DoubleSpeak, How to Lie without Lying

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  • Опубліковано 21 лис 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 14 тис.

  • @mubirshu
    @mubirshu 4 роки тому +13387

    I once ran into an old friend I hadn't seen in several years. He told me he was working for an oil company in sales & marketing. He was a clerk at a gas station.

    • @levikilo11001100101
      @levikilo11001100101 4 роки тому +552

      And I know someone who sells propane and propane accessories

    • @garretc2148
      @garretc2148 4 роки тому +680

      I had a friend that said "i manage the transactions of a multibillion dollar company" aka a McDonalds cashier

    • @sbapt
      @sbapt 4 роки тому +46

      @Rose :3 lol maybe they're friends?

    • @antoniocesardecarvalhovian5670
      @antoniocesardecarvalhovian5670 4 роки тому +92

      I knew a guy (I'm brazilian and so is he) who moved to new york to work with coffee and oil, meaning that he served coffee at a Petrobras office

    • @TheBestGrapefruitGuy
      @TheBestGrapefruitGuy 4 роки тому +37

      @@garretc2148 You literally stole that

  • @anegg661
    @anegg661 4 роки тому +4635

    “I didn’t lose, I merely failed to win!”
    -Oversimplified

    • @bralenmurphy1991
      @bralenmurphy1991 4 роки тому +129

      I didn't lose, I succeeded at accomplishing the opposite of the assumed conditions for success

    • @Ludifant
      @Ludifant 4 роки тому +26

      I didn't lose, I just assumed you were playing a non zero sum game, where my "losing" would facilitate your "winning" to maximise the total of gains.

    • @bralenmurphy1991
      @bralenmurphy1991 4 роки тому +7

      @@Ludifant I like this, but it breaks the point of double speak. Doublespeak doesn't involve lying, however your comment does. Still an amazing excuse though!

    • @AsianAFK
      @AsianAFK 4 роки тому +11

      I didn't lose, I have just been highly motivated on having empathy on all competitors

    • @Yslohr
      @Yslohr 4 роки тому +1

      Well this one doesn't work as well because you can draw in some games.

  • @denilsonthomas
    @denilsonthomas 5 років тому +5399

    I’m not currently procrastinating, I’m mentally recouping by broadening my horizons through digital media.

    • @anteconfig5391
      @anteconfig5391 5 років тому +42

      Hey, HEY! no. Recouping is a necessary activity.

    • @Tom531Cat
      @Tom531Cat 5 років тому +10

      Ah being lazy.... I understand now.

    • @juv3ydvs3vb3vst7
      @juv3ydvs3vb3vst7 5 років тому +2

      Exactly

    • @mk1interactive944
      @mk1interactive944 5 років тому +7

      mmm... digital media, more like; the modernization of the previously non-though way of receiving information.

    • @stonerjeter1
      @stonerjeter1 5 років тому +2

      this. i like this

  • @lopsidedc0rn875
    @lopsidedc0rn875 7 місяців тому +203

    The military teaches you how to do this very well for instance, "responsible for the integrity of flight controls, corrosion prevention, and structural integrity of four aircraft." Is just a really fancy way to say that you checked cables for wear, wiped the aircraft down with a rag, and checked the safety wire holding the bolts in place.

  • @jamesalbus7991
    @jamesalbus7991 4 роки тому +4540

    "no im not stealing comments, im just spreading the quote"

    • @Edgygazelle99
      @Edgygazelle99 4 роки тому +9

      🤣

    • @matemolnar8900
      @matemolnar8900 4 роки тому +76

      no im not stealing comments, im just spreading the quote

    • @jacobr7729
      @jacobr7729 4 роки тому +39

      "no im not stealing comments, im just spreading the quote"

    • @nicolassagrillo1442
      @nicolassagrillo1442 4 роки тому +51

      Im not reposting memes, im disseminating visual art and knowledge

    • @Hubba_Hubba9
      @Hubba_Hubba9 4 роки тому +7

      No I'm not stealing comments, I'm just spreading the quote

  • @Croissinate
    @Croissinate 4 роки тому +14310

    >step into my office
    >am I being let go?
    >don't be silly. In fact, I'm promoting you to customer

    • @joshuawallace4990
      @joshuawallace4990 4 роки тому +477

      That's quite the promotion what did I do to deserve this?

    • @Kalilw12
      @Kalilw12 4 роки тому +24

      😭😭

    • @ATeamMate
      @ATeamMate 4 роки тому +284

      @Okapi Lizard

    • @plainblocks2
      @plainblocks2 4 роки тому +136

      @Okapi Lizard the joke has flown over your head

    • @bliggzz
      @bliggzz 4 роки тому +66

      @Okapi Lizard r/whooosh

  • @rozzy3528
    @rozzy3528 5 років тому +39150

    I handle transactions for a multibillion dollar company.
    I work as a McDonalds Cashier

    • @AnthonyMartins1
      @AnthonyMartins1 5 років тому +912

      I actually laughed out loud... congrats xD

    • @MrTripsJ
      @MrTripsJ 5 років тому +214

      Sounds like Jeffrey Epstein

    • @PHOTOLOIART
      @PHOTOLOIART 5 років тому +133

      also serving embryo fetus aborted cell food .

    • @tumult04
      @tumult04 5 років тому +21

      Sounds like Dan peña lol

    • @HoGraz
      @HoGraz 5 років тому +192

      Erika I knew a guy who would use that line almost exactly to pick up women, and yes he worked at McDonald’s.

  • @danielclark-hughes692
    @danielclark-hughes692 9 місяців тому +977

    "As part of a balanced breakfast" aka "this stuff doesn't carry much nutrition"

    • @yukineswan
      @yukineswan 3 місяці тому +23

      it all makes sense now

    • @bandarnes
      @bandarnes 10 днів тому +2

      ACTUALLY has to carry some nutrition to contribute to being a balanced breakfast to be considered part of the balanced breakfast.

    • @StoniTheOni
      @StoniTheOni 10 днів тому

      ​@@bandarnesso I guess you could say that, if it's meeting the bare minimum requirements, it... Doesn't carry much nutrition 🤯

    • @BlackRose-rp7kv
      @BlackRose-rp7kv 7 днів тому +3

      @@bandarneswhich is basically anything. calories are part of a balanced breakfast

    • @trustytrest
      @trustytrest 3 дні тому

      @@bandarnes ACTUALLY 🤓

  • @bobdavies2131
    @bobdavies2131 4 роки тому +9633

    "I had a thousand people under me at my former job".....I cut grass at the cemetery

    • @ham8780
      @ham8780 4 роки тому +456

      oh i have a corner office, with most of the city being in my visibility. i drive a bus

    • @excitedaboutlearning1639
      @excitedaboutlearning1639 4 роки тому +66

      I really laughed at this one.

    • @michaelfixedsys7463
      @michaelfixedsys7463 4 роки тому +38

      That's a big cemetery

    • @Rydonz
      @Rydonz 4 роки тому +54

      Employer: What did you used to do for a living?
      Me: I used to put people under the blade

    • @gabequezada2066
      @gabequezada2066 4 роки тому +2

      lmao !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • @IanChristopher
    @IanChristopher 3 роки тому +8612

    "We are not cheating, we are just exchanging knowledge for the mere purpose of presenting a better answer"

    • @TheSquidPro
      @TheSquidPro 3 роки тому +145

      We came to the conclusion that having foreknowledge of certain assigned facts would present us the better outcome.

    • @HermeticallyHermeticThricGreat
      @HermeticallyHermeticThricGreat 3 роки тому +14

      Just get to the point of and we can't get to the solution. Double speak is a powerful and lead's to Miss leading The And can't get fixed

    • @MedroffYT
      @MedroffYT 2 роки тому +7

      Mere wasn’t needed

    • @jenniferskweter
      @jenniferskweter 2 роки тому +3

      @@HermeticallyHermeticThricGreat I was just thinking abt Schrodinger's cat and then saw your username

    • @richardlooch2109
      @richardlooch2109 2 роки тому +9

      we are engaged in a mutual exchange of neural patterns for the mere and mutually beneficial purpose of enhancing the quality grade of our paper.

  • @kristjancebulj8162
    @kristjancebulj8162 5 років тому +22163

    "so you're a burglar"
    "Nooooooo, I'm an asset relocation specialist."

    • @tacokoneko
      @tacokoneko 5 років тому +1504

      "so you're stealing my money"
      "no, we're the government"

    • @Alex3110TheAmazing
      @Alex3110TheAmazing 5 років тому +202

      Kristjan Čebulj a self employed* asset relocation specialist

    • @krazylevin
      @krazylevin 5 років тому +241

      Just the person I hoped to meet. I have, here in this holster, an Asset Relocation Specialist Reducer.

    • @Nuclearburrit0
      @Nuclearburrit0 5 років тому +100

      ​@@krazylevin Yes but are you a Certified Asset Relocation Specialist Reducer Management Associate?

    • @JosephSmith-lm4ri
      @JosephSmith-lm4ri 5 років тому +28

      Could also be a tax collector.

  • @delynnmurray6826
    @delynnmurray6826 11 місяців тому +733

    YES! As a data science major this is exactly why a code of ethics was made for data scientists in 2008 after the market crash. Incomplete representations of data were a large part of the issue at the time, and thus the code of ethics was born. I firmly believe it's our job as data scientists to make graphs to really communicate, not for shock value the way so many social media accounts seem to represent their data these days. It never clicked in my head as a form of doublespeak until now!

    • @hetedeleambacht6608
      @hetedeleambacht6608 10 місяців тому +20

      anyone knows the simpelest graphs need the relevant data right? I learned that in primary school. No data, they might as well show me a Van Gogh...beautiful colors and lines but not very usefull

    • @viktorkyllingstad4188
      @viktorkyllingstad4188 6 місяців тому +14

      @@hetedeleambacht6608 They can have accurate data, but presented in a misleading way. A republican ad had crime statistics on it which seemed to suggest a democrat drug policy had increased violent crime because the graphs was upside down, when in reality it had halved violent crime.

    • @deniseengle4269
      @deniseengle4269 6 місяців тому

      That lack of a click is exactly what doublespeak is designed to foster....

    • @WOLeifFr
      @WOLeifFr 5 місяців тому

      Ok question, why is data that proves bias hidden? For instance, FBI crime stats from table 23 show that 13% of the population is responsible for 50% of violent crime. Yet, quoting this metric is taboo. Seems like bias towards bias. Its the whole intolerance of tolerance is tolerance. It has now entered the realm of ideology and not information or data.

    • @Sina-rw3bl
      @Sina-rw3bl 5 місяців тому

      @@viktorkyllingstad4188Link?

  • @louise1753
    @louise1753 5 років тому +4503

    Our resumes are about to be lit.

    • @justinbrown7783
      @justinbrown7783 5 років тому +25

      Louise ••• for some reason I hate and love you lol

    • @Deady4u
      @Deady4u 5 років тому +21

      I was a self hired professional semi-permanent bed tester, that specialized in a niche type of bed.

    • @letsparchmentitupyo7566
      @letsparchmentitupyo7566 5 років тому +4

      watch out for all of us being in rich schools and jobs

    • @karna5998
      @karna5998 5 років тому +4

      @@Deady4u sleep man

  • @themedders
    @themedders 4 роки тому +5514

    "Why is my microphone not working?"
    "High-impedance air gap."
    aka it's not plugged in

    • @johnjiteru37
      @johnjiteru37 4 роки тому +33

      This is brilliant

    • @UseIntelligenceMice
      @UseIntelligenceMice 4 роки тому +12

      Absolutely brilliant!

    • @falsigo
      @falsigo 4 роки тому +10

      Infinite Resistance*

    • @FireFlanker1
      @FireFlanker1 4 роки тому +17

      "Why doesn't my voice come out of the speakers?"
      "High disparity air gap between frequencies and broadcast equipment"

    • @leozendo3500
      @leozendo3500 4 роки тому +5

      Amazed how many people know basic electronics well enough... Or can say a low signal to noise ratio or a super high THD

  • @neeevirus
    @neeevirus 4 роки тому +5981

    "Im not depressed, Im just highly motivated to not be optimistic"

    • @-poon-382
      @-poon-382 4 роки тому +43

      nice pfp you’re cultured

    • @neeevirus
      @neeevirus 4 роки тому +36

      @@-poon-382 ah, I see, so you're also a fellow man of hololive culture?

    • @-poon-382
      @-poon-382 4 роки тому +8

      NEEE VIRUS hell yea

    • @pxtxer165
      @pxtxer165 4 роки тому +2

      Nakamas from the hololive hole

    • @josephjoestar5861
      @josephjoestar5861 4 роки тому +3

      What's hololive peko?

  • @GentlemensLife
    @GentlemensLife 11 місяців тому +651

    “It’s not a lie, if you believe it”, George Costanza

    • @knowingwhatthebuttondoes3432
      @knowingwhatthebuttondoes3432 6 місяців тому +5

      It's not a delusion if you can describe it as one. You're not paranoid if you can can call yourself so.
      There's a lot of wanna be mental patients around who would do well to learn these points, and sharpen their attempts at psychiatric ruses.

    • @Xiy114
      @Xiy114 5 місяців тому +3

      Tell a lie often enough it becomes truth.

    • @DougHanson2769
      @DougHanson2769 5 місяців тому

      Paradox If a liar says, "I’m a liar." Yet, he was telling the truth.

    • @DougHanson2769
      @DougHanson2769 5 місяців тому

      @@knowingwhatthebuttondoes3432 Ruse

    • @daronjohnson9095
      @daronjohnson9095 4 місяці тому

      It's still a lie no matter how many people believe it, truth is irrelevant to belief , what is true will always be true, no matter what people actually believe, tge whole world could believe gravity no longer existed, but the minute someone falls off a cliff theyre going down.

  • @yocksin
    @yocksin 4 роки тому +10576

    "So you cheated?"
    "No, no. It was just a romantic entanglement."

    • @acevaver5425
      @acevaver5425 4 роки тому +490

      No. Romantic and entanglement just makes it worse. What you want to say is: I found this girl suffering from a clinically adverse effect due to the saturated inflammation of epinephrine. She was in a mentally critical condition that required a regulated oxytocin intake lest her lifespan is intermittently chopped short for lack of treatment and administration of the chordae tendineae cords. She had previously suffered a apical ballooning syndrome and needed a pulmonary heart bypass placebo to re-coordinate and connect her testosterone levels with her endocrine system body functions. Honey, she had a 5.30% chance of dying, within the next year, it's lowered now to .07% chance. I have potentially saved a life, she was possibly suffering tremendously because of her condition. I had to help.

    • @cybergeek5476
      @cybergeek5476 4 роки тому +179

      @@acevaver5425 Please translate to dummyspeak.

    • @vixx3535
      @vixx3535 4 роки тому +31

      @@acevaver5425 r/woosh

    • @CharllotteKatakuri
      @CharllotteKatakuri 4 роки тому +17

      @@acevaver5425 J. o. k. e

    • @cheltan4491
      @cheltan4491 4 роки тому +170

      @@vixx3535 I don't think you are using that correctly

  • @Captaindragonfire
    @Captaindragonfire 4 роки тому +15367

    Trying to hit that word count on an essay be like

    • @bustergundo516
      @bustergundo516 4 роки тому +111

      Exactly.

    • @stevethea5250
      @stevethea5250 4 роки тому +42

      @@bustergundo516 i find 3p the sweet spot,
      2p too much extra folding
      and chews thruu the roll quicker,
      gottta undo and replace too often
      editA - actually might consider 4p if cheaper per ply
      but still to hell with 2
      editB - this is my go-to

    • @bustergundo516
      @bustergundo516 4 роки тому +14

      @@stevethea5250 I was talking about essays....

    • @vii6429
      @vii6429 4 роки тому +38

      @@stevethea5250 what??

    • @jaxonh.6330
      @jaxonh.6330 4 роки тому +50

      @@stevethea5250 hmmmmmm you never edited ur comment

  • @Showboat
    @Showboat 3 роки тому +15521

    "I handle transactions for a multi - billion dollar company." - McDonalds cashier

    • @cfoster6804
      @cfoster6804 3 роки тому +129

      Nice!

    • @spurnd
      @spurnd 3 роки тому +262

      I was going to comment you should say financial transactions, but then I remembered the cashier also hands you your food, which is product. Anyways, great line, will definitely steal for future interviews.

    • @TheyNerfedYou
      @TheyNerfedYou 3 роки тому +12

      lmaooooooo

    • @jacobamarjan2325
      @jacobamarjan2325 3 роки тому +27

      just saying, not an original comment

    • @stokesseegers5012
      @stokesseegers5012 3 роки тому +1

      This one lol

  • @DarciWhither
    @DarciWhither 7 місяців тому +51

    I had a friend in high-school who worked at a gas station as a "Petroleum Transfer Engineer"

  • @crazycomments2082
    @crazycomments2082 4 роки тому +1881

    I changed a lightbulb.
    *I single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns and zero safety incidents.*

    • @soupman7401
      @soupman7401 4 роки тому +78

      the engineer

    • @toprelay
      @toprelay 4 роки тому +22

      This guy, this guy, I’m going to use this.

    • @philbytan284
      @philbytan284 4 роки тому +21

      Read this somewhere else before

    • @danielxmiller
      @danielxmiller 4 роки тому +4

      @@philbytan284 where would anyone possibly write that anywhere else? lol

    • @philbytan284
      @philbytan284 4 роки тому +8

      @@danielxmiller It's called the *original*

  • @secretintelligenceservice8902
    @secretintelligenceservice8902 4 роки тому +18830

    “I’m a pharmacist on a street level”

    • @Adam-xf6sq
      @Adam-xf6sq 4 роки тому +674

      Deal drugger

    • @AeroVids1
      @AeroVids1 4 роки тому +1209

      Nope, you’re just self sufficient entrepreneurial botanist who uses there knowledge to create pharmaceutical products designed to make the patient get better on there own. Using your mobile situation your able to give away your products for the exchange of a piece of paper.

    • @AeroVids1
      @AeroVids1 4 роки тому +62

      Sound right?

    • @CommanderRedVega
      @CommanderRedVega 4 роки тому +267

      @@AeroVids1 You mean, Pharmaceutical Street Vendor.

    • @telluric_gfx
      @telluric_gfx 4 роки тому +74

      @@AeroVids1 piece of paper?!? that piece of paper is our current system of legal tender of general use in a country

  • @MGISGlobalStats
    @MGISGlobalStats 3 роки тому +5011

    "You're watching random UA-cam videos"
    "No, I'm performing non-essential research of human communication and expression from one of the largest databases of digital media"

    • @danteburns7118
      @danteburns7118 3 роки тому +97

      I feel attacked

    • @smokingghost9781
      @smokingghost9781 3 роки тому +31

      Isn't that a quarter of what you learn in school school?

    • @justinshi1459
      @justinshi1459 3 роки тому +33

      Extra-circular research *

    • @WolfyRed
      @WolfyRed 3 роки тому +1

      689 lieks
      nice

    • @jude4400
      @jude4400 3 роки тому +3

      @@smokingghost9781 u mean google

  • @TreWay47
    @TreWay47 5 місяців тому +83

    “We are richer for having lost him” on the tombstone 😆

  • @MrGommpa
    @MrGommpa 5 років тому +14297

    EA: "They're not loot boxes, they're surprise mechanics"

  • @deanshein8617
    @deanshein8617 4 роки тому +1792

    "I went to our favourite restaurant without you." = Sad Friend
    "I went to our favourite restaurant in honour of you". = Happy Friend

    • @nomnomyourmom
      @nomnomyourmom 4 роки тому +35

      life pro tip

    • @gid5213
      @gid5213 4 роки тому +28

      omg i use this a lot but as "i went to our fav place bc i was nostalgic "

    • @dynamid4540
      @dynamid4540 4 роки тому +2

      @@gid5213 if you actually mean that it's nice tho

    • @UseIntelligenceMice
      @UseIntelligenceMice 4 роки тому +2

      Brilliant!

  • @Zyphon
    @Zyphon 4 роки тому +9524

    “I didn’t lose. I merely failed to win”

    • @Browniev2
      @Browniev2 4 роки тому +9

      hello Zyphon again ^-^

    • @ultraz9131
      @ultraz9131 4 роки тому +28

      I didn't see this first. I discovered this within the first couple minutes of this being sent into the the internet

    • @ethanzheng5253
      @ethanzheng5253 4 роки тому +1

      Hi Zyphon :D

    • @aeonblade64
      @aeonblade64 4 роки тому +1

      Hallo zyphon.

    • @usedicecat6780
      @usedicecat6780 4 роки тому +30

      Overly simplified

  • @thedoctor0272
    @thedoctor0272 Рік тому +20

    My favourite 2nd type words are mining terms. Skip, shaft, rib, back, floor, face, mucker. They are just simple yet complex to those who don’t know the industry.

  • @dasdasdadadadad8915
    @dasdasdadadadad8915 5 років тому +6284

    Eating one meal a day.
    Before: I am broke.
    Now: I am doing intermittent fasting.

    • @russellchido
      @russellchido 5 років тому +52

      intermittent

    • @clive7394
      @clive7394 5 років тому +94

      @Violet Sinclair I'm not broke and I do it. I do two meals a day though. I skip dinner. Why would I need food to sleep? Why should I give my body work to do when I should be resting? I don't need this extra meal. Now my body can focus on important things like healing, repair and resting instead of working to digest food I don't need.

    • @dasdasdadadadad8915
      @dasdasdadadadad8915 5 років тому +1

      qrpnxz ahh shiet thank you

    • @jovanleon7
      @jovanleon7 5 років тому +74

      .. due to economic misadventure

    • @Nvdatan
      @Nvdatan 5 років тому +21

      The Lop do u know what a joke is

  • @therealcouchpotato9560
    @therealcouchpotato9560 3 роки тому +2884

    I wasn't playing video games too late; I was simply exercising my mental and physical reflexes through a digital medium at an unexpected hour of day.

    • @FireyDeath4
      @FireyDeath4 3 роки тому +27

      Okay, but the first clause is a blatant lie

    • @bananayes9475
      @bananayes9475 3 роки тому +3

      Alright so just so you know, I would like this comment unless the number of likes already where perfect like now. So I can't do that rn :/

    • @akakios7386
      @akakios7386 3 роки тому +32

      @@FireyDeath4 Depends quite heavily on the game. Some games require pretty intense reaction times, and therefor would be an exercise of your mental and physical reflexes.

    • @micahomondi7069
      @micahomondi7069 3 роки тому +6

      @@akakios7386 his point is that he was playing video games too late. That is the first clause, before the semi-colon. He lies, then also says something misleading, a horrible example of what the video is about.

    • @joebidennn8478
      @joebidennn8478 3 роки тому +1

      I was waiting to get older so i could better exercise my more elevated iq to the understanding and fulfilment of the game.

  • @Moontrimmer86
    @Moontrimmer86 4 роки тому +3779

    "I drive a 150k vehicle, I travel a lot and have a great corner office"
    I'm a bus driver.

  • @fortniteshorts8674
    @fortniteshorts8674 Рік тому +29

    I love doublespeak, it is such an cool thing to perform.

  • @hm...interesting5187
    @hm...interesting5187 4 роки тому +19568

    "Oh youre an organ harvester?"
    "No, I work in human resources"

    • @crikxouba
      @crikxouba 4 роки тому +490

      No, he works for the Chinese Communist Party

    • @crazytim8256
      @crazytim8256 4 роки тому +370

      "Nonconsensual organ arbitrage" is the job title that his salary gets taxed under

    • @marakalos3838
      @marakalos3838 4 роки тому +91

      Non-public human organ arbitrage.
      I would say semi-concensual but that's too negatively received these days.

    • @lecoqsclock1002
      @lecoqsclock1002 4 роки тому +34

      "Nonconsensual organ arbitrage" is this Sseth rimworld refrence?

    • @marakalos3838
      @marakalos3838 4 роки тому +15

      @@lecoqsclock1002 Of course fellow merchant!

  • @Antpall1776
    @Antpall1776 4 роки тому +1496

    This helped me to transfer my Clash of Clans skills to my resume:
    -Resource Management skills
    -Experience running a small village

  • @gamerrex5940
    @gamerrex5940 10 місяців тому +212

    "I'm not slacking off, I'm taking an early break to enhance productivity."

  • @jiannes
    @jiannes 4 роки тому +1978

    “you’re not in trouble, i just need to talk to you for a second outside of the classroom about your choices”

    • @cowl6867
      @cowl6867 4 роки тому +36

      This is very relatable

    • @hivemind5281
      @hivemind5281 4 роки тому +35

      every teacher ever

    • @MyPussyBleeding-rn1mw
      @MyPussyBleeding-rn1mw 4 роки тому +58

      my Spanish teacher once asked me and my friend to wait outside and she never came to speak to us just made us stand outside the classroom for 45-50 minutes until the bell rung

    • @hivemind5281
      @hivemind5281 4 роки тому +9

      @@MyPussyBleeding-rn1mw big brain moment

    • @gideoniskemp
      @gideoniskemp 4 роки тому +5

      @@MyPussyBleeding-rn1mw F I N E S S E D

  • @piercer4882
    @piercer4882 5 років тому +5695

    That name "double speak" is outdated.. now we call it marketing..

    • @christophersurnname9967
      @christophersurnname9967 5 років тому +32

      Literally

    • @iRaven-_-
      @iRaven-_- 5 років тому +39

      Usually white people are the ones that use double speaking.

    • @christophersurnname9967
      @christophersurnname9967 5 років тому +117

      Wisdom Seeker lol maybe because usually white people are the ones to have jobs in the first place... like what are you gonna do some corporate double speak in the hood? Or fruit markets? Or serving up some French fries at McDonalds???? LOL

    • @karna5998
      @karna5998 5 років тому +39

      @@christophersurnname9967 ouch, bitter punch of truth

    • @iRaven-_-
      @iRaven-_- 5 років тому +9

      Christopher Surnname wtf you talking about?

  • @hktristan42
    @hktristan42 5 років тому +3309

    The "gambling industry" became the "gaming industry"
    Well I guess nowadays the opposite is true

    • @mimikal7548
      @mimikal7548 5 років тому +42

      nice

    • @lilericinnacut
      @lilericinnacut 5 років тому +17

      Lol I thought that what he meant

    • @mrfaade304
      @mrfaade304 5 років тому +1

      LilEric Inna'cut most gambling involves games, child.

    • @bruhmoment1835
      @bruhmoment1835 5 років тому +55

      @@mrfaade304 Okay, Boomer.

    • @JohnSmith-vw5fd
      @JohnSmith-vw5fd 5 років тому +4

      Just dont play rockstar or ea games. There is very little gambling if you avoid them 2 company's

  • @n0ame1u1
    @n0ame1u1 Рік тому +123

    7:17 Actually it's incorrect to say it reduces the risk by one percent; it reduces it by one *percentage point*

    • @EvanG529
      @EvanG529 6 місяців тому +19

      It reduces it by 36% percent, from 3 in 100 to 1.9 in 100. Look at the graph again. The statistic is not misleading, the graph is.

    • @hughmogus7137
      @hughmogus7137 5 місяців тому +6

      ​@EvanG529 this this this. The 36% is a much better way to interpret that data than the 1%

    • @thegoddamnsun5657
      @thegoddamnsun5657 4 місяці тому

      @xperiment-rp7di thats simply not true

    • @thegoddamnsun5657
      @thegoddamnsun5657 4 місяці тому

      @@EvanG529 nah it doesnt how does it

    • @Rallysoldier
      @Rallysoldier 11 днів тому

      ​@thegoddamnsun5657 Your risk of dying is reduced by 36%. From a 3/100 chance to a 1.9/100 chance.

  • @Heccinchonker12
    @Heccinchonker12 4 роки тому +4260

    "I saved your life!"
    "You ruined my death!"

    • @TheTablaChannel
      @TheTablaChannel 4 роки тому +116

      the incredibles!

    • @EdFuller
      @EdFuller 4 роки тому +27

      Lieutenant Dan (forrest gump)

    • @balemonte727
      @balemonte727 4 роки тому +3

      LMAO! can win for losing.

    • @roisinnigcrainn7722
      @roisinnigcrainn7722 4 роки тому +16

      That's an entire mood right there

    • @MySpoot
      @MySpoot 4 роки тому +4

      @@EdFuller "lieutenant Dan!! ice cream!!!"

  • @alexandergerolimatos4682
    @alexandergerolimatos4682 4 роки тому +2615

    "This involved slitting his throat. They call this a 'therapeutic misadventure'"
    That's... that's murder

    • @infidelheretic923
      @infidelheretic923 4 роки тому +201

      Yeah I’d be about ready to give that surgeon a “misadventure” if that happened to someone I care about.

    • @petedick1758
      @petedick1758 4 роки тому +10

      You seem tough.

    • @MxCrompli
      @MxCrompli 4 роки тому +127

      It's not murder
      It's stopping human function

    • @1Lainer1
      @1Lainer1 4 роки тому +34

      7.59-fm [Closed] that is stopping human function for a proceedingly inproportionate excusably content of time

    • @petedick1758
      @petedick1758 4 роки тому +8

      @@1Lainer1 No one can read this nonsense sentence; try again.

  • @myyoutubechannel2858
    @myyoutubechannel2858 4 роки тому +351

    1) 1:08 Language designed to make the simple seem complex or give an air of importance.
    2) 3:37 Euphemisms: Words or phrases used to avoid a distasteful reality (e.g. passed away instead of dead).
    3) 11:12 Jargon: specialized language of a trade or profession.
    4) 12:12 Gobbledygook: overwhelming the audience with Bureaucratese.

  • @nialloc4786
    @nialloc4786 Рік тому +17

    The only option to not articulate in “DoubleSpeak” in an interview is when they’re more than aware that you’re intelligent enough to speak with a certain form of subterfuge. In which case it can appear honest and positive to communicate with very direct language.

    • @mitchellbryant4506
      @mitchellbryant4506 11 днів тому +1

      Yes but depending on the level of comprehension of the recipient what I am saying right now may seem like double speak and given that double speak is by one definition using words not necessarily because of their differing definitions from the more common varieties but for the purposes of making what your saying seem more important or draw attention to a certain point which I don’t necessarily think is misleading necessarily but can be used as such if such is one’s goal

  • @danstartsfires
    @danstartsfires 4 роки тому +1015

    I used to tell people I was a "Retail Asset Transference Relocation Engineer"
    I was a cart attendant at Target.

  • @turmuthoer
    @turmuthoer 4 роки тому +1328

    "What I told you was true, from a certain point of view."
    - Obi Wan Kenobi

    • @a-s-greig
      @a-s-greig 4 роки тому +40

      "From MY point of view the JEDI are evil!"
      --Some guy with opinions on sand

    • @SCHMALLZZZ
      @SCHMALLZZZ 3 роки тому +1

      From my point of view the droids are evil

    • @ShadowSkullz
      @ShadowSkullz 3 роки тому

      Nice

    • @themanfromvolantis
      @themanfromvolantis 3 роки тому +3

      Kenobi was full of lies. Telling Luke that he'd never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy than Mos Eisley.
      Or was it a lie?
      Because Luke never did make it to Gotham City, so I suppose Kenobi could claim his statement was true.

    • @thecowboyofdrag
      @thecowboyofdrag 3 роки тому +8

      Exactly. For example:
      "Only the Sith deal in absolutes"
      So why did Yoda say:
      "Do or do not, there is no try?"

  • @butter5842
    @butter5842 3 роки тому +3957

    "So you're doing nothing to help us"
    Government: "We're committed to continued and sustained efforts to address your concerns"

  • @veitmaroli9965
    @veitmaroli9965 10 днів тому +17

    1:21 basically politics in a nutshell no?

  • @JackSpad3s
    @JackSpad3s 5 років тому +3070

    "They asked if I had a degree in theoretical physics. I said I had a theoretical degree in physics" - Fantastic

    • @JackSpad3s
      @JackSpad3s 5 років тому +7

      @Traveling Burrito Salesman protomen baby!!

    • @futureshock382
      @futureshock382 5 років тому +56

      Haha that one "scientist" from Fallout New Vegas

    • @PolarisIII
      @PolarisIII 5 років тому +2

      @@futureshock382 fantiastic, that was his name iirc

    • @rorty1540
      @rorty1540 5 років тому +1

      @@futureshock382 damn you beat me to it.

    • @jungeezy
      @jungeezy 5 років тому +22

      A New Vegas reference caught in the wild!? I’m so proud

  • @FromDream2RealityNow
    @FromDream2RealityNow 3 роки тому +5554

    The native fluent language of all politicians.

    • @sosig6445
      @sosig6445 3 роки тому +38

      @Auto Zam there os very little difference

    • @arkdirfe
      @arkdirfe 3 роки тому +26

      @@sosig6445 Mobsters have to at least be vaguely competent to keep their "job".

    • @shankaka_99
      @shankaka_99 3 роки тому +23

      except trump. he just striaght up lies. and i dont know whther to praise him for it?

    • @hafe6659
      @hafe6659 3 роки тому +19

      Let me guess someone made a trump comment

    • @shankaka_99
      @shankaka_99 3 роки тому

      @@hafe6659 stop i actually did-

  • @mozuesolympian2988
    @mozuesolympian2988 4 роки тому +8765

    We don’t torture people, we use Enhanced interrogation.

    • @nihalu.7886
      @nihalu.7886 4 роки тому +283

      Advanced interrogation techniques

    • @mozuesolympian2988
      @mozuesolympian2988 4 роки тому +63

      @@nihalu.7886 I don’t use Advanced I nterrogation Techniques I use Alternative words

    • @robdom91
      @robdom91 4 роки тому +112

      I prefer to call it intensive questioning.

    • @appleshoes1419
      @appleshoes1419 4 роки тому +85

      @@nihalu.7886 "but techno that's just tor-"
      "ENHANCED INTERROGATION TECHNIQUES"

    • @christianweber7435
      @christianweber7435 4 роки тому +15

      AND WE MAKE PEOPLE OUR SLAVS

  • @iNick90
    @iNick90 Рік тому +7

    The catastrophic buckling compression column switch and actuator warriors have been outsmarted this time

  • @judgeomega
    @judgeomega 3 роки тому +827

    the 4 forms of doublespeak:
    1) euphemisms, words or phrases used to avoid a distasteful reality
    2) jargon, the specialized language of a trade or field
    3) gobletygook, overwhelming the audience with words
    4) inflated language that is designed to make the simple seem complex or to give an air of importance

    • @loop5720
      @loop5720 2 роки тому +16

      The narcissism language

    • @lisamoag6548
      @lisamoag6548 2 роки тому +5

      Thank you
      And semantics are important

    • @benanjerris6744
      @benanjerris6744 2 роки тому +13

      In germany we've got multiple words for Janitor. It goes in order from least ambiguous to most: "Hausmeister, Reiniger, Hygiene-Manager, Gebäudedienstleister, Gebäudedienstleistungsmanagement".
      So basically "janitor, cleaner, hygiene-manager, facility service manager and facility service management" and all describe the exact same, so obviously you'll use the more ambiguous ones for your CV

    • @arvinternationalinc.7350
      @arvinternationalinc.7350 2 роки тому +1

      GRATITUDE 🤗

    • @creativohugo
      @creativohugo 2 роки тому +2

      @@benanjerris6744 On the internet you call them moderators

  • @SetouchiQueens
    @SetouchiQueens 4 роки тому +7111

    "Did you procrastinate?"
    "No, I simply rescheduled my assignments."
    EDIT : this is 1 year after the comment was posted, I have all but completely forgotten this comment I made lmfao wasn't expecting it to get likes at all, especially 6.9k, thanks a lot kekw

    • @kirito_kun5072
      @kirito_kun5072 4 роки тому +246

      I prioritized leisure time.

    • @norfangl3480
      @norfangl3480 4 роки тому +43

      No I'm just waiting

    • @Leo-jy5qm
      @Leo-jy5qm 4 роки тому +2

      ae86

    • @DeonGaming
      @DeonGaming 4 роки тому +12

      That's actually what I say to my boss.

    • @SlayerBG93
      @SlayerBG93 4 роки тому +64

      No absolutely not. I engaged in reasearch aimed at improving my performance at a later date.

  • @anastasiawortham8833
    @anastasiawortham8833 3 роки тому +3405

    Doublespeak is colloquially known as bullshitting where I'm from.

    • @TheBestSam42
      @TheBestSam42 2 роки тому +409

      Yeah I’m often referred to as a bullshiter but I prefer the term linguistically gifted

    • @hiinsanity
      @hiinsanity 2 роки тому +310

      it’s ironic because whoever invented the word doublespeak just didn’t wanna be called a bullshitter

    • @mdreza3471
      @mdreza3471 2 роки тому +30

      @@hiinsanity lmao

    • @commandro
      @commandro Рік тому +20

      Flirting is a form of doublespeak too.

    • @Mo_Mauve
      @Mo_Mauve Рік тому +8

      @@hiinsanity It's not ironic, it's just effective.

  • @notmenotme614
    @notmenotme614 5 місяців тому +3

    A friend was “The Deputy Manager in the worldwide travel industry”
    He was one of two people working in a small branch of some travel agents, located in the corner of a typical bland retail park, in a typical bland town.

  • @gemini9002
    @gemini9002 5 років тому +4205

    “I work in the movie industry.”
    I sell popcorn

    • @tommytimmy8441
      @tommytimmy8441 5 років тому +147

      nah, more like: I play a crucial part in one the most equitable industries present in today’s economy.

    • @turtleanton6539
      @turtleanton6539 5 років тому +10

      @@tommytimmy8441 👏

    • @dextersdevil6994
      @dextersdevil6994 5 років тому +2

      Lmbo

    • @Buggabones
      @Buggabones 5 років тому +7

      Im a dancer = Im a stripper

    • @xarrik
      @xarrik 5 років тому +9

      @@tommytimmy8441 Or I played a crucial role in the marketing of cinema to the public through the increase of current and future sales figures.

  • @gdhammr8113
    @gdhammr8113 3 роки тому +6157

    “I didn’t kill him. I simply created an environment for him that his body found uninhabitable.”

    • @TonyAtma
      @TonyAtma 3 роки тому +353

      No no, he's not dead, his primary metabolic processes have just stalled for an indefinite period.

    • @mariorolle489
      @mariorolle489 3 роки тому +1

      Natural selection made him extinct... Nature taking course

    • @Producedbylevithomas
      @Producedbylevithomas 3 роки тому +16

      No comment

    • @nickv1008
      @nickv1008 3 роки тому +59

      The application of accelerated heavy metals objects into the persons body created a pressure imbalance that resulted in several essential bodily processes being impeded through cavitation and fluid leakage to the extent that the normal biological activity was severely hindered and eventually ceased. He will be missed.

    • @f.boogaloospook2318
      @f.boogaloospook2318 3 роки тому +7

      He attack me with a chainsaw i got of right to defend myself

  • @ivodeledda6885
    @ivodeledda6885 3 роки тому +2501

    This is the equivalent to using a thesaurus on every single word

    • @DustinRodriguez1_0
      @DustinRodriguez1_0 3 роки тому +88

      You'd be surprised how fantastically effective it is, though. You can say the exact same thing, the thing with the exact same actual meaning, with two sets of words and flip someone from being curious and interested right over to vehemently spitting in your face with anger. Just saying the same thing from a different perspective can make people think you're saying two completely different things. For example, you can find in many places articles about "the health benefits of more sex". You will not, however, find articles about "the health dangers of abstinence." They're the same thing. The only difference is that in the first case, you are making the assumption that the audience is mostly abstinent, and that this is what they see as normal. In the second case, you're assuming the audience is having a higher amount of sex, and would lose the benefits of sexual activity by abstaining. But it's the same situation. They would cite the same studies. For instance, in one of the biggest studies of its kind in history, they found that those having, on average, fewer than 2 orgasms a week were twice as likely to die (from any cause) during the course of the study (which ran for years). Now, if you're having fewer than 2 orgasms a week, you could have more sex and move into the 'half as likely to die' group... but if you're already having 2+ orgasms a week, and you were to instead begin a life of celibacy, you would join the group which was twice as likely to die. This information is, in fact, reporting health benefits of more sex (for people having little), and health dangers of abstinence (for people having average or more amount). But, people will read a study about the benefits of more sex with a smile on their face, while they will get absolutely angry if you suggest that abstinence is a dangerous practice.

    • @d3ly746
      @d3ly746 3 роки тому +20

      Increasingly verbose meme in a nutshell

    • @jonafangk1288
      @jonafangk1288 3 роки тому +11

      Are you saying this from your full size aortic pump

    • @DrJ-hx7wv
      @DrJ-hx7wv 3 роки тому +1

      You don't get it Dwigt.

    • @JaredTapper
      @JaredTapper 3 роки тому

      Here abide the comparable of employing a reference book to each individual vocable

  • @Mr_Glenn
    @Mr_Glenn 5 місяців тому +10

    I'm not lazy, I'm highly efficient when it comes to spending my precious energy.

  • @darthslackus499
    @darthslackus499 3 роки тому +6726

    Hitman: "I specialize in Early Retirements."

  • @demogadget
    @demogadget 5 років тому +709

    “Words reduce reality to something the human mind can grasp, which isn’t very much.”
    Eckhart Tolle

    • @arete7884
      @arete7884 5 років тому +4

      Tolles wisdom is so simple yet most profound there can be found

    • @sinane.y
      @sinane.y 5 років тому +5

      How does he know there is much more to grasp then

    • @Lazerecho
      @Lazerecho 5 років тому

      @@arete7884 Do you think he could find an example to the contrary?

    • @arete7884
      @arete7884 5 років тому

      @@Lazerecho what do you mean?

    • @yt-sh
      @yt-sh 5 років тому

      that's deep

  • @dominic0900
    @dominic0900 3 роки тому +2400

    "I didn't rob the store, I merely imposed a mandatory donation order"

    • @HeadHunterSix
      @HeadHunterSix 3 роки тому +33

      In the military it is known as "Appropriation".

    • @user-mw6fm5ht4m
      @user-mw6fm5ht4m 3 роки тому +43

      surprise communism

    • @369mfkzt2
      @369mfkzt2 3 роки тому +11

      That's what they use to extort people and make everyone happy with that, because taxes are "used for the people". You know, it's not theft, because you're a "Taxpayer".

    • @AverageAlien
      @AverageAlien 3 роки тому +11

      @@369mfkzt2 exactly, it's not theft, it's just the government forcefully removing your money and using it themselves

    • @gary00832
      @gary00832 3 роки тому

      😂

  • @kxdsh
    @kxdsh 15 днів тому

    This truly is evergreen content. This is my 3rd time watching this video already over the years and I love every return

  • @Michael-dj6pd
    @Michael-dj6pd 4 роки тому +4788

    "They're not Lootboxes they're 'Surprise Mechanics' ".
    - EA GAMES

    • @kingaragornii9940
      @kingaragornii9940 4 роки тому +102

      No the lawyer stated this: *"...It's not gambling, we call them surprise mechanics...it makes the players happy..."*

    • @TheUltrasora
      @TheUltrasora 4 роки тому +30

      @@kingaragornii9940 tell me lies , tell me sweet little lies

    • @ln9895
      @ln9895 4 роки тому +18

      @@kingaragornii9940 defintely doesnt make us happy ahaha

    • @kingaragornii9940
      @kingaragornii9940 4 роки тому +3

      @@TheUltrasora
      Lol

    • @blainetrevino689
      @blainetrevino689 4 роки тому +3

      Ea it’s in the game

  • @darkworlddenizen
    @darkworlddenizen 5 років тому +4835

    This is how I wrote all my papers in college.

    • @matthanlewis1959
      @matthanlewis1959 5 років тому +30

      How did that go?

    • @ReasonableRadio
      @ReasonableRadio 5 років тому +60

      I can't believe you're that guy

    • @M1aocat
      @M1aocat 5 років тому +68

      Yup I learned to write like this the hard way

    • @dogie1070
      @dogie1070 5 років тому +369

      I found my professor/TA gave me higher grades if I reflected their words used during the lecture.
      This also works in job applications when I describe duties I performed at previous positions and using the job announcement to shape my response using thier vocabulary.
      People are more receptive to what they are familiar with.

    • @hangtimedangjang
      @hangtimedangjang 5 років тому +82

      It's the only way to meet those length requirements!

  • @elsea8901
    @elsea8901 4 роки тому +1608

    The best liars never lie.
    “I pay my workers 30$ an hour!”
    -bragged the contractor to the hot naive housewife...and he does-
    His 3 workers make 10$ an hour-EACH.
    ...the best liars never lie.
    Narcissists learn this very very early in life and usually have the arts perfected by adulthood.

    • @1ava
      @1ava 4 роки тому +14

      @@macaronnn4806 rewrite this in english plox

    • @Asiliea
      @Asiliea 4 роки тому +11

      @ Also worth saying, we're _fantastic_ at maliciously wielding it as well as we're fully aware of what we do, while our parents may not notice their own inherit narcissism and doublespeak

    • @tropezando
      @tropezando 4 роки тому +32

      @Tim Robb And it you call a narcissist out on their doublespeak, get ready for either rage or tears. And of course, the time honored tradition of the "you're so mean you don't care about meeeeeeee I only said those things because I love you" routine to try to restore the power dynamic back in their favor.

    • @yevheniisnezhko8292
      @yevheniisnezhko8292 4 роки тому +3

      in some countries 10 $ is a lot

    • @burtonl7239
      @burtonl7239 4 роки тому +5

      I read on for the hot naive housewife and finished disappointed.

  • @nivlacgaming9211
    @nivlacgaming9211 11 місяців тому +8

    Thank you for the informative content, keep up the great work!

  • @skemalfam
    @skemalfam 3 роки тому +5424

    Sounds like once you become a pro at double speaking you'd qualify to becoming a Politician.

    • @CA-es2pf
      @CA-es2pf 3 роки тому +173

      Or lawyer
      Or non profit

    • @krambone
      @krambone 3 роки тому +217

      Politician, prosecutor, lawyer, agent, officer, pastor, priest damn near all public forums 🤦‍♂️😭

    • @chriswhite2151
      @chriswhite2151 3 роки тому +17

      Or network newsliar.

    • @Movie2Documentary
      @Movie2Documentary 3 роки тому +31

      @@krambone youtuber, youtube commenter. Although the last one wouldn't get you money, only virtual likes.

    • @nickv1008
      @nickv1008 3 роки тому +44

      Doublespeak is only one skill, to be an attorney or politician you also need greed and guile, too! 👍

  • @lindanib541
    @lindanib541 3 роки тому +2656

    Prisoner: " I live in a gated community"

    • @dannykelly7159
      @dannykelly7159 3 роки тому +17

      😂😂😂

    • @luciuskapahs5547
      @luciuskapahs5547 3 роки тому +85

      We even have armed security personnel

    • @TonyAtma
      @TonyAtma 3 роки тому +14

      @@luciuskapahs5547 most prison guards aren't armed actually. Well they have pepper spray which is effective... sometimes.

    • @potapotapotapotapotapota
      @potapotapotapotapotapota 3 роки тому +27

      sometimes you even get a room with TV, bed, toilet and shower all to yourself!

    • @johnmansour7711
      @johnmansour7711 2 роки тому +3

      😂😂😂😂

  • @chewhooi
    @chewhooi 3 роки тому +3211

    "he sustained injuries that is incompatible with life"
    HE DIED.

    • @thedooktroops5608
      @thedooktroops5608 3 роки тому +45

      The blood do outside body

    • @riswald2723
      @riswald2723 3 роки тому +2

      @@thedooktroops5608 00
      ___

    • @toyas400
      @toyas400 3 роки тому +1

      😂😂

    • @KAZVorpal
      @KAZVorpal 3 роки тому +3

      That is not how verb number works.

    • @TheSquidPro
      @TheSquidPro 3 роки тому +5

      He was unable to continue doing what he loved in this world.

  • @ryantannar5301
    @ryantannar5301 7 місяців тому +10

    My favorite will always be the inside joke among IT techs that most PC issues can be traced back to the keyboard to chair interface.

  • @cloakey1036
    @cloakey1036 3 роки тому +15671

    *In a court discussion*
    Me: "He died of natural causes"
    Judge: "You pushed him off a building!"
    Me: "Gravity is a natural force"

    • @TheMissiIe
      @TheMissiIe 3 роки тому +1111

      Judge: "but you had to push him off fro gravity to be a factor"
      You: "i didn't push him, i was merely gradually generating a substantial amount of velocity and acceleration via my deltoid muscles to force my humerus in a lateral trajectory away from my toros which in result increased the amount of kinetic energy stored in my metacarpal and proximal phalange connectors that when i lightly tapped him all that kinetic energy transfered from me to him resulting in contact forces forcing him to stabilise himself but because he lacked the visual awareness to inform himself of the knowledge required for him to make the judgement of weather he should stabilise himself of not he ultimately was overcome by the contact forces and causing him to fall off the cliff"
      Judge: "...."
      You: "and if he stabilised himself in time he wouldn't of fallen thus resulting in me being innocent and him being guilty of his own death"
      Judge: "... apologies for the misunderstanding you're free to go"

    • @justanub4697
      @justanub4697 3 роки тому +382

      @@TheMissiIe
      Judge: Wait! So you pushed off a man that was unguarded and you're saying it was his fault that he died cause he wasn't guarded?
      You: As the rule of the jungle, a man must be on guard at all times for he might be at danger at all times
      I merely taught him a valuable lesson that may or may not shortened his late adoption

    • @jaimytourigny3027
      @jaimytourigny3027 3 роки тому +231

      @@justanub4697 Judge : So you basically admit your implication in the matter of causing his death and attest you have been sharing more responsability than the victim/culprit itself, enough to be labeled and charged for it.
      You : I don't admit to anything, I affirm a sole point of view that is itself beyond reasonnable doubt subjective and biased, thereforth aledging me no weigth as an evidence outside of the forces I generated willingly and never actually stated nor had any intention of engrandging any collision or missuse of my force and was out of doubt unaware of the plausibility or causality of the tragic events that were bound to happen outside both of our range of consciousness.
      Judge : That sound like 3rd degree murder to me, anything to add?

    • @atoxicrick9880
      @atoxicrick9880 3 роки тому +5

      @@TheMissiIe Ok

    • @QuickLiteratureAcademy
      @QuickLiteratureAcademy 3 роки тому +22

      @@TheMissiIe 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

  • @CZECHMATE650
    @CZECHMATE650 3 роки тому +2505

    Victim: "I was robbed!"
    Thief: "No I just started a new wealth redistribution program"

  • @williampena197
    @williampena197 4 роки тому +2210

    "Mcdonald's manager"
    "Sales director for a multi-billion company"

    • @anonymus3219
      @anonymus3219 4 роки тому +5

      U copied this from another comment

    • @williampena197
      @williampena197 4 роки тому +53

      I didn't but I'm not surprised that there are hundred of comments like this one way before made this comment.

    • @aaatoinfinity
      @aaatoinfinity 4 роки тому +1

      Lol

    • @RudyVampburg
      @RudyVampburg 4 роки тому +115

      @@anonymus3219 He did not "copy another person's comment," he merely rebuttaled the originality of a fellow entertainment enjoyer's statement.

    • @Clippers23
      @Clippers23 4 роки тому +3

      Bank accountant
      People five me hundreds of bills from different currencies every day

  • @father3dollarbill
    @father3dollarbill 6 місяців тому +6

    great video. You really delved into the uses of double speak.

  • @dakota3753
    @dakota3753 4 роки тому +2972

    It’s like when UA-camrs say their ‘entrepreneurs’ when they just sell merch

    • @zacharydeleon6912
      @zacharydeleon6912 4 роки тому +44

      @The Devil LMAOOO, I always knew there gotta be term for what i do in my essays all the time. It just really fills out the word count, yknow?

    • @zacharydeleon6912
      @zacharydeleon6912 4 роки тому

      @The Devil HAHAA EXAAACTLYY

    • @Dian_Borisov_SW
      @Dian_Borisov_SW 4 роки тому +2

      @@zacharydeleon6912
      Bruh that idea really came into your head from Devil's comment and not from the entire video?

    • @SmallSpoonBrigade
      @SmallSpoonBrigade 4 роки тому +9

      That's probably both factually and technically correct. There's a ton of businesses that just remarket other company's products.

    • @zaferoph
      @zaferoph 4 роки тому +1

      @@SmallSpoonBrigade but not necessarily by definition.

  • @mrflip-flop3198
    @mrflip-flop3198 5 років тому +535

    I'm not lazy, I specialize in conserving bodily energy for specific actions of preference.

    • @jaxtherippah970
      @jaxtherippah970 5 років тому +6

      thanks, gonna steal this.

    • @kiruuttori8539
      @kiruuttori8539 4 роки тому +1

      yeah thanks, i might need this

    • @asktheetruscans9857
      @asktheetruscans9857 4 роки тому +3

      I'm so glad I thought of this second first

    • @THYCR3AT0R
      @THYCR3AT0R 4 роки тому +5

      "specific actions of preference" aka jacking off

    • @dig8634
      @dig8634 4 роки тому

      I specialize in preserving the entropy of the universe, keeping the heat death of the universe from happening one 15 hour nap at a time.

  • @brianjlevine
    @brianjlevine 4 роки тому +280

    "Remember...its not a lie if you believe it." - George Costanza

    • @diji5071
      @diji5071 4 роки тому +2

      Classic Seinfeld.

    • @yanielacevedo654
      @yanielacevedo654 4 роки тому

      That is not correct

    • @diji5071
      @diji5071 4 роки тому +1

      @@yanielacevedo654 Possibly Double's peak?

    • @Andreas-kk2uk
      @Andreas-kk2uk 4 роки тому +1

      @@yanielacevedo654 its technically, but not factually correct.
      If you believe it, its the same as repeating false information that someone told you.
      Like, that Jeffrey Epstein did kill himself.

    • @breadfan_85
      @breadfan_85 4 роки тому

      r/technicallythetruth

  • @jtothemaurednik
    @jtothemaurednik 11 місяців тому +7

    so glad to see carlin in this

  • @22RyanX
    @22RyanX 2 роки тому +3627

    I remember my teacher telling me something like this! She showed me a cereal box that says it provided “clinically proven 20% more awareness”. But she then showed me the small hidden words that talked about the experiment in the back of the box. The experiment was with people eating the cereal or eating nothing.
    Turns out, eating that cereal brand raises 20% more awareness than eating nothing at all. Instead of what most people thought; that eating that cereal brand raises 20% more awareness than other cereals.

    • @QuantumLeap89
      @QuantumLeap89 2 роки тому +126

      Wow that's hilarious, but also scary.
      Does that mean someone volunteered to be clinically starved for a science experiment?

    • @user-hl6ub4gf9u
      @user-hl6ub4gf9u 2 роки тому

      Interesting. This also reminds me of deception by omission in a way… where for example, the experiment proves to raise awareness by 20% but they only tested it in a group of 10 people when they should’ve perhaps used a lot more numbers of volunteers to make their results seem more reliable.

    • @ozkar6241
      @ozkar6241 2 роки тому +197

      @@QuantumLeap89 Think the groups was skip breakfast and eat cereal for breakfast. If people was starved then they could probably write 90% instead.

    • @Trollmannnnn
      @Trollmannnnn 2 роки тому +27

      Well, to be honest I dont even know how that experiment came out to their favour.
      Not eating immediately after waking up is better than eating a carbohydrate rich meal, for awareness, due to the insulin response from carbohydrates.

    • @Lena-cz6re
      @Lena-cz6re 2 роки тому +36

      that's exactly how toothpaste ads work; 50% better [than not brushing your teeth at all]

  • @outlaw451
    @outlaw451 4 роки тому +439

    "I'm not a monster, I'm just ahead of the curve."

    • @ethansandberg5546
      @ethansandberg5546 4 роки тому +13

      sounds like something the Joker said

    • @ribthiefz8283
      @ribthiefz8283 4 роки тому +4

      @@ethansandberg5546 those are quotation marks

    • @alexgulino335
      @alexgulino335 4 роки тому +17

      @@ribthiefz8283 when did quotation marks signify specific usage of a phrase by the Joker?

    • @fish-fy5sh
      @fish-fy5sh 4 роки тому

      @@alexgulino335 lol

    • @fish-fy5sh
      @fish-fy5sh 4 роки тому +3

      @@ribthiefz8283 also, i think here, the commentor is using quotation marks because this is supposed to be dialougue, not a quote that someone said.

  • @DaFlavourFace
    @DaFlavourFace 2 роки тому +2424

    Doublespeak is a lot more prevalent than we think. This is often what happens in fictional stories when shady corporations cover up stuff, but it is almost as common in real life too. Customer support, public apologies or cover-ups by organizations, celebrities, statements made by lawyers, politicians, you name it. And sometimes we see through it, and often we don't. It usually helps to keep supporters on their side. Opponents will usually see right through it, as they stay critical.

    • @PinkElfHSP
      @PinkElfHSP 2 роки тому +102

      That's why it can be helpful to listen to opposing views from your own. Even if you don't change your mind, you can see your position more clearly.

    • @MadScientist267
      @MadScientist267 Рік тому +9

      The real way to handle that is to remain critical and contra in every situation.

    • @ppumpkin3282
      @ppumpkin3282 Рік тому +24

      reporters do doublespeak by asking questions that imply something, but never say it. It's all inuenndo.

    • @Chris-zo4vu
      @Chris-zo4vu 11 місяців тому

      What a waste of time you are.

    • @omarkhan135
      @omarkhan135 10 місяців тому

      Very true. @@PinkElfHSP

  • @keezan9
    @keezan9 5 років тому +3638

    People that master this are the scariest people in the world

    • @zugzi
      @zugzi 5 років тому +190

      Imagine them having some rap battle.

    • @juniordomingues7869
      @juniordomingues7869 5 років тому +10

      Every single time

    • @leveledup1nce
      @leveledup1nce 5 років тому +83

      Keenan Jordan people who tell the truth are a lot more scary.

    • @thyhashbrown8298
      @thyhashbrown8298 5 років тому +98

      Homosapiens that specialize in this trade of language are the most frightening kind of homosapiens

    • @Zetsuke4
      @Zetsuke4 5 років тому +36

      Just improve your language skills by listening and reading more then practice speaking and writing

  • @kingsveniboy
    @kingsveniboy 4 роки тому +1997

    "It's not a bug, It's a Feature"- Todd Howard

  • @rambam791
    @rambam791 5 років тому +1092

    *kills 20 innocent bystanders*
    ''A simple anger-management malfunction''

    • @grantonator3884
      @grantonator3884 5 років тому +44

      *misadventure

    • @Isaiah-ft5nx
      @Isaiah-ft5nx 5 років тому +40

      A population modification initiative.

    • @serum286
      @serum286 5 років тому

      @@Isaiah-ft5nx 👍

    • @sonoflethal
      @sonoflethal 4 роки тому +9

      An unmotivated vital energy misplacement resulting in unforeseen exponential negative growth in population of a select group.

    • @ConfusedGeriatric
      @ConfusedGeriatric 4 роки тому +6

      a brief ethical realignment

  • @blech71
    @blech71 11 місяців тому +22

    I’ve seen some resumes that could qualify.
    I also liked the SpaceX launch of starship lately…. “A rapid unscheduled disaaembly” lol

    • @CornflowerBlue10
      @CornflowerBlue10 4 місяці тому

      So it blew up in the air 😂

    • @thefacelessquestion3333
      @thefacelessquestion3333 4 місяці тому

      Oh, it's okay to do that on a résumé...right?,right??

    • @kiwitrainguy
      @kiwitrainguy 2 місяці тому

      Rocketship explodes soon after launch: "We have had an anomaly".

  • @Seánasadventure
    @Seánasadventure 5 років тому +1356

    should retitle this " how to survive a job interview"

    • @deleteduser87
      @deleteduser87 4 роки тому +17

      This is actully really useful for jobs

    • @KingOfSciliy
      @KingOfSciliy 4 роки тому +16

      Or, in double-speak, "a lesson in the advantageous and continuous existence maintained by accomplishing viable economic stability by which is obtained through an open-communications towards the objective assessment of qualities and characteristics that are deemed highly preferable and desired from persons looking towards pledging assistance to a most required labour resourcing division."

    • @captaindisillusion2537
      @captaindisillusion2537 4 роки тому

      For real haha.

    • @bansheemania1692
      @bansheemania1692 4 роки тому

      @bobby ruest exactly.." What Is My time Worth to you" It Work's

    • @dasmith2737
      @dasmith2737 4 роки тому

      Lol

  • @thENDweDIE
    @thENDweDIE 5 років тому +3037

    I've been using the *"Tails I win...Heads you lose"* coin toss trick to win for years...
    It works 99% of the time! xD

    • @greenarrow3756
      @greenarrow3756 5 років тому +43

      what

    • @jasn4473
      @jasn4473 5 років тому +28

      I need to know what this is

    • @carnagekid23
      @carnagekid23 5 років тому +160

      "Tails I win...Heads you lose"

    • @AleK0451
      @AleK0451 5 років тому +284

      bruh he says he wins if it's tails and you lose if it's heads meaning he wins anyway

    • @chrisbutorange
      @chrisbutorange 5 років тому +62

      Timothius Zamora thats cheating
      edit: maybe i should have put more sarcasm into my comment

  • @saints360row
    @saints360row 5 років тому +2124

    *At a shooting range*
    "Did I hit it?"
    "Yeah.. You hit where you were aiming"

    • @FORMERxZOMBIE
      @FORMERxZOMBIE 5 років тому +75

      Wouldn't: 'Where your gun was pointing' not be more accurate? 🤗😇
      He was aiming for something else I can imagine ;)

    • @punchinatior560
      @punchinatior560 5 років тому +14

      with archery hitting where you were aiming can be at time tricky.

    • @catalyst3027
      @catalyst3027 5 років тому +25

      @@punchinatior560 You always hit where you aim, it's knowing where you are aiming that is the hard part :)

    • @Roxfox
      @Roxfox 5 років тому +20

      @@catalyst3027 Assuming an accurate weapon, you always hit where the weapon is aimed. However, the weapon is not always aimed where the shooter is aiming. If you throw a ball at a target and it misses, did you really hit what you were aiming for?

    • @roylewis9094
      @roylewis9094 5 років тому +4

      @@Roxfox no

  • @pubbiehive
    @pubbiehive 4 місяці тому +6

    Tony Soprano saying he is a waste management consultant isn't doublespeak at all. He's not even lying, he is employed at a waste management company in the series.

    • @kingdee5388
      @kingdee5388 3 місяці тому

      Trash man

    • @kingdee5388
      @kingdee5388 3 місяці тому

      He’s a trash man. It’s double speak because he’s trying to sound more professional than he actually is

  • @razmazerz
    @razmazerz 5 років тому +3538

    "They have weapon of mass destruction."
    They have oil.

    • @FharishAhmed
      @FharishAhmed 5 років тому +66

      Sorry, but I couldn't stop laughing

    • @buy_large_mansions
      @buy_large_mansions 5 років тому +14

      Most countries with oil have never been accused of having weapons of mass destruction.

    • @Min-e5
      @Min-e5 5 років тому

      Paddy Kornflayx neither they have wmd

    • @razmazerz
      @razmazerz 5 років тому +42

      @@buy_large_mansions oil could cause pollusion which in other words could rise the global temprature which could lead to extinction, and that is mass destruction😏

    • @alastairhewitt380
      @alastairhewitt380 5 років тому +2

      bravo

  • @BrandonWilliamyt
    @BrandonWilliamyt 4 роки тому +2031

    no I didnt cheat on her, I just had an entanglement with another individual

    • @gijsg7659
      @gijsg7659 3 роки тому +13

      What are you doing here? I binged your video's but now I can't seem to escape you?

    • @waviefire
      @waviefire 3 роки тому +5

      Brandon...wait what? Why would you be watching this? Are the Giveaway real? Are you real?

    • @youtubecensorspeace1874
      @youtubecensorspeace1874 3 роки тому +1

      Very clever you know how to read and pretend to have creativity.
      You took this from a comment 3 months older than your comment.

    • @munecaeburro
      @munecaeburro 3 роки тому +6

      Monogamously challenged

    • @Rusty_Nickle
      @Rusty_Nickle 3 роки тому +5

      @@youtubecensorspeace1874 "I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Monica Lewinski"

  • @Shamrockholmes98
    @Shamrockholmes98 3 роки тому +377

    I used to work as a pizza delivery driver and I would tell anyone who asked what I did that I was a “Nutrition transportation manager at a privately owned business” it worked well and nobody really asked.

    • @sadworldwide
      @sadworldwide Рік тому +2

      F'ing genius

    • @MmmHuggles
      @MmmHuggles Рік тому +3

      Could also replace manager with "specialist" which might sound better to a number of people. A lot of people view a manager as an incompetent person who keeps their slaves in line while a specialist is an expert.

  • @dieglhix
    @dieglhix 11 місяців тому +2

    This thing will get you further than any other studies

  • @33rdGemini
    @33rdGemini 4 роки тому +2935

    When he said " waste management consultant", i thought he meant "garbage man" LOL

    • @SammytheStampede
      @SammytheStampede 4 роки тому +100

      Well, we italians, you know...,

    • @excellentboiledpotato1667
      @excellentboiledpotato1667 4 роки тому +68

      lmao i thought he meant "plumber"

    • @goleryarte3216
      @goleryarte3216 4 роки тому +167

      Pretty sure he did, in the show his mob family is in the garbage business. I think that's what he meant, though you could I guess secondarily interpret it as an euphemism - maybe that's what the writers intended.

    • @visdarfrankas
      @visdarfrankas 4 роки тому +51

      one more word, and it all makes sense - "human waste management consultant"

    • @nonaau4791
      @nonaau4791 4 роки тому +35

      @@visdarfrankas human waste means poop though XD

  • @xx5niperfoxxx676
    @xx5niperfoxxx676 4 роки тому +1686

    “So you’re a legal grave robber?”
    “No, I’m an archeologist!”

  • @bobjoe164
    @bobjoe164 5 років тому +1731

    Not gonna lie he's spitting straight informational knowledge

    • @viniciusalexandre898
      @viniciusalexandre898 5 років тому +46

      He is throwing saliva with his mouth to information that, by some mean, he knows it's true.

    • @VictorPerez-fo5mh
      @VictorPerez-fo5mh 5 років тому +82

      Homie really out here generating sound waves

    • @DONOSKAR
      @DONOSKAR 5 років тому +10

      love him or hate him... he is speaking facts

    • @theapexsurvivor9538
      @theapexsurvivor9538 5 років тому +28

      @@DONOSKAR whether enamored with or ired by him, he's vocalising correct data.

    • @DragonFellowship
      @DragonFellowship 5 років тому +28

      @@theapexsurvivor9538 regardless of whether you resonate with his personality and characteristics he is producing sound frequencies that are most likely true in nature.

  • @carteo7008
    @carteo7008 5 годин тому

    2:37 the beeping with hand movements is an incredible detail

  • @cheehee808_
    @cheehee808_ 4 роки тому +1400

    "So you're running a pyramid scheme?"
    "Nah, its just multi-level marketing bro"

    • @HarmonicWave
      @HarmonicWave 4 роки тому +65

      Is it an MLM?
      No, it's a referral-based commission structure.

    • @omalone1169
      @omalone1169 3 роки тому +1

      @Homelander Neil Postman Amusing ourselves to death

    • @michealpersicko9531
      @michealpersicko9531 3 роки тому +8

      @@HarmonicWave its a structure that allows for people with income deficiencies start their own small businesses and help supplement their families' income while also being able to motivate people to start a business of their own.

    • @english_chat
      @english_chat 3 роки тому +1

      Underrated!

    • @vcool122
      @vcool122 3 роки тому +2

      No, it's a network marketing company. XD I heard this one today about Isagenix.

  • @zirjaeger4037
    @zirjaeger4037 5 років тому +2973

    Cop: you just shot this man.
    Me: no, he ran into my bullet.

    • @DarkFlamesDarkness
      @DarkFlamesDarkness 5 років тому +86

      "I swear officer, he ran his face right into my fist! Repeatedly!"

    • @KingR321
      @KingR321 5 років тому +74

      "He ran into my knife, he ran into my knife ten times"

    • @carlosrosales6728-e9h
      @carlosrosales6728-e9h 5 років тому +5

      Tango down
      I murdered an human being.

    • @hi-bv3xi
      @hi-bv3xi 5 років тому +9

      @@KingR321 HE HAD IT COMIN'

    • @luck3949
      @luck3949 5 років тому +13

      @@KingR321 Jokes aside, this line actually worked in Russia. See case with Григорий Кочнев (Grigory Kochnev). Officially, he has committed a suicide by 4 stabs into heart during a conflict. I don't know if it can be googled in English, but, you have google translate if you really want details.