4 and look what happened. her actions have proven her promise worthless.
trust her again she asks. more the fool you.
The mental gymnastic that this kind of womans have is hylarious
She didn't make a "mistake". She made a deliberate choice that put a spotlight on precisely who she was as a person. She miscalculated about being able to avoid getting caught. She has regrets, but those are on her.
She is fooling herself. She began stating how she thought Jay's "arrangement" was disgusting......until just a few weeks later. Her "perfect" boyfriend felt the same way.....ALL the time. She even stated she knew that as her "flirting" with Jay would cause a breakup. But....her "carnal desire" was just too much for her that she obviously threw out her disgust about Jay's relationship. Heck, she even threw out her "disgust" for his sloppy and cluttered residence to get it in with Jay.....TWICE! No, not her statement about "one and done" as she went back a second time to that "disgusting" apartment. She threw out her "standards" for some other D. He boyfriend dodged a bullet......
I know when AP's wife asked OP's now ex if he wanted to go poly the bf was like "WTSF? EWWW & MY GF IS CHEATING ON ME?" Well OP is free to pursue poly with Jay & his wife.
The only "open" relationships that work, only work, because it's actually two people who are more interested in getting off, keeping a fk buddy around and just calling it a relationship, there is no loyalty between the two, there is nothing special about their relationship, often times both have their own jobs, their own lives, and all they share, is a place to live.
This.
An open relationship is a definition of oxymoron. There is no such a thing.
If she didn't find Jay attractive, he'd of been hurled at HR and fired the same hour
"ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER"
"Professionals" get paid to tell you things you want to hear. I wouldn't rely on them, unless they're like Dr. Phil and have no qualms about busting your bubble.
She was responsible for 'onboarding Jay'....how prescient!
This guy had to learn the hard way! Once she asks for a open relationship it's time to say goodbye doesn't matter if you say no...she is either already cheating on you or has found someone she wants to cheat on you with and will do it with or without your permission. Best to just leave before it's to late! If you get called insecure or a bad guy for doing it...who cares!? Do what is right for you and move on.
More women need to hold other female cheaters accountable.
When ur partner mentions open relationship leave even if its a joke !!
Boyfriend dodged a bullet like Neo from the Matrix 😂
@20:04 you get an idea of how delusional these cheaters are. They get their ideas and behaviour from Hollywood and garbage TV shows that celebrate and encourage women to cheat. She actually thought her ex-BF was going to start hugging and kissing her passionately like in a movie after he's informed about her betrayal. She thought her cheating was no big deal, her entitlement and she would wrap her BF around her finger to accept her cheating rather than lose her and find someone else.
Open relationships statistics that I have read.
Most pessimist only 1% works
Most optimist only 7% works
They did not define/specify the duration of those sample couple. I.E.: Works for how long ... A month - 6 months - years?
Of course there are unicorn couples but I think it is rare.
The 6 percent are the exception and not the norm and those exceptions are just filthy humans
Nah mate. Its zero.
Just read about jay's house....its not a home, its just a place to sleep.
N for the one that claim that it "worked", its just an illusion. They are just fukk buddy who pretend to be married.
You straight up and lied, LIED to your partner. One could be seen as a accident BUT you did it twice. Don't listen to the words but the actions of a person to see the real them. And your ex was hurting as bad as you, no, worse. Because none of this was because of him but entirely your choice.
The OP says that her counselor says that cheaters can only do it once? Was that before or after you paid for another visit? Lol.
This is why you drop a girl after they mention an open relationship.
95 % divorce rate when the open relationship is suggested. In other words, it's over. Do men get married today knowing divorce rate is 65% ?.
She calls them haters... No one hates on cheaters. Many people despise cheaters. It's often said that if you'll cheat, you'll lie, steal and kill.
This woman learned a very valuable life lesson. She lost someone near and dear to her in the process. In the future she may advise female friends and relatives not to do what she did and explain the emotional cost she suffered for doing it.
Yup, so near and dear she had s*x TWICE with the other guy. The emotional cost, to her, was her own doing and she was willing to take the risk. The emotional cost to her ex is also on her.
The counselor told her that huh? The counselor who's job it is is to make her feel better about being a 304? Yeah. And I'm sure that person has nothing to gain from telling her what she wants to hear 👍
This just proves that you have to walk away when she offers an open relationship. She is either cheated or has someone in mind. If guys shut it down, she will still do it behind their back or she will resent him for it!!
this is why its over the moment someone brings it up. Its clearly on their mind to be with someone else so even if its just a suggestion or a question its a red flag for them to even have that thought. they either have done already and are looking for your approval to keep doing it quilt free or they plan on doing it and dont want to have to feel quilty by doing it. but infidelity is on their mind either way. So as soon as anyone asks you how you feel about the open relationship that is your clue its done and you walk away.
Everybody, I have been reading the comments and there are ALOT of great ones! I love it! ROCK ON!
He is not passive aggressive. He values loyalty.
I laughed at the part where the AP's apartment 'grossed her out' and yet she still slept with him despite how disgusted she supposedly was. What a hilarious lie/rationalization.
This is why you need to immediately end the relationship if they ask for an open marriage/ relationship!
You definitely have a voice for you tube. As for the story she is and will always be a cheater. Only sorry because she was caught. I would never forgive nor forget.
Female response 1 is definitely a cheater.
As soon as you hear highschool sweetheart you know it won't end well
The ex boyfriend is the type of man I aspire to marry
Like a boss. Your 'best friend' doesn't lie to you and cheat. Fortunately the guy found out what she did before they married... that was a bullet dodged. And I'm baffled how having $ex with someone else can in any way, shape or form 'benefit' your boyfriend.
Thx for the stories!
23:28 lol, any women who mess up a 7 years relation to scratch an itch is not worth keeping around.
How do you know you are not a cheater... By setting clear boundaries to any male calling not to talk to you outside the work related things no crossing the line physically by touching or something like never stay alone together anywhere never accepting an invitation outside the work with any male colleague basically keeping the relation professional the same goes to any mail with his female colleagues
That 2nd woman commentor is right. Telling her BF how much it will benefit him, It shows him Ugly-zackly who she is and what little value her ( BS ) Love for him is ! Very lucky to discover her flaw now before getting Sucked-In ! I suspect there will be more irresitable,Throbbing Jays in her future, no matter who she "LOVES!" . OBUHU !
A woman only brings up an open relationship when she has already cheated or she already has someone in mind. She never respected her boyfriend in the first place. If she actually loved him and respected him she never would have done this. She knew his limits and she disregarded his feelings.
Where will I go?
The entitlement is crazy
"away"
When a partner wants to act like they are single grant your partner there wish.
The morals have gone down so far with this modern day garbage.
Cheater : "Please believe me, he meant nothing, he's a nobody to me, you are the love of my life!"
Husband : "So you stabbed me in my heart for a Nobody..."
Cheater : "That's not what..."
The same people who said they would never cheat are the ones who cheated, and then trying to say I would never cheat again is just a lie you tell yourself.
This dude is the man of the year , he has the values of a good man , and a family man in the future,
One thing - I've read plenty of stories in different reddit community I've noticed that 90 percent of women cheaters did it with a co-worker, the 10% is divide between the ex- husband, ex-boyfriend, BFF of husband/boyfriend, and some stranger they met on clubs or social media,
The fact that she asked for advice from women who did something similar and got to keep the guy is very telling that she's asking out of selfishness. Not remourse, not regret, not anything like that. Pure selfishness.
Remember the conversation about “ 29:33 Open Relationship”, it’s over. Someone is either lined up or already started. You did a video a while back and a co-worker stated it wasn’t a 5 day fling, it had been months. Spot on.
The most important thing women can give men is their bodies and you have stories like this where you have a committed guy who actually puts time into a relationship. Get cheated on for basically no reason. That second guy put absolutely no effort in and got the same thing, so why would the first boyfriend stick with her?