Husband Said I’m Not Attractive After Weight Gain
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- Опубліковано 12 тра 2024
- Husband Said I’m Not Attractive After Weight Gain
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She could be telling my story! I gained 40 lbs during a lung illness. The inability to be as active, medicine and being scared led me to that point. My ex-husband brought up my weight and what I ate every single day. He refused to go to the doctor with me because he thought I was making excuses. As I got better I lost weight. On the day I was at my 20 lb loss mark, he flipped out on me and told me he didn’t sign up for a fat wife, and if I didn’t get it together he was leaving me. He didn’t even realize I was halfway down. It was never about the weight. He didn’t respect or love me.
💯
💔💔💔
Wow… that is awful! I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’m glad he is now an ex.
I’m sorry that happened to you. ❤ sometimes women don’t sign up to be married to a d*ck. But sometimes that’s where you land. I’m so sorry.
You deserve better!! True attraction is to who you are, not what weight you are. People gain and lose weight ALL the time throughout life. May your ex turn into a fat old man so he knows what it's like to be treated disrespectfully. People like that need a taste of their own medicine. I'm so sorry this happened to you! You're amazing no matter what weight you are. You are capable and can do anything you put your mind towards. Glad you cleansed the toxicity out of your life.
People shouldn't get married if a loss of attraction can sink your relationship. Somebody's going to get sick, injured, old, that's life.
It’s more than a loss of attraction. It’s the increase in bills (medical, water, electric, groceries, after a certain point you may need to accommodate them with a bigger bed or create ramps, get a large toilet, etc.). There’s also the looks you get in public, the self esteem issues both in yourself and with your partner that you need to deal with, and there’s the fact your kids could be affected too.
Nobody needs to be paper thin, you can be chunky, husky and soft, but if managing your weight is too difficult then you’re choosing to put additional pressure on your relationship.
You don't have control over sickness, injury, or age. You do have control of your weight, and it's not difficult. It requires a bit of basic self-discipline, that's it.
This is bullshit BOTH partners should stay the way they were when they got married or as close as possible
Sometimes I wonder if you people even listen to what Dr. John is saying... There's more to it than just the title!
@@cristianmota3811 Not possible especially when one has kids. The woman will gain weight. It will be harder to lose if she works full time and is the care giver parent.
If he has money and can allow her to have a nanny and work on herself she will lose it.
I gained some weight after having two kids and my husband NEVER changed the way he was with me, ever. I feel
really bad for her.
I agree with you, BUT, attraction matters. And the way you take care of your body is a reflection of what’s going on inside too. This is nuanced of course, but as a man, I also feel for him too if deep down she’s stopped caring for herself like she used to. It definitely isn’t an easy thing! Takes worth from both partners to navigate this sensitive thing.
@@justinstewart3248maybe she stopped because she had his child, is a mother now, that's what happens to mothers... Some man are so ungrateful.
@@justinstewart3248 oh, absolutely Justin, looks matter, for men in particular ( hm just the physiology for the intimate act for you guys to work, not so much for women, they do not have to be stimulated to have sex, they might not enjoy it but they will do their duty).
After 25 years of marriage my hubby decided to tell me that he is not attracted to me anymore as my thighs lost their sculptured look, I had a bit of orange peel look on them, I did not gain weight, I was just entering the perimenopause stage of life. My response was: well, dear if you want a younger version of a lover you need to trade me in for a better model.We are both ageing, this is what it is, you either accept this fact or you do something about it. He never tackled this topic again. It will be our 52nd aniversery next month.
@@justinstewart3248you’re supposed to attracted to who she is, not how much she weighs. Also may shock you: women’s purpose isn’t to be attractive for men
@@justinstewart3248attraction is more than looks. He should appreciate the sacrifice his wife made for him by risking her life giving him a child. He's got a lot of growing up to do if his priority so soon after having a child is that she needs attractive for him again. I wonder what you'd think if your father said that to your mother when she was changing your nappies.
She sounds so sweet. I bet she is a great mom. Her husband needs to reevaluate his priorities.
I am confused by Dr. John’s advice here. In an old call, a husband called in about his wife’s weight gain and John’s response was “I guess we know you only love your wife with conditions”
I don’t understand why this husband gets a pass of “he just missed his wife.”
No. He only wants a wife that serves him. It’s not love.
Hormones, sleep deprivation, worries and fears expanded...having a child CHANGES YOU! It takes work! God bless those who forgive themselves and others❤❤❤
Agreed. And God bless the husbands who see this and help pull their wives out of it, instead of criticizing them.
@@user-qp2qe5gf9bthis husband sounds like he is trying to help and not criticize. Being honest is not criticism, he loves her enough to communicate his true feelings and desires, that’s a good thing.
All of which seem to disappear when women are single. Magic ain’t it?
Mooney, yes! And women, let’s be honest. We know when we were looking fine.😋He found it attractive, too! So instead of excuses, let’s be our very best selves, mentally, physically, and spiritually today. If not, it will hurt us and our marriages.❤
My wife and I both gained weight over the last 10 years.
Lots of stress, I feel like garbage about my weight gain and from my wife's comments about herself, we both feel the same about ourselves. We talked about it. We started taking steps to start moving back in the right direction.
It's tough.
You got this bro. Start small, don't set unachievable goals for you. Find something that you guys enjoy doing together. Roller blading is a ton of fun. You got this brother 💪
It’s clear to me that some of the people here in the comments either A) are NOT married, or B) live in delulu land. 🙄
The issues with the call go far deeper than just weight.
Calories in calories out 🤷
No, she was probably hot at one point and now she’s not
@@bobby9192no one stays hot forever. We all age we all gain weight as we age and we all get illnesses that stop us from being active as we once were. Sorry but ur meant to love ur life partner no matter what. I bet he's not all that either!
@@laurajomcnaughton853 I bet he’s better looking than her. Men age better than women especially after that trap birthed a kid.
Again, attacking people who are not married. Please understand that most of the lack of understanding actually occurs within married people. Please stop marginalising those who are not married. We are often much much better people.
I‘m confused on how many people comment about losing the weight. I thought Dr delony established that the issue runs deeper and the weight is just the tip of the iceberg so to speak. Or have I lost the plot here?
To me it seemed like the husband was overall not satisfied with the whole situation since they have a child because their relationship changed
Well that’s his take, also though it’s been my experience that getting back on track w/ exercise + diet just makes me more of a joy to be around to my family. It seems like the reason extra weight feels unattractive is that it’s a visual symptom that there are problems.
I'm not a professional so this is purely opinion but rarely would a man bring up weight to a wife or girlfriend if it wasn't truly an issue. That's a sensitive topic for most woman. Dangerous waters tbh. Men are visual creatures and with all the (literally) unrealistic standards of woman being fed to us nonstop on every media outlet, it's only getting worse. Constant filtered videos and pictures have made people forget what "normal" and "real" are.
@@jessicataylor1930 same here I’m no professional, maybe also unpopular option but it seems to me the husband is struggling and expressing this „you‘re letting yourself go“ to the wife because he feels the relationship has changed since the baby. Which it does naturally always. The wife’s focus isn’t on her husband anymore but on the child. This is totally normal biological behavior but many men struggle to come to terms with that.
@@jessicataylor1930 The irony is, most guys really don't have unrealistic expectations. Don't be overweight, be pleasant, be feminine and 90% of men are good. It's actually women who push the unrealistic standards because they're in competition with each other.
@@alkalinesalinaThat last part is exactly right. I complained to my husband about how tired I am (our daughter is 3 weeks old) and he had the audacity to complain that since she was born he has to make his breakfasts AND lunches AND then also has had to make dinner after he's had a full day at work (of note: he'll only ever make Kraft Dinner, not actually cook a proper meal). I responded that he's welcome to stay home with the baby instead and I can go back to work, but apparently we're not doing that. 🤷
Yeah my wife left me because I was a "disgusting fat guy." Well. I'm not any more and she still sucks. It ain't the fat.
I like your name
His issues are deeper than her weight. He used that as an excuse.
Exactly what I am thinking
Agree 👍
No he really didnt. Weight gain is NOT attractive!
@@MikeyPaperITs AN EXCUSE you child grow up
@@ykook7000 no u bozo
My wife has gained much more than 40 lbs, and I still am very attracted to her. It is her attitude and they way she speaks to me that has made her unattractive to me.
I know a few men this happened to… they were still physically attracted to their wives but they had become rude and verbally aggressive and that stopped any kind of affection
You can’t get another woman to be attracted to you, that’s why
Happens all the time. She’s miserable because she knows she’s not doing the work and punishes you because you tolerate it.
You guys have to have some boundaries and respect for yourself. Your needs matter too.
If you’re in the same boat you need to hit the gym and motivate her.
“hE lOsT HiS fUn wIfE” uhhh and she lost all body autonomy, her own body and health and hormones and emotions, SHE is forever changed and he’s too superficial to love her the way she is NOW. I’m still breastfeeding my 2 year old and it’s nearly impossible to lost the last ten pounds. My husband makes me feel sexy and loved every single moment we’re together. He’s never made an offhand comment about my weight even when I was huge nearing the end of pregnancy. I could never get over the way my husband treated me during postpartum if I were her.
🎯
People, don’t get married if you’re not cool with fluctuation of weight… it happens.
Jumping up 3-4 boxing weight classes isn’t a fluctuation. Adding 40 lbs onto a 5’4” female frame while still young isn’t trivial. It’s a warning.
I’ve lost 40 lbs and I’m significantly larger than that and it completely changed my body.
@@Evil-Rod-Farva You've also never been pregnant. 😂
@@vaska1999 this lady is not currently pregnant 🤦♂️
She was pregnant 1.5 years ago. That is more than ample time to lose 40 lbs.
My wife did it in 6 months. Hormones aren’t the problem with most women, Hostess is.
@@Evil-Rod-Farva Not everyone loses weight at the same rate, and most lactating women find their weight loss impossible to very slow. Besides, this lady mentioned a health issue that's arisen since her pregnancy.
Umm.... Its very valid for a husband to be concerned for his wife's health (physically and mentally), but I'm not comfortable with the terms she using here. "Pushing me to be better" "isn't happy with where I'm at in my goals". I feel John is giving him way too much credit here as a husband who simply misses his previous lifestyle and is focusing on the weight as a measurement of that. Seems to me he has some unhealthy attitudes about women and she has bought into them, and Is allowing his insensitivity, becoming super critical upon herself. I personally would be concerned that if he cannot non judgementally work through some weight gain, I wouldn't be able to rely upon him in illness and aging???? Sounds like he has control issues and a very distorted view of what love is. Don't feel John dug deep enough into this.
My thoughts exactly.
Fing false. There are no red flags with the husband. See, women hate how men "say things". No...he has a standard and she is failing that standard. She has a standard for him as well. Only one person is failing here.
Welcome to equality women....
How is wanting your wife to be sexually attractive unhealthy? 40 lbs is a lot of weight, especially for women whom have smaller frames. In a boxing match that’s four weight classes.
You show me a man unattracted to his wife and I’ll show you a failing marriage. This guy being frank and direct is far more healthy than pretending he’s ok with it.
Another reason for me to stay single... I already hate the way I look, I can't imagine how devastating it must be to hear my husband said he's not attracted to me anymore because I gain weight from pregnancy and childbirth.
I'm sure you look fine. I don't like the way I look either.
It seems marriage/relationships are not easy.
It's devastating. My exhusband said almost the very same thing, after I had my son. I never got over it. He told me he wasn't attracted to me and was embarrassed to be seen with me.
Men have unrealistic visions of women and they never grow up about it...dont have kids with any man
@reneen- I’m glad he’s your ex. Now go do it for you.
It's pretty shitty to not even dig into the husband not getting "the results he expects" with regards to her weight. Instead makes the assumption that it's really not about her weight.
Agreed.
It can take a year to lose 40lbs. He probably wanted it in 12 weeks or he is laying the foundation to leave.
@@GalCharlotte Year? It took me almost 2 years to build muscle and lose 5kg of fat.
He's probably thinking "I lost 10 lbs easily by doing XYZ..." and fails to realize it's much harder for women to lose weight. The hormones are really tough when they resist you lol
I like John’s thoughts on this. The only issue I have though is if she can gain 40lbs from health issues and suddenly it becomes an issue, he is not going to stay for the long term. As someone else said, people tend to gain weight, lose mobility, get wrinkles etc as they age. If someone is only interested in the young person they married then it’s not prudent for someone to marry them
Lets flip the script. Lets say the husband loses his job because he’s missing deadlines and being lazy.
Should we make excuses for that man and tell his wife she needs to accept him as a loser, or do we tell him to get it together?
There’s a stark difference between normal aging and being undisciplined. She’s undisciplined.
I lost 50 lbs reached ideal weight. It didn’t make any difference period!
Exactly 💯 it will always be another excuse
Was it 125 pounds or 225 pounds for your ideal weight?
What has he done after that?
At some point, you should have a bond with someone that surpasses anything physical. This is especially true if you have children with someone.
Thissss!!!! Honestly!
Thats nice to say, but your physical health heavily impacts your relationship. Someone who's choosing poor health is making bad choices for their partner
@@alexandermagnus82 the woman just had a child and has a medical issue for goodness sake! If you don’t want someone who can fall pregnant then be with a MAN!!!!!
The way she talks about her husband "not seeing the results we want" geeesh that's tough. Can you imagine working and taking care of a baby and him talking about "results?" Not sleeping is a huge reason for weight gain, so i really hope she does tell him she needs him to help nights.
Also... john is so kind and optimistic... my gut is telling me husband has someone on the side 🤷♀️
She may lose the weight and tell him she is not attracted to him anymore. I can’t imagine being attracted to a man who doesn’t like the way I look.
I was just thinking that! 🤣🤣🤣 This is why the FIRST thing that happens when women leave their stupid husbands is lose the weight. They are usually the PROBLEM.
The difference would be that it’s not something he chose
I can’t imagine being attractive to a woman who thinks it’s acceptable that I should still be attracted to her if she gains 40 lbs !!
ummm they actually choose this together…she sacrificed herself for him and baby.
Revenge weight loss.
So she has a baby and medical issues, he tells her hes not attracted to her anymore, and the advice for her is to lose weight and start her marriage again from scratch? Some of the advice here was useful, but i think its jumping to conclusions to assume this man is not a selfish jerk who is not all in to the marriage the way she is
@lschizzle... Hear! Hear!!! 👏👏👏
I don't think any of you watched the whole video....she clearly states that they were working towards getting better but she keeps remembering his words over a year and a half ago. She also tells Dr.Deloney that she always has to be in control. Watch a video before forming an opinion. Thanks
I notice a lot of men project onto their wives and blame them when they are afraid or overwhelmed, etc. Maybe his expectations are unrealistic, now that he is a parent.
She would lose the weight if she could.
It's literally not easy for most people.
Who would choose obesity if they had a choice.
@@dudeorduuude5211Where is the projection? What exactly is he projecting? So, let me straight: The woman asked her husband for criticism, and he was brutally honest. While it might not be the main issue, it's a symptom of a deeper problem. Most men understand weight gain during pregnancy, but they also want to maintain the playful, romantic energy, and physical attraction in the relationship. The husband wasn't rude; he simply responded when asked. They could tackle the weight gain as a team, strengthening their bond. With kids, the dynamic of the relationship changes, often draining the fun and energy. Couples should prepare for this mentally and redefine their relationship goals. Blaming the husband won't solve anything. Attack the argument. She sought this information because she sensed a change in their relationship's energy. While some may argue that certain things are better left unsaid, how can issues be resolved if they aren't acknowledged? Trust me, she wants this outcome because what would have came down the line in a few years would have been detrimental to the family. This nuke can be detonated.
I would love to see what this dude looks like.
Bald with a pot belly.
Soooo….. what’s he gonna do when you hit menopause?
I had to start fasting menopause was so bad
Probably hate his life because his wife is already so out of control of herself that she’ll let her body dictate her lifestyle and emotions and say “oh well, hormones” “can’t help it” “a new season of life”. He’ll wonder where his wife went and why he stopped mattering to her - and he’ll remember the time when she gained a bunch of weight and blamed him for not embracing “her” because she didn’t manage it.
@@AZMR240SXdon't have babies and except your wife remain beautiful
@@katemiller7874 good for you, I hope it worked out for you. My wife is doing that now and she feels like the fasting is benefiting her.
@@fatemad4012 why not?
Ok, so let’s say she loses the weight. Won’t she become paranoid that this can never happen again for fear of repeating this cycle? That’s a huge burden to carry…that his perception of her will always be something she has to consider when making daily choices. That is not fair. He could have encouraged healthier habits without destroying her self esteem with that one statement.
If she becomes paranoid then that's a separate mental issue that needs to be addressed. You can be totally insane and still lose weight if you eat in a caloric deficit over an extended period of time, weeks to months. I will say that losing weight will not necessarily, if ever, fix mental problems, but losing weight is as easy as eating in a caloric deficit.
Not being fat is a good thing. We ALL should be paranoid/committed to being healthy.
@@SarahConnor562yeah and no, I’m female and go to the gym frequently so most people in my life would consider me lean/fit, when it comes to the female anatomy especially when having children it could be significantly harder to lose weight because a) our bodies naturally store more fat for child bearing. b) hormones, hormones can actively work against weight lose like women who have PCOS. Yea habits and slight change of lifestyle could help but it’s not easy. Personally I would never have/want kids I love my body too much to sacrifice it for a child, but I sympathize with women who decide to bare children knowing the effects it could have on their bodies, and that’s a sacrifice they’re making for them selves and their spouses. Anyways to summarize this, being a mother is tolling on the body and mind.
Not just that. He doesn't find her attractive as before cause of weight, what happens if she manages to keep off the weight but in years to come, she will also become old one day and so will he. If it's mainly about looks for him, he will lose attraction eventually anyway. Just wondering if he's the perfect specimen himself and how he's planning to stay that way for her?
I know a girl - similar story but Boyf (not hubby). He pressured her… and she lost the weight and realized her problem wasn’t the weight - it was the guy! She dumped his ungrateful behind, thankfully!
The guy she dated next adores her to this day: they have been married over a decade and have 5 children together.
Hearing her say "We have not been seeing the results" makes my heart break. There is no we, It's all about you. What you need, what you deem necessary and what is best for you. Get healthy for you....hugs.
Same, especially “we aren’t seeing the results we want.” Like he’s monitoring her progress.
I’m eating like a cow and somehow I’m not stuffing off weight.
It’s a partnership until it’s not then it’s all about her?
@@melissamanske9256 He is. And he punishes her by withdrawing affection when her weight loss stalls. Delony, of course, missed all that.
@@bobby9192 You probably have healthy hormones, congratulations. I used to be able to eat anything and everything, then I got some mysterious illness and I have gained weight despite eating a lot less, it's probably due to the stress, pain and the lack of sleep. I'm still at a normal weight, but some aren't as lucky as you and I.
@@slothisasin8240 yea, working out 5-6 times a week and watching my diet. Super lucky of me to work my 🫏 off
For better or for worse, in sickness and in health- babe. What will happen if you become quadriplegic or get terminal cancer? He doesn’t love you for you on the inside. Behavior is a language and he’s telling you everything you need to know.
Oh you are correct, I watched John's program with a woman who was asking John whether she should divorce her husband who is on life support in a care home and move on with another guy, though her faith tells her that her marriage is forever into eternity. I was soooo shocked that she even considered such a thing? If it is forever than you do not get another partner even when the first one dies. This is not my belief mind but if they are alive you are still married!!!!
If behavior is a language, what is her refusal to lose weight saying to her husband?
Start looking at his hair line when he's talking to you. Tell him it's receeded a lot since you first met him. Bonds should be far deeper than aesthetics.
😂😂
Pretty brainless comment. Being fat is a choice losing your hair isnt
😂😂😂😂😂
That’s a ridiculous comparison. She can lose the weight
@@mattcoorey2580he can get a hair transplant or wig.
This is one of the best videos i have seen from John. He hit the nail on the head with this one. Identified all the actual issues and removed the sugar on her words. Great Video
Agree, I was really amazed how fast he was able to get to the core of the problem from something, seemingly, completely else. Wow. This programme is really great.
So what's going to happen when you start getting wrinkles, grow white hair, move slower, get sick?
Not allowed if you’re a woman
After I started dating my partner, I started eating more carbs as I started matching his more carb-heavy diet. And I've never done well with eating a lot of carbs, so I gained 30lbs in the first 2 years and then maintained that weight for a couple years. I've felt down about myself at times, but my partner never made me feel like he's any less attracted. I wouldn't blame him for being less attracted - attraction isnt something we can 100% control and is partially dependent on looks. But if he was any less attracted, it would be news to me. Because love and compassion aren't dependent on looks. He never stopped telling me that I'm beautiful. I recently went low carb and I've now lost that 30lbs over the last 6 months. And he compliments my progress toward my goals but never makes it about being more attractive than when I was heavier. This isn't to say couples can't have serious talks about health outcomes, which are tied to lifestyle and somewhat to weight. But I would be pretty sad if I had a kid and health issues that caused weight gain (btw, I don't think 40lbs is even THAT much) and my partner addressed the issue from an attractiveness standpoint.
similar situation. My husband is a super picky eater, big on meat and carbs. I began to compromise my diet so that we could eat together, gained 10-15 lb, and have been completely unable to shed it. The silver lining is that now I'm pregnant and everything he likes makes me sick, so we've started eating separate meals and I'm eating much healthier. New stage of life, I put my scale in a closet. I'm focusing on health, not the number. I'll get back to worrying about that later I'm sure 😅
40 pounds is a ton unless you are already obese.
Leave him and find someone who loves you skinny, fat, through bodily changes. Omg. I’m sure there men who will love you
Losers will accept a fat woman. That is about it.
The comments are really bad this video. The biggest issue here isn’t that she gained 40lbs. The issue is that he lost attraction over weight gain. That means he probably was mostly attracted to her because she was thin, not her attitude or anything else about her appearance. When you get married, I’m assuming that means you don’t loose attraction for vain things. Especially since the weight was from having HIS child. Idk, doesn’t sit right with me. I’m thin but I had gained about 20lbs at some point and my boyfriend didn’t care, he was just as attracted, and still was after I lost those extra pounds.
um you can like a fat person but not want to sleep with them. Are you stupid or?
@@anniesok868 you're a moron
Men and women are attracted to different things. Looks tend to be way more important to men. It’s no different than how many women lose attraction for their husband if he gets fired and chooses to sit around on the couch for several months.
@@trevalin456 you’re still missing the point. His attraction to his wife shouldn’t solely be because of her weight. Just like a woman shouldn’t be attracted solely because of a lot of money. You don’t marry someone on the condition that the one thing you’re attracted to stays the same.
If you actually listened to John's words and what he said to her, the weight gain is the easy crutch in the video. As someone who is working hard to lose weight as well, I can tell you that the biggest changes that have worked for me were my mentality and psyche during the weight loss. I have changed a lot on how I both view myself and also my relationship to things, and the person that gained the weight was a toxic person that was not a contributor to myself or my relationships.
The context mattered. John dug into some issues that she had (control issues, issues with insecurity, etc) and those are relationship killers. It's not about the weight, it's about how she gained the weight and the context around her behaviours. The motherhood could have just been the catalyst.
In sickness and in health didn't really happen here. She gained weight because of medical reasons. It's more about him than her.
@BagznBirdz Ummmmm, he didn’t leave her. He was simply honest and just said he wasn’t attracted to her. Women always say they want better communication. I’d say he’s communicating pretty clearly. She even admitted that in every other aspect he was a great husband. Plenty of women on this show tell John they aren’t attracted to their husbands anymore and he says that’s perfectly fine. So once again, what did the husband do wrong here besides communicate the way he’s feeling at the moment?
@@trevalin456 so you would be perfectly fine with your wife telling you, "I know you're sick but you gotta look good for me"? Right. And liquorice is white. 🙄
He was revealed to be a vain person whose love is contingent on looks AND he was willing to destroy her self esteem in order to get what he wants (weight loss)!
Why do you throw it back on him?
@@traciestorm8335Obesity is contingent on your actions. You're choosing to increase your risk of illness by eating more than you need to. Long term weigh gain is the reflection of personality and habitual choices that can be unattractive in addition to appearance
He’s mad at her for gaining weight due to illness and that her results aren’t as fast as he wants? This is sick. This dude sucks
She's hiding behind an alleged illness to avoid accountability
I wonder if she's still breastfeeding? A lot of women find it near impossible to lose weight while breastfeeding no matter what they do and as soon as they wean it drops right off.
I’ve never heard of this issue before, I breastfed both kids and lost the weight immediately as it contracts your uterus back down, breastfeeding also increases your metabolism to make the milk and you’re constantly hungry trying to keep up with it. From my personal experience breast feeding Never made it difficult to lose the weight it helped, but I will also like to point out is that I didn’t gain a bunch of fat while pregnant, some swelling from fluid yes, and big babies yes. But No fat gain really
Breastfeeding currently and the weight will not come off. Aside from the initial loss immediately post partum, I've plateaued. I do not over eat, I take daily walks with my little one strapped to me and nada!
@@elettramia6380 it's not true for everyone, but I have a lot of friends who found it to be true for them. I kind of had it both ways. I initially dropped weight and was about 30 pounds lower than my pre-pregnancy weight within two months of giving birth, but then I slowly gained it back and haven't been able to lose it. I weaned at 20 months just over a week ago and I'm currently six months pregnant so obvious I'm not trying to lose weight, but it's shocking how much my appetite has decreased in the last week now that my body isn't trying to keep two babies alive.
I guess every body is different. Managing weight with hormonal fluctuations can be hard. It’s so unfair to see all these people comment „just do a diet it’s not that hard“ and most of them probably never gave birth before.
@@filomenagrosso1906just keep doing what you're doing and you'll get there eventually. I had to come to the realization that reaching my goal weight in five months rather than twelve months wasn't worth the risk of losing my milk supply and not being able to feed my baby.
In reading many comments on here, it seems you all have not listened well to the call. As a woman in a very similar situation as her who is overcoming the actual problem; the real issue is NOT the weight gain, but something much deeper (please, listen carefully to the call!).
The husband is not here to verify or deny the discussion, though. He might agree, but he might also stick to his guns and say he’s just not attracted to her at this weight even if the other things are ‘fixed’. This entire conversation was speculation and heresay about what he really thinks. May not be true at all.
I wondered if he wanted children😢
The clock is ticking for this marriage. She needs to find a solution to the "deeper thing" pretty quick.
If the husband says the weight is the problem, that’s the problem and you start there.
Men can’t negotiate an erection. If you’re not attracted to something, you just aren’t. Many men simply don’t get sexually aroused by overweight women. Right, wrong, or indifferent, that’s the reality.
This man isn’t being cruel by telling his wife this. He would be cruel by lying and being resentful/cheating.
@@Evil-Rod-Farva he's not cheating on her.
After I had my second kiddo, I became very, very skinny which led to me losing my breasts and butt and I have some loose skin around my belly button. I also have hormonal issues now amongst other issues which results in occasional unsightly cystic acne. My husband still tells me I’m beautiful and loves on me. Nothing has changed. In fact, he’s told me that changes to my body, like the loose skin on my stomach, is beautiful because it’s a result of me having his babies. Don’t settle, ladies. Real men will love you and be attracted no matter what.
"Hes always lifting me up" it doesnt sound like it :/ telling her he has lost attraction and wishes she would lose weight is one thing but treating her with less love and putting timeline demands on her weightloss is CRAZY
Where did you hear a timeline? I must've missed that part...that's because there wasnt one.
@@jrrizz0563 she mentioned he was frustrated with her because she wasnt seeing results at a fast enough pace.
I noticed that, too. I get the impression the caller's in serious denial about just what a jerk her hubbie actually is.
For better or worse didn’t work out here.
Difference between better and worse is 40lb 😂
@@Emptytopflooror a man with a bald head
This is a very ignorant comment, that's like me saying as a guy right as I get married to my wife I become a complete a-hole let myself go and don't do anything around the house. And then I just used the excuse well for better or for worse you still got to love me do you think that would fly with the women on here?
@@843zachify she literally said in the video she gained weight because she has a medical condition 🤦🏻♀️not to mention, she had a child which comes with weight gain on top of that
@@843zachifyyour example has nothing to do with the call.
Divorce & do 50/50 custody. She’ll only have to take care of herself & her kid half the time. Losing weight will come naturally or at the very least be WAY easier without all that stress & devaluation.
Absolutely!. There is more behind the weight. Always is. Sometimes it is even a symbol for the state of whole relationship, not only for the state one person is in.
Usually that something is laziness and eating too much.
@@yambagnelson9987it's risking your beauty and life for giving birth to children honey it's biology
She said health issues. What if he put her on prednisone and her hormones are tanking? Add cortisol from stress and depression, and she’s done. Her weight could even protect her from him. Men can fast and lose weight. Often women’s hormones prevent that and she holds onto weight instead because her body thinks she’s starving.
She’s saying that her husband regularly brings up her weight and says they aren’t “seeing the results they want.”
Yeah, it's sick. And Delony totally missed it.
Loving someone is loving them unconditionally. This isn't love.
I disagree, him telling the truth when she asked doesn’t mean he doesn’t love her. Should he have let her continue gaining the weight and kept his mouth shut and lied when she asked?
@@standground8284does her weight gain of less than 50 ibs (immediately after having a baby) warrant the constant cold shoulder?
@@standground8284also, this is something he should be an adult enough to bring up gently on his own and participate in the journey on instead of having to treat her differently because she’s no longer “hot”.
@@user-if4ke6en9r I’m not saying that I agree with him, but I lying to someone isn’t considered love. Given her reaction to everything, it’s seems he would have been better off keeping his mouth shut and working through his own issues with her weight gain. You can’t control what others do with their bodies, only how you react or respond to it. He should have just let her continue gaining her weight since she had no issues with doing so, because it’s ultimately her business and not his. I’m not routing for the husband because her weight is not his concern, I can’t knock people who provide blunt honesty instead of lying.
@@standground8284 like I said, if he’s an adult with any relationship or social skills he could’ve brought this up on his own rather than treating her weirdly for a year and a half. That’s the coward way out
I like the way he talks.
He can say his thoughts without caring much but at the same time there is no pressure on the other person to agree.
Obviously I’m not explaining that properly, but it is very educational for me.
What I world do to have Dr John's advice when I was a new mom.. just amazing.
Usually weight gain in women is correlated to life changes. Moving setting, jobs, etc. loss of control.
It's always associated with eating more calories than a body is burning. Yeah, there are medical conditions but they don't create mass from thin air.
People also gain weight as they mature into their 40’s and then as age changes bodies, weight shifts again. I think this husband is not supportive in his own adult existence while having some sort of Lolita b.s. attraction in his being.
@@Smooshes786men also gain weight. I’d like to see how much he expects to be found attractive when he packs on some pounds
@@rafmatt1607I was a pro athlete and less calories in more energy expenditure is the biggest BS ever. It might work in the short term but in the long run it's destructive.
@@rafmatt1607 As an educator with a clinical background, I'd like to add that weight gain is a multifaceted issue that goes beyond simple calorie intake and expenditure. Our bodies are incredibly complex systems influenced by numerous factors, including hormones, biological processes, mental health, and life circumstances that are all completely individualized to the individual. So your generalized statement really does not fully capture this situation, or any other situation for that matter.
For example, stress and life changes can significantly impact our weight by affecting our hormone levels and eating behaviors. Conditions like depression and anxiety, which often accompany significant life events, can lead to changes in appetite and metabolism. Furthermore, our psychological state and perception of security can influence our physical health, creating a cycle that's difficult to break.
It's also important to recognize that societal pressures and internalized beliefs about body image can contribute to this issue. The way we perceive ourselves and the support (or lack thereof) we receive from those around us can play crucial roles in our overall well-being and health, consequently affecting all those systems involved.
Instead of viewing weight gain as a simple equation of calories in versus calories out, it is importantly for all of us to consider all of these broader biological, psychological, and social factors. Approaching this type of topic with empathy and understanding can help support individuals such as this brave caller who are facing these challenges and promote healthier, more supportive relationships.
I hope you take this into consideration, not just for your own benefit but for those around you as well. Generalizations rarely serve as accurate blanket statements and are considered fallacies for a reason. Perhaps your lack of empathy and compassion is something worth reflecting on. I encourage you to take this message with an open mind and use it as an opportunity to expand your perspective. By doing so, you can better understand and support yourself and those around you.
I've lost weight due to a thyroid issue and I know my husband likes me a little thicker and every chance he gets he makes sure that he keeps telling me how beautiful I am to him and how attracted he is to me but this woman's husband has unrealistic expectation. He is a asshole, it wasn't like she was just sitting around it was a medical issue 😒
To be honest I don’t think it’s wise for men to comment on their partner’s weight. She’ll never be able to get over it
If you can't talk over minor stuff like that the relationship will never survive real challenges as loosing a job, serious illness..etc
He must just shut up and not say anything, how about that?? Some things are better left unsaid. Rather suggest you both go on a health journey together. Take walks with her, make her a smoothie bowel after a whole night of taking care of the baby. She just had a baby for goodness sake! If your marriage is dependent on your spouse’s weight please don’t get married. You people are getting married for the weirdest reasons that’s why the divorce rate is so high!
@@ItsMeYourfavorite7you sound like a terrible and narcissistic partner
HEY JOHN YOU....
HAVE THE BEST CALL IN SHOW
💯💯 in my opinion and probably a lot of other peoples
The reality is she'll never lose the weight unless she wants to lose it for herself.
And even then, depending on her health issues, she may not be able to lose it the way she hopes. I used to be able to lose 10lbs by simply eating healthy for a day or 2. The last 10 years, I’ve been on restrictive diets for autoimmune diseases and allergies, worked or daily, including 3 mile walks, done intermittent fasting & my weight won’t budge. It’s hard when there is an undiagnosed issue and the stress of a partner saying he’s not attracted to you because of that, instead of a real issue, might just make it worse.
she'll lose it post-divorce
And being constantly anxious due to his attitude, she's going to find it even harder to lose weight.
Omg…John…your daughter is a trip!❤ Love it!
So I am sure many in the comments have their own perspective on this issue. I also have my opinion! It is one thing to be physically attracted to someone and another to truly love them. I would literally hope that their relationship was built on more than physical attraction. If her husband only married her because of physical attraction this marriage will ultimately fail. We will all at some point in our lives experience physical problems including age. Life can be very complicated and hard and many things happen. We all need to be realistic about how life happens. We need to be more intentional about how to work through the rough times. Often what happens in a relationship is one or both don't know how to deal with the current situation. It is important to be honest, sincere, and compassionate as you traverse difficult things. Don't claim to love someone and marry them if you're not all in no matter what happens. If you genuinely love someone you can do a lot of things that will help them and build your relationship without telling them they are unattractive. Stop manipulating and start loving unconditionally.
He’s not a smart man. You never comment negatively on her body if you want to get laid again. There is a sly way to do it guys. Start exercising. Tell her you want to eat healthier. And do it together. I understand men like this women. Makes sense to me but if you love her be cool not a fool.
💯💯💯. People saying well he's being honest but all he's really disclosing is he doesn't respect her enough to frame it differently as you describe above.
You’re assuming that men can get aroused on command. Doesn’t really work that way if you’re not attracted to women whom are overweight. I view overweight women the exact same way I do men. There’s nothing happening down there.
I agree that this kind of thing has to happen as a team, but most men wouldn’t say this unless they’re putting in the work themselves.
Smart men don’t compromise their values for sex.
Yeah, I like skinny guys but if a person I love gains weight (especially after she had his child!) it should change anything. I understand if they become bed bound because of fat & can’t shower but this didn’t sound like unconditional love. I can’t imagine her having to worry about it every day. I can’t really imagine this working in the long term if he is so focused on looks.
The divorce rate in America is 50%. Who told you that marital love is unconditional?
Women initiate 73% of divorces. Those ladies find a few conditions.
Men by and large don’t find fat women attractive and wedding cake doesn’t change that.
If you’re unwilling to recognize men’s wants and needs do matter and aren’t trivial, marriage isn’t for you.
Nothing’s worse than knowing a guy likes you for just being skinny. 😬
are you attracted to fat men? be honest
Yeah, if I decide to forgo dental hygiene and take showers once a month. If my wife criticizes me for it, I’ll accuse her of only like me for being mindful of my dental hygiene and personal hygiene. Yeah, miss me with that dumb schit.
You can love someone and not be physically attracted to them?
I’m sorry but physical attraction is important and if the version of his wife he first met was slim don’t vilify him for finding her current self unattractive
@@CTemboWhat should the wife do when he goes bald, can't hear & gets a belly? Or if he gets into an accident & loses an arm & a leg? The wife did not sign up for these things either. Duh!!
@RG-hf4et women value security and words. Men value beauty and looks. There's been a million books written on it, get a clue. Women gets the man, completely stops trying and then are so surprised when the husband doesn't find them attractive anymore. If the man keeps getting fired from his job and can't provide anymore, are you sticking it out through that? We both know you're lying if you say yes.
What will happen when she ages? He won’t be attracted to her wrinkles either
you can have wrinkles and be attractive
Health. Health is attractive, regardless of age. We all grow older, we can choose however to do so with health or choose to be unhealthy. We should do our best for ourselves and our partners. Live longer and happier.
I don’t think it’s simply just about the physical attraction, it’s the mindset that is manifested in her physical condition. If you let yourself go and don’t care about your appearance to your spouse that makes them unattractive. Not only the physical appearance but the lack of effort to try to look good for your spouse both ways, not just for the husband.
your objection to basically saying “what’s the point of looking good when we will get old and fat later anyways”. Well the same logic could apply to celebrating or courting your partner in anniversaries or bdays,etc What’s the point of celebrating, we will grow old and together, what’s the point of even trying anything at all in the relationship? The same way a woman finds a man more attractive when he is attentive and still courts her is the same as a man finding physical beauty attractive. It shows that she still cares about looking good for her husband, the same way a husband still courts his wife.
I don’t agree with shaming men for having beauty standards. We don’t shame women for having their own standards. Men don’t have high standards, most men aren’t looking for their wives to look like a model but just not overweight and in shape. I think we are sheltering women as if they are too fragile to handle that standard. If I respect my wife I should expect her to be able to handle it the same she expects standards from me. This isn’t to say I would divorce over this but it’s something that if both parties love each other should work towards to please one another,regardless. To say I’m not willing to look good for you, is pretty selfish man or woman. And again this is a 2 way street, goes both ways. Husbands should do all they can to court their wife and make themselves attractive to their wives. The husband wasn’t shaming his wife he simply gave his wife the truth, and if were to take what the caller said at face value, she said in her own words her husband still loves her but could tell it still affected their relationship.
@@Raz0rIG best answer on this topic in the entire thread. It isn’t just the fat, it’s what the fat represents.
If someone is already neglecting their health and your wants early in the relationship, what happens when you’re 50?
Fat people are not easy to care for in old age.
Attraction is important. Changing what made a person attracted will, naturally, change the terms of interaction. It's like if a guy had a good job and could support a family but then decided to walk away from it all to pursue a job that could, at best, be described as a hobby that brought in little money. Terms of the interaction were changed so the relationship would likely end.
Relationships are not trades. They contain trades and you will always have to negotiate. What you describe is a one time trade - has nothing to do with relating to one another.
People who can't handle change shouldn't get married. The vows are "in sickness and in health til death do us part", not "til you gain weight or change careers".
@@wf4983 There absolutely ARE trades. You take three people and describe an interaction, whether it be sexual, job-oriented, whatever, and you are always going to pick the person that fits your needs/desires more than the others can. If the reason they were chosen changes, that can modify the interaction.
Got a job because you outperformed everyone else then 2 years into it you think you can coast? You just changed the parameters of that interaction. Similarly, if your boss comes and tells you there are going to be pay cuts, they have just changed the parameters of that interaction and you can decide if you want it to continue.
If someone in a relationship changes in a manner the other doesn't want, sure, they might have time to reverse course because of the relationship but only a narcissist would think they can do whatever they like and the other simply has to accept it.
Nothing in the world of voluntary interactions works that way.
Nailed it.
One has to respect her husband, for being honest with her. Is it uncomfortable? Yes. Of course it is. I never quite understand why women and men, can muster up the discipline to have a “revenge body” when a spouse leaves, but cannot care for themselves in marriage. Why does someone always have to leave, before we respect ourselves and take care of ourselves.
Because the partner might be an energy vampire that sucks all the mental, emotional, and physical energy from a person! A person only has so capacity...
Because it's easier to lose weight when you stop eating due to grief and rage?
@@lisawintler-cox1641 because women lack accountability
she did say the weight gain was due to a medical reason.
It is also cause when grieving, some people will actually lose their appetite and lose weight or they become so busy so they can avoid the depression that comes with a break up. If it's a marriage with kids, there is one less person to look after too.
So she’s halfway to losing all the weight she gained and he’s not seeing the results he hoped for?
It’s not like she’s not doing anything. She’s halfway there. These things take time. It’s not good enough to him?
I’ll be blunt, he’s not supportive. That’s obvious. Most people who care for their partner would be supportive if they see their partner working on their health, weightloss or whatever.
He’s not happy. It’s not unhappiness with her weight alone. It’s deeper than that. He’s now a married dad and in the grind. It’s probably not what he pictured. It’s tedious, boring, monotonous. So he’s focusing on her weight because he’s unhappy and probably wants a way out. Most people aren’t going to stick around when their partner is clearly unhappy with them for whatever reason.
I get it, gaining weight is unhealthy. No one will argue that.
🎯
Oh my gosh, It's so hard to feel confident when a person who is supposed to love you put you down. That's not okay. What will happen when you get old. He will cheat on you! Please get out. And please teach men to grow up, sick and tired of child man .
Both sides have to do their best to take care of themselves to maintain attraction. Losing attraction sucks but if you mention it, that emotional damage is irrecoverable. Bedside manner is critical
Only one occurrence of the “are you safe?” today?
Ugh. Saying that a person isn't attractive anymore is so hurtful. I don't know if I would ever get over that comment. My fantasy comeback to a husband that said that to me would be to hit a gym and get my body back to hot; and then leave him in the dust for some steaming hunk of a man. lol!
My husband said that to me, not because I had gained weight but because I was pregnant. Now that I'm no longer pregnant, it's like he thinks it doesn't matter that he said it and is acting like everything is right in the world again. But I'm still scared and can't trust him, and I will not consider having another child with him because I can't bear the idea of spending another pregnancy feeling abandoned and alone and unloved.
So in your fantasy you’re willing to lose the weight after you leave the marriage as revenge, but you’re not willing to lose the weight during the marriage to keep the attraction strong. Got it 👌
@@trevalin456 No, I would lose the weight as an FU to an insensitive SOB, and I'd leave him right then and there and tell him to go find his bliss. I wouldn't look back either.
Vindictive, nice. Not.
If the truth hurts you need therapy, snowflake.
No wonder she feels anxious and insecure. Her husband punishes the caller by withdrawing affection altogether when her weightloss stalls! And, as happens every now and again, Delony completely missed that.
You need to love your husband or wife despite their weight. There are so many factors in life that can contribute. It's sometimes out of your own hands. You can still be attracted to your spouse even if they gain weight. I don't get it why people can be so superficial. If your marriage is hinged on a certain body size that is a shallow relationship. Marriage is about backing each other no matter what. If something were to happen to you wouldn't you want to be supported instead of ridiculed. Your a partnership not just a I'll break away if anything I don't like happens thing. Grow up
I can virtually guarantee that the husband is struggling with watching 🌽
It's always the same with modern men unfortunately. They're all addicted.
I can virtually guarantee you’re a narrow minded Christian
@@wafflewafflegod found the porn addict
@@JJJ-zf8ribot
Or maybe he just doesn't like fat women. Most men don't.
He did an episode a while back about that was a reverse where a wife who did the same thing to her husband. He focused almost completely on “What’s wrong in his life? Why isn’t he showing up for you and your kids by staying healthy and setting an example?” With rare exception, Dr Delony is so rough on men and such an apologist for women.
Yup gotta love the double standards. I was about to reply that if the roles were swapped here, the comment section would be full of people yelling at the husband to just man up and lose the weight.
I've made the same observation. Women need to take care if their bodies like men need to make money for their wives.
@@MartysFadingHandtake care of money is survival thing without it you can't feed but women give birth that is more important thing not body
Caller .. I am so sorry. You deserve love no matter what you look like. That is so sad.
My ex used to talk about my weight all the time but he also blamed me for anything going wrong. Long story short it's been 7 years since we called it quits and he has gained much weight but he always has something to say when his kids zoom call him while having a small plate of food infront of them. It's sad really.
He is a child most men are like children
I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that this is not all on her. They are both at fault. There’s something he isn’t providing for her either and it’s this ugly cycle that starts to happen. One will have to suck it up and make the first move. But I guarantee, a woman who feels valued and loved not just for her body, will feel more freedom and a natural desire to exercise and take care of herself. It won’t feel like an obligation in order to be “loved”. There is a great fear in women when the man she marries tells her he wants her to lose weight in order to be loved. That’s an awful feeling. But there’s so much love and grace when a woman feels safe to try exercise without that fear. And when she’s feeling loved no matter what and taking care of herself, then said husband feels loved because his wife is putting in effort. This is definitely not one-sided nor is it solely because she’s gained weight. Does that make any sense?
Given their proclivity toward initiating divorce (73%), I don’t see a lot of ladies tolerating mediocrity for long.
This is on her. She’s choosing mouth pleasure and being sedentary over presenting the best version of herself to her spouse. That’s it. Nothing more complex.
Her spouse is mature enough to say something about it and expect better. That’s what a healthy marriage should be. Not dancing around issues.
@@Evil-Rod-Farva ok…but have you ever heard of emotional eating? If by what you say, she is just feeding herself and not exercising, could that be from having a child in the home that she takes care of and is just tired? Could it be that when she has a chance to sit down and have alone time or to take a break that maybe putting more energy out to exercise seems overwhelming? Could she be struggling and comforting herself with food? I mean heck, there’s all kinds of reasons people do what they do. To always point a finger at a wife who is also a mom that she’s always the problem because she isn’t prioritizing what she looks like for that season, is crap. Sorry, but I still see that this isn’t one-sided. Issues are rarely one-sided. I’m not dismissing that spouses can’t be attracted to each other anymore because someone has gained weight. But good gracious, there’s a way to try and fix that without being so blunt. Men talk to men that at and that’s fine, but when it’s a husband speaking to the woman he has told he would love through thick and thin (no pun intended) then he must be gentle with his words. Sorry…we aren’t men. And she’s the perfect example of a woman saying “she wants to be open with communication” but here she is, it’s hurtful to her. Are we as women allowed to go up and tell our husbands that we aren’t attracted to him anymore because he isn’t making 200k a year and providing a big nice home for the family? (I mean, let’s just be honest here: most men feel loved through sight and sex….most women feel loved through how they’re treated and security. )Would that be appropriate? No! There’s just a better way to talk to each other, to work with each other, to give each other some grace and time, and hope that the small things over time will help your spouse choose to be “better”.
@@MommaJ358 these are excuses. At the end of the day you either put yourself or your spouse first.
You could comfort yourself with far more constructive things than food. The gym, for example.
If her husband found comfort from other women absolutely no one would find it acceptable, nor should they. This situation deserves the same standard.
@@Evil-Rod-Farva I’ll agree with some of that. 👍
Idk I feel like if you really love your spouse you won’t be unattracted to them over a measly 40lbs. And it’s due to a MEDICAL issue??? I don’t know man…It’s definitely something else. Having a baby is the make or break of most marriages.
40 pounds isnt measly, that is the difference between being normal and overweight or obese
Medical issue could just mean sprained pinky finger to some people though.
forty pounds is a lot.
I had a military drill sgt tell me that his wife still looks the same 30yrs later
Bottom line is when you love someone, you don't see how time flies; wrinkles, fat, etc😘
I understand that it's a short phone call, but Dr. Delony didn't address that hormones can be crazy for years after having a baby. Dr. Delony said that the weight will take care of itself with her calorie tracking and exercise, but if there's a hormone issue, lower calorie intake doesn't necessarily add up to weight loss or gain. It's not always, calories in, calories out. She stated that the weight gain was due to a medical issue very early in the call. Caller, please see a hormone specialist to see if your levels are out of whack after having a baby (I bet they are). I'm sure your cortisol levels are through the roof being a new mom! Working on regulating your hormone levels with a medical provider might be the solution to the problem. I appreciate Dr. Delony's advice on this call with all the other talking points. Great call!
Disappointed in the advice given in this episode. The problem isn’t that she gained a few pounds. Wouldn’t surprise me if the husband isn’t sleeping around. He should never had told her he wasn’t attractive to her. That’s his problem. Not her weight
Yep, let her just balloon right up. I'm sure Tent & Awning can stitch some old circus tents into 95x size moomoos, and hey why not stop bathing. After all, absolutely nothing a woman does is ever justification for a vile, disgusting, sub-human ...man's....disapproval.
John was pretty off base with this session. The language this woman used to describe how her husband is “loving” (I.e being pushed, not attractive, not seeing the results we want, etc.) sounds like a dominating jerk. These are HIS demands which he places on her.
John’s obsession or bias on eating healthy and working out played too much here. She needs to feel good about herself. She sounds so alone.
🎯👍
Iove these clips.. makes me thankful im single. I don't have to negotiate all these issues
I’ve been in the same boat and had to get there mentally to lose weight after having two daughters. Children under 5 are tough 😅 Luckily my husband was patient with me and gave the support I needed to get there. It’s much easier to be healthier now they’re older.
You have a child with an immature man, you’ll have to grow up and be selfLESS for the rest of your life, and nothing about his life changes. He doesn’t have to grow up. And you’re “not fun anymore.”Partly bc you’re BUSY with the physical and emotional work of raising a human being(s) (that they are not busy with) and then partly bc now you have less respect for him bc…he’s not in it with his whole heart either. He’s still selfish and immature and you can’t be attracted to a man you don’t respect.
This is so common. This guy sucks! And this advice sucks, sorry.
He’s also salty cause he doesn’t get all her attention anymore. You gotta watch some of these men out here being jealous of their own children. They are dangerous, won’t bring anything but pain. Their ego will still float bc they’re “paying the bills” but they still are bringing nothing else but pain. Everyone in his house will always have that empty feeling the rest of their life, why am I not good enough? Not interesting enough to keep dad’s attention? Bc dad only likes shiny new interesting things and doesn’t understand love.
🎯
If a man can lose attraction just because you gained weight, he isn't ready to be a husband. You can't want life partnership and expect your partner to never change physically, and also place so much importance on looks.
Weight is more than just looks. It is about performance and health. Accountability when it comes to being overweight isn't even in the picture for most people. Sad
So, for example, if a wife gains 100 pounds and that shouldn't be questioned? Got it!
He is not responsible for how she feels about his feelings.
If the husband was at home depressed and not providing financially to the best of his abilities, I don’t think John would be calling for sympathy towards the husband. Woman value security and men value physical appearance.
Honestly I feel for both of them. I appreciate the husband for being honest and I appreciate the wife for taking this respectfully. Neither are wrong here. I hope they can work it out
in my experience men who complain about someones weight arent the most attractive nor are they able to manage their own weight. Most people are average looking anyways. People should be happy anyone wanta to spend their life with em
I don't think any of you watched the whole video....she clearly states that they were working towards getting better but she keeps remembering his words over a year and a half ago. She also tells Dr.Deloney that she always has to be in control. Watch a video before forming an opinion. Thanks
Carnivore diet. 40lbs fell off in 90 days for me even with Hashimotod metabolic issues. Strict. Grass fed beef, OMAD, avoid dairy/spices when possible. Vibration plate daily. But do it for you - not for a spouse who isn't crazy about you for you through all phases of life ❤ 😊
Men lose weight MUCH more easily than women.
The guy wants an excuse to gawk at other women and eventually do his own thing without her.
Your husband is a cruel jerk. I experienced exactly this with my ex husband after I gained weight following an injury. He was cruel, critical and mean to me. I withdrew, became depressed and gained even more weight. I saw a social worker who helped me work through his cruel behavior, the effect it had on me and ultimately I decided, that for my own sanity, I would need to end the relationship. I left the marriage, continued therapy, and I’ve never looked back.
She doesn't state that her is cruel.
Did you finally lose the weight?
@@justinstewart3248 Really sir? Are you that small minded? Why not , “have you recovered from your injury? I’m sorry that happened to you.” Disgusting!
Bravooo 💯
You are coping because you were too damn lazy to get off your butt and lose weight. And stop eating. You can’t get fat by not eating.
Fair of the husband to be straight up about his feelings, but damn idk how you can do that to your wife. You have to know that saying it out loud will devastate her for years to come. Even if she does lose weight and you become atrracted to her again, how is she supposed to feel about the bedrock of your relationship? It's a tough spot to be in when you lose attraction to youe spouse, but I don't think saying "you gained weight and I'm not attracted to you anymore" is ever going to be the right course of action.
Whaat?? Is the baby only her responsibility?
Hit the bull's eye.
I’m sorry but this isn’t about weight. 40lbs difference doesn’t make or break attraction, at least in my book. It’s a bad look in my eyes
Oh please , that's near 20kg and will change you completely not only in looks but health situation. You just love to play the white knight. No man or women will be unchanged in atraction someone who gains 40 lbs of fat.
I was with a guy who ended up with a pregnant looking belly, it got in the way during sex it He got angry when I refused to mountain his plate as he kept asking for more and more each dinner time, one plate wasn't enough anymore. Kudos to this lady for handling it well.
Got in the way during sex 😂 sheesh
I thought "mountain his plate" was a euphemism at first lol
@@ghostophelia2245same lol
Love counseling: ignore biological imperative, it’s always something else. Dr John is right he misses his wife, the one he married. Btw she admits to being a control freak and anxiety( fear of future)
He may be looking for an excuse just to screw around.
Where do people find the motivation, desire, and energy to go to the gym on a consistent basis? Unless I'm forced to go for health reasons then why voluntarily go to the gym? To me it's a waste of time.
I guess some people have excess energy they need to use. For me, I can only go with company to the gym - turn it into a social thing, otherwise I won’t go on my own
I do enjoy the gym and go 3 days a week so not a crazy amount but I don't have motivation, desire or energy for it most days. It's just something I do because I know it's good for me. Ive made it part of my routine, like going to work, I don't have motivation and desire to go to work most days either but I know the reward is worth it.
You'd have the energy if you actually went to the gym.
But I bet you find yourself watching UA-cam videos and responding to comments on social media huh? Replace that time with the gym and better yourself.
He just doesn't like you anymore. Definitely not about the weight. There's something wrong with him that he needs to fix
You can't blame people for what they are and aren't attracted to. It's instinctive. Not a choice.
@@MartysFadingHandso don't expect babies from your beautiful girl because more likely that beauty will fade away with birth of child
🎯
Wow, this specific video just hit me way deeper than I expected. "The things that kept us safe as kids, destroy our adult relationships." Jesus Christ...
Oh man, my husband and I have been married 17.5 years, and I weigh about 80lbs more than I did when we got married. I am really embarrassed by my weight
Use that embarrassment to enact positive change! You deserve it. People are making it all about looks and vanity, but you deserve to feel better and healthier for yourself
I understand your feeling embarrassed. I hope it will motivate you to change your diet radically and start to exercise. Exercise is actually a great mood booster. Best wishes!