My first husband was a gamer. he had a lot of problems with a lot of other things too. But it was awful! While we were separated, he told me that if he had to choose between me and gaming, he chose gaming. best decision I ever made was to divorce the gamer.
Fast-forward 13 years he’s been an awful coparent and ended up sabotaging the relationship I had with the children. Now my children are gamers and don’t have anything to do with me. I wish I had never met the gamer. My current spouse is awesome! He’ll play a video game once or twice a year with the family. But once we were married, I was his priority and once we had children, the whole family was his priority. So happy to not have gamer problems in my life anymore.
Ladies, I'm going to be flat out honest... I'm a gamer too but when a husband games all night instead of helping you with ur 7th month old & is spending his cash on video games... He might be a boyfriend. Not a husband. 😳
Oh shut up just join in the game. Play together. Make Jokes build gaming bro bond oh and wait he be more likely to do other stuff with you too . See 300IQ right there. Get involved in other people activities and they more likely to appreciate and do what you need too
@@Joel-pg4yi - Your comment is exactly why gamers are to be avoided. You can't even interact with other human beings without insulting them and being rude. No, you don't "join in the game" because life doesn't exist within some game. A 7 month old baby needs attention. If both parents have turned into vegetables as they tune out of reality, society would rightfully be angry about child neglect. It's already happened. There was a couple who spent all their time obsessing about gaming and their child was neglected.
Sorry but i’ve gamed and been married for years and my wife has learned unless an immediate emergency give me time to finish what i’m doing on game if you need me. She couldn’t give her man 10 Minutes? You can’t pause all games and sometimes you have teammates who depend on you
I have to say after 4 years with a “gamer” that I have trouble especially with this group of men. Gaming almost entirely ruined my entire relationship and the men who game just…. It was AWFUL. Who knew something like gaming was so destructive but I hear this woman alll the way to my bones. It’s MADDENING. For me it was my ex needing and deciding to check out from “real life” and real feelings, intimacy etc
I didn't know these men existed but they do. My ex tried to manupulate me for years. I was shook. He was demonic. I'm glad I didn't get into a sexual relationship with him. I thank God! The Lord will let you know when someone is playing you. Chile......
There's a balance. My ex was like Ellie's husband. Divorced him. He's still never taken care of his own kids. My husband now will stop gaming if I need help, if the kids or dogs need him or if our baby that we worked so hard for needs him. Family is number one in his life, whereas in my ex's it was not.
@@rocked13 No man over the age of 30 should be playing video games AT ALL. If he's under 30, cool. If he's 30 and over and still playing games he's a loser.
Dont lump us all together. I grew up playing game with my brother and friends. To us, its like getting together and watching football or any other sport. The thing to remember, no matter what recreation you enjoy, enjoy in moderation.
Had a gaming ex, when I went back out into the dating market, I vowed to never give another one the time of day. It was a deal breaker on the same level of someone not wanting to date a person who is a smoker. You're always second to the game. It's too much energy to have the same conversation over and over again to put the controller down.
My husband does not even OWN a game console, but my own mom ran a tight ship. My dad’s console was only used if Mom and us kids were gone. Like if we were all at the store, or visiting Grandma, or whatever. If the family was home, Dad interacted with US. The games were strictly for his free time when we weren’t around. He never used them to ignore his family!
@Turk February I agree! I know some dads who will basically not lift a finger to help, then complain because it took so long or use it as an excuse as to why they are late arriving places. I don't get it.
@@martyohlfest8699 To be fair, whenever I try to help my wife, she says i do it wrong... So after a while I kind of just freeze with a loss of how to help. I can fix anything, but sorting through hundreds of clothing options... Why help if all you do is get in trouble for it.
@Massiel Portorreal Yeah, we've worked on it over the years, and I've called her out on it. So it's gotten significantly better. I guess the point I'm making is that you never know what's really going on in a marriage. The guy might not help because he doesn't know how or was made to feel like an idiot for doing it wrong causing him to paralyze in the future. And if he and the wife aren't the type to self improve then it'll create a cycle of death.
You can literally be everything your man desires than they want more. You could defy all odds but for the wrong person it won't be enough. (Know your worth and walk away.)
I am a mom who games (definitely not as much as I used to!). I usually reserve it for nap times and when chores are done. I find it a great way to de-stress and consider it my self care time. I feel more like myself when I have time to do this. I don’t like, however, the negative connotation of wasting time. My hubs will roll his eyes at my one hour of game time during nap time , but then watch tv for hours at night. I try to explain it’s just how I choose to use my “me time”, and that him watching tv counts as his leisure time. But I definitely feel judged 🤷🏻♀️. As long as it’s limited to certain times and when other needs have been met first, I don’t see it being a problem .
Gaming, anime, t.v, internet surfing.... are all not productive (unless you're using the internet to learn), but they are 'winding down' activities and can be very addicting if you're not careful. It's worse if you do all 4. lol That's like 4 hours of leisure time. Ya gotta find hobbies. Like crocheting or knitting. That stuff can be done while watching the t.v. at the same time if you get good enough. xD
TV absolutely gets a pass in our society. And watching TV with your family is not even quality time. Yet the average person watches 4 hours of mindless tv a day.
This is why I didn’t have anymore kids with my husband! There was always an argument when I asked for help with our daughter. She’s a teenager now and is still our only child!
How sad..... I feel sad for you and your kid. A man needs to 'die' for his family and in return the wife submits. When the man doesn't die for his family and is selfish instead it ruins generations.... you could've had more kids, your daughter could've had siblings but he didn't want to sacrifice.
I have a friend that divorced her husband because he would prioritize games over his family again & again. Everything was everyone else's fault, never his. It was a mess.
It’s called you pack that console up , drive to the nearest pawnshop, and use the money from it for a family night out! Women need to exercise their power more. That console would not stay in my house.
I don't play video games but I feel that she is being too harsh. she's a stay at home mom who wants her to do his job and some of hers too. can he participate a lil more? Yes but she comes across as being a lil too needy
@@reinamacaren-a4132 So a man works 40 hours and a woman works 24/7? Always on call? Do you know child care, household duties,cooking and cleaning is a full time job too? When does she get a break? He comes home and plays all day. He can't even stop so she can sleep. This is the problem with today's world. SAHWs aren't respected at all. How much money are they saving with her being at home? If he doesn't change she might as well leave and stay at her parents. The court will make him pay for his child. She can go to work. While baby is with parents or daycare. She would probably be less tired. Of course the baby wouldn't have Mom full time. Men need to step up with their families or they will loose them.
The only thing that ever got my father to grow up was my mother leaving. And this guy sounds exactly like him. I have a lot of other female friends that have had to deal with dad like this also. Nothing works except leaving them and forcing them to take care of themselves. They’ve been mothered too much. I had this conversation with my husband when we got engaged.
step 1 is to suss out a man child during the dating phase. men that can't properly attend to their girlfriend will not properly attend to his wife and children. find a guy that pays attention to your needs and is willing to take some of life's load off your shoulders. what that means can be different from person to person. for me, it means tidying up the house and cooking nice meals for me when i'm busy.
@@neonbuildings I had that conversation. That went out the window after baby. So I said ok well you knew. So option A you do what is needed. Or a Judge will make you. I hated saying that. The communication wasn't being heard. Or ignored. So it's been great ever since. I hate that I had to go there. Been married 10 years. After baby everything changes. Even studies about how some men try to do less.
@andreeaameliaganu5876 It isnt enough to just enough to want kids, (and a selfish lustful man will say anything previous to the reality of actually getting a kid) but being committed to stop expecting to be one yourself when you do have that kid. This guy is acting like a kid himself and John nailed it. This, right here, is why so many women, sadly, count their husbands in the number of kids at home count.
Taking care of babies and little ones is so much work! It saddens me when I hear about fathers resisting helping the mothers of their children. Some people become resentful when only one partner is working but it’s a lot harder to take care of little ones then go to work.
@@msi8311 But here's a wild concept. and I know i'm just the worst for saying it ...but. If you dont wanna work. you are doing ALL of the childcare cause that is your job. Cause i'm working making income for 4ppl + (like i'm doing now). If i'm hanging out after working i'm not really going to help much. Jobs that make enough for the whole family (150k++ etc.) are jobs you need down time from. The mom needs to work like she's an executive. If my irate japanese client needs me at my timezone 3AM... i wake up! If I travel 8 hours to a conference site and we have to redo the demo day of... i'm not asking her for help! If she's tired that's her job, delegate assistance with family or nannies. same thing we tell new directors at firms i've worked at - you are responsible for the work load and if it's too much you are also responsible for delegating correct countermeasures to prevent your cup from overflowing without constantly bothering the VP / Managing Director / or Executive Partner. If my kid was crying and I was a stay at home dad. I would easily be able to stay up with them without bothering my poor hard working wife who just got fried by her boss that day at the office etc etc etc, probably would never miss having dinner made, same way I never miss a client meeting, a RFP due date, or any other critical task.
@@ajays9936 You are missing the point - the kids are not only a project or work load, or a task - they are supposed to be in a _relationship_ with the father. And devoting time to them (preferably not only when they are clean, combed, fed and happy for a short play) is the way to forge that connection.
Game when your family doesn't need you, it's a 'fill the gap' kind of thing. Video games do not come before your family. Period. ESPECIALLY your children.
This. I was going through this for a few months. My daughter just turned 1 and I’m currently pregnant with the second. We bought a house a month before I got pregnant, and still have things to build, buy, and get in order on top of taking care of our daughter. My husband decided that bringing home the money was enough, expected me to become the perfect chef, cleaner, mother, and wife. It took me moving in with my mom, looking for an apartment, and demanding couples counseling or I wasn’t coming back for him to finally make that last leap of change that I needed him to. It’s been a month and where we would fight every day, we haven’t fought once. The growth of both of us makes me so proud, but especially for him. It was like a switch went off in him and he became so much more attentive.
I hate it when dads think that bringing in money means he doesn't have to teach his kids or talk to his family at home. Or even be a decent human being like offering to help with something while the wife is busy.... just little acts of love and sacrifice. Just because a man works doesn't mean he should neglect his kids or wife.
@@catholicfemininity2126 It’s not dads it’s their upbringing. These men learn this nonsense from somewhere? Family, friends etc. all enabling each other to believe they are God’s gift to women just as they are. It’s crazy… How anyone can watch a woman have a baby and do it all then act like just working a job is all they have to do? Just insane.
The stopping and asking” what does your day look like? “Has started my husband and myself to have less friction. We are retired and both have a lot of “free time”, but if we don’t touch base he might feel that I am just ignoring him, that I should read his mind and know if he needs help, or I might get really irritated if I am in the middle of something and he interrupts me. So if somewhere right after coffee I say hey, whatcha going to get up to today, do you need my help with anything before I get into my stuff? Well it creates an entirely different atmosphere.
I used to do parent coaching for families who had infants and toddlers with disabilities or delays (or sometimes pretty typical families who just had high risk factors for these things). I'll tell you one thing that helped both moms and dads who had that frustrated mindset that everything takes longer with kids. And later when I got married and had kids this same phrase helped me with my husband and our children and the peace of our whole family: "It's not that it's taking us so long to do these things, it does, But really what's taking the time is that we have to teach them how to do things like put on shoes and brush their teeth and get in a good routine and just teach them basic life. It's a normal learning process that people have to do. The first time you did some of your tasks at your work it took a lot longer but then you learned how. Children need to learn all these little life skills so that way when they're an adult they know how to learn to do jobs and do them well. The learning takes time and that's just part of The job of parents and so we need to give time for this learning of how to do everyday life."
I left my husband several times in our early years because of housework and gaming. I made more money, i took care of our child, i took care of the home and the yard. He worked too and spent the rest of the time gaming or watching movies. It took a while but hes finally grown up. He still games but now its only after the work is done and we have spent family time together. Hes taken over the yard work and from the time our son was 4 he has became a very active parent. Our lives are really great now.
I hope he is undyingly greatful to you. Because you did all the emotional labor for him to now have a happy home life. But if all he does is the outside work you are still doing more work than he is.
My husband is a devoted father and he still sometimes doesn’t understand what our child needs and why. It’s a learning process for any parent and each child is an individual who won’t exactly fit any book or description. It takes some dedication but the rewards are SO SO SO WORTH IT!!
@Turk February Dude, what is wrong with you? We aren't divorced & I'm not complaining. But I am explaining to new parents so they might understand that it just takes effort to understand and meet their children's needs. But even though parenting is hard, it is also worth it to invest in these precious little ones. Marriage is also hard, but the effort pays off if you both hang in there (both have to contribute, both have to make an effort).
@@Rosaedora Not true otherwise I would not have had to buy a new (by my professor) accounting text book because it had an addendum not previously available and which our class never utilized. $100 out the door.
@@carylhalfwassen8555 profs get zero dollars for the textbooks. He might just like the textbook. I teach at a college. There is never a time when profs get money for textbooks. Also, just pirate them. When I teach I tell my students to prirate a copy online. Sometimes I give them copies for free from my teaching copies or get a pdf.
@@funicon3689 because, writing them is required for tenure and if you can get it, you get six figures. Of course, the rest of us don't. I teach university for 32,000 a year because I didn't turn my diss into a book for free.
As someone who has a mental disability and got bullied for it and nearly ended things growing up I agree with John... that word is derogatory and just not okay... people take it lightly when they shouldn't... living a life where family peers doctors and even your own government tell you that you are too dumb to live like everyone else is exhausting...treat everyone with compassion and don't throw words around
I think because of mortal sin and original sin and generational sins.... most people are messed up, while I don't think they have a mental disability... there is something spiritually and that causes something mentally to go wrong with them. There is both physical or genetic mental disabilities, while some mental disorders are caused by sin and bad choices.
My husband & I love games, but we have boundaries surrounding it. We know when to unplug. If he wants some "me time" playing games with his friends to de stress, I want him to have that. The same applies to me. If I want to play games, have a long bath, read, whatever I should have that time. But, if it's unbalanced that's a problem we need to work out. Schedule, negotiate, & compromise where everyone can have some level of joy but still have priorities first.
First lady, you don't have a husband, that is another kid. And a spoiled one. UPD: third call- what a great husband! the first one should follow that lead
My first question to the wife of the gamer would be, was he a gamer when you met him? Was he a gamer when you married him? That doesn't excuse him disconnecting and leaving her with the kids in the evening, but I have to wonder if she thought he was going to miraculously change once the kids started coming. Honestly, I think it's a LOT easier to go out to work everyday than it is to raise kids and keep the house together, so guys thinking they work to support the family financially and their contribution to the household is done is unrealistic.
That's fair, but only in terms of how they relate as a couple and how much time/attention he is willing to give her. This is a baby, everyone (normal) knows that you need to prioritize the baby, did he think he was just a sperm donor?
What about being a gamer means you can't watch a baby? I'm a gamer, i parented my kids. Does playing video games mean you can't take responsibility for your responsibilities?
@@Rosaedora Simply being a gamer isn't the issue. It's when you're actively in game that your attention is focused. You can't effectively care for a baby while your attention is focused on what you're doing in game. Like most gamers, it sounds like he disconnects from everything else and immerses himself in game.
@@AllynHin I know literal professional gamers who can still parent. They communicate I'm doing my thing from x to y time and i can't be there for you but I will take baby from this time to time b so you can do your thing and so on. BUT when the baby was an infant?? They, like all good parents, are all in, which means being there during an emergency. My son, while not a professional gamer, has been playing and ranking in online and in-person tournaments since he was 11 (now he's 22) and will leave a game if his little brother needed something unless he is actually competing rn or commentating a game. Then he tells us he is and not to distrub for the time he is competing. I have a world record on a ps2 game and I would stop when my kids need me. If you're playing multiplayer your team can deal. If you're not playing multiplayer, there is no excuse. He doesn't want to.
@@Rosaedora LOL Good story. How long did it take you to think that up? The person they're talking about in the video obviously isn't THAT person, so why are you trying to defend him? My point was, if you know he disconnects when you married him, why be surprised that he disconnects now?
I would bet money this is a military couple. It is very common for a military member to be disconnected from his or her family because of easy childcare, job obligations, and the military culture which encourages comraderie with co-workers over time at home.
I have 6 kids, oldest is 6. This is good stuff. I need a break and my wife needs a break, but we need different things on that "break" time. It is crazy to have little kids running and screaming all the time. Training your mind to do the things you need to do is big and knowing what each parent, wife and husband, need is necessary communication to help each other out. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes, but getting better/learning is what we need to do.
Children will only run around and scream inside a home if parents allow them to do so. It is unnecessary. Homes should be a quiet oasis! Kids can have fun without being wild. I know because 5 days a week for 7 hours a day I have 35 "kids". They are my students.
It's so funny how many people got offended at him for saying "hit him in the face for saying that word". I definitely sensed sarcasm there. He wasnt serious he was just saying that word is bad and to tell him not to say it...
They completely lost the point that the R word is an insult and the worse word you can say that deserves to be something to talk about seriously to not say.
@@michaelpalumbo4880 yeah I can see this in a therapy session it’s bad but this isn’t a therapy session and it’s a entertainment/advice thing so he made a terrible joke but he didn’t give advice to abuse him.
About 8 years after I divorced my exhusband, he called me complaining that his girlfriend was asking for help with her baby. I didn't ask him to help with our daughter because he is an idiot!
Love your jokes John! Keep having fun! I love your show! You have so much grace and optimism towards people that need your help. Keep up the great work and congratulations on 45k 🎉👍🏻
I play video games ever so often (still single and young) but I was always raised with them being an accessory to my free time. Hey a few free hours once a week, sure, but real people and real life and real family will always be more engaging than video games. Maybe he's gotta see his friends in person more so he gets that enjoyment instead of being glued to his couch/chair. Maybe he needs a couple new friends.
I doubt the guy is addicted, he probably just wants to in his spare time after being at work all day, relax by playing some video games. The video games give him some joy after he’s been at work all day.
I don’t like it either but I feel like for half the people who priorities it over their family, it is about escaping their reality, whatever that may be!
John, despite my honest comments about how I feel about some of your jokes and your methods, I still respect you and I still enjoy your show. Let us be bullies don’t let it get to you, just do your thing because you are making a difference in this world.
No, the guy probably figured I’m at work all day, in my spare time I want to relax and play some video games meanwhile it allows him to spend a little time for himself away from the wife is who is not producing a income
@@Josh-by9fv neither do I yet, but I do know how tiring work can be sometimes you just want to relax after work. Meanwhile the wife does not have a job and wants him to watch the kids more
Why are so many people trying to "FIX OTHERS," AS IN THEIR PARTNERS???!!!???!!! PLEASE TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY FOR YOUR OWN BAGGAGE 🧳 AND HANDLE IT BEFORE YOU GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP OR GET MARRIED!!!
For me, you and Rachel are the "Ramsey personalities" that I would most like to just hang out with. I feel like I wouldn't contribute much to the convo because I would be laughing too much!!
With the kid that wants therapy. It concerns me that they will not allow a 17 year old to meet with a counselor without being there and hearing everything that they have to say and then they fight. Maybe she has been abused by one of them and that is why they will not allow her to see a counselor without the parents being there. This really concerns me.
@@happycook6737 No, it's the same with pediatrics. Children need to learn to and be given the space to advocate for themselves. If the parents want to be part of the therapy season, then they need to get family therapy.
I've seen this a lot with my female friends where they run around like a chicken without a head trying to take care of the kids while the dad stands around on their phone or computer without lifting a finger. When the mom snaps and says "please help me!" she's labeled a nag. The age old argument ensues: "I'm bringing home the bacon so you can be a stay at home mom, therefore I shouldn't have to partake in helping with the household". The thing is, dad gets plenty of breaks during the day - driving to and from work, a lunch break, and then gets to do his own thing when he gets home. Being a mom never stops, there are no breaks! Just because he goes to work doesn't mean he's relieved from parenting! PLUS he should be thankful she stays home with the babies because she's saving him a HUGE daycare bill.
The problem is she's getting her expenses all paid, it's a business transaction to her. I know women who sit, put kids in daycare, even the dog, and spend money, someone else's, my own family members have done this, it's wrong, I may not earn alot but I pay my own way and always had one of us home with the kids
Sounds like the husband just checks out from his real life which is kids and wife and work. Man I get it. We all want to check out sometimes. It’s not your job to grow him up. Sit down in a quiet place and tell him how you feel. Go out for dinner or a walk with just the two of you. Be very clear on how you feel and what he needs to do to bring himself into this marriage. I wish you luck.
Never have a commercial, huh? That sure changed! Today you tried to sell me on house-buying services and a mattress. It was so annoying I switched to something else.
Make a schedule you both agree on! Whatever he excels at. Getting them dressed? Giving baths? Bedtime stories? It will also make him realize how much You do!
12:34 my husband is pretty close to that too… 😅 i talked n talked for 5 years I adopted the “whatever” lately..let him organise his schedule n stuff n mind my own so I don’t lose my sanity dealing with the teenager mentality.
I don't know that this is the case in the first call, but for me personally--A HUSBAND WITHOUT CHILDREN YET-- almost always video games is the only time I able to spend with my friends. I think the stigma around the loser jobless husband who games all day has ruined the idea of gaming for all from a relationship perspective. Now don't get me wrong, it shouldn't be a day-in day-out priority, but having a planned LONG gaming session every couple of weeks is time I cherish making memories with old friends. It really helps as well when my wife doesn't treat this like "just a game" with things like asking me to do things in between matches when my friends aren't relying on me in the game, and respecting the fact that no matter how stupid she thinks it is, (which it is) it's important to us in the moment. Having to leave just a couple times can cause the whole night to be spoiled because of losing games. Now, it's different with kids, especially young ones. Both parents need to commit to giving up about 80% of the hobby time they had before kids or it's going to cause problems. But sometimes gaming is the difference between talking to your best friend or not for weeks at a time. This dude is definitely not grown enough for kids...
So communicate that to your partner. Gaming isn't the problem. Infants are full on. For the first year your wife is not going to be able to see her friends, or comb her hair by herself. She will be nursing and pulled on and exhausted. During that first year, prioritize her and the baby. Then make a night that is yours to game and exchange it for a night that is all hers to do whatever (like have a shower, or be able to pee alone). If it's clearly communicated that you need 4 hours and then you give her 4 hours, you should be totally fine. Is' when the infant needs something and your wife needs something (and this sounds like the equivalent of a new mom emergency) then you have to drop everything in the first year.
I will never date or marry a gamer for this exact reason. It's an addiction for many people. It doesn't fit in my life at all, and I don't want any part of it.
Is this guy serious??! My husband and I both used to game however when you have kids your gaming time is AFTER BED. Come on. This is unacceptable. Dude is clearly being treated like your third child.
I love how you say "all the way back to 1995." When I think of "way back" I go back to the '60s-'70s. Naturally that's because I'm from that era. So to me way back isn't '95, that is "new music" to me. We stopped watching MTV in 1987, and that's pretty much where most of our musical tastes end as well. There is good newer stuff, but we enjoy the old classic rock so much that I rarely hear anything else. When my daughter was in high school, in the early 2000s, students were discovering music from before they were born. She got called a "poser" because she could identify "Oh, that's the Beatles" or "that's one of my favorite Elvis songs." To prove she wasn't a poser she had them look at her portable CD case. The Beatles, the Monkees, Don McClean's American Pie, Steve Miller Band, Boston and other classics from that time, plus classical music. They asked her how she knew who Elvis was, and she told them, "You can't grow up in my family without knowing Elvis." (My mom is a fan with a 1956 fan club card and a whole room of Elvis memorabilia, "Elvis' Room.") She brought vacation pictures to show them of when she went with her grandparents to Graceland, after she explained to them where and what Graceland is. She also knows many, many classic movies by a few moments of film. Not just the Wizard of Oz or Gone with the Wind. Ben Hur, Good-bye, Mr. Chips, Arsenic and Old Lace, Marie Antionette, and of course Singin' in the Rain. If ANYONE has not seen Singin' in the Rain, please treat yourself to this fantastic MGM musical. We watch Arsenic and Old Lace every Halloween. Try it sometime.
First caller: I can't believe you told her to actually hit him in the mouth with a closed fist? WTH? Also I still can't figure out why she was calling in in the first place?
@@MD-pz3cn Husband calls because wife wouldn’t leave book club 10 minutes before it was over. He def would have been told to respect the wife’s “me time” and just wait. And we all know he wouldn’t even get angry at the wife using that word. It would be “love her more and tell her that it’s not ok.”
Soooo funny about the joking thing. Everyone I know doesn’t give me credit for my humor. That’s even funnier. It’s in my head and heart where it has the relief.
On one hand it might seem nice to smack the guy that obviously deserves it ( but since hitting doesn’t work...)on the other hand there is NO getting through to a narc. 22 years into this I’m telling you bug out. I sure wish it was easy as...
The first caller I was so frustrated for her. Get the kids ready with her. Gosh is quicker with two hands. So sad. We have three kids and honestly my husband gets two ready and I get one ready then I get myself ready. Is quicker that way. I would hate if I had to get them all ready myself and have someone judge me how late we are
Bought 4 copies. I read it, my husband read it, awesome helpful info! Absolutely recommend this! Thank you for sharing such great and much needed info, John Delony!
Gaming is likely an addiction. He is compelled by his brain pathways to get the dopamine hits the same way he always has. Intervention is indeed needed to get him to release that escape method.
Great Dave song. I think that one is one of my husband's favorites though we love all his stuff. Grace Street by Dave Matthews is my favorite. Have a listen. Fantastic powerful lyrics.
John to the first caller:”what’s your husband going to say back to that.” Caller says in her mind: “He’s going to say that’s retar*ed John.” John reaches through the cosmos and punches callers husband. Thank you John for standing up to the R word.…..👏👏👏
Gaming should be a hobby, not take priority in your life when you are a husband and a father. I have never been a hardcore gamer, but did play video games occasionally as a child and teen. Havent had much time though as an adult.
Reminds me of a cruise I went on, and the dining room is all family style. Me and a friend sat at a table with this family and the husband was cracking jokes. I was laughing at his jokes and his wife said: "oh, honey! Someone thinks you're funny!"
Can relate to the first one. We are mid 30s, and 4 kids. He spent the first year playing 40hrs a week of video games. I confronted, he said he'd stop. He deployed for 7 months, during which I broke my back and still managed the home and grad school. I moved for internship for 7 months, will graduate with my PhD in May. He calls and all we talk about is what he ate for dinner and bought at the store. The most in depth conversations we have are when he throws a tantrum about me saying no to him giving his friend $600 for 2 guns, 1 of which is broken. It was also about the fact that I asked if he'd looked at the laws for purchase and getting locks for them. Nope. Just gonna stick them in the closet and not tell anyone. I've asked for 8 months since he's been back to have him talk to a coach, a counselor, anything. He constantly plays the "well he never got back to me." Except it isnt true. He wrote one email and then never ever followed up. I brought it up when we were in the gun conversation, and he completely sidestepped it again. No comment, just "I had brats for dinner." He tells me he "didn't have a voice about it," but what it really is is he got told no. Thinks he's entitled to spend 60% of what he saved that month (made possible by me paying all of my monthly expenses plus 2 kids out of my job.) It's getting ridiculous.
Video games are ridiculous. We are all already addicted to our phones. I stay away from video games because I know they are addicting. We have enough things demanding our attention already.
Women spend time on social media and him on video games. It would rub me the wrong way to have someone dictate my 4O hour week and then come home to someone dictating how I should spend my evening and weekends
@@joyaustin6581 relationships are about giving yourself to the other person and making choices together. Raising kids together. He playing games or her always on her phone is not togetherness.
Do not hit him in the mouth.. The law would consider that as the first hit. I know Dr. John don't literarily mean to hit him. Some people would do what he said to do.
Dr. John. You're fantastic and it's okay to suddenly have brain farts and forget which state abbreviation goes to which state. And your sense of humor is great. You're mostly funny and even when you're not, it's somehow still funny and endearing.
This is why I'm scared to date men who like to game. I have siblings that game all day and the idea of marrying a man with an addiction like gaming or p0rn is horrifying to me. I'd rather he have other hobbies.... gaming is very addicting and like watching t.v. or reading manga or watching anime etc... it can suck up your time and make you less productive.
My ex would game and drink all night after I went to sleep (I didn't know he was staying up that late or drinking). Then he couldn't hold a job because he couldn't get there on time. Go figure. I divorced him when I found out.
Clearly you not doing your woman hood job right. I was in love and I prioritized her over my games and buddies to the point she pushed me to go play with buddies. Like we been talking all day 😠I need some space 😂
The only thing I have to say about the husband and video games it that, if he is earning money from streaming and stuff, then that should be taken into consideration. But he also still needs to prioritize family first.
Oh, I think he was ready to MAKE those children. Raising them? Not so much. You want to make it clear that you marry a lover, not a mother. You already had one of them, and now that you are an adult, you should not need a mom. But you should want a lover.
I like Dr. John. But calling them silly video games.... put me off a little. I was in a really bad place when my late teens. My father was dying of terminal illness, I had a mother that didn't speak English, a little brother, a girl I got pregnant. I had to take care of all of that. Video games, for me, was a way to zone out and just forget about the real world. You are right though. It's like a drink. But as soon as you sober up, or quit playing in this case, the real world is still there waiting to punch you in the throat. It took me a really long time to be able to stop playing and focus on more important things when I had to. I still play games here and there but now they're more of a "I have nothing to do and I'm just bored" and play maybe a couple of hours a week more than they are an addiction. All this to say, sometimes people just don't see what they have in front of them and they feel like they need something else to just drown out all the noise. Not saying it's right, but it happens.
So typical. Husband apparently works all day to support his family “in his head”. She’s a stay at home mother so I think he can get credit for supporting the household in reality.
My first husband was a gamer. he had a lot of problems with a lot of other things too. But it was awful! While we were separated, he told me that if he had to choose between me and gaming, he chose gaming. best decision I ever made was to divorce the gamer.
Fast-forward 13 years he’s been an awful coparent and ended up sabotaging the relationship I had with the children. Now my children are gamers and don’t have anything to do with me. I wish I had never met the gamer.
My current spouse is awesome! He’ll play a video game once or twice a year with the family. But once we were married, I was his priority and once we had children, the whole family was his priority. So happy to not have gamer problems in my life anymore.
Really important to bear children with an adult, not a child.
she married the wrong man
@@whitneyw.7919 he married the wrong girl.
@@k-mart7475 I don't see that at all.
Yes! A man that prioritizes games and toys over his family is no man at all. That console would be in the 🗑
When the D is good the D is good
Ladies, I'm going to be flat out honest...
I'm a gamer too but when a husband games all night instead of helping you with ur 7th month old & is spending his cash on video games... He might be a boyfriend. Not a husband. 😳
Oh shut up just join in the game. Play together. Make Jokes build gaming bro bond oh and wait he be more likely to do other stuff with you too . See 300IQ right there. Get involved in other people activities and they more likely to appreciate and do what you need too
@@Joel-pg4yi can’t join the game when you have kids under a year old needing constant attention
@@Whimmeryhe is trolling. Block and ignore the robot
@@Joel-pg4yi - Your comment is exactly why gamers are to be avoided. You can't even interact with other human beings without insulting them and being rude.
No, you don't "join in the game" because life doesn't exist within some game. A 7 month old baby needs attention. If both parents have turned into vegetables as they tune out of reality, society would rightfully be angry about child neglect. It's already happened. There was a couple who spent all their time obsessing about gaming and their child was neglected.
Sorry but i’ve gamed and been married for years and my wife has learned unless an immediate emergency give me time to finish what i’m doing on game if you need me. She couldn’t give her man 10 Minutes? You can’t pause all games and sometimes you have teammates who depend on you
I have to say after 4 years with a “gamer” that I have trouble especially with this group of men. Gaming almost entirely ruined my entire relationship and the men who game just…. It was AWFUL. Who knew something like gaming was so destructive but I hear this woman alll the way to my bones. It’s MADDENING. For me it was my ex needing and deciding to check out from “real life” and real feelings, intimacy etc
I didn't know these men existed but they do. My ex tried to manupulate me for years. I was shook. He was demonic. I'm glad I didn't get into a sexual relationship with him. I thank God! The Lord will let you know when someone is playing you. Chile......
There's a balance. My ex was like Ellie's husband. Divorced him. He's still never taken care of his own kids. My husband now will stop gaming if I need help, if the kids or dogs need him or if our baby that we worked so hard for needs him. Family is number one in his life, whereas in my ex's it was not.
@@rocked13 No man over the age of 30 should be playing video games AT ALL. If he's under 30, cool. If he's 30 and over and still playing games he's a loser.
Dont lump us all together. I grew up playing game with my brother and friends. To us, its like getting together and watching football or any other sport. The thing to remember, no matter what recreation you enjoy, enjoy in moderation.
Had a gaming ex, when I went back out into the dating market, I vowed to never give another one the time of day. It was a deal breaker on the same level of someone not wanting to date a person who is a smoker. You're always second to the game. It's too much energy to have the same conversation over and over again to put the controller down.
My husband does not even OWN a game console, but my own mom ran a tight ship. My dad’s console was only used if Mom and us kids were gone. Like if we were all at the store, or visiting Grandma, or whatever. If the family was home, Dad interacted with US. The games were strictly for his free time when we weren’t around. He never used them to ignore his family!
She sounds like a really annoying person and controlling
He doesn't like how long it takes to get the kids ready, then how about he helps get them ready.
@Turk February I agree! I know some dads who will basically not lift a finger to help, then complain because it took so long or use it as an excuse as to why they are late arriving places. I don't get it.
Sounds like the type of dude that will spend 45 minutes weaseling out of a 5 minute job
@@martyohlfest8699 To be fair, whenever I try to help my wife, she says i do it wrong... So after a while I kind of just freeze with a loss of how to help. I can fix anything, but sorting through hundreds of clothing options... Why help if all you do is get in trouble for it.
@Massiel Portorreal Yeah, we've worked on it over the years, and I've called her out on it. So it's gotten significantly better. I guess the point I'm making is that you never know what's really going on in a marriage. The guy might not help because he doesn't know how or was made to feel like an idiot for doing it wrong causing him to paralyze in the future. And if he and the wife aren't the type to self improve then it'll create a cycle of death.
@trexxy9628 great read on the situation.
You can literally be everything your man desires than they want more. You could defy all odds but for the wrong person it won't be enough. (Know your worth and walk away.)
I am a mom who games (definitely not as much as I used to!). I usually reserve it for nap times and when chores are done. I find it a great way to de-stress and consider it my self care time. I feel more like myself when I have time to do this. I don’t like, however, the negative connotation of wasting time. My hubs will roll his eyes at my one hour of game time during nap time , but then watch tv for hours at night. I try to explain it’s just how I choose to use my “me time”, and that him watching tv counts as his leisure time. But I definitely feel judged 🤷🏻♀️. As long as it’s limited to certain times and when other needs have been met first, I don’t see it being a problem .
Gaming, anime, t.v, internet surfing.... are all not productive (unless you're using the internet to learn), but they are 'winding down' activities and can be very addicting if you're not careful. It's worse if you do all 4. lol That's like 4 hours of leisure time. Ya gotta find hobbies. Like crocheting or knitting. That stuff can be done while watching the t.v. at the same time if you get good enough. xD
TV absolutely gets a pass in our society. And watching TV with your family is not even quality time. Yet the average person watches 4 hours of mindless tv a day.
They're all the same thing.
Ideally, in a perfect world, people wouldn't play video games or watch TV at all.
How do you feel more like YOURSELF when you play games that have nothing to do with you or reality?
This is why I didn’t have anymore kids with my husband! There was always an argument when I asked for help with our daughter. She’s a teenager now and is still our only child!
Good for u!
Why would you stay married to someone like that?
Smart lady, it’s part of why I want to be childfree! So many men claim to really want children but have no interest in actually raising them.
@@Coastpsych_fi99 yes. Only interested in the process of making them.
How sad..... I feel sad for you and your kid. A man needs to 'die' for his family and in return the wife submits. When the man doesn't die for his family and is selfish instead it ruins generations.... you could've had more kids, your daughter could've had siblings but he didn't want to sacrifice.
I have a friend that divorced her husband because he would prioritize games over his family again & again. Everything was everyone else's fault, never his. It was a mess.
Have an Aunty who did the same thing in the exact same circumstance.
It’s called you pack that console up , drive to the nearest pawnshop, and use the money from it for a family night out! Women need to exercise their power more. That console would not stay in my house.
I don't play video games but I feel that she is being too harsh. she's a stay at home mom who wants her to do his job and some of hers too. can he participate a lil more? Yes but she comes across as being a lil too needy
@Beastbombshell
She signed up for it but thought everything was going to be roses. Wellll every rose has a thorn. She can't handle thorny situations
@@reinamacaren-a4132 So a man works 40 hours and a woman works 24/7? Always on call? Do you know child care, household duties,cooking and cleaning is a full time job too? When does she get a break? He comes home and plays all day. He can't even stop so she can sleep. This is the problem with today's world. SAHWs aren't respected at all. How much money are they saving with her being at home? If he doesn't change she might as well leave and stay at her parents. The court will make him pay for his child. She can go to work. While baby is with parents or daycare. She would probably be less tired. Of course the baby wouldn't have Mom full time. Men need to step up with their families or they will loose them.
The only thing that ever got my father to grow up was my mother leaving. And this guy sounds exactly like him. I have a lot of other female friends that have had to deal with dad like this also. Nothing works except leaving them and forcing them to take care of themselves. They’ve been mothered too much. I had this conversation with my husband when we got engaged.
The reason I am posting so many comments is because I feel like the women listening to this deserve more options than you are giving them.
step 1 is to suss out a man child during the dating phase. men that can't properly attend to their girlfriend will not properly attend to his wife and children. find a guy that pays attention to your needs and is willing to take some of life's load off your shoulders. what that means can be different from person to person. for me, it means tidying up the house and cooking nice meals for me when i'm busy.
@@neonbuildings 💯
@@neonbuildings I had that conversation. That went out the window after baby. So I said ok well you knew. So option A you do what is needed. Or a Judge will make you. I hated saying that. The communication wasn't being heard. Or ignored. So it's been great ever since. I hate that I had to go there. Been married 10 years. After baby everything changes. Even studies about how some men try to do less.
@@chadpleasant9215 u don’t have to explain urself. Ur good👍🏾👍🏾🥰🥰
That’s why it’s important you make sure you are both ready for children . If he proved it with the first , don’t try to prove it with the second.
Oh, yes... A lot of women think the men will be change when the kid will be there, but .... It is very important that both want a kid.
@andreeaameliaganu5876 It isnt enough to just enough to want kids, (and a selfish lustful man will say anything previous to the reality of actually getting a kid) but being committed to stop expecting to be one yourself when you do have that kid. This guy is acting like a kid himself and John nailed it. This, right here, is why so many women, sadly, count their husbands in the number of kids at home count.
@@andreeaameliaganu5876 And a lot of men will say anything until the responsibility of what their mouth promised hits him full on.
Taking care of babies and little ones is so much work! It saddens me when I hear about fathers resisting helping the mothers of their children. Some people become resentful when only one partner is working but it’s a lot harder to take care of little ones then go to work.
No, bc a good parents goes to work and then comes home and takes care of the kids, they do both
@Mark The Shark 2 Then what happens to all kids when both parents are at work? Strangers are paid to look after them? I plan to raise my own kids.
@@msi8311 yea, you go to work then come home and take care of the kids, don’t get why that’s such a hard concept
@@msi8311 But here's a wild concept. and I know i'm just the worst for saying it ...but. If you dont wanna work. you are doing ALL of the childcare cause that is your job. Cause i'm working making income for 4ppl + (like i'm doing now). If i'm hanging out after working i'm not really going to help much. Jobs that make enough for the whole family (150k++ etc.) are jobs you need down time from.
The mom needs to work like she's an executive. If my irate japanese client needs me at my timezone 3AM... i wake up! If I travel 8 hours to a conference site and we have to redo the demo day of... i'm not asking her for help! If she's tired that's her job, delegate assistance with family or nannies. same thing we tell new directors at firms i've worked at - you are responsible for the work load and if it's too much you are also responsible for delegating correct countermeasures to prevent your cup from overflowing without constantly bothering the VP / Managing Director / or Executive Partner.
If my kid was crying and I was a stay at home dad. I would easily be able to stay up with them without bothering my poor hard working wife who just got fried by her boss that day at the office etc etc etc, probably would never miss having dinner made, same way I never miss a client meeting, a RFP due date, or any other critical task.
@@ajays9936 You are missing the point - the kids are not only a project or work load, or a task - they are supposed to be in a _relationship_ with the father. And devoting time to them (preferably not only when they are clean, combed, fed and happy for a short play) is the way to forge that connection.
Game when your family doesn't need you, it's a 'fill the gap' kind of thing. Video games do not come before your family. Period. ESPECIALLY your children.
This. I was going through this for a few months. My daughter just turned 1 and I’m currently pregnant with the second. We bought a house a month before I got pregnant, and still have things to build, buy, and get in order on top of taking care of our daughter. My husband decided that bringing home the money was enough, expected me to become the perfect chef, cleaner, mother, and wife. It took me moving in with my mom, looking for an apartment, and demanding couples counseling or I wasn’t coming back for him to finally make that last leap of change that I needed him to. It’s been a month and where we would fight every day, we haven’t fought once. The growth of both of us makes me so proud, but especially for him. It was like a switch went off in him and he became so much more attentive.
I hate it when dads think that bringing in money means he doesn't have to teach his kids or talk to his family at home. Or even be a decent human being like offering to help with something while the wife is busy.... just little acts of love and sacrifice. Just because a man works doesn't mean he should neglect his kids or wife.
You made it happen. Kudos to you for putting your foot down and taking some serious actions to show you're serious.
@@catholicfemininity2126 It’s not dads it’s their upbringing. These men learn this nonsense from somewhere? Family, friends etc. all enabling each other to believe they are God’s gift to women just as they are. It’s crazy… How anyone can watch a woman have a baby and do it all then act like just working a job is all they have to do? Just insane.
The stopping and asking” what does your day look like? “Has started my husband and myself to have less friction. We are retired and both have a lot of “free time”, but if we don’t touch base he might feel that I am just ignoring him, that I should read his mind and know if he needs help, or I might get really irritated if I am in the middle of something and he interrupts me. So if somewhere right after coffee I say hey, whatcha going to get up to today, do you need my help with anything before I get into my stuff? Well it creates an entirely different atmosphere.
I love how a-political John is. I've been a fan of the Ramsey Network for years, John is very welcoming to all people of all beliefs.
Unless he’s on set with Dave. He definitely could have said more when Dave was saying people who think $600 is going to change their lives are losers.
@@murderofcrows7738 Dave was 100% correct.
I used to do parent coaching for families who had infants and toddlers with disabilities or delays (or sometimes pretty typical families who just had high risk factors for these things).
I'll tell you one thing that helped both moms and dads who had that frustrated mindset that everything takes longer with kids. And later when I got married and had kids this same phrase helped me with my husband and our children and the peace of our whole family:
"It's not that it's taking us so long to do these things, it does, But really what's taking the time is that we have to teach them how to do things like put on shoes and brush their teeth and get in a good routine and just teach them basic life. It's a normal learning process that people have to do. The first time you did some of your tasks at your work it took a lot longer but then you learned how. Children need to learn all these little life skills so that way when they're an adult they know how to learn to do jobs and do them well. The learning takes time and that's just part of The job of parents and so we need to give time for this learning of how to do everyday life."
Awesome
thanks for sharing.
Good explanation, point of view.
Did you work for Early Intervention? I am a DT for EI 😀
@@ms.c6821 I used to
Gamer husband sounds like a child himself. "TEN MORR MINUTES MOOOOM!!"
🤮. I could NEVER sleep with a ‘man’ like that. Nnnnope. Yuck! I’d feel like I was with a kid! No attraction whatsoever
@@aimeeglatt3299 well I'm sure he's not excited to sleep with his mom either.
I left my husband several times in our early years because of housework and gaming. I made more money, i took care of our child, i took care of the home and the yard. He worked too and spent the rest of the time gaming or watching movies. It took a while but hes finally grown up. He still games but now its only after the work is done and we have spent family time together. Hes taken over the yard work and from the time our son was 4 he has became a very active parent. Our lives are really great now.
I hope he is undyingly greatful to you. Because you did all the emotional labor for him to now have a happy home life. But if all he does is the outside work you are still doing more work than he is.
My husband is a devoted father and he still sometimes doesn’t understand what our child needs and why. It’s a learning process for any parent and each child is an individual who won’t exactly fit any book or description. It takes some dedication but the rewards are SO SO SO WORTH IT!!
@Turk February Dude, what is wrong with you? We aren't divorced & I'm not complaining. But I am explaining to new parents so they might understand that it just takes effort to understand and meet their children's needs. But even though parenting is hard, it is also worth it to invest in these precious little ones. Marriage is also hard, but the effort pays off if you both hang in there (both have to contribute, both have to make an effort).
Right.
Yes thank you. Its a season in your life and many men don't understand that.
What did they think it was gonna be like having kids .
Caller: "He rolled his eyes..."
Jordan Peterson: Contempt kills marriages. Eye rolling is a significant predictor of divorce.
Yes, there was a long term study done by the Gothards and if I remember correctly, contempt led to dusconnection and divorce in like 90%+ of cases.
@@ChristianOne Gottman Institute. The four horseman of divorce. Contempt is one for sure, I can’t recall the others.
The only college professor in the world that wrote a book, that doesn't like selling it.
10/10 wish my old professors had this mindset
you know that professors get zero money on their books right? Also, they don't get to set how much the book costs.
@@Rosaedora Not true otherwise I would not have had to buy a new (by my professor) accounting text book because it had an addendum not previously available and which our class never utilized. $100 out the door.
@@carylhalfwassen8555 profs get zero dollars for the textbooks. He might just like the textbook. I teach at a college. There is never a time when profs get money for textbooks. Also, just pirate them. When I teach I tell my students to prirate a copy online. Sometimes I give them copies for free from my teaching copies or get a pdf.
@@Rosaedorareally? why would they write them if they arent getting a cut of sales?
@@funicon3689 because, writing them is required for tenure and if you can get it, you get six figures. Of course, the rest of us don't. I teach university for 32,000 a year because I didn't turn my diss into a book for free.
As someone who has a mental disability and got bullied for it and nearly ended things growing up I agree with John... that word is derogatory and just not okay... people take it lightly when they shouldn't... living a life where family peers doctors and even your own government tell you that you are too dumb to live like everyone else is exhausting...treat everyone with compassion and don't throw words around
Sounds like he's sucked into the gamer lifestyle, which has a large unmarried contingency filled with incels
I think because of mortal sin and original sin and generational sins.... most people are messed up, while I don't think they have a mental disability... there is something spiritually and that causes something mentally to go wrong with them. There is both physical or genetic mental disabilities, while some mental disorders are caused by sin and bad choices.
My husband & I love games, but we have boundaries surrounding it. We know when to unplug. If he wants some "me time" playing games with his friends to de stress, I want him to have that. The same applies to me. If I want to play games, have a long bath, read, whatever I should have that time. But, if it's unbalanced that's a problem we need to work out. Schedule, negotiate, & compromise where everyone can have some level of joy but still have priorities first.
This interesting
Exactly. I dont understand how people don't take shifts with the kids, it sounds exhausting. How can you give your best with no break time?
First lady, you don't have a husband, that is another kid. And a spoiled one.
UPD: third call- what a great husband! the first one should follow that lead
My first question to the wife of the gamer would be, was he a gamer when you met him? Was he a gamer when you married him? That doesn't excuse him disconnecting and leaving her with the kids in the evening, but I have to wonder if she thought he was going to miraculously change once the kids started coming. Honestly, I think it's a LOT easier to go out to work everyday than it is to raise kids and keep the house together, so guys thinking they work to support the family financially and their contribution to the household is done is unrealistic.
That's fair, but only in terms of how they relate as a couple and how much time/attention he is willing to give her. This is a baby, everyone (normal) knows that you need to prioritize the baby, did he think he was just a sperm donor?
What about being a gamer means you can't watch a baby? I'm a gamer, i parented my kids. Does playing video games mean you can't take responsibility for your responsibilities?
@@Rosaedora Simply being a gamer isn't the issue. It's when you're actively in game that your attention is focused. You can't effectively care for a baby while your attention is focused on what you're doing in game. Like most gamers, it sounds like he disconnects from everything else and immerses himself in game.
@@AllynHin I know literal professional gamers who can still parent. They communicate I'm doing my thing from x to y time and i can't be there for you but I will take baby from this time to time b so you can do your thing and so on. BUT when the baby was an infant?? They, like all good parents, are all in, which means being there during an emergency. My son, while not a professional gamer, has been playing and ranking in online and in-person tournaments since he was 11 (now he's 22) and will leave a game if his little brother needed something unless he is actually competing rn or commentating a game. Then he tells us he is and not to distrub for the time he is competing. I have a world record on a ps2 game and I would stop when my kids need me. If you're playing multiplayer your team can deal. If you're not playing multiplayer, there is no excuse. He doesn't want to.
@@Rosaedora LOL Good story. How long did it take you to think that up? The person they're talking about in the video obviously isn't THAT person, so why are you trying to defend him? My point was, if you know he disconnects when you married him, why be surprised that he disconnects now?
I would bet money this is a military couple. It is very common for a military member to be disconnected from his or her family because of easy childcare, job obligations, and the military culture which encourages comraderie with co-workers over time at home.
I have 6 kids, oldest is 6. This is good stuff. I need a break and my wife needs a break, but we need different things on that "break" time. It is crazy to have little kids running and screaming all the time. Training your mind to do the things you need to do is big and knowing what each parent, wife and husband, need is necessary communication to help each other out. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes, but getting better/learning is what we need to do.
How on earth did your wife have 1 child a year for 6 years!? Or did you have twins/triplets at some point?
@@littleripper312 one set of twins.
For heavens sake… get ur wife some birth control!!!
Children will only run around and scream inside a home if parents allow them to do so. It is unnecessary. Homes should be a quiet oasis! Kids can have fun without being wild. I know because 5 days a week for 7 hours a day I have 35 "kids". They are my students.
@@littleripper312 poppin out babies like they are rabbits
It's so funny how many people got offended at him for saying "hit him in the face for saying that word". I definitely sensed sarcasm there. He wasnt serious he was just saying that word is bad and to tell him not to say it...
Yeah, people never consider the context, and they take themselves way too seriously. People will hear what they want to hear.
They completely lost the point that the R word is an insult and the worse word you can say that deserves to be something to talk about seriously to not say.
@@michaelpalumbo4880 yeah I can see this in a therapy session it’s bad but this isn’t a therapy session and it’s a entertainment/advice thing so he made a terrible joke but he didn’t give advice to abuse him.
Of course that was offensive. Imagine him jokingly suggesting a man beat his wife😬 It is just not okay.
I will be honest, even if he meant it 100% less. Being punched in the face is much less hurtful than use of that word.
About 8 years after I divorced my exhusband, he called me complaining that his girlfriend was asking for help with her baby. I didn't ask him to help with our daughter because he is an idiot!
That was a great transition Dr. John!! Some people are just dead inside!
Johns opening bits are so funny. Lol when the guy in the booth was shown. Good show.
Love your jokes John! Keep having fun! I love your show! You have so much grace and optimism towards people that need your help. Keep up the great work and congratulations on 45k 🎉👍🏻
You kick a$$ all the time Dr. JOHN! You are awesome!
Just finished your book and am now recommending it to my clients. Thanks for an easy read with practical, real-life examples.
I play video games ever so often (still single and young) but I was always raised with them being an accessory to my free time. Hey a few free hours once a week, sure, but real people and real life and real family will always be more engaging than video games. Maybe he's gotta see his friends in person more so he gets that enjoyment instead of being glued to his couch/chair. Maybe he needs a couple new friends.
for the life of me I will never understand adult men and women who are obsessed with gaming
Don’t get it either. I like games but not addicted or obsessed with them.
I doubt the guy is addicted, he probably just wants to in his spare time after being at work all day, relax by playing some video games. The video games give him some joy after he’s been at work all day.
I don’t like it either but I feel like for half the people who priorities it over their family, it is about escaping their reality, whatever that may be!
I'll take a gamer over someone obsessed with Facebook/Instagram/TikTok every day of the week.
@Chet_24 it's the same thing. It's checking out of your responsibilities and life.
He games online with friends for hours, and calls random things retarded? You married a 14 year old boy… Poor woman.
John, despite my honest comments about how I feel about some of your jokes and your methods, I still respect you and I still enjoy your show. Let us be bullies don’t let it get to you, just do your thing because you are making a difference in this world.
Adults who would rather play video games, rather than be a parent🙄🙄 SHOULDN'T have KIDS, if your too immature to stop playing video games as an adult
No, the guy probably figured I’m at work all day, in my spare time I want to relax and play some video games meanwhile it allows him to spend a little time for himself away from the wife is who is not producing a income
@@marktheshark2569 yeah.....you have a valid point. I don't have a wife or kids, at the age of 40. So I guess that part of it didn't cross my mind
@@Josh-by9fv neither do I yet, but I do know how tiring work can be sometimes you just want to relax after work. Meanwhile the wife does not have a job and wants him to watch the kids more
Why are so many people trying to "FIX OTHERS," AS IN THEIR PARTNERS???!!!???!!! PLEASE TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY FOR YOUR OWN BAGGAGE 🧳 AND HANDLE IT BEFORE YOU GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP OR GET MARRIED!!!
EXHAUSTING to fix others...so tiring.
For me, you and Rachel are the "Ramsey personalities" that I would most like to just hang out with. I feel like I wouldn't contribute much to the convo because I would be laughing too much!!
OH SNAP! My fellow Alaskans are calling into Delony.
There’s a taco stand literally in the middle-of-nowhere in Alaska called “Nacho Mama’s”.
Tacos confirmed.
With the kid that wants therapy. It concerns me that they will not allow a 17 year old to meet with a counselor without being there and hearing everything that they have to say and then they fight. Maybe she has been abused by one of them and that is why they will not allow her to see a counselor without the parents being there. This really concerns me.
Some counselors are whack job crazy. It is important to be present as a parent until you know how the counselor is!!!
@@happycook6737 No, it's the same with pediatrics. Children need to learn to and be given the space to advocate for themselves. If the parents want to be part of the therapy season, then they need to get family therapy.
Somebody's studio got an upgrade! ❤
I've seen this a lot with my female friends where they run around like a chicken without a head trying to take care of the kids while the dad stands around on their phone or computer without lifting a finger. When the mom snaps and says "please help me!" she's labeled a nag. The age old argument ensues: "I'm bringing home the bacon so you can be a stay at home mom, therefore I shouldn't have to partake in helping with the household". The thing is, dad gets plenty of breaks during the day - driving to and from work, a lunch break, and then gets to do his own thing when he gets home. Being a mom never stops, there are no breaks! Just because he goes to work doesn't mean he's relieved from parenting! PLUS he should be thankful she stays home with the babies because she's saving him a HUGE daycare bill.
The problem is she's getting her expenses all paid, it's a business transaction to her. I know women who sit, put kids in daycare, even the dog, and spend money, someone else's, my own family members have done this, it's wrong, I may not earn alot but I pay my own way and always had one of us home with the kids
@@pamforrester844 Oh yes that's a different situation. Luckily I don't know anyone like that but I agree that's wrong.
And most wives are also working outside the home.
your commute is a break? this is a joke, right?
@@funicon3689 Any time away from screaming babies is a break. You can play the radio, call a friend. Yes it's more of a break than the mom gets.
3:00 Hmm, don’t you now have commercials? 😮
Sounds like the husband just checks out from his real life which is kids and wife and work. Man I get it. We all want to check out sometimes. It’s not your job to grow him up. Sit down in a quiet place and tell him how you feel. Go out for dinner or a walk with just the two of you. Be very clear on how you feel and what he needs to do to bring himself into this marriage. I wish you luck.
Never have a commercial, huh? That sure changed! Today you tried to sell me on house-buying services and a mattress. It was so annoying I switched to something else.
Travel by reindeer? 😂 John’s sense of humor emerges once again. ❤️
Make a schedule you both agree on!
Whatever he excels at. Getting them dressed? Giving baths? Bedtime stories?
It will also make him realize how much You do!
Omg thank you for no commercials!!! Omg we just can’t escape them anywhere!
Women don't forget how you treated them/supported or lack of support during pregnancy and after when the kids are small.
12:34 my husband is pretty close to that too… 😅 i talked n talked for 5 years I adopted the “whatever” lately..let him organise his schedule n stuff n mind my own so I don’t lose my sanity dealing with the teenager mentality.
I don't know that this is the case in the first call, but for me personally--A HUSBAND WITHOUT CHILDREN YET-- almost always video games is the only time I able to spend with my friends. I think the stigma around the loser jobless husband who games all day has ruined the idea of gaming for all from a relationship perspective. Now don't get me wrong, it shouldn't be a day-in day-out priority, but having a planned LONG gaming session every couple of weeks is time I cherish making memories with old friends. It really helps as well when my wife doesn't treat this like "just a game" with things like asking me to do things in between matches when my friends aren't relying on me in the game, and respecting the fact that no matter how stupid she thinks it is, (which it is) it's important to us in the moment. Having to leave just a couple times can cause the whole night to be spoiled because of losing games. Now, it's different with kids, especially young ones. Both parents need to commit to giving up about 80% of the hobby time they had before kids or it's going to cause problems. But sometimes gaming is the difference between talking to your best friend or not for weeks at a time. This dude is definitely not grown enough for kids...
So communicate that to your partner. Gaming isn't the problem. Infants are full on. For the first year your wife is not going to be able to see her friends, or comb her hair by herself. She will be nursing and pulled on and exhausted. During that first year, prioritize her and the baby. Then make a night that is yours to game and exchange it for a night that is all hers to do whatever (like have a shower, or be able to pee alone). If it's clearly communicated that you need 4 hours and then you give her 4 hours, you should be totally fine. Is' when the infant needs something and your wife needs something (and this sounds like the equivalent of a new mom emergency) then you have to drop everything in the first year.
I will never date or marry a gamer for this exact reason. It's an addiction for many people. It doesn't fit in my life at all, and I don't want any part of it.
This didn’t age well cause your Podcast has commercials now. 🙄
Deep immaturity, some men will not and do not change until you leave them. What a pampered baby. Doesn’t want to grow up. SELFISH.
Is this guy serious??! My husband and I both used to game however when you have kids your gaming time is AFTER BED. Come on. This is unacceptable. Dude is clearly being treated like your third child.
I love how you say "all the way back to 1995." When I think of "way back" I go back to the '60s-'70s. Naturally that's because I'm from that era. So to me way back isn't '95, that is "new music" to me. We stopped watching MTV in 1987, and that's pretty much where most of our musical tastes end as well. There is good newer stuff, but we enjoy the old classic rock so much that I rarely hear anything else. When my daughter was in high school, in the early 2000s, students were discovering music from before they were born. She got called a "poser" because she could identify "Oh, that's the Beatles" or "that's one of my favorite Elvis songs." To prove she wasn't a poser she had them look at her portable CD case. The Beatles, the Monkees, Don McClean's American Pie, Steve Miller Band, Boston and other classics from that time, plus classical music. They asked her how she knew who Elvis was, and she told them, "You can't grow up in my family without knowing Elvis." (My mom is a fan with a 1956 fan club card and a whole room of Elvis memorabilia, "Elvis' Room.") She brought vacation pictures to show them of when she went with her grandparents to Graceland, after she explained to them where and what Graceland is. She also knows many, many classic movies by a few moments of film. Not just the Wizard of Oz or Gone with the Wind. Ben Hur, Good-bye, Mr. Chips, Arsenic and Old Lace, Marie Antionette, and of course Singin' in the Rain. If ANYONE has not seen Singin' in the Rain, please treat yourself to this fantastic MGM musical. We watch Arsenic and Old Lace every Halloween. Try it sometime.
First caller: I can't believe you told her to actually hit him in the mouth with a closed fist? WTH? Also I still can't figure out why she was calling in in the first place?
Yeah imagine if roles were reversed...
@@MD-pz3cn Husband calls because wife wouldn’t leave book club 10 minutes before it was over. He def would have been told to respect the wife’s “me time” and just wait. And we all know he wouldn’t even get angry at the wife using that word. It would be “love her more and tell her that it’s not ok.”
Yeah he definitely favors females.
Soooo funny about the joking thing. Everyone I know doesn’t give me credit for my humor. That’s even funnier. It’s in my head and heart where it has the relief.
On one hand it might seem nice to smack the guy that obviously deserves it ( but since hitting doesn’t work...)on the other hand there is NO getting through to a narc. 22 years into this I’m telling you bug out. I sure wish it was easy as...
"I'm never going to have a commercial ".. Buy my book.
Not going to do commercials eh? This aged well. Love the show 😂
Exactly!!!!
The first caller I was so frustrated for her. Get the kids ready with her. Gosh is quicker with two hands. So sad. We have three kids and honestly my husband gets two ready and I get one ready then I get myself ready. Is quicker that way. I would hate if I had to get them all ready myself and have someone judge me how late we are
Sounds like dude doesn't like the responsibility of parenting
Bought 4 copies. I read it, my husband read it, awesome helpful info! Absolutely recommend this! Thank you for sharing such great and much needed info, John Delony!
Gaming is likely an addiction. He is compelled by his brain pathways to get the dopamine hits the same way he always has. Intervention is indeed needed to get him to release that escape method.
This is more educative, but also funnier than any "Shows". Deloney you're a great Human
Diggin the jokes brother!!! Keep em comin!
I'm happy the 17 year old was comfortable enough to talk to you. But go to the parents. The girl is reaching out. She is being heared thank God!
Great Dave song. I think that one is one of my husband's favorites though we love all his stuff. Grace Street by Dave Matthews is my favorite. Have a listen. Fantastic powerful lyrics.
You deserve every good thing in your life
John to the first caller:”what’s your husband going to say back to that.”
Caller says in her mind: “He’s going to say that’s retar*ed John.”
John reaches through the cosmos and punches callers husband.
Thank you John for standing up to the R word.…..👏👏👏
THANK YOU for addressing the use of the "R" word.
You are funny and helpful. Thanks Dr John Delonly! 🥳
Gaming should be a hobby, not take priority in your life when you are a husband and a father. I have never been a hardcore gamer, but did play video games occasionally as a child and teen. Havent had much time though as an adult.
Yep...the R word is a big pet peeve of mine too! Worked with a lot of kids and it’s just horrible to hear that.
I'm think I'm funny too. Keep telling jokes, John!
Reminds me of a cruise I went on, and the dining room is all family style. Me and a friend sat at a table with this family and the husband was cracking jokes. I was laughing at his jokes and his wife said: "oh, honey! Someone thinks you're funny!"
Can relate to the first one. We are mid 30s, and 4 kids. He spent the first year playing 40hrs a week of video games. I confronted, he said he'd stop. He deployed for 7 months, during which I broke my back and still managed the home and grad school. I moved for internship for 7 months, will graduate with my PhD in May. He calls and all we talk about is what he ate for dinner and bought at the store. The most in depth conversations we have are when he throws a tantrum about me saying no to him giving his friend $600 for 2 guns, 1 of which is broken. It was also about the fact that I asked if he'd looked at the laws for purchase and getting locks for them. Nope. Just gonna stick them in the closet and not tell anyone. I've asked for 8 months since he's been back to have him talk to a coach, a counselor, anything. He constantly plays the "well he never got back to me." Except it isnt true. He wrote one email and then never ever followed up. I brought it up when we were in the gun conversation, and he completely sidestepped it again. No comment, just "I had brats for dinner." He tells me he "didn't have a voice about it," but what it really is is he got told no. Thinks he's entitled to spend 60% of what he saved that month (made possible by me paying all of my monthly expenses plus 2 kids out of my job.) It's getting ridiculous.
So a man child then？Yikes 😱
Get out! Do you really want a manchild? Do you think so little of yourself and your children?
Wow.
So why are you with him?
@@kellharris2491she cant do any better
LOLLLLL "I think I'm funny" I am DYING. I love you John. You are perfect.
Video games are ridiculous. We are all already addicted to our phones. I stay away from video games because I know they are addicting. We have enough things demanding our attention already.
My husband is not a gamer, I am SOOOOO glad ....
What's with this blanket hatred of video games?
Women spend time on social media and him on video games. It would rub me the wrong way to have someone dictate my 4O hour week and then come home to someone dictating how I should spend my evening and weekends
@@peroteastman it’s about moderation and video games aren’t designed to be used in moderation. Even our cell phones constantly work to draw us in.
@@joyaustin6581 relationships are about giving yourself to the other person and making choices together. Raising kids together. He playing games or her always on her phone is not togetherness.
I can't stand people who can't get to the point. She sounds exhausted from juggling everything on her own.
Do not hit him in the mouth.. The law would consider that as the first hit. I know Dr. John don't literarily mean to hit him. Some people would do what he said to do.
Dr. John. You're fantastic and it's okay to suddenly have brain farts and forget which state abbreviation goes to which state. And your sense of humor is great. You're mostly funny and even when you're not, it's somehow still funny and endearing.
Dr. john, you’re emotionally intelligent and handsome, you don’t need to worry about being funny! 😊
Love your sense of humor Dr. John. You do you - ignore the haters!
This is why I'm scared to date men who like to game. I have siblings that game all day and the idea of marrying a man with an addiction like gaming or p0rn is horrifying to me. I'd rather he have other hobbies.... gaming is very addicting and like watching t.v. or reading manga or watching anime etc... it can suck up your time and make you less productive.
My ex would game and drink all night after I went to sleep (I didn't know he was staying up that late or drinking). Then he couldn't hold a job because he couldn't get there on time. Go figure. I divorced him when I found out.
A gamer will always prioritize there games over anything.I’ve been married for almost 23 yrs, 4 children and games are there life sadly.
Clearly you not doing your woman hood job right. I was in love and I prioritized her over my games and buddies to the point she pushed me to go play with buddies. Like we been talking all day 😠I need some space 😂
ridiculous assertion
The only thing I have to say about the husband and video games it that, if he is earning money from streaming and stuff, then that should be taken into consideration. But he also still needs to prioritize family first.
John...I'm from the future...you will have commercials. We still love you and miss being a ninja 🥷
It’s Sean Hannity after bathing in the Fountain of Youth!
She does have 3 kids and the husband is not ready for a family
Oh, I think he was ready to MAKE those children. Raising them? Not so much. You want to make it clear that you marry a lover, not a mother. You already had one of them, and now that you are an adult, you should not need a mom. But you should want a lover.
You’re funny Delony!!
I like Dr. John. But calling them silly video games.... put me off a little. I was in a really bad place when my late teens. My father was dying of terminal illness, I had a mother that didn't speak English, a little brother, a girl I got pregnant. I had to take care of all of that. Video games, for me, was a way to zone out and just forget about the real world. You are right though. It's like a drink. But as soon as you sober up, or quit playing in this case, the real world is still there waiting to punch you in the throat. It took me a really long time to be able to stop playing and focus on more important things when I had to. I still play games here and there but now they're more of a "I have nothing to do and I'm just bored" and play maybe a couple of hours a week more than they are an addiction. All this to say, sometimes people just don't see what they have in front of them and they feel like they need something else to just drown out all the noise. Not saying it's right, but it happens.
👌👏 Well said. Sorry you had to deal with that
I hope you helped raise your child and didn't sacrifice that time for video games.
So typical. Husband apparently works all day to support his family “in his head”. She’s a stay at home mother so I think he can get credit for supporting the household in reality.